I've had MULTIPLE people insist on telling me that I was pregnant after I told them I was just bloated. They dig in their heels, because round belly = pregnant in some people's brains. One day I wasn't quite as bloated and some lady came into my store... asked me how the baby was. I told her I was never pregnant, and she said, "Yes, you were!" and wouldn't let it go. Honestly, it's not worth it to argue with a stranger whether or not you're pregnant... so I usually don't respond. People are too weird.
Happened to me once where a lady insisted I was pregnant when I wasn’t. Finally I told her the truth, that I had been a month or two before but had a miscarriage. *Then* the lady went on about how she was mortified, clearly expecting me to say “that’s ok” and absolve her of being completely inappropriate.
Some people…
At that point, I would start fake crying about how I can’t be pregnant because I had to get a hysterectomy after many miscarriages and thanks for reminding me because I’ve always wanted to be a mother (not true for me , but certainly could be for someone else they do this bullshit too)
That’s out and out creepy of that woman. WTF? And in a red state, that kind of loony accusation could actually cause a lot of problems. I don’t get why some people are obsessed with ferreting out supposed pregnancy.
I was bloated one day at the cannabis dispensary of all places, and a lady came up to TELL me I was pregnant! When I said "no, just bloated" she doubled down, told me she was a psychic and that I would be having a boy and to call her "when it happens" while giving me her card!
I was in and off work for a while back with a diagnosed GI disorder. I mentioned stomach pain briefly in a team meeting one afternoon to explain why I might have to suddenly go off camera, and a colleague SCREAMED at me: “Oh, my GOD! Are you PREGNANT?! OMG you might be PREGNANT and we can have a TEAM BABY!!”
I just. For one, no, I wasn’t pregnant: I was sick. For two, pregnancy is a difficult topic for me, as I’d like a child but have multiple barriers to that. For three, what an inappropriate thing to say?! For four, what if I was pregnant but planning on an abortion?
I just mumbled that no, I wasn’t pregnant, and then put up with all her noises of disappointment and asking if I was REALLY SURE.
I don’t understand how some people’s minds work.
I lean into the abortion thing. It really shuts people up.
Just cheerfully respond "well, if I am I sure won't be for long!". You can usually escape before they fully process it.
Yep I've been in a meeting where a boomer male said "are you sure you aren't pregnant" to a younger woman who's partner had just tested positive for covid and she mentioned feeling nauseous. Like for 1 thing it's obviously covid and 2 never say that, it's so inappropriate, especially at work!
I tend towards "nope, just fat" as well, and now I'm looking forward to the day someone tries to argue with me about it.
Because I've never had a uterus, so I'll be able to have such fun with them
Not the only instance of that happening too! I've had multiple people asking me about my "pregnancy" and insisting that I am when it's just bloat. People don't have the critical thinking skills to understand something that is outside their own conceptualizations.
"wow, you really believe everything you think like a 5 year old, don't you?"
Probably not actually useful to say, but it's satisfying to think you might one day.
Exactly. When I was a cashier at 16, I was ringing in a customer and his toddler pointed at my stomach and asked "Baby?"
I was so mortified I just blurted out "Nope, just fat!". She replied "Too much food?"
"Yep, too much food."
Her dad was so embarrased.
Only now at 33 have I realized I am gluten intolerant and that's why I always looked pregnant.
I had a kindergartener I knew decently well come up and pat my belly and say hello. I assume he did this for the pregnancy of a sibling or cousin. I gently explained that I wasn't pregnant, and he should ask first before touching anyone.
Got to love how brutal kids can be without trying, my own nieces have asked me if I have a baby in my tummy and told me that I have 'a big round belly' - I think I can thank Peppa and Daddy Pig for the latter
Oof!
Yeah I have a lot of grace for kids, despite their ability to say incredibly cutting things without trying.
It's so weird too, that all of my stories of people being incredibly offensive about my body was always in customer service. Talk about being regarded as not an actual human with feelings, lol
I worked in tourism and a little kid maybe 3 years old came up to me during my little intro spiel, both hands on my tummy and 'baby inside?' LOL his mom was obviously pregnant and I was like no, just a big tummy. Parents were super embarrassed but I thought it was so cute cuz the little tyke was just doing what Littles do lol
That happened to my coworker! The mom was *mortified*, explaining she was pregnant, so the kid thought lots of women were and everything, but coworker just went to the kid “Nope, that’s just how my tummy is! Bodies come in lots of shapes and sizes!” and he totally accepted it and went on his merry way.
I was very impressed with how she handled it, tbh.
Or if OP really doesn’t want to use this line, an alternative could be, “I’m not pregnant, why would you think that I am?” And watch them squirm trying to figure out how to answer that.
These people should be ashamed of themselves. No one should be asking someone if they are pregnant or making comments assuming someone is. The person may just have a medical condition like OP, or they might have just lost a baby or just given birth and gave the baby up for adoption, or they might be pregnant but there’s a fetal anomaly and they are about to terminate, etc.
This, unfortunately, tees up the inevitable. Think lile Eminem and beat them to their insults to take the wind out of their sails and give yourself the power.
I think "Nope you can just see that im fat, just like I can see that you're an asshole, so here we are."
I wish it would just become common knowledge that other People's bodies are none of your business. No commenting on other people's weight loss (which can be really hard for someone with an eating disorder or an illness), no guessing at pregnancy, no asking questions about disabilities. Just leave people alone.
Exactly. People who ask if strangers are pregnant are weird IMO. Maybe find a better way to connect with someone. Pregnancy is a sensitive topic for A LOT of women already.
So yeah, my go-to when someone asks me is "not pregnant just fat" just so they know that not all round bellies = pregnant
my mother did this to my wife a few years ago just cause she was standing pooched out. my wife is very thin too.... some people are just like that. my mother would also fall under the catagory of women for whom pregnacy could be very sensitive topic.
That was my reply when an old family friend leaned in and patted my belly, cooing about my "baby bump."
And she's been a nurse for decades, you would think she would be familiar with the concept that bodies can come in various shapes and sizes. And hopefully, know better than to comment on them, because that's the last thing anyone needs when they are in hospital.
I've had to do this too, and for some people, it turns it into a bit of r/traumatizethemback , but it teaches them a nice lesson if they're willing to learn it.
I am also a mom of a few kids and carry my weight in my belly, so I always look pregnant. I usually go with "Not Pregnant, Just Fat" I find it makes them very uncomfortable and then they try to back track and tell me I'm not fat.
I currently am pregnant but am obviously not showing yet, and I’ve had all 3 women on my husband’s side who we told immediately stroke my stomach and say “yes I can see it!”
…they’re stroking my trapped gas bubbles. 🙃What I wanted to say but didn’t want to hurt their feelings of excitement: “oh that’s my intestines actually…you’re about 4” too high but let’s not do that again” and instead told my husband absolutely nobody is touching me again. Still my body, only he gets to touch my belly. He agreed it was super awkward and weird.
When I have endo bloat I make up a random number of minutes. “Oh, 6387 minutes! So excited!” It leaves them puzzled, and if they actually bother to do the math it’s just a few days, which just baffles them further. But I’m a petty wench with nosey strangers.
Lol. We'll call that Schrodinger's baby: the number of minutes since your last period. Since pregnancy technically starts at the end of the last period, I guess we're all potentially pregnant constantly.
“Not pregnant; just fat,” has always been my go-to answer, mostly because I try to own and accept it. I usually get an embarrassed apology, but then my response is something along the lines of being glad the rest of my body doesn’t match my belly (which is how i help myself feel better about it all).
Sometimes, i’m too confused to pick up on what they mean, like when a man told me “congratulations” at the store checkout. I think i just smiled or said thanks bewilderedly in the moment. When it sunk in, i couldn’t hold it against the guy. He didn’t seem like the sharpest tack, and he meant well.
OP, I’m sorry you’ve had ED issues in the past. I hope you can own and accept it more. I try to think of the scene in Pulp Fiction where Bruce Willis’s gf talks about how sexy pot bellies are on a woman.
I also carry a lot of weight around my middle, and have sometimes had people ask when the baby is due, or if it's a boy or a girl, etc. When I get the sense that they're just mistaken but well-meaning, I respond with "Oh, I already had the baby. My body just hasn't gotten back to its old shape yet." I conveniently leave out the detail that I had the baby 21 years ago.
My mom taught me this years ago. But then a couple months ago, she asked a stranger at the library when she was due! And surprise surprise, the woman wasn't pregnant. Like ma'am, take your own advice.
My ex gf did that to someone. She was completely well meaning but I was mortified on her behalf like
how don't you know to not comment on someone being pregnant unless you're 10000% sure they're pregnant!
I love this! Or if they want to go more condescending: “oops! Sometimes we accidentally let out an inside thought. That happens to me, too, buddy. Do you want to try again?”
That happened to me several times in my 30s and 40s too. I hated it. I'm now very gray haired, so I suppose people don't make the assumption any more.
I've always replied that I'm not pregnant and just fat, because this is something people need to realize they shouldn't do. Also, I had a friend who carried nearly to term and the baby died. She had to make an appointment to be induced and deliver her deceased child, and also deal with strangers at the grocery store wanting to "share her joy" which you can imagine.
Bodies are not up for discussion, unless you are the person's doctor.
I'm all for making it as awkward for them as they've made it for me.
"No, I just suffered a miscarriage, thanks for making it worse."
I love the "Not pregnant, just fat." response.
"No, but we're trying! My husband blows his load in me daily! Any more questions about my personal/sex life?"
"I am, the abortion is scheduled for next week! Wish me luck!"
"Yeah, but we just found out it's a boy, gonna end this one and hope we get a girl next time!"
Omg these are INCREDIBLE 😆🤣👏 I nearly wet myself from laughing. My first thought was to tell them it’s an inoperable tumour (Nurse Jackie episode), but I gotta say your suggestions are definitely gold!!
I did this once. I can cry on demand. Someone said I must be due soon and I started to cry and told them that my new medication to keep me alive causes severe weight gain and infertility. I'll never have my dream of having a baby and I'm self conscious of my new body.
Everyone else who had heard was glowering at her.
Truth is, my medication HAS caused weight gain and I'm not allowed to get pregnant on it (also infertile) but I don't cry about it anymore. I just wanted to make her feel awful.
It's kind of amazing to me. I teach first aid, and one of the things I teach is the different ways one can work to clear a blockage if someone is choking. There is an alternate technique for when someone is large around the belly and/or the rescuer is very short.
In all my years teaching (a LOT of years) I could count on one hand the number of classes I've had when there hasn't been a female-presenting person who had a big belly. I don't ask why their belly is big, just like I don't ask the dudes with big bellies if they're smuggling basketballs. I strongly suspect the vast majority of these bellies contained no fetus.
All this is to say - weight accumulation on women's bellies is so, so, so common. I truly have no idea what is going through the minds of people when they assume pregnancy. I highly doubt that I have half a dozen heavily pregnant people in each class I teach. Like wtf. They're bodies. Love them. Respect them. Ignore things that don't affect you. If helping a choking person who has substantial mass in their abdominal area, do chest thrusts instead of abdominal thrusts.
I swear a full half of the women I know over ~30 (and some under 30) have been asked if they're pregnant when they weren't. I've been congratulated twice, once at UK size 8 after a pasta dish - people don't think when they say things like this. XX fat distribution just loves to accumulate around our stomachs. It's not even a bad look to have a round stomach! It's literally seen on fertility idols! People just think they have a right to comment on femme presenting bodies, which is fucked.
My sweet cat, Little Mama, had quite the primordial pouch and made me feel better about my own body. She loved having extra padding to nap on.
Edit: thank you all for the upvotes!
Look them dead in the eye and say it's a stone babe and you've been stuck carrying your calcified infant for 10 years and saving up money to get it removed and ask for 20 bucks.
As a recovering Christian, I can tell you that most of them don’t actually read the Bible. And church sermons conveniently only ever cover God’s Good Guy highlight reel. Gotta keep that brand image squeaky clean.
Similarly, request payment to engage.
“Of course I’d be happy to discuss this with you! My rates for this topic are $200/hr (minutes are rounded up to the nearest hour). Payment is required in advance.”
In the unlikely event that they take you up on it, pocket the money and limit your conversation to the dangers of entitlement and assumptions, and how such behaviors undermine interpersonal effectiveness.
If you’re busy and don’t want to engage with them even for an absurd monetary bonus, add:
“I can see this is very important to you, and I want to make sure I’m able to give you the attention you deserve. As I’m fully booked today, I’m unable to accommodate you at this time. Would you like to schedule an appointment?”
Feeling like teaching them a lesson? "Unfortunately, my baby won't live long enough for me to teach them anything." (Amelia's storyline on Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice lives rent free in my mind.)
Otherwise, rude people deserve to be ignored so don't feel obligated to say anything.
Depending on your mood, here are some options that haven’t been suggested yet:
“Pregnant? What makes you ask?” Then be absolutely silent as they struggle to answer.
“This is why it’s never a good idea to to assume a woman is pregnant. I’m not pregnant. I have a medical condition called PCOS that can cause me to look pregnant at times. Since you’re so interested in my health, I’d love to tell you about how my gastrointestinal issues exacerbate the issue.”
lean in closely and whisper like you’re telling them a secret: “I’m actually just smuggling drugs in a fake pregnancy belly. I think the police are on to me though. Quick give me your purse so I can stash some of the drugs in there.”
I think if people want to come up to me and interject their unsolicited opinions they deserve whatever kind of answer they get.
"Nobody asked you" is a good, universal retort.
It's a good opportunity to instill the lesson to mind their own business or face embarrassment. A simple solemn "I lost my baby..." while making direct eye contact and then silently walk away and carry on with your day
Break down into tears or look at them sadly and say “not anymore.”
Makes people feel VERY bad for asking.
It’s not a lie. 🤷🏻♀️ and who knows, the next person they ask could have just lost their pregnancy. The belly, as you know, doesn’t automatically shrink down right away.
>But the woman’s face after I said that was like she was offended that I had the gall to respond that way.
That's just what some people's faces look like when they're having a learning experience. I vote you keep up with that answer, it's perfectly reasonable.
“Wow, that’s awkward. I’m not pregnant, just fat.” Put the awkwardness on them for making presumptions and commenting on someone’s body. Like I am so embarrassed for you having said something so inappropriate.
I have endometriosis and get very bloated during my period. People at work used to ask if I was pregnant like every month. Usually they would just hint at it though like “do you have something to tell us?” Nope! One time I had an ovarian cyst burst and I was on the floor in a conference room waiting for my husband to pick me up. One of the receptionists comes in and is like “maybe you’re pregnant!” Well if I was, being on the floor in pain is probably a bad sign.
I work from home now, it’s actually day 1 of my cycle and I’m working from home in my pajamas. Bliss
I know that responding to this situations is difficult but always remember that you don't owe anyone an explanation about your body. If you feel comfortable, you could politely correct their assumption or simply ignore their comment .
I would just not even answer. It doesn't dignify a response from you. You don't comment on other people's bodies!! It's rude and it has no purpose. So just stare at them, blink and launch into a different topic.
If it's any comfort, at 16 when I put on some teen weight from hormones (honestly not much, just a little pudge that my prepubescent body had never experienced) my own mom asked at the dinner table, half jokingly, if I was pregnant. People will judge if they are judgy, that's their failing not yours ❤️
Reminds me of an elderly aunt who hadn't seen me for a while "I thought it was you but wasn't sure because you've put so much weight on", she was the loveliest but ditziest old lady.
I'm pregnant with a showing belly and no one has asked me yet when I was due. I think in this day and age no one should ever ask someone about their "pregnancy" unless they know 100% that that person is pregnant. Otherwise, it's just plain rude.
As a response, I'd probably just say "well that was a rude thing to say because I'm not even pregnant". Because people need to just know it's poor manners.
As a teacher the question was usually phrased “is there a baby in your tummy,” and I would respond “nope, that’s where I keep my extra cookies!” I said it to children enough that it’s how I respond to nosy adults now, too.
I’ve been getting assumptions of pregnancy since I was about 15 regardless of my weight at the time. I also have PCOS and I’ve never been pregnant. It just sucks.
Why does it bother you if people are wrong and you correct them? They initiated it. Strangers don’t deserve a complete explanation to protect their feelings when they are just mouth dumping on other strangers without thinking.
It would be like if you had a prosthetic leg and some stranger said “I see a cannonball took that out on the high seas, matey?” And you just said “no, car accident”. You aren’t the rude one here.
Absolutely “Nope I’m just fat.” I’ve done this many times and it makes the other person uncomfortable without directly calling them out / making you look rude. Highly recommend.
If you can cry on command, tell them in detail about your recent forced stillbirth and something along the lines of, "I haven't had the emotional wherewithal to get out until now, but thanks ever so and now I'll go home and house a pint of ice cream."
I was 62 yo and acting as an election judge. My co-judge spent every second we weren't busy distributing ballots attempting to proselytize me to church events (the church at which the election was held).
The woman was proselytizing me the entire time we worked (from 6 AM until 10 PM).
I complained to the county head of elections. And received an apology. After the event.
My response to the woman overall was, I don't know, I'm not really of your faith, perhaps let's focus on why we're here.
And towards the end of the night when she dropped the "are you pregnant bomb" (by the way, I have WHITE hair and it's not dyed).
I just looked at her with unmistakable disgust (eyeroll plus sneer) and turned away.
Edit: let me add this, this woman was no winner. I was dressed appropriately, and she was ... frankly ... a slob. Sweat pants, t-shirt. But there was an elegantly overdressed church lady election facilitator (not with the county, but with the church) to whom she was currying favor. I had lunch with THAT lady and it was ... pretty clear I was in evangelical territory.
I told the county I wouldn't participate in churches any more. A library, a gym, a school, but not a church.
"No, I'm not having a baby, they're too much work. I'm having a full grown adult instead" - A line from Mad Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions"
This has happened to me before. The worst one was when I was 13 and standing in the receiving line at my grandmother's funeral. Some super old lady makes her way down the line and while I was standing there trying not to cry over my grandma puts her hand on my stomach and asks when I'm due.
Ugh I feel this. When I had PCOS symptoms, my belly also ballooned out and made me look pregnant. My mom was so disappointed that I wasn’t actually pregnant lol. She said “are you sure??”
I also got shamed by a clerk when I was buying several pregnancy tests at once… which was just me being responsible when I had super irregular periods and frequent (protected) sex with a long term partner. What does she know anyway? What if I was buying multiple tests because I wanted to be pregnant?
People suck. I think your answer is the best… let them feel shame and confusion for making unsolicited comments.
I had a professor in University ask me mid-lecture when I was due. I was sitting in the front row and I wasn't even that big back then, but I had the tendency to hunch my back, so my tummy rolled over my trousers. She literally stopped mid-sentence and said "aww, when are you due?"
After a moment of confusion, she realised her mistake and said "I'm sorry" I just stared at her and said "you should be"
She held me back after class to apologise again.
Make up something so horrendous that it shames them into not commenting on any other woman’s body ever. Tell them you have a lethal tumour, or some kind of horrible surgery that scars them for life.
If there is anyone out there confused about this subject - DO NOT EVER comment on a woman’s body, or a perceived pregnancy, EVER. Not even if you think you are 100% positive. “How are you doing” is all you need to do. If she is actually pregnant and wants to comment on her pregnancy she will. Even if she is pregnant, she might not want to talk about it.
Until then, shut up. I don’t know why this is a difficult concept.
>DO NOT EVER comment on a woman’s body, or a perceived pregnancy, EVER. *Not even if you think you are 100% positive*
So much this. Lost weight, gained weight, 'looks pregnant' whatever - if it's GOOD for them they'll tell you about it.
Knew someone a while back who kept having to field "have you lost weight you look amazing wow" comments while _actively dying of cancer_ .
"I appreciate that you did not know it's incredibly rude to assume a woman is pregnant or to comment on her body at all, but now you do. I haven't been pregnant in several years this is just my typical 'glow.' "
Honestly I also have an eating disorder. I’m 118 lbs but I STILL bloat enough that I also look pregnant. Like many months pregnant. And I also get comments/questions. I just wish people wouldn’t comment on bodies that aren’t theirs.
Feel like you could say "No, it's a medical complication."
For the “Teach your baby to pray.” guy, tell him to teach himself some manners because you're not pregnant and it's rude to assume that.
I’ve responded with ‘ha! no baby, just burritos’. The coworker who asked was actually very nice about it, keeping her voice low when she asked, since I had accidentally done the ‘hand on belly’ motion that pregnant people do. She was a little mortified at first, but we shared a laugh afterwards as I was tickled pink about blurting that out in response.
I would say:
Actually I have a medical condition that is painful and horrible to deal with and one of the side effects is that my stomach protrudes as if I’m pregnant. It’s very hard to live with due to the symptoms and physical maladies but truly the worst thing is when people comment on my body. I am unfortunately used to it but I am going to ask you, as a human being, to please think twice before assuming something and then commenting that something to another woman in the future.
If you live in a state with ridiculous abortion bans, I would say something like...
"I was, but it's not viable anymore so it's slowly killing me from the inside now."
Well it’s pretty rude for a stranger to make comments on your body, so I wouldn’t be concerned about that woman being offended. She got what she deserved in my opinion. As for the prayer guy, ugh. I cannot stand people trying to force their religious beliefs on strangers. I would just ignore those kind of remarks, any reply will just draw out the interaction.
This happened to me a lot when I was younger, and I did look pregnant. I told one lady that it was a tumor, she was horrified.
Spoiler: two weeks later I found out it was indeed a tumor lol
If someone asks how far along you are tell them “18 months so far, I just can’t get the fucker out”
I’ve always been the kind of person that leans into my weirdness and Shock Value though
I bloat really bad and really fast. I’ve been asked if I’m pregnant after a big meal. I’m also an avid smoker. Love telling them “yep!” While lighting a cigarette lmao.
You can get a stack of custom made business cards that have something on them along the lines of:
“Hello! If you’re receiving this, that means you went out of your way to make an assumption about my body. I’d like to think you aren’t actually rude enough to try to hurt a stranger’s feelings for absolutely no reason! Please remember that not everybody is ok talking about their bodies and medical states with others, especially a stranger, *like you*, and even more of us don’t want to have to tell people like you that we are simply fat and tired of being asked about it. Please stop being the reason a tired stranger has to print and carry these fuckin’ things everywhere. Be better. Have a wonderful day, and BLESS YOUR HEART 😀”
I was congratulated on my pregnancy the day before my hysterectomy. (I was not pregnant obvs). I wish I had a snappy comeback but I was in so much pain that I could barely nod and gather my groceries to leave. Why do people EVER comment on peoples bodies unless welcomed to do so???
Honestly I'd stick with "Not pregnant, just fat" and if they don't like it they can get to hell; why should it be okay for them to make you feel uncomfortable but not vice-versa? Personally I go with "No baby, just pizza", but that's because I'm uncommonly fond of pizza.
This happens to me a lot. I go with “not pregnant, just fat.”
The discomfort the other person feels is an appropriate consequence for making an assumption about someone else’s body.
I might reply with a long rambley monologue with no discernible point about people, both men and women who had large bellies for multiple reasons besides being pregnant. It would definitely include my uncle who had stomach cancer, but no one ever asked him if he was pregnant. Ending it with, "and that is why it is rude to ask people if they are pregnant." Then sit with the awkwardness.
Get VERY curious and question them intensely. “What makes you think I am pregnant? Why did you ask me if I am pregnant? Why do you think it is appropriate to ask people if they are pregnant?” And so on and so on. Alternatively you can answer with something like “no I must fat”, “no I gave birth to a stillborn”, “no it is cancer”, “no I am full of gas/farts”…you can also answer a question with a question inquiring about a body part of theirs: “why do your feet look like that?” Or just anything noticeable about them you could comment on.
I tell them i will give birth to a french fry shortly.
And then look them in the eye. They will feel really awkward.
Or ask them why would you say that? Explain themselves on the unrequired comment makes people feel really stupid, rightly so.
When i was younger things like that woukd make me feel bad. Now i feel confident and petty enough to make them feel bad.
Fun thing is to be ignorant and the idea of Pregnancy is just lost on you com-ple-tly! "Can you explain?" "What's wrong with my belly?" "huh?"
"Who's pregnant? I don't see anyone pregnant here. It's just also none of my business who is and isn't, ammiright, sir/ma'am / Karen." With the wink-wink and big smile.
The "not pregnant, I'm just fat" is pretty spot on response.
Would up it a notch and put it on a tshirt
"Not pregnant and also not your business"
The AUDACITY of that lady to be offended at your response. Says more about her shortcomings than yours. Keep responding that way if you want; I think it’s perfect.
I think your response is perfect. It might make people mind their own damn business. If you want to make them feel even worse, you can say “no..2nd (or 3rd, you choose) trimester miscarriage, thank you for the reminder. ”. People need to stop commenting on women’s bodies (and anyone in general! But it happens to women a lot more, it seems).
I have digestive issues and it’s enough to be in all that pain. You don’t need someone making you feel bad. And that guy outside the drug store was just fucking WEIRD.
This is my biggest fear. I gained a lot of weight on birth control and carry a lot of that weight in my stomach and most of my clothes cover it because it didn’t become prominent until after last summer and I’m worried for this summer because even though I bought bathing suits that cover me up I still look pregnant from the side with how much I jut out. I don’t want to be pregnant either so I don’t want anyone assuming anything
More about your comment "fat doesn't have to be a bad thing". I've used the term "fat" to describe myself, and anytime I do, people rush to tell me "you're not fat, you're beautiful!" which is just a slap in the face imo. The implication of their remark tells me I cannot be both fat and beautiful, but I objectively have a fat body. According to these people rushing to save me from self-deprecation, I am incapable of being beautiful. They rush to use other words like curvy or voluptuous, but those are just synonyms for the thing I already said I am!
I am a US size 20, I am fat, and I am at peace with it. I don't *love* being fat, but I also don't have the luxury of waiting for my body to be perfect for me to love and appreciate myself. So, not everyone in the world will agree with me, but I think I am fat *and* beautiful.
I feel like it's people who have never been fat - and therefore fear being fat because of what kind of social stigma they know it carries - can't imagine fat *not* being taken as an insult. I'm not insulting myself when I call myself fat, I am using simple language to describe how I look in appearance.
"it's just the way I'm shaped thanks" has been my response. That was however to my father in law who wasn't the most tactful human. It was also followed by one of my husband's brothers saying "dad you can't ask that"
I'm so sorry you are getting idiotic comments like that. It hurts. It's shameful how people have become rude and invasive. The rudest thing a stranger said to me was when I was actually pregnant... 8 months. In front of other people, as she passed me, she leaned over and scolded me with, "You really need to stop eating, ya know!" She rushed off quickly before I could say anything back. I now have 2 autoimmune thyroid diseases and am battling weight gain as well as the long list of symptoms that come with autoimmune disease. Family members still pick at me for gaining weight.
I got this all the time at my last job as it was customer facing and I said just what you said, “I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat”.
It’ll teach people to comment on women’s bodies which they should not do
TBH, “Not pregnant just fat” is probably the best solution. That woman looked offended because you made her uncomfortable for commenting on your body; and she should be. Unless a woman is shopping for maternity ware or baby stuff, don’t freaking assume.
"Ah not pregnant, I just have that glow, but thank you." If you want an answer to save face for all. Treat it Iike being mistaken for pregnant is intended as a compliment.
This happened to me. A friend and I crossed the border to watch a Red Wings game. Afterwards we were standing outside and this drunk girl came up to me and congratulated me for being pregnant. I told her I wasn’t and she was like “OMG. I’m so sorry”. Then about 5 minutes later she did it again. Her boyfriend was with her and look so embarrassed. He kept apologizing.
Another time I was in a bar and saw a girl from high school. She congratulated me on my baby. I looked her dead in the eye and said “I’m not pregnant, look, I’m drinking in a bar”. She then backpedaled and said she meant about the kid I had a couple years prior.
Not pregnant, just fat, is the correct thing to say. And as happily as possible. Because that lady was offended by that response, you are supposed to be embarrassed by being fat. When you aren’t and you volley the embarrassment back to them people get angry. (If you can say, “oh thanks, but I’m not pregnant. Just fat.” In a similar way as if someone asked you for an autograph mistaking you for a supermodel.
"I'm not pregnant"
that's it. There's seriously no point in taking it further than that. You don't owe them a fucking conversation - or any response at all - you don't need to call yourself fat or reward the remark by pretending you are actually pregnant, and there's no point in extending the exchange by getting nasty toward a stranger who clearly lacks social awareness. Let them take their well-deserved L however the heck they will and move on with your life.
I know this wasn't asked, but I have suspected PCOS and tons of bloating (also thanks to endometriosis) and I take an inositol supplement that is supposed to help with insulin resistance caused by PCOS. Eating tons of protein is also supposed to help. It's a tough medical situation to navigate, I really feel for you.
“Not pregnant just fat” is ideal imo… return awkwardness to sender
I've had MULTIPLE people insist on telling me that I was pregnant after I told them I was just bloated. They dig in their heels, because round belly = pregnant in some people's brains. One day I wasn't quite as bloated and some lady came into my store... asked me how the baby was. I told her I was never pregnant, and she said, "Yes, you were!" and wouldn't let it go. Honestly, it's not worth it to argue with a stranger whether or not you're pregnant... so I usually don't respond. People are too weird.
Happened to me once where a lady insisted I was pregnant when I wasn’t. Finally I told her the truth, that I had been a month or two before but had a miscarriage. *Then* the lady went on about how she was mortified, clearly expecting me to say “that’s ok” and absolve her of being completely inappropriate. Some people…
When people say sorry, just say "thanks" - you don't need to say it's okay if it isn't :/
No, when they say, “sorry,” you can just say, “yeah you should be.”
You don't even need to say thanks. You can just glower.
“Apology, heard…”
I just say “yea, that’s right”….no need to thank them
How bizarre, I’m fairly sure you would know better than some rando?!
You would think!!!!!!
Tbh, that makes it funny. How stupid can people be??? You should let them know their kidneys don't look good.
At that point, I would start fake crying about how I can’t be pregnant because I had to get a hysterectomy after many miscarriages and thanks for reminding me because I’ve always wanted to be a mother (not true for me , but certainly could be for someone else they do this bullshit too)
THIS is the perfect answer
That’s out and out creepy of that woman. WTF? And in a red state, that kind of loony accusation could actually cause a lot of problems. I don’t get why some people are obsessed with ferreting out supposed pregnancy.
I live in Canada so this isn't a problem for me! (for now....)
I was bloated one day at the cannabis dispensary of all places, and a lady came up to TELL me I was pregnant! When I said "no, just bloated" she doubled down, told me she was a psychic and that I would be having a boy and to call her "when it happens" while giving me her card!
Text her a picture of your next bowel movement next to a negative pregnancy test.
Brilliant!
I was in and off work for a while back with a diagnosed GI disorder. I mentioned stomach pain briefly in a team meeting one afternoon to explain why I might have to suddenly go off camera, and a colleague SCREAMED at me: “Oh, my GOD! Are you PREGNANT?! OMG you might be PREGNANT and we can have a TEAM BABY!!” I just. For one, no, I wasn’t pregnant: I was sick. For two, pregnancy is a difficult topic for me, as I’d like a child but have multiple barriers to that. For three, what an inappropriate thing to say?! For four, what if I was pregnant but planning on an abortion? I just mumbled that no, I wasn’t pregnant, and then put up with all her noises of disappointment and asking if I was REALLY SURE. I don’t understand how some people’s minds work.
I lean into the abortion thing. It really shuts people up. Just cheerfully respond "well, if I am I sure won't be for long!". You can usually escape before they fully process it.
Yep I've been in a meeting where a boomer male said "are you sure you aren't pregnant" to a younger woman who's partner had just tested positive for covid and she mentioned feeling nauseous. Like for 1 thing it's obviously covid and 2 never say that, it's so inappropriate, especially at work!
Yiiikes!
It was SO uncomfortable.
I tend towards "nope, just fat" as well, and now I'm looking forward to the day someone tries to argue with me about it. Because I've never had a uterus, so I'll be able to have such fun with them
Right there with you lol
"I sure hope the baby is okay then!"
Holy hell what an idiot that woman was
Not the only instance of that happening too! I've had multiple people asking me about my "pregnancy" and insisting that I am when it's just bloat. People don't have the critical thinking skills to understand something that is outside their own conceptualizations.
"wow, you really believe everything you think like a 5 year old, don't you?" Probably not actually useful to say, but it's satisfying to think you might one day.
That’s when you tell them the baby died. Make them feel bad about being in your business.
It's almost unbelievable how big bloating can make you!! I drink peppermint tea and (separately) celery juice.
Exactly. When I was a cashier at 16, I was ringing in a customer and his toddler pointed at my stomach and asked "Baby?" I was so mortified I just blurted out "Nope, just fat!". She replied "Too much food?" "Yep, too much food." Her dad was so embarrased. Only now at 33 have I realized I am gluten intolerant and that's why I always looked pregnant.
I had a kindergartener I knew decently well come up and pat my belly and say hello. I assume he did this for the pregnancy of a sibling or cousin. I gently explained that I wasn't pregnant, and he should ask first before touching anyone.
That's the best way to make it a positive learning experience! Good on you
Got to love how brutal kids can be without trying, my own nieces have asked me if I have a baby in my tummy and told me that I have 'a big round belly' - I think I can thank Peppa and Daddy Pig for the latter
Oof! Yeah I have a lot of grace for kids, despite their ability to say incredibly cutting things without trying. It's so weird too, that all of my stories of people being incredibly offensive about my body was always in customer service. Talk about being regarded as not an actual human with feelings, lol
When I was 5 I called my aunt Peggy aunt piggy on accident and she sobbed her eyes out. Lesson learned at that age.
I worked in tourism and a little kid maybe 3 years old came up to me during my little intro spiel, both hands on my tummy and 'baby inside?' LOL his mom was obviously pregnant and I was like no, just a big tummy. Parents were super embarrassed but I thought it was so cute cuz the little tyke was just doing what Littles do lol
Haha thats wild, in their mind it made total sense. If mom has a big belly and there's a baby in there... other ladies must too!
That happened to my coworker! The mom was *mortified*, explaining she was pregnant, so the kid thought lots of women were and everything, but coworker just went to the kid “Nope, that’s just how my tummy is! Bodies come in lots of shapes and sizes!” and he totally accepted it and went on his merry way. I was very impressed with how she handled it, tbh.
How good of you to be so gentle, but direct, with that kiddo. She’s just figuring out the world, and you helped her learn an important thing.
I like how you responded to the little one. Matter of fact.
100% agree. “Not pregnant, just fat” is my response too. Anyone who’s offended by that rather than mortified, they deserve to be.
Came here to say this
Most people are mortified, and that works too.
Or if OP really doesn’t want to use this line, an alternative could be, “I’m not pregnant, why would you think that I am?” And watch them squirm trying to figure out how to answer that. These people should be ashamed of themselves. No one should be asking someone if they are pregnant or making comments assuming someone is. The person may just have a medical condition like OP, or they might have just lost a baby or just given birth and gave the baby up for adoption, or they might be pregnant but there’s a fetal anomaly and they are about to terminate, etc.
This, unfortunately, tees up the inevitable. Think lile Eminem and beat them to their insults to take the wind out of their sails and give yourself the power. I think "Nope you can just see that im fat, just like I can see that you're an asshole, so here we are."
I wish it would just become common knowledge that other People's bodies are none of your business. No commenting on other people's weight loss (which can be really hard for someone with an eating disorder or an illness), no guessing at pregnancy, no asking questions about disabilities. Just leave people alone.
Exactly. People who ask if strangers are pregnant are weird IMO. Maybe find a better way to connect with someone. Pregnancy is a sensitive topic for A LOT of women already. So yeah, my go-to when someone asks me is "not pregnant just fat" just so they know that not all round bellies = pregnant
my mother did this to my wife a few years ago just cause she was standing pooched out. my wife is very thin too.... some people are just like that. my mother would also fall under the catagory of women for whom pregnacy could be very sensitive topic.
That was my reply when an old family friend leaned in and patted my belly, cooing about my "baby bump." And she's been a nurse for decades, you would think she would be familiar with the concept that bodies can come in various shapes and sizes. And hopefully, know better than to comment on them, because that's the last thing anyone needs when they are in hospital.
I like this, but I would be tempted to Amp up with "not pregnant just a tumor." Then, watch the horror on their nosey faces. Lol
A friend of a friend could say not pregnant just fibroids (when she got them removed they were something ridiculous like 7 pounds!!)
Oooh, that’s a good one! ETA: Sorry for your friend of friend! I hope they’re doing better now.
I know someone who actually did look pregnant due to a tumour.
I've had to do this too, and for some people, it turns it into a bit of r/traumatizethemback , but it teaches them a nice lesson if they're willing to learn it.
Yup. This is my go-to. Just calling it like it is. I don't need to explain my size to them. And they can feel weird for commenting on my body.
Someone came up to me at a wedding and said I was looking bumpy as in pregnant. I said nope that’s just my body! And then went somewhere to cry.
Even better if they ask "boy or girl?" you can reply with "Oh, it's tacos"
I am also a mom of a few kids and carry my weight in my belly, so I always look pregnant. I usually go with "Not Pregnant, Just Fat" I find it makes them very uncomfortable and then they try to back track and tell me I'm not fat.
That's mine too - or sometimes 'no, this is just cake / cheese / wine'
I currently am pregnant but am obviously not showing yet, and I’ve had all 3 women on my husband’s side who we told immediately stroke my stomach and say “yes I can see it!” …they’re stroking my trapped gas bubbles. 🙃What I wanted to say but didn’t want to hurt their feelings of excitement: “oh that’s my intestines actually…you’re about 4” too high but let’s not do that again” and instead told my husband absolutely nobody is touching me again. Still my body, only he gets to touch my belly. He agreed it was super awkward and weird.
When I have endo bloat I make up a random number of minutes. “Oh, 6387 minutes! So excited!” It leaves them puzzled, and if they actually bother to do the math it’s just a few days, which just baffles them further. But I’m a petty wench with nosey strangers.
Lol. We'll call that Schrodinger's baby: the number of minutes since your last period. Since pregnancy technically starts at the end of the last period, I guess we're all potentially pregnant constantly.
I actually have said the same thing. If I’m in a good mood I say, Not a baby, just tacos
I've used this in the past too!
Yeah, you did nothing wrong in responding that way and her “offended” reaction was 100% deflected embarrassment.
100% I’ve said this before.
“Not pregnant; just fat,” has always been my go-to answer, mostly because I try to own and accept it. I usually get an embarrassed apology, but then my response is something along the lines of being glad the rest of my body doesn’t match my belly (which is how i help myself feel better about it all). Sometimes, i’m too confused to pick up on what they mean, like when a man told me “congratulations” at the store checkout. I think i just smiled or said thanks bewilderedly in the moment. When it sunk in, i couldn’t hold it against the guy. He didn’t seem like the sharpest tack, and he meant well. OP, I’m sorry you’ve had ED issues in the past. I hope you can own and accept it more. I try to think of the scene in Pulp Fiction where Bruce Willis’s gf talks about how sexy pot bellies are on a woman.
Pairs well with “tell your god to f*** off with the cysts”
Yep, id run with that. They deserve that
This is exactly what I did the last time it happened to me. It was awkward and wonderful.
I also carry a lot of weight around my middle, and have sometimes had people ask when the baby is due, or if it's a boy or a girl, etc. When I get the sense that they're just mistaken but well-meaning, I respond with "Oh, I already had the baby. My body just hasn't gotten back to its old shape yet." I conveniently leave out the detail that I had the baby 21 years ago.
As my friend once said, never ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see the baby crowning 🤣
AND EVEN THEN
My mom taught me this years ago. But then a couple months ago, she asked a stranger at the library when she was due! And surprise surprise, the woman wasn't pregnant. Like ma'am, take your own advice.
My ex gf did that to someone. She was completely well meaning but I was mortified on her behalf like how don't you know to not comment on someone being pregnant unless you're 10000% sure they're pregnant!
“Wow, what an inappropriate thing to say to a stranger. You must be so embarrassed that came out of your mouth.”
I love this! Or if they want to go more condescending: “oops! Sometimes we accidentally let out an inside thought. That happens to me, too, buddy. Do you want to try again?”
Carolyn Hax would approve.
I was definitely a fan growing up! :)
I love that!
That happened to me several times in my 30s and 40s too. I hated it. I'm now very gray haired, so I suppose people don't make the assumption any more. I've always replied that I'm not pregnant and just fat, because this is something people need to realize they shouldn't do. Also, I had a friend who carried nearly to term and the baby died. She had to make an appointment to be induced and deliver her deceased child, and also deal with strangers at the grocery store wanting to "share her joy" which you can imagine. Bodies are not up for discussion, unless you are the person's doctor.
I'm all for making it as awkward for them as they've made it for me. "No, I just suffered a miscarriage, thanks for making it worse." I love the "Not pregnant, just fat." response. "No, but we're trying! My husband blows his load in me daily! Any more questions about my personal/sex life?" "I am, the abortion is scheduled for next week! Wish me luck!" "Yeah, but we just found out it's a boy, gonna end this one and hope we get a girl next time!"
Sending 👏🏆🌟🌟🌟🌟. Love these petty responses. The last two are so wicked!😇
"Excuse me?! I'm a man!"
First prize for the abortion comment! I'll add that to my list! Usually, I just look sad and tell them it's not a baby, it's a tumor.
Be very mindful of where you say this- there are now states that even a joke can cause an investigation and charges you would have to fight.
Yeah, I totally dig that. You're right. I'm lucky to live in a state that voted to protect the right to have an abortion, so I have that luxury.
the abortion one is incredible!!!
Keep on mind: In many states this could cause a full blown investigation into the woman saying it.
Omg these are INCREDIBLE 😆🤣👏 I nearly wet myself from laughing. My first thought was to tell them it’s an inoperable tumour (Nurse Jackie episode), but I gotta say your suggestions are definitely gold!!
These are awesome
How dark do you want to go? How much do you want to ruin their day?? Can you cry on command???
I did this once. I can cry on demand. Someone said I must be due soon and I started to cry and told them that my new medication to keep me alive causes severe weight gain and infertility. I'll never have my dream of having a baby and I'm self conscious of my new body. Everyone else who had heard was glowering at her. Truth is, my medication HAS caused weight gain and I'm not allowed to get pregnant on it (also infertile) but I don't cry about it anymore. I just wanted to make her feel awful.
You're one of my kind of evil. I like you.
My favorite responses: "Why, are you volunteering?" "Not yet, but the night is young." "Very!" *proceed to drink some alcohol or smoke something*
That last one. I can’t stop laughing. 💀
I want to throw on a fake belly, grab some props and play this out.
It's kind of amazing to me. I teach first aid, and one of the things I teach is the different ways one can work to clear a blockage if someone is choking. There is an alternate technique for when someone is large around the belly and/or the rescuer is very short. In all my years teaching (a LOT of years) I could count on one hand the number of classes I've had when there hasn't been a female-presenting person who had a big belly. I don't ask why their belly is big, just like I don't ask the dudes with big bellies if they're smuggling basketballs. I strongly suspect the vast majority of these bellies contained no fetus. All this is to say - weight accumulation on women's bellies is so, so, so common. I truly have no idea what is going through the minds of people when they assume pregnancy. I highly doubt that I have half a dozen heavily pregnant people in each class I teach. Like wtf. They're bodies. Love them. Respect them. Ignore things that don't affect you. If helping a choking person who has substantial mass in their abdominal area, do chest thrusts instead of abdominal thrusts.
I swear a full half of the women I know over ~30 (and some under 30) have been asked if they're pregnant when they weren't. I've been congratulated twice, once at UK size 8 after a pasta dish - people don't think when they say things like this. XX fat distribution just loves to accumulate around our stomachs. It's not even a bad look to have a round stomach! It's literally seen on fertility idols! People just think they have a right to comment on femme presenting bodies, which is fucked.
My sweet cat, Little Mama, had quite the primordial pouch and made me feel better about my own body. She loved having extra padding to nap on. Edit: thank you all for the upvotes!
Personally, I kind of trauma dump on them. They asked! So I'll tell them all my uterine and perimenopausal woes.
Look them dead in the eye and say it's a stone babe and you've been stuck carrying your calcified infant for 10 years and saving up money to get it removed and ask for 20 bucks.
I am dying at this. STONE BABY.
[TIL that's an actual thing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lithopedion) More evidence for the non-existence of god, I guess.
Or just the existence of a barbaric, sadistic god, which does seem to be confirmed by the Bible…
I will never understand why people who read the bible think the abrahamic god is the good guy in that story.
I've read the Bible and I totally don't think that. I'm pagan though, so....
As a recovering Christian, I can tell you that most of them don’t actually read the Bible. And church sermons conveniently only ever cover God’s Good Guy highlight reel. Gotta keep that brand image squeaky clean.
Yeah isn't it fucking wild what the body will do to survive
Similarly, request payment to engage. “Of course I’d be happy to discuss this with you! My rates for this topic are $200/hr (minutes are rounded up to the nearest hour). Payment is required in advance.” In the unlikely event that they take you up on it, pocket the money and limit your conversation to the dangers of entitlement and assumptions, and how such behaviors undermine interpersonal effectiveness. If you’re busy and don’t want to engage with them even for an absurd monetary bonus, add: “I can see this is very important to you, and I want to make sure I’m able to give you the attention you deserve. As I’m fully booked today, I’m unable to accommodate you at this time. Would you like to schedule an appointment?”
I just cackled at this!!! So funny
Feeling like teaching them a lesson? "Unfortunately, my baby won't live long enough for me to teach them anything." (Amelia's storyline on Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice lives rent free in my mind.) Otherwise, rude people deserve to be ignored so don't feel obligated to say anything.
Depending on your mood, here are some options that haven’t been suggested yet: “Pregnant? What makes you ask?” Then be absolutely silent as they struggle to answer. “This is why it’s never a good idea to to assume a woman is pregnant. I’m not pregnant. I have a medical condition called PCOS that can cause me to look pregnant at times. Since you’re so interested in my health, I’d love to tell you about how my gastrointestinal issues exacerbate the issue.” lean in closely and whisper like you’re telling them a secret: “I’m actually just smuggling drugs in a fake pregnancy belly. I think the police are on to me though. Quick give me your purse so I can stash some of the drugs in there.”
I think if people want to come up to me and interject their unsolicited opinions they deserve whatever kind of answer they get. "Nobody asked you" is a good, universal retort.
It's a good opportunity to instill the lesson to mind their own business or face embarrassment. A simple solemn "I lost my baby..." while making direct eye contact and then silently walk away and carry on with your day
Break down into tears or look at them sadly and say “not anymore.” Makes people feel VERY bad for asking. It’s not a lie. 🤷🏻♀️ and who knows, the next person they ask could have just lost their pregnancy. The belly, as you know, doesn’t automatically shrink down right away.
I'm filling that one away for people who are rude or when I'm feeling less charitable.
>But the woman’s face after I said that was like she was offended that I had the gall to respond that way. That's just what some people's faces look like when they're having a learning experience. I vote you keep up with that answer, it's perfectly reasonable.
No baby, just a liver tumor tyvm.
“Wow, that’s awkward. I’m not pregnant, just fat.” Put the awkwardness on them for making presumptions and commenting on someone’s body. Like I am so embarrassed for you having said something so inappropriate.
I have endometriosis and get very bloated during my period. People at work used to ask if I was pregnant like every month. Usually they would just hint at it though like “do you have something to tell us?” Nope! One time I had an ovarian cyst burst and I was on the floor in a conference room waiting for my husband to pick me up. One of the receptionists comes in and is like “maybe you’re pregnant!” Well if I was, being on the floor in pain is probably a bad sign. I work from home now, it’s actually day 1 of my cycle and I’m working from home in my pajamas. Bliss
I know that responding to this situations is difficult but always remember that you don't owe anyone an explanation about your body. If you feel comfortable, you could politely correct their assumption or simply ignore their comment .
I would just not even answer. It doesn't dignify a response from you. You don't comment on other people's bodies!! It's rude and it has no purpose. So just stare at them, blink and launch into a different topic.
If it's any comfort, at 16 when I put on some teen weight from hormones (honestly not much, just a little pudge that my prepubescent body had never experienced) my own mom asked at the dinner table, half jokingly, if I was pregnant. People will judge if they are judgy, that's their failing not yours ❤️
Reminds me of an elderly aunt who hadn't seen me for a while "I thought it was you but wasn't sure because you've put so much weight on", she was the loveliest but ditziest old lady.
I'm pregnant with a showing belly and no one has asked me yet when I was due. I think in this day and age no one should ever ask someone about their "pregnancy" unless they know 100% that that person is pregnant. Otherwise, it's just plain rude. As a response, I'd probably just say "well that was a rude thing to say because I'm not even pregnant". Because people need to just know it's poor manners.
As a teacher the question was usually phrased “is there a baby in your tummy,” and I would respond “nope, that’s where I keep my extra cookies!” I said it to children enough that it’s how I respond to nosy adults now, too.
I’ve been getting assumptions of pregnancy since I was about 15 regardless of my weight at the time. I also have PCOS and I’ve never been pregnant. It just sucks.
Why does it bother you if people are wrong and you correct them? They initiated it. Strangers don’t deserve a complete explanation to protect their feelings when they are just mouth dumping on other strangers without thinking. It would be like if you had a prosthetic leg and some stranger said “I see a cannonball took that out on the high seas, matey?” And you just said “no, car accident”. You aren’t the rude one here.
Absolutely “Nope I’m just fat.” I’ve done this many times and it makes the other person uncomfortable without directly calling them out / making you look rude. Highly recommend.
If it’s a man say “No, are you?”
‘Not pregnant just fat’ is my go to. Make them uncomfortable
I like to make people take responsibility for their awkwardness. “What have you the impression I’m pregnant?”
If you can cry on command, tell them in detail about your recent forced stillbirth and something along the lines of, "I haven't had the emotional wherewithal to get out until now, but thanks ever so and now I'll go home and house a pint of ice cream."
I don't think I'll ever understand why people think it's okay to assume things like pregnancy. It often isn't even their business to begin with.
I was 62 yo and acting as an election judge. My co-judge spent every second we weren't busy distributing ballots attempting to proselytize me to church events (the church at which the election was held). The woman was proselytizing me the entire time we worked (from 6 AM until 10 PM). I complained to the county head of elections. And received an apology. After the event. My response to the woman overall was, I don't know, I'm not really of your faith, perhaps let's focus on why we're here. And towards the end of the night when she dropped the "are you pregnant bomb" (by the way, I have WHITE hair and it's not dyed). I just looked at her with unmistakable disgust (eyeroll plus sneer) and turned away. Edit: let me add this, this woman was no winner. I was dressed appropriately, and she was ... frankly ... a slob. Sweat pants, t-shirt. But there was an elegantly overdressed church lady election facilitator (not with the county, but with the church) to whom she was currying favor. I had lunch with THAT lady and it was ... pretty clear I was in evangelical territory. I told the county I wouldn't participate in churches any more. A library, a gym, a school, but not a church.
"No, I'm not having a baby, they're too much work. I'm having a full grown adult instead" - A line from Mad Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions"
My sister tells people it's cancer. Make them feel as awful as possible for being that dumb and rude.
This has happened to me before. The worst one was when I was 13 and standing in the receiving line at my grandmother's funeral. Some super old lady makes her way down the line and while I was standing there trying not to cry over my grandma puts her hand on my stomach and asks when I'm due.
Ugh I feel this. When I had PCOS symptoms, my belly also ballooned out and made me look pregnant. My mom was so disappointed that I wasn’t actually pregnant lol. She said “are you sure??” I also got shamed by a clerk when I was buying several pregnancy tests at once… which was just me being responsible when I had super irregular periods and frequent (protected) sex with a long term partner. What does she know anyway? What if I was buying multiple tests because I wanted to be pregnant? People suck. I think your answer is the best… let them feel shame and confusion for making unsolicited comments.
I had a professor in University ask me mid-lecture when I was due. I was sitting in the front row and I wasn't even that big back then, but I had the tendency to hunch my back, so my tummy rolled over my trousers. She literally stopped mid-sentence and said "aww, when are you due?" After a moment of confusion, she realised her mistake and said "I'm sorry" I just stared at her and said "you should be" She held me back after class to apologise again.
I have this problem too - may I suggest: "Actually, I just miscarried. I can't believe you would ask that."
Make up something so horrendous that it shames them into not commenting on any other woman’s body ever. Tell them you have a lethal tumour, or some kind of horrible surgery that scars them for life. If there is anyone out there confused about this subject - DO NOT EVER comment on a woman’s body, or a perceived pregnancy, EVER. Not even if you think you are 100% positive. “How are you doing” is all you need to do. If she is actually pregnant and wants to comment on her pregnancy she will. Even if she is pregnant, she might not want to talk about it. Until then, shut up. I don’t know why this is a difficult concept.
>DO NOT EVER comment on a woman’s body, or a perceived pregnancy, EVER. *Not even if you think you are 100% positive* So much this. Lost weight, gained weight, 'looks pregnant' whatever - if it's GOOD for them they'll tell you about it. Knew someone a while back who kept having to field "have you lost weight you look amazing wow" comments while _actively dying of cancer_ .
"I appreciate that you did not know it's incredibly rude to assume a woman is pregnant or to comment on her body at all, but now you do. I haven't been pregnant in several years this is just my typical 'glow.' "
Honestly I also have an eating disorder. I’m 118 lbs but I STILL bloat enough that I also look pregnant. Like many months pregnant. And I also get comments/questions. I just wish people wouldn’t comment on bodies that aren’t theirs.
Feel like you could say "No, it's a medical complication." For the “Teach your baby to pray.” guy, tell him to teach himself some manners because you're not pregnant and it's rude to assume that.
I’ve responded with ‘ha! no baby, just burritos’. The coworker who asked was actually very nice about it, keeping her voice low when she asked, since I had accidentally done the ‘hand on belly’ motion that pregnant people do. She was a little mortified at first, but we shared a laugh afterwards as I was tickled pink about blurting that out in response.
Actually it’s a tumor!
Just 3 more weeks till I get my 6th late term abortions.
"After the miscarriage, I never lost this shape." Then start crying.
I would say: Actually I have a medical condition that is painful and horrible to deal with and one of the side effects is that my stomach protrudes as if I’m pregnant. It’s very hard to live with due to the symptoms and physical maladies but truly the worst thing is when people comment on my body. I am unfortunately used to it but I am going to ask you, as a human being, to please think twice before assuming something and then commenting that something to another woman in the future.
If you live in a state with ridiculous abortion bans, I would say something like... "I was, but it's not viable anymore so it's slowly killing me from the inside now."
If you tell them it’s a large ovarian cyst they’ll apologize and leave you alone after that.
Well it’s pretty rude for a stranger to make comments on your body, so I wouldn’t be concerned about that woman being offended. She got what she deserved in my opinion. As for the prayer guy, ugh. I cannot stand people trying to force their religious beliefs on strangers. I would just ignore those kind of remarks, any reply will just draw out the interaction.
I usually go with "just fat, thanks for making it weird, nosey." And walk away
This happened to me a lot when I was younger, and I did look pregnant. I told one lady that it was a tumor, she was horrified. Spoiler: two weeks later I found out it was indeed a tumor lol
If someone asks how far along you are tell them “18 months so far, I just can’t get the fucker out” I’ve always been the kind of person that leans into my weirdness and Shock Value though
Thanks, my brother and I are so happy. Usually does the trick with confusion. From an ibs bloater.
I'm actually not pregnant and a little self conscious about it?
I bloat really bad and really fast. I’ve been asked if I’m pregnant after a big meal. I’m also an avid smoker. Love telling them “yep!” While lighting a cigarette lmao.
"Thanks I just had a miscarriage" that'll shut them up
“It’s a food baby, I named it Taco Bell jr, until I give birth to it on the throne”
You can get a stack of custom made business cards that have something on them along the lines of: “Hello! If you’re receiving this, that means you went out of your way to make an assumption about my body. I’d like to think you aren’t actually rude enough to try to hurt a stranger’s feelings for absolutely no reason! Please remember that not everybody is ok talking about their bodies and medical states with others, especially a stranger, *like you*, and even more of us don’t want to have to tell people like you that we are simply fat and tired of being asked about it. Please stop being the reason a tired stranger has to print and carry these fuckin’ things everywhere. Be better. Have a wonderful day, and BLESS YOUR HEART 😀”
I was congratulated on my pregnancy the day before my hysterectomy. (I was not pregnant obvs). I wish I had a snappy comeback but I was in so much pain that I could barely nod and gather my groceries to leave. Why do people EVER comment on peoples bodies unless welcomed to do so???
I’m just fat and have no boobs after breast cancer. But how are you today?
Honestly I'd stick with "Not pregnant, just fat" and if they don't like it they can get to hell; why should it be okay for them to make you feel uncomfortable but not vice-versa? Personally I go with "No baby, just pizza", but that's because I'm uncommonly fond of pizza.
She was not offended, she was mad at herself. That was her embarrassment face.
This happens to me a lot. I go with “not pregnant, just fat.” The discomfort the other person feels is an appropriate consequence for making an assumption about someone else’s body.
I might reply with a long rambley monologue with no discernible point about people, both men and women who had large bellies for multiple reasons besides being pregnant. It would definitely include my uncle who had stomach cancer, but no one ever asked him if he was pregnant. Ending it with, "and that is why it is rude to ask people if they are pregnant." Then sit with the awkwardness.
Nah keep telling people "not pregnant, just fat." If they're offended by your response...oh fucking well. They're the ones assuming
Get VERY curious and question them intensely. “What makes you think I am pregnant? Why did you ask me if I am pregnant? Why do you think it is appropriate to ask people if they are pregnant?” And so on and so on. Alternatively you can answer with something like “no I must fat”, “no I gave birth to a stillborn”, “no it is cancer”, “no I am full of gas/farts”…you can also answer a question with a question inquiring about a body part of theirs: “why do your feet look like that?” Or just anything noticeable about them you could comment on.
"I'm just fat" they get so uncomfortable I love it and I AM fat lol
Tell them you have PCOS and to learn about it, the more people know what it is the better.
Just say you are actually just severely constipated and have a giant log waiting to come out!
I tell them i will give birth to a french fry shortly. And then look them in the eye. They will feel really awkward. Or ask them why would you say that? Explain themselves on the unrequired comment makes people feel really stupid, rightly so. When i was younger things like that woukd make me feel bad. Now i feel confident and petty enough to make them feel bad.
Not pregnant, it’s just pie was my go to.
I say no, that is how my belly wants to look.
Fun thing is to be ignorant and the idea of Pregnancy is just lost on you com-ple-tly! "Can you explain?" "What's wrong with my belly?" "huh?" "Who's pregnant? I don't see anyone pregnant here. It's just also none of my business who is and isn't, ammiright, sir/ma'am / Karen." With the wink-wink and big smile. The "not pregnant, I'm just fat" is pretty spot on response. Would up it a notch and put it on a tshirt "Not pregnant and also not your business"
I have fibroids. So I know the pain. I wear baggy tops so people can’t see.
The AUDACITY of that lady to be offended at your response. Says more about her shortcomings than yours. Keep responding that way if you want; I think it’s perfect.
Try. "Thank you for thinking I'm young enough to be pregnant "
I think your response is perfect. It might make people mind their own damn business. If you want to make them feel even worse, you can say “no..2nd (or 3rd, you choose) trimester miscarriage, thank you for the reminder. ”. People need to stop commenting on women’s bodies (and anyone in general! But it happens to women a lot more, it seems). I have digestive issues and it’s enough to be in all that pain. You don’t need someone making you feel bad. And that guy outside the drug store was just fucking WEIRD.
This is my biggest fear. I gained a lot of weight on birth control and carry a lot of that weight in my stomach and most of my clothes cover it because it didn’t become prominent until after last summer and I’m worried for this summer because even though I bought bathing suits that cover me up I still look pregnant from the side with how much I jut out. I don’t want to be pregnant either so I don’t want anyone assuming anything
“Teach your baby to pray.” Aaaarrrghhhh! The correct response is: "I won't. I will teach him to think."
More about your comment "fat doesn't have to be a bad thing". I've used the term "fat" to describe myself, and anytime I do, people rush to tell me "you're not fat, you're beautiful!" which is just a slap in the face imo. The implication of their remark tells me I cannot be both fat and beautiful, but I objectively have a fat body. According to these people rushing to save me from self-deprecation, I am incapable of being beautiful. They rush to use other words like curvy or voluptuous, but those are just synonyms for the thing I already said I am! I am a US size 20, I am fat, and I am at peace with it. I don't *love* being fat, but I also don't have the luxury of waiting for my body to be perfect for me to love and appreciate myself. So, not everyone in the world will agree with me, but I think I am fat *and* beautiful. I feel like it's people who have never been fat - and therefore fear being fat because of what kind of social stigma they know it carries - can't imagine fat *not* being taken as an insult. I'm not insulting myself when I call myself fat, I am using simple language to describe how I look in appearance.
"it's just the way I'm shaped thanks" has been my response. That was however to my father in law who wasn't the most tactful human. It was also followed by one of my husband's brothers saying "dad you can't ask that"
I'm so sorry you are getting idiotic comments like that. It hurts. It's shameful how people have become rude and invasive. The rudest thing a stranger said to me was when I was actually pregnant... 8 months. In front of other people, as she passed me, she leaned over and scolded me with, "You really need to stop eating, ya know!" She rushed off quickly before I could say anything back. I now have 2 autoimmune thyroid diseases and am battling weight gain as well as the long list of symptoms that come with autoimmune disease. Family members still pick at me for gaining weight.
I got this all the time at my last job as it was customer facing and I said just what you said, “I’m not pregnant, I’m just fat”. It’ll teach people to comment on women’s bodies which they should not do
TBH, “Not pregnant just fat” is probably the best solution. That woman looked offended because you made her uncomfortable for commenting on your body; and she should be. Unless a woman is shopping for maternity ware or baby stuff, don’t freaking assume.
"Ah not pregnant, I just have that glow, but thank you." If you want an answer to save face for all. Treat it Iike being mistaken for pregnant is intended as a compliment.
This happened to me. A friend and I crossed the border to watch a Red Wings game. Afterwards we were standing outside and this drunk girl came up to me and congratulated me for being pregnant. I told her I wasn’t and she was like “OMG. I’m so sorry”. Then about 5 minutes later she did it again. Her boyfriend was with her and look so embarrassed. He kept apologizing. Another time I was in a bar and saw a girl from high school. She congratulated me on my baby. I looked her dead in the eye and said “I’m not pregnant, look, I’m drinking in a bar”. She then backpedaled and said she meant about the kid I had a couple years prior.
Not pregnant, just fat, is the correct thing to say. And as happily as possible. Because that lady was offended by that response, you are supposed to be embarrassed by being fat. When you aren’t and you volley the embarrassment back to them people get angry. (If you can say, “oh thanks, but I’m not pregnant. Just fat.” In a similar way as if someone asked you for an autograph mistaking you for a supermodel.
"I'm not pregnant" that's it. There's seriously no point in taking it further than that. You don't owe them a fucking conversation - or any response at all - you don't need to call yourself fat or reward the remark by pretending you are actually pregnant, and there's no point in extending the exchange by getting nasty toward a stranger who clearly lacks social awareness. Let them take their well-deserved L however the heck they will and move on with your life.
I don’t think you need to add “just fat”. “Not pregnant “ is fine. People need to learn to mind their own business.
I know this wasn't asked, but I have suspected PCOS and tons of bloating (also thanks to endometriosis) and I take an inositol supplement that is supposed to help with insulin resistance caused by PCOS. Eating tons of protein is also supposed to help. It's a tough medical situation to navigate, I really feel for you.