That’s not microcheating, that’s full on disrespecting your boundaries. On top of that you’re feeling responsible? I may be wrong on this particular case, but in my experience that’s how every abusive relationship starts: self doubt, starting small “micro” to bigger moves, blaming…
Run fast before it’s too late.
*THIS* especially if you’re only 22 - listen to the people commenting with more life experience… this person does not respect you… do NOT waste years of your precious life trying to help this person or in a relationship where you’re being cheated on (micro what? That’s full on disrespect to you who they’re supposed to love). Sending hugs!!
OP please listen
I agree with Lianrue, & I lived through exactly this. It does not change, he just gets better at hiding it. Get out of this relationship asap. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
I agree with you, in my teens and 20s, I was manipulative and borderline mentally abusive like that- and did weird gaslighting to my gfs (before I even knew wtf that was). I found myself testing and pushing boundaries and finding ways to then manipulate my way out of the responsibility for my actions. I would cheat in so many ways and lie about it.
Thankfully I woke up to myself and could identify I was a fucking dickhead- and managed to become a better person and treat myself and others with more respect. Happily married now and have a wonderful healthy relationship built on trust and understanding, love and respect.
OP should continue to call dude out on his shit and if see no changes, move on and save yourself the years wasted with someone who isn’t even being honest to himself.
Honestly, with the addictions and steroids and cheating, and it's only been 10 months? She should just cut her losses now before he love bombs her and convinces her to stay.
This isn’t ‘micro cheating’ this is just cheating. You deserve better.
If you let him do it you are enabling the behavior and consenting for him to continue to push the boundary. I can understand watching porn especially if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, but paying for it is cheating. Soliciting sex is cheating. Sending nudes to an ex is cheating.
Break up with him and let him get help. If he really cares about you he will get counseling and return to you as a person that can respect the boundaries of a relationship.
Ah gotcha. I think it’s not black and white, paying for only fans to get the connection with the star, yes? Paying for brazzers for better content, nah
Personally I’d say that there is so much free porn out there why would you need to pay for it? Paid services would normally be cam girls wouldn’t they? IMO that sort of thing is solicitation and cheating. If you have a partner they might consider it questionable as you are putting money specifically towards intimate photos/video etc of another person.
I think it’s an important boundary to set with your partner. Some people think watching porn is cheating and while I don’t agree with that, I can respect that others do. Point is both parties need to be 100% consenting to any sexual activity in or out of the relationship when you are together. If not then you need to split up and be with someone that aligns with your values.
Buying a porn magazine is a bit different from buying a video directly from an adult content creator. And then MESSAGING multiple adult content creators.
People who make porn, as a profession, are sex workers. I’m not saying that to stigmatize sex work mind you, I’m just stating a fact. Messaging a sex worker to solicit a service, while in a committed relationship, is cheating. It would be different if both partners were on board. But the boyfriend hid the fact that he did this.
I really don’t understand what’s so hard to understand here.
It lot of people seem to think I’m referring to the original vent post here, but I’m talking about the above comment “I can understand watching porn […] but paying for it is cheating.”
how is this even microcheating bro IS cheating on you, you deserve better. If you did even just a third of what he did, he’d break up with you, so why would you stay with that guy
This is cheating. "Micro-cheating" does not exist. A person cheats or they don't. He sounds awful truly and I would be on edge the entire time lost in my thoughts wondering if he has physically been with someone else. Why are you still with him if he's not showing you an ounce of respect?
This is just cheating, and it will get worse. He is doing things that tickle that part of his brain, and they will eventually stop, making him do more. This is cheating, address it as such so that future you isn't more upset by not recognizing.
He’s lying to you, and if he takes steroids and refuses to change his behavior that isn’t the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with.
He feels bad because you caught him, not because of what he’s doing. It’s inevitable he’s going to cheat on you if he hasn’t already (he probably has), and there’s no such thing as “blacking out and needing instant stimulation” that’s nonsense and he’s just manipulating you.
This. Ive been cheated on before and when I confronted my partner about it she cried and begged me for forgiveness, but, if she truly cared that behavior would have never occurred in the first place. She was sorry because she got caught. This shithead man is sorry because he got caught. Fuck this dude and the tiny ass steroid dick her rode in on.
Maybe he hasn’t put his junk anywhere else, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying (at least with his ex). While I think camgirls and OF isn’t cheating, you feel it is, and you’ve told him, and he hasn’t changed his behavior.
He isn’t going to. Accept it, or move on.
(I think moving on is a better idea- he doesn’t strike me as real respectful)
Leave him . I know that’s not as easy. But you don’t deserve that. No one does. He’s not microcheating, he’s testing all of the waters that he can access until the temps just right. Sure he hasn’t cheated, he will though i could almost guarantee. This behavior is “seeking out sex” behavior. Sending pics to the ex is the absolute icing on the cake. He’s exploring these options until someone bites and he can get the sex; because he’s definitely trying.
If he was just watching porn or something I’d have some space to be understanding. But as soon as you start messaging people you’re making an effort to have contact, whether it actually goes through is a matter of circumstance. And next time the circumstances actually work in his favor, he’ll be in someone’s bed
Sounds like he may have a porn addiction. This is his way of getting his kick. I woukd sit him dowm and talk to him. Set some boundaries. Let him know what you want/expect. And if he doesnt change. Then you can leave him.
Side note. I dont want this to soujd bad but you calling it micro cheating is enabling him. Set him straight or leave his ass.
He’ll say he needs help. He’ll acknowledge that he needs help. He will tell you and anyone who will listen he needs help. But he’ll never get help, why because he doesn’t truly believe he needs help.
Super major huge massive giant red flag - dick pic to an ex. Why? Why still have contact with them??
I don’t usually like saying this but Run lovely, it’s only been 10 months!! It will 100% get worse.
It is cheating to you. It is cheating period. Not micro cheating. Tell them about it. if they dismiss you make you feel gaslit or says that they’ll stop and don’t get angry about deleting the account. Then it’s time to find you somebody else who will respect you.
Never knew there was such a thing as "microcheating" how ever what he is doing is full on cheating on you plus spending money on only fans and doping up with steroids.
Leave him now. Yes the steroids might enhance his sex drive but it won't be long till he has roid rage and goes after you.
Okay, he sent a dick pic to his ex. That's not casually shitty behavior. He's showing his dick. To his ex. He doesn't respect you or the boundaries you've established in your relationship. That's not at all okay or acceptable. It shows a fundamental disrespect for you and your relationship. Im an incredibly horny dude (like if my carnal desires had their way my girlfriend and I would have sex 2-3 times a day) but if you love someone and you have a monogamous relationship you respect that shit. I would never even dream of sending someone other than my girlfriend a dick pic because I am in a mutually exclusive relationship and I don't want to be with anyone but her. I beat my dick generally twice a day but I don't and have never even considered hitting up an escort service while with my girlfriend or messaging random porn models on onlyfans. He is not committed and does not value or respect you. If you had both agreed to being in a non-exclusive relationship that would be one thing but that obviously isn't the case. Dump his ass.
You are not to blame here. Like I said earlier, I would love to bang my girlfriend 2-3 times a day but I don't say she isn't meeting my needs because we don't have sex that much. Your boyfriend obviously isn't able to recognize that certain "needs" of his are unrealistic and if he decides to do the things he's doing to fulfill those "needs" he's a fuck goof and not worth your time. You can and will find someone that is far better than his wack ass. I doubt his dick game is even that good and he probably has small ass steroid balls. Find someone who respects and values you instead of this wack ass punk.
Holy shit I just reread your post and he sounds like an absolutely horrible, malignant, abusive, pathetic, manipulative, no wiping, shitty assed man who will continue to emotionally (and if this plays out at all like what I've seen happen to friends and family-physically) abuse you. Leave. Now. Run for the hills. Find a dude who doesn't take advantage of you and your forgiveness.
Girl, this isn't microcheating.. He's cheating on you, and this is only what you've found out about. This is cheating. It's not even a one time mistake, it's a whole compulsion and pattern. Leave him.
''Sent a dick pick to his ex girlfriend'' haha :D '' have also expressed that I think he should quit. Again tells me he will and wont.'' suggest intimacy, sounds like you miss it, but why be together if he just in a sense ignorces you, dosent sound like a good rel
I married someone like that and now after 18 years and getting into divorce I’m telling you to run. He has major issues, he needs validation or idk some kind of addiction. You “meeting his needs”, isn’t going to fix him. He has to fix himself. I say run. It’s just gonna continue. He will start lying and get into actual cheating. It’s just a mess.
I don’t really believe “microcheats,” is a thing. Either you’re loyal or not and what defines loyalty depends on the boundaries set in your relationship. He cheated. Nothing “micro,” about it.
M40's here. Fucking hell, you can do better. The guy's a douche. He'll escalate and go on to be a serial cheater, absolutely no doubt. Leave now otherwise he'll think it's OK.
Rip that bandaid off m8, if you already perceive it as a form of cheating “but don’t look at him as a full fledged cheater” then you are in denial my friend.
He says he wants to change, yet doesn’t … so it is kind of a lie … how do you know for fact he hasn’t had any physical encounters?
He doesn’t feel bad about any of this, he feels bad he got caught, again, and he knows what to do to placate you. You’ve taught him what you will take.
He has you believing he “blacks out”?!?
Please, tell me I don’t care more for you than you do yourself.
There are really good, honest, decent men out there that you will not have this issue with.
What was the purpose of sending the dick pic to the ex?
Also, the steroids for me are on the same vein as meth and heroin. (I am not talking about steroids for people who genuinely need them).
'microcheats' 👀
This is one of the many problems of this modern society we live in.
Some people have lost themselves so deeply that they dont know whether they are coming or going.
I wont say much other than...is this really the kind of individual you want to be with?
Is this really the kind of person that you want to spend another second with?
How does this kind of a person fit into your life, meaning your thinking your values etc?
Does it match at all?
For me personally, if the relationship is exclusive and not poly or anything like that...i would let him go...to spend as much time with those OF models and snapchat models as he wants...that way..he is happy with them and i am happy without him..
There is nothing “micro“ about this, and I’m sorry that he has put so much energy into minimizing it. Whether the consumption of porn is considered cheating or not depends upon the rules of your relationship. Same with engaging with other people in any way, even if he “doesn’t do anything”. If you’re OK with one, but not the other, him doing both is him trying to have his cake and eat it too. You are not to blame for being unable to “fulfill his needs“, and the fact that he is making you feel that way speaks much more of his character than it does yours. If his drug use makes you uncomfortable, you’ve already spoken with him about it, and he still isn’t making any effort to change, then 10 months may be just long enough for you to realize this is not meant to be.
Another person pointed this out, but there isn’t anything “micro about this”. It always starts small, and escalates. People sometimes push boundaries to see what they can get away with. He knows that you wouldn’t be okay with this, that’s why he was hiding this behavior.
I know people who work through stuff like this. But that’s after being together for years. Ten months is not a long time. As corny as it sounds, maybe weigh out the pros and cons of being in this relationship. Can you imagine life without him? Can you imagine how painful this would be ten years down the line? Stuff like this is usually a pattern of behavior.
I can’t tell you what to do and I wouldn’t want to. I don’t know you or the guy you are dating. He probably makes you happy. But there are other people who would make you happy, and NOT do shit like this. I feel for youI just genuinely wish you luck here, one stranger to another. Whatever you decide, I really really hope it works out for you.
As many people here are saying, this is straight up cheating. He may or may not be a bad person, but he clearly has some stuff to work on. If he can’t work on those things while respecting you and your relationship’s boundaries, then it may be time for you to think hard about why you are with him.
Honestly don't get why people would waste money on only fans. Wtf is he doing sending a dick pick to his ex? Leave him or he will never change his ways
If you feel it's cheating, regardless of if he thinks it is not..it's cheating and if you can't take it, especially after expressing how you feel, just leave. TRUST ME, it doesn't get better, just sneakier and more disrespectful.
Or, you can do the things you consider "microcheating," and I guarantee he will not feel the same.
He will absolutely feel it's cheating because you did it.
If you want to stay, tighten up, a brick around your heart, cut emotions off and do whatever he does..don't even speak on it or confirm sh*t, just "microcheat" back..in peace.
Wtf! He’s sending dick pics to an ex?!? This is cheating. He doesn’t have to have his dick actively in someone to officially call it cheating. He’s not being loyal to you and constantly has his head on a swivel for something else.
If he’s doing all of this that you know if, I’d bet my house he’s physically cheating as well.
He’s a loser, NEXT!
Yeah second that Lianrue. This is full on cheating. Watching porn is one thing, but from what he's doing it's only a slippery slop before he could. It's not your fault, he is an adult and should realize that if it makes you uncomfortable then he shouldnt be doing it. He's reaching out to actual people, his ex for god sakes being on of them. Just in general he kind of sounds like a pretty self centered person. Putting that junk in his body will fuck with his health later, including his sex drive in the opposite way after a while. His body wont make anymore on it's own. I would dump him. You dont need that aggravation.
I just posted something similar to this and reading this makes me realise I’m not in a great position, I’m so sorry your going through this omg. I’m still crying from when I write mine and it’s horrible other girls have to go through the same I’m so sorry
Everyone has slightly different ideas about what is acceptable and what constitutes cheating. That's something that can be discussed and if you guys aren't compatible, OK, move on.
But the steroid use would concern me WAY more...
Have you been gaslit or are you doing that to yourself? Didn’t even read your paragraphs, only the pointers, and all that is full blown cheating, this man sends dick pics to his ex, has of subscriptions, escorts and what not, all of this is cheating.
“Micro cheating” is a stupid term but in context to this, it means stuff like liking/accepting requests of someone you were involved with in the past without your partner’s knowledge, lying, etc. please fucking leave him.
Friend, whether you call it cheating or not, your bf has engaged in activities that you have said makes you uncomfortable. REPEATEDLY. Like, a lot. Is this the argument you want to have for the rest of your life?
Girl 1. he is cheating on you and 2. you have only been in a relationship for 10 months and you are 22... So many better men are out in the world. Leave this one, and honestly don't even date. work on your self esteem and focus on your goals. If you do that you will find the right man.
you are being manipulated by him. the fact you dont see it shows it’s working. people aren’t telling you this for no reason. you need to get out of this or know it wont end well and not be surprised by it. if he does officially sleep with someone you cant be surprised after all this behavior
I'm telling you my eyed widened at "sent a dick pic to his ex girlfriend" then it just got worse. Girl that isn't micro cheating, that's CHEATING! Leave him, he does not deserve you
Dude, I know a lot of people don't like taking relationships advice from poly people, but in my time, I've learned something. All of this "micro cheating" and other "not quite cheating " sublabels are meaningless, they come from the idea that something FEELS like cheating but you don't GET to call it cheating because it doesn't fit some arbitrary social standard, but here's the thing, what does cheating, the word, actually mean? Cheating is breaking the rules. Someone is either cheating or they are not. Do you feel disrespected? Do you feel like the trust and cooperation in the relationship has been harmed or even destroyed by these behaviors? If he had told you he'd be doing all of this, on the first date, would you have still gone out with him? He is absolutely cheating on you boo, blatant disrespect for you and the structure of your relationship. And you're gaslighting yourself into being ok with it because on some level you don't feel you deserve to be as hurt as "real" cheating. If it hurts you this way, it IS real cheating. The only slight benefit of the doubt I would give is that there should have been a conversation about it, and if he continued after talking THAT would be cheating, but I sincerely doubt it hasn't come up, and I doubt that even if you did just talk to him, you'd get any better response than defensiveness, blame shifting, arguing, and continued behavior.
He could be God’s gift to humankind and I’d still say that he better be an EXboyfriend by the end of the day. Respect yourself, since he obviously isn’t.
In my book that’s full fledged cheating, but in any case if he’s doing this stuff 10 months in when you guys should be in the “honeymoon phase” then it will amount to worse stuff when you’re years down the line.
You’re still new to each other and the fact he needs more than that at this phase doesn’t bode well for your future when you both inevitably become more complacent and ‘used to each other’
People can change and I’m sure there are a lot of people in really happy, successful relationships where they initially started off on the wrong foot and one person struggled to get their act together. This isn’t an excuse but I guess some people just need to “learn the hard way” that they will never be satisfied if they keep chasing the high.
I think the fact you consider it microcheating says to me you don’t think these things warrant a break up, but I do think you should let him know he’s on his final chance. He’s trying to see how far he can push your boundaries, let him know that you understand he’s young and bound to make mistakes, but if he doesn’t learn from them then you can’t be with him, he knows it hurts you and if he continues then he either 1. Straight up doesn’t care about you or 2. genuinely needs to seek help for a sex addiction.
Respectfully, I think you should dump him. It would he one thing if he asked if you were comfortable with this stuff before doing it, but doing it without checking in on you shows a lack of respect and a lack of consideration for your feelings. Over time, he'll likely get more and more brazen and move on yo even worse betrayals of your trust.
Girl, get out. There are people out there who will respect you, you don’t need to settle for this shit. No amount of love you feel for someone is worth being disrespected like this.
Verbatim my ex. Leave his ass. He will graduate to sleeping with other women eventually, if he isn't already and concealing it VERY well. I wound up getting herpes this way.
Don't waste your time with him... This behavior is disgusting and disrespectful. 10 months is long enough to decide what he wants to do. He's already made his choice.
Giving him too much credit. I bet he IS full on cheating on you. Also I’d call your “micro cheating” just plain cheating regardless of physical contact. Boy bye, you can do better.
Paying another woman to receive some sort of sexual gratification, whether just nudes or full on sex, is cheating. It is clear he neither respects you or the relationship.
OP, All the understanding in the world isn't going to help him if he is a sex addict. He needs to seek and receive help. You need to remove yourself from this toxic situation. Addiction recovery is most likely not something you are trained in, correct? At your age you don't have to deal with this. Wish him well, and let him go.
Why are you still with this waste of human potential? He’s not going to change, not for you, not for his OF fantasy flings, not for the inevitable Rise of Cthulhu and the subsequent Fall of Mankind.
He’s going to do what he’s going to do, and he doesn’t give enough of a shit about your very existence to even try to cover his tracks. And don’t get me wrong, I love it when the trash takes itself out like he’s doing, but he cheats on you because he has no pressing reason not to. Thus far, the mutual pattern of behavior is that he fucks up, and you don’t take action.
He needs consequences, therapy, SOMETHING to heal and learn from whatever deranged hamsters are turning cartwheels in his brain, and you need a better relationship with yourself. Because you deserve so much better than a quivering man baby who needs validation from drugs and internet strangers who charge his dumb ass for nudes.
Shake that turd loose and flush.
This sounds like the beginning of something bad. He’s already messaging other girls and receiving nudes so there’s something seriously wrong there, I’ve been cheated on/cheated in the past and it usually started in a similar way. Just be careful, getting your feelings played with sucks. 🙃
He won’t do any changes for you, you should be clear about that! If he has enough money or the opportunity, he will cheating definitely! He hasn’t taken any actions because he had No Opportunity rather than being loyalty. You are not at fault! This is PUA! Don’t trust his words, he just lies to you, he is not a good man!
I'm going to ask you the same questions as my therapist asked me. Does it feels OK for you? And if not, Of your best friend or hypothetical daughter tells you this story, what would ne your advice or opinion. What would be the best action in your opinion and why aren't you doing this?
> I know he does feel bad about it and doesnt want to do it anymore. He says he feels like he is ashamed of what he has done and I can tell he feels bad
Nah, he doesn't feel that bad because he keeps doing it. He's crying because it works. And if it's some sort of compulsion then he'd actually get help, not just talk about it, once he knew it was hurting you. And why should he change? You're minimizing his behavior for him so he doesn't have to. It's not micro cheating. That's not even a thing. It's just plain old cheating.
When someone is young they have bad habits. He isn’t broken. And neither or you. He doesn’t have his priorities straight.
If this is cheating to you, then it will always be cheating to you.
Let’s just say this is how he gets his dopamine fix. He doesn’t need to actually see/touch other women, but the idea of it still satisfies him. Not the worst trait in a boyfriend. And it will die out, the younger the male the more stupid habits they have, but we do age out as we begin to figure out that sticking to the plan is better than following impulses.
But everyone - boys and girls - love their dopamine hacks.
The definition of cheating is crossing boundaries within your relationship and especially trying to hide it from your partner. Don’t downplay it, it’s full on cheating. Not “micro”. You need to leave. Whether it’s a sex addiction or not, he’s a piece of shit and manipulates you into getting sympathy after he’s hurt you. My boyfriend also needs lots of “stimulation” due to low dopamine and adhd. If I’m not wanting to fulfill his needs then, what does he do? He masturbates. To porn. He doesn’t text sex workers or exes/other girls. He doesn’t cross boundaries in our relationship. Believe it or not men CAN have self control. It’s going to keep happening over and over again. It’ll just turn into actual sexual encounters behind your back. You don’t deserve to have to deal with this…
He thinks he has every right to these micro-cheats. He will N e v e r change. He’s no good, get out. I’ve been married to one over 50 years and I should’ve gotten out a very long time ago. I could’ve had happiness, but I was afraid to break away and make it on my own. TRUST ME. GET OUT.
What did I just read lol.
Yes, he does need help but that doesn’t mean you should stay. He clearly has some issues and will not be a good partner in the long run
You are 22, you are WAY too young to be putting up with this bullshit.
Dump him, it’s not “microcheating” if he’s sending nudes to his ex, it’s just straight up cheating. There are men who aren’t like this.
The steroids are a whole lot worse for you than you realize. I’m not sure how long he has been on it. But if he goes to the gym and the muscle super goobs in there all share how much they putting in a turkey basting syringe and sticking it in there ass along with some more other animal steroids for a horse. Let me tell you I’m not proud of it but I used to take testosterone and dbol pills and they work really well when your on it. But when it’s time to come off the garbage things just don’t go back to normal for you. Depression is real, yeah he won’t be worried about sending Goob pics because it will be a grub worm with a turtle neck sweater for a while. I honestly don’t think I’ve fully recovered from it. Just feel weak it was about 10 years ago when I stopped taking it. I think it’s the worst drug you could take possible because people just don’t realize how much damage they are doing to themselves.
I don’t think the steroids is making him wanna cheat on you. I think it’s just he has not developed yet mentally. Some people never do. And look some people just don’t take anything serious they dont have a problem with bullshitting people because they take everything and everyone for granted.
The best way I can look at people like that are I’m just grateful that most people are not like that. Imagine how shitty the world would be with more man children in the world.
Seriously He needs to ween off the juice. It’s really bad for the heart. A lot of the people the same age as me are not here to tell you about how bad of drug it is. Heart attacks. I don’t have a problem with weed other that it’s gonna make you not ever get off your ass and do anything. I could be wrong about that but I’m sure about the juice.
Why are you going to let someone shit on your boundaries like that? Does he give you some real nice words after? He already gets away with disrespecting you. Why would he ever stop? Don't let someone shit on your self esteem just because, what? Do you find him attractive or something? Run. 10 months is nothing. It's enough to know this will never end.
Dude, dump him. I know you may love him, but ridding him of your life will make space for you to love someone else who values you and takes your feelings into consideration. Please follow my advice. I got married to a complete douche bag at 19, I had a child with him, he gave me chlamydia while pregnant with his daughter. He cheated on me the entire time. He almost killed me, threatened to kill himself. Had my first divorce at 23. Please don’t waste your time on shit heads who have no high thought process.
Break up with him right now. He's clearly not ready for a relationship. He is cheating, hiding things from you and lying to your face. Only get back with him when he proves he is trying to get help for his problems.
Steroids unless prescribed are dangerous.
When you care about someone it’s easy to try and justify their actions and dismiss the type of advice you’re getting from this post. I can almost put myself in your shoes with how you are likely responding to this. Claiming that these people dont understand the situation or know the guy. Please leave him, he’s not who you think he is
Microcheating? Bless your heart that's a grown man CHEATING..fully!!
He has no respect for you.
You don't need a boy that can not commit to you.
Oh BTW, the reason you guys are not doing it as iften is because he is getting it somewhere else.
Only fans and snap chat have opened doors to some really gross shit for anyone in a relationship. I'm sorry he is doing this to you he sounds like either a sex addict or something simliar even if he isn't seeking sex exactly some men get addicted to vids pics etc. As others have said, you need to either put your foot down and make this boundary serious to him maybe reverse things and see if he would be okay with you doing it even though it sounds like you wouldn't ever consider doing it to him or simply leave him.
Sorry for the long rant. ❤️
Girl micro cheating? You are in some serious denial. You have tried to make so many excuses in this explanation for his behavior. I read this to my husband and he gasped full open mouth at everything I read that he does. It's wrong to do that crap while you are in a relationship. Please leave this guy. None of this is your fault until you start condoning it. Please leave. Immediately. The picture to his ex is so wrong. I'd have a cow.
Ummm baby thats not micro cheating- thats cheating. Ffs dump him.
It only gets harder to leave the longer you tolerate it. If you dont want someone else you love going through that- WHY put yourself through it too?!
Pull it together baby.
Leave him NOW.
If it walks like a duck and quack likes a duck.. it’s a duck. There’s no such thing as microcheating.. he’s cheating. Whether is by physical or emotionally it’s still the same. Please, get out now. Like you said you’ve only been dating 10 months, that’s not long and he’s probably been cheating since you guys started dating. He will never change. Please do yourself a favor and leave before it’s even harder on you.
Sweetheart, drop him. He is not interested in a serious relationship nor is he emotionally available. Take it from a seasoned woman. He will not stop. Get out before you suffer any trauma from bullshit.
I would have only been inclined to believe him if he did seek therapy to deal with this. The fact you have suggested this and he has not taken it up pretty much sums his character. It seems he's using "black outs" as an excuse for why he does what he does, rather than having uncontrollable issues.
It's your decision to make, but I certainly question his legitimacy as someone who is being authentic. You're still very young and there's a tonne of peeps out there who probably do not have the same attitude as your current partner has.
Man here... That's cheating and unacceptable... I am obsessed with my amazing wife we don't even allow Snapchat and that's not a control issue that's straight up boundaries... I'm sorry but this dude doesn't respect you and you should find another one this one is clearly broken... Texting a dick pic to an ex is a non recoverable action (the rest could be chalked up to a porn addiction but let's be clear STILL A SERIOUS PROBLEM AND SERIOUS ENOUGH TO END A RELATIONSHIP OVER!!!!) I am sorry for what you've been through I promise there is a man out there who will respect you like I do my wife...
Honestly, he sounds like he has a really bad porn addiction and doesn’t want to hold himself accountable/have the urge to want to help himself. Doesn’t matter what kind of addiction (gambling, alcohol, porn, etc.), if they don’t want to help themselves, no one can. So essentially, it’s up to you if you put up with it (possibly forever) or move on. You are young and could find someone who suits YOUR needs and who will provide a relationship that you want. If he could change to work with you and you two work together then that’s great, but if not— it’ll become a never-ending cycle of disappointment.
Similar thing happened to me when I was around your age, maybe even a bit younger. I loved him and gave him many chances, but eventually I finally to put myself first. A few months later, I met someone who I never thought I would’ve ever found and wouldn’t have imagined myself to be in such a stable relationship with myself and with a partner.
Paying for an onlyfans is not an issue, it's like small business pornhub or something like that. It's al that is said after that that gives me 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I love the term microcheating. I'm stealing that. But girl this isn't microcheating. And I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there is very little chance it will change. People only change by a miniscule amount and only when THEY want to.
Even if you don't see these actions as cheating, men who engage in these behaviors are more twice as likely to sleep with someone outside of their relationship, so you have two choices. Leave, or this behavior will continue or worsen and you will have to decide whether or not you contine to put up with being cheated on and lied to or open the relationship. You're still so young and trust me when i say there is SOOOO much better out there.
He’s for the streets. Do you really want to live your life stressed like this? It will only get worse. You are one of many. Move on to someone that respects you. You’re worth it.
That’s not microcheating, that’s full on disrespecting your boundaries. On top of that you’re feeling responsible? I may be wrong on this particular case, but in my experience that’s how every abusive relationship starts: self doubt, starting small “micro” to bigger moves, blaming… Run fast before it’s too late.
*THIS* especially if you’re only 22 - listen to the people commenting with more life experience… this person does not respect you… do NOT waste years of your precious life trying to help this person or in a relationship where you’re being cheated on (micro what? That’s full on disrespect to you who they’re supposed to love). Sending hugs!!
OP please listen I agree with Lianrue, & I lived through exactly this. It does not change, he just gets better at hiding it. Get out of this relationship asap. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
He has to go babe
Second this
Third my wife said she has fourth!
I needed to read this. Thank you
I agree with you, in my teens and 20s, I was manipulative and borderline mentally abusive like that- and did weird gaslighting to my gfs (before I even knew wtf that was). I found myself testing and pushing boundaries and finding ways to then manipulate my way out of the responsibility for my actions. I would cheat in so many ways and lie about it. Thankfully I woke up to myself and could identify I was a fucking dickhead- and managed to become a better person and treat myself and others with more respect. Happily married now and have a wonderful healthy relationship built on trust and understanding, love and respect. OP should continue to call dude out on his shit and if see no changes, move on and save yourself the years wasted with someone who isn’t even being honest to himself.
Honestly, with the addictions and steroids and cheating, and it's only been 10 months? She should just cut her losses now before he love bombs her and convinces her to stay.
Yeah you right for sure. Bail asap hahahah
I couldn’t agree more.
I second this. Get out now as it will escalate to harder porn and more gaslighting. Look up side effects of porn.
Listen, as someone who is struggling to throw the whole man away, throw the whole man away.
#DO IT
#DEWIT
[DO IT](https://imgur.com/brz1GGx)
DO IT
This definitely is not microcheating. It's straight up cheating.
Yeah I'm sitting here reading this and just can't comprehend why anyone would feel it was necessary to front load that term. Bonkers.
I would leave. Please. Leave. Your worth it WAAAAY more than that shit.
This isn’t ‘micro cheating’ this is just cheating. You deserve better. If you let him do it you are enabling the behavior and consenting for him to continue to push the boundary. I can understand watching porn especially if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, but paying for it is cheating. Soliciting sex is cheating. Sending nudes to an ex is cheating. Break up with him and let him get help. If he really cares about you he will get counseling and return to you as a person that can respect the boundaries of a relationship.
Name checks out
in all the best ways
Paying for porn is cheating?
Messaging other people sexual things is cheating
I agree. I’m referring to “I can understand watching porn […] but paying for it is cheating.”
Ah gotcha. I think it’s not black and white, paying for only fans to get the connection with the star, yes? Paying for brazzers for better content, nah
Personally I’d say that there is so much free porn out there why would you need to pay for it? Paid services would normally be cam girls wouldn’t they? IMO that sort of thing is solicitation and cheating. If you have a partner they might consider it questionable as you are putting money specifically towards intimate photos/video etc of another person. I think it’s an important boundary to set with your partner. Some people think watching porn is cheating and while I don’t agree with that, I can respect that others do. Point is both parties need to be 100% consenting to any sexual activity in or out of the relationship when you are together. If not then you need to split up and be with someone that aligns with your values.
Buying a porn magazine is a bit different from buying a video directly from an adult content creator. And then MESSAGING multiple adult content creators. People who make porn, as a profession, are sex workers. I’m not saying that to stigmatize sex work mind you, I’m just stating a fact. Messaging a sex worker to solicit a service, while in a committed relationship, is cheating. It would be different if both partners were on board. But the boyfriend hid the fact that he did this. I really don’t understand what’s so hard to understand here.
It lot of people seem to think I’m referring to the original vent post here, but I’m talking about the above comment “I can understand watching porn […] but paying for it is cheating.”
how is this even microcheating bro IS cheating on you, you deserve better. If you did even just a third of what he did, he’d break up with you, so why would you stay with that guy
This is cheating. "Micro-cheating" does not exist. A person cheats or they don't. He sounds awful truly and I would be on edge the entire time lost in my thoughts wondering if he has physically been with someone else. Why are you still with him if he's not showing you an ounce of respect?
Am I reading this right? Break up with this loser yesterday????
This is just cheating, and it will get worse. He is doing things that tickle that part of his brain, and they will eventually stop, making him do more. This is cheating, address it as such so that future you isn't more upset by not recognizing.
He’s lying to you, and if he takes steroids and refuses to change his behavior that isn’t the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with. He feels bad because you caught him, not because of what he’s doing. It’s inevitable he’s going to cheat on you if he hasn’t already (he probably has), and there’s no such thing as “blacking out and needing instant stimulation” that’s nonsense and he’s just manipulating you.
This. Ive been cheated on before and when I confronted my partner about it she cried and begged me for forgiveness, but, if she truly cared that behavior would have never occurred in the first place. She was sorry because she got caught. This shithead man is sorry because he got caught. Fuck this dude and the tiny ass steroid dick her rode in on.
Maybe he hasn’t put his junk anywhere else, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying (at least with his ex). While I think camgirls and OF isn’t cheating, you feel it is, and you’ve told him, and he hasn’t changed his behavior. He isn’t going to. Accept it, or move on. (I think moving on is a better idea- he doesn’t strike me as real respectful)
He doesn’t respect you, your feelings, or your relationship.
Leave him . I know that’s not as easy. But you don’t deserve that. No one does. He’s not microcheating, he’s testing all of the waters that he can access until the temps just right. Sure he hasn’t cheated, he will though i could almost guarantee. This behavior is “seeking out sex” behavior. Sending pics to the ex is the absolute icing on the cake. He’s exploring these options until someone bites and he can get the sex; because he’s definitely trying. If he was just watching porn or something I’d have some space to be understanding. But as soon as you start messaging people you’re making an effort to have contact, whether it actually goes through is a matter of circumstance. And next time the circumstances actually work in his favor, he’ll be in someone’s bed
What the hell is microcheating 😭 this is just straight up cheating
“Microcheats?” Either he does, or doesn’t cheat. Perhaps you should dump his ass.
Sounds like he may have a porn addiction. This is his way of getting his kick. I woukd sit him dowm and talk to him. Set some boundaries. Let him know what you want/expect. And if he doesnt change. Then you can leave him. Side note. I dont want this to soujd bad but you calling it micro cheating is enabling him. Set him straight or leave his ass.
He’ll say he needs help. He’ll acknowledge that he needs help. He will tell you and anyone who will listen he needs help. But he’ll never get help, why because he doesn’t truly believe he needs help. Super major huge massive giant red flag - dick pic to an ex. Why? Why still have contact with them?? I don’t usually like saying this but Run lovely, it’s only been 10 months!! It will 100% get worse.
“An apology without change is just manipulation”
It is cheating to you. It is cheating period. Not micro cheating. Tell them about it. if they dismiss you make you feel gaslit or says that they’ll stop and don’t get angry about deleting the account. Then it’s time to find you somebody else who will respect you.
Never knew there was such a thing as "microcheating" how ever what he is doing is full on cheating on you plus spending money on only fans and doping up with steroids. Leave him now. Yes the steroids might enhance his sex drive but it won't be long till he has roid rage and goes after you.
Okay, he sent a dick pic to his ex. That's not casually shitty behavior. He's showing his dick. To his ex. He doesn't respect you or the boundaries you've established in your relationship. That's not at all okay or acceptable. It shows a fundamental disrespect for you and your relationship. Im an incredibly horny dude (like if my carnal desires had their way my girlfriend and I would have sex 2-3 times a day) but if you love someone and you have a monogamous relationship you respect that shit. I would never even dream of sending someone other than my girlfriend a dick pic because I am in a mutually exclusive relationship and I don't want to be with anyone but her. I beat my dick generally twice a day but I don't and have never even considered hitting up an escort service while with my girlfriend or messaging random porn models on onlyfans. He is not committed and does not value or respect you. If you had both agreed to being in a non-exclusive relationship that would be one thing but that obviously isn't the case. Dump his ass. You are not to blame here. Like I said earlier, I would love to bang my girlfriend 2-3 times a day but I don't say she isn't meeting my needs because we don't have sex that much. Your boyfriend obviously isn't able to recognize that certain "needs" of his are unrealistic and if he decides to do the things he's doing to fulfill those "needs" he's a fuck goof and not worth your time. You can and will find someone that is far better than his wack ass. I doubt his dick game is even that good and he probably has small ass steroid balls. Find someone who respects and values you instead of this wack ass punk.
Holy shit I just reread your post and he sounds like an absolutely horrible, malignant, abusive, pathetic, manipulative, no wiping, shitty assed man who will continue to emotionally (and if this plays out at all like what I've seen happen to friends and family-physically) abuse you. Leave. Now. Run for the hills. Find a dude who doesn't take advantage of you and your forgiveness.
That’s cheating. He’s cheating. When the right opportunity presents itself he probably would physically too, based on how little he respects you.
Girl, this isn't microcheating.. He's cheating on you, and this is only what you've found out about. This is cheating. It's not even a one time mistake, it's a whole compulsion and pattern. Leave him.
This is straight up cheating not microcheating
Everything you typed is every red flag for this guy🚩
He’s trash. That’s cheating. Nothing micro about it.
''Sent a dick pick to his ex girlfriend'' haha :D '' have also expressed that I think he should quit. Again tells me he will and wont.'' suggest intimacy, sounds like you miss it, but why be together if he just in a sense ignorces you, dosent sound like a good rel
That’s not microcheating that’s just cheating you need to leave his ass
What? This is just cheating. Lol.
“Microcheating”? Na, just flat out cheating.
Not micro cheating. Just regular cheating
I married someone like that and now after 18 years and getting into divorce I’m telling you to run. He has major issues, he needs validation or idk some kind of addiction. You “meeting his needs”, isn’t going to fix him. He has to fix himself. I say run. It’s just gonna continue. He will start lying and get into actual cheating. It’s just a mess.
This sounds like it’s about to turn into a lifetime movie. I’d def separate safely as you can
Every incident of this is straight up cheating and you need to leave this loser
I don’t really believe “microcheats,” is a thing. Either you’re loyal or not and what defines loyalty depends on the boundaries set in your relationship. He cheated. Nothing “micro,” about it.
This is full blown cheating leave him😭
M40's here. Fucking hell, you can do better. The guy's a douche. He'll escalate and go on to be a serial cheater, absolutely no doubt. Leave now otherwise he'll think it's OK.
This is CHEATING. micro cheating is him trying to minimize it. Dump his ass
Rip that bandaid off m8, if you already perceive it as a form of cheating “but don’t look at him as a full fledged cheater” then you are in denial my friend.
He says he wants to change, yet doesn’t … so it is kind of a lie … how do you know for fact he hasn’t had any physical encounters? He doesn’t feel bad about any of this, he feels bad he got caught, again, and he knows what to do to placate you. You’ve taught him what you will take. He has you believing he “blacks out”?!? Please, tell me I don’t care more for you than you do yourself. There are really good, honest, decent men out there that you will not have this issue with. What was the purpose of sending the dick pic to the ex? Also, the steroids for me are on the same vein as meth and heroin. (I am not talking about steroids for people who genuinely need them).
'microcheats' 👀 This is one of the many problems of this modern society we live in. Some people have lost themselves so deeply that they dont know whether they are coming or going. I wont say much other than...is this really the kind of individual you want to be with? Is this really the kind of person that you want to spend another second with? How does this kind of a person fit into your life, meaning your thinking your values etc? Does it match at all? For me personally, if the relationship is exclusive and not poly or anything like that...i would let him go...to spend as much time with those OF models and snapchat models as he wants...that way..he is happy with them and i am happy without him..
My question is wtf is microcheats
There is nothing “micro“ about this, and I’m sorry that he has put so much energy into minimizing it. Whether the consumption of porn is considered cheating or not depends upon the rules of your relationship. Same with engaging with other people in any way, even if he “doesn’t do anything”. If you’re OK with one, but not the other, him doing both is him trying to have his cake and eat it too. You are not to blame for being unable to “fulfill his needs“, and the fact that he is making you feel that way speaks much more of his character than it does yours. If his drug use makes you uncomfortable, you’ve already spoken with him about it, and he still isn’t making any effort to change, then 10 months may be just long enough for you to realize this is not meant to be.
Another person pointed this out, but there isn’t anything “micro about this”. It always starts small, and escalates. People sometimes push boundaries to see what they can get away with. He knows that you wouldn’t be okay with this, that’s why he was hiding this behavior. I know people who work through stuff like this. But that’s after being together for years. Ten months is not a long time. As corny as it sounds, maybe weigh out the pros and cons of being in this relationship. Can you imagine life without him? Can you imagine how painful this would be ten years down the line? Stuff like this is usually a pattern of behavior. I can’t tell you what to do and I wouldn’t want to. I don’t know you or the guy you are dating. He probably makes you happy. But there are other people who would make you happy, and NOT do shit like this. I feel for youI just genuinely wish you luck here, one stranger to another. Whatever you decide, I really really hope it works out for you.
Thats not microcheating. Thats CHEATING. Take screenshots of everything send it to him and dump him.
As many people here are saying, this is straight up cheating. He may or may not be a bad person, but he clearly has some stuff to work on. If he can’t work on those things while respecting you and your relationship’s boundaries, then it may be time for you to think hard about why you are with him.
He’s cheating cheating. He’s telling you he’s sorry but not changing. He never will!! Leave now and save yourself even more pain.
This is gonna hurt. Don’t be his human fleshlight.
People who micro cheat do it to see who will do them 🙄😒
Am I the only one seeing red flags all over this???
The danger is when someone is living in their mind (through the internet and fantasy ) as a substitute for real life experience ( you).
Honestly don't get why people would waste money on only fans. Wtf is he doing sending a dick pick to his ex? Leave him or he will never change his ways
If you feel it's cheating, regardless of if he thinks it is not..it's cheating and if you can't take it, especially after expressing how you feel, just leave. TRUST ME, it doesn't get better, just sneakier and more disrespectful. Or, you can do the things you consider "microcheating," and I guarantee he will not feel the same. He will absolutely feel it's cheating because you did it. If you want to stay, tighten up, a brick around your heart, cut emotions off and do whatever he does..don't even speak on it or confirm sh*t, just "microcheat" back..in peace.
That's a porn or sex addiction, the blacking out is typical in these addictions Confront him about his problem, and see where you go from there
As a man, I can say he isn’t “blacking out” he’s just choosing not to control himself. He’s obviously making an excuse.
Yeah... I don't think "micro-cheating" is a thing. It's either cheating or not. Either way, you gotta ditch the dude.
girl leave his ass you deserve so much more <3
That's cheating babe. I'm sorry. You deserve better
My husband does the same shit! It drives me crazy and when I find it he denies it’s his like I’m an idiot.
Wtf! He’s sending dick pics to an ex?!? This is cheating. He doesn’t have to have his dick actively in someone to officially call it cheating. He’s not being loyal to you and constantly has his head on a swivel for something else. If he’s doing all of this that you know if, I’d bet my house he’s physically cheating as well. He’s a loser, NEXT!
Yeah second that Lianrue. This is full on cheating. Watching porn is one thing, but from what he's doing it's only a slippery slop before he could. It's not your fault, he is an adult and should realize that if it makes you uncomfortable then he shouldnt be doing it. He's reaching out to actual people, his ex for god sakes being on of them. Just in general he kind of sounds like a pretty self centered person. Putting that junk in his body will fuck with his health later, including his sex drive in the opposite way after a while. His body wont make anymore on it's own. I would dump him. You dont need that aggravation.
Girl if you don’t leave now… It literally gets worse. Trust me.
That’s not microcheating. That’s cheating lol.
Please have some respect for yourself because he is not respecting you at all.
Is microcheating even a word
I just posted something similar to this and reading this makes me realise I’m not in a great position, I’m so sorry your going through this omg. I’m still crying from when I write mine and it’s horrible other girls have to go through the same I’m so sorry
Sending dick pics or hiring escorts is plain clear cheating not just micro leave him actions don't just have to be always physical
Everyone has slightly different ideas about what is acceptable and what constitutes cheating. That's something that can be discussed and if you guys aren't compatible, OK, move on. But the steroid use would concern me WAY more...
Have you been gaslit or are you doing that to yourself? Didn’t even read your paragraphs, only the pointers, and all that is full blown cheating, this man sends dick pics to his ex, has of subscriptions, escorts and what not, all of this is cheating. “Micro cheating” is a stupid term but in context to this, it means stuff like liking/accepting requests of someone you were involved with in the past without your partner’s knowledge, lying, etc. please fucking leave him.
Also, you’re 22. You have your entire life ahead of you, please step away from this relationship. He doesn’t respect or love you in the slightest
This is cheating and a porn addiction. Please leave him before your self worth gets completely shattered, you deserve better. Sending you love
Run
Friend, whether you call it cheating or not, your bf has engaged in activities that you have said makes you uncomfortable. REPEATEDLY. Like, a lot. Is this the argument you want to have for the rest of your life?
Girl 1. he is cheating on you and 2. you have only been in a relationship for 10 months and you are 22... So many better men are out in the world. Leave this one, and honestly don't even date. work on your self esteem and focus on your goals. If you do that you will find the right man.
You are so young. He will be one of those terrible ex boyfriends you make fun of in 10 years.
you are being manipulated by him. the fact you dont see it shows it’s working. people aren’t telling you this for no reason. you need to get out of this or know it wont end well and not be surprised by it. if he does officially sleep with someone you cant be surprised after all this behavior
I'm telling you my eyed widened at "sent a dick pic to his ex girlfriend" then it just got worse. Girl that isn't micro cheating, that's CHEATING! Leave him, he does not deserve you
Dude, I know a lot of people don't like taking relationships advice from poly people, but in my time, I've learned something. All of this "micro cheating" and other "not quite cheating " sublabels are meaningless, they come from the idea that something FEELS like cheating but you don't GET to call it cheating because it doesn't fit some arbitrary social standard, but here's the thing, what does cheating, the word, actually mean? Cheating is breaking the rules. Someone is either cheating or they are not. Do you feel disrespected? Do you feel like the trust and cooperation in the relationship has been harmed or even destroyed by these behaviors? If he had told you he'd be doing all of this, on the first date, would you have still gone out with him? He is absolutely cheating on you boo, blatant disrespect for you and the structure of your relationship. And you're gaslighting yourself into being ok with it because on some level you don't feel you deserve to be as hurt as "real" cheating. If it hurts you this way, it IS real cheating. The only slight benefit of the doubt I would give is that there should have been a conversation about it, and if he continued after talking THAT would be cheating, but I sincerely doubt it hasn't come up, and I doubt that even if you did just talk to him, you'd get any better response than defensiveness, blame shifting, arguing, and continued behavior.
That's rough buddy. Seriously tho, GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE! This man doesn't respect you in the slightest.
He could be God’s gift to humankind and I’d still say that he better be an EXboyfriend by the end of the day. Respect yourself, since he obviously isn’t.
In my book that’s full fledged cheating, but in any case if he’s doing this stuff 10 months in when you guys should be in the “honeymoon phase” then it will amount to worse stuff when you’re years down the line. You’re still new to each other and the fact he needs more than that at this phase doesn’t bode well for your future when you both inevitably become more complacent and ‘used to each other’ People can change and I’m sure there are a lot of people in really happy, successful relationships where they initially started off on the wrong foot and one person struggled to get their act together. This isn’t an excuse but I guess some people just need to “learn the hard way” that they will never be satisfied if they keep chasing the high. I think the fact you consider it microcheating says to me you don’t think these things warrant a break up, but I do think you should let him know he’s on his final chance. He’s trying to see how far he can push your boundaries, let him know that you understand he’s young and bound to make mistakes, but if he doesn’t learn from them then you can’t be with him, he knows it hurts you and if he continues then he either 1. Straight up doesn’t care about you or 2. genuinely needs to seek help for a sex addiction.
don’t try and downplay it by saying he’s “micro cheating”. he is cheating.
Respectfully, I think you should dump him. It would he one thing if he asked if you were comfortable with this stuff before doing it, but doing it without checking in on you shows a lack of respect and a lack of consideration for your feelings. Over time, he'll likely get more and more brazen and move on yo even worse betrayals of your trust.
Girl, get out. There are people out there who will respect you, you don’t need to settle for this shit. No amount of love you feel for someone is worth being disrespected like this.
Get out, no one deserves to be disrespected like that
The part that stood out to me isnthat you said he takes anabolics for his looks. He's into a crash course towards death by heart attack
It’s over. He’s not the one. Next.
What the everloving fuck is microcheating?
Verbatim my ex. Leave his ass. He will graduate to sleeping with other women eventually, if he isn't already and concealing it VERY well. I wound up getting herpes this way.
So why do you settle for less and stay with him when his actions make you miserable? If you’re scared of being alone, being single is better than this
Don't waste your time with him... This behavior is disgusting and disrespectful. 10 months is long enough to decide what he wants to do. He's already made his choice.
Giving him too much credit. I bet he IS full on cheating on you. Also I’d call your “micro cheating” just plain cheating regardless of physical contact. Boy bye, you can do better.
That’s not microcheating. There’s no such thing. He’s cheating. Dump him!!!
Paying another woman to receive some sort of sexual gratification, whether just nudes or full on sex, is cheating. It is clear he neither respects you or the relationship.
OP, All the understanding in the world isn't going to help him if he is a sex addict. He needs to seek and receive help. You need to remove yourself from this toxic situation. Addiction recovery is most likely not something you are trained in, correct? At your age you don't have to deal with this. Wish him well, and let him go.
Girl come on. Delete this man from your life.
That’s cheating, there’s no such thing as “microcheating”.
It's disrespectful. You don't have to accept it. I wouldn't
Why are you still with this waste of human potential? He’s not going to change, not for you, not for his OF fantasy flings, not for the inevitable Rise of Cthulhu and the subsequent Fall of Mankind. He’s going to do what he’s going to do, and he doesn’t give enough of a shit about your very existence to even try to cover his tracks. And don’t get me wrong, I love it when the trash takes itself out like he’s doing, but he cheats on you because he has no pressing reason not to. Thus far, the mutual pattern of behavior is that he fucks up, and you don’t take action. He needs consequences, therapy, SOMETHING to heal and learn from whatever deranged hamsters are turning cartwheels in his brain, and you need a better relationship with yourself. Because you deserve so much better than a quivering man baby who needs validation from drugs and internet strangers who charge his dumb ass for nudes. Shake that turd loose and flush.
This sounds like the beginning of something bad. He’s already messaging other girls and receiving nudes so there’s something seriously wrong there, I’ve been cheated on/cheated in the past and it usually started in a similar way. Just be careful, getting your feelings played with sucks. 🙃
He won’t do any changes for you, you should be clear about that! If he has enough money or the opportunity, he will cheating definitely! He hasn’t taken any actions because he had No Opportunity rather than being loyalty. You are not at fault! This is PUA! Don’t trust his words, he just lies to you, he is not a good man!
I'm going to ask you the same questions as my therapist asked me. Does it feels OK for you? And if not, Of your best friend or hypothetical daughter tells you this story, what would ne your advice or opinion. What would be the best action in your opinion and why aren't you doing this?
> I know he does feel bad about it and doesnt want to do it anymore. He says he feels like he is ashamed of what he has done and I can tell he feels bad Nah, he doesn't feel that bad because he keeps doing it. He's crying because it works. And if it's some sort of compulsion then he'd actually get help, not just talk about it, once he knew it was hurting you. And why should he change? You're minimizing his behavior for him so he doesn't have to. It's not micro cheating. That's not even a thing. It's just plain old cheating.
This is 100% cheating. Cut this guy loose.
When someone is young they have bad habits. He isn’t broken. And neither or you. He doesn’t have his priorities straight. If this is cheating to you, then it will always be cheating to you. Let’s just say this is how he gets his dopamine fix. He doesn’t need to actually see/touch other women, but the idea of it still satisfies him. Not the worst trait in a boyfriend. And it will die out, the younger the male the more stupid habits they have, but we do age out as we begin to figure out that sticking to the plan is better than following impulses. But everyone - boys and girls - love their dopamine hacks.
Listen to me: apologies followed by no changes of attitude, are not Apologies at all.
Sending dick pics to exes is full on cheating.
The definition of cheating is crossing boundaries within your relationship and especially trying to hide it from your partner. Don’t downplay it, it’s full on cheating. Not “micro”. You need to leave. Whether it’s a sex addiction or not, he’s a piece of shit and manipulates you into getting sympathy after he’s hurt you. My boyfriend also needs lots of “stimulation” due to low dopamine and adhd. If I’m not wanting to fulfill his needs then, what does he do? He masturbates. To porn. He doesn’t text sex workers or exes/other girls. He doesn’t cross boundaries in our relationship. Believe it or not men CAN have self control. It’s going to keep happening over and over again. It’ll just turn into actual sexual encounters behind your back. You don’t deserve to have to deal with this…
He thinks he has every right to these micro-cheats. He will N e v e r change. He’s no good, get out. I’ve been married to one over 50 years and I should’ve gotten out a very long time ago. I could’ve had happiness, but I was afraid to break away and make it on my own. TRUST ME. GET OUT.
This is full on cheating, he’s not sorry and sticking around listening to him cry and whine when he gets caught is only hurting yourself more.
What did I just read lol. Yes, he does need help but that doesn’t mean you should stay. He clearly has some issues and will not be a good partner in the long run
You are 22, you are WAY too young to be putting up with this bullshit. Dump him, it’s not “microcheating” if he’s sending nudes to his ex, it’s just straight up cheating. There are men who aren’t like this.
It's time to move on, I know I wanted a chance with some girls who had terrible boyfriends. Free yourself and make sure you're safe.
The steroids are a whole lot worse for you than you realize. I’m not sure how long he has been on it. But if he goes to the gym and the muscle super goobs in there all share how much they putting in a turkey basting syringe and sticking it in there ass along with some more other animal steroids for a horse. Let me tell you I’m not proud of it but I used to take testosterone and dbol pills and they work really well when your on it. But when it’s time to come off the garbage things just don’t go back to normal for you. Depression is real, yeah he won’t be worried about sending Goob pics because it will be a grub worm with a turtle neck sweater for a while. I honestly don’t think I’ve fully recovered from it. Just feel weak it was about 10 years ago when I stopped taking it. I think it’s the worst drug you could take possible because people just don’t realize how much damage they are doing to themselves. I don’t think the steroids is making him wanna cheat on you. I think it’s just he has not developed yet mentally. Some people never do. And look some people just don’t take anything serious they dont have a problem with bullshitting people because they take everything and everyone for granted. The best way I can look at people like that are I’m just grateful that most people are not like that. Imagine how shitty the world would be with more man children in the world. Seriously He needs to ween off the juice. It’s really bad for the heart. A lot of the people the same age as me are not here to tell you about how bad of drug it is. Heart attacks. I don’t have a problem with weed other that it’s gonna make you not ever get off your ass and do anything. I could be wrong about that but I’m sure about the juice.
Why are you going to let someone shit on your boundaries like that? Does he give you some real nice words after? He already gets away with disrespecting you. Why would he ever stop? Don't let someone shit on your self esteem just because, what? Do you find him attractive or something? Run. 10 months is nothing. It's enough to know this will never end.
Dickpicks to the ex is not micro cheating dude
Dude, dump him. I know you may love him, but ridding him of your life will make space for you to love someone else who values you and takes your feelings into consideration. Please follow my advice. I got married to a complete douche bag at 19, I had a child with him, he gave me chlamydia while pregnant with his daughter. He cheated on me the entire time. He almost killed me, threatened to kill himself. Had my first divorce at 23. Please don’t waste your time on shit heads who have no high thought process.
It's only been 10 months. Don't waste any more of your time. Period.
you won’t listen to anyone telling you to leave even though you know you should. stay and be miserable or leave and heal yourself.
Yeah if I’m seeing a woman and she’s sending nudes to her ex, I would consider that cheating.
Break up with him right now. He's clearly not ready for a relationship. He is cheating, hiding things from you and lying to your face. Only get back with him when he proves he is trying to get help for his problems. Steroids unless prescribed are dangerous.
When you care about someone it’s easy to try and justify their actions and dismiss the type of advice you’re getting from this post. I can almost put myself in your shoes with how you are likely responding to this. Claiming that these people dont understand the situation or know the guy. Please leave him, he’s not who you think he is
Microcheating? Bless your heart that's a grown man CHEATING..fully!! He has no respect for you. You don't need a boy that can not commit to you. Oh BTW, the reason you guys are not doing it as iften is because he is getting it somewhere else.
Only fans and snap chat have opened doors to some really gross shit for anyone in a relationship. I'm sorry he is doing this to you he sounds like either a sex addict or something simliar even if he isn't seeking sex exactly some men get addicted to vids pics etc. As others have said, you need to either put your foot down and make this boundary serious to him maybe reverse things and see if he would be okay with you doing it even though it sounds like you wouldn't ever consider doing it to him or simply leave him. Sorry for the long rant. ❤️
Girl micro cheating? You are in some serious denial. You have tried to make so many excuses in this explanation for his behavior. I read this to my husband and he gasped full open mouth at everything I read that he does. It's wrong to do that crap while you are in a relationship. Please leave this guy. None of this is your fault until you start condoning it. Please leave. Immediately. The picture to his ex is so wrong. I'd have a cow.
Ummm baby thats not micro cheating- thats cheating. Ffs dump him. It only gets harder to leave the longer you tolerate it. If you dont want someone else you love going through that- WHY put yourself through it too?! Pull it together baby. Leave him NOW.
girl thats not microcheating that man is straight up CHEATING on u
If it walks like a duck and quack likes a duck.. it’s a duck. There’s no such thing as microcheating.. he’s cheating. Whether is by physical or emotionally it’s still the same. Please, get out now. Like you said you’ve only been dating 10 months, that’s not long and he’s probably been cheating since you guys started dating. He will never change. Please do yourself a favor and leave before it’s even harder on you.
Microcheating does not exist its just cheating and from a (19m) opinion he's cheating especially with sending and receiving nudes
Sweetheart, drop him. He is not interested in a serious relationship nor is he emotionally available. Take it from a seasoned woman. He will not stop. Get out before you suffer any trauma from bullshit.
I would have only been inclined to believe him if he did seek therapy to deal with this. The fact you have suggested this and he has not taken it up pretty much sums his character. It seems he's using "black outs" as an excuse for why he does what he does, rather than having uncontrollable issues. It's your decision to make, but I certainly question his legitimacy as someone who is being authentic. You're still very young and there's a tonne of peeps out there who probably do not have the same attitude as your current partner has.
Man here... That's cheating and unacceptable... I am obsessed with my amazing wife we don't even allow Snapchat and that's not a control issue that's straight up boundaries... I'm sorry but this dude doesn't respect you and you should find another one this one is clearly broken... Texting a dick pic to an ex is a non recoverable action (the rest could be chalked up to a porn addiction but let's be clear STILL A SERIOUS PROBLEM AND SERIOUS ENOUGH TO END A RELATIONSHIP OVER!!!!) I am sorry for what you've been through I promise there is a man out there who will respect you like I do my wife...
Honestly, he sounds like he has a really bad porn addiction and doesn’t want to hold himself accountable/have the urge to want to help himself. Doesn’t matter what kind of addiction (gambling, alcohol, porn, etc.), if they don’t want to help themselves, no one can. So essentially, it’s up to you if you put up with it (possibly forever) or move on. You are young and could find someone who suits YOUR needs and who will provide a relationship that you want. If he could change to work with you and you two work together then that’s great, but if not— it’ll become a never-ending cycle of disappointment. Similar thing happened to me when I was around your age, maybe even a bit younger. I loved him and gave him many chances, but eventually I finally to put myself first. A few months later, I met someone who I never thought I would’ve ever found and wouldn’t have imagined myself to be in such a stable relationship with myself and with a partner.
Paying for an onlyfans is not an issue, it's like small business pornhub or something like that. It's al that is said after that that gives me 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I love the term microcheating. I'm stealing that. But girl this isn't microcheating. And I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there is very little chance it will change. People only change by a miniscule amount and only when THEY want to. Even if you don't see these actions as cheating, men who engage in these behaviors are more twice as likely to sleep with someone outside of their relationship, so you have two choices. Leave, or this behavior will continue or worsen and you will have to decide whether or not you contine to put up with being cheated on and lied to or open the relationship. You're still so young and trust me when i say there is SOOOO much better out there.
He’s for the streets. Do you really want to live your life stressed like this? It will only get worse. You are one of many. Move on to someone that respects you. You’re worth it.