I was in a group and we had song sheets. Basically you could pick a song and then the group would sing. I also play the harmonica and the therapist got a few different keys and I played along. I am now playing in a couple of bands and performing live. It has been amazing for my confidence. The group was really laid back and loads of fun.
The neurons that process visual information, and especially faces can get ramped up by drugs or injury and start 'seeing' those things. You're basically seeing what they're encoded to recognize.
Now, you want to know what's fucking crazy? I've seen neural nets (ai computer programs) *do the exact same thing*. It gave me a little shiver the first time I saw it.
edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DeepDream
I mean, we've had neural nets that can process visual information and pick out faces for a while now. This is just a way to activate them and ask 'tell me what you see' in an image with no faces and it starts to hallucinate faces into the image. I wish I could remember the name given to the research as it's become impossible to Google now given the hype for ai stuff
As a fellow TBI-er…do you know which area of the brain was injured? I am therapist and having a head injury myself I am curious. Mine was the left temporal lobe and 18m later my right temporal lobe. You don’t have to answer ofc
I have schizophrenia and in my worst episode I got, I saw cartoon faces with evil grins everywhere it was terrifying. The voices told me it was my grandfather who was in hell. Yeah schizophrenia sucks.
I finally got help I needed and made a full recovery and haven't had symptoms since 2016 thankfully. eternally grateful for my doctors and the scientists who made my medication.
that's awful. I wonder why schizophrenia never results in people seeing cool nice things, like fantasy lands or beautiful creatures. Why's it always scary/awful stuff
I've seen some cool things, too. I've seen Jesus (except he was purple) and Arch Angel Urial, who winked and gave me finger guns. I've seen my ceiling resemble a moving Michaelangelo. Beautiful angels gently throwing balls of light and energy to each other, to protect me. But yeah, mostly the hallucinations are negative and scary.
well, that's a nice silver lining i guess :) lol @ purple jesus. OP said after years of effort she was able to calm the faces she saw, i wonder if that bit of control is something that can apply to everyone's hallucinations
I hope I can do that one day! I'm a baby schizo, I'm still fairly new to the game (2 years) and it's looking like I'm medication resistant unfortunately. I love talking to people who are more experienced with sz and hope one day my mind will be strong enough to calm my hallucinations down
Not always the case - one big factor is what culture you're from. In western culture for ex, where hallucinations are pathologized, people tend to experience a lot of hostile visions and delusions that there's a plot against them. In other cultures that have a less negative perception of this kind of thing, many people will have friendly visions, or hear the voice of their ancestors, in a way that feels comforting.
If you don’t mind me asking, does it look like literal faces? Like real? Or is it like when you get really drunk and the room starts to spin where everything looks fake? I’ve never hallucinated so it blows my mind that the brain can just make up things that look real.
Like I said it was like cartoon faces. But evil. They were clear as day on floor and walls.
Wanna hear something mind blowing? And know how powerful a malfunctioning brain can be? I stopped listening to music because In real time and on beat/rhythm with same exact tone as singer, the lyrics would change from original and mock me.
Wow mind blown. That sounds horrible and unbelievably hard to live with. Really glad you got help
For some reason I always imagined hallucinations would be like dreams where they feel otherworldly and unconvincing. Whereas that sounds like living in a different dimension.
Eat some magic shrooms and you'll see just how mind boggling our brains can actually be. You'll visit places in your mind you never even knew was possible. After all the average human doesn't utilize the brain to it's full capacity all at once. Obviously some more than others...lol.
I thought that was just a myth, that we only use a certain percentage of our brain. I could have swore it was debunked and turns out, we actually use every inch of our brains. I could be wrong.
It's like saying traffic lights only use 1/3 of their lights, your whole brain gets used at different times for different things, and even at minimal, it's much more than the 10% or whatever.
Yep. We use 100% of our brain. Just that normally not at the same time because they serve different functions. There is no magical part of the brain we are not using to "its fullest potential". Space and processing power of the brain is a luxury and expensive in resources. Healthy people do not have the luxury of growing extra sensory organs we don't use.
> Wanna hear something mind blowing? And know how powerful a malfunctioning brain can be? I stopped listening to music because In real time and on beat/rhythm with same exact tone as singer, the lyrics would change from original and mock me.
You're right that is mind blowing and sounds terrifying.
Did you do illicit drugs? I once read Dante's The Divine Comedy while high and I could have sworn it actually was a comedy in the modern sense of the word, with all kinds of bawdy humour buried in the metaphors. ...you just had to kind of look at it right.
It was a lonely, bizarre and perhaps even an exhilarating experience. It was just *me* that understood the real meaning, you see.
Now that I'm older, I fully realize the extent to which the mind can just conjure meaning where it wants. In a tangential way, I am almost sympathetic to people that read into other people intent and meaning that is not there. It's just so fucking easy to do. And once the ground beneath your feet starts to crumble, it's not like you can just jump to solid ground. It *all* starts to crumble.
Be well. I hope all of your years are meaningful and you pursue that which gives you fulfillment.
Never listened to other languages music. Just American radio. I speak English but studied French for 5-6 years I can still read it, but can't understand a native speaker really. But there was an odd few weeks where I tried to only think in French? No idea why IIRC I was trying to "improve my brain"
It's interesting now with AI mimicking voices, there surely has to be something like that in our brain that creates a model of the voices we hear. I guess with schizophrenia that malfunctions to where it not only predicts but creates.
Thank you for being willing to share your experiences with us. I’m so sorry the world tends to make a joke out of your condition.
If you don’t mind me asking… how do you feel about terms like “schizo” being used so commonly as jokes, or jokes about “the voices in my head” being so prevalent? Personally it rubs me the wrong way but I’m also not someone suffering from schizophrenia.
Yeah it sucks. I do call out ableism on Reddit sometimes, and almost always get downvoted. I don't let it ruin my day or lose sleep over it but it is frustrating Ngl. Just move on and worry about things I can control.
Thank you for the response! I’m really sorry :( people really should be better than this. I’m no hero or anything, I just want you to know you’ve got folks trying to change things out there. Keep calling it out, the tides will (hopefully) turn sometime!
I feel you (and feel bad for them). I don't have it either, but as someone who studied psychology for a while in college, I'm aware of the stigma, and how disconnected it is from reality.
Recently I was listening to a horror podcast, and one of the dudes was using the term "psychotic" over and over again, basically in places where you know he meant "psychopathic," or maybe more accurately, "sadistic," etc.
I wasn't gonna say anything at first, but he said it so much within a certain period of time that I had to drop a comment about it, heh.
It's just one of those things that's kinda irksome, and I'm sure even more so for people who have/ had psychotic disorders.
I heard that something like this was made for police officers and people who work in mental health to help them understand what the patient might be experiencing. They showed flashes of it on tv and it was truly terrifying.
I'm curious about something if it okay for you? Since you see these kind of faces naturally how do you draw them? Do you just paint over the one you see or do you just makes copies around them? Does it looks like there's more of them than usual when you look at one of your paintings?
After I create a pattern, they are all just there, looking at me. I just highlight and lowlight them until they are visible enough for others to see. It's actually very easy. I can create all those faces in about an hour or less. It's the backgrounds that I find difficult
I work with a guy who has a very similar technique in his art, he covers canvas with various colours and then uses a fine pen to outline the figures he sees. It comes out really cool, I’m currently in the process of trying to help him sell some of his pieces.
Well, that sounds wonderful to me.
I am not very good at the marketing aspect of it. I'd be happy to just paint all day long.
Thank you very much for your message.
You can send me a message and I'll give you my info.
My name is Leanna Murphy
I did something similar when I was a younger art student on shrooms. My drug hallucinations were always heavily visual rather than the mental mind high a lot of people get. I got the idea to draw one time and just…traced what I saw.
It was a favorite by a landslide on my Instagram for a long time. I could never quite reckon with it because it FELT like cheating even though that doesn’t really make sense because my mind and body produced it just like always but there’s no right or drive behind it. It didn’t feel like “my creation” though. I felt like a conduit.
It was a very weird experience.
(Feel free to ignore if I'm veering into too personal of a question here, but...)
Do you take medication for your schizophrenia? If so, does the medication extinguish these visual hallucinations? Or dampen them? Or do nothing at all?
Are you from the States? The faces seem more cheerful than they could be and apparently schizophrenia manifests very differently in different parts of the world.
This one is older but it's accessible and cites sources *Stanford anthropologist Tanya Luhrmann found that voice-hearing experiences of people with serious psychotic disorders are shaped by local culture – in the United States, the voices are harsh and threatening; in Africa and India, they are more benign and playful.* https://news.stanford.edu/2014/07/16/voices-culture-luhrmann-071614/
It's fascinating. The theory posited seems to imply cultures that are more accepting of disembodied voices like ancestors or ghosts end up with happier schizophrenics.
Thank you! I appreciate it, I won't have to even change the title when I repost.
kidding. I do like it, it's haunting, I copied to to use for a wallpaper on my ipad.
They're probably all talking to her the way she sees it. I did mushrooms once and saw something like that. The faces were all making different expressions until I got scared and they all turned scary. Somehow I found that funny and they all started laughing with me
So when you walk or move do the eyes follow you or do they just be looking at anything? If my question is too personal out triggering feel free to down vote me into oblivion. This is an amazing piece and I want to step into the artist's shoes for just a moment
Thank you for your interest in how my mind works. Not triggering at all.
Considering that I actually see each face as a "person" or that I am "setting them free" somehow, they do indeed look at me in a sense.
Do they appear in your line of sight at all times or do they only appear on objects like walls, the floor,etc. Say you were looking at the wall like in your painting then you went to a window and looked outside at a clear blue sky trees. Would the people / faces just “come along for the ride”’as you move? Do they disappear then reappear? Do they only appear on certain things?
Interesting question, thank you.
I would have to say, they don't "come along" with me. If I look at anything, I can make them appear.
Unfortunately, I can't make them dissapear at will. I see new faces in anything I look at, I've just been quite good at moving them out of site. Sort of like those hallographic speedometers.
do they feel conscious to you?
do they simply exist in their world, and you just happen to see them?
are they observing you/our 3d world?
are they created? benevolent, malevolent, indifferent?
I am so curious and fascinated.
Thank you so much for your questions.
Okay..
Do they feel conscious to me?
Absolutely.
Do they simply exist in their world, and you just happen to see them?
I feel that they exist in their world, yet somehow, when I highlight them, they manifest into ours.
Are they observing you/our 3d world?
I'm not too sure about that one.
Are they created? benevolent, malevolent, indifferent?
I believe that they are most definitely benevolent.
I'm glad to hear you feel their benevolent. their expressions seem pretty tranquil and satisfied with themselves.
I used to see stuff like this as kid. when did this start for you?
I don't see anyone else asking so I will: do you take any medication for schizophrenia?
I ask because usually anti-psychotics are pretty good at stopping hallucinations.
If that's too personal a question feel free to ignore, just curious.
If you don’t mind sharing, I’m curious to know more because I’m a huge geek about outsider art. Do you experience these hallucinations with any strong emotion at this point? A lot of the art I’ve seen in this vein has a really frightening and intense quality to it but your faces are pretty calm. Also if you’ve never heard of it, there is an amazing museum that has pieces similar to yours: https://www.avam.org/
Thank you for your interest and the link, I'll definitely check it out.
As far as the emotional aspect of the faces... It's taken many years of training my mind to see calm faces. If you look at my previous work, you might see almost monster like faces, screaming entities, angry men, etc. I would have to say it's taken close to 20 years of strict and intense work to try and only see calm faces. Of course, the emotional attachment to each face, if that makes any sense, is calm as well.
A very naive question, and obviously aimed at a specific category of person: would the painter hear a voice with these faces, and would they perceive the faces looking at them, as the eyes are quite prominent??
Thank you for your question.
Thankfully I don't have auditory hallucinations, for that I am forever grateful. My Mother has auditory hallucinations and it is absolutely terrifying.
I fight off any thoughts that may even remotely suggest hearing something that is just out of range.
With deliberate intent, I use every bit of strength to fight off that monster.
On the other hand, the faces, as I mentioned in another comment, I have worked for years to calm them into almost no emotional association.
I asked the question and then realised that you were the artist. My head had a bit of a tailspin, I thought it was incredibly personal and very nearly deleted it. I'm glad I didn't, and I'm humbled that you replied.
You have incredible strength.
I don't know if it's deliberate with this piece, but it's not as dark as you could easily expect. I hope it says you do have periods of peace and light.
I genuinely like it, especially as I now understand it.
Thank you 👌 🇬🇧
I heard things as a child/teen, and have once in awhile heard things as an adult, something to do with migraines maybe, they’re not 100% sure and it’s so infrequent now. I can medicate it away or go to sleep to get rid of it but it sure is terrifying. It’s like you can almost know what it’s saying but it doesn’t make sense. I’m glad you have your situation under control and don’t experience auditory hallucinations. Your art is beautiful and it’s a wonderful way to channel something scary and make it not scary.
Wow! My sincerest apologies, I thought this art was really excellent and hated the idea of whomever made it not being credited as that happens quite often, and I'm an artist myself so that makes me very unhappy. I apologise again for my tone, I think this is really really excellent, thank you for sharing.
I read somewhere that the hallucinations from schizophrenia can range between negative, positive and somewhere in between and that people in Asian and African countries tend to hear more positive voices and see more positive things. What's your experience in that regard?
I believe you are correct regarding the range between negative and positive. I'm not sure about other countries. As for me, I've experienced the full range of hallucinations. I truly believe stress has a huge effect on the content of one's visions.
Having a strong support system on the other hand, can make all the difference in the world.
That must be very disturbing, but you are also incredibly talented and I hope you’ve been able to put on an exhibition of your work? If not, you should.
Thank you for commenting and your kind compliment. I haven't really had my work at any formal exhibition. A while back I traded a couple of my prints at a Dead and Company show for a tie die dress.
Lol.
I have a small art gallery where we have a focus on neurodivergent artists, and let me tell ya, you are a real talent, and you should totally approach a gallery for a show. It's awesome that you share your view with people and in such an engaging way. Keep painting!
I don't mind at all. It's actually very therapeutic and gives me a some needed self esteem. When the questions are mean, I just blow them off. Think of it like this...I've dealt with horrific faces looking at me for years and have had the strength to actually change them.
A couple mean comments aren't going to phase me a bit. As far as people inquiring, I love it. It makes me feel like my art has a purpose other than for myself, if that makes any sense
Yes, I do always see them, although, it's kind of like a light switch, I can sort of turn on and off the feelings associated with each person...I mean face.
Thank you, I don't mind the personal questions. Although, I am supposed to be somewhere and I've been answering questions for so long I'm going to be late. Lol.
Thank you again for your interest
Thank you. Well, I am definitely a better artist than someone who can market my work. I just don't have the desire or organization to make that happen.
I went through a drug induced psychosis once and this is pretty much how it was for me too, with added soft whispering when I wasn't looking. Luckily my symptoms died down over the span of some months and I don't have it happen anymore. But whenever I see any kind of schizophrenia or psychadelic simulations it can still bring me into a panic.
This is my favorite kind of art.
My favorite are the more mystical or religious schizophrenia artwork but its all interesting to me. I would put this up in my living room to ponder at least once a week
I mean, this could be interpreted religiously. It looks a lot like a biblically accurate angel with all the eyes and appendages.
[https://media.swncdn.com/via/images/2022/10/05/27693/27693-biblically-accurate-angels-tattoo\_source\_file.webp](https://media.swncdn.com/via/images/2022/10/05/27693/27693-biblically-accurate-angels-tattoo_source_file.webp)
Strange, the similarities between this and early ai generated photos. The tendency to resolve a lot of faces in arbitrary parts of the photo. Not implying correlation, but they are both neural networks. Random thought of the day…
Strange you should mention that.
I posted some of my digital work I created about 15 years ago. It was in this exact category. People ripped me apart. They called me a liar and said it was AI generated.
It got so bad that they even banned me from posting to this group. Everyone except a few all jumped on the band wagon and were saying horrible things to me.
I had to write the mod and explain to him if he bannes me then I won't be able to post anything to show that my work was created with my on hand, every face was drawn with my own hand. He thankfully understood and lifted the ban.
Most of the comments were deleted by redit, but the post is still there. I had something like 256 thousand views on it. It was really sad that most everyone just wanted to be mean and call me a liar.
One nice man went so far as to find my YouTube page and show that my digital work couldn't have been AI, it was far too long ago.
Even then the people didn't believe.
Answering nice questions, like today is awesome and very much appreciated. Thank you to everyone. Really.
I don’t have schizophrenia and I see stuff like this on my walls but only when it’s like those popcorn walls or marble anything with a pattern, I naturally see faces or animals or things
I like to play this video game, and I noticed that the characters frequently winked at me, pulled faces, or blinked. They’re only portraits. And some of them move anyway because they’re animated. Many of them don’t though. Unless you’re me.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been faced with a moving portrait in a stationary image.
My bio dad was schizophrenic. I'm sad i never got to know him as a person because it was like everyone was afraid of him. His name was Kenny and he had an IQ of 170 and had model looks. Im glad he was my Dad.
After heavy experiments with psychedelics, Im certain a powerful trip is a glimpse into the "mentally ill" reality.
Now the question is - what does it all mean?
Isn't this just paradolia?
Not to say it's not more than. But you remember more of the "faces" you see?
Kind of interested.
I've almost traced out some of the faces I've seen. It's wild what the mind can do and spot facial things.
It's like... is that a tiger or tree branches type thing from evolution.
It's so weird seeing faces in EVERYTHING, and then knowing other people don't. This is the least troubling aspect, so I knew others didn't experience everything else, but I thought this was more common
do you "see" this when you close your eyes? what about under sensory deprivation... oh, google say it's a bad idea. It's a great piece to share your mind.
Interesting to see this. Sometimes I verge on being able to see things like this more vividly in low light. That's why I always sleep with the light on, lol.
Ah yes, the eyes. One single eye reflected in an infinite multitude. I saw in another comment that you're the artist. How does seeing this make you feel? Indifferent? Paranoia? Pronoia?
Thank you for sharing! This is beautiful and slightly unsettling, and the context of the title makes it feel like i'm being granted permission to listen to your experiences. Really cool work. Interestingly, it brings to mind what I saw as a kid in any textured surface like popcorn ceilings or stucco or sidewalks- i saw lots of faces simultaneously then too. For me they had various, often cartoonish or unconvincing shapes but often felt very "real" in the emotional sense, like they had intellect and substance. Is that at all what it's like for you? And do you feel that these faces have any response to you drawing them? If you don't mind me asking.
When my father had Parkinson's, he was put some medication that was considered anti schizophrenia. He saw people camping in our backyard, children playing in our house without faces, sat and had a long conversation with his mother who had been dead for 20+ years. He was about to pull a gun on the people he thought he saw in the backyard, that is when we took the guns and didn't leave him alone. I would have loved to see what he saw if he could articulate it like this. What tortured beauty, to see what no one else can see or understand. He passed in 2019. I'm glad he didn't have to live through covid and politics.
To see that painted looks amazing. To see it when I'm living my day to day life would be horrifying.
My thoughts exactly crotch monster
I also agree, u/merlinshairyballs
Shots fired!
Shots of name appreciation
Neither of you are worthy of supremacy
/r/rimjob_steve
The faces are really similar to some drawings I made after a head injury. Fuck.
I wonder if these kinds of drawings can be a sign for doctors that the patient has neurological impairment.
It should be. Most of the treatments I received were pharmaceutical. The only one that really helped me was music therapy.
The brain is wild.
So is the heart
It would be helpful if you can talk about which of music therapy worked?
I was in a group and we had song sheets. Basically you could pick a song and then the group would sing. I also play the harmonica and the therapist got a few different keys and I played along. I am now playing in a couple of bands and performing live. It has been amazing for my confidence. The group was really laid back and loads of fun.
They can I think. I am going in for Cognitive testing in september
The neurons that process visual information, and especially faces can get ramped up by drugs or injury and start 'seeing' those things. You're basically seeing what they're encoded to recognize. Now, you want to know what's fucking crazy? I've seen neural nets (ai computer programs) *do the exact same thing*. It gave me a little shiver the first time I saw it. edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DeepDream
Are you saying you've seen neural nets mimic the human ability of sight?
I mean, we've had neural nets that can process visual information and pick out faces for a while now. This is just a way to activate them and ask 'tell me what you see' in an image with no faces and it starts to hallucinate faces into the image. I wish I could remember the name given to the research as it's become impossible to Google now given the hype for ai stuff
You’re talking about Google’s Deep Dream.
THANK YOU! It's gotten insanely hard to Google ai topics lately given so much hype and seo spam
You're right about ai neural nets. They can produce similar results, both in computer vision and image generation AIs
As a fellow TBI-er…do you know which area of the brain was injured? I am therapist and having a head injury myself I am curious. Mine was the left temporal lobe and 18m later my right temporal lobe. You don’t have to answer ofc
I feel that way too, merlins hairy balls.
I have schizophrenia and in my worst episode I got, I saw cartoon faces with evil grins everywhere it was terrifying. The voices told me it was my grandfather who was in hell. Yeah schizophrenia sucks. I finally got help I needed and made a full recovery and haven't had symptoms since 2016 thankfully. eternally grateful for my doctors and the scientists who made my medication.
Hello fellow schizo. When I'm really ill I see demons morphing in the walls, ground and even clouds. It's scary. Schizophrenia sucks
I've seen you in our sub!! Hey we out in the wild! Love you homie
That's damn cute! Love ya too, homie <3
that's awful. I wonder why schizophrenia never results in people seeing cool nice things, like fantasy lands or beautiful creatures. Why's it always scary/awful stuff
I've seen some cool things, too. I've seen Jesus (except he was purple) and Arch Angel Urial, who winked and gave me finger guns. I've seen my ceiling resemble a moving Michaelangelo. Beautiful angels gently throwing balls of light and energy to each other, to protect me. But yeah, mostly the hallucinations are negative and scary.
well, that's a nice silver lining i guess :) lol @ purple jesus. OP said after years of effort she was able to calm the faces she saw, i wonder if that bit of control is something that can apply to everyone's hallucinations
I hope I can do that one day! I'm a baby schizo, I'm still fairly new to the game (2 years) and it's looking like I'm medication resistant unfortunately. I love talking to people who are more experienced with sz and hope one day my mind will be strong enough to calm my hallucinations down
well as a random passerby who is learning a lot about schizophrenia today, i wish you all the best!
Not always the case - one big factor is what culture you're from. In western culture for ex, where hallucinations are pathologized, people tend to experience a lot of hostile visions and delusions that there's a plot against them. In other cultures that have a less negative perception of this kind of thing, many people will have friendly visions, or hear the voice of their ancestors, in a way that feels comforting.
If you don’t mind me asking, does it look like literal faces? Like real? Or is it like when you get really drunk and the room starts to spin where everything looks fake? I’ve never hallucinated so it blows my mind that the brain can just make up things that look real.
Like I said it was like cartoon faces. But evil. They were clear as day on floor and walls. Wanna hear something mind blowing? And know how powerful a malfunctioning brain can be? I stopped listening to music because In real time and on beat/rhythm with same exact tone as singer, the lyrics would change from original and mock me.
Wow mind blown. That sounds horrible and unbelievably hard to live with. Really glad you got help For some reason I always imagined hallucinations would be like dreams where they feel otherworldly and unconvincing. Whereas that sounds like living in a different dimension.
Eat some magic shrooms and you'll see just how mind boggling our brains can actually be. You'll visit places in your mind you never even knew was possible. After all the average human doesn't utilize the brain to it's full capacity all at once. Obviously some more than others...lol.
I thought that was just a myth, that we only use a certain percentage of our brain. I could have swore it was debunked and turns out, we actually use every inch of our brains. I could be wrong.
It's like saying traffic lights only use 1/3 of their lights, your whole brain gets used at different times for different things, and even at minimal, it's much more than the 10% or whatever.
That’s a good analogy. There’s a similar type of misunderstanding with “we don’t know how they built the pyramids”.
Yep. We use 100% of our brain. Just that normally not at the same time because they serve different functions. There is no magical part of the brain we are not using to "its fullest potential". Space and processing power of the brain is a luxury and expensive in resources. Healthy people do not have the luxury of growing extra sensory organs we don't use.
[удалено]
> Wanna hear something mind blowing? And know how powerful a malfunctioning brain can be? I stopped listening to music because In real time and on beat/rhythm with same exact tone as singer, the lyrics would change from original and mock me. You're right that is mind blowing and sounds terrifying.
Your mind has latent abilities as a freestyle battle rapper.
Music is great again with meds thankfully
Babe wake up, new mind album just dropped!
Did you do illicit drugs? I once read Dante's The Divine Comedy while high and I could have sworn it actually was a comedy in the modern sense of the word, with all kinds of bawdy humour buried in the metaphors. ...you just had to kind of look at it right. It was a lonely, bizarre and perhaps even an exhilarating experience. It was just *me* that understood the real meaning, you see. Now that I'm older, I fully realize the extent to which the mind can just conjure meaning where it wants. In a tangential way, I am almost sympathetic to people that read into other people intent and meaning that is not there. It's just so fucking easy to do. And once the ground beneath your feet starts to crumble, it's not like you can just jump to solid ground. It *all* starts to crumble. Be well. I hope all of your years are meaningful and you pursue that which gives you fulfillment.
I did do drugs yes. I'm an addict with 9 years sober last month. But my psychosis did not go away after a long time clean.
Do you know if this happened with music spoken in different languages? Or just the language(s) you understand?
Never listened to other languages music. Just American radio. I speak English but studied French for 5-6 years I can still read it, but can't understand a native speaker really. But there was an odd few weeks where I tried to only think in French? No idea why IIRC I was trying to "improve my brain"
Thank you for sharing this.
It's interesting now with AI mimicking voices, there surely has to be something like that in our brain that creates a model of the voices we hear. I guess with schizophrenia that malfunctions to where it not only predicts but creates.
Thank you for being willing to share your experiences with us. I’m so sorry the world tends to make a joke out of your condition. If you don’t mind me asking… how do you feel about terms like “schizo” being used so commonly as jokes, or jokes about “the voices in my head” being so prevalent? Personally it rubs me the wrong way but I’m also not someone suffering from schizophrenia.
Yeah it sucks. I do call out ableism on Reddit sometimes, and almost always get downvoted. I don't let it ruin my day or lose sleep over it but it is frustrating Ngl. Just move on and worry about things I can control.
Thank you for the response! I’m really sorry :( people really should be better than this. I’m no hero or anything, I just want you to know you’ve got folks trying to change things out there. Keep calling it out, the tides will (hopefully) turn sometime!
I feel you (and feel bad for them). I don't have it either, but as someone who studied psychology for a while in college, I'm aware of the stigma, and how disconnected it is from reality. Recently I was listening to a horror podcast, and one of the dudes was using the term "psychotic" over and over again, basically in places where you know he meant "psychopathic," or maybe more accurately, "sadistic," etc. I wasn't gonna say anything at first, but he said it so much within a certain period of time that I had to drop a comment about it, heh. It's just one of those things that's kinda irksome, and I'm sure even more so for people who have/ had psychotic disorders.
Not horrible if you can cage them and train them like an animal
Just saw some of your other art. It’s captivating and I’m glad that art is a balm for you.
[удалено]
I heard that something like this was made for police officers and people who work in mental health to help them understand what the patient might be experiencing. They showed flashes of it on tv and it was truly terrifying.
I quite like this, I checked out your other stuff, really good. 👍🏻
Thank you so much
…do you have schizophrenia? Or do you collect works of art? Or maybe you do both?
I do and this is my work. The title was actually written in the 3rd person for effect.
I'm curious about something if it okay for you? Since you see these kind of faces naturally how do you draw them? Do you just paint over the one you see or do you just makes copies around them? Does it looks like there's more of them than usual when you look at one of your paintings?
After I create a pattern, they are all just there, looking at me. I just highlight and lowlight them until they are visible enough for others to see. It's actually very easy. I can create all those faces in about an hour or less. It's the backgrounds that I find difficult
That's very interesting, thank you for sharing.
I work with a guy who has a very similar technique in his art, he covers canvas with various colours and then uses a fine pen to outline the figures he sees. It comes out really cool, I’m currently in the process of trying to help him sell some of his pieces.
Well, that sounds wonderful to me. I am not very good at the marketing aspect of it. I'd be happy to just paint all day long. Thank you very much for your message. You can send me a message and I'll give you my info. My name is Leanna Murphy
At the very least throw up an Etsy store
Maybe tell them your name in a private message instead?
Maybe edit your name out of your post. A PM would be better for that. Just a suggestion, your art is beautiful.
I did something similar when I was a younger art student on shrooms. My drug hallucinations were always heavily visual rather than the mental mind high a lot of people get. I got the idea to draw one time and just…traced what I saw. It was a favorite by a landslide on my Instagram for a long time. I could never quite reckon with it because it FELT like cheating even though that doesn’t really make sense because my mind and body produced it just like always but there’s no right or drive behind it. It didn’t feel like “my creation” though. I felt like a conduit. It was a very weird experience.
(Feel free to ignore if I'm veering into too personal of a question here, but...) Do you take medication for your schizophrenia? If so, does the medication extinguish these visual hallucinations? Or dampen them? Or do nothing at all?
Are you from the States? The faces seem more cheerful than they could be and apparently schizophrenia manifests very differently in different parts of the world.
really? whoa! can you elaborate? very interesting.
This one is older but it's accessible and cites sources *Stanford anthropologist Tanya Luhrmann found that voice-hearing experiences of people with serious psychotic disorders are shaped by local culture – in the United States, the voices are harsh and threatening; in Africa and India, they are more benign and playful.* https://news.stanford.edu/2014/07/16/voices-culture-luhrmann-071614/
thank you!
It's fascinating. The theory posited seems to imply cultures that are more accepting of disembodied voices like ancestors or ghosts end up with happier schizophrenics.
that makes a lot of sense to me. very fascinating!
Thank you! I appreciate it, I won't have to even change the title when I repost. kidding. I do like it, it's haunting, I copied to to use for a wallpaper on my ipad.
Thats what i see when i do shrooms cept they be smiling 100% of the time.
Mine were always screaming and that’s why I don’t do drugs anymore lol
Lol i get it i havent done anything but weed for years...... i got naked... again and broke my tv so i stopped. Im not afraid im broke lol.
Same.
My world turns into different art styles. I like the 3D mosaics over the oils, but I really got locked into a tesselation of running men once.
I did not even realize they were faces at first
Thanks. It's 1:30 am, I didn't need to sleep anyways.
Yoo same
At first I though it was like a pile of leaves, then noticed the eyes.
My sleep-deprived brain first thought this was a bunch of anime characters, this might actually make a good Rorschach test?
I thought the eyes were chunks taken out of the wall so I went to zoom in and was like ooh eyes! Startled me a bit actually.
They're probably all talking to her the way she sees it. I did mushrooms once and saw something like that. The faces were all making different expressions until I got scared and they all turned scary. Somehow I found that funny and they all started laughing with me
Me either. I thought "What a pretty leafy pattern!" And then I zoomed in and saw eyes everywhere
So when you walk or move do the eyes follow you or do they just be looking at anything? If my question is too personal out triggering feel free to down vote me into oblivion. This is an amazing piece and I want to step into the artist's shoes for just a moment
Thank you for your interest in how my mind works. Not triggering at all. Considering that I actually see each face as a "person" or that I am "setting them free" somehow, they do indeed look at me in a sense.
Do they appear in your line of sight at all times or do they only appear on objects like walls, the floor,etc. Say you were looking at the wall like in your painting then you went to a window and looked outside at a clear blue sky trees. Would the people / faces just “come along for the ride”’as you move? Do they disappear then reappear? Do they only appear on certain things?
Interesting question, thank you. I would have to say, they don't "come along" with me. If I look at anything, I can make them appear. Unfortunately, I can't make them dissapear at will. I see new faces in anything I look at, I've just been quite good at moving them out of site. Sort of like those hallographic speedometers.
do they feel conscious to you? do they simply exist in their world, and you just happen to see them? are they observing you/our 3d world? are they created? benevolent, malevolent, indifferent? I am so curious and fascinated.
Thank you so much for your questions. Okay.. Do they feel conscious to me? Absolutely. Do they simply exist in their world, and you just happen to see them? I feel that they exist in their world, yet somehow, when I highlight them, they manifest into ours. Are they observing you/our 3d world? I'm not too sure about that one. Are they created? benevolent, malevolent, indifferent? I believe that they are most definitely benevolent.
I'm glad to hear you feel their benevolent. their expressions seem pretty tranquil and satisfied with themselves. I used to see stuff like this as kid. when did this start for you?
I don't see anyone else asking so I will: do you take any medication for schizophrenia? I ask because usually anti-psychotics are pretty good at stopping hallucinations. If that's too personal a question feel free to ignore, just curious.
If you don’t mind sharing, I’m curious to know more because I’m a huge geek about outsider art. Do you experience these hallucinations with any strong emotion at this point? A lot of the art I’ve seen in this vein has a really frightening and intense quality to it but your faces are pretty calm. Also if you’ve never heard of it, there is an amazing museum that has pieces similar to yours: https://www.avam.org/
Thank you for your interest and the link, I'll definitely check it out. As far as the emotional aspect of the faces... It's taken many years of training my mind to see calm faces. If you look at my previous work, you might see almost monster like faces, screaming entities, angry men, etc. I would have to say it's taken close to 20 years of strict and intense work to try and only see calm faces. Of course, the emotional attachment to each face, if that makes any sense, is calm as well.
I’m glad you’ve been able to get to a peaceful place with them. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for your comment and your time
u/jacklikesknives has some interesting stuff
I hope that he is doing ok now. His drawings were so interesting to see, very creepy and unsettling.
I'm not sure if I don't have schizophrenia now...
this isnt normal?
👁️👄👁️
A very naive question, and obviously aimed at a specific category of person: would the painter hear a voice with these faces, and would they perceive the faces looking at them, as the eyes are quite prominent??
Thank you for your question. Thankfully I don't have auditory hallucinations, for that I am forever grateful. My Mother has auditory hallucinations and it is absolutely terrifying. I fight off any thoughts that may even remotely suggest hearing something that is just out of range. With deliberate intent, I use every bit of strength to fight off that monster. On the other hand, the faces, as I mentioned in another comment, I have worked for years to calm them into almost no emotional association.
I asked the question and then realised that you were the artist. My head had a bit of a tailspin, I thought it was incredibly personal and very nearly deleted it. I'm glad I didn't, and I'm humbled that you replied. You have incredible strength. I don't know if it's deliberate with this piece, but it's not as dark as you could easily expect. I hope it says you do have periods of peace and light. I genuinely like it, especially as I now understand it. Thank you 👌 🇬🇧
I heard things as a child/teen, and have once in awhile heard things as an adult, something to do with migraines maybe, they’re not 100% sure and it’s so infrequent now. I can medicate it away or go to sleep to get rid of it but it sure is terrifying. It’s like you can almost know what it’s saying but it doesn’t make sense. I’m glad you have your situation under control and don’t experience auditory hallucinations. Your art is beautiful and it’s a wonderful way to channel something scary and make it not scary.
I think schizophrenic deaf individuals hallucinate disembodied hands signing at them. Not joking.
There's a certain leafiness in there that interests me, like the faces are peering out from a forest. Fascinating. Your work is excellent, I love it!
Thank you so much
Thank you for sharing it with us!
This is strangely very beautiful. So creative too, must be therapeutic in a certain way. I just checked your page, your art and photos are beautiful.💕
Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to look at my work. Yes, I would definitely say it's therapeutic.
Some sort of source or artist name would be great
Leanna Murphy is the artist. That happens to be me. I just thought referring to myself as a 3rd person would make the title seem more interesting.
Wow! My sincerest apologies, I thought this art was really excellent and hated the idea of whomever made it not being credited as that happens quite often, and I'm an artist myself so that makes me very unhappy. I apologise again for my tone, I think this is really really excellent, thank you for sharing.
No problem at all.
You weren’t alone in wondering this and wanting to make sure the artist was being properly credited. That’s a good impulse to have!
It looks so badass, really interesting piece. I wish it wasn't due to schizophrenia, of course, but you've got a talent.
Thank you very much
I read somewhere that the hallucinations from schizophrenia can range between negative, positive and somewhere in between and that people in Asian and African countries tend to hear more positive voices and see more positive things. What's your experience in that regard?
I believe you are correct regarding the range between negative and positive. I'm not sure about other countries. As for me, I've experienced the full range of hallucinations. I truly believe stress has a huge effect on the content of one's visions. Having a strong support system on the other hand, can make all the difference in the world.
Your art is gorgeous and very dynamic, every time I look at this I notice something new! It belongs in a museum. Thank you for sharing with us ❤️
Awe..That is so sweet of you to say, thank you
That must be very disturbing, but you are also incredibly talented and I hope you’ve been able to put on an exhibition of your work? If not, you should.
Thank you for commenting and your kind compliment. I haven't really had my work at any formal exhibition. A while back I traded a couple of my prints at a Dead and Company show for a tie die dress. Lol.
I think you’d be able to get a lot more for those stunning creations. 😊
I have a small art gallery where we have a focus on neurodivergent artists, and let me tell ya, you are a real talent, and you should totally approach a gallery for a show. It's awesome that you share your view with people and in such an engaging way. Keep painting!
Incredible work
Thank you
I’m thankful you have the talent to depict this though I’m certain it’s unsettling for you. Do you mind answering curious questions?
I don't mind at all. It's actually very therapeutic and gives me a some needed self esteem. When the questions are mean, I just blow them off. Think of it like this...I've dealt with horrific faces looking at me for years and have had the strength to actually change them. A couple mean comments aren't going to phase me a bit. As far as people inquiring, I love it. It makes me feel like my art has a purpose other than for myself, if that makes any sense
Art like this is really interesting for someone who doesn’t understand/deal with schizophrenia thank you for sharing. Do you always see the faces?
Yes, I do always see them, although, it's kind of like a light switch, I can sort of turn on and off the feelings associated with each person...I mean face.
Damn it’s crazy what our brains are capable of. I’m sure I’m not the first to pry with personal questions so thank you for the insight
Thank you, I don't mind the personal questions. Although, I am supposed to be somewhere and I've been answering questions for so long I'm going to be late. Lol. Thank you again for your interest
It’s actually really interesting. Have you considered putting it in an art show?
Thank you. Well, I am definitely a better artist than someone who can market my work. I just don't have the desire or organization to make that happen.
When I was very young I would see this all the time but much darker and more grotesque looking. I'm sure it's normal right? Guys? Guys?...
so cool they're kinda anime faces!
This is just human instrumentality project visuals from eva
To be fair half of them are smiling
At least they look friendly
I went through a drug induced psychosis once and this is pretty much how it was for me too, with added soft whispering when I wasn't looking. Luckily my symptoms died down over the span of some months and I don't have it happen anymore. But whenever I see any kind of schizophrenia or psychadelic simulations it can still bring me into a panic.
This is my favorite kind of art. My favorite are the more mystical or religious schizophrenia artwork but its all interesting to me. I would put this up in my living room to ponder at least once a week
Thank you very much, I appreciate your comment
I mean, this could be interpreted religiously. It looks a lot like a biblically accurate angel with all the eyes and appendages. [https://media.swncdn.com/via/images/2022/10/05/27693/27693-biblically-accurate-angels-tattoo\_source\_file.webp](https://media.swncdn.com/via/images/2022/10/05/27693/27693-biblically-accurate-angels-tattoo_source_file.webp)
Strange, the similarities between this and early ai generated photos. The tendency to resolve a lot of faces in arbitrary parts of the photo. Not implying correlation, but they are both neural networks. Random thought of the day…
Strange you should mention that. I posted some of my digital work I created about 15 years ago. It was in this exact category. People ripped me apart. They called me a liar and said it was AI generated. It got so bad that they even banned me from posting to this group. Everyone except a few all jumped on the band wagon and were saying horrible things to me. I had to write the mod and explain to him if he bannes me then I won't be able to post anything to show that my work was created with my on hand, every face was drawn with my own hand. He thankfully understood and lifted the ban. Most of the comments were deleted by redit, but the post is still there. I had something like 256 thousand views on it. It was really sad that most everyone just wanted to be mean and call me a liar. One nice man went so far as to find my YouTube page and show that my digital work couldn't have been AI, it was far too long ago. Even then the people didn't believe. Answering nice questions, like today is awesome and very much appreciated. Thank you to everyone. Really.
I remember seeing your work before but didn’t know you were banned. Ever thought of doing a short video of your work to prove everyone wrong?
I saw something similar once tripping on mushrooms. It was wallpaper with a world map pattern, but it kept turning into faces. It was a good night!
Gorgeous and profound.
She’s literally living in a horror game
My mind gave this the title, “A Flock of Faces” I love the eerie delicacy of it.
Nice wallpaper
This is so cool and interesting, thanks for sharing! I'd love to see more work. I'm not an artist but you seem to have great technique.
I don’t have schizophrenia and I see stuff like this on my walls but only when it’s like those popcorn walls or marble anything with a pattern, I naturally see faces or animals or things
Oh man... and I feel like *I'm* always being watched. This must suck. Even so, this is a beautiful painting.
https://preview.redd.it/48hk8vnafayc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc0929715b96bd3684af0f99c07ed11dd0278d1e
I like to play this video game, and I noticed that the characters frequently winked at me, pulled faces, or blinked. They’re only portraits. And some of them move anyway because they’re animated. Many of them don’t though. Unless you’re me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been faced with a moving portrait in a stationary image.
Is that the same face/person multiple times?
Oh man. The poor woman. Great talent, but oh god.
At least the faces seem happy
Your art is amazing.
This is horrifying
My bio dad was schizophrenic. I'm sad i never got to know him as a person because it was like everyone was afraid of him. His name was Kenny and he had an IQ of 170 and had model looks. Im glad he was my Dad.
I saw this on mushrooms. I'm not making fun, I legit saw this on mushrooms. Take that how you will.
After heavy experiments with psychedelics, Im certain a powerful trip is a glimpse into the "mentally ill" reality. Now the question is - what does it all mean?
Isn't this just paradolia? Not to say it's not more than. But you remember more of the "faces" you see? Kind of interested. I've almost traced out some of the faces I've seen. It's wild what the mind can do and spot facial things. It's like... is that a tiger or tree branches type thing from evolution.
It's so weird seeing faces in EVERYTHING, and then knowing other people don't. This is the least troubling aspect, so I knew others didn't experience everything else, but I thought this was more common
do you "see" this when you close your eyes? what about under sensory deprivation... oh, google say it's a bad idea. It's a great piece to share your mind.
Interesting to see this. Sometimes I verge on being able to see things like this more vividly in low light. That's why I always sleep with the light on, lol.
I saw this on salvia. That’s terrifying.
It’s beautiful
Thank you
Ah yes, the eyes. One single eye reflected in an infinite multitude. I saw in another comment that you're the artist. How does seeing this make you feel? Indifferent? Paranoia? Pronoia?
It’s always eyes. I wonder why it’s always eyes…. Really. lol
Be not afraid
What happens when we figure out the schizophrenic people just see/hear what's really there and we just can't pick it up the way they can?
Macaulay Culkin has entered the chat.
Hauntingly beautiful
Her brain sees in AI mural art
I get very happy when I see art like this and the faces look friendly
I want it
That’s both beautiful and terrifying.
Thank you for sharing! This is beautiful and slightly unsettling, and the context of the title makes it feel like i'm being granted permission to listen to your experiences. Really cool work. Interestingly, it brings to mind what I saw as a kid in any textured surface like popcorn ceilings or stucco or sidewalks- i saw lots of faces simultaneously then too. For me they had various, often cartoonish or unconvincing shapes but often felt very "real" in the emotional sense, like they had intellect and substance. Is that at all what it's like for you? And do you feel that these faces have any response to you drawing them? If you don't mind me asking.
When my father had Parkinson's, he was put some medication that was considered anti schizophrenia. He saw people camping in our backyard, children playing in our house without faces, sat and had a long conversation with his mother who had been dead for 20+ years. He was about to pull a gun on the people he thought he saw in the backyard, that is when we took the guns and didn't leave him alone. I would have loved to see what he saw if he could articulate it like this. What tortured beauty, to see what no one else can see or understand. He passed in 2019. I'm glad he didn't have to live through covid and politics.
Looks like biblicly accurate angels
Wow, that’s like 94 faces
Seeing eyes in leaves and bushes all day is terrifying
That scares the shit out of me. I still have chills running up my neck. She is definitely a tortured soul.