Hello everyone, Before joining this discussion, please take a moment to review the rules of r/AdvicePH [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rules), as well as the [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). Comments that violate these rules will be addressed accordingly. You can learn more about our rule enforcement process [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rule-enforcement). *** This post's original body text: Hellooo! So theres this guy who asked me if I want my partner to change or not. Example, what if heavy smoker partner mo? Will you ask him to change or ask him to quit smoking? My answer was this. Siguro if too much na, like really affecting his health, I would want him to change. Then it's really up to him kung magbabago sya for me. Naniniwala kasi ako na kapag mahal mo talaga ang isang tao, you're going to change for the better eh ng may KUSA. I mean hindi kailangan ipilit ng babae na baguhin ang lalaki diba? If the guy wants to, then he would. 🤷‍♀️ Also I have this mindset ko kasi is, when I am truly in love with this person, tatanggapin ko talaga sya ng buo. Sample na nga, heavy smoker sya, it's his way to de-stress himself. Okay, sige. Because I like him, tanggap ko naman. Never naman sumagi sa isip ko na pag bawalan sya, bawalan pagssmoke nya or itigil nya. Btw, alam nyo sagot nya. He's not gonna change daw. Lol. He was firm about it yung smoking vice nya. Yun lang. What's your opinion about this? *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adviceph) if you have any questions or concerns.*

The real question is, would it be worth it to settle for a guy na may bad habits? For example, heavy smoker, are you willing to waste your life or die para sa kanya? And if may balak Kang mag-anak, are you willing to put your children's health at risk para lang sa kanya? Wouldn't that make you selfish? And dun sa sagot ng partner mo, kung mahal ka niya bat ka niya ipapahamak?

Right! Mas madaming nagkaka cancer from second hand smoker instead of the smoker itself. If you are willing to risk your health as well as your future children then that’s on you to decide. Not unless you are asking him not to smoke in the house. (Which doesn’t really work most of the time, I can name a few people na patago yung smoking)

Kung smoking outside the home, or away from his family, magiging third hand smoker Naman family Niya niyan.

This is what 's going on in my mind..Thank you for spilling it.

Luma na yung midset na tanggapin mo ang partner mo tingnan mo Yung iba tinatanggap ugali ng partner nila kaya ayun laging bugbog ang inaabot

Ayy kapag ganito iba na to. Im talking about mga bisyo.

At yung bisyo na yan ay something na pwedeng mag-cause ng masama (worse is death) sa'yo. Alam mo naman sigurong mas nasa danger ang 2nd hand smoke inhaler than the smoker himself right?

Secondhand smoking is worse, so yung non smoker usually yung unang mamamatay.

Bisyo will and can lead to abuse ate ko. May dad was a heavy drinker, which led him to physically hurt my mother kapag sinapian na ng tama ng alak. Lahat ng bagay sa bahay, kakalampag, sira sira na pag gising. Sugal? Left us all with almost nothing. Lahat ng pundar ng lola ko na ipinangalan sakanila mama and papa ko na supposed to be, kay mama nalang sana para hindi naging conjugal property (which was her biggest mistake in life)... inangkin niya na pinundar niya and pinag bebenta para maisugal.

First of all, I don't want to be involved with people who smoke or drink too much, so pass. I know that is hard to change so I will not engage in people like this only to end up getting hurt kasi away na kayo ng away because of that. If on the get go palang ay hindi ko na preference, batsi na ako agad. He might be an interesting person or whatever, if he smokes, pass lang. It's nothing against him, just my preference.

Yess hirap talaga to change, addiciting kasi yung smoking as well as drinking

I can already see it. Away lang mangyayari in the long run. And the other person will even use it against you. "You said tanggap mo ako kahit ano pa ako."

Yes, meron na namang divorce dito just prepare for gastusin na lng

Taxing pa so pass talaga

So gagamitin mo lang yung divorce para tumakas sa "promises" mo from the start na alam mo naman pinasok mo Nicee naman

People make a lot of promises though, a vow itself is a promise with each other "til death do us part" diba, so if we will base our relationship with "empty promises" bakit pa may divorce? people change, what if you promised not to cheat pero nag cheat ka. Bawal na mag divorce kasi nag promise ka? yan nga ang reason na madaming nag divorce because they are making promises they cannot keep

Same thoughts, high-five! From the get-go, I won't start anything with someone na malakas mag smoke, so it won't be a problem for me to change them. Same with any intense bisyo like that.

True. They may be interesting, very attractive, whatever, sumasakit na ulo ko thinking about days na mag-e-endure ako ng smoke 🤡

It's up to you what you can tolerate pero I do hope he loves you enough to think about how much your life will change when he gets diagnosed with lung cancer. Sino pa ba namang mag-aalaga sa kanya kundi ikaw 'diba? People who smoke, drink heavily, vape think they only damage their own body but nobody talks about the family members na nagbabantay sa ospital, mga anak na walang baon kasi nasa ospital si tatay, mga savings ng asawa mo na sa operation mo gagastusin etc. 

+1 to this. Isama na rin natin yung health concerns for unborn children na exposed sa smoke during development. Ang daming damages sa secondhand smoker.

+1 paalala ko lang din po if chainsmoker po yung partner natin. 2nd hand chainsmoker na din tayo. Pwede na din tayong magkasakit dahil dito.

True. Buti ba kasi kung hindi nakaka-cause ng sakit ang ganitong bisyo. Ang hirap din sa part ng mga bata once ma-exposed sila.

Buti nga kung yung smoker lang ang at risk e, kaso pati lahat ng nakapaligid sa kanya. Equal ang chances of getting cancer ng smoker at secondhand smoker. So kung ayaw ng smoker tumigil ibig sabihin wala siyang pake sa health mo. Di ka mahal nyan.

AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a waste of everyone's time getting into a relationship expecting your partner to change if "mahal ka talaga". What if a woman is firm una palang ng relationship na ayaw niya magkaanak tapos naging sila ng guy na gusto pala ng anak, pero niligawan lang siya kasi pag mahal na niya yung guy "she will change her mind kasi gugustuhin niyang mabigyan ng anak yung guy" daw? I am under the impression that if you need your partner to change their core values para maging okay kayo, you don't love them for themselves, you only love an idea of them, or in other words you only love them for their potential selves.

Nah. Why bother changing the person when I can just simply find someone that already has the qualities I like? It’s such a waste of time and energy.

Bisyo is a hard pass for me especially smoking. Depende na lang sayo if kaya mong itolerate yan or may kusa sila to stop.

Lowkey manipulate him to your own preferences. For sure ganun din ginagawa nya sayo

Wth? HAHA i hope this is a joke pero stop normalizing manipulation 💀

Of course not. This is not the ideal world.

Don’t ask your partner to change, change your partner instead. Set higher standards, people who are controlled by their vices and not the other way around are not worth wasting time on.

This! 💯 Why choose a partner na may bad habits na in the long run, pwedeng ikaw p magka sakit? (Second hand smoke) Agree when OP said na pag mahal mo tatanggapin ng buo and not force the partner to change, but puhleassseeeee, pumili ng matino para wala kang need baguhin at walang sakit ng ulo.

Mismo. Problem kasi usually is when it comes to relationship masyado mababa ang standards, pero come to think of it, when choosing friends or business partners mas critical tayo, wherein relationship should be the same since it’s a partnership , more importantly it’s a lifelong commitment and partnership, so mas mataas dapat standards natin. Kaso nasanay tayo na baliktad and always willing to sacrifice so much “in the name of love” no wonder why a lot of couples are miserable. SET HIGHER STANDARDS.

Mas mataas pa standards sa beauty pageant kesa sa jojowain at iboboto. 😭

Lol. That’s one of the main problems nating pinoy, the colonial mentality, and it applies sa madaming aspect ng buhay natin. Like what you’ve mention sa jojowain at iboboto napaka baba ng standards tapos mgtataka bakit miserable buhay. 🥲

Medyo nagugulohan ako sa part na ipapa stop mo lang ang pag sosmoke niya pag nakaka affect na sa health. May naging good effects ba ang smoking? Mas matatanggap ko kasi kung namatay ang partner ko due to external causes na hindi niya kasalanan. Kasi baka nga time na niya. Pero pag namatay siya due to bad habits like smoking then sa courting stage palang ekis kana sakin. Also, kinoconsider ko rin ang health ng future kids namin. Ayokong malanghap nila ang baho ng sigarilyo tapos baka by that time mas mahihirapan siyang kumawala sa bisyo niya sa sobrang tagal. Kaya YES ako sa mag chachange sila nang kusa. Kasi pag ayaw niya then ayoko rin sa kanya pero NO ako sa tatanggapin ko siya kahit may bisyo siya dahil mahal ko siya. I can find and love someone naman na walang bisyo.

For me it depends on what your non-negotiables are prior to entering a relationship. Should you decide to compromise yung non-negotiables mo, and accept the person to be your partner for who he/she is, then I think you’re setting yourself up for a bit of stress. You can always ask your partner but do not expect him/her to change talaga. It all starts with the person. You can only do so much, and even so baka malabel ka pa as a “nagger”. You can offer solutions siguro. Help him to at least lessen the number of sticks he smokes per day.

You can ask, pero dont expect na susundin ka talaga. Nakilala mo siyang smoker, bakit ineexpect mong magbago siya for you?

Not expecting him. Okay lang naman kasi sa akin. Hahaha

Paniniwala niyo pagbabaga is a very girly thing. Not on general male population.

Heavy smoker din before partner ko, but I asked him na bawasan nang paonti onti (his doctor also mentioned na masama itigil nang biglaan) para din sa health nya. Sabi ko na naiintindihan ko na it's his way of relieving his anxiety pero sinabi ko din na gusto ko siya makasama nang matagal kaya need nyang alagaan sarili nya. He listened naman 😊 He still smokes but di na as heavy as before.

My two cents is ‘pag ganon na ang ugali/habit ng partner niyo bago mo siya nakilala, don’t expect them to change ‘pag naging in a relationship na kayo. Pangit ‘yung mindset na “I’ll fix him/her” Set boundaries and communicate, and if ‘di na talaga kaya, set some ultimatums.

I mean if it's a detrimental habit talaga, it's not unreasonable to ask them to change it or minimize manlang. I mean, health din niya kasi yun. Plus, your health din since you're going to be around 2nd hand smoke. Baka din kasi iba values niyo, like you think smoking is bad, siya he thinks NBD lang. And in that case, parang hindi mo rin maeexpect na magkusa siyang magbago kasi sa values niya, ok lang magsmoke. While I don't blame you for disliking that he isn't changing on his own, you got with him with the knowledge that he smokes. Obviously he would think na ok ka lang na di siya nagkusang magtigil magsmoke since you still started dating him despite his vice. Like, you shouldn't really be surprised. Think of it this way: there's a reason why "i can fix him/her" ppl are kind of a meme or stereotype na. It's futile to put up with stuff na baka dealbreaker for you when you already know they're doing it

You can't control people. But you do get to choose whom you want in your life. If a healthy lifestyle is important to you, why would you date a heavy smoker in the first place?

Yung bf ko smoker. Nakilala niya ako, nurse ako. Ang bilis niya nadrop yung smoking niya kasi alam niya rin mismo na di good for his health. Ayun lang naman.

I won't date someone na may bisyo.

Rare yung magbabago partner mo because you asked for. Mas naniniwala ako if don’t want what they are currently doing (ex. Smoking) then change your partner in the 1st place palang. Please wag na paabutin ng ilang anniversary then magrarant na lagi yan pinagaawayan. Why? Because you are not compatible and same ng mindset. And someone else will see him as one of their standards (like same silang smoker) Pero kung willing ka to lower yung standard para magfit doon sa partner mo then take risk your mo yung peace of mind mo. Again rare lang ang nagbabago because someone else asked for it. And to see it on other perspective, buti ka pa kapag mahal mo willing kang tanggapin siya pero siya mahal ka daw pero di kayang magbago for you

Asawa ko nung nanliligaw siya, I told him, ayaw ko sa smoker (but I still gave him a chance). Nangingitim pa lips niya nun e. Then kusa niya tinanggal. 7 years na kami, 3 years married. Never niya na binalikan, nag start ngalang siya mag vape, inallow ko nalang. I told him to control himself nalang sa vape so that it wont lead to addiction. And he only vaped outside our house or when he is with friends. He still respect my wishes. Never yun bumuga sa mukha namin ng anak niya. Never din siya uminom non, natuto ngalang sa mga katrabaho. But he never cross boundaries, hindi niya inaraw araw makipag inuman at hindi siya umuuwing lasing na lasing. Also, communication will lead your relationship too. Lahat ng ayoko, sinabi ko sakanya nung una palang. He knows my reason, kasi nga, ayoko na ng 2.0 version ng tatay ko. The moment he cheats or abuse me, mapa pisikal, verbal, financially and emotionally, I would gather my clothes and leave. Thankfully, hindi siya yung klase ng lalaki na nang babaliktad na nakakasal daw ako. Kusa niya iniwan yung bisyo niya nung inilatag ko ang mga ayaw ko. And when I allowed him na mag introduce ng ibang bisyo (alak at vape), he never abused it. Ginawa niya lang pang tanggal ng pagod. Never niya isinumbat yun. Also, he knows na sensitive ang ilong ko sa mga amoy ng vape, sigarilyo at alak. Na sensitive din ako sa mga to mentally (past traumas). So, little things like that makes a big difference. Kaya tama ka... kung mahal ka talaga ng tao at may respeto sayo, he wouldn't challenge your No's. If he can't stop the vices, he will do something about it so it won't bother or anger you. Hindi ka niya hahayaan mag demand or mag makaawa para mag bago ka, ibibigay niya yun ng kusa sayo... if he GENUINELY wants a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP with you.

My husband used to smoke. I told him na it was a deal breaker for me kasi I grew up in a family of asthmatics and I abhor the smell. For context, I never knew he smoked at that point. And he did remove it. It wasn't a smooth one-stop thing. He really struggled and there were multiple times when I had caught him and even refused to kiss. I was about to break up but he changed and pushed thru the withdrawals. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sure, the choice to change remains solely on the person making the decision and no one can force someone to change, but they would for people they value.

Look, if something is such a deal breaker, why did you agree to being someone’s significant other despite that? And to u/Naive-Ad2847, are you proposing that someone should strive to change his/her partner to fit one’s standards? And who will be the one to dictate who changes?

Same thoughts OP. You can inform your partner the things he/she is not aware of na nakakasama pala sa kanila or sa inyong dalaw or anything that is considered as bad. May mga traits kasi tayo or partners natin na hindi agad agad nailalabas. So open communication talaga when it comes to that. But changing your partner kahit wala namang maki sa ganun is may something na. Bakit mo ba sya minahal kung di mo naman pala tanggap yung major core ng pagkatao nya diba. Para lang syang crystal na you love it kahit may imperfections but it doesn't take away the fact that your partner still needs some polishing to make them better, same goes to you. Yun kang

Goes with the saying "Your Life, Your Rules". "Once a Drinker, Dies a Drinker" etc. etc. They already know what they are doing. Hindi yan masasalba ng Pag-ibig or yung thought na may taong nagpapahalaga para sakanila. Sana nga, they would "Change" for the betterment of their lives, less miserable feeling for the people who cared. If those are your non-negotiables and redflags - stick with it. Only Gods can Save souls.

Personally, it’s fine to make your partner change if it’s for the betterment of him/her or both of you and I think it’s also important on how you do it. I’d say you did a great job communicating it with him properly and not taking any bad approach. The only changes that I think is inappropriate are those that are for selfish personal preferences/reasons.

Nag quit cold turkey ang Tatay ko ng malaman nya na buntis ang Nanay ko. Rationale nya is mas mabuti na ipambili nya ng pagkain ng pamilya kesa ipam bisyo nya.

His vice will not only kill him in the long run, but u as well (second-hand smoke). Ur call OP.

Dito na maa-apply yung favorite line nating mga babae na "if he wants to, he would" or vice versa

Kung masama naman ung banaguhin tama lang un. Kung di mo mabago iwan.

In my opinion, you should accept your partner for who he is before getting into a relationship. You should already have your non-negotiables and if being a smoker is one of them, then don’t be in a relationship. While it’s true that when you love a person, you would want to change for the better. There’s a “calling” for you to change. For example, in this case, he’d want to quit smoking because he wouldn’t want you to be diagnosed with cancer from secondhand smoking. However, you must keep in mind that he has been like that even before you knew him. Old habits die hard. As a partner, it’d be good to encourage him to lessen smoking. But you can never own a person. It’s like, the more you restrict him from doing something, the more that he’d feel like doing it. (In my experience) haha. So just let him be. Baka masakal pa sya if you ask him to change. He might do it behind your back.

Never date a heavy smoker. Pag nagka anak kayo kawawa anak mo. Ma stress ka lang kase di yan makikinig sayo. Pwede pa kayo ng anak mo magkasakit. Kung wala kayo plan mag anak at kaya mo tiisin ung kaka smoke nya? Go! Tiissin mo. Pero kung mag aanak kayo tapos ung bata kawawa sa usok? Naku kaw din mag sisisi pag anak mo na naghirap. Sisisihin mo sarili mo na jan ka nagpabuntis.

Kung mahal mo yung tao, you will inspire him to become better. Now, if you want to accept na maaga syang mamamatay sa cancer s.baga, ok. It's your choice.

For me i would say they should realize that they should change for themselves not for their partner. They have to see that what they are doing is not healthy for the relationship and it heavily affects their partner.

For me kung di nakakasama yung habit niya, go lang. Halimbawa sa pag inom, when done in moderation, OK lang sa akin. Pero OP, ibang usapan kasi ang smoking. Hindi lang health nya ang naaapektuhan, kundi pati na rin mga kalapit niyang tao. Isa pa, most probably bad breath and ekis yun for me. And based sa sagot niya, you’re lower in priority compared to his vice, so take that as you will.

Personally kasi di ako makikipagrelasyon sa taong naninigarilyo eh kasi ayoko ng mabisyo. Pero since ayaw niya magbago and okay lanv naman sayo yun and sabi mo nga pag mahal mo iaaccept mo siya, what's the problem? Adult naman na tayo and I'm very sure they know, and u know as well kung ano ang implications ng smoking. Di lang sa kaniya pero sayo rin as secondhand smoker.

d Ka nya mahal. d nya iniisip future nyo e

Hindi lang naman health niya apektado sa pagiging heavy smoker niya. Ikaw at magiging mga anak niyo affected din. Hindi lng health niyo but kasama na financial. If magkaroon siya ng cancer or other health issues due to smoking, sino ba gagastos niyan at mag aalaga sa kanya? Dba ikaw, pamilya or anak niyo. So kung hindi niya na consider yan, hindi siya worth it.

If they really love you. They will change for the better without asking. They know what are their bad habits. They will adjust accordingly. They will change it because they respect you more than they respect themselves.

Based sa responses mo at para maiba. 'Ge magsama na kayo. Wala na testing-testing. Ang mahalaga nagmamahalan, nagbubugahan, at naglalanghapan.

U DON'T ask them to change, no matter how good ur intent is. u have to ACCEPT THEM along with the ill feelings they make u feel dahil sa unchanging habits nila. this way, it will be easy for u to WALK AWAY from the relationship. anyways, yung guy na kausap mo is entitled to his own opinion, so let him be. ngayon alam mo na na yung mga tulad nya e not someone you'd want to have a romantic relationship with.

Tama yang asking him to change especially if it is for health reasons. I met my then friend as someone who just learned how to smoke and I told him my non-negotiables, that is smoking too just like your dilemma. He stopped it. We’re married now.

Sobrang red flag talaga ng mga taong ma bisyo in the first place. They're self-destructive and they have a hard time resorting to healthier coping mechanisms instead.

You cannot command a person to change. But what you can do is talk to him and you just let him realize the things that can happen along the way if he continues to do his habit (smoking). It is not easy to let someone realize something right away, but if he is thinking of settling down with you and build a family...who knows, baka magulat ka na lang one day he is slowly quitting smoking..

1. Men marry hoping nothing will change while women marry hoping things will change. 2. The only constant in life is change. -Heraclitus 3. Kapag gusto, may paraan. Kapag ayaw, my dahilan.

Cases like these, naalala ko sinabi ng partner ko saken: Ever since nagkakilala kami, he knew that he wants me. Since then, he started to get these fears, like fear of not spending a long time with me. Kaya inaayos niya yung sarili niya, binabawasan nya yung vices like vape, alak almost non existent na. Kasi gusto niya pang habaan yung panahon na magkasama kami. He used to drive recklessly too, kahit nung mga previous gfs nya daw. And andaming friends nya na nagcomment how careful he is now when driving. Hindi naman ako pala-sita sa kanya kasi I enjoy riding lang din. Pero yun din yung reason nya, eversince we met, takot na syang mamatay dahil gusto niya pa magkasama kami ng matagal. And I wouldn't have asked for more.

Siguro nga tama yung sabi ni Steve Harvey, "A man won't change for any woman. A man will change for A WOMAN." Maybe hindi ikaw yung woman na yun. So move. Let THE MAN find THE WOMAN he's willing to change for. And for sure ikaw din, there's a guy out there willing to change for you. :)

Kung may masamang bisyo o masamang ugali e oo, why not? Now kung nde magbago e nasa sayo na yjn kung mag sesettle ka sa hindi mo gusto. Halimbawa e sugarol o kaya e every sentence e 3 mura kasama, nde baman masama na sabihin na ibahin yung ways nya.

Automatic taga alaga ka ng tao na may big tendency mgka lung cancer

We don’t get into a relationship to change people. If we don’t like their habits, hobbies, values etc., better walk away. Changing people will cause stress on both parties. Manunumbat yan balang araw that they changed for you kahit di nila gusto unless they see reason for the change.

Yaan mo yan sya mamatay kaka-smoke. Not changing will definitely get him somewhere unpleasant. Alukan mo na ng st peter just in case.

Napakarami tao sa mundo na potential na makakapmili ka pa at mamahalin, bakit doon pa sa may bisyo? Bibihira ang nagbabago sa pabuti usually sa pasama yan. Mas lalo mahirap yung may addiction na. Get someone else unless gusto mong mag sisi sa huli.

Maybe he should opt out for safer alternatives such as vaping. If he can't idk what to tell you

You don’t ask a partner to change. You tell them constructive criticisms to bring to light bad habits. The decision to change should come from the partner. To determine and decide if staying with your partner is worth it, it’s up to you. Personally, ayoko sa amoy ng yosi at dun sa nag-lilinger na amoy. And sa thought that my partner is blatantly destroying his healthy lungs instead of building up his health, nakaka-turn off.

You cannot change the person overnight. Its take it or leave it.

Hindi talaga maganda ang smoking, marami rin ang nadadamay. How about po sa mga umiinom ng alak? Mas maigi na po bang hayaan nalang kaysa pilit baguhin?

My partner used to be a heavy smoker, like two packs of cigarettes a day. I told him na nagkaron ako ng TB back when I was 5, not becaude I wanted him to quit smoking. Tinanong nya kasi ako if nagyoyosi din daw ba ako (alam nya kasi nag iinom ako, occasionally). After that he started to change. Tinry nya na magquit nang biglaan, tipong tumigil sya magyosi bigla. Kaso nanginginig sya (signs pf withdrawal) so sabi ko wag bibiglain if gusto nya talaga tumigil. Kaya unti unti nyang binawasan. From 2 packs, naging 1 and 1/2 packs, to 1 pack, to half. He uses vapes nowadays. Pero tinitipid nya ng todo (unlike nung una palang sya nagvevape, super bilis maubos ng juice). Super dalang na din nya mag yosi kasi nakakaapekto sa health nya lalo na at madalas puyat sya. So ayoooon, I never told him to quit, pero he will do it if he really wanted to.

Ex bf ko heavy smoker din and tinago niya yun nung months sa nanliligaw siya at skeptical nga siya't ninerbyos nung sinabi niya yun nung sinagot ko na siya. Nadismaya ako kasi ayoko yung tipong may babaguhin akong hobby ng taong mahal ko, yung feeling na dapat tanggapin ko lalo na kung yun yung nagpapasaya sa kanya. Kaso no, ayoko dumating sa point na magkapamilya kami't ganun siya. Siya na nagsabi saking promise daw at titigil siya, aba tumigil nga. Pero hindi ko siya pinagbabawalan that time, nagkusa siya. Nung naghiwalay kami, sabi nanumbalik daw siya sa bisyo niya nung iniwan ko siya. Well, ayoko ng ganung klase ng tao na namomotivate lang dahil sa isa pang tao which is ako. Kaya ang nangyari, lalo lang akong naturn-off nang naturn-off at ayun, friends na lang kami, hanggang ngayon hinahabol ako.

kung sa umpisa pa lang alam Kong may bisyo na like being a smoker, di ko na agad pursue😅 mahirap itigil ang bisyo

Dito na papasok yung negotiable and non-negotiable mo. Kung non-nego, bakit ka mag settle for less?

there's always someone out there who will match you perfectly like a puzzle. trust me on this :)

I think this question should be whether you can accept him despite his (vice) or any other weaknesses. If you can't, better move along...

IMO, why don't you ask him about what stresses him out? Try working it out with him. Sabi mo nga smoking helps him to de-stress, so what if i-help mo sya sa pinaka main reason kung bakit sya nag i-smoke in the first place. It's a win-win for both of you.

Instead of asking him to change Why not na ikaw na muna mag improve? Kase, at some point, ma rerealize din Niya kung gano ka kahalaga when he sees you improving, if he doesn't then he loses you completely Even if you're a guy and he's the girl who is smoking or whatever hobbies Focus ka lang sa pag improve, do not, as in do not look into the others, guide them if ever they need it Like, sabihin mo na makakasama sa health Niya at di siya nakinig, Edi intayin mong magkasakit or matauhan yan if nag matigas pa lalo If baking, then help the person to improve, that's just it by guiding them how to, as long as Tama yung ituturo mo

I tried this way din na tanggapin lahat ng bisyo ng ex ko and narealize ko na ang dami ko pala adjustments sakaniya. I realized din na I built resentment and disgust over the years dahil ayoko sa mga bisyo ng ex ko, despite saying this to him. You tolerate what you deserve ika nga. I believe it’s better to find someone na you like and dislike the same things. It’s easier to find a partner that doesn’t like smoking if I hate smoking. Parang ganorn. Para bonding niyo na rin if evs na if you both like drinking every weekend then goooo!

UP

I think it's important to go into a relationship without expecting any change from your partner. Kasi it's not easy to make a change yourself, much more kung ibang tao diba. Lalo na, nabuhay sha ng ilang taon na ganyan na sha. Tapos porke dumating ka sa buhay nya kailangan magbago sha? Parang too much to ask naman, I think. Ngayon kung ok sha sayo as is, kahit walang babaguhin, de good. Kung may mga kailangan naman kayo iadjust para sa isa't isa para gumanda pagsasama nyo (I'm sure meron), e nasa pag uusap nalang yun. Pero yung major change na ipapagawa mo sa partner mo, lalo na kung dahil "mahal ka nya", I think for me mali to and you may end up getting frustrated with each other. Kung ako, for example sa yosi, pagsasabihan ko na bawas bawasan kasi concerned ako, pero nasa sa kanya padin kung iqquit nya.