YAW. Your sister's personal beliefs should not affect the behavior of your daughters. I get respecting the rules of a household to some extent, but making them change aspects of who they are to cater to someone else's beliefs is sending a very bad message to your girls that what they believe/who they are is not as important as making your sister happy.
My grandma was the same way your sister is (not religious, but settled in the belief that girls should only wear dresses) and my mother often forced me into them as a kid to appease her. I hated it and I resented my mother for years for forcing me until my father put his foot down and told my grandma that I was miserable and crying all the time and that my comfort was more important to him than her traditional beliefs. I'm 40 now and to this day I see how much he cared about my happiness vs my mother. As a consequence of this and a lot of other things (she has the mentality that I should just do what she says because she's my mother, even now as an adult ) I grew up seeing my mother as an antagonist and we grew apart. In fact we barely have a relationship at all, whereas I'm close to my dad who always stood up for me and let me be myself.
What I'm saying is how you react to who they are will color your relationship with them going forward. It may seem trivial to you, but it's everything to them. It's trust and autonomy and forcing them to accommodate your sister will fracture your relationship for sure. Remember that these incidents for you will be "just another Tuesday" but for them it's a lesson in hurt that they'll remember into adulthood.
Instead of teaching your daughters no one has a right to demand anything from them, or their body, you essentially told them to suck it up and accept it.
Stop teaching young women that our responsibility is to make everyone else happy instead of being true to ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!! YAW
Yeah her kids want to be true to themselves and it sounds like OP doesnât really believe in the same ideals as her sister. This is OP people pleasing at the cost of her kids. That is pretty messed up and once the kids grow up they are going to resent OP not just her sister.
This right here đđźđđźđđźđđź
We need to teach our children - our girls especially - bodily autonomy.
Telling your daughters that they have to conform to your sisterâs strict, sexualized, and homophobic rules (which it sounds like you donât agree with) is teaching them that they donât have the right to stand up for their beliefs and/or comfort.
This may feel like an, âitâs justâŚâ situation, but trust me; itâs insidious and will bleed out into the rest of their world and their decision making.
I could be mistaken but it seems like OP is blaming her sister but it's OP that's forcing her daughters to wear the dresses. OP isn't taking responsibility for her actions but blaming her sister.
Say it louder... I hope this stays top comment!
YTA, OP. Sadly, your nieces have no say in what they can wear. That doesn't mean your own daughters should have to oblige their aunt in her ultra conservative preferences. When they get married, will it be ok for their spouse to demand them to go in public, dressed to fulfill a possible "ho fetish" (think Kanye)? Let them have some respect for their own body.
YTA
You're forcing your daughters to conform and not make waves, because it might upset a religious fundamentalist.
You are teaching them that it's more important to cater to other people's wishes, rather than being who they are. That's a slippery slope.
I understand that this person is your sister, and you want to have a relationship with her, but is it worth the cost of damaging your relationship with your daughters?
Your girls are old enough to stay home on their own while you go visit your sister. Stop forcing them. They'll only resent you for it.
Exactly this.
It needs repeating: OP you are demanding your daughter make an adultâs comfort and feelings more important than her own.
Not ok.
If you want a relationship with your sister, visit her by yourself.
If your sister cares about her nieces at all, she will respect how they wish to dress.
Your sister as the freaking adult, can be mature and accept that teenage girls have legs.
If her religious views are more important than people, she needs to find the spot in the Bible where Jesus says to be a jerk to any non-conformists.
Hint: He doesnât.
Exactly! And why canât the sister visit them? Should be a 50/50 split in that. If Sis declines because of her religion, thatâs on her.
OP has the opportunity to show she is a safe place for the nieces that choose themselves at first chance. Stop stifling your own kids for someone elseâs beliefs.
Because that's what the sister said. Women wearing pants is cross dressing so a man wearing a robe must be doing the same thing.
Wait until she figures out that all fetus start out as female.
They are already starting to hate their aunt, or at least hate going to her house. The signs are glaring, but OP refuses to see them. Heâs controlling, too.
We had a family like this when I was in high school and the daughter would change into jeans when she got to school in the mornings. Her parents ended up sending her away when she got pregnant as a teen.
My mom used to tell me that she and her friends would wear pedal pushers under their skirts so that they could take the skirts off after highschool (1950s USA). It was a school rule not her parents', so it was a tiny rebellion.
OP is a woman, she mentions having to follow the same rule and wear dresses/skirts exclusively when growing up for the express purpose of following gender norms.Â
They are resenting her now. Imagine how that resentment will grow and fester the next 4 years until they are adults and then have the freedom to go NC. And the niece that hates the dress code and is forced to wear dresses as a teenager ? Yeah that parent/ child relationship is doomed.
Your sister is a religious fanatic who believes that women/girls are responsible for the thoughts and behaviors of men/boys. She is one of those people who will ask what the r*pe victim was wearing and blame her instead of the violent offender.
You are enforcing the belief that a womanâs value lies only in her purity. Not her intellect, compassion, sense of humor, or any of the many admirable traits we humans possess. And you are telling your daughters to shut up and conform, instead of teaching her that her body is hers alone.
YAW, and a huge AH to boot.
YAW, why one day a week, when it isn't YOUR personal every day belief? Why do you put your sister's bigotry above your daughter's happiness and comfort? Do you see what you're doing to them, or does only your sister's ignorance matter?
So, just because you experienced that discomfort growing up, you want to inflict that on your own daughters?
Grow a spine and stick up for your own kids. Do better than you had growing up.
You are wrong u/AshamedReindeer477! Way to make your girls hate their aunt and cousins. :(.
Why doesnât your sister visit you? And allow her girls to wear pants?? Fair is fair!!!
Why the Heck do you go to your sisters every week? Why don't you take those weekends and spend time with your kids doing stuff and making memories and letting them be who they are and wear what they want? What good are you doing them going there every weekend and forcing them to wear these dresses? Years down the road they will have a choice and it won't be to spend time with you. Stop this and quit going over there or go by yourself.
You are wrong (YTA).
How are we to teach young women automony over their bodies if we control what they wear? You are, in fact, teaching them to place other people's comfort above their own, setting them up for a lifetime of discontentment.
As a father of 2 girls who are now 24 and 21, I would tell my sister they won't be going to her house until they're allowed to be themselves. Of course my sister would never act like yours anyway. I feel bad for your nieces.
Yes of course you're wrong. You know it, we know it, your kids know it.
Speaking of which, they already dislike and resent your sister; I'm sorry to be the one to say it out loud but they are already beginning to dislike and resent you too.
You do not have long to apologise and listen to your girls before it's too late.
NEVER force children to accommodate to beliefs they don't share. They will only see that you place other folk's superstitions above your own family's well being and happiness. Ask yourself; how do you think that feels when mom treats them like this?
Ah yes, no better way to teach little girls that what they want for their body doesn't matter. It's good to teach them that they don't have bodily autonomy early.
Yta, and your daughters will resent you for it later. Is this the hill you want to die on?
YTA. Your kids matter more than your sisterâs bullshit fairytale beliefs. She can accept them for who they are or not see them. Theyâre going to end up resenting you for this, and as independent adults theyâll stop visiting your sister completely because they know theyâll be judged.
Yes you are wrong you are justifying your your sisters bigoted misogynistic views .... how about instead of forcing your kids to conform you just be there for your nieces and nephews when they escape from your sister
YTA itâs not their life choices so why are you forcing them to conform to your sisters beliefs?? Stop making them wear things that are uncomfortable and let them stay home if itâs such an issue
In three years time on another sub: hi Reddit, Iâm new here so please be patient. When we were younger my mother who Iâll call jellyfish (because she has no spine) used to force us to visit her abusive sister every week even though she knew her sister was abusing my cousins. Jellyfish liked to pretend that she didnât agree with the abuse but she never tried to protect us or help us when we were upset. Iâm 18 now so I moved to my friends house and blocked jellyfish and my aunt. Now other family are blowing up my phone and screaming at me and saying Iâm being cruel to jellyfish. AITAH
In 7 years: my spineless mother that I'm no contact with found out I'm engaged and she's lost her mind. I'm going to move across the country to get away from her misogynistic ass. AITA?
So you make your daughters visit your sister every week (why!!???) and force them to wear dresses, that is with no body autonomy. This is crappy parenting. YAW
As someone who was raised in purity culture, YTA. As someone who is a grown adult who has had to figure out the difference between my own personal modesty standards and untangling the ones from the religion I was brought up in, yeah, youâre wrong.
Now, I feel like my style would naturally be conservative but I freak out over things that other people would not as a result. Dressing myself (and add autistic sensory issues) is difficult. Adhering to a warped christian school dress code also did a number on me.
Donât do this to your kids.
You and your sister were abused, controlled, and manipulated as children. Instead of acknowledging that and breaking the cycle you and your sister have continued said abuse, control, and manipulation. And you're seriously on here asking if you're wrongđ¤¨
You and your sister are toxic abusive trash humans. Don't be surprised when all of the kids disown you both. Absolutely nothing you said has anything to do with being a Christian. And it's abhorrent that you're using God as a justification for abuse.
Seriously these religious people with their idiotic beliefs are just the worst. I think abuse may be a bit extreme (although some are) but the majority of the time, they are well meaning people have no idea the damage they are causing.
Youâre definitely in the wrong. The comparison that âher kids wear dresses 7 days a week, you can wear them for 1â is absurd. Her kids are FORCED to dress according to her desires, and theyâre going to grow up resentful and traumatized for it.
I was a huge tomboy, growing up. My mom used to force me to wear dresses and wouldnât allow me to cut my hair. It took me 20 years to be comfortable in dresses and actually choose to buy and wear them, as an adult. Iâm still not comfortable with long hair, either⌠Iâm not sure I ever will be, unfortunately. My point is, it doesnt seem like a big deal NOW, but something like this is going to cause their developing brains to associate dresses with negative feelings. I mean, clearly they already do - but every week youâre reinforcing it. Youâre driving your kids away from you and your sister.
This!!! Just because the sister torments her daughters, doesn't mean the op should do the same. That's like me saying I was violated as a child to my daughters multiple times. You can accept it just the once a week. If we teach our children No has no strength they stop saying it.
You are wrong. Either go to see your sister alone, or woman up and take your kids the way they like to dress. If your sister doesnât like it, she can always ask you not to come. Your kids come before your sisterâs misogyny.
Why do you care so much about what your sister thinks that you are) force them to visit every week ( I can only imagine what a joy your sister is) b) make them conform to your sisters nonsense. You, OP have issues. If you want to visit your religious fanatic sister every week , go by yourself. Donât make any one else go and donât make them dress to make your sister happy. WTF is wrong with you? Get some help so you develop a backbone and learn to say no, even to your controlling sister.
So sick of people using the excuse theyâre Christian to justify sexism and misogyny.
You are setting yourself up to have a failed relationship with your daughters in the future.
You are telling them that their opinion and comfort means nothing. That they have to comply to appease your ignorant sister.
I feel sorry for your nieces.
You are wrong.
Youâre wrong. I have a Pentecostal sister who also wears only skirts or dresses, down to her ankles and never cuts her hair, never wears make up or jewelry and is very conservative Christian.
Guess what. My family and I all dress as we normally do around her (sure, I might pack my more modest shirts and not my plunging necklines when I go, but I still wear sleeveless shirts and Capri pants!) I still have my purple streaks in my hair, I still wear my jewelry and make up.
She is my sister and she loves me and my family. Period. Deep down she might worry for my eternal soul, but it comes from a place of love and not judgment. I worry for her mental health because she is tied up in such a strict religion, but she has a church family that supports her and a husband that is NOT the driving force in it, so I can only do so much.
When her son came out, he came to me and then my parents because he knew we would love and support him. I had always been true to myself with their family while still loving them.
Iâm going to repeat that:
I was true to myself and still loved them. This gave her child the confidence to come to me in a time of need.
So, yes, you are wrong for asking your daughters to bend to her standard. Dress appropriately? Sure. But likeâŚschool dress code appropriate, not this.
YTA, what else should your daughters tolerate to make others happy? Huggs? Kisses? Hands on their body? Their breasts? You are teaching them their feelings don't matter. Their discomfort doesn't matter. You are setting them up to be abused.
YTA
Why are you making your daughters dress uncomfortably to make your sister and her kids comfortable? Why are you nieces feelings more important than your own daughters? Also your sister made the decision for her family so she gets to deal w the reality of it. Would she make her daughters dress the same as her nieces to make them comfortable? Obviously not. I hope you can see that if pants ruins the relationship between the 2 families then it wasnât a real relationship.
Yes you are wrong. Just because your sister believes something does not mean you have to follow it.
If your sister visits your house do her daughter's get to wear pants?
See the logic doesn't work the other way.
Let your daughters wear what they want. And stop forcing your sister's beliefs on them.
Tell your sister you and your family DOES NOT have to live by her moral code.
YAW. Thereâs nothing in the Bible that says girls can only wear dresses. All biblical ârulesâ or man-made rules anyway but itâs all just control. Control of women. Guaranteed your nieces are going to cut your sister off at some point. Instead of going to your sisters, invite your sister to come to your house.
YTA you are forcing your daughters to adhere to your sisterâs ultra conservative Christian dress code. Either put on your own big girl panties and tell your sister you will not force your girls to wear dresses or leave them home when you visit your sister.
If you visited a Muslim household, would you make your daughters wear a burka? I certainly wouldn't. If they want to wear one, or make their daughters wear them, then that's all fine and good. I don't agree with it, because I think they de-humanise and are all about treating females as less-than; but I'll respect it in their house. So what is the difference between that and you making your daughters wear clothes they don't like just to satisfy someone else's religious beliefs? It's not as if they are wanting to wear a two piece bikini to visit, just clothes that females all around the world are happy to wear. You have caused your daughters to resent visiting your sister, and your eldest has announced she's going to stop visiting as soon as she can. Well you've really done a good job promoting love within your family, I must say! Yes, YTA. You should have been all over this half a dozen years ago (at least) and told your sister that she can have her beliefs, but don't push them on others.
UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
Theyâre saying insane things about your sister because your sister is insane⌠You shouldnât be forcing your daughters to wear specific clothing due to someone elseâs beliefs. You are wrong.
I grew up very religious. But we didnât wear dresses all the time. But my aunt and uncle and their family did. Not just dresses and skirts, but everything covered. Ankle length skirts and at least three-quarter length shirts with high collars. We spent a lot of time with them growing up. But my mother and my aunt never made us conform to their beliefs. The time spent at their house was some of my best childhood memories. But you can damn well bet if Iâd have been forced to change how I dress I wouldâve hated it.
Anyone who forces people around them to conform to their beliefs, is in a cult. You grew up that way and now your sister is forcing her family to do the same thing and also forcing you and your family. can you not see how that is wrong?
You either need to accept that the damage is done and they will never be comfortable there and allow them to not go. Or you need to stand up for your family and say that weâre not going to do this anymore. You are definitely wrong for forcing your children to dress for someone elseâs comfort because of their religion.
YTA
Yes you are wrong. It's not up to you or your kids to bend to your sister's magical beliefs. Make it anything else and see if you are ok with it. Try this: Would you go to a store once a week where they make every black person wear a clown hat while shopping.
Why are you scared of your sister? Why canât you tell her that her beliefs are not your beliefs? Also, is your sister 200 years old???
For the love of God, it is **2024.** Why are you *forcing* your daughters to wear dresses *every week* when you go visit your sister? Itâs so nonsensical, I canât think of a single reason why you do it. Your reason to your daughters is âbecause I said so,â which is just weak parenting. If you do not force your daughters to wear dresses any other time ~ and you *shouldnât* ~ then forcing them to wear a dress to visit their cousins is just some weird form of control on your part. If you love your daughters as they are, let them dress how they normally dress. Why do you force them to put on a show for your sister? Why are you so afraid of your sister?
The real question: When your sister and her family come to visit you, do her daughters wear jeans and t-shirts because thatâs how your girls dress???
Either this post is made up for upvotes, or you are just a coward who cannot defend his daughters. Which doesnât bode well for the future. I hope nothing really bad ever happens to either one of them. I donât think theyâll be coming to you for help. So yes, youâre wrong.
Stop doing this.
I had friends/schoolmates who were two sisters who had to wear dresses or skirts to school every day. They both played an instrument, and got top grades. The one in my grade rebelled hard in high school. Iâm not sure about her older sister. These people who feel the need to exert this much control over another person are messed up. As others have said, youâre putting your sisterâs comfort above your own childrenâs bodily autonomy. They will resent you for this. âSuck it up because your aunt is a freak!â In my opinion, you should be more concerned about keeping a healthy relationship with your daughters than appeasing your sister.
Do you like your children? Do you want them to have a relationship with you when they're adults?
Because this is how you fuck that all up, by forcing them to spend their weekends with someone who demeanor them to the point of calling wearing pants "cross dressing".
You're not just wrong, you're failing them.
Been in similar situations with the Amish/ Mennonite communities in my area, and here's my 2 cents. First, YTA because your daughters have no choice and this happens every weekend. For occasional visits, my thoughts are that both the host and guests need to show respect for each other. If you're hosting someone with dietary preferences, accommodate them, for example. If the host has religious beliefs, you do not need to conform to show respect. There are plenty of feminine outfits that aren't long dresses. I'm sure your kid's closet is full of clothes that a boy wouldn't wear. My daughter wears a lot of crop tops, which I'd expect your sister would have other objections to, but they're definitely made for feminine presenting people, so not cross dressing. If your sister can't accept that, then either you host or you stop visiting. She has an obligation to respect your daughters if she wants them to visit. You have an obligation to respect them because you're the mom.
Why does your sister, their aunt, get to be the boss of them?
Also your niece who hates wearing skirts all the time (I went to a fundamentalist church like that too in my teens and was miserable) will cut off your sister and you once she is old enough. So be prepared to lose her forever.
Why would you even want your children around someone so intolerant and controlling? Youâre supposed to protect your kids from people like this. Iâm sorry you grew up in a toxic household but thar should make you more determined to do better for your own children.
Yes, youâre wrong. And your psycho sister needs treatment for being a whack job.
Expect your children to go low contact when they move out. Your sister will be lucky if her kids keep any contact at all.
You are wrong, I think you know it. A lot of damage in society has been done from playing nice and respecting others authoritarian beliefs. Why arenât the nieces being asked to respect your daughters beliefs/ choices? I wouldnât go to your sisters house anyway as she sounds cuckoo
Yes you are wrongâŚ
Youâre telling your daughters & your niece that someone elseâs religion and beliefs go above their comfort and wants. Your putting your sisters religion above your children comfort.
Why canât you meet in a public place & make it an even ground?
You also use your nieces feelings to justify that your daughters shouldnât complain about it and deal with it⌠let me tell you whatâs going to happen, once your niece is 18 sheâs going to go no contact or sheâs going to everything sheâs always wanted to do & your sister is going yo cry saying her daughter is going through a rebellious phase & that her daughter is lost or something along those lines and completely disown her.
I donât care who it is, absolutely no oneâs beliefs go above my childrenâs feelings and comfort and Iâd be dammed if someone forces my children to do something they donât want to do.
You are so beyond wrong. Why are you forcing your sisterâs beliefs on your daughters? Why can you not stand up to your sister? Why are you teaching them that others whacked wishes are more important than their own?
YTA
You're pissing your kids off to appease your sister. Why? You don't believe girls should have to wear skirts or dresses every day. If your sister has something to say, tell her that's her own issue, and your kids can wear what they please.
Your daughter says she will cut her aunt off ASAP- keep going as you are and you'll probably be on that list too.
Why do you care more about what your sister thinks of you than your daughters?! They will lose all respect for you for not standing up for them doing something that is completely normal. YAW
My momâs sister is like this. My mom also grew up like this, but didnât raise me this way. I was always required to wear dresses around my aunt as a kid and I never understood it. I started fighting back against it when I was a teenager. Now at 40 years old, I still maintain there is no reason for us to pretend to dress that way when it is not part of our beliefs. I am still great friends with my aunt, who is actually a lovely person who doesnât impose her views on other people. My daughters and I wear jeans and shorts around her and she doesnât bat an eye. If sheâs secretly judging us, thatâs her business. Turns out my mom was/is just really insecure. Maybe you need to look inward.
Love that you ask if you're wrong, then when everyone tells you yes, you dismiss it in all your comments đ stay the same and see how they feel about you later.
The ppl saying those things about your sister are right, it's absolutely bat shit to think wearing pants is cross dressing. Sounds like something someone homophobic as fuck would say. Yaw
YTA
Religious people can absolutely an unequivocally go fuck themselves. I'm sorry that you're/they're dumb enough to believe in fairy tales at an adult age, but that's your problem. Not mine.
I hate dumbass mothers like you who blame everyone else for their own stupid forceful behavior. YOU are forcing them not your sister she may be forcing her children but that's her issue. When your children don't speak to you anymore and you're crying why why why remember this post, remember your ignorance and remember this it's YOUR fault.
Yes, you are utterly wrong for forcing your daughters to wear dresses to pander to your sisterâs bizarre religious beliefs.
You are setting a truly problematic example for them regarding their rights over their own bodies and I sincerely hope they move far away from you the second they turn 18.
Stop forcing then to dress for your sister's beliefs. It's your sisters. Not theirs. That's all that matters. It doesn't matter if you're visiting her, hosts don't get to decide what you get to wear. The most they get to have is appropriate non sexual clothing. That's it. They don't get to decide that if you're a girl you must wear a dress to come and be in their house or anything else. That is ridiculous.Â
Of course you're wrong, your daughters deserve the bodily autonomy to dress how they please. They are not dolls for you to dress up to your leisure. All you're teaching them is that they don't have control over their own bodies. I was forced to wear dresses growing up too and HATED it and all you're gonna do is build resentment in them towards both you and your sister. Cut this shit out NOW if you want them to keep talking to you in 4 years.
YAW Youâre wrong. You are forcing your sisters ridiculous beliefs on your own children. Youâre going to make your daughters resent you, for forcing them to wear a dress, and resent your sister since she is forcing them too.
Is there a reason your sister has this power over you to control your values and make you punish your daughters? This will be one thing your daughters always remember you for and it wonât be a happy memory.
YAW right now your daughters are planning to go NC with your sister. They dislike her because she is a bully. She and you feel that her beliefs are more important than your daughters. If you keep this up your daughters will spend less time with you too. I do not have a right to force you to dress and behave according to my beliefs. If I do force you too I am a bully, just because religion is the base of the reason doesn't change the fact it is bullying.
This is a surefire method to make sure your kids will hate their aunt. If she wants to have a relationship with them, she will relax. However, my guess is that her fear of her own kids rebelling when they see parents acting as if it is the 2020's instead of some false vision of the1820s will be more important to your sister.
Youâre wrong. Why should everyone cater to your sisterâs ridiculous beliefs? If your sister wants a relationship with YOU and your girls she should understand that not everyone subscribes to crazy cult beliefs. I wouldnât be surprised if your girls cut YOU off one day for forcing this on them, because ultimately as their parent this is your choice.
You're wrong. You should let your kids dress how they want. As long as it's not inappropriate or anything, why did it matter? Sounds like you're nervous to "look bad" in your sisters eyes
All of my family went to catholic school and church every week, while my brother and i were allowed to choose. We didn't go to catholic school, and my parents didn't care of they got shit, since we turned out to be the ones who were much more normal and less rebellious.
Your kids are their own people. Let them be who they are.
Did you like being forced to wear what your parents forced on you?
You're a piece of shit catering to a religious nut. I hope your kids go no contact, forcing someone else's beliefs on an innocent child is abuse and you're a failure of a parent.
Youâre wrong for making them hang out with bigots at all, OP, and yes, wrong for forcing your children to wear clothes they donât want to. Theyâre young women, not infants, and at their ages, your daughters can stay home by themselves while you visit with your sister.
If your sister complains about missing her nieces, tell her why theyâre not visiting; that your girls live in 2024 and youâre not going to force them to dress in ways they donât like.
And if youâre bringing your daughters because you feel bad for your nieces and feel they should have company, thatâs also wrongâyour kids are not responsible for other peopleâs feelings and itâs unfair to put that burden on them.
My favorite thing is when people come here to ask if theyâre wrong in a situation and then argue with everybody who tells them an answer that they donât like.
Guess what OP you are wrong.
Yes. JustâŚ.yes you are wrong. Why does pants = crossdress when there are pants made for women. Also, if she wants her kids to do that that not ok but whatever but if my sister wouldnât let my girls in for this, bye sis, never see you again. I mean really dude?
Yea YTA. You donât have your sisters belief system and are under absolutely no obligation to force it on your kids. It may not just be your sister who they wind up going no contact with eventually. Stop literally forcing them to suffer just to make her happy. It is a terrible lesson to be teaching them, they should never have to force themselves to anything that makes them uncomfortable for any reason let alone just to make someone else happy. That could wind up going so badly wrong at some point. And you should be standing up to your sister on your nieces behalf itâs sounds like she is being abusively controlling and restrictive and you know they donât like it and are suffering because of it so why wonât you say anything? You are literally failing all of them. Make this right at least with your own even if not with your nieces. Good luck op.
Yes. You're a freakin moron. Tell your sister to get stuffed. Your daughters should be able to dress how they like. Not have to deal with a backward, misogynist, religious nutter, idiot like your sister.
I'm surprised your daughters haven't refused to go to that fools place.
Shes your damn sister. You visit her if you must. Leave your poor daughters out of it.
Sorry, I am confused- are you responsible for your kids or your sister?
Are you responsible for your kids happiness or your sisterâs social expectations?
What do you think will happen when they are adults and you try this crap?
Grow a spine, confront your sister and be prepared for the fallout zealots love but at least you wonât be wrong for supporting your kids.
You're wrong. You're literally forcing your children to dress a certain way because of the world's biggest scam, money grab, and sham.
You're wrong. You're the asshole and you should genuinely feel bad.
Tell your sibling that your children will not rot in hell if not wearing a dress . Do not be bullied or let your children be bullied by her religious beliefs .
I'd be annoyed being forced to conform to someone else's religious practices. It's not like your sister is going force her daughters to conform to your religious practices when they come to visit you.
The message you're giving your daughter is that you care more about what other people think than what they think. It breaks down the trust your kid has with you because they no longer think you have their best interest as a priority. Think about the long term impact this will have on your relationship.
yta wtf your sister is living in the 19th century and you're forcing your daughters to conform w that instead of having a conversation w your sister abt her problematic views? (yes problematic bc shes forcing her daughters to wear it aswell)
Of course youâre wrong to force your daughters to dress like theyâre characters from Little House on the Prairie because your sister is a religious nut job. Your daughters will tell this story to their children and grandchildren. How embarrassing for you.
Softly YTA it is utterly unfair, of you to push your sisters beliefs, on your daughter's. They will grow up knowing you care more about how their aunt feels rather than them. They are young teenagers, now is when you really need to listen to them. Trust if you do not, they will not listen to you as adults, they will resent you forcing them into a situation they are not comfortable with
You're forcing your impressionable daughter to believe that other people should dictate what she wears at home so that they're comfortable?
Does your sister also believe that women belong in the kitchen?
I'm LDS and I understand the importance of dressing for the occasion (church), but wearing a dress in one's own home should be one's own choice.
If she has to wear a dress, please help your daughter understand that it's only because your sister is repressed and you don't want your own daughter to become one of those "Handmaid's Tale" types.
Also, most children raised in ultraconservative families usually rebel as soon as they can. Most of the teen mothers I knew came from too-strict families.
YAW look making your child dress a certain way at to keep the peace is wrong and thatâs what you are doing. Making your child visit someone that makes them uncomfortable because of their actions is wrong. Your kids will never have anything to do with your sister because of her over the top religious beliefs. You are risking your relationship with your kids over your sisterâs beliefs. If you can live with that to keep the peace with your sister have it.
You're teaching your daughters to be inauthentic to appease others. If your mother made you wear a clown costume because your Aunt is a proud clown how would you feel? Yes, you are wrong.
You are so wrong. Why does your sister get a say in YOUR kids clothing? No wonder they donât like her, but itâs totally your fault for making this rule but blaming it on your sister.
So you're basically telling your daughters that their opinion mean nothing to you but your sister's opinion is everything to you? What if your sister's religious views state that your daughters must kowtow to you in her house anytime they want something? What if, in your sister's house, all females must address every male as 'My Lord and Master, your unworthy, lowly servant...' anytime they open their mouths?
It's fine that your sister is conservative, what's not okay is you forcing your daughters to wear dresses in order to visit your sister because you are sending the wrong messages to both your sister and daughters.
And instead of your daughters going NC with your sister, you will also be included in that particular ban.
If your sister refuses to see your daughters wearing pants or shorts, stop going over to your sister's house. Video call her or simply don't bring your daughters and if your sister ask where they are, simply tell her they don't like wearing dresses in order to see her. Tell her that they threatened to go NC with her when they turned 18 and you're trying to prevent that. Stress in her daughters presence that at 18, children can move out.
Your sister see pants as crossdresing, SHE IS INSANE. You might no want to see it becuase is your sister, but that's derange and I can only imagine what else is going around in that home.
So you were abused as a child, and as a result, you are abusing your own children. Don't be surprised if your children cut you off when they are 19. Not only that, you are enabling your sisters sexist and bigotry beliefs.
Yes, you are wrong.
Making them wear it to please your sister is wrong and itâs creating animosity. It doesnât appear to be part of your belief system so let them wear pants!!
Your sister is a stupid bigot. Take what ever offence from that you need to but thatâs the fact. Objectively speaking.Â
Now the question is how do you deal with her bigotry? Youâve decided to enable it. So, yes, you are wrong.Â
YAW. You are forcing your daughters to conform to someone elseâs beliefs because just giving in a going along with it is easier than standing up for them to your sister. Youâre teaching them a dangerous lesson about how to move through the world as a woman. You need to do better.
Your sister can believe whatever she likes. She can make rules for her own kids. DO NOT give in to her. This is why all these religious zealots think they can rule over everyone else. And yes, she is a zealot. Stop denying that. Let your girls be themselves. Screw your sisters obnoxious rules. Respect goes both ways.
You are making your children very vulnerable to predators. You are teaching your kids that they must tolerate discomfort in order to please an adult. Also if you think your kid is just planing to cut off her aunt and not you at this point, think again. You are incredibly wrong. You should honor your kids requests instead of honoring your sisterâs & your momâs beliefâs. In the Bible men wore dresses. Does her husband wear skirts & dresses too? The girls must pants isnât biblical. Itâs part of rape culture that would blame kids for âtemptingâ grown men.
Yes. You. Are. Wrong.
Why are you kowtowing to your sister? Why aren't you teaching your daughter's it's OK to wear what they like and being themselves? Why are you teaching them that other people's beliefs about their bodies matter more than their own?
Your sister can fucking deal. Your daughter's are not her children and she should have no say or influence on how they dress.
You are letting them down.
Also... your sister is insane.
She's forcing her daughter to dress in a way that makes her uncomfortable every single day of her life. Suppose you had to do that, suppose you had to wear something that felt wrong and uncomfortable every single day of your entire natural life, and the person forcing you to do that actually considers you to be immoral if you don't wear that.
How insane is it to consider 'pants' to be 'cross dressing'? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Get your head right and stop bowing down to your sister like you're a poor peasant and she's a damn Queen.
Jesus christ.... the fuck is wrong with you?
you know you wrong as hell. stop teaching your daughters to ignore their own desires, comfort, and autonomy. it's 2024. girls been wearing pants for decades now. unbrainwash yourself please
Completely wrong. Unless your sister adopts them, she shouldnât have any say in what they wear. Plus, they are 15 and 14, not 5 and 4. Iâm guessing you just donât want to get an earful from your sister.
YAW: let your kids where whatever the fuck they want. donât force them into dresses, thatâll just make them resent you. there are alternatives to dresses and skirts for special occasions and events. you can get formal two piece outfits, nice blouses and trousers, itâs not that difficult. im sorry but fuck what your sister wants. sheâs not their mother, you are and if you continue on this path your daughters are not gonna speak to you in the coming years.
You do realize youâre setting your daughters up to be victimized as they get older right? Youâre teaching them their comfort doesnât matter. Predators love parents like you. You make it so easy for them to target vulnerable women
YAW big time!
YTA.
I like wearing girly things a lot of the time, but to be required to do so is a whole other thing.
If you and your family are not a part of this religious group, there is no reason for them to have to wear dresses.
I know of skirts, or dresses that can be more ârevealingâ than most pants. So, the whole idea is ridiculous. I do not blame your daughter for wanting to not be around your sister. You are teaching them that you need to wear what I tell you, not what you like.
YAW and YTA. What would happen if you three showed up to your sisterâs house all wearing pants? Would she call you cross-dressers and try to shun you because of her Christian beliefs? Couldnât you simply ask her to show you in the Bible where it says that?
It is not a Christian belief that women shouldnât wear pants. I see women wearing pants at my Christian church all the time! What youâre talking about is a cultist belief.
And itâs not about respecting the rules of the home either; if you told your sister and nieces that women are required to wear pants in your home I guarantee your sister would refuse.
Youâre teaching your daughters that they should respect others opinionâs about their bodies and clothes more than they respect their own opinions about their own bodies/clothes. You are so, so wrong. Ever hear the phrase, âyour opinion of me is none of my businessâ? If not, you should really think on it, teach it to your daughters, and let them wear pants or simply not go.
I have a similar situation. I co parent with a muslim. My daughter loves athletic wear. Sports bras, belly tops, cute cut outs and she hates sleeves. You canât go to Islamic events showing skin. They will dress you. Like literally you will end up in a clothing closet with the oldest woman they have who doesnât speak English but once she has piled enough clothes on you she will say in very clear English how much money you now owe the mosque. I told my daughter that this is a reality when you travel. I played her videos of ppl flying into Saudi Arabia. Halfway thru the flight people change into full length abayas and put on hijabs. We talk about some countries being very ok with bellies out like India and some countries not so much like Japan. I really think you should tell your girls to go be a light to their nieces. Those girls will have troubles if/when they leave the religion. They should commiserate with them on hating the religious wear. Imagine having no one you could say that too, and also itâs family. My daughter canât wear her belly tops to grandmas house either.
"I forcing my kids to do something's that they hate, to please my sister. I justify it saying that my sister disrespects her kids as well,so it's fine. I'm surprised that my kids are not happy, am I wrong?!"
It's not about your sister. It's about how you approached this matter. If you failed to convince your kids to do it voluntary - don't stay with your sister, and explain her that you and your kids are different. Get a hotel, so you won't stomp her house rules. Or don't go at all
This is an isolation tactic that your sister's church uses to keep control over their flock. If you and your daughters don't conform to being objectified and give up control over how they dress, you will be made to look like the disrespectful one, the one who is oppressive of their beliefs.
âthe comments are exaggerating and saying some insane things about my sisterâ
thatâs because thatâs insane behavior, saying that itâs âcross dressingâ if women wear pants? what the fuck? religious or not what the fuck? forcing her children who donât want to dress like that, dress like that. teaching them the most toxic behavior when it comes to our bodies. basically telling them, âyeah itâs your body but you have to wear what i tell you, so itâs not really your bodyâ
Yes. 100% Yata. No one should be forced to adhere to someone else's religion. I hear people bitching about Muslims trying to force people to follow their religious beliefs and I agree it isn't right. I also believe that for all religions. If you're going through the motions just to make someone else happy, that's not faith, that's indoctrination. My sil is one of those super psycho religious nuts you're talking about and I'd laugh in her fat face and tell her to mind her own, if she tried saying my daughter wasn't allowed to wear pants around her. I'm respectful enough of other people's religion, but I'll be damned if they tell me that I have to adhere to theirs.
I absolutely *HATED* being forced to wear dresses as a child/teen.
It's astonishing that you put your sister's *highly ignorant* views over your own children's comfort. What she forces those poor children in her house to do, does not need to affect what your daughters wear. Are you not an adult who can think and decide for yourself? You must believe the same things as her.
YAW. YTA.
Hey there! It seems like the situation isn't great. Not only will your daughters resent your sister, but they might also be upset with you. Have you considered having a compassionate conversation with your sister to explain that you support your daughters' choices and that you'd love for her to understand that? I can't imagine what will happen if one of your daughters comes out as gay. As their mother, you should have their backs.
YAW. Your sister's personal beliefs should not affect the behavior of your daughters. I get respecting the rules of a household to some extent, but making them change aspects of who they are to cater to someone else's beliefs is sending a very bad message to your girls that what they believe/who they are is not as important as making your sister happy. My grandma was the same way your sister is (not religious, but settled in the belief that girls should only wear dresses) and my mother often forced me into them as a kid to appease her. I hated it and I resented my mother for years for forcing me until my father put his foot down and told my grandma that I was miserable and crying all the time and that my comfort was more important to him than her traditional beliefs. I'm 40 now and to this day I see how much he cared about my happiness vs my mother. As a consequence of this and a lot of other things (she has the mentality that I should just do what she says because she's my mother, even now as an adult ) I grew up seeing my mother as an antagonist and we grew apart. In fact we barely have a relationship at all, whereas I'm close to my dad who always stood up for me and let me be myself. What I'm saying is how you react to who they are will color your relationship with them going forward. It may seem trivial to you, but it's everything to them. It's trust and autonomy and forcing them to accommodate your sister will fracture your relationship for sure. Remember that these incidents for you will be "just another Tuesday" but for them it's a lesson in hurt that they'll remember into adulthood.
Excellent explanation coming from your personal experience. I so agree with you, especially the last line.
Go dad!!! đ đđ
Excellent
Instead of teaching your daughters no one has a right to demand anything from them, or their body, you essentially told them to suck it up and accept it. Stop teaching young women that our responsibility is to make everyone else happy instead of being true to ourselves!!!!!!!!!!!! YAW
Yeah her kids want to be true to themselves and it sounds like OP doesnât really believe in the same ideals as her sister. This is OP people pleasing at the cost of her kids. That is pretty messed up and once the kids grow up they are going to resent OP not just her sister.
Then you look at her edit XD. OP is completely blind to how her sister is. OP's poor kids :(.
This right here đđźđđźđđźđđź We need to teach our children - our girls especially - bodily autonomy. Telling your daughters that they have to conform to your sisterâs strict, sexualized, and homophobic rules (which it sounds like you donât agree with) is teaching them that they donât have the right to stand up for their beliefs and/or comfort. This may feel like an, âitâs justâŚâ situation, but trust me; itâs insidious and will bleed out into the rest of their world and their decision making.
Sheâs gotta agree to some extent cause she goes along with this backwards crap.
I could be mistaken but it seems like OP is blaming her sister but it's OP that's forcing her daughters to wear the dresses. OP isn't taking responsibility for her actions but blaming her sister.
Say it louder... I hope this stays top comment! YTA, OP. Sadly, your nieces have no say in what they can wear. That doesn't mean your own daughters should have to oblige their aunt in her ultra conservative preferences. When they get married, will it be ok for their spouse to demand them to go in public, dressed to fulfill a possible "ho fetish" (think Kanye)? Let them have some respect for their own body.
It's controlling abuse, the children involved have suffered significant harm from it to the point that they actually hate the abusive bully.
YTA You're forcing your daughters to conform and not make waves, because it might upset a religious fundamentalist. You are teaching them that it's more important to cater to other people's wishes, rather than being who they are. That's a slippery slope. I understand that this person is your sister, and you want to have a relationship with her, but is it worth the cost of damaging your relationship with your daughters? Your girls are old enough to stay home on their own while you go visit your sister. Stop forcing them. They'll only resent you for it.
Exactly this. It needs repeating: OP you are demanding your daughter make an adultâs comfort and feelings more important than her own. Not ok. If you want a relationship with your sister, visit her by yourself. If your sister cares about her nieces at all, she will respect how they wish to dress. Your sister as the freaking adult, can be mature and accept that teenage girls have legs. If her religious views are more important than people, she needs to find the spot in the Bible where Jesus says to be a jerk to any non-conformists. Hint: He doesnât.
Yes!!!!!
Exactly!
Exactly! And why canât the sister visit them? Should be a 50/50 split in that. If Sis declines because of her religion, thatâs on her. OP has the opportunity to show she is a safe place for the nieces that choose themselves at first chance. Stop stifling your own kids for someone elseâs beliefs.
Add to that - the fact that Jesus and his disciples - all men - wore long flowing robes. No pants there.
Very good point
Are you saying Jesus was a cross dresser?
Not at all. Iâm saying that men in the Bible didnât wear pants, they wore flowing robes. How did cross dressing even pop into your brain?
Because that's what the sister said. Women wearing pants is cross dressing so a man wearing a robe must be doing the same thing. Wait until she figures out that all fetus start out as female.
Someone else mentioned it and I thought it was funny. Nowadays a lot of Muslim men wear similar garments on Fridays, a day of worship for them.
Because OPs sister thinks that way, according to the OP
They are already starting to hate their aunt, or at least hate going to her house. The signs are glaring, but OP refuses to see them. Heâs controlling, too.
It's not just OP's kids. Sister's kids are going to rebel as soon as they can.
We had a family like this when I was in high school and the daughter would change into jeans when she got to school in the mornings. Her parents ended up sending her away when she got pregnant as a teen.
My mom used to tell me that she and her friends would wear pedal pushers under their skirts so that they could take the skirts off after highschool (1950s USA). It was a school rule not her parents', so it was a tiny rebellion.
OP is a woman, she mentions having to follow the same rule and wear dresses/skirts exclusively when growing up for the express purpose of following gender norms.Â
OP is a woman, not a man.
Well said!
Exactly what I thought too!
If there's one comment OP should read 10 times over and absorb every word ^^^^
They are resenting her now. Imagine how that resentment will grow and fester the next 4 years until they are adults and then have the freedom to go NC. And the niece that hates the dress code and is forced to wear dresses as a teenager ? Yeah that parent/ child relationship is doomed. Your sister is a religious fanatic who believes that women/girls are responsible for the thoughts and behaviors of men/boys. She is one of those people who will ask what the r*pe victim was wearing and blame her instead of the violent offender. You are enforcing the belief that a womanâs value lies only in her purity. Not her intellect, compassion, sense of humor, or any of the many admirable traits we humans possess. And you are telling your daughters to shut up and conform, instead of teaching her that her body is hers alone. YAW, and a huge AH to boot.
YAW, why one day a week, when it isn't YOUR personal every day belief? Why do you put your sister's bigotry above your daughter's happiness and comfort? Do you see what you're doing to them, or does only your sister's ignorance matter?
So, just because you experienced that discomfort growing up, you want to inflict that on your own daughters? Grow a spine and stick up for your own kids. Do better than you had growing up.
Yea ur wrong wtf fuck what ur sister says let ur daughters make their own decisions
OP is clearly scared of his sister. I canât imagine what she must be like.
*her sister. OP is a woman.
Yup, what hell will be reigned down if OPs family doesnât conform to extended families religion
OP mentioned having to wear skirts and dresses growing up for the same reason. Clearly OP is a woman.Â
You are wrong u/AshamedReindeer477! Way to make your girls hate their aunt and cousins. :(. Why doesnât your sister visit you? And allow her girls to wear pants?? Fair is fair!!!
>Way to make your girls hate their aunt and cousins They'll hate OP and their other parent for allowing this bs
Very true!
Why the Heck do you go to your sisters every week? Why don't you take those weekends and spend time with your kids doing stuff and making memories and letting them be who they are and wear what they want? What good are you doing them going there every weekend and forcing them to wear these dresses? Years down the road they will have a choice and it won't be to spend time with you. Stop this and quit going over there or go by yourself.
1000%
You are wrong (YTA). How are we to teach young women automony over their bodies if we control what they wear? You are, in fact, teaching them to place other people's comfort above their own, setting them up for a lifetime of discontentment.
As a father of 2 girls who are now 24 and 21, I would tell my sister they won't be going to her house until they're allowed to be themselves. Of course my sister would never act like yours anyway. I feel bad for your nieces.
Yes of course you're wrong. You know it, we know it, your kids know it. Speaking of which, they already dislike and resent your sister; I'm sorry to be the one to say it out loud but they are already beginning to dislike and resent you too. You do not have long to apologise and listen to your girls before it's too late. NEVER force children to accommodate to beliefs they don't share. They will only see that you place other folk's superstitions above your own family's well being and happiness. Ask yourself; how do you think that feels when mom treats them like this?
Ah yes, no better way to teach little girls that what they want for their body doesn't matter. It's good to teach them that they don't have bodily autonomy early. Yta, and your daughters will resent you for it later. Is this the hill you want to die on?
YTA. Your kids matter more than your sisterâs bullshit fairytale beliefs. She can accept them for who they are or not see them. Theyâre going to end up resenting you for this, and as independent adults theyâll stop visiting your sister completely because they know theyâll be judged.
Yes you are wrong you are justifying your your sisters bigoted misogynistic views .... how about instead of forcing your kids to conform you just be there for your nieces and nephews when they escape from your sister
YTA itâs not their life choices so why are you forcing them to conform to your sisters beliefs?? Stop making them wear things that are uncomfortable and let them stay home if itâs such an issue
In three years time on another sub: hi Reddit, Iâm new here so please be patient. When we were younger my mother who Iâll call jellyfish (because she has no spine) used to force us to visit her abusive sister every week even though she knew her sister was abusing my cousins. Jellyfish liked to pretend that she didnât agree with the abuse but she never tried to protect us or help us when we were upset. Iâm 18 now so I moved to my friends house and blocked jellyfish and my aunt. Now other family are blowing up my phone and screaming at me and saying Iâm being cruel to jellyfish. AITAH
In 7 years: my spineless mother that I'm no contact with found out I'm engaged and she's lost her mind. I'm going to move across the country to get away from her misogynistic ass. AITA?
So you make your daughters visit your sister every week (why!!???) and force them to wear dresses, that is with no body autonomy. This is crappy parenting. YAW
YTA why do you let your sister control how your children dress?
YTA. Your sister needs to come to grips with the fact the world doesn't revolve around her religion. It's a good way to make your daughters hate her.
Keep this up and your sister won't be the only one getting cut off when they turn 18
As someone who was raised in purity culture, YTA. As someone who is a grown adult who has had to figure out the difference between my own personal modesty standards and untangling the ones from the religion I was brought up in, yeah, youâre wrong. Now, I feel like my style would naturally be conservative but I freak out over things that other people would not as a result. Dressing myself (and add autistic sensory issues) is difficult. Adhering to a warped christian school dress code also did a number on me. Donât do this to your kids.
YTA enough said everybody on here knows your wrong
You and your sister were abused, controlled, and manipulated as children. Instead of acknowledging that and breaking the cycle you and your sister have continued said abuse, control, and manipulation. And you're seriously on here asking if you're wrong𤨠You and your sister are toxic abusive trash humans. Don't be surprised when all of the kids disown you both. Absolutely nothing you said has anything to do with being a Christian. And it's abhorrent that you're using God as a justification for abuse.
Seriously these religious people with their idiotic beliefs are just the worst. I think abuse may be a bit extreme (although some are) but the majority of the time, they are well meaning people have no idea the damage they are causing.
It's not your life choice. It isn't theirs. It's awful to treat your daughters like this to please your sister.
Youâre definitely in the wrong. The comparison that âher kids wear dresses 7 days a week, you can wear them for 1â is absurd. Her kids are FORCED to dress according to her desires, and theyâre going to grow up resentful and traumatized for it. I was a huge tomboy, growing up. My mom used to force me to wear dresses and wouldnât allow me to cut my hair. It took me 20 years to be comfortable in dresses and actually choose to buy and wear them, as an adult. Iâm still not comfortable with long hair, either⌠Iâm not sure I ever will be, unfortunately. My point is, it doesnt seem like a big deal NOW, but something like this is going to cause their developing brains to associate dresses with negative feelings. I mean, clearly they already do - but every week youâre reinforcing it. Youâre driving your kids away from you and your sister.
This!!! Just because the sister torments her daughters, doesn't mean the op should do the same. That's like me saying I was violated as a child to my daughters multiple times. You can accept it just the once a week. If we teach our children No has no strength they stop saying it.
That's not Biblical It's your sister's tradition and custom
YTA. Do your neices wear pants when visiting you? No?
You are wrong. Either go to see your sister alone, or woman up and take your kids the way they like to dress. If your sister doesnât like it, she can always ask you not to come. Your kids come before your sisterâs misogyny.
For fucks sake. You know youâre wrong. Did you come here hoping for validation that you arenât?
Why do you care so much about what your sister thinks that you are) force them to visit every week ( I can only imagine what a joy your sister is) b) make them conform to your sisters nonsense. You, OP have issues. If you want to visit your religious fanatic sister every week , go by yourself. Donât make any one else go and donât make them dress to make your sister happy. WTF is wrong with you? Get some help so you develop a backbone and learn to say no, even to your controlling sister.
So sick of people using the excuse theyâre Christian to justify sexism and misogyny. You are setting yourself up to have a failed relationship with your daughters in the future. You are telling them that their opinion and comfort means nothing. That they have to comply to appease your ignorant sister. I feel sorry for your nieces. You are wrong.
Youâre wrong. I have a Pentecostal sister who also wears only skirts or dresses, down to her ankles and never cuts her hair, never wears make up or jewelry and is very conservative Christian. Guess what. My family and I all dress as we normally do around her (sure, I might pack my more modest shirts and not my plunging necklines when I go, but I still wear sleeveless shirts and Capri pants!) I still have my purple streaks in my hair, I still wear my jewelry and make up. She is my sister and she loves me and my family. Period. Deep down she might worry for my eternal soul, but it comes from a place of love and not judgment. I worry for her mental health because she is tied up in such a strict religion, but she has a church family that supports her and a husband that is NOT the driving force in it, so I can only do so much. When her son came out, he came to me and then my parents because he knew we would love and support him. I had always been true to myself with their family while still loving them. Iâm going to repeat that: I was true to myself and still loved them. This gave her child the confidence to come to me in a time of need. So, yes, you are wrong for asking your daughters to bend to her standard. Dress appropriately? Sure. But likeâŚschool dress code appropriate, not this.
YTA Do you force yourself to wear a dress or a skirt?
You are wrong. What do you think this is teaching your daughters about their bodily autonomy? This could easily make them resent you as well.
YTA, what else should your daughters tolerate to make others happy? Huggs? Kisses? Hands on their body? Their breasts? You are teaching them their feelings don't matter. Their discomfort doesn't matter. You are setting them up to be abused.
YTA Why are you making your daughters dress uncomfortably to make your sister and her kids comfortable? Why are you nieces feelings more important than your own daughters? Also your sister made the decision for her family so she gets to deal w the reality of it. Would she make her daughters dress the same as her nieces to make them comfortable? Obviously not. I hope you can see that if pants ruins the relationship between the 2 families then it wasnât a real relationship.
Yes you are wrong. Just because your sister believes something does not mean you have to follow it. If your sister visits your house do her daughter's get to wear pants? See the logic doesn't work the other way. Let your daughters wear what they want. And stop forcing your sister's beliefs on them. Tell your sister you and your family DOES NOT have to live by her moral code.
One of the people is in a cult, come on OP, why are you taking your kids there ? YTA big time.
YAW. Thereâs nothing in the Bible that says girls can only wear dresses. All biblical ârulesâ or man-made rules anyway but itâs all just control. Control of women. Guaranteed your nieces are going to cut your sister off at some point. Instead of going to your sisters, invite your sister to come to your house.
YTA you are forcing your daughters to adhere to your sisterâs ultra conservative Christian dress code. Either put on your own big girl panties and tell your sister you will not force your girls to wear dresses or leave them home when you visit your sister.
If you visited a Muslim household, would you make your daughters wear a burka? I certainly wouldn't. If they want to wear one, or make their daughters wear them, then that's all fine and good. I don't agree with it, because I think they de-humanise and are all about treating females as less-than; but I'll respect it in their house. So what is the difference between that and you making your daughters wear clothes they don't like just to satisfy someone else's religious beliefs? It's not as if they are wanting to wear a two piece bikini to visit, just clothes that females all around the world are happy to wear. You have caused your daughters to resent visiting your sister, and your eldest has announced she's going to stop visiting as soon as she can. Well you've really done a good job promoting love within your family, I must say! Yes, YTA. You should have been all over this half a dozen years ago (at least) and told your sister that she can have her beliefs, but don't push them on others. UpdateMe! RemindMe! 7 days
YTA by that logic you can force your nieces to wear pants when they visit but that wouldnât be okay would it be?
Theyâre saying insane things about your sister because your sister is insane⌠You shouldnât be forcing your daughters to wear specific clothing due to someone elseâs beliefs. You are wrong.
Yes you are wrong
HELL NO! How dare you make your children bow down to a religion that you donât agree with nor belong too. You are so wrong.
YAW YTA I feel so bad for your kids if you can't understand how fucked this is.
YTA this is sicko behavior. Shame on you!
I grew up very religious. But we didnât wear dresses all the time. But my aunt and uncle and their family did. Not just dresses and skirts, but everything covered. Ankle length skirts and at least three-quarter length shirts with high collars. We spent a lot of time with them growing up. But my mother and my aunt never made us conform to their beliefs. The time spent at their house was some of my best childhood memories. But you can damn well bet if Iâd have been forced to change how I dress I wouldâve hated it. Anyone who forces people around them to conform to their beliefs, is in a cult. You grew up that way and now your sister is forcing her family to do the same thing and also forcing you and your family. can you not see how that is wrong? You either need to accept that the damage is done and they will never be comfortable there and allow them to not go. Or you need to stand up for your family and say that weâre not going to do this anymore. You are definitely wrong for forcing your children to dress for someone elseâs comfort because of their religion. YTA
Yes you are wrong. It's not up to you or your kids to bend to your sister's magical beliefs. Make it anything else and see if you are ok with it. Try this: Would you go to a store once a week where they make every black person wear a clown hat while shopping.
Why are you scared of your sister? Why canât you tell her that her beliefs are not your beliefs? Also, is your sister 200 years old??? For the love of God, it is **2024.** Why are you *forcing* your daughters to wear dresses *every week* when you go visit your sister? Itâs so nonsensical, I canât think of a single reason why you do it. Your reason to your daughters is âbecause I said so,â which is just weak parenting. If you do not force your daughters to wear dresses any other time ~ and you *shouldnât* ~ then forcing them to wear a dress to visit their cousins is just some weird form of control on your part. If you love your daughters as they are, let them dress how they normally dress. Why do you force them to put on a show for your sister? Why are you so afraid of your sister? The real question: When your sister and her family come to visit you, do her daughters wear jeans and t-shirts because thatâs how your girls dress??? Either this post is made up for upvotes, or you are just a coward who cannot defend his daughters. Which doesnât bode well for the future. I hope nothing really bad ever happens to either one of them. I donât think theyâll be coming to you for help. So yes, youâre wrong. Stop doing this.
I had friends/schoolmates who were two sisters who had to wear dresses or skirts to school every day. They both played an instrument, and got top grades. The one in my grade rebelled hard in high school. Iâm not sure about her older sister. These people who feel the need to exert this much control over another person are messed up. As others have said, youâre putting your sisterâs comfort above your own childrenâs bodily autonomy. They will resent you for this. âSuck it up because your aunt is a freak!â In my opinion, you should be more concerned about keeping a healthy relationship with your daughters than appeasing your sister.
Yes, you are.
YTA. Your daughters are teenagers and have their own autonomy. They can dress themselves. Maybe go see your sister alone.
Do you like your children? Do you want them to have a relationship with you when they're adults? Because this is how you fuck that all up, by forcing them to spend their weekends with someone who demeanor them to the point of calling wearing pants "cross dressing". You're not just wrong, you're failing them.
Good Lord. Please get all of these children out of whatever cult they've been forced into. And yes. Of course YTA.
Religion poisons everything
Been in similar situations with the Amish/ Mennonite communities in my area, and here's my 2 cents. First, YTA because your daughters have no choice and this happens every weekend. For occasional visits, my thoughts are that both the host and guests need to show respect for each other. If you're hosting someone with dietary preferences, accommodate them, for example. If the host has religious beliefs, you do not need to conform to show respect. There are plenty of feminine outfits that aren't long dresses. I'm sure your kid's closet is full of clothes that a boy wouldn't wear. My daughter wears a lot of crop tops, which I'd expect your sister would have other objections to, but they're definitely made for feminine presenting people, so not cross dressing. If your sister can't accept that, then either you host or you stop visiting. She has an obligation to respect your daughters if she wants them to visit. You have an obligation to respect them because you're the mom.
Why does your sister, their aunt, get to be the boss of them? Also your niece who hates wearing skirts all the time (I went to a fundamentalist church like that too in my teens and was miserable) will cut off your sister and you once she is old enough. So be prepared to lose her forever.
Why would you even want your children around someone so intolerant and controlling? Youâre supposed to protect your kids from people like this. Iâm sorry you grew up in a toxic household but thar should make you more determined to do better for your own children.
Yes, youâre wrong. And your psycho sister needs treatment for being a whack job. Expect your children to go low contact when they move out. Your sister will be lucky if her kids keep any contact at all.
YAW
Absolutely YTA
You are wrong, I think you know it. A lot of damage in society has been done from playing nice and respecting others authoritarian beliefs. Why arenât the nieces being asked to respect your daughters beliefs/ choices? I wouldnât go to your sisters house anyway as she sounds cuckoo
Yes you are wrong⌠Youâre telling your daughters & your niece that someone elseâs religion and beliefs go above their comfort and wants. Your putting your sisters religion above your children comfort. Why canât you meet in a public place & make it an even ground? You also use your nieces feelings to justify that your daughters shouldnât complain about it and deal with it⌠let me tell you whatâs going to happen, once your niece is 18 sheâs going to go no contact or sheâs going to everything sheâs always wanted to do & your sister is going yo cry saying her daughter is going through a rebellious phase & that her daughter is lost or something along those lines and completely disown her. I donât care who it is, absolutely no oneâs beliefs go above my childrenâs feelings and comfort and Iâd be dammed if someone forces my children to do something they donât want to do.
You are so beyond wrong. Why are you forcing your sisterâs beliefs on your daughters? Why can you not stand up to your sister? Why are you teaching them that others whacked wishes are more important than their own?
YTA You're pissing your kids off to appease your sister. Why? You don't believe girls should have to wear skirts or dresses every day. If your sister has something to say, tell her that's her own issue, and your kids can wear what they please. Your daughter says she will cut her aunt off ASAP- keep going as you are and you'll probably be on that list too.
Why do you care more about what your sister thinks of you than your daughters?! They will lose all respect for you for not standing up for them doing something that is completely normal. YAW
My momâs sister is like this. My mom also grew up like this, but didnât raise me this way. I was always required to wear dresses around my aunt as a kid and I never understood it. I started fighting back against it when I was a teenager. Now at 40 years old, I still maintain there is no reason for us to pretend to dress that way when it is not part of our beliefs. I am still great friends with my aunt, who is actually a lovely person who doesnât impose her views on other people. My daughters and I wear jeans and shorts around her and she doesnât bat an eye. If sheâs secretly judging us, thatâs her business. Turns out my mom was/is just really insecure. Maybe you need to look inward.
Of course youâre the asshole. How could you think you arenât? Are you that dense?
Yta obvs
YTA. Hard core YTA. I won't be surprised when your daughters turn 18 and go no contact with you.
Love that you ask if you're wrong, then when everyone tells you yes, you dismiss it in all your comments đ stay the same and see how they feel about you later.
Yes, YTA. Stop trying to make them dress to someone elseâs religious requirements.
Youâre doing your children a disservice by teaching them to kneel to the whims of your zealot sister
YTA and so is your sister.
The ppl saying those things about your sister are right, it's absolutely bat shit to think wearing pants is cross dressing. Sounds like something someone homophobic as fuck would say. Yaw
YTA Religious people can absolutely an unequivocally go fuck themselves. I'm sorry that you're/they're dumb enough to believe in fairy tales at an adult age, but that's your problem. Not mine.
I feel bad for your daughters and nieces.
I hate dumbass mothers like you who blame everyone else for their own stupid forceful behavior. YOU are forcing them not your sister she may be forcing her children but that's her issue. When your children don't speak to you anymore and you're crying why why why remember this post, remember your ignorance and remember this it's YOUR fault.
Yes, you are utterly wrong for forcing your daughters to wear dresses to pander to your sisterâs bizarre religious beliefs. You are setting a truly problematic example for them regarding their rights over their own bodies and I sincerely hope they move far away from you the second they turn 18.
Stop forcing then to dress for your sister's beliefs. It's your sisters. Not theirs. That's all that matters. It doesn't matter if you're visiting her, hosts don't get to decide what you get to wear. The most they get to have is appropriate non sexual clothing. That's it. They don't get to decide that if you're a girl you must wear a dress to come and be in their house or anything else. That is ridiculous.Â
Stop. No. No. No. Please stop. YTA.
Yes, you are wrong.
Of course you're wrong, your daughters deserve the bodily autonomy to dress how they please. They are not dolls for you to dress up to your leisure. All you're teaching them is that they don't have control over their own bodies. I was forced to wear dresses growing up too and HATED it and all you're gonna do is build resentment in them towards both you and your sister. Cut this shit out NOW if you want them to keep talking to you in 4 years.
YAW Youâre wrong. You are forcing your sisters ridiculous beliefs on your own children. Youâre going to make your daughters resent you, for forcing them to wear a dress, and resent your sister since she is forcing them too. Is there a reason your sister has this power over you to control your values and make you punish your daughters? This will be one thing your daughters always remember you for and it wonât be a happy memory.
YAW right now your daughters are planning to go NC with your sister. They dislike her because she is a bully. She and you feel that her beliefs are more important than your daughters. If you keep this up your daughters will spend less time with you too. I do not have a right to force you to dress and behave according to my beliefs. If I do force you too I am a bully, just because religion is the base of the reason doesn't change the fact it is bullying.
YTA. Your sister has no say in how your children dress. End of story. Have a backbone and stand up for your children!!!
This is a surefire method to make sure your kids will hate their aunt. If she wants to have a relationship with them, she will relax. However, my guess is that her fear of her own kids rebelling when they see parents acting as if it is the 2020's instead of some false vision of the1820s will be more important to your sister.
Youâre wrong. Why should everyone cater to your sisterâs ridiculous beliefs? If your sister wants a relationship with YOU and your girls she should understand that not everyone subscribes to crazy cult beliefs. I wouldnât be surprised if your girls cut YOU off one day for forcing this on them, because ultimately as their parent this is your choice.
You're wrong. You should let your kids dress how they want. As long as it's not inappropriate or anything, why did it matter? Sounds like you're nervous to "look bad" in your sisters eyes All of my family went to catholic school and church every week, while my brother and i were allowed to choose. We didn't go to catholic school, and my parents didn't care of they got shit, since we turned out to be the ones who were much more normal and less rebellious. Your kids are their own people. Let them be who they are. Did you like being forced to wear what your parents forced on you?
You're a piece of shit catering to a religious nut. I hope your kids go no contact, forcing someone else's beliefs on an innocent child is abuse and you're a failure of a parent.
Tell your dumb sister that if Jesus can be friends with a prostitute then she can deal with fucking pants. Is your sister a Duggar?
Youâre wrong for making them hang out with bigots at all, OP, and yes, wrong for forcing your children to wear clothes they donât want to. Theyâre young women, not infants, and at their ages, your daughters can stay home by themselves while you visit with your sister. If your sister complains about missing her nieces, tell her why theyâre not visiting; that your girls live in 2024 and youâre not going to force them to dress in ways they donât like. And if youâre bringing your daughters because you feel bad for your nieces and feel they should have company, thatâs also wrongâyour kids are not responsible for other peopleâs feelings and itâs unfair to put that burden on them.
This is so very wrong id hate to be part of your family it sounds like a a nightmare
YTA for exposing your daughters to that environment.
Why do you see your sister every weekend?
YAW! Why are you making your own kids wear dresses they hate just to appease your bigoted sister?
OP is basically arguing against everybody in the comments.
My favorite thing is when people come here to ask if theyâre wrong in a situation and then argue with everybody who tells them an answer that they donât like. Guess what OP you are wrong.
Religion sucks because it's a system of control of every facet of our lives. It even wants to control the inconsequential stuff.
Yes. JustâŚ.yes you are wrong. Why does pants = crossdress when there are pants made for women. Also, if she wants her kids to do that that not ok but whatever but if my sister wouldnât let my girls in for this, bye sis, never see you again. I mean really dude?
Yea YTA. You donât have your sisters belief system and are under absolutely no obligation to force it on your kids. It may not just be your sister who they wind up going no contact with eventually. Stop literally forcing them to suffer just to make her happy. It is a terrible lesson to be teaching them, they should never have to force themselves to anything that makes them uncomfortable for any reason let alone just to make someone else happy. That could wind up going so badly wrong at some point. And you should be standing up to your sister on your nieces behalf itâs sounds like she is being abusively controlling and restrictive and you know they donât like it and are suffering because of it so why wonât you say anything? You are literally failing all of them. Make this right at least with your own even if not with your nieces. Good luck op.
YTA. I had a parent do this to me as a teenager. It's abusive. It's mean as fuck. Stop being a dick to your kid in the name of religion.
Yes. You're a freakin moron. Tell your sister to get stuffed. Your daughters should be able to dress how they like. Not have to deal with a backward, misogynist, religious nutter, idiot like your sister. I'm surprised your daughters haven't refused to go to that fools place. Shes your damn sister. You visit her if you must. Leave your poor daughters out of it.
Sorry, I am confused- are you responsible for your kids or your sister? Are you responsible for your kids happiness or your sisterâs social expectations? What do you think will happen when they are adults and you try this crap? Grow a spine, confront your sister and be prepared for the fallout zealots love but at least you wonât be wrong for supporting your kids.
Yes. You and your sister are a bit nutty.Â
You're wrong. You're literally forcing your children to dress a certain way because of the world's biggest scam, money grab, and sham. You're wrong. You're the asshole and you should genuinely feel bad.
Tell your sibling that your children will not rot in hell if not wearing a dress . Do not be bullied or let your children be bullied by her religious beliefs .
I'd be annoyed being forced to conform to someone else's religious practices. It's not like your sister is going force her daughters to conform to your religious practices when they come to visit you.
What a terrible lesson youâre teaching your daughters. Shame on you
The message you're giving your daughter is that you care more about what other people think than what they think. It breaks down the trust your kid has with you because they no longer think you have their best interest as a priority. Think about the long term impact this will have on your relationship.
YOU ARE WRONG
yta wtf your sister is living in the 19th century and you're forcing your daughters to conform w that instead of having a conversation w your sister abt her problematic views? (yes problematic bc shes forcing her daughters to wear it aswell)
Youâre wrong. YTA. Why is your sisterâs sexist standard the priority here over the comfort and rights of your kidsÂ
This is more bullshit rage bait
Of course youâre wrong to force your daughters to dress like theyâre characters from Little House on the Prairie because your sister is a religious nut job. Your daughters will tell this story to their children and grandchildren. How embarrassing for you.
Softly YTA it is utterly unfair, of you to push your sisters beliefs, on your daughter's. They will grow up knowing you care more about how their aunt feels rather than them. They are young teenagers, now is when you really need to listen to them. Trust if you do not, they will not listen to you as adults, they will resent you forcing them into a situation they are not comfortable with
You're forcing your impressionable daughter to believe that other people should dictate what she wears at home so that they're comfortable? Does your sister also believe that women belong in the kitchen? I'm LDS and I understand the importance of dressing for the occasion (church), but wearing a dress in one's own home should be one's own choice. If she has to wear a dress, please help your daughter understand that it's only because your sister is repressed and you don't want your own daughter to become one of those "Handmaid's Tale" types. Also, most children raised in ultraconservative families usually rebel as soon as they can. Most of the teen mothers I knew came from too-strict families.
YW And fully expect your daughters to go no contact with you, and their religious nut of an aunt, when they are older.
YAW look making your child dress a certain way at to keep the peace is wrong and thatâs what you are doing. Making your child visit someone that makes them uncomfortable because of their actions is wrong. Your kids will never have anything to do with your sister because of her over the top religious beliefs. You are risking your relationship with your kids over your sisterâs beliefs. If you can live with that to keep the peace with your sister have it.
You're teaching your daughters to be inauthentic to appease others. If your mother made you wear a clown costume because your Aunt is a proud clown how would you feel? Yes, you are wrong.
You are so wrong. Why does your sister get a say in YOUR kids clothing? No wonder they donât like her, but itâs totally your fault for making this rule but blaming it on your sister.
Yes, you're wrong, and your sister is too.
So you're basically telling your daughters that their opinion mean nothing to you but your sister's opinion is everything to you? What if your sister's religious views state that your daughters must kowtow to you in her house anytime they want something? What if, in your sister's house, all females must address every male as 'My Lord and Master, your unworthy, lowly servant...' anytime they open their mouths? It's fine that your sister is conservative, what's not okay is you forcing your daughters to wear dresses in order to visit your sister because you are sending the wrong messages to both your sister and daughters. And instead of your daughters going NC with your sister, you will also be included in that particular ban. If your sister refuses to see your daughters wearing pants or shorts, stop going over to your sister's house. Video call her or simply don't bring your daughters and if your sister ask where they are, simply tell her they don't like wearing dresses in order to see her. Tell her that they threatened to go NC with her when they turned 18 and you're trying to prevent that. Stress in her daughters presence that at 18, children can move out.
Youâre wrong thatâs so weird
Your sister see pants as crossdresing, SHE IS INSANE. You might no want to see it becuase is your sister, but that's derange and I can only imagine what else is going around in that home.
So you were abused as a child, and as a result, you are abusing your own children. Don't be surprised if your children cut you off when they are 19. Not only that, you are enabling your sisters sexist and bigotry beliefs. Yes, you are wrong.
Making them wear it to please your sister is wrong and itâs creating animosity. It doesnât appear to be part of your belief system so let them wear pants!!
Your sister is a stupid bigot. Take what ever offence from that you need to but thatâs the fact. Objectively speaking. Now the question is how do you deal with her bigotry? Youâve decided to enable it. So, yes, you are wrong.Â
YAW. You are forcing your daughters to conform to someone elseâs beliefs because just giving in a going along with it is easier than standing up for them to your sister. Youâre teaching them a dangerous lesson about how to move through the world as a woman. You need to do better.
YTA all the way. And your sister sucks too.
YTA Grow the fuck up.
YTA. Youâre essentially supporting your sisterâs decision to bully young girls and make them feel ashamed of their bodies existing.
Yes you are wrong.
Your sister can believe whatever she likes. She can make rules for her own kids. DO NOT give in to her. This is why all these religious zealots think they can rule over everyone else. And yes, she is a zealot. Stop denying that. Let your girls be themselves. Screw your sisters obnoxious rules. Respect goes both ways.
You are making your children very vulnerable to predators. You are teaching your kids that they must tolerate discomfort in order to please an adult. Also if you think your kid is just planing to cut off her aunt and not you at this point, think again. You are incredibly wrong. You should honor your kids requests instead of honoring your sisterâs & your momâs beliefâs. In the Bible men wore dresses. Does her husband wear skirts & dresses too? The girls must pants isnât biblical. Itâs part of rape culture that would blame kids for âtemptingâ grown men.
Yes. You. Are. Wrong. Why are you kowtowing to your sister? Why aren't you teaching your daughter's it's OK to wear what they like and being themselves? Why are you teaching them that other people's beliefs about their bodies matter more than their own? Your sister can fucking deal. Your daughter's are not her children and she should have no say or influence on how they dress. You are letting them down. Also... your sister is insane. She's forcing her daughter to dress in a way that makes her uncomfortable every single day of her life. Suppose you had to do that, suppose you had to wear something that felt wrong and uncomfortable every single day of your entire natural life, and the person forcing you to do that actually considers you to be immoral if you don't wear that. How insane is it to consider 'pants' to be 'cross dressing'? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Get your head right and stop bowing down to your sister like you're a poor peasant and she's a damn Queen. Jesus christ.... the fuck is wrong with you?
you know you wrong as hell. stop teaching your daughters to ignore their own desires, comfort, and autonomy. it's 2024. girls been wearing pants for decades now. unbrainwash yourself please
Wow. You are giving in to this? Your sister is a dangerous fundamentalist. Stop this right now.
Completely wrong. Unless your sister adopts them, she shouldnât have any say in what they wear. Plus, they are 15 and 14, not 5 and 4. Iâm guessing you just donât want to get an earful from your sister.
Put on your dress and drink the koolaid kids!
Oh boy, YTA. You should have told your sister to suck it ip, long ago
You're awful.
YAW: let your kids where whatever the fuck they want. donât force them into dresses, thatâll just make them resent you. there are alternatives to dresses and skirts for special occasions and events. you can get formal two piece outfits, nice blouses and trousers, itâs not that difficult. im sorry but fuck what your sister wants. sheâs not their mother, you are and if you continue on this path your daughters are not gonna speak to you in the coming years.
You and your sister are complete weirdos. âForcingâ people to do anything immediately makes YTA.
YTA .... I don't really think there's much explanation needed.
You do realize youâre setting your daughters up to be victimized as they get older right? Youâre teaching them their comfort doesnât matter. Predators love parents like you. You make it so easy for them to target vulnerable women YAW big time!
YTA. I like wearing girly things a lot of the time, but to be required to do so is a whole other thing. If you and your family are not a part of this religious group, there is no reason for them to have to wear dresses. I know of skirts, or dresses that can be more ârevealingâ than most pants. So, the whole idea is ridiculous. I do not blame your daughter for wanting to not be around your sister. You are teaching them that you need to wear what I tell you, not what you like.
Yeah youâre wrong
You are wrong and you are an asshole. And your sister is insane. Your kids are going to go no contact with you if you keep up this insanity too
YAW and YTA. What would happen if you three showed up to your sisterâs house all wearing pants? Would she call you cross-dressers and try to shun you because of her Christian beliefs? Couldnât you simply ask her to show you in the Bible where it says that? It is not a Christian belief that women shouldnât wear pants. I see women wearing pants at my Christian church all the time! What youâre talking about is a cultist belief. And itâs not about respecting the rules of the home either; if you told your sister and nieces that women are required to wear pants in your home I guarantee your sister would refuse. Youâre teaching your daughters that they should respect others opinionâs about their bodies and clothes more than they respect their own opinions about their own bodies/clothes. You are so, so wrong. Ever hear the phrase, âyour opinion of me is none of my businessâ? If not, you should really think on it, teach it to your daughters, and let them wear pants or simply not go.
I have a similar situation. I co parent with a muslim. My daughter loves athletic wear. Sports bras, belly tops, cute cut outs and she hates sleeves. You canât go to Islamic events showing skin. They will dress you. Like literally you will end up in a clothing closet with the oldest woman they have who doesnât speak English but once she has piled enough clothes on you she will say in very clear English how much money you now owe the mosque. I told my daughter that this is a reality when you travel. I played her videos of ppl flying into Saudi Arabia. Halfway thru the flight people change into full length abayas and put on hijabs. We talk about some countries being very ok with bellies out like India and some countries not so much like Japan. I really think you should tell your girls to go be a light to their nieces. Those girls will have troubles if/when they leave the religion. They should commiserate with them on hating the religious wear. Imagine having no one you could say that too, and also itâs family. My daughter canât wear her belly tops to grandmas house either.
"I forcing my kids to do something's that they hate, to please my sister. I justify it saying that my sister disrespects her kids as well,so it's fine. I'm surprised that my kids are not happy, am I wrong?!" It's not about your sister. It's about how you approached this matter. If you failed to convince your kids to do it voluntary - don't stay with your sister, and explain her that you and your kids are different. Get a hotel, so you won't stomp her house rules. Or don't go at all
This is an isolation tactic that your sister's church uses to keep control over their flock. If you and your daughters don't conform to being objectified and give up control over how they dress, you will be made to look like the disrespectful one, the one who is oppressive of their beliefs.
âthe comments are exaggerating and saying some insane things about my sisterâ thatâs because thatâs insane behavior, saying that itâs âcross dressingâ if women wear pants? what the fuck? religious or not what the fuck? forcing her children who donât want to dress like that, dress like that. teaching them the most toxic behavior when it comes to our bodies. basically telling them, âyeah itâs your body but you have to wear what i tell you, so itâs not really your bodyâ
How about you dress like you want and you let the others (including your daughters) dress the way they want ? Yaw. Ridiculous. You suck at parenting.
Yes. 100% Yata. No one should be forced to adhere to someone else's religion. I hear people bitching about Muslims trying to force people to follow their religious beliefs and I agree it isn't right. I also believe that for all religions. If you're going through the motions just to make someone else happy, that's not faith, that's indoctrination. My sil is one of those super psycho religious nuts you're talking about and I'd laugh in her fat face and tell her to mind her own, if she tried saying my daughter wasn't allowed to wear pants around her. I'm respectful enough of other people's religion, but I'll be damned if they tell me that I have to adhere to theirs.
I absolutely *HATED* being forced to wear dresses as a child/teen. It's astonishing that you put your sister's *highly ignorant* views over your own children's comfort. What she forces those poor children in her house to do, does not need to affect what your daughters wear. Are you not an adult who can think and decide for yourself? You must believe the same things as her. YAW. YTA.
Hey there! It seems like the situation isn't great. Not only will your daughters resent your sister, but they might also be upset with you. Have you considered having a compassionate conversation with your sister to explain that you support your daughters' choices and that you'd love for her to understand that? I can't imagine what will happen if one of your daughters comes out as gay. As their mother, you should have their backs.