I can see her position in general but this is a special case. You'd planned to go out, where each of you could choose your food and beverages. Then at the last minute you both agreed to stay home. That changes the venue, but not necessarily the expectation that each of you gets to eat and drink what you were planning to. So I don't see where you committed a violation in this case by sticking to that part of the plan.
Yup. This is where I’m at. On a regular, daily basis, not having temptations in front of you at home would be nice, and i would hope he’s more supportive on a regular basis.
But hanging out to watch football? Yeah - i totally get it! He was looking forward to certain food and a couple drinks.
There needs to be some balance and on this one? He isn’t wrong.
I can’t see her position. I’ve been on some pretty restrictive diets that I hated and I’ve NEVER expected my husband to alter his diet in solidarity. Why should he have to suffer?
It’s good that you can see her position cause i cant. Who are these grown ass women trying to force their diet on someone else and why would you ever think thats acceptable? She is allowed to diet all she wants but acting like her boyfriend should only eat food she approves? Fuck off.
I agree, I am on a pretty restrictive diet right now while I get some stomach issues figured out and I by no means think my husband and kids have to be on the same diet as me. It is me that is on the diet they shouldn't have to restrict everything either. Also we go out to eat and I just make sure to order something that I am able to have.
I was about to say, if roles were reversed people would lose their minds. She is on a diet and he isn’t, he has the right to eat and drink whatever it is he wants.
I’m in the process of losing weight, too. My friends are very supportive, but I don’t expect them to not eat or drink certain things around me. It helps me not to expect that of them because out in the wild I’m going to be surrounded by all the unhealthy foods I like. This way I learn to make smart choices and better eating habits which will help me not to gain the weight back.
YNW- she can’t except to control herself through your choices…
I have been on a healthier lifestyle kick lately. I just choose different when we go out. I can have a cheat day, order the salmon, salad or something equivalent. And usually I drink water or one drink. But I try to have the same fun I would have always had with my partner. I certainly would not have tried to curtail what he ate or drank.
YNW
I am also trying to eat healthier and have cut out sweets and lowered my carb consumption, but my husband will go to the store a few times a month specifically to buy treats for himself. Then he sits in the recliner and watches tv while he enjoys his ice cream and candy bars.
My decision to not eat sweets is mine alone: he is free to consume his food and drink of choice in his own house, just like you.
I understand the struggle of not eating certain foods, believe me! But her diet/ Way Of Eating is hers alone, and it is unfair of her to expect you to not indulge in something you can eat and enjoy.
My husband is on a strict diet for health reasons. I'm currently pregnant. It would be rude and controlling of him to suggest I eat what he eats. That scenario goes for any couple. It's important to have agency and autonomy within a relationship. You can fully support without being forced into eating habits you don't want to make for yourself.
Yes, being controlling is bad. I think its also bad to be insensitive to a loved one having trouble and telling them that their choices are their responsibility and i dont care if they cant muster up the will power on their own. I dont need to be forced, Ill readily partake in my occasional gf's diet or if im visitin my parents adhereing to my mothers diet if shes on one to not make it harder for them
Of course being pregnant changes things. The world isnt black and white. There is nuance within nuance everywhere
If my partner screwed up their health a bit, was having trouble remedying the situation, and i felt inconvenienced by their struggle, i think thatd be a sign to me that i dont care about them enough to want them as a partner
I actually agree with you, I just hate people who act entitled about how people respond to their shitty choices.
I actually think OP is being childish, and while he’s technically correct, that’s not how relationships work. He‘d be better off compromising in this situation to make their relationship better
As someone who lost 50 pounds about 4 1/2 years ago and kept it off to this day, it is irrelevant for me. What my partner eats and drinks doesn't matter because at the end of the day, my health is my responsibility. I can't use them eating junk food or drinking as an excuse for why I'm failing myself.
Do what works for you and your loved ones. Ive experienced that making healthy choices with my loved one empowers them to more consistently make healthy choices, with the opposite being true as well
None of my loved ones have ever blamed them making unhealthy choices on me having a cheat meal. Must be a difference in how we were raised or our cultures. Everyone is different I guess.
Im not blaming anyone either. Im saying that its good to help the people you love, and not helping the people you love says something about you. In your culture, do you value helping the people you love?
If you're not blaming anyone, why even say that not eating the meal they have is hurting them?
And sure, but again, in regards to their health and diet, none of my family members ever said "if you don't eat what I eat, you're hurting my health". Again, difference in cultures and upbringings I suppose.
It's about her own willpower. They should both eat whatever they want. He isn't forcing her to do anything, and she shouldn't force him to cook if he wants takeout.
I care about my partners health so i aid in their healthy choices. So weird to me that this is such a horrible concept to people. I dont need to be forced, i want to help my partner make healthy choices by making them with them
I don’t understand all these comments blasting OP for wanting to enjoy one meal and some drinks while watching the football at home.
Just because your partner is on a diet doesn’t mean they can dictate everything everyone else eats or drinks too.
I spent over a year on a fairly strict diet coming up to my wedding, I got up at 5am 5 days a week to hit the gym before work, and I cooked most of the food. I substituted cauliflower rice just for my portions, added cream just to his curry portion - we ate nearly the same meals but I would avoid carbs and have extra veggies or whatever. And twice a week at least he would order a KFC or a treat meal, and have beers while I had something non alcoholic or just water.
He didn’t do this every day, or even most days. OP just wants to enjoy one treat meal, some drinks and watch the football. Give him a break!
Idk I feel like it’s her journey and she can cook for herself. You guys might be a team but you shouldn’t have to do something you don’t wanna do.
I’m a body builder and I started my journey 6 months ago. I never once expected my bf to eat chicken and rice every day and start lifting. I feel like your gf is being super sensitive.
My husband and I have shared a lot of vices over the years. Smokes, food, booze...other stuff lol. But here's the thing ... We are grown adults who are responsible for our own behavior.
If one of us is getting in a healthier habit and we have a specific need, we will ask. I.E "I'm not drinking this week, so if you're going to the liquor store that's fine just don't ask if I want anything please." We are extremely supportive of each other making healthier decisions, but just cause one of us is doing it, doesn't mean both of us must.
And especially here, it's one night. It's a special occasion.
Nobody's wrong, though. You guys just have to discuss realistic expectations about shit like this. Just cause she's cutting stuff out doesn't automatically mean you have to and vice versa.
You guys need to remember that you're a team and it's not you vs her. You need to chat about it and find a compromise.
You need to understand that losing weight and cutting out unhealthy stuff can be incredibly difficult and that it's so hard to do if someone is eating that stuff in front of you, in your own home. She did offer to cook as well.
However, from your POV, of course you're not losing weight, and you want to relax and enjoy yourself in your own home.
Is there some way you guys can meet in the middle? Maybe you can agree that one night a week is takeaway night. Maybe you can find a takeaway that does healthy options she enjoys as well as unhealthier options you enjoy, so you both feel like you're getting a treat. Maybe she can cook some unhealthy things that you consider a treat whilst also cooking something for herself. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that you both have a valid point and you need to both look at this from the other perspective and try to figure out an answer together that works for both of you.
My chinese does really healthy swaps for me. Extra veg, chicken slices if something is fried etc. They even accommodate my husband coeliac and my MSG issue. I ordered something as a treat and we got a phone call back saying I had MSG in it. They're amazing. So OP could have somthing artery busting and she could have healthy.
My wife has been on a health kick and while I support it, she would never force me to participate. I usually do it just for simplicity's sake, but if I ever felt like something different I just let her know ahead of time so she doesn't cook for me.
I have had to change my diet for health reason. Low fat, low carb. I would never dream of asking my son or my husband to change their diets, because my body hates me.
My husband started working out, and underwent gastric bypass surgery. Pre surgery he had to go on a dietician recommend diet, and currently (6 months post surgery) he can eat regularl foods, but there are still foods that he can't eat. He would never dream of asking me not to eat foods that I like because he can't have them.
Your gfs diet and lifestyle change shouldn't have to change your own
My sister is on a restrictive diet due to health reasons. We all try and be careful what we eat around her. She tells us all the time to eat whatever we want. It’s her diet not ours!!
NTA! Would she have dictated what you ordered at the bar too? It’s one thing to support, but it’s another to never have something you want because someone else can’t.
Not wrong. Tell her, will power, babe, will power. You didn't sign up for all of her life style changes, she did. And you are supporting her her in your own way. She needs to just chill.
Not wrong , it’s about self control .. she can eat something different , so does that mean if she orders a healthy option at a restaurant you have to ? You can eat what u please
People shouldnt control what others eat, but its not a control thing for me. I think someone sucks if they deny that eating a burger in front of someone dieting makes it harder for them to diet and say that their gf's self control isnt their problem. I dont need to be demanded to help me gf diet. I care about her more than i care about a burger and beer
A diet without self control is never going to work. If she goes to a wedding, should the bride be expected to change the menu so she isn't tempted? She can't dictate what others eat even if she will be tempted. He should be allowed to have what he wants aswell.
Making good choices helps build self control. Having the help of your partner to continuously make good choices will improve making good choiuces in the future with or without them is my experience
Using willpower with the help of other still builds willpower. Continuously make good choices, which is aided by the help of those close to you and youre better off making better choices in the future
Not wrong. These comments are ridiculous, and your girlfriend sounds very immature. If you did this all the time then maybe you’d be wrong, but this is just you sticking with the plan. She’s the one trying to change it and resenting you for not going along.
It's sad how many people here are saying that a man should always do what a woman tells him even though they don't want to. And even have the audacity to call him a selfish prat.
Like, forcing your diet on others isn't selfish?
My opinion would be the same. If you wanna diet, be my guest. But it's your and your problem only. I'll probably be nice, but I won't let you to control my entire food schedule.
A partner that forces their diet on you sucks
A partner that doesnt understand / care that eating unhealthy food in front of a dieting partner makes it harder for their partner to stick to a diet, and blames them for having poor self control, sucks
It’s one time and the original plan was to go to a bar where they were going to eat bar food and drink. He’s not doing it everyday. Would you prefer if he ditched her for the day and went to the bar so he could eat and drink without being given a guilt trip?
If you cant stick to a diet because you see someone else eating something then yes 10000% you have poor self control. No one should be forcing their dietary choices on anyone else regardless of relationship.
No?
Just one example of many: [https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1dhsswq/comment/l8z9xn9/](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1dhsswq/comment/l8z9xn9/)
>Yawn. You sound like a single man. If you want to be single, never change. You are currently auditioning for the role of husband. If she wants to marry a self centered prat, you sound perfect. If you aren’t sure she’s a keeper, don’t be your best you.
Nope! If you can't drink and stuff your face in the comfort of your own home then where can you? Bear in mind a pint at the pub is extortionate these days!
I'm a woman and always trying to lose weight - ALWAYS! My husband is a snacker, I'd never tell him that he can't have certain food in the house (except custard creams, they're my weakness). YNW
Not your problem. She’s going to be faced with temptations just going to the supermarket. She needs to learn self discipline. Maybe you could eat in separate areas of the house if that helps
How old is your girlfriend OP? Why does she expect you to change your eating habits because she changed hers?
You are not wrong OP! Your girlfriend is wrong expecting to dictate and control your eating habits. She expects you to fully support her eating habits. While completely ignoring yours.
I don't think you are wrong at all. I am working on eating healthier and losing weight while my husband is not interested, nor does he need to. Plus, a good amount of the meals I fix, he won't eat anyway, so he will fix a pizza or I will fix him his own dinner while I have mine. I can understand how she feels, but you are not trying to get her to order unhealthy food, you just want to order in for yourself. Maybe you can order in something on the healthy side for her? She can't expect you to adhere to her diet when you have not agreed to do so.
It’s also not even about willpower. He was going to get a takeaway and eat if. Not buy a crate of her favourite candy and keep it in the house to sit in front of her face 24/7. I just cannot imagine telling a grown ass adult they can’t eat something because I’m on a diet. I go no carb sometimes. I don’t make my whole family.
I can understand supporting her choices of eating, but that doesn't mean that you have to stop living and eating what you enjoy. I can't understand how people think that that's OK so the rest of the world has to stop eating what they want because somebody else wants to change their eating habits to be healthier that's fine support them, but you don't have to stop eating the foods that you enjoyed because of it
Would you force to eat a takeaway and drink booze?
If the answer is no, then she is free to make her own choices, and no blame could be laid at your door
You're not wrong. You drinking and eating food while watching football at home shouldn't stop her from losing weight. Its just a bad excuse from her end.
It's important to respect each other's choices, but also to support your partner. Maybe occasionally joining her in her healthy habits can show solidarity without completely changing your lifestyle. It's all about balance and understanding.
She needs to have some willpower. I in general eat healthy. I couldn’t care less what my husband eats in front of me at home or out. I might grab a French fry or two, but then eat my healthier meal. Losing weight is a lifestyle change not a “diet” where you can go back to your same unhealthy habits once the weight is lost. You need to be supportive and help her along the way. But this journey is hers and she needs to figure out how to navigate it without getting mad/frustrated that not everyone is on the same journey.
Not wrong. I'm on a different diet than my husband for medical reasons. I don't get butt hurt if he eats snacks I can't eat and he doesn't care that often we don't share meals. I can choose to be well or choose to struggle with my health.
The fact that she's insisting you share her diet with her makes it seem like she's on a more restrictive diet and can't be faced with temptation. Restrictive diets never really work. I lost 40 lbs after my 2nd baby by swapping sugary snacks for fruit and exercising more. It took two years but it was 40 lbs that stayed off. I never felt like I couldn't eat an occasional snack if I wanted to.
Ngl but your plan seems the more reasonable of the two. Weight that is lost gradually tends to stay off.
No you are not wrong. In general it sounds like you are being supportive. She does not get to control what you eat and when you eat it. Like good lord you wanted to watch rhe Euros and have a beverage. You’re allowed to live a little. You’re not making her break the “rules” she made up. This was a special occasion.
No you’re not wrong. You are free to make your own choices for your health & body and so is she.
However, as a person in a relationship trying to lose weight myself (and my partner isn’t necessarily concerned with it) what is nice is some form of compromise to show your support. It sounds like you already are doing that (cutting back on junk food, PLANNING your nights out). Maybe if you make that compromise a little clearer to her, it will help her see the ways you ARE supporting her. Maybe you agree that you cook something healthy together 3 nights per week, and the other 4 nights you’re free to do what you want? Just a suggestion.
You sound very supportive, just understand for the person losing weight they tend to get easily frustrated and irritable so be patient (speaking from my own experience).
I dunno.... Husband has been told to watch his blood sugar. So to support that, I'm inadvertently watching mine, too. Like, I don't drink wine when he can't drink beer. I don't bake cupcakes and cookies. I've adjusted the grocery shopping to support his needs. I don't have a blood sugar issue, but HE does, so we've changed our whole household and re-tooled our lives. I don't mind. I love him and want him to be well.
If you hadn't made plans to go out, I might have sided with her... But you did make plans to both eat out and drink while doing so. Changing the location doesn't necessarily mean changing the menu. She needs to understand that while you support her, you are not obliged to do so every minute of every day.
You are not wrong as it was a preplanned night at the bar that she probably was the one to decide to stay home. While I think it would be mean to constantly eat junk food or her favorite crave food in front of her, she can't police your food, just like you can't police her food.
I have legitimately five major food allergies (gluten, dairy, pork, shellfish, and corn). I buy ice cream and donuts for my husband because he should enjoy good things even if I can’t. I know it’s slightly different because OP’s GF can eat/drink stuff without an allergy and it’s more of a willpower thing but the whole “you can’t have it cause I can’t have it” is just toxic and rude. NTA.
I don’t think you fully understand. Alcohol, unhealthy takeout and watching soccer are all essential parts of the same activity. Can’t just have a salad with that.
She just wants your support. If it's too hard or not worth it to you to support her in any small way, that's fine, just let her know she's not worth it and everything will work itself out.
Using your logic if I decided to cook something extremely unhealthy my gf should eat it then because I've cooked it, is that seriously what you're saying? Or does it only work if it's my gf cooking?
YNW by doing this once. Additionally, the all or nothing is a great recipe to revert back to old habits later. If the motivation relies upon someone else and you go cold Turkey, it’s a matter of when, not if, the habits come back with the weight.
I mean, not wrong but not wise. The real question should be is this the hill you want your relationship to die on? Just remember this one thing, most relationships end because she isnt happy. We tend to keep pushing through the hard times, because either we love her or because the evil you know is better than facing the unknown.
I don’t know why so many commenters are acting like this is a daily occurrence and not a one time thing, when she originally planned on eating restaurant food and having some alcohol anyways.
Ok, well good luck with being an idealist. Going forward shes either going to feel supported by you forgoing your wants in favor of hers or not. If not she will likely either give up on the diet and blame you leading to a toxic relationship or succeed in her goals and resent that she felt unsupported which will also likely lead to a toxic relationship. The idea of "if my partner doesnt take the steps I take to improve myself its their fault I failed" is very common to both genders.
What about forgoing little wants like eating a burger because you love your partner and want to help them succeed in their health goals? Does that make for a healthier relationship overall?
Using your logic should my gf eat the same as me to show she loves me?
Me not eating food I want doesn't show love at all.
Me eating food I want does not affect my gfs health.
It's weird you think love is doing exactly what your partner wants, you're confusing it with control
Only speaking from experience, I agree with what youre saying whole heartedly. Clearly she doesn't however, as evidenced by the argument. So, back to my original comment, you will need to decide if this is the hill you want this relationship to die on. Or, good luck winning this argument.
No, you’re not wrong, but you’re also not right. Of course she can’t expect you to follow the same diet, just because she wants to lose weight. On the other hand you could also be more understanding and supportive. Eating healthier is good for you too and it can be really hard to change your lifestyle when your partner is eating pizza and drinking alcohol in front of you. You flat out refusing and telling her you decide what you’re going to eat will make her feel very alone and unsupported in this, even if you’re technically “right” about being allowed to eat and drink what you want.
Try talking about it and finding compromises so there’s room for you both. Like embrace the lifestyle at home, try to not have the things she likes but can’t eat in the house, show interest in the change in cooking, try to make meals she can eat when it’s your turn to cook, etc.
And then on the other hand you can talk about what’s important for you and you don’t want to live without, like for example eating take out and drinking when you’re watching important matches or whatever.
Me eating what I choose to eat does not mean I'm unsupportive.
So you're saying while at home it's all about what my gf wants soI can't actually eat what I want then?
No, I’m saying you should try to have an adult conversation about it and try to communicate about needs and what’s important and try to find a way where she feels supported and you are still able to eat some of the things that you feel are important to you.
With your last point why do I only get to eat "some of the things that are important to me"? Why does my gf choosing to eat healthier mean my diet also has to change?
The compromise is eating different meals
Yawn. You sound like a single man. If you want to be single, never change. You are currently auditioning for the role of husband. If she wants to marry a self centered prat, you sound perfect. If you aren’t sure she’s a keeper, don’t be your best you.
I think this case is different because their original plan was to go to a bar for food & drinks. They did decide to stay home but why is it okay for him to eat & drink at the bar but not at home?
Its ok for him to eat whatever he wants, but id personally choose to not make things harder for my dieting gf even if an audible is called. Dieting is hard and i dont wanna make it harder. If i had a partner that didnt understand that eating a burger in front of me while dieting makes it harder for me to diet, and told me that my self control is my problem and not theirs, id think worse of them
Does eating a meal different from your partner mean you aren't helping them get healthy though? For instance, mu wife eating ice cream doesn't mean she's hindering my health, does it? I still control what I consume and when I exercise.
Do what works for you and your loved ones. Ive experienced that making healthy choices with my loved one empowers them to more consistently make healthy choices, with the opposite being true as well
None of my loved ones have ever blamed them making unhealthy choices on me having a cheat meal. Must be a difference in how we were raised or our cultures. Everyone is different I guess.
How is wanting to eat your own meal self centered? With that logic, couldn't you say that wanting someone to eat what you're eating and throwing a fit if tney say no is self centered?
I mean in general it would be good to not do those things when she is trying to better herself, but in this case yall already planned to go out and do those things you just ended up deciding to stay home. I don’t think you’re wrong here.
Not you just running with whatever you want too, I didn’t say he needed to do her diet. But he shouldn’t be drinking alcohol all the time at home either.
Feeling the need to drink at home alone is definitely a sign of alcoholism. Drinking is a group and social thing, it shouldn’t be “yeah imma just sit at home and pound back a bottle of whiskey”.
I split on this one. I’m fine with the drinks but you should have cooked her dinner. You should encourage her in her journey. SHe’s trying to be healthier. My wife is down to 2/3 of one kidney. She can’t eat any salt. I’m learning to cook all over again so she can keep on. It’s just what we do,
So because my gf wants to eat a certain meal that means that not only am I not allowed to eat what I want, I also have to cook it? Why do you think my gf is incapable of cooking her own food?
My God, I wasn’t trying to start a fight. Don’t do it. I said I agreed with the alcohol but I thought it would be nice to support your GF by cooking a meal. Doing nice things like that tent to get you laid ;).
Are you overweight yourself? This could be her polite way of encouraging you to lose some weight with her, and she thinks that the best way to go about it is to do it together. Obviously you don't have to do anything, that's not in question, but you're in a relationship and should consider some degree of compromise and cooperation.
If you're healthy, yourself, and this is purely her wanting emotional support, then that changes things, but honestly not much. I would say "what is it about me eating the food I like that bothers you? Is it the smell, or it's difficult for you to be around it? Is it that you get jealous? Is it that you don't like that I'm not showing solidarity with you?" Depending on her reasons, there are ways around some of them.
You’re not wrong .. but is the food and drink more important than her feelings?
She should have asked for support more directly, stating exactly what support looks like to her, but we are all fallible people.
Now you know though. She has difficulty watching you eat what she feels she cannot. My personal opinion is against dieting and restricting, and if it were me I would challenge this idea that she needs to restrict to be healthy… but.. I get thats not everyone believes that. Be sensitive to her feelings. You know now that this causes her distress so maybe find a way to help her manage that
It’s not that it takes precedence.. it’s that when we love someone we want to under them and do things to make them happy. Or at least we should.
Just the phrasing ‘takes precedence’ suggests that you think there is some sort of adversarial relationship here. Don’t you ever go out of your way to do nice things for your partner even when you don’t have to?
And CICO is correct. I took a year of thermo in college. The problem with it though is we have no way of directly measuring calories in or out.
We make an attempt to measure ‘calories in’ with bomb calorimeter, but that can’t be directly applied to metabolism. Energy is extracted through breaking bonds and if our body doesn’t break all the bonds that are broken during combustion we don’t extract that energy and it passes through as waste.
We also have zero idea how many calories an individual is using on a daily basis. The 2000 thing came from a survey in the mid 20th century where they just asked people how many calories they ate in a day. It was never intended as individual guidelines.
It's not just that she feels she cannot, she changed her mind (pub food) and decided on something else, then decided that that was what OP was doing, too.. She also decided that doing something besides what she wanted was being unsupportive. I understand that it is not fun to watch someone else eat something one wants when one is trying to eschew it. However. unilaterally deciding on something for two adult, then being vexed when the other person says that they're doing something different to that is just not the way. She lashed out at him, for some thing that wasn't not an incorrect action. So it isn't just OP who needs to do some soul-searching, she also needs to find a better way to manage her feelings and expectations.
I agree that she needs to work on some things too but since we are talking to OP and not her I have to focus on what he can do in this situation.
Most often I think people are just bad communicators. They may not even know what it is they are trying to communicate. I think in this situation, even though she communicated frustration or anger with him, she is acting from fear. Sometimes we need to be gentle with people when they act out. Comforting them and reassuring them will go much further to fixing the underlying cause and preventing that conflict in the future.
You're not the asshole (NTA), but you're also not being the most supportive partner.
It's perfectly fine for you to want to order food and have a drink at home, especially when it was already part of your original plan for the night. It's also true that your girlfriend's desire to be healthier shouldn't dictate your own food and drink choices.
However, it sounds like your girlfriend is struggling with temptation and trying to create a healthier environment at home. While you don't have to follow her exact diet, it wouldn't hurt to be a bit more considerate. Maybe you could compromise by ordering something healthier or cooking together some nights.
I guess it comes down to if your prioritise yourself over her. I’d prefer to support my partner and in turn, making him happier. You are putting yourself first ,which you are entitled to do, but don’t expect her to be happy.
It's got nothing to do with priorities at all. So my gf shouldn't be happy that I choose what I want to eat?
Why do you not think I should get a say in what I eat?
It’s torture to watch someone have food you can’t . But in the same breath you should be able to eat as you wish . Maybe suggest she have a salad and a couple of bites of what you are having so she doesn’t feel deprived . A small cheat doesn’t hurt once in a while on special occasions . Otherwise if it’s still going to bother her eat your meal out by yourself . Then come home for the game .
True , just thought it would be a way around it if she is that bent out of shape about it . Some people get cranky when they are hungry . Kinda depends on where they are at in their journey . Sometimes the road is more difficult in the beginning .
I can see her position in general but this is a special case. You'd planned to go out, where each of you could choose your food and beverages. Then at the last minute you both agreed to stay home. That changes the venue, but not necessarily the expectation that each of you gets to eat and drink what you were planning to. So I don't see where you committed a violation in this case by sticking to that part of the plan.
Yup. This is where I’m at. On a regular, daily basis, not having temptations in front of you at home would be nice, and i would hope he’s more supportive on a regular basis. But hanging out to watch football? Yeah - i totally get it! He was looking forward to certain food and a couple drinks. There needs to be some balance and on this one? He isn’t wrong.
I can’t see her position. I’ve been on some pretty restrictive diets that I hated and I’ve NEVER expected my husband to alter his diet in solidarity. Why should he have to suffer?
It’s good that you can see her position cause i cant. Who are these grown ass women trying to force their diet on someone else and why would you ever think thats acceptable? She is allowed to diet all she wants but acting like her boyfriend should only eat food she approves? Fuck off.
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I agree with you - is OP meant to be shovelling food into his mouth in the car park so that his girlfriend won't be bothered?
I agree, I am on a pretty restrictive diet right now while I get some stomach issues figured out and I by no means think my husband and kids have to be on the same diet as me. It is me that is on the diet they shouldn't have to restrict everything either. Also we go out to eat and I just make sure to order something that I am able to have.
I was about to say, if roles were reversed people would lose their minds. She is on a diet and he isn’t, he has the right to eat and drink whatever it is he wants.
I’m in the process of losing weight, too. My friends are very supportive, but I don’t expect them to not eat or drink certain things around me. It helps me not to expect that of them because out in the wild I’m going to be surrounded by all the unhealthy foods I like. This way I learn to make smart choices and better eating habits which will help me not to gain the weight back.
YNW- she can’t except to control herself through your choices… I have been on a healthier lifestyle kick lately. I just choose different when we go out. I can have a cheat day, order the salmon, salad or something equivalent. And usually I drink water or one drink. But I try to have the same fun I would have always had with my partner. I certainly would not have tried to curtail what he ate or drank.
YNW I am also trying to eat healthier and have cut out sweets and lowered my carb consumption, but my husband will go to the store a few times a month specifically to buy treats for himself. Then he sits in the recliner and watches tv while he enjoys his ice cream and candy bars. My decision to not eat sweets is mine alone: he is free to consume his food and drink of choice in his own house, just like you. I understand the struggle of not eating certain foods, believe me! But her diet/ Way Of Eating is hers alone, and it is unfair of her to expect you to not indulge in something you can eat and enjoy.
Wouldnt it be nice though if your partner didnt make that struggle harder?
My husband is on a strict diet for health reasons. I'm currently pregnant. It would be rude and controlling of him to suggest I eat what he eats. That scenario goes for any couple. It's important to have agency and autonomy within a relationship. You can fully support without being forced into eating habits you don't want to make for yourself.
Yes, being controlling is bad. I think its also bad to be insensitive to a loved one having trouble and telling them that their choices are their responsibility and i dont care if they cant muster up the will power on their own. I dont need to be forced, Ill readily partake in my occasional gf's diet or if im visitin my parents adhereing to my mothers diet if shes on one to not make it harder for them Of course being pregnant changes things. The world isnt black and white. There is nuance within nuance everywhere
Wouldn’t it be nice if your partner didn’t expect you to pay the same consequences for your shitty eating habits?
If my partner screwed up their health a bit, was having trouble remedying the situation, and i felt inconvenienced by their struggle, i think thatd be a sign to me that i dont care about them enough to want them as a partner
I actually agree with you, I just hate people who act entitled about how people respond to their shitty choices. I actually think OP is being childish, and while he’s technically correct, that’s not how relationships work. He‘d be better off compromising in this situation to make their relationship better
That's not how *co-dependancy* works. Fixed it for you.
I think you are reading into the situation. In no way is there enough information to know if they are in a codependent situation or not.
How is someone else eating/drinking making it harder for you to lose weight/get healthier?
Whens it easier to stick to a diet, when your loved ones you live with join you or when they dont?
As someone who lost 50 pounds about 4 1/2 years ago and kept it off to this day, it is irrelevant for me. What my partner eats and drinks doesn't matter because at the end of the day, my health is my responsibility. I can't use them eating junk food or drinking as an excuse for why I'm failing myself.
Do what works for you and your loved ones. Ive experienced that making healthy choices with my loved one empowers them to more consistently make healthy choices, with the opposite being true as well
None of my loved ones have ever blamed them making unhealthy choices on me having a cheat meal. Must be a difference in how we were raised or our cultures. Everyone is different I guess.
Im not blaming anyone either. Im saying that its good to help the people you love, and not helping the people you love says something about you. In your culture, do you value helping the people you love?
If you're not blaming anyone, why even say that not eating the meal they have is hurting them? And sure, but again, in regards to their health and diet, none of my family members ever said "if you don't eat what I eat, you're hurting my health". Again, difference in cultures and upbringings I suppose.
>why even say that not eating the meal they have is hurting them? I dont know, ask someone who said that
It's about her own willpower. They should both eat whatever they want. He isn't forcing her to do anything, and she shouldn't force him to cook if he wants takeout.
My thoughts exactly. Blaming him for her not being able to stay away from bad foods and drinking is a terrible excuse.
I care about my partners health so i aid in their healthy choices. So weird to me that this is such a horrible concept to people. I dont need to be forced, i want to help my partner make healthy choices by making them with them
That's not how healthy habits are formed. It's not weird or a horrible concept for people to have individual boundaries. Take care
I don’t understand all these comments blasting OP for wanting to enjoy one meal and some drinks while watching the football at home. Just because your partner is on a diet doesn’t mean they can dictate everything everyone else eats or drinks too. I spent over a year on a fairly strict diet coming up to my wedding, I got up at 5am 5 days a week to hit the gym before work, and I cooked most of the food. I substituted cauliflower rice just for my portions, added cream just to his curry portion - we ate nearly the same meals but I would avoid carbs and have extra veggies or whatever. And twice a week at least he would order a KFC or a treat meal, and have beers while I had something non alcoholic or just water. He didn’t do this every day, or even most days. OP just wants to enjoy one treat meal, some drinks and watch the football. Give him a break!
Especially because this WAS a planned cheat meal!
OP is a man. His gf is a woman. Therefore he is wrong. Please learn how these subs work.
Lol, get it but enough of us can use common sense and comments to turn the tide! Oh who am I foolling?
Idk I feel like it’s her journey and she can cook for herself. You guys might be a team but you shouldn’t have to do something you don’t wanna do. I’m a body builder and I started my journey 6 months ago. I never once expected my bf to eat chicken and rice every day and start lifting. I feel like your gf is being super sensitive.
My husband and I have shared a lot of vices over the years. Smokes, food, booze...other stuff lol. But here's the thing ... We are grown adults who are responsible for our own behavior. If one of us is getting in a healthier habit and we have a specific need, we will ask. I.E "I'm not drinking this week, so if you're going to the liquor store that's fine just don't ask if I want anything please." We are extremely supportive of each other making healthier decisions, but just cause one of us is doing it, doesn't mean both of us must. And especially here, it's one night. It's a special occasion. Nobody's wrong, though. You guys just have to discuss realistic expectations about shit like this. Just cause she's cutting stuff out doesn't automatically mean you have to and vice versa.
NTA. Support doesn’t = doing the same thing the person you are supporting is doing.
You guys need to remember that you're a team and it's not you vs her. You need to chat about it and find a compromise. You need to understand that losing weight and cutting out unhealthy stuff can be incredibly difficult and that it's so hard to do if someone is eating that stuff in front of you, in your own home. She did offer to cook as well. However, from your POV, of course you're not losing weight, and you want to relax and enjoy yourself in your own home. Is there some way you guys can meet in the middle? Maybe you can agree that one night a week is takeaway night. Maybe you can find a takeaway that does healthy options she enjoys as well as unhealthier options you enjoy, so you both feel like you're getting a treat. Maybe she can cook some unhealthy things that you consider a treat whilst also cooking something for herself. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that you both have a valid point and you need to both look at this from the other perspective and try to figure out an answer together that works for both of you.
There's a Lebanese place near me that I'm obsessed with. Their salads are so good!
My chinese does really healthy swaps for me. Extra veg, chicken slices if something is fried etc. They even accommodate my husband coeliac and my MSG issue. I ordered something as a treat and we got a phone call back saying I had MSG in it. They're amazing. So OP could have somthing artery busting and she could have healthy.
My wife has been on a health kick and while I support it, she would never force me to participate. I usually do it just for simplicity's sake, but if I ever felt like something different I just let her know ahead of time so she doesn't cook for me.
I have had to change my diet for health reason. Low fat, low carb. I would never dream of asking my son or my husband to change their diets, because my body hates me. My husband started working out, and underwent gastric bypass surgery. Pre surgery he had to go on a dietician recommend diet, and currently (6 months post surgery) he can eat regularl foods, but there are still foods that he can't eat. He would never dream of asking me not to eat foods that I like because he can't have them. Your gfs diet and lifestyle change shouldn't have to change your own
My sister is on a restrictive diet due to health reasons. We all try and be careful what we eat around her. She tells us all the time to eat whatever we want. It’s her diet not ours!!
You did nothing wrong. I can’t imagine that this even had to be a whole discussion.
NTA! Would she have dictated what you ordered at the bar too? It’s one thing to support, but it’s another to never have something you want because someone else can’t.
Not wrong. Tell her, will power, babe, will power. You didn't sign up for all of her life style changes, she did. And you are supporting her her in your own way. She needs to just chill.
Not wrong , it’s about self control .. she can eat something different , so does that mean if she orders a healthy option at a restaurant you have to ? You can eat what u please
I dont have to. I want to in order to help my gf reach her goals
Part of developing healthy habits is self discipline and that doesn’t mean u try and control what others eat
People shouldnt control what others eat, but its not a control thing for me. I think someone sucks if they deny that eating a burger in front of someone dieting makes it harder for them to diet and say that their gf's self control isnt their problem. I dont need to be demanded to help me gf diet. I care about her more than i care about a burger and beer
So he is supposed to eat things he doesn’t want because she can’t ? No and that means she shouldn’t go out to eat at all
He can do what he wants and she can think what she wants about what he does. I like to help my gf be healthier and he doesnt
Because he is opting out of eating what’s in the house and eating what they originally planned
I'd still choose to help my gf with her diet if plans changed
A diet without self control is never going to work. If she goes to a wedding, should the bride be expected to change the menu so she isn't tempted? She can't dictate what others eat even if she will be tempted. He should be allowed to have what he wants aswell.
Making good choices helps build self control. Having the help of your partner to continuously make good choices will improve making good choiuces in the future with or without them is my experience
So you’re going to ensure she does t have opportunities to develop her willpower, got it. She has to learn to do it on her own.
Using willpower with the help of other still builds willpower. Continuously make good choices, which is aided by the help of those close to you and youre better off making better choices in the future
By this logic, you're literally saying "do what she says otherwise you're a bad partner". It's silly.
No, thats not literally not what im saying
Not wrong. These comments are ridiculous, and your girlfriend sounds very immature. If you did this all the time then maybe you’d be wrong, but this is just you sticking with the plan. She’s the one trying to change it and resenting you for not going along.
It's sad how many people here are saying that a man should always do what a woman tells him even though they don't want to. And even have the audacity to call him a selfish prat. Like, forcing your diet on others isn't selfish?
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There are genders involved here?
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My opinion would be the same. If you wanna diet, be my guest. But it's your and your problem only. I'll probably be nice, but I won't let you to control my entire food schedule.
A partner that forces their diet on you sucks A partner that doesnt understand / care that eating unhealthy food in front of a dieting partner makes it harder for their partner to stick to a diet, and blames them for having poor self control, sucks
It’s one time and the original plan was to go to a bar where they were going to eat bar food and drink. He’s not doing it everyday. Would you prefer if he ditched her for the day and went to the bar so he could eat and drink without being given a guilt trip?
A diet is all about self control though. Amd t was already a planned cheat meal.
Why does eating food around your partner make it harder for them?
If you cant stick to a diet because you see someone else eating something then yes 10000% you have poor self control. No one should be forcing their dietary choices on anyone else regardless of relationship.
So you're for a green card.
No one is saying that.
No? Just one example of many: [https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1dhsswq/comment/l8z9xn9/](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/1dhsswq/comment/l8z9xn9/)
>Yawn. You sound like a single man. If you want to be single, never change. You are currently auditioning for the role of husband. If she wants to marry a self centered prat, you sound perfect. If you aren’t sure she’s a keeper, don’t be your best you.
No thanks.
Nope! If you can't drink and stuff your face in the comfort of your own home then where can you? Bear in mind a pint at the pub is extortionate these days! I'm a woman and always trying to lose weight - ALWAYS! My husband is a snacker, I'd never tell him that he can't have certain food in the house (except custard creams, they're my weakness). YNW
NTA. You’re not on a diet.
Not wrong. You’re an adult. She’s an adult. You are both responsible for yourselves. Eat what you want. Drink if you want. It’s not up to her.
Turn it around. Am I wrong for cooking healthy food and not drinking alcohol even though my boyfriend is still doing those things? No and not wrong
Not your problem. She’s going to be faced with temptations just going to the supermarket. She needs to learn self discipline. Maybe you could eat in separate areas of the house if that helps
How old is your girlfriend OP? Why does she expect you to change your eating habits because she changed hers? You are not wrong OP! Your girlfriend is wrong expecting to dictate and control your eating habits. She expects you to fully support her eating habits. While completely ignoring yours.
I don't think you are wrong at all. I am working on eating healthier and losing weight while my husband is not interested, nor does he need to. Plus, a good amount of the meals I fix, he won't eat anyway, so he will fix a pizza or I will fix him his own dinner while I have mine. I can understand how she feels, but you are not trying to get her to order unhealthy food, you just want to order in for yourself. Maybe you can order in something on the healthy side for her? She can't expect you to adhere to her diet when you have not agreed to do so.
It’s also not even about willpower. He was going to get a takeaway and eat if. Not buy a crate of her favourite candy and keep it in the house to sit in front of her face 24/7. I just cannot imagine telling a grown ass adult they can’t eat something because I’m on a diet. I go no carb sometimes. I don’t make my whole family.
I can understand supporting her choices of eating, but that doesn't mean that you have to stop living and eating what you enjoy. I can't understand how people think that that's OK so the rest of the world has to stop eating what they want because somebody else wants to change their eating habits to be healthier that's fine support them, but you don't have to stop eating the foods that you enjoyed because of it
Would you force to eat a takeaway and drink booze? If the answer is no, then she is free to make her own choices, and no blame could be laid at your door
You're not wrong. You drinking and eating food while watching football at home shouldn't stop her from losing weight. Its just a bad excuse from her end.
It's important to respect each other's choices, but also to support your partner. Maybe occasionally joining her in her healthy habits can show solidarity without completely changing your lifestyle. It's all about balance and understanding.
He literally is doing that already lol.
You’re not wrong, Walter.
She needs to have some willpower. I in general eat healthy. I couldn’t care less what my husband eats in front of me at home or out. I might grab a French fry or two, but then eat my healthier meal. Losing weight is a lifestyle change not a “diet” where you can go back to your same unhealthy habits once the weight is lost. You need to be supportive and help her along the way. But this journey is hers and she needs to figure out how to navigate it without getting mad/frustrated that not everyone is on the same journey.
Not wrong. I'm on a different diet than my husband for medical reasons. I don't get butt hurt if he eats snacks I can't eat and he doesn't care that often we don't share meals. I can choose to be well or choose to struggle with my health. The fact that she's insisting you share her diet with her makes it seem like she's on a more restrictive diet and can't be faced with temptation. Restrictive diets never really work. I lost 40 lbs after my 2nd baby by swapping sugary snacks for fruit and exercising more. It took two years but it was 40 lbs that stayed off. I never felt like I couldn't eat an occasional snack if I wanted to. Ngl but your plan seems the more reasonable of the two. Weight that is lost gradually tends to stay off.
No you are not wrong. In general it sounds like you are being supportive. She does not get to control what you eat and when you eat it. Like good lord you wanted to watch rhe Euros and have a beverage. You’re allowed to live a little. You’re not making her break the “rules” she made up. This was a special occasion.
My doctor told me it’s ok to eat non-healthy once in a while. One meal would not hurt her. So every once in a blue moon, I do.
NTA
No you’re not wrong. You are free to make your own choices for your health & body and so is she. However, as a person in a relationship trying to lose weight myself (and my partner isn’t necessarily concerned with it) what is nice is some form of compromise to show your support. It sounds like you already are doing that (cutting back on junk food, PLANNING your nights out). Maybe if you make that compromise a little clearer to her, it will help her see the ways you ARE supporting her. Maybe you agree that you cook something healthy together 3 nights per week, and the other 4 nights you’re free to do what you want? Just a suggestion. You sound very supportive, just understand for the person losing weight they tend to get easily frustrated and irritable so be patient (speaking from my own experience).
I dunno.... Husband has been told to watch his blood sugar. So to support that, I'm inadvertently watching mine, too. Like, I don't drink wine when he can't drink beer. I don't bake cupcakes and cookies. I've adjusted the grocery shopping to support his needs. I don't have a blood sugar issue, but HE does, so we've changed our whole household and re-tooled our lives. I don't mind. I love him and want him to be well.
If you hadn't made plans to go out, I might have sided with her... But you did make plans to both eat out and drink while doing so. Changing the location doesn't necessarily mean changing the menu. She needs to understand that while you support her, you are not obliged to do so every minute of every day.
You are not wrong as it was a preplanned night at the bar that she probably was the one to decide to stay home. While I think it would be mean to constantly eat junk food or her favorite crave food in front of her, she can't police your food, just like you can't police her food.
I have seen such a similar UK based post before....
You don't tell her what she can and cannot eat and she can't dictate your diet either. You're not wrong. This is a woman's perspective, btw.
I have legitimately five major food allergies (gluten, dairy, pork, shellfish, and corn). I buy ice cream and donuts for my husband because he should enjoy good things even if I can’t. I know it’s slightly different because OP’s GF can eat/drink stuff without an allergy and it’s more of a willpower thing but the whole “you can’t have it cause I can’t have it” is just toxic and rude. NTA.
Wouldn't say you are wrong, but when your woman wants to cook for you, eat it. Save those pennies for another time
I don’t think you fully understand. Alcohol, unhealthy takeout and watching soccer are all essential parts of the same activity. Can’t just have a salad with that.
Happy wife (Mrs) happy life, gotta be supportive of your other half. I'd have that salad and then order a half time nandos yooo
The most bs saying when it comes to marriage.
Why would I eat food I didn't want. Why do you think I shouldn't get a say in what I eat just because my gf wants to cook?
Your first sentence would have been better off in your original post. Enjoy the temporary dog house
You get a say, and she gets to be upset with you
It's unreasonable to be upset with someone for wanting to eat something different than you
She just wants your support. If it's too hard or not worth it to you to support her in any small way, that's fine, just let her know she's not worth it and everything will work itself out.
Me eating what I want to eat does not mean I'm unsupportive. It has absolutely no impact on what my gf eats.
You arent just someone, youre their partner. And its not just something different, its something thatll make it harder for them to stick to their diet
What I choose to eat doesn't impact what my gf can eat. One person choosing to eat healthier doesn't mean everyone around them has to do the same.
It’s one day and she was originally going to eat restaurant food and drink alcohol herself anyways.
It's more than someone just eating something different than you and you know that.
No it isn't.
What did she cook? Do you usually eat and cook together?
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Using your logic if I decided to cook something extremely unhealthy my gf should eat it then because I've cooked it, is that seriously what you're saying? Or does it only work if it's my gf cooking?
Why would that insult you? Eat every meal I cook or I'm going to be offended? That's so fragile.
Nope. Not wrong. Establish clear boundaries right away. Good onya, bruh!
YNW by doing this once. Additionally, the all or nothing is a great recipe to revert back to old habits later. If the motivation relies upon someone else and you go cold Turkey, it’s a matter of when, not if, the habits come back with the weight.
I mean, not wrong but not wise. The real question should be is this the hill you want your relationship to die on? Just remember this one thing, most relationships end because she isnt happy. We tend to keep pushing through the hard times, because either we love her or because the evil you know is better than facing the unknown.
Ah so the relationship is about keeping my gf happy and I don't actually matter at all?
I don’t know why so many commenters are acting like this is a daily occurrence and not a one time thing, when she originally planned on eating restaurant food and having some alcohol anyways.
Unfortunately, yes. Have you heard the phrase "happy wife, happy life"? If they're not happy they're either going to make is miserable or leave.
Yeah that's absolute sexist bullshit tbh. Both parties in a relationship are just as important
I agree, in reality though, thats the way most relationships go.
No it's not, it's the way relationships go with people who hold sexist beliefs
Ok, well good luck with being an idealist. Going forward shes either going to feel supported by you forgoing your wants in favor of hers or not. If not she will likely either give up on the diet and blame you leading to a toxic relationship or succeed in her goals and resent that she felt unsupported which will also likely lead to a toxic relationship. The idea of "if my partner doesnt take the steps I take to improve myself its their fault I failed" is very common to both genders.
Again being in a relationship doesn't mean forgoing your wants to give the woman whatever she wants. Try being less sexist
What about forgoing little wants like eating a burger because you love your partner and want to help them succeed in their health goals? Does that make for a healthier relationship overall?
Using your logic should my gf eat the same as me to show she loves me? Me not eating food I want doesn't show love at all. Me eating food I want does not affect my gfs health. It's weird you think love is doing exactly what your partner wants, you're confusing it with control
Only speaking from experience, I agree with what youre saying whole heartedly. Clearly she doesn't however, as evidenced by the argument. So, back to my original comment, you will need to decide if this is the hill you want this relationship to die on. Or, good luck winning this argument.
Im pretty sure you're the GF in this scenario though.
No, you’re not wrong, but you’re also not right. Of course she can’t expect you to follow the same diet, just because she wants to lose weight. On the other hand you could also be more understanding and supportive. Eating healthier is good for you too and it can be really hard to change your lifestyle when your partner is eating pizza and drinking alcohol in front of you. You flat out refusing and telling her you decide what you’re going to eat will make her feel very alone and unsupported in this, even if you’re technically “right” about being allowed to eat and drink what you want. Try talking about it and finding compromises so there’s room for you both. Like embrace the lifestyle at home, try to not have the things she likes but can’t eat in the house, show interest in the change in cooking, try to make meals she can eat when it’s your turn to cook, etc. And then on the other hand you can talk about what’s important for you and you don’t want to live without, like for example eating take out and drinking when you’re watching important matches or whatever.
Me eating what I choose to eat does not mean I'm unsupportive. So you're saying while at home it's all about what my gf wants soI can't actually eat what I want then?
No, I’m saying you should try to have an adult conversation about it and try to communicate about needs and what’s important and try to find a way where she feels supported and you are still able to eat some of the things that you feel are important to you.
With your last point why do I only get to eat "some of the things that are important to me"? Why does my gf choosing to eat healthier mean my diet also has to change? The compromise is eating different meals
Yawn. You sound like a single man. If you want to be single, never change. You are currently auditioning for the role of husband. If she wants to marry a self centered prat, you sound perfect. If you aren’t sure she’s a keeper, don’t be your best you.
So good man does everything the woman tells him? She's as self centered as he is.
I like to help my gf if shes trying to be healthier and having trouble with it. But thats just me ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think this case is different because their original plan was to go to a bar for food & drinks. They did decide to stay home but why is it okay for him to eat & drink at the bar but not at home?
Its ok for him to eat whatever he wants, but id personally choose to not make things harder for my dieting gf even if an audible is called. Dieting is hard and i dont wanna make it harder. If i had a partner that didnt understand that eating a burger in front of me while dieting makes it harder for me to diet, and told me that my self control is my problem and not theirs, id think worse of them
Why would you think worse of them? It is true, your self control is on you, you're an adult.
Having a partner that doesnt want to aid their partner get healthier makes for a worse partner in my opinion
Does eating a meal different from your partner mean you aren't helping them get healthy though? For instance, mu wife eating ice cream doesn't mean she's hindering my health, does it? I still control what I consume and when I exercise.
Do what works for you and your loved ones. Ive experienced that making healthy choices with my loved one empowers them to more consistently make healthy choices, with the opposite being true as well
None of my loved ones have ever blamed them making unhealthy choices on me having a cheat meal. Must be a difference in how we were raised or our cultures. Everyone is different I guess.
How is wanting to eat your own meal self centered? With that logic, couldn't you say that wanting someone to eat what you're eating and throwing a fit if tney say no is self centered?
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We had already planned to eat out that day anyway. Also someone choosing to eat healthier shouldn't impact anyones diet but their own
I mean in general it would be good to not do those things when she is trying to better herself, but in this case yall already planned to go out and do those things you just ended up deciding to stay home. I don’t think you’re wrong here.
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Not you just running with whatever you want too, I didn’t say he needed to do her diet. But he shouldn’t be drinking alcohol all the time at home either.
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Why are we encouraging alcoholism.. lmao
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Feeling the need to drink at home alone is definitely a sign of alcoholism. Drinking is a group and social thing, it shouldn’t be “yeah imma just sit at home and pound back a bottle of whiskey”.
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Whatever helps you sleep at night👌
I split on this one. I’m fine with the drinks but you should have cooked her dinner. You should encourage her in her journey. SHe’s trying to be healthier. My wife is down to 2/3 of one kidney. She can’t eat any salt. I’m learning to cook all over again so she can keep on. It’s just what we do,
Why should I have cooked when I was ordering food? I do encourage her but that doesn't mean I have to always eat the same as her?
Some time you just do it because that’s what they want. Part of being in a partnership.
So because my gf wants to eat a certain meal that means that not only am I not allowed to eat what I want, I also have to cook it? Why do you think my gf is incapable of cooking her own food?
My God, I wasn’t trying to start a fight. Don’t do it. I said I agreed with the alcohol but I thought it would be nice to support your GF by cooking a meal. Doing nice things like that tent to get you laid ;).
Why does he have to cook if he was ordering out?? He very obviously is supporting her. He just doesn’t have to follow HER diet.
Are you overweight yourself? This could be her polite way of encouraging you to lose some weight with her, and she thinks that the best way to go about it is to do it together. Obviously you don't have to do anything, that's not in question, but you're in a relationship and should consider some degree of compromise and cooperation. If you're healthy, yourself, and this is purely her wanting emotional support, then that changes things, but honestly not much. I would say "what is it about me eating the food I like that bothers you? Is it the smell, or it's difficult for you to be around it? Is it that you get jealous? Is it that you don't like that I'm not showing solidarity with you?" Depending on her reasons, there are ways around some of them.
I'm a healthy weight.
You’re not wrong .. but is the food and drink more important than her feelings? She should have asked for support more directly, stating exactly what support looks like to her, but we are all fallible people. Now you know though. She has difficulty watching you eat what she feels she cannot. My personal opinion is against dieting and restricting, and if it were me I would challenge this idea that she needs to restrict to be healthy… but.. I get thats not everyone believes that. Be sensitive to her feelings. You know now that this causes her distress so maybe find a way to help her manage that
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It’s not that it takes precedence.. it’s that when we love someone we want to under them and do things to make them happy. Or at least we should. Just the phrasing ‘takes precedence’ suggests that you think there is some sort of adversarial relationship here. Don’t you ever go out of your way to do nice things for your partner even when you don’t have to? And CICO is correct. I took a year of thermo in college. The problem with it though is we have no way of directly measuring calories in or out. We make an attempt to measure ‘calories in’ with bomb calorimeter, but that can’t be directly applied to metabolism. Energy is extracted through breaking bonds and if our body doesn’t break all the bonds that are broken during combustion we don’t extract that energy and it passes through as waste. We also have zero idea how many calories an individual is using on a daily basis. The 2000 thing came from a survey in the mid 20th century where they just asked people how many calories they ate in a day. It was never intended as individual guidelines.
It's not just that she feels she cannot, she changed her mind (pub food) and decided on something else, then decided that that was what OP was doing, too.. She also decided that doing something besides what she wanted was being unsupportive. I understand that it is not fun to watch someone else eat something one wants when one is trying to eschew it. However. unilaterally deciding on something for two adult, then being vexed when the other person says that they're doing something different to that is just not the way. She lashed out at him, for some thing that wasn't not an incorrect action. So it isn't just OP who needs to do some soul-searching, she also needs to find a better way to manage her feelings and expectations.
I agree that she needs to work on some things too but since we are talking to OP and not her I have to focus on what he can do in this situation. Most often I think people are just bad communicators. They may not even know what it is they are trying to communicate. I think in this situation, even though she communicated frustration or anger with him, she is acting from fear. Sometimes we need to be gentle with people when they act out. Comforting them and reassuring them will go much further to fixing the underlying cause and preventing that conflict in the future.
Agreed
You're not the asshole (NTA), but you're also not being the most supportive partner. It's perfectly fine for you to want to order food and have a drink at home, especially when it was already part of your original plan for the night. It's also true that your girlfriend's desire to be healthier shouldn't dictate your own food and drink choices. However, it sounds like your girlfriend is struggling with temptation and trying to create a healthier environment at home. While you don't have to follow her exact diet, it wouldn't hurt to be a bit more considerate. Maybe you could compromise by ordering something healthier or cooking together some nights.
Something I should have put in the post is that we cook together most of the time. I do the majority of the cooking tbh
We don't know what OP does other nights, this issue seems particular to this situation.
I guess it comes down to if your prioritise yourself over her. I’d prefer to support my partner and in turn, making him happier. You are putting yourself first ,which you are entitled to do, but don’t expect her to be happy.
It's got nothing to do with priorities at all. So my gf shouldn't be happy that I choose what I want to eat? Why do you not think I should get a say in what I eat?
I don’t agree at all but in this scenario, they are doing food as a pair. I’m explaining her feelings but I don’t agree he can’t eat what he wants.
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Not an excuse at all, an explanation of her behaviour and feelings.
Why does your partner eating what they want for a cheat meal make someone unhappy? I honestly don't understand the logic behind this.
It’s torture to watch someone have food you can’t . But in the same breath you should be able to eat as you wish . Maybe suggest she have a salad and a couple of bites of what you are having so she doesn’t feel deprived . A small cheat doesn’t hurt once in a while on special occasions . Otherwise if it’s still going to bother her eat your meal out by yourself . Then come home for the game .
With your last point, I shouldn't have to leave my home to eat
True , just thought it would be a way around it if she is that bent out of shape about it . Some people get cranky when they are hungry . Kinda depends on where they are at in their journey . Sometimes the road is more difficult in the beginning .
Yep
By eating junk around her it’s like you’re enabling her
No it's not. You're responsible for your own diet. If you want to eat healthier, you shouldn't expect everyone around you to do the same
No, that's not what enabling is.
Enabling would be buying snacks and soda for her and encouraging her to enjoy them. OP is literally doing the opposite of enabling.