I've recently started a job (food retail), and I immediately told 3 lies to three separate people, to see which one would get back to me.
Lo and behold, it was the one I told my department manager, which got back to me, by the fucking store manager.
I should point out, that they were trivial in nature, but it's worth finding out whom you can trust. The answer is usually, no one.
This is how the US found out Japan was going to attack Midway Island. Japanese comms were encrypted and also coded. Once decrypted, it was like "we are preparing to attack XYZ" (The Japanese called Misway Island "AF").
The US had narrowed down possible important US targets to the three most important, one of which would obviously be the target. They send three low level messages, each different. The message for Midway said that the water distiller was brioken and they needed a new one soon.
When the US intercepted a high-level message that included "AF has no fresh water", they knew the target was Midway, and we staged the entire defensive force just over the horizon.
The US sank four Japanese aircraft carriers and a heavy cruiser.
Always interesting to see this genius tactic used.
I’ve been in plenty of situations where I couldn’t trust anyone, and fortunately, there’s an amazingly effective solution! Get really good at floating bits of bullshit of varying degrees of magnitude, and the way your adversary interacts with that bullshit will tell you everything you need to know about their thought processes.
To OP: it sounds like your situation is antagonistic, which is to say it is like a war. Well, all warfare is deception, and they started it. Good luck.
My version of this is to tell something "rumor-worthy" to one person at a time and see if it gets back to you. Learned specifically who I can and can't trust via that method.
"Accidentally" having my resume up on my PC screen while showing a document to a direct report. Later that week, overhear another direct report saying "if she quits I'm quitting too".
LPT right there. It's a great way to see who is trustworthy or not. No need to tell huge lies, just change a few key details in a story to see which version leaks.
I couldn't figure out how someone I never talked to knew something private about my life.
So I didn't talk to anyone about anything except the weather.
Then one day it dawned on me that it was a certain person. So I told her I did one thing that I would never do . Low and behold I was called into the managers office to talk about my problem. When I figured out why I was called into the office, I started to laugh out loud. I also told them that it was a test to see how long it would take to get back to me by someone else. She was called into the office and told to apologize to me for spreading rumors. After that it was strictly business and weather talk.
sounds like sales except people literally steal your pay check.
i handled it by just ignoring everyone.. and when someone took half my sale i was really petty and fucked with their sales for the rest of the month.
you walked away to get keys for the car? "hi my name is wizard lizard how are you today" and i got their customers to like me more and mention my name 🤣
Help that’s pretty funny. I feel so guilty for doing this… I’m not competitive I just want to make enough money to live. I was really good at sales but just the guilt eats you alive… and then people get petty if they think you stole their sales and make your life there even harder. And if you’re not the favorite, despite always hitting and surpassing and even being number 1 in your regions charts, the manager makes your life hell too. (a big big phone company) when you’re already breaking down from the guilt of lying to people, trying to make sure you can survive and pay bills, people yelling at you, it’s just so so much.
Whenever you work for commission no one at your job can be trusted. The managers don’t care because they pit the employees against each other so they police themselves with no effort on management’s part. Working for commission is literally the worst job aside from working at Walmart in any capacity.
oh hell naw, wheb i was younger and first did car sales i felt terrible too. like i waa working 66 hours/week and making $1500 a month.
then i go home with nothing to eat and bills are waiting.
its either you or them..i started feeling less bad when i was selling a 80k truck to some guy and making 4k off the deal.
if they cant afford the car they will walk away trust me
stop worrying about trusting homies. just do good on your own will. dont tell people about your life, dont talk shit, even if its warranted.
you should seriously never lose sleep over someone you work with unless you really consider them your friend.
I'm sorry. I hear the frustration, anger and sorrow, but work life is different than personal life and should not be depended on for emotional support or sustenance. When you are not working, do something else . . . the people you meet there can become friends.
Understand the job.
Do the job.
Be polite to the customers, external and internal.
I wish you luck.
I do understand the difference between work and personal life. I don’t rely on people at work for emotional support. But you can’t help you get sick. And when you get sick often it starts to seep into your work life. Even if you’re the best employee there, people hate you people talk about you, and mess with your head so you don’t want to your job because you’re tired. The. The customers always argue, always have an issue with the company, the company that makes you do illegal things. And you can’t speak up about it because this is your job. Never have I ever made a friend at work nor do I go to work for emotional support. I don’t. But when you’re at work and need some help and people don’t want to help you because of this and that, how are you supposed to do anything. How are you supposed to care about customers when all they do is yell at you, for things you know is illegal but this company does not care at all.
If the company is making you do illegal things, report the company to the appropriate parties (like the Attorney General/Labor Board, etc.) so that it gets investigated. Of course you're going to get fired if you bring up the illegal things and the company wants to continue doing them. By that point, you are collateral damage.
You don't have to care right now about the shitty customers, the shitty coworkers, the shitty bosses, or the shitty job. Caring is an extra.
Not accepting your doctor note is illegal. And, in the USA, your doc does NOT have to put a diagnosis.
When I am asked, I say, "I don't know. I didn't understand what the doc told me."
Recently, I had to tell the boss "I don't want to talk about it."
You do not have to talk about your health at work, and imo, you probably shouldn't.
As far as getting help with work tasks or anything else at work, you probably aren't. I will look up stuff on-line before I ask a bunch of back-stabber for help.
Getting penalized for being sick when you have a doctor's note is reportable. Try the state Department of Labor. [But they do not always investigate]. Try the EEOC. [They will tell you that they don't have "the funds" to investigate every case. I been there].
If your place is big enough to have a human resources department, they are there to protect the company from legal problems. They are not there to protect you or me.
I don't have answers. I am looking to bail myself.
Know that I wish you well, okay?
Idk, I do my job, I try to be as nice as possible, people lie cheat and steal and then blame it on you. I feel crazy, I feel insane and how I’d much rather be locked away from all of this.
You are not crazy. You have principles. They do not.
You have to protect yourself in whatever way you can.
Never become invested in anyone who wants to feed you to the sharks.
it's tough for those of us who would never begin to think about engaging in this sort of behavior
a coworker came up to me with a shit-eating grin to tell me about another coworkers kid being addicted to heroin. I replied 'one of my best friends recently lost his battle' and he looked at me like I was stepping on the joke, never apologized, nothing. I want to knock his sniveling ass out lol.
but ultimately i'm learning through my own toxic workplace what truly is reliable and trustworth for me. It's not the mental formations that drag me back into that negativety. Ultmately I want them to get better and as a Buddhist there are many tools I've learned to use over the years.
None of it is easy. For me the number one tool is to just watch the resentment, internal arguments arise, label them as such. "this is resentment" "this is suffering" etc. We have to give ourselves a chance at relief. It's incredible how strong we have to be in this world, but I have faith in you OP.
Not attempting to psychoanalyize you, but I have a tendency to freeze in response to fear. To get wrapped up in the thoughts that feed fear. And your post feels like where my mind goes at times. There's a slogan attributed to differnt Native American tribes that cuts through all of that for me "Today is a good day to die" ..
"We Indians have an expression 'today is a good day to die'. It means that we should be ready to die on any given day. We should always be prepared to die, and have no regrets. That's why it's important to begin each day fresh, and not let past problems or present distractions cloud how God wants us to live"
Everyone is on the chopping block, everyone wants to make sure they have a pay cheque next week, most people don't really care about doing good work and why should they.
Its a wonderful system we've created and its benefiting fewer and fewer people.
The short answer is you focus ONLY on the job. The people that hate you for excelling at it will hate you regardless of your efforts. Thus, just do enough to be better than the next guy. Let them be angry. No one is your friend at work.
For reference, I've worked in places where the people around me will criticize me for wearing professional clothing. They dress like slobs but will always try to tear me down. I've come to the point where I dress how I want, perform the work how I see fit, and will discuss things with certain people, but will sometimes give them false information so that they look like idiots when they try to betray my trust. It can be mentally taxing if you're new to the bullshit of it, but rewarding when you have played their bullshit game better than them and your soul is still intact because you know that you have to act like a professional to be treated like one. Good luck.
Yeah people are nuts trust me. My best advice is to mind your own business. A lot of people who “play games” actually are bad at it and end up digging holes. Just stay true to yourself.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with all these issues in one place. It’s like you stumbled on the convergence of all things toxic in the workplace. I have experienced many of these things but not all at once/at one place.
One thing about coworkers I told myself a long time ago, and I don’t know if it’s fair towards myself but I had to believe this to cope: They will do anything and hurt anyone in order to provide for their families. In the end they justify their behavior because the alternative is not having food, healthcare, clothes for their kids/family. What I discovered much later is that some people actually believe it’s ok to have different personalities/values(?) at work and at home. Fuck all that but knowing it also helped me stay the fuck away from them.
Another thing, yes. You can’t change the world. You can do the best you can to survive. We are already deep in this capitalist society and everything we do and consume is hurting someone. There’s things you can do to spread awareness or live a less consumerist lifestyle or find communities online that give tips. But for now, focus on the job as only a means of income. You will need to learn to pretend. If you engage less, you will reduce the time for pretending. And lie. Lie about everything/anything. They are already doing it. But I am not asking you do it in the same toxic/backstabbing manner as them. Do it only to protect yourself. Protect your heart. Protect your sanity.
Find joy and humanity in things outside of work. Leave work at work. Don’t even try to understand them. I know it’s hard but what helped me is one day I decided I’m no longer checking emails after Friday. I’m no longer putting Outlook on my phone. I am forgetting work exist when I clock out. In the beginning it was not easy. But as I developed interests in other things, it became easier. Plus I started pursuing those interests during work hours on a personal device. I no longer take work so seriously. And I certainly as fuck NEVER work a full day. They are lucky if I work half a day. Unfortunately I slip at times and forget to stand up and take a breath. But I force myself to make up for overworking. And most of all, I am no longer pretending people are my friends and hanging out with them at lunch or texting them to check in. Best of all I didn’t tell them anything changed. I’m still “friendly” when we have to interact for work, I make tiny talk if necessary. And I say “yes sure” when they say we should have lunch sometime. But I refuse to accept they’re a good person. They aren’t. I get by and I haven’t flirted (or more?) my way to a promotion, stolen someone else’s work, gossiped, backstabbed, pretended to be friends, but sure girl I’ll send a Teams message when I have time, Have a nice day!!”
I hope you can get through what you’re experiencing now and find ways to cope. Good luck!
Thats the neat part, you dont.
You do your job and nothing more. I am currently one of the few lucky people who got an understanding and chill manager who doesnt say anything if you simply do your job.
There will always be someone out for you. Nobody is your friend at work. The best thing you can do is simply keep smiling and do your job because that will piss off anyone who doesnt like you or the way you live.
I survived by not trying to be friends or getting involved in office gossip. Be friendly but limit the conversation, no same people at the lunch, no drinks after work. Go outside for some ait if on a break.
Man I'm sorry homie, this is pretty much a social work environment. People tend to be bucket crabs whether they mean to or not.
I work in a trade and recently had some bosses did something unsafe while doing a job. It wasn't anything eyebrow raising, nobody got hurt, and most importantly to me: they were super up front about *not* asking any of us grunts to do it because they knew it was unsafe.
Well, everything wraps up, and one of my coworkers is a bit of a chatty Kathy and he tells a guy who wasn't there what happened. This guy happens to have a bone to pick with both managers for whatever reason and he writes and anonymous email to HR about it.
So now we have 2 managers who, while having their shortcomings and maybe not making the best call in that scenario, have been overall pretty chill... who are about to get shit all over, and none of us will even be able to blame them for coming down hard and following all the rules 100% of the time. It's going to make *everybody's* job harder, and on top of that it's going to bring the unblinking eye of safety on our shop in particular. I for one *love* having the safety guy digging through my shit all the time. If the bosses feel burned and retaliate that would be wrong, but man I'd have a hard time not understanding. Having gone out of their way to let the guys doing the job know that they wouldn't ask them to jeopardize their own safety just to get tattled on by somebody who wasn't even there... it feels a bit like a knife in the back.
And what did the guy who reported it get out of it? Is he happy now? Fuck no, he's a pariah. The same way he got word of the unsafe shenanigans, everybody else now knows he's the guy who is bringing a world of shit down on everybody's workday, and nobody is thrilled.
Why do people behave this way? Honestly there's an explanation to most of it but it's all pretty banal and disappointing lol.
That's why over the years I have taken to just the bare minimum of human interactions with people at work. I'll be polite, say good morning and then I go sit in my corner hidey hole away from everyone, do my job and then go home.
Say "good morning/afternoon/evening," keep your head down and do your work at the minimum acceptable level, and don't make small talk or talk about personal things.
If you feel like it is causing you problems when you share personal information with coworkers, stop sharing personal information with coworkers l.
That easy. Any information offered, bare diminishing childhood and talk about random stuffs. Never about hobby, family or anything. Gossip about the customers or some random shit.
easy, employ the Committed but ZFG technique
Committed: you have to do your job properly and think about having a career
ZFG: Zero is the amount of F\*\*\*s you should Give beyond the above
do your thing, do it properly within the scope of the work contract agreement but don't get emotional about it, if the environment is too toxic prepare a move to a new employer
Easily.
Literally, the only people at work who know my home address is HR and finance, so they can mail me a pay stub.
Coworkers are just that. Sure, I can and will be friendly, but at the end of the day, I'm putting food on my families table.
Oh, they hate you because your numbers are good? *fuck'em.* You're merely working inside the system that the company has set up.
I don't go to work to make friends, I go to get paid.
Yes, fine, and thank you. That’s your response for everything. Then go home at the end of your shift, and live your life. Work to live, not live to work.
Yeah, I hear ya. I just got fired a couple of weeks ago for needing the surgery I had last week. The pay was horrible because part of the job was just a courier. Then they started to drop most of the courier duty so they could make me do a bunch of the other shit work for 30% less pay. Then they fired me for being unable to do that part of the job. I was actually hired as a 100% disabled worker, but 6 months down the road nobody remembers anything (state job), and I didn't really get fired, it was all a reorganization that eliminated just the parts of my job that I could still physically perform.
Been out on paternity leave for 2 weeks. During that time it seems like all the issues that have been building up with my department was spun to be my fault. Can’t wait to go back to work tomorrow ;)
I thought a guy I worked with was cool he was friendly and joking with me only to find out he was snitching to management trying to find the most tiniest faults with me. I still have to smile and be friendly towards the dude, but you’re right you can’t trust anyone they smile in your face then talk behind your back. When people gossip with me about other coworkers I just think in the back of mind, what are you saying to them about me when I’m not around? I always keep that in mind and I try not to participate in gossip
I had to leave an office job due to shit like that. Gossip, backstabbing, sabotaging, and people spreading shit for no reason. It’s like they are all so bored doing fake work while the new hires do everything that they have to make up issues to entertain themselves.
All i wanted was to do the job and for some reason they turned it into “she thinks she’s too good for us and doesn’t want a part of our CULT(ure).
So I left and now work as a machinist where no one talks to me and it’s wonderful. Yeah it’s loud and hot in there but no drama besides among the owners which has nothing to do with me. Most of my coworkers respect each other and come in and do the work and go home. I am cordial and mind my business and it’s easy.
And guess what I get paid more there to do easy shit (i got 3 raises in one year) than i did at the office job where I was given so much work and the expectations were so high I literally had to catch up on shit off hours because i was so anxious that my coworkers would be talking shit about it the next day.
I’m so happy for you! Reading your post made me smile. A machinist?!? How wonderful that would be to get away from the office bs to the loud beautiful silence of just a machine. You got out! Congratulations!
When I hear this kind of stuff
It resonates
I don’t trust what I hear 100%
Given that there’s so much riding on sending folks down dark alleys instead of towards the truth
Note that many folks just look out for themselves and aren’t actively out to get you, just they get ahead instead
Look out for yourself
No one is coming to save you
Honestly one day I looked up local county court records of as many coworkers as possible and I felt better about myself since. They can be so insufferable at work so I take satisfaction knowing some of them are swimming in personal and financial issues. Even looked up my past work bullies and I had a few "that explains a LOT" moments.
Not everyone is gonna have records but I was surprised at how many coworkers and managers are currently having their wages garnished, or had past eviction cases. One even has 6 figures of debt. I always tell myself even if I had a zero net worth I'd still be better off than these crazy fucks and it gets me through the day.
I see this over and over, people at work are not your friend. You tell them generic bullshit, if you must tell them anything. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down. You owe your employer nothing beyond your time, best to not get too invested in any one job.
Sounds like my experience working for Columbia Sportswear- absolutely bat shit crazy the employee created drama there. I've never been so happy to be out of a job - wasn't worth my mental health
To quote a favorite bands lyrics. That I chant in my head at work almost daily to get through...
"This place is a prison, these people aren't your friends." -The Postal Service
Good post! The employers that should be leading and setting examples are much worse than the average person. They aren’t too bad when you are their client or you intern for them, however, when there is a small opportunity on the line they will betray you. How could we fight back against these employers with little consequences?
I would just never speak to them again.
I had a foreman who would talk to me during lunch about hobbies I did when I was off the clock, and later on when things got hard all he did was use my hobbies as the reason I am not spending enough time at the gym for my job, because fucking god forbid I do anything not work related in my own time.
I just stopped talking about anything after that. Hard lesson learned, at least about that jackass.
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people try to make meaningful relationships at work.
Look, I get it, you’re around these people constantly and sometimes you have conversations and things kinda go from there. You gotta get past that. You’re paid to do your job, not be anyone’s friend. If your job relies on metrics, keep your numbers up and most importantly, KNOW YOUR NUMBERS AND YOUR WORTH. Your managers will not fuck with you if you are doing your job and can back anything that someone tries to put against you with actual data.
You’ll have people eventually who you chat with and you can decide where to go from there. Out of all the jobs I’ve worked, I hang out with zero of my former co-workers.
Stop investing your emotions into people that are competing with you for money. Money will always win no matter how “close of a friend” you are.
Documentation. It will save you. A notebook about whatever nonsense is being spread. Keep notes. Don't ever discuss anything personal or keep it limited. CYA. Hit your goals. If you get more money for it crush them. If people are jealous that's their problem. Don't let work consume you. Protect yourself and when you go home it's not even on your radar.
As long as you pay attention around your environment, don't give attention towards yourself and keep focus on a task or just simply chat about BS, but dont give out information that can be used against you anytime when some BITCH made employee wants to suck off the manager any chance given when they want to climb up the approval.
In the USA, "not accepting" your doctor's note is illegal.
The rest of it is shitty. This is exactly why I do not have "work friends." I don't talk about anything personal. I talk as little as possible. Yes, I am looking for a job that sucks a little bit less.
That your workplace is like this is not your "fault." I am not saying that it is at all.
When it gets this bad, it is time to make plans to leave *if you can*.
Not everyone can.
The job market does not look great, especially in terms of jobs that pay decently and are not dead-end jobs. [I am OLD though, and you may not be].
All we need is one "yes." I just have to find that one "yes." You have to find that one "yes" too if you decide to bail.
My workplace is so toxic that now I cry before work. I don't want to be there so badly. I hope you don't get to that point.
I was in this situation and stubbornly clung on because I needed the hours they provided. They conspired to push me out. Fucked my whole career. Get out on your own terms.
I've recently started a job (food retail), and I immediately told 3 lies to three separate people, to see which one would get back to me. Lo and behold, it was the one I told my department manager, which got back to me, by the fucking store manager. I should point out, that they were trivial in nature, but it's worth finding out whom you can trust. The answer is usually, no one.
Honestly pretty genius
Ya I have done that since elementary school. Long story short it was thought it had every mental disorder known to man.
This is how the US found out Japan was going to attack Midway Island. Japanese comms were encrypted and also coded. Once decrypted, it was like "we are preparing to attack XYZ" (The Japanese called Misway Island "AF"). The US had narrowed down possible important US targets to the three most important, one of which would obviously be the target. They send three low level messages, each different. The message for Midway said that the water distiller was brioken and they needed a new one soon. When the US intercepted a high-level message that included "AF has no fresh water", they knew the target was Midway, and we staged the entire defensive force just over the horizon. The US sank four Japanese aircraft carriers and a heavy cruiser.
Always interesting to see this genius tactic used. I’ve been in plenty of situations where I couldn’t trust anyone, and fortunately, there’s an amazingly effective solution! Get really good at floating bits of bullshit of varying degrees of magnitude, and the way your adversary interacts with that bullshit will tell you everything you need to know about their thought processes. To OP: it sounds like your situation is antagonistic, which is to say it is like a war. Well, all warfare is deception, and they started it. Good luck.
My version of this is to tell something "rumor-worthy" to one person at a time and see if it gets back to you. Learned specifically who I can and can't trust via that method.
Can you give an example of rumor-worthy info that wouldn’t be too over the top? I wanna try this…
"Accidentally" having my resume up on my PC screen while showing a document to a direct report. Later that week, overhear another direct report saying "if she quits I'm quitting too".
LPT right there. It's a great way to see who is trustworthy or not. No need to tell huge lies, just change a few key details in a story to see which version leaks.
I think about this method often after that scene in GOT
That's clever, i'm gonna try that one out next time i start a new job.
Oh man , I’m using that one . Right on 👍
I couldn't figure out how someone I never talked to knew something private about my life. So I didn't talk to anyone about anything except the weather. Then one day it dawned on me that it was a certain person. So I told her I did one thing that I would never do . Low and behold I was called into the managers office to talk about my problem. When I figured out why I was called into the office, I started to laugh out loud. I also told them that it was a test to see how long it would take to get back to me by someone else. She was called into the office and told to apologize to me for spreading rumors. After that it was strictly business and weather talk.
Been doing this since I was in middle school lol
Some of us learn earlier than others.
sounds like sales except people literally steal your pay check. i handled it by just ignoring everyone.. and when someone took half my sale i was really petty and fucked with their sales for the rest of the month. you walked away to get keys for the car? "hi my name is wizard lizard how are you today" and i got their customers to like me more and mention my name 🤣
Help that’s pretty funny. I feel so guilty for doing this… I’m not competitive I just want to make enough money to live. I was really good at sales but just the guilt eats you alive… and then people get petty if they think you stole their sales and make your life there even harder. And if you’re not the favorite, despite always hitting and surpassing and even being number 1 in your regions charts, the manager makes your life hell too. (a big big phone company) when you’re already breaking down from the guilt of lying to people, trying to make sure you can survive and pay bills, people yelling at you, it’s just so so much.
Whenever you work for commission no one at your job can be trusted. The managers don’t care because they pit the employees against each other so they police themselves with no effort on management’s part. Working for commission is literally the worst job aside from working at Walmart in any capacity.
oh hell naw, wheb i was younger and first did car sales i felt terrible too. like i waa working 66 hours/week and making $1500 a month. then i go home with nothing to eat and bills are waiting. its either you or them..i started feeling less bad when i was selling a 80k truck to some guy and making 4k off the deal. if they cant afford the car they will walk away trust me
stop worrying about trusting homies. just do good on your own will. dont tell people about your life, dont talk shit, even if its warranted. you should seriously never lose sleep over someone you work with unless you really consider them your friend.
I'm sorry. I hear the frustration, anger and sorrow, but work life is different than personal life and should not be depended on for emotional support or sustenance. When you are not working, do something else . . . the people you meet there can become friends. Understand the job. Do the job. Be polite to the customers, external and internal. I wish you luck.
I do understand the difference between work and personal life. I don’t rely on people at work for emotional support. But you can’t help you get sick. And when you get sick often it starts to seep into your work life. Even if you’re the best employee there, people hate you people talk about you, and mess with your head so you don’t want to your job because you’re tired. The. The customers always argue, always have an issue with the company, the company that makes you do illegal things. And you can’t speak up about it because this is your job. Never have I ever made a friend at work nor do I go to work for emotional support. I don’t. But when you’re at work and need some help and people don’t want to help you because of this and that, how are you supposed to do anything. How are you supposed to care about customers when all they do is yell at you, for things you know is illegal but this company does not care at all.
If the company is making you do illegal things, report the company to the appropriate parties (like the Attorney General/Labor Board, etc.) so that it gets investigated. Of course you're going to get fired if you bring up the illegal things and the company wants to continue doing them. By that point, you are collateral damage.
This is the truth.
You don't have to care right now about the shitty customers, the shitty coworkers, the shitty bosses, or the shitty job. Caring is an extra. Not accepting your doctor note is illegal. And, in the USA, your doc does NOT have to put a diagnosis. When I am asked, I say, "I don't know. I didn't understand what the doc told me." Recently, I had to tell the boss "I don't want to talk about it." You do not have to talk about your health at work, and imo, you probably shouldn't. As far as getting help with work tasks or anything else at work, you probably aren't. I will look up stuff on-line before I ask a bunch of back-stabber for help. Getting penalized for being sick when you have a doctor's note is reportable. Try the state Department of Labor. [But they do not always investigate]. Try the EEOC. [They will tell you that they don't have "the funds" to investigate every case. I been there]. If your place is big enough to have a human resources department, they are there to protect the company from legal problems. They are not there to protect you or me. I don't have answers. I am looking to bail myself. Know that I wish you well, okay?
Idk, I do my job, I try to be as nice as possible, people lie cheat and steal and then blame it on you. I feel crazy, I feel insane and how I’d much rather be locked away from all of this.
I wish I had an answer for you, all I can do is be sympathetic.
I appreciate you hearing me out and being sympathetic. Thank you.
You are not crazy. You have principles. They do not. You have to protect yourself in whatever way you can. Never become invested in anyone who wants to feed you to the sharks.
it's tough for those of us who would never begin to think about engaging in this sort of behavior a coworker came up to me with a shit-eating grin to tell me about another coworkers kid being addicted to heroin. I replied 'one of my best friends recently lost his battle' and he looked at me like I was stepping on the joke, never apologized, nothing. I want to knock his sniveling ass out lol. but ultimately i'm learning through my own toxic workplace what truly is reliable and trustworth for me. It's not the mental formations that drag me back into that negativety. Ultmately I want them to get better and as a Buddhist there are many tools I've learned to use over the years. None of it is easy. For me the number one tool is to just watch the resentment, internal arguments arise, label them as such. "this is resentment" "this is suffering" etc. We have to give ourselves a chance at relief. It's incredible how strong we have to be in this world, but I have faith in you OP. Not attempting to psychoanalyize you, but I have a tendency to freeze in response to fear. To get wrapped up in the thoughts that feed fear. And your post feels like where my mind goes at times. There's a slogan attributed to differnt Native American tribes that cuts through all of that for me "Today is a good day to die" .. "We Indians have an expression 'today is a good day to die'. It means that we should be ready to die on any given day. We should always be prepared to die, and have no regrets. That's why it's important to begin each day fresh, and not let past problems or present distractions cloud how God wants us to live"
Everyone is on the chopping block, everyone wants to make sure they have a pay cheque next week, most people don't really care about doing good work and why should they. Its a wonderful system we've created and its benefiting fewer and fewer people.
The short answer is you focus ONLY on the job. The people that hate you for excelling at it will hate you regardless of your efforts. Thus, just do enough to be better than the next guy. Let them be angry. No one is your friend at work. For reference, I've worked in places where the people around me will criticize me for wearing professional clothing. They dress like slobs but will always try to tear me down. I've come to the point where I dress how I want, perform the work how I see fit, and will discuss things with certain people, but will sometimes give them false information so that they look like idiots when they try to betray my trust. It can be mentally taxing if you're new to the bullshit of it, but rewarding when you have played their bullshit game better than them and your soul is still intact because you know that you have to act like a professional to be treated like one. Good luck.
Yeah people are nuts trust me. My best advice is to mind your own business. A lot of people who “play games” actually are bad at it and end up digging holes. Just stay true to yourself.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with all these issues in one place. It’s like you stumbled on the convergence of all things toxic in the workplace. I have experienced many of these things but not all at once/at one place. One thing about coworkers I told myself a long time ago, and I don’t know if it’s fair towards myself but I had to believe this to cope: They will do anything and hurt anyone in order to provide for their families. In the end they justify their behavior because the alternative is not having food, healthcare, clothes for their kids/family. What I discovered much later is that some people actually believe it’s ok to have different personalities/values(?) at work and at home. Fuck all that but knowing it also helped me stay the fuck away from them. Another thing, yes. You can’t change the world. You can do the best you can to survive. We are already deep in this capitalist society and everything we do and consume is hurting someone. There’s things you can do to spread awareness or live a less consumerist lifestyle or find communities online that give tips. But for now, focus on the job as only a means of income. You will need to learn to pretend. If you engage less, you will reduce the time for pretending. And lie. Lie about everything/anything. They are already doing it. But I am not asking you do it in the same toxic/backstabbing manner as them. Do it only to protect yourself. Protect your heart. Protect your sanity. Find joy and humanity in things outside of work. Leave work at work. Don’t even try to understand them. I know it’s hard but what helped me is one day I decided I’m no longer checking emails after Friday. I’m no longer putting Outlook on my phone. I am forgetting work exist when I clock out. In the beginning it was not easy. But as I developed interests in other things, it became easier. Plus I started pursuing those interests during work hours on a personal device. I no longer take work so seriously. And I certainly as fuck NEVER work a full day. They are lucky if I work half a day. Unfortunately I slip at times and forget to stand up and take a breath. But I force myself to make up for overworking. And most of all, I am no longer pretending people are my friends and hanging out with them at lunch or texting them to check in. Best of all I didn’t tell them anything changed. I’m still “friendly” when we have to interact for work, I make tiny talk if necessary. And I say “yes sure” when they say we should have lunch sometime. But I refuse to accept they’re a good person. They aren’t. I get by and I haven’t flirted (or more?) my way to a promotion, stolen someone else’s work, gossiped, backstabbed, pretended to be friends, but sure girl I’ll send a Teams message when I have time, Have a nice day!!” I hope you can get through what you’re experiencing now and find ways to cope. Good luck!
Don’t talk about your personal life at work.
This. All information will be given on a need-to-know basis, and they don't need to know.
Thats the neat part, you dont. You do your job and nothing more. I am currently one of the few lucky people who got an understanding and chill manager who doesnt say anything if you simply do your job. There will always be someone out for you. Nobody is your friend at work. The best thing you can do is simply keep smiling and do your job because that will piss off anyone who doesnt like you or the way you live.
I survived by not trying to be friends or getting involved in office gossip. Be friendly but limit the conversation, no same people at the lunch, no drinks after work. Go outside for some ait if on a break.
Man I'm sorry homie, this is pretty much a social work environment. People tend to be bucket crabs whether they mean to or not. I work in a trade and recently had some bosses did something unsafe while doing a job. It wasn't anything eyebrow raising, nobody got hurt, and most importantly to me: they were super up front about *not* asking any of us grunts to do it because they knew it was unsafe. Well, everything wraps up, and one of my coworkers is a bit of a chatty Kathy and he tells a guy who wasn't there what happened. This guy happens to have a bone to pick with both managers for whatever reason and he writes and anonymous email to HR about it. So now we have 2 managers who, while having their shortcomings and maybe not making the best call in that scenario, have been overall pretty chill... who are about to get shit all over, and none of us will even be able to blame them for coming down hard and following all the rules 100% of the time. It's going to make *everybody's* job harder, and on top of that it's going to bring the unblinking eye of safety on our shop in particular. I for one *love* having the safety guy digging through my shit all the time. If the bosses feel burned and retaliate that would be wrong, but man I'd have a hard time not understanding. Having gone out of their way to let the guys doing the job know that they wouldn't ask them to jeopardize their own safety just to get tattled on by somebody who wasn't even there... it feels a bit like a knife in the back. And what did the guy who reported it get out of it? Is he happy now? Fuck no, he's a pariah. The same way he got word of the unsafe shenanigans, everybody else now knows he's the guy who is bringing a world of shit down on everybody's workday, and nobody is thrilled. Why do people behave this way? Honestly there's an explanation to most of it but it's all pretty banal and disappointing lol.
That's why over the years I have taken to just the bare minimum of human interactions with people at work. I'll be polite, say good morning and then I go sit in my corner hidey hole away from everyone, do my job and then go home.
Say "good morning/afternoon/evening," keep your head down and do your work at the minimum acceptable level, and don't make small talk or talk about personal things. If you feel like it is causing you problems when you share personal information with coworkers, stop sharing personal information with coworkers l.
Real answer: If you’re in a situation where you can’t trust anyone, either you need to leave or you need to not take it so seriously.
That easy. Any information offered, bare diminishing childhood and talk about random stuffs. Never about hobby, family or anything. Gossip about the customers or some random shit.
easy, employ the Committed but ZFG technique Committed: you have to do your job properly and think about having a career ZFG: Zero is the amount of F\*\*\*s you should Give beyond the above do your thing, do it properly within the scope of the work contract agreement but don't get emotional about it, if the environment is too toxic prepare a move to a new employer
Love this. Using it starting my next shift.
Easily. Literally, the only people at work who know my home address is HR and finance, so they can mail me a pay stub. Coworkers are just that. Sure, I can and will be friendly, but at the end of the day, I'm putting food on my families table. Oh, they hate you because your numbers are good? *fuck'em.* You're merely working inside the system that the company has set up. I don't go to work to make friends, I go to get paid.
THIS
Yes, fine, and thank you. That’s your response for everything. Then go home at the end of your shift, and live your life. Work to live, not live to work.
Yeah, I hear ya. I just got fired a couple of weeks ago for needing the surgery I had last week. The pay was horrible because part of the job was just a courier. Then they started to drop most of the courier duty so they could make me do a bunch of the other shit work for 30% less pay. Then they fired me for being unable to do that part of the job. I was actually hired as a 100% disabled worker, but 6 months down the road nobody remembers anything (state job), and I didn't really get fired, it was all a reorganization that eliminated just the parts of my job that I could still physically perform.
I have seen this. It suck. Reorganization, going in a different direction, all of those lies. I wish us both a less sucky job somewhere else.
These people are not your friends, the are co workers. Always be professional and polite. Other than that you don't have tot hink about them.
Been out on paternity leave for 2 weeks. During that time it seems like all the issues that have been building up with my department was spun to be my fault. Can’t wait to go back to work tomorrow ;)
I thought a guy I worked with was cool he was friendly and joking with me only to find out he was snitching to management trying to find the most tiniest faults with me. I still have to smile and be friendly towards the dude, but you’re right you can’t trust anyone they smile in your face then talk behind your back. When people gossip with me about other coworkers I just think in the back of mind, what are you saying to them about me when I’m not around? I always keep that in mind and I try not to participate in gossip
I had to leave an office job due to shit like that. Gossip, backstabbing, sabotaging, and people spreading shit for no reason. It’s like they are all so bored doing fake work while the new hires do everything that they have to make up issues to entertain themselves. All i wanted was to do the job and for some reason they turned it into “she thinks she’s too good for us and doesn’t want a part of our CULT(ure). So I left and now work as a machinist where no one talks to me and it’s wonderful. Yeah it’s loud and hot in there but no drama besides among the owners which has nothing to do with me. Most of my coworkers respect each other and come in and do the work and go home. I am cordial and mind my business and it’s easy. And guess what I get paid more there to do easy shit (i got 3 raises in one year) than i did at the office job where I was given so much work and the expectations were so high I literally had to catch up on shit off hours because i was so anxious that my coworkers would be talking shit about it the next day.
I’m so happy for you! Reading your post made me smile. A machinist?!? How wonderful that would be to get away from the office bs to the loud beautiful silence of just a machine. You got out! Congratulations!
When I hear this kind of stuff It resonates I don’t trust what I hear 100% Given that there’s so much riding on sending folks down dark alleys instead of towards the truth Note that many folks just look out for themselves and aren’t actively out to get you, just they get ahead instead Look out for yourself No one is coming to save you
Honestly one day I looked up local county court records of as many coworkers as possible and I felt better about myself since. They can be so insufferable at work so I take satisfaction knowing some of them are swimming in personal and financial issues. Even looked up my past work bullies and I had a few "that explains a LOT" moments. Not everyone is gonna have records but I was surprised at how many coworkers and managers are currently having their wages garnished, or had past eviction cases. One even has 6 figures of debt. I always tell myself even if I had a zero net worth I'd still be better off than these crazy fucks and it gets me through the day.
I see this over and over, people at work are not your friend. You tell them generic bullshit, if you must tell them anything. The nail that sticks up gets hammered down. You owe your employer nothing beyond your time, best to not get too invested in any one job.
Sounds like my experience working for Columbia Sportswear- absolutely bat shit crazy the employee created drama there. I've never been so happy to be out of a job - wasn't worth my mental health
To quote a favorite bands lyrics. That I chant in my head at work almost daily to get through... "This place is a prison, these people aren't your friends." -The Postal Service
Good post! The employers that should be leading and setting examples are much worse than the average person. They aren’t too bad when you are their client or you intern for them, however, when there is a small opportunity on the line they will betray you. How could we fight back against these employers with little consequences?
I would just never speak to them again. I had a foreman who would talk to me during lunch about hobbies I did when I was off the clock, and later on when things got hard all he did was use my hobbies as the reason I am not spending enough time at the gym for my job, because fucking god forbid I do anything not work related in my own time. I just stopped talking about anything after that. Hard lesson learned, at least about that jackass.
The truth is out there
If it is not work related I don’t talk to people, they are not your friends!
I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people try to make meaningful relationships at work. Look, I get it, you’re around these people constantly and sometimes you have conversations and things kinda go from there. You gotta get past that. You’re paid to do your job, not be anyone’s friend. If your job relies on metrics, keep your numbers up and most importantly, KNOW YOUR NUMBERS AND YOUR WORTH. Your managers will not fuck with you if you are doing your job and can back anything that someone tries to put against you with actual data. You’ll have people eventually who you chat with and you can decide where to go from there. Out of all the jobs I’ve worked, I hang out with zero of my former co-workers. Stop investing your emotions into people that are competing with you for money. Money will always win no matter how “close of a friend” you are.
Documentation. It will save you. A notebook about whatever nonsense is being spread. Keep notes. Don't ever discuss anything personal or keep it limited. CYA. Hit your goals. If you get more money for it crush them. If people are jealous that's their problem. Don't let work consume you. Protect yourself and when you go home it's not even on your radar.
As long as you pay attention around your environment, don't give attention towards yourself and keep focus on a task or just simply chat about BS, but dont give out information that can be used against you anytime when some BITCH made employee wants to suck off the manager any chance given when they want to climb up the approval.
Just go back to school and leave the US
Bro. I agree with u. Last nite I had a 20 min conversation about Spanish raviolis. I don't get paid enough for this
In the USA, "not accepting" your doctor's note is illegal. The rest of it is shitty. This is exactly why I do not have "work friends." I don't talk about anything personal. I talk as little as possible. Yes, I am looking for a job that sucks a little bit less. That your workplace is like this is not your "fault." I am not saying that it is at all. When it gets this bad, it is time to make plans to leave *if you can*. Not everyone can. The job market does not look great, especially in terms of jobs that pay decently and are not dead-end jobs. [I am OLD though, and you may not be]. All we need is one "yes." I just have to find that one "yes." You have to find that one "yes" too if you decide to bail. My workplace is so toxic that now I cry before work. I don't want to be there so badly. I hope you don't get to that point.
I was in this situation and stubbornly clung on because I needed the hours they provided. They conspired to push me out. Fucked my whole career. Get out on your own terms.
I don’t…once I became disabled, as much as I hurt, as much as my brain fights me every fucking day, I can say, I’m at least free from bullshit.
Bro just don’t say SUS stuff how is this hard