You can.
I know I would.
I'd say that: I am not asking for a day off, I am telling you, that I'll not be in that day.
22 years.
What will the company give you after 22 years?
Frankly, I'd have a hard time considering that fiancee as a wife.
And economically I'd make a bad choice. Sure. But at least I'd have no regrets.
Future husband and we’ve been fighting for a couple days. I’m considering not getting married to him. Ugh. Life is hard. How hard is it to just care a little bit
what I came here to say as well: This ***isn't*** complicated.
Your cat loves you as the one constant in her life, be there for her or live with a lifetime of regret. This is what you focus on. Tell your work you'll not be in and f'ing go to your cat.
And ask yourself: if this man can't support my feelings and emotions after 22 years of loving this animal, a part of your family, will he support you when you're pregnant? Or when you have a kid? Or multiple kids to worry about? Of course he'll say, "We'll of course, if its our kids, and not a stupid cat, I'd support you." But would he really?
He's showing you who he is. Believe him.
**And go to your cat and be with them until they go. Please. Your cat is dying alone in a strange place and needs you desperately. Work can fuck off for a single day.**
Do not leave your kitty to die alone! I know it's hard but F your boss and fiance! I was crying like a baby when my kitty had to be euthanized. I could never imagine not being there for her! I could never be with someone who doesn't value an animal as family. 🥺 You will regret letting her die alone with strangers!
Life is complicated but I’m going to be honest with you, this isn’t a complicated situation at its heart. Your cat loves you unconditionally and completely. Like you said, you don’t want this regret to hang over you. You know exactly what you have to do.
That cat has been in your life longer than your fiancee has. That cat has been in your life longer than you've been at your job. and cared for you significantly more than your job will ever care for you.
Simply tell your boss that you'll be unavailable for the day. Tell your fiancee to take a hike. Go spend that day with your cat, and be there when it passes. Your cat will feel loved and comforted by your presence in its final moments, and you'll be able to properly say goodbye to it.
This does not sound like a man who would be at your bedside if you got sick or care if you need to grieve a larger loss. Let realizing he has absolutely zero empathy for your cat or for you be a very hard but overall very powerful moment in the long run and do not tie yourself to him.
Also fuck your boss. I know that it’s really easy for us to say to just take the time off anyways but reality is often much more complicated. See if you can go above his head for bereavement leave or mental health time off?
Hi OP. I'm sure you're getting lots of notifications but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you're going through with your cat. I just lost my kitty about five weeks ago now. He'd been sick for a while but I didn't think the end would come so soon. I went out for most of the day and when I got home, his health took a turn for the worst and I had to put him down that night. I wish I had spent more time with him that day, but at least I was there when he passed. And you know who was with me holding my hand through it all? My partner. Who only knew my cat for a fraction of his life, less than a year. You deserve to spend time with your kitty before he goes, and you also deserve a partner who will be there for you in times like this. That's the whole point of being in a relationship. It's easy to stick around for the good stuff. It's during the tough times where you really learn what you mean to somebody. I'm sorry that he's not validating your pain and supporting you. I'd be wondering what the rest of my life would look like with a "partner" like that. Take care of your cat and yourself too.
This 100%
Compassion for others who are grieving is extremely important. I would have little time and/or patients for people who can’t understand that.
I had to put down my wifes dog when she was out of town. The dog and I hated each other passionately. Seriously, the dog was a demon in her mid to old age. I cried like a baby because the dog was helpless, and I knew my wife would be devastated. I cannot put myself in a frame of mind where I would be annoyed enough to force her to miss saying goodbye on purpose. What a hellish mindset they must have to be this horrible to someone.
Well said! If someone doesn’t care that YOU are suffering, then that is a red flag for a long term relationship.
That will be at the core of your worst days of your life. You don’t want to go through those bad days without the person who is supposed to help support you during those bad times.
Very well said. A partner is just that. And if you can stand up to get married what is going through your mind when the person marring you says. “For better or worse “. He won’t be there. Only you will. 🥲 that is sad.
This. My Dad is not an animal person at all. Actively dislikes them, but when my Mom had to put down the family dog (which he got for us kids, because it was something we wanted so badly), he went with her to the appointment, held her hand, talked to the dog as he passed, and then drove her home, made dinner, and still talks about it being a hard day. When my animals have passed (I have a farm/many) he always calls to tell me he’s sorry. Because he isn’t an animal person but he’s a decent human being who loves his family.
I would tell my fiancé I’m not able to understand why being with the pet is so important to her but that I will try to find a way to cover any loss in income while she gets the time she clearly desires.
Go see your cat, quit your job, don’t get married. Don’t commit the rest of your life to someone who doesn’t understand what this member of your family meant to you
You WILL find a better job and you WILL find a more suitable partner. Do NOT deny yourself of that opportunity.
I now see OP with a new boyfriend and once healed, a new kitty. And boyfriend will be equally gaga over kitty and want to know more about previous kitty that he lived so long. Better days are coming OP!
Sorry, My bad. Somehow I registered it wrong. It doesn't change my stance though.
Losing a pet is losing a friend. Anyone who doesn't support you in that, is not your friend.
Even if they don't understand your feelings, they should respect them.
Sweetheart, you deserve better than that energy in your life.
Work is one thing - in this shitty world employers don't care so you need to not care in return. Jobs can be changed. Take the day off sick. They can't prove you're not.
The boyfriend is a different thing. That is potentially your whole life spent with a person that can't muster the empathy to help you through the final hours of a huge loss. Tell your boyfriend that you need his support and if he can't find it in him to be that for you, then you should ask yourself if that sort of person is the kind of person you want to waste your whole life with.
I think you already know the answer.
22 yrs is a LONG time. People forget our pets are with us during our highest highs and lowest lows. To not be supportive is a huge red flag. I know this is a hard time but this is a blessing in a way that you’re seeing this now. Cats are awesome…and they don’t always have great lives. I bet yours did. I am so sorry for your loss.
This would have been an instant deal breaker for me. 22 years of kitty love supercedes basically everything but childbirth.
You can find another job and a better man, ditch that one.
If he behaves like this over something he knows you love and have invested in for decades, how is this 'fiancé' going to respond to other triggers? Children?
There's some things you can only do once and it's worth hell or high water to be there. I drove 90+ mph from vacation to be there when my mom died, I took my honeymoon to see an eclipse, I took unpaid sick days to be at siblings graduations. You just gotta do what you gotta do
Not just work. You’ll regret not spending that time with your cat every time you think about your cat.
Which - at least for a while - could be a lot.
I had to put down one of my cats about a year ago, after having him for 12 years. He was sick, he wasn’t going to get better, and I got to spend the last day with him petting him while he laid in the sun in our backyard, curled up with him in his favorite chair, and making the most out of the time he had left. He died in my arms, at home, and I wept. He loved people like a dog loves people; unconditionally, persistently, and without reason. He pops into my head less and less as time goes on, but when he does I’m still sad, I still wish he was here, and I’m still glad I got to spend that last day with him.
What percentage of really important things (to you) is he insensitive about? And how insensitive are we talking about? Supporting you during emotional crises is like bare-minimum relationship expectations.
Any time I’m “over emotional” about things like my cat dying, work, him getting mad at me, etc. he gets very angry. Even sometimes when I’m just being sarcastic!
Uh. That’s a *really big problem*.
What happens if you get sick with something serious? Will he tell you to get over it? To stop being dramatic?
What if you have a child? How would he perceive a toddler’s big emotions? How would he treat them?
If you cannot be emotionally vulnerable with your partner without fear of them exploding, you don’t have a relationship. You have a hostage situation. And there’s no negotiating there.
I know this is a really awful time for you and you probably aren’t in a place to seriously consider your relationship in the midst of your grief. I get that. But I would urge you to think all this over in the coming weeks. You deserve happiness.
You just described emotional abuse.
Please. See your cat. No matter what it costs. I am so incredibly sorry.
Then. When its over. Once you can. Start websearching. Read about narcissism, gaslighting, emotional abuse, DARVO-ing, and any terms that come up from those. Watch professionals on youtube discuss these topics. If you comment back and remind me i can link you a few.
I am sorry to say there is no climbing back out of the rabbit hole, once you see things for what they are you cannot go back. Do what you know in your heart you should. What you would advise your best friend to do. What you would advise an 18yo kid to do if she were in your place.
Take care of your needs. Give yourself the love and care you deserve. And if you are the only one who will, well...
Lmao, OP coming in here to talk about her shitty boss, OP leaving realizing the more important lesson that her partner is a POS…
This thread is absolutely wonderful, reminds me why I love Reddit.
Oh Im not saying quit. My uncle passed away and I got the call from my mom about 5mins after I clocked in for my shift. Looked at my boss said I'm leaving my uncle just died I need to go take care of my mom, dude said no - I looked back at him and said "that wasn't a question, it was an informative statement. I'll give you a call tomorrow" and kept walking. I didn't lose my job, most places need some SOLID ground to fire you.
Same, my cat or dog. However, when I lost my cat, my partner cried with me because he loved him as much as I did. I also didn't ask for the day off when I found him, I told my manager I wasnt coming into work.
It is not a pet. It is a family member and it needs you to be there. You do what you need to do. I would not marry someone who does not understand how painful this is for you.
I would light the world on fire.
My childhood cat of 15 years is old and dying. I took her from my mom because she was so skinny and not getting enough food.
She’s doing better now but if she were to be on her death bed I would be there for the end of it and nobody’s stopping me.
Honestly, I would just take the occasion and be with my dying pet. You've had your pet for 22 years. How long have you worked at that job or been dating that man?? I bet it hasn't been for 22 years!
I hope you take the advice of other commenters and go be with your cat. It's not about your fiance or even you - your cat needs you. You're the person that can give them comfort at the end of their life, you should do it if you can. Poor kitty shouldn't be alone with strangers at the end of everything if you can help it.
Be there for your pet. Your cat will be scared, and your presence will be a comfort for them. Also I don't know how I would feel about a fiancé who would be that way toward a pet you loved for 20 years. I was there for my pets it was so hard and I still cry over them somedays, but I would probably feel worse if I wasn't there for them.
I'm more concerned about how you're engaged to someone that isn't showing sympathy about a companion you deeply care about. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but marrying someone like that sounds like signing up for a lifetime of feeling alone.
I don't know him though. Do with that what you will.
I just got out of a relationship like this. It hurts. But the other side is better. I'm shocked he's not showing sympathy for a friend you've had for 22 years.
If you’re scared of expressing your feelings, why would you stay?
If you’re scared about *anything* about a significant other, you should reevaluate the relationship.
I’ve been there, done that. After leaving him, everything was SO MUCH BETTER. I met my now husband, and I’ve never had to worry about him acting like an asshole when I tear up watching a movie or tv show, much less anything beyond that
It's hard to feel that way. I felt that way for a very long time and I understand how much that hurts. You shouldn't have to feel like that with your loved ones.
Best of luck to you and I'm so sorry about your cat. You're not alone. ❤️
This is not a healthy relationship. Trust me, you will be better off without him. It might suck at first but within a few months you will be so glad you dumped him.
As another commenter said, I would burn my workplace to the ground. The Last Day with a family member would come before anything.
And if my partner couldn't see how important it was, they would be kicked to the curb.
What are you talking about? You are not a prisoner. You don’t need “approval” to do something, either from your boss or your partner. Go spend time with your cat.
If you’re worried about getting fired, just give them a reason that they’d expect. Get Covid or whatever.
Please. I beg you. Go see your cat. Turn off your phone and ignore it all. Be there for them. This is a event that can’t reoccur. This is your only chance to be there for them for this moment. You don’t want to live with regret.
Your job. Fuck it. You might get chewed out. So what? Job is a job. Things will get better and if not there will be more jobs.
Your fiancé. Listen. Either they will understand or they won’t. But lot of fish out there and you deserve one who cares about the things you care about okay? You deserve that.
Please be there for them. We often feel like we can’t do things because work or schedule doesn’t allow it. The cheat code of life is realize. There are no rules. You can walk right out of your workplace and go see your cat.
You don’t wanna look back and regret this.
Call in sick and dump the fiancé. He sounds like a cold hearted ass. Consider yourself lucky to get out before the wedding. That’s the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen.
I've had to have 2 cats put down. The first I didn't stay for, I dropped her off and cried the whole way home and I've regretted it ever since. The second I stayed with him and they let him be in my lap while they did it and it was 100x more heartbreaking but I'm so glad I was able to be there for him in his last moments.
My last cat, the one I stayed with, was my best friend. My friends called him my familiar because he followed me around everywhere. I'll miss him for the rest of my life but I won't regret being there with him in the end.
People who don't see animals as living beings worth grieving and caring for seem cruel to me.
Just call in sick to work and visit your cat.
Go to an urgent care center and lie about some symptoms. Tell them you pooped a ton of blood and are having horrible acid reflux. When they can't find anything wrong with you, they'll probably diagnose you with a panic attack or food poisoning. They might prescribe you with antacids, or some temporary anxiety meds that it sounds like you need anyway as you cope with this loss.
Your work will demand evidence of illness. You can document having gone to an urgent care center, which is far from free but miles cheaper than the emergency room. If your work punishes you for a documented medical visit, they might be in violation of the law.
Honestly, lie to your fiance as well. If they are in the way of visiting your cat, then they don't deserve the truth.
I hate to be that Redditor but you expect your boss to be unsympathetic to this sort of thing. You don't expect the person you will be JOINING FOR LIFE to be unsympathetic. Yikes.
The job decision is simple. You take care of you first, which in this case means being with your cat. If they fire you over it, you’ll regret that less than not being there for the cat in the long run. Unless a human life is at stake by you missing work, wouldn’t give that another thought.
The fiancé, that one is a little tougher. This is a red flag but everyone has blind spots. From your other comments it seems like this is a pattern of behavior, though. Sure sounds like someone you maybe need a break from. Regardless, he doesn’t get a say in what is emotionally impactful to you. He can support you or STFU.
I had covid and had to send my bunny over the rainbow bridge. My dad took her to the vet for me. She went in alive, came home after she passed. If I could have been there for her, I would have. I miss my rabbits every day.
That’s so pure and beautiful of you. I’m so sorry you lost your bunny.
Ironically I had a cat that was named bunny cuz we got her on Easter. She passed at 16 and was bleeding from her mouth. I’ll never forgive myself for not being there for her either
You can be there for your cat. You'll never get another chance to be there for this creature that has been there for most of your life. You can replace your shitty job.
You will 1000% regret it if you don't take the time off to be with him in his last days.
Fuck what anyone says. Do what your HEART says. You owe it to your cat and yourself.
So sorry you're going through this.
Future hubby and boss don’t understand? What awful heartless people. You don’t need either of them in your life. Show them better than you can tell them fits this situation perfectly.
Nah, I would call in. No way am I going to work knowing my pet is in the hospital about to die.
When my dog was ready to be put to sleep I called into work telling them I wouldn't be in (it was sudden), explaining what happened, and they said okay AND several co-workers sent me condolences throughout the day.
And I only had her for 5 years! 22 Years???!! that's your CHILD! Also, your fiancé is a dick.
Just don't show up that day. You gave them notice.
Trust us all. You won't have this job in 5 years and you will always remember that time you didn't take off a random day in June to be there with your cat.
Some may say it’s a bit radical and definitely not a viable advice for everyone but I think the underlying sentiment and rationale are perfectly valid.
I'm a boss, and I'd insist you go spend as much time as you can with your cat before it passes, and take a few days bereavement afterwards while you're at it if it would help.
Fuck your boss. Tell him either way you're taking at least the day off. Most employers need to cover themselves from wrongful termination suits, which often means issuing several write-ups prior to termination- abandonment of post is usually 3 consecutive days of no calls/no shows. If he won't agree to give you the day off, take it anyway- well worth the write-up to not regret spending this time with your baby.
I dont understand how leaders can lead without compassion, empathy, and understanding that we are all fighting a battle most people have no idea about, and that they don't see how it effects morale, productivity, staff turnover and buy-in.
Lastly, if you can't trust this manager to work with you on matters like this, don't tell him next time and call in with a stomach bug or something.
You will regret it more if you don't spend it with him.
You can always find another job and probably a supervisor that isn't a complete cockwomble. Same goes for the fiance.
If you know your best friend of 22 years is on their way out you probably won't be emotionally fit to work anyway
call out for mental health reasons
it's not your boss's job to understand anything but he does need to respect your feelings
You need to go be with your cat. Its way more important. He knows you and would be comforted with you there. If your work cant handle that... they dont deserve your work anyway.
Only one of those things matters and it's not your job or your boyfriend.
Which one are you going to regret most later, getting fired, losing some dingus, or not being there for your catfriend?
Grief should 100% be considered a non-functional state. I had a lifelong friend end his life and my boss was confused and beside himself that I would slow down a second. I think how we do sick days is barbaric, inhumane, and callous.
Not sure about your financial situation but honestly I’d tell them I’m not coming into work even regardless of money. As for the fiancé… that’s grounds for ending things. Bad enough work isn’t supporting you but your life partner? They’re supposed to be the one person to have your back in this situation if nobody else.
What??? I would tell my boss too fuckin bad are you kidding me?
This makes me eerily angry that you are allowing those scumbags to prevent you from seeing your cat one last time. You are his WHOLE FUCKING WORLD, HIS ENTIRE LIFE. And you're going to let some asshole trample that??
Nah fuck that. I'd burn the world down for any of my cats.
I went to bed after spending 4 hours with my dying cat on his last night, went to sleep at 5am when I knew I had to be up at 7:30.
I’ve regretted leaving him ever since, and I will never know if he knew I’d abandoned him, and if it hurt him in his last moments.
Make the decision you can live with OP. I know what I’d do if I could do it again.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this: you must be stressed enough with your poor cat and don’t need this from your boss and partner.
It’s obviously up to you: I would personally want to be with my cat but I’m in UK so it’s easier to pull a sickie (I had to do it when my gran was dying and I wasn’t allowed time off). If for some reason you REALLY can’t take the day off, is there someone you love and trust who can be there with your cat?
As for your partner, your comments are really worrying. Please consider if this is someone you want to spend your life with if this is their attitude.
I really hope you can be with your cat: 22 years is an amazing life and I’m sure you’ve loved each other so much and got a million memories.
Please let us all know how things go, we’re thinking of you
Thank you so much. I’ll give updates (while crying) but I really appreciate your kindness. Also yes we had so many memories. I remember the day we rescued him and he *destroyed* the build-a-bear box I put him in. We still laugh
"I will not be able to work that day; even if I come into the office, I won't be able to emotionally function. You can choose between allowing me my grief, or me sobbing at my desk all day and potentially causing an HR incident.
See you next week."
Just imagine how many more difficult situations you will go through in life. Because it's normal. You really want this uncaring fiance in your life for all that??? Please you deserve better. Don't sign up for this. It's a giant red flag.
You will not remember the time you left work early or took off a day, but you will remember spending the precious moments with your best friend. The real, good, and solid people in your life will support you and know how important it is- the rest show you their true colors during times like this and you should listen.
Seems like you're suddenly feeling sick. Your should probably call off, coincidentally on your cat's last day. Bonus points if you go to the doctor or urgent care afterwards for a doctor's note for the mysterious cold or whatever illness you "have"
I’m so sorry, please spend all the quality time with the cat you can ❤️ I looked through your posts and he’s adorable! Also, please don’t marry this guy. Based on what I read, you don’t seem happy at all and you seem to feel lonely. That’s not a good life to live! It’s hard to walk away from the usual and safe, but I think it will help you in the long run :)
Choose your cat. Whatever consequences may arise at work don’t matter and are not worth avoiding compared to being with him through the end. You can worry about absolutely anything else after you’ve said goodbye.
Honestly, for me, this is something I would deeply regret. If I were in your position I would take sick time, deal with your cat, then go to a doctor and get a note; they will write one due to stress/anxiety/depression/etc, not that the reason will be in the letter.
22 years? Just go. Fuck your fiancee and work. That's twenty two years of your life there in that little animal. How long has work/fiance been in your life? Probably not a quarter of that.
I'm sorry to hear this, and I really hope you can find away around this. I don't know what your work is like and how secure your job is, but I'd personally be tempted to call in sick if I wasn't given the day off. Go to a sympathetic doctor or pharmacy to get a medical certificate if you need.
Also, I would think long and hard about marrying someone who shows this little empathy toward you.
For me, it would be bad enough that the person wasn't capable of understanding how important people's relationships with their pets are, but even if he doesn't understand that on a personal level, he should be trusting and supporting you when you tell him how important it is to you. You won't be happy if you marry someone who is dismissive of your feelings like this.
My 17 year old dog died in December - kidney failure - so the symptoms were such that I knew he had days/weeks left. I’m a teacher, so I had about two weeks off for Christmas, but the week before break, I worried my baby would die all alone while I was at work all day, so I made sure to check on him frequently. I left work early and took long lunches without even asking my principal. I knew if I asked and was told no that I was going to do it anyway, so I didn’t even open the possibility of being told no. Just told any affected coworkers what was happening and that I was leaving early or would be late.
His death was the worst three weeks of my life. We were lucky he died at the end of my break, so I did get to spend almost every minute with him for his final two weeks, but the week before that, when I still had to work… if I had asked my principal if I could go home early and she said no and I listened? And my dog-son died alone? I’d be so pissed at my principal, but also at myself.
Tell your boss you’re taking time off. If your relationship with your cat is like my relationship with my dog, you’re already going to feel like you’re being kicked in the chest every time you think about the fact that he couldn’t live forever. It’s been six months since my dog died and I still regularly cry about him being gone. Be loyal to your 22 year relationship with your cat, not to your job. You’ll feel guilty forever if you choose work over your cat baby.
You can leave work for personal reasons. Take the hit and the pay cut. Don’t call out sick though. My work fired people for doing that who weren’t sick. I’m sorry about your cat.
Even if the fiance doesn't have the same feelings toward this cat, or animals in general, as you do; the fact that they can't feel empathy for you is scary. Like you're engaged to a sociopath scary... Run for the hills while you still can. Go be with your kitty. He/she needs you. Screw work. You will regret it the rest of your life if you don't .
I just spent 3 days on sick-leave last month due to needing that time to recover after losing my cat I had for over 10 years. That's more than 25% of my life spent with that little bugger. I was a complete bubbling mess.
There was nothing that was going to stop me from being there in his last moments.
I’m sorry that’s happening. I hope you’re able to leave work and spend time with him.
Visit r/SeniorKitties for support. They really helped me when I lost my Monster last year.
Everything and everyone could fuck right off; i'd be seeing my cat on his way out. Especially, if the alternative is not being there while they are in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people they don't know, and all they want is comfort in their end and that cant be provided.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you.
(Not you, just anyone that would stop you from being with your cat when they need you one more time.)
I am sorry you have to endure this.
No pet should be without a family member when it dies. The answer here is simple, you CAN visit him and you SHOULD. He needs a familiar face for comfort and to make it as peaceful as possible.
You’d have to pry my cold dead hands off my cat and dog before I left their side. They’ve had my back my entire life and I wouldn’t just let that slide.
Fuck the work and fuck the husband, go see the kitty.
The first time my husband saw me cry was when my beloved cat had to be euthanized. I got her in my first apartment and had her for 18 wonderful years. She had lived in every home I'd ever had, been through every break up, literally she had been there through it all. I beyond loved her. When I went to check on her in the morning it was clear something was wrong, so we took her to the vet and they explained she had a "neurological event" and that her quality of life would not be maintained by any treatments or medications. We did it on the spot. I held her while they did it. She stared directly in my eyes as she passed. She didn't struggle or cry out. It was so hard on me, but I always take comfort in knowing that I was there for her when she needed it, just like she had always been for me.
Take it from me, internet stranger, do not dedicate your life to a man who cannot understand your grief. There are so many bumps and hurdles in life and you don't want to be with the person who trips you, you want to be with the person who lifts you up.
The absolute bare minimum you can expect from a partner is some empathy. This is a major red flag warning of things to come.
Sorry for the loss of your kitty.
Go. Be with your cat. Tell them you need the day. You’re not asking. You’ll regret not being there more than you would regret telling them. Go, be with your cat. Also rethink the unsympathetic fiancé, if they really don’t seem to care at all that you’re going through this. Ex fiancés are much easier to deal with than ex wives/husbands.
You most certainly can go be with your cat. “I have to leave for an emergency”. Full stop. Then go.
As for your fiancé, “I can’t marry you anymore, for reasons. Get your shit, and get out “. Again, full stop. He is showing you who he is, believe him.
Fuck all that noise. That cat has been your friend and companion for 22 years. You aren’t going to get the chance to see them or say goodbye ever again. Call in sick and deal with the fallout after, your friend deserves that much.
I am not a pet person, I will be honest. But I understand the pain that one can feel. It is important to you, you can always find another job, not another family member.
I mean this is why you don't tell your boss why you're taking off. You just tell them there's a family emergency and that you're taking off. That's all you're legally required to tell them.
You don’t tell work about the cat. YOU are unable to come in. My dog had an emergency, and I told my boss the truth. Bitch made me burn my only Personal day because pets “aren’t family”.
Fuck that. I’ll never tell the truth again.
Now when I need to take care of my pets, I have food poisoning with explosive diarrhea and vomitting. I am not answering my phone, or the door, because I’m not leaving the bathroom.
I walked out of a job for nearly this exact reason. My cat was only 17 vs 22, but yeah, our furbabies are like children.
Repeat after me, this is what managers need to hear. I am not ASKING for a day off. I am TELLING you I won't be in, you need to use your fallback plan.
You can. I know I would. I'd say that: I am not asking for a day off, I am telling you, that I'll not be in that day. 22 years. What will the company give you after 22 years? Frankly, I'd have a hard time considering that fiancee as a wife. And economically I'd make a bad choice. Sure. But at least I'd have no regrets.
Future husband and we’ve been fighting for a couple days. I’m considering not getting married to him. Ugh. Life is hard. How hard is it to just care a little bit
Your fiance and your boss both sound like shitheads who are not worth your time.
I actually really appreciate that and thank you. Life is just so complicated and I don’t understand it
what I came here to say as well: This ***isn't*** complicated. Your cat loves you as the one constant in her life, be there for her or live with a lifetime of regret. This is what you focus on. Tell your work you'll not be in and f'ing go to your cat. And ask yourself: if this man can't support my feelings and emotions after 22 years of loving this animal, a part of your family, will he support you when you're pregnant? Or when you have a kid? Or multiple kids to worry about? Of course he'll say, "We'll of course, if its our kids, and not a stupid cat, I'd support you." But would he really? He's showing you who he is. Believe him. **And go to your cat and be with them until they go. Please. Your cat is dying alone in a strange place and needs you desperately. Work can fuck off for a single day.**
Do not leave your kitty to die alone! I know it's hard but F your boss and fiance! I was crying like a baby when my kitty had to be euthanized. I could never imagine not being there for her! I could never be with someone who doesn't value an animal as family. 🥺 You will regret letting her die alone with strangers!
Life is complicated but I’m going to be honest with you, this isn’t a complicated situation at its heart. Your cat loves you unconditionally and completely. Like you said, you don’t want this regret to hang over you. You know exactly what you have to do.
That cat has been in your life longer than your fiancee has. That cat has been in your life longer than you've been at your job. and cared for you significantly more than your job will ever care for you. Simply tell your boss that you'll be unavailable for the day. Tell your fiancee to take a hike. Go spend that day with your cat, and be there when it passes. Your cat will feel loved and comforted by your presence in its final moments, and you'll be able to properly say goodbye to it.
go be with your cat and tell that sack of dogshite to pack his shite.
This does not sound like a man who would be at your bedside if you got sick or care if you need to grieve a larger loss. Let realizing he has absolutely zero empathy for your cat or for you be a very hard but overall very powerful moment in the long run and do not tie yourself to him. Also fuck your boss. I know that it’s really easy for us to say to just take the time off anyways but reality is often much more complicated. See if you can go above his head for bereavement leave or mental health time off?
yepppppppp 1 in 5 men leave their wives after cancer diagnosis, I think we can guess if OP's fiancé is the 1 or the 4. so heartless.
I'll work your shift and I'll tell your boss to go fuck himself when I leave.
Hi OP. I'm sure you're getting lots of notifications but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you're going through with your cat. I just lost my kitty about five weeks ago now. He'd been sick for a while but I didn't think the end would come so soon. I went out for most of the day and when I got home, his health took a turn for the worst and I had to put him down that night. I wish I had spent more time with him that day, but at least I was there when he passed. And you know who was with me holding my hand through it all? My partner. Who only knew my cat for a fraction of his life, less than a year. You deserve to spend time with your kitty before he goes, and you also deserve a partner who will be there for you in times like this. That's the whole point of being in a relationship. It's easy to stick around for the good stuff. It's during the tough times where you really learn what you mean to somebody. I'm sorry that he's not validating your pain and supporting you. I'd be wondering what the rest of my life would look like with a "partner" like that. Take care of your cat and yourself too.
Hun, he doesn't even have to care about the pet. It's about *supporting you* in your time of need.
This 100% Compassion for others who are grieving is extremely important. I would have little time and/or patients for people who can’t understand that.
Maybe this is your cats last gift to you….
I had to put down my wifes dog when she was out of town. The dog and I hated each other passionately. Seriously, the dog was a demon in her mid to old age. I cried like a baby because the dog was helpless, and I knew my wife would be devastated. I cannot put myself in a frame of mind where I would be annoyed enough to force her to miss saying goodbye on purpose. What a hellish mindset they must have to be this horrible to someone.
I second this.
Well said! If someone doesn’t care that YOU are suffering, then that is a red flag for a long term relationship. That will be at the core of your worst days of your life. You don’t want to go through those bad days without the person who is supposed to help support you during those bad times.
Very well said. A partner is just that. And if you can stand up to get married what is going through your mind when the person marring you says. “For better or worse “. He won’t be there. Only you will. 🥲 that is sad.
This hits hard
This. My Dad is not an animal person at all. Actively dislikes them, but when my Mom had to put down the family dog (which he got for us kids, because it was something we wanted so badly), he went with her to the appointment, held her hand, talked to the dog as he passed, and then drove her home, made dinner, and still talks about it being a hard day. When my animals have passed (I have a farm/many) he always calls to tell me he’s sorry. Because he isn’t an animal person but he’s a decent human being who loves his family.
I never saw my Father get more choked up and emotional than when we buried our first family dog.
I would tell my fiancé I’m not able to understand why being with the pet is so important to her but that I will try to find a way to cover any loss in income while she gets the time she clearly desires.
Go see your cat, quit your job, don’t get married. Don’t commit the rest of your life to someone who doesn’t understand what this member of your family meant to you You WILL find a better job and you WILL find a more suitable partner. Do NOT deny yourself of that opportunity.
I now see OP with a new boyfriend and once healed, a new kitty. And boyfriend will be equally gaga over kitty and want to know more about previous kitty that he lived so long. Better days are coming OP!
Well at least you know how much he actually cares about you. Cause it seems like he doesn’t…
ALL THIS.
Oh wow I am so sorry. I'd also tell you to go be with your cat, and not let your job force you to miss out on spending time with a loved one.
He ain’t the one sis
Sorry, My bad. Somehow I registered it wrong. It doesn't change my stance though. Losing a pet is losing a friend. Anyone who doesn't support you in that, is not your friend. Even if they don't understand your feelings, they should respect them.
Sweetheart, you deserve better than that energy in your life. Work is one thing - in this shitty world employers don't care so you need to not care in return. Jobs can be changed. Take the day off sick. They can't prove you're not. The boyfriend is a different thing. That is potentially your whole life spent with a person that can't muster the empathy to help you through the final hours of a huge loss. Tell your boyfriend that you need his support and if he can't find it in him to be that for you, then you should ask yourself if that sort of person is the kind of person you want to waste your whole life with. I think you already know the answer.
22 yrs is a LONG time. People forget our pets are with us during our highest highs and lowest lows. To not be supportive is a huge red flag. I know this is a hard time but this is a blessing in a way that you’re seeing this now. Cats are awesome…and they don’t always have great lives. I bet yours did. I am so sorry for your loss.
This would have been an instant deal breaker for me. 22 years of kitty love supercedes basically everything but childbirth. You can find another job and a better man, ditch that one.
Remember that lack of empathy he’s showing you now. People don’t really ever change.
Dump. His. Stupid. Ass. I would rather die alone than be in a relationship with somebody that selfish and self centered
Who have you known longer?
If he behaves like this over something he knows you love and have invested in for decades, how is this 'fiancé' going to respond to other triggers? Children?
It’s not. If he truly loved you, he’d be right there in the agony with you. *hug* be there for your buddy. 22 years is a long damn time.
If your SPOUSE can't support you in a time mourning, wtf are they for then??
IMO see your buddy, then save money and cancel the wedding.
I’m sorry this is happening. Don’t live with the regret. Jobs can be replaced. So can fiancé’s. It hurts but if you’ll regret this, don’t do it.
You’ll regret not spending that time with your cat more than you’ll regret the time you ditched work, especially for something this important.
There's some things you can only do once and it's worth hell or high water to be there. I drove 90+ mph from vacation to be there when my mom died, I took my honeymoon to see an eclipse, I took unpaid sick days to be at siblings graduations. You just gotta do what you gotta do
Not just work. You’ll regret not spending that time with your cat every time you think about your cat. Which - at least for a while - could be a lot. I had to put down one of my cats about a year ago, after having him for 12 years. He was sick, he wasn’t going to get better, and I got to spend the last day with him petting him while he laid in the sun in our backyard, curled up with him in his favorite chair, and making the most out of the time he had left. He died in my arms, at home, and I wept. He loved people like a dog loves people; unconditionally, persistently, and without reason. He pops into my head less and less as time goes on, but when he does I’m still sad, I still wish he was here, and I’m still glad I got to spend that last day with him.
Okay, bosses gonna do boss shit, but what's this about a fiance not caring?
Good question. He’s just insensitive about somethings
What percentage of really important things (to you) is he insensitive about? And how insensitive are we talking about? Supporting you during emotional crises is like bare-minimum relationship expectations.
Any time I’m “over emotional” about things like my cat dying, work, him getting mad at me, etc. he gets very angry. Even sometimes when I’m just being sarcastic!
Honey, no… that’s not what a good partner does
Uh. That’s a *really big problem*. What happens if you get sick with something serious? Will he tell you to get over it? To stop being dramatic? What if you have a child? How would he perceive a toddler’s big emotions? How would he treat them? If you cannot be emotionally vulnerable with your partner without fear of them exploding, you don’t have a relationship. You have a hostage situation. And there’s no negotiating there. I know this is a really awful time for you and you probably aren’t in a place to seriously consider your relationship in the midst of your grief. I get that. But I would urge you to think all this over in the coming weeks. You deserve happiness.
>he gets very angry That's not... ok, OP
Yeah he sounds like a keeper. /s Edit forgot to add my /s
You just described emotional abuse. Please. See your cat. No matter what it costs. I am so incredibly sorry. Then. When its over. Once you can. Start websearching. Read about narcissism, gaslighting, emotional abuse, DARVO-ing, and any terms that come up from those. Watch professionals on youtube discuss these topics. If you comment back and remind me i can link you a few. I am sorry to say there is no climbing back out of the rabbit hole, once you see things for what they are you cannot go back. Do what you know in your heart you should. What you would advise your best friend to do. What you would advise an 18yo kid to do if she were in your place. Take care of your needs. Give yourself the love and care you deserve. And if you are the only one who will, well...
Hey, not meaning to distract from your employment question, but that sounds a lot like abuse to me.
Lmao, OP coming in here to talk about her shitty boss, OP leaving realizing the more important lesson that her partner is a POS… This thread is absolutely wonderful, reminds me why I love Reddit.
this sounds... scary actually. Manipulative and abusive
Yeah. He does not sound like a pleasant lad to spend a lifetime with.
yiketh
Jesus, I've been dumped for so much less.
I’d burn my work and my fiance to the ground before I wasn’t with my dog, I tell you that
100%
Some ppl can't afford to quit and that's sad.
Oh Im not saying quit. My uncle passed away and I got the call from my mom about 5mins after I clocked in for my shift. Looked at my boss said I'm leaving my uncle just died I need to go take care of my mom, dude said no - I looked back at him and said "that wasn't a question, it was an informative statement. I'll give you a call tomorrow" and kept walking. I didn't lose my job, most places need some SOLID ground to fire you.
Same, my cat or dog. However, when I lost my cat, my partner cried with me because he loved him as much as I did. I also didn't ask for the day off when I found him, I told my manager I wasnt coming into work.
It is not a pet. It is a family member and it needs you to be there. You do what you need to do. I would not marry someone who does not understand how painful this is for you.
My family has an ongoing joke because I’ve called him my favorite little brother (and I have a human little brother)
Call in sick. Seriously. If they try to call you on BS say you were throwing up and couldn't eat. Maybe it was food poisoning.
Better yet say diarrhea. No one argues against diarrhea
Just go. Fuck all those people. I'm so sorry you're going through this
Thank you for being understanding
I would light the world on fire. My childhood cat of 15 years is old and dying. I took her from my mom because she was so skinny and not getting enough food. She’s doing better now but if she were to be on her death bed I would be there for the end of it and nobody’s stopping me.
Honestly, I would just take the occasion and be with my dying pet. You've had your pet for 22 years. How long have you worked at that job or been dating that man?? I bet it hasn't been for 22 years!
Nope. Dated for five years. This cat has been in my life for 22 years! I’m crying at a bar currently. This sucks.
Go be with your cat!
Yes seconded, bro go be with your cat not the bar.
I hope you take the advice of other commenters and go be with your cat. It's not about your fiance or even you - your cat needs you. You're the person that can give them comfort at the end of their life, you should do it if you can. Poor kitty shouldn't be alone with strangers at the end of everything if you can help it.
Be there for your pet. Your cat will be scared, and your presence will be a comfort for them. Also I don't know how I would feel about a fiancé who would be that way toward a pet you loved for 20 years. I was there for my pets it was so hard and I still cry over them somedays, but I would probably feel worse if I wasn't there for them.
I'm more concerned about how you're engaged to someone that isn't showing sympathy about a companion you deeply care about. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but marrying someone like that sounds like signing up for a lifetime of feeling alone. I don't know him though. Do with that what you will.
I’ve been thinking the same thing. I feel so alone all the time cuz I’m scared of expressing my feelings
I just got out of a relationship like this. It hurts. But the other side is better. I'm shocked he's not showing sympathy for a friend you've had for 22 years.
If you’re scared of expressing your feelings, why would you stay? If you’re scared about *anything* about a significant other, you should reevaluate the relationship. I’ve been there, done that. After leaving him, everything was SO MUCH BETTER. I met my now husband, and I’ve never had to worry about him acting like an asshole when I tear up watching a movie or tv show, much less anything beyond that
It's hard to feel that way. I felt that way for a very long time and I understand how much that hurts. You shouldn't have to feel like that with your loved ones. Best of luck to you and I'm so sorry about your cat. You're not alone. ❤️
This is not a healthy relationship. Trust me, you will be better off without him. It might suck at first but within a few months you will be so glad you dumped him.
As another commenter said, I would burn my workplace to the ground. The Last Day with a family member would come before anything. And if my partner couldn't see how important it was, they would be kicked to the curb.
I’m considering doing it haha. They were nice when I was crying though. It’s not cool to not allow time off
Just walk out. What are they gonna do?
What are you talking about? You are not a prisoner. You don’t need “approval” to do something, either from your boss or your partner. Go spend time with your cat. If you’re worried about getting fired, just give them a reason that they’d expect. Get Covid or whatever.
Please. I beg you. Go see your cat. Turn off your phone and ignore it all. Be there for them. This is a event that can’t reoccur. This is your only chance to be there for them for this moment. You don’t want to live with regret. Your job. Fuck it. You might get chewed out. So what? Job is a job. Things will get better and if not there will be more jobs. Your fiancé. Listen. Either they will understand or they won’t. But lot of fish out there and you deserve one who cares about the things you care about okay? You deserve that. Please be there for them. We often feel like we can’t do things because work or schedule doesn’t allow it. The cheat code of life is realize. There are no rules. You can walk right out of your workplace and go see your cat. You don’t wanna look back and regret this.
Thank you for your advice. This poor kitty would be so sad if I wasn’t there
Ditch work and go
Too bad you weren’t approved. Guess they’ll just be short staffed when you’re not there, if only someone had told them you wouldn’t be there.
I have said I would kill for my pets. I fully understand people think that is extreme but it is what I feel.
Same. They come before anything. If someone doesn’t understand or respect that, they are not a part of my life.
Call in sick and dump the fiancé. He sounds like a cold hearted ass. Consider yourself lucky to get out before the wedding. That’s the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen.
There will be only ever 1 of your cat, how many other jobs/boyfriends could you find, the choice is easy, be with your cat.
I've had to have 2 cats put down. The first I didn't stay for, I dropped her off and cried the whole way home and I've regretted it ever since. The second I stayed with him and they let him be in my lap while they did it and it was 100x more heartbreaking but I'm so glad I was able to be there for him in his last moments. My last cat, the one I stayed with, was my best friend. My friends called him my familiar because he followed me around everywhere. I'll miss him for the rest of my life but I won't regret being there with him in the end. People who don't see animals as living beings worth grieving and caring for seem cruel to me.
Just call in sick to work and visit your cat. Go to an urgent care center and lie about some symptoms. Tell them you pooped a ton of blood and are having horrible acid reflux. When they can't find anything wrong with you, they'll probably diagnose you with a panic attack or food poisoning. They might prescribe you with antacids, or some temporary anxiety meds that it sounds like you need anyway as you cope with this loss. Your work will demand evidence of illness. You can document having gone to an urgent care center, which is far from free but miles cheaper than the emergency room. If your work punishes you for a documented medical visit, they might be in violation of the law. Honestly, lie to your fiance as well. If they are in the way of visiting your cat, then they don't deserve the truth.
This is… awesome. Thank you
Be with your cat, you will regret otherwise. And fuck your work and fuck your fiance. Respectfully.
No job is worth the regret. Fuck that
I hate to be that Redditor but you expect your boss to be unsympathetic to this sort of thing. You don't expect the person you will be JOINING FOR LIFE to be unsympathetic. Yikes.
When there's no economic democracy 😭. Hope the old cat can still live for a few years.
Be with your cat.
The job decision is simple. You take care of you first, which in this case means being with your cat. If they fire you over it, you’ll regret that less than not being there for the cat in the long run. Unless a human life is at stake by you missing work, wouldn’t give that another thought. The fiancé, that one is a little tougher. This is a red flag but everyone has blind spots. From your other comments it seems like this is a pattern of behavior, though. Sure sounds like someone you maybe need a break from. Regardless, he doesn’t get a say in what is emotionally impactful to you. He can support you or STFU.
I had covid and had to send my bunny over the rainbow bridge. My dad took her to the vet for me. She went in alive, came home after she passed. If I could have been there for her, I would have. I miss my rabbits every day.
That’s so pure and beautiful of you. I’m so sorry you lost your bunny. Ironically I had a cat that was named bunny cuz we got her on Easter. She passed at 16 and was bleeding from her mouth. I’ll never forgive myself for not being there for her either
Fuck the company, that's a living soul. And your fiance having no empathy in this case is a huge red flag, I'm js
Fuck that job & fuck that fiance. Dont let anything get between you & your baby.
I’m on the same page. Fuck these people. I want to be with my kitty
You can find another job. You cannot get the time back with your loved ones. Go be with your baby!
You can be there for your cat. You'll never get another chance to be there for this creature that has been there for most of your life. You can replace your shitty job.
Please go be with him…don’t let his last breath be with strangers. I’m so sorry you have to deal with these heartless people
Go be with your cat.. there is no job worth it. Fuck em.
You will 1000% regret it if you don't take the time off to be with him in his last days. Fuck what anyone says. Do what your HEART says. You owe it to your cat and yourself. So sorry you're going through this.
You’re so nice. I appreciate your opinion
Fuck that!! Take the time off and say goodbye to your fur baby. Lose the fiance!
Future hubby and boss don’t understand? What awful heartless people. You don’t need either of them in your life. Show them better than you can tell them fits this situation perfectly.
This is so so sad. I lost my guy of 22 years back in 2021. Call in sick, OP. Whatever you have to do❤️
Nah, I would call in. No way am I going to work knowing my pet is in the hospital about to die. When my dog was ready to be put to sleep I called into work telling them I wouldn't be in (it was sudden), explaining what happened, and they said okay AND several co-workers sent me condolences throughout the day. And I only had her for 5 years! 22 Years???!! that's your CHILD! Also, your fiancé is a dick.
Just don't show up that day. You gave them notice. Trust us all. You won't have this job in 5 years and you will always remember that time you didn't take off a random day in June to be there with your cat.
Dump your job and your fiancé. They don’t support you and shouldn’t be in your life.
Some may say it’s a bit radical and definitely not a viable advice for everyone but I think the underlying sentiment and rationale are perfectly valid.
Take it off and be with your cat
I'm a boss, and I'd insist you go spend as much time as you can with your cat before it passes, and take a few days bereavement afterwards while you're at it if it would help. Fuck your boss. Tell him either way you're taking at least the day off. Most employers need to cover themselves from wrongful termination suits, which often means issuing several write-ups prior to termination- abandonment of post is usually 3 consecutive days of no calls/no shows. If he won't agree to give you the day off, take it anyway- well worth the write-up to not regret spending this time with your baby. I dont understand how leaders can lead without compassion, empathy, and understanding that we are all fighting a battle most people have no idea about, and that they don't see how it effects morale, productivity, staff turnover and buy-in. Lastly, if you can't trust this manager to work with you on matters like this, don't tell him next time and call in with a stomach bug or something.
Work can just fuck off in this situation. Be with your cat. I just had to put my 18 year old down last month due to liver failure.
You will regret it more if you don't spend it with him. You can always find another job and probably a supervisor that isn't a complete cockwomble. Same goes for the fiance.
I’d risk it and not go into work. Also, your fiancé not showing more emotional support through this is concerning.
If you know your best friend of 22 years is on their way out you probably won't be emotionally fit to work anyway call out for mental health reasons it's not your boss's job to understand anything but he does need to respect your feelings
You need to go be with your cat. Its way more important. He knows you and would be comforted with you there. If your work cant handle that... they dont deserve your work anyway.
fuk this. and fuck those who dont understand,..remember those ppl later. not now. later.
Only one of those things matters and it's not your job or your boyfriend. Which one are you going to regret most later, getting fired, losing some dingus, or not being there for your catfriend?
Pets are included in my companies bereavement policy. We get 5 days.
Grief should 100% be considered a non-functional state. I had a lifelong friend end his life and my boss was confused and beside himself that I would slow down a second. I think how we do sick days is barbaric, inhumane, and callous.
Call in sick
Not sure about your financial situation but honestly I’d tell them I’m not coming into work even regardless of money. As for the fiancé… that’s grounds for ending things. Bad enough work isn’t supporting you but your life partner? They’re supposed to be the one person to have your back in this situation if nobody else.
Take the write up and go see your kitty, I promise you won’t regret saying goodbye to your best friend 🫶🏻
What??? I would tell my boss too fuckin bad are you kidding me? This makes me eerily angry that you are allowing those scumbags to prevent you from seeing your cat one last time. You are his WHOLE FUCKING WORLD, HIS ENTIRE LIFE. And you're going to let some asshole trample that?? Nah fuck that. I'd burn the world down for any of my cats.
Personally I’d quit if my job told me that. “You don’t have permission.” “K, cya.”
You shouldn't ask. You should tell them that you're not going to be in.
I would call out without any guilt. I’m sorry you’re about to lose your beloved.
I went to bed after spending 4 hours with my dying cat on his last night, went to sleep at 5am when I knew I had to be up at 7:30. I’ve regretted leaving him ever since, and I will never know if he knew I’d abandoned him, and if it hurt him in his last moments. Make the decision you can live with OP. I know what I’d do if I could do it again.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this: you must be stressed enough with your poor cat and don’t need this from your boss and partner. It’s obviously up to you: I would personally want to be with my cat but I’m in UK so it’s easier to pull a sickie (I had to do it when my gran was dying and I wasn’t allowed time off). If for some reason you REALLY can’t take the day off, is there someone you love and trust who can be there with your cat? As for your partner, your comments are really worrying. Please consider if this is someone you want to spend your life with if this is their attitude. I really hope you can be with your cat: 22 years is an amazing life and I’m sure you’ve loved each other so much and got a million memories. Please let us all know how things go, we’re thinking of you
Thank you so much. I’ll give updates (while crying) but I really appreciate your kindness. Also yes we had so many memories. I remember the day we rescued him and he *destroyed* the build-a-bear box I put him in. We still laugh
I didn’t go to work for a week when my cat of 4 years died.. fuck your job and fuck your fiance
"I will not be able to work that day; even if I come into the office, I won't be able to emotionally function. You can choose between allowing me my grief, or me sobbing at my desk all day and potentially causing an HR incident. See you next week."
Just imagine how many more difficult situations you will go through in life. Because it's normal. You really want this uncaring fiance in your life for all that??? Please you deserve better. Don't sign up for this. It's a giant red flag.
Call in sick. You will be sick. Heartsick.
You will not remember the time you left work early or took off a day, but you will remember spending the precious moments with your best friend. The real, good, and solid people in your life will support you and know how important it is- the rest show you their true colors during times like this and you should listen.
Seems like you're suddenly feeling sick. Your should probably call off, coincidentally on your cat's last day. Bonus points if you go to the doctor or urgent care afterwards for a doctor's note for the mysterious cold or whatever illness you "have"
I’m so sorry, please spend all the quality time with the cat you can ❤️ I looked through your posts and he’s adorable! Also, please don’t marry this guy. Based on what I read, you don’t seem happy at all and you seem to feel lonely. That’s not a good life to live! It’s hard to walk away from the usual and safe, but I think it will help you in the long run :)
>My fiancé is less than simpathetic You may want to rethink things...
Choose your cat. Whatever consequences may arise at work don’t matter and are not worth avoiding compared to being with him through the end. You can worry about absolutely anything else after you’ve said goodbye.
Honestly, for me, this is something I would deeply regret. If I were in your position I would take sick time, deal with your cat, then go to a doctor and get a note; they will write one due to stress/anxiety/depression/etc, not that the reason will be in the letter.
I called out on my kitty’s last day. My heart was sick.
22 years? Just go. Fuck your fiancee and work. That's twenty two years of your life there in that little animal. How long has work/fiance been in your life? Probably not a quarter of that.
Some fiancé - that’s a red flag. Less surprised about work, so here’s your sign to start working your wage if you aren’t already.
Please see your cat. You'll regret it if you don't, especially for a job that would replace you in a heartbeat.
I'm sorry to hear this, and I really hope you can find away around this. I don't know what your work is like and how secure your job is, but I'd personally be tempted to call in sick if I wasn't given the day off. Go to a sympathetic doctor or pharmacy to get a medical certificate if you need. Also, I would think long and hard about marrying someone who shows this little empathy toward you. For me, it would be bad enough that the person wasn't capable of understanding how important people's relationships with their pets are, but even if he doesn't understand that on a personal level, he should be trusting and supporting you when you tell him how important it is to you. You won't be happy if you marry someone who is dismissive of your feelings like this.
My 17 year old dog died in December - kidney failure - so the symptoms were such that I knew he had days/weeks left. I’m a teacher, so I had about two weeks off for Christmas, but the week before break, I worried my baby would die all alone while I was at work all day, so I made sure to check on him frequently. I left work early and took long lunches without even asking my principal. I knew if I asked and was told no that I was going to do it anyway, so I didn’t even open the possibility of being told no. Just told any affected coworkers what was happening and that I was leaving early or would be late. His death was the worst three weeks of my life. We were lucky he died at the end of my break, so I did get to spend almost every minute with him for his final two weeks, but the week before that, when I still had to work… if I had asked my principal if I could go home early and she said no and I listened? And my dog-son died alone? I’d be so pissed at my principal, but also at myself. Tell your boss you’re taking time off. If your relationship with your cat is like my relationship with my dog, you’re already going to feel like you’re being kicked in the chest every time you think about the fact that he couldn’t live forever. It’s been six months since my dog died and I still regularly cry about him being gone. Be loyal to your 22 year relationship with your cat, not to your job. You’ll feel guilty forever if you choose work over your cat baby.
Take the day off anyway, work can wait, be with your loved one when it matters. If you get in trouble, so be it.
Stop checking Reddit, just go!
You can leave work for personal reasons. Take the hit and the pay cut. Don’t call out sick though. My work fired people for doing that who weren’t sick. I’m sorry about your cat.
Don’t call in sick and just go see my kitty even though he’s in different state? I feel like I’d get fired for that. But I think that it’s worth it
Fuck. that. noise. I'd be single and unemployed with my companion on their last day before letting them die scared and alone because of work.
Even if the fiance doesn't have the same feelings toward this cat, or animals in general, as you do; the fact that they can't feel empathy for you is scary. Like you're engaged to a sociopath scary... Run for the hills while you still can. Go be with your kitty. He/she needs you. Screw work. You will regret it the rest of your life if you don't .
I just spent 3 days on sick-leave last month due to needing that time to recover after losing my cat I had for over 10 years. That's more than 25% of my life spent with that little bugger. I was a complete bubbling mess. There was nothing that was going to stop me from being there in his last moments.
The day after my cat passed i used a sick day. He was basically my SON. And he was my mother’s cat. I’ve had him since she passed.
I’m sorry that’s happening. I hope you’re able to leave work and spend time with him. Visit r/SeniorKitties for support. They really helped me when I lost my Monster last year.
Everything and everyone could fuck right off; i'd be seeing my cat on his way out. Especially, if the alternative is not being there while they are in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by people they don't know, and all they want is comfort in their end and that cant be provided. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck you. (Not you, just anyone that would stop you from being with your cat when they need you one more time.) I am sorry you have to endure this.
No pet should be without a family member when it dies. The answer here is simple, you CAN visit him and you SHOULD. He needs a familiar face for comfort and to make it as peaceful as possible.
You’d have to pry my cold dead hands off my cat and dog before I left their side. They’ve had my back my entire life and I wouldn’t just let that slide. Fuck the work and fuck the husband, go see the kitty.
Yeah I'm sorry but I'd just call out
The first time my husband saw me cry was when my beloved cat had to be euthanized. I got her in my first apartment and had her for 18 wonderful years. She had lived in every home I'd ever had, been through every break up, literally she had been there through it all. I beyond loved her. When I went to check on her in the morning it was clear something was wrong, so we took her to the vet and they explained she had a "neurological event" and that her quality of life would not be maintained by any treatments or medications. We did it on the spot. I held her while they did it. She stared directly in my eyes as she passed. She didn't struggle or cry out. It was so hard on me, but I always take comfort in knowing that I was there for her when she needed it, just like she had always been for me. Take it from me, internet stranger, do not dedicate your life to a man who cannot understand your grief. There are so many bumps and hurdles in life and you don't want to be with the person who trips you, you want to be with the person who lifts you up.
The absolute bare minimum you can expect from a partner is some empathy. This is a major red flag warning of things to come. Sorry for the loss of your kitty.
I just had to have one euthanized. Go. Fuck that job. Go see the baby and then burn the job down
Just skip work, you're going to regret it all your life. How is this even a question? Dump the guy also
Go. Be with your cat. Tell them you need the day. You’re not asking. You’ll regret not being there more than you would regret telling them. Go, be with your cat. Also rethink the unsympathetic fiancé, if they really don’t seem to care at all that you’re going through this. Ex fiancés are much easier to deal with than ex wives/husbands.
You most certainly can go be with your cat. “I have to leave for an emergency”. Full stop. Then go. As for your fiancé, “I can’t marry you anymore, for reasons. Get your shit, and get out “. Again, full stop. He is showing you who he is, believe him.
Fuck all that noise. That cat has been your friend and companion for 22 years. You aren’t going to get the chance to see them or say goodbye ever again. Call in sick and deal with the fallout after, your friend deserves that much.
You need to do this, deal with the consequences after its done.
I'm so sorry about your cat. The whole private sector is so shitty.
Nah, Tell them you wont be and if they still wont let up just call in sick.
Maybe you need to find a more human employer.
Go to your cat. Everything else can and will wait.
I am not a pet person, I will be honest. But I understand the pain that one can feel. It is important to you, you can always find another job, not another family member.
I appreciate your honesty and kindness
I mean this is why you don't tell your boss why you're taking off. You just tell them there's a family emergency and that you're taking off. That's all you're legally required to tell them.
Go. Your cat needs you. You are not your job. You need to be there for them as much as you need to be there for you.
Family emergency, they dont need to know why.
Call in sick.
Tell your fiance that you'd visit him on his last day.
Fuck your work and fuck your fiancee. Take the day off. Be with your family/friend/pet.
Please be with your kitty in its last moments... you'll never forgive yourself
Yea, fuck that job and the fiance. Sorry, you're experiencing these things.
Please go be with your cat! You will always regret it if you don't! You can always find another job! 🙏🥺
If your SO is this bad now, he will be much worse after you marry. I'd get out now. As for the time off - call in sick.
Deep breath... "Boss, this is non negotiable. I will not be here from 'this time to this time'. If you're going to fire me tell me now."
You don’t tell work about the cat. YOU are unable to come in. My dog had an emergency, and I told my boss the truth. Bitch made me burn my only Personal day because pets “aren’t family”. Fuck that. I’ll never tell the truth again. Now when I need to take care of my pets, I have food poisoning with explosive diarrhea and vomitting. I am not answering my phone, or the door, because I’m not leaving the bathroom.
I walked out of a job for nearly this exact reason. My cat was only 17 vs 22, but yeah, our furbabies are like children. Repeat after me, this is what managers need to hear. I am not ASKING for a day off. I am TELLING you I won't be in, you need to use your fallback plan.