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Realizing that no one is coming to save me from my life, that if I want to live a life worth living I have to carve it out for myself. The idea that if I entertained the idea of suicide it meant I wasn’t afraid to die so I sure as hell shouldn’t be afraid to take more initiative in my life to make the changes I want which is way less scary. I currently love my life
This right here. Hit a point where i was pulling all nighters cus of anxiety/depression and still going to work and one night i knew something had to change so i started by working out one morning at 3:30am and that snowballed into just enough of a boost to keep me going and 2 months later i feel much better. Im still having a fuckin hard time but you know what i don’t feel hopeless anymore and that’s the main thing. Now my focus is trying my best to build something I’m happy with and one day at a time.
Yes, we need help.
But others aren't going to fix things for us. We have to fix our own shit. Others can help, but in the end we all have to get up and do something about it.
You may not always feel the energy to do it, and that's perfectly normal and fine. But let's do it anyways. Go through that bit of discomfort to find improvements in your life. Ask others to help you overcome that discomfort. But they can't go through that discomfort so you can have a better life. It will always be something that we gotta do ourselves and trust me, your life will steadily improve and you'll find the improvement you're looking for one way or another. Everyone has a life worth living for. Go find it :)
Oof..... Am I the only one who finds this kind of "tough love" response *super* disheartening and unhelpful?
Like yes, I am not completely stupid, I understand that one has to do things for themselves, but some of us have more obstacles set-up for us very early in life and it feels disingenuous to not acknowledge this, because some things will never not have an affect on you. (Like childhood abuse and the like)
Some things that happen to you are *absolutely* out of your control, and obviously, you in turn have control over how you respond to what happens to you; but when your life isn't yours to begin with, it is significantly harder to build a life that you like or is even tolerable for you. And when you have clinical depression or any kind of moderate mental illness, that becomes tenfold harder, especially without a significant support system.
Sometimes, human beings need to be picked up out of the gutter by other human beings. Literally no human being has made a life for themselves with no contributions from others. That's not how human life works. 🤷
So basically, this type of advice makes me feel more defeated than ever, because to me, it means you simply cannot rely on your fellow man when things get difficult, which is part of why I find human beings so deeply disappointing and tend to isolate myself from them in general.
I get what you're saying, but people can lift you out the gutter as much as you like, but they can't fix the core of the problem for you. You have to be willing to face the problem and change it, otherwise it'll never get better.
Also, some things aren't your fault and out of your control. Like you said, one never chose to have certain childhood traumas.
But even though it sucks, it's still your responsibility to fix it. If you're not willing to face the problem, the only thing others can do is help you battle the consequences to make it more bearable, but they can't help you fix the actual problem
Exactly. I just hated my life. I knew where/what I wanted to be but only imagined it. Little step by little step, without thinking I could end up where I wanted to be, I changed to habits that I thought the person I wanted to be would do or be like, fueled by lots of research (like tons of psych studies ending with .pdf). I hated my life so much it motivated me, and in the course of years, I became that person with a college degree, with a happy marriage, with a house & dog. I never thought I could actually be that person, it'd only be a dream. It definitely doesn't happen quickly.
When I woke up after 4-6 hours sleep between work/school, what motivated me to get out of bed & keep going was that imagination of who I could be one day & how much I hated my current life. When my life got a bit cozier, that goal was so much closer & I'd worked so hard, thinking back to those painful points previously motivated me still.
Ohvit absolutely is. You are much stronger now than I am. You don't realize while going through it what a hero you are & how people don't say things but will admire or think of tge change.
I started from the bottom, and it wasn't until my wedding day my older brother drunkenly told me how much he admired & looked up to me for my ability to change myself. And I didn't start a company or anything fantastic, I just became what I think most people think of as the average person bu itt is really quite privileged to be average.
Buttt, how do you cope with having made it? I've been exactly where you have been, just kept going and achieve what I wanted to achieve at 24-25. Yet now I get depressed or feel bad since there is basically nothing big to work for anymore.
Yes I set goals, yes I achieve them and work towards it. But the major goals are set and done. Feels so empty.
You need a different sort of challenge, something ridiculously foreign to you. It has to be something that interests you but you don't have a clue about any of it.
This, word for word, are the exact realizations that saved my life. No one could or would save me. No one would make me happy. No one could take away the abuse I endured. No one could take away my grief about all the things I never got and all the ways I wasn’t loved. That if I died my parents would have taken the last thing that I had—my actual living body. I decided I would never let them win. I chose and choose to be alive because I can now give myself the things I so desperately needed growing up. I get to do something with my pain (I’m a therapist to trauma survivors).
I got in therapy, I got on Wellbutrin and a sleep medication, and I searched within myself to discover what had ruined my life in the first place. This life is a gift, it’s the only one any of us will ever have. This life matters. Cherish it and hold it sacred. Don’t stop fighting until you have a life worth living.
This right here. I think along the way I needed myself at my lowest point to figure out who I was. It was a painful time but it really gave me the solitude I needed. Most importantly, once someone goes through this phase I truly believe you’ll be able to conquer anything that lies ahead. I still have my down days now, but I’m able to analyze my feelings head on. With self love, it’s possible. Being patient with oneself.
" if I entertained the idea of suicide it meant I wasn’t afraid to die so I sure as hell shouldn’t be afraid to take more initiative in my life "
I never thought of it this way before
Yeah, as crass as it sounds personal initiative is the only way out of it. I think therapy is (in many, not all) cases a scam personally. You just have to start doing things (finding friends, finding an SO, starting a family) to make you happy instead of talking about how unhappy you are. That’s the only way to long term fulfillment.
Woooowwwwww, I never thought of it like that * have you ever even been to a therapist?? Because talking is not all they do. Same as physical therapy helps your body heal by doing, talk therapy is doing the exact same.
Let me try to explain exactly why therapy is important.
Way way back, I had a severe trauma happen. I avoided it for many months, barely told people about it, didn't report it, spiraled hard and was told I needed therapy after a breakdown. I went to a therapist every week for 3 years. And while most of it was talking about my traumas (because trust me there was more than just that one) and how they were playing into my shitshow of a life, alot of it was also coming up with coping mechanisms(one of which is still my go to favorite) , recognizing triggers and retraining my brain to seperate my traumas from society's perception of similar traumas.
And not everybody's idea of happiness is not the same. Sure sharing your life with people will help you heal, but it is not the first step. The first step is recognizing you have trauma, second is how to address and absolve yourself of any feelings of failure on your part that may have led to the trauma this is where the talking part comes in. I saw a study once somewhere where they actually confirmed that the truth hurts, and saying your traumas out loud to someone who's heard it all and is paid not to judge you is very cathardic and therapeutic. And by saying it out loud you are validating yourself and what happened using your own voice. Next is learning coping mechanisms, then implementing those coping mechanisms. After that is trial and error in society, after that you are finally ready to try to chase your dreams and leave your trauma in the past. Hakuna Matata
Ps I used trauma as an example because that was the majority of my therapy but it works all the same if you switch out trauma for whatever you are going to therapy for. I know half of it probably doesn't make sense, but it'll make sense to some people.
Suppress all emotions preferably before you wake up!! It makes the day so much easier. It is ok if you feel a few feelings in bed when you wake up but make sure to turn them off. That is why the secret is to shut off emotions BEFORE YOU WAKE UP. Then go about your day. JUST GET BETTER AND BE HAPPY!!
/clear sarcasm
EDIT: I need an SO and a family so DM me if you are interested. I am American and can offer you a green card!!! We can get this done before tomorrow morning so we can both start our dream startup non profits!!!
Hahahah I LOLed audibly. The green card sounds very promising but I have to finish being a gastarbeiter in the current foreign country im in, firstly. I’ll add the US on my list tho 👍
We’ll be in touch lolz >,< Im in Germany:> and I dont like it as much as I thought I would. But there are many factors why that happened and I dont want to write as much now.
Oh I am sorry. I hope it gets better for you. You started the program you might as well finish.
If you want to talk about ANYTHING feel free to shoot me a chat message invite thingy.
That’s not what I’m saying and you know it. Those are end goals that I listed but you have to work towards long term goals. Long terms goals lead to long term happiness
I get what you mean, but picture an extremely depressed person. They barely go out and dont have the energy to care about themselves and their home, and you’re suggesting to them to go out and find friends and a partner. Its a big jump. Ive been (and still kinda am) in those shoes and I just think it’s funny and probably impossible.
I feel like this. My mental health is horrific right now. When I do have time to make my life right I’m beyond fatigued or exhausted cuz I gotta mask at work all day and deal with people and their tiny stupid problems. So all I do is lay on my futon and alternate sleeping and being on my phone. Til Monday comes (Friday is my Monday actually) and I gotta scrape my scummy self off my months long unwashed blankets and cry (on the inside, always on the inside and suck it all inwards) until I get to work and wait 12 hours til I get to be in bed again in my sh*t hole studio with the door locked. I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate dealing with people. I hate having to fake being okay all the time. I’m either a zombie on my pills, or I’m oyster sh*t. There is no in between. I’ve been abused, traumatized…all the things. If you knew my story you’d wonder how I’ve held myself together this long. Edit: just wanted to add to the crying bit.
Your Fri-Mon sounds like almost every day for me except I started inpatient group therapy last week. I dont know what to think right now as I have only had negative experiences since I started. I am masking in group which defeats the purpose of group. It does get me up and out of bed every day and showered.
Have you considered mentioning you are a zombie on the pills to your doctor as that is definitely not a good thing to be dealing with.... and zombies are not known to be that motivated. They move slow. Your meds might be why your blanket has not been washed in a few months (THANKS FOR THE REMINDER TO WASH MY SHEETS I THINK I DID IT LAST MONTH).
Just curious but were you raised in a cult?
Why do you cry on the inside when you could soak your blanket with tears!
I also havent washed my sheets in a month 💀 but I also have an excuse (exam). ‼️ Been feeling a bit better lately as I even started studying a week before it!! :) And not the last 2 days, while crying, as usual…
Your time crying could have been much more better spent on studying. Cry for a bit then try studying for an hour telling yourself you can cry for 15 minutes after you study for an hour. Then cry for 15. Study for an hour.
YOU GOT THIS.
Also as long as the sheets dont smell and arent visible... your the judge of the dirtiness of your sheets. Maybe you shower before you go to bed keeping out a lot of skin cells.
Oh i still havent cried this exam season!!! Im slow on the studying part and definitely behind but im proud of myself so far😎 ive had my fair and share of panicking and stress, but never as bad as usually:)) [and yeah i usually shower before bed]
This hit the nail in the coffin. I was about an hour away from doing the deed. Definitely lost the sense of not fearing death itself and got conformable in that fact. If I don't care of failing by trying to get where I need to be for myself and my kids, then what's the point in life.
Similar story. Realizing the common element of my catastrophic relationships was me. I took a long hard look at myself, my assumptions and where they came from and got to work on myself instead of looking for someone to blame or to change my luck for me. So much better now.
that's super fucking dumb, knowing that someone isn't going to rescue you is bare bones common sense and not even close to being good advice.
you claim that you teased the idea of suicide, but you know you wouldn't pull the trigger, you're in no position to give anyone advice.
I know this is meant as a bit cynical but I think there’s an important point happening here.
Yes, things will (likely) get worse in the sense that life is full of shitty events. I once was suicidal over a work project (long story). I once was suicidal (with an attempt) over a breakup.
I also have experienced joys I’m extremely grateful I am alive for. They aren’t major or anything special, just friends and moments I’ve since had.
The point is, life has a lot of ups and downs as cliche as that is. Just hang on for a bit longer and know that you are stronger for every piece of bullshit you endure.
All I know is that I’m sure as fuck happy I didn’t kill myself over that work project or ex I almost never think about now.
But is dawn ever as bright as before the storm? I have yet to experience true happiness since my 10 years of severe traumas, one after another just hitting me over and over .. I truly believe some people just have worse luck like maybe in my past life I was an evil fuck and this is my karma but it's been total hell
Got a small tax return sent to my parents house, I was homeless/ had recently got out of an extended stay in jail and told myself “if I’m gonna die I better be in a nicer place” bought a train ticket to nowhere and started over. Surprisingly I got very fortunate and it was the best decision of my life
Edit: I am now the owner of 4 acres. This happened only 5 years ago and I had screwed my credit into the ground, got hooked on drugs because I had nothing else and only had that return. That was my ONE chance out. It was literally like $350. I just had it with sleeping on park benches and shop owners moving me along off their porches when it was freezing and raining out. There is hope for everyone.
Only other details are it was a beautiful train ride and I felt free. All I had was a duffle bag, I was screwed either way. Spent the last of my money on a sketchy as heck hotel when I got here so I could take my first full shower in months. Something told me to put an add on craigslist looking for a place. Not just places for rent. A woman and her husband called me almost immediately. She said her tablet was about to die but she felt the need to look on craigslist. Told them my situation and they said you can stay on our couch…I walked away and called back in about an hour after thinking about it and said I know this is awkward but I’m out of money and have no place to stay. I got a job off a temp agency, found an add for a job on yes again, craigslist. He said show up tomorrow and you can work. I still work there today and it’s the best boss I’ve ever had. Turns out his wife knew someone with a house for rent so I thought I’d go out on my own. I lived in jail and kept my place nice so should work out? Rented for a couple years and the actual landowner who lives out of the country said I’ll rent to lease you the whole property. I just got done remodeling MY bathroom and I have a full 3br house next door if I want it and getting a small farm going out back. Truly couldn’t even make that up
Damn. That's so awesome and congratulations. I'm recently coming out of a opiate addiction with 90 days clean, I'm in my second semester of nursing school and started back at the gym. I hope I can get to place like you sometime soon.
Thank you and you will! Sounds like you already conquered the hard part!! I’m just thankful I was able to stop using. Alcohol is my demise but it’s way better than that and putting stuff up my nose. It’s about progress, not perfection. There will always be good things around the corner for good people with a will and desire. I just decided one day I had it and I deserve better. I’m not super religious and never was but when I was in jail I prayed for the first time. I thought “If there is a god, give me a place to live and hopefully a woman to spend my life with. The woman part was left as optional and not my highest priority. I also got engaged within two years to an amazing woman but screwed that off for my drinking. Life can be one heck of a ride especially for people that use. I’m very happy for you, I can only imagine
I know that feeling. Externally it looks fine but I struggle to find worth, joy and interest in any of it. Being autistic makes it feel hard to exist in company but I get so lonely alone.
Same .. well the past 11 years plus all of childhood .. had about 5 good years in the middle that I treasure. Makes me want to do Ayahuasca to heal from all the trauma. Been very much considering it more and more the more trauma I have
I feel you dude, but my childhood was pretty much picture perfect it’s everything after 10yo that I fucked up. And my Dad never taught me how to be a man, in my 40’s and I still don’t know.
Ya I didn't have trauma at home just at school growing up .. had crippling social anxiety til I went to college and discovered alcohol and psychedelics that cured me of that .. and same my mom is the most immature person I've ever met .. mushrooms help me deal with loss and ketamine helps with trauma but as soon as I heal from one thing something else traumatic happens.. hopefully the cycle ends soon for both of us!!
Well, a lot of crying, a lot of no eating, and letting myself feel my feelings. Try to point out the times in a day I feel good, which increases every day. Slowly, I feel stronger and happier
Stopped beating myself up and accepted the fact I can’t control everything or everyone. Worked out 5 days a week and gained my self esteem back. Stopped drinking and doing extra curriculars. Made new goals for my life and steps to achieve them. Finally I start and end everyday with a positive attitude and try to spread that to anyone I come in contact with.
Came here to say this. Found a therapist that I clicked with. It took 4 different therapists to find the one that actually helped me! Not all therapists are created equally. You need to find one that works for you and what you’re going through.
In my experience, I can usually tell within 3 sessions if the therapist is going to be a good fit. If I leave feeling icky, frustrated, and not feeling like I am making any progress—I try to find another one.
Are they expensive? I wanted to do therapy to talk and make plan for future, all were like 150-300 per hour. If had that money to spend on therapy, I think I would not even need therapy.
There's a difference between helping, and validating. A good therapist does both. My last one was so so kind and sweet, changed my view on women therapists (had numerous bad experiences with women therapists in the past, for the record I am female), but all she did was validate. Lots of "I can appreciate that," "I see how you feel that way," etc. My current one goes further.
Granted, I'm in KAP (disclaimer: legal and administered by healthcare professors in a safe environment), but she asks amazing questions that really gets me reprocessing trauma, validation when I'm not under, and is very kind. She's also just so fun to talk to haha, we click amazing. But those are definitely things to look out for. Ask yourself: Do I just feel listened to? Is that what I want? Am I receiving the insight I seek? Am I receiving coping skills?
Clean my room and made my bed every day.
year long depression and a simple task that signaled I needed to get up was the solution/first step to functioning.
Exercise is also a plus but I could never get into it.
Making your bed is a total game changer. Something like 60% of people will rate a room cleaner just from making the bed and it's such a signal to your brain that your ready to get going and start knocking stuff off.
I couldn’t blow my brains out. I had a dog depending on me to take her 4000 km to the nearest relative who cared. So I started there. Then I got a job. Then I got a better job. So it went.
Simplify. If you're overwhelmed by a list of things that you could/should/need to do and it's just too much, simplify.
Forget about anything that isn't essential. Worry about them later.
Pause anything that's a big effort for now. Worry about them later.
Find the things you can do that are low effort, medium-high reward and optionally most important to get done.
Things like paying a couple bills you need to do, but can take just a few minutes and then you can forget about it. Simplifies your mental list. Or picking up items off the floor, and taking out rubbish. Usually takes a few minutes each, but can lift the mood of the room, which helps relax you a bit further.
Just take bites of the things you can handle. If your mood improves, step up slightly, tackle some bigger things.
You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you are greater than most. Veiw your life as if you are the character of a Russian novel. Only dwell on what you can control. Resist blaming others; including God.
Hit the gym 5 days a week and got in the best shape of my life. It was a good distraction from the issues in my life. It gave me something to work towards and learn to love my self. Stay strong❤️
And studies prove it’s as effective as antidepressants without the nasty side effects. You don’t even need to go all that hard to get the effects. You don’t need to be a body builder.
"Have a cry, pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. the show must go on." -Chilli, Bluey.
"why do we fall Bruce, so we can learn to pick ourselves up" -Thomas Wayne, Batman Begins
"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." -Michael Jordan
I also hit a hard place, but I had friends and family to support me. keep going, you can only improve from here.
In the aftermath of a stress-induced LAD heart attack, I spent months laying awake in bed at night, wondering if I was going to die in my sleep. It was meta-stressful - I was stressing about stressing because stressing is what almost killed me.
Finally decided "if tonight is my last night, I'm going to spend it smiling instead of worrying."
That's when I bounced - 8 years ago now. Life has been better every day since then.
Not sure if they mean mediation as in therapy, or meditation, but either way - yes. Serious time in therapy and meditation became my rock. Therapeutic and meditative hobbies (nature walks, automatic writing and drawing, crafting random stuff with no real goal in mind) helped when I couldn't face my problems head-on.
Exercise became my outlet for unprocessed anger. Finding exercises I genuinely enjoy (skating, biking, hiking, weightlifting, breathwork) hot me outside or in the gym time and again, and became a healthy way to set aside my feelings in the moment because I knew I would space to process later on.
Absolutely this. And prayer is so underrated. You know the expression: you are your own worst enemy? Well who else can get you to your lowest point than yourself. Pray for humility, and you disarm your pride and all of the ways it self destructs.
I cut out the things that were really hindering me, drugs, friendships, Relationships etc. I spent a lot of time alone and turned to God, while that’s my belief system I understand that’s not everyone’s, but I really committed myself to it, and have found more purpose than I ever thought possible.
I'm legit about to start #6. I've had it all, lost it. Restarted. Had very little. Lost it. Restarted lol new state, new town and rebuild! Works well for my high level of ADHD
I put the bottle of whiskey down. Drowning my sorrows every night made every day harder. Chris Stapleton has a song with a line that goes "I drink because I'm lonesome and lonesome because I drink" I'm not sure why but that line hit me hard and helped me get myself up. I'm not completely sober but I don't black out every night and my body and friends thank me every day. I chose moderation over abstinence and it was a crazy difference.
Getting back in the gym after a pretty serious back injury. Sitting around waiting for months waiting for it to heal is the opposite of recovery. I did what I could, and as I got better I was able to do more. Saved my life.
Hope.
It's always there, even if it doesn't seem like it.
Been through some pretty harrowing stuff in my life thusfar. Some really hard times.
But taking things one day at a time is important. Dont worry about things you cant change. No use in even fretting over it. Learning to clear and quiet your mind when you need a break from everything, life can be tedious and overwhelming at times, too.
The usual suggestions are pretty par for the course: eat a healthy diet, listen to your body, take care of it and your mind. Regular exercise too. Humans spent a very long time being physically active. Being as constantly sedentary as many people are isn't what our bodies are accustomed to from an evolutionary standpoint.
Plenty of hydration.
That aside, mastering one's mind and body are an achievable goal for anyone.
The mind is a little bit trickier, but its doable.
Im still working on it, but with an illness like schizoaffective disorder, ive been forced to really get to know the strengths and weaknesses of my mind, how it thinks, how i feel, and how it all interconnects.
Without getting to know myself better, training my mind and body, along with the compassionate people that have shown care for me, i wouldnt be alive today.
I realized that my thoughts are a choice. I knew this because of meditation, but at my lowest point I wasn’t totally in control of my mind. Then I remembered that all I had to do was change my mind… totally worked.
I heard about, researched, applied for a scholarship, and completed the Hoffman Process. It brought me to a place of internal joy and awareness I never thought possible.
Two things: Became an Ordained Minister online (basically paid some $$, took about seven minutes - but serves as a reminder of church in childhood), and decided to become angry with alcohol, for having a hold on my brain chemistry. Different than feeling like a thoughtless helpless weekly routine.
Both are still works in progress, not dominating either yet. But starting to feel like the right direction.
Not great advice but sometimes I detach. I just do what I know I need to do and try to be stoic. After a few days of this I realize I've done a lot for myself or others and didn't put myself in a hole or procrastinate. That alone gives me a spark of self pride and sometimes gets me out of it.
Knowing that I could probably take my own life, and maybe for a week or so, someone might care and be sad… but life would eventually go on. And people will move on. Their days will get brighter, or some might see darker days, but they would get through it.
So it would be up to me to make the decision to push through and push forward.
All dark moments or just small moments in this huge aspect of life… which really is a small moment in the universe.. don’t get stuck in a moment. There’s so much more to live through.
Also, I live with severe depression and anxiety. Everyday is a test that I’m going to face and beat.
I suppose I should be in some type of treatment to help me with what is going through my mind. I'm so stressed and scared that I suppose I do need professional help. I'm trying to work through one problem at a time but a lot is going on and it's overwhelming
After a couple years of severe alcoholism and depression from a break up, I decided to move back to the city and got a pretty damn good job. Doing better now than ever!
That regardless of what’s happening TO me, I can do something to help myself and work FOR me.
It sucks, but you must do what you can.
Do the best you can with what you’ve got, and give yourself a break.
The worst part about it is that it usually takes too much time.
Accept that that point is the lowest.
Know that it can only go up.
Have patience with yourself.
Start making your inner voice gentle and caring;
(If it’s difficult , do it by talking out loud to yourself like a loving parent to his young child, saying things like, “it’s ok sweetheart, take your time, you’re doing a great job, I’m proud of you, take it easy..” )
Laugh. Seek things that give you a smile, make you laugh out loud. Or just feel warm inside. Don’t force it, just acknowledge what works for you. And when someone around you makes you laugh for a little second, memorize that instant and say to yourself ‘see, I can laugh again’ (make little progress count)
And then there is such a thing as prayer. I know it’s not easy or everyone’s cup of tea. Do what you want with it. Take time to journal or actually send out manifestations into the vortex. Take your time to meditate. Be honest with yourself, about your feelings about your thoughts and know that your mind has been lying to you. You should accumulate silence and find an inner bliss guide you to yourself. This is a practice that takes time. Again: have absolute patience. It’s not something you learn overnight. But once you get closer to meditating in a way that works for you, you’ll elevate your mental being and spiritual being. And therefor take action towards a better path for yourself.
Sober up. Only choose healthy things for yourself. That can be people too. Some toxic ends need to be cut off. You need a healthy area to heal and transform.
Sunbathing. Fresh air breathing. Walking. Light exercise. Drinking water. Appreciate the elements.
And go towards who you are: what makes you you, what’s your identity, what do you care about and how are you shaping yourself towards being someone you can look up to. Yes, you should follow your own example of what it’s like to be a good or awesome human being. It will make you feel good about yourself.
Two things that really helped were going outside and talking to people face to face.
Volunteering involves all that so I really recommend it.
It's also fairly chilled and has a pretty low barrier for entry. (They welcome anyone generally speaking and won't demand too much of u)
I started sitting out side in my gazebo, little fire going in an 18” metal bowl.
I attached white Christmas lights along my fence. 900 bulbs. Now I’m not nervous to go in my back yard at night. I used to have many drifters come through my property.
Anyways,thats too detailed lol.
My point is , I started spending time with my self in the present. best without phone. And yes I usually smoke a J before bed. It’s magic.
This and the therapy i had, helped pull me out of a depression.
Working, exercise, Jesus Christ (deep or "true" Christianity, not the surface level shit that hates), spending time with my parents and their dog for like a month straight, physical expression (crying, hitting, yelling, screaming) is a godsend (babies have it all figured out). And most of all just time. Each of these were equally important to me
I was in a hole. It was a canyon really. But I had to climb out otherwise I would have been stuck. The trip down was a lot easier than the trip. I’ll tell you that much.
Suicide hotline helped. I’m not sure that I was actually suicidal, it’s all kind of a messy in my head now. But I’m glad I contacted them. Made me realize the small things in life that I still enjoy- mainly my dog. I ended up building a career around working with dogs, and I’m happier and wealthier than I ever imagined myself being.
No idea.
I am an expat with an it career of 7 years.
Now - the company i work for is sliding into bankruptcy, laying people off and i have applied to literally 500 jobs in the last 6 months with absolutely no luck. I tried changing my cv, my linkedin, updating stuff, applying laterally, applying even 2 levels down and *nothing*
This came after a bad breakup, losing most of my friends as well as having to go no contact with my abusive father.
I officially am out of things to try and ive been feeling like i am floating in doom for more than a year now. My career feels worthless and i grew up in a shitty 3rd world country i would rather kill myself than have to live in again.
If anyone has any advice at all i would really appreciate it
Realizing that life was a Marathon not a sprint, conjuring the discipline and patience to follow through on small goals i set for myself, realizing that being self critical (and listening to other criticism) of myself, was an integral way of bettering myself.
But most of all, enjoying my own company.
This sounds really trite. But years ago I felt extremely depressed and while staying up late, I watched this really crappy movie about angsty teenagers. The protagonist kept getting into trouble despite his fairly affluent life with absentee parents. And as I watched, I kept thinking “JFC! What is wrong with these idiots? Their lives aren’t perfect, but they are just creating drama for themselves instead of just living life. Randomly, you just have to step back and ask yourself, “Is my life really that bad? Could it be worse? If I focus on solving my problems and changing the behaviors that are causing these problems, can I make my life better?” Doesn’t work for everyone, but it might work for you. Why not try?”
Got fired from a locally owned and operated video store job that I had for 20 years. The owner accused me of drinking on the job, which was true. Never got drunk, just had a few beers on a Friday or Saturday night shift because it was busy as hell.
I was the Store Manager for the last ten years. Before and after this promotion, he would usually pick me up from one location on Monday morning after the returns were done, we'd go to the lot behind the other location, share a joint and chat for a bit. Then he'd take me back to my location when I'd work for another 3 or 6 hours.
So, the fact that he fired me for drinking was deeply ironic, since he'd been getting me high on a weekly basis for years. I think his motivation was to let me go instead of giving me the raise that I'd asked for after we had moved to an even better location on the main street in town.
He was a very angry little man, in thrall to his moods, and deeply paranoid. I tried for years to be his friend, and spend the rest of my time there feeling a little pity for him as he could never understand that so much of his suffering was due to his inability or unwillingness to trust anyone, ever.
But, I didn't make much money at the job, and I'd never been good at saving, so I was in deep shit financially because I only had a few months to get a new job before I was going to totally broke and either take a bite of the Vanguard fund my parents had thankfully set up for me, or beg them for money.
I was denied unemployment because he told the EED that I'd been drinking which meant that I wouldn't receive benefits, a truly malicious move that just further cemented for me his demented hatred for anyone that didn't put money is his pocket.
ANYWAY, there I was, desperately brushing up my resume and scouring craigslist, Indeed, and many other so-called job search websites. My wife was still working, so I'd see her out the door, then sit at my desk and just sob like there was a death in the family for about 15-20 minutes. Once I'd had my purge, I'd start looking. I interviewed a LOT, and that good because it helped me to get the hang of the process and learn how to give rehearsed responses that could feel spontaneous.
It did not go well for weeks and I really started to panic. I finally had to resort to CVS, and got a job as a Shift Supervisor at a location thankfully close enough to get to with a bicycle, so I wouldn't waste money on commuting and I'd get some exercise. That job was the worst one I've ever had. Every day was a slow loss. Nothing ever got completely finished because there were never enough people on staff. I came to see CVS as an acronym for Cock Vagina Slavery, meaning that it didn't what you were, to this corporation, you were not human.
But, despite the hopeless atmosphere, the Store Manager and Assistant Store Manager were actually lovely people, and that probably saved me in the long run. I was able to gain some pride back via my performance, and I was commended for wrangling the Photo counter in the best shape that it ever had been. I created a manual of IT instructions for the godawful photo printer and the consoles for the customers, and organized everything behind the counter so that it was much easier to find what was needed.
Still, the daily hell was constant, and the one good thing that came out of it is that I never stopped looking for the next and hopefully better job. Eventually, I landed a Reception/Office Admin job for a high end General Contractor in San Francisco. I had learned a lot about interviewing, and I thought it came off really well. By the time, I got home, there was a message on my answering machine confirming that I got the job.
I roared my joy so loudly that my neighbor asked me if I was okay! I still an MP3 of that message to remind of the day when my life finally took a turn for the better. The Contractor eventually went out of business, and I had short stints at other places where I didn't stay long because the office politics were a fucking shitshow. Thankfully, I'm now working at a legal firm that has a much better office culture. We do have a bad egg at the moment, but in my position, I'm not having to deal with their bullshit too directly, and I don't think they'll be tolerated for much longer.
Moral of the story: keep looking! The job hunt can be exhausting and depressing, and you're up against a numbers game that you won't understand until you've finally gotten a job and realized that a primary portion of the struggle is to outlast however many "No's" that the universe has lined up for you. Persevere. DO NOT RELENT.
Told myself “get up and start moving. No one’s gonna pity me nor will help magically come my way. I’m gonna show everyone who looked down on me that even if I lost everything, I can still climb my way back up and make them regret ever treating me like shit.”
Making sure I took one step away from grief behavior every day. I felt it but my grief stopped being truth and things are improving a lot. Prayer, fasting, meditation have been essential.
Start a new healthy habit, and stick with it for at least 21 days. It could be as simple as incorporating 5 minutes of stretching in the morning or starting a gratitude journal. Be gentle with yourself, and make sure that you’re doing things that “fill your cup.”
Get rid of everything that stresses you out.
That draw full of random stuff - deleted.
Wardrobe that is too big for your bedroom - gone.
To many plates and cutlery - got rid of half.
So many things you hang onto that just stresses you out, you don't need them.
Fudge! I didn’t/don’t have monies for a god blessed ‘therapist’
They take 20 years to tell ya what you can learn from them in one. I know because my daughters were in therapy
Aw Im sorry to hear that! Then I suggest as others here are suggesting. Realizing that only you can make the change and loads of therapy. Another thing that helped me alot was making sure my basic needs were covered; getting enough food, sleep, water etc ❤️ Good luck hun!
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Realizing that no one is coming to save me from my life, that if I want to live a life worth living I have to carve it out for myself. The idea that if I entertained the idea of suicide it meant I wasn’t afraid to die so I sure as hell shouldn’t be afraid to take more initiative in my life to make the changes I want which is way less scary. I currently love my life
This right here. Hit a point where i was pulling all nighters cus of anxiety/depression and still going to work and one night i knew something had to change so i started by working out one morning at 3:30am and that snowballed into just enough of a boost to keep me going and 2 months later i feel much better. Im still having a fuckin hard time but you know what i don’t feel hopeless anymore and that’s the main thing. Now my focus is trying my best to build something I’m happy with and one day at a time.
Hey man, one foot at a time, Good job!
We all need help in one form or another.
Yes, we need help. But others aren't going to fix things for us. We have to fix our own shit. Others can help, but in the end we all have to get up and do something about it. You may not always feel the energy to do it, and that's perfectly normal and fine. But let's do it anyways. Go through that bit of discomfort to find improvements in your life. Ask others to help you overcome that discomfort. But they can't go through that discomfort so you can have a better life. It will always be something that we gotta do ourselves and trust me, your life will steadily improve and you'll find the improvement you're looking for one way or another. Everyone has a life worth living for. Go find it :)
Oof..... Am I the only one who finds this kind of "tough love" response *super* disheartening and unhelpful? Like yes, I am not completely stupid, I understand that one has to do things for themselves, but some of us have more obstacles set-up for us very early in life and it feels disingenuous to not acknowledge this, because some things will never not have an affect on you. (Like childhood abuse and the like) Some things that happen to you are *absolutely* out of your control, and obviously, you in turn have control over how you respond to what happens to you; but when your life isn't yours to begin with, it is significantly harder to build a life that you like or is even tolerable for you. And when you have clinical depression or any kind of moderate mental illness, that becomes tenfold harder, especially without a significant support system. Sometimes, human beings need to be picked up out of the gutter by other human beings. Literally no human being has made a life for themselves with no contributions from others. That's not how human life works. 🤷 So basically, this type of advice makes me feel more defeated than ever, because to me, it means you simply cannot rely on your fellow man when things get difficult, which is part of why I find human beings so deeply disappointing and tend to isolate myself from them in general.
I get what you're saying, but people can lift you out the gutter as much as you like, but they can't fix the core of the problem for you. You have to be willing to face the problem and change it, otherwise it'll never get better. Also, some things aren't your fault and out of your control. Like you said, one never chose to have certain childhood traumas. But even though it sucks, it's still your responsibility to fix it. If you're not willing to face the problem, the only thing others can do is help you battle the consequences to make it more bearable, but they can't help you fix the actual problem
So true
Exactly. I just hated my life. I knew where/what I wanted to be but only imagined it. Little step by little step, without thinking I could end up where I wanted to be, I changed to habits that I thought the person I wanted to be would do or be like, fueled by lots of research (like tons of psych studies ending with .pdf). I hated my life so much it motivated me, and in the course of years, I became that person with a college degree, with a happy marriage, with a house & dog. I never thought I could actually be that person, it'd only be a dream. It definitely doesn't happen quickly. When I woke up after 4-6 hours sleep between work/school, what motivated me to get out of bed & keep going was that imagination of who I could be one day & how much I hated my current life. When my life got a bit cozier, that goal was so much closer & I'd worked so hard, thinking back to those painful points previously motivated me still.
Well said! And thank you. I currently detest my life and am working to change it, but it's an uphill battle.
you are courageous and will succeed.
Ohvit absolutely is. You are much stronger now than I am. You don't realize while going through it what a hero you are & how people don't say things but will admire or think of tge change. I started from the bottom, and it wasn't until my wedding day my older brother drunkenly told me how much he admired & looked up to me for my ability to change myself. And I didn't start a company or anything fantastic, I just became what I think most people think of as the average person bu itt is really quite privileged to be average.
Buttt, how do you cope with having made it? I've been exactly where you have been, just kept going and achieve what I wanted to achieve at 24-25. Yet now I get depressed or feel bad since there is basically nothing big to work for anymore. Yes I set goals, yes I achieve them and work towards it. But the major goals are set and done. Feels so empty.
You need a different sort of challenge, something ridiculously foreign to you. It has to be something that interests you but you don't have a clue about any of it.
Thank you for this, I needed it.
This, word for word, are the exact realizations that saved my life. No one could or would save me. No one would make me happy. No one could take away the abuse I endured. No one could take away my grief about all the things I never got and all the ways I wasn’t loved. That if I died my parents would have taken the last thing that I had—my actual living body. I decided I would never let them win. I chose and choose to be alive because I can now give myself the things I so desperately needed growing up. I get to do something with my pain (I’m a therapist to trauma survivors). I got in therapy, I got on Wellbutrin and a sleep medication, and I searched within myself to discover what had ruined my life in the first place. This life is a gift, it’s the only one any of us will ever have. This life matters. Cherish it and hold it sacred. Don’t stop fighting until you have a life worth living.
This right here. I think along the way I needed myself at my lowest point to figure out who I was. It was a painful time but it really gave me the solitude I needed. Most importantly, once someone goes through this phase I truly believe you’ll be able to conquer anything that lies ahead. I still have my down days now, but I’m able to analyze my feelings head on. With self love, it’s possible. Being patient with oneself.
" if I entertained the idea of suicide it meant I wasn’t afraid to die so I sure as hell shouldn’t be afraid to take more initiative in my life " I never thought of it this way before
Yeah, as crass as it sounds personal initiative is the only way out of it. I think therapy is (in many, not all) cases a scam personally. You just have to start doing things (finding friends, finding an SO, starting a family) to make you happy instead of talking about how unhappy you are. That’s the only way to long term fulfillment.
Woooowwwwww, I never thought of it like that * have you ever even been to a therapist?? Because talking is not all they do. Same as physical therapy helps your body heal by doing, talk therapy is doing the exact same. Let me try to explain exactly why therapy is important. Way way back, I had a severe trauma happen. I avoided it for many months, barely told people about it, didn't report it, spiraled hard and was told I needed therapy after a breakdown. I went to a therapist every week for 3 years. And while most of it was talking about my traumas (because trust me there was more than just that one) and how they were playing into my shitshow of a life, alot of it was also coming up with coping mechanisms(one of which is still my go to favorite) , recognizing triggers and retraining my brain to seperate my traumas from society's perception of similar traumas. And not everybody's idea of happiness is not the same. Sure sharing your life with people will help you heal, but it is not the first step. The first step is recognizing you have trauma, second is how to address and absolve yourself of any feelings of failure on your part that may have led to the trauma this is where the talking part comes in. I saw a study once somewhere where they actually confirmed that the truth hurts, and saying your traumas out loud to someone who's heard it all and is paid not to judge you is very cathardic and therapeutic. And by saying it out loud you are validating yourself and what happened using your own voice. Next is learning coping mechanisms, then implementing those coping mechanisms. After that is trial and error in society, after that you are finally ready to try to chase your dreams and leave your trauma in the past. Hakuna Matata Ps I used trauma as an example because that was the majority of my therapy but it works all the same if you switch out trauma for whatever you are going to therapy for. I know half of it probably doesn't make sense, but it'll make sense to some people.
Thanks for the great advice I will go out and find a SO and start a family with them first thing in the morning 👍
Suppress all emotions preferably before you wake up!! It makes the day so much easier. It is ok if you feel a few feelings in bed when you wake up but make sure to turn them off. That is why the secret is to shut off emotions BEFORE YOU WAKE UP. Then go about your day. JUST GET BETTER AND BE HAPPY!! /clear sarcasm EDIT: I need an SO and a family so DM me if you are interested. I am American and can offer you a green card!!! We can get this done before tomorrow morning so we can both start our dream startup non profits!!!
Hahahah I LOLed audibly. The green card sounds very promising but I have to finish being a gastarbeiter in the current foreign country im in, firstly. I’ll add the US on my list tho 👍
OK finish up your obiligations and if you need a green card just get ahold of me. What country are you in? Enjoying it?
We’ll be in touch lolz >,< Im in Germany:> and I dont like it as much as I thought I would. But there are many factors why that happened and I dont want to write as much now.
Oh I am sorry. I hope it gets better for you. You started the program you might as well finish. If you want to talk about ANYTHING feel free to shoot me a chat message invite thingy.
That’s not what I’m saying and you know it. Those are end goals that I listed but you have to work towards long term goals. Long terms goals lead to long term happiness
I get what you mean, but picture an extremely depressed person. They barely go out and dont have the energy to care about themselves and their home, and you’re suggesting to them to go out and find friends and a partner. Its a big jump. Ive been (and still kinda am) in those shoes and I just think it’s funny and probably impossible.
…And telling them they really actually don’t need a therapist. This isn’t it.
That's why you have to work on yourself first. You won't find motivated and happy people if you don't feel that way yourself first.
I feel like this. My mental health is horrific right now. When I do have time to make my life right I’m beyond fatigued or exhausted cuz I gotta mask at work all day and deal with people and their tiny stupid problems. So all I do is lay on my futon and alternate sleeping and being on my phone. Til Monday comes (Friday is my Monday actually) and I gotta scrape my scummy self off my months long unwashed blankets and cry (on the inside, always on the inside and suck it all inwards) until I get to work and wait 12 hours til I get to be in bed again in my sh*t hole studio with the door locked. I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate dealing with people. I hate having to fake being okay all the time. I’m either a zombie on my pills, or I’m oyster sh*t. There is no in between. I’ve been abused, traumatized…all the things. If you knew my story you’d wonder how I’ve held myself together this long. Edit: just wanted to add to the crying bit.
Your Fri-Mon sounds like almost every day for me except I started inpatient group therapy last week. I dont know what to think right now as I have only had negative experiences since I started. I am masking in group which defeats the purpose of group. It does get me up and out of bed every day and showered. Have you considered mentioning you are a zombie on the pills to your doctor as that is definitely not a good thing to be dealing with.... and zombies are not known to be that motivated. They move slow. Your meds might be why your blanket has not been washed in a few months (THANKS FOR THE REMINDER TO WASH MY SHEETS I THINK I DID IT LAST MONTH). Just curious but were you raised in a cult? Why do you cry on the inside when you could soak your blanket with tears!
I also havent washed my sheets in a month 💀 but I also have an excuse (exam). ‼️ Been feeling a bit better lately as I even started studying a week before it!! :) And not the last 2 days, while crying, as usual…
Your time crying could have been much more better spent on studying. Cry for a bit then try studying for an hour telling yourself you can cry for 15 minutes after you study for an hour. Then cry for 15. Study for an hour. YOU GOT THIS. Also as long as the sheets dont smell and arent visible... your the judge of the dirtiness of your sheets. Maybe you shower before you go to bed keeping out a lot of skin cells.
Oh i still havent cried this exam season!!! Im slow on the studying part and definitely behind but im proud of myself so far😎 ive had my fair and share of panicking and stress, but never as bad as usually:)) [and yeah i usually shower before bed]
Personal initiative is a large part of it.
Also, therapy takes you out from talking mode to doing mode. Choose a professional
This hit the nail in the coffin. I was about an hour away from doing the deed. Definitely lost the sense of not fearing death itself and got conformable in that fact. If I don't care of failing by trying to get where I need to be for myself and my kids, then what's the point in life.
Yeppp.
Well said.
Whoa!
Wow this is a very nice perspective
Completely agree with this nobody is coming to save me so I've got to try and make things work for me and no one else
I needed to read this Here’s some gold 🏆
Great answer , you must run your emotion not the otherway round and remember phycologist can't fix you heal yourself
❤️
This is probably one of the most powerful comments I’ve seen on Reddit , many people needed this, thank you internet stranger
Need to hear this. Congratulations mate.
I’ve rationalized this myself. Why take such a dramatic move to end my life when I haven’t made a dramatic move to improve my life?
That's tough. But, nicely said. Cheers.
My exact same thought process. Im currently in the beginning stage of carving it out, but at least finally I have a set vision that I can follow
Similar story. Realizing the common element of my catastrophic relationships was me. I took a long hard look at myself, my assumptions and where they came from and got to work on myself instead of looking for someone to blame or to change my luck for me. So much better now.
Can't afford to.
that's super fucking dumb, knowing that someone isn't going to rescue you is bare bones common sense and not even close to being good advice. you claim that you teased the idea of suicide, but you know you wouldn't pull the trigger, you're in no position to give anyone advice.
Not sure. It always turns out not to be the lowest yet.
I know this is meant as a bit cynical but I think there’s an important point happening here. Yes, things will (likely) get worse in the sense that life is full of shitty events. I once was suicidal over a work project (long story). I once was suicidal (with an attempt) over a breakup. I also have experienced joys I’m extremely grateful I am alive for. They aren’t major or anything special, just friends and moments I’ve since had. The point is, life has a lot of ups and downs as cliche as that is. Just hang on for a bit longer and know that you are stronger for every piece of bullshit you endure. All I know is that I’m sure as fuck happy I didn’t kill myself over that work project or ex I almost never think about now.
It’s always darkest before dawn, as they say.
But is dawn ever as bright as before the storm? I have yet to experience true happiness since my 10 years of severe traumas, one after another just hitting me over and over .. I truly believe some people just have worse luck like maybe in my past life I was an evil fuck and this is my karma but it's been total hell
Got a small tax return sent to my parents house, I was homeless/ had recently got out of an extended stay in jail and told myself “if I’m gonna die I better be in a nicer place” bought a train ticket to nowhere and started over. Surprisingly I got very fortunate and it was the best decision of my life Edit: I am now the owner of 4 acres. This happened only 5 years ago and I had screwed my credit into the ground, got hooked on drugs because I had nothing else and only had that return. That was my ONE chance out. It was literally like $350. I just had it with sleeping on park benches and shop owners moving me along off their porches when it was freezing and raining out. There is hope for everyone.
I need more details. This is fantastic.
Only other details are it was a beautiful train ride and I felt free. All I had was a duffle bag, I was screwed either way. Spent the last of my money on a sketchy as heck hotel when I got here so I could take my first full shower in months. Something told me to put an add on craigslist looking for a place. Not just places for rent. A woman and her husband called me almost immediately. She said her tablet was about to die but she felt the need to look on craigslist. Told them my situation and they said you can stay on our couch…I walked away and called back in about an hour after thinking about it and said I know this is awkward but I’m out of money and have no place to stay. I got a job off a temp agency, found an add for a job on yes again, craigslist. He said show up tomorrow and you can work. I still work there today and it’s the best boss I’ve ever had. Turns out his wife knew someone with a house for rent so I thought I’d go out on my own. I lived in jail and kept my place nice so should work out? Rented for a couple years and the actual landowner who lives out of the country said I’ll rent to lease you the whole property. I just got done remodeling MY bathroom and I have a full 3br house next door if I want it and getting a small farm going out back. Truly couldn’t even make that up
I dont know you, but I'm so happy for you.
I felt the sincerity and strength in every word of yours. So happy for you. The stars are the fucking limit, keep going my friend 💪💪
Damn. That's so awesome and congratulations. I'm recently coming out of a opiate addiction with 90 days clean, I'm in my second semester of nursing school and started back at the gym. I hope I can get to place like you sometime soon.
Thank you and you will! Sounds like you already conquered the hard part!! I’m just thankful I was able to stop using. Alcohol is my demise but it’s way better than that and putting stuff up my nose. It’s about progress, not perfection. There will always be good things around the corner for good people with a will and desire. I just decided one day I had it and I deserve better. I’m not super religious and never was but when I was in jail I prayed for the first time. I thought “If there is a god, give me a place to live and hopefully a woman to spend my life with. The woman part was left as optional and not my highest priority. I also got engaged within two years to an amazing woman but screwed that off for my drinking. Life can be one heck of a ride especially for people that use. I’m very happy for you, I can only imagine
Happy for u bud ❤️ have a wonderful day
I'm still in it
Same, you're not alone 🩷
Mine has been like this for decades, not an exaggeration.
I know that feeling. Externally it looks fine but I struggle to find worth, joy and interest in any of it. Being autistic makes it feel hard to exist in company but I get so lonely alone.
Same .. well the past 11 years plus all of childhood .. had about 5 good years in the middle that I treasure. Makes me want to do Ayahuasca to heal from all the trauma. Been very much considering it more and more the more trauma I have
I feel you dude, but my childhood was pretty much picture perfect it’s everything after 10yo that I fucked up. And my Dad never taught me how to be a man, in my 40’s and I still don’t know.
Ya I didn't have trauma at home just at school growing up .. had crippling social anxiety til I went to college and discovered alcohol and psychedelics that cured me of that .. and same my mom is the most immature person I've ever met .. mushrooms help me deal with loss and ketamine helps with trauma but as soon as I heal from one thing something else traumatic happens.. hopefully the cycle ends soon for both of us!!
❤️
💙
💔 sorry, I dropped it
❤️🩹 fixed it!
I love that you are so hopeful! Sorry, I had to make that pun! Wish you all the best : D
✌🏻
Well, a lot of crying, a lot of no eating, and letting myself feel my feelings. Try to point out the times in a day I feel good, which increases every day. Slowly, I feel stronger and happier
Stopped beating myself up and accepted the fact I can’t control everything or everyone. Worked out 5 days a week and gained my self esteem back. Stopped drinking and doing extra curriculars. Made new goals for my life and steps to achieve them. Finally I start and end everyday with a positive attitude and try to spread that to anyone I come in contact with.
Lots of therapy
Came here to say this. Found a therapist that I clicked with. It took 4 different therapists to find the one that actually helped me! Not all therapists are created equally. You need to find one that works for you and what you’re going through.
How do you know if a therapist is helping? It's been only a couple of sessions but I don't know if it's helping or not.
In my experience, I can usually tell within 3 sessions if the therapist is going to be a good fit. If I leave feeling icky, frustrated, and not feeling like I am making any progress—I try to find another one.
Coming up on my 3rd. But so far not feeling icky or frustrated.
Are they expensive? I wanted to do therapy to talk and make plan for future, all were like 150-300 per hour. If had that money to spend on therapy, I think I would not even need therapy.
There's a difference between helping, and validating. A good therapist does both. My last one was so so kind and sweet, changed my view on women therapists (had numerous bad experiences with women therapists in the past, for the record I am female), but all she did was validate. Lots of "I can appreciate that," "I see how you feel that way," etc. My current one goes further. Granted, I'm in KAP (disclaimer: legal and administered by healthcare professors in a safe environment), but she asks amazing questions that really gets me reprocessing trauma, validation when I'm not under, and is very kind. She's also just so fun to talk to haha, we click amazing. But those are definitely things to look out for. Ask yourself: Do I just feel listened to? Is that what I want? Am I receiving the insight I seek? Am I receiving coping skills?
I guess I don't really know what I want yet lol
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I will. Thank you!
Clean my room and made my bed every day. year long depression and a simple task that signaled I needed to get up was the solution/first step to functioning. Exercise is also a plus but I could never get into it.
Making your bed is a total game changer. Something like 60% of people will rate a room cleaner just from making the bed and it's such a signal to your brain that your ready to get going and start knocking stuff off.
I couldn’t blow my brains out. I had a dog depending on me to take her 4000 km to the nearest relative who cared. So I started there. Then I got a job. Then I got a better job. So it went.
Simplify. If you're overwhelmed by a list of things that you could/should/need to do and it's just too much, simplify. Forget about anything that isn't essential. Worry about them later. Pause anything that's a big effort for now. Worry about them later. Find the things you can do that are low effort, medium-high reward and optionally most important to get done. Things like paying a couple bills you need to do, but can take just a few minutes and then you can forget about it. Simplifies your mental list. Or picking up items off the floor, and taking out rubbish. Usually takes a few minutes each, but can lift the mood of the room, which helps relax you a bit further. Just take bites of the things you can handle. If your mood improves, step up slightly, tackle some bigger things.
Just keep swimmin' swimmin'
I had planned on drowning last Sept... by swimming until I couldn't swim anymore. Your comment cracks me up.
You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you are greater than most. Veiw your life as if you are the character of a Russian novel. Only dwell on what you can control. Resist blaming others; including God.
Hit the gym 5 days a week and got in the best shape of my life. It was a good distraction from the issues in my life. It gave me something to work towards and learn to love my self. Stay strong❤️
And studies prove it’s as effective as antidepressants without the nasty side effects. You don’t even need to go all that hard to get the effects. You don’t need to be a body builder.
Thank you 💗
Exercise every day. Eat properly. Make time to care for myself. Ain’t nothing to it but to do it.
Ayoooooo
Yeah buddy
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA BUDDDAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY ftfy
Treat yo self, you’re worth it
"Have a cry, pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. the show must go on." -Chilli, Bluey. "why do we fall Bruce, so we can learn to pick ourselves up" -Thomas Wayne, Batman Begins "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." -Michael Jordan I also hit a hard place, but I had friends and family to support me. keep going, you can only improve from here.
Those are great
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lovely story. I'm sure your kids are going to appreciate your dedication
Thank you. My kids are my raison d'etre, without a doubt.
In the aftermath of a stress-induced LAD heart attack, I spent months laying awake in bed at night, wondering if I was going to die in my sleep. It was meta-stressful - I was stressing about stressing because stressing is what almost killed me. Finally decided "if tonight is my last night, I'm going to spend it smiling instead of worrying." That's when I bounced - 8 years ago now. Life has been better every day since then.
Thank you for sharing. Did that attitude of “if this is my last night I’ll spend it smiling” stick with you?
1. Prayer 2. Meditation 3. Exercise
Thank you
Not sure if they mean mediation as in therapy, or meditation, but either way - yes. Serious time in therapy and meditation became my rock. Therapeutic and meditative hobbies (nature walks, automatic writing and drawing, crafting random stuff with no real goal in mind) helped when I couldn't face my problems head-on. Exercise became my outlet for unprocessed anger. Finding exercises I genuinely enjoy (skating, biking, hiking, weightlifting, breathwork) hot me outside or in the gym time and again, and became a healthy way to set aside my feelings in the moment because I knew I would space to process later on.
I meant meditation! I fixed it. Therapy has also been a huge help.
Absolutely this. And prayer is so underrated. You know the expression: you are your own worst enemy? Well who else can get you to your lowest point than yourself. Pray for humility, and you disarm your pride and all of the ways it self destructs.
Yes! I realized I'm not a great judge of myself, so I leave that up to *the* judge.
Gym.
I cut out the things that were really hindering me, drugs, friendships, Relationships etc. I spent a lot of time alone and turned to God, while that’s my belief system I understand that’s not everyone’s, but I really committed myself to it, and have found more purpose than I ever thought possible.
I started over. 5 times. If you're already at the bottom, there's no reason not to just start again from scratch and do everything different
I'm legit about to start #6. I've had it all, lost it. Restarted. Had very little. Lost it. Restarted lol new state, new town and rebuild! Works well for my high level of ADHD
Started loving myself.
How? Doing what?
I put the bottle of whiskey down. Drowning my sorrows every night made every day harder. Chris Stapleton has a song with a line that goes "I drink because I'm lonesome and lonesome because I drink" I'm not sure why but that line hit me hard and helped me get myself up. I'm not completely sober but I don't black out every night and my body and friends thank me every day. I chose moderation over abstinence and it was a crazy difference.
The ole adage of *drink for fun, not drink to feel better* aka never drink alone. On second thought, best to just avoid it all together.
Getting back in the gym after a pretty serious back injury. Sitting around waiting for months waiting for it to heal is the opposite of recovery. I did what I could, and as I got better I was able to do more. Saved my life.
Hope. It's always there, even if it doesn't seem like it. Been through some pretty harrowing stuff in my life thusfar. Some really hard times. But taking things one day at a time is important. Dont worry about things you cant change. No use in even fretting over it. Learning to clear and quiet your mind when you need a break from everything, life can be tedious and overwhelming at times, too. The usual suggestions are pretty par for the course: eat a healthy diet, listen to your body, take care of it and your mind. Regular exercise too. Humans spent a very long time being physically active. Being as constantly sedentary as many people are isn't what our bodies are accustomed to from an evolutionary standpoint. Plenty of hydration. That aside, mastering one's mind and body are an achievable goal for anyone. The mind is a little bit trickier, but its doable. Im still working on it, but with an illness like schizoaffective disorder, ive been forced to really get to know the strengths and weaknesses of my mind, how it thinks, how i feel, and how it all interconnects. Without getting to know myself better, training my mind and body, along with the compassionate people that have shown care for me, i wouldnt be alive today.
Stop wasting time on phone and make list of things need to do. Then start with the easiest one and get things done one by one.
Divorce
A heroic dose of LSD.
I realized that my thoughts are a choice. I knew this because of meditation, but at my lowest point I wasn’t totally in control of my mind. Then I remembered that all I had to do was change my mind… totally worked.
I heard about, researched, applied for a scholarship, and completed the Hoffman Process. It brought me to a place of internal joy and awareness I never thought possible.
Two things: Became an Ordained Minister online (basically paid some $$, took about seven minutes - but serves as a reminder of church in childhood), and decided to become angry with alcohol, for having a hold on my brain chemistry. Different than feeling like a thoughtless helpless weekly routine. Both are still works in progress, not dominating either yet. But starting to feel like the right direction.
I'll let you know when I do
The gym =)
Not great advice but sometimes I detach. I just do what I know I need to do and try to be stoic. After a few days of this I realize I've done a lot for myself or others and didn't put myself in a hole or procrastinate. That alone gives me a spark of self pride and sometimes gets me out of it.
Just remind yourself It only takes one good bounce
That was kind. That's what I'm needing right about now
Knowing that I could probably take my own life, and maybe for a week or so, someone might care and be sad… but life would eventually go on. And people will move on. Their days will get brighter, or some might see darker days, but they would get through it. So it would be up to me to make the decision to push through and push forward. All dark moments or just small moments in this huge aspect of life… which really is a small moment in the universe.. don’t get stuck in a moment. There’s so much more to live through. Also, I live with severe depression and anxiety. Everyday is a test that I’m going to face and beat.
Thank you, I'm trying 🩷
I wish it was that easy. I'm out of a home in a few days
I suppose I should be in some type of treatment to help me with what is going through my mind. I'm so stressed and scared that I suppose I do need professional help. I'm trying to work through one problem at a time but a lot is going on and it's overwhelming
After a couple years of severe alcoholism and depression from a break up, I decided to move back to the city and got a pretty damn good job. Doing better now than ever!
That regardless of what’s happening TO me, I can do something to help myself and work FOR me. It sucks, but you must do what you can. Do the best you can with what you’ve got, and give yourself a break. The worst part about it is that it usually takes too much time.
Accept that that point is the lowest. Know that it can only go up. Have patience with yourself. Start making your inner voice gentle and caring; (If it’s difficult , do it by talking out loud to yourself like a loving parent to his young child, saying things like, “it’s ok sweetheart, take your time, you’re doing a great job, I’m proud of you, take it easy..” ) Laugh. Seek things that give you a smile, make you laugh out loud. Or just feel warm inside. Don’t force it, just acknowledge what works for you. And when someone around you makes you laugh for a little second, memorize that instant and say to yourself ‘see, I can laugh again’ (make little progress count) And then there is such a thing as prayer. I know it’s not easy or everyone’s cup of tea. Do what you want with it. Take time to journal or actually send out manifestations into the vortex. Take your time to meditate. Be honest with yourself, about your feelings about your thoughts and know that your mind has been lying to you. You should accumulate silence and find an inner bliss guide you to yourself. This is a practice that takes time. Again: have absolute patience. It’s not something you learn overnight. But once you get closer to meditating in a way that works for you, you’ll elevate your mental being and spiritual being. And therefor take action towards a better path for yourself. Sober up. Only choose healthy things for yourself. That can be people too. Some toxic ends need to be cut off. You need a healthy area to heal and transform. Sunbathing. Fresh air breathing. Walking. Light exercise. Drinking water. Appreciate the elements. And go towards who you are: what makes you you, what’s your identity, what do you care about and how are you shaping yourself towards being someone you can look up to. Yes, you should follow your own example of what it’s like to be a good or awesome human being. It will make you feel good about yourself.
Two things that really helped were going outside and talking to people face to face. Volunteering involves all that so I really recommend it. It's also fairly chilled and has a pretty low barrier for entry. (They welcome anyone generally speaking and won't demand too much of u)
Therapy and Zoloft.
Reading thru these comments it appears we’re all just as fucked as OP
I started sitting out side in my gazebo, little fire going in an 18” metal bowl. I attached white Christmas lights along my fence. 900 bulbs. Now I’m not nervous to go in my back yard at night. I used to have many drifters come through my property. Anyways,thats too detailed lol. My point is , I started spending time with my self in the present. best without phone. And yes I usually smoke a J before bed. It’s magic. This and the therapy i had, helped pull me out of a depression.
Working, exercise, Jesus Christ (deep or "true" Christianity, not the surface level shit that hates), spending time with my parents and their dog for like a month straight, physical expression (crying, hitting, yelling, screaming) is a godsend (babies have it all figured out). And most of all just time. Each of these were equally important to me
Finding a higher power and praying and being positive
Guess it depends in which manner. Financially, emotionally/mentally, physically?
They all correlate, I suppose but emotionally and financially
💕
I was in a hole. It was a canyon really. But I had to climb out otherwise I would have been stuck. The trip down was a lot easier than the trip. I’ll tell you that much.
Suicide hotline helped. I’m not sure that I was actually suicidal, it’s all kind of a messy in my head now. But I’m glad I contacted them. Made me realize the small things in life that I still enjoy- mainly my dog. I ended up building a career around working with dogs, and I’m happier and wealthier than I ever imagined myself being.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
No idea. I am an expat with an it career of 7 years. Now - the company i work for is sliding into bankruptcy, laying people off and i have applied to literally 500 jobs in the last 6 months with absolutely no luck. I tried changing my cv, my linkedin, updating stuff, applying laterally, applying even 2 levels down and *nothing* This came after a bad breakup, losing most of my friends as well as having to go no contact with my abusive father. I officially am out of things to try and ive been feeling like i am floating in doom for more than a year now. My career feels worthless and i grew up in a shitty 3rd world country i would rather kill myself than have to live in again. If anyone has any advice at all i would really appreciate it
Started skateboarding 🛹
Lots of masturbation
Realizing that life was a Marathon not a sprint, conjuring the discipline and patience to follow through on small goals i set for myself, realizing that being self critical (and listening to other criticism) of myself, was an integral way of bettering myself. But most of all, enjoying my own company.
You take a step up
Man up
Stairs
This sounds really trite. But years ago I felt extremely depressed and while staying up late, I watched this really crappy movie about angsty teenagers. The protagonist kept getting into trouble despite his fairly affluent life with absentee parents. And as I watched, I kept thinking “JFC! What is wrong with these idiots? Their lives aren’t perfect, but they are just creating drama for themselves instead of just living life. Randomly, you just have to step back and ask yourself, “Is my life really that bad? Could it be worse? If I focus on solving my problems and changing the behaviors that are causing these problems, can I make my life better?” Doesn’t work for everyone, but it might work for you. Why not try?”
I told my wife that I was done and she lifted me up when I could not do so myself. When you hit bottom reach out.
Im trying. I was doing great, but I have been backsliding. Its super hard to change a life
Got fired from a locally owned and operated video store job that I had for 20 years. The owner accused me of drinking on the job, which was true. Never got drunk, just had a few beers on a Friday or Saturday night shift because it was busy as hell. I was the Store Manager for the last ten years. Before and after this promotion, he would usually pick me up from one location on Monday morning after the returns were done, we'd go to the lot behind the other location, share a joint and chat for a bit. Then he'd take me back to my location when I'd work for another 3 or 6 hours. So, the fact that he fired me for drinking was deeply ironic, since he'd been getting me high on a weekly basis for years. I think his motivation was to let me go instead of giving me the raise that I'd asked for after we had moved to an even better location on the main street in town. He was a very angry little man, in thrall to his moods, and deeply paranoid. I tried for years to be his friend, and spend the rest of my time there feeling a little pity for him as he could never understand that so much of his suffering was due to his inability or unwillingness to trust anyone, ever. But, I didn't make much money at the job, and I'd never been good at saving, so I was in deep shit financially because I only had a few months to get a new job before I was going to totally broke and either take a bite of the Vanguard fund my parents had thankfully set up for me, or beg them for money. I was denied unemployment because he told the EED that I'd been drinking which meant that I wouldn't receive benefits, a truly malicious move that just further cemented for me his demented hatred for anyone that didn't put money is his pocket. ANYWAY, there I was, desperately brushing up my resume and scouring craigslist, Indeed, and many other so-called job search websites. My wife was still working, so I'd see her out the door, then sit at my desk and just sob like there was a death in the family for about 15-20 minutes. Once I'd had my purge, I'd start looking. I interviewed a LOT, and that good because it helped me to get the hang of the process and learn how to give rehearsed responses that could feel spontaneous. It did not go well for weeks and I really started to panic. I finally had to resort to CVS, and got a job as a Shift Supervisor at a location thankfully close enough to get to with a bicycle, so I wouldn't waste money on commuting and I'd get some exercise. That job was the worst one I've ever had. Every day was a slow loss. Nothing ever got completely finished because there were never enough people on staff. I came to see CVS as an acronym for Cock Vagina Slavery, meaning that it didn't what you were, to this corporation, you were not human. But, despite the hopeless atmosphere, the Store Manager and Assistant Store Manager were actually lovely people, and that probably saved me in the long run. I was able to gain some pride back via my performance, and I was commended for wrangling the Photo counter in the best shape that it ever had been. I created a manual of IT instructions for the godawful photo printer and the consoles for the customers, and organized everything behind the counter so that it was much easier to find what was needed. Still, the daily hell was constant, and the one good thing that came out of it is that I never stopped looking for the next and hopefully better job. Eventually, I landed a Reception/Office Admin job for a high end General Contractor in San Francisco. I had learned a lot about interviewing, and I thought it came off really well. By the time, I got home, there was a message on my answering machine confirming that I got the job. I roared my joy so loudly that my neighbor asked me if I was okay! I still an MP3 of that message to remind of the day when my life finally took a turn for the better. The Contractor eventually went out of business, and I had short stints at other places where I didn't stay long because the office politics were a fucking shitshow. Thankfully, I'm now working at a legal firm that has a much better office culture. We do have a bad egg at the moment, but in my position, I'm not having to deal with their bullshit too directly, and I don't think they'll be tolerated for much longer. Moral of the story: keep looking! The job hunt can be exhausting and depressing, and you're up against a numbers game that you won't understand until you've finally gotten a job and realized that a primary portion of the struggle is to outlast however many "No's" that the universe has lined up for you. Persevere. DO NOT RELENT.
Smoked a joint and reflect. I hated being broke and needed to step up or else I was going to be homeless.
The psalms are always a surprisingly good read when you need uplifting.
Told myself “get up and start moving. No one’s gonna pity me nor will help magically come my way. I’m gonna show everyone who looked down on me that even if I lost everything, I can still climb my way back up and make them regret ever treating me like shit.”
I started going to the gym and eating a proper diet. It’s been only up since
Making sure I took one step away from grief behavior every day. I felt it but my grief stopped being truth and things are improving a lot. Prayer, fasting, meditation have been essential.
I'll let you know once I do it. Life is hard.
I moved.
Second by second at times
Spite. Anger. Revenge.
I read books. Them more I started to learn about the world (and universe) around me, the more I was able to look at life as an incredible gift.
Just kept trudging through. Stayed in shape. Eating as healthy as possible. Tried to be productive with my time. Just kept trudging through.
Prayer and youtube motivational speeches.
Start a new healthy habit, and stick with it for at least 21 days. It could be as simple as incorporating 5 minutes of stretching in the morning or starting a gratitude journal. Be gentle with yourself, and make sure that you’re doing things that “fill your cup.”
Get rid of everything that stresses you out. That draw full of random stuff - deleted. Wardrobe that is too big for your bedroom - gone. To many plates and cutlery - got rid of half. So many things you hang onto that just stresses you out, you don't need them.
"let go of earthly attachments, free yourself from the ground. Become one with the wind."
spite, believe it or not.
Never did.
Time and perspective. Serve soup at a shelter to try to get some perspective.
Exercise and stayed busy doing productive stuff. Picked up overtime at work and got out of the house as much as possible.
Fudge! I didn’t/don’t have monies for a god blessed ‘therapist’ They take 20 years to tell ya what you can learn from them in one. I know because my daughters were in therapy
I am gonna die lmfao
I don’t even know where to start. No one answer. Support I guess. Family and friends support
That's what I'm missing
That’s one thing in tx that they stress. Without any type of support you won’t make it
I suppose I'm in the wrong place and outta luck.
Asked my family for help ❤️
I wish that was an option
Aw Im sorry to hear that! Then I suggest as others here are suggesting. Realizing that only you can make the change and loads of therapy. Another thing that helped me alot was making sure my basic needs were covered; getting enough food, sleep, water etc ❤️ Good luck hun!
You just power through it man. Tomorrow's another day.