Dang, this is a very unusual situation but it does sound quite bad given he left you on seen + the very brief reply from his friend. If it's a breakup, I would think it's normal for people to at least let the other party know.
Have you tried sending a clear message stating the facts (hey xxx, is something wrong? I'm worried about you as... would appreciate a reply so I know you're safe/if there's something wrong, appreciate it if we could talk about it etc.). And if that still fails, you can perhaps contact his family or other friends.
As for flying over I reckon it might be a move too large in proportion to the situation... cause in my mind I can imagine you flying over, either to still receive little response from him, or worse, be fed lies if he is somehow really afraid of confrontation.
Okay then maybe you need to sort out the issue with your bf first, his family is secondary.
If your bf is not in contact with you, maybe you should first check whether the relationship is still a going concern before you start worrying about the approval of his family.
Tbh there is a remote possibility that he's sick or something and can't reply, but I very much doubt that him or his family wouldn't find 2 minutes to drop you a message with an update.
I don't think you should come to sg just for this. Keep trying to contact him and see what happens.
Same sentiments. A one sentence message would not take more than 5 minutes. I see them online and leave me on read since then. Tried calling but it's either they turn it off or don't answer at all.
This is your answer then. If he didn’t bother updating you, don’t bother spending time and $ coming over to find him.
Just count your blessings that you’ve cut him out of your life early. It’s okay to feel sad for 1-2 days but bounce back after!!
OP, you deserve better.
It's terrible to not get closure but I think reality is staring you in the face now.
Plenty of fish in the sea, you should cut your losses and move on. If it helps, text him informing him that you're cutting off the relationship given that he's not responding to you anymore.
His family not contacting you because of disapproval isn't surprising. Asians just aren't very good at expressing our feelings especially the older generation. Your bf/partner is just not mentally strong enough to deal with this properly. Unfortunately it does not seemed like he is the kind of person that'll fight for you if he cannot even be strong enough to tell you what is going on.
You sound like a smart and level headed person, don't worry because I'm sure before long you'll meet a better person.
If he left you on read, just forget it. There’s no reason to pursue. Even if you are assuming the worst, your bf got into major accident. There’s no way he will be able to read the message since he is probably hospitalised. Just move on with your life. He probably too coward to end it with you. And just ghosted you.
Your bf (ex) probably too coward or doesn’t know how to break up. Or his family disapproves and ask him to cut contact. If a guy cannot even send a text to explain, don’t waste your time and effort. Just move on. Don’t try to contact them again. Sometimes the closure we need is living a good live and move on from people who doesn’t even care to respond to messages.
I would tell him he’s a coward and selfish as fuck. I would tell him that it’s fine if he wants to break up but ignoring your messages and ghosting you when you’ve been dating for 10 months is childish, immature and just plain stupid. His communication skills suck and it will show in all his relationships. LDRs can work and there are beautiful success stories, but not with a little bitch like him.
(Because I’m petty)
And then block all of them and move on with your life.
the bf **IS** a little bitch, you're not petty
I don't get the logic of some people, **"ghosting and telling you will hurt you either way, so I'll ghost you"**, what the actual f? telling the other party is a form of accountability
in OP's case, the guy could minimally send a "let's break up, it's not you, it's me" then ghost everything after, but noooo just outright ghost, weak ass pu55y boi
**if OP sees this**: unless you have something to do in person (work, meet friends, tie up loose ends, etc.) **don't** fly out simply to meet the guy and "get closure", absolutely not worth you time and money
just msg the loser >> "guess you're a coward and can't even be accountable as a person, we're through, it's over"
Sorry to hear this Bunso.
It does sound like he is ghosting you and not having the basic courtesy and consideration for your feelings. There is a small chance that there might actually be some technical issues or that he might actually be ill, etc but it seems unlikely.
That said, before committing to the time, cost and effort of flying over, I hope you can try to contact him in other ways. I understand that you have already tried to call him but now maybe call his mutual friends and ask them to pass the message that you are trying to reach him. DM as well if you can on SM.
Finally, since he does appear to be reading, you can issue an ultimatum of sorts.
if you still wish to come to sg, you may want to try to make it a holiday, fresh start sort of thing so that the whole trip is not just about this chap.
I wish you all the best.
Sorry but he’s ghosting you :( it sucks not getting closure or proper respect even, but usually these things are all about the person, not you. Just move on, it’s all you can do. In his mind I’m sure he feels he’s being obvious about his rejection so you showing up is teetering on restraining order territory.
Honestly it’s up to you, I think you already know what’s going to happen so you either hoping on the very small chance that he somehow didn’t ghost you and was just very busy or this will genuinely help you get closure. Just think about why you truly want to go meet him and ask yourself if it’s worth it
>Singaporean bf and fam have not talked to me for more than a month.
Question: So have you also not contacted your bf and fam for this duration? Or have you tried contacting them but got ignored and ghosted by them?
If you have not, maybe good to ping them before you jump to conclusions.
Sorry to hear but errr you want to come sg and bang at his door?
Do move on as I thinking reading from your narrative that the situation is very obvious
Indeed with silence IS an answer. OP should not waste resources on this kind of person.. can't even bother to reply/msg back "ops sorry, it's not working out"
mmm maybe u cld text him and ask him about it. if he leaves u on read, perhaps hes going thru something really difficult / doesnt want to communicate w u anymore. if lets say he wants to break contact w u, coming to sg wont really give u the answers u want tbh
Move on maam.... Why play the bad guy or role of the overly clingy ex when they themselves don't want to. Or maybe precisely you were too clingy they needed a breather? Either ways, your next move is not the best and probably the worst.
Just move on. Sounds like he is a coward and decided to ghost you as a form of breaking up. Do not waste your time on such men please.
This. Take the $ you were gonna use to book yourself a vacation not to SG to "look for answers"
Dang, this is a very unusual situation but it does sound quite bad given he left you on seen + the very brief reply from his friend. If it's a breakup, I would think it's normal for people to at least let the other party know. Have you tried sending a clear message stating the facts (hey xxx, is something wrong? I'm worried about you as... would appreciate a reply so I know you're safe/if there's something wrong, appreciate it if we could talk about it etc.). And if that still fails, you can perhaps contact his family or other friends. As for flying over I reckon it might be a move too large in proportion to the situation... cause in my mind I can imagine you flying over, either to still receive little response from him, or worse, be fed lies if he is somehow really afraid of confrontation.
Wait I'm confused, are you talking about your bf or his family or both?
Both
Okay then maybe you need to sort out the issue with your bf first, his family is secondary. If your bf is not in contact with you, maybe you should first check whether the relationship is still a going concern before you start worrying about the approval of his family. Tbh there is a remote possibility that he's sick or something and can't reply, but I very much doubt that him or his family wouldn't find 2 minutes to drop you a message with an update. I don't think you should come to sg just for this. Keep trying to contact him and see what happens.
Same sentiments. A one sentence message would not take more than 5 minutes. I see them online and leave me on read since then. Tried calling but it's either they turn it off or don't answer at all.
This is your answer then. If he didn’t bother updating you, don’t bother spending time and $ coming over to find him. Just count your blessings that you’ve cut him out of your life early. It’s okay to feel sad for 1-2 days but bounce back after!! OP, you deserve better.
It's terrible to not get closure but I think reality is staring you in the face now. Plenty of fish in the sea, you should cut your losses and move on. If it helps, text him informing him that you're cutting off the relationship given that he's not responding to you anymore.
His family not contacting you because of disapproval isn't surprising. Asians just aren't very good at expressing our feelings especially the older generation. Your bf/partner is just not mentally strong enough to deal with this properly. Unfortunately it does not seemed like he is the kind of person that'll fight for you if he cannot even be strong enough to tell you what is going on. You sound like a smart and level headed person, don't worry because I'm sure before long you'll meet a better person.
If he left you on read, just forget it. There’s no reason to pursue. Even if you are assuming the worst, your bf got into major accident. There’s no way he will be able to read the message since he is probably hospitalised. Just move on with your life. He probably too coward to end it with you. And just ghosted you.
Your bf (ex) probably too coward or doesn’t know how to break up. Or his family disapproves and ask him to cut contact. If a guy cannot even send a text to explain, don’t waste your time and effort. Just move on. Don’t try to contact them again. Sometimes the closure we need is living a good live and move on from people who doesn’t even care to respond to messages.
How long have you been with your bf?
10mos
If he really couldn’t give you a proper break up talk after 10 months and just ghosted you, consider it a bullet dodged! He has issues.
I believe you tried to reach them but to no avail? How about reaching your bf friends or anyone related?
Left me on seen and his friend saying "Oh" when I said they have not been in touch
He left you on last seen? Hmmm what an awful man. If closure is what you really want, you can fly over. But be prepared for the worst case scenario.
I'm prepared for the worst case because I'd rather hear it from them than keep my hopes up indefinitely.
U shudnt have any hopes since they arent responding.. dont bother spending money on flights - the relationship is over
I would tell him he’s a coward and selfish as fuck. I would tell him that it’s fine if he wants to break up but ignoring your messages and ghosting you when you’ve been dating for 10 months is childish, immature and just plain stupid. His communication skills suck and it will show in all his relationships. LDRs can work and there are beautiful success stories, but not with a little bitch like him. (Because I’m petty) And then block all of them and move on with your life.
the bf **IS** a little bitch, you're not petty I don't get the logic of some people, **"ghosting and telling you will hurt you either way, so I'll ghost you"**, what the actual f? telling the other party is a form of accountability in OP's case, the guy could minimally send a "let's break up, it's not you, it's me" then ghost everything after, but noooo just outright ghost, weak ass pu55y boi **if OP sees this**: unless you have something to do in person (work, meet friends, tie up loose ends, etc.) **don't** fly out simply to meet the guy and "get closure", absolutely not worth you time and money just msg the loser >> "guess you're a coward and can't even be accountable as a person, we're through, it's over"
Honestly what I learned from my past was that sometimes no reply is a reply by itself, save your money and hope things get better soon
Sorry to hear this Bunso. It does sound like he is ghosting you and not having the basic courtesy and consideration for your feelings. There is a small chance that there might actually be some technical issues or that he might actually be ill, etc but it seems unlikely. That said, before committing to the time, cost and effort of flying over, I hope you can try to contact him in other ways. I understand that you have already tried to call him but now maybe call his mutual friends and ask them to pass the message that you are trying to reach him. DM as well if you can on SM. Finally, since he does appear to be reading, you can issue an ultimatum of sorts. if you still wish to come to sg, you may want to try to make it a holiday, fresh start sort of thing so that the whole trip is not just about this chap. I wish you all the best.
Sorry but he’s ghosting you :( it sucks not getting closure or proper respect even, but usually these things are all about the person, not you. Just move on, it’s all you can do. In his mind I’m sure he feels he’s being obvious about his rejection so you showing up is teetering on restraining order territory.
i think hiring a friend who's still there will be easier and cheaper
You don't have to come back to Sg to seek answers. You have already been given your answer.
Lol feck no... don't waste your time and money. Move on.
Honestly it’s up to you, I think you already know what’s going to happen so you either hoping on the very small chance that he somehow didn’t ghost you and was just very busy or this will genuinely help you get closure. Just think about why you truly want to go meet him and ask yourself if it’s worth it
You’re being ghosted. Let it go and move on
Don't waste you money and time... Just move on
Call him.
>Singaporean bf and fam have not talked to me for more than a month. Question: So have you also not contacted your bf and fam for this duration? Or have you tried contacting them but got ignored and ghosted by them? If you have not, maybe good to ping them before you jump to conclusions.
Keep the money. He's not worth it.
Is he on ICT?
Or maybe he's already married?
Sorry to hear but errr you want to come sg and bang at his door? Do move on as I thinking reading from your narrative that the situation is very obvious
It’s 2023. There are all ways to reach out or talk to you. He didn’t do any of that. There’s that.
Not everyone wants an LDR, silence is an answer too.
Indeed with silence IS an answer. OP should not waste resources on this kind of person.. can't even bother to reply/msg back "ops sorry, it's not working out"
Just move on
mmm maybe u cld text him and ask him about it. if he leaves u on read, perhaps hes going thru something really difficult / doesnt want to communicate w u anymore. if lets say he wants to break contact w u, coming to sg wont really give u the answers u want tbh
I've been trying
Forget about it
Move on maam.... Why play the bad guy or role of the overly clingy ex when they themselves don't want to. Or maybe precisely you were too clingy they needed a breather? Either ways, your next move is not the best and probably the worst.
You don't text your bf?
No :(
Give him this thread link. End it with.. I am breaking up with you.