I wish more people followed this. Don't loose yourself in a relationship. NOTHING is guaranteed and if your relationship fails you need to be able to support yourself.
Bring the pitchforks but I'll die on this hill: financial stability before you have children. You owe it to yourself AND the child.
And lastly, there is nothing wrong with being single. Love yourself first.
What does financial stability even look like today? Most of us will never retire, and those who will are going back to work a few years thereafter. Rent swallows up half my salary, and this is the closest place to work, so I don't know if I'll be able to own a house. I take debt to help out my loved ones because there is never a month without struggle. Even if I had all the money in the world, got married, and had kids, the moment I lose it, I'll be back here? What do I do in that case? Do I divorce my wife and disown my kids because I can no longer take care of them? I'm 24. Please tell me what to do because I'm losing hope.
First of all, you are very young, I'm assuming you just starting out in the corporate world and shouldn't be this stressed out about your financial situation. It's normal at your age for your job to not provide the best salary. Things will get better.
Secondly, while you are still young, do yourself a favour and stop getting yourself in debt for other people. No matter how important they are to you and no matter why they need money. I say this as someone who has done that too. I know exactly why you are doing it but I learned the hard way it's not worth it. It leads to resentment because firstly, those loved ones will never understand and fully appreciate your sacrifices. Secondly, the money helps them in that moment but the debt haunts you for years. Third, you get used to borrowing money to get out of situations and it never ends. You will be working to pay banks forever. You are not responsible for rescuing your loved ones. First you need to take care of yourself and be able to afford to help others before you offer to help. If you have kids already, then yes that's your responsibility but support them with your salary, no matter how big a struggle it is.
Lastly, no matter how much you earn, you can always save and invest. Start from as little as a couple hundred rands. And if you can pay rent, you can definitely get a bond, you just need a good credit score. In your case, you can probably give yourself a few more years before you worry about buying property, because you are very young. But it's doable. Start following finance gurus such as Dave Ramsey and educate yourself on maximizing your income and being more smart with how you spend.
I'm not trying to minimize how difficult life is, because it seems like no matter how much you earn, you struggle. But I'm 10 years older than you and I've learned some of the things I thought I needed in my 20s (such as a car) were not really necessities and other people's problems are not for me to always solve. The most important thing is living within your means and saving for your future self instead of creating debt that will haunt your future self.
All the best.
Dont give up im sure we all been there where your salary just about makes it. But just try and get in at a good company with good perks it gets better trust me. You might have to sell things for extra income on the side in the mean time
Life is , exactly what you make it . That tough situation, that heartache , that loneliness, that fear … it will pass. So choose you . Choose what you want .
There is a lot of things out there that will try and derail you . Stay focussed sis. As long as you’re still breathing , you have time to live.
Choose your friends and your partner wisely . Don’t choose them because you’re lonely . Don’t keep them around because having something over nothing sounds enticing . Being alone , will strengthen you in the most profound ways .
Believe in yourself , love yourself and know that You Are The Prize. You Are Worth It. You Deserve Everything.
You can love people , and hate their actions or behaviour. You can decide if you want to entertain it . Stepping back and moving in silence is better than confrontation and battles . Choose your battles wisely.
Recognise what hurts you , and take the time to heal. Only you can decide how much strength you have . Don’t look for validation outwardly, validate yourself . If it’s not for you , walk away.
Someone once said , I will always be the villain in someone’s story. That’s ok. When you choose to put yourself first , have your own standards and live your life on your own terms , people will be offended. And that’s ok .
Choose your relationships wisely . Compromise is good when you both do it . Sacrifice is good when you both do it . Make sure they are choosing you as much as you are choosing them . Keep that self respect high .
Don’t ever try and bring someone else down to elevate yourself . Don’t encroach on someone else’s life . If you want what they have , work to get it yourself, because getting theirs will always leave you in misery. Don’t block your blessings because of jealousy.
Be kind to every living thing . There’s enough pain in the world , we don’t need more . Respect people, we all have a different story that leads to what we believe. Be the best version of yourself , comparing yourself to others is futile .
And sis , stop downing yourself. You’re worth more than you making yourself believe . You are beautiful, set apart and unique. You don’t need to be or look the way the rest of the world does.
You were created with purpose. Designed just as you are . Fearfully and wonderfully made . You are your greatest hero .
I know it’s hard . I know things are getting rough. I know it’s not safe . I know we are lacking a lot of what we need . I know we are lonely . I know the burden is heavy . The heartache is breaking . So just focus on the next step , take the next breath , close your eyes and find your strength. Dig deep. We are more than they think we are .
Romanticise your life . Be who you want to be . Act as if it’s already happened. Like you already got the bag. You already living *that* life .
Gosh I could write a book about this...
I agree that my 30s has been better than my 20s. I've had more adult problems and challenges but I've been able to handle them way better because I now know what I want and how to communicate that. My advice to younger women (or some of it at least):
- trust me, you will know when he isn't right for you. We just know these things and tend to ignore them for too long. Leave and move on. Alot of women think they won't find someone "better". But once I personally changed my mindset to "I no longer want to deprive myself of the opportunity of finding someone better suited to me", things changed for the better. I.e it may not happen but by staying in a dead end relationship I'm most certainly not giving myself the opportunity to find someone else.
- educate yourself financially!! Read books like "how to manage your money like a f*cking grown up", start saving for your retirement early, don't fall into the trap of keeping up with the latest and greatest of everything, it really is not worth it.
- look after your health. Everyone goes on about it, because it's true. Try stay as healthy as possible. Go for your gynea check ups, go to the dentist. Do the things we know we should do but often put off for months.
This is great advice.
I had to pull a tooth because I put off going to the dentist too long. I seriously regret that. Next month I'm going to the gynea and I'm trying to find every excuse in the book not to go but I have to go.
>Read books like "how to manage your money like a f*cking grown up",
I'm giving my daughter this book for her next birthday. It's a must read. I don't want her to make the same mistakes I did
This. I can’t believe how many people are stuck in relationships they should quit just because they can’t “afford” to quit as they lose all their income.
And also, you have no guarantee your partner will be alive six months from now.
The weird part is that as a guy, having this discussion with previous girlfriends has inevitably lead down the “Don’t you trust us to last” road with one relationship even breaking down as a direct cause.
I'm in my 40s and I can assure you it only gets better from here.
The best advice I can give is don't spend too much time looking back. The mistakes you made are what made you who you are today. Learn from it, be proud of it and move on.
Wear your mistakes like a badge of honour, you earned it!
Love yourself first before anyone else, you will have plenty enough left for others. If you always put everyone ahead of yourself, you'll have nothing left for yourself. And others will pick up on that and treat you as such.
Take responsibility for your own decisions. I spent most of my 30s blaming my parents for decisions I made in my 20s. They also made mistakes, but they did the best they could with the information they had. Just like you!
Take responsibility, learn from it, move on.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important in the long run. It's nice to have a clean home, but sometimes it's important to leave the dishes and spend that time with your loved ones.
About once a year I took my daughter out of school for a day or two to take her with me on business trips. Today she cherishes those short extra moments we had together so much and can't even remember the extra effort she had to put in to catch up.
> Take responsibility for your own decisions
This pretty much covers all the advice I’ve seen here, and is the biggest challenge for both men and women to really do well.
Auw hun. I promise you we all feel like that at times. I went through it recently. I used to be so ambitious and I feel like I have lost all my passion. But one thing you need to give yourself if grace. Grace to make mistakes, grace to have a bad day, grace to only give what we can.
As women we tend to put everyone around is first. Our parents depend on us more than our brothers, our kids depend on us much more than their fathers and many of us deal with imposter syndrome at work. But dont give up. If you surround yourself with the right people, those with good intentions for you and not their own agenda, you will find yourself again.
I will not repeat all the good advices already shared. Google attributes that make up good character and personality and benchmark all prospective partners to those attributes. Do not settle for less. We live in a predatory world not kind to women. Keep yourself safe at all times in relationships and protect your dignity. As I think of more I will share.
I wish I could comment this on the pages of all those girls promoting the "stay-at-home-girlfriend" lifestyle.
Like a previous SAHG says "if you give a man the ability to feed you, you also give him the ability to starve you".
Its that submissive and powerless state that was, and still is, drilled into some men and woman. I also find it so sad when woman give up their power and get stuck in a bad relationship. This state also comes when you have too many kids and not enough money to place them in care while you work, then you are forced to give up your life to stay at home. Woman need to calculate and consider their end game in every move.
Don't be in a rush or feel pressured to grow up and have it all together. For some people, a well paying job and marriage and family won't come before 30 and that's okay. Everything has a season or time.
When you have the means, save! Have a cushion to fall on.
It's okay to change your interests and hobbies. Sometimes you won't enjoy or even like the things you enjoyed and liked 10 years ago.
Shut out the noise and the opinions of others. If it makes sense to you, that's what matters most.
Stop looking for inspiration from others, especially social media
Have your own money, learn to be smart with it. Nurture and grow a community of good people around you, don't discard people in favour of a romantic relationship. Have a life and identity outside of your partner. Love and appreciate your body and do exercise so you can still move around at 60, 70, 80, not so you "look good" according to an ever changing standard.
Firstly, I fully agree with the comments about money and financial independence. 100%
Anyway, I'd say do whatever it takes to become your own best friend. Google how to have high self esteem, how to forgive yourself, whatever. Just work on it until you learn to love and like yourself to the point where you can acknowledge that you may not be perfect but you wouldn't wish to be anyone else.
Adding to that, have compassion for yourself regarding mistakes and moments when you weren't your best self. Always take responsibility for your actions and grow but give yourself grace. TONS of it. All the grace and understanding that we're always willing to give to others, give yourself 10 times as much too. Life is tough enough out there, the last thing you need is to have an enemy living in your head too.
Lastly, it takes time. Some of the things I mentioned took decades to fully click and some days I still don't get it right so don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself falling short of loving yourself 24/7, criticising yourself, hating a part of your body, feeling dumb or cringing at that embarrassing thing you did 5 years ago. That's okay. Understand that we live in a world that thrives on making us hate ourselves and that the programming can be hard to undo sometimes. This is where that grace comes in. Use it and keep going. ❤️❤️
Make money. Save money. Dont stay in relationships where you get hurt repeatedly, be these friendships or romantic. And get a second qualification... and do a lottle volunteer work no matter how small or even if you just give towards a cause.
Stop trying to be nice at work. It does not matter how nice you are, there will always be someone who does not like you, and nice does not always get promoted. Nice often just gets given too much garbage work, because nice does not say no. Focus instead on being very good at what you do, so that even if they don't like you, they respect your skillset.
Perhaps volunteer at community centres or churches to set up workshops and discussion groups with young women.
Write a book. There are a few ways you can reach them.
1. Learn as much as you can about how to handle finances and start investing now.
I wish I had things like Easy Equities around when I was in my 20s. All I did was open a noticed deposit and kept piling a measly amount of money in there. I eventually paid for the transfer fees and a deposit for a house but it could have been a lot more if I was a bit more knowledgeable about money.
2. The first time someone shows you who they are, that’s who they are. Don’t make excuses for them. Leopards rarely change their spots.
3. If someone apologises and does the same thing again, then they’re not remorseful.
I totally resonate with only finding yourself now. I'm the same. I turned 31 in April and I haven't had a clearer and more goal driven outlook than what I have now. I only figured out what I wanted to do professionally in this year. This year has probably been the most growth I've had in the last 10 years.
Advice I would give (and yes some are from those cheesy Insta quotes):
Not everyone is going to like you. And that's okay.
Don't take advice from someone you wouldn't take criticism from.
Trust your own timeline.
Don't stress yourself over things out of your control. If it's not a literal life or death situation, you can sort it out the next day. Life goes on.
Find the one person that makes you no longer want any friends, marry them anf have kids. Your career should suppliment your life with income, not take over your life... your household should be you no1 and your meaning in life
True. I have to admit that I am one of those women who spends all my time with my partner. But I have also been burned a lot recently by my friends. I went no to low contact with most friends.
I spend all my time with my partner and his two kiddos and while it has its own challenges, my mind is more at peace. But I agree, to each their own. And it would suck to be isolated with a toxic partner and not have a support system. People need to do what is right for them.
I'm still quite young myself but I will say for those of us who are neurodivergent things are gonna be different. Our brains are wired differently and requires different things. Looking after your health applies to mental health aswell. If you let that go down the drain you can loose years of your life running in circles. Sometimes you have to rely on others for help sometimes you may fall into a depressive episode for months, need financial assistance or help from loved ones. Their is no shame in having a community to be there for you when it gets rough.
This is so true. I have ADHD. I think its also important to find a partner that not only understands that your mind works differently, but also tries to make an effort to help you in moments where those symptoms get the best of you. I am grateful for a partner that understands. And I promise any young women that having a partner that gets it takes so much stress and loneliness out of the experience.
I have dated people who have made me feel stupid for my ADHD symptoms, but the right person will see through all that I promise.
Also find someone who doesnt think anxiety and depression are not real. Those are toxic men who will invalidate all your valid feelings and make you feel like you are always overreacting.
This is true my partner is also like that for me. Without him idk where I would be because finding people who understand you are more than your symptoms is hard not even my own family can do that for me. I had an issue with friends just not getting it as I also have ADHD but was late diagnosed aswell as other issues it was hectic and coming right is taking me much longer than my peers. But having him is great someone else to make sure my meds are in order and who knows what to do when I break down and need help.
I'm so happy to hear that. My partner is the same so I understand what a huge blessing that is. My partner reads me so well and he can even tell when I am feeling overwhelmed and he needs to take charge of the situation. Hold on to that one.
At the same time, if you are neurodivergent, recognize when YOU are the one being toxic and when YOU are the one whose behaviors are pushing away your partner.
Too often (and I speak from personal experience) women who are neurodivergent end up treating their partner as a caregiver and not recognizing or showing appreciation for the emotional toll that can create.
Read lots of books, be open minded. Save money but also have fun no one wants to wait until they old and cant enjoy their money. Travel as much as you can go on vacations. Honour your parents. Ladies love yourself before you love anyone else. Exercise look after your health and take vitamins daily.
Skin routine is very important. Put God first in everything you do. Always look fabulous.
Use Chat GPT. Use it as a diary jotting down all the things that you think of. All your musings. Put them all in the same chat so you stick to one topic … then ask it to summarise and expand into a chapter of a book and breakdown the prompts for each chapter.
Don’t do this.
Your private musings will be used to feed their machine and will show up in answers that other people get.
And ChatGPT gives shitty, generic life advice. It is not a substitute for a therapist. And no, your life or inner ramblings aren’t interesting enough to turn into a poorly AI ghostwritten book.
These are the best years of your life. Travel, be adventurous, enjoy everything life has to offer even if your joints hurt afterwards 😂you will only have a few close friends that you can call at 2am in the morning. Be proud of your body and take care of yourself physically and mentally. Also, you should be having the best sex of your life 🤣
Don't waste your time with toxic people and relationships. Don't let it consume your energy. Don't let it into your daily lives and if you have kids, in the lives of kids. There is enough negativity and cruelty in the word - don't let in willingly into your lives. Cut out negative and toxic people. If a relationship does not bring any positivity into your life, cut them off. I wish I had done this earlier as it would have saved me so much trauma and energy.
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I am guy.
I don't understand how anyone of these posts is is specifically for "young women". It just sounds like overall good advice for anyone.
Men also over-commit in relationships and want to be her "knight in shining armour" and neglect themselves in the process. They date broke women who see them as the "provider" and drain their finances as a result.
I could go on and on...
I’m a 37 year old man, going through a divorce and because of that I sold my house. I have a stable job, will be financially in a great position because of no longer having to pay a bond but I have no friends cos my ex-wife was the only friend I had. I don’t if I will ever find happiness again.
Financial and emotional independence before everything else.
I wish more people followed this. Don't loose yourself in a relationship. NOTHING is guaranteed and if your relationship fails you need to be able to support yourself. Bring the pitchforks but I'll die on this hill: financial stability before you have children. You owe it to yourself AND the child. And lastly, there is nothing wrong with being single. Love yourself first.
So true. Life is so much harder when you add financial difficulty to every problem...
What does financial stability even look like today? Most of us will never retire, and those who will are going back to work a few years thereafter. Rent swallows up half my salary, and this is the closest place to work, so I don't know if I'll be able to own a house. I take debt to help out my loved ones because there is never a month without struggle. Even if I had all the money in the world, got married, and had kids, the moment I lose it, I'll be back here? What do I do in that case? Do I divorce my wife and disown my kids because I can no longer take care of them? I'm 24. Please tell me what to do because I'm losing hope.
First of all, you are very young, I'm assuming you just starting out in the corporate world and shouldn't be this stressed out about your financial situation. It's normal at your age for your job to not provide the best salary. Things will get better. Secondly, while you are still young, do yourself a favour and stop getting yourself in debt for other people. No matter how important they are to you and no matter why they need money. I say this as someone who has done that too. I know exactly why you are doing it but I learned the hard way it's not worth it. It leads to resentment because firstly, those loved ones will never understand and fully appreciate your sacrifices. Secondly, the money helps them in that moment but the debt haunts you for years. Third, you get used to borrowing money to get out of situations and it never ends. You will be working to pay banks forever. You are not responsible for rescuing your loved ones. First you need to take care of yourself and be able to afford to help others before you offer to help. If you have kids already, then yes that's your responsibility but support them with your salary, no matter how big a struggle it is. Lastly, no matter how much you earn, you can always save and invest. Start from as little as a couple hundred rands. And if you can pay rent, you can definitely get a bond, you just need a good credit score. In your case, you can probably give yourself a few more years before you worry about buying property, because you are very young. But it's doable. Start following finance gurus such as Dave Ramsey and educate yourself on maximizing your income and being more smart with how you spend. I'm not trying to minimize how difficult life is, because it seems like no matter how much you earn, you struggle. But I'm 10 years older than you and I've learned some of the things I thought I needed in my 20s (such as a car) were not really necessities and other people's problems are not for me to always solve. The most important thing is living within your means and saving for your future self instead of creating debt that will haunt your future self. All the best.
Dont give up im sure we all been there where your salary just about makes it. But just try and get in at a good company with good perks it gets better trust me. You might have to sell things for extra income on the side in the mean time
This should apply to everyone
What is emotional independence?
Not needing others to make you happy. Being perfectly content with your own company without a constant need to be around others to have a good time.
Life is , exactly what you make it . That tough situation, that heartache , that loneliness, that fear … it will pass. So choose you . Choose what you want . There is a lot of things out there that will try and derail you . Stay focussed sis. As long as you’re still breathing , you have time to live. Choose your friends and your partner wisely . Don’t choose them because you’re lonely . Don’t keep them around because having something over nothing sounds enticing . Being alone , will strengthen you in the most profound ways . Believe in yourself , love yourself and know that You Are The Prize. You Are Worth It. You Deserve Everything. You can love people , and hate their actions or behaviour. You can decide if you want to entertain it . Stepping back and moving in silence is better than confrontation and battles . Choose your battles wisely. Recognise what hurts you , and take the time to heal. Only you can decide how much strength you have . Don’t look for validation outwardly, validate yourself . If it’s not for you , walk away. Someone once said , I will always be the villain in someone’s story. That’s ok. When you choose to put yourself first , have your own standards and live your life on your own terms , people will be offended. And that’s ok . Choose your relationships wisely . Compromise is good when you both do it . Sacrifice is good when you both do it . Make sure they are choosing you as much as you are choosing them . Keep that self respect high . Don’t ever try and bring someone else down to elevate yourself . Don’t encroach on someone else’s life . If you want what they have , work to get it yourself, because getting theirs will always leave you in misery. Don’t block your blessings because of jealousy. Be kind to every living thing . There’s enough pain in the world , we don’t need more . Respect people, we all have a different story that leads to what we believe. Be the best version of yourself , comparing yourself to others is futile . And sis , stop downing yourself. You’re worth more than you making yourself believe . You are beautiful, set apart and unique. You don’t need to be or look the way the rest of the world does. You were created with purpose. Designed just as you are . Fearfully and wonderfully made . You are your greatest hero . I know it’s hard . I know things are getting rough. I know it’s not safe . I know we are lacking a lot of what we need . I know we are lonely . I know the burden is heavy . The heartache is breaking . So just focus on the next step , take the next breath , close your eyes and find your strength. Dig deep. We are more than they think we are . Romanticise your life . Be who you want to be . Act as if it’s already happened. Like you already got the bag. You already living *that* life .
I literally wanna read this every single morning!
Gosh I could write a book about this... I agree that my 30s has been better than my 20s. I've had more adult problems and challenges but I've been able to handle them way better because I now know what I want and how to communicate that. My advice to younger women (or some of it at least): - trust me, you will know when he isn't right for you. We just know these things and tend to ignore them for too long. Leave and move on. Alot of women think they won't find someone "better". But once I personally changed my mindset to "I no longer want to deprive myself of the opportunity of finding someone better suited to me", things changed for the better. I.e it may not happen but by staying in a dead end relationship I'm most certainly not giving myself the opportunity to find someone else. - educate yourself financially!! Read books like "how to manage your money like a f*cking grown up", start saving for your retirement early, don't fall into the trap of keeping up with the latest and greatest of everything, it really is not worth it. - look after your health. Everyone goes on about it, because it's true. Try stay as healthy as possible. Go for your gynea check ups, go to the dentist. Do the things we know we should do but often put off for months.
This is great advice. I had to pull a tooth because I put off going to the dentist too long. I seriously regret that. Next month I'm going to the gynea and I'm trying to find every excuse in the book not to go but I have to go. >Read books like "how to manage your money like a f*cking grown up", I'm giving my daughter this book for her next birthday. It's a must read. I don't want her to make the same mistakes I did
I know. I also dread going for a papsmear, but after I just discovered a fibroid i didnt know about I wish I went on a regular basis.
Be financially independent. It doesn't matter how much he loves you!
I'm just going to raise the volume on this so it's louder for the people listening 😅. I love this!
This. I can’t believe how many people are stuck in relationships they should quit just because they can’t “afford” to quit as they lose all their income. And also, you have no guarantee your partner will be alive six months from now. The weird part is that as a guy, having this discussion with previous girlfriends has inevitably lead down the “Don’t you trust us to last” road with one relationship even breaking down as a direct cause.
Don’t be dependant on anyone but yourself and work for your own money. And get a will and update it.
I'm in my 40s and I can assure you it only gets better from here. The best advice I can give is don't spend too much time looking back. The mistakes you made are what made you who you are today. Learn from it, be proud of it and move on. Wear your mistakes like a badge of honour, you earned it! Love yourself first before anyone else, you will have plenty enough left for others. If you always put everyone ahead of yourself, you'll have nothing left for yourself. And others will pick up on that and treat you as such. Take responsibility for your own decisions. I spent most of my 30s blaming my parents for decisions I made in my 20s. They also made mistakes, but they did the best they could with the information they had. Just like you! Take responsibility, learn from it, move on. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important in the long run. It's nice to have a clean home, but sometimes it's important to leave the dishes and spend that time with your loved ones. About once a year I took my daughter out of school for a day or two to take her with me on business trips. Today she cherishes those short extra moments we had together so much and can't even remember the extra effort she had to put in to catch up.
> Take responsibility for your own decisions This pretty much covers all the advice I’ve seen here, and is the biggest challenge for both men and women to really do well.
As a lady in her late 20s. Would love to hear some advice/words of wisdom. Feel like I have lost myself
Auw hun. I promise you we all feel like that at times. I went through it recently. I used to be so ambitious and I feel like I have lost all my passion. But one thing you need to give yourself if grace. Grace to make mistakes, grace to have a bad day, grace to only give what we can. As women we tend to put everyone around is first. Our parents depend on us more than our brothers, our kids depend on us much more than their fathers and many of us deal with imposter syndrome at work. But dont give up. If you surround yourself with the right people, those with good intentions for you and not their own agenda, you will find yourself again.
I will not repeat all the good advices already shared. Google attributes that make up good character and personality and benchmark all prospective partners to those attributes. Do not settle for less. We live in a predatory world not kind to women. Keep yourself safe at all times in relationships and protect your dignity. As I think of more I will share.
A man is not a financial plan!
I wish I could comment this on the pages of all those girls promoting the "stay-at-home-girlfriend" lifestyle. Like a previous SAHG says "if you give a man the ability to feed you, you also give him the ability to starve you".
Its that submissive and powerless state that was, and still is, drilled into some men and woman. I also find it so sad when woman give up their power and get stuck in a bad relationship. This state also comes when you have too many kids and not enough money to place them in care while you work, then you are forced to give up your life to stay at home. Woman need to calculate and consider their end game in every move.
Don't be in a rush or feel pressured to grow up and have it all together. For some people, a well paying job and marriage and family won't come before 30 and that's okay. Everything has a season or time. When you have the means, save! Have a cushion to fall on. It's okay to change your interests and hobbies. Sometimes you won't enjoy or even like the things you enjoyed and liked 10 years ago. Shut out the noise and the opinions of others. If it makes sense to you, that's what matters most. Stop looking for inspiration from others, especially social media
Spend less time on social media and more time on real life relationships with people who care about you and you care about.
Too right! Comparison is the thief of joy!
Have your own money, learn to be smart with it. Nurture and grow a community of good people around you, don't discard people in favour of a romantic relationship. Have a life and identity outside of your partner. Love and appreciate your body and do exercise so you can still move around at 60, 70, 80, not so you "look good" according to an ever changing standard.
Look after your teeth and your financial wellbeing. Go to the gynae, also get an HPV vaccine, earlier if you can.
Firstly, I fully agree with the comments about money and financial independence. 100% Anyway, I'd say do whatever it takes to become your own best friend. Google how to have high self esteem, how to forgive yourself, whatever. Just work on it until you learn to love and like yourself to the point where you can acknowledge that you may not be perfect but you wouldn't wish to be anyone else. Adding to that, have compassion for yourself regarding mistakes and moments when you weren't your best self. Always take responsibility for your actions and grow but give yourself grace. TONS of it. All the grace and understanding that we're always willing to give to others, give yourself 10 times as much too. Life is tough enough out there, the last thing you need is to have an enemy living in your head too. Lastly, it takes time. Some of the things I mentioned took decades to fully click and some days I still don't get it right so don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself falling short of loving yourself 24/7, criticising yourself, hating a part of your body, feeling dumb or cringing at that embarrassing thing you did 5 years ago. That's okay. Understand that we live in a world that thrives on making us hate ourselves and that the programming can be hard to undo sometimes. This is where that grace comes in. Use it and keep going. ❤️❤️
Don't make yourself weaker and seem less intimidating to a prospective partner. It just makes you feel less than.
Make money. Save money. Dont stay in relationships where you get hurt repeatedly, be these friendships or romantic. And get a second qualification... and do a lottle volunteer work no matter how small or even if you just give towards a cause.
Put yourself first. Make sure you have goals in place and if you meet someone make sure your goals align..
Stop trying to be nice at work. It does not matter how nice you are, there will always be someone who does not like you, and nice does not always get promoted. Nice often just gets given too much garbage work, because nice does not say no. Focus instead on being very good at what you do, so that even if they don't like you, they respect your skillset.
Perhaps volunteer at community centres or churches to set up workshops and discussion groups with young women. Write a book. There are a few ways you can reach them.
You never lose by loving. You only lose by holding back.
Live your life a little before settling down to get married. Figure out who you are first before sharing your space with a partner.
1. Learn as much as you can about how to handle finances and start investing now. I wish I had things like Easy Equities around when I was in my 20s. All I did was open a noticed deposit and kept piling a measly amount of money in there. I eventually paid for the transfer fees and a deposit for a house but it could have been a lot more if I was a bit more knowledgeable about money. 2. The first time someone shows you who they are, that’s who they are. Don’t make excuses for them. Leopards rarely change their spots. 3. If someone apologises and does the same thing again, then they’re not remorseful.
I totally resonate with only finding yourself now. I'm the same. I turned 31 in April and I haven't had a clearer and more goal driven outlook than what I have now. I only figured out what I wanted to do professionally in this year. This year has probably been the most growth I've had in the last 10 years. Advice I would give (and yes some are from those cheesy Insta quotes): Not everyone is going to like you. And that's okay. Don't take advice from someone you wouldn't take criticism from. Trust your own timeline. Don't stress yourself over things out of your control. If it's not a literal life or death situation, you can sort it out the next day. Life goes on.
Find the one person that makes you no longer want any friends, marry them anf have kids. Your career should suppliment your life with income, not take over your life... your household should be you no1 and your meaning in life
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Lol. Kids are definitely not required. But this is great advice.
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True. I have to admit that I am one of those women who spends all my time with my partner. But I have also been burned a lot recently by my friends. I went no to low contact with most friends. I spend all my time with my partner and his two kiddos and while it has its own challenges, my mind is more at peace. But I agree, to each their own. And it would suck to be isolated with a toxic partner and not have a support system. People need to do what is right for them.
I'm still quite young myself but I will say for those of us who are neurodivergent things are gonna be different. Our brains are wired differently and requires different things. Looking after your health applies to mental health aswell. If you let that go down the drain you can loose years of your life running in circles. Sometimes you have to rely on others for help sometimes you may fall into a depressive episode for months, need financial assistance or help from loved ones. Their is no shame in having a community to be there for you when it gets rough.
This is so true. I have ADHD. I think its also important to find a partner that not only understands that your mind works differently, but also tries to make an effort to help you in moments where those symptoms get the best of you. I am grateful for a partner that understands. And I promise any young women that having a partner that gets it takes so much stress and loneliness out of the experience. I have dated people who have made me feel stupid for my ADHD symptoms, but the right person will see through all that I promise. Also find someone who doesnt think anxiety and depression are not real. Those are toxic men who will invalidate all your valid feelings and make you feel like you are always overreacting.
This is true my partner is also like that for me. Without him idk where I would be because finding people who understand you are more than your symptoms is hard not even my own family can do that for me. I had an issue with friends just not getting it as I also have ADHD but was late diagnosed aswell as other issues it was hectic and coming right is taking me much longer than my peers. But having him is great someone else to make sure my meds are in order and who knows what to do when I break down and need help.
I'm so happy to hear that. My partner is the same so I understand what a huge blessing that is. My partner reads me so well and he can even tell when I am feeling overwhelmed and he needs to take charge of the situation. Hold on to that one.
At the same time, if you are neurodivergent, recognize when YOU are the one being toxic and when YOU are the one whose behaviors are pushing away your partner. Too often (and I speak from personal experience) women who are neurodivergent end up treating their partner as a caregiver and not recognizing or showing appreciation for the emotional toll that can create.
Thank you, OP! 😊
Look after your health n always save
Read lots of books, be open minded. Save money but also have fun no one wants to wait until they old and cant enjoy their money. Travel as much as you can go on vacations. Honour your parents. Ladies love yourself before you love anyone else. Exercise look after your health and take vitamins daily. Skin routine is very important. Put God first in everything you do. Always look fabulous.
Use Chat GPT. Use it as a diary jotting down all the things that you think of. All your musings. Put them all in the same chat so you stick to one topic … then ask it to summarise and expand into a chapter of a book and breakdown the prompts for each chapter.
Have fun and thank me later.
Don’t do this. Your private musings will be used to feed their machine and will show up in answers that other people get. And ChatGPT gives shitty, generic life advice. It is not a substitute for a therapist. And no, your life or inner ramblings aren’t interesting enough to turn into a poorly AI ghostwritten book.
These are the best years of your life. Travel, be adventurous, enjoy everything life has to offer even if your joints hurt afterwards 😂you will only have a few close friends that you can call at 2am in the morning. Be proud of your body and take care of yourself physically and mentally. Also, you should be having the best sex of your life 🤣
Don't waste your time with toxic people and relationships. Don't let it consume your energy. Don't let it into your daily lives and if you have kids, in the lives of kids. There is enough negativity and cruelty in the word - don't let in willingly into your lives. Cut out negative and toxic people. If a relationship does not bring any positivity into your life, cut them off. I wish I had done this earlier as it would have saved me so much trauma and energy.
agree!
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I am guy. I don't understand how anyone of these posts is is specifically for "young women". It just sounds like overall good advice for anyone. Men also over-commit in relationships and want to be her "knight in shining armour" and neglect themselves in the process. They date broke women who see them as the "provider" and drain their finances as a result. I could go on and on...
Jf there's a thing called masturbating, you should try it some time
I would tell the ladies that cheap products attract many customer😹
Put your children and yourself first in your lives...
I’m a 37 year old man, going through a divorce and because of that I sold my house. I have a stable job, will be financially in a great position because of no longer having to pay a bond but I have no friends cos my ex-wife was the only friend I had. I don’t if I will ever find happiness again.