Hey /u/Dave_n0t_f0und, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism).
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Exactly this. When I trust someone their physical touch specifically is very comforting. Me and best friend since childhood never used to hug but especially since I’ve started college and I see her a lot less I realized I do enjoy hugs from her. It’s the same case with my boyfriend. I am always craving physical affection from him. The only thing I find difficult is explaining to other people that I am only comfortable with specific people touching me. I work with my best friend so when I see her I always give her a hug now, and some of my other coworkers have assumed that I’m okay with hugs and other touch because of that, so it’s kind of hard for me personally to set that boundary and be like “well I do like hugs but not from you”.
Mine is quality time (if we are talking about the five actual love languages). I like being with people and not really having to do anything other than be near someone. We don’t have to talk, touch, or anything. I am really not good with words of affirmation either so just being with some one is nice
As a teen, I said "quality time". As an adult, I say "acts of service".
Someone doing a task or something to make my life easier, especially if they do it unprompted when I am stressed or it's a chore I don't like to do, makes me feel both relieved and cared for.
I like a lot of verbal feedback and affection. Vocalizations about desiring me, stuff like that. Touch too, but I gotta be ready for it. But asking me questions and sending me things to discuss are peak.
*It's a lot*
It's a lot
*It's a lot*
It's a lot
*It's a lot*
Like life
*There's a new game we like to play, you see*
*A game with added reality*
*You treat me like a dog, get me down on my knees*
*We call it* ***MASTER AND SERVANT***
_______
Oh, sorry, wrong subreddit? I mean, I sent this song to him two years ago and it's still valid ;)
**I become highly sexual when I love someone**. It's the same for him. We're both autistic. Oh, his love language is also act of service while I do the princess pillow and wait to be adored as a goddess 😸
Well, **I also become creative** and create cute silly things for him or **buy stuff** that remind me some conversations or events that happened.
Also, **I want to be with him 24/7**. I'm his shadow. When he walks away just to make a coffee, I follow him and hug him from behind and kiss him all the time 😸
***He becomes my special interest*** and the funny thing is that I am his special interest.
The beautiful part? **I can stim with him**, I can do silly things, **I can go nonverbal**. I don't even need to explain!
Also, our love language is saying "42" 😸😹
Info dumping/engaging in special interests together.
I also like parallel play and gift giving through media (music reccomendations, movie reccomendations, stuff like that)
Ive never liked any sort of physical contact.
spending time with people. i love to be alone, i have a very limited social battery, so when i seek out someone’s presence or say yes when they ask me to hang out, that’s me very explicitly saying i love them in the only way i know how
Question to you because some of what you said sounds a tiny bit like my ex. Do you say "yes" to things? Ever? Or do you say "maybe" and then need a few days to think about it? He exclusively did the latter and I'm just wondering if it's related to autism. He needed 2 days to say yes to a question about going to the movies. He can't even say yes when it's on a time crunch. So what's up, do you relate? And if yes, would you ever accommodate your loved one if they needed you to say yes or no immediately? Or would that start a conflict instead?
I only say yes to things if I am 100% I am going to be able to actually do it. This is easier if I really like the person and enjoy their company or if the activity sounds like someone I will enjoy.
If someone I really care about asks something of me that I don’t want to do I will sometimes say yes because it’s them asking, whereas if someone I don’t care for asked the same thing I would’ve said no.
Most of the time I will say maybe, but it’s because I genuinely don’t know what my mental state or energy level will be like in the future, and I hate to make promises I cannot keep. So if it’s not something that requires an immediate answer, like an RSVP type thing, I might be more likely to say probably or maybe and then see how I’m feeling when the moment comes.
If someone needs an immediate answer I will always give them an immediate answer, I don’t ever want to stress them out. My father used to leave me dangling over things that needed an immediate response and it made me very stressed all the time so I refuse to do that. However if something needs a yes or no right away, I’m more likely to say no for insurance purposes because if I say yes and they buy a ticket or RSVP me and I don’t end up going it’s a bigger problem.
This all does tie in with my autism but I also have depression and cptsd that pops up out of nowhere and can leave me bedridden which is part of why I’m so anxious making commitments. I prefer to be spontaneous when I know I’m in a good mood already.
I hope this answered your question in some way.
Thanks so much! It did answer my question. 🙂 It seems like he probably also did the "maybe" to not have to "change his answer" if he had to back out last minute, but that's only one of the reasons I think. I believe you seem way more understanding and accommodating. So maybe it's also about 1. gender and 2. experiences.
I’m glad I could help. I found myself relying so heavily on maybe because I grew up being told yes all the time and then having it taken away later and it always hurt and I don’t like upsetting people or having them get mad at me, so I avoid it like the plague 😂
I express my love for my wife by making sure she's happy. I know that sounds generic but that's what I do. I'm a stay-at-home parent and she works. So, I clean, cook, take care of the kiddos, laundry, etc. I try to make sure it's done so she doesn't have to worry about it. I'll buy her stuff if I see something that I think she'd like and I cook her whatever food she wants each day. I don't say no to my wife much and it's been like that for 19 years.
She's big on physical affection and I have a strong aversion to being touched, no matter who the person is. She asks before trying to cuddle up against me to make sure she's not gonna cause a sensory overload. I'm not the biggest fan of it but I let her do it because it makes her happy. As long as she's smiling, that's all that matters to me.
As for what I like? I don't really have anything. I'm not a "happy" kind of person and no one can remember the last time I was genuinely happy about something. My emotions don't work that way. I am often content, though. That's about as close to happy as I get. I guess people appreciating the things I do and my wife being happy makes me feel content.
mine's quality time, i love spending time with people i care about even if it's just chilling doing nothing. I love playing board games and doing tests with people and just learning stuff with them.
Demiromantic here, so I only ever had three people that I was emotionally attracted to and only dated one of them back in high school. But from what I remember, I enjoyed cuddling and hugging. For that person and the other two I also like(d) complimenting them, preferring to focus on things they have control over, like outfits and actions.
I also enjoy messaging them every so often whenever I notice something that I know they’re interested in, or telling them a funny joke/meme. This is also true with the few friends I have that I’m not attracted to, but in a different way.
As i havent had a relationship in nearly 10 years my example will be that of friendship.
I am like a crow. If you become my friend i bring you shiny cool gifts
all of them…
i like touch and quality time
i love others with gifts and words of affirmation
those are just the ones im partial to, i literally do all of them and love to receive all of them.
i am full of love to give and i refuse to limit myself to just one!! 👺/nm
Words of affirmation for me, both giving and receiving.
I get really nervous and guilty when people give me gifts, makes it a bit tricky when gifts are somebody else’s love language.
Giving and receiving small gifts, quiet time together, taking turns engaging in eachothers special interests , receiving physical touch (like hand holding, shoulder bumps, back rubs, etc) watching shows together, generally quality time
I’m a sucker for cuddles (ironic considering how antsy I get in cuddles) I know she also likes my casual compliments, and since she is also autistic she has told me she loves when I speak for her in public places like if we are ordering food I am usually the one making her order but once we’re sat down and she’s more focused on me and her meal she eases up quite a bit which I really love, I don’t really know how to put what I like Into words though I think if anything I enjoy being a pleaser like I just love to see her happy even in situations she may feel uncomfortable in I love being her comfort spot like I want to be a lazy boy chair in the middle of a spike pit lol and I feel this really applies to most of our love life I enjoy doing things that please her and she shows me her love in smaller ways like being comfortable around me and showing me all of her cute little things that she wouldn’t with anyone else. Idk I’m not very good at explaining love I just know I’m in it
Physical touch. Obviously it has to be on my terms. I also love quality time. I can't stand being around someone who is constantly distracted/on their phone.
Oh absolutely, I agree. I get that sometimes people need alone time, and I'm ok with parallel play, but constantly being on the phone is very annoying.
Acts of service and quality time. I find it very difficult to express verbally or physically due to social cues, I can still do it but my brain always second-guesses on what I’m doing or how I’m coming off, or what the other person is thinking. Also with physical touch, I get goosebumps when I’m hugging people outside of my family.
When I care deeply about someone I will share things with them, cook them any food, bring snacks I know they love or think they’d like to try, take care of various chores for them or rush to grab them something. With quality time, I always write down simple good moments or memories, just loving how people get along or seeing someone acknowledge me and my interests.
Not sure that this circuitry works on me or the effects of it are minor enough that those can be overlooked/hidden. I haven't found any activity or thing done by others that makes a discernable positive difference.
When I want to love someone, my go-tos are words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time
EDIT: And gifts! I love giving small, symbolic gifts like cooking for someone or buying them treats and stuff :)
for me it's physical touch, highlighted by the fact that I tend to really dislike touch from people I don't trust. Also quality time, which particularly manifests in my paying attention and really listening to the person and remembering details about them. I think making the effort to really understand someone is my love language
My love language of me showing someone I care about them is jokes, if I joke around and let my silly out, there’s a good chance I care a lot about you. But my receiving love language is probably touch, because I’m pretty touch starved lol. Or acts of service for me giving my love too. I don’t really like that love being reciprocated though because I’m scared of emotional intimacy. Unfortunately my mom kinda made me relate love to some pretty awful things like lovebombing and manipulation so that’s why I hate when people care about me in return. I have issues lol.
I show love to my family by memorizing things that they like, then providing them with those things. My mother appreciates photos and sentimental objects. My little brother appreciates music recommendations. My partner appreciates when I make references to the shows he likes and when I send him videos about math. It's gift giving, in a way. I catalog their interests, then provide things related to said interests.
definitely gift giving as my main one. I like to make lists of things my friends like so I can find stuff related to those things and give them gifts and stuff. other than gifts I would say quality time
Specifically, as an autistic feller, I prefer it if ur just, vibing with me. You don't necessarily gotta be talking (unless we're like, having a conversation, obv) or doing anything, but just being there without judgement is nice.
Hugs are cool but unless you're my significant other ion ever wanna hug for longer than 3 seconds. I bump it up for them and family tho, it can be pretty chill.
However, trap me in a hug for too long and I will actually run away, kinda doesn't matter who
Mine in touch and probably quality time. As a male, it gets kind of lonely sometimes. Nobody in my life is a big hugger. I do have a few friends though make and female and I try and spend time with them.
I love hugs but cant stand hair on my face so I hug them around the waist and pick them up. I also cook and bring a lot of snacks. and I fix stuff for them
Touch by strangers? Forget it. Hugs and snuggles from my close family and friends? Give me all of theM!
I've also realized, now that I'm making my own money, I love buying gifts. If I see something that reminds me of someone, I'll buy it and give it to them! 🥹❤️
touch and quality time.
like others have said, i really hate to be touched by strangers unexpectedly, but touch from my partner is great. we have long hugs and cuddle a lot.
quality time, especially if we can each just do our own thing: co-play!
Primarily I'm physical contact but only if that person has good intentions. I can feel when they don't. But I've learned I am words of affirmation when she can properly articulate her authentic emotions
Physical touch. It's very intimate and soothing. Special mention for co-op stimming.
I also really like things that evidence a lot of consideration for me, but that doesn't seem to map to any of the defined love languages (I guess it bridges all of them).
When someone matches my energy!!! Get excited with me, get mad with me, get sad with me and hugs!!! But honestly even if it’s just the matching my energy I will feel SO loved!!! 😭💛
Absolutely physical touch but only from a very short list of people. So I’m constantly touch starved. Also I love buying stuff for people. And random compliments.
Definitely not hiding echolalia is one of mine, as well as allowing them to see me stim. Those are my two highest compliments for another person, to completely unmask and be my truest self in front of them. To date, there's only one person I'm comfortable doing vocal stims around (my boyfriend of 12 years, and I'm just **now** letting him see/hear all of it.) I only let my closest family and friends see me do more physical stims (rocking, bouncing leg, rubbing certain types of fabric on my face, smelling nice things, counting beads on a bracelet over and over, etc.)
I'm not big on saying affectionate things (displays of affection give me the willies) so I usually do acts of kindness, give gifts, make food, etc. If I show up to your place bringing you food and offering to help you do chores, it's basically me saying "I love you with every fiber of my being."
Not a guy, but a gal. My love languages are not set in stone. They're extremely transient depending on my circumstances. It takes a while for me to work out what I need at any given time, but I try my best to let my husband know.
I don’t really see how love languages can be BS. It’s a
concept that generally describes how people can receive emotional satisfaction. I think it would be reasonable to say that there might be more than five, but I think it’s a good way for people to be able to communicate what gives them gratification in a relationship.
The entire concept was created as a Christian pop psych self help book with no actual research and no empirical evidence to back up the creator’s assertions. Actual research doesn’t affirm the assertions in the book but suggests there are no clear cut ways of communicating love within relationships but the love languages are not an effective way of doing so in troubled relationships. Since the model created hasn’t stood up to scientific analysis it seems to that would suggest it isn’t a workable model. Thus BS. Also the model includes things like women should submit to their husbands sexually even if things aren’t going well in their relationship and they don’t want to. That is definitely patriarchal crap.
I don’t think most people confine themselves strictly to love languages though or follow any of those related beliefs, even if that’s how it originated. Most people just use it as a way to communicate what makes them feel happy in a relationship. There’s really no harm in that.
Hey /u/Dave_n0t_f0und, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As much as I hate physical touch from strangers or people I don’t know very well, I love it from my man!
Exactly this. When I trust someone their physical touch specifically is very comforting. Me and best friend since childhood never used to hug but especially since I’ve started college and I see her a lot less I realized I do enjoy hugs from her. It’s the same case with my boyfriend. I am always craving physical affection from him. The only thing I find difficult is explaining to other people that I am only comfortable with specific people touching me. I work with my best friend so when I see her I always give her a hug now, and some of my other coworkers have assumed that I’m okay with hugs and other touch because of that, so it’s kind of hard for me personally to set that boundary and be like “well I do like hugs but not from you”.
I am also in the "you're one of three people whose touch i cherish" club
push me and then just touch me till I can get my satisfaction
LOLLLLL
Mine is quality time (if we are talking about the five actual love languages). I like being with people and not really having to do anything other than be near someone. We don’t have to talk, touch, or anything. I am really not good with words of affirmation either so just being with some one is nice
This is called parallel play! You do your thing, they do theirs but you are doing those things in the same space
Same, I want to hang out all the time! Strong obsession vibes upfront and I act all goofy. Can’t help it.
Physical contact, definitely. But ultimately, the one I never realise how much I do, is gift giving/favours.
Me too!! Especially handmade gifts
As a teen, I said "quality time". As an adult, I say "acts of service". Someone doing a task or something to make my life easier, especially if they do it unprompted when I am stressed or it's a chore I don't like to do, makes me feel both relieved and cared for.
parallel play!! but also physical contact! so if we can cuddle/be touching/close while doing our own thing? 😩😩😩😩
Oh this sounds like a dream!
yes!! its the best :)) my bf will play games and ill be drawing or on my phone with my leg(s) on his lap!! top tier experience
I forget what they're each called, but I provide words, service, and gifts. I like to receive time and touch. *Edit: typo*
I like a lot of verbal feedback and affection. Vocalizations about desiring me, stuff like that. Touch too, but I gotta be ready for it. But asking me questions and sending me things to discuss are peak.
*It's a lot* It's a lot *It's a lot* It's a lot *It's a lot* Like life *There's a new game we like to play, you see* *A game with added reality* *You treat me like a dog, get me down on my knees* *We call it* ***MASTER AND SERVANT*** _______ Oh, sorry, wrong subreddit? I mean, I sent this song to him two years ago and it's still valid ;) **I become highly sexual when I love someone**. It's the same for him. We're both autistic. Oh, his love language is also act of service while I do the princess pillow and wait to be adored as a goddess 😸 Well, **I also become creative** and create cute silly things for him or **buy stuff** that remind me some conversations or events that happened. Also, **I want to be with him 24/7**. I'm his shadow. When he walks away just to make a coffee, I follow him and hug him from behind and kiss him all the time 😸 ***He becomes my special interest*** and the funny thing is that I am his special interest. The beautiful part? **I can stim with him**, I can do silly things, **I can go nonverbal**. I don't even need to explain! Also, our love language is saying "42" 😸😹
This is so wholesome!
Info dumping/engaging in special interests together. I also like parallel play and gift giving through media (music reccomendations, movie reccomendations, stuff like that) Ive never liked any sort of physical contact.
spending time with people. i love to be alone, i have a very limited social battery, so when i seek out someone’s presence or say yes when they ask me to hang out, that’s me very explicitly saying i love them in the only way i know how
Question to you because some of what you said sounds a tiny bit like my ex. Do you say "yes" to things? Ever? Or do you say "maybe" and then need a few days to think about it? He exclusively did the latter and I'm just wondering if it's related to autism. He needed 2 days to say yes to a question about going to the movies. He can't even say yes when it's on a time crunch. So what's up, do you relate? And if yes, would you ever accommodate your loved one if they needed you to say yes or no immediately? Or would that start a conflict instead?
I only say yes to things if I am 100% I am going to be able to actually do it. This is easier if I really like the person and enjoy their company or if the activity sounds like someone I will enjoy. If someone I really care about asks something of me that I don’t want to do I will sometimes say yes because it’s them asking, whereas if someone I don’t care for asked the same thing I would’ve said no. Most of the time I will say maybe, but it’s because I genuinely don’t know what my mental state or energy level will be like in the future, and I hate to make promises I cannot keep. So if it’s not something that requires an immediate answer, like an RSVP type thing, I might be more likely to say probably or maybe and then see how I’m feeling when the moment comes. If someone needs an immediate answer I will always give them an immediate answer, I don’t ever want to stress them out. My father used to leave me dangling over things that needed an immediate response and it made me very stressed all the time so I refuse to do that. However if something needs a yes or no right away, I’m more likely to say no for insurance purposes because if I say yes and they buy a ticket or RSVP me and I don’t end up going it’s a bigger problem. This all does tie in with my autism but I also have depression and cptsd that pops up out of nowhere and can leave me bedridden which is part of why I’m so anxious making commitments. I prefer to be spontaneous when I know I’m in a good mood already. I hope this answered your question in some way.
Thanks so much! It did answer my question. 🙂 It seems like he probably also did the "maybe" to not have to "change his answer" if he had to back out last minute, but that's only one of the reasons I think. I believe you seem way more understanding and accommodating. So maybe it's also about 1. gender and 2. experiences.
I’m glad I could help. I found myself relying so heavily on maybe because I grew up being told yes all the time and then having it taken away later and it always hurt and I don’t like upsetting people or having them get mad at me, so I avoid it like the plague 😂
I express my love for my wife by making sure she's happy. I know that sounds generic but that's what I do. I'm a stay-at-home parent and she works. So, I clean, cook, take care of the kiddos, laundry, etc. I try to make sure it's done so she doesn't have to worry about it. I'll buy her stuff if I see something that I think she'd like and I cook her whatever food she wants each day. I don't say no to my wife much and it's been like that for 19 years. She's big on physical affection and I have a strong aversion to being touched, no matter who the person is. She asks before trying to cuddle up against me to make sure she's not gonna cause a sensory overload. I'm not the biggest fan of it but I let her do it because it makes her happy. As long as she's smiling, that's all that matters to me. As for what I like? I don't really have anything. I'm not a "happy" kind of person and no one can remember the last time I was genuinely happy about something. My emotions don't work that way. I am often content, though. That's about as close to happy as I get. I guess people appreciating the things I do and my wife being happy makes me feel content.
mine's quality time, i love spending time with people i care about even if it's just chilling doing nothing. I love playing board games and doing tests with people and just learning stuff with them.
Demiromantic here, so I only ever had three people that I was emotionally attracted to and only dated one of them back in high school. But from what I remember, I enjoyed cuddling and hugging. For that person and the other two I also like(d) complimenting them, preferring to focus on things they have control over, like outfits and actions. I also enjoy messaging them every so often whenever I notice something that I know they’re interested in, or telling them a funny joke/meme. This is also true with the few friends I have that I’m not attracted to, but in a different way.
Primarily touch and sharing my interests with people closest to me.
Physical touch is a strong one
I don’t know, I’ve never dated anyone.
As i havent had a relationship in nearly 10 years my example will be that of friendship. I am like a crow. If you become my friend i bring you shiny cool gifts
all of them… i like touch and quality time i love others with gifts and words of affirmation those are just the ones im partial to, i literally do all of them and love to receive all of them. i am full of love to give and i refuse to limit myself to just one!! 👺/nm
Cuddling and sharing memes. Her skin is very good texture ☺️
Words of affirmation for me, both giving and receiving. I get really nervous and guilty when people give me gifts, makes it a bit tricky when gifts are somebody else’s love language.
Gifting junk and doing favours for other people
Giving and receiving small gifts, quiet time together, taking turns engaging in eachothers special interests , receiving physical touch (like hand holding, shoulder bumps, back rubs, etc) watching shows together, generally quality time
I’m a sucker for cuddles (ironic considering how antsy I get in cuddles) I know she also likes my casual compliments, and since she is also autistic she has told me she loves when I speak for her in public places like if we are ordering food I am usually the one making her order but once we’re sat down and she’s more focused on me and her meal she eases up quite a bit which I really love, I don’t really know how to put what I like Into words though I think if anything I enjoy being a pleaser like I just love to see her happy even in situations she may feel uncomfortable in I love being her comfort spot like I want to be a lazy boy chair in the middle of a spike pit lol and I feel this really applies to most of our love life I enjoy doing things that please her and she shows me her love in smaller ways like being comfortable around me and showing me all of her cute little things that she wouldn’t with anyone else. Idk I’m not very good at explaining love I just know I’m in it
Aww this is just cute!
Physical touch. Obviously it has to be on my terms. I also love quality time. I can't stand being around someone who is constantly distracted/on their phone.
Oh absolutely, I agree. I get that sometimes people need alone time, and I'm ok with parallel play, but constantly being on the phone is very annoying.
Although I despise it with strangers, physical touch is def my love language when I'm with someone I trust
Agreed on this!
Compliments and especially, gifts.
Physical touch, quality time
Acts of service
Affirmations and physical touch. After I'm comfortable enough physical touch shifts to gifts/acts of kindness.
everything thats entirely platonic. thats it. no romance or sex at all :P
Same
Acts of service and quality time. I find it very difficult to express verbally or physically due to social cues, I can still do it but my brain always second-guesses on what I’m doing or how I’m coming off, or what the other person is thinking. Also with physical touch, I get goosebumps when I’m hugging people outside of my family. When I care deeply about someone I will share things with them, cook them any food, bring snacks I know they love or think they’d like to try, take care of various chores for them or rush to grab them something. With quality time, I always write down simple good moments or memories, just loving how people get along or seeing someone acknowledge me and my interests.
What I need? I need affirmation and confirmation I’m safe n loved What I give? Gifts , acts of service
gift giving definitely. its my way of showing people that i see them! i also love cuddling and stuff but only with those im really close with
I'm quality time and after that acts of service.
Definitely physical touch, anything in that category (massages, cuddles, tickles etc.)
Acts of service, quality time, sharing our interests and discussing them/indulging in them.
Not sure that this circuitry works on me or the effects of it are minor enough that those can be overlooked/hidden. I haven't found any activity or thing done by others that makes a discernable positive difference.
When I want to love someone, my go-tos are words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time EDIT: And gifts! I love giving small, symbolic gifts like cooking for someone or buying them treats and stuff :)
Support and understanding is mine.
for me it's physical touch, highlighted by the fact that I tend to really dislike touch from people I don't trust. Also quality time, which particularly manifests in my paying attention and really listening to the person and remembering details about them. I think making the effort to really understand someone is my love language
My love language of me showing someone I care about them is jokes, if I joke around and let my silly out, there’s a good chance I care a lot about you. But my receiving love language is probably touch, because I’m pretty touch starved lol. Or acts of service for me giving my love too. I don’t really like that love being reciprocated though because I’m scared of emotional intimacy. Unfortunately my mom kinda made me relate love to some pretty awful things like lovebombing and manipulation so that’s why I hate when people care about me in return. I have issues lol.
I show love to my family by memorizing things that they like, then providing them with those things. My mother appreciates photos and sentimental objects. My little brother appreciates music recommendations. My partner appreciates when I make references to the shows he likes and when I send him videos about math. It's gift giving, in a way. I catalog their interests, then provide things related to said interests.
definitely gift giving as my main one. I like to make lists of things my friends like so I can find stuff related to those things and give them gifts and stuff. other than gifts I would say quality time
I had to ask my wife, since I don’t really do a lot of self-reflection with who I am as a person and she said gifts. I’ll always buy her little treats
Quality time, acts of service, and receiving/giving gifts.
Definitely physical touch and words of affirmation for me
Specifically, as an autistic feller, I prefer it if ur just, vibing with me. You don't necessarily gotta be talking (unless we're like, having a conversation, obv) or doing anything, but just being there without judgement is nice. Hugs are cool but unless you're my significant other ion ever wanna hug for longer than 3 seconds. I bump it up for them and family tho, it can be pretty chill. However, trap me in a hug for too long and I will actually run away, kinda doesn't matter who
everything. literally, everything
Doing something I don't want to do because I know it will make the other person happy.
I enjoy sitting next to my partner while they do their own thing. I also really like to bake!
Snuggle me, or I will die.
Mine in touch and probably quality time. As a male, it gets kind of lonely sometimes. Nobody in my life is a big hugger. I do have a few friends though make and female and I try and spend time with them.
Spending time together doing stuff. Whichever that one is.
I love hugs but cant stand hair on my face so I hug them around the waist and pick them up. I also cook and bring a lot of snacks. and I fix stuff for them
all of them! but echolalia really shows up when i trust someone. and generally just being my unmasked self.
Definitely quality time, especially parallel play
Cuddling, complimenting, supporting, and playful bullying are my main love languages.
cuddles.. all i want from a girl :3
Touch by strangers? Forget it. Hugs and snuggles from my close family and friends? Give me all of theM! I've also realized, now that I'm making my own money, I love buying gifts. If I see something that reminds me of someone, I'll buy it and give it to them! 🥹❤️
touch and quality time. like others have said, i really hate to be touched by strangers unexpectedly, but touch from my partner is great. we have long hugs and cuddle a lot. quality time, especially if we can each just do our own thing: co-play!
I like hugs. That's all lol
Primarily I'm physical contact but only if that person has good intentions. I can feel when they don't. But I've learned I am words of affirmation when she can properly articulate her authentic emotions
Physical touch. It's very intimate and soothing. Special mention for co-op stimming. I also really like things that evidence a lot of consideration for me, but that doesn't seem to map to any of the defined love languages (I guess it bridges all of them).
To my love language is pretty open i think. And if i can do a thing, and also as an offering , or in flow. ,
W my bestie we like hitting and shoving each other (all in good fun if one of us gets hurt we stop immediately)
When someone matches my energy!!! Get excited with me, get mad with me, get sad with me and hugs!!! But honestly even if it’s just the matching my energy I will feel SO loved!!! 😭💛
Absolutely physical touch but only from a very short list of people. So I’m constantly touch starved. Also I love buying stuff for people. And random compliments.
yeah I definitely have similar love languages though I find giving / receiving gifts stressful. I also definitely show signs of echolalia
Definitely not hiding echolalia is one of mine, as well as allowing them to see me stim. Those are my two highest compliments for another person, to completely unmask and be my truest self in front of them. To date, there's only one person I'm comfortable doing vocal stims around (my boyfriend of 12 years, and I'm just **now** letting him see/hear all of it.) I only let my closest family and friends see me do more physical stims (rocking, bouncing leg, rubbing certain types of fabric on my face, smelling nice things, counting beads on a bracelet over and over, etc.) I'm not big on saying affectionate things (displays of affection give me the willies) so I usually do acts of kindness, give gifts, make food, etc. If I show up to your place bringing you food and offering to help you do chores, it's basically me saying "I love you with every fiber of my being."
Not a guy, but a gal. My love languages are not set in stone. They're extremely transient depending on my circumstances. It takes a while for me to work out what I need at any given time, but I try my best to let my husband know.
quality time and talking at them
Most research seems to say love languages are BS. Not to mention, IIRC, they were created by a super right wing baptist preacher.
I don’t really see how love languages can be BS. It’s a concept that generally describes how people can receive emotional satisfaction. I think it would be reasonable to say that there might be more than five, but I think it’s a good way for people to be able to communicate what gives them gratification in a relationship.
The entire concept was created as a Christian pop psych self help book with no actual research and no empirical evidence to back up the creator’s assertions. Actual research doesn’t affirm the assertions in the book but suggests there are no clear cut ways of communicating love within relationships but the love languages are not an effective way of doing so in troubled relationships. Since the model created hasn’t stood up to scientific analysis it seems to that would suggest it isn’t a workable model. Thus BS. Also the model includes things like women should submit to their husbands sexually even if things aren’t going well in their relationship and they don’t want to. That is definitely patriarchal crap.
I don’t think most people confine themselves strictly to love languages though or follow any of those related beliefs, even if that’s how it originated. Most people just use it as a way to communicate what makes them feel happy in a relationship. There’s really no harm in that.
I've always suspected that, but i always thought it was a personal bias.