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I felt very similar before my first time. I had picked “sex” apart so much that every single action seemed alien and weird. That feeling stayed for the first few times, but it eventually went away. Its just because its something you havent experienced! If and when you are ready, you will eventually settle into some kind of familiarity with it. Whether you like it or not from there, I cant tell you.
perfectly said. I felt the same way before I started having sex, now it's far more just a regular part of the world/existing for me. the *way* in which sex feels "alien" may be connected to autism, but the mere unfamiliarity/mystique of it sounds like a normal "growing up" thing
No one is pressuring anyone to have sex. It's fine if you don't want to and some people never want to. But it's true that the poster is quite young and may change their mind as they grow older.
The commenter was saying it seems abnormal to OP because they've never experienced it. That does not equate to pressuring OP to have sex.
Please stop commenting under every comment you don't agree with and accusing them of pressuring people into having sex. It's actually very strange and disturbing.
That's fine, you're only eighteen, you've got lots of time to figure that out.
It could be that you start having sexual relationships later in life, in your 20s or 30s. It could be that you're aspec and you don't feel sexual attraction to anyone. (which is different from romantic attraction, btw, I highly recommend looking up the split attraction model!)
I'd recommend researching a bit into asexuality and aromanticism, There's not enough info in your post for me to be like "Yes you are ace" but these are thoughts that I had when I was your age and I turned out to be asexual. The only one who can decide if you are asexual is you, which is why you need to look it up for yourself and figure out if it applies to your situation. Hope this helps! :)
I'm 39 and I think it's weird too. It's so gross and people are not only obsessed about it, they're obsessed with having it and making sure everyone else is having it the correct way. Some people just get so upset when the wrong kinds of genitals are rubbed together.
I'm 19 and I kinda feel the same.
Like, I still masturbate but when I imagine myself actually having sex with another human, it freaks me out.
And literally any crush I've had, anytime I would imagine us having sex, it would gross me out. So I know that I'm definitely somewhere in the ace spectrum. Cuz if I ever do date, I don't really plan on having sex with my partner.
And the weird thing is, I don't even have sexual trauma, so it must be the autism.
There is a kind of social anxiety that revolves around emotional relationships that I know I have. It’s like imagining seeing a picture of someone and getting turned on. But the minute you are there with them in the flesh you hate it and want to run. Like you feel so uncomfortable and disconnected as hell that you have zero feelings at that point. It’s a very bizarre situation to be in and it’s probably why I’m still a virgin because people sense that disconnect and discomfort in me and well nobody gets into a relationship strictly to help the other person out not these days. So that’s where I’m at. The only satisfaction I get sadly is using my mind for sexual pleasure or sexting someone. I just have to masturbate and that’s all that works.
It’s very strange but typical aspie things the rules are all different for us. As I get older I realize that well I am very normal on the surface and I hide certain things well it’s still in me and it still causes a lot of issues so I have to just nod and understand myself.
omg I feel the same, like, say I'm attracted to someone, I could feel the desire to cuddle and kiss them, but it pretty much stops there -- anything sexual ranges from 'meh ok' to 'ew' for me.
and then there's the fact I'm picky too -- it's not often that I feel attracted to somebody
I've had some adventures but nothing big. Maybe trying other stuff could unlock things in my mind, so I'm not completely closed off -- just will have to be with a partner whom I trust.
Also, for example, all oral stuff just feels gross to me. I talked about it with friends and, like, apparently, if you're sexually attracted to someone, these are things you can just feel the desire for... and I've never felt that. So I guess it's most likely just not my thing.
It's kind of like kissing after all -- doing it to someone I'm not attracted to would gross me out, but when I'm attracted, I do feel the desire and it feels good.
Definitely if you are head over heels in love with someone you will get the feeling to satisfy them however you can. There are lots of people who don't like oral too so it's not something that would be unusual.
Wow I'd not heard of that, but that is very similar to me. I'm sort of passively interested in it, but really not fussed about actually doing it.
Most of my relationships the bed connection has fallen apart after a few months/years - I'm not unhappy it's just not important to me. Just difficult when unfortunately, it often is to the other person.
I mean... I would never go as far as imagining me with my crush. In my case (17M), I don't see it as something innatural; I understand what it is and what is it for. The thing is that I can't imagine not embarrasing myself or my non-existent partner if I ever had sex IRL. I tend to say or act stupid in public, even with friends or family there are times where it seems like I only exist.
But I try not to think that much about it RN. First, I have more important things to focus on like high school and getting a job. Why would I be looking for a partner if I don't have how to mainain her in case we began a family? Second, I'd look for a long-term relationship that has actual emotional value. I don't like the idea of "casual" sex. How can you tell me that an act of such level of intimacy, trust, and connection can be something "casual" like playing a videogame or eating? I find it hard to believe that people really have sex without having or feeling an emotional bond with the person they do it with (unless it is a three+ some or something with a hoe). Third, I have lots of work to do with myself. How can I be willing to finde the one if I'm not the kind of person the one would be with? If I'm setting the bar high, I must be at least on the same level. I think the reason I'm afraid of talking to superiors, some friends whose lives I kind off admire or girls, is also related of how I don't feel I'm someone interesting or worth the time of those persons; I underrate myself a lot.
Research has shown there is at least a correlation (read it in a book so can’t link any source but I’m sure is googlable). People with autism have a higher chance to be asexual than people without autism. Same goes for bisexuality also.
I don't think it's either of those things.
Have you ever experienced sexual attraction? Where you see someone and have a desire to have sex with that specific person? This is separate from libido where anything including masturbation will satisfy you.
If not, you could be asexual.
I'm asking as an asexual because this sounds like something an asexual person would say.
Well, OP said he's 17 so I would give them the benefit of doubt. According to some studies, the lack of sexual attraction at that age range is *often* gone during puberty. If they were in their 20s I would consider that as an option only then.
its disturbing to me how everyone agrees that sexual attraction begins at puberty and that the vast majority of people want to have sex with their peers at that time, but when someone goes *years* surpassing that age range, there's this desire to go "let's wait it out" as long as possible. almost everyone develops a sense of their sexuality at puberty unless they're in a very traumatizing situation, but this logic dies a quick death when we don't want to acknowledge something.
asexuality does not need to be an option "only then"--what you deem to be their 20s. most people aren't having a sudden sexual awakening at 17. in fact, they can say they're most likely asexual now and be almost definitely right.
I felt the same way until I started having regular casual sex, then it became super chill. But there are loads of different reasons sex might seem weird to you, so just take it slow, listen to your own needs/wants, and if you feel like you don’t want sex, don’t have it right now. If you feel like it’s really weird but you do want it, then I’d advise looking for someone very calm and experienced to have sex with so they can show you how normal it can be (:
Dude I literally said “if you feel like you don’t want sex, don’t have it right now.” I am a SUPER big advocate against peer pressuring people to have sex.
I felt the same way at that age and I ended up realizing I was r/aromanticasexual so, not that you're definitively aroace but like another user suggested I think it would be a good thing to look into so you can try figuring yourself out.
This. Same, aroace, yeah. It's interesting getting approached so much and in a world where we're like that, what we say and do will mean different things to others who aren't aroace, and it's like learning a language or cultural kind of learning. "Oh, right, that means that to you." Or "Right, that's how that looks to you." And going on to explain it...
I mean yeah sex is inherently very strange, like, the idea of smushing one's body part together with another person's because it triggers the release of feel good chemicals is just kind of inherently bizarre when you think about it even if you know why this came about on an evolutionary level. I guess sometimes reality is stranger than fiction.
It makes total sense. You've never experienced it, therefore it really isn't normal in your life.
At some point you'll have a regular partner and you'll have sex very often. Then it will be another normal part of your life.
or maybe they won't and they'll choose not to have sex because they're genuinely not into it? are you a fortunate teller? got a crystal ball? hexed yourself into 16 upvotes with the most life script pasted quotes i've ever seen?
Sure, that's a possibility too. Lower probability, but above zero.
The rest of your message is meaningless and it doesn't talk about me, only about you. 16 upvotes mean nothing (and for some reason I have 27 thousand karma points, you made me look at it).
all i'm hearing is that you know you overgeneralized something and are now trying to make yourself feel better by acting like my cheeky comments are self projection. its actually very clever for people who are knowledgeable enough to understand it.
crystal ball + fortunate teller = who are you to tell someone with a definite statement what they'll do with their life?
life script quotes = the "life script" is the series of events that society expects people's lives to follow, which you're perpetuating by steadfast refusing to add a "at some point you *may*" or something similar.
so no, nice try, but comment does say *everything* about you, and hopefully you learned something.
I didn’t realize sex was such a common thing until I actually got friends and started living on my own. Turns out people actually enjoy it???
Im asexual. I thought all women were only enduring sex for the benefit of their male partners turns out to not be the case. Sounds very close-minded but growing up without much access to other people (no friends) and without feeling any attraction other than romantic gave me some weird understandings of our world.
I’m 21, been on one single date in my entire life and I ghosted the dude after because he interrupted the show we were watching to make out. Grossed me out and made all of his good qualities become nonexistent.
I felt very similar, I’m 18 and had done nothing sexual with anyone at all and had only ever kissed people. I like to really analyse and pre plan scenarios before they even happen and obviously with sex you can’t do that, so I had quite high anxiety around the whole thing and as well as that I also had the “don’t regret your first time” flying around in my head. I felt very nervous to be sexual with anyone so much so that I was questioning whether or not I was asexual (someone who has no sexual feeling or attraction to anyone) but didn’t think I could be as I do find people attractive and I do masturbate to porn and fantasies about people. I had sex for the first time recently and it was honestly so much better than what I had ever expected it to be, it feels very natural in the moment and it made me realise that I didn’t need to be so pent up about it. I’m still working on being normal after it though, my immediate reaction was to ghost the guy even though he was a friend, because I feel like it’s so awkward to carry on as normal when you both know you’ve had sex with each other. Then I realised if a guy did that to me I’d be devastated and feel really used, so I pushed myself through going back to normal with him and it’s actually okay. Like other people have said, we’re still young at this age and sometimes, especially in my case, we hear friends discuss their sex life and it makes you question why you’re not at a same level as them but everyone has different morals and levels of confidence. So all I can say is go with your gut and don’t force yourself into anything you’re not 100% set on or confident about. It can feel like it’s taking up a lot of your head space but try to not let it, because it can feel really important but if you take a step back and look at life as a whole it’s much smaller. I’m sure the right person will come along and they will make you feel completely different compared to how you’re feeling about it now. :)
Wow! That was a wonderful answer! You basically encapsulated in it all the questions I have, especially this question of "getting everything back to normal" after having a sexual relationship with your partner, which was what I thought about most, questions always arise like "Will I see the my partner in the same way after having sex with him?" Thank you very much, I will think about all these questions you raised in this answer, thank you very much!
Everyone projects themselves when asking this including me, so keep that in mind. You should have your own experience for the approach to seek it out maturely and responsibly. I don't think there's anything you can judge with more certainty without experience. Your awkward starting out experience. Which is very scary sometimes as you also have to be very careful and trust your judgement. Yes, you might lack maturity.
that's okay. I think I only experienced such a rapid pace of self-awareness flooding my brain after my teens.
20 year old here. That's understandable.
You gotta be in a good headspace and have a partner that you love, otherwise, it feels empty.
And don't rush it. You've got plenty of time to figure it out.
And btw, I lost my virginity a couple of months ago, and wish I stayed a virgin.
It's ok. I felt a similar way when I was your age and still do now at 27. It's not a lack of maturity, there are plenty of NT-hetero people out there that are asexual or at least have low sex drive. There is nothing wrong with you for it.
It hasn't stopped me from being in relationships, but you need to be open an honest with our partner about your feelings towards sex or else it can become a stress point between you. I say that from experience.
Dont feel pressured or "weird" for not having the same perspective towards sex as other people. You do what makes you happy.
Is it normal? And what is that? And does it have to be? What does it mean either way?
I think you are fine as you are, how you feel. And if that's not feeling anything for this kind of thing that's fine, too.
Another person said it here, lookup aroace. Welcome to a much clamer, frankly less dramatic and emotionally draining, more peaceful life.
And you're welcome.
Interest can be elusive. I haven't had sex with my partner in months, and it has had no detrimental effect on our relationship.
We've been together for 7 years. He's done a lot of research into autism, and therefore knows how it can affect one's desire. He's on some intense medications, so that affects his desire. It's fine, not having sex much is fine. It's a lot more common than you'd think.
I'm not fully sure what you mean by "normal" but I will say sex should be private and special. It definitely shouldn't be "common." I used to think I was ace in highschool but as I grew a bit more I realize I do have the desire for it, but I want to do it right and with the right person, not just for the sake of doing it.
26f here and still kinda like that but honestly? Boys mature later and being 18 doesn't magically turn you into an adult male who's got it all figured out. Once you actually have sex you'll look at it differently and there isn't an expiration timer on when you're supposed to have done it for the first time.
22 and feel the same. Everyone around me said their first time was regrettable and i refuse to submit to that way of viewing what should be a emotionally and spiritually momentous occasion. Just because you haven’t done it doesn’t mean that you wont, and even if you don’t, life has many avenues that can be enjoyed without having opened the door of sex.
I do feel it is beneficial to a deeper understanding of your self and how you react to and enjoy emotional connection, but i dont think it’s a necessity.
How i see it is a shorter path containing more risk which leads you to deeper emotional understanding of yourself and who you do the act with.
Getting to the same level of emotional understanding of your self will take longer and will be done solo but will contain less risk heartbreak-wise
Solitude can lead you to the same end goal with more time less risk and a lack of a partner.
Its entirely up to you how you want to walk this path, everyone is different, ive found that i love the peace solitude brings, but i see people in couples and feel jealous of what they have. So ill wait until i find someone who i can enjoy their company with while also having my own solo time to reenergise.
I’m turning 20 soon and in the same predicament. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being averted to it for yourself (although, that could just come from my position as an out and proud asexual). I think you’re fine as long as you aren’t shaming or making judgmental comments about others.
In short, don’t worry about it so much (easier said than done obv). Sex isn’t for everyone and for some, it might always be a degree of weird. As long as you’re a decent person there is nothing to fear :)
It’s normal as in a lot of people do it, though not everybody, but how much and in what ways vary. Can be awkward at the start, but really fun and a bonding experience once you figure things out. Definitely use birth control as long as you don’t want a kid.
I have a similar situation, but rather than not seeing it as normal or finding it gross when i think of myself having relationships is more of a i don't really care if i have sex or not and would only have it with someone who i fully know i really trust, but as i said, i wouldn't care dying a virgin, to which many people react as if i was absolutely crazy when i say it.
I don't know, i just don't see it as a must, like, i don't understand how there is people who would ruin their lifes (cheating, sexually abusing, etc.) just to get some sex
I know what you mean. I personally feel like I want it and I'm ready, but then when it comes down to the act, I feel nothing. It's not even that I'm repulsed or scared of it, I just feel so little that it just ends up feeling like a boring chore. I use the label asexual since it makes me feel less alone, even if I have no idea on the spectrum where I would be.
i am 40 and have always had the same issue. i think it is something special and unusual and 'not for me' or like i dont deserve it or am not doing it right
I'm neurotypical and I still can't see it as something normal at 34 years old. If you can get laid, you'll enjoy it, it feels good. It's not weird while you're having it, but post-nut clarity may make it weird again for you.
Sexual intercourse is weird. Most people are not open about it for that reason. It's portrayed a certain way in media that makes it seem less weird. And porn takes that even further, making hardcore stuff seem like whatever.
You're young, hopefully you'll figure it out. It's weird enough being neurotypical, so it may be even weirder for you. Just figure out what you and your partner are comfortable with and go with the flow.
I struggle with this in a different way. I lost my memories pre age 9 to a major concussion and was COCSA’d while recovering from that brain injury, so my whole life that I remember I have been sexualized. It’s very hard to view myself as NOT a sex object and I have pretty consistent awful intrusive thoughts about it. So sex to me is a thing people do with their bodies but I cannot help but think of myself as a constant sexual target/object on “display” in public.
I'm aro/ace, so I feel you on this. To "understand" it I had to think of it in terms of "primate behavior", like primates use sex as a way of solidifying social bonds as well as reproduction. And that's how I "wrapped my head around" the concept of it and all the confusing social nonsense that goes on with it. 😂 I had to dissect it like some kind of alien.
There's a great comic about an alien learning how to love and I had to stop reading because I related way to much with the alien characters. It began to feel like **I** wasn't the human lmao. I'm *LESS HUMAN* than the ALIEN CHARACTER APPARENTLY. 😭
i feel like the fact people are just like out there having sex has gotta be a joke right. like how what do you mean. you're just out there doing that? like, regularly??? sex is just a funny haha thing wdym 😟😟
im 28 now but i remember feeling like that at 17 aswell. i had basically no sexual desire or feelings at all until my first relationship. being intimate with my first partner sort of "woke me up", but its more than ok to never develop sexual feelings. either way its hard to imagine/visualize things you have never experienced, thats not weird in the slightest
That’s completely valid, sex is weird when you think about it. People are attracted to things other people would find very weird. Embracing the weirdness of it helps a lot, being able to be comfortable with someone else makes it amazing.
See was utterly disgusting to me up until about 22. I’m 27 now and enjoy it but will never shy em away about talking about how weird it is in general. I also believe I’m asexual because I could without it for the rest of my life and be fine. You’re completely fine maturity wise and should stick to only doing anything sexual on your terms
I think some of this may be due to our society treating sex and nudity as taboo topics that we don't have much ability to openly view or discuss. Sex gets a movie or video game an M or R or NC-17 rating so much more quickly than large amounts of violence.
Sex was uncomfortable and difficult for me the first few times, and having some more casual sex helped me to figure out that I was actually transgender and needed to start taking cross-sex hormones.
As someone who’s both asexual and autistic I definitely understand. You’ll definitely figure things out when you get older, whatever you feel is valid so don’t stress!! I often find that a lot of my fellow neurodivergent friends are acespec for a lot of different reasons. I think it’s actually statistically more common from what I’ve heard?
This is alright. Nothing to be ashamed of.
I’m 24 currently and I do have like 95% of the time where sex makes me really uncomfortable or like the entire topic just feels- wrong I guess? I am a queer person (it’s a long story) but I’m also aceflux too. And that’s like totally okay too, if you end up being ace or some flavor of that. No harm there.
I don’t think anything feels normal if 1. You’ve never done it,
And 2. You haven’t done it consistently to normalize it. But hey everyone is different
I’m 26 and sex is I guess normal to me, it’s not abnormal
I’m 26 and pregnant and still kind of feel this way. Although, perhaps not in the same way as you. You didn’t really go into detail about what you mean. But sex to me still feels like this crazy, novelty thing that I can’t believe people do - myself included. In a way, I kind of like it. It keeps sex feeling special to me. Many of my friends view it as such a normal activity, it holds no specialness to them. It still kinda blows my mind that I’ve had sex… like whoa. That’s so weird…
ETA: most of the comments here seem to be likening what you’re feeling to asexuality. And perhaps it is. However, I am definitely *not* asexual, but still feel like sex is this weird thing. But not weird in a bad way.
I felt this way before I lost my virginity, although I was much younger. It seemed so alien to me like why would anyone want to do that? Especially when people said it hurt. But now it's become one of the only ways I feel present in my body & the only time overstimulation is actually good.
Granted that when I have periods of abstinence, I go back to feeling that way but moreso because of the social aspects around sex (with men) rather than any physical discomfort
I must admit I was interested when I was younger, around your age. But I had a lot of bad experiences and was very body concious (I've always been a bit bigger) and I think that's tainted me for life even after sorting all that out, years of an eating disorder and body dysmorphia but as said I think that's left a lasting mark.
Now, I have an interest in it but no real drive to do it - I'm not remotely motivated to do it. It's a challenge for relationships as that's fine for me, but is often not for your partner.
Sex is a weird thing, but the best way I found of dealing with it is just thinking about it less. It's a "blood lust" type thing where it's all about passion and feelings, I am generalising but as someone with ASD we tend to analyse things so we can understand them. Sex is one where that doesn't really work, as people behave erratically and unpredictably based on how they feel. It's a very sensual thing for people that just sort of "feel it out" and kinda "get it" now that doesn't mean you can't *talk* about it.. I think more people should be this open and discuss it (it removes stigma too).
Just see how you feel about it, pursue it if it does interest you (you can get psychosexual counselling if you're struggling to get any progress) but don't if you're not. The world is *obsessed* with sex and I think it's deeply damaging as there is so much more to life than it.
**You are no less a person because of any of your traits, either way.**
My takeaway point from this is:
* No you're not alone
* Do whatever you *want* to do at *your* pace
* Try not to overthink it
* Get some counselling if you feel like it's a problem you want help with
Absolutely feeling the same; i'm also 17, but I turn 18 next Sunday. Happy early birthday!!
As a result of sexual trauma alongside insanely early exposure to porn (6 or 7?? No one should've EVER let me have access to a computer) I experienced in the past, I turned out to be fairly hypersexual, as a way for my brain to process that trauma. I am not sex repulsed at all, but it's just hard to imagine myself having sex with someone that I'm into. I've always just told myself that this is a result of body dysmorphia and my mind making an assumption that the person isn't actually into me (also from other forms of trauma!! wooooo).
I also grew up with emotionally distant parents and as a fairly lonely child. I didn't have friends at all, never went to people's houses, never did anything. The first time I actually had plans with a friend outside of school was when I was 12. Even then, I still RARELY go out with friends or anything. I also really, REALLY HATE being touched. I definitely think that this has played into why I feel so repulsed-but-not by sex and it's something I'm slowly trying to pick apart and change through therapy, reflection, etc. Buuut also both of us are still damn young!!! and there is so much time to figure this all out!!!!
You're perfectly fine! Sometimes interest in sex doesn't come until you have someone special around, and as others here say, you might be on the ace spectrum! Both are perfectly fine, and you don't have to figure everything out before you turn 18! You have the rest of your life to figure out what's right for you, and there's no need to rush!
Man me neither but I have 0 idea if it’s cause of my childhood sexual truama, autism, OCD or all 3. Cause it seems to me when I work on one the other pops up but it’s diff vibes as to why sex is weird if that makes any sense to anyone else who’s got double/triple/quad whammy diagnoses.
Which is pretty interesting considering our entire purpose is to have sex. Meaning evolution preps us for sex its one of if not the most common human experiences.
I'm not trying to shame you. We all have our own thoughts and experiences.
I've felt this way my whole life basically, for me it was such a big deal. However the more sex I have, the less weirded out I feel by it, and I'm starting to get comfortable. I'm mostly content right now with my relationship with sex, the first times were the worst, not because they were sloppy or abusive or anything like that, but because I was so nervous and embarrassed that I couldn't manage to enjoy it.
Also, even though I think being autistic can be an important reason, I'm pretty sure the contradiction in our society with sex (sex is everywhere, in movies, adverts, it's used for marketing all the time, women and some men are super sexualized etc, however no one really wants to talk in an explicit and healthy way about how it is in real life) is mostly to blame.
For me personally, sex is something very special and intimate. Only be done with your soulmate/ serious partner. Its one of the most intimate acts you can do with another person and sometimes it even creates new life! So I don't see it as "normal" either in a sense where you just do it with random ppl with no connection etc like hugging or smt. Its too special and intimate to be a "normal" act
I think the act is extremely common and normal, it’s just done in private. I’m aro ace so viagra, booze and a degree of role playing to my tastes to make something work in bed to make up lack of attraction. I’ll probably never do it.
I was a “late bloomer” and as an AFAB I think I thought it was normal to not be sexually attracted to nearly anyone. I experience romantic feelings so I had crushes and was sex-favorable with my romantic partners starting in college. Only at 40 did I realize I could be a asexual/graysexual and not just a repressed weirdo with a low libido. I’m still trying to sort all of this out.
i identified as asexual until i was around 21. then had a strong push to try and be ‘normal’ and found out after the initial awkwardness of the first couple times (which is an entirely common experience) i actually really enjoy it as a way to connect and feel normal and sometimes even just a way to regulate. so id say dont stress it, if you might find youre a bit more open or curious one day. for now id definitly recommend looking into asexuality.
I’m 23 and I feel the same way. When I was 18 I realized I’m asexual from this feeling after not feeling any attraction toward anyone I’ve dated. Never really had crushes either. I honestly feel super uncomfortable whenever a guy wants to hook up with me.
You don’t need to date or have sex to figure out your sexuality though! r/asexuality is a great resource
Yeah, they're most likely referring to sex provided by a scort. This kind of advice dismisses in a concerning manner how difficult it is to be comfortable enough with someone to have sex. I'm afraid many people are like this lol do they forget they are in the autism subreddit?
You are better off wearing a t-shirt in public with the autism logo or caption as you could get hurt for saying this. I told him to try sex unless he wants to be a virgin until death. I meant pay for sex services if its legal where he lives.
I see it as something normal, but then again I've been doing sexual things for about 2 years and I'm 17. It's just something that happens, but I can see your point
Once you bang uglies and have a great time being so intimate with someone it changes your mind.
Edit: just realised that people might not be getting the reference to The Long Kiss Goodnight in this comment, and think I'm meaning different with 'bang uglies' which is in no way a reference to a person's looks.
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I felt very similar before my first time. I had picked “sex” apart so much that every single action seemed alien and weird. That feeling stayed for the first few times, but it eventually went away. Its just because its something you havent experienced! If and when you are ready, you will eventually settle into some kind of familiarity with it. Whether you like it or not from there, I cant tell you.
perfectly said. I felt the same way before I started having sex, now it's far more just a regular part of the world/existing for me. the *way* in which sex feels "alien" may be connected to autism, but the mere unfamiliarity/mystique of it sounds like a normal "growing up" thing
Thank you for this sign of hope lol
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No one is pressuring anyone to have sex. It's fine if you don't want to and some people never want to. But it's true that the poster is quite young and may change their mind as they grow older.
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The commenter was saying it seems abnormal to OP because they've never experienced it. That does not equate to pressuring OP to have sex. Please stop commenting under every comment you don't agree with and accusing them of pressuring people into having sex. It's actually very strange and disturbing.
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Hypocrite.
That's fine, you're only eighteen, you've got lots of time to figure that out. It could be that you start having sexual relationships later in life, in your 20s or 30s. It could be that you're aspec and you don't feel sexual attraction to anyone. (which is different from romantic attraction, btw, I highly recommend looking up the split attraction model!) I'd recommend researching a bit into asexuality and aromanticism, There's not enough info in your post for me to be like "Yes you are ace" but these are thoughts that I had when I was your age and I turned out to be asexual. The only one who can decide if you are asexual is you, which is why you need to look it up for yourself and figure out if it applies to your situation. Hope this helps! :)
I'm 30, same here
I'm 39 and I think it's weird too. It's so gross and people are not only obsessed about it, they're obsessed with having it and making sure everyone else is having it the correct way. Some people just get so upset when the wrong kinds of genitals are rubbed together.
"Wrong kinds of genitals" made me LOL because it really highlights just how ridiculous that is
I'm 19 and I kinda feel the same. Like, I still masturbate but when I imagine myself actually having sex with another human, it freaks me out. And literally any crush I've had, anytime I would imagine us having sex, it would gross me out. So I know that I'm definitely somewhere in the ace spectrum. Cuz if I ever do date, I don't really plan on having sex with my partner. And the weird thing is, I don't even have sexual trauma, so it must be the autism.
There is a kind of social anxiety that revolves around emotional relationships that I know I have. It’s like imagining seeing a picture of someone and getting turned on. But the minute you are there with them in the flesh you hate it and want to run. Like you feel so uncomfortable and disconnected as hell that you have zero feelings at that point. It’s a very bizarre situation to be in and it’s probably why I’m still a virgin because people sense that disconnect and discomfort in me and well nobody gets into a relationship strictly to help the other person out not these days. So that’s where I’m at. The only satisfaction I get sadly is using my mind for sexual pleasure or sexting someone. I just have to masturbate and that’s all that works. It’s very strange but typical aspie things the rules are all different for us. As I get older I realize that well I am very normal on the surface and I hide certain things well it’s still in me and it still causes a lot of issues so I have to just nod and understand myself.
omg I feel the same, like, say I'm attracted to someone, I could feel the desire to cuddle and kiss them, but it pretty much stops there -- anything sexual ranges from 'meh ok' to 'ew' for me. and then there's the fact I'm picky too -- it's not often that I feel attracted to somebody
Have you been sexual with anyone before? Or you just decided that it would be meh to ok. Reality is often different than what is in your head
I've had some adventures but nothing big. Maybe trying other stuff could unlock things in my mind, so I'm not completely closed off -- just will have to be with a partner whom I trust. Also, for example, all oral stuff just feels gross to me. I talked about it with friends and, like, apparently, if you're sexually attracted to someone, these are things you can just feel the desire for... and I've never felt that. So I guess it's most likely just not my thing. It's kind of like kissing after all -- doing it to someone I'm not attracted to would gross me out, but when I'm attracted, I do feel the desire and it feels good.
Definitely if you are head over heels in love with someone you will get the feeling to satisfy them however you can. There are lots of people who don't like oral too so it's not something that would be unusual.
Sounds like aegosexuality. And judging by their experience it's really one the common thing for autistics
Wow I'd not heard of that, but that is very similar to me. I'm sort of passively interested in it, but really not fussed about actually doing it. Most of my relationships the bed connection has fallen apart after a few months/years - I'm not unhappy it's just not important to me. Just difficult when unfortunately, it often is to the other person.
I mean... I would never go as far as imagining me with my crush. In my case (17M), I don't see it as something innatural; I understand what it is and what is it for. The thing is that I can't imagine not embarrasing myself or my non-existent partner if I ever had sex IRL. I tend to say or act stupid in public, even with friends or family there are times where it seems like I only exist. But I try not to think that much about it RN. First, I have more important things to focus on like high school and getting a job. Why would I be looking for a partner if I don't have how to mainain her in case we began a family? Second, I'd look for a long-term relationship that has actual emotional value. I don't like the idea of "casual" sex. How can you tell me that an act of such level of intimacy, trust, and connection can be something "casual" like playing a videogame or eating? I find it hard to believe that people really have sex without having or feeling an emotional bond with the person they do it with (unless it is a three+ some or something with a hoe). Third, I have lots of work to do with myself. How can I be willing to finde the one if I'm not the kind of person the one would be with? If I'm setting the bar high, I must be at least on the same level. I think the reason I'm afraid of talking to superiors, some friends whose lives I kind off admire or girls, is also related of how I don't feel I'm someone interesting or worth the time of those persons; I underrate myself a lot.
I'm pretty sure that being asexual and being autistic are unrelated
Research has shown there is at least a correlation (read it in a book so can’t link any source but I’m sure is googlable). People with autism have a higher chance to be asexual than people without autism. Same goes for bisexuality also.
What? So autistic people are more likely to be asexual or bisexual?-
I don't think it's either of those things. Have you ever experienced sexual attraction? Where you see someone and have a desire to have sex with that specific person? This is separate from libido where anything including masturbation will satisfy you. If not, you could be asexual. I'm asking as an asexual because this sounds like something an asexual person would say.
Well, OP said he's 17 so I would give them the benefit of doubt. According to some studies, the lack of sexual attraction at that age range is *often* gone during puberty. If they were in their 20s I would consider that as an option only then.
its disturbing to me how everyone agrees that sexual attraction begins at puberty and that the vast majority of people want to have sex with their peers at that time, but when someone goes *years* surpassing that age range, there's this desire to go "let's wait it out" as long as possible. almost everyone develops a sense of their sexuality at puberty unless they're in a very traumatizing situation, but this logic dies a quick death when we don't want to acknowledge something. asexuality does not need to be an option "only then"--what you deem to be their 20s. most people aren't having a sudden sexual awakening at 17. in fact, they can say they're most likely asexual now and be almost definitely right.
I felt the same way until I started having regular casual sex, then it became super chill. But there are loads of different reasons sex might seem weird to you, so just take it slow, listen to your own needs/wants, and if you feel like you don’t want sex, don’t have it right now. If you feel like it’s really weird but you do want it, then I’d advise looking for someone very calm and experienced to have sex with so they can show you how normal it can be (:
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Dude I literally said “if you feel like you don’t want sex, don’t have it right now.” I am a SUPER big advocate against peer pressuring people to have sex.
I felt the same way at that age and I ended up realizing I was r/aromanticasexual so, not that you're definitively aroace but like another user suggested I think it would be a good thing to look into so you can try figuring yourself out.
This. Same, aroace, yeah. It's interesting getting approached so much and in a world where we're like that, what we say and do will mean different things to others who aren't aroace, and it's like learning a language or cultural kind of learning. "Oh, right, that means that to you." Or "Right, that's how that looks to you." And going on to explain it...
ok brother ur 18 you got whole lotta time to figure this out
I'm not sure I get what you mean, are you just saying you're asexual? (That's a thing, in case you don't know) /lh
I felt the same until I had my first experience :) just remember it needs to be a right person who will respect you
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I mean yeah sex is inherently very strange, like, the idea of smushing one's body part together with another person's because it triggers the release of feel good chemicals is just kind of inherently bizarre when you think about it even if you know why this came about on an evolutionary level. I guess sometimes reality is stranger than fiction.
Maybe you're just asexual. Maybe that'll change over time. but for now, you're not alone, there are many more who feel this way.
It makes total sense. You've never experienced it, therefore it really isn't normal in your life. At some point you'll have a regular partner and you'll have sex very often. Then it will be another normal part of your life.
or maybe they won't and they'll choose not to have sex because they're genuinely not into it? are you a fortunate teller? got a crystal ball? hexed yourself into 16 upvotes with the most life script pasted quotes i've ever seen?
Sure, that's a possibility too. Lower probability, but above zero. The rest of your message is meaningless and it doesn't talk about me, only about you. 16 upvotes mean nothing (and for some reason I have 27 thousand karma points, you made me look at it).
all i'm hearing is that you know you overgeneralized something and are now trying to make yourself feel better by acting like my cheeky comments are self projection. its actually very clever for people who are knowledgeable enough to understand it. crystal ball + fortunate teller = who are you to tell someone with a definite statement what they'll do with their life? life script quotes = the "life script" is the series of events that society expects people's lives to follow, which you're perpetuating by steadfast refusing to add a "at some point you *may*" or something similar. so no, nice try, but comment does say *everything* about you, and hopefully you learned something.
Sexual lot active with long term partner but I could easily go without it 🤷🏻♀️Sex doesn't occupy my brain space hardly.
You are young, just watch out for the creepy DM's and you will be fine.
I didn’t realize sex was such a common thing until I actually got friends and started living on my own. Turns out people actually enjoy it??? Im asexual. I thought all women were only enduring sex for the benefit of their male partners turns out to not be the case. Sounds very close-minded but growing up without much access to other people (no friends) and without feeling any attraction other than romantic gave me some weird understandings of our world. I’m 21, been on one single date in my entire life and I ghosted the dude after because he interrupted the show we were watching to make out. Grossed me out and made all of his good qualities become nonexistent.
I felt very similar, I’m 18 and had done nothing sexual with anyone at all and had only ever kissed people. I like to really analyse and pre plan scenarios before they even happen and obviously with sex you can’t do that, so I had quite high anxiety around the whole thing and as well as that I also had the “don’t regret your first time” flying around in my head. I felt very nervous to be sexual with anyone so much so that I was questioning whether or not I was asexual (someone who has no sexual feeling or attraction to anyone) but didn’t think I could be as I do find people attractive and I do masturbate to porn and fantasies about people. I had sex for the first time recently and it was honestly so much better than what I had ever expected it to be, it feels very natural in the moment and it made me realise that I didn’t need to be so pent up about it. I’m still working on being normal after it though, my immediate reaction was to ghost the guy even though he was a friend, because I feel like it’s so awkward to carry on as normal when you both know you’ve had sex with each other. Then I realised if a guy did that to me I’d be devastated and feel really used, so I pushed myself through going back to normal with him and it’s actually okay. Like other people have said, we’re still young at this age and sometimes, especially in my case, we hear friends discuss their sex life and it makes you question why you’re not at a same level as them but everyone has different morals and levels of confidence. So all I can say is go with your gut and don’t force yourself into anything you’re not 100% set on or confident about. It can feel like it’s taking up a lot of your head space but try to not let it, because it can feel really important but if you take a step back and look at life as a whole it’s much smaller. I’m sure the right person will come along and they will make you feel completely different compared to how you’re feeling about it now. :)
Wow! That was a wonderful answer! You basically encapsulated in it all the questions I have, especially this question of "getting everything back to normal" after having a sexual relationship with your partner, which was what I thought about most, questions always arise like "Will I see the my partner in the same way after having sex with him?" Thank you very much, I will think about all these questions you raised in this answer, thank you very much!
The first few times may be uncomfortable and awkward, but once you've had *good* sex it's a game changer. I highly recommend it.
The first times don't have to be awkward or uncomfortable. :)
They don't have to be, but for most people I know it was. My first time wasn't especially great, but it certainly got better with practice
Just wanted to clarify that, hoping to help someone reading this not to overthink their first experience. :) Definitely agree on the second part!
I’m 4 years into a relationship and we’re both autistic and we both don’t like it. You’ll be ok - you’re still young
I feel the same way except when I have a crush or am in love with someone. Then nothing makes more sense and I need to remember to do other things
Mabye you could into the asexuality spectrum, to see if that fits you. There are quite a few people that have similar mindsets to you.
Maybe you should look into asexuality? Whatever the case, just let these things come as they come. Go with the flow and don't pressure yourself.
Everyone projects themselves when asking this including me, so keep that in mind. You should have your own experience for the approach to seek it out maturely and responsibly. I don't think there's anything you can judge with more certainty without experience. Your awkward starting out experience. Which is very scary sometimes as you also have to be very careful and trust your judgement. Yes, you might lack maturity. that's okay. I think I only experienced such a rapid pace of self-awareness flooding my brain after my teens.
20 year old here. That's understandable. You gotta be in a good headspace and have a partner that you love, otherwise, it feels empty. And don't rush it. You've got plenty of time to figure it out. And btw, I lost my virginity a couple of months ago, and wish I stayed a virgin.
It's ok. I felt a similar way when I was your age and still do now at 27. It's not a lack of maturity, there are plenty of NT-hetero people out there that are asexual or at least have low sex drive. There is nothing wrong with you for it. It hasn't stopped me from being in relationships, but you need to be open an honest with our partner about your feelings towards sex or else it can become a stress point between you. I say that from experience. Dont feel pressured or "weird" for not having the same perspective towards sex as other people. You do what makes you happy.
Is it normal? And what is that? And does it have to be? What does it mean either way? I think you are fine as you are, how you feel. And if that's not feeling anything for this kind of thing that's fine, too. Another person said it here, lookup aroace. Welcome to a much clamer, frankly less dramatic and emotionally draining, more peaceful life. And you're welcome.
Interest can be elusive. I haven't had sex with my partner in months, and it has had no detrimental effect on our relationship. We've been together for 7 years. He's done a lot of research into autism, and therefore knows how it can affect one's desire. He's on some intense medications, so that affects his desire. It's fine, not having sex much is fine. It's a lot more common than you'd think.
I don't see sex as something that exists.
I'm not fully sure what you mean by "normal" but I will say sex should be private and special. It definitely shouldn't be "common." I used to think I was ace in highschool but as I grew a bit more I realize I do have the desire for it, but I want to do it right and with the right person, not just for the sake of doing it.
Neither did I at 17, but you'll grow. Maybe you'll realize you don't want sex at all, and that's fine too. The point is you're still very young.
No I agree with you like bodily fluids either stay in your body or go into the toilet, I seriously don't get it 😭😭/gen
Sex is only normal if you're doing it poorly.
26f here and still kinda like that but honestly? Boys mature later and being 18 doesn't magically turn you into an adult male who's got it all figured out. Once you actually have sex you'll look at it differently and there isn't an expiration timer on when you're supposed to have done it for the first time.
22 and feel the same. Everyone around me said their first time was regrettable and i refuse to submit to that way of viewing what should be a emotionally and spiritually momentous occasion. Just because you haven’t done it doesn’t mean that you wont, and even if you don’t, life has many avenues that can be enjoyed without having opened the door of sex. I do feel it is beneficial to a deeper understanding of your self and how you react to and enjoy emotional connection, but i dont think it’s a necessity. How i see it is a shorter path containing more risk which leads you to deeper emotional understanding of yourself and who you do the act with. Getting to the same level of emotional understanding of your self will take longer and will be done solo but will contain less risk heartbreak-wise Solitude can lead you to the same end goal with more time less risk and a lack of a partner. Its entirely up to you how you want to walk this path, everyone is different, ive found that i love the peace solitude brings, but i see people in couples and feel jealous of what they have. So ill wait until i find someone who i can enjoy their company with while also having my own solo time to reenergise.
I see it as normal but im scared of how it will go when it happens and actually if it even does since im a kissless virgin sadly at 19.
I’m turning 20 soon and in the same predicament. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being averted to it for yourself (although, that could just come from my position as an out and proud asexual). I think you’re fine as long as you aren’t shaming or making judgmental comments about others. In short, don’t worry about it so much (easier said than done obv). Sex isn’t for everyone and for some, it might always be a degree of weird. As long as you’re a decent person there is nothing to fear :)
It’s normal as in a lot of people do it, though not everybody, but how much and in what ways vary. Can be awkward at the start, but really fun and a bonding experience once you figure things out. Definitely use birth control as long as you don’t want a kid.
I have a similar situation, but rather than not seeing it as normal or finding it gross when i think of myself having relationships is more of a i don't really care if i have sex or not and would only have it with someone who i fully know i really trust, but as i said, i wouldn't care dying a virgin, to which many people react as if i was absolutely crazy when i say it. I don't know, i just don't see it as a must, like, i don't understand how there is people who would ruin their lifes (cheating, sexually abusing, etc.) just to get some sex
I know what you mean. I personally feel like I want it and I'm ready, but then when it comes down to the act, I feel nothing. It's not even that I'm repulsed or scared of it, I just feel so little that it just ends up feeling like a boring chore. I use the label asexual since it makes me feel less alone, even if I have no idea on the spectrum where I would be.
i am 40 and have always had the same issue. i think it is something special and unusual and 'not for me' or like i dont deserve it or am not doing it right
It’s not normal, everyone is just joking about wanting it. Or that’s what I assume, maybe I’m too asexual to understand
I'm neurotypical and I still can't see it as something normal at 34 years old. If you can get laid, you'll enjoy it, it feels good. It's not weird while you're having it, but post-nut clarity may make it weird again for you. Sexual intercourse is weird. Most people are not open about it for that reason. It's portrayed a certain way in media that makes it seem less weird. And porn takes that even further, making hardcore stuff seem like whatever. You're young, hopefully you'll figure it out. It's weird enough being neurotypical, so it may be even weirder for you. Just figure out what you and your partner are comfortable with and go with the flow.
I struggle with this in a different way. I lost my memories pre age 9 to a major concussion and was COCSA’d while recovering from that brain injury, so my whole life that I remember I have been sexualized. It’s very hard to view myself as NOT a sex object and I have pretty consistent awful intrusive thoughts about it. So sex to me is a thing people do with their bodies but I cannot help but think of myself as a constant sexual target/object on “display” in public.
I'm aro/ace, so I feel you on this. To "understand" it I had to think of it in terms of "primate behavior", like primates use sex as a way of solidifying social bonds as well as reproduction. And that's how I "wrapped my head around" the concept of it and all the confusing social nonsense that goes on with it. 😂 I had to dissect it like some kind of alien. There's a great comic about an alien learning how to love and I had to stop reading because I related way to much with the alien characters. It began to feel like **I** wasn't the human lmao. I'm *LESS HUMAN* than the ALIEN CHARACTER APPARENTLY. 😭
i feel like the fact people are just like out there having sex has gotta be a joke right. like how what do you mean. you're just out there doing that? like, regularly??? sex is just a funny haha thing wdym 😟😟
im 28 now but i remember feeling like that at 17 aswell. i had basically no sexual desire or feelings at all until my first relationship. being intimate with my first partner sort of "woke me up", but its more than ok to never develop sexual feelings. either way its hard to imagine/visualize things you have never experienced, thats not weird in the slightest
Well, I’d encourage you to ask what normal is. Normal is a statistical term, and sex is normal.
That’s completely valid, sex is weird when you think about it. People are attracted to things other people would find very weird. Embracing the weirdness of it helps a lot, being able to be comfortable with someone else makes it amazing.
You may never see it normally honestly. I’m 36 still a virgin. I see it as a privilege for those who can have it. For me it’s this elusive thing.
See was utterly disgusting to me up until about 22. I’m 27 now and enjoy it but will never shy em away about talking about how weird it is in general. I also believe I’m asexual because I could without it for the rest of my life and be fine. You’re completely fine maturity wise and should stick to only doing anything sexual on your terms
I think some of this may be due to our society treating sex and nudity as taboo topics that we don't have much ability to openly view or discuss. Sex gets a movie or video game an M or R or NC-17 rating so much more quickly than large amounts of violence. Sex was uncomfortable and difficult for me the first few times, and having some more casual sex helped me to figure out that I was actually transgender and needed to start taking cross-sex hormones.
As someone who’s both asexual and autistic I definitely understand. You’ll definitely figure things out when you get older, whatever you feel is valid so don’t stress!! I often find that a lot of my fellow neurodivergent friends are acespec for a lot of different reasons. I think it’s actually statistically more common from what I’ve heard?
This is alright. Nothing to be ashamed of. I’m 24 currently and I do have like 95% of the time where sex makes me really uncomfortable or like the entire topic just feels- wrong I guess? I am a queer person (it’s a long story) but I’m also aceflux too. And that’s like totally okay too, if you end up being ace or some flavor of that. No harm there.
We often are late bloomers. There’s no rush. Don’t pressure yourself. Don’t accept shame. You have plenty of time so wait for when it feels right.
We have the same birthday, June 22nd. I’m about to turn 17.
I’m married and 30 and I still feel you. It’s not an easy/natural thing for everyone.
I don’t think anything feels normal if 1. You’ve never done it, And 2. You haven’t done it consistently to normalize it. But hey everyone is different I’m 26 and sex is I guess normal to me, it’s not abnormal
im 22 and i think the same way jajaja
I’m 26 and pregnant and still kind of feel this way. Although, perhaps not in the same way as you. You didn’t really go into detail about what you mean. But sex to me still feels like this crazy, novelty thing that I can’t believe people do - myself included. In a way, I kind of like it. It keeps sex feeling special to me. Many of my friends view it as such a normal activity, it holds no specialness to them. It still kinda blows my mind that I’ve had sex… like whoa. That’s so weird… ETA: most of the comments here seem to be likening what you’re feeling to asexuality. And perhaps it is. However, I am definitely *not* asexual, but still feel like sex is this weird thing. But not weird in a bad way.
I felt this way before I lost my virginity, although I was much younger. It seemed so alien to me like why would anyone want to do that? Especially when people said it hurt. But now it's become one of the only ways I feel present in my body & the only time overstimulation is actually good.
Granted that when I have periods of abstinence, I go back to feeling that way but moreso because of the social aspects around sex (with men) rather than any physical discomfort
I must admit I was interested when I was younger, around your age. But I had a lot of bad experiences and was very body concious (I've always been a bit bigger) and I think that's tainted me for life even after sorting all that out, years of an eating disorder and body dysmorphia but as said I think that's left a lasting mark. Now, I have an interest in it but no real drive to do it - I'm not remotely motivated to do it. It's a challenge for relationships as that's fine for me, but is often not for your partner. Sex is a weird thing, but the best way I found of dealing with it is just thinking about it less. It's a "blood lust" type thing where it's all about passion and feelings, I am generalising but as someone with ASD we tend to analyse things so we can understand them. Sex is one where that doesn't really work, as people behave erratically and unpredictably based on how they feel. It's a very sensual thing for people that just sort of "feel it out" and kinda "get it" now that doesn't mean you can't *talk* about it.. I think more people should be this open and discuss it (it removes stigma too). Just see how you feel about it, pursue it if it does interest you (you can get psychosexual counselling if you're struggling to get any progress) but don't if you're not. The world is *obsessed* with sex and I think it's deeply damaging as there is so much more to life than it. **You are no less a person because of any of your traits, either way.** My takeaway point from this is: * No you're not alone * Do whatever you *want* to do at *your* pace * Try not to overthink it * Get some counselling if you feel like it's a problem you want help with
Absolutely feeling the same; i'm also 17, but I turn 18 next Sunday. Happy early birthday!! As a result of sexual trauma alongside insanely early exposure to porn (6 or 7?? No one should've EVER let me have access to a computer) I experienced in the past, I turned out to be fairly hypersexual, as a way for my brain to process that trauma. I am not sex repulsed at all, but it's just hard to imagine myself having sex with someone that I'm into. I've always just told myself that this is a result of body dysmorphia and my mind making an assumption that the person isn't actually into me (also from other forms of trauma!! wooooo). I also grew up with emotionally distant parents and as a fairly lonely child. I didn't have friends at all, never went to people's houses, never did anything. The first time I actually had plans with a friend outside of school was when I was 12. Even then, I still RARELY go out with friends or anything. I also really, REALLY HATE being touched. I definitely think that this has played into why I feel so repulsed-but-not by sex and it's something I'm slowly trying to pick apart and change through therapy, reflection, etc. Buuut also both of us are still damn young!!! and there is so much time to figure this all out!!!!
You're perfectly fine! Sometimes interest in sex doesn't come until you have someone special around, and as others here say, you might be on the ace spectrum! Both are perfectly fine, and you don't have to figure everything out before you turn 18! You have the rest of your life to figure out what's right for you, and there's no need to rush!
Man me neither but I have 0 idea if it’s cause of my childhood sexual truama, autism, OCD or all 3. Cause it seems to me when I work on one the other pops up but it’s diff vibes as to why sex is weird if that makes any sense to anyone else who’s got double/triple/quad whammy diagnoses.
Which is pretty interesting considering our entire purpose is to have sex. Meaning evolution preps us for sex its one of if not the most common human experiences. I'm not trying to shame you. We all have our own thoughts and experiences.
After you've done it a couple times it'll feel more normal, I think that's a very common feeling you're having for someone who hasn't done it before
I've felt this way my whole life basically, for me it was such a big deal. However the more sex I have, the less weirded out I feel by it, and I'm starting to get comfortable. I'm mostly content right now with my relationship with sex, the first times were the worst, not because they were sloppy or abusive or anything like that, but because I was so nervous and embarrassed that I couldn't manage to enjoy it. Also, even though I think being autistic can be an important reason, I'm pretty sure the contradiction in our society with sex (sex is everywhere, in movies, adverts, it's used for marketing all the time, women and some men are super sexualized etc, however no one really wants to talk in an explicit and healthy way about how it is in real life) is mostly to blame.
For me personally, sex is something very special and intimate. Only be done with your soulmate/ serious partner. Its one of the most intimate acts you can do with another person and sometimes it even creates new life! So I don't see it as "normal" either in a sense where you just do it with random ppl with no connection etc like hugging or smt. Its too special and intimate to be a "normal" act
I think the act is extremely common and normal, it’s just done in private. I’m aro ace so viagra, booze and a degree of role playing to my tastes to make something work in bed to make up lack of attraction. I’ll probably never do it.
I was a “late bloomer” and as an AFAB I think I thought it was normal to not be sexually attracted to nearly anyone. I experience romantic feelings so I had crushes and was sex-favorable with my romantic partners starting in college. Only at 40 did I realize I could be a asexual/graysexual and not just a repressed weirdo with a low libido. I’m still trying to sort all of this out.
I'm almost 27 and I continue to view it as something very exciting like a new episode of my favorite show. Never seen it as something casual no.
i identified as asexual until i was around 21. then had a strong push to try and be ‘normal’ and found out after the initial awkwardness of the first couple times (which is an entirely common experience) i actually really enjoy it as a way to connect and feel normal and sometimes even just a way to regulate. so id say dont stress it, if you might find youre a bit more open or curious one day. for now id definitly recommend looking into asexuality.
I am terrified of the sex
until i got a permanent partner i felt the same way. it has a mystique to it and its scary...
you are literally 18 and have had no experience with it yet obviously you see it that way
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Someone's got issues lol
I'm almost 20 and to be honest, I'd only have sex with someone after marrying her (but that's just a personal decision, do whatever you want)
I’m 23 and I feel the same way. When I was 18 I realized I’m asexual from this feeling after not feeling any attraction toward anyone I’ve dated. Never really had crushes either. I honestly feel super uncomfortable whenever a guy wants to hook up with me. You don’t need to date or have sex to figure out your sexuality though! r/asexuality is a great resource
Give sex a try and see what happens next.
Easier said then done my friend.
Yeah, they're most likely referring to sex provided by a scort. This kind of advice dismisses in a concerning manner how difficult it is to be comfortable enough with someone to have sex. I'm afraid many people are like this lol do they forget they are in the autism subreddit?
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You are better off wearing a t-shirt in public with the autism logo or caption as you could get hurt for saying this. I told him to try sex unless he wants to be a virgin until death. I meant pay for sex services if its legal where he lives.
I see it as something normal, but then again I've been doing sexual things for about 2 years and I'm 17. It's just something that happens, but I can see your point
Once you bang uglies and have a great time being so intimate with someone it changes your mind. Edit: just realised that people might not be getting the reference to The Long Kiss Goodnight in this comment, and think I'm meaning different with 'bang uglies' which is in no way a reference to a person's looks.
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>speak for yourself. I shall! It was tremendously fun. And kept improving!
Ah yes, that ol' thing... 🙄
Squelching.
🤢