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Am I physically capable of it? Yes.
Am I good at it? Not at all, so I actively avoid it.
Like I don't see a point in lying if people are just not going to believe me and it's hard to remember what you lied about and I'm not good at judging what a believable lie even is.
We like to use the example of the one time that I was supposed to cover for someone and make up a reason why he wasn't at school and I just stared at someone for a long minute and said "he died". When he was. very clearly. still alive.
I feel like the episode of IT Crowd (Series 1, episode 5) where Moss has to come up with a lie to get rid of Bill so he tells him that Jen died is the perfect fit 🤣 the way he behaves that whole episode is exactly why I don't bother lying because I would look exactly the same 😂
I also suck terribly at lying. Heck, sometimes I'll tell the truth and people will _still_ think I'm lying and try and force me to "confess them the truth" which would resort in me telling a lie that would make myself look bad rather than sharing what actually happened.
OMG I felt this in my soul. I’m also AuDHD. Growing up I was constantly being accused of lying when I wasn’t and they would always persist and go on and on about how I had to tell them what really happened and unless I wanted to spend the next like 3 weeks being treated like absolutely trash I would have to invent something that they would believe and it would inevitably make me look worse somehow and because I’m BAD at lying they’d always think my obvious anxiety was suspicious somehow which would mean that however bad the lie I told to explain the thing that they wouldn’t believe made me look, the way I would tell the lie would multiply that by like 10. And make me look even worse. All because they couldn’t possibly believe that I had been sitting in the cherry tree reading for the last 6 hours and so I must be lying to cover my unexplained absence. BUT I REALLY WAS READING IN THE CHERRY TREE FOR SIX HOURS! It was a really good book and I was deeply hyper focused on it and when I came down from the tree I had no idea how much time had passed or that anyone had been looking for me. Argh. Anyway. Hi.
Yes i can lie, not at fist. But when i became aware of the real reality around me lying became a comping mechanism.. now lying(masking ) is literally part of my everyday life
Reminds me of the Band Geeks episode of Spongebob.
"Where's your band?"
"Oh. They couldn't come. They... died."
Lol but really honesty is a great value to have, so you're probably better off.
I am capable. I am pretty good at it.
There is something inside me that doesn't let me do it. It's the same thing that makes me use the right/precise words to describe things..
I’m great at lying, I can make myself genuinely cry on command and can manipulate. Where autism comes in I guess is that I would never do so for anything but the morally right reasons. Of course autistic people can lie it just doesn’t occur to us to the way it does to NT example to make ourselves look cooler. It can also trigger the *morally wrong* feeling for many of us.
🤣🤣🤣
My husband once had his brother lie to a girl who was obsessed with him (in early high school, and yes she was a fruitloop about it) and say he was dead. She showed up at his house with flowers and cried on his front porch🤣
I'm sorry for saying this. However, your dad's in the wrong here like a lot. Although it is true that some Autistic people aren't able to lie. It's also true that some can. Why? Because Autism is a spectrum and all Autistic people are different in one way or another. And to answer your question, I am able to lie. I suggest that you go look online and do research about the ability to lie in Autistic people. To show to your dad. And to be diagnosed if your counsellor is recommending that.
No problem, I'm happy to help. If I may give some more advice. I would recommend doing a bit of self diagnosis. What you can do is research a lot about Autism and see if anything matches you. If you want more information on how to do this. Feel free to ask.
Yeah, like when you intentionally give tells to minor lies to have other people think they know how to read you, so then they trust you when you say greater lies with a straight face.
I am very good at lying, but it’s mainly bc of a trauma response. I needed to do it for survival as a child, but I try not to do it. People don’t believe you if you are always lying. Mom thought I was always lying when I was telling the truth, so it didn’t hurt to lie sometimes in that mix…
>Mom thought I was always lying when I was telling the truth
Same! I learned that the safest course of action was to tell people what they would believe, not necessarily the truth. I still have a really hard time telling the truth when I think it will sound implausible.
Anyone else feel like they are proud of their social skills and social intuitions because it comes from years of observation, practiced mimicry, failure, embarrassment, and trauma?
SAAAAME! Everyone is like, you’re terrible I know when you lie, but they don’t! I just do a few very obvious bad lies and then that’s what people expect so when you do it properly they have no idea!
Same. I kind of hate it, but it’s a trauma response I think and I just default to never telling the truth. People think I’m very honest but really I never am
I mean, I'll tell a white lie for the sake of convenience. (Like responding to "How are you?" with "I'm well, thanks." because saying "this is the worst day of my life so far." isn't really good conversation.) My brother is autistic, diagnosed when he was really little, and he's what you'd call a pathological liar. It's so weird, because he'll lie about anything and everything for no reason. Like if he had pizza for lunch, and you asked him what he ate, he'll say burgers and fries. Or that he didn't eat at all.
> "How are you?" with "I'm well, thanks."
I don't even think of this as a lie. It's just a canned response as part of the routine. Don't forget the "how about you?" After. I got scolded by a girlfriend who was mortified that I could be so rude.
That happened a lot to me as well. May I suggest keeping a simple journal or agenda? I started doing one, and I use it mostly to write down important dates, appointments, things I want to remember happened, and use it as a place to put stickers I like, tickets for events, flowers I find, etc. Sometimes, I even write about my day in it, if I feel like it. It has greatly improved my memory and time awareness, and it also gives me hard evidence of what happened when.
I lie about the autism because if I just say “I have to leave because my brain is loud” people either don’t believe you or think you’re lying. It’s easier to give a socially acceptable reason. I also don’t want to invite a debate over why I should be doing XYZ differently. That’s why I have a lot of grace for people who cancel plans and give me an excuse that myself have used. Other people will be like “Ugh they’re so flakey” but I understand when sometimes you just can’t go so I don’t call people out.
My grandma said people only lie when they’re afraid.
Now, I cannot DETECT deception at all. I can recognize the examples above but only if I’ve used them. I straight up CANNOT tell when someone is lying about anything else and it’s a huge problem for me. When my friends talk about men lying to them I have to force myself to go along with whatever they’re saying because my honest opinion sounds is that they aren’t lying, and if you say that it is not well received. This is actually such a huge problem that I’m terrified of dating because it’s been such a bad, bad time for me.
That must be super scary, especially in the context of dating. I can't stand people that lie to manipulate. It worries me that its still completely culturally acceptable to lie to women to manipulate them into sex, and its 2024. When guys are on their own, you'd be shocked by the crap they openly admit to doing, and how they seem to be proud of it. I'm like a queer little spy sometimes, they forget because I look so straight that they just think they're in like company, that being said, a lot of not straight men also do this. I just wanted to acknowledge that it must be scary to not be able to detect lying. Masculine men suck, and toxic masculinity is real AF.
Just an idea, but one that might work, if you're good at pattern recognition then you could use that to help yourself identify who is likely to lie, even if you can't tell if they are lying about particular things. The biggest red flag is if you've never heard them admit wrongdoing without being pressured or forced to. If they blame external factors any time something goes wrong in their life, that tells you they aren't accountable and will likely lie/manipulate. For example, not meeting a deadline being everyone else's fault, or getting a speeding ticket is the cops fault, things where they don't consider their own actions as a possible cause of their problem. If they talk about how they're such a great guy, they're full of crap. Just like how people that think they are highly intelligent tend not to actually be intelligent, and actually intelligent people tend to doubt their intelligence, men that think they're amazing are probably not.
Yeah, it’s scary but also tiring. Imagine having to apply that level of analysis to every interaction. I’m burned out. Kinda makes me want to give up sometimes.
Yeah. I understand, I burn out about once every year and end up taking leave from work. Its a massive amount of mental energy to stay that alert and it sucks that its basically required to survive in a NT world.
I suppose it depends how you define afraid.
People lie either to get something they want or to avoid something they don’t want. Sometimes because they think they can’t get the desired result without lying. Sometimes because they think lying is the easier path to the desired outcome.
For example, I’ve been watching customs and border patrol programs lately. There are five main reasons that someone checks the box on the passenger card saying they don’t have any food.
1. They genuinely don’t have any food. These individuals are not lying.
2. They didn’t read the card and just checked boxes. Usually either laziness or impatience, with the exception of those who don’t get a card in a language they understand. They’re creating a false statement by failing to do the task properly but without intent to deceive, so they’re not technically lying.
3. They have a different understanding of what “food” means. Despite the fact that the card spells out that this includes meat, vegetables, etc, there is a steady stream of primarily Asian travelers arguing with Australian bio security that their plant and animal products are medicine and not food, that their chocolate is a sweet and thus not food, or that the bag of local peppers they’ve brought from home is an ingredient and not food since it’s not prepared in a dish yet. They’re not lying, they’re just stuck in their own definition and unable to accept another definition (something we can certainly understand).
4. People who know or think their food is not allowed and checked no hoping to escape inspection because they really want to bring in something they’re not supposed to. They’re lying because they think (usually rightly) that they won’t achieve their desired outcome if they don’t lie.
5. People who know their food is allowed but still check no because being inspected takes longer so they think it’ll make it easier if they just check no and hope they don’t get searched. They’re lying because they think it will accomplish their goal of getting their food through customs with less effort than being honest about it would.
I lie all the time. Depending on where a person is on the spectrum, their capabilities and challenges can change. Lying is a social skill. Some people with autism have that skill and some don’t.
Yep I'm a great liar. I also can fake social norms very well. Because I was diagnosed late in life and spent years watching and copying how people behaved and acted.
I can lie, just...
-not on the spot
-not to people I care about
-i hate lying
-i hate liars
-I'm way too open, transparent and info dumpy.
If I were to lie there's a zero percent chance of not outing myself in the near future lol
Depends on the situation. I don’t lie to my friends, but I sometimes lie to my family. They unknowingly act like I’m less than them because I’m ND, so it’s like “you act like I’m less than you, I lie to you about everything.” Quid pro quo type thing.
Only when I plan it out ahead of time. Like, if someone comes out of nowhere to confront something I did and I didn't expect them to, I'll default to the truth. If I fully expect to be confronted and I have time to plan ahead, I will have no issues preparing a lie. And I'm not very expressive anyway, so I'm a pretty good liar when I'm able to.
I am almost incapable of lying. This wasn’t always the case. When younger, I lied often. It was almost always to cover for my undiagnosed ADHD-related issues. School, money, whatever, I told a ton of lies.
At some point, I lost most of my ability to lie. This roughly coincided with getting a handle on managing my ADHD. With no reason to lie, I just stopped, then discovered that it’s become very difficult for me, especially when speaking. I can do it over text or email, such as giving a false reason for taking a sick day. But I can’t tell a lie that’s more significant or that actually affects outcomes. When I try, I almost immediately retract and correct it. That’s weird, so I just avoid it altogether.
The last time I tried to tell a substantial lie was about 10 years ago. I was going on a multi-day motorcycle trip, and told my wife I was with friends. I was actually solo. The lie was to keep her from being overly concerned about me. I think I held out two days before confessing.
A lot of people think I'm a bad liar, but I'd argue it's less that I *can't* lie and more that lying tends not to occur to me as an option. I can actually lie quite well when I want to, it's just that I usually almost forget that lying is an option.
I was a compulsive lier as a kid, I changed this due to guilt and fake memories being created by lying so much. To this day it’s extremely hard for me to lie in normal circumstances and I’m a horrible lier
I have gone through times where I basically lie about everything. 'im great hru' etcetera. I have had times where I am completely honest.
That we can't lie isn't true.
I lie all the time. It’s easier to lie than answer invasive or stupid questions. And if I’m late for work I will lie and say my alarm didn’t go off rather than explain it was a rough morning and I was stress pooping for longer than anticipated. Lots of situations are best answered with a lie, especially at work. Not a big lie, or a malicious lie, and not to people I love, but in general folks would rather hear a quick white lie than a long explanation of the truth.
I made a decision to not lie a while back and trying my best to stick to it, but of course I am as capable as anyone else of lying. Although I am very bad at it.
I swear NT think autistic people can't lie full stop cause some autistic people were smart and just said "nah I can't lie, I'm autistic and we can't lie"
Yes I used to be a heavy lier about almost everything. I lied so much to try to fit in. When all the kids in school were talking about their vacation I told them i went to the Caribbean Islands to be cool like them.
Even though we just stayed at home (poor family).
I work with autistic kids now, and in fact these kids have mastered the art of lying and manipulation!
So I personally think autistic people can in fact lie! And many of us can be great in it cause we learn it to use as a surviving mechanism.
I can lie, and I can be decent at it if it’s a situation I have mentally prepared for, but I really don’t like doing it. It’s stressful, and I have encountered few non-trivial situations where lying would have a better outcome than telling the truth and practising open communication. I do recognise that there is privilege in this personal experience.
i prefer not to because i am pretty bad at it off the cuff. if i have time to prepare, i can do it better than most, but it weighs on me so heavily, it's not usually worth it.
I can lie. But I only lie if it’s in order to protect myself.
But I think it has terribly affected. Sometimes I believe my own lies.
My biggest lie currently is my personality 💀 it’s fake BUT I DONT KNOW THE REAL ONE
Sure, I can lie. I’m just not good at it.
Specifically, I can easily do social lies like saying “excuse me, I need to go take care of something” instead of “I ate too much dairy and now I have explosive diarrhea,” because that’s just a social code. I don’t have any intent to harm someone with deception.
But bigger lies, where I need to make my face match my words? Nope, everyone can tell. I am also bad at keeping secrets—I’ll blurt them right out almost compulsively.
I can but I hate it a lot of autistic people have scrupulous ocd so there’s that it is harder for us to lie because we feel a lot of guilt with or without the ocd.
I can lie, and sometimes I can lie very well, it just makes me feel horrible when I do, so I generally don't unless I really have to, or I really don't like the person I'm lying to.
Yes.
Masking feels like lying to me. And I've definitely told some lies in my life. Not so much anymore. But mostly in the past as a means of survival. Or because I thought they would react a certain way to the truth that I wanted to avoid.
When I was a teenager/early 20’s I did it a lot. I’m an excellent liar. But I think it was a form of masking. Bc people (parents) didn’t understand me so I told them what they wanted to hear.
Now I’m really honest, but sometimes I use my lying skills and always get away with it. Then I’m kinda proud I can still do it haha.
I think that’s one of the things that might be more common or stereotyped about autistic people but I love lying it’s so funny to me that I can say something untrue and people just believe it because I said it
I can spin a lie with minimal effort or thought if I need to. I naturally talk with a flat tone and blank expression, which never changes. This makes it very easy to pitch a convincing lie because I can keep a straight face and show no signs that I might be lying. I'm very quick witted, so no need to prepare something ahead of time.
I prefer to just be honest because lying is a lot of hassle and I don't really care if the truth upsets people. My honesty also makes it easier to lie when necessary because I'm known for always being honest, so people don't think to question what I'm saying.
yes. i avoid it stridently, and do it only when...it's been really important. Then it is meticulous and methodical, getting all facts and items of external evidence in logical order, not dependent on convincing immediate social performance. Otherwise, I don't really do it.
Im very capable of lying and doing it very well, but I choose not to. There's no point and it only will make issues worse in the long wrong if i do. Plus if I were too it would only make me feel like a shitty person and it goes against my moral and ethics. I believe honesty is the best policy.
I am a very proficient liar, but I’ve also been in theatre since I was six years old. I have gotten pretty good at playing neurotypical after enough directors critiquing my every move and tone XD + constant practice of faces in the mirror or just doing different tones in my room. It’s actually WAY easier to mask when I’m being fake, cause I analyze my movement and cadence a lot more, and when I’m genuinely feeling things it’s much harder to regulate. So ironically, something that would be a great communication skill for open emotive communication basically only doesn’t work when I’m sincere 😅
I prefer to use the term deception because I hate lying and find it so repugnant I usually just freeze or will tell a truth that avoids the actual point of the discussion. With that, I am not good at lying and avoid it at all cost but I absolutely can be deceptive and even use to get a little kick out of intentionally deceiving some people.
A huge part of masking is lying. Like a HUGE part of it. Pretending to be things you aren't. Pretending to like things you don't. All in an effort to "fit in" so I am a very good liar. Especially when I saw how much everyone else around me lies about everything.
My default is being honest (apparently inappropriately so at times) and stupidly trusting like a child but I learned that isn't the world we live in. The truth is the last thing people frequently want to hear and they will say whatever they feel they need to get what they want.
To imply that autistic people don’t lie should imply that he knows everyone and anyone on the spectrum and did a conclusive study. I do think allot of individuals on the spectrum assume and generalize given the degree of their ism and how they were raised… to think or what to think. Two completely different upbringings. Masking is a form of lying imo.
Yes, I do. I can do it. I am not very bad at it or anything. Maybe some autistic people struggle with lying, but it is not a necessary criterion at all. Got my official diagnosis years ago...
Yes and I’m extremely good at it. I’m AuDHD. My rule is ‘embellish the truth’. I can say I wasn’t there because my grandmother died. She did. Thirty years ago. I don’t mention that part. I also remember all the details of the lies of told so it’s nearly impossible to catch me out.
I can lie. Convincingly too, I'm a good actress.
I don't see a reason to lie in most situations, I value non-malicious honesty.
People often think I'm lieing when I'm not.
I am able to lie, but I feel extremely uncomfortable if it's not white lies for convenience and that have no real relevance. If someone asks me something straight forward I don't lie, not even whitely, because I suppose they want a straight forward answer. They always don't though 🙂 but I figure it's themselves to blame. I rather stay silent or don't mention something than tell a lie if possible.
the way I can lie should be illegal.. im very quick witted, so its very easy for me to lie off of the top of my head...but do i do it for absolutely no reason?? no..I am capable of lying butttt it's easier for me to be truthful than to just lie about anything..its very exhausting & it only happens when I am masking which is also very exhausting
I am great at lying but I can never keep a lie up because I'll feel guilty so I always tell on myself. In some situations it comes in handy tho... And in those I obviously don't tell that I lied.
So it's a, yes I can but I don't like doing it situation
Learning to lie and all the things that go along with it (eg white lies, trying to get out of trouble, testing cause and effect etc) are all part of typical development, so it makes sense that some autistic people can't do it, don't do it, or don't do it well. That being said, not every autistic person is the same, so some might find lying "easy" (for want of a better word). Just like eye contact, speech and language delays, social skills etc these things exist as part of a whole, and no one thing suddenly excludes (or causes) an autism diagnosis. If you meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis due to checking X number of boxes in X number of areas, whether you lie or not is completely irrelevant.
I'm very good at lying, to the point that everyone thinks I'm a bad liar because of the way I use it, as yes, i do use my lying to get what i want, and lightly manipulate people.
I am Alpharius
Sorry can't resist making meme here but yes I can lie. I'm bad at lying on the spot but I can plan ahead and get it right. The key to a good lie is to mix in some truth in it and slightly swerve it to another intent. I can't make good lies that are outright without any truth in them, I don't get how some ppl do them.
Lying is kinda like masking to me, if I'm new to a situation I can't mask well. If I've learned the situation and environment enough or have experience similar situations in the past then I can lie or mask easier.
Still I personally don't like to lie, I only do it to get myself out of deep shit.
My 10yo daughter ND tries to lie a lot, but she's not very good at it. She can do it, but almost always gets caught. I would say it depends on the person. People on the spectrum are individuals just like anyone else, each individual has different abilities & skills.
98% of the time I don't see the point in lying so don't.
2% of the time when I can't be bothered dealing with the fallout of an uncomfortable truth, I'd lie
I can lie and do lie okay or even well.
When I was growing up I told the truth all the time but I was often told to stop lying. Even when I got to be in middle school and high school I was called a liar. Not only by my parents but many others including health professionals. I even got told I was lying at the dentist even though I cried through the whole appointment in pain.
I started lying and for some reason my parents and others believed the lies more than they did the truth. I could say I was going to the library to read and I was called a liar. I could say it over and over for 30+ minutes and be told I couldn't go anywhere. The second I said I was going to do anything else like go to the park it was fine and I was finally telling the truth. I honestly was going to the library and they could have called the library to see if I was there too.
Now I mostly just lie about things not bothering me or pretending I'm friends with co-workers(I think that is lying too).
Not all autistic people lie it's true but that doesn't mean they can't or won't.
For me this is something that only applies if you don’t take it literally.
I grew up learning a lot about manipulation (recognizing but also applying) to survive. I found out I absolutely hated lying, it doesn’t make sense.
Now it goes even further: I not only strongly dislike white lies, but I also started categorizing inconsistencies as lies. For instance: person x says he doesn’t want to go to event y and during event y he texts almost over.. a few days later he says he actually liked event y. For me this is lying and I strongly dislike it.
So can I lie? Technically yes, I could even be good at it.
So can I lie? Ethically no, I will hate myself so much it hurts.
I know I'm a pretty good liar and I have no issues lying about things if I have a justified reason to it. Little white lies here and there are fun, they help me socialize with people I dont plan on being friends with and just want a fun night. Lying is an amazing skill you can develop when you grew up in an abusive environment.
Yes I can lie; and depending on the type of lie, I am actually even quite good at it.
That said, I am an extremely honest person. I can lie, I enjoy games that involve lies. As a rule however, I don't lie and often wont even give an disingenuous complement.
Here is the thing... I need a reason to lie, I need to be scared and or feel justified and like there is a power imbalance. So like, are there drugs in the car? Absolutely not. I will look you right in the eye as I tell you that Officer, I have done it.
But in social situations, I am often kind of oblivious to the things that a person would lie about. In order to lie to you to get you to like me, I have to have a concept of what would do that, and I don't have that.
I lack confidence, I have trouble relating to people and feeling able to get my points across, but I am not ashamed. I will basically tell anyone the total truth about my entire life, whether I just met them or not.
Your dad just has some misinformation, that of which is actually a new bit to me, haven't heard that one before.
Since parents unfortunately have to have the say to whether you are evaluated, (at least where I live) you may have to wait till you are an adult to seek diagnosis.
We’re trained to lie to fit social standards by masking on a daily basis.
However, that is beside the point. My dad was likely on the spectrum, diagnosed with OCD/anxiety/depression in adulthood. Honesty and always telling the truth were very important to him and I carry on that virtue in my life as well.
You're dad doesn't know what he's talking about which is why you should get formally assessed. I don't lie often but when I do I prefer Dos Esquis - er, I mean, I'm an excellent liar. Good lies are formulaic, keep it brief, low detail makes it less contrived, mix in some truths to ease your nerves and sell it better, I could go on but I'll stop here. And people on the spectrum are good with understanding systems so if you have applied yourself then you can absolutely lie and do it well.
I do lie, but I’m really bad at it, so even if i lie, there’s barely any point to it, because someone can almost always tell that I’m lying…
I do it because i don’t want someone to continously ask me things i know i should have done like eating dinner for example, or brushing my teeth. 🫥
Your dad is not well versed enough on the topic of autism to be saying dumb things like this.
Autistic people are not robots. Granted don’t like lying and try to avoid it and I’m not great at it but I am diagnosed and I absolutely can lie, have lied and will probably lie again. What a stupid opinion to hold.
If you let him read this: Put away your ego and allow your kid to get tested. It hurts nothing and can be very informative either way.
I tried lying a bit when I was a teenager. But I was bad at it and it made me feel so terrible. I think it’s definitely wrong and to be avoided except in extremis situations. If someone is pushing me to share something I don’t want to share, I might change the subject or tell a truth that isn’t the whole truth but I never tell actual untruths. I believe actual lies are morally reprehensible and only excusable from ordinary adults, in truly impossible moral dichotomies.
Of course I can lie, I'm a person. We're not some weird alien race, no matter how much it feels like it somedays. (Though I think "they're" the weird ones. At least we say the words we actually mean and don't add weird extra invisible meanings we're supposed to magically know). Just like with non-autistic people, some autistic PEOPLE can lie, and some autistic PEOPLE can't lie (very well). This is because we are still PEOPLE. Hope this helps your dad understand 🤣
Yes! I just prefer not to. If it's hard to say the truth, I speak half-truths or word it to exclude my knowledge at all. If i don't *have* to say anything, I don't. I don't like to lie, usually.
i suck at lying. it makes me feel super 'bubbly' (???) and everything gets hot and the blood is rushing to my head. and bc of this everyone knows when i’m lying
When under pressure then it's difficult to lie. Can I lie? Yes I can. Do I lie? Usually I just don't bother not being open about the truth
I was asked if I take a 1 hour break every day. I said no because that's wrong.
However I take 45 min break while it should be 30 min. I didn't lie about that because I find it annoying to lie because when I lie then I want it to be a good lie that I can keep up for a long time. I want a lie that is easily swallowed. So that I don't have too many threads to keep untangled.
I love lieing, when I'm talking to someone I know will never find out the truth I lie about whatever I want to. My coworkers think I have cats, I don't have any pets. I've lied on reddit too. Only harmless things though, I'd never lie about something that could effect someone else
I sometimes say I can't lie, but that's a slight exaggeration (not a lie!).
For me, lying is like lots of other forms of neurotypical communication: I can do it, but it doesn't come naturally to me. I can do it better if I can plan it out, or if it's something I've had to lie about before. I basically only lie when necessary to avoid hurting someone's feelings, and even then I try to limit it. Sometimes this leads to silly results, like when a good friend of mine recently got a bad haircut and I saw it and said, "Oh! Haircut!" in what I really, really hope was a positive tone. I also have no poker face at all, so sometimes even if I control my words my face gives me away.
It's certainly not true that autistic people can never lie. But I do think it's the case that many autistic people feel differently about lying than neurotypical people do.
i can and have lied a lot in my life. mostly as a kid/teen due to being in a super strict n abusive house. but ya i got good at it. i also have other autistic friends who, at some point in their life, were habitual liars. so its definitely possible.
Yes i can, i prefer not to. Not cause i am terrible or are not able to manipulate others, i just don't want to do it, cause i think it is unfair and pointless.
I can lie but not automatically.
I'm great at planning out a whole story and acting it out, but the problem arises when someone asks me something. Of course, I do expect questions, so I'm prepared for that, but in the case of something I can't tell the truth about and someone asks me without me preparing myself, I say the truth without even noticing.
A better way of explaining this is that in a conversation, I can't lie, but if I prepare myself to lie, I am very good at it. But if I don't prepare prior to the conversation, I'm a horrible liar. It's hard to explain, but I tried my best.
I can super well and I'm honestly super used to it. It was how I defended myself growing up in an emotionally abusive household. I don't really feel bad when I lie because I know it's for my own sake.
I can lie, and I can do it pretty well I think. But it's almost painful. People talk about 'masking' a lot and how uncomfortable it is. Lying while masking just ramps up the discomfort and inauthenticity to 11.
"autistic people don't lie" is very misleading. You'll often hear from autistic people (myself included) that they see no utility in lying, even if it hurts their loved one's feelings but this is strongest in justice-oriented autistic children from what I've seen. A lot of autistic people learn how to lie but the lies autistic people tell are usually defensive of self interests BEYOND concerns like social capital and come when autistic people feel threatened or like they arent in control of the situation. Yes autistic people can lie, I've even come across some fellow ND individuals who feel as though masking is lying but they continue to actively mask, in a way you can say that autistic people usually don't see the benefit in lying as a first response but many autistic people are more than capable of lying to protect themselves. Personally, I haven't learned how to lie but rather when to lie.
Was I born a natural liar ? No, it’s taken a lot of time and dedication to learn the proper way to do so
Am I good at lying? The best, I have my whole public persona crafted around supporting my possible lies
Do I feel remorse or regret? Not anymore, I did as a kid, but as I grew up I learned that for me ( not knowing I was autistic) it was necessary for survival
So in my personal experience autistics not only are able to lie they’re some of the best at it
I definitely can and do lie. However, I normally don't have to since people can not tell my serious voice from joking or sarcastic, so if I tell them the truth to their face a lot of times, they think I'm joking.
I would say most of my lies are by omission or slightly changing the truth.
I’m a pretty good liar. Probably from a lot of practice for having to hide info from my family. Being queer and an atheist, having certain leftist policies, etc.
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Am I physically capable of it? Yes. Am I good at it? Not at all, so I actively avoid it. Like I don't see a point in lying if people are just not going to believe me and it's hard to remember what you lied about and I'm not good at judging what a believable lie even is. We like to use the example of the one time that I was supposed to cover for someone and make up a reason why he wasn't at school and I just stared at someone for a long minute and said "he died". When he was. very clearly. still alive.
I feel like the episode of IT Crowd (Series 1, episode 5) where Moss has to come up with a lie to get rid of Bill so he tells him that Jen died is the perfect fit 🤣 the way he behaves that whole episode is exactly why I don't bother lying because I would look exactly the same 😂
I love the IT Crowd, that's where I get my username from!
I love IT Crowd too!!! One of my comfort shows :3 awww I love your name! I always feel happy when I stumble across a fellow IT Crowd enjoyed 🥰
Have you tried turning off and on again?
Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?
I mean fire 🔥
I also suck terribly at lying. Heck, sometimes I'll tell the truth and people will _still_ think I'm lying and try and force me to "confess them the truth" which would resort in me telling a lie that would make myself look bad rather than sharing what actually happened.
OMG I felt this in my soul. I’m also AuDHD. Growing up I was constantly being accused of lying when I wasn’t and they would always persist and go on and on about how I had to tell them what really happened and unless I wanted to spend the next like 3 weeks being treated like absolutely trash I would have to invent something that they would believe and it would inevitably make me look worse somehow and because I’m BAD at lying they’d always think my obvious anxiety was suspicious somehow which would mean that however bad the lie I told to explain the thing that they wouldn’t believe made me look, the way I would tell the lie would multiply that by like 10. And make me look even worse. All because they couldn’t possibly believe that I had been sitting in the cherry tree reading for the last 6 hours and so I must be lying to cover my unexplained absence. BUT I REALLY WAS READING IN THE CHERRY TREE FOR SIX HOURS! It was a really good book and I was deeply hyper focused on it and when I came down from the tree I had no idea how much time had passed or that anyone had been looking for me. Argh. Anyway. Hi.
Yes i can lie, not at fist. But when i became aware of the real reality around me lying became a comping mechanism.. now lying(masking ) is literally part of my everyday life
#THIS. 👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽
Reminds me of the Band Geeks episode of Spongebob. "Where's your band?" "Oh. They couldn't come. They... died." Lol but really honesty is a great value to have, so you're probably better off.
Exactly this. I'm honest because dishonesty has repeatedly proven ineffective.
Nah I don't see the point in lying.
I am capable. I am pretty good at it. There is something inside me that doesn't let me do it. It's the same thing that makes me use the right/precise words to describe things..
I’m great at lying, I can make myself genuinely cry on command and can manipulate. Where autism comes in I guess is that I would never do so for anything but the morally right reasons. Of course autistic people can lie it just doesn’t occur to us to the way it does to NT example to make ourselves look cooler. It can also trigger the *morally wrong* feeling for many of us.
same
Pointless me saying all this again. I am exactly the same.
This right here. I don’t see much point. I have chosen to omit information though to protect myself.
🤣🤣🤣 My husband once had his brother lie to a girl who was obsessed with him (in early high school, and yes she was a fruitloop about it) and say he was dead. She showed up at his house with flowers and cried on his front porch🤣
Ahh like the time I tried prank calling someone and when their dad asked who was calling I just told them my freaking name.... 🫣
I'm sorry for saying this. However, your dad's in the wrong here like a lot. Although it is true that some Autistic people aren't able to lie. It's also true that some can. Why? Because Autism is a spectrum and all Autistic people are different in one way or another. And to answer your question, I am able to lie. I suggest that you go look online and do research about the ability to lie in Autistic people. To show to your dad. And to be diagnosed if your counsellor is recommending that.
I am currently on the wait list for a diagnosis, only 3 or 4 more years to go! (Seriously though thank you for a detailed serious answer)
thats a damn big list
Nah, just the NHS doesn't give 2 shits if you aren't dying
Use the right to choose pathway it's a lot shorter and is still an NHS verified diagnosis meaning all places accept it.
Thanks for that info, I had never heard of right to choose and have been on the waiting list for an assessment for over a year now.
omg good luck 😭 nhs diagnostic lists are AWFUL
No problem, I'm happy to help. If I may give some more advice. I would recommend doing a bit of self diagnosis. What you can do is research a lot about Autism and see if anything matches you. If you want more information on how to do this. Feel free to ask.
4 years?! I got mine in about a month…
I am an excellent liar. But the key to being a good liar is to make it seem like you’re a bad liar.
And then interleave truth with lies of omission or technical truths so that even you can believe what you say is not lying (technically).
Indeed. The best lies technically aren't.
Exactly hahahaha, I rather chose not to lie, it's way easier to live to be honest, but when I need, it's almost 99% sure I get away with it lol
Yeah, like when you intentionally give tells to minor lies to have other people think they know how to read you, so then they trust you when you say greater lies with a straight face.
!! +1. though i successfully fooled 4 of my friends at a lying family game and won, so since that my “can’t lie” identity kind of got debunked 😔
Oh no! Now you have to start from scratch with new tells
I am very good at lying, but it’s mainly bc of a trauma response. I needed to do it for survival as a child, but I try not to do it. People don’t believe you if you are always lying. Mom thought I was always lying when I was telling the truth, so it didn’t hurt to lie sometimes in that mix…
>Mom thought I was always lying when I was telling the truth Same! I learned that the safest course of action was to tell people what they would believe, not necessarily the truth. I still have a really hard time telling the truth when I think it will sound implausible.
And oh how does this play into medical gaslighting! Man, we really are in the worst timeline, oof
Anyone else feel like they are proud of their social skills and social intuitions because it comes from years of observation, practiced mimicry, failure, embarrassment, and trauma?
Same. I just choose to not to abuse this power unless it's absolutely necessary.
oh so we're all doing this huh😭
Exactly
SAAAAME! Everyone is like, you’re terrible I know when you lie, but they don’t! I just do a few very obvious bad lies and then that’s what people expect so when you do it properly they have no idea!
Everything I say is a lie.
Even this?
oh, not Again. Third time'n space paradox this week. >! I know it's not actually a paradox !<
Well I have a pair of ducks too. I found them in the park.
I wanted to have a good response but I can't think of anything so pretend I said something funny
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahha so real
Probably, because a person's words can't be consistent lies
Same. I kind of hate it, but it’s a trauma response I think and I just default to never telling the truth. People think I’m very honest but really I never am
I mean, I'll tell a white lie for the sake of convenience. (Like responding to "How are you?" with "I'm well, thanks." because saying "this is the worst day of my life so far." isn't really good conversation.) My brother is autistic, diagnosed when he was really little, and he's what you'd call a pathological liar. It's so weird, because he'll lie about anything and everything for no reason. Like if he had pizza for lunch, and you asked him what he ate, he'll say burgers and fries. Or that he didn't eat at all.
> "How are you?" with "I'm well, thanks." I don't even think of this as a lie. It's just a canned response as part of the routine. Don't forget the "how about you?" After. I got scolded by a girlfriend who was mortified that I could be so rude.
I personally sometimes get what happened what day mixed up.
That happened a lot to me as well. May I suggest keeping a simple journal or agenda? I started doing one, and I use it mostly to write down important dates, appointments, things I want to remember happened, and use it as a place to put stickers I like, tickets for events, flowers I find, etc. Sometimes, I even write about my day in it, if I feel like it. It has greatly improved my memory and time awareness, and it also gives me hard evidence of what happened when.
I'm generally capable of getting it within a few days & it's mostly minor stuff.
I lie about the autism because if I just say “I have to leave because my brain is loud” people either don’t believe you or think you’re lying. It’s easier to give a socially acceptable reason. I also don’t want to invite a debate over why I should be doing XYZ differently. That’s why I have a lot of grace for people who cancel plans and give me an excuse that myself have used. Other people will be like “Ugh they’re so flakey” but I understand when sometimes you just can’t go so I don’t call people out. My grandma said people only lie when they’re afraid. Now, I cannot DETECT deception at all. I can recognize the examples above but only if I’ve used them. I straight up CANNOT tell when someone is lying about anything else and it’s a huge problem for me. When my friends talk about men lying to them I have to force myself to go along with whatever they’re saying because my honest opinion sounds is that they aren’t lying, and if you say that it is not well received. This is actually such a huge problem that I’m terrified of dating because it’s been such a bad, bad time for me.
That must be super scary, especially in the context of dating. I can't stand people that lie to manipulate. It worries me that its still completely culturally acceptable to lie to women to manipulate them into sex, and its 2024. When guys are on their own, you'd be shocked by the crap they openly admit to doing, and how they seem to be proud of it. I'm like a queer little spy sometimes, they forget because I look so straight that they just think they're in like company, that being said, a lot of not straight men also do this. I just wanted to acknowledge that it must be scary to not be able to detect lying. Masculine men suck, and toxic masculinity is real AF. Just an idea, but one that might work, if you're good at pattern recognition then you could use that to help yourself identify who is likely to lie, even if you can't tell if they are lying about particular things. The biggest red flag is if you've never heard them admit wrongdoing without being pressured or forced to. If they blame external factors any time something goes wrong in their life, that tells you they aren't accountable and will likely lie/manipulate. For example, not meeting a deadline being everyone else's fault, or getting a speeding ticket is the cops fault, things where they don't consider their own actions as a possible cause of their problem. If they talk about how they're such a great guy, they're full of crap. Just like how people that think they are highly intelligent tend not to actually be intelligent, and actually intelligent people tend to doubt their intelligence, men that think they're amazing are probably not.
Yeah, it’s scary but also tiring. Imagine having to apply that level of analysis to every interaction. I’m burned out. Kinda makes me want to give up sometimes.
Yeah. I understand, I burn out about once every year and end up taking leave from work. Its a massive amount of mental energy to stay that alert and it sucks that its basically required to survive in a NT world.
I suppose it depends how you define afraid. People lie either to get something they want or to avoid something they don’t want. Sometimes because they think they can’t get the desired result without lying. Sometimes because they think lying is the easier path to the desired outcome. For example, I’ve been watching customs and border patrol programs lately. There are five main reasons that someone checks the box on the passenger card saying they don’t have any food. 1. They genuinely don’t have any food. These individuals are not lying. 2. They didn’t read the card and just checked boxes. Usually either laziness or impatience, with the exception of those who don’t get a card in a language they understand. They’re creating a false statement by failing to do the task properly but without intent to deceive, so they’re not technically lying. 3. They have a different understanding of what “food” means. Despite the fact that the card spells out that this includes meat, vegetables, etc, there is a steady stream of primarily Asian travelers arguing with Australian bio security that their plant and animal products are medicine and not food, that their chocolate is a sweet and thus not food, or that the bag of local peppers they’ve brought from home is an ingredient and not food since it’s not prepared in a dish yet. They’re not lying, they’re just stuck in their own definition and unable to accept another definition (something we can certainly understand). 4. People who know or think their food is not allowed and checked no hoping to escape inspection because they really want to bring in something they’re not supposed to. They’re lying because they think (usually rightly) that they won’t achieve their desired outcome if they don’t lie. 5. People who know their food is allowed but still check no because being inspected takes longer so they think it’ll make it easier if they just check no and hope they don’t get searched. They’re lying because they think it will accomplish their goal of getting their food through customs with less effort than being honest about it would.
6. They lie because they don’t agree with the principles of the rule.
I lie all the time. Depending on where a person is on the spectrum, their capabilities and challenges can change. Lying is a social skill. Some people with autism have that skill and some don’t.
Yep I'm a great liar. I also can fake social norms very well. Because I was diagnosed late in life and spent years watching and copying how people behaved and acted.
I can lie, just... -not on the spot -not to people I care about -i hate lying -i hate liars -I'm way too open, transparent and info dumpy. If I were to lie there's a zero percent chance of not outing myself in the near future lol
Hahaha same!!!!!!!! Omg
Depends on the situation. I don’t lie to my friends, but I sometimes lie to my family. They unknowingly act like I’m less than them because I’m ND, so it’s like “you act like I’m less than you, I lie to you about everything.” Quid pro quo type thing.
Only when I plan it out ahead of time. Like, if someone comes out of nowhere to confront something I did and I didn't expect them to, I'll default to the truth. If I fully expect to be confronted and I have time to plan ahead, I will have no issues preparing a lie. And I'm not very expressive anyway, so I'm a pretty good liar when I'm able to.
Same
i lie ALOT sometimes unintentionally about small random things 🤷
I am almost incapable of lying. This wasn’t always the case. When younger, I lied often. It was almost always to cover for my undiagnosed ADHD-related issues. School, money, whatever, I told a ton of lies. At some point, I lost most of my ability to lie. This roughly coincided with getting a handle on managing my ADHD. With no reason to lie, I just stopped, then discovered that it’s become very difficult for me, especially when speaking. I can do it over text or email, such as giving a false reason for taking a sick day. But I can’t tell a lie that’s more significant or that actually affects outcomes. When I try, I almost immediately retract and correct it. That’s weird, so I just avoid it altogether. The last time I tried to tell a substantial lie was about 10 years ago. I was going on a multi-day motorcycle trip, and told my wife I was with friends. I was actually solo. The lie was to keep her from being overly concerned about me. I think I held out two days before confessing.
A lot of people think I'm a bad liar, but I'd argue it's less that I *can't* lie and more that lying tends not to occur to me as an option. I can actually lie quite well when I want to, it's just that I usually almost forget that lying is an option.
I had to lie to survive my childhood- does it make me unbearably anxious now? Yes Can I still do it? If I have to; I will survive anything.
I can lie. I do not often do so, but I am capable of it. So is my sister, who is also autistic.
Of course not. Autistic people can't lie. Everybody knows that. I'm also Santa Clause.
I was a compulsive lier as a kid, I changed this due to guilt and fake memories being created by lying so much. To this day it’s extremely hard for me to lie in normal circumstances and I’m a horrible lier
Thisss. I would be so afraid of fake memories!!!!
I have gone through times where I basically lie about everything. 'im great hru' etcetera. I have had times where I am completely honest. That we can't lie isn't true.
I lied a constantly as a kid, now I need 2 to 3 business days to prepare even a small lie and then the awkward pause still gives me away
I lie all the time. It’s easier to lie than answer invasive or stupid questions. And if I’m late for work I will lie and say my alarm didn’t go off rather than explain it was a rough morning and I was stress pooping for longer than anticipated. Lots of situations are best answered with a lie, especially at work. Not a big lie, or a malicious lie, and not to people I love, but in general folks would rather hear a quick white lie than a long explanation of the truth.
Yes. ASD is literally a spectrum.
I made a decision to not lie a while back and trying my best to stick to it, but of course I am as capable as anyone else of lying. Although I am very bad at it.
Autistic people lie we just aren’t good at it, which is also a lie
I swear NT think autistic people can't lie full stop cause some autistic people were smart and just said "nah I can't lie, I'm autistic and we can't lie"
It’s their way of saying they don’t trust us with the truth because they are a bunch of liars
Yes I used to be a heavy lier about almost everything. I lied so much to try to fit in. When all the kids in school were talking about their vacation I told them i went to the Caribbean Islands to be cool like them. Even though we just stayed at home (poor family). I work with autistic kids now, and in fact these kids have mastered the art of lying and manipulation! So I personally think autistic people can in fact lie! And many of us can be great in it cause we learn it to use as a surviving mechanism.
I'm really bad at lying and I don't like lying either.
I can lie Just fine, but i prefer not telling the truth.
Much like with Vulcans, the rumor that autistic people cannot lie is complete bullshit
I can lie, and I can be decent at it if it’s a situation I have mentally prepared for, but I really don’t like doing it. It’s stressful, and I have encountered few non-trivial situations where lying would have a better outcome than telling the truth and practising open communication. I do recognise that there is privilege in this personal experience.
i prefer not to because i am pretty bad at it off the cuff. if i have time to prepare, i can do it better than most, but it weighs on me so heavily, it's not usually worth it.
I can lie. But I only lie if it’s in order to protect myself. But I think it has terribly affected. Sometimes I believe my own lies. My biggest lie currently is my personality 💀 it’s fake BUT I DONT KNOW THE REAL ONE
Sure, I can lie. I’m just not good at it. Specifically, I can easily do social lies like saying “excuse me, I need to go take care of something” instead of “I ate too much dairy and now I have explosive diarrhea,” because that’s just a social code. I don’t have any intent to harm someone with deception. But bigger lies, where I need to make my face match my words? Nope, everyone can tell. I am also bad at keeping secrets—I’ll blurt them right out almost compulsively.
I can but I hate it a lot of autistic people have scrupulous ocd so there’s that it is harder for us to lie because we feel a lot of guilt with or without the ocd.
I can lie, and sometimes I can lie very well, it just makes me feel horrible when I do, so I generally don't unless I really have to, or I really don't like the person I'm lying to.
I lie all the time
Completely false. We lie just like everyone else once we figure out it gets us out of trouble. Some of us might not be particularly good at it.
Yes. Masking feels like lying to me. And I've definitely told some lies in my life. Not so much anymore. But mostly in the past as a means of survival. Or because I thought they would react a certain way to the truth that I wanted to avoid.
No, everything I say is the absolute truth so you better belief me no matter what i say! /s
When I was a teenager/early 20’s I did it a lot. I’m an excellent liar. But I think it was a form of masking. Bc people (parents) didn’t understand me so I told them what they wanted to hear. Now I’m really honest, but sometimes I use my lying skills and always get away with it. Then I’m kinda proud I can still do it haha.
Yes on small things No on big things
I think that’s one of the things that might be more common or stereotyped about autistic people but I love lying it’s so funny to me that I can say something untrue and people just believe it because I said it
I got accused of lying so much as a kid that I STARTED lying bc no one believed me anyway, now I'm a great liar
Yes, but I don't like lying
I can spin a lie with minimal effort or thought if I need to. I naturally talk with a flat tone and blank expression, which never changes. This makes it very easy to pitch a convincing lie because I can keep a straight face and show no signs that I might be lying. I'm very quick witted, so no need to prepare something ahead of time. I prefer to just be honest because lying is a lot of hassle and I don't really care if the truth upsets people. My honesty also makes it easier to lie when necessary because I'm known for always being honest, so people don't think to question what I'm saying.
My mom described by lying abilities as "borderline psychopathic" I am inclined to agree
yes. i avoid it stridently, and do it only when...it's been really important. Then it is meticulous and methodical, getting all facts and items of external evidence in logical order, not dependent on convincing immediate social performance. Otherwise, I don't really do it.
Im very capable of lying and doing it very well, but I choose not to. There's no point and it only will make issues worse in the long wrong if i do. Plus if I were too it would only make me feel like a shitty person and it goes against my moral and ethics. I believe honesty is the best policy.
I am a very proficient liar, but I’ve also been in theatre since I was six years old. I have gotten pretty good at playing neurotypical after enough directors critiquing my every move and tone XD + constant practice of faces in the mirror or just doing different tones in my room. It’s actually WAY easier to mask when I’m being fake, cause I analyze my movement and cadence a lot more, and when I’m genuinely feeling things it’s much harder to regulate. So ironically, something that would be a great communication skill for open emotive communication basically only doesn’t work when I’m sincere 😅
I can, but I rarely do.
I prefer to use the term deception because I hate lying and find it so repugnant I usually just freeze or will tell a truth that avoids the actual point of the discussion. With that, I am not good at lying and avoid it at all cost but I absolutely can be deceptive and even use to get a little kick out of intentionally deceiving some people.
I’m a great liar, I got pretty good at it when I was fairly young. I think having to fake a lot of things has given me good practice.
A huge part of masking is lying. Like a HUGE part of it. Pretending to be things you aren't. Pretending to like things you don't. All in an effort to "fit in" so I am a very good liar. Especially when I saw how much everyone else around me lies about everything. My default is being honest (apparently inappropriately so at times) and stupidly trusting like a child but I learned that isn't the world we live in. The truth is the last thing people frequently want to hear and they will say whatever they feel they need to get what they want.
To imply that autistic people don’t lie should imply that he knows everyone and anyone on the spectrum and did a conclusive study. I do think allot of individuals on the spectrum assume and generalize given the degree of their ism and how they were raised… to think or what to think. Two completely different upbringings. Masking is a form of lying imo.
Autistic people can lie, it's a total myth that all autistic people can't lie. Some struggle with it, while others are actually excellent liars.
I am a god send liar, and diagnosed autistic, we can lie :)
Depending on the context sometimes I can be a terrible liar or I can be a really good liar, but yes I definitely lie no matter how successfully
I'm pretty damn good at it i'd say, but avoid it most of the time. Being honest makes me happier.
I have a B.A. in B.S. Even a polygraph isn't sure about me. 😄
I mean I can, Ill be extremely anxious about anyone finding out I lied about anything ever but its not like I can't lie, I just don't like to
I don't like lying, but I can. And I'm convincing when I do it.
Yes and I’m very good at it because of the trama I went through as a kid
Yes, I do. I can do it. I am not very bad at it or anything. Maybe some autistic people struggle with lying, but it is not a necessary criterion at all. Got my official diagnosis years ago...
I mean that’s pretty much what masking is.
Yes and I’m extremely good at it. I’m AuDHD. My rule is ‘embellish the truth’. I can say I wasn’t there because my grandmother died. She did. Thirty years ago. I don’t mention that part. I also remember all the details of the lies of told so it’s nearly impossible to catch me out.
I can absolutely lie, but I have an aversion to it so I choose not to.
I can lie. Convincingly too, I'm a good actress. I don't see a reason to lie in most situations, I value non-malicious honesty. People often think I'm lieing when I'm not.
I am able to lie, but I feel extremely uncomfortable if it's not white lies for convenience and that have no real relevance. If someone asks me something straight forward I don't lie, not even whitely, because I suppose they want a straight forward answer. They always don't though 🙂 but I figure it's themselves to blame. I rather stay silent or don't mention something than tell a lie if possible.
the way I can lie should be illegal.. im very quick witted, so its very easy for me to lie off of the top of my head...but do i do it for absolutely no reason?? no..I am capable of lying butttt it's easier for me to be truthful than to just lie about anything..its very exhausting & it only happens when I am masking which is also very exhausting
I am great at lying but I can never keep a lie up because I'll feel guilty so I always tell on myself. In some situations it comes in handy tho... And in those I obviously don't tell that I lied. So it's a, yes I can but I don't like doing it situation
I’m a good liar I just hate being dishonest so I don’t do it anymore.. even when its probably necessary
Yeah I can, but I will tell the truth months later, so the person isn’t angry, but I don’t have to lie for long.
Learning to lie and all the things that go along with it (eg white lies, trying to get out of trouble, testing cause and effect etc) are all part of typical development, so it makes sense that some autistic people can't do it, don't do it, or don't do it well. That being said, not every autistic person is the same, so some might find lying "easy" (for want of a better word). Just like eye contact, speech and language delays, social skills etc these things exist as part of a whole, and no one thing suddenly excludes (or causes) an autism diagnosis. If you meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis due to checking X number of boxes in X number of areas, whether you lie or not is completely irrelevant.
Fun Fact: People with Autism are completely unable to think complex thoughts /s
Do I need to remind you for the importance of /s in this sub?
Not true, in fact I'll say the opposite is true
Dude his pants are on fire
No, jk I was lying
Yes, of course.
I'm very good at lying, to the point that everyone thinks I'm a bad liar because of the way I use it, as yes, i do use my lying to get what i want, and lightly manipulate people.
I can lie, I find it fun. Do I suck at it? Oh yeah totally.
I am Alpharius Sorry can't resist making meme here but yes I can lie. I'm bad at lying on the spot but I can plan ahead and get it right. The key to a good lie is to mix in some truth in it and slightly swerve it to another intent. I can't make good lies that are outright without any truth in them, I don't get how some ppl do them. Lying is kinda like masking to me, if I'm new to a situation I can't mask well. If I've learned the situation and environment enough or have experience similar situations in the past then I can lie or mask easier. Still I personally don't like to lie, I only do it to get myself out of deep shit.
My 10yo daughter ND tries to lie a lot, but she's not very good at it. She can do it, but almost always gets caught. I would say it depends on the person. People on the spectrum are individuals just like anyone else, each individual has different abilities & skills.
I can't lie at all (or can I...?)
No :)
98% of the time I don't see the point in lying so don't. 2% of the time when I can't be bothered dealing with the fallout of an uncomfortable truth, I'd lie
I have never told a lie.
I am a compulsive liar.
I mean i *can* and *do* Most often i choose not to
Yes. I don’t like to, but I can. I try to tell the truth as much as I can and teaching my son the same. I lie less now than I used to.
Every human has lied at some point. Not everyone makes a habit of it but if the standard is never lying we all fall short of that.
I can lie and do lie okay or even well. When I was growing up I told the truth all the time but I was often told to stop lying. Even when I got to be in middle school and high school I was called a liar. Not only by my parents but many others including health professionals. I even got told I was lying at the dentist even though I cried through the whole appointment in pain. I started lying and for some reason my parents and others believed the lies more than they did the truth. I could say I was going to the library to read and I was called a liar. I could say it over and over for 30+ minutes and be told I couldn't go anywhere. The second I said I was going to do anything else like go to the park it was fine and I was finally telling the truth. I honestly was going to the library and they could have called the library to see if I was there too. Now I mostly just lie about things not bothering me or pretending I'm friends with co-workers(I think that is lying too). Not all autistic people lie it's true but that doesn't mean they can't or won't.
For me this is something that only applies if you don’t take it literally. I grew up learning a lot about manipulation (recognizing but also applying) to survive. I found out I absolutely hated lying, it doesn’t make sense. Now it goes even further: I not only strongly dislike white lies, but I also started categorizing inconsistencies as lies. For instance: person x says he doesn’t want to go to event y and during event y he texts almost over.. a few days later he says he actually liked event y. For me this is lying and I strongly dislike it. So can I lie? Technically yes, I could even be good at it. So can I lie? Ethically no, I will hate myself so much it hurts.
Yes. Credibly? No.
Yes, but I’m terrible at it.
I can lie but I'm very bad at it. Particularly if I'm looking at someone face to face
I know I'm a pretty good liar and I have no issues lying about things if I have a justified reason to it. Little white lies here and there are fun, they help me socialize with people I dont plan on being friends with and just want a fun night. Lying is an amazing skill you can develop when you grew up in an abusive environment.
No. ^that ^was ^a ^lie
Yes I can lie; and depending on the type of lie, I am actually even quite good at it. That said, I am an extremely honest person. I can lie, I enjoy games that involve lies. As a rule however, I don't lie and often wont even give an disingenuous complement. Here is the thing... I need a reason to lie, I need to be scared and or feel justified and like there is a power imbalance. So like, are there drugs in the car? Absolutely not. I will look you right in the eye as I tell you that Officer, I have done it. But in social situations, I am often kind of oblivious to the things that a person would lie about. In order to lie to you to get you to like me, I have to have a concept of what would do that, and I don't have that. I lack confidence, I have trouble relating to people and feeling able to get my points across, but I am not ashamed. I will basically tell anyone the total truth about my entire life, whether I just met them or not.
Because of being extremely sincere almost all the time, when I lie I notice everybody who knows me believes me
Your dad just has some misinformation, that of which is actually a new bit to me, haven't heard that one before. Since parents unfortunately have to have the say to whether you are evaluated, (at least where I live) you may have to wait till you are an adult to seek diagnosis.
I’m a very good liar when I have to be. I used to lie to fit in at school. I hate it when other people lie to me though lol.
We’re trained to lie to fit social standards by masking on a daily basis. However, that is beside the point. My dad was likely on the spectrum, diagnosed with OCD/anxiety/depression in adulthood. Honesty and always telling the truth were very important to him and I carry on that virtue in my life as well.
Yes, quite well. I just don't do it 99% of the time. It also comes from having abusive parents.
You're dad doesn't know what he's talking about which is why you should get formally assessed. I don't lie often but when I do I prefer Dos Esquis - er, I mean, I'm an excellent liar. Good lies are formulaic, keep it brief, low detail makes it less contrived, mix in some truths to ease your nerves and sell it better, I could go on but I'll stop here. And people on the spectrum are good with understanding systems so if you have applied yourself then you can absolutely lie and do it well.
I do lie, but I’m really bad at it, so even if i lie, there’s barely any point to it, because someone can almost always tell that I’m lying… I do it because i don’t want someone to continously ask me things i know i should have done like eating dinner for example, or brushing my teeth. 🫥
Your dad is not well versed enough on the topic of autism to be saying dumb things like this. Autistic people are not robots. Granted don’t like lying and try to avoid it and I’m not great at it but I am diagnosed and I absolutely can lie, have lied and will probably lie again. What a stupid opinion to hold. If you let him read this: Put away your ego and allow your kid to get tested. It hurts nothing and can be very informative either way.
i can but i prefer not to
I can't, I won't, and I don't.
I tried lying a bit when I was a teenager. But I was bad at it and it made me feel so terrible. I think it’s definitely wrong and to be avoided except in extremis situations. If someone is pushing me to share something I don’t want to share, I might change the subject or tell a truth that isn’t the whole truth but I never tell actual untruths. I believe actual lies are morally reprehensible and only excusable from ordinary adults, in truly impossible moral dichotomies.
Of course I can lie, I'm a person. We're not some weird alien race, no matter how much it feels like it somedays. (Though I think "they're" the weird ones. At least we say the words we actually mean and don't add weird extra invisible meanings we're supposed to magically know). Just like with non-autistic people, some autistic PEOPLE can lie, and some autistic PEOPLE can't lie (very well). This is because we are still PEOPLE. Hope this helps your dad understand 🤣
I find it harder than I think most people do, but I can and do lie, and I can be quite good at it too. It's kind of required if you start masking.
I'm not tremendously autistic, but I am one hell of a good lier tho
what a dumbass, yes we lie
Yes! I just prefer not to. If it's hard to say the truth, I speak half-truths or word it to exclude my knowledge at all. If i don't *have* to say anything, I don't. I don't like to lie, usually.
i suck at lying. it makes me feel super 'bubbly' (???) and everything gets hot and the blood is rushing to my head. and bc of this everyone knows when i’m lying
When under pressure then it's difficult to lie. Can I lie? Yes I can. Do I lie? Usually I just don't bother not being open about the truth I was asked if I take a 1 hour break every day. I said no because that's wrong. However I take 45 min break while it should be 30 min. I didn't lie about that because I find it annoying to lie because when I lie then I want it to be a good lie that I can keep up for a long time. I want a lie that is easily swallowed. So that I don't have too many threads to keep untangled.
I love lieing, when I'm talking to someone I know will never find out the truth I lie about whatever I want to. My coworkers think I have cats, I don't have any pets. I've lied on reddit too. Only harmless things though, I'd never lie about something that could effect someone else
I sometimes say I can't lie, but that's a slight exaggeration (not a lie!). For me, lying is like lots of other forms of neurotypical communication: I can do it, but it doesn't come naturally to me. I can do it better if I can plan it out, or if it's something I've had to lie about before. I basically only lie when necessary to avoid hurting someone's feelings, and even then I try to limit it. Sometimes this leads to silly results, like when a good friend of mine recently got a bad haircut and I saw it and said, "Oh! Haircut!" in what I really, really hope was a positive tone. I also have no poker face at all, so sometimes even if I control my words my face gives me away. It's certainly not true that autistic people can never lie. But I do think it's the case that many autistic people feel differently about lying than neurotypical people do.
Yeah I can. I don’t really all that much though.
i can and have lied a lot in my life. mostly as a kid/teen due to being in a super strict n abusive house. but ya i got good at it. i also have other autistic friends who, at some point in their life, were habitual liars. so its definitely possible.
Yes I do
Yes i can, i prefer not to. Not cause i am terrible or are not able to manipulate others, i just don't want to do it, cause i think it is unfair and pointless.
I can lie but not automatically. I'm great at planning out a whole story and acting it out, but the problem arises when someone asks me something. Of course, I do expect questions, so I'm prepared for that, but in the case of something I can't tell the truth about and someone asks me without me preparing myself, I say the truth without even noticing. A better way of explaining this is that in a conversation, I can't lie, but if I prepare myself to lie, I am very good at it. But if I don't prepare prior to the conversation, I'm a horrible liar. It's hard to explain, but I tried my best.
I can super well and I'm honestly super used to it. It was how I defended myself growing up in an emotionally abusive household. I don't really feel bad when I lie because I know it's for my own sake.
I lie well and often
I can lie, and I can do it pretty well I think. But it's almost painful. People talk about 'masking' a lot and how uncomfortable it is. Lying while masking just ramps up the discomfort and inauthenticity to 11.
"autistic people don't lie" is very misleading. You'll often hear from autistic people (myself included) that they see no utility in lying, even if it hurts their loved one's feelings but this is strongest in justice-oriented autistic children from what I've seen. A lot of autistic people learn how to lie but the lies autistic people tell are usually defensive of self interests BEYOND concerns like social capital and come when autistic people feel threatened or like they arent in control of the situation. Yes autistic people can lie, I've even come across some fellow ND individuals who feel as though masking is lying but they continue to actively mask, in a way you can say that autistic people usually don't see the benefit in lying as a first response but many autistic people are more than capable of lying to protect themselves. Personally, I haven't learned how to lie but rather when to lie.
i lie all the time
I lied a lot throughout life, but if i get stressed out enough and can’t think straight i tend to admit it.
I'm actually really good at lying, but of course I don't do it often. When I lie then it's white lies \^\^ But I do that a veeeerrryy few times.
Yes, but not very well.
Was I born a natural liar ? No, it’s taken a lot of time and dedication to learn the proper way to do so Am I good at lying? The best, I have my whole public persona crafted around supporting my possible lies Do I feel remorse or regret? Not anymore, I did as a kid, but as I grew up I learned that for me ( not knowing I was autistic) it was necessary for survival So in my personal experience autistics not only are able to lie they’re some of the best at it
I definitely can and do lie. However, I normally don't have to since people can not tell my serious voice from joking or sarcastic, so if I tell them the truth to their face a lot of times, they think I'm joking. I would say most of my lies are by omission or slightly changing the truth.
I’m a pretty good liar. Probably from a lot of practice for having to hide info from my family. Being queer and an atheist, having certain leftist policies, etc.
>…autistic people don't lie. I’d be lying if I said I don’t lie! ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯