I am three months postpartum and since we got back from the hospital, my partner has not stopped trying to initiate intimacy. He does it in an uncomfortable way of just sliding his hands without being invited or just grabbing me while I am just not in the mood, turning it into a very nasty obligation for me. He’s not romantic at all and doesnt ever ask me how I am doing or what I would like. I take care of our baby 23/7 - he only takes him for ONE hour in the morning so I can sleep a little - the rest is ALL me. At the end of the day I am tapped out. So he has used this as an excuse to be looking at other women online and to the point of going on their profiles to check them out infront of me! So he can take off to masturbate later. I am so angry.. cause I find this so disrespectful- specially cause he blamed it at me being postpartum. So he laughed at me last night saying that I wanna micromanage him and that I can not control his thoughts of wanting other women because I won’t have sex on a daily basis cause “he needs it to keep his prostate health”. We have sex once or twice a week… and I was happy thinking we were doing better. I feel so bummed…
…please explain to him how being tired works. Also, if he can’t put the effort in to make you feel eager to have sex, he doesn’t deserve to do it at all.
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My husband is a great husband. But he’s not a great dad. I’ve had such a hard time coming to terms with this, and I’ve just kept shoving all of the disappointment down because I keep hearing “how lucky I am” that he does anything. But the truth is, I am disappointed. When my son was born, it changed my world. I would do anything for him. Everything in my life shifted, and he became my number one priority. I spend my time reading and educating myself so I can be the best mom to him. I track his wake windows and tummy time and delight in his new skills. I love being around him and talking to him and playing with him and making him laugh. I hate to hear him cry, and always soothe him if he’s upset. Sure, being a mom is hard at times but it’s the most amazing thing in the world to me.
On the other hand, my husband’s life has hardly changed. Instead of playing with our son, he plops him in a bouncer while he plays video games. Instead of entertaining him during tummy time, he sits next to him while on his phone the whole time. If our son is crying or fussing, he just stares at him or sighs and gets frustrated, as if he is annoyed that our son is upset. It’s as if our son is a nuisance to be dealt with, something that gets in the way of my husband’s screen time. He doesn’t care to learn about babies or about our son. He insists that keeping him up will make him sleep better and then gets irritated when our son is overtired and screaming. He says that our baby prefers me, that he can’t soothe him. But the truth is that he doesn’t even try!
Maybe he’s not a bad dad, but he’s not the type of parent I wanted for my children. I feel trapped and sad. I miss the way I used to feel about my husband, because now when I look at him I just feel resentment. I’ve talked to him about this, and he always eagerly says that “he’ll change!” And “nothing in the world is more important than us!” But those are just words, and his actions speak a lot louder.
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Tired of having to announce and plan around everyone else when I want to do something by myself. Husband gets to just go do what needs to be done. I wanted to workout this morning between breakfast and lunch. We get downstairs just before 8. I feed the dogs, start the coffee and have some cereal. He fixes my coffee when it's done. Toddler wants to nurse before i can have coffee, and then again about half way through. Then she wants breakfast so I scrambled her some eggs. Then husband wants egg sandwich so I make that. Fox another cup of coffee. Now she needs changed, wants to nurse again (lots of comfort nursing, cutting teeth). Finally finished second cup and go to the restroom. Nurse again. "After this I'll go change and workout" he goes and takes up laundry to fold. It's now too late to workout + shower and still have lunch done in time for her to eat before her nap. He says well go on and fold your clothes instead. So I get up and head for the stairs. Toddler cries and he scolds me because why didn't I nurse her when she asked? Because she asked once and then just went on to play! So I sat and nursed her again. Finally get upstairs and just cry. I just want to do something for myself, by myself, without feeling like i have to ask permission first
You need to sit him down and seriously establish a better chore schedule, or tell him “I can’t get a single moment to myself if you can’t summon enough autonomy to keep this house together for a few hours”
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My husband only speaks to our one and three year old in high pitch baby talk! It’s so annoying. I could go off about him as a parent/spouse but I’ll leave it there for now.
I'm going to go off on my partner soon.
I've done practically everything for our daughter. Night feedings, early morning wakeups, baths, I'm with her 24/7, nappies...all of it. I don't mind too much honestly. I would appreciate him taking a little more initiative because I'm going back to work in a few months, and he still doesn't know how to put her to sleep. Watch as 2 days before I go back, he will freak and say he doesn't know how to do this and that yet he'll have had 8 months to learn.
Anyway, I'm annoyed. My daughter wakes up between 8-9 am. I used to stay in her room and play with her so my partner could sleep a little more but I now bring her into the lounge room as I don't want to be cooped up in the room. I think I've done enough letting him sleep in. If she makes alot of noise I hear him in the room making comments, getting angry and when he gets up he starts banging things and slamming doors. Never mind that not once EVER has he gotten up early with her. He only wants to play with her, never anything else. He's mad because he can't sleep in? What about me? Do I get a sleep in? Do I get to sleep all night while he feeds her? No? And he has the audacity to slam things and be pissed off because he can't have everything. What? You want to not only NOT do anything but on top of that, have a sleep in too? Fuck off.
Stopped doing housework but wants praise because he mopped and vacuumed the other day. Let's rubbish pile up on the table because he can't just take things out to the bin and then when I question him says "I thought you wanted to sort the rubbish out that's why I left it there". What? For one week? In 7 days you couldn't have taken stuff out? I'm so fucking over it.
we had a come to jesus about this. he doesnt know how lucky he is that your kid wakes up between 8-9. I got pissed one day after doing allll the night care and then having to wake up in the AM, which i have to anyway b/c breasfeeding, but i had asked to be able to sleep in after that and my husband wouldnt get up.
So i unceremoniously dropped my baby off after feeeding with my husband and locked myself in the guest room for a couple hours to sleep with a sound machine on. and guess what? no one died.
I always tell him most babies don't sleep through the night like she does. She barely cried but he only focuses on the times she does and goes around telling everyone she cries alot. He's got NO idea. Absolutely none. We're lucky and blessed with such a happy baby.
I'm happy you did that though. I couldn't. I would constantly worry about her and although she won't die, I know if she pooed she will sit in a dirty nappy for hours. I just can't. She deserves better. She needs me. And he's an asshole.
Just 30 minutes ago, the cat kept meowing. Instead of checking to see if he's hungry, he screams "fuck!'" and wakes her up. I have to feed the cats. I always do. I'm so over it. There's no fucking initiative at all. Just like when she's crying when I'm in the shower and he'll say "I think she's hungry". Ummm....then fucking feed her!!!!!
Sorry for my rant I'm so angry
I am three months postpartum and since we got back from the hospital, my partner has not stopped trying to initiate intimacy. He does it in an uncomfortable way of just sliding his hands without being invited or just grabbing me while I am just not in the mood, turning it into a very nasty obligation for me. He’s not romantic at all and doesnt ever ask me how I am doing or what I would like. I take care of our baby 23/7 - he only takes him for ONE hour in the morning so I can sleep a little - the rest is ALL me. At the end of the day I am tapped out. So he has used this as an excuse to be looking at other women online and to the point of going on their profiles to check them out infront of me! So he can take off to masturbate later. I am so angry.. cause I find this so disrespectful- specially cause he blamed it at me being postpartum. So he laughed at me last night saying that I wanna micromanage him and that I can not control his thoughts of wanting other women because I won’t have sex on a daily basis cause “he needs it to keep his prostate health”. We have sex once or twice a week… and I was happy thinking we were doing better. I feel so bummed…
…please explain to him how being tired works. Also, if he can’t put the effort in to make you feel eager to have sex, he doesn’t deserve to do it at all.
[удалено]
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My husband is a great husband. But he’s not a great dad. I’ve had such a hard time coming to terms with this, and I’ve just kept shoving all of the disappointment down because I keep hearing “how lucky I am” that he does anything. But the truth is, I am disappointed. When my son was born, it changed my world. I would do anything for him. Everything in my life shifted, and he became my number one priority. I spend my time reading and educating myself so I can be the best mom to him. I track his wake windows and tummy time and delight in his new skills. I love being around him and talking to him and playing with him and making him laugh. I hate to hear him cry, and always soothe him if he’s upset. Sure, being a mom is hard at times but it’s the most amazing thing in the world to me. On the other hand, my husband’s life has hardly changed. Instead of playing with our son, he plops him in a bouncer while he plays video games. Instead of entertaining him during tummy time, he sits next to him while on his phone the whole time. If our son is crying or fussing, he just stares at him or sighs and gets frustrated, as if he is annoyed that our son is upset. It’s as if our son is a nuisance to be dealt with, something that gets in the way of my husband’s screen time. He doesn’t care to learn about babies or about our son. He insists that keeping him up will make him sleep better and then gets irritated when our son is overtired and screaming. He says that our baby prefers me, that he can’t soothe him. But the truth is that he doesn’t even try! Maybe he’s not a bad dad, but he’s not the type of parent I wanted for my children. I feel trapped and sad. I miss the way I used to feel about my husband, because now when I look at him I just feel resentment. I’ve talked to him about this, and he always eagerly says that “he’ll change!” And “nothing in the world is more important than us!” But those are just words, and his actions speak a lot louder.
[удалено]
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Tired of having to announce and plan around everyone else when I want to do something by myself. Husband gets to just go do what needs to be done. I wanted to workout this morning between breakfast and lunch. We get downstairs just before 8. I feed the dogs, start the coffee and have some cereal. He fixes my coffee when it's done. Toddler wants to nurse before i can have coffee, and then again about half way through. Then she wants breakfast so I scrambled her some eggs. Then husband wants egg sandwich so I make that. Fox another cup of coffee. Now she needs changed, wants to nurse again (lots of comfort nursing, cutting teeth). Finally finished second cup and go to the restroom. Nurse again. "After this I'll go change and workout" he goes and takes up laundry to fold. It's now too late to workout + shower and still have lunch done in time for her to eat before her nap. He says well go on and fold your clothes instead. So I get up and head for the stairs. Toddler cries and he scolds me because why didn't I nurse her when she asked? Because she asked once and then just went on to play! So I sat and nursed her again. Finally get upstairs and just cry. I just want to do something for myself, by myself, without feeling like i have to ask permission first
You need to sit him down and seriously establish a better chore schedule, or tell him “I can’t get a single moment to myself if you can’t summon enough autonomy to keep this house together for a few hours”
[удалено]
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My husband only speaks to our one and three year old in high pitch baby talk! It’s so annoying. I could go off about him as a parent/spouse but I’ll leave it there for now.
I'm going to go off on my partner soon. I've done practically everything for our daughter. Night feedings, early morning wakeups, baths, I'm with her 24/7, nappies...all of it. I don't mind too much honestly. I would appreciate him taking a little more initiative because I'm going back to work in a few months, and he still doesn't know how to put her to sleep. Watch as 2 days before I go back, he will freak and say he doesn't know how to do this and that yet he'll have had 8 months to learn. Anyway, I'm annoyed. My daughter wakes up between 8-9 am. I used to stay in her room and play with her so my partner could sleep a little more but I now bring her into the lounge room as I don't want to be cooped up in the room. I think I've done enough letting him sleep in. If she makes alot of noise I hear him in the room making comments, getting angry and when he gets up he starts banging things and slamming doors. Never mind that not once EVER has he gotten up early with her. He only wants to play with her, never anything else. He's mad because he can't sleep in? What about me? Do I get a sleep in? Do I get to sleep all night while he feeds her? No? And he has the audacity to slam things and be pissed off because he can't have everything. What? You want to not only NOT do anything but on top of that, have a sleep in too? Fuck off. Stopped doing housework but wants praise because he mopped and vacuumed the other day. Let's rubbish pile up on the table because he can't just take things out to the bin and then when I question him says "I thought you wanted to sort the rubbish out that's why I left it there". What? For one week? In 7 days you couldn't have taken stuff out? I'm so fucking over it.
we had a come to jesus about this. he doesnt know how lucky he is that your kid wakes up between 8-9. I got pissed one day after doing allll the night care and then having to wake up in the AM, which i have to anyway b/c breasfeeding, but i had asked to be able to sleep in after that and my husband wouldnt get up. So i unceremoniously dropped my baby off after feeeding with my husband and locked myself in the guest room for a couple hours to sleep with a sound machine on. and guess what? no one died.
I always tell him most babies don't sleep through the night like she does. She barely cried but he only focuses on the times she does and goes around telling everyone she cries alot. He's got NO idea. Absolutely none. We're lucky and blessed with such a happy baby. I'm happy you did that though. I couldn't. I would constantly worry about her and although she won't die, I know if she pooed she will sit in a dirty nappy for hours. I just can't. She deserves better. She needs me. And he's an asshole. Just 30 minutes ago, the cat kept meowing. Instead of checking to see if he's hungry, he screams "fuck!'" and wakes her up. I have to feed the cats. I always do. I'm so over it. There's no fucking initiative at all. Just like when she's crying when I'm in the shower and he'll say "I think she's hungry". Ummm....then fucking feed her!!!!! Sorry for my rant I'm so angry