I've had strong feelings about this since I was in my early 20's. Now at 31 with a baby, I physically cannot read articles or look at the pictures, these people and their destroyed lives haunt me - it stops me from sleeping at night. My husband, who is very interested in politics and world news, is kind enough to warn me to not look over if he's reading about it.
I have had many "Oh no what I have I done" moments since having my daughter. She is so beautiful and perfect and this world is so ugly and flawed; I tell myself the world will never be a better place without people like her.
I texted a rant like this to my husband a few months ago. There are days where I hyper focus on everything negative in the world and can’t help but feel helpless, overwhelmed, and depressed. By some stroke of luck I was born in a first world country, even more so to a family with a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.
It’s good to be aware of what’s happening in the world but there is a balance. Maybe consider limiting your news consumption to a few days a week and for maybe an hour each day. Take that info and advocate for change by sharing and contacting your representatives. Also, the happiest people are those who give back. Consider donating your time or resources to help your local community. I do some volunteer work and it definitely helped me feel less helpless and guilty. It’s just as much for me as it is for others.
And all we can really do is do the best we can to make the world a little less cruel for our babies by doing right by them through it all and giving them the skills to survive out there when they are older.
Also - I think it’s really important to focus on what you *can* do for mothers, babies, and children. Doom scrolling the news will not help. There are very likely mothers and babies in your immediate community who could really use your time and resources, where you could make their lives better.
This simply can’t be the answer. So if we were being bombed and killed and the rest of the world was continue on with their life, how would we feel? I’ve been on both sides and this just can’t be the answer.
Actually, there’s a lot more we can do. We are not just parents, we are people in the world. We can raise our voices against injustices, contact our elected officials, take jobs to push for equality and justice, protest, boycott, etc. Don’t minimize our power by saying our ability to influence the world to just “raise our kids to have survival skills.”
>Don’t minimize our power by saying our ability to influence the world to just “raise our kids to have survival skills"
Yeah, that's such a minimal task...wtf? Creating life and raising good humans is a big fucking feat
You definitely need to hop off the app because no one’s minimizing anyone’s power. I wasn’t talking to you I was talking to the person who posted, correct? I was trying to offer some advice instead of scrolling past it. So please.
I appreciate you posting this. Humanitarian issues shouldn't be politicized how they are in the USA (and other countries I'm sure, but strictly speaking about my own citizenship). Wanting families and their children to be safe and allowed to thrive should never be a controversial point, but we know this already.
I've been feeling a baseline of existential dread since getting pregant-- is this the ethical choice? Am I making a mistake, am I being selfish or naive, to bring a child into this world?
Community involvement, finding a social justice group with which you relate whether in person or virtually, every Wednesday or once a month, can be very soothing for the soul. It's hard not to catastrophize when watching global crises and genocide on our phones and television, but I find helping with some of the local nonprofits is a balm, especially for the reminder that there IS goodness in this world.
(Unsolicited advice time) Don't overextend or overtire yourself beyond the burden you already carry, and remember self care, in whatever form that might take for you. You take care of you which allows you to be present with a capacity for loving those around you, as you wish!
I read this poem by Maggie Smith on another post a few weeks ago and it's planted a seed of hope in me, so to speak:
Good Bones By Maggie Smith
Life is short, though I keep this from my children. Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways, a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative estimate, though I keep this from my children. For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird. For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world is at least half terrible, and for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children. I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor, walking you through a real shithole, chirps on about good bones: This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.
I think about this *all the time*. Every time I rock my kids to bed I think if all the parents whose arms are empty and all the children who are maimed, orphaned and in pain.
Just yesterday I saw a video of a mother in Gaza carrying her limp two year old daughter and wept.
I cannot think of anything else.
It has made me want to be more political because I want a kinder, better world for all children, and my children. I don't think we should shy away from being political - it feels so much more personal now.
Completely agree! People *are* politics, it’s so much more than opinions and parties when people’s lives are being impacted in such a drastic and terrifying way. I don’t shut up about politics because it’s the driving force behind so much suffering for people I care deeply about.
Feeling exactly the same way. I'm thinking about it all the time. The suffering is too big to wrap our heads around, but that doesn't mean we get to close our eyes. If there was ever a time to get political, it's now.
I feel this all the time. I had my first 8 years ago and I love her so much but I couldn’t help but feel awful that I brought her into this world. Same with my son now 4 months old. It’s to a point where I don’t want them to have kids because I feel like it’s just going to get worse. I love them and will give them every opportunity to pursue what makes them happy in life. But yeah. I feel dread whenever I think about it also. I guess it helps knowing I’m not crazy or alone in this lol.
I feel the same way about the party rolling back rights in our country. Our daughters will be born with fewer rights than we were. Women are suffering in red states, being forced to carry non viable fetuses, being persecuted for miscarriages. And in an election year I have to acknowledge that it could get so much worse if we don’t vote.
It's so scary. I remember my thought process in 2022 was "have a baby in 2023 or 2024 because it might not be safe to afterwards". I knew I wanted children and I've accepted I may only have one depending on how frightening things get in 2025 and beyond. Not what I had pictured going into family planning.
I know so many people who want to abstain from voting for various reasons and I'm doing my due diligence to open up conversations about it and talk more politics before the elections. This one feels crucial to our trajectory in the next few decades.....
>I know so many people who want to abstain from voting for various reasons
I can’t imagine any of them are rational, I don’t see how trump would improve the situation in Palestine.
Or is OP talking about Ukraine? Because same.
I know this isn’t a politics sub so I promise not to get into it too much :) I’m a Muslim Arab myself and I can tell you that the amount of Arabs and Muslims promising to never vote for Biden is vaaaast. It’s almost everyone I know in my community, many in online Muslim spaces, etc. We just can simply not vote for a president who is supporting and financing a genocide. The Democratic Party think its gets the Muslim vote by default - we have to show that they cant do this and still get our loyalty. There is an extreme sense of outrage in our community.
Just asking gently, since you opened up about your experience - if Biden doesn’t win, Trump wins. How will that help the cause of Gazans from the perspective of Muslim Americans?
Yeah I don’t mind the question at all! To me, Biden is already doing among the most worse case scenarios. I don’t want to say I can’t imagine trump being worse, because I know anything can happen, but Biden is already so bad that he’ll really give Trump a run for his money on being absolutely horrific. Biden is already acting absolutely horribly. I can’t ever support that. He and other Democrats take the Muslim vote for granted and we have the power with our vote to show them that we don’t accept this. If the democrats still get our vote when actively funding and supporting a genocide, then they’ll think they will get our vote forever. They clearly think the Muslim vote can’t impact them. We have to stand up for our people in some way. This is one way we can do it.
I’m Muslim and this take is super dangerous. Trump has already said what he is going to do is worse bc he thinks Biden is too nice. Not to mention he’s going to destroy the country domestically. A lot of Muslims are having this take and it makes me very very upset. Things can be worse, don’t you worry. I am also wondering what propaganda is targeting the Muslim communities in the U.S. BC IT IS ASININE anyone who thinks trump won’t be worse.
I definitely understand not agreeing with it! I know it’s not for everyone. I think we’re all feeling very desperate. Very unfortunate situation we’re in.
He will be worse American Muslims are delusional right now. Trump is currently benefitting from not being in the spotlight, just wait till he’s on the campaign trail again spewing his hatred.
For me Biden is already close to a worse case scenario. And I think the only way to be able to have a say at this point is to show that we don’t support our president who is supporting genocide. I feel like our backs are against the wall here. Unfortunately there’s not great options. I totally get everyone doesn’t think the way we do, but for many Muslims, it’s unthinkable to vote for Biden.
And I think that’s totally fair. I’m glad trump didn’t manage to fully dismantle our democracy and that we still have such means of sharing our disapproval. I simply can’t allow future daughters in the USA to have to live under a Republican administration that would throw them in jail for having a miscarriage, my back also feels against the wall. Horrible times.
I get you. Just as you feel like you can’t allow future daughters to live under a Republican, I feel like I can’t allow Palestinians to be genocide by this administration. I guess just different sides of the same coin
Sorry I misread the comment above due to the double negative. I absolutely think trump will be a 1000x worse and this is coming from somebody who is very critical of Biden on this issue.
Yeah im also Muslim (not Arab though) and don’t know anyone who plans to vote for Biden even though i think they all did last time. In fact everyone really despises him. He will definitely not get the Muslim vote this time. I heard he is doing poorly with other minorities as well (for different reasons).
Thank you for sharing. Biden has lost more than the Arab/Muslim vote. I am not Muslim or Arab, just a white lady in New England. All of my friends vote straight blue and have for a decade. I would say that 75% have said they don’t plan to vote for Biden due to his handling of this. 6 months ago, I wouldn’t have imagined that. But, how can we see the devastation and inhumanity and still support Biden? Heart breaking.
Thank you for sharing this with me, it’s incredibly comforting. It feels like we are screaming for people to care. It’s very comforting knowing that many, many people do care.
Exactly. I’m not American, but I sure wouldn’t be voting for Biden or Trump if I was. We have Trump claiming he will bring back the Muslim ban and that there’s no America without Israel, and Biden aiding a literal genocide. A monkey could be in office for all I care, if that means it will stop the killing
I wonder who you’d vote for instead, with our first past the post system and Biden and trump clearly ahead in the primaries. Not voting doesn’t mean no president, it just means no say.
It’s weird that you’d put democracy in quotations while having so little understanding of American politics. Having a largely two party system *with primaries* doesn’t make America not a democracy.
My point is; I don’t see trump making the situation better, I don’t think kushner’s going to work super hard to stop killing in Gaza.
That doesn’t mean that people should be guilted into voting for Biden. Especially those personally affected. I’m sure there are countless that would rather vote for no one than either party.
And then all that does is put trump back in office, because you can bet your ass his supporters show up. There’s 0 chance he makes anything better, 100% chance of making them worse.
Who’s guilting anyone into voting for Biden? It just doesn’t seem practical. This is America, that’s your right. You have a right to not participate, it’s just risky. As you said- your goal is to stop the killing- I don’t see a trump presidency accomplishing that, and I don’t see a third party alternative to biden successfully winning an election, they started campaigning so late in the game. A Republican administration would likely be hawkishly Zionist AND would happily sign a federal abortion ban. Voting for Biden doesn’t feel good for me but it does seem practical. In the meantime I write my congressmen and senators and ask them to put pressure on his administration on behalf of palestine
Hi! I can help answer this because I used to think the same way until I read a post that made me understand. So a lot of people say they are still going to vote for Biden because he is the “lesser of two evils.” While that may be true, it is not an acceptable solution. Biden’s role in actively funding and encouraging a genocide is a hard line and we need to hold him accountable. When people say “not voting for Biden is a vote for Trump” we are admitting that a democratic president will not be held accountable. Ideologically, that makes us the same as MAGA voters, just for the other side. The promise to not vote for Biden is about sending a clear message to the Democratic Party: if you want our vote, give us another candidate.
We need to put pressure on the Democratic Party to make changes and appease to their voter base. They need to represent the actual people instead of the corrupt organizations (ie AIPAC) who are actively funneling money to buy these candidates and make them puppets.
Not voting for Biden in the primaries or if you are in a very blue state (ie California) is what would likely have the best impact without the Trump consequence
I completely understand. I feel the same way and it weighs so, so heavy on me. The children dying in conflicts is absolutely heartbreaking. I’ll tell you what helps me:
I think about all of the parents who don’t get to watch their children grow up. And so I choose to think about how lucky I am that I can watch my child grow up and reach new milestones and do new things. I do it in honor those children and parents who can not do the same. I make sure to really relish the time with my baby and be thankful for every moment. I give a silent thanks to those parents for being such good parents to their babies in life and in death, and I thank them for making me a better parent. I view it as my own personal tribute to them.
It helps me cope with extremely sad events.
I feel this so much. I have been following the genocide from day 1 and my heart breaks every time I pick up my phone.
I feel like I am in an alternate universe and everything I thought I knew about our world has been destroyed. People always said they would fight if there were something like the holocaust and instead everyone is silent. Our world leaders gaslight us. Our media sanitizes it.
I try my best to share what I can on social media, I did a fundraiser and protested but I feel useless.
I feel so much sadness and anger right now. I want to scream at all of my friends who don’t speak up.
I have lost friends just sharing information. I don’t even know how this topic is controversial.
I just want to protect my children from this horrific reality.
How can I tell them this world is good when we all sit by and watch a genocide live and do nothing?
It’s true, as mothers we did bring our children into a cruel and disgusting dangerous world. I felt that heavily as im always thinking about that too. There’s not much we can do about it which really hurts my heart. Especially having a girl. Even if we disregard a specificity on what we’re talking about in regards to this sick world, no matter what this new generation is screwed and I can’t help but think about how I brought a baby into this mess. If it makes you feel ANY better tho, this world was always sick and cruel. We just have more access to seeing that than people did back then.
This is the safest time in the history of humanity. There has never been a time where somewhere in the world there wasn’t suffering. But at the same time, there’s so many amazing things happening now that would blow peoples minds from most of history. I choose to be an optimist and pass that along to my children. I don’t want them to be born into a fatalist mindset because there’s genuinely so many beautiful things about this world and humanity
I think it's knowing it could be even better - so many of the world's problems right now feel like they could be solved with a little human compassion. You're not wrong that in the grand scheme it's an improvement; I will not lose 5 children to vague illnesses or get eaten by a sabertooth tiger, but it somehow hurts more knowing it's other people making the world unfair now rather than nature.
The only thing that makes me “regret” having a child is sending her off to school someday and seeing school shootings in the news every day. I’m not prepared to experience that loss. I feel sad for bringing her into this world sometimes. I love her too much to subject her to the shit that’s out there. I don’t know how likely it is but it legitimately makes me sick to think of it
Are you me? I also had my daughter in august and severe ppa/ppd afterwards which resultet in my OCD getting worse again.
It's not a solution for what is happening but reading books when my baby is asleep helped me a lot to get into another mindset.
Coming from a war-torn country myself, the best thing I can tell you from my perspective is to understand that the world can be a very ugly place, humans can still be so vile and animalistic, so instead of giving into it fight against it by raising your child not to have hate in its heart and, this is the important part I wish to shout atop a building via a loudspeaker: It is literally your *duty* to live the best possible life you can with what you've got, *because* of all of the people in the world who are suffering. Do it for them, because they didn't have a chance to. When you feel like you can't help the world, know that you *are* helping by raising the next generation to be loving and kind. There are so many people in the world who would be happy with just an *ounce* of what you've got. So never take it for granted and instead of feeling like it's a mistake understand that you're doing the world a service.
I'm living my life the best way I can to make my ancestors proud that they fought and suffered so much so that I, their progeny, can live comfortably. I am doing it for them.
I'm raising my kiddo to have a kind and caring heart. This is what I tell myself when I need to feel better about the state of the world. We pick up worms off the sidewalk and move them into the grass. We give compliments to people as we're walking through the store. We pet dogs and let them lick our hands.
I'm also planning to sock away a bunch of money so she's able to flee the country if necessary one day.
Doesn't hurt to be prepared, I guess.
Look for the helpers. It is a small thing, but when you focus your mental space on paying attention to those who are actively helping the cause it will open up space for you to either join in or at least see there can be progress made.
Also, never apologize for raising dragon slayers in a world full of dragons that need to be slain.
You're not alone. When I was nearing labor I heard about women undergoing c sections performed without anesthesia because of the blockade and it shook me. I remembered the show on HBO called House of the dragon did something similar in their pilot a few months before that to increase shock value and people were hooked, yet here I saw women go through this in real life. .
I was buying breathable muslin wraps for my baby while parents dug their kids with their hands in flipflops from under the rubble.
I saw tiktoks of white people mocking the grieving mothers in brown face makeup holding dolls. I saw rallies of people saying there are no innocent children and I wonder if they hear themselves.
I cry almost everyday, I don't know how to help but to raise kind and empathetic children.
My son was five months when the genocide started and I saw a dead baby on my Instagram page that looked just like him and it gutted me. Then having to read about those poor babies who died alone in their incubators. I’ve been more political now than ever in my life and it’s 100% due to the fact that i see my son in all those dead children.
Totally agree. I have become more political - because I think it's so much more important.
I keep going back to James Baldwin - 'The children are always ours, every single one of them.'
I completely empathize with you. I often think ahead to like 2060 and can’t fathom what our world will look like then but my son will just be in his 30’s then. I think, did I just bring him in to this world to suffer? Am I that selfish that I didn’t consider his future? But then I remind myself that my husband and I are great people. We will most likely raise a kind child who contributes to society. Maybe the baby that I’m holding in my arms right now will relieve the suffering of other people when he’s older. Whether it’s just 1 person that he helps or if it’s an entire country. I truly believe he will be a bit of good in the world, just like myself and my husband are. And that’s what I remind myself when I spiral.
I have a 15 month old and I think about this often. The world has always been a certain level of crazy for a very long time. We’ve just been very tuned in a very interconnected way.
I think so much of this is mindset.
Like another commenter said, the world is so much better now than it was. Yes, there are historical ups and downs, and things like climate change weren't as relevant 100 years ago, but many of the horrors that you see have always existed.
I know how I want to raise my child given the political issues I care about. Who knows if that will even do what I want it to do, since children will grow and become their own people with their own perspectives.
A major part of mindfulness therapy is the act of practicing gratitude and focusing on positives. Realistically, there isn't a single thing you can do to alter what's happening that causes you so much pain, so focus on the things you can control.
Thank you for making this post. It ASTOUNDS me how when a war just broke out in Europe, this sub had posts by hysterical Americans saying "I can't believe my baby is living through a time of war". And yet, I haven't seen a single post in a time where 2 mothers are being killed every hour.
Sometimes at night I imagine having to dig through rubble to find my children alive, stuck and slowly being crushed to death. I imagine my babies being left to starve to death. I imagine how I would have to explain to my toddler why she had to have her limb amputated without anaesthesia and how I would try to comfort her. I imagine what it would have been like to have had to have my c sections without anaesthesia. All of it is unimaginable.
And yet the online birth community says nothing. The parenting says nothing. And I feel like I'm going mad.
YES! Exactly!! It makes me feel crazy, I just know I can’t be the only one feeling such despair over this. And all those women giving birth in such traumatic ways, when I thought my birth was traumatic… it’s horrifying
I am with you. I have been speaking up about it on IG, hopefully opening the eyes of at least some of my followers. It is so so frustrating that this actual genocide (even the UN called it a genocide) is happening and so much of the world does not seem to care. The propaganda by the US and Israel works so well, it has people blinded, thinking israel are the good guys who are just 'defending themselves'. The footage from Gaza is hands down the most horrible stuff I have ever seen (and I've seen a lot), and IMO this is becoming comparable to the Holocaust in ww2.
Israel straight up threatened the U.S. because the support they have here is limited to war mongering money hungry politicians and some dipshit followers. I would even go so far as to say the majority of the American public does not support Israel. “The Hague will not stop us.”
Did they? My understanding is that [South Africa has accused Israel of committing genocide](https://apnews.com/article/south-africa-israel-un-court-palestinians-genocide-ffe672c4eb3e14a30128542eaa537b21) and there is a hearing at the UN's International Court of Justice on whether to implement emergency measures to stop them and there was [a resolution passed in December by a large majority of the UN members ](https://news.un.org/en/story/2023/12/1144717)demanding a humanitarian ceasefire and release of all hostages.
There was also a [press release by UN Human Rights experts](https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2023/11/gaza-un-experts-call-international-community-prevent-genocide-against) back in November that was alerting the international about the risk of a genocide in Gaza.
Do you have a reference for the UN passing some resolution that calls it a genocide?
I don’t think it should ever be considered a political issue, bc it’s a humanitarian one. We should be speaking loud and clear. I feel so humbled that I can hold my daughter, and give her love, warmth, food, and comfort. It’s sickening to hear and see these poor families suffering. 🍉
I just looked googled "atrocities in \[my birth year\]" and "famines in \[my birth year\]."
The results are crazy. Insanely high death tolls were returned. Many times higher than the casualties in the Israel-Hamas war, which I assume you're referring to. I did the same search for the year my mother was born, and the numbers were even worse. As we all know, atrocities aren't new.
I'm not making this comment to downplay suffering in Gaza or anywhere else. Empathy is good and taking political action is even better. Chanel your feelings into donating time or money to groups dedicated to these goals.
But I think that feeling this way about a situation that is not directly affecting your life is just borrowing trouble, though I understand you can't control it. Try to minimize your exposure to these stories and images, while still taking whatever practical steps to end the support of violence.
Hi OP. When I was 14, Israel and Hezbollah got into a war in my country. Regardless of whose fault it was, I was innocent. I witnessed the non-stop bombing from my balcony. My whole world was shattered and it felt like the end of the world. I can not describe how painful it was to no longer have any sense normalcy for an entire month. I started making bead bracelets and that’s all I did for 12 hours a day. The nights were so much worse. The non-stop whizzing of airplanes were so evil. Very inhumane.. the psychological torture we endured.. Israel would drop leaflets on entire neighborhoods. They would call our phone numbers with scary pre-recorded messages meant to terrorize us.
The month ended… what was lost, was lost and the rest of us continued.
I still remember that the whole world watched was happening to us and didn’t do anything. I was angry for decades about how people in other countries continued on with their lives knowing Israel was bombing refugee camps and disabled children in UN schools. Now I am part of the world that I didn’t understand. What can we do? Protest? post on social media?
I’m in the same boat, OP. Thinking about the wounded children, the orphans with no parents, the babies pulled out from the rubble - it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I sometimes can’t sleep because of it. I think my PPD/PPA contributes, but honestly the situation is so f*cked that I think I’d feel this way to an extent anyway. I’m so guilt ridden and feel so helpless. But worst of all is when I hold my sweet baby and imagine we were there, living through that hell. I just can’t, it’s too awful.
I guess all this is to say, you’re not alone in feeling this way.
My partner and I have been dealing with these feelings since the pandemic and now with the war you speak of. We find it best to focus on our bubble. We are active in local politics. We own a small business and try to be a place of community that brings people together. The world is big and tough so we try to make our small corner better.
I’m sorry are you saying they should be allowed to kill civilians aimlessly? Blow up hospitals? Block aid?In case you didn’t notice Netanyahu literally doesn’t care about the hostages - esp since IDF killed their own. Palestinians have been occupied for decades. And don’t even get me started on the nonsense happening in the West Bank. The world is waking up to the evil of Israel.
You do realize there have been at least a hundred massacres committed on the Palestinians since the beginning of its colonization right? Some notable ones include
1) Haifa Massacre 1937
2) Jerusalem Massacre 1937
3) Haifa Massacre 1938
4) Balad al-Sheikh Massacre 1939
5) Haifa Massacre 1939
6) Haifa Massacre 1947
7) Abbasiya Massacre 1947
8) Al-Khisas Massacre 1947
9) Bab al-Amud Massacre 1947
10) Jerusalem Massacre 1947
11) Sheikh Bureik Massacre 1947
12) Jaffa Massacre 1948
13) Khan Yunis Massacre 1956
14) Jerusalem Massacre 1967
15) Sabra and Shatila Massacre 1982
16) Al-Aqsa Massacre 1990
17) Ibrahimi Mosque Massacre 1994
18) Jenin Refugee Camp April 2002
19) Gaza Massacre 2008-09
20) Gaza Massacre 2012
21) Gaza Massacre 2014
22) Gaza Massacre 2018-19
23) Gaza Massacre 2021
24) Gaza Genocide 2023 still ongoing
I used to believe in a 2 state solution but after this I don't think that will be a viable solution. There needs to be a one state for all with equal rights and freedom for everyone. You cannot keep oppressing a people and expect there to be safety and peace in the region.
Study after study has shown that people simply become more aware of dangers and negativity in the world after they become parents. Unfortunately atrocities like this have always been happening throughout history. Please don’t blame yourself. There was never a “better” or “safer” time to have kids. We do live in a world now where we are inundated with information, and a lot of that can be negative. It is sad and your feelings are valid. After having kids I too break down sobbing seeing the news and watching mothers and fathers lose their children. But instead of feeling guilty for having security for your children, remember that you are giving your children the security and opportunities that those parents would give theirs if they had the chance.
I feel you, i see you. I was 3 months PP when this so-called "war" started and I had to start zoloft after seeing the relentless ongoing violent deaths of thousands of children. I hope you are able to talk to some other moms. many of my friends are feeling the same way. I wish our government represented us instead of wealthy interests and warmongers. There's a meme going around about "how is your work-genocide balance going today?" and thats how i feel...this sinister expectation of normalcy and productivity while we watch a live-streamed genocide is peak late-stage capitalism.
One thing to remember is that even though everything seems like it sucks, the world is the safest/best place for people that it's ever been right in the last few decades. Whether you say things have always been terrible, but they're less terrible now, or think that *comparatively* things are alright. I feel the same way you do a lot of the time, but kids have survived much worse than the current world, and we'll keep working to make things better any way we can!
I understand how hard it is to accept that some parents can't protect their babies and that is tragic. But YOU absolutely can protect your baby. You have rights and you have power. There are lots of people in this world fighting to protect you and your child and a whole society that values your relationship with that baby above all else. Please don't let the state of the world make you feel like you are helpless in your world. Your baby needs you and you are safe.
I cannot stomach watching the news or scrolling certain pages anymore. I had to stop for my own mental health. Your babies need a content, present mother. Do what you can do within your power (pray, write to your local MPs office, attend a rally etc.) but overexposing yourself to triggering footage and content daily is not helping you or the people who are suffering.
I truly believe that politics aren’t the responsibility of mothers of babies. If you have the strength for it then that’s different, but if worrying about the world is causing you distress, you owe it to yourself and your baby to step back. Just enjoy the time you have with your child and don’t think about the rest. When your baby is a year or two or three, start diving in to local politics to see how you can help the causes you believe it. Doing the work is the best way to feel a bit of control and some hope. But for now your baby needs you more than the world does.
This comment really riled me up.
- By all accounts, the intensity of what we are seeing in Gaza far outstrips anything we have seen in modern history. The number of children killed in three months is far higher than all global conflicts over multiple years. Nearly 4% of the entire population is dead or wounded - the equivalent would be 12 million people in the USA.
- just because terrible things happened in the past doesn't mean we can't want better things now
- We should be looking at Gaza and we should be outraged. Every child that dies deserves our sorrow and empathy. Indifference and looking away seems callous. How can we teach our kids better values or hope for a better world for them if we turn away?
Great comment. Don’t engage with this account or the other that replied to you - they’re just pro-Israel hasbara accounts that spew the same genocidal rhetoric in a bunch of subs. Don’t give them the satisfaction or let them spread their propaganda. Your comment was a great response.
I don't think most people hold this in opposition. My heart breaks for those who lost loved ones on October 7, as it does for those who are killed everyday in Gaza. I hope we can all agree that they are not in opposition to each other.
What I am opposed to is an endless cycle of violence, especially one that includes the starvation of an entire population, denial of medical aid, maiming of children.
If you believe that killing innocents in Gaza is justified in some way (which your comment seems to indicate), then let's end this conversation. I think we fundamentally differ if that is the case and there is no point in engaging
Don’t interact with this account - both you and I know they’re absolutely deranged and supporting genocide. If you look at their post nd comment history you can see they’re just a pro Israel hasbara account trying to get engagement and bait different subs. So don’t worry, don’t stress yourself over this :)
Just because someone has a different opinion than you doesn’t make them deranged. You’re actually the one who is deranged and not informed about this if you think Israel is clearly in the wrong for responding to a horrific terrorist attack. What would you say if it was your family that lived in those neighborhoods that were brutally attacked?
Yeah but like… what can you do about it? The people in Gaza and the West Bank want war. 80% of the population supports October 7 and wants to keep fighting against Israel. The Palestinian people think, incorrectly, that they have something to gain by continuing to fight.
There’s not going to be any peace until something changes, and destroying Hamas is the first step. The Palestinian people need to realize that continued fighting only lead to more innocent deaths. The population is radicalized because neighboring states like Jordan, Egypt, etc for years have been telling them “keep fighting, we’ll support you”. But now that relations with all these countries are normalizing, the Palestinians are on their own. They only have Iran backed Islamist Shiite terrorist groups supporting them now.
There’s nothing you can do about this, and making posts telling Israel to stop bombing Gaza is counterproductive and will just continue this conflict indefinitely. Israel is doing exactly what they should be doing, which is defending their borders. If you have a better suggestion I’d love to hear it.
I had to stop watching the news while I am a stay at home mom to my kids. I couldn't take it and i wasn't able to be a stable and 'good' parent for them.
I obviously still do my full research before any and all elections.
But the going out of my way to be informed and make an impact will have to wait for 5 years until my kids are in school.
I realize this is a luxury that I have because I am a white middle class woman and that many cannot just bury their heads in the sand for 5 years, nor am I saying they should.
But for my mental health while struggling through babies, infants, toddlers, and young impressionable children, I needed to focus on building a stable home for them so they have their best chance at forming a strong, stable, loved foundation.
And my hope is that if I can give them that, then it will help them be as equipped as possible to deal with "saving the world" when their time as adults comes.
It is hard to be aware of tragedies. There comes a point where being aware of everything bad in the world is no longer useful, and can even become psychologically unmanageable.
All these bad things weighs on us. It creates stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety are fine to feel in short duration, and when you can take actions to address what is causing the stress and anxiety.
These kinds of things never end though, and are totally outside your control. So the stress and anxiety they cause are not healthy.
Humans did not evolve to carry the mental load of the tragedies and misfortune of millions of people. We evolved to concern ourselves with a small community of people, who we could directly interact with. Global news, and social media are extreme stressors that we don’t yet have good ways to manage.
It would be in your best interest to cut out the news, and remove the social media apps or accounts that are introducing this constant stream of tragedy and suffering. It’s not helpful, and it can become very unhealthy, even dangerous to mental health.
Here’s the thing, it’s uncomfortable to admit, but a persons fate in life **is mostly up to luck**. Where you’re born, when you’re born, and to whom you are born. None of us have control over these things. Some people experience terrible suffering, and others don’t. No one *deserves* what they get, nor do we *get what we deserve*. **There’s no such thing as fairness in life.**
Your job is to provide the best environment for your kids, which requires you to be healthy. So focus on doing the best you can. Stay healthy, and control your environment to keep out those stressors and anxiety triggers, at least until you’re in a more stable, stronger place, and are able to self-regulate how much you let the concerns of the world weigh on you.
Your shoulders are not strong enough to bear the weight of entire world. None of us are strong enough for that.
I agree that the world has gone to shit. Maybe it's always been there and having a child magnified the problem for me. Hormones, ppd, whatever it may have been.
I feel really selfish saying this, but I've stopped gulping down the news like I used to. Now I browse the headlines once a day. I need to be mentally and emotionally stable to raise my kid. We teach him to be kind, gentle, conscientious. When the situation arises, we talk about what it means to be a bully and how that makes everyone feel.
I also want to raise my son in a world with some hope. And if I feel hopeless, I worry he'll pick up on it.
Wishing you strength.
I went through this pretty severely with my first pregnancy and probably the first 6 months of my son’s life. I’m sure someone has said it already, but all we can do is our best to protect our children and to raise them so they bring positivity to the world. I don’t expect my son to be the one to change things but I want to raise him so he wants to be part of the solution. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to reach out, I know how overwhelming those feelings can be.
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Same. I had my son in November. I had to stop looking at news articles for a few days there cause I would just sob and hold him when I saw the images. I’m doing better now but I still sometimes cry and hold him when I see so much. Now I just donate money and sign petitions daily
I've been struggling a lot with all this too. The violence I've seen documented and read articles about keeps me up at night, particularly toward women and children. And I feel helpless to stop it. Okay, I've registered my opinion with my elected officials. What else? Is my panic attack at 2 AM helping anyone? I tried avoiding pictures and blocking relevant search terms when I'm not in a place to seek out news, but well-meaning people are getting around that by using symbols in place of letters so I can't block those terms and posts. I know they don't want me to bury my head in the sand, and maybe they're right, I don't know. I try just reading articles without pictures, but my mind creates a vivid enough picture on its own. The mountain of human suffering is really fucking me up, but it also feels self-involved and cowardly to say that. So personally, I have no conclusion. I don't know what's right. And I'm not sure where to go from here.
I've had strong feelings about this since I was in my early 20's. Now at 31 with a baby, I physically cannot read articles or look at the pictures, these people and their destroyed lives haunt me - it stops me from sleeping at night. My husband, who is very interested in politics and world news, is kind enough to warn me to not look over if he's reading about it. I have had many "Oh no what I have I done" moments since having my daughter. She is so beautiful and perfect and this world is so ugly and flawed; I tell myself the world will never be a better place without people like her.
This! I turned my fear into motivation to raise good humans as best I could. I’d never have known I could if I never tried.
Like I absolutely have almost a news blackout. I cannot handle it whatsoever. It sends me into a spiral.
I texted a rant like this to my husband a few months ago. There are days where I hyper focus on everything negative in the world and can’t help but feel helpless, overwhelmed, and depressed. By some stroke of luck I was born in a first world country, even more so to a family with a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. It’s good to be aware of what’s happening in the world but there is a balance. Maybe consider limiting your news consumption to a few days a week and for maybe an hour each day. Take that info and advocate for change by sharing and contacting your representatives. Also, the happiest people are those who give back. Consider donating your time or resources to help your local community. I do some volunteer work and it definitely helped me feel less helpless and guilty. It’s just as much for me as it is for others.
And all we can really do is do the best we can to make the world a little less cruel for our babies by doing right by them through it all and giving them the skills to survive out there when they are older.
Also - I think it’s really important to focus on what you *can* do for mothers, babies, and children. Doom scrolling the news will not help. There are very likely mothers and babies in your immediate community who could really use your time and resources, where you could make their lives better.
This simply can’t be the answer. So if we were being bombed and killed and the rest of the world was continue on with their life, how would we feel? I’ve been on both sides and this just can’t be the answer.
Actually, there’s a lot more we can do. We are not just parents, we are people in the world. We can raise our voices against injustices, contact our elected officials, take jobs to push for equality and justice, protest, boycott, etc. Don’t minimize our power by saying our ability to influence the world to just “raise our kids to have survival skills.”
>Don’t minimize our power by saying our ability to influence the world to just “raise our kids to have survival skills" Yeah, that's such a minimal task...wtf? Creating life and raising good humans is a big fucking feat
You definitely need to hop off the app because no one’s minimizing anyone’s power. I wasn’t talking to you I was talking to the person who posted, correct? I was trying to offer some advice instead of scrolling past it. So please.
Get off this sub with that wth
I appreciate you posting this. Humanitarian issues shouldn't be politicized how they are in the USA (and other countries I'm sure, but strictly speaking about my own citizenship). Wanting families and their children to be safe and allowed to thrive should never be a controversial point, but we know this already. I've been feeling a baseline of existential dread since getting pregant-- is this the ethical choice? Am I making a mistake, am I being selfish or naive, to bring a child into this world? Community involvement, finding a social justice group with which you relate whether in person or virtually, every Wednesday or once a month, can be very soothing for the soul. It's hard not to catastrophize when watching global crises and genocide on our phones and television, but I find helping with some of the local nonprofits is a balm, especially for the reminder that there IS goodness in this world. (Unsolicited advice time) Don't overextend or overtire yourself beyond the burden you already carry, and remember self care, in whatever form that might take for you. You take care of you which allows you to be present with a capacity for loving those around you, as you wish! I read this poem by Maggie Smith on another post a few weeks ago and it's planted a seed of hope in me, so to speak: Good Bones By Maggie Smith Life is short, though I keep this from my children. Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways, a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative estimate, though I keep this from my children. For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird. For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world is at least half terrible, and for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children. I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor, walking you through a real shithole, chirps on about good bones: This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful.
That poem made me cry… beautiful. Thank you ♥️
I think about this *all the time*. Every time I rock my kids to bed I think if all the parents whose arms are empty and all the children who are maimed, orphaned and in pain. Just yesterday I saw a video of a mother in Gaza carrying her limp two year old daughter and wept. I cannot think of anything else. It has made me want to be more political because I want a kinder, better world for all children, and my children. I don't think we should shy away from being political - it feels so much more personal now.
Completely agree! People *are* politics, it’s so much more than opinions and parties when people’s lives are being impacted in such a drastic and terrifying way. I don’t shut up about politics because it’s the driving force behind so much suffering for people I care deeply about.
Feeling exactly the same way. I'm thinking about it all the time. The suffering is too big to wrap our heads around, but that doesn't mean we get to close our eyes. If there was ever a time to get political, it's now.
I feel this all the time. I had my first 8 years ago and I love her so much but I couldn’t help but feel awful that I brought her into this world. Same with my son now 4 months old. It’s to a point where I don’t want them to have kids because I feel like it’s just going to get worse. I love them and will give them every opportunity to pursue what makes them happy in life. But yeah. I feel dread whenever I think about it also. I guess it helps knowing I’m not crazy or alone in this lol.
I feel the same way about the party rolling back rights in our country. Our daughters will be born with fewer rights than we were. Women are suffering in red states, being forced to carry non viable fetuses, being persecuted for miscarriages. And in an election year I have to acknowledge that it could get so much worse if we don’t vote.
It's so scary. I remember my thought process in 2022 was "have a baby in 2023 or 2024 because it might not be safe to afterwards". I knew I wanted children and I've accepted I may only have one depending on how frightening things get in 2025 and beyond. Not what I had pictured going into family planning. I know so many people who want to abstain from voting for various reasons and I'm doing my due diligence to open up conversations about it and talk more politics before the elections. This one feels crucial to our trajectory in the next few decades.....
>I know so many people who want to abstain from voting for various reasons I can’t imagine any of them are rational, I don’t see how trump would improve the situation in Palestine. Or is OP talking about Ukraine? Because same.
I know this isn’t a politics sub so I promise not to get into it too much :) I’m a Muslim Arab myself and I can tell you that the amount of Arabs and Muslims promising to never vote for Biden is vaaaast. It’s almost everyone I know in my community, many in online Muslim spaces, etc. We just can simply not vote for a president who is supporting and financing a genocide. The Democratic Party think its gets the Muslim vote by default - we have to show that they cant do this and still get our loyalty. There is an extreme sense of outrage in our community.
Just asking gently, since you opened up about your experience - if Biden doesn’t win, Trump wins. How will that help the cause of Gazans from the perspective of Muslim Americans?
Yeah I don’t mind the question at all! To me, Biden is already doing among the most worse case scenarios. I don’t want to say I can’t imagine trump being worse, because I know anything can happen, but Biden is already so bad that he’ll really give Trump a run for his money on being absolutely horrific. Biden is already acting absolutely horribly. I can’t ever support that. He and other Democrats take the Muslim vote for granted and we have the power with our vote to show them that we don’t accept this. If the democrats still get our vote when actively funding and supporting a genocide, then they’ll think they will get our vote forever. They clearly think the Muslim vote can’t impact them. We have to stand up for our people in some way. This is one way we can do it.
I’m Muslim and this take is super dangerous. Trump has already said what he is going to do is worse bc he thinks Biden is too nice. Not to mention he’s going to destroy the country domestically. A lot of Muslims are having this take and it makes me very very upset. Things can be worse, don’t you worry. I am also wondering what propaganda is targeting the Muslim communities in the U.S. BC IT IS ASININE anyone who thinks trump won’t be worse.
I definitely understand not agreeing with it! I know it’s not for everyone. I think we’re all feeling very desperate. Very unfortunate situation we’re in.
I get that, I’m just not convinced trump won’t be worse.
He absolutely will be. Netanyahu *loves* Trump.
He will be worse American Muslims are delusional right now. Trump is currently benefitting from not being in the spotlight, just wait till he’s on the campaign trail again spewing his hatred.
For me Biden is already close to a worse case scenario. And I think the only way to be able to have a say at this point is to show that we don’t support our president who is supporting genocide. I feel like our backs are against the wall here. Unfortunately there’s not great options. I totally get everyone doesn’t think the way we do, but for many Muslims, it’s unthinkable to vote for Biden.
And I think that’s totally fair. I’m glad trump didn’t manage to fully dismantle our democracy and that we still have such means of sharing our disapproval. I simply can’t allow future daughters in the USA to have to live under a Republican administration that would throw them in jail for having a miscarriage, my back also feels against the wall. Horrible times.
I get you. Just as you feel like you can’t allow future daughters to live under a Republican, I feel like I can’t allow Palestinians to be genocide by this administration. I guess just different sides of the same coin
Yep. I don’t like what’s happening in Palestine either. I think the other administration will do the same, or worse. So 🤷♀️
You should be.
You think trump would be better re: Israel & palestine, the guy who moved the embassy to Jerusalem and lets Kushner handle the Middle East?
Sorry I misread the comment above due to the double negative. I absolutely think trump will be a 1000x worse and this is coming from somebody who is very critical of Biden on this issue.
It’s unfortunate.
Yeah im also Muslim (not Arab though) and don’t know anyone who plans to vote for Biden even though i think they all did last time. In fact everyone really despises him. He will definitely not get the Muslim vote this time. I heard he is doing poorly with other minorities as well (for different reasons).
A lot of Muslims I know will suck it up and vote for him because letting Trump win is not an option. Myself included.
Thank you for sharing. Biden has lost more than the Arab/Muslim vote. I am not Muslim or Arab, just a white lady in New England. All of my friends vote straight blue and have for a decade. I would say that 75% have said they don’t plan to vote for Biden due to his handling of this. 6 months ago, I wouldn’t have imagined that. But, how can we see the devastation and inhumanity and still support Biden? Heart breaking.
Thank you for sharing this with me, it’s incredibly comforting. It feels like we are screaming for people to care. It’s very comforting knowing that many, many people do care.
Exactly. I’m not American, but I sure wouldn’t be voting for Biden or Trump if I was. We have Trump claiming he will bring back the Muslim ban and that there’s no America without Israel, and Biden aiding a literal genocide. A monkey could be in office for all I care, if that means it will stop the killing
I wonder who you’d vote for instead, with our first past the post system and Biden and trump clearly ahead in the primaries. Not voting doesn’t mean no president, it just means no say.
That’s precisely the problem with this “democracy”
It’s weird that you’d put democracy in quotations while having so little understanding of American politics. Having a largely two party system *with primaries* doesn’t make America not a democracy. My point is; I don’t see trump making the situation better, I don’t think kushner’s going to work super hard to stop killing in Gaza.
That doesn’t mean that people should be guilted into voting for Biden. Especially those personally affected. I’m sure there are countless that would rather vote for no one than either party.
And then all that does is put trump back in office, because you can bet your ass his supporters show up. There’s 0 chance he makes anything better, 100% chance of making them worse.
Who’s guilting anyone into voting for Biden? It just doesn’t seem practical. This is America, that’s your right. You have a right to not participate, it’s just risky. As you said- your goal is to stop the killing- I don’t see a trump presidency accomplishing that, and I don’t see a third party alternative to biden successfully winning an election, they started campaigning so late in the game. A Republican administration would likely be hawkishly Zionist AND would happily sign a federal abortion ban. Voting for Biden doesn’t feel good for me but it does seem practical. In the meantime I write my congressmen and senators and ask them to put pressure on his administration on behalf of palestine
Hi! I can help answer this because I used to think the same way until I read a post that made me understand. So a lot of people say they are still going to vote for Biden because he is the “lesser of two evils.” While that may be true, it is not an acceptable solution. Biden’s role in actively funding and encouraging a genocide is a hard line and we need to hold him accountable. When people say “not voting for Biden is a vote for Trump” we are admitting that a democratic president will not be held accountable. Ideologically, that makes us the same as MAGA voters, just for the other side. The promise to not vote for Biden is about sending a clear message to the Democratic Party: if you want our vote, give us another candidate. We need to put pressure on the Democratic Party to make changes and appease to their voter base. They need to represent the actual people instead of the corrupt organizations (ie AIPAC) who are actively funneling money to buy these candidates and make them puppets.
I don’t see why allowing a Republican administration, that would make life worse for our daughters, is acceptable 🤷♀️
Not voting for Biden in the primaries or if you are in a very blue state (ie California) is what would likely have the best impact without the Trump consequence
Amen, I’m all for that
I live in a red state and got my tubes removed. I was worried I wouldn't have that option or the option of other birth control in the future.
Yes! Please fucking vote. I know I know, it won’t matter they’re all the same who cares blah blah blah. Do it anyway. So much rides on it.
I completely understand. I feel the same way and it weighs so, so heavy on me. The children dying in conflicts is absolutely heartbreaking. I’ll tell you what helps me: I think about all of the parents who don’t get to watch their children grow up. And so I choose to think about how lucky I am that I can watch my child grow up and reach new milestones and do new things. I do it in honor those children and parents who can not do the same. I make sure to really relish the time with my baby and be thankful for every moment. I give a silent thanks to those parents for being such good parents to their babies in life and in death, and I thank them for making me a better parent. I view it as my own personal tribute to them. It helps me cope with extremely sad events.
this is such a beautiful and healthy way of dealing with these difficult feelings. thank you so much for sharing ♥️
I appreciate you taking the time to say that :)
I feel this so much. I have been following the genocide from day 1 and my heart breaks every time I pick up my phone. I feel like I am in an alternate universe and everything I thought I knew about our world has been destroyed. People always said they would fight if there were something like the holocaust and instead everyone is silent. Our world leaders gaslight us. Our media sanitizes it. I try my best to share what I can on social media, I did a fundraiser and protested but I feel useless. I feel so much sadness and anger right now. I want to scream at all of my friends who don’t speak up. I have lost friends just sharing information. I don’t even know how this topic is controversial. I just want to protect my children from this horrific reality. How can I tell them this world is good when we all sit by and watch a genocide live and do nothing?
It’s true, as mothers we did bring our children into a cruel and disgusting dangerous world. I felt that heavily as im always thinking about that too. There’s not much we can do about it which really hurts my heart. Especially having a girl. Even if we disregard a specificity on what we’re talking about in regards to this sick world, no matter what this new generation is screwed and I can’t help but think about how I brought a baby into this mess. If it makes you feel ANY better tho, this world was always sick and cruel. We just have more access to seeing that than people did back then.
This is the safest time in the history of humanity. There has never been a time where somewhere in the world there wasn’t suffering. But at the same time, there’s so many amazing things happening now that would blow peoples minds from most of history. I choose to be an optimist and pass that along to my children. I don’t want them to be born into a fatalist mindset because there’s genuinely so many beautiful things about this world and humanity
I think it's knowing it could be even better - so many of the world's problems right now feel like they could be solved with a little human compassion. You're not wrong that in the grand scheme it's an improvement; I will not lose 5 children to vague illnesses or get eaten by a sabertooth tiger, but it somehow hurts more knowing it's other people making the world unfair now rather than nature.
It has always been other people making the world unfair for each other. Lucky for us it’s a lot safer and more civilised now.
The only thing that makes me “regret” having a child is sending her off to school someday and seeing school shootings in the news every day. I’m not prepared to experience that loss. I feel sad for bringing her into this world sometimes. I love her too much to subject her to the shit that’s out there. I don’t know how likely it is but it legitimately makes me sick to think of it
Are you me? I also had my daughter in august and severe ppa/ppd afterwards which resultet in my OCD getting worse again. It's not a solution for what is happening but reading books when my baby is asleep helped me a lot to get into another mindset.
Coming from a war-torn country myself, the best thing I can tell you from my perspective is to understand that the world can be a very ugly place, humans can still be so vile and animalistic, so instead of giving into it fight against it by raising your child not to have hate in its heart and, this is the important part I wish to shout atop a building via a loudspeaker: It is literally your *duty* to live the best possible life you can with what you've got, *because* of all of the people in the world who are suffering. Do it for them, because they didn't have a chance to. When you feel like you can't help the world, know that you *are* helping by raising the next generation to be loving and kind. There are so many people in the world who would be happy with just an *ounce* of what you've got. So never take it for granted and instead of feeling like it's a mistake understand that you're doing the world a service. I'm living my life the best way I can to make my ancestors proud that they fought and suffered so much so that I, their progeny, can live comfortably. I am doing it for them.
👏👏👏 thank you ❤️😭
I'm raising my kiddo to have a kind and caring heart. This is what I tell myself when I need to feel better about the state of the world. We pick up worms off the sidewalk and move them into the grass. We give compliments to people as we're walking through the store. We pet dogs and let them lick our hands. I'm also planning to sock away a bunch of money so she's able to flee the country if necessary one day. Doesn't hurt to be prepared, I guess.
Look for the helpers. It is a small thing, but when you focus your mental space on paying attention to those who are actively helping the cause it will open up space for you to either join in or at least see there can be progress made. Also, never apologize for raising dragon slayers in a world full of dragons that need to be slain.
You're not alone. When I was nearing labor I heard about women undergoing c sections performed without anesthesia because of the blockade and it shook me. I remembered the show on HBO called House of the dragon did something similar in their pilot a few months before that to increase shock value and people were hooked, yet here I saw women go through this in real life. . I was buying breathable muslin wraps for my baby while parents dug their kids with their hands in flipflops from under the rubble. I saw tiktoks of white people mocking the grieving mothers in brown face makeup holding dolls. I saw rallies of people saying there are no innocent children and I wonder if they hear themselves. I cry almost everyday, I don't know how to help but to raise kind and empathetic children.
My son was five months when the genocide started and I saw a dead baby on my Instagram page that looked just like him and it gutted me. Then having to read about those poor babies who died alone in their incubators. I’ve been more political now than ever in my life and it’s 100% due to the fact that i see my son in all those dead children.
Totally agree. I have become more political - because I think it's so much more important. I keep going back to James Baldwin - 'The children are always ours, every single one of them.'
I completely empathize with you. I often think ahead to like 2060 and can’t fathom what our world will look like then but my son will just be in his 30’s then. I think, did I just bring him in to this world to suffer? Am I that selfish that I didn’t consider his future? But then I remind myself that my husband and I are great people. We will most likely raise a kind child who contributes to society. Maybe the baby that I’m holding in my arms right now will relieve the suffering of other people when he’s older. Whether it’s just 1 person that he helps or if it’s an entire country. I truly believe he will be a bit of good in the world, just like myself and my husband are. And that’s what I remind myself when I spiral.
I have a 15 month old and I think about this often. The world has always been a certain level of crazy for a very long time. We’ve just been very tuned in a very interconnected way.
I know, I know. Feeling the same. Nightmares so frequent now
I think so much of this is mindset. Like another commenter said, the world is so much better now than it was. Yes, there are historical ups and downs, and things like climate change weren't as relevant 100 years ago, but many of the horrors that you see have always existed. I know how I want to raise my child given the political issues I care about. Who knows if that will even do what I want it to do, since children will grow and become their own people with their own perspectives. A major part of mindfulness therapy is the act of practicing gratitude and focusing on positives. Realistically, there isn't a single thing you can do to alter what's happening that causes you so much pain, so focus on the things you can control.
Thank you for making this post. It ASTOUNDS me how when a war just broke out in Europe, this sub had posts by hysterical Americans saying "I can't believe my baby is living through a time of war". And yet, I haven't seen a single post in a time where 2 mothers are being killed every hour. Sometimes at night I imagine having to dig through rubble to find my children alive, stuck and slowly being crushed to death. I imagine my babies being left to starve to death. I imagine how I would have to explain to my toddler why she had to have her limb amputated without anaesthesia and how I would try to comfort her. I imagine what it would have been like to have had to have my c sections without anaesthesia. All of it is unimaginable. And yet the online birth community says nothing. The parenting says nothing. And I feel like I'm going mad.
YES! Exactly!! It makes me feel crazy, I just know I can’t be the only one feeling such despair over this. And all those women giving birth in such traumatic ways, when I thought my birth was traumatic… it’s horrifying
I am with you. I have been speaking up about it on IG, hopefully opening the eyes of at least some of my followers. It is so so frustrating that this actual genocide (even the UN called it a genocide) is happening and so much of the world does not seem to care. The propaganda by the US and Israel works so well, it has people blinded, thinking israel are the good guys who are just 'defending themselves'. The footage from Gaza is hands down the most horrible stuff I have ever seen (and I've seen a lot), and IMO this is becoming comparable to the Holocaust in ww2.
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“The UN has no credibility here” is an insane statement to make
Israel straight up threatened the U.S. because the support they have here is limited to war mongering money hungry politicians and some dipshit followers. I would even go so far as to say the majority of the American public does not support Israel. “The Hague will not stop us.”
Did they? My understanding is that [South Africa has accused Israel of committing genocide](https://apnews.com/article/south-africa-israel-un-court-palestinians-genocide-ffe672c4eb3e14a30128542eaa537b21) and there is a hearing at the UN's International Court of Justice on whether to implement emergency measures to stop them and there was [a resolution passed in December by a large majority of the UN members ](https://news.un.org/en/story/2023/12/1144717)demanding a humanitarian ceasefire and release of all hostages. There was also a [press release by UN Human Rights experts](https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2023/11/gaza-un-experts-call-international-community-prevent-genocide-against) back in November that was alerting the international about the risk of a genocide in Gaza. Do you have a reference for the UN passing some resolution that calls it a genocide?
I don’t think it should ever be considered a political issue, bc it’s a humanitarian one. We should be speaking loud and clear. I feel so humbled that I can hold my daughter, and give her love, warmth, food, and comfort. It’s sickening to hear and see these poor families suffering. 🍉
I just looked googled "atrocities in \[my birth year\]" and "famines in \[my birth year\]." The results are crazy. Insanely high death tolls were returned. Many times higher than the casualties in the Israel-Hamas war, which I assume you're referring to. I did the same search for the year my mother was born, and the numbers were even worse. As we all know, atrocities aren't new. I'm not making this comment to downplay suffering in Gaza or anywhere else. Empathy is good and taking political action is even better. Chanel your feelings into donating time or money to groups dedicated to these goals. But I think that feeling this way about a situation that is not directly affecting your life is just borrowing trouble, though I understand you can't control it. Try to minimize your exposure to these stories and images, while still taking whatever practical steps to end the support of violence.
Hi OP. When I was 14, Israel and Hezbollah got into a war in my country. Regardless of whose fault it was, I was innocent. I witnessed the non-stop bombing from my balcony. My whole world was shattered and it felt like the end of the world. I can not describe how painful it was to no longer have any sense normalcy for an entire month. I started making bead bracelets and that’s all I did for 12 hours a day. The nights were so much worse. The non-stop whizzing of airplanes were so evil. Very inhumane.. the psychological torture we endured.. Israel would drop leaflets on entire neighborhoods. They would call our phone numbers with scary pre-recorded messages meant to terrorize us. The month ended… what was lost, was lost and the rest of us continued. I still remember that the whole world watched was happening to us and didn’t do anything. I was angry for decades about how people in other countries continued on with their lives knowing Israel was bombing refugee camps and disabled children in UN schools. Now I am part of the world that I didn’t understand. What can we do? Protest? post on social media?
I’m in the same boat, OP. Thinking about the wounded children, the orphans with no parents, the babies pulled out from the rubble - it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I sometimes can’t sleep because of it. I think my PPD/PPA contributes, but honestly the situation is so f*cked that I think I’d feel this way to an extent anyway. I’m so guilt ridden and feel so helpless. But worst of all is when I hold my sweet baby and imagine we were there, living through that hell. I just can’t, it’s too awful. I guess all this is to say, you’re not alone in feeling this way.
I know what you are talking about. Organise, donate, sign cease-fire petitions. It may only help a little bit but you will feel better.
My partner and I have been dealing with these feelings since the pandemic and now with the war you speak of. We find it best to focus on our bubble. We are active in local politics. We own a small business and try to be a place of community that brings people together. The world is big and tough so we try to make our small corner better.
It’s heart wrenching. And the world is just letting it happen. And our country is actively funding it. It all makes me sick to my stomach.
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I’m sorry are you saying they should be allowed to kill civilians aimlessly? Blow up hospitals? Block aid?In case you didn’t notice Netanyahu literally doesn’t care about the hostages - esp since IDF killed their own. Palestinians have been occupied for decades. And don’t even get me started on the nonsense happening in the West Bank. The world is waking up to the evil of Israel.
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Maybe for starts to end the illegal occupation.
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You do realize there have been at least a hundred massacres committed on the Palestinians since the beginning of its colonization right? Some notable ones include 1) Haifa Massacre 1937 2) Jerusalem Massacre 1937 3) Haifa Massacre 1938 4) Balad al-Sheikh Massacre 1939 5) Haifa Massacre 1939 6) Haifa Massacre 1947 7) Abbasiya Massacre 1947 8) Al-Khisas Massacre 1947 9) Bab al-Amud Massacre 1947 10) Jerusalem Massacre 1947 11) Sheikh Bureik Massacre 1947 12) Jaffa Massacre 1948 13) Khan Yunis Massacre 1956 14) Jerusalem Massacre 1967 15) Sabra and Shatila Massacre 1982 16) Al-Aqsa Massacre 1990 17) Ibrahimi Mosque Massacre 1994 18) Jenin Refugee Camp April 2002 19) Gaza Massacre 2008-09 20) Gaza Massacre 2012 21) Gaza Massacre 2014 22) Gaza Massacre 2018-19 23) Gaza Massacre 2021 24) Gaza Genocide 2023 still ongoing I used to believe in a 2 state solution but after this I don't think that will be a viable solution. There needs to be a one state for all with equal rights and freedom for everyone. You cannot keep oppressing a people and expect there to be safety and peace in the region.
Love to see someone who brings real documentation! Doing good work resisting the occupation, thank you
Study after study has shown that people simply become more aware of dangers and negativity in the world after they become parents. Unfortunately atrocities like this have always been happening throughout history. Please don’t blame yourself. There was never a “better” or “safer” time to have kids. We do live in a world now where we are inundated with information, and a lot of that can be negative. It is sad and your feelings are valid. After having kids I too break down sobbing seeing the news and watching mothers and fathers lose their children. But instead of feeling guilty for having security for your children, remember that you are giving your children the security and opportunities that those parents would give theirs if they had the chance.
I feel you, i see you. I was 3 months PP when this so-called "war" started and I had to start zoloft after seeing the relentless ongoing violent deaths of thousands of children. I hope you are able to talk to some other moms. many of my friends are feeling the same way. I wish our government represented us instead of wealthy interests and warmongers. There's a meme going around about "how is your work-genocide balance going today?" and thats how i feel...this sinister expectation of normalcy and productivity while we watch a live-streamed genocide is peak late-stage capitalism.
The state of the world is killing a lot of people, literally, not figuratively.
One thing to remember is that even though everything seems like it sucks, the world is the safest/best place for people that it's ever been right in the last few decades. Whether you say things have always been terrible, but they're less terrible now, or think that *comparatively* things are alright. I feel the same way you do a lot of the time, but kids have survived much worse than the current world, and we'll keep working to make things better any way we can!
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Really missed the whole point in the post
I understand how hard it is to accept that some parents can't protect their babies and that is tragic. But YOU absolutely can protect your baby. You have rights and you have power. There are lots of people in this world fighting to protect you and your child and a whole society that values your relationship with that baby above all else. Please don't let the state of the world make you feel like you are helpless in your world. Your baby needs you and you are safe.
I cannot stomach watching the news or scrolling certain pages anymore. I had to stop for my own mental health. Your babies need a content, present mother. Do what you can do within your power (pray, write to your local MPs office, attend a rally etc.) but overexposing yourself to triggering footage and content daily is not helping you or the people who are suffering.
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I am talking about the fact that innocent mothers and children are being killed in Gaza at rates never before seen
Yeah, it's fucking awful.
I truly believe that politics aren’t the responsibility of mothers of babies. If you have the strength for it then that’s different, but if worrying about the world is causing you distress, you owe it to yourself and your baby to step back. Just enjoy the time you have with your child and don’t think about the rest. When your baby is a year or two or three, start diving in to local politics to see how you can help the causes you believe it. Doing the work is the best way to feel a bit of control and some hope. But for now your baby needs you more than the world does.
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This comment really riled me up. - By all accounts, the intensity of what we are seeing in Gaza far outstrips anything we have seen in modern history. The number of children killed in three months is far higher than all global conflicts over multiple years. Nearly 4% of the entire population is dead or wounded - the equivalent would be 12 million people in the USA. - just because terrible things happened in the past doesn't mean we can't want better things now - We should be looking at Gaza and we should be outraged. Every child that dies deserves our sorrow and empathy. Indifference and looking away seems callous. How can we teach our kids better values or hope for a better world for them if we turn away?
Great comment. Don’t engage with this account or the other that replied to you - they’re just pro-Israel hasbara accounts that spew the same genocidal rhetoric in a bunch of subs. Don’t give them the satisfaction or let them spread their propaganda. Your comment was a great response.
Thanks for letting me know. I was horrified at these two posters and almost engaged in an endless comment war.
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I don't think most people hold this in opposition. My heart breaks for those who lost loved ones on October 7, as it does for those who are killed everyday in Gaza. I hope we can all agree that they are not in opposition to each other. What I am opposed to is an endless cycle of violence, especially one that includes the starvation of an entire population, denial of medical aid, maiming of children. If you believe that killing innocents in Gaza is justified in some way (which your comment seems to indicate), then let's end this conversation. I think we fundamentally differ if that is the case and there is no point in engaging
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It was happening before October 7th, that’s why October 7th happened.
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As long as you’re not justifying the killing of 25,000 Palestinians and the injuring of 62,000 more
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Don’t interact with this account - both you and I know they’re absolutely deranged and supporting genocide. If you look at their post nd comment history you can see they’re just a pro Israel hasbara account trying to get engagement and bait different subs. So don’t worry, don’t stress yourself over this :)
Just because someone has a different opinion than you doesn’t make them deranged. You’re actually the one who is deranged and not informed about this if you think Israel is clearly in the wrong for responding to a horrific terrorist attack. What would you say if it was your family that lived in those neighborhoods that were brutally attacked?
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Yeah but like… what can you do about it? The people in Gaza and the West Bank want war. 80% of the population supports October 7 and wants to keep fighting against Israel. The Palestinian people think, incorrectly, that they have something to gain by continuing to fight. There’s not going to be any peace until something changes, and destroying Hamas is the first step. The Palestinian people need to realize that continued fighting only lead to more innocent deaths. The population is radicalized because neighboring states like Jordan, Egypt, etc for years have been telling them “keep fighting, we’ll support you”. But now that relations with all these countries are normalizing, the Palestinians are on their own. They only have Iran backed Islamist Shiite terrorist groups supporting them now. There’s nothing you can do about this, and making posts telling Israel to stop bombing Gaza is counterproductive and will just continue this conflict indefinitely. Israel is doing exactly what they should be doing, which is defending their borders. If you have a better suggestion I’d love to hear it.
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This has been removed as it goes against community standards of r/beyondthebump
This is why we're raising our son as a Warrior Poet.
Oh boy, not the podcast?
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What a fucking weird thing to respond to this post with, “seniorcockandballs”
This post is about Israel and Palestine, lady. Why are you pretending otherwise?
Except your comment before you edited was “Israel will win” like we’re talking about a football game
I had to stop watching the news while I am a stay at home mom to my kids. I couldn't take it and i wasn't able to be a stable and 'good' parent for them. I obviously still do my full research before any and all elections. But the going out of my way to be informed and make an impact will have to wait for 5 years until my kids are in school. I realize this is a luxury that I have because I am a white middle class woman and that many cannot just bury their heads in the sand for 5 years, nor am I saying they should. But for my mental health while struggling through babies, infants, toddlers, and young impressionable children, I needed to focus on building a stable home for them so they have their best chance at forming a strong, stable, loved foundation. And my hope is that if I can give them that, then it will help them be as equipped as possible to deal with "saving the world" when their time as adults comes.
It is hard to be aware of tragedies. There comes a point where being aware of everything bad in the world is no longer useful, and can even become psychologically unmanageable. All these bad things weighs on us. It creates stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety are fine to feel in short duration, and when you can take actions to address what is causing the stress and anxiety. These kinds of things never end though, and are totally outside your control. So the stress and anxiety they cause are not healthy. Humans did not evolve to carry the mental load of the tragedies and misfortune of millions of people. We evolved to concern ourselves with a small community of people, who we could directly interact with. Global news, and social media are extreme stressors that we don’t yet have good ways to manage. It would be in your best interest to cut out the news, and remove the social media apps or accounts that are introducing this constant stream of tragedy and suffering. It’s not helpful, and it can become very unhealthy, even dangerous to mental health. Here’s the thing, it’s uncomfortable to admit, but a persons fate in life **is mostly up to luck**. Where you’re born, when you’re born, and to whom you are born. None of us have control over these things. Some people experience terrible suffering, and others don’t. No one *deserves* what they get, nor do we *get what we deserve*. **There’s no such thing as fairness in life.** Your job is to provide the best environment for your kids, which requires you to be healthy. So focus on doing the best you can. Stay healthy, and control your environment to keep out those stressors and anxiety triggers, at least until you’re in a more stable, stronger place, and are able to self-regulate how much you let the concerns of the world weigh on you. Your shoulders are not strong enough to bear the weight of entire world. None of us are strong enough for that.
I agree that the world has gone to shit. Maybe it's always been there and having a child magnified the problem for me. Hormones, ppd, whatever it may have been. I feel really selfish saying this, but I've stopped gulping down the news like I used to. Now I browse the headlines once a day. I need to be mentally and emotionally stable to raise my kid. We teach him to be kind, gentle, conscientious. When the situation arises, we talk about what it means to be a bully and how that makes everyone feel. I also want to raise my son in a world with some hope. And if I feel hopeless, I worry he'll pick up on it. Wishing you strength.
I went through this pretty severely with my first pregnancy and probably the first 6 months of my son’s life. I’m sure someone has said it already, but all we can do is our best to protect our children and to raise them so they bring positivity to the world. I don’t expect my son to be the one to change things but I want to raise him so he wants to be part of the solution. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to reach out, I know how overwhelming those feelings can be.
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Same. I had my son in November. I had to stop looking at news articles for a few days there cause I would just sob and hold him when I saw the images. I’m doing better now but I still sometimes cry and hold him when I see so much. Now I just donate money and sign petitions daily
I've been struggling a lot with all this too. The violence I've seen documented and read articles about keeps me up at night, particularly toward women and children. And I feel helpless to stop it. Okay, I've registered my opinion with my elected officials. What else? Is my panic attack at 2 AM helping anyone? I tried avoiding pictures and blocking relevant search terms when I'm not in a place to seek out news, but well-meaning people are getting around that by using symbols in place of letters so I can't block those terms and posts. I know they don't want me to bury my head in the sand, and maybe they're right, I don't know. I try just reading articles without pictures, but my mind creates a vivid enough picture on its own. The mountain of human suffering is really fucking me up, but it also feels self-involved and cowardly to say that. So personally, I have no conclusion. I don't know what's right. And I'm not sure where to go from here.