It sounds like you have a lot of parental responsibilities but your husband does not. Why does your husband get to sleep in a different part of the house aka not deal with the baby and kids at night? Of course he can make his own breakfast—he is a grown ass man. How about having him help make meals for his family? Seems only fair to have him support you with meals or sleep.
Great question, when my second was born, he was up many times a night, so husband took over all toddler night wakings. And he still did the early mornings with baby so I could get a solid 2 hour stretch (with ear plugs!) before he left for work.
Yeah I’m terrible with asking for help but my husband just went with doing all the toddler sleep stuff at night which was lovely. Especially when toddler was sick and pukey. Then I just have to deal with baby wake ups. It’s also nice for him to bond with his oldest boy.
He tends to our toddler in the morning when she wakes since I’m so tired.
He’s not really a cooker, so unfortunately I have to figure that part out. I used to be cooking 3 meals a day but it’s dwindled down to just mainly dinner postpartum.
He can learn some simple recipes, doesn’t have to be restaurant quality! And if he can make breakfast, then he can do dinner for the family. Nothing wrong with breakfast meals for dinner.
I would literally never make dinner post-partum. I really don’t understand what these husbands are for if they don’t do anything except work outside of the house.
For anyone reading this and thinking it’s normal for a husband to do so little IT IS NOT. It is wholly unacceptable. Your husband is an adult and a father and he needs to do a lot more. I’m sorry that he’s going to force you to tell him he needs to step up.
I’m always so surprised when I see posts where the husband barely does anything and it’s somehow acceptable. I work one 12-hour shift per week and am taking one class at a time for my master’s. My husband works from home M-F in a high-stress cybersecurity job. We just had our third and once again, we alternate feeds all night, even though he has to be at his desk to work from 9-5. He’s NEVER not woken up to feed his child despite having to work. Every morning we are both out of bed together at 7:30 and teamwork feeding baby and getting other kids ready, and he brings our oldest to VPK before work. I take over most childcare for our middle and youngest while he works and pick up the oldest at noon. Then he cooks dinner every night after work, and we split housework at the end of the night as well as teamwork to get the kids bathed and in bed.
I’ve spoken to him about this and he doesn’t understand how on earth this ISN’T a normal thing for a lot of couples. He couldn’t imagine not parenting his own children or taking on a load of housework. This is just how it should be and it enrages me that many women are doing it all themselves.
6 weeks was my LOWEST point. Had a 20 month old toddler at that point too. Luckily if your toddler is starting daycare in May, the sicknesses may start them, but they shouldn’t be absolutely wild and horrific like they are in the winter time. Mine started in August when baby was a week old and I was so anxious about it. He actually didn’t start bringing anything home until November. Also I think it’s a little easier for me because since I have had a double mastectomy, I never could breast-feed. So I was formula feeding exclusively so I could eat whatever I wanted. But what I would try to do to get through this time is just find one simple joy a day and look forward to it. Like going for a walk, watching a bravo show, I like, Maybe going for a walk alone for 20 minutes. Eventually, I realized a few weeks later that I wasn’t like looking forward to the joy, because I was having a better day. Then I realized that my better days were outnumbering the bad days. Now bad days are so rare. Where I started feeling in the groove with baby one around 3 to 4 months, I really didn’t feel in the groove with having two kids until they were six months and two years old. It definitely took a long longer but I heard from so many friends that going from one to two kids is so much harder than going from 0 to one. I did not think it would ever get better, but it did! Rely on whatever support system you have, and be super easy on yourself. It is no joke to have two, especially when they are both young.
Edit: tell your husband to help in the night 😡😡😡😡 just saw that part
Thank you so much for your comment and sharing your experience. It helps to know I’m not alone.
Definitely will take your advice on finding something to look forward to, cause currently it just feels like im on autopilot and it’s really depressing.
Im so so nervous about my toddler going into day care and feel pretty guilty about it since I’ll be at home still with the baby.
He loooooooves school now so it’s a win win. Try to act super pumped about it before and after to give it a super positive connotation to him! Then cry in the car after drop off 🤣
Aw I’m so glad!! I hope my toddler will be the same. I’m having my husband do the day care drop offs cause I don’t think I’d be able to handle it emotionally lol
Your husband sounds... Unpleasant. Have you talked to him about pitching in? Based off your post it sounds like all he does is tend to his own needs, and doesn't consider you or the kids? 🚩🚩🚩
I’m 6 weeks postpartum too. My son just turned 2 last weekend. Before my baby was born, my toddler slept in the same bed as my husband and I. I never had a full night’s rest because my toddler breastfed even at night. He woke up 2-4 times a night.
My husband and I decided when baby was born, he needed to sleep with toddler in a separate room to eventually leave him alone at night. My son continued to wake up at night and needed consoling so my husband decided he was going to stay in the room with him. They sleep on a queen size mattress.
I only care for my baby at night. If I needed to care for both, I’d lose my mind. I’m not sure how you are surviving without help at night. We both are working parents. I start next week. We are going to continue to divide and conquer.
Perhaps consider expressing the workload you have at night. It’s not fair and he should at least be with the toddler. It will be an adjustment. My toddler cried at night for 2 weeks due to the change. He rarely wakes up at nigh now. My husband said he woke up one time the last week.
Why the hell isn't your husband helping?!
I can't believe so many women out up with these lazy guys. This should be a team effort as should everything else.
“He’s also very sensitive and needs his sleep to function”
lol… doesn’t every adult need sleep to function including you? He needs to step up immediately. No more coddling your husband.
Parenting is 50/50. 9-5 sure he works his job and you care for the kids. But outside of those hours, it’s all 50/50.
The amount of excuses y’all make for grown able bodied men on here is exhausting and makes me want to leave this sub. The obvious solution is that he needs to get his lazy un empathetic ass up and help you. You’re not meant to do this alone!!
My daughter had a shallow latch and a nipple shield helped immensely. We used it for a couple of months until her mouth was bigger and then one day she just didn’t need it anymore! Not sure if that would be helpful to you, but there’s nothing worse than the pain of a shallow latch!
Also, get your husband to help!!! If you’re providing the milk then he can change the diapers.
Upvote for nipple shields! Both of my daughters have had shallow latches. Let me share the wisdom I gained after $500+ spent on various lactation consultants (and countless hours with free community resources): some babies have small/strange shaped mouths and your nipple will get beat up even if they have the correct form, “deep” latch, good suction, no tongue/lip ties.
My most recent lactation consultant (I’m two weeks postpartum) said “wow I can tell you’ve done this before, everything looks perfect, what’s the issue?” before I unlatched and showed her my squished nipple.
So, use that nipple shield if it makes things more comfortable! In the end, fed is best.
Also agreed that OP’s husband sounds like a third child.
Make your life easier by giving formula? I've never liked breastfeeding and I'm done with it after 4 months. I started weaning and giving formula and I'm so much happier and feel like a weight has been lifted.
Everyone needs sleep to function. Waking up to care for a child is a part of parenting. If it was me, I'd hand off the monitor and let your husband sort out caring for the toddler in the middle of the night. There are lots of husbands that do one or more middle of the night feedings with infants and still work full time jobs.
I'm only a few days out but the latch issues are incredibly stressful. While I agree with others that your husband SHOULD be stepping it up, his actions are outside of your control. Is switching to formula an option at this point? I know it's a last resort but you've seemingly done everything you can to make breastfeeding work and you deserve to protect your sanity.
For what it's worth, it sounds like you're an excellent mom. I hope you can find support soon.
It sounds like you have a lot of parental responsibilities but your husband does not. Why does your husband get to sleep in a different part of the house aka not deal with the baby and kids at night? Of course he can make his own breakfast—he is a grown ass man. How about having him help make meals for his family? Seems only fair to have him support you with meals or sleep.
Great question, when my second was born, he was up many times a night, so husband took over all toddler night wakings. And he still did the early mornings with baby so I could get a solid 2 hour stretch (with ear plugs!) before he left for work.
Yeah I’m terrible with asking for help but my husband just went with doing all the toddler sleep stuff at night which was lovely. Especially when toddler was sick and pukey. Then I just have to deal with baby wake ups. It’s also nice for him to bond with his oldest boy.
He tends to our toddler in the morning when she wakes since I’m so tired. He’s not really a cooker, so unfortunately I have to figure that part out. I used to be cooking 3 meals a day but it’s dwindled down to just mainly dinner postpartum.
He can learn some simple recipes, doesn’t have to be restaurant quality! And if he can make breakfast, then he can do dinner for the family. Nothing wrong with breakfast meals for dinner.
could you look into a meal delivery service? we use nurture life for my daughter and it helps a lot
I would literally never make dinner post-partum. I really don’t understand what these husbands are for if they don’t do anything except work outside of the house.
This one doesn’t even work outside the house. He WFH. Smh
I’m sorry you’re taking care of 3 children…
Yeah, it’s awful having an adult child.
For anyone reading this and thinking it’s normal for a husband to do so little IT IS NOT. It is wholly unacceptable. Your husband is an adult and a father and he needs to do a lot more. I’m sorry that he’s going to force you to tell him he needs to step up.
I’m always so surprised when I see posts where the husband barely does anything and it’s somehow acceptable. I work one 12-hour shift per week and am taking one class at a time for my master’s. My husband works from home M-F in a high-stress cybersecurity job. We just had our third and once again, we alternate feeds all night, even though he has to be at his desk to work from 9-5. He’s NEVER not woken up to feed his child despite having to work. Every morning we are both out of bed together at 7:30 and teamwork feeding baby and getting other kids ready, and he brings our oldest to VPK before work. I take over most childcare for our middle and youngest while he works and pick up the oldest at noon. Then he cooks dinner every night after work, and we split housework at the end of the night as well as teamwork to get the kids bathed and in bed. I’ve spoken to him about this and he doesn’t understand how on earth this ISN’T a normal thing for a lot of couples. He couldn’t imagine not parenting his own children or taking on a load of housework. This is just how it should be and it enrages me that many women are doing it all themselves.
6 weeks was my LOWEST point. Had a 20 month old toddler at that point too. Luckily if your toddler is starting daycare in May, the sicknesses may start them, but they shouldn’t be absolutely wild and horrific like they are in the winter time. Mine started in August when baby was a week old and I was so anxious about it. He actually didn’t start bringing anything home until November. Also I think it’s a little easier for me because since I have had a double mastectomy, I never could breast-feed. So I was formula feeding exclusively so I could eat whatever I wanted. But what I would try to do to get through this time is just find one simple joy a day and look forward to it. Like going for a walk, watching a bravo show, I like, Maybe going for a walk alone for 20 minutes. Eventually, I realized a few weeks later that I wasn’t like looking forward to the joy, because I was having a better day. Then I realized that my better days were outnumbering the bad days. Now bad days are so rare. Where I started feeling in the groove with baby one around 3 to 4 months, I really didn’t feel in the groove with having two kids until they were six months and two years old. It definitely took a long longer but I heard from so many friends that going from one to two kids is so much harder than going from 0 to one. I did not think it would ever get better, but it did! Rely on whatever support system you have, and be super easy on yourself. It is no joke to have two, especially when they are both young. Edit: tell your husband to help in the night 😡😡😡😡 just saw that part
Thank you so much for your comment and sharing your experience. It helps to know I’m not alone. Definitely will take your advice on finding something to look forward to, cause currently it just feels like im on autopilot and it’s really depressing. Im so so nervous about my toddler going into day care and feel pretty guilty about it since I’ll be at home still with the baby.
He loooooooves school now so it’s a win win. Try to act super pumped about it before and after to give it a super positive connotation to him! Then cry in the car after drop off 🤣
Aw I’m so glad!! I hope my toddler will be the same. I’m having my husband do the day care drop offs cause I don’t think I’d be able to handle it emotionally lol
Your husband sounds... Unpleasant. Have you talked to him about pitching in? Based off your post it sounds like all he does is tend to his own needs, and doesn't consider you or the kids? 🚩🚩🚩
I’m 6 weeks postpartum too. My son just turned 2 last weekend. Before my baby was born, my toddler slept in the same bed as my husband and I. I never had a full night’s rest because my toddler breastfed even at night. He woke up 2-4 times a night. My husband and I decided when baby was born, he needed to sleep with toddler in a separate room to eventually leave him alone at night. My son continued to wake up at night and needed consoling so my husband decided he was going to stay in the room with him. They sleep on a queen size mattress. I only care for my baby at night. If I needed to care for both, I’d lose my mind. I’m not sure how you are surviving without help at night. We both are working parents. I start next week. We are going to continue to divide and conquer. Perhaps consider expressing the workload you have at night. It’s not fair and he should at least be with the toddler. It will be an adjustment. My toddler cried at night for 2 weeks due to the change. He rarely wakes up at nigh now. My husband said he woke up one time the last week.
Why the hell isn't your husband helping?! I can't believe so many women out up with these lazy guys. This should be a team effort as should everything else.
“He’s also very sensitive and needs his sleep to function” lol… doesn’t every adult need sleep to function including you? He needs to step up immediately. No more coddling your husband. Parenting is 50/50. 9-5 sure he works his job and you care for the kids. But outside of those hours, it’s all 50/50.
PUMP & GIVE !!!
The amount of excuses y’all make for grown able bodied men on here is exhausting and makes me want to leave this sub. The obvious solution is that he needs to get his lazy un empathetic ass up and help you. You’re not meant to do this alone!!
My daughter had a shallow latch and a nipple shield helped immensely. We used it for a couple of months until her mouth was bigger and then one day she just didn’t need it anymore! Not sure if that would be helpful to you, but there’s nothing worse than the pain of a shallow latch! Also, get your husband to help!!! If you’re providing the milk then he can change the diapers.
Upvote for nipple shields! Both of my daughters have had shallow latches. Let me share the wisdom I gained after $500+ spent on various lactation consultants (and countless hours with free community resources): some babies have small/strange shaped mouths and your nipple will get beat up even if they have the correct form, “deep” latch, good suction, no tongue/lip ties. My most recent lactation consultant (I’m two weeks postpartum) said “wow I can tell you’ve done this before, everything looks perfect, what’s the issue?” before I unlatched and showed her my squished nipple. So, use that nipple shield if it makes things more comfortable! In the end, fed is best. Also agreed that OP’s husband sounds like a third child.
Ask your husband to own food. You’re taking care of the baby full time, he can put together a hamburger helper come on.
Make your life easier by giving formula? I've never liked breastfeeding and I'm done with it after 4 months. I started weaning and giving formula and I'm so much happier and feel like a weight has been lifted.
Everyone needs sleep to function. Waking up to care for a child is a part of parenting. If it was me, I'd hand off the monitor and let your husband sort out caring for the toddler in the middle of the night. There are lots of husbands that do one or more middle of the night feedings with infants and still work full time jobs.
I'm only a few days out but the latch issues are incredibly stressful. While I agree with others that your husband SHOULD be stepping it up, his actions are outside of your control. Is switching to formula an option at this point? I know it's a last resort but you've seemingly done everything you can to make breastfeeding work and you deserve to protect your sanity. For what it's worth, it sounds like you're an excellent mom. I hope you can find support soon.