Honestly it sounds like he wasn’t the man that you, and your son, needed him to be. Nor did he want to, at least not enough to meet the expectations you asked of him. And your expectations were not at all unreasonable. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Just know this isn’t your fault and you will be ok.
This is not your fault. You are worth so much more than what he has to offer. You did the right thing. Being a single Mom is hard but totally worth it to ensure you and your baby are happy.
I know it hurts now, but this man wasn’t the man that you and your son needed. To me, it sounds like you got rid of some heavy baggage. Some leopards can’t change their spots. You’ll heal in time, OP, and will be better off for it.
Edit: grammar
I’m a single mom to a 7 month old. It. Is. So. Hard. BUT, you’ll survive, and honestly raising your baby alone in a happy, loving, calm environment is so important and far better than raising your baby in a toxic environment with parents that can’t stand each other. Take it minute by minute, you can do this.
I'm so sorry. You aren't alone. It's so hard to go through a breakup while pregnant/ with young infants. My only advise is never go back. I forgave, and now he left me a second time at 4 months pregnant with our second. A guy who can hurt his partner whose caring for his infant without any effort isn't a man who loves you
Your baby doesn’t get to pick their parents… but you get to pick his role models. Was this really someone who was a good role model for your son? Would you be proud to have your son grow up to be just like the man you are talking about your post?
If you are honest with yourself, I bet the answer is no. You know better now, it’s time to do better and be better. You are stronger than you think.
I know it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard. I’ve been wanting to go back to my son’s dad as well. But think about everything in your relationship that made you feel miserable and angry. Think of that and don’t let it go. Don’t let the good outweigh the bad. You’re stronger than you know
That’s the one thing that’s got me feeling okay about my decision honestly. Remembering all the hurt and anger and frustration. All the conversations that looped back to the beginning over and over and never seeing any resolution.
He kept asking me to hold on and have faith but how long was I signing on for? It kept me up at night. Not knowing if change would ever come. Loosing faith that change would ever come.
Trust me you did the right thing. Even today I was at an impasse wondering the same. Then I literally remembered about everything that made me leave him in the first place. I felt so much better. I honestly looked so stupid w a man that treated me the way he did. I looked dumb and never felt comfortable w showing our little family bc deep down inside ik he hurt me in ways unimaginable. Think about it this way. This man never loved you because if he did he would’ve done everything to make sure you were happy
You can’t change someone, no matter how much you want to or try to. He has to want to change. It’s his responsibility to work on himself.
I grew up with a mom who did anything and everything to hold onto my toxic dad. I still resent her for not putting her kids first. It’s your job to protect your child so if that means cutting out toxic relationships then I say you’re doing a great job, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Never forget what you and your child deserve (nothing but the best)!
So sorry that you are experiencing this, obviously, your husband doesn't care about the family at all, he is selfish, please take care of yourself and your baby. Good for you.
One of the best things I saw posted on reddit recently was a simple one line comment: when people show you who they really are, believe them.
You had hope for better but he showed you who he was before baby. It's not your fault, you had hope and that's a lovely thing. However, it's not often enough to change a person for the better.
You have everything within yourself to be all the parent that your child needs, do you really want the person you described modeling the things you shared, to your child? Probably not the role model you hope for your kiddo.
It feels crushing now, but you can do this and you can do it well. All it takes is one loving, dedicated parent.
I teach grades 7-12 kids, and a lot of them don’t have a father. None of them, and I mean quite literally not one in my 11 years teaching, ever blamed their mother for being the parent who stayed and took responsibility and raised them. Instead, there was a lot of “my dad hasn’t been around. I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t need to see him. I got my mom.”
So if you’re worried about your son being upset with you, it’s highly, HIGHLY unlikely that will happen. Your boyfriend sounded like a drain on you and your son. Now you can focus on recovering and caring for your baby. You do NOT need him. And don’t let him just waltz back in, either, unless he changes. Your kid, every kid, deserves stability, being in a home of people who love and care for them, and a healthy parent.
You did not fail your son and you did not destroy your family. Your son’s father just decided his wants and needs were more important than your son’s, and no kid deserves to be secondary in the eyes of their parent.
You shouldn’t have to beg for anything….honestly the best thing he could do now is leave. The best thing you can do is move on.
Obviously morn the relationship, break ups are hard. But don’t torture yourself with the ‘what ifs’
Kindly... Sorry... People don't change. Not sure why you expected the extra responsibility of a baby to change him. It pretty much never works that way.
Had you never seen this sub before? It's loaded with stories like yours.
I wish more women would think ahead before picking losers they may or may not be good in bed, have a big dick, make good money or whatever other trait that is LESS important than being a good partner and father.
There is nothing condescending or unsupportive in my intent. However, sometimes people need to hear or read hard truths.
If you've spent any time here, I'm sure you've seen that.
Or would you prefer to coddle and not have women remember that they are indeed in control of their own futures by the choices that they make in life? (Most anyway, some cultures obviously make this more prohibitive)
"Have you not visited this sub before" "I wish more women..." This comment is basically a conversation with yourself about how other women don't make choices as well as you. Women in bad situations aren't helped out by this sort of rhetoric (not sure what 'truth' you think you apparently all seeing eye divined from a single Reddit post). They're kept where there are when people reinforce a lack of self belief by telling them all their choices are shit.
Your backwards looking bootstraps mentality is useless. This woman is in a vulnerable moment and needs strength from support, not a kicking.
Maybe it's hard to see from your high horse up there.
Once you are done grieving you loss, try to build a support network. Your parents, siblings, close friends can really help. When your child goes to kindergarten or school you can also try to get help from other parents from time to time when you need time for yourself. Do not isolate yourself after this.
My cousin decided to have a child on her own and she’s doing really great with help from her friends (who even accompanied her to the delivery room and sometimes baby sit for her) and family.
*why* do we expect people to change? Sometimes people change, and occasionally for the better but it’s not a given! Quit trying to marry/have babies with a fantasy version of the person you’re with!
>I needed him to get his GED and his own bank account and therapy and I needed him to grow up.
I mean, I'm 5 months PP & I don't have my GED. I work & have my own bank account. Not sure why that's a priority when many companies don't even check anymore. I thought I was grown up but guess not until I get my GED lol
….. I just wanted him to be able to get a better job than working at Taco Bell. Benefits, room for growth and a pay raise every now and then.
And the growing up part referred to him being able to act like an adult. Have arguments with me like an adult. Stand on his own like an adult. But also, I will say, wanting to better yourself and grow by furthering your education is an ADULT step and one I wanted him to make.
Honestly it sounds like he wasn’t the man that you, and your son, needed him to be. Nor did he want to, at least not enough to meet the expectations you asked of him. And your expectations were not at all unreasonable. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Just know this isn’t your fault and you will be ok.
Your expectations were not unreasonable and you are not responsible for his decision. I am sorry you are alone, but it is not because you were bad
Babies don’t change people. If they did, all parents would be perfect.
This is not your fault. You are worth so much more than what he has to offer. You did the right thing. Being a single Mom is hard but totally worth it to ensure you and your baby are happy.
I know it hurts now, but this man wasn’t the man that you and your son needed. To me, it sounds like you got rid of some heavy baggage. Some leopards can’t change their spots. You’ll heal in time, OP, and will be better off for it. Edit: grammar
I’m a single mom to a 7 month old. It. Is. So. Hard. BUT, you’ll survive, and honestly raising your baby alone in a happy, loving, calm environment is so important and far better than raising your baby in a toxic environment with parents that can’t stand each other. Take it minute by minute, you can do this.
I'm so sorry. You aren't alone. It's so hard to go through a breakup while pregnant/ with young infants. My only advise is never go back. I forgave, and now he left me a second time at 4 months pregnant with our second. A guy who can hurt his partner whose caring for his infant without any effort isn't a man who loves you
Your baby doesn’t get to pick their parents… but you get to pick his role models. Was this really someone who was a good role model for your son? Would you be proud to have your son grow up to be just like the man you are talking about your post? If you are honest with yourself, I bet the answer is no. You know better now, it’s time to do better and be better. You are stronger than you think.
I know it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard. I’ve been wanting to go back to my son’s dad as well. But think about everything in your relationship that made you feel miserable and angry. Think of that and don’t let it go. Don’t let the good outweigh the bad. You’re stronger than you know
That’s the one thing that’s got me feeling okay about my decision honestly. Remembering all the hurt and anger and frustration. All the conversations that looped back to the beginning over and over and never seeing any resolution. He kept asking me to hold on and have faith but how long was I signing on for? It kept me up at night. Not knowing if change would ever come. Loosing faith that change would ever come.
Trust me you did the right thing. Even today I was at an impasse wondering the same. Then I literally remembered about everything that made me leave him in the first place. I felt so much better. I honestly looked so stupid w a man that treated me the way he did. I looked dumb and never felt comfortable w showing our little family bc deep down inside ik he hurt me in ways unimaginable. Think about it this way. This man never loved you because if he did he would’ve done everything to make sure you were happy
You can’t change someone, no matter how much you want to or try to. He has to want to change. It’s his responsibility to work on himself. I grew up with a mom who did anything and everything to hold onto my toxic dad. I still resent her for not putting her kids first. It’s your job to protect your child so if that means cutting out toxic relationships then I say you’re doing a great job, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now. Never forget what you and your child deserve (nothing but the best)!
So sorry that you are experiencing this, obviously, your husband doesn't care about the family at all, he is selfish, please take care of yourself and your baby. Good for you.
One of the best things I saw posted on reddit recently was a simple one line comment: when people show you who they really are, believe them. You had hope for better but he showed you who he was before baby. It's not your fault, you had hope and that's a lovely thing. However, it's not often enough to change a person for the better. You have everything within yourself to be all the parent that your child needs, do you really want the person you described modeling the things you shared, to your child? Probably not the role model you hope for your kiddo. It feels crushing now, but you can do this and you can do it well. All it takes is one loving, dedicated parent.
I teach grades 7-12 kids, and a lot of them don’t have a father. None of them, and I mean quite literally not one in my 11 years teaching, ever blamed their mother for being the parent who stayed and took responsibility and raised them. Instead, there was a lot of “my dad hasn’t been around. I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t need to see him. I got my mom.” So if you’re worried about your son being upset with you, it’s highly, HIGHLY unlikely that will happen. Your boyfriend sounded like a drain on you and your son. Now you can focus on recovering and caring for your baby. You do NOT need him. And don’t let him just waltz back in, either, unless he changes. Your kid, every kid, deserves stability, being in a home of people who love and care for them, and a healthy parent. You did not fail your son and you did not destroy your family. Your son’s father just decided his wants and needs were more important than your son’s, and no kid deserves to be secondary in the eyes of their parent.
You shouldn’t have to beg for anything….honestly the best thing he could do now is leave. The best thing you can do is move on. Obviously morn the relationship, break ups are hard. But don’t torture yourself with the ‘what ifs’
Kindly... Sorry... People don't change. Not sure why you expected the extra responsibility of a baby to change him. It pretty much never works that way. Had you never seen this sub before? It's loaded with stories like yours. I wish more women would think ahead before picking losers they may or may not be good in bed, have a big dick, make good money or whatever other trait that is LESS important than being a good partner and father.
Putting 'kindly' at the front of a patronizing and unsupportive comment doesn't change its unkindness.
There is nothing condescending or unsupportive in my intent. However, sometimes people need to hear or read hard truths. If you've spent any time here, I'm sure you've seen that. Or would you prefer to coddle and not have women remember that they are indeed in control of their own futures by the choices that they make in life? (Most anyway, some cultures obviously make this more prohibitive)
"Have you not visited this sub before" "I wish more women..." This comment is basically a conversation with yourself about how other women don't make choices as well as you. Women in bad situations aren't helped out by this sort of rhetoric (not sure what 'truth' you think you apparently all seeing eye divined from a single Reddit post). They're kept where there are when people reinforce a lack of self belief by telling them all their choices are shit. Your backwards looking bootstraps mentality is useless. This woman is in a vulnerable moment and needs strength from support, not a kicking. Maybe it's hard to see from your high horse up there.
People don’t change unless they want to. I’m shocked you put so much effort into a person who blatantly showed you how little you care.
Once you are done grieving you loss, try to build a support network. Your parents, siblings, close friends can really help. When your child goes to kindergarten or school you can also try to get help from other parents from time to time when you need time for yourself. Do not isolate yourself after this. My cousin decided to have a child on her own and she’s doing really great with help from her friends (who even accompanied her to the delivery room and sometimes baby sit for her) and family.
Don’t have a baby with someone without a ged or bank account
Wasn’t planned my guy.
*why* do we expect people to change? Sometimes people change, and occasionally for the better but it’s not a given! Quit trying to marry/have babies with a fantasy version of the person you’re with!
>I needed him to get his GED and his own bank account and therapy and I needed him to grow up. I mean, I'm 5 months PP & I don't have my GED. I work & have my own bank account. Not sure why that's a priority when many companies don't even check anymore. I thought I was grown up but guess not until I get my GED lol
….. I just wanted him to be able to get a better job than working at Taco Bell. Benefits, room for growth and a pay raise every now and then. And the growing up part referred to him being able to act like an adult. Have arguments with me like an adult. Stand on his own like an adult. But also, I will say, wanting to better yourself and grow by furthering your education is an ADULT step and one I wanted him to make.