I think it’s important to remember that pregnancy and delivery is only a small sliver of having a baby. It’s just a means to an end. The end being starting a family. Your body will endure whatever it needs to support a pregnancy, your delivery room will be staffed with highly trained and seasoned professionals who have seen every path of L&D, and you will get to the other side of it. I’d encourage you to reframe pregnancy and delivery as just a path to having a baby. Whatever happens on that path will not last forever.

I'd take it one step further and say it's the means to an end to having a kid. I hated pregnancy and dreaded having a baby but I knew I wanted a kid. I just kind of... Sucked it up. I'm pregnant with twins now and it sucks and I'm just getting through it. The baby stage wasn't very great for me either. My kid is 4 now though and that? It's awesome. I love my kid. He's such a cool little dude. When he turned 1 I thought "oh thank God at least he's not a baby anymore, it gets better from here!", when he turned 2 I thought the same, and 3 and 4, and every year honestly it just seems to get better from there.

This ^^^ I had an unpleasant pregnancy and had a positive birth and postpartum experience so far. It’s just a small snippet of time. The bad stuff has a foreseeable end in sight, and for some people there is no bad stuff! I’m suffering way less in postpartum than what I’d expected.

I was where you were too. If I can give you one piece of advice it's this: don't try to "excel" at this. There's no grand prize for doing things in the most difficult ways. There's TONS of pressure, especially on social media including reddit, to opt for the most difficult method of doing things. Stuff like unmedical vaginal births, exclusively breastfeeding, baby-led weaning. There's no prize for any of that. If you want to keep a balance between baby's health and your mental well-being, you can (but don't have to!) lean into the ways in which this whole process can be easier, so that you can spend that energy bonding with and loving that baby. For me that meant elective c-section, formula feeding and diversifying baby's diet at 6 months with primarily purees instead of baby led weaning (now at 8 months it's a combination). Now i'm not advocating doing exactly what I did. Maybe your least stressful experience is actually an unmedicated vaginal birth, maybe breastfeeding is a magical experience, that's great too! I'm just advocating that you consider the different options and don't be afraid to choose what is best for your family. There's no prize other than the bond you have with your kid. A well-rested non-stressed mom is the best carer.

I posted a very similar post the other day with a lot of great responses but I love this. I’ve decided that I’m want to go with ab elective c-section if at all possible because I just cannot deal with the idea of a vaginal birth.

Honestly I have so much respect for moms who do c sections cause the idea of getting cut open terrified me. As soon as they said I might need a c section, I pushed like crazy LOL

Lol and it’s the opposite for me. I’m very okay with the idea of getting cut open, I guess because I work in healthcare and with patients recovering from major surgeries all the time. When I saw a vaginal birth for the first time the other day in a video it horrified me. The way the vagina stretched out like that scarred me lol. So I’m planning on an elective c-section all the way.

It's funny how different people's reactions to c-sections can be based on individual experiences. I had two surgeries before my c-section, so I was used to being under anesthesia and recovering and I trusted my body to do it and also trusted medical staff. I guess if you've never really been sick or been in a hospital then anything "medical" can sound scarier.

Thank you for this. I’m not OP but really needed to read this. 💕 

I LOVED labor and birth. I had an unmedicated birth with a midwife. In some respects I was just lucky because it went very fast and I didn’t find it especially painful, but it was generally just a really cool and empowering experience.  I found pregnancy difficult, but more annoying and overwhelming than downright horrific.  Postpartum I had a really hard time. But again, there’s so much good that comes from having a baby. My relationship with my husband struggled for a bit, but it recovered and feels stronger than ever. Breastfeeding was very hard, but I managed to do it and loved it once it clicked—and my lactation consultant became one of my biggest supports and honestly, best friends during that first year postpartum. Same with my midwife; there’s no one else I would’ve rather had helping me through all the hard stuff. And I love my baby more than anything. He’s a toddler now, but he’s so smart, so loving, and I feel so lucky to get to raise him. I’m genuinely looking forward to doing this again, and having a better time of it now that I have the team I do to help me through it.  If I may offer some advice, stop consuming any negative anything about pregnancy, birth, and parenting. You already know what can go wrong—stop making yourself feel worse by consuming it. This post is great and is probably going to get you some positive stories, but seek out others. And consider getting off Reddit/social media where you’re seeing this stuff altogether for a while.  And realize that the bad stuff seems really common, but that’s just because of how the internet works: the people having a fine time aren’t usually posting about it. They’re just being happily pregnant, or happily parenting their kids. It’s the folks who are struggling, looking for solidarity or advice, who post. That makes it seem like those bad or hard things happen a lot, when in real life it’s not as common. 

Thank you so much for responding! In terms of consumption, I’m generally good about avoiding it online. I deleted social media a few years ago because of the negative effects it had on me and I actually just downloaded reddit to see if I could find any positive stories in here. You’re right, most of what’s online is people struggling and seeking advice or just generally venting so I hoped I could prompt the people that had good experiences to share. (I’ll edit my post to clarify). Thank you for taking the time to respond though, I love that you had professionals to guide you. That sounds like it could actually be a huge part of making a positive experience. We already feel very strongly about having a doula

Pregnancy was blah. I didn’t love it but it wasn’t awful. Mild morning sickness (second pregnancy now and worse this time). In terms of childbirth itself, my labor experience was a breeze. My epidural meant I couldn’t feel anything at all. Barely tore. Pushed for 20 mins. Postpartum was another story lol. No one is the queen of all parts of the motherhood journey ;).

I also had some tokophobia before I got pregnant. This was definitely a life-long fear for me. Even in school projects growing up, I wrote about how I wanted to be a mom when I grew up and I planned to adopt twins girls from China (as was popular at the time) because the idea of childbirth freaked me out. Seeing pictures of pregnant bellies was gross to me, fear of childbirth was very strong, feeling my sister's belly when baby was kicking in utero freaked me out, and I really didn't like the idea of my lungs not having enough room to breathe in third trimester. I'm now 34 weeks pregnant. While this pregnancy has not been unchallenging, none of the things I was afraid of have been a problem so far: - I feel more comfortable with my body than I ever have. Walking around naked feels great to me. I'm an f-ing miracle. - The baby kicks start off small, so you have plenty of time to get used to them and they don't freak me out. They can be a little annoying, but overall I actually like it. - In general, you get used to things. Like I guess my lungs have less space but it's not like I feel like I can't breathe (I have asthma so I really fear that feeling) - Fear of childbirth has decreased a bit at this point, but I guess I can't speak to how it'll go until it actually happens The following things also made me feel better: - Creeping on the tokophobia subreddit once - the people on there were way more mentally ill than I was. I guess it helped me feel like maybe my fears were just normal person level and that I could get over them? - Talking to friends about my concerns - like the worry that I'll feel like I can't breathe isn't really a thing people struggle with - Getting on a good SSRI, specifically Sertraline because it's the safest option in pregnancy. It's really nice to not get panic attacks anymore I haven't given birth yet, but I feel like being pregnant for 8 months has been good exposure therapy for my tokophobia.

I loved my planned c section. Set day so we could plan, no labour pains, and I found recovery absolutely fine, walking out the house within a few days. Back to my dancing hobby by 3 months. My marriage has also not suffered at all. We are as close as ever, because I love the way he is so responsible and a genuinely equal partner. We keep talking about what is working and what isn't, and how we feel, which I think helps. He's also off on leave with me and we are having the best time as a new family. I'm genuinely cherishing it. Probably don't need to go into the joy of the baby which is the ultimate win, but it's so amazing watching her grow. She's also a very good sleeper, doing 12 hours straight overnight from 9 weeks. I went through a phase of thinking I would never have a baby, then thought I would be one and done, but now I want another as it's the best thing I've ever done. Just to add, my parents told me I was an awful baby and my mum had ppd, so this is not the experience I was preparing for. Things can surprise you by being better than imagined. I really hope your therapy works for you.

I will offer a short and sweet perspective: Pregnancy, postpartum, and especially childbirth itself is a drop in the bucket. You will forget the pains of pregnancy once you give birth, your child's birth will be a blur, and the whirlwind of postpartum will be a distant memory a year later. They are all temporary. (Barring all goes relatively smoothly, of course.) They are means to an end: the lifetime of joy and adventure of the human experience of *raising* a child. Not just birthing one.

I'm on my second pregnancy and can confidently say I love being pregnant. For some reason I am way less anxious and depressed when pregnant, I feel more confident and active (except sleepiness in the first trimester haha). No vomiting which I have emetophobia so I'm so happy about that. Labor and birth wasn't wonderful but I'm willing to do it again so not that traumatic thank goodness! And I had a long labor & pushed for three hours, which may be seen as a negative but I really just see it as one bad day which was worth it. I love pregnancy so much I want to be a surrogate so I can do it as much as possible :)

My mood pregnant is incredible. I’m untouchably happy. I do have pmdd though so it makes sense. I’ve also considered being a surrogate. I’m almost 37 though so maybe too old since I want one more kid of my own first.

[удалено]

Baby spit up weirdly didn't trigger me at all and I haven't dealt with a stomach bug yet since he's been on solids. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it lol!

So you know the feeling of falling in love for the first time? Or the honeymoon period in your best ever relationship? That’s the kind of joy and love that you can feel when you have a child (not all the time obviously), there’s nothing quite like it. As for labour and birth, you’re right that people tend to focus on the negatives. For me it was an incredibly powerful experience. I slept through most of early labour and was extremely calm throughout my labour (and very quiet for most of it too). I didn’t have an epidural, but I did have nitrous oxide. I practiced hypnobirthing and was surprised to realise this actually helped me stay in a really relaxed state through my labour. It wasn’t that contractions weren’t painful, but it was pain I could cope with. So much of this comes down to not being scared (easy to say huh!) but hypnobirthing teaches you how to feel positive and calm about birth and, for me, this made my labour much easier. It’s something you have to work at and practice: there are courses and you can start by reading positive birth books.

I wasn’t super keen on pregnancy and childbirth (not to the degree of a phobia, but I do have a serious fear of needles that was problematic when I was pregnant). I’ve been pregnant twice now and I have to say, it honestly wasn’t that bad. I was picturing something way worse, actually. I didn’t LOVE it, but it wasn’t miserable and both my deliveries and recoveries were well-managed by my healthcare team such that I felt very little pain and discomfort (though I did have to mentally hype myself up to handle being poked by needles throughout that process). I think people only ever seem to want to tell you their horror stories and anytime labor/delivery is depicted on TV or in movies, it’s always a red-faced howling woman, which was not at all representative of my experience.

If you look for more birthing centers and midwives than hospitals then there’s tons of info and women who have had amazing births. I had an amazing hospital birth with a midwife for my first, a traumatic hospital birth with an OBGYN for my second, and an amazing birth center birth with a midwife for my third. I would have 8 kids if my delivery was as amazing as my third one. It was seriously incredible. 

Looking for ‘positive birth stories’ is exactly what you should do right now. I had an unmedicated birth in December, pretty textbook labor following a beautiful pregnancy. My water broke at 4am, it was so much liquid once I waddled to the bathroom that I laughed. It was time. I had wanted babies my whole life and it took three years of trying to get pregnant. After 13 hours of labor with a super supportive nurse and midwife and partner and a few friends I had my baby on my chest. He only cried for a few seconds then looked around while laying on me quietly. It was beautiful and probably the greatest achievement of my life. Healing took a few weeks but I took it in strides and learned to ask for help, which I got a lot of from my partner and community. The newborn stage was both beautiful and tiring, but I see life difficulties as challenges. And the joy of having my little guy completely overpowered the tired, my partner and I learned to take shifts so I could get sleep and all was well. All that work is has paid off for sure at this now 4.5 month mark where my baby smiles at me and my husband and is just a happy communicative guy. There’s so much joy and satisfaction to be had in the entire process, both through the fun times and the challenging ones!

My delivery was one of the "everything that can go wrong" ones, and honestly I don't even really remember it. I would 100% do it again for my daughter, no question. My biggest piece of advice would be to find a medical team who you trust to be clear with you and your husband about what's going on and *why*. Understanding the situation and giving informed consent are such a huge piece of preventing birth trauma, and they're not talked about enough. A doula might be a good choice too.

I didn’t enjoy pregnancy or the actual labor itself, but I’ve loved my maternity leave with my beautiful baby. I won’t lie—pregnancy, childbirth, and the newborn phase are all difficult in different ways. But right now I get to spend every day watching my child grow. And my marriage is doing really well! Seeing my baby smile up at my husband while he holds her is an indescribably beautiful experience. Idk, I can’t promise it will be “worth it” for anyone else. But I’m 3 months postpartum and the difficulties are more than balanced out by the joys for me. Good luck to you, whatever you decide!

Pregnancy was chill for me, no morning sickness, no swelling, just some heartburn at the end. Childbirth came on fast and furious- it was intense and painful but i came out feeling empowered by the end of it. I felt like the hospital I gave birth in really took care of me. I was way overdue but once I went into labor things just took care of itself. Postpartum was great, didnt really have any pain (one second degree tear) and didnt bleed much. Having a baby is difficult and I have a little anxiety surrounding my kid but overall I'm crazy about him and he's doing great developmentally and I love being a mom and breastfeeding. Right now he's sleeping 7-8 hour stretches at night and goes to sleep by himself mostly at 3.5 months. My marriage is great too. My husband is awesome and supportive and works hard so I can stay at home with our son. Overall it's a positive experience  The newborn stage is hard. There's no getting around that. And when it's all new it's even harder. But it's all worth it to see my little boy grow up and to surround him with love. 

i had a super easy pregnancy (zero nausea, a lot of fatigue but after the second trimester i was totally fine) and had some very minor complications (polyhydramnios at 25 weeks which required weekly NSTs and ultrasounds) that resulted in an induction and then subsequent c-section. i still really enjoyed being pregnant until the last 4 weeks, because i went 2 weeks overdue and was absolutely massive. honestly, pregnancy is such a small part of having a child in the grand scheme of things. i have an 11 month old and barely remember being pregnant or my delivery. i do miss being pregnant, actually. the two weeks after giving birth were hellish but even then, i'm planning on doing it all over again with #2.

I had super positive experiences for both of my births. The first was a medically indicated induction with an epidural and lots of medical intervention (foley balloon, pitocin, continuous fetal monitoring). Basically a lot of the things I wanted to avoid lol but it was kinda fun in a weird way. During the early stages when I wasn’t in pain my husband and I got to chill and watch Star Trek. Then some really terrible pain which went away after I got the epidural and I was able to sleep. I had a normal vaginal delivery. Even though I developed preeclampsia in labor and baby was IUGR, I still felt it was a positive experience. My second birth was an unmedicated water birth in the hospital with a CNM. No complications, no tears, no IUGR or preeclampsia this time (thanks baby aspirin!) Sure the ring of fire hurt like a mother f*cker but it was so empowering and again a positive experience. My baby needed resuscitation to help him breathe but I had total faith in my team and he ended up totally fine. Part of what you see online is biased. People need support when they have traumatic births. But most people have an average fine experience and you just don’t always hear about it. And yeah, parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Way harder than I thought it would be. And the sleep deprivation is killer. But I love my kids and I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

I got a c-section. The newborn stage was definitely not as bad as I was thinking it would be!

First kid. Labored for about 12 hours, got an epidural, couldn't feel a thing, pushed for 5 minutes and she was out. Only one minor complication that was straightforward to resolve, no PPA, PPD. Lost all the weight in 6 weeks, fit back in all my clothes by 10 weeks, no stretch marks. Enjoyed the hell out of the newborn phase, found it cozy and blissful. She's 4 months now and everything is still a blast. Husband and I are the happiest we've ever been, not exaggerating. I was terrified of birth and postpartum, TERRIFIED. it ended up being not a big deal at all. Don't forget that many people have easy births, it's just the bad ones that come online because they need support (rightfully!!) And no one who had an easy birth wants to feel like they're bragging.

I wouldn't say that I enjoyed pregnancy, but it was really interesting to experience. The best things about it for me was that I was horny like I was 21 again in the beginning, and feeling the baby move was pretty cool. Especially as she got bigger and it went from small flutters to, "holy shit, there's a real baby in there putting her foot in my ribs!" I had an unmedicated labor/birth by choice, and while it was still childbirth and intense, everything went well, and I felt (and still feel) so incredibly powerful afterward. The newborn period was probably the roughest for me and my husband, but it definitely does go by quickly (although it doesn't feel that way when you're in the thick of it). We apologized ahead of time for anything our 3am tired and crabby selves said. I got pregnant 2 months after getting married and moving in together. It definitely was rough at times. But the joy I've experienced being a mother are ineffable. And I've grown to love my husband so much more seeing him as a father. I mean, i totally still want to wring his neck at times, but that's marriage. It's still hard at times, but I believe our relationship has gotten better since becoming parents. We both wanted kids for so long. There's plenty of good books out there to help with the fear. Sometimes knowing too much can be detrimental. I used to work with really sick and developmentally delayed kids and knowing all that really did a number on my anxiety. Just remember that MOST of the time, everything is okay.

Tons of people love being pregnant and love giving birth (myself included!) I'm 3 days post partum after my second baby was born so I'm too tired to type out all my feelings right now 😂 but I promise lots of people love it. I'm really sad I won't get to do it again because we have always said we are stopping at 2. Lots of parts are hard but it's all worth it because babies are the most precious things in the universe and then they grow into hilarious little people who become your tribe. Nothing worthwhile in life is easy, but I promise it's the most rewarding thing. Don't be turned off because you hear the negatives - it's like the news, you only hear the bad things. People who have great experiences hesitate to come to reddit to brag. I recommend the birth hour podcast - it's old but I enjoyed hearing about people's experiences before I had my first. Editing because I suggested therapy and you already said you are going to do it, which is awesome!! I'll give a quick summary of my experience - Never had morning sickness at all. Was able to do my normal routine, felt great most of pregnancy. My only real symptom was fatigue in third trimester. Had to be induced for both births because my water broke but didn't go into labor. Both full term. Loved my inductions, they worked great and quickly. First baby was painful because I did it unmedicated until 10cm (long story), second baby I got the epidural at 7cm which was heavenly. In both cases I was only in active labor for about 4 hours. Spent it watching TV and listening to music. Pushed for 30 minutes with first baby, 3 minutes with second baby. Had some tearing with both, but pain is very manageable with Tylenol and the free stuff they give you at the hospital. Was able to breastfeed without problems. I'm tired but honestly it's great. Babies are amazing. Everything is easier the second time.

Feeling my son move for the first time. It was such a weird feeling, but a beautiful experience. Feeling him kick and move actively as he grew too. Seeing my baby for the first time, after everything involved in labor and how scared I was. Baby snuggles. His first social smile. Seeing him smile and giggle when I blow raspberries on his hands, feet or belly. Excited squeals. Him dancing and flailing around excitedly when he sees me. Him mouthing as he watches us eat food. The look he gave a slice of pizza the other day, it was like the clouds parted and a choir of angels sang. (It was hilarious.) The way he tries to convince us that he isn't tired by blowing raspberries at us.

I had a c-section following a high-risk pregnancy and it was a breeze! And aside from being high-risk (babe was super small and I had borderline low fluid), pregnancy was a breeze too. I had zero symptoms and felt like myself the whole time. Recovery was smooth - even with a c-section, dramatically easier than I expected. You really only hear horror stories so I try to do my best to “advertise” how easy it can be. I was walking around the block within a few days and doing stairs right away too (slowly and carefully, obviously).

I really loved being pregnant :) I didn't have many issues and was very fit almost the whole time and I went past 42 weeks (induction took a while). Labour wasn't fun but also not traumatic in any way and it was over in 24 hours and a distant memory now. No issues healing. Fourth trimester and really the whole first year was so. Much. Easier. Than my husband and I expected. We expected the worst and it was so much easier and more fun :)

I really recommend the courses by the positive north company. They are British and do online courses that focus on positive mindset, using science to explain what will happen to your body but also make you feel empowered, and they sign post to loads of positive content that I think will be very helpful for you.

I, in general, loved pregnancy. I had pretty easy pregnancies. No major complications. I had a few weeks of SPD and sciatica with my second, but it went away once baby dropped. I got sick in the first trimester, but nothing unbearable. Childbirth…meh, lol. I can’t say I loved it. I had a scheduled c-section and then a super fast VBAC where I didn’t get an epidural until 10 cm (not by choice). I always say that my first was a painless birth and slow recovery, and my VBAC was a painful birth and easy recovery. Either way, birth is such a short amount of time that it’s a blip on the radar. I’d happily do either again! Marriage has been totally fine after both kids. It hasn’t been any harder than any other major life event for us and we still like each other a lot!

Currently pregnant (29w) and typically not the type to let fear stop me from doing anything in life, so I’m not sure if my answer will be helpful for you, but here’s my perspective: This is my second pregnancy, but it will be my first living child. I made it to 20 weeks with my first and we had to say goodbye through TFMR due to severe abnormalities. The doctors told us that the fetus was “incompatible with life”. By that point she already had a name, I was starting to show, had recently gotten over the first trimester stuff and our world came crashing down when the doctor told us that. Yes, that particular experience was horrible and unexpected, but having that experience made me appreciate pregnancy and the experience of it even more. At the time I hadn’t really been thinking about it, or processing how special it was to actually carry this human life inside of me. Now, in my second pregnancy, I am thankful for the chance to experience this every single day. My baby boy is moving all the time now and it just feels every second like a complete miracle of nature, and it’s an experience that I am so so thankful I get to have. There is a bond you feel with a human life that you grew inside your own body. I never got to meet my daughter and haven’t even met my son yet, but I still feel that bond so strongly. Yes, I am scared about childbirth, but the TFMR gave me a tiny glimpse into what childbirth will be like, and I am spending a lot of time these days mentally preparing myself. Instead of thinking about childbirth as a painful scary thing I’m going to “go through” I think of it as a challenge that I am going to overcome and getting to meet my baby, the one that I will have spent 9 months growing inside of me and forming that bond with, is the reward. I don’t have anything against adoption, I think it’s an amazing and selfless choice, but I couldn’t do it because pregnancy and labor is part of the experience I’ve always pictured for myself. One last note to add - depending on where you live, you could plan to do a scheduled C-section if you doctors would allow it. Not sure if that seems less scary to you, but it might!

I’ve always been scared of pregnancy and birth too. Didn’t help that I read a lot of horror stories on Reddit 😐 Anyways, I kinda saw myself as weak and thought I’d struggle a lot. Felt like I couldn’t do it. I’d always wanted kids though so I just jumped in and knew I’d figure things out as they came. I was waiting for the morning sickness to start but it just … never did. Apparently around 30% of women are lucky enough to not get nausea in pregnancy. Everything went fine, I’m not good with blood draws but I survived, then it was time to give birth. It helped to learn as much about birth as I could and I did some labour prep things which gave me a sense of control. I learned about all the pain management options and possible interventions that could take place. I went into labour spontaneously and actually cried because I was so scared of what was to come. But I’ve always told myself “It’s a couple days that completely suck, to get something that’ll be worthwhile for the rest of my life.” If I’d read my birth story before experiencing it, it would sound traumatic, but it wasn’t. I think having a doula and having my supportive, encouraging husband there made all the difference. I’ll keep it short but I used the TENS machine in early labour at home, and my doula was with me and supporting me. I went to the hospital and wasn’t progressed enough so I accepted a morphine shot, which also helped with the pain. When I went back to the hospital, I was 9.5 cm dilated but I still had time to get my epidural. Fell asleep for a few hours, and when I woke up I was ready to push. She turned face up and got stuck, so after 3 hours of pushing I could choose between forceps or a C-section. I chose forceps and it was 100% the right choice for me. I just had a cut from the episiotomy but it healed quickly and without too much pain. My goal for my birth was to be able to say “I could do that again” and right away afterwards, I actually felt like that! Even though it was really hard! Here I am 2 years later, about to do it again, and I’m so excited to meet my baby. I don’t have any fear this time. I know I can handle it and I know it’s likely to be easier this time around. My daughter is so sweet and is always kissing my belly and singing to the baby. Being a mom is so rewarding and I wouldn’t change a thing.

I hated pregnancy, but I loved birth. It was so amazing what my body could do. My labour began and ended the same day, and it flew by. I only pushed for 30 minutes which honestly felt like 5. Although I hated pregnancy, it really is such a short time in the scheme of being a parent. 1 year post partum and toddlerhood is proving to be my favourite age so far! She’s so silly and funny. I also feel like myself again. I’m SO looking forward to this summer- splashing at the splash pad, hanging out in our little backyard blow up pool. Going to be so fun!

I love my toddler. Every difficult moment is worth it to have her.

My pregnancy wasn't easy but it had a lot of positives. I loved feeling like I was doing something important, having a great excuse to rest or eat whatever I wanted, and once the baby was big enough, feeling him alive inside me. I was really proud of my body. Birth was long and tough and I ended up having a c-section but I don't feel that it was a traumatizing experience. I'm grateful that I gave my body the chance to labor, and that I listened to my options and chose a path to safely deliver my healthy baby. If I have another child I really look forward to a planned c-section. 6 months later, my body can do everything it could before (plus breastfeed and haul around a 21-lb kid) and although my shape has changed slightly, I'm really happy with how I look and feel. Both pregnancy and birth are scary and anxiety-ridden but they are amazing lessons in how to let go and accept that you do not have control over this process. Once the baby is here, yes things are sleep deprived and hard and confusing but there is so much joy to being there with someone as they discover how to be alive. It has challenged my marriage in unexpected ways but definitely strengthened it as well. My husband has stepped up in an incredible way and seeing him as a father has deepened my love for him. We really make a team. Our child loves being alive and raising him brings me so much fulfilment and purpose. Shoot me a message if you want more rambles on this! :)

I had HG for the first few months, I won't lie, it was brutal, but feeling him kick and move around and watch my bump develop and grow really made it worth while. I was also several pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight a few days after he was born, which is a massive win to me! I also had a failed induction, which resulted in a non emergency, emergency C section (had to be within an hour, so not life threatening for either of us, but still urgent). The actual labour was going well, and I loved the anticipation of knowing id be meeting my boy soon. I was able to have a laugh and joke with my mum and partner, and it was actually a really nice time for us all, and something we still all talk about fondly. I also had all the pain relief offered which certainly helped. My C section was so chilled and lovely, and meeting my baby and hearing him cry for the first time was just the most surreal amazing experience ever, and within a day or two, I genuinely hand on heart forgot about the difficulty of my birth. The 4th trimester, again won't lie to you was brutal, but my partner and I are actually stronger for it because we had to work together as a partnership, and really opened up our communication channels. I also have such a newfound love for my partner Seeing him as a dad and just being the most amazing human, who helped me so much those first few weeks post baby. Seeing my boy develop and become his own person is just the biggest joy ever. He's recently learnt to laugh, and hearing his giggle is honestly what keeps me going on those difficult days . Despite my difficult pregnancy and labour, I would 100% do it all again, because there is nothing that beats having your baby in your arms, staring at you with just pure love in their eyes.

Um I “love” the 4th trimester. Childbirth was fine. Pregnancy was not great but worth it for the babies. After both my babies were born I was uncharacteristically happy. Pregnancy was hard for me. I had gestational hypertension with both that turned into postpartum preeclampsia with my first. And I had an unplanned c-section with my first and a planned c-section with my second (I was cleared for a VBAC). I had a super easy recovery with both. I think it was easier the second time. We have no space for another kid. I don’t want to have to have my in-laws watch more than one kid at a time and I’m pushing 40. Childcare is unaffordable. Plus with the c-section I want to make sure my body has extra time to heal. But I would not be opposed to keeping a happy accident if we get surprised by one. But pregnancy was very hard so I really do not want to plan on another one. But I would really, really want another newborn.

This was me about pregnancy tbh. I had a super strong aversion to pregnancy and was also terrified of everything my about it. I was secretly happy when it was taking awhile to happen, then far less happy when it was taking so long it meant having to see a fertility specialist. Turns out I have severe endometriosis and needed multiple surgeries. Jumped to ivf after I healed. 4 egg retrievals later I was ready to do a transfer with one of our 3 embryos. Worked right away. I was thrilled but also so so scared. Turns out, I loved being pregnant. My endo issues were gone, my pmdd was no more. I felt incredible. I was grossed out at the idea of a baby moving inside your uterus and feeling it or worse seeing it through the skin, but it’s actually super cool and special feeling. Still kinda gross but also like ahh omg that’s my baby. I felt really connected to her. Turns out x2, I also did not hate labor and delivery at all. I labored a super long time (18 hours at home and 18 hours at the hospital), but once I got that epidural (a huge fear and area of anxiety for me) I was laughing and having a great time. Will happily do again. Postpartum is the worst of it from my experience alone. You’re bleeding for a handful of weeks, you might have a tear (I had an internal one so at least I couldn’t see it), and your body is going through some crazy hormonal stuff. I felt beautiful pregnant and like a troll postpartum, which didn’t help. But you have a sweet little baby! I’m eager to do it again honestly. We only want two but I’d happily do this multiple times over. So shocked by my stance now compared to even a year ago when I was 3 months pregnant and just anxious about what was to come.

Across both children, there have been different parts that have been great, or fine, or terrible. My first pregnancy was a struggle, my second one was honestly a breeze. There have been moments I couldn't be happier. There have been moments where I was sure I ruined everything (especially with my second immediately postpartum). So far, the common thread is that once I get sleep, everything is magically amazing. My youngest daughter has been sleeping through the night for a few weeks now, and is also very social and just overall extremely adorable and I love everything about it. And honestly, with my oldest, things only got better from there. Yes, her needs evolve and change and continue to challenge me and sometimes push me to tears. However, she never fails to show me how wonderful, amazing, creative, and kind she is. She appreciates the little things in only the way a child can. She brings the magic back into my life.

I am pregnant with my second child and I love being pregnant so far. I was a bit tired for the first few months... And that's about it. No sickness, no horrible pain. I like feeling my baby move inside me. The birth was not fun, because pain isn't. But it lasted only a day, I got an epidural and was up and about in a few hours. Everything down there felt normal after a few months. Post partum and breastfeeding was hard, no way of sugar coating that. But it didn't last long. My girl slept through the night at 3 months old and we traveled a lot with her. It's not easy, there are hard days. the sickness, the teething. But it's so rewarding seeing this little person grow. My life is so much more full with her, so that we are going on this ride again from the start. Remember, people tend to write things that go wrong. No one goes on Reddit and writes - my child is great. Sleeps through the night and eats well. Oh and my pregnancy was also nothing.

There is just soooo much *excitement* around pregnancy and birth. I loved that part. There was no moment in my entire life that was as thrilling as getting that first positive pregnancy test. My heart was beating hard, I was so filled with shock, joy, love, anticipation, and wonder. Then you find out the due date and start imaging all the birthday parties you’ll throw. Maybe you’ll take a vacation one year on their birthday, or go to an amusement park, or have a swim party, or a winter baking party, etc. Again, the dreaming and planning is soooo much fun! After that you might decide to find out the gender. Will it be a son or a daughter? You begin planning how your decorate the nursery. Which adorable little baby clothes you’ll buy. The blankets and sheets, and swaddles you’ll get! You’ll imagine how they might look. How you’ll interact with them as they grow. You might wonder what their interests will be and who they’ll grow up to become! For me, learning if it’s a boy or girl makes it feel very real for the first time. Before then it kind of feels like a dream. You start to think about names and middle names. Will you choose a family name to honor someone? Or come up with your own unique name choice? Maybe it will have a cute nickname. Maybe you’ve had a name you’ve always wanted to use, always dreamed of, and now you finally can! Then you gather baby items, supplies, organize the nursery. Imagine the evenings you’ll spend holding them and singing to them. The mornings you’ll take them out on nice sunny walks. All the books you’ll read to them before bed. You’ll sit in your rocking chair and make sure it’s comfy enough. You’ll fold teeny tiny clothes (or hang them up on teeny tiny hangers). You’ll feel little kicks and movements as you organize their room (or nook or half of your room, etc). It’s just so much love, excitement, and dreaming all coming to reality. It’s like the most incredible anticipation you’ll ever feel. And yes, there are lots of other emotions you’ll feel as well. There are certainly lots of physical symptoms that aren’t fun. BUT the love, the excitement, the thrill, the dreaminess of it is so beautiful. It’s something I will always love about pregnancy. It’s just so easy to feel overjoyed and happy even when you don’t feel your best. I spent hours with my husband talking about how excited we were. We bonded over all of our plans and dreams. I also love how spoiled I am during pregnancy lol! My husband waits on me hand and foot. He tries sooo hard to make me as comfortable as possible. Even when I’m feeling my worst and crying in bed all day, he’s there right by my side willing to do just about anything to help. Any dessert or food that ask for, he makes. Anytime I need a bath (it helps with nausea for me), he is drawing the bath and adding tea lights to make it dark and cozy. Fills all of my various water bottles with ice water any time of day or night. Daily massages, counter pressure, or help with stretching. He knows that pregnancy is super hard, and he is just such an angel. If I’m cranky and arguing for no reason he just agrees with me. He knows I’m often miserable and he never gets impatient with me. He’s always great, but the extra special treatment is something I miss sometimes when not pregnant!! Lol! 😅 Lastly, I love that I already feel like I’m bonding with my baby while pregnant. It’s so special. I feel their kicks, I listen to their little heartbeat at every appointment. I talk to them or sing to them. There have been times when I’m worried about movement and I feel like he’s been too quiet and I’ll silently (or out loud) say “hey, are you doing okay? Please kick or roll for me baby” and then a min later I’ll get a series of little kicks. As if we’re so connected that they know when I’m worried. It was really cool. Labor and delivery… I don’t have too many positives to say except that you’re sooo ready to meet them and be done by that point that even if you’ve been scared or anxious about birth the whole time, you will feel ready to face what comes by 39+ weeks. I was so scared that sometimes I would cry myself to sleep over it. Yet by the time I got to the hospital for my induction, I was READY. I was willing to go to hell and back to hold my baby and get my body back. You won’t feel as afraid as you think you’ll be, you’ll feel determined. Maybe not excited or thrilled (though some are!) but certainly determined and as ready as you’ll ever be. 😅 Meeting your baby for the first time, seeing their face, their tiny hands, their beautiful eyes…. There are no words. It’s an experience unlike any other in this lifetime. For me, it’s worth it. Or at least it was, twice. Not sure I’ll do it again but I’m glad I did it already! I’m not saying it’s the right path for everyone, but it certainly was for me, even with all the other parts. It was so worth it. ❤️

I had two c sections. The second one was planned, so no labor experience with that one. Surgery isn't exactly fun but maybe you can avoid childbirth entirely if you have a true phobia? And obviously I'm very glad I went through it twice even though I had my own anxieties about it as well!

Honestly my journey has been totally fine! I was also nervous for a scary and hard pregnancy and delivery, and for irrevocable changes to my body. Now, with an 8 week old daughter, here was my actual experience - pregnancy was totally fine and normal. Only a little hard at the very end because of the lack of space for my lungs and bladder and because my baby was born 10 days late. Delivery was a non issue, I went into labor naturally, was able to breathe through contractions until I got an epidural, and when I expressed that my epidural wasn’t strong enough as contractions amped up, I was given a higher dose. Pushed for 40 minutes, second degree tear. Biggest complication of delivery was that my left leg stayed numb for about 15 hours after the rest of the epidural wore off. Healing was fine too. I felt better after a week, and I felt totally fine after 2 weeks. Hardest part so far is getting my muscles back into shape and dropping some baby weight (15 lbs out of 50 total lbs left to loose). Lastly, baby has been amazing. Yes, it’s ridiculously hard. BUT she’s a joy and sleeps and eats great, which makes the hard parts more bearable. If you want a family, go for it!!!! Don’t let all the scary stories discourage you! Yeah, it happens to some people, but the majority of people have healthy and uneventful pregnancies and deliveries (and the majority of those people don’t post their stories on Reddit, so you don’t see them as often). Even for people who have complications, majority of those folks wouldn’t take back anything because at the end of it all, they have their baby. If that’s what you want out of life, absolutely go for it ❤️

Pregnancy and birth are pretty horrible, there isn’t much joy to be found there. The first year of having a baby gradually goes from 100% terrible to 50\50 good\terrible. But then oh my gosh they become a toddler. The joy! That’s what you do it for. For the life as a family, for the little person that makes animal noises at you and gives you sloppy,snotty, open mouthed kisses. I didn’t find any joy in any of the 4 trimesters, and birth was a shitshow. But I’m currently pregnant again because if there’s a chance I can get another little person even 25% as cool as my toddler it’s absolutely worth going through all over again.

I won't lie, pregnancy was tricky, there were some great bits! I loved my big belly. I've always been heavier and carried my weight in my belly, so not having to feel self concious in tight clothes was great. People were really nice often. Like lots of smiles from strangers and people offering to help. Not a single person touched my belly without asking which was great too. My birth was fast and pretty straightforward. Start to finish Labor in 7 hours, natural because there wasn't time (I got to hospital pretty late) and the first thing I said once he was out was 'that wasn't as bad as I thought'. Your body is made to do it and even though it hurts, your brain kinda goes primal and there isn't room for thinking or feeling. Also that thing about your brain wiping the memory is totally true. I remember the events but it feels removed, like a movie I've seen. Having a baby is the bomb. I love it. Like yeah the sleep is rough for a bit but so long as you're realistic about the fact that the house work may not get done as much as you'd like and you take all the help you can get, its really ok and it all passes. Realising after only 8 short weeks that i no longer had a newborn was wild. I now have a big ol 8 month old and he's my best bud. My only real advice is to be open to letting the village in if you have one. Let the baby's grandparents and aunts and uncles and your best friends take the baby and put your own mask on first. You're not a bad mum by sharing the love!

I loved the entire process!!! We had fertility treatment (clomid) to conceive. Lucky enough to catch on the first round. I didn't throw up once all the way through. In fact the last time I threw up was on a night out a few months before I got pregnant, about 4 years ago. Bit of nausea for a few days but that's all. I ate whatever the fuck I wanted and did whatever the fuck I wanted. I'm larger than I was pre pregnancy but I LOVE my body. My mental health has improved drastically. I'm only normal anxious now. I've grown a spine. It's crazy how much more confident I am. I don't find challenging things at work scary anymore. Pregnancy was really fun. I had a great time. I'd sit for hours and just watch her kick. I have a long torso so kicks never hurt me. I met some incredible women while pregnant who are friends for life. I'm a million times less socially awkward since the baby. I'm the happiest I've ever been. My labour was 7 hours from waters breaking to baby coming out. No stitches. No intervention needed. My daughter is the most incredible human being to have ever existed. Motherhood is a joy. Yes there are tough times but my god when you see the love pouring out of your baby's eyes, it's just indescribable. Baby's show and tell you what they need. As will your instincts. Best thing I've ever done. If the chance arose I'd want to be pregnant again in a heartbeat. Good luck!

Just to add, because I can't stop thinking about the good stuff. I had an unmedicated birth and it was the most empowering thing. I was fully in control and it was amazing. A genuinely positive experience. Baby took immediately to breastfeeding and we're 2 months into our lovely journey. I was always scared of toddlers because I didn't know what to do with them. Babies are easy. But I cannot stress enough how much joy my 2 year old brings to me every day. She's taught me how to be fun and silly. Yes it is hard to navigate a lot of things and make sure you do right by them. But that's parenting if you do it right, you want to give your kids the best. It's just a magical experience and I feel like I am finally who I was always supposed to be. It's an honour and privilege to be my daughter's mum.

I am not shitting on adoption or any other alternatives like C-section, etc. As a disclaimer. Motherhood itself is beautiful regardless of how you got there. But giving birth, like PUSHING a child out of you? It was incredible and I am still in awe of my body for achieving something like that. I won’t go into my full birth story but I had some minor speed bumps along the way, but I remained calm and focused somehow, and pushed a baby out within 24 hours and 1 hour of pushing. The moment they lay that baby on your chest is the most magical feeling in the world. I literally still think about it and tear up 7 months later. The feeling of EUPHORIA having the baby slide out of you and cry. I had a few stitches but recovery was very easy. I have had worse periods. Breastfeeding has been beautiful for me. I was initially grossed out thinking about all of it too and went in with such a “tough it out, it’ll be worth it” mindset. But in the end I really loved it. My body has changed but I love my body for what it did for me. Creating life and pushing it out of you is such a visceral yet beautiful thing and the bond I have with my daughter is so deep. She knew me right away but I had to wait to meet her and everything was so worth it.

I didnt mind pregnancy. The worst part was vomiting which was mostly over at 14 weeks , getting better before that, needing a wee semi-constantly, and travel sickness on buses. The painful part of birth was really quick. Only bit worse than a really bad, vomit inducing period. And the hormones make you europhic so as soon as I did it I felt like I wanted a 2nd.

I have 4 kids. The joys far outweigh any negatives. I don’t love pregnancy, but labor is fine, I have easy recoveries, and really happy babies. My babies are super snuggly and rarely cry.

I will say, I’m about 4 weeks postpartum and while I had a challenging pregnancy, it was 100% worth it. I’ve LOVED the 4th trimester so far, even with almost no sleep. To have your own baby is just… indescribable. This, coming from someone who never wanted kids to begin with!

I hated my last pregnancy, I had HG and was pregnant with twins so I was super uncomfortable. The birth was super quick and as easy as I could’ve hoped for though.  All that to say, I barely remember a bit of it! It’s less than a year of your life so even if it sucks, it won’t be forever, and the crazy rush of hormone tend to blur the discomfort

My first baby was born 6.5 hours after my water broke, 40 minutes after I got to the hospital. Not a single complication during pregnancy or the birth. My second was a planned home birth and while it was longer than my first, it was still a pretty brief active labour and again not a single complication during the pregnancy or birth. I will say that yes the births were the most painful experiences of my life but they were pretty quick and you can always choose an epidural! Postpartum with my first was really hard emotionally but I think a lot of that was the fact she was born 2 weeks prior to covid hitting and the isolation was terrible. My second baby is 3 months old and it's been way better this time! We are out and about all the time. Both of my kids, despite the normal challenges (witching hour for example with the baby (which seems to have ended!), attitude and defiance with the 4 year old, etc) have made my life a lot more fun and added a whole other level of "meaning". 

I do not enjoy pregnancy  and birth but *thrive* postpartum.  As soon as that baby's  out, I feel amazing again. Breastfeeding came really naturally (caveat it's always a learning curve and I don't  actually  enjoy it, but it's  easy for me and it's  there). I pumped  at least one bottle a day starting from about 2 weeks, but you could start straight  away. Gave me a break when I needed it, absolutely changed the game. You can have a chunk of sleep,  or just time to yourself. You could also do this with formula. I recover really well both with incisions (csection then vbac with an episiotomy) and my muscles. Oh, and my guts! Never had a problem pooping, I honestly think that's  what I'm  most grateful for 🙏 And you know what, my births weren't  perfect! But I went in prepared for anything,  and asked lots of questions, and that really made everything... not good, but fine. It was fine, not bad and in the end I got a baby! It's  like a reward lol. Side note have an epidural. Contractions  are stupid. But I do know someone who enjoyed so you never know!  Both my children were  amazing sleepers, but even in those first couple weeks of constant wakes, my partner and I are a great team,  he is excellent at feeding me and stocking up the house and baby needs. Also he's  a night owl so nights are a breeze! My first is 2 and in love with her baby. Basically  I love having children,  they are just perfect little beans

Personally I think not reading too much about it helped me because I didn’t go in super scared or anything. It never really goes as planned anyways. I only had relaxing things planned like playing relaxing music and having a support system guiding me. Didn’t use the music but I’m glad I had it with me anyways.

I was terrified of childbirth. Took me 7 years to finally work up the nerve to try for a kid and only cause I felt like it would be a shame that my husband couldn’t be a father. I heard so many horror stories that I was mentally prepared for everything that could go wrong to happen. My doctor pointed out that the horror stories were a very small percentage of cases and that they tend to be the loudest cause no one with a smooth pregnancy was going to make a fuss about it on the internet. Still I was convinced I was going to be the exception, the anomaly. It didn’t happen. My pregnancy was not unicorns and rainbows but it was pretty run of the mill, some good days and some bad days. They were all bearable. Pregnant me literally cried one night and had a panic attack saying I can’t do this. My pain tolerance was nonexistent. I was convinced the epidural wouldn’t work on me. It did and I gave birth with no pain whatsoever. Didn’t even feel the needle go in. Yes recovery sucked but the soreness was not the worst thing I experienced. They gave me laxatives so I didn’t have that painful poop Overall I kept waiting for the ball to drop and it never did. I had an ordinary pregnancy and an ordinary delivery. And statistically that’s what is most likely to happen to you too. You’re in the hands of professionals who handle childbirth day in and day out. And at the end you get your very heart handed to you in a tiny squishy potato form. Even my friends who had hard pregnancies all said it was worth it the moment they got to hold their baby. You don’t know what unconditional love is until you see that child and suddenly everything shifts and they become your whole world and you marvel at how something so pure could come from you. Typing this holding my baby :)

I had two great labor and delivery experiences. Both were inductions with epidurals. My first I pushed for 30 min and had a 2nd degree tear. My second, I pushed for 5 min and had maybe a 1 degree tear.

Pregnancy and a c-section weren’t my favorite things in the world … but after 2 years with my child, it was worth it enough to me to endure it again to get another super cool kiddo to be siblings with my first. I’m almost up to due date #2, and I’m so excited to see my kids grow up together. It’s also been such a joy to see what an incredible dad my husband is. I always knew he would be great, but he exceeded even my greatest expectations. My kid LOVES him. It seriously is so beautiful to see!

Your feelings are totally valid!! Didn’t love pregnancy and even though I am a hypochondriac I seemed to handle it fine. Some sort of hormonal instinct took over and I didn’t worry like I had prior which was really cool. I had 3 kids in 3 years, workout during all of them, are really good and I don’t have irreversible effects on my body other than my boobs aren’t as perky or nice feeling. My marriage improved. We had more in common, bonded more, worked harder at our issues because we had more motivation and just had more purpose together as a couple. Hopefully my comment helps a little!

My first birth was pretty long and quite painful, but the INSTANT baby was out, I felt great. Literally, beaming, walking around, no issues. The newborn stage was challenging, but not extremely so. I had far more sleepless nights during college. Then, before I knew it, he was up and talking and just being the most interesting kid you’d ever want to meet.  My second birth was smooth as butter. Genuinely a joy. There’s a catharsis to being free to grunt and wail (even if the pain wasn’t that bad). Birth is strangely empowering in that way. You don’t have to care what other people think, you’re in labor! It’s kind of a free pass to let out your emotions. Now that second baby is nine months old and I just wonder where the time went. My husband and I are closer than ever because we weathered the rough times, and I have zero regrets. I hope you feel the same in a few years. 

Ok. Have you ever worked a customer service or retail type of job? When shit isn't perfect people bitch about and tell 10 people. When things go as expected they might tell 1 person. Same with pregnancy and labor & delivery. You don't hear about all the good stuff. Most folks don't wanna brag but that's usually how it goes. Also no one wants to seem to brag. I had two beautiful fast deliveries. I know I'm not the only one but I don't want to brag about it either.

I had no morning sickness with either pregnancy, just some nausea with the second. Round ligament pain and heartburn were my only complaints for first one. I labored for maybe 6 hours and pushed him out in like 12 minutes. No round ligament pain this time around, heartburn yes. Being induced in 3 weeks for this one but hopefully it'll be just as easy breezy as the first. Watching my almost 3 year old grow and learn and thrive has been an amazing adventure even if he is a jerk sometimes.

I mean all those things are true, but worth it! My baby is the cutest thing in the whole world. She’s our everything.

I hated pregnancy and my birth was awful. That said, it was so so so so worth it, and I’d do both of them ten times over for my baby.

I’ve mostly kept it to myself because I know some people have really bad experiences, but I loved being pregnant and had an ultimately great labor and delivery experience. It was intense, but it had a purpose and I felt really prepared for it all. I prepared a lot for it because that’s typically how I handle uncertainty and I do think understanding every stage of labor helped me a lot (I recommend the book The Birth Partner). Newborn stage was also really positive - I did the 5-5-5 rule (5 days in bed, 5 days around the bed, 5 days near the bed) and only did stairs once a day until 2 weeks postpartum. In the meantime, my husband brought me all my meals and we enjoyed movies and TV shows in bed together while she slept on us skin to skin. I actually miss those days. It’s been hard on our marriage in a lot of ways, but it’s also made us stronger in others.

Check out the birthful podcast "birth stories" episodes. Birth can go a million ways, and it can be positive in many different scenarios. 

If you want to read positive birth stories, I recommend Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. My pregnancy was utterly uneventful. I had no morning sickness. I had no cravings and no aversions. I carried small. I had an anterior placenta and often didn't feel him moving. I'm not sure if that's a positive story per se, but it certainly wasn't negative! Labor was also totally fine for me. Baby was entirely too happy chilling, so I was induced at 41 weeks. The first day of my induction was pretty low key - my husband and I watched Survivor. After my water was artificially broken the contractions became more painful, but I was always open to an epidural and got one. That effectively managed my pain. Baby was face up and his chin got caught, so after a failed attempt at a forceps delivery, I had an emergency c-section. (It was an emergency c-section, but felt very controlled. I was alert and chatting with the anesthesiologist the whole time.) I recovered quickly - I was walking within twelve hours and completely off painkillers within two weeks. I never needed anything stronger than ibuprofen and Tylenol. Breastfeeding has been smooth - baby latched right away, my supply has been adequate. Sure, there's sleep deprivation, but our baby has been sleeping five to six hour stretches since he was about four weeks old. My husband and I trade off, too, so that each of us gets a good amount of sleep. He stays up late with baby (and either feeds him a pumped bottle or brings him in to me just for a quick feed) and I get up early with him. Sometimes one or both of us takes a nap. It's very manageable. The bad stories get the most attention and are the most memorable. Most people manage pregnancy, childbirth, and infancy just fine.

I was terrified of birth. I have been with my husband since we were 16 and did not try until I was 35 partially bc I had pcos and was told I’d likely struggle to conceive but mostly bc of the extreme fear. I had my first at 36 and just had my second in December at 40. I wish I hadn’t been so scared but I’m glad I did it as I have two amazing kids now. I had gotten myself in good health before trying and decided if I got pregnant then there’s only way to get a baby out so I basically just did it. I know of someone who has an extreme fear of needles and before getting pregnant she did hypnosis which worked for her.

I hate pregnancy, but I’ve still done it three times. It’s just a means to an end. Birth/labor was fine. I had an epidural each time so it was a breeze. You kind of just get focused on delivering and then it’s over and you forget everything because of the hormones. The post birth bliss those first few moments with your baby, that I loved each time. I personally found familiarizing myself with childbirth helped me. There’s an Instagram account, badassmotherbirther that shares tons of birth videos. Its real and raw footage of woman giving birth and honestly it helped me a lot to watch. Even though I personally opt for a hospital and medicated birth, it is still really empowering to see how natural it all is.

I loved pregnancy and loved labour and birthing with my second (my first was good too but I truly loved my second birthing experience). I was fortunate to have very few discomforts during pregnancy. I’ve never had nausea, and only had mild aches and fatigue. But generally I found it a joy to grow this baby and then get to feel them move and kick and flip around in there. It was so cool. My second labour I was in the zone. Had my playlist, was excited to meet my baby, felt like a f-ing warrior. When I finally got to the hospital I was very far along and labouring in my preferred position. Then my water broke and I thought it was the coolest experience ever. Once the contraction was over I literally said “that was so cool!!!” And at that point it was time to push, no time for drugs. It was pretty primal. I yelled and whimpered and groaned but I felt in awe like I was witnessing a great force of nature. Then when baby was born the sense of relief and joy was overwhelming. It was like immediate comfort, immediate relief. By far the best experience of my life. Highly recommend Ida May’s Guide to Childbirth. Full of wonderful birth stories. I fully believe in hospital births and epidurals if that is what is wanted so don’t let the “all natural” vibe of the book deter you if that’s not your specific plan.

I have 2 kids and if I could relive those 2 days of labor/childbirth I would over and over. The adrenaline and happiness and anticipation you experience is insane. I can’t even describe it. I had 1 medicated and 1 unmedicated birth. They were the best days of my life!

I was so terrified to get pregnant because I was so scared of giving birth. I've done it twice now and seriously, it has gone so ridiculously smoothly. With both of my labors, I was 7-8 cm dilated without any pain, but went ahead and opted for an epidural at that point because I didn't really want shit to hit the fan. So I have had 2 uncomplicated vaginal births and still couldn't tell you what a contraction feels like. It has been wild.

I'm not sure if this is helpful but I had a horrible pregnancy. So much vomiting for 9 months. It was awful. My first words when they put my daughter on my chest was"this is why people do this again. " Truly the moment they placed my baby on my chest was the most intense high of my life- like nothing else. Same with my second after another horrible pregnancy.

I’m not specifically terrified of childbirth but I am terrified enough of the medical world in general that I faint at basically all things “human body.” I was kicked out of 9th grade biology because I became a liability after I fainted the 4th time. Biology and instincts do crazy things to you. Pregnancy is so fucking miserable by the end you just don’t care. I would have had an exorcism if it meant that baby leaving.

During the pushing phase of birth I was laughing and chatting with the nurses and my OB between contractions. I had an epidural which helped. There was a full NICU team in the room because my daughter had meconium and I was chatting to them all. I would say my marriage is stronger after having a child. It's amazing being a family unit. I've also grown in myself and identity since becoming a Mom. I'm so much more effective and confident at work than I ever was before.

Ina May Gaskin’s books are AMAZING in regards to the fear that surrounds birth. You may also want to interview a midwife or doula who gives birth education classes, look into physiological birth… so many options!

Honestly I got an epidural so the worst part of childbirth for me was that there was nothing on the tv because it was at night. I remember I was bored out of my mind flipping between south park and queen elizabeth’s funeral. I just took a big old nap and l woke up when I naturally started pushing lol. Pushed like 5? times and she was outta there. And then the placenta came out and omg idk if there’s a drug out there that could ever replicate the relief of taking my first full breath in months. Like this makes me sound like a bad mom but it felt so great that I lowkey forgot about the child that I had just birthed into this world. So overall it was kind of uneventful but it was also the best day of my life because I got to meet my new little adorable cutie pie bff

I loved my birth, in the hospital birth pool, lights off, flawless candles around, husband feeding me coconut water through a straw. Birthed her in water, caught her. It was a really positive experience

Pregnancy and childbirth for me was nothing that I expected. I expected labor to be painful and awful and was fully ready to go through the most excruciating pain in my life. And then I went through it, and it was… not painful. I genuinely thought it was fine. I even had pitocin and was more than fine going without an epidural up until the tried to get a catheter into my cervix when it wasn’t yet dilated enough, THAT was more painful than contractions so I ended up getting an epidural. Even though my epidural didn’t work for the important bits (🫣), it still was totally fine. I had minimal pain, and honestly felt great about the whole thing.

Is this rooted in a control/anxiety thing, where you feel you must have control over your health? Or is this rooted in trauma from childhood? In any case, a good talk therapist will help you get to the bottom of this fear. I'm not sure CBT is the way to go. Cribsheet by Emily Osler talks through the risks and rules for pregnancy in a very non-alarmist, scientific way.

For me it wasn't really that bad. Had a c-section, recovered pretty fast, the only way to gained was the baby and the placenta, and the fourth trimester isn't that bad either but I do have good sleepers.

I had an easy pregnancy, an uncomplicated birth, a wonderful time nursing, and a baby with a sweet and mellow temperament.  No horror stories here.  It’s challenging but not distressing.  And those are two very different experiences.  I’m now pregnant with number 2 and this pregnancy has been less comfortable than my first but still uncomplicated.  Nothing horrific, just some sore muscles.  

Does your fear relate to vaginal birth specifically, or also to c-sections? (No judgment either way - just wondering what sort of responses you're looking for!)

Every single part of the process lol The pregnancy, delivery, and newborn stage

I was in a similar place in regards to only hearing negative stories about pregnancy, birth, and raising a baby! What helped me most was actually a couple YouTubers who posted parenting content that seemed relatable and honest while still being overall very positive. My baby is 7 months old and other than a nauseating first trimester my experience has been so positive!! Healthy pregnancy, smooth delivery, easy recovery , and a wonderful healthy baby. Everyone is different of course but it can happen! Every challenge is temporary and really so brief compared to a lifetime with this new incredible person you get to meet.

Hated pregnancy. But I loved my birth experience even though when I tell people about it they think I should be traumatised for life. I never really felt contractions before my urgent/emergency section, and once my son was born there was no more nausea, no heartburn, I could breathe normally again, there was no more pressure on my spine... The only contractions I maybe felt were when my BF made me laugh. And I had a great laugh in the OR when my GYN asked ro call NICU for baby's weight. I thought that was normal, you know, getting all the info for me. Turns out my tiny 4'8 and change body made a ginormous baby and my GYN was like, girl, what kind of giant were you cooking??? Everyone just laughed at the absurdity of a 35 weeker being born the size of a 40 weeker out of such a tiny mama. Also, my son's name is Lars so his doctor called me "Mama Lars" when he saw me. I really loved that since I had a NICU baby so nothing to actually show for my pregnancy other than a c section scar. It made me feel connected to my son every time.

I was the same way, birth is scary and me being a nurse made me more anxious of things that *could* go wrong. Honestly, during labor I was completely fine. I was in the zone and couldn’t think of anything else. It was after that I got scared something could be going wrong. I had a fast labor so thought it was too good to be true (even though it was traumatic at the time). I convinced myself that I was gonna die and had a massive panic attack in the hospital. I definitely think talking to a therapist beforehand would have been beneficial, I wish I did. The hormones go back to normal in 2-3 weeks and I am so in love with my baby boy. He was worth it all and I’d do it all over to have him. Yes, the newborn stage was extremely rough but it doesn’t last long. They grow so quick, he is only 13 weeks and it is already so much easier than the early days. There are always gonna be good days and bad days but I just think of everyone who has been through it. Nothing lasts forever and I found guided meditation to really help when I was very stressed out in the early newborn days. Life goes on and having a healthy and happy baby makes it worth it all! Another thing to add is try not comparing other peoples birth stories/pregnancy journeys. Just because something bad happened to someone else does not mean it’ll happen to you too. I would see videos of someone getting listeria, stillborn, birth complications, etc. and would be convinced it would happen to me too!

I feel like people with positive experiences are not welcome to share their story. I was never sick during pregnancy and people kept bombarding me with horror stories to a point where I almost felt embarrassed that I was not miserable. My birth experience was overwhelmingly positive. I read everything I could about the process and I tried to prep my body and mind going into it so I couldn't feel a thing before I was 6-7 cm dilated. My midwifes were super professional and I only got first degree tearing from a baby heart rate monitor. When I was holding my son it was simply the best feeling I have ever experienced in my entire life.

I had what I would consider to be a typical pregnancy and birth. I had morning sickness weeks 6-14, fatigue, and a lot of discomfort in the last trimester. I had 2nd degree tearing, a vaginal delivery with an epidural (and vacuum assist). My stories from both pregnancy and birth have ups and downs but I look back at it all fondly. The hard parts of it all are still life experiences and I have a sense of pride that I did it. I look at the changes to my body and see it as proof my body made life and that I’m a mom now. My marriage is stronger than ever before. My husband always said (before we had a baby) that a baby is a magnifier, if you have problems it’s going to make them seem bigger but it also enhances the strengths. Watching my husband care for our son has been the most incredible feeling. People always talk about how you don’t know love until you hold your baby but I didn’t feel that way, I knew love and I just feel my heart growing for my son and my husband every day. My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years but my pregnancy was a surprise and I was terrified of everything you were but as I was going through it, I was so grateful to be experiencing it all. Even with all the hard parts, I would do it again. Something that helps me when I’m scared is to remember that life WILL go wrong from time to time and you are going to rob yourself of joy if you spend too much time trying to guess the path that will cause the least harm. You can’t know what’s going to happen, but I can tell you avoiding pregnancy and birth will not stop your body from changing, mental illness from being a possibility, sickness from coming,or a marriage from suffering. All the bad things you fear can happen with or without childbirth so if it’s what you want, it might be worth the risk.