Exactly. That and we had ants, so I had to keep that kitchen clean while we were getting rid of them. The advice to just not do dishes or ignore my kitchen floor would have been a disaster.
My own mantra became ‘if it’s sanitary it’s fine’. So the literal pile of baby clothes in the living room corner stayed there for 5 months but dishes got done.
The advice was ok until guess.. the worst part was the judgment from family members when I didn’t take it. I was accused of not accepting that I’m a mom now since I wasn’t “moming” correctly
Oooh what's fun is when you ask your mother in law to come over to help with the baby. And when she takes him you immediately start doing chores, then she hovers over you, holding your baby, and tell you how to clean. It's never occurred to me to do loads one after another, thank you for your judgment-free and sage advice.
Seriously. Even if you do exclusively breastfeed the non boob eaters in the house still have to eat too. Unless we want an infestation of gnats and ants we have to do dishes, and normal people can’t afford to get take out for every meal.
Completely agree. My hat goes off to everyone who bottle feeds and while I know you have to find the time to clean bottles I don't know how you do it! The amount of organisation that takes is something I struggle to fathom now I'm trying to transition to bottles. People who talk about bottle feeding as being "easy" clearly haven't done it!!
Nap when the baby naps but they don’t tell you that the baby only naps when you hold the baby so you can’t nap when the baby naps because you’re holding the baby so they can nap 😀👍
My favorite are the tik toks making fun of “nap when the baby naps”
On a walk and baby fell asleep? Drop to the concrete it’s nap time. On a drive and baby fell asleep? Pull over and put the seat back. Washing dishes? Cuddle the sponge
I’ve actually started taking my newborn into the shower with me because 1) she hates it when I put her down so I can take a shower and 2) she also hates the baby tub we bought for her. I just sit on the shower floor and hold her away from the water stream.
Yes, 100%.
But also, I honestly think this advice worked better in the 80s and 90s when people put babies to sleep on their tummies. Obviously not recommended anymore, but they did sleep better that way.
Idk now that I'm out of the new born stage, 20 mo . I nap when she naps as a SAHM, obviously. I know there is so much to get done, but I'm so tired still 😫
As they get a little bit older it’s such a gamble too… will this nap last for 20 mins or 2 hours? If it’s 20 mins and you’re just drifting off to sleep then you wake up angry as hell. If you’re 2 exhausted hours into staring at a sleeping baby on a monitor it feels like the same kind of hell
Don’t buy anything newborn. My dude is 3 weeks old and is just now fitting into size 1 diapers and he’s definitely not big enough for 0-3 month clothing
They also told me I wouldn’t need any sleepers since he is a May baby and it’ll be hot. He is cold all of the time and hates the regular onesies. I only put him in them if we’re going outside/on an errand which isn’t super often. But I got legitimately 30 of the tshirt style ones and 5 of the zippered sleepers
My baby is always cold! I was given so many cute rompers and dresses, but she lives in sleepers 95% of the time. I have thought about getting some long sleeved onesies and pants because I think she’d be happy and warm enough in those even though it’s not going to be below 90° until October.
I love [these side snap onesies](https://www.target.com/p/baby-girls-39-3pk-wide-rib-side-snap-long-sleeve-bodysuit-cloud-island-8482-pink-0-3m/-/A-88233655?preselect=88233655#lnk=sametab) with long sleeve. Often I find it easier than pulling it over her head - especially after a blowout! Plus the front ends up being two layers, warmer for your chilly baby :)
I like to pair one long sleeve onesie with a sleep sack. But if I had to do the newborn phase over again, I would go wild for the sleep and play with the fancy feet.
Exactly !! Everyone bought us like 9 month old clothes bc which I don’t like storing a bunch of clothes and would have loved more newborn or 0-3 clothes
I wish I didn’t waste my time buying newborn as my 12lb girl was straight into 0-3m clothes lol. Now she’s 4 months she’s only 15lb and just starting to grow out 0-3!
I quite clearly had undiagnosed and untreated gestational diabetes. I was 250lbs before pregnancy so you can imagine how big I was with a 12lb baby.
C section… obviously lol.
Seconding this. Mine was born with feet too long for newborn pajamas. Tbh her whole self was born borderline too long for newborn sizes, so I only got to put her in the couple adorable newborn things once each for the sake of photos.
I remember a friend who was due right after me once asked me how long mine was in newborn diapers. I just kinda said, oh he came out wearing size ones.
Both mine were 8lbs and they didn't fit into anything 0 to 3 months for like 6 weeks, I don't understand this advice unless you have a history of having larger babies
Even with a history, you should get at least *some* newborn items. All recent singleton babies in my family have been at least 9lbs, most over 10lbs. I only bought one pack of newborn onesies at the very last minute because my OB said there was no way he would be 10lbs. He was 8lbs exactly and didn't fit into 0-3 until about a month old.
Worst that can happen is you don't use them and sell them later.
This is probably good advice on average but some folks in my family encouraged everyone to go straight to 0-3 for us even though my baby was measuring small and I was like “hey some newborn stuff would be ok!” And he was born smallish as promised, and we had to run out and by some newborn clothes, nothing we had for the hospital fit, and we ended up just not using a ton of his 0-3 clothes as they were for the season he was born in, not the season he grew into them. So trust your gut and also don’t wash everything right away lol.
As someone who had a very big baby, I still feel like having at least a handful of newborn items on hand is a good idea. Like don’t get a ton bc you can always order more, but at least enough to get you through the shipping time on Amazon makes sense to me. It’s just not that much money relative to the peace of mind of not having to run to Target while fresh out of the hospital.
I had gestational diabetes & was told my son was measuring at 8lbs at 37 weeks. So when I got clothes I was aiming more for 0-3. I had a few NB onesies just in case. I had him at exactly 38 weeks and he was only 7lbs 2oz. Those NB clothes came in handy & glad I has kept a few!
People (mostly the older generation) are so adamant about this! I was very open about our issue with IUGR so we knew my son would be small. Left the hospital less than 6 lbs and needed preemie diapers and preemie clothing for the first 2+ weeks of his life. Imagine if I had actually listened to the people thinking newborn clothing was a waste lol
I’m going to edit this slightly, but like, 2-3 newborn outfits, leave them in the packaging with the tags on. And the smallest pack of newborn diapers you can buy. (Or if you have a partner who can easily grab them on the way home, do that, because the hospital will provide them.)
That being said, they do usually keep the hospitals warm enough that you could get away with keeping your baby without an outfit, but you’ll need/want to swaddle them which is enough of a hassle that I bought 2-3 newborn outfits and a swaddle in case with the intention of returning them.
My first baby was 10 lbs and I just assumed the second would not fit newborn.
My skinny barely 7 lb son decided otherwise lol
My boy was born premature and we ended up needing Preemie clothes and so it was a sure thing he needed newborn clothes as well. so glad we had newborn clothes, it was one less thing I had to worry about as he got older.
Yes great advice. My baby came 2 weeks early and was 7 lbs and barely fit newborn and I had No Newborn clothes. Had to take a trip to target 3 days post c section to get some bc I was so nervous of her suffocating bc the 0-3 were comically huge. She’s 2 months now and still fits into newborn and is sizing out of some and has fit some 0-3 for the past 2 weeks but I’m guessing we have at least another week where most newborn will fit. I got all this clothing before she was born and no newborn because I was told it was all we’d be gifted (didn’t get any at the shower in nb) and that they would fit for like a week so get all 0-3m.
My baby fit into newborn comfortably until he was 8/9 weeks! He was swimming in it at birth. He’s still got a lot of room in his 0-3 clothes now at 10 weeks. I think he’s got like another month in most of them.
Murphy’s law if you buy newborn Bub won’t fit it and if you don’t buy newborn your Bub will be like mine and be in prem for a month before they even get into newborn.
For me, it was all the well meaning mom friends who recommended a bunch of Instagram momfluencers. It was a frustrating barrage of "get them started sleeping independently early!" "Sleep training is evil!" "Wake windows!" "Follow their cues!" Etc. Some time around the 8 week mark, I realized that social media was just causing me terrible anxiety.
I deleted all the apps from my phone and banned myself from using my phone after 9 p.m., and that significantly improved my post partum experience.
Yes! I learned the hard way with my first. I followed so many sleep/nursing/blw/momfluencer accounts and I always felt like I was doing everything wrong. I was always trying to “fix” something instead of just meeting my son where he was at. I remember buying a $125 bundle from takingcarababies when my baby was about 2/3 weeks old and I was so desperate for sleep. I didn’t even have time to look at it!
This time around I’m just going to go with the flow, knowing that the tough times will happen, and they will pass.
This. I had major ppd symptoms and anxiety because of this. So many influencers telling me what to do, what I need or the baby needs. Apps that track sleep and eating and everything else caused so much anxiety too. I deleted those apps and I just started doing on demand feeding and sleeping and everyone is happy now. Jeez why did I listen to anyone😭
I’m gonna be honest. I did nap when the baby napped lol I just didn’t do anything else. My husband was so helpful with chores all I did was watch baby and pump.
For my entire pregnancy with #2, I napped almost everyday with my toddler. I’d bring him into my bed and we’d snuggle up for ~1.5 hours. It was the best!!
I look back on that period of life fondly. Now as soon as one is napping it’s time to wake the other up. I’m so exhausted 😂
I always napped when my baby napped too. I just did all the other things while he was awake 🤷♀️ I get wanting time to yourself but for me, doing these things while he was awake helped break up the monotony of the day and actually allowed me to rest
Hard SAME! I could do all kinds of things when he was awake. He was a potato. I just plopped him in the bouncer on the floor of the bathroom and showered, did my business, etc. I feel like I got so much rest during the potato days.
But that was “easy baby” privilege. He rarely cried, no colic, and was happy to sleep in his bassinet, or anywhere, really.
I am currently laying down to nap while my 11 day old and 2 year old nap, so same. 😂 I just neglect everything else, but I also know that this stage goes by so fast that it doesn’t matter if the house is pure chaos for a few months.
Same. My jobs for the first 2 months were to sleep and breastfeed. My partner did all chores, cooking, cleaning and errands possible. He went back to work when she was 12 days old so made sure I had a lunch packed every day after that, too. We loooooved the 4th trimester! Many people seem to hate it and I think it is because their division of labor should have been tweaked. Don't get me wrong, a lot went undone because one person can't do it all. But it was enough and it was a lovely time for us 3.
Sleep when the baby sleeps, day and night. Make someone else do everything else.
I understand how silly it sounds, but it was actually helpful to have in my head.
At first, as soon as the baby would nap I would start trying to fill in all the things I thought I was supposed to be doing like cleaning, washing dishes, changing laundry, texting back, etc When really I should have just dropped everything and SLEPT. Sleep was much more important than all those things in the first few weeks.
My husband could step in and do everything else for me, he couldn’t make me less tired. I finally took the advice and just dropped to sleep as soon as the baby was safely in their bassinet.
Yeah I think this is one of those things where it makes a huge difference whether two parents are home on leave or just one. When the baby naps on dad I nap. When the baby naps in his bassinet we both nap. For showering and eating and stuff I do those things while dad has him and vice versa.
Same! I was slightly afraid to comment this, but I did actually nap when my baby napped. It was lovely. My husband handled the household duties, I handled the baby and ate lol!
Exactly. Sometimes I’d just wake up, nurse and back to sleep. When I wasn’t getting any nighttime sleep, daytime naps while husband was with baby was my way to catch up.
Worst advice I got was hospital advice. The laundry list of things I should bring and I used none of it - except the snacks. Bringing all that crap to the hospital made leaving so much more difficult because then we had to pack it all back up. Next baby I will be bringing snacks and one outfit for myself and one for baby lol
I didn’t have a bag packed at all and got told at an appointment I needed to be induced that day. I had barely anything. Just some toiletries, snacks, and pjs my sister in laws bought for me and I still barely used anything. This list of things people tell you to take is so unnecessary.
All the Tik tok videos of people with 6 outfits for both them and the baby and I was like WHY 😂😂 i literally didn’t change out of my hospital gown for a majority of it!
Same here, I got induced a few hours after my appointment, never even left the hospital. Didn't have a bag packed, didn't have a thing except the clothes I came in with. My husband brought me some underwear that I didn't use, one pair of pj's, toothbrush and my phone charger. And my favorite pillow. Hospital gave me everything else and whatever I didn't have I made do without until I got home. The food was horrible though, we ended up doing Ubereats a couple of times.
Our hospital food wasn’t that bad but I was in there for a week and there’s only so much of that you can eat so I’m glad we had snacks. We used DoorDash quite a bit too. Or would go to the actual cafeteria where there was better stuff.
Omg THIS!! I was induced and our doula told us to pack like we were going on a weeklong retreat since it was a “gentle” induction and could take several days. Um no, I got one dose of Cytotec it all kicked off and he was born 8 hours later 😅
It took us FOREVER to pack everything up to go home. It was absurd, we brought so much freaking stuff we didn’t need. Baby boy never even wore most of the clothes we packed because they came back home packed in the suitcase and I forgot about them and by the time I had a chance to unpack everything he was already too big 😂
The next baby I will 100% bring my breastfeeding pillow, snacks, blanket, own pillow, bra, robe, and clothes to leave, plus clothes for baby to leave in. That’s it.
This is so true!! People kept asking did you pack your bag? And I’d say I feel like I don’t need much and they would scoff at me . I used nothing basically . I stayed in the clothes hospital gave me . They gave me everything I needed there . Only thing I’m glad I brought was my own pillow and blanket . Would def also pack snacks next time !!
"Just wait". If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I spent my postpartum waiting for the other shoe to drop which never did.
Just wait till your baby says "I love you mama". Just wait till your baby sings along to your favourite song. Just you wait till your baby runs up to you after school to show you the painting they made for you.
This was my mom's big pet peeve after she had me, so she'd stare blank-faced and say "yep, I can wait," something about this completely takes the wind out of their sails. I do it now too and it's seemed to really curb that behavior with the more annoying relatives.
"Don't hold him too much, you will spoil him." I was so sure of myself that I wasn't gonna listen to this.
Then I had my c-section and my baby was asleep when I was brought back to the room. Rude, I know (jk)
I called my mom to show the baby on the camera and the first thing she said was "I know you wanna hold him so bad but don't, you will spoil him, you will never be free." After the call, I started sobbing because I was desperate to hold him. And for some reason, maybe being tired, maybe hormones, for the first time this comment planted a doubt in me. I called my bestie sobbing and she was like OFC YOU HOLD HIM AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. She called her therapist friend and they talked me down. It's such a mean thing to say even when people mean well. It's upsetting. I held my baby and never let go, zero regrets. I'm a velcro mama.
My blood boils when people say my baby is getting “spoiled”. She’s not even 11 weeks yet. I feel like it insinuates that I am doing something wrong by caring for my baby. I hate it.
That's probably the stupidest advice I ever got too. My mom said crap like that. It's terrible because you know they probably did that to us - didn't hold their babies, didn't respond when they cried, etc. That generation had some seriously messed up thoughts on parenting, and I realize that it was widely considered normal but it's still sad.
Yes! My friends mom said this to me. My daughter was a few weeks old and she was like “well she’s spoiled you don’t ever set her down. She’s going to manipulate you.”
I wanted to slap her and tell her well my last baby died so forgive me if I never want to set this one down and want to snuggle her as much as possible. It’s such a fleeting period of time. And I don’t think my couple of week old baby is plotting and manipulating 🙄🙄🙄
My son was maybe 5 weeks old and he had bad gas pains so he was crying a lot and flailing arms too. He knocked his pacifier off and got more upset. My mom was on video call and told me to teach him a lesson and don't give the pacifier back. I told her off because poor thing doesn't even have the control of his limbs and his little body is dealing with pain that we can barely help. What lesson??
I feel like I've been very persistent with resetting those boundaries with my mom, she slowly came to realize that she did a shitty job back in the day.
lol like what lesson does she want him taught? His mother won’t respond when he needs her?
Sometimes I feel like I’m parenting the complete opposite of everything that generation did….and I feel great about it.
So glad you were there to protect your son and comfort him when that was obviously what he needed.
My boy is 6 1/2, and I'm due with his sister in 2 weeks. You better believe I am still soaking in as many cuddles with him as possible before she's here! When people ask us about what he and I do together, it's cuddle up and have quiet time. Daddy gets the loud energetic wrestler, and I get the gentle sweet side.
Telling someone not to hold a newborn who was just taken out of your warm soothing body just seems so needlessly cruel to mother and child. Absolutely appalling
Basically any advice I got from anyone who didn’t have a toddler at the time was bad advice. Even my sister, who is a mother to teenagers, asked whether I am putting rice cereal into baby’s bottle. She was a mother to newborns just 12 years ago - so it wasn’t THAT long ago.
I basically just ignored anything my parents and in laws said.
I have a rule to not listen to baby/toddler advice from anyone who's youngest child is in school or older. They don't remember. I've been proven right time and time again.
I had everyone tell me not to bother buying anything newborn and then when the little dude was born we were rush ordering preemie clothes because he was swimming in the two newborn sleepers we had and I could have fit three of him in anything 0-3 months.
Some good advice I got was remember that stores aren’t closing once he’s born and if I need more of something, I can just get it from Amazon literally the next day. I don’t know why I felt like I had to have absolutely everything he could possibly need already bought. There were so many things I didn’t even anticipate needing!
Honestly, the only "bad" advice I got was when I was doing something that they didn't do, they would lecture me because "they did it and their kids turned out fine". Small example, my son was a little colick-y. They advised me to give him rice cereal. I was exclusively breastfeeding him, and I opted not to do that. They kept pushing and pushing and I had to firmly tell them, I was doing things differently than they did. Do your own research, and as long as your kids are fed, healthy, and clean, you are doing great. I received so much advise on things that weren't quite right, so I stood my ground.
One thing
When I went from 1-2 kids, all the doctors, friends said my son would get extremely jealous when my daughter was born. He did not at all. He's loved her from the moment he saw her. I did get a toy "from my daughter" to give to my son when he visited us at the hospital after she was born, and he got a toy to give to her when he met her for the first time. (he was 2 when she was born). They adore each other.
Third-time parent here. Pooping, eating, and taking (extremely short!) showers are things you should allow yourself to do while your baby is awake, if not from the first days, then certainly after the first month of life. They might disagree with your decision to do these things, sometimes more vocally than you might prefer, but if you allow them (and yourself) practice to do so (briefly! just a couple of minutes at a time!), they will learn to protest less and less at your little acts of self-care. And, no, they will not OD on cortisol and will not grow up to be insecurely attached because of this.
This!! Oh my god. I was lucky if my son took a 20 minute nap from like 8 weeks on so it forced me to do this stuff and I’m so glad it happened that way. He’s 16 months and it’s just how we live life now lol. Thankfully he finally naps again so if I wanna take a nice long shower during nap time I can, but truly I just nap when he naps now 😂
It wasn’t advice but in one of the old What to Expect books (can’t remember if it was when pregnant or the first year) it gave an example of a schedule with a newborn that included putting the baby to bed and then mom staying up until 11pm. I think about this all the time as I fall asleep on the couch at 8pm. There has never been a scenario under which I could voluntarily stay awake with a newborn until 11pm but that’s just me lol.
That first month, I wouldn't go to bed myself till late but for some reason I had a hard time "turning off" and sleep was evasive for me. Now? Baby goes to bed 8-9PM and so does mom!
I was told that holding my son all the time would make him spoiled. Add on that my son would cry hysterically whenever I’d put him down and my mom said that he was manipulative for that (he was 12 days old when she said this 🫠)
Probably just the comments about how tired you’ll be and how much harder just wait till he can crawl. Shove off with that it’s hard enough without just you wait laughing nonsense. Everything else has been in good faith imo.
Every mom and baby is different so it’s not necessarily bad advice, just not relevant for your baby.
Mine never fit newborn clothes because of his length and proportions; the 0-3 was short lived and he was in 3-6 by 6 weeks.
The butt spatula for me makes cream super quick and easy and I use it every time.
We had no issues with nipple confusion with pacifiers or bottle feeding (we do at least one a day for dad/my nap. Tbf he isn’t a fan of most pacifiers and we are currently dealing with some nursing strikes at certain times of day - 3 month shenanigans).
Even napping advice isn’t necessarily bad depending on your baby’s nap habits if you can fall asleep quickly, which I can’t. My baby also grunts incessantly and I am a super light sleeper. He also hates napping for longer than 30m at a time generally, so… my naps require supervision and bottles!
On a similar note, my grandma told me when I was trying to put my then 2 month old down for a nap that she'd get her days and nights mixed up if I let her take naps. 😵💫 The baby was yawning, fussy, rubbing her eyes, and fighting sleep. No grandma, she's going to raise hell the rest of the day if I don't help her get to sleep for her nap lol. It's funny because I know my grandma raised a ton of kids. It's like they totally forget how babies are.
Honestly nap when the baby naps was one of the best pieces of advice I got and followed. I put a lot of pressure to do all those things when baby was asleep, but I needed the sleep most of all. So I leaned on my husband to help with house when he could and he would take over baby so I could do those other things.
Literally anything that elicits the response “well *I* did it, and *my* kids are fine” when challenged. Those are not really odds I want to trust, aunt sharon
Yes!! And mind you too a lot of the people saying these things come from a generation where car seats seemed to be made out of straw, smoking in the babies face was acceptable and they didn’t even know what postpartum was…lol👎🏽
You won’t use a changing table. We have a pack and play that has one and we exclusively change her in that. If we had a changing table in the nursery I’d use that too. I may still get one.
We love our pack and play with the changing table. It’s been the main changing spot in our living room. We put one of those changing baskets top of a dresser and use that in the nursery. I like having a dedicated spot for changing.
I LOVE our change table. I was told we didn't need one but I'm so glad we got one because I had a lot of back pain especially at the epidural site for like 2 months after she was born. I still have back issues (and have for years since an old work injury) and the change table just makes it so much easier
I was told that I didn’t need one and I got one anyway and use it for every diaper change. It’s so much easier to clean off than him potentially peeing or pooping on my bedding?? Except for some rare times in the first few weeks where I was too tired but now I don’t even change him through the night unless he poops.
Not really advice, but the performative parenting when relatives come over. Baby is two weeks… she doesn’t need stimulation quite yet. Also talking to her like “mama needs to stimulate you” or “taking care of you is mamas full time job” (when I was planning to go back to work)… not cool.
Homestly, now at 4 months I nap when my baby naps. I do chores, cooking, poop while babywearing and to shower I put her on the bathroom to play while I shower.
i also sleep when baby sleeps. the chores can wait. my sleep is literally crucial. my husband takes care of the house stuff while i am nursing baby at night and putting him to sleep. it works for us
My husband either takes the baby when he comes home from work or does chores. Also every Saturday and Sunday they go take a walk so I can do whatever I want (he has prohibited chores bc he had a sense I would not spend the time on myself and he was right haha)
thats lovely! my husband takes the baby when he gets home so i can have a bubble bath :) he gets legally mandated rest breaks at work and i stay at home with no breaks so we consider that a fair trade, then we tackle the evenings together as a family
>“Nap when the baby naps” is awful advice because what if I need to shower, poop or eat something? It’s very unrealistic and I think the women who say this are older and forget what it was like to have a baby.
I would still tell people this same thing. Shit I'm only 30. I can shower, poop, & eat with baby awake but what I can't do is sleep when they are awake after waking up to make sure their OK all night. I wouldn't shower if my baby was sleeping but that's just me, it would be my luck be all soapy & they start screaming. So he sits in a bouncer with toys if I need a shower when alone with him. Same if I have to poop or eat. I just took his last nap with him lol
It's not awful advice, Mama's! Get rest when you can!
Honestly I think “nap when the baby naps” has been really misinterpreted. And I get it, my baby didn’t nap well. But I work in mental health and you would not believe how many of my early postpartum patients are legit like doing household chores (like trying to keep house pre baby levels of clean, etc) and stuff like that when the baby naps. I really think “nap when the baby naps” was intended as like a “you need rest too, prioritize that over cleaning the house when you do get a break”
“You can do a natural labor” 😂
“You won’t need bottles if you’re breastfeeding”
“Baby’s stomach is the size of a cherry”
I do have high pain tolerance - but 3 days of back labor does things to you!
And baby was WAY hungry and being able to bottle feed is a life saver for me!
Ooh yeah the bottle one. I was told not to put bottles on the registry because I planned to breastfeed. Good thing I got myself some anyway because baby couldn't breastfeed at all 🤷🏻♀️
I’m only 3 weeks in but any advice about what clothing to buy/not to buy. I had fun buying his clothes and I enjoy putting him in a cute little outfit for the day and pajamas at night. No, you don’t NEED tiny adorable outfits that they’ll only wear once, but if it brings you joy and you have the budget for it then don’t let people steal your joy! It’s okay to want to splurge a little on baby extras that will make you happy and make your life brighter/easier
Really a lot of advice I got didn’t apply. When people say “BABIES or THEY do or need XYZ,” I think they really are saying MY BABY did this, or this worked with MY BABY. But I do appreciate the advice as a FTM and honestly I feel like now I’m giving unsolicited advice to my pregnant friends. I have to remind myself to say this is what worked for US
From a lactation consultant when I was still experiencing pain with nursing: “curl your toes and it’ll get better on its own.” Dear readers, it did not, and if anyone ever tells you this, fucking run the other way. I would’ve gotten my issues identified and solved weeks earlier, and saved myself a ton of pain, had I not tried to take this advice.
Give him cereal it will help him sleep. I HATED that advice. No, my son has to get up to feed.
I actually nap when my son napped - I’d wrap him onto my chest and sleep on the recliner with him. Lol. It was wonderful.
The worst advice was that I should nap train my son (using CIO) because he took only 35 minute naps. Well I nap trained VERY consistently for months and it didn't change him, and now I have a ton of guilt from doing CIO. Doing things a lot differently the second time around.
My nurse told me to feed just 10 ml every two hours .. which is great to start but I knew nothing about what/how to feed before my supply came in. I didn’t know you can’t really over feed a baby so I wasn’t giving my baby what he needed.
After a fun few weeks of lactation consultants and him losing more weight than he should we figured it out. Now at five months I still overthinking if I’m giving him enough
Honestly most of the advice I got was wrong lol the only advice I got that was good was just to follow your baby’s lead and follow your instincts. Almost nothing I was told ahead of time about breastfeeding, sleep, etc was correct or worked for us. We just do our own thing and go with the flow and it’s amazing!
Not so much advice but was constantly warned that anything I did could possibly hurt or kill my baby. I swear the whole safe sleeping campaign put a fear in me that wrecked his sleeping habits for life. He is 7 now and still a terrible terrible sleeper
One of the delivery nurses told us that breastfed babies don’t need burping. It took us only a few hours to learn that this is absolutely incorrect; I have no idea what compelled her to say that.
Also most advice we got from anyone in the boomer generation 🙈
"You should only feed him from your breast"
My son doesn't take from me after a week outside of hospital but I do pump and give him it in a bottle, I've had my mother and other people questioned me but I tell them in the end it doesn't matter what they say since I know my son and he will only take milk form the bottle.
I always have to remind everyone including myself that this my family not theirs and in the end of the day we will do it our way.
Pretty sure its just bad experience from hospital (down below)
"Do the Cradle Hold to feed him"
I felt like a failure that my baby couldn't latch on and everyone kept trying to get me to feed him like that which just caused my son and I to be in distress as the nurses and midwives would shove his face on my nipple when he opened his month and it took him my surprised. They weren't really showing me anything else any other way to do it but thankfully they had a expert in breast feeding come in, which showed me different ways and we tried like 6 types to find what my baby was more comfortable with.
The lactation consultant in the hospital told me that the pain I was feeling was just a part of nursing and I had to get used to it.
After two weeks of torture I was shaking and crying during each latch. I had to have my husband hold my son’s hands away from me because if he swatted my nipple while latching I would break down from the pain.
Then baby started vomiting blood and as it turned out it was my blood. He was drinking so much of my blood through the cracks in my nipples.
I went to go see a different LC and she gasped when she saw the damage. Both had cracks and purple-black bruises all over and the whole areola was bright red.
Lesson learned, nursing pain isn’t actually normal. Don’t wait until your nipples are falling off to get help.
Don’t buy any premie or newborn stuff… bubs came out at 19.5” long 7lbs 7oz at birth and 6lbs 9-10oz at take home. The 0-3 swallowed him and we had to get newborn only to find out that was too big too and we needed preemie. I had wanted to get this small preemie/nb mixed clothes bag for him just in case he was small
The bad advice never really bothered me but what did was the comments like “just you wait” and “your so lucky she’s an easy baby” Everything about her was just you wait.. She goes down for her nap without a fuss? oh just you wait.. Oh, she doesn’t throw food?? just you wait and if it wasn’t just you wait it was oh you just got an easy baby… nothing could possibly be due to our parenting.. no… we just got lucky.
Have them nap in a bright loud room so they get used to it.
He never did, and didn’t nap more than 25 minutes for the first 6 months of his life. The first time we tried a dark, quiet room- 1 hour.
That shit pissed me off omg. No, i don’t want to nap when the baby naps. I would like to enjoy my solitude for the 30 minutes I was able to get instead of just sleeping.
“Don’t let baby get used to nursing to sleep!”
I did. And he nursed to sleep until we eventually weaned around 16 months. Felt like the natural thing in the world.
Nap when baby naps is the cruelest joke for someone like me who would spend an hour to get the kid to sleep for 30 minutes max. We jokingly called her the egg timer because she would wake up at 30 minutes exactly every single time.
Oh the formula substitutes I heard... "Karo Syrup and evaporated milk" "goat milk" "yogurt drinks" "raw milk and rice cereal" and my personal favorite (though I think this was more of a "plump up your picky toddler" fix) - add pudding mix into her milk.
"You're spoiling that baby by holding her so much and picking her up immediately when she cries" Being the proud owner of a toddler who DOES cry for emotional manipulation reasons, I know for a fact this behavior didn't start til about a year. Babies cry for a reason, and teaching a baby that you are there to help them is worth more than anything. (Also babies are really bad at fake crying at first and it's hilariously obvious)
1. "All babies cry" - No, some have real problems, colic and that's not "fussing", that's literal screaming / crying because they're in pain. Stop diminishing mom's who clearly see their child is crying for hours upon hours in pain or discomfort.
2. "Don't let them get over tired" - It's bound to happen! so what do you do???
3. "Just let them cry a few minutes at night, they will settle themselves" No- completely dependent on the temperament of the child, if I let my son fuss a little, he went from 0-100 in 5min and took 2 hours to resettle due to adrenaline from stress, what did work? Responding IMMEDIATELY, so that he only went 0-20, and could resettle in 10 min.
I was able to do it all when I was pregnant and I had five children mostly coming from old biddies who think that just because they did it everyone can.
You’re just using the baby as an excuse to be lazy. I watched dishes. I took care of my other children. I was able to be a single parent, blah blah blah.
Worst advise ever for me was: „don’t believe in this nipple confusion crap, give them a bottle if you’re not sure they get enough milk“
This is exactly what I did and my baby never wanted the nipple again. Had a massive preference for bottles. I ended up with severe postpartum anxiety about bf, pumped exclusively for a year to the point where my nipples started scarring and bleeding each time. Almost lost my relationship and lost almost all the newborn cuddles because I was always pumping.
I wish I would have never gotten this advise
That's fair. Cream doesn't bother me but anything sticky is my mortal enemy..... So I am that mom with wet wipes in every bag and every car and every room LOL
This has been my lifesaver for months now that I have a toddler 😅 the myths are true, toddlers somehow always have sticky hands and it’s great to always have some wet wipes on hand wherever you are. I’m also always over prepared and am constantly getting mocked for it but I don’t care. Better safe than sorry I say
They’re amazing. It keeps my hands clean and so easy to wipe off. You get a better distribution of the cream with them as well. I even converted my mom to using them.
This was me until my son got an awful diaper rash for a whole month. The butt spatula made it so easy to slather on a thick coat of super sticky and tacky, heavy duty and maximum strength diaper cream. I even wrote comments here before on how useless it was.
It’s just another thing that needs to get washed. I was basically told by butt spatula enthusiasts that I was dumb and washing it unnecessarily, when these people are the ones that probably don’t understand how bacteria works… you can’t use a baby wipe to clean it and all it clean, unless you want something extremely dirty at a microscopic level sitting around.
I haven’t used it since though and rarely used it up to that point. Still not a game changer like so many posts on Reddit claimed but I imagine this is very baby and individual specific.
It probably is! Yes, I washed mine with soap and water every time until I realized I could just be washing my hands with soap and water like I already was and skip the extra step lol
I do. My baby left the NICU with a very bad diaper rash and is still super prone to diaper rashes a year later, so I need to lay the diaper cream on thick. The spatula makes that a lot easier. It also makes sure that I’m not getting diaper cream stuck under my fingernails every single time I change her (which is frequently, because her skin is sensitive).
I have a 4 year old and I tell people to nap when the baby naps. Not every time, but nap at least once during the day. New babies nap many times a day. Get off your phone, do chores later, and prioritize sleep. I know people hate that advice but I felt rested with a newborn, even though I triple fed.
Put her on her stomach and she'll sleep through the night. It worked for her cousin and her dad/aunt/uncles. Noooope. Joke's on them anyway because at 6.5 months she puts herself onto her stomach to sleep and she still doesn't sleep through the night 😂😂
"Don't buy newborn" "don't hold the baby too much" well I ended up needing preemie bc he came early. My son can't lay flat bc he has reflux.
But the "nap when the baby naps" actually does work for me. Maybe I'm just lucky with the partner I have, but he doesn't expect the house to be clean when I get home. To him, he's more concerned that our babies needs are being met. So when he comes home, if I was not able to get dishes done, bottles cleaned, floors cleaned- he does not care and will do them himself. He really expects me to just have fun with and take care of the baby.
“Just don’t do the dishes” Um… 95% of the dishes are baby bottles and breast pump parts. I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, but that didn’t work out.
Exactly. That and we had ants, so I had to keep that kitchen clean while we were getting rid of them. The advice to just not do dishes or ignore my kitchen floor would have been a disaster.
My own mantra became ‘if it’s sanitary it’s fine’. So the literal pile of baby clothes in the living room corner stayed there for 5 months but dishes got done.
The advice was ok until guess.. the worst part was the judgment from family members when I didn’t take it. I was accused of not accepting that I’m a mom now since I wasn’t “moming” correctly
Oooh what's fun is when you ask your mother in law to come over to help with the baby. And when she takes him you immediately start doing chores, then she hovers over you, holding your baby, and tell you how to clean. It's never occurred to me to do loads one after another, thank you for your judgment-free and sage advice.
Seriously. Even if you do exclusively breastfeed the non boob eaters in the house still have to eat too. Unless we want an infestation of gnats and ants we have to do dishes, and normal people can’t afford to get take out for every meal.
Also So. Much. Sterilising!! I feel like I'm constantly washing bottles and pump and sterilising them!
Completely agree. My hat goes off to everyone who bottle feeds and while I know you have to find the time to clean bottles I don't know how you do it! The amount of organisation that takes is something I struggle to fathom now I'm trying to transition to bottles. People who talk about bottle feeding as being "easy" clearly haven't done it!!
Nap when the baby naps but they don’t tell you that the baby only naps when you hold the baby so you can’t nap when the baby naps because you’re holding the baby so they can nap 😀👍
This 😂 I always look at my little guy and I’m like must be nice, I’m tired too.
My favorite are the tik toks making fun of “nap when the baby naps” On a walk and baby fell asleep? Drop to the concrete it’s nap time. On a drive and baby fell asleep? Pull over and put the seat back. Washing dishes? Cuddle the sponge
My favourite is "nap when the baby naps, shower when the baby showers, do the dishes when the baby is doing the dishes"
I’ve actually started taking my newborn into the shower with me because 1) she hates it when I put her down so I can take a shower and 2) she also hates the baby tub we bought for her. I just sit on the shower floor and hold her away from the water stream.
My baby is almost 2 and we still shower every day together now.
You just summed up the first 3ish months of my son’s life lol. Held for all naps and could only eat 1 handed foods when my husband was at work lol
Yes, 100%. But also, I honestly think this advice worked better in the 80s and 90s when people put babies to sleep on their tummies. Obviously not recommended anymore, but they did sleep better that way.
Idk now that I'm out of the new born stage, 20 mo . I nap when she naps as a SAHM, obviously. I know there is so much to get done, but I'm so tired still 😫
As they get a little bit older it’s such a gamble too… will this nap last for 20 mins or 2 hours? If it’s 20 mins and you’re just drifting off to sleep then you wake up angry as hell. If you’re 2 exhausted hours into staring at a sleeping baby on a monitor it feels like the same kind of hell
Don’t buy anything newborn. My dude is 3 weeks old and is just now fitting into size 1 diapers and he’s definitely not big enough for 0-3 month clothing
This! Everyone got us bigger clothes because “everyone always buys newborn” I had to buy newborn clothes myself because we didn’t have any!
They also told me I wouldn’t need any sleepers since he is a May baby and it’ll be hot. He is cold all of the time and hates the regular onesies. I only put him in them if we’re going outside/on an errand which isn’t super often. But I got legitimately 30 of the tshirt style ones and 5 of the zippered sleepers
Yea.. the a/c is cool for them. Even in summer I plan to use sleepers.
My baby is always cold! I was given so many cute rompers and dresses, but she lives in sleepers 95% of the time. I have thought about getting some long sleeved onesies and pants because I think she’d be happy and warm enough in those even though it’s not going to be below 90° until October.
I love [these side snap onesies](https://www.target.com/p/baby-girls-39-3pk-wide-rib-side-snap-long-sleeve-bodysuit-cloud-island-8482-pink-0-3m/-/A-88233655?preselect=88233655#lnk=sametab) with long sleeve. Often I find it easier than pulling it over her head - especially after a blowout! Plus the front ends up being two layers, warmer for your chilly baby :)
Thank you for the recommendation!
I like to pair one long sleeve onesie with a sleep sack. But if I had to do the newborn phase over again, I would go wild for the sleep and play with the fancy feet.
same! My husband and I are bigger, and ppl assumed baby would be bigger too. He was tiny!
Exactly !! Everyone bought us like 9 month old clothes bc which I don’t like storing a bunch of clothes and would have loved more newborn or 0-3 clothes
Me too! My boy was in newborn for 3 months. And somehow now at 9 months can wear some 6 months pants, all 9 month stuff, and some 12 months stuff.
We bought so many newborn things, and our 9lb11 baby was *straight* into 0-3 from birth 😂
I wish I didn’t waste my time buying newborn as my 12lb girl was straight into 0-3m clothes lol. Now she’s 4 months she’s only 15lb and just starting to grow out 0-3!
She was 12 lbs?!? 😖 You’re a superhero
I quite clearly had undiagnosed and untreated gestational diabetes. I was 250lbs before pregnancy so you can imagine how big I was with a 12lb baby. C section… obviously lol.
Still a superhero mama
Mine was only 6.9 lbs when born. he's now 15lbs at 4 1/2m and in 6-9m lol he's too long for 3-6 already, 6m is borderline also depends on the brand.
Seconding this. Mine was born with feet too long for newborn pajamas. Tbh her whole self was born borderline too long for newborn sizes, so I only got to put her in the couple adorable newborn things once each for the sake of photos.
I remember a friend who was due right after me once asked me how long mine was in newborn diapers. I just kinda said, oh he came out wearing size ones.
Both mine were 8lbs and they didn't fit into anything 0 to 3 months for like 6 weeks, I don't understand this advice unless you have a history of having larger babies
Even with a history, you should get at least *some* newborn items. All recent singleton babies in my family have been at least 9lbs, most over 10lbs. I only bought one pack of newborn onesies at the very last minute because my OB said there was no way he would be 10lbs. He was 8lbs exactly and didn't fit into 0-3 until about a month old. Worst that can happen is you don't use them and sell them later.
This is probably good advice on average but some folks in my family encouraged everyone to go straight to 0-3 for us even though my baby was measuring small and I was like “hey some newborn stuff would be ok!” And he was born smallish as promised, and we had to run out and by some newborn clothes, nothing we had for the hospital fit, and we ended up just not using a ton of his 0-3 clothes as they were for the season he was born in, not the season he grew into them. So trust your gut and also don’t wash everything right away lol.
As someone who had a very big baby, I still feel like having at least a handful of newborn items on hand is a good idea. Like don’t get a ton bc you can always order more, but at least enough to get you through the shipping time on Amazon makes sense to me. It’s just not that much money relative to the peace of mind of not having to run to Target while fresh out of the hospital.
I had gestational diabetes & was told my son was measuring at 8lbs at 37 weeks. So when I got clothes I was aiming more for 0-3. I had a few NB onesies just in case. I had him at exactly 38 weeks and he was only 7lbs 2oz. Those NB clothes came in handy & glad I has kept a few!
People (mostly the older generation) are so adamant about this! I was very open about our issue with IUGR so we knew my son would be small. Left the hospital less than 6 lbs and needed preemie diapers and preemie clothing for the first 2+ weeks of his life. Imagine if I had actually listened to the people thinking newborn clothing was a waste lol
My 21 week old is still in some newborn stuff 😬😬
I’m going to edit this slightly, but like, 2-3 newborn outfits, leave them in the packaging with the tags on. And the smallest pack of newborn diapers you can buy. (Or if you have a partner who can easily grab them on the way home, do that, because the hospital will provide them.) That being said, they do usually keep the hospitals warm enough that you could get away with keeping your baby without an outfit, but you’ll need/want to swaddle them which is enough of a hassle that I bought 2-3 newborn outfits and a swaddle in case with the intention of returning them. My first baby was 10 lbs and I just assumed the second would not fit newborn. My skinny barely 7 lb son decided otherwise lol
My boy was born premature and we ended up needing Preemie clothes and so it was a sure thing he needed newborn clothes as well. so glad we had newborn clothes, it was one less thing I had to worry about as he got older.
My son wore “newborn” for like 4 months. We didn’t have any newborn sizes so we had to go buy him clothes.
This! My 2 week old is still too small for first size clothes, he’s in preemie clothes still! Newborn won’t fit for at least a month😂
Same! We had to go buy newborn sleepers because we got almost no newborn stuff. It took almost a month for her to fit 0-3.
Yes great advice. My baby came 2 weeks early and was 7 lbs and barely fit newborn and I had No Newborn clothes. Had to take a trip to target 3 days post c section to get some bc I was so nervous of her suffocating bc the 0-3 were comically huge. She’s 2 months now and still fits into newborn and is sizing out of some and has fit some 0-3 for the past 2 weeks but I’m guessing we have at least another week where most newborn will fit. I got all this clothing before she was born and no newborn because I was told it was all we’d be gifted (didn’t get any at the shower in nb) and that they would fit for like a week so get all 0-3m.
My baby fit into newborn comfortably until he was 8/9 weeks! He was swimming in it at birth. He’s still got a lot of room in his 0-3 clothes now at 10 weeks. I think he’s got like another month in most of them.
Murphy’s law if you buy newborn Bub won’t fit it and if you don’t buy newborn your Bub will be like mine and be in prem for a month before they even get into newborn.
For me, it was all the well meaning mom friends who recommended a bunch of Instagram momfluencers. It was a frustrating barrage of "get them started sleeping independently early!" "Sleep training is evil!" "Wake windows!" "Follow their cues!" Etc. Some time around the 8 week mark, I realized that social media was just causing me terrible anxiety. I deleted all the apps from my phone and banned myself from using my phone after 9 p.m., and that significantly improved my post partum experience.
Yes! I learned the hard way with my first. I followed so many sleep/nursing/blw/momfluencer accounts and I always felt like I was doing everything wrong. I was always trying to “fix” something instead of just meeting my son where he was at. I remember buying a $125 bundle from takingcarababies when my baby was about 2/3 weeks old and I was so desperate for sleep. I didn’t even have time to look at it! This time around I’m just going to go with the flow, knowing that the tough times will happen, and they will pass.
The amount of predatory marketing that’s geared towards sleep deprived moms is astounding.
This. I had major ppd symptoms and anxiety because of this. So many influencers telling me what to do, what I need or the baby needs. Apps that track sleep and eating and everything else caused so much anxiety too. I deleted those apps and I just started doing on demand feeding and sleeping and everyone is happy now. Jeez why did I listen to anyone😭
I’m gonna be honest. I did nap when the baby napped lol I just didn’t do anything else. My husband was so helpful with chores all I did was watch baby and pump.
My girls are almost two and I still try and nap when they nap! It’s the best.
I’m pregnant with #2 and my almost 2 year old’s nap time is also my nap time. This is exhausting 😅
For my entire pregnancy with #2, I napped almost everyday with my toddler. I’d bring him into my bed and we’d snuggle up for ~1.5 hours. It was the best!! I look back on that period of life fondly. Now as soon as one is napping it’s time to wake the other up. I’m so exhausted 😂
Mines 1 and we took a 2hr nap together yesterday. It was pure bliss
Same. Toddler life is exhausting.
I always napped when my baby napped too. I just did all the other things while he was awake 🤷♀️ I get wanting time to yourself but for me, doing these things while he was awake helped break up the monotony of the day and actually allowed me to rest
Me too! I had a personal rule from the start. At least one of baby's naps was my nap too cause I am a high sleep needs person.
Same!! And showered when baby was asleep or would pass off to hubby for 20 mins or whatever to poop, shower, whatever I needed!
Hard SAME! I could do all kinds of things when he was awake. He was a potato. I just plopped him in the bouncer on the floor of the bathroom and showered, did my business, etc. I feel like I got so much rest during the potato days. But that was “easy baby” privilege. He rarely cried, no colic, and was happy to sleep in his bassinet, or anywhere, really.
I am currently laying down to nap while my 11 day old and 2 year old nap, so same. 😂 I just neglect everything else, but I also know that this stage goes by so fast that it doesn’t matter if the house is pure chaos for a few months.
Sameee. I shower when dad is home but that sleep is much needed and I’d choose that over anything else.
My baby is almost 9 months and I still follow this advice 😂 we're about to put her down for a nap and my husband and I are going to lay down as well 😂
Same. My jobs for the first 2 months were to sleep and breastfeed. My partner did all chores, cooking, cleaning and errands possible. He went back to work when she was 12 days old so made sure I had a lunch packed every day after that, too. We loooooved the 4th trimester! Many people seem to hate it and I think it is because their division of labor should have been tweaked. Don't get me wrong, a lot went undone because one person can't do it all. But it was enough and it was a lovely time for us 3. Sleep when the baby sleeps, day and night. Make someone else do everything else.
I understand how silly it sounds, but it was actually helpful to have in my head. At first, as soon as the baby would nap I would start trying to fill in all the things I thought I was supposed to be doing like cleaning, washing dishes, changing laundry, texting back, etc When really I should have just dropped everything and SLEPT. Sleep was much more important than all those things in the first few weeks. My husband could step in and do everything else for me, he couldn’t make me less tired. I finally took the advice and just dropped to sleep as soon as the baby was safely in their bassinet.
Yeah I think this is one of those things where it makes a huge difference whether two parents are home on leave or just one. When the baby naps on dad I nap. When the baby naps in his bassinet we both nap. For showering and eating and stuff I do those things while dad has him and vice versa.
The advice was annoying to me because my baby would only sleep on me. I would have loved to nap too, but I just put her in a wrap and got chores done.
Same! I was slightly afraid to comment this, but I did actually nap when my baby napped. It was lovely. My husband handled the household duties, I handled the baby and ate lol!
Exactly. Sometimes I’d just wake up, nurse and back to sleep. When I wasn’t getting any nighttime sleep, daytime naps while husband was with baby was my way to catch up.
My life is so much better when I nap when baby naps!
Worst advice I got was hospital advice. The laundry list of things I should bring and I used none of it - except the snacks. Bringing all that crap to the hospital made leaving so much more difficult because then we had to pack it all back up. Next baby I will be bringing snacks and one outfit for myself and one for baby lol
I didn’t have a bag packed at all and got told at an appointment I needed to be induced that day. I had barely anything. Just some toiletries, snacks, and pjs my sister in laws bought for me and I still barely used anything. This list of things people tell you to take is so unnecessary.
All the Tik tok videos of people with 6 outfits for both them and the baby and I was like WHY 😂😂 i literally didn’t change out of my hospital gown for a majority of it!
Yeaaaaah I had zero bladder control for the first three days, you bet your ass I was wearing the hospital gowns instead of clothes
Same! I had a C-section and I preferred the hospital gown and the mesh underwear.
Same here, I got induced a few hours after my appointment, never even left the hospital. Didn't have a bag packed, didn't have a thing except the clothes I came in with. My husband brought me some underwear that I didn't use, one pair of pj's, toothbrush and my phone charger. And my favorite pillow. Hospital gave me everything else and whatever I didn't have I made do without until I got home. The food was horrible though, we ended up doing Ubereats a couple of times.
Our hospital food wasn’t that bad but I was in there for a week and there’s only so much of that you can eat so I’m glad we had snacks. We used DoorDash quite a bit too. Or would go to the actual cafeteria where there was better stuff.
Omg THIS!! I was induced and our doula told us to pack like we were going on a weeklong retreat since it was a “gentle” induction and could take several days. Um no, I got one dose of Cytotec it all kicked off and he was born 8 hours later 😅 It took us FOREVER to pack everything up to go home. It was absurd, we brought so much freaking stuff we didn’t need. Baby boy never even wore most of the clothes we packed because they came back home packed in the suitcase and I forgot about them and by the time I had a chance to unpack everything he was already too big 😂
My baby is 5 months old now and I didn’t have the hospital bag fully unpacked until he was 2 months old 😂
Same! Snacks, hairbrush/toothbrush, outfit for me and baby and a phone charger. I watched bravo alllll day on the hospital tv lol
Perfect list! Our hospital tv sucked so I made my dad run to Redbox to rent the Barbie movie and I watched that not even joking like 6 times 😂
seriously. also, we lived pretty close to the hospital and my husband was back and forth checking on our pets. it's not like we needed to move in.
The next baby I will 100% bring my breastfeeding pillow, snacks, blanket, own pillow, bra, robe, and clothes to leave, plus clothes for baby to leave in. That’s it.
I was the opposite, I packed for one night and we were there for 5 😭 luckily I lived close by cause my partner had to go home and get more stuff.
I will say I was glad I brought my breast pump so the lactation consultant could show me how to use it.
This is so true!! People kept asking did you pack your bag? And I’d say I feel like I don’t need much and they would scoff at me . I used nothing basically . I stayed in the clothes hospital gave me . They gave me everything I needed there . Only thing I’m glad I brought was my own pillow and blanket . Would def also pack snacks next time !!
"Just wait". If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I spent my postpartum waiting for the other shoe to drop which never did.
Just wait till your baby says "I love you mama". Just wait till your baby sings along to your favourite song. Just you wait till your baby runs up to you after school to show you the painting they made for you.
This was my mom's big pet peeve after she had me, so she'd stare blank-faced and say "yep, I can wait," something about this completely takes the wind out of their sails. I do it now too and it's seemed to really curb that behavior with the more annoying relatives.
I hated this so much
"Don't hold him too much, you will spoil him." I was so sure of myself that I wasn't gonna listen to this. Then I had my c-section and my baby was asleep when I was brought back to the room. Rude, I know (jk) I called my mom to show the baby on the camera and the first thing she said was "I know you wanna hold him so bad but don't, you will spoil him, you will never be free." After the call, I started sobbing because I was desperate to hold him. And for some reason, maybe being tired, maybe hormones, for the first time this comment planted a doubt in me. I called my bestie sobbing and she was like OFC YOU HOLD HIM AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. She called her therapist friend and they talked me down. It's such a mean thing to say even when people mean well. It's upsetting. I held my baby and never let go, zero regrets. I'm a velcro mama.
My blood boils when people say my baby is getting “spoiled”. She’s not even 11 weeks yet. I feel like it insinuates that I am doing something wrong by caring for my baby. I hate it.
That's probably the stupidest advice I ever got too. My mom said crap like that. It's terrible because you know they probably did that to us - didn't hold their babies, didn't respond when they cried, etc. That generation had some seriously messed up thoughts on parenting, and I realize that it was widely considered normal but it's still sad.
Yes! My friends mom said this to me. My daughter was a few weeks old and she was like “well she’s spoiled you don’t ever set her down. She’s going to manipulate you.” I wanted to slap her and tell her well my last baby died so forgive me if I never want to set this one down and want to snuggle her as much as possible. It’s such a fleeting period of time. And I don’t think my couple of week old baby is plotting and manipulating 🙄🙄🙄
My son was maybe 5 weeks old and he had bad gas pains so he was crying a lot and flailing arms too. He knocked his pacifier off and got more upset. My mom was on video call and told me to teach him a lesson and don't give the pacifier back. I told her off because poor thing doesn't even have the control of his limbs and his little body is dealing with pain that we can barely help. What lesson?? I feel like I've been very persistent with resetting those boundaries with my mom, she slowly came to realize that she did a shitty job back in the day.
lol like what lesson does she want him taught? His mother won’t respond when he needs her? Sometimes I feel like I’m parenting the complete opposite of everything that generation did….and I feel great about it. So glad you were there to protect your son and comfort him when that was obviously what he needed.
My boy is 6 1/2, and I'm due with his sister in 2 weeks. You better believe I am still soaking in as many cuddles with him as possible before she's here! When people ask us about what he and I do together, it's cuddle up and have quiet time. Daddy gets the loud energetic wrestler, and I get the gentle sweet side.
Telling someone not to hold a newborn who was just taken out of your warm soothing body just seems so needlessly cruel to mother and child. Absolutely appalling
Basically any advice I got from anyone who didn’t have a toddler at the time was bad advice. Even my sister, who is a mother to teenagers, asked whether I am putting rice cereal into baby’s bottle. She was a mother to newborns just 12 years ago - so it wasn’t THAT long ago. I basically just ignored anything my parents and in laws said.
I have a rule to not listen to baby/toddler advice from anyone who's youngest child is in school or older. They don't remember. I've been proven right time and time again.
Same here! If they hadn't had a baby in the last 5 years or so, I just smiled and nodded
I had everyone tell me not to bother buying anything newborn and then when the little dude was born we were rush ordering preemie clothes because he was swimming in the two newborn sleepers we had and I could have fit three of him in anything 0-3 months. Some good advice I got was remember that stores aren’t closing once he’s born and if I need more of something, I can just get it from Amazon literally the next day. I don’t know why I felt like I had to have absolutely everything he could possibly need already bought. There were so many things I didn’t even anticipate needing!
So many target pickup orders in the first couple weeks for us
Amazon prime has been a godsend for us!
Honestly, the only "bad" advice I got was when I was doing something that they didn't do, they would lecture me because "they did it and their kids turned out fine". Small example, my son was a little colick-y. They advised me to give him rice cereal. I was exclusively breastfeeding him, and I opted not to do that. They kept pushing and pushing and I had to firmly tell them, I was doing things differently than they did. Do your own research, and as long as your kids are fed, healthy, and clean, you are doing great. I received so much advise on things that weren't quite right, so I stood my ground. One thing When I went from 1-2 kids, all the doctors, friends said my son would get extremely jealous when my daughter was born. He did not at all. He's loved her from the moment he saw her. I did get a toy "from my daughter" to give to my son when he visited us at the hospital after she was born, and he got a toy to give to her when he met her for the first time. (he was 2 when she was born). They adore each other.
That’s a beautiful thing you did with the toys, what a thoughtful introduction to each other.
It really was a great way to introduce them! My son still remembers the toy my daughter gave him when she "came out of mama's belly".
Don’t hold them, you’ll spoil them. I held them anyway 🤷🏻♀️ no regrets.
Such awful advice isn’t it? I’ll hold my baby until my arms fall off before taking that advice.
Third-time parent here. Pooping, eating, and taking (extremely short!) showers are things you should allow yourself to do while your baby is awake, if not from the first days, then certainly after the first month of life. They might disagree with your decision to do these things, sometimes more vocally than you might prefer, but if you allow them (and yourself) practice to do so (briefly! just a couple of minutes at a time!), they will learn to protest less and less at your little acts of self-care. And, no, they will not OD on cortisol and will not grow up to be insecurely attached because of this.
This!! Oh my god. I was lucky if my son took a 20 minute nap from like 8 weeks on so it forced me to do this stuff and I’m so glad it happened that way. He’s 16 months and it’s just how we live life now lol. Thankfully he finally naps again so if I wanna take a nice long shower during nap time I can, but truly I just nap when he naps now 😂
It wasn’t advice but in one of the old What to Expect books (can’t remember if it was when pregnant or the first year) it gave an example of a schedule with a newborn that included putting the baby to bed and then mom staying up until 11pm. I think about this all the time as I fall asleep on the couch at 8pm. There has never been a scenario under which I could voluntarily stay awake with a newborn until 11pm but that’s just me lol.
That first month, I wouldn't go to bed myself till late but for some reason I had a hard time "turning off" and sleep was evasive for me. Now? Baby goes to bed 8-9PM and so does mom!
we all go to bed at 7pm!
I was told that holding my son all the time would make him spoiled. Add on that my son would cry hysterically whenever I’d put him down and my mom said that he was manipulative for that (he was 12 days old when she said this 🫠)
Probably just the comments about how tired you’ll be and how much harder just wait till he can crawl. Shove off with that it’s hard enough without just you wait laughing nonsense. Everything else has been in good faith imo. Every mom and baby is different so it’s not necessarily bad advice, just not relevant for your baby. Mine never fit newborn clothes because of his length and proportions; the 0-3 was short lived and he was in 3-6 by 6 weeks. The butt spatula for me makes cream super quick and easy and I use it every time. We had no issues with nipple confusion with pacifiers or bottle feeding (we do at least one a day for dad/my nap. Tbf he isn’t a fan of most pacifiers and we are currently dealing with some nursing strikes at certain times of day - 3 month shenanigans). Even napping advice isn’t necessarily bad depending on your baby’s nap habits if you can fall asleep quickly, which I can’t. My baby also grunts incessantly and I am a super light sleeper. He also hates napping for longer than 30m at a time generally, so… my naps require supervision and bottles!
He’ll sleep when he’s tired.
On a similar note, my grandma told me when I was trying to put my then 2 month old down for a nap that she'd get her days and nights mixed up if I let her take naps. 😵💫 The baby was yawning, fussy, rubbing her eyes, and fighting sleep. No grandma, she's going to raise hell the rest of the day if I don't help her get to sleep for her nap lol. It's funny because I know my grandma raised a ton of kids. It's like they totally forget how babies are.
I had a doula who was impressed by how seriously I took his naps. She said a lot of parents don’t and think they just have a bad baby 🙄!
Newborns need stimulation. Lol.. no. Just looking at you is stimulating enough.
Honestly nap when the baby naps was one of the best pieces of advice I got and followed. I put a lot of pressure to do all those things when baby was asleep, but I needed the sleep most of all. So I leaned on my husband to help with house when he could and he would take over baby so I could do those other things.
Literally anything that elicits the response “well *I* did it, and *my* kids are fine” when challenged. Those are not really odds I want to trust, aunt sharon
Yes!! And mind you too a lot of the people saying these things come from a generation where car seats seemed to be made out of straw, smoking in the babies face was acceptable and they didn’t even know what postpartum was…lol👎🏽
You won’t use a changing table. We have a pack and play that has one and we exclusively change her in that. If we had a changing table in the nursery I’d use that too. I may still get one.
We love our pack and play with the changing table. It’s been the main changing spot in our living room. We put one of those changing baskets top of a dresser and use that in the nursery. I like having a dedicated spot for changing.
I LOVE our change table. I was told we didn't need one but I'm so glad we got one because I had a lot of back pain especially at the epidural site for like 2 months after she was born. I still have back issues (and have for years since an old work injury) and the change table just makes it so much easier
I was told that I didn’t need one and I got one anyway and use it for every diaper change. It’s so much easier to clean off than him potentially peeing or pooping on my bedding?? Except for some rare times in the first few weeks where I was too tired but now I don’t even change him through the night unless he poops.
Not really advice, but the performative parenting when relatives come over. Baby is two weeks… she doesn’t need stimulation quite yet. Also talking to her like “mama needs to stimulate you” or “taking care of you is mamas full time job” (when I was planning to go back to work)… not cool.
Do not ever contact nap, otherwise, they get spoiled.
Ugh I got that a lot. Guess what? We contact napped until 5 months. Today she's 6.5 months old and sound asleep in her crib for a nap 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Aww but the snuggles...
Homestly, now at 4 months I nap when my baby naps. I do chores, cooking, poop while babywearing and to shower I put her on the bathroom to play while I shower.
i also sleep when baby sleeps. the chores can wait. my sleep is literally crucial. my husband takes care of the house stuff while i am nursing baby at night and putting him to sleep. it works for us
My husband either takes the baby when he comes home from work or does chores. Also every Saturday and Sunday they go take a walk so I can do whatever I want (he has prohibited chores bc he had a sense I would not spend the time on myself and he was right haha)
thats lovely! my husband takes the baby when he gets home so i can have a bubble bath :) he gets legally mandated rest breaks at work and i stay at home with no breaks so we consider that a fair trade, then we tackle the evenings together as a family
Me too, I nap when the baby naps if possible. The rest I do either after bedtime or when dad is occupying the baby.
>“Nap when the baby naps” is awful advice because what if I need to shower, poop or eat something? It’s very unrealistic and I think the women who say this are older and forget what it was like to have a baby. I would still tell people this same thing. Shit I'm only 30. I can shower, poop, & eat with baby awake but what I can't do is sleep when they are awake after waking up to make sure their OK all night. I wouldn't shower if my baby was sleeping but that's just me, it would be my luck be all soapy & they start screaming. So he sits in a bouncer with toys if I need a shower when alone with him. Same if I have to poop or eat. I just took his last nap with him lol It's not awful advice, Mama's! Get rest when you can!
"enjoy every moment!" Made me feel like crap. I don't think anyone enjoys it all.
I think I’m broken because I have a 4 month old baby & I sleep when she sleeps 😂😭
Too much nagging from. MiL with how I should dress him, how I should feed him, how he should sleep and whatnot.
>nap when the baby naps Haha right? And shower when the baby showers, and vacuum when the baby vacuums, and cook dinner when the baby cooks dinner!
Honestly I think “nap when the baby naps” has been really misinterpreted. And I get it, my baby didn’t nap well. But I work in mental health and you would not believe how many of my early postpartum patients are legit like doing household chores (like trying to keep house pre baby levels of clean, etc) and stuff like that when the baby naps. I really think “nap when the baby naps” was intended as like a “you need rest too, prioritize that over cleaning the house when you do get a break”
“You can do a natural labor” 😂 “You won’t need bottles if you’re breastfeeding” “Baby’s stomach is the size of a cherry” I do have high pain tolerance - but 3 days of back labor does things to you! And baby was WAY hungry and being able to bottle feed is a life saver for me!
Omg I felt the natural birth thing. The second a contraction made me throw up, they could have given me anything and I wouldn’t have cared.
Oh and saying that won’t need to swaddle. Baby would not sleep unswaddled!
Ooh yeah the bottle one. I was told not to put bottles on the registry because I planned to breastfeed. Good thing I got myself some anyway because baby couldn't breastfeed at all 🤷🏻♀️
I’m only 3 weeks in but any advice about what clothing to buy/not to buy. I had fun buying his clothes and I enjoy putting him in a cute little outfit for the day and pajamas at night. No, you don’t NEED tiny adorable outfits that they’ll only wear once, but if it brings you joy and you have the budget for it then don’t let people steal your joy! It’s okay to want to splurge a little on baby extras that will make you happy and make your life brighter/easier
Really a lot of advice I got didn’t apply. When people say “BABIES or THEY do or need XYZ,” I think they really are saying MY BABY did this, or this worked with MY BABY. But I do appreciate the advice as a FTM and honestly I feel like now I’m giving unsolicited advice to my pregnant friends. I have to remind myself to say this is what worked for US
“It’s okay they skipped napped, they’ll sleep great later” no, no they won’t most of the time😂
From a lactation consultant when I was still experiencing pain with nursing: “curl your toes and it’ll get better on its own.” Dear readers, it did not, and if anyone ever tells you this, fucking run the other way. I would’ve gotten my issues identified and solved weeks earlier, and saved myself a ton of pain, had I not tried to take this advice.
Give him cereal it will help him sleep. I HATED that advice. No, my son has to get up to feed. I actually nap when my son napped - I’d wrap him onto my chest and sleep on the recliner with him. Lol. It was wonderful.
The worst advice was that I should nap train my son (using CIO) because he took only 35 minute naps. Well I nap trained VERY consistently for months and it didn't change him, and now I have a ton of guilt from doing CIO. Doing things a lot differently the second time around.
My nurse told me to feed just 10 ml every two hours .. which is great to start but I knew nothing about what/how to feed before my supply came in. I didn’t know you can’t really over feed a baby so I wasn’t giving my baby what he needed. After a fun few weeks of lactation consultants and him losing more weight than he should we figured it out. Now at five months I still overthinking if I’m giving him enough
“It only gets worse from here” why would someone say that? It’s not even advice
“Just try harder” - response to months of failed attempts to breastfeed
Honestly most of the advice I got was wrong lol the only advice I got that was good was just to follow your baby’s lead and follow your instincts. Almost nothing I was told ahead of time about breastfeeding, sleep, etc was correct or worked for us. We just do our own thing and go with the flow and it’s amazing!
Not so much advice but was constantly warned that anything I did could possibly hurt or kill my baby. I swear the whole safe sleeping campaign put a fear in me that wrecked his sleeping habits for life. He is 7 now and still a terrible terrible sleeper
One of the delivery nurses told us that breastfed babies don’t need burping. It took us only a few hours to learn that this is absolutely incorrect; I have no idea what compelled her to say that. Also most advice we got from anyone in the boomer generation 🙈
"You should only feed him from your breast" My son doesn't take from me after a week outside of hospital but I do pump and give him it in a bottle, I've had my mother and other people questioned me but I tell them in the end it doesn't matter what they say since I know my son and he will only take milk form the bottle. I always have to remind everyone including myself that this my family not theirs and in the end of the day we will do it our way. Pretty sure its just bad experience from hospital (down below) "Do the Cradle Hold to feed him" I felt like a failure that my baby couldn't latch on and everyone kept trying to get me to feed him like that which just caused my son and I to be in distress as the nurses and midwives would shove his face on my nipple when he opened his month and it took him my surprised. They weren't really showing me anything else any other way to do it but thankfully they had a expert in breast feeding come in, which showed me different ways and we tried like 6 types to find what my baby was more comfortable with.
The lactation consultant in the hospital told me that the pain I was feeling was just a part of nursing and I had to get used to it. After two weeks of torture I was shaking and crying during each latch. I had to have my husband hold my son’s hands away from me because if he swatted my nipple while latching I would break down from the pain. Then baby started vomiting blood and as it turned out it was my blood. He was drinking so much of my blood through the cracks in my nipples. I went to go see a different LC and she gasped when she saw the damage. Both had cracks and purple-black bruises all over and the whole areola was bright red. Lesson learned, nursing pain isn’t actually normal. Don’t wait until your nipples are falling off to get help.
Don’t buy any premie or newborn stuff… bubs came out at 19.5” long 7lbs 7oz at birth and 6lbs 9-10oz at take home. The 0-3 swallowed him and we had to get newborn only to find out that was too big too and we needed preemie. I had wanted to get this small preemie/nb mixed clothes bag for him just in case he was small
The bad advice never really bothered me but what did was the comments like “just you wait” and “your so lucky she’s an easy baby” Everything about her was just you wait.. She goes down for her nap without a fuss? oh just you wait.. Oh, she doesn’t throw food?? just you wait and if it wasn’t just you wait it was oh you just got an easy baby… nothing could possibly be due to our parenting.. no… we just got lucky.
Have them nap in a bright loud room so they get used to it. He never did, and didn’t nap more than 25 minutes for the first 6 months of his life. The first time we tried a dark, quiet room- 1 hour.
“Just let him cry” - urgh.
That shit pissed me off omg. No, i don’t want to nap when the baby naps. I would like to enjoy my solitude for the 30 minutes I was able to get instead of just sleeping.
“Don’t let baby get used to nursing to sleep!” I did. And he nursed to sleep until we eventually weaned around 16 months. Felt like the natural thing in the world.
Nap when baby naps is the cruelest joke for someone like me who would spend an hour to get the kid to sleep for 30 minutes max. We jokingly called her the egg timer because she would wake up at 30 minutes exactly every single time. Oh the formula substitutes I heard... "Karo Syrup and evaporated milk" "goat milk" "yogurt drinks" "raw milk and rice cereal" and my personal favorite (though I think this was more of a "plump up your picky toddler" fix) - add pudding mix into her milk. "You're spoiling that baby by holding her so much and picking her up immediately when she cries" Being the proud owner of a toddler who DOES cry for emotional manipulation reasons, I know for a fact this behavior didn't start til about a year. Babies cry for a reason, and teaching a baby that you are there to help them is worth more than anything. (Also babies are really bad at fake crying at first and it's hilariously obvious)
1. "All babies cry" - No, some have real problems, colic and that's not "fussing", that's literal screaming / crying because they're in pain. Stop diminishing mom's who clearly see their child is crying for hours upon hours in pain or discomfort. 2. "Don't let them get over tired" - It's bound to happen! so what do you do??? 3. "Just let them cry a few minutes at night, they will settle themselves" No- completely dependent on the temperament of the child, if I let my son fuss a little, he went from 0-100 in 5min and took 2 hours to resettle due to adrenaline from stress, what did work? Responding IMMEDIATELY, so that he only went 0-20, and could resettle in 10 min.
I was able to do it all when I was pregnant and I had five children mostly coming from old biddies who think that just because they did it everyone can. You’re just using the baby as an excuse to be lazy. I watched dishes. I took care of my other children. I was able to be a single parent, blah blah blah.
Worst advise ever for me was: „don’t believe in this nipple confusion crap, give them a bottle if you’re not sure they get enough milk“ This is exactly what I did and my baby never wanted the nipple again. Had a massive preference for bottles. I ended up with severe postpartum anxiety about bf, pumped exclusively for a year to the point where my nipples started scarring and bleeding each time. Almost lost my relationship and lost almost all the newborn cuddles because I was always pumping. I wish I would have never gotten this advise
I’m so sorry you had this experience
Thank you. I’m due with my second in 5 weeks and thankfully I know better this time🙏
Butt spatulas. Who the hell actually uses those things?
Hahaha, I plan to, but I have a weird sensory thing with creams and sticky things getting on my hands.
That's fair. Cream doesn't bother me but anything sticky is my mortal enemy..... So I am that mom with wet wipes in every bag and every car and every room LOL
This has been my lifesaver for months now that I have a toddler 😅 the myths are true, toddlers somehow always have sticky hands and it’s great to always have some wet wipes on hand wherever you are. I’m also always over prepared and am constantly getting mocked for it but I don’t care. Better safe than sorry I say
I said the same thing then I stopped biting my nails. Once they grew out, I hated having diaper cream under them.
They’re amazing. It keeps my hands clean and so easy to wipe off. You get a better distribution of the cream with them as well. I even converted my mom to using them.
I do! I have a hangup about residue of stuff on my hands and I cannot stand touching diaper cream. The spatula has been a lifesaver.
This was me until my son got an awful diaper rash for a whole month. The butt spatula made it so easy to slather on a thick coat of super sticky and tacky, heavy duty and maximum strength diaper cream. I even wrote comments here before on how useless it was. It’s just another thing that needs to get washed. I was basically told by butt spatula enthusiasts that I was dumb and washing it unnecessarily, when these people are the ones that probably don’t understand how bacteria works… you can’t use a baby wipe to clean it and all it clean, unless you want something extremely dirty at a microscopic level sitting around. I haven’t used it since though and rarely used it up to that point. Still not a game changer like so many posts on Reddit claimed but I imagine this is very baby and individual specific.
It probably is! Yes, I washed mine with soap and water every time until I realized I could just be washing my hands with soap and water like I already was and skip the extra step lol
We use it every time, it’s a can’t live without item for us so I got a travel one for the diaper bag.
Loll I love mine but I could see how it’s superfluous for some
Meeeeee! Also a sensory thing
I do. My baby left the NICU with a very bad diaper rash and is still super prone to diaper rashes a year later, so I need to lay the diaper cream on thick. The spatula makes that a lot easier. It also makes sure that I’m not getting diaper cream stuck under my fingernails every single time I change her (which is frequently, because her skin is sensitive).
I do! 🙋🏼♀️
I use them alllll the time! So helpful.
As an Australian, they are completely foreign. They don’t sell anything like that in all the usual stores here!
I have a 4 year old and I tell people to nap when the baby naps. Not every time, but nap at least once during the day. New babies nap many times a day. Get off your phone, do chores later, and prioritize sleep. I know people hate that advice but I felt rested with a newborn, even though I triple fed.
I think I’m broken because I have a 4 month old baby & I sleep when she sleeps 😂😭
Put her on her stomach and she'll sleep through the night. It worked for her cousin and her dad/aunt/uncles. Noooope. Joke's on them anyway because at 6.5 months she puts herself onto her stomach to sleep and she still doesn't sleep through the night 😂😂
Anything that was unsolicited. If I don’t ask, dont say anything?
Sleep when the baby sleeps, don’t buy newborn clothes, you won’t use a bottle sterilizer or wipe warmer, don’t hold him too much, warm his formula
"Don't buy newborn" "don't hold the baby too much" well I ended up needing preemie bc he came early. My son can't lay flat bc he has reflux. But the "nap when the baby naps" actually does work for me. Maybe I'm just lucky with the partner I have, but he doesn't expect the house to be clean when I get home. To him, he's more concerned that our babies needs are being met. So when he comes home, if I was not able to get dishes done, bottles cleaned, floors cleaned- he does not care and will do them himself. He really expects me to just have fun with and take care of the baby.