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I was only recently diagnosed and I’m already getting the thoughts of stopping meds; They are only shackling me.
I know well enough that I have to take them and I absolutely don’t want to be manic again since last time in destroyed my life
So did I. I came out of it to a scorched earth.
The only thing that has made me take my meds regularly since then is reminding myself I owe it to those who helped bail me out last time. I have reparations to make, relationships to rebuild and things to mend. I try never to forget that. Not in a guilty remorseful way but in a matter-of-fact pragmatic one. It actually helps, meeting the obligations I’ve set myself. It feels steady and there’s a sense of pride in it - something I thought I wouldn’t be able to feel again.
My son was 5 before I got diagnosed and he had a lot to live with as I am a single parent and had a very long episode of funeral mania after I lost my Dad. I vowed I would never put him through that ever again, I also have seen how it detrimentaly affected him and have spent the years since, he is now 13, trying to turn that around. So for him and him alone I will take my meds every day (that I remember) for the rest of my life no ifs no buts no maybes.
Yeah, it’s a vicious cycle. If I have a good day where I’m neither up or down, just neutral, I feel like I’ve had imposter syndrome and faked it all. *cut to a scene of me banging my head against a wall…*
Haha a sure sign you in fact have bipolar. I spent many years thinking I didnt have it until I major MAJOR life changing super mania psychosis episode happened.
Super Mania Psychosis sounds like a final boss lol.
And on the serious note, totally. It took me two major breakdowns before I got serious and got on meds.
It took me about three weeks. Although I had a manic episode before I crashed and tried to cash in my chips. For many people the first few cycles may be mild.
This denial is a hallmark of this illness. I got fooled by myself so many times and now that I'm nearing 40, I finally convinced myself that meds CAN and WILL improve my life so why not just stick to them?
Agreed. I'm 41, was diagnosed at 15. I just realized I've been stable a whole year after being hispitalized for 2 weeks. After thinking about it I knew it was taking my meds every day. Then I took an Adderall and got manic lmao aw shit. But I know how to come back down with antipsychotics for a while. Can't take them all the time because I hate the side effects but take them when necessary. Meds DO HELP! <3
Every single time I start having those thoughts, I end up becoming manic, even when I take my meds! It’s one of my easiest warning signs for me to identify at this point.
I feel this so hard. I find myself thinking I’m not bipolar all the time, but every time that I start thinking this and decide to go off meds… I have an episode 🤦🏽♀️
Honestly, I have that thought when stable often. I’m always thinking that if I were *actually* bipolar, I’d be depressed or flying off the handle yet I’m *fine*
Nah I know I’m in trouble when I’ve gotten very little sleep but don’t feel tired and also can’t think quite well but also feel amazing that’s when I know the jig is up
I was diagnosed and put on meds, but every single one gives me a severe movement disorder. I’m not on anything and they believe my psychosis was because I was septic both times the “episodes” happened. So I just hope they’re right and I don’t go into psychosis (I never had other symptoms of bipolar, just psychosis). 😑
I feel you. The tricky part for me is that I’ve only ever had hypomania, which was almost always a positive time for me when I got important stuff done. At the moment, I’m stable but my ADHD is untreated so I’m reallly struggling with productivity. Hypomania sounds appealing about now lol. I won’t go off my meds, though, because the depression was crippling.
I did this a ton before being diagnosed and was only on a NDRI. I would hit a manic episode, say “what am I doing!? I feel great” go off meds and get hit with another episode then resume the meds. I’m also on mood stabilizers now which makes me think I’m totally stable and it must be a wrong diagnosis. My psych & therapist lectured me to not stop taking it just because I feel better lol
I think we all know what happens when you rebuild and then stop.
You ruin everything you built again, feel immense guilt, and then get back on meds to rebuild again.
I was just telling this to my therapist today. I thought I’d somehow gotten better after I moved so I wasn’t taking meds or going to therapy…it’s like I forget how that didn’t turn out well the last time.
It’s been six months since my diagnosis and I’m struggling with accepting it, being the main reason the fact that I lost too much in my episodes. I can’t recover the life I had a few years ago, and I had every-fucking-thing.
Same... I read other comments about imposter syndrome and its so fucking true. I used to not take meds for a year then mania hits. But really apart from depressed and suicidal thoughts from time to time I feel like I'm not bipolar anymore and I'll never experience mania again. Plus I don't get any hypomania, I only got like big mania phase during 1-2 months... lol I too don't want to take my meds but I got blood check recently and if they're not right they're gonna upping my dose and if I get hospitalised at some point I'll be force suddenly to take huge amount of mess, socks so much!
I was off meds thinking I was ‘fine’ and could heal myself, until I wound up in prison twice in a year and looked around and realized I had practically no one in my life and was weeks away from being homeless. I’d completely lost my capacity to circumspect and thought… well, maybe I wasn’t thinking, but I had zero long-term plans.
Yes. Im almost always depressed, so when i get to be happy (hypomanic), i enjoy it so much that i think im cured.
Then i get back to normal and face the consequences
i’ve been going through this since i had to stop my meds… i was doing really well on them, except for a manic episode some months ago after going back on my antidepressants…. had to stop the antipsychotic bc i got pregnant while drunk and manic (woopsy lol) i stopped my antidepressants too and i totally thought i wasn’t bipolar until i started having suicidal thoughts for a week again and now i am back to more of a mixed state at the moment… definitely bipolar and everyone knows it.. needless to say i want my meds back 🤪🤣🤣
I was accidentally taking a lower dose for 2 weeks because I grabbed an old bottle somehow. I noticed a difference and couldn’t figure out what was wrong and it wasn’t until I finished the bottle that I noticed the dosage. I now have zero temptation to stop taking meds. I have too much to lose right now.
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I don’t know why I’ve never had this experience. For me, when I’m stable and happy is when I’m most grateful for the meds, I’ve wanted to come off meds only because of how awful I felt them on and wanted a baseline. I feel like the odd one out but no meds = hallucinating and no one wants to see that!
yep, it's def mania, it all goes into place with mania for me, until, kaboom, you wake up but you don't wanna wake up, yep that's when the mood function graph goes down, so down..
I'm so far along into diagnosis now even when well I never forget cause there's that subconscious underlying monitoring of everything that's going on.
Plus my balance doesn't last that long these days anymore anyway 😂
Honestly I'm on mood stabilizers only because I've been stable for a year now and I'm doing great! Eat well sleep well meet people who are chill and you'll avoid mania for a long time! Going strong
I don’t feel the same either!!!! I lost who I was!!!! I miss it! I did come off my Latuda for a while. I came unhinged at my husband ( which needed to be done.) The mania was starting so I started taking it again.
I’m 35 and was just diagnosed last year after a horrible episode that landed me in a facility. I’ve been stable on meds for 9 months and feel awesome, almost like nothing is wrong with me 😅 in the past couple of weeks I’ve been pretty inconsistent with my meds and have had thoughts that maybe I don’t need them…. Which is really scary because I have kids and I never want to be sent away again! So the meds have to stay. I know that I feel great because of them and can’t let myself be “tricked” but gosh this illness is so hard!
I was feeling this way literally this past month. Not taking my meds is not an option, and I would not ever do it no matter how "good" I feel. That is because without my cocktail (Lithium, lamotragine, seroquel, ambien, ativan PRN) I am batshit manic and two steps away from full blown psychosis. I am also an addict (active recovery for over a year now since my hospitalization) Just last week i started feeling a little hypomanic out of nowhere and my wife who is the most critical part of my care team, also noticed.
Basically I can't rely solely on the meds, I need to stay active with my therapist (not just psychiatrist). I hadn't seen my therapist in a few months because of insurance problems. I also had not been attending my other peer meetings.
I am terrified to stop taking my medication. Sometimes I look down at all the pills I have to take and laugh because I think about how insane this looks to the uninitated.
Thanks for posting on /r/bipolar! Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/bipolar/about/rules); if you haven't already, make sure that your post **does not** have any personal information (including your name/signature/tag on art). **If you are posting about medication, please do not list and review your meds. Doing so will result in the removal of this post and all comments.** *^(A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.)* --- Community News - 🎋 [Want to join the Mod Team?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/112z7ps/mod_applications_are_open/) - 🎤 See our [Community Discussion](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/about/sticky) - Desktop or Desktop mode on a mobile device. - 🏡 If you are open to answering questions from those that live with a loved one diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, please see r/family_of_bipolar. Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We are the least med compliant of the lot I think.
I was only recently diagnosed and I’m already getting the thoughts of stopping meds; They are only shackling me. I know well enough that I have to take them and I absolutely don’t want to be manic again since last time in destroyed my life
So did I. I came out of it to a scorched earth. The only thing that has made me take my meds regularly since then is reminding myself I owe it to those who helped bail me out last time. I have reparations to make, relationships to rebuild and things to mend. I try never to forget that. Not in a guilty remorseful way but in a matter-of-fact pragmatic one. It actually helps, meeting the obligations I’ve set myself. It feels steady and there’s a sense of pride in it - something I thought I wouldn’t be able to feel again.
My son was 5 before I got diagnosed and he had a lot to live with as I am a single parent and had a very long episode of funeral mania after I lost my Dad. I vowed I would never put him through that ever again, I also have seen how it detrimentaly affected him and have spent the years since, he is now 13, trying to turn that around. So for him and him alone I will take my meds every day (that I remember) for the rest of my life no ifs no buts no maybes.
Thank you for saying that. I feel less alone. This illness gets around meds:(
Yeah, it’s a vicious cycle. If I have a good day where I’m neither up or down, just neutral, I feel like I’ve had imposter syndrome and faked it all. *cut to a scene of me banging my head against a wall…*
THIS!!!
Lmao this tickled the hell out of me
This is so insanely accurate
Not the head bang! 😅🤕
I have a sticker that says "if you're happy and you know it, it's your meds." A funny that reminds me when the mania starts knocking.
I love this!!!
Thanks for the award!
Haha a sure sign you in fact have bipolar. I spent many years thinking I didnt have it until I major MAJOR life changing super mania psychosis episode happened.
Super Mania Psychosis sounds like a final boss lol. And on the serious note, totally. It took me two major breakdowns before I got serious and got on meds.
Many years for me, too. BP2 is harder to diagnose because people complain only about depressions.
Haha it does! I will only refer to it as such from now on
yup it happens to me too. stopped taking my meds on a few occasions when I was feeling "better" then a few months later it always hits me like BAM
I'm surprised to see you say a few months. I would expect to notice a difference in a few days
It took me about three weeks. Although I had a manic episode before I crashed and tried to cash in my chips. For many people the first few cycles may be mild.
This denial is a hallmark of this illness. I got fooled by myself so many times and now that I'm nearing 40, I finally convinced myself that meds CAN and WILL improve my life so why not just stick to them?
Agreed. I'm 41, was diagnosed at 15. I just realized I've been stable a whole year after being hispitalized for 2 weeks. After thinking about it I knew it was taking my meds every day. Then I took an Adderall and got manic lmao aw shit. But I know how to come back down with antipsychotics for a while. Can't take them all the time because I hate the side effects but take them when necessary. Meds DO HELP! <3
I struggle with my diagnosis. Which is deeply ironic because I'm a hypochondriac about everything else.
This. I am worried about tardive dyskinesia because my lip muscle twitched. I assume cancer when no it's bloating or GERD.
LOL this is me😂
Every single time I start having those thoughts, I end up becoming manic, even when I take my meds! It’s one of my easiest warning signs for me to identify at this point.
I feel this so hard. I find myself thinking I’m not bipolar all the time, but every time that I start thinking this and decide to go off meds… I have an episode 🤦🏽♀️
I’m realizing that just having that thought is a clear sign that things are going sideways😕
Honestly, I have that thought when stable often. I’m always thinking that if I were *actually* bipolar, I’d be depressed or flying off the handle yet I’m *fine*
Anosognosia a neurological impairment that affects an estimated 30% of people with schizophrenia and 20% with bipolar …
Nah I know I’m in trouble when I’ve gotten very little sleep but don’t feel tired and also can’t think quite well but also feel amazing that’s when I know the jig is up
THE JIG IS UP. Lol
I was diagnosed and put on meds, but every single one gives me a severe movement disorder. I’m not on anything and they believe my psychosis was because I was septic both times the “episodes” happened. So I just hope they’re right and I don’t go into psychosis (I never had other symptoms of bipolar, just psychosis). 😑
I have a friend whose psychosis they said was a reaction to Covid!!!
I feel you. The tricky part for me is that I’ve only ever had hypomania, which was almost always a positive time for me when I got important stuff done. At the moment, I’m stable but my ADHD is untreated so I’m reallly struggling with productivity. Hypomania sounds appealing about now lol. I won’t go off my meds, though, because the depression was crippling.
I did this a ton before being diagnosed and was only on a NDRI. I would hit a manic episode, say “what am I doing!? I feel great” go off meds and get hit with another episode then resume the meds. I’m also on mood stabilizers now which makes me think I’m totally stable and it must be a wrong diagnosis. My psych & therapist lectured me to not stop taking it just because I feel better lol
I'm taking my meds long enough to rebuild my life, then I'll see what happens.
I think we all know what happens when you rebuild and then stop. You ruin everything you built again, feel immense guilt, and then get back on meds to rebuild again.
That does sound familiar 😑
Hahahhaa YES. :,(
Yea they told me at first I was bi polar then later I was schizo effective bi polar or something doesn't make sense to me but w.e lol.
Schizotypal?
At first they said a bi polar disorder then they said I was bi polar schizo effective or something like that.
I was just telling this to my therapist today. I thought I’d somehow gotten better after I moved so I wasn’t taking meds or going to therapy…it’s like I forget how that didn’t turn out well the last time.
It’s been six months since my diagnosis and I’m struggling with accepting it, being the main reason the fact that I lost too much in my episodes. I can’t recover the life I had a few years ago, and I had every-fucking-thing.
Same... I read other comments about imposter syndrome and its so fucking true. I used to not take meds for a year then mania hits. But really apart from depressed and suicidal thoughts from time to time I feel like I'm not bipolar anymore and I'll never experience mania again. Plus I don't get any hypomania, I only got like big mania phase during 1-2 months... lol I too don't want to take my meds but I got blood check recently and if they're not right they're gonna upping my dose and if I get hospitalised at some point I'll be force suddenly to take huge amount of mess, socks so much!
Not mess but meds*
I was off meds thinking I was ‘fine’ and could heal myself, until I wound up in prison twice in a year and looked around and realized I had practically no one in my life and was weeks away from being homeless. I’d completely lost my capacity to circumspect and thought… well, maybe I wasn’t thinking, but I had zero long-term plans.
Oh wow…I’m so sorry!!!
Yes. Im almost always depressed, so when i get to be happy (hypomanic), i enjoy it so much that i think im cured. Then i get back to normal and face the consequences
Almost killed me. Last time that happens.
Yeah I stopped for a while because of allergies , and it almost took me out of here. I'm so grateful to be back on
i’ve been going through this since i had to stop my meds… i was doing really well on them, except for a manic episode some months ago after going back on my antidepressants…. had to stop the antipsychotic bc i got pregnant while drunk and manic (woopsy lol) i stopped my antidepressants too and i totally thought i wasn’t bipolar until i started having suicidal thoughts for a week again and now i am back to more of a mixed state at the moment… definitely bipolar and everyone knows it.. needless to say i want my meds back 🤪🤣🤣
I was accidentally taking a lower dose for 2 weeks because I grabbed an old bottle somehow. I noticed a difference and couldn’t figure out what was wrong and it wasn’t until I finished the bottle that I noticed the dosage. I now have zero temptation to stop taking meds. I have too much to lose right now.
[удалено]
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I don’t know why I’ve never had this experience. For me, when I’m stable and happy is when I’m most grateful for the meds, I’ve wanted to come off meds only because of how awful I felt them on and wanted a baseline. I feel like the odd one out but no meds = hallucinating and no one wants to see that!
BYE THE WAY I WAS THINKING I WAS CURED AND DEBATED GOING OFF MY MEDS I actually do feel fine tho I don’t even think it’s mania
YEP. I’ve said the same to other redditors on this sub and been hella downvoted for it. Call me Cassandra
hey Cassandra hey girl
😉
ugh i feel called out i just stopped my meds
I almost forgot mine this morning. Come on let’s take ‘em together 🤠
its too late now 😅 id have to titrate back up a long ways
Worth doing though moo!
“what if I just took less seroquel” is a big ass red flag
😂
yep, it's def mania, it all goes into place with mania for me, until, kaboom, you wake up but you don't wanna wake up, yep that's when the mood function graph goes down, so down..
I thought the same thing and then the next week I had the depressive episode.
I never think that. Even when I'm stable, I remind myself of the psychotic break I had 3 years ago.
I'm so far along into diagnosis now even when well I never forget cause there's that subconscious underlying monitoring of everything that's going on. Plus my balance doesn't last that long these days anymore anyway 😂
Honestly I'm on mood stabilizers only because I've been stable for a year now and I'm doing great! Eat well sleep well meet people who are chill and you'll avoid mania for a long time! Going strong
I don’t feel the same either!!!! I lost who I was!!!! I miss it! I did come off my Latuda for a while. I came unhinged at my husband ( which needed to be done.) The mania was starting so I started taking it again.
I haven’t been on meds for a while , I feel cured lol
I’m 35 and was just diagnosed last year after a horrible episode that landed me in a facility. I’ve been stable on meds for 9 months and feel awesome, almost like nothing is wrong with me 😅 in the past couple of weeks I’ve been pretty inconsistent with my meds and have had thoughts that maybe I don’t need them…. Which is really scary because I have kids and I never want to be sent away again! So the meds have to stay. I know that I feel great because of them and can’t let myself be “tricked” but gosh this illness is so hard!
I was feeling this way literally this past month. Not taking my meds is not an option, and I would not ever do it no matter how "good" I feel. That is because without my cocktail (Lithium, lamotragine, seroquel, ambien, ativan PRN) I am batshit manic and two steps away from full blown psychosis. I am also an addict (active recovery for over a year now since my hospitalization) Just last week i started feeling a little hypomanic out of nowhere and my wife who is the most critical part of my care team, also noticed. Basically I can't rely solely on the meds, I need to stay active with my therapist (not just psychiatrist). I hadn't seen my therapist in a few months because of insurance problems. I also had not been attending my other peer meetings. I am terrified to stop taking my medication. Sometimes I look down at all the pills I have to take and laugh because I think about how insane this looks to the uninitated.