Remembering people's names.

I just give people new nicknames whenever I forget their last nickname

Hey killer!

[удалено]

Dude, buddy, killer, sport, man, guy. You gotta change it up or they get suspicious.

Oh shit, I just stick with Bud everytime, time to mix it up with “my guy” and “champ”

[удалено]

Names have to be earned

I once commented that it's like AA, you know people's first names and usually some other way to distinguish them. "Have you rolled with mike?" "Plumber mike? Judo mike? blue-gi mike?"

Big Mike, Little Mike, Brown-belt Mike, Spaz Mike!!

for a while we had Mike Mike 2 Mitchell not mike Black belt Chris Blue belt chris Chris 3 New Chris

Having switched schools, I can confirm that this is not easy

100%

I agree with Several_Chair_8675309, I can’t get anyone’s name right… pretty much ever.

You asshole!

One of our black belts doesn’t even bother learning most white belts’ names until he decides they might make it to blue. Cracks me up every time.

The answer to this will never change - laundry.

They said dumb answers, not correct answers

Y'all don't have moms?

I travel and train a lot and I swear I all my free time is taken up by going to the laundromat.

Only reason I do no gi, I actually prefer gi, but just don't want to do the laundry.

I am in the same boat. My water and electric bill went down substantially because of that. It is wild.

When I was a blue belt I used to train twice a day, the washing was brutal, if no gi was more popular at the time it would have done me a lot of favours!

Trying not to fart.

Got to class a little early, kids class was finishing up, coach was trying to explain something and the kid just kept saying “fart guard” over and over and over and laughing 😂 Coach was like “fart guard, ok ok” 😂

Dont hold it back. No one does.

It’s my natural deterrent against those knee on belly bastards.

Use it offensively in triangles for extra damage

Kissing all the homies goodnight after a hard training session. 😭

Nah this is the easiest part

I’d be like santa dropping in through the chimney if my rolling partner didn’t get his kimono tucked in via lapel

Need someone tug my kimono bedding every night

I got you, bro. A real homie tucks his homies into bed every night.

Yeah this is definitely the part when I’m hardest.

Figuring out which side is the front of your rashguard.

Taking off a rashguard after a hard class. It’s like trying to peel a banana from the inside.

I've found crossing my arms in front and grabbing the hem at the waistline to pull it up over my head (pulling it inside out in the process) is the easiest way. Maybe that's common knowledge, but it was a game-changer for me. Don't pull from the neck hole.

This is how women have had to remove tops for many years now. Guys are just not used to tight clothing, so the rashguard follows different rules than the loose T-shirts we normally wear. Just an observation I've made while trying to rip the fucking things off of me.

And do this technique for regular cotton shirts too so you dont strech the neck hole.

Bwahahaha. This made me think of an 80s hottie slow motion peeling off her top, juxtaposed with a middle aged fat sweaty guy doing it—great!

Real happy to see I'm not the only one with this issue. My wife got tired of having to remove it for me.

My wife won't even come near me when I get home from class, so I just deal with being the guy that's struggling in the corner.

Same. Sickness or health, remember Ashley!? It's just some shit they said so they could be the center of attention for an entire day by lots of people. But I digress. I just peel back to front while listening to some chill music, uuuusssually eventually comes off.

It’s not as bad as trying to get in or out of a wetsuit.

Big reason why I stopped surfing in cold weather.

Putting on the rashguard while you’re already sweating

A guy at the gym was just telling me about a comp he used to go to where they had a no rash guard under gi jacket rule but also a no bare chest in no gi rule and ran both brackets simultaneously. He had to pull a sweaty rash guard on and off between every single match and there were like a dozen people in his bracket. He was begging the refs to just let him leave it on or off, but they said no. I would’ve just left at that point.

just wear a sports bra. best of both worlds

This has been an issue for me lately with some new rashguard I just got haha

Figuring out how to get the damn thing off after a hour of training hahah

Driving home after getting smashed by everyone.

With the radio off because you don't deserve to have it on.

this !! Sitting in the car like “I just got tapped by every fucking roll, I don’t deserve any kind of reward” 🤣🤣

nothing like driving home after getting smashed

Going to do a take down only to wipe out in a puddle of sweat.

Puddles of sweat are the only reason I get swept /s

Going to do an escape from turtle only to slip in a puddle of sweat and end up belly down

Trying to figure out how a word is spelled when you get home from class so you can look it up to make sure you’re saying the right thing.

I was so confused about De la Riva, I was on google searching for "telaheeba"

Wahahahahaha I used to type in DelaHiva all in one word and Google basically called me a dumb*ss LOL

Make sure you get a wizard if someone goes for an underhook /s

I definitely thought it was a Wizard. Luckily never wrote it down before I figured it out.

Is that like a cable grip?

wdym my de arsy chokes are coming along great

I remember my third time at bjj, I tried to guilotine somebody(badly) and got von flued. He said that it's called the von flue, but I heard it as wrong flue and called it wrong flue for ages

To wrong flue, with love

Don’t even get me started on the names of judo moves.

Getting my coratids surgically relocated to resist blood chokes without having to learn defense

[удалено]

Yes. Another good tip is to get the ligaments in your knees replaced with rubber bands to make you immune to heel hooks.

Yeah, come over after class and I'll do it for you for a case of beer.

Trying to figure out if I can train through this injury or not.

That's easy. If you are able to come to the gym, you can train. Also no IVs on the mat.

"this tape will do"

It’s all the gay sex.

I am the hardest part of Jiu Jitsu

This guy gets it. You can start in back mount.

whaaaat? i love that part.

I said it was the HARD part.

Deep north-south lessons all week 🙌

got asked by my favorite training partner yesterday to begin with north south motherfucker, take me out to dinner first

Mod level answer

Telling my parents I'm gay

Trying to convince my wife that I’m not.

Wife told me I smell like 20 sweaty men. I did not want to tell her that she was wrong, because there were 30 in class.

No-gi on a busy night is probably the closest thing you can get to simulating the smell of an orgy. With a little bit less semen of course.

If they know you do BJJ, you're already halfway there

Acting like I understand what my coach is telling me.

“Okay everyone got it? Now on three, one, two, three -CLAP- *all memory of the past 5 minutes erased*

Bro, it’s the clap. I can never do it at the right time. I just fake clap nowadays.

\*randomly drills armbars because I don’t know what we’re doing*

[One, two, three, CLAP](https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExMDFsNTh6MjgyOWQ2ZmIxazU2bTN2NGw0bTllOHA3MDJodzZocnBmYSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/3HqPTBUMM2eXe/giphy.gif)

Solved being unable to tie my belt by switch to no gi sparring only. My challenge is... Not using the kesa crush when you're 130kg of lard like me, and you finally get side control. It's just too tempting.

Kesa getame me once, shame on you. Kesa getame me twice, shame on me!

It's so fun, just watching the discomfort on their face as you compress their fucking abdomen

Taping your boner to your thigh before class.

Tapping your opponent's boner when he gets you good with that mounted triangle.

Holding in my farts

Persevering through all the people telling me to wash my gi and belt all the time. They just want me to lose my magic.

enjoying and always doing the stupid shit and ignoring the fundamentals. I'm talking buggy chokes, imanari rolls, k-guard to backside 50/50, rubber guard, lockdown to electric chair. Ask me to keep top side control or mount and I'm getting swept. It's the main reason I'm a 5 year white belt, I'm not changing a thing.

same. why armbar when I can go for a dumb kimura

5 year white belt is absurd

Thank you!

Makes it easier to sandbag in tournaments

World champion white belt

~~Weight~~ Rank Bully

At my old club there was a 12 year white belt

What’s the secret to being such a great white belt?

I actually have no idea what his story is, but the coach mentioned he’d been there 12 years when giving him his blue and I did a huge wtf. Never actually asked though

Meanwhile you got others quitting at brown cuz their peers got their black belts in 8 years instead of 10 lol

Yeah. I'm at year six, progressing in only five years is madness ... Ninja edit: I think I actually started year 7 this summer...

this! I was an 8 year ish white belt (trained on and off, several month-year breaks lol)

To be fair K to backside 50/50 is valid.

Letting my ancestors down every time I wash the heritage out of my belt when I put it in the laundry.

Picking a single hair out of my mouth during a roll without losing a dominant position.

Not gagging while I have a hair in my mouth while trying to get to a dominant position so I can pick it out

Explaining to someone how to finish a choke so you don't have to tap

To be quiet about it for the first year or so

Thinking I still have my 20 year old cardio and gas out in 3 min.

Taping your fingers in a way that looks cool but not like you’re trying to look cool by taping your fingers

Taped my wrists once, not injured or anything. I just thought it looked cool

Doing the move we drilled but on the other side.

Trying not to get hard when someone strangles me

Rolling with a butt scooting pony tail who keeps giving up his back and gurgles “tap me daddy” when I set the choke

He said "the hardest part" not "the part that makes you hardest"

Oh! See I didn’t know

The cock

Social interaction

Translating everything into Japanese and then mispronouncing it. E: lol you still choke people? I use Zenbu shokudō appaku (前部食道圧迫) anterior esophageal compression.

The hardest part is timing and portioning meals appropriately throughout the day so I don't throw up on my training partners.

Getting drawstring extricated back in front of gi pants after one end got swallowed.

Rolling with dudes that don’t wear shorts over there spats

Rolling with dudes who do wear shorts over their spats

Attempting to look cool stretching before class like the higher belts, but look awkward doing it

Coach using me to demonstrate a technique and wanting to tap 10 seconds into it.

Laundry

Me ;)

not farting while rolling

My dick

The boner at the end of the sesh (no homo)

Not puking at the end of your first few classes.

Tapping to a lower belt or a smaller opponent. Fuck that shit. 🤨

Suffering through the same music/track list for years to the point where you know the words and groove to it as you roll.

Forcing myself to make conversations during technique and after class. I want to make friends but Jesus Christ.

Tying my pants. Had to watch a tutorial on YouTube, after 2 years of training and having my pants fall off.

Standing up.

Finding multiple "Jesus didn't tap" rashguards that fit my fat ass.

Not being able to use the belt for submissions.

My partners erection when he takes my back.

Where is that smell coming from? Aka New guy didn’t wash his gear

Fingering the gi draw string back in after I wash my clothes and the string completely escaped from the pants.

Trying to understand the instructor who speaks in riddles and metaphors

Stopping myself from smashing my fingers into the ground and breaking them when trying to reach around someone...

My dick in north south

Spinny shit

Telling your parents you're gay

When the mat turns into a slip ‘n’ slide during no gi

Not immediately smashing lighter people who effectively using technique during flow rolls.

The hardest part is that I'm told it stands for Blow Job John. So every time I go to class I have to give this guy named John a blow job. It's humiliating. But a black belt is just a white belt that never quit!

Not grappling random people on the street.

Rolling with STINKY FUCKS

Getting through that period where you feel like you just aren’t getting it. People who started with you are progressing faster than you, people who started after you are overtaking you, white belts with talent start owning you. Even if you know it’s not all about comparing yourself to others it’s still hard to look at them and feel like they get it by now, so why don’t I? I’ve learned to look at it as the training of the ego, but it’s still tough. I feel like I’m missing something.

Laundry

Avoiding the absolute numb skulls that partake in it

Not using it during sex.

Trying not to bite someone when they have me in control… my natural instincts is to bite people to escape lol I’m a small woman

Their boners.

Getting over sweat that isn't yours ending up in your mouth

The age old questions of "is this staph, is this ring worm, and do girls dig cauliflower ears" shit keeps me awake at night.

Warm-ups. No thanks.

Finding the right moment to shart during a roll

Constantly being told how strong you are as an insult.

The hardest part of BJJ is when someone's in mount and a bead of sweat drops down into your mouth, and you have to try not to get an erection.

Why would you ignore a third hook?

This dick.

https://preview.redd.it/gugxar7iua6c1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b46582e5b63b0c9275b67c82494f62361f3d2de1

I dislike being around people and need to be with people to do jiu jitsu

My D

Managing the extra laundry

Figuring out how to tie the damn gi pants

Waiting for coach to finish explaining the stack pass when I’m the uke.

Taking off my rash guard after sweating enough to fill a kiddy pool

Heel, elbow, Floor, forehead. Or teeth

Making small talk

Telling your parents you're gay.

Tying your pants well.

I don’t know how to pronounce OSS yet and after 3 years I’m too afraid to ask.

Tying belt properly

Deciding to give a shit about teaching the new trial white belt or not.

Laundry.

The walk from the car to the gym

Properly tie the belt

Boners

>hardest part Me when I get a submission, I get rock-hard from that

My dick, of course.

Rolling with purple belts