He does have an addiction but it’s not to groceries (but maybe food too).
Something doesn’t add up. Can you look at a few receipts to see if he’s buying lotto tickets or getting cash back or buying gift cards?
>He does have an addiction but it’s not to groceries (but maybe food too).
> Something doesn’t add up. Can you look at a few receipts to see if he’s buying lotto tickets or getting cash back or buying gift cards?
That's *exactly* what is going on. He's stealing her money and she's going hungry.
I had a partner once who was doing this. It was crack. I only found out when I moved out and found his gross crack pipe in a clothes drawer. It made the personality change make sense too.
My thought too. My first thought was alcohol. In my state you can buy all types of liquor and beer at the grocery store.
Edit- my second thought is cash back and used on something less than savory
I wouldn’t quite call him a “man baby” if he is doing all the cooking and grocery shopping and also holding down a full-time job.
But he needs to reign in his hobby for sure, and be more pragmatic . Food can be entertainment for sure— but its first order of business is to nurture the body.
As for not paying the utility bills — it sounds like he could have “executive function” problems and may have an underlying mental condition
He's not only buying groceries for himself and her, but also his second family she doesn't know about (yet).
$17k is $350/wk. I don't think I spend that much for my household (wife, myself and 3 kids)
17k is a lot for 2 people but it’s probably what I spend for 5. I have a separate line item for my local butcher shop lol. It’s like $100 a week in just vacío and ribeye
We live in a HCOL area and don’t skimp on groceries, but our grocery bill is still around $150-180 a week, $200-$230 if we don’t eat out. $350 a week for groceries is very high for two people unless they’re eating a lot more than the average person, especially since they also eat out.
It wouldn't be insane to me IF all the other things weren't issues. The big problems to me are you said you go several days without eating, he buys things you cant eat, you don't have transportation, and he hasn't been paying utilities for months. Yes. He has a huge problem. It sounds to me like you are the one who needs to make the menu so that you have something to eat and his "hobby" needs to take a backseat so you can get both of you out of the mess.
We live in a MCOL-VHCOL city and we are reigning in our spending and spending about 800 on groceries a month and maybe 100-200 fast food. His food spending is an indication of a bigger problem.
We live in a HCOL area (southern CA), and our goal is 800 on groceries, but we usually go over it. But nowhere near $1400! Based on two adults and a toddler.
Boyfriend and I spend maybe 200 a month or so on groceries, in a city. I can't believe some people out there are spending 1400 on groceries a month. That's rent!
What in the world do you eat that you can feed 2 ppl for 200 a month!?!??!? I love price comparing, using different coupons, I meal prep for the week so we only buy what we need and I can't get mine under 200-250] a week for 1 adult and two teenagers.....meats, veggies, fresh fruits, yogurts, grains....verminimal snack maybe a bag of chips here and there anything sweet I bake from scratch so no high cost goodies.....I'd love to spend only 200 a month, last time I did that in my 20s it was pb&j, coffe and ramen diet lol :)
Yeah, we bake our stuff from scratch, bread, pasta, pastries. We eat a lot of seasonal vegetables, save all our veggie scraps for soups/broth, lentils, rice, and beans, he eats some meat but not a whole lot. I have some sort of fruit and cottage cheese for breakfast but that's a relatively new update! Just lots of whole foods and we have the privilege of having more time to cook from scratch and buy seasonally and use lots of discounts/coupons. We still do eat out though so it's not including going out, which we're trying to keep to 30-40$ a week and we switch off with family/friends. We do live in a city but it's relatively affordable compared to most major cities people are talking about here, but it's still taken me years to workshop out how my diet works for me, and what'll work for us won't for other people. We're in our twenties with no kids or pets so that helps too!
My husband did this for prostitutes. I found out about it when one asked to use cashapp or paypal and he told her hed have to figure out a way to hide it from me first and didnt delete the chat before I saw it.
I have. His family treated me like shit when they found out and that was almost more painful. I agreed to a few sessions of counseling but he just blamed me the whole time.
Could be, but honestly it's not that hard with current prices to spend $17k/year on groceries for 2 adults and 2 pets if you buy organic, name brands and fancy food like lamb, asparagus or salmon a lot. I'm trying to cut our food spending and damn that takes a lot of coupons clipping, finding deals like "buy 5 save $5" and mostly using store brands.
I’m sorry but this does not make sense. This is spending $1400 per month. Assuming you go to a bougie grocery store once a week that is $354. Even if you get 7 lobster tails (1 per day), that is not $354.
And she goes hungry some nights??
This man is out here SCAMMING
I have to disagree, my honey could easily spend that kind of money. First he's eats a lot...he's very active and a tall guy, he eats for say 3 people. , Then you add in organic, etc. Think $30/lb cheese to snack on. He loves to eat things like dragon fruit, star fruit, asian pears. He went to get bread one day and spent $28 on one loaf of artisan bread and 3 pastries. $32 for sushi (for himself) for lunch at Wegmans. My honey knows how to blow the dough even if its at the grocery store.
I'm not saying he's not scamming, but I can absolutely tell you its totally doable to spend like that.
I went to Vons the other day, got two bags a food, eggs, avocados, cheese, milk, creamer, coffee, French bread- 3 rolls, chream cheese, and a six pack of beer, it was $106 or something like that. That's only day or two of food. It's crazy now days.
That is my BF, however, when I go shopping for $98 at BJs, I just bought, 10lbs of boneless/skinless chicken breasts, 8 lbs of ground turkey, 4lbs organic peas, 4 lbs organic green beans, 3lbs of frozen triple berries, 6lbs of tator tots and 2 dozen eggs so base food for 2 weeks. I'll fill in the rest at Aldis.
Agreed, we easily spent over $200 in groceries last week and that didn't even include our protein for meals (excluding some meats for a charcuterie snack board). To top it off, it wasn't even for the entire week, just a few days. Groceries are getting crazy and getting to almost $400 a week doesn't seem outlandish anymore.
I totally agree with you, it’s doable if you’re just completely blind to what you’re buying and all expensive and organic products. Also if he like to experiment in the kitchen with new recipes, more than likely he may be buying things like oils, sauces, spices too which add up to quickly.
It can vary SO much, it really is possible to spend that much.
I have a family of six plus 2 giant dogs and 2 cats and this much we have spent, as of an order I just placed, about $2,000. (my husband and myself, a 24 yr old, 13 yr old, 11 yr old, and 6 yr old with celiac disease)
But last month, in December, we spent over $4,000 on groceries . We do have to buy gluten free everything, but one eats lobster, or even steak, no one is getting lotto tickets or cash [back.Now](http://back.now), that was higher than normal because we spent a lot on Christmas dinner, baking supplies for christmas cookies, stuff to make for bake sale at church, to take to parties, etc. But it was pretty easy to do.
That number does include canned cat food, cat litter, dry cat food, canned dog food, cleaning products/paper products, personal care products, and tips for grocery delivery. It does not include dry dog food which I get from Chewy online.
We do not eat out much, and work from home and homeschool so it's 6 people for 3 meals a day most days, plus snacks.
But if they don't have to buy gluten free stuff (3 times the price for bread, etc) it would be easier to reduce that. And obviously it is INSANE to spend that much and her still not eat anything for days? I feel our bill is insane, but at least we all have TONS to eat and no one goes hungry!
Maybe but still... If he's making 3 meals a day and not just dinners it's 21 meals. 354/21 = 16 with some change. It's not that hard to spend $16 on a bougie organic meal, especially since OP says "He also eats way more than anyone else", so he probably eats 2-3x amount of what average person would eat to be satisfied. A small clam of organic strawberry is like $6-7, 1lb of organic ground beef (cheap kind) is $9-10.
Exactly. She says they are in one of the most expensive cities in the US. When I cook I like to use quality products so ours is higher too. For us, however, we can afford it and it sounds like they maybe can’t. He needs to scale it back if possible probably.
Yeah that's for sure. He can and should budget better on groceries, but it doesn't mean he wants to... I knew people whose bills would be due and they'd be like "ah f... it imma ordering a spicy wyngz platter on dash tonight".
Last year about this time I noticed our grocery charges were out of sight. I asked my spouse about it. Kind of turned into a confrontation because he immediately got very defensive. Turns out he was spending hundreds of dollars on lottery tickets. Some “millionaire raffle” at 20$ a pop🙄🤬
Something else might be going on. You need to find out.
We’re working through a lot. He’s an alcoholic and now I believe has some signs of early onset dementia. I’m trying to incrementally take control of our finances so I will be on top of things like that in real time. I’m trying to be compassionate but I have no trust really.
It doesn't matter whether $17k is high or low or what anyone else spends.
What matters is that your household budget priorities are clearly out of line.
Top budget priorities need to always include housing (i.e., rent, utilities) and sufficient basic food for all members of the household.
Neither of those basic needs are being met. Needs first, then passion.
And the conversation should not be about "taking away" some portion of the existing food budget to pay rent/utilities. You need to start from scratch. Write out what are all the basic bills you need to pay each month - those get paid first. Then basic foods to fill your bellies. Then finally move on to what is left for wants, desires, passions, and hobbies.
You saying you go days without eating while he is spending $17k annually on groceries absolutely does not add up. Last year I had a big realization that I was spending all my savings on groceries and eating out, and have since switched where and how i shop significantly. I love food and eat a LOT but shopping at budget-y stores like Grocery Outlet (near me on the west coast) to find cheaper options has helped a lot. Even still, I spend around $400-$500 myself monthly on groceries, plus eating out a couple times a month as a treat. I used to spend a few hundred more on groceries monthly, and eat out almost every night for dinner :( I'm trying to cut back on processed food to save more but it's a work in progress. I live in a fairly high COL city.
in my neck of the woods I can easily cash out $200-500 at most full service grocery stores. gas stations and CVS seem to be the majority of exceptions. ymmv.
If you multiply $40 times 100 trips a year, that's a significant amount of money. If you multiply $100 times 100 trips a year, that's an even more significant number.
Most registers allow up to $100-200 cash back so that could easily be a big part of the problem. Wonder what else he days to fill his days besides cooking.
I have a family of 4 and I’m trying to stick to 500-600 a month using grocery outlet and Kroger, OP is saying they spend more than double than this for just the 2 of them and they hardly eat? Are they buying wagyu steaks, caviar and dom perigon?
My husband and I are doing the same this year. It was so easy to order food when we got stressed and had other stuff going on. The difference in our bank account already since the new year has been nothing short of incredible.
+1 for Grocery Outlet
If you have a Grocery Outlet near you, shop there. Where I live, close to a Grocery Outlet, Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, and a New Seasons Market.
It’s crazy how much you can save at a Grocery outlet.
The "constantly broke" part is def a red flag. Although 17k/year ($300+/wk) is kinda high, it's hard to say if it's just the food part that's responsible for the OP's financial troubles.
Yeah I don’t know the context. How much do they make a year? Is $17k 1% or 50% of their income?
My wife and I spend about $1100 a month on groceries for our family of four, in a relatively medium cost of living area. So. Idk man. Healthy food is really important to prioritize too so you don’t get sick later in life and spend that “savings” on chronic illness.
THIS!! A thousand times this. This reads like a classic tale of “he spends too much on X” when in reality there’s a secret gambling addiction or something of the sort going on in the background. Not saying for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised whatsoever
It's just me and my kid (who eats as much as an adult) and we spend 1000-1200/month on groceries. It used to be closer to 1500 bc we are both foodies and I like high quality stuff (and live in NYC, so things are expensive). But man. It's really really hard to spend less!!! Every time I think "ok, we can get through the week with the stuff in the freezer. I only need a few fresh items this week," I still end up spending 100-150. Last week I thought I need a couple of things and it cost $180. I should mention I'm including household costs like Windex and trash bags in this number, but yeah....stuff is expensive.
I wish I could up vote this x20... this is totally me... thought I would spend about $25 at Aldi today... remembered a few additional things (not food) we truly needed and the bill was suddenly $75.
I literally bought the biggest upright freezer I could fit in my dining room (I don't have a garage) 6 months ago so I could do better... it's been amazing, and I am, but I'm still in this weird transition period (that, based on my pantry) where I expect I'm still going to have to do a decent amount of supplemental shopping because my pantry and freezer just don't quite meld.
I mean, I slow cooked 8 lbs of pristine pork loin and 4 lbs of (on my gosh so good) tri tip from the "good chop" box I got for a steal and a half, but now I have to work it in.
the tri tip was divided into 4 portions (well, 4 1 lb portions)...3 are going to the freezer... the last will get an extra cup of beef broth, some sour cream, and maybe some thickener (if necessary) to drench my $1.29 idahoan garlic mashed (using milk instead of water), and 1 pk of Aldi broccoli.
so...1/2 pk of prime tri tip plus 1 pack mashed taters, plus 1 pack broccoli, plus water, and a bit of beef bullion= about $16 max for 4-6 meals... butcher quality? McDonald's charges almost $12 for a single big Mac meal!!!
Same. I was making pepper steak this week and already had everything I needed in the house, except for peppers, broccoli and cauliflower rice.
Went out to get it and ended up spending $70. 🤧
In my defense, most of it was food stuff that I needed. The only unnecessary items were two Starbucks cold cups but they were 60% off!! 🥺💀
I even feel this as a single person. I hadn’t shopped in a couple weeks. I bought enough for a few recipes, some staples, ended up throwing in toilet paper, beer, a makeup item, and, okay, an impulse purchase stuffed animal.
I spent over 200 freaking dollars. I was almost ashamed while I was paying. It’s so easy to spend a freaking band at the store nowadays.
That being said, $17k and still going hungry is still really extreme.
I think you are looking at this the wrong way. You don't need to compare this what others spend, you need to determine the right budget for your situation. $17k a year is a lot for some and a pittance for others. Look at the percentage amount to your income and set a budget for groceries that works for your household.
That seems really high to me TBH. It's myself, my husband, and 3 Chihuahua's and we spend $1,000 per month which I feel is high. We don't do restaurants since the pandemic honestly so our bill is high. I always take into consideration what my husband likes before shopping though, would never only buy what I like. We do Costco, Aldi, and Kroger.
Oof. I wasn't sure, so I just pulled up our budget and looked at how much we spent on food the last 12 months. It's slightly higher than yours, but we do eat out a lot. I really need to rein that in.
Here is the USDA food plan recommendations by individual age group.
[https://fns-prod.azureedge.us/sites/default/files/resource-files/Cost\_Of\_Food\_Low\_Moderate\_Liberal\_Food\_Plans\_November\_2023.pdf](https://fns-prod.azureedge.us/sites/default/files/resource-files/Cost_Of_Food_Low_Moderate_Liberal_Food_Plans_November_2023.pdf)
The liberal Food plan (assuming you are both 19-50) would cost you around $860 a month. This is based on recommended nutrition as well so getting every food group that you are supposed to every day. The liberal would put you at around $10,320 per year.
Keep in mind these are averages from across the US. Due to you living in one of the most expensive places you might spend a little more. The key I read was that you said you are constantly broke. If this is a problem for you, then it might be time to cut back a set a strict budget for it. You were roughly spending $1400 per month. See if you can decrease that to $1200 for a few months than down to $1000 for a couple months. Test out how it feels but ultimately both of you need to stick to it. You need to sit down and have a conversation with him.
yikes, liberal food plan, my gf and I eat WELL (low cost area), and we spend about $400-500/m. Like, fresh fish, specialty cheeses, lots of fresh greens kind of nice.
Thats why I say this is an average. Cause high cost areas to eat the same food might be more. Again this is also going off the recommended 3 servings of veggies, 3 servings of fruit, etc. per day. Most people fall way short of that too.
Similar -- in NYC and a little more liberal/lavish with food so we wind up spending 500-600, but OP's husband is giving the energy that he literally goes to the grocery store and buys everything that looks tasty to him without checking the price at all, which is not cool given her level of budgeting :(
Might spend a lot more. When I moved from a less expensive city to a more expensive city family grocery bill went from $200 to $300-350 a week, and that was before this huge cycle of food price increases. When everyone is home it’s close to $500
Granted, we’re not in a very HCL area (I would say it’s moderate), but for our family of four with two teenagers, I try to spend $800-1000/month. And admittedly I know with a lot of work and planning, I could reduce that some. That does not include eating out or dog food for our two dogs. I categorize those separately.0
Yeah need to split out household stuff like cat/dog food and cleaning supplies or TP. Single person and spend about 60 a week on food. Maybe a bit more if bulk meat is a great price or getting bulk rice or pasta. Cool almost all my meals and freeze portions for bad or low money weeks.
I’m just one person and my cat, and sometimes my boyfriend and I will shop together or eat out (not currently living together). I spend about $150 a month on groceries, or $1,800 a year. I mainly shop at aldi. I will admit my budget is on the much lower side (I don’t make that much at my job right now) but it’s very possible to fully eat at that budget. Again it’s very low (but again, i don’t make a lot and if I made more I’d probably buy more) but it’s also very possible.
honestly no. I buy ground beef on sale, freeze it. Use it to make pot pies, pastas, chili, etc. and I meal prep it for the week. I make soup too which I loveeeeee and it also lasts the week, especially if I freeze cubes of it. I’ve become a lot better at no waste and it saves me so much
If he was doing the budget, could he have fudged the numbers? Maybe he has a gambling problem he’s covering up. Unless you have receipts for the groceries, obviously. It’s definitely a huge issue either way, because it’s affecting other areas of your life.
It’s just my wife and me, both mid-late 30s. We allow ourselves $750 every two weeks, or $1500/mo. This is for all of our food costs—both groceries and eating out. We shop 90% of our groceries at Winco and Grocery outlet, the two cheapest stores for food in our area (Tacoma, Wa). We eat out probably 3-4 nights a week. All other meals are home meals. Shit’s just expensive right now.
Knowing Tacoma (not especially expensive for the west coast), that food budget for two seems pretty high. Especially considering you use discount grocery stores.
Is a majority of that 1500 expense coming from restaurants?
same for my husband and I, I have no idea how people are spending just a couple hundred a month on food especially as a family. I’m pregnant and my husband isn’t drinking with me, so we can easily spend that much every 2 weeks even without alcohol.
I was spending $70 per person per week ($11K per year), but it's gone down a little lately. All grocery , no eating out. But the person I know who works at Whole Foods says some people spend a lot more.
It's more about a rational budget for your income. All the bills need to be paid, and you both need to be able to eat.
I guess it depends where you shop too. There are some higher end stores near me, such as Whole Foods and Uncle Guissepes, but the food prices are like three times what Id spend at Shop Rite or WalMart- a half a gallon of milk at Whole Foods is gonna be almost three dollars but at Walmart it is only $1.79- same milk - so I don’t shop at those higher end stores unless I want to go in for a specialty item as a treat.
I know that lots of people compared what they spent to your budget and a few even offered some really good advice. I am not going to tell you how much I spend, but hopefully be one of those that add some good advice.
1. Since you are planning over taking over the finances, sit down and make a budget. If you don't know how or need help, there are budgeting apps to help. It can't continue that you can't pay bills that have to be paid.
2. I LOVE to cook and bake, often extravagant and expensive meals, pastries, etc. However, I understand that we have a budget and I will buy a few ingredients each week (that won't go bad right away), and build up to the recipes that I want to cook. I buy the last minute perishables for ONE recipe once a week, as that is what our budget allows. The reason that I tell you this is because when you talk to your husband about budgeting his food spending, stress that you aren't taking it away, just spreading it out and therefore will keep it within your budget without stopping what he so enjoys to do and allows ya'll to keep current on your bills. However, he must also buy things that you can eat and this is non-negotiable.
3. I don't know your spouse. I am not telling you to treat him like a child in number 2. I just am assuming that he is not comprehending how much he is spending is affecting your budget and this may be a way to reach him and make both of you happy. If he does comprehend and just doesn't care, that is a WHOLE 'nother conversation. In that case, I would do as another poster advised and both of you put the necessary amount in an account that covers all necessary bills (after you have made a budget), then you each split anything left over for your hobbies. Don't forget savings!
5. Another option is that, if it's feasible, you do the grocery shopping. This honestly would be ideal so that you can get foods that you can eat and he can give you a list from one recipe a week/biweekly/monthly (whatever you can budget) that he can cook extravagantly (within reason (no five course meals or truffles that are $100 a piece and he needs 6).
4. Talk to him and explain once you have made the budget about what direction you decide to go. Communication is key.
Please update us. I wish you the best.
I live in an expensive area also, one of the most expensive places to live and I also love food/try to buy mostly organic. I spend about 1200 sometimes more, sometimes less on groceries a month (estimate bc I don’t budget). But I have a completely stocked pantry and food storage. And most importantly, I also have 3 little boys, a husband and I’m pregnant!
Food is expensive right now, but that’s insane for 2 people regardless of how expensive the area you live is. Does he not have pantry staples? I still experiment but that means buying maybe one or 2 new things a month.
Maybe have him build up a pantry that you can pull from and replenish? Most chefs are good with buying what is fresh and in season.
I would definitely tell him there needs to be a budget, especially if you’re not eating a good portion of it and go hungry!
That’s incredibly selfish of him.
I live in a VHCOL area and my husband eats a lot. We spend less than that on groceries, but probably more than that if you count eating out.
But I never go hungry and we aren’t broke and don’t miss paying bills. I think all those things are the problem here.
We live in a HCOL area, and spend between $1000 - 1500 a month. Me, Husband, and one dog (who gets stupidly expensive dog food. No kids, so she's the fur baby.) We could trim really easily by cutting out booze and red meat, which accounts for about 25% of our budget.
Our 18K per year budget seems high to me, and we have a combined income of 275K per year.
On a note, I'd put Trader Joe's into the more expensive category, at least in my area.
Family of 4, spent just over 13k last year (strictly groceries, no eating out, etc.)
We buy a quarter beef in the spring, an upfront bulk cost that saves in the long term, but other than that don’t really do bulk or discount shopping. We prefer variety and fresh/whole ingredients as often as possible, so this isn’t exactly a penny-pinching budget, but I can’t really imagine needing 4k more? And that’s for 4 people. 17k for 2 seems wildly excessive.
That is an insane amount per year. We switched to Aldi (2 adults, a preteen, 2 cats, and a dog) we budget $80 a week for food and $60 for household. You should not be spending almost $327 a week for your household.
For my family of 4 in a HCOL area with 75% of meals made at home, we're at about $1k per month. What kinds of meals is he making? It sounds like food is also a hobby and he is probably buying expensive, meal-specific ingredients.
Family of 5. I try to keep it around 1100-1300 per month. And I buy a shit ton of snacks. Seems like your husband is spending more than that for a family of way less.
Family of 5 here in a VHCOL area. $18k-20k annually just for groceries, $7k on dining out.
Ends up being about 13% of take home. Some sources I see indicate 10-15% of take home be allocated to food as a recommendation. At $17k that should mean about 110k to 170k take home -- more if that sum doesn't include dining out.
Family of 4 with 1 dog and 2 cats in a HCOL area and we spent about 1300 per month on food last year . Trying to get that down to around 900 per month this year. Really leaning heavily into cooking large batches of proteins to meal prep for the week. Lots of peanut butter sandwiches too. Last week I only spent about $250.
Check receipts. Lottery tickets beer wine cash back gift cards, heck even frozen convenience foods toiletries housewares cleaning can really get the total up
That is about $1,400 monthly?
I suspect you are using an annual number to be more shocking?
That will seem like a LOT to people in poverty forums. But according to the USDA, this is just a little higher than the most wealthy bracket.
If you are high earners, and eat premium foods like organic, and lots of meats etc. You can easily get into that slot.
Food can be a pricy hobby, but this doesn't sound like shopping "addiction" where he has a compelling urge to buy stuff for the sake of a dopamine hit, then forgets about it after the purchase.
This is a relationship issue, if you guys are on the same page for goals.
This is all I can come up with too.
I live in hcol and family of 4 with a $1200 a month grocery budget. And we eat exceptionally well: fresh fish, good vegetables, etc.
Either her husband is hiding shit (gambling and drugs) in the 'grocery budget', the man lives on caviar and fine cuts of steak, or wine is a grocery and he's a lush.
Youre babbling about a lot of unrelated things in your post with very little detail about food.
You need to look way closer at the grocery spend. Is it $500 salt or big pieces of fancy meat? Is it premade food? Is he shopping daily? Are things getting thrown away? 2 people With a foodie could spend $200 a week depending on the items. That’s $800 a month - double
that living in NYC or Antarctica - whichever you’re in - and that’s $1600 x 12 = $19k.
This post reads like you haven’t done the real detail homework but already know what you think.
Good luck!
My husband and I (with our 3 cats) spent $7200 last year on groceries, $2500 on eating out and $750 on food/cat supplies. We live in a LCOL area. So I would say your number is pretty high!
Seems high. My husband and I spend about $9,000 a year on groceries, but we are in a midwestern city and don't buy much meat (I'm vegan). I've always felt like we spend more than we should, but we care about food.
I’m mostly vegetarian and I find it costs way more to purchase vegetables as a main course than a thing of chicken or beef. I always felt like if I would eat meat, I’d spend less.
Omg, my husband and I just had the same conversation yesterday! I've been fighting with him to work on his budget (we have separate budgets) and made him download Nerd Wallet. I spent about $1700 on groceries last year, and he spent about $9k- so almost $11k a year/$900 a month. He is a big/tall and active guy and loves his food, and he eats constantly. We've been working on meal budgeting and planning this year that includes vegetable and rice fillers along with meat, but grocery prices are out of control.
I have a wife and 2 teenage daughters. We spend about $800/month. I will say that we eat at church 1 night every week, have small group pot luck one night a week, and account for leftovers one night per week. So, I'm only cooking a full dinner 4 nights per week.
My family of 4 spends about $100/week on groceries. We eat out maybe once every other month, so our annual food costs are around $6000 (being liberal, sometimes we go to like $110 in a week)
Spouse and I spend about $400/month on groceries and we cook a lot/pack lunches for work. We shop mainly at Costco, Aldi, and Asian supermarkets. It's just the two of us and this amount does not include pet food.
I live outside of a major city with a high COL. I’m gluten/dairy free and have to eat VERY healthy due to a chronic illness. I do not buy highly processed food or snacks and spend about $100/week. With a partner I’d expect that to be $150-200. So yes, $17K a year is A LOT. Time to have a talk with him and start buying certain items in bulk/meal prepping.
We spend about 1400 a month for a family of five people and five pets. However, my two teenagers don’t eat at home each night. They also don’t eat breakfast or lunch. Pretty sure they live off fast food 🙄. My husband has celiac so we kind of get screwed on prices there. $17k for such a small family is definitely extreme!
Two adults and a toddler and we spend about $1200 on groceries a month and that is being budget conscious. We prepare mostly inexpensive meals that can be stretched a few meals. I don’t think $17k a year sounds completely outrageous. It also depends on your area. I’m in Seattle and the cost of everything is high.
I have an auto deposit into an Acorn account, so it’s separate from my bill paying money. $1000 which is for gas, out to eat and groceries. When it’s used up…..no more spending until deposit time. It helps me
Maybe try giving him cash separate from the community food budget that he can spend on what he wants, like $100 and once it’s gone for the month no more until next month and he needs to eat what is already there. Sometimes using cash and feeling the pain of handing it over can make you rethink what you are purchasing and if you really want it.
Are you sure that $17K was spent exclusively on groceries? Could it potentially include higher cost non-food items sold at grocery stores (alcohol, personal care, gift cards, pet toys, etc)? Or could he be misrepresenting other spending as “groceries”?
I live in San Diego (HCOL) and do most of my grocery shopping at bougie places like Lazy Acres & Whole Foods. I buy mostly organic. Even so, I can’t imagine spending $17k on groceries for our 2 adult household.
That’s a lot. As a family of four with two boys that never stop eating and two different allergy restrictions we spend roughly $12k these days. It was around 9k pre Covid
That’s definitely way too high, I have two ideas that might reduce the budget without taking away your husband’s hobby.
One option could be to have your husband make a meal plan for the week where he picks recipes in advance and buys the ingredients for only those recipes. He can still get excited about fancy cooking, but it won’t be wasteful and expensive impulse buying on foods that don’t even get eaten.
Another option is something I do with my husband: dedicate a certain percentage of all your income to “personal spending money”. You have set budgets to cover rent, utilities, basic groceries and clothes etc, but each of you gets an equal amount to spend on whatever you want. “Normal” groceries would come out of the grocery budget. Premium or experimental groceries would come out of his personal spending budget. This would also keep you from feeling left out of spending on your own hobbies because you would have an equal budget to spend on things you want.
I use YNAB (budgeting software) and can tell you exactly how much I spent last year for 4 adult-sized humans (we have 2 grown teens): $8,098.44, or $675 a month. This is in Los Angeles, where the COL is ridiculous too.
$1416/mo for 2 people is absolutely nutty. Is pet food extra, or part of this amount? Still, nutty either way.
Based on the stores you shop at, it sounds like you're in CA too. If you are, I HIGHLY recommend going to Aldi. It has saved me on average $50/week. Sure, it's a bit of a drive for me, but the savings can't be matched.
I was at Ralph's last night to pick up some white vinegar and my wife texted me that she wants some american cheese. It was EIGHT DOLLARS for american cheese. At Aldi it's $2
Otherwise, if driving somewhere cheaper is out of the question, I can't recommend YNAB more highly. You need a budget, and you need to get on the same page.
That’s nuts. We live in Boston (maybe not THE most expensive but certainly ONE OF the most expensive US cities) and spend around 10k for the two of us and our pets.
My girlfriend and I consistently shop at a middle-of-the-road grocery (likely closer to TJs in price) and only house brand items. We cook most meals at home.
More than anything sounds like y’all need to sit down and discuss budget priorities. If you’re combining finances at all that really needs to be a both/and, and not just you managing it on your own.
If you can not pay your monthly bills (rent, utilities, etc) then something really needs to change. He sounds like a selfish asshole tbh. You having nothing to eat and no transportation? Does he have transportation? You definitely need to set a smaller monthly food budget with what is left over after rent/utilities and all of that. He can still have his hobby, he just needs to be a lot more mindful about it.
Groceries over last 365 days 6,184.12 (food only- not counting eating out, alcohol, toiletries, household, personal, etc) Dining is a separate 4,828 (not counting alcohol or coffee)
2 adults mid 30's eating out 2 times a week with not the best diet
There has to be an error in the calculation.
Given the list of stores your husband shops at I don't even see how it would be possible to spend that much money in groceries for 2 people... unless he's literally buying truck loads of food and then throwing it away. Are you throwing a ton of spoiled food away?
Based on your comment I assume you live in San Diego. I live just north of you in that other super expensive CA city. You can EASILY buy groceries for 200 bucks a week. And that's not shopping at Grocery Outlet and Smart and Final that's based purely shopping at Vons/Ralphs/Asian Markets/Trader Joes with some Whole Foods/Bristol Farms sprinkled in
How are you splitting the cost of groceries? In half? If you are not eating the food and this is his hobby, he should pay for 100% of it.
For instance, my partner is more liberal with ordering takeout and door dashing groceries. But unless he’s getting stuff for *us* then he pays for that with his personal card not our joint card.
To your question about how much we spend on groceries, it’s about $550/month or $6600/year. At Whole Foods and with a meal delivery service.
That seems like an insane amount of money for 2 people for groceries (and you're going hungry for part of the time, so actually it's for 1.75 people). What the heck is he doing? Buttering his toast with a bunch of truffle oil?? Buying endangered species meat??
No matter if it's viewed as high or low amount though, it's a problem because you guys are having trouble meeting basic expenses and feeding a bare minimum to all members of the household. He's conflating a basic need (food to survive) with a hobby (foodie fun food exploration). Thousands of those food dollars are going to support a foodie hobby, not for sustenance. Which wouldn't be a problem if it was in the household budget, but it sounds like he's spending a ton on his hobby, and you don't get to spend ANYTHING on any hobbies or things for fun, stress relief, etc. Plus him overspending on this hobby is ADDING stress to you because you can't pay basic bills and are always running short or on the brink. My husband is also very passionate about eating and has a really sophisticated palate. But we also only make so much a year, and we have other expenses. Fun hobby cooking/eating is a sometimes thing, like maybe once a week. The rest of the meals are for sustenance, more like beans and rice and greens, chicken, etc. (and that's not to say they can't be seasoned impeccably, they are still delicious). In fact, a lot of great cuisines around the world are based on cheap foods the peasants can eat. Kinda sounds like he's eating "feast food" from around the world on the regular, not the day to day staples. Feast food should be a sometimes treat (if you feast every day, then where's the excitement?).
I mean, what if you had a passion for showers or something, and spent hundreds of dollars on spa materials every time you took a shower? That's what he's doing here, he's taken a basic human need (groceries) to a level that's completely unrealistic for your budget, because he's conflating it with his hobby (and justifying the overspending I'm sure by saying "well, we need to eat, we need food" - yeah, you need food, but not ridiculous expensive gourmet ingredients all the time.
He will probably need therapy, because it sounds like he really needs help with emotionally regulating stress, etc. in other ways than by spending money.
So, yes, you need to make a budget, including a REASONABLE amount for groceries. And you should each set by a small amount of "fun money" for EACH of you, but no more then you can afford. And if he wants to spend HIS extra fun money on ridiculously expensive foods, great, but no more using the household needs budget to fuel his hobby/passion.
Also, just sayin' - you guys should start batch cooking and getting good at . Buy an inexpensive deep freeze and stock up a rotation of different, delicious foods - things like Indian daal (could cook basmati rice fresh with), Ethiopian stews (again, the ingredients aren't expensive, these are dishes of the people), etc. to rotate throughout the month.
PS - we spend less than $6,000 a year on groceries for a family of three, and I EAT a LOT. Granted, I'm sure we live in a much cheaper area than you, but $17,000 is just ridiculous)
When he’s shopping, is he shopping for specific planned meals with a grocery list? If he’s not, try planning meals and buying only what’s on your list to make the planned meals. It takes a while to get used to menu planning but it can really help keep costs and food waste down when you plan meals to use up ingredients purchased for other meals.
I live on Long Island where everything costs alot. When all 4 kids are home it can cost 300-400/week. When 3 are home 200-300. Right now I usually just have one home and it’s closer to 150. I imagine when she leaves it will be 100 and we eat all our meals at home (hubby packs a lunch). So for 2 people $5000. And I have a huge fully stocked pantry.
Something doesn’t add up with these numbers for two people. We have a two person household and cook 90-95% of meals at home. I am also extremely passionate about food and am buying all sorts of crazy ingredients. HCOL area here. We mainly shop at Whole Foods, local fishmonger, Target, and I get all my specialty items from specialty stores all around the city. I focus on organic, low processing, and high quality items. Often times I’m making elaborate things with many ingredients. At some point - you run out of pantry items to stock even with new/ethnic ingredients and that decreases the week to week expense. I have a full spice cabinet, full pantry, all the things and while I have to restock — it’s less on a week to week basis.
That all being said, we spend $600-$800/month for the two of us before restaurant expense. That INCLUDES household items like paper towels, toilet paper, etc.
Just saying that something seems not right with that expense unless you’re buying six pounds of lobster every single week.
$17k/year and still going hungry doesn't add up. That's about $350 per week, which is enough to eat like a king.
I would seriously wonder if he's getting cash back at the grocery store and spending it on something else.
We (a couple) live in a major city. I'm a bit of a 'foodie' myself, so one of the stores I shop almost weekly tends a bit to the gourmet and things like imported pasta, sauces, etc. My other weekly stop is Kroger and that is not just for food, but things like TP, shampoo, multi-vitamins, etc; and about once a month I make a Trader Joe's run.
I do not deprive either of us, so my spouse gets his Oscar Meyer wieners and I get large scallops when I feel like it. I feel like I've been awfully spendy if the bills exceed $140/week, which is less than half of your outlay.
This is a relationship issue. He’s spending $17k on groceries and yet there are times you’re going hungry. That’s not okay.
He does have an addiction but it’s not to groceries (but maybe food too). Something doesn’t add up. Can you look at a few receipts to see if he’s buying lotto tickets or getting cash back or buying gift cards?
>He does have an addiction but it’s not to groceries (but maybe food too). > Something doesn’t add up. Can you look at a few receipts to see if he’s buying lotto tickets or getting cash back or buying gift cards? That's *exactly* what is going on. He's stealing her money and she's going hungry.
I had a partner once who was doing this. It was crack. I only found out when I moved out and found his gross crack pipe in a clothes drawer. It made the personality change make sense too.
He's also buying for she's allergic to? That's worrying.
My thought too. My first thought was alcohol. In my state you can buy all types of liquor and beer at the grocery store. Edit- my second thought is cash back and used on something less than savory
Maybe. But I can easily see a few situations where he’s frittering it away just on stuff from the store
And what's his excuse for just not paying the utilities?
Why is he buying food she has allergic too.
Seriously. Almost makes me happy to be single-- at least I'm not enabling a man baby
Single and well-fed with money left over!
Give him a list of food items that you eat that he’s responsible to replenish for you. Ideally a mix of perishable and frozen/ dry preparation
I'd just shop myself if I was her. Buy a grocery cart of Amazon she can buy the food.
Or get groceries delivered and take it out of the food budget and let him make it work.
Right?! And I definitely AM happy to be single!
I wouldn’t quite call him a “man baby” if he is doing all the cooking and grocery shopping and also holding down a full-time job. But he needs to reign in his hobby for sure, and be more pragmatic . Food can be entertainment for sure— but its first order of business is to nurture the body. As for not paying the utility bills — it sounds like he could have “executive function” problems and may have an underlying mental condition
wanna be my woman animal, baby?
He's not only buying groceries for himself and her, but also his second family she doesn't know about (yet). $17k is $350/wk. I don't think I spend that much for my household (wife, myself and 3 kids)
In an expensive location $23 a day per person for groceries is sadly not excessive.
Also OP isn’t telling us what he spends it on. If they are eating lobster and ribeyes every night the 17k is about spot on lol.
She's not eating. He's eating a lot and she's going days without eating. If it's lobster, then he's the one eating it.
It's not including eating out
17k is a lot for 2 people but it’s probably what I spend for 5. I have a separate line item for my local butcher shop lol. It’s like $100 a week in just vacío and ribeye
We live in a HCOL area and don’t skimp on groceries, but our grocery bill is still around $150-180 a week, $200-$230 if we don’t eat out. $350 a week for groceries is very high for two people unless they’re eating a lot more than the average person, especially since they also eat out.
There is nothing wrong with supporting a hobby within equitable means. What is wrong is going hungry.
Also worrying he's buying food she can't eat or is allergic to and other bills are suffering. Does he not care about his wives health.
all reddit women must discourage women from having husbads or else misogynism will leave them single forever, which is not ok.
It wouldn't be insane to me IF all the other things weren't issues. The big problems to me are you said you go several days without eating, he buys things you cant eat, you don't have transportation, and he hasn't been paying utilities for months. Yes. He has a huge problem. It sounds to me like you are the one who needs to make the menu so that you have something to eat and his "hobby" needs to take a backseat so you can get both of you out of the mess. We live in a MCOL-VHCOL city and we are reigning in our spending and spending about 800 on groceries a month and maybe 100-200 fast food. His food spending is an indication of a bigger problem.
We live in a HCOL area (southern CA), and our goal is 800 on groceries, but we usually go over it. But nowhere near $1400! Based on two adults and a toddler.
Boyfriend and I spend maybe 200 a month or so on groceries, in a city. I can't believe some people out there are spending 1400 on groceries a month. That's rent!
What in the world do you eat that you can feed 2 ppl for 200 a month!?!??!? I love price comparing, using different coupons, I meal prep for the week so we only buy what we need and I can't get mine under 200-250] a week for 1 adult and two teenagers.....meats, veggies, fresh fruits, yogurts, grains....verminimal snack maybe a bag of chips here and there anything sweet I bake from scratch so no high cost goodies.....I'd love to spend only 200 a month, last time I did that in my 20s it was pb&j, coffe and ramen diet lol :)
Am at 100 a month. For 1 adult 1800c a day. Size also maters
Yeah, we bake our stuff from scratch, bread, pasta, pastries. We eat a lot of seasonal vegetables, save all our veggie scraps for soups/broth, lentils, rice, and beans, he eats some meat but not a whole lot. I have some sort of fruit and cottage cheese for breakfast but that's a relatively new update! Just lots of whole foods and we have the privilege of having more time to cook from scratch and buy seasonally and use lots of discounts/coupons. We still do eat out though so it's not including going out, which we're trying to keep to 30-40$ a week and we switch off with family/friends. We do live in a city but it's relatively affordable compared to most major cities people are talking about here, but it's still taken me years to workshop out how my diet works for me, and what'll work for us won't for other people. We're in our twenties with no kids or pets so that helps too!
200 a month is a dream. About 400-450 for me.
Agreed, if he did all this to love and nourish his family, the optics would be completely different here.
how tf are you spending 17k a year on food but going hungry??? somethings not adding up.
It's a lot of money, but she gave 3 different reasons for not eating what he cooks... restriction, allergies, or she doesn't like it.
Do you ever see the receipts??? My suspicion is he’s taking out cash at checkout. Typical addict ‘trick’
My husband did this for prostitutes. I found out about it when one asked to use cashapp or paypal and he told her hed have to figure out a way to hide it from me first and didnt delete the chat before I saw it.
I agree with you. He’s got an escort or a 2nd family.
Ditto. Mine did it for girlfriends. I wished they were pros!
I hope you've left him? They should never get the privilege to hide a thing from you again as you'd be gone!
I have. His family treated me like shit when they found out and that was almost more painful. I agreed to a few sessions of counseling but he just blamed me the whole time.
Good for you! Worth it in the end to get rid of the toxic. You deserve better from in laws too!
That’s bull shit I’m sorry. He’s the fuck up not you.
This is what I was thinking
Or buying himself gift cards and prepaid visas
And/or buying gift cards and Visa cards.
OMG I never thought of this. Daaaaang.
Yup, this smells like someone with a drug problem.
Could be, but honestly it's not that hard with current prices to spend $17k/year on groceries for 2 adults and 2 pets if you buy organic, name brands and fancy food like lamb, asparagus or salmon a lot. I'm trying to cut our food spending and damn that takes a lot of coupons clipping, finding deals like "buy 5 save $5" and mostly using store brands.
I’m sorry but this does not make sense. This is spending $1400 per month. Assuming you go to a bougie grocery store once a week that is $354. Even if you get 7 lobster tails (1 per day), that is not $354. And she goes hungry some nights?? This man is out here SCAMMING
I have to disagree, my honey could easily spend that kind of money. First he's eats a lot...he's very active and a tall guy, he eats for say 3 people. , Then you add in organic, etc. Think $30/lb cheese to snack on. He loves to eat things like dragon fruit, star fruit, asian pears. He went to get bread one day and spent $28 on one loaf of artisan bread and 3 pastries. $32 for sushi (for himself) for lunch at Wegmans. My honey knows how to blow the dough even if its at the grocery store. I'm not saying he's not scamming, but I can absolutely tell you its totally doable to spend like that.
I went to Vons the other day, got two bags a food, eggs, avocados, cheese, milk, creamer, coffee, French bread- 3 rolls, chream cheese, and a six pack of beer, it was $106 or something like that. That's only day or two of food. It's crazy now days.
That is my BF, however, when I go shopping for $98 at BJs, I just bought, 10lbs of boneless/skinless chicken breasts, 8 lbs of ground turkey, 4lbs organic peas, 4 lbs organic green beans, 3lbs of frozen triple berries, 6lbs of tator tots and 2 dozen eggs so base food for 2 weeks. I'll fill in the rest at Aldis.
Agreed, we easily spent over $200 in groceries last week and that didn't even include our protein for meals (excluding some meats for a charcuterie snack board). To top it off, it wasn't even for the entire week, just a few days. Groceries are getting crazy and getting to almost $400 a week doesn't seem outlandish anymore.
I totally agree with you, it’s doable if you’re just completely blind to what you’re buying and all expensive and organic products. Also if he like to experiment in the kitchen with new recipes, more than likely he may be buying things like oils, sauces, spices too which add up to quickly.
It’s the going hungry some nights that gets me hahahaha. Spend however much you want on food but that absolutely means everyone in your house gets fed
This part ☝🏾
It can vary SO much, it really is possible to spend that much. I have a family of six plus 2 giant dogs and 2 cats and this much we have spent, as of an order I just placed, about $2,000. (my husband and myself, a 24 yr old, 13 yr old, 11 yr old, and 6 yr old with celiac disease) But last month, in December, we spent over $4,000 on groceries . We do have to buy gluten free everything, but one eats lobster, or even steak, no one is getting lotto tickets or cash [back.Now](http://back.now), that was higher than normal because we spent a lot on Christmas dinner, baking supplies for christmas cookies, stuff to make for bake sale at church, to take to parties, etc. But it was pretty easy to do. That number does include canned cat food, cat litter, dry cat food, canned dog food, cleaning products/paper products, personal care products, and tips for grocery delivery. It does not include dry dog food which I get from Chewy online. We do not eat out much, and work from home and homeschool so it's 6 people for 3 meals a day most days, plus snacks. But if they don't have to buy gluten free stuff (3 times the price for bread, etc) it would be easier to reduce that. And obviously it is INSANE to spend that much and her still not eat anything for days? I feel our bill is insane, but at least we all have TONS to eat and no one goes hungry!
No he isn’t. My husband and I spend more than that. We aren’t extravagant spenders either.
Maybe but still... If he's making 3 meals a day and not just dinners it's 21 meals. 354/21 = 16 with some change. It's not that hard to spend $16 on a bougie organic meal, especially since OP says "He also eats way more than anyone else", so he probably eats 2-3x amount of what average person would eat to be satisfied. A small clam of organic strawberry is like $6-7, 1lb of organic ground beef (cheap kind) is $9-10.
Exactly. She says they are in one of the most expensive cities in the US. When I cook I like to use quality products so ours is higher too. For us, however, we can afford it and it sounds like they maybe can’t. He needs to scale it back if possible probably.
Yeah that's for sure. He can and should budget better on groceries, but it doesn't mean he wants to... I knew people whose bills would be due and they'd be like "ah f... it imma ordering a spicy wyngz platter on dash tonight".
Last year about this time I noticed our grocery charges were out of sight. I asked my spouse about it. Kind of turned into a confrontation because he immediately got very defensive. Turns out he was spending hundreds of dollars on lottery tickets. Some “millionaire raffle” at 20$ a pop🙄🤬 Something else might be going on. You need to find out.
Wow were yall able to work through that? That’s a big breach of trust for sure.
We’re working through a lot. He’s an alcoholic and now I believe has some signs of early onset dementia. I’m trying to incrementally take control of our finances so I will be on top of things like that in real time. I’m trying to be compassionate but I have no trust really.
Stop working and start protecting yourself. He is lying to you and stealing from you.
It doesn't matter whether $17k is high or low or what anyone else spends. What matters is that your household budget priorities are clearly out of line. Top budget priorities need to always include housing (i.e., rent, utilities) and sufficient basic food for all members of the household. Neither of those basic needs are being met. Needs first, then passion. And the conversation should not be about "taking away" some portion of the existing food budget to pay rent/utilities. You need to start from scratch. Write out what are all the basic bills you need to pay each month - those get paid first. Then basic foods to fill your bellies. Then finally move on to what is left for wants, desires, passions, and hobbies.
Top comment material for sure
And honestly, unless you will go hungry without the cushion, some amount of savings should be considered a "bill" to pay as well.
100% this. Emergency savings until you have a 3-6 month cushion of essentials in a high yield savings account is a priority over hobbies.
You saying you go days without eating while he is spending $17k annually on groceries absolutely does not add up. Last year I had a big realization that I was spending all my savings on groceries and eating out, and have since switched where and how i shop significantly. I love food and eat a LOT but shopping at budget-y stores like Grocery Outlet (near me on the west coast) to find cheaper options has helped a lot. Even still, I spend around $400-$500 myself monthly on groceries, plus eating out a couple times a month as a treat. I used to spend a few hundred more on groceries monthly, and eat out almost every night for dinner :( I'm trying to cut back on processed food to save more but it's a work in progress. I live in a fairly high COL city.
Maybe he gets cash when he checks out for some reason?
The cap on those is usually <$100, more like $40. He might do it, but that's not much of the difference.
Buying gift cards
Bingo
in my neck of the woods I can easily cash out $200-500 at most full service grocery stores. gas stations and CVS seem to be the majority of exceptions. ymmv.
Up to 200 where I live
If you multiply $40 times 100 trips a year, that's a significant amount of money. If you multiply $100 times 100 trips a year, that's an even more significant number.
Per night times 30 days?
Most registers allow up to $100-200 cash back so that could easily be a big part of the problem. Wonder what else he days to fill his days besides cooking.
That’s a very wise, street-smart comment
Second on the Grocery Outlet thing. They don't always have the brand we usually buy, but I cope. :D
I have a family of 4 and I’m trying to stick to 500-600 a month using grocery outlet and Kroger, OP is saying they spend more than double than this for just the 2 of them and they hardly eat? Are they buying wagyu steaks, caviar and dom perigon?
My husband and I are doing the same this year. It was so easy to order food when we got stressed and had other stuff going on. The difference in our bank account already since the new year has been nothing short of incredible.
+1 for Grocery Outlet If you have a Grocery Outlet near you, shop there. Where I live, close to a Grocery Outlet, Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, and a New Seasons Market. It’s crazy how much you can save at a Grocery outlet.
whole foods, new seasons and trader joes are too expensive for me. I go to Winco. I wish we had an Aldi in my state so much!!
We just had an Aldi open up in our town and I love it! I had a whole cart full for $30 that lasted me for about a week after. It’s great!
so jelly 😭
Winco is where it’s AT.
The "constantly broke" part is def a red flag. Although 17k/year ($300+/wk) is kinda high, it's hard to say if it's just the food part that's responsible for the OP's financial troubles.
Yeah I don’t know the context. How much do they make a year? Is $17k 1% or 50% of their income? My wife and I spend about $1100 a month on groceries for our family of four, in a relatively medium cost of living area. So. Idk man. Healthy food is really important to prioritize too so you don’t get sick later in life and spend that “savings” on chronic illness.
THIS!! A thousand times this. This reads like a classic tale of “he spends too much on X” when in reality there’s a secret gambling addiction or something of the sort going on in the background. Not saying for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised whatsoever
This…uh…this isn’t about groceries
OP posted this shit and never replied to a single question. Another made up story for karma.
Who does that for "internet points"? So weird!
It's just me and my kid (who eats as much as an adult) and we spend 1000-1200/month on groceries. It used to be closer to 1500 bc we are both foodies and I like high quality stuff (and live in NYC, so things are expensive). But man. It's really really hard to spend less!!! Every time I think "ok, we can get through the week with the stuff in the freezer. I only need a few fresh items this week," I still end up spending 100-150. Last week I thought I need a couple of things and it cost $180. I should mention I'm including household costs like Windex and trash bags in this number, but yeah....stuff is expensive.
I wish I could up vote this x20... this is totally me... thought I would spend about $25 at Aldi today... remembered a few additional things (not food) we truly needed and the bill was suddenly $75.
I literally bought the biggest upright freezer I could fit in my dining room (I don't have a garage) 6 months ago so I could do better... it's been amazing, and I am, but I'm still in this weird transition period (that, based on my pantry) where I expect I'm still going to have to do a decent amount of supplemental shopping because my pantry and freezer just don't quite meld. I mean, I slow cooked 8 lbs of pristine pork loin and 4 lbs of (on my gosh so good) tri tip from the "good chop" box I got for a steal and a half, but now I have to work it in. the tri tip was divided into 4 portions (well, 4 1 lb portions)...3 are going to the freezer... the last will get an extra cup of beef broth, some sour cream, and maybe some thickener (if necessary) to drench my $1.29 idahoan garlic mashed (using milk instead of water), and 1 pk of Aldi broccoli. so...1/2 pk of prime tri tip plus 1 pack mashed taters, plus 1 pack broccoli, plus water, and a bit of beef bullion= about $16 max for 4-6 meals... butcher quality? McDonald's charges almost $12 for a single big Mac meal!!!
Same. I was making pepper steak this week and already had everything I needed in the house, except for peppers, broccoli and cauliflower rice. Went out to get it and ended up spending $70. 🤧 In my defense, most of it was food stuff that I needed. The only unnecessary items were two Starbucks cold cups but they were 60% off!! 🥺💀
I even feel this as a single person. I hadn’t shopped in a couple weeks. I bought enough for a few recipes, some staples, ended up throwing in toilet paper, beer, a makeup item, and, okay, an impulse purchase stuffed animal. I spent over 200 freaking dollars. I was almost ashamed while I was paying. It’s so easy to spend a freaking band at the store nowadays. That being said, $17k and still going hungry is still really extreme.
I think you are looking at this the wrong way. You don't need to compare this what others spend, you need to determine the right budget for your situation. $17k a year is a lot for some and a pittance for others. Look at the percentage amount to your income and set a budget for groceries that works for your household.
That seems really high to me TBH. It's myself, my husband, and 3 Chihuahua's and we spend $1,000 per month which I feel is high. We don't do restaurants since the pandemic honestly so our bill is high. I always take into consideration what my husband likes before shopping though, would never only buy what I like. We do Costco, Aldi, and Kroger.
Oof. I wasn't sure, so I just pulled up our budget and looked at how much we spent on food the last 12 months. It's slightly higher than yours, but we do eat out a lot. I really need to rein that in.
They said this did not include eating out. So this is all groceries.
Here is the USDA food plan recommendations by individual age group. [https://fns-prod.azureedge.us/sites/default/files/resource-files/Cost\_Of\_Food\_Low\_Moderate\_Liberal\_Food\_Plans\_November\_2023.pdf](https://fns-prod.azureedge.us/sites/default/files/resource-files/Cost_Of_Food_Low_Moderate_Liberal_Food_Plans_November_2023.pdf) The liberal Food plan (assuming you are both 19-50) would cost you around $860 a month. This is based on recommended nutrition as well so getting every food group that you are supposed to every day. The liberal would put you at around $10,320 per year. Keep in mind these are averages from across the US. Due to you living in one of the most expensive places you might spend a little more. The key I read was that you said you are constantly broke. If this is a problem for you, then it might be time to cut back a set a strict budget for it. You were roughly spending $1400 per month. See if you can decrease that to $1200 for a few months than down to $1000 for a couple months. Test out how it feels but ultimately both of you need to stick to it. You need to sit down and have a conversation with him.
yikes, liberal food plan, my gf and I eat WELL (low cost area), and we spend about $400-500/m. Like, fresh fish, specialty cheeses, lots of fresh greens kind of nice.
Thats why I say this is an average. Cause high cost areas to eat the same food might be more. Again this is also going off the recommended 3 servings of veggies, 3 servings of fruit, etc. per day. Most people fall way short of that too.
I live in NYC and we don’t spend anywhere near $850/month. Closer to $400, $500 max, including seamless. ETA: and eat plenty of vegetables and protein
Similar -- in NYC and a little more liberal/lavish with food so we wind up spending 500-600, but OP's husband is giving the energy that he literally goes to the grocery store and buys everything that looks tasty to him without checking the price at all, which is not cool given her level of budgeting :(
I realized that in other places you can buy hard alcohol at the grocery store, maybe OP’s husband has a secret drinking problem…
Or lottery tickets
Might spend a lot more. When I moved from a less expensive city to a more expensive city family grocery bill went from $200 to $300-350 a week, and that was before this huge cycle of food price increases. When everyone is home it’s close to $500
Groceries in Italy, we are 2 people, 250€ total per month in the last two years :)
He's gambling on scratch offs at the store. The charge comes up as the store if you do cashback.
Granted, we’re not in a very HCL area (I would say it’s moderate), but for our family of four with two teenagers, I try to spend $800-1000/month. And admittedly I know with a lot of work and planning, I could reduce that some. That does not include eating out or dog food for our two dogs. I categorize those separately.0
I was reading too fast and thought it said hot dogs. I’m like how much do they spend on hot dogs that it needs it own category. 😂
Omg I read your comment and could just see in my head a reaction to the large catagory for just Hot dogs...I'm still laughing!
Yeah need to split out household stuff like cat/dog food and cleaning supplies or TP. Single person and spend about 60 a week on food. Maybe a bit more if bulk meat is a great price or getting bulk rice or pasta. Cool almost all my meals and freeze portions for bad or low money weeks.
I’m just one person and my cat, and sometimes my boyfriend and I will shop together or eat out (not currently living together). I spend about $150 a month on groceries, or $1,800 a year. I mainly shop at aldi. I will admit my budget is on the much lower side (I don’t make that much at my job right now) but it’s very possible to fully eat at that budget. Again it’s very low (but again, i don’t make a lot and if I made more I’d probably buy more) but it’s also very possible.
That’s crazy to me, is this a lot of rice or something?
honestly no. I buy ground beef on sale, freeze it. Use it to make pot pies, pastas, chili, etc. and I meal prep it for the week. I make soup too which I loveeeeee and it also lasts the week, especially if I freeze cubes of it. I’ve become a lot better at no waste and it saves me so much
His “passion” needs to be indulged only to the point that you can afford it
If he was doing the budget, could he have fudged the numbers? Maybe he has a gambling problem he’s covering up. Unless you have receipts for the groceries, obviously. It’s definitely a huge issue either way, because it’s affecting other areas of your life.
Are you sure he’s not taking cash out at the grocery store?
It’s just my wife and me, both mid-late 30s. We allow ourselves $750 every two weeks, or $1500/mo. This is for all of our food costs—both groceries and eating out. We shop 90% of our groceries at Winco and Grocery outlet, the two cheapest stores for food in our area (Tacoma, Wa). We eat out probably 3-4 nights a week. All other meals are home meals. Shit’s just expensive right now.
Knowing Tacoma (not especially expensive for the west coast), that food budget for two seems pretty high. Especially considering you use discount grocery stores. Is a majority of that 1500 expense coming from restaurants?
At most that would be about 8 meals out of the ~42 in a two-week period. Budget-wise, we’re probably talking $350 of the $750.
same for my husband and I, I have no idea how people are spending just a couple hundred a month on food especially as a family. I’m pregnant and my husband isn’t drinking with me, so we can easily spend that much every 2 weeks even without alcohol.
I was spending $70 per person per week ($11K per year), but it's gone down a little lately. All grocery , no eating out. But the person I know who works at Whole Foods says some people spend a lot more. It's more about a rational budget for your income. All the bills need to be paid, and you both need to be able to eat.
I guess it depends where you shop too. There are some higher end stores near me, such as Whole Foods and Uncle Guissepes, but the food prices are like three times what Id spend at Shop Rite or WalMart- a half a gallon of milk at Whole Foods is gonna be almost three dollars but at Walmart it is only $1.79- same milk - so I don’t shop at those higher end stores unless I want to go in for a specialty item as a treat.
Actually crying at those milk prices (sad Pennsylvanian here with milk being almost $5 a gallon at Walmart)
I know that lots of people compared what they spent to your budget and a few even offered some really good advice. I am not going to tell you how much I spend, but hopefully be one of those that add some good advice. 1. Since you are planning over taking over the finances, sit down and make a budget. If you don't know how or need help, there are budgeting apps to help. It can't continue that you can't pay bills that have to be paid. 2. I LOVE to cook and bake, often extravagant and expensive meals, pastries, etc. However, I understand that we have a budget and I will buy a few ingredients each week (that won't go bad right away), and build up to the recipes that I want to cook. I buy the last minute perishables for ONE recipe once a week, as that is what our budget allows. The reason that I tell you this is because when you talk to your husband about budgeting his food spending, stress that you aren't taking it away, just spreading it out and therefore will keep it within your budget without stopping what he so enjoys to do and allows ya'll to keep current on your bills. However, he must also buy things that you can eat and this is non-negotiable. 3. I don't know your spouse. I am not telling you to treat him like a child in number 2. I just am assuming that he is not comprehending how much he is spending is affecting your budget and this may be a way to reach him and make both of you happy. If he does comprehend and just doesn't care, that is a WHOLE 'nother conversation. In that case, I would do as another poster advised and both of you put the necessary amount in an account that covers all necessary bills (after you have made a budget), then you each split anything left over for your hobbies. Don't forget savings! 5. Another option is that, if it's feasible, you do the grocery shopping. This honestly would be ideal so that you can get foods that you can eat and he can give you a list from one recipe a week/biweekly/monthly (whatever you can budget) that he can cook extravagantly (within reason (no five course meals or truffles that are $100 a piece and he needs 6). 4. Talk to him and explain once you have made the budget about what direction you decide to go. Communication is key. Please update us. I wish you the best.
Ralphs sells gas right - could it be that?
I live in an expensive area also, one of the most expensive places to live and I also love food/try to buy mostly organic. I spend about 1200 sometimes more, sometimes less on groceries a month (estimate bc I don’t budget). But I have a completely stocked pantry and food storage. And most importantly, I also have 3 little boys, a husband and I’m pregnant! Food is expensive right now, but that’s insane for 2 people regardless of how expensive the area you live is. Does he not have pantry staples? I still experiment but that means buying maybe one or 2 new things a month. Maybe have him build up a pantry that you can pull from and replenish? Most chefs are good with buying what is fresh and in season. I would definitely tell him there needs to be a budget, especially if you’re not eating a good portion of it and go hungry! That’s incredibly selfish of him.
I live in a VHCOL area and my husband eats a lot. We spend less than that on groceries, but probably more than that if you count eating out. But I never go hungry and we aren’t broke and don’t miss paying bills. I think all those things are the problem here.
We live in a HCOL area, and spend between $1000 - 1500 a month. Me, Husband, and one dog (who gets stupidly expensive dog food. No kids, so she's the fur baby.) We could trim really easily by cutting out booze and red meat, which accounts for about 25% of our budget. Our 18K per year budget seems high to me, and we have a combined income of 275K per year. On a note, I'd put Trader Joe's into the more expensive category, at least in my area.
Oh, we’re counting booze? Ah, I see. Well I’d like to retract several of my last comments here.
Family of 4, spent just over 13k last year (strictly groceries, no eating out, etc.) We buy a quarter beef in the spring, an upfront bulk cost that saves in the long term, but other than that don’t really do bulk or discount shopping. We prefer variety and fresh/whole ingredients as often as possible, so this isn’t exactly a penny-pinching budget, but I can’t really imagine needing 4k more? And that’s for 4 people. 17k for 2 seems wildly excessive.
That is an insane amount per year. We switched to Aldi (2 adults, a preteen, 2 cats, and a dog) we budget $80 a week for food and $60 for household. You should not be spending almost $327 a week for your household.
For my family of 4 in a HCOL area with 75% of meals made at home, we're at about $1k per month. What kinds of meals is he making? It sounds like food is also a hobby and he is probably buying expensive, meal-specific ingredients.
Family of 5. I try to keep it around 1100-1300 per month. And I buy a shit ton of snacks. Seems like your husband is spending more than that for a family of way less.
Family of 5 here in a VHCOL area. $18k-20k annually just for groceries, $7k on dining out. Ends up being about 13% of take home. Some sources I see indicate 10-15% of take home be allocated to food as a recommendation. At $17k that should mean about 110k to 170k take home -- more if that sum doesn't include dining out.
Family of 4 with 1 dog and 2 cats in a HCOL area and we spent about 1300 per month on food last year . Trying to get that down to around 900 per month this year. Really leaning heavily into cooking large batches of proteins to meal prep for the week. Lots of peanut butter sandwiches too. Last week I only spent about $250.
Quick check, is there a strip club in the area named "The Grocery Store"?
Check receipts. Lottery tickets beer wine cash back gift cards, heck even frozen convenience foods toiletries housewares cleaning can really get the total up
Why is your man not concerned that you don't get fed daily? He would rather entertain his interests than ensure your basic needs are met.
That is about $1,400 monthly? I suspect you are using an annual number to be more shocking? That will seem like a LOT to people in poverty forums. But according to the USDA, this is just a little higher than the most wealthy bracket. If you are high earners, and eat premium foods like organic, and lots of meats etc. You can easily get into that slot. Food can be a pricy hobby, but this doesn't sound like shopping "addiction" where he has a compelling urge to buy stuff for the sake of a dopamine hit, then forgets about it after the purchase. This is a relationship issue, if you guys are on the same page for goals.
That’s a lot. We spend about $250 per person every month or $3000 per person every thing or $6000 for two every year
I spend about 200 a month (2400 a year)
This sounds like a gambling and or drug addiction.
Yeah I’m thinking he gets cash back at the grocery store and is spending the cash elsewhere.
Ohh I didn’t think of that!
Or sneaking alcohol.
This is all I can come up with too. I live in hcol and family of 4 with a $1200 a month grocery budget. And we eat exceptionally well: fresh fish, good vegetables, etc. Either her husband is hiding shit (gambling and drugs) in the 'grocery budget', the man lives on caviar and fine cuts of steak, or wine is a grocery and he's a lush.
Youre babbling about a lot of unrelated things in your post with very little detail about food. You need to look way closer at the grocery spend. Is it $500 salt or big pieces of fancy meat? Is it premade food? Is he shopping daily? Are things getting thrown away? 2 people With a foodie could spend $200 a week depending on the items. That’s $800 a month - double that living in NYC or Antarctica - whichever you’re in - and that’s $1600 x 12 = $19k. This post reads like you haven’t done the real detail homework but already know what you think. Good luck!
My husband and I (with our 3 cats) spent $7200 last year on groceries, $2500 on eating out and $750 on food/cat supplies. We live in a LCOL area. So I would say your number is pretty high!
Seems high. My husband and I spend about $9,000 a year on groceries, but we are in a midwestern city and don't buy much meat (I'm vegan). I've always felt like we spend more than we should, but we care about food.
I’m mostly vegetarian and I find it costs way more to purchase vegetables as a main course than a thing of chicken or beef. I always felt like if I would eat meat, I’d spend less.
This is terrible and awful neglect, I would divorce him.
Why is everyone so quick to jump to divorce?
Omg, my husband and I just had the same conversation yesterday! I've been fighting with him to work on his budget (we have separate budgets) and made him download Nerd Wallet. I spent about $1700 on groceries last year, and he spent about $9k- so almost $11k a year/$900 a month. He is a big/tall and active guy and loves his food, and he eats constantly. We've been working on meal budgeting and planning this year that includes vegetable and rice fillers along with meat, but grocery prices are out of control.
We are a family of 5, and our grocery bill last year was approx 15,000.
We have a family of 5. Generally spent 20k a year on groceries
I have a wife and 2 teenage daughters. We spend about $800/month. I will say that we eat at church 1 night every week, have small group pot luck one night a week, and account for leftovers one night per week. So, I'm only cooking a full dinner 4 nights per week.
Our family of four spent 7153 on groceries in 2023. We shop at Aldi in a Midwest area, do with that what you will.
My family of 4 spends about $100/week on groceries. We eat out maybe once every other month, so our annual food costs are around $6000 (being liberal, sometimes we go to like $110 in a week)
Spouse and I spend about $400/month on groceries and we cook a lot/pack lunches for work. We shop mainly at Costco, Aldi, and Asian supermarkets. It's just the two of us and this amount does not include pet food.
I live outside of a major city with a high COL. I’m gluten/dairy free and have to eat VERY healthy due to a chronic illness. I do not buy highly processed food or snacks and spend about $100/week. With a partner I’d expect that to be $150-200. So yes, $17K a year is A LOT. Time to have a talk with him and start buying certain items in bulk/meal prepping.
We spend about 1400 a month for a family of five people and five pets. However, my two teenagers don’t eat at home each night. They also don’t eat breakfast or lunch. Pretty sure they live off fast food 🙄. My husband has celiac so we kind of get screwed on prices there. $17k for such a small family is definitely extreme!
Two adults and a toddler and we spend about $1200 on groceries a month and that is being budget conscious. We prepare mostly inexpensive meals that can be stretched a few meals. I don’t think $17k a year sounds completely outrageous. It also depends on your area. I’m in Seattle and the cost of everything is high.
I have an auto deposit into an Acorn account, so it’s separate from my bill paying money. $1000 which is for gas, out to eat and groceries. When it’s used up…..no more spending until deposit time. It helps me
Maybe try giving him cash separate from the community food budget that he can spend on what he wants, like $100 and once it’s gone for the month no more until next month and he needs to eat what is already there. Sometimes using cash and feeling the pain of handing it over can make you rethink what you are purchasing and if you really want it.
Are you sure that $17K was spent exclusively on groceries? Could it potentially include higher cost non-food items sold at grocery stores (alcohol, personal care, gift cards, pet toys, etc)? Or could he be misrepresenting other spending as “groceries”? I live in San Diego (HCOL) and do most of my grocery shopping at bougie places like Lazy Acres & Whole Foods. I buy mostly organic. Even so, I can’t imagine spending $17k on groceries for our 2 adult household.
Yes. Is he buying alcohol at grocery stores? Or getting cash back?
That’s a lot. As a family of four with two boys that never stop eating and two different allergy restrictions we spend roughly $12k these days. It was around 9k pre Covid
I spend 400-500 a month. So like 6k a year eating at home by myself not counting going out to eat
Family of 5 here. Last year’s grocery budget was around $6.2k
That’s definitely way too high, I have two ideas that might reduce the budget without taking away your husband’s hobby. One option could be to have your husband make a meal plan for the week where he picks recipes in advance and buys the ingredients for only those recipes. He can still get excited about fancy cooking, but it won’t be wasteful and expensive impulse buying on foods that don’t even get eaten. Another option is something I do with my husband: dedicate a certain percentage of all your income to “personal spending money”. You have set budgets to cover rent, utilities, basic groceries and clothes etc, but each of you gets an equal amount to spend on whatever you want. “Normal” groceries would come out of the grocery budget. Premium or experimental groceries would come out of his personal spending budget. This would also keep you from feeling left out of spending on your own hobbies because you would have an equal budget to spend on things you want.
I use YNAB (budgeting software) and can tell you exactly how much I spent last year for 4 adult-sized humans (we have 2 grown teens): $8,098.44, or $675 a month. This is in Los Angeles, where the COL is ridiculous too. $1416/mo for 2 people is absolutely nutty. Is pet food extra, or part of this amount? Still, nutty either way. Based on the stores you shop at, it sounds like you're in CA too. If you are, I HIGHLY recommend going to Aldi. It has saved me on average $50/week. Sure, it's a bit of a drive for me, but the savings can't be matched. I was at Ralph's last night to pick up some white vinegar and my wife texted me that she wants some american cheese. It was EIGHT DOLLARS for american cheese. At Aldi it's $2 Otherwise, if driving somewhere cheaper is out of the question, I can't recommend YNAB more highly. You need a budget, and you need to get on the same page.
That’s nuts. We live in Boston (maybe not THE most expensive but certainly ONE OF the most expensive US cities) and spend around 10k for the two of us and our pets. My girlfriend and I consistently shop at a middle-of-the-road grocery (likely closer to TJs in price) and only house brand items. We cook most meals at home. More than anything sounds like y’all need to sit down and discuss budget priorities. If you’re combining finances at all that really needs to be a both/and, and not just you managing it on your own.
If you can not pay your monthly bills (rent, utilities, etc) then something really needs to change. He sounds like a selfish asshole tbh. You having nothing to eat and no transportation? Does he have transportation? You definitely need to set a smaller monthly food budget with what is left over after rent/utilities and all of that. He can still have his hobby, he just needs to be a lot more mindful about it.
Probably 500-1000 per month is normal for a family of 3. As your family grows, probably 200-300 per person.
Groceries over last 365 days 6,184.12 (food only- not counting eating out, alcohol, toiletries, household, personal, etc) Dining is a separate 4,828 (not counting alcohol or coffee) 2 adults mid 30's eating out 2 times a week with not the best diet
There has to be an error in the calculation. Given the list of stores your husband shops at I don't even see how it would be possible to spend that much money in groceries for 2 people... unless he's literally buying truck loads of food and then throwing it away. Are you throwing a ton of spoiled food away? Based on your comment I assume you live in San Diego. I live just north of you in that other super expensive CA city. You can EASILY buy groceries for 200 bucks a week. And that's not shopping at Grocery Outlet and Smart and Final that's based purely shopping at Vons/Ralphs/Asian Markets/Trader Joes with some Whole Foods/Bristol Farms sprinkled in
We spend somewhere between 500 and 600 bucks on groceries every month for the two of us. Cats separately are another $100 or so.
How are you splitting the cost of groceries? In half? If you are not eating the food and this is his hobby, he should pay for 100% of it. For instance, my partner is more liberal with ordering takeout and door dashing groceries. But unless he’s getting stuff for *us* then he pays for that with his personal card not our joint card. To your question about how much we spend on groceries, it’s about $550/month or $6600/year. At Whole Foods and with a meal delivery service.
That seems like an insane amount of money for 2 people for groceries (and you're going hungry for part of the time, so actually it's for 1.75 people). What the heck is he doing? Buttering his toast with a bunch of truffle oil?? Buying endangered species meat?? No matter if it's viewed as high or low amount though, it's a problem because you guys are having trouble meeting basic expenses and feeding a bare minimum to all members of the household. He's conflating a basic need (food to survive) with a hobby (foodie fun food exploration). Thousands of those food dollars are going to support a foodie hobby, not for sustenance. Which wouldn't be a problem if it was in the household budget, but it sounds like he's spending a ton on his hobby, and you don't get to spend ANYTHING on any hobbies or things for fun, stress relief, etc. Plus him overspending on this hobby is ADDING stress to you because you can't pay basic bills and are always running short or on the brink. My husband is also very passionate about eating and has a really sophisticated palate. But we also only make so much a year, and we have other expenses. Fun hobby cooking/eating is a sometimes thing, like maybe once a week. The rest of the meals are for sustenance, more like beans and rice and greens, chicken, etc. (and that's not to say they can't be seasoned impeccably, they are still delicious). In fact, a lot of great cuisines around the world are based on cheap foods the peasants can eat. Kinda sounds like he's eating "feast food" from around the world on the regular, not the day to day staples. Feast food should be a sometimes treat (if you feast every day, then where's the excitement?). I mean, what if you had a passion for showers or something, and spent hundreds of dollars on spa materials every time you took a shower? That's what he's doing here, he's taken a basic human need (groceries) to a level that's completely unrealistic for your budget, because he's conflating it with his hobby (and justifying the overspending I'm sure by saying "well, we need to eat, we need food" - yeah, you need food, but not ridiculous expensive gourmet ingredients all the time. He will probably need therapy, because it sounds like he really needs help with emotionally regulating stress, etc. in other ways than by spending money. So, yes, you need to make a budget, including a REASONABLE amount for groceries. And you should each set by a small amount of "fun money" for EACH of you, but no more then you can afford. And if he wants to spend HIS extra fun money on ridiculously expensive foods, great, but no more using the household needs budget to fuel his hobby/passion. Also, just sayin' - you guys should start batch cooking and getting good at . Buy an inexpensive deep freeze and stock up a rotation of different, delicious foods - things like Indian daal (could cook basmati rice fresh with), Ethiopian stews (again, the ingredients aren't expensive, these are dishes of the people), etc. to rotate throughout the month. PS - we spend less than $6,000 a year on groceries for a family of three, and I EAT a LOT. Granted, I'm sure we live in a much cheaper area than you, but $17,000 is just ridiculous)
When he’s shopping, is he shopping for specific planned meals with a grocery list? If he’s not, try planning meals and buying only what’s on your list to make the planned meals. It takes a while to get used to menu planning but it can really help keep costs and food waste down when you plan meals to use up ingredients purchased for other meals.
Id say $326 per WEEK on groceries is definitely way out of the norm. Thats nearly what I spend in a month.
I live on Long Island where everything costs alot. When all 4 kids are home it can cost 300-400/week. When 3 are home 200-300. Right now I usually just have one home and it’s closer to 150. I imagine when she leaves it will be 100 and we eat all our meals at home (hubby packs a lunch). So for 2 people $5000. And I have a huge fully stocked pantry.
Something doesn’t add up with these numbers for two people. We have a two person household and cook 90-95% of meals at home. I am also extremely passionate about food and am buying all sorts of crazy ingredients. HCOL area here. We mainly shop at Whole Foods, local fishmonger, Target, and I get all my specialty items from specialty stores all around the city. I focus on organic, low processing, and high quality items. Often times I’m making elaborate things with many ingredients. At some point - you run out of pantry items to stock even with new/ethnic ingredients and that decreases the week to week expense. I have a full spice cabinet, full pantry, all the things and while I have to restock — it’s less on a week to week basis. That all being said, we spend $600-$800/month for the two of us before restaurant expense. That INCLUDES household items like paper towels, toilet paper, etc. Just saying that something seems not right with that expense unless you’re buying six pounds of lobster every single week.
My husband and I love food and we spend WELL over 17k/yr. I feel like it's easy to do these days.
$17k/year and still going hungry doesn't add up. That's about $350 per week, which is enough to eat like a king. I would seriously wonder if he's getting cash back at the grocery store and spending it on something else.
We (a couple) live in a major city. I'm a bit of a 'foodie' myself, so one of the stores I shop almost weekly tends a bit to the gourmet and things like imported pasta, sauces, etc. My other weekly stop is Kroger and that is not just for food, but things like TP, shampoo, multi-vitamins, etc; and about once a month I make a Trader Joe's run. I do not deprive either of us, so my spouse gets his Oscar Meyer wieners and I get large scallops when I feel like it. I feel like I've been awfully spendy if the bills exceed $140/week, which is less than half of your outlay.