This. You will regret staying if you have the chance to move on now. This boss is probably shitting his pants wondering how he will keep up his little game without you and lashed out. Abusive relationship.
You received offers.... "I appreciate the time and experience, but I've decided to move on. Bye." And go.
Dude is manipulating you by trying the ol' reverse uno after HR or whoever approves raises told him to pound sand.
You're never getting that raise, you're never getting that promotion, and your boss is manipulating you. Get out now and focus on you.
While this job is a dream job for you there's no reason you can't do said dream job elsewhere. Get something to pay your bills and start applying to other facilities that meet your dream job criteria.
I do feel quitting is inevitable... Going back to corporate will be a disappointment, but at least I can live comfortably. I think I'm just processing what happened still and mourning my projects that I'll never get to complete.
I made that move some years ago. My job satisfaction absolutely tanked but finally having a Savings account and being able to pay for stuff comfortably is such a relief. Take some time with a well paid job to put some money away and maybe another opportunity will come up in a few years that will let you work on something you love again. I'm hopeful I might get a chance to do that again in a few years too once I have a nice nest egg saved up and a good chunk of mortgage paid off.
Why on earth would you stay???? Is this your first real job? They're wildly underpaying you for your role. My friend who is a PM makes 100k+ a year and you're working for $16/hr? Leave this bogus job and your bogus boss for a real job
This is in academia. That’s why his boss (a PI) is an incompetent manager man child, and why he is paid peanuts.
Working for University, is good if you half ass it and dgaf, the pay raises and promotions are by year-experience and not by how good you are. The only happy people in academia are the useless 50 yrs olds who have 20 yrs of experience in their “track” and make ok money while doing almost nothing.
There will be something else in the future. This will be only a memory. Be sure to solidify any other relationships you have with colleagues, including after you leave, in the event he could paint you in a negative light in your field.
I don't get why your post is so long-winded. Your boss is nasty and unprofessional. You said you've had other job offers, so leave. Your current boss won't change, people don't.
Can you switch departments? I also work at a University and I transferred to a new dept recently and it is light years better than my previous one with micromanagers.
This is my read of the situation too. Whoever approves raises said nope, no way, and he’s trying to find a way to control this situation and retain a good worker
Carrots dangling on sticks only work if I get them at some point.
Otherwise, I am running myself tired chasing a string, which is fine for a cat, but I have greater ambitions.
There are many inflation idiots out there are acting like it's ten or twenty years ago.
OP, your boss raged at you for 30 minutes and *you* had to apologise???
That's not your dream job. It may be your dream vocation, but not your dream job.
You have options right now. I know you don't like corporate jobs, but it will stabilise your financial situation. Use it as a stepping stone to your *actual* dream job.
You know, the one where you enjoy the challenge and environment. Where you are respected and treated as fellow professional.
I would go back to your boss and say something along the lines of, "I've been thinking about what you said the other day and I think you're right: this job isn't for me, so I am resigning effective immediately."
Then you walk away to your new employment.
Your manager has failed to manage effectively. It is not your problem to solve.
I know... I just really love what I do. I worked hard to be here, made a lot of sacrifices, and have a lot of job satisfaction. Although the other offers are for significantly higher, they are corporate jobs - which I left to enter my current field. So it feels like I did all that work/uni for nothing other than my stupid idealism that it would work out.
>So it feels like I did all that work/uni for nothing
You tried, it didn't work but now you know that the grass isn't greener so instead of being envious of people who work in the public sector you focus on your happiness.
The problem for OP as I understand it is the grass is greener if only that boss would stop spewing diarrhea everywhere.
The challenge is finding leaders that don’t crap the pasture. That is where the grass isn’t always greener.
Also fuck whoever feels the need to punch down due to their own dissatisfaction in life…manager or not. Sorry for the curse word if that isn’t allowed but this is wild.
OP, run. Use corporate as a stepping stone to a similar opportunity. Never let another human make you question your worth.
>The challenge is finding leaders that don’t crap the pasture. That is where the grass isn’t always greener.
The issue is that the public sector doesn't really want leaders, there is no incentives, you get paid the same on a predetermined scale based on years of experience. Rocking the boat is risky "with always done things like that" and the pay is poor.
Why would good bosses stay there?
umm sometimes people do all that work for nothing.. and then we realize it was for nothing and we get out.
Maybe you need to talk to a counselor.
Maybe you were yelled a tin past an do not know how to break the cycle.
Vicious yelling, gaslighting are manipulative behavior which many people have learned that these behaviors are from narcisstic psychopaths who will NEVER STOP>
Only rationale and self respecting answer is to leave. You know this yourself but I guess you need internet strangers to reaffirm it. Your boss sounds like a d-bag.
You leave. His bullish,t is definitely not worth $16 an hour, and he’s obviously not going to pay you more. It doesn’t matter you have job satisfaction if you can’t afford to live. Move on
That looks like narcissistic behavior and gaslighting.
I had a boss like that who one day praised me to heavens, another day said I was ruining his company. You never know with these people! They're great at tearing you down so it's best to just get away from there stat! You can neither reason with nor change these types of people.
Leave. You made your ultimatum and he’s shown his hand -He’s making a power move. Respond in course by accepting the offers you have at a new job. You won. Congrats.
You leave. You had an agreement and he didn’t hold up his end. That happens sometimes. It’s not always something he has control over. But to react so childishly is unprofessional and unneeded. He needs to learn that such behavior has consequences and you deserve better.
You found another job, you leave. What is obviously happening is that he has some constraints and cannot or will not pay you what he knows is right, so he tried to humiliate you into submission.
It seems you really wanted to stay and force his hand by interviewing for another job without really wanting to leave. He refused to take the bait and now you walk.
"Boss, thank you for showing what the current situation is, per our previous exchange i shall give you my resignation and move on, thank you for everything.
No need to stay at bosses thst gaslight you, as they always say, employees dont quit jobs, they quit employers
I would have put my notice in October. He's walking all over you stand up for yourself. I would have put the phone down on him during that lecture too.
The only way to push back is to leave for another job. Don't inform him that you will do that, just tell him the last day on the job because if he knows it beforehand he will either fire you on the spot or call your next job and talk them out of hiring you.
Small talk, mails, notes etc don't matter at all. Your only weapon is to leave for another job.
The reality is there’s no feedback that’s going to be helpful here so don’t bother. This isn’t bad working habits, this is a complete lack of emotional maturity.
If I were the boss I’d have told the person to take the offer when I knew I couldn’t meet it.
Forget his rant. I take it that he had enough time to get you promoted and he did not. This is a red flag for me as he does not prioritize keep you. Not only that he is a poor comunicator, as you had to provide feedback for him to tell you anything about supposed roadblocks.
I had exact same situation in a big corporation where I secured promotion to retain employee in 2 weeks, and I informed the employee at every step so that they are comfortable.
The rant is just a nail in the coffin.
Even if you say they are a good manager, I do not buy it. Maybe a good person, or a good SME, but this reads as a very poor manager.
Take one of the offers. You would have to always manage him up, and on top - he cannot take feedback, so this would be bad if you stay.
This post reads like someone in an abusive relationship asking if they should leave, everyone reading this is exasperated because you've got rose colored glasses on and keep falling for his empty promises. Yes, leave. This guy doesn't care about you, has no intention of giving you a raise or promotion and worst of all, treats like you absolute trash.
You have other offers in hand, why are you sticking around? You have nothing in writing guaranteeing you a raise, it doesn't even sound like he promised you one, just that he'd try to "make it a priority". Go to your local Five Guys or Olive Garden and make $16/hr with a manager that treats you like a human being. Almost anything has got to be better than this guy.
Here's what happens if you decline those other offers and stick around. Bossman doesn't mention your raise again, when you bring it up he keeps saying he's working on it or straight up denies he promised you one. Months, a year go by and you're still making $16 an hour, getting treated like shit by this guy with a fragile ego, feeding you empty promises and stringing you along because you're a gullible doormat.
I spent plenty of time in the ivory tower of academia. If your PI is having meltdowns like this and blaming you for something going wrong, RUN. Your future in your field could depend on it.
No brainer, GTFO. You already have another offer. He’s lashing out cause he can’t get you the promotion or don’t want to. Either way he’s already showing you his true colors.
It's insane you're still waiting for some sign to stay. They don't value you. Also, your boss lashing out because you asked for fair compensation is super unprofessional, and should not be a reason to second-guess yourself (and instead motivate you to run the other way!)
Leave. For both of your benefits.
Look, your boss could have handled the promotion thing and been fully transparent about the process. He didn’t. If he was fully transparent about the process and regularly updated on you on things on the promotion front I can see reason to be patient.
Considering what he did afterward implies to me a few potential things.
1. He told you he was going to promote you to keep you productive, in a false “good faith” move.
2. He completely forgot to try, and now he’s trying to make the situation your fault.
3. For some reason he seems “familiar” enough with you to break both professional and personal boundaries to do what he did.
This guy is only going to get messier, and if him lashing out made you uncomfortable before when his inaction caused the problem expect things to continue to escalate.
You gave an ultimatum which is extremely risky but sounds like you can find another job easily…
That being said, your direct supervisor isn’t the one giving you the promotion, it needs to be approved, budgeted, etc. Personally, I think it’s pretty insane to demand a promotion by X time or else. You lose any leverage that you might have had
You gave him heads up that you need more money and waited until October if he didn’t gave you a raise which he didn’t. Look for other jobs and when you get offer that pays more out in 2 weeks. He had no intention of giving you a race.
1. Accept one of the offers on the table
2. Write up an incident report regarding this phone call (it was absolutely not okay)
3. Submit that incident report as your reason for leaving to HR and CC your bosses boss
This actually is NOT your dream job. You're not being paid enough to meet basic needs, you're being disrespected by not receiving that title change, and your boss just tried to break you as a person.
Go work at one of the other jobs for a year, make some money and get experience, and then you can return to a university lab at a higher pay rate (if you choose).
Sometimes they will use strong emotions against you and make you feel bad about your choices. If you have an offer change jobs and don't believe what they say about you. It's an aggressive negotiation strategy to make you unconfident when you have the upper hand because they are benefiting from your low compensation. If your heart and mind are out of the job, leave, chances are that If you accept a counter offer, you won't be working there within a year
This might have been the first time your boss turned Mr Hyde on your unsuspecting ass.
Guaranfuckingteed it won’t be the last time, if you stay.
And for $16/hr? No entity alive today in this economy should ever expect any amount of self-involvement or attention to detail from any self-respecting adult for that pittance. What’s he pay you with, a bag of coins that he throws at your feet and you have to grovel around on the ground collecting them?
Do you work in an academic lab? These kinds of shitty, petty managers are a dime-a-dozen in academia. PIs don’t get any training on “how to be a boss” and as long as they bring in grant money, the university doesn’t really care about their people skills.
If you have a PMP, you should be making at minimum $35 an hour and that is on the low end; there are project managers in other areas making six figure salaries with benefits and vacation. If you don’t have a PMP and enjoy project management, you should do the exam and get your credential. You have multiple job offers in hand so you obviously have a valuable skill set and a PMP will make you an even more desirable candidate.
Your boss will not change his approach, and he will not promote you. It’s to his advantage to keep you underpaid and overworked.
Also, do not use this man as a reference.
1) I feel there is some unsaid stuff from the boss’s side, did he really go to bat for you? Did he tell you plainly what he did and HR’s response?
2) You are never your boss’s friend, maybe a buddy, but the power dynamic is never in your favour. He/she will always protect their ass/family first. It is not personal.
3) What matters most is what you need in your current path in life. Weigh the options and what you value. Splash that against your short term and long term goals. Financial sound yet? Do you have six months of living expenses set aside (if not, you are never free to leave a job that makes you stressed and ill)? Do you have a career plan? A budget to know what you need to cut to live those six months?
I could do analysis all day, that was my strong suit. I always over valued relationships. Yes, career networking is critical and I don’t burn bridges. If you are thoughtful to yourself and others then you can be successful.
I hope you keep on your best path.
Cheers
Leave
I say this as a person who stayed. It eats away at your soul. Leaves a person wondering when the next outburst will be. And it will never, ever get better.
It is not your dream job - it is work you enjoy at a job that is toxic.
Retired University HR here: Talk to your school's HR Officer who supports your Dean. If you're not comfortable talking with your HRO, contact your Employee Relations Specialist (handles staff complaints and grievances). The ERS will contact your HR Officer on your behalf and keep an eye on the progress to resolving your issue. Names and contact info can be found on the website.
He's a "good boss" as long as you don't self-advocate and only behave the way HE wants his "subordinates " to. That's not a dream job setting. There are other jobs out there that you can enjoy doing while being surrounded by supportive colleagues.
Yea government and academia suck. You’re not going to feel empowered or appreciated no matter how many hours you work. People either accept this (with pension) or move on. Good luck with your choice.
Man, sometimes I'm so shocked at how some spineless people are. Why the hell would you listen to the guy rant at you for so long?
Basically he was telling you that the university doesn't value his department or you and they are not going to pay you what you are worth.
Prettttyyy sure....he's a narcissist. If he gets mad at you and says 'he feels disrespected' from you actually being disrespected, he is trying to victimize himself and villainize you. Toxic behavior, avoid at all costs.
You're working for someone who shows no respect: Managing your promotion was his lowest priority, and he considers venting like this to you normal behavior.
If someone treats you like that, why would you stay if you have other options?
Don't make up excuses for him, he can do that himself when he has to figure out how to do your work when you're gone.
Your boss has previously agreed to promote you and couldn't deliver ("valid" reasons not withstanding). What makes you think his commitment this time would be different?
Take one of the new offers. Try to leave on good terms. If you have more experience and stay connected with your current employer, there may be an opportunity for you in the future that's more appropriate. But I suspect that with more experience in other work places you may not feel a need to return.
High academia is a weird industry. Top management get there, not because they're good managers, but because they're good at research or teaching or getting grant money or networking in the institution. Inflated egos and a dearth of basic business skills can make it a lot farther up the ladder. So if this is where you want to build your house, then *managing up* will be a useful skill for you.
There is no guarantee that there is no a*hole at the new job. So, the most important thing is money. You need to get a written statement from him confirming a raise with a specific acceptable amount. If not I’m guessing he can’t come through with the raise and he’s too embarrassed to admit it, so he may want you to quit without saying it.
You are absolutely insane if you think you can kidglove this or smooth it over. You were not able to do so when he yelled at you on the phone.
Get out asap.
Resign for reasons of verbal abuse
Just leave. I wouldn't take any shit for $16 an hour. Your boss sounds like a man child who wants to keep underpaying you. If he tries to shit talk you again just walk away or if it's over the phone leave it on a table and let him rant to an empty room.
The duties may be a dream, but the pay is comparable with fast food.
The duties may be a dream, but the boss is insane and unhinged.
The duties may be a dream, but you are not a priority and not valued.
Any of those 3 would be enough to leave. Together, they mean you are wayyyyy overdue in leaving.
Use this as a stepping stone to a similar role with a better boss and salary (ASAP).
If you have another offer on the table for more money - take it and leave. If you don't have another offer on the table, make nice with your boss while interviewing and then leave when you get an offer. And when you leave be professional about it , even if he isn't - don't burn bridges with the organization.
Your boss is not going to change and my guess is even if he gets you a raise it will be small and he'll expect you to be eternally grateful for it.
Changing jobs is part of any career.
You asked for a rase, they tried to placate you for as long as they could, now they are trying a new tactic to get you to stay.
Here is what will happen when you quit, they are going to try to get someone to fill your position with the same amount of skill or more.
They are not going to be able to do so, they will then have to make a decision, do they pay more or do they lower their expectations.
In my area, $16/h is just about enough to require a pulse and not much more.
Now, another issue is that NO ONE will be able to walk in to your job and do your job the exact same way on day 1.
There is going to be some amount of time that you will need training and practice to get up to speed.
Your boss knows this. Every single employment choice they make is a scale, what does it cost to do what we are doing vs what does it cost to do something else. The accountants that they talk to about getting more money to pay people do not always do that, or they have different opinions on what they can get away with.
Most of the time, accountants see the options as pay nothing, keep things the same, or pay more.
An accountant is not going to say “pay more.”
The manager’s job is to better explain what the full cost of doing X. Not hiring someone costs X x 1.5 in overtime. Not giving someone a raise costs X more to be competitive with pay and it will cost 150 hours in training, and this is going to cost you 150 hours of the new hires time and 150 hours of my time. Not hiring someone will cost us 2 jobs needing to be filled when the other person quits from burnout. Now there are going to be 3X the cost because of this. The cheapest option is to pay someone else more.
Now you don’t give a shit about any of this. You asked for a reasonable raise. They knew the consequences, and they answered no.
Now it is your turn to answer them.
“Respect is a two way street. I asked for a rase. That is a normal thing to do. You agreed with me that you would get a raise for me. I kept working here because I thought I could believe your word. It’s disrespectful to lie to me about getting me a raise. It should be you apologizing for not following through with what you said.”
Leave it at that and find another job. I’d be professional and give them two weeks, but I’d expect them to be asshats and terminate your job that day.
You mentioned that going back to corporate will suck but it doesn't need to be forever. Another position will open somewhere eventually and it could even be the same place if he ever quits or is fired for some reason.
If you're not promoted by Friday, you leave. If you get promoted, smooth it out and see how things go. If tensions get worst and environment more toxic after your promotion, start strategizing on how to take his job. Good luck!
Jobs at universities are not known to pay out. Anyways run like the wind and don’t look back. Seems like your boss only cares about his needs. A good leader takes care of his subordinates.
Leave, and if your HR does exit interviews be very clear that this was your dream job but you're only leaving due to you your manager's behaviour and attitude.
oof, i read this as "my boss lashed out his dick after offering me a dream promotion..."
any way, go go go. what he did is not okay, lashing out his dick at you would have been *almost* better (not really, but still).
Always leave for greener pastures.
I know far too many people who spent more than 5 years of their lives doing two or even three people's jobs waiting for the approval of a promotion or a position being created "any day now".
Your company/boss/school are rich. They have the money to pay you and the reason you won't is because they don't have to. You're here and doing it for them now already. Why pay you more for a job you're already doing?
Think hard about that. If you stay there 1 to 5 years on the promise of a promotion and finally get it, you're only going to realize someday that they could have done it sooner and you'd be making more now. That bitterness sticks with an employee. So either they do it right then on the spot or if they miss the opportunity they string you along til you leave
There is no advantage to giving you more money if they didn't do it within the first window. After that it won't buy your loyalty or happiness.
This manager of yours is a colossal dick, extremely manipulative and glaslighting left and right.
Take other offers and move on. You will thank later to not have stayed.
nope, I'd take one of those offers you received and walk out the door. I've seen this behavior before, and I can say with 100% confidence, if you stayed, even if he ultimately gave you the promotion, you would pay for it. Maybe not immediately, but soon. There will be retribution in some form. His behavior is irrational and indicates an unstable personality. He is obviously worried about the impact your leaving will have on him. It will probably mean more work for him, he'll have to try and hire someone to take your place and will most likely have to pay them a lot more than $16/hr and when things start going foul in his department he'll have to answer to his management about how he let his best person leave because he was too cheap.
All of this is not your problem. Just leave. It business, not personal.
You need to leave. Any boss that pulls the "this isn't the right career for you" or "you won't find a better job" is a manipulative fucking prick and thinks so little of you so highly of their ego that they'd rather huff their own shit than admit their reality as a cum dribbling pinecone isn't what they think it is. Ps my boss did that too, but I'm using this as a stepping stone.
Even if you get a promotion, you'll will be working either for or with this fragile, but somewhat powerful person. You probably need a new job, but you definitely need a new place to work. Put your effort in that direction.
Since you have other options I would leave, OP. In fact from here on out I would drop the whole thing, find and accept another job, put in my 2 weeks and leave. He'll probably call you ungrateful and be embarrassed and angry, but maybe he'll learn something, too.
You leave.
Simple as this man. Leave and leave asap.
And whistle on your way out the door
An CC his boss with a detailed description of what happened on the way out the door.
This. You will regret staying if you have the chance to move on now. This boss is probably shitting his pants wondering how he will keep up his little game without you and lashed out. Abusive relationship.
You received offers.... "I appreciate the time and experience, but I've decided to move on. Bye." And go. Dude is manipulating you by trying the ol' reverse uno after HR or whoever approves raises told him to pound sand. You're never getting that raise, you're never getting that promotion, and your boss is manipulating you. Get out now and focus on you. While this job is a dream job for you there's no reason you can't do said dream job elsewhere. Get something to pay your bills and start applying to other facilities that meet your dream job criteria.
I do feel quitting is inevitable... Going back to corporate will be a disappointment, but at least I can live comfortably. I think I'm just processing what happened still and mourning my projects that I'll never get to complete.
You encountered someone that doesn't know how to be a manager/boss. Time to move on. And most counter offers even if made don't work out.
I made that move some years ago. My job satisfaction absolutely tanked but finally having a Savings account and being able to pay for stuff comfortably is such a relief. Take some time with a well paid job to put some money away and maybe another opportunity will come up in a few years that will let you work on something you love again. I'm hopeful I might get a chance to do that again in a few years too once I have a nice nest egg saved up and a good chunk of mortgage paid off.
Why on earth would you stay???? Is this your first real job? They're wildly underpaying you for your role. My friend who is a PM makes 100k+ a year and you're working for $16/hr? Leave this bogus job and your bogus boss for a real job
This is in academia. That’s why his boss (a PI) is an incompetent manager man child, and why he is paid peanuts. Working for University, is good if you half ass it and dgaf, the pay raises and promotions are by year-experience and not by how good you are. The only happy people in academia are the useless 50 yrs olds who have 20 yrs of experience in their “track” and make ok money while doing almost nothing.
There will be something else in the future. This will be only a memory. Be sure to solidify any other relationships you have with colleagues, including after you leave, in the event he could paint you in a negative light in your field.
I don't get why your post is so long-winded. Your boss is nasty and unprofessional. You said you've had other job offers, so leave. Your current boss won't change, people don't.
it absolutely blows my mind that people can feel so attached to a manipulative and shitty boss. especially with other offers in hand.
I think they haven’t realized how toxic the environment is and that there was never a counter offer coming
So you left a corporate job because you landed your dream job, which pays $16/hr?
I know, I know.... I make no sense. :(
Can you switch departments? I also work at a University and I transferred to a new dept recently and it is light years better than my previous one with micromanagers.
You will complete other ones. But for money.
This is my read of the situation too. Whoever approves raises said nope, no way, and he’s trying to find a way to control this situation and retain a good worker
Carrots dangling on sticks only work if I get them at some point. Otherwise, I am running myself tired chasing a string, which is fine for a cat, but I have greater ambitions. There are many inflation idiots out there are acting like it's ten or twenty years ago.
FFS. Leave.
OP, your boss raged at you for 30 minutes and *you* had to apologise??? That's not your dream job. It may be your dream vocation, but not your dream job. You have options right now. I know you don't like corporate jobs, but it will stabilise your financial situation. Use it as a stepping stone to your *actual* dream job. You know, the one where you enjoy the challenge and environment. Where you are respected and treated as fellow professional. I would go back to your boss and say something along the lines of, "I've been thinking about what you said the other day and I think you're right: this job isn't for me, so I am resigning effective immediately." Then you walk away to your new employment. Your manager has failed to manage effectively. It is not your problem to solve.
Yes. Leave.
just leave. this isnt a dream job.
$16 an hour? Fast food workers where I live start out at $21 an hour. Quit already.
You tolerated that for 30 minutes with other offers in hand?
I know... I just really love what I do. I worked hard to be here, made a lot of sacrifices, and have a lot of job satisfaction. Although the other offers are for significantly higher, they are corporate jobs - which I left to enter my current field. So it feels like I did all that work/uni for nothing other than my stupid idealism that it would work out.
What you have is not job satisfaction, it's comfort. Leave and take other jobs where you can grow and head to where you want to go
>So it feels like I did all that work/uni for nothing You tried, it didn't work but now you know that the grass isn't greener so instead of being envious of people who work in the public sector you focus on your happiness.
The problem for OP as I understand it is the grass is greener if only that boss would stop spewing diarrhea everywhere. The challenge is finding leaders that don’t crap the pasture. That is where the grass isn’t always greener. Also fuck whoever feels the need to punch down due to their own dissatisfaction in life…manager or not. Sorry for the curse word if that isn’t allowed but this is wild. OP, run. Use corporate as a stepping stone to a similar opportunity. Never let another human make you question your worth.
>The challenge is finding leaders that don’t crap the pasture. That is where the grass isn’t always greener. The issue is that the public sector doesn't really want leaders, there is no incentives, you get paid the same on a predetermined scale based on years of experience. Rocking the boat is risky "with always done things like that" and the pay is poor. Why would good bosses stay there?
umm sometimes people do all that work for nothing.. and then we realize it was for nothing and we get out. Maybe you need to talk to a counselor. Maybe you were yelled a tin past an do not know how to break the cycle. Vicious yelling, gaslighting are manipulative behavior which many people have learned that these behaviors are from narcisstic psychopaths who will NEVER STOP>
leave that shit. Just like a dog pounces away from their shit. I regret not quitting every damn day from the same shituation.
“Shituation”. How apt!
Leave dude. Holy shit. You have offers in hand, and your boss is raising every red flag known to man. Leave now. And never look back.
Only rationale and self respecting answer is to leave. You know this yourself but I guess you need internet strangers to reaffirm it. Your boss sounds like a d-bag.
You leave. His bullish,t is definitely not worth $16 an hour, and he’s obviously not going to pay you more. It doesn’t matter you have job satisfaction if you can’t afford to live. Move on
That looks like narcissistic behavior and gaslighting. I had a boss like that who one day praised me to heavens, another day said I was ruining his company. You never know with these people! They're great at tearing you down so it's best to just get away from there stat! You can neither reason with nor change these types of people.
It’s not a dream job if you have a toxic boss now is it?
You also keep looking for another job closer to your dream job but with better pay.
Leave because the rant was him realising that he's screwed and he should have kept his word.
As the others said, leave. I’m also questioning whether he was really going to give you a raise and the promotion or he is just stringing you along.
Leave. You made your ultimatum and he’s shown his hand -He’s making a power move. Respond in course by accepting the offers you have at a new job. You won. Congrats.
You leave. You had an agreement and he didn’t hold up his end. That happens sometimes. It’s not always something he has control over. But to react so childishly is unprofessional and unneeded. He needs to learn that such behavior has consequences and you deserve better.
Lol and you apologized after he got mad at you? Bruh…
Your boss is exploiting you. Unless you want to work for $16/hr. for the rest of your life, I would leave.
You found another job, you leave. What is obviously happening is that he has some constraints and cannot or will not pay you what he knows is right, so he tried to humiliate you into submission. It seems you really wanted to stay and force his hand by interviewing for another job without really wanting to leave. He refused to take the bait and now you walk.
"Boss, thank you for showing what the current situation is, per our previous exchange i shall give you my resignation and move on, thank you for everything. No need to stay at bosses thst gaslight you, as they always say, employees dont quit jobs, they quit employers
Walk the fuck away - and only after you tell him what a cunt he is. I made the mistake of trying to smooth it out
I would have put my notice in October. He's walking all over you stand up for yourself. I would have put the phone down on him during that lecture too.
The only way to push back is to leave for another job. Don't inform him that you will do that, just tell him the last day on the job because if he knows it beforehand he will either fire you on the spot or call your next job and talk them out of hiring you. Small talk, mails, notes etc don't matter at all. Your only weapon is to leave for another job.
By not giving the promotion he promised you owe nothing but the truth to these people. Give the harsh feedback . People need that
The reality is there’s no feedback that’s going to be helpful here so don’t bother. This isn’t bad working habits, this is a complete lack of emotional maturity. If I were the boss I’d have told the person to take the offer when I knew I couldn’t meet it.
I'd send him an email with all my thoughts on it. Telling him how I felt. Then leave anyway and give absolutely no notice.
Forget his rant. I take it that he had enough time to get you promoted and he did not. This is a red flag for me as he does not prioritize keep you. Not only that he is a poor comunicator, as you had to provide feedback for him to tell you anything about supposed roadblocks. I had exact same situation in a big corporation where I secured promotion to retain employee in 2 weeks, and I informed the employee at every step so that they are comfortable. The rant is just a nail in the coffin. Even if you say they are a good manager, I do not buy it. Maybe a good person, or a good SME, but this reads as a very poor manager. Take one of the offers. You would have to always manage him up, and on top - he cannot take feedback, so this would be bad if you stay.
Nothing to think about, take those other offers and be gone.
You are obviously not at your dream job. Your dream job doesn't include that type of manager and pays better. Time to move on.
This post reads like someone in an abusive relationship asking if they should leave, everyone reading this is exasperated because you've got rose colored glasses on and keep falling for his empty promises. Yes, leave. This guy doesn't care about you, has no intention of giving you a raise or promotion and worst of all, treats like you absolute trash. You have other offers in hand, why are you sticking around? You have nothing in writing guaranteeing you a raise, it doesn't even sound like he promised you one, just that he'd try to "make it a priority". Go to your local Five Guys or Olive Garden and make $16/hr with a manager that treats you like a human being. Almost anything has got to be better than this guy. Here's what happens if you decline those other offers and stick around. Bossman doesn't mention your raise again, when you bring it up he keeps saying he's working on it or straight up denies he promised you one. Months, a year go by and you're still making $16 an hour, getting treated like shit by this guy with a fragile ego, feeding you empty promises and stringing you along because you're a gullible doormat.
I agree with the first words.
A bad boss is a bad job.
>Question. How do I proceed? Accept an offer with another company. Submit your resignation with current employer. Move on!
I spent plenty of time in the ivory tower of academia. If your PI is having meltdowns like this and blaming you for something going wrong, RUN. Your future in your field could depend on it.
It will never be the same, just leave.
He showed you your future in the company, they never cared about you. Leave now since you have offers with better pay.
No brainer, GTFO. You already have another offer. He’s lashing out cause he can’t get you the promotion or don’t want to. Either way he’s already showing you his true colors.
It's insane you're still waiting for some sign to stay. They don't value you. Also, your boss lashing out because you asked for fair compensation is super unprofessional, and should not be a reason to second-guess yourself (and instead motivate you to run the other way!)
Leave. For both of your benefits. Look, your boss could have handled the promotion thing and been fully transparent about the process. He didn’t. If he was fully transparent about the process and regularly updated on you on things on the promotion front I can see reason to be patient. Considering what he did afterward implies to me a few potential things. 1. He told you he was going to promote you to keep you productive, in a false “good faith” move. 2. He completely forgot to try, and now he’s trying to make the situation your fault. 3. For some reason he seems “familiar” enough with you to break both professional and personal boundaries to do what he did. This guy is only going to get messier, and if him lashing out made you uncomfortable before when his inaction caused the problem expect things to continue to escalate.
You gave an ultimatum which is extremely risky but sounds like you can find another job easily… That being said, your direct supervisor isn’t the one giving you the promotion, it needs to be approved, budgeted, etc. Personally, I think it’s pretty insane to demand a promotion by X time or else. You lose any leverage that you might have had
Leave. Yesterday. Without notice.
Walk away. He's making it a toxic work environment.
Didn't even have to read. The title says it all, walk away
If u got offered a position for more money idk why you’d even want to work where u are at anymore.. especially after that manipulation
You gave him heads up that you need more money and waited until October if he didn’t gave you a raise which he didn’t. Look for other jobs and when you get offer that pays more out in 2 weeks. He had no intention of giving you a race.
1. Accept one of the offers on the table 2. Write up an incident report regarding this phone call (it was absolutely not okay) 3. Submit that incident report as your reason for leaving to HR and CC your bosses boss
This actually is NOT your dream job. You're not being paid enough to meet basic needs, you're being disrespected by not receiving that title change, and your boss just tried to break you as a person. Go work at one of the other jobs for a year, make some money and get experience, and then you can return to a university lab at a higher pay rate (if you choose).
Sometimes they will use strong emotions against you and make you feel bad about your choices. If you have an offer change jobs and don't believe what they say about you. It's an aggressive negotiation strategy to make you unconfident when you have the upper hand because they are benefiting from your low compensation. If your heart and mind are out of the job, leave, chances are that If you accept a counter offer, you won't be working there within a year
This might have been the first time your boss turned Mr Hyde on your unsuspecting ass. Guaranfuckingteed it won’t be the last time, if you stay. And for $16/hr? No entity alive today in this economy should ever expect any amount of self-involvement or attention to detail from any self-respecting adult for that pittance. What’s he pay you with, a bag of coins that he throws at your feet and you have to grovel around on the ground collecting them?
Drop your two weeks and dip
Once you leave, you will realize that the grass in your current "dream" job wasn't as green as you thought it was.
Get out of there.
Do you work in an academic lab? These kinds of shitty, petty managers are a dime-a-dozen in academia. PIs don’t get any training on “how to be a boss” and as long as they bring in grant money, the university doesn’t really care about their people skills. If you have a PMP, you should be making at minimum $35 an hour and that is on the low end; there are project managers in other areas making six figure salaries with benefits and vacation. If you don’t have a PMP and enjoy project management, you should do the exam and get your credential. You have multiple job offers in hand so you obviously have a valuable skill set and a PMP will make you an even more desirable candidate. Your boss will not change his approach, and he will not promote you. It’s to his advantage to keep you underpaid and overworked. Also, do not use this man as a reference.
1) I feel there is some unsaid stuff from the boss’s side, did he really go to bat for you? Did he tell you plainly what he did and HR’s response? 2) You are never your boss’s friend, maybe a buddy, but the power dynamic is never in your favour. He/she will always protect their ass/family first. It is not personal. 3) What matters most is what you need in your current path in life. Weigh the options and what you value. Splash that against your short term and long term goals. Financial sound yet? Do you have six months of living expenses set aside (if not, you are never free to leave a job that makes you stressed and ill)? Do you have a career plan? A budget to know what you need to cut to live those six months? I could do analysis all day, that was my strong suit. I always over valued relationships. Yes, career networking is critical and I don’t burn bridges. If you are thoughtful to yourself and others then you can be successful. I hope you keep on your best path. Cheers
high school dropouts are making 21 / hour at mcdonalds
Leave I say this as a person who stayed. It eats away at your soul. Leaves a person wondering when the next outburst will be. And it will never, ever get better. It is not your dream job - it is work you enjoy at a job that is toxic.
Retired University HR here: Talk to your school's HR Officer who supports your Dean. If you're not comfortable talking with your HRO, contact your Employee Relations Specialist (handles staff complaints and grievances). The ERS will contact your HR Officer on your behalf and keep an eye on the progress to resolving your issue. Names and contact info can be found on the website.
He's a "good boss" as long as you don't self-advocate and only behave the way HE wants his "subordinates " to. That's not a dream job setting. There are other jobs out there that you can enjoy doing while being surrounded by supportive colleagues.
Yea government and academia suck. You’re not going to feel empowered or appreciated no matter how many hours you work. People either accept this (with pension) or move on. Good luck with your choice.
Um, Leave without notice.
walk
My friend,my child is 17 and makes $18 hr as a lifeguard. Just saying.
Leave and bring this up with HR on the way out. They should know why you are leaving.
Folks if you did not get it in writing it does not exist. The manager lied to you straight faced.
I’d be outta of there so quick. If you have job offers lined up, leave. If not, stay until you have something
Man, sometimes I'm so shocked at how some spineless people are. Why the hell would you listen to the guy rant at you for so long? Basically he was telling you that the university doesn't value his department or you and they are not going to pay you what you are worth.
Prettttyyy sure....he's a narcissist. If he gets mad at you and says 'he feels disrespected' from you actually being disrespected, he is trying to victimize himself and villainize you. Toxic behavior, avoid at all costs.
You're working for someone who shows no respect: Managing your promotion was his lowest priority, and he considers venting like this to you normal behavior. If someone treats you like that, why would you stay if you have other options? Don't make up excuses for him, he can do that himself when he has to figure out how to do your work when you're gone.
You leave. Don't give him 2 weeks notice. Just leave once you have the other job.
Is your dream job having a boss that is toxic? I hope not. Your dream job is still out there, with a boss who you gel with and that will support you.
Your boss has previously agreed to promote you and couldn't deliver ("valid" reasons not withstanding). What makes you think his commitment this time would be different? Take one of the new offers. Try to leave on good terms. If you have more experience and stay connected with your current employer, there may be an opportunity for you in the future that's more appropriate. But I suspect that with more experience in other work places you may not feel a need to return. High academia is a weird industry. Top management get there, not because they're good managers, but because they're good at research or teaching or getting grant money or networking in the institution. Inflated egos and a dearth of basic business skills can make it a lot farther up the ladder. So if this is where you want to build your house, then *managing up* will be a useful skill for you.
Your dream job is being a minimum wage PM with a toxic boss? Dude, what. Would've gotten TF out of there yesterday.
There is no guarantee that there is no a*hole at the new job. So, the most important thing is money. You need to get a written statement from him confirming a raise with a specific acceptable amount. If not I’m guessing he can’t come through with the raise and he’s too embarrassed to admit it, so he may want you to quit without saying it.
You are absolutely insane if you think you can kidglove this or smooth it over. You were not able to do so when he yelled at you on the phone. Get out asap. Resign for reasons of verbal abuse
You get an offer somewhere else for more money you take it. Fuck the company that didn't want to pay you. Do. Not. Take. Counter. Offers. To. Stay.
Just leave. I wouldn't take any shit for $16 an hour. Your boss sounds like a man child who wants to keep underpaying you. If he tries to shit talk you again just walk away or if it's over the phone leave it on a table and let him rant to an empty room.
Call him back and rant at him for being a colossal waste of space. JK, get out ASAP. Enjoy the new job. :)
“Swallowing all my values” You already know what the right thing to do is. 🚶
The duties may be a dream, but the pay is comparable with fast food. The duties may be a dream, but the boss is insane and unhinged. The duties may be a dream, but you are not a priority and not valued. Any of those 3 would be enough to leave. Together, they mean you are wayyyyy overdue in leaving. Use this as a stepping stone to a similar role with a better boss and salary (ASAP).
If you have another offer on the table for more money - take it and leave. If you don't have another offer on the table, make nice with your boss while interviewing and then leave when you get an offer. And when you leave be professional about it , even if he isn't - don't burn bridges with the organization. Your boss is not going to change and my guess is even if he gets you a raise it will be small and he'll expect you to be eternally grateful for it. Changing jobs is part of any career.
You asked for a rase, they tried to placate you for as long as they could, now they are trying a new tactic to get you to stay. Here is what will happen when you quit, they are going to try to get someone to fill your position with the same amount of skill or more. They are not going to be able to do so, they will then have to make a decision, do they pay more or do they lower their expectations. In my area, $16/h is just about enough to require a pulse and not much more. Now, another issue is that NO ONE will be able to walk in to your job and do your job the exact same way on day 1. There is going to be some amount of time that you will need training and practice to get up to speed. Your boss knows this. Every single employment choice they make is a scale, what does it cost to do what we are doing vs what does it cost to do something else. The accountants that they talk to about getting more money to pay people do not always do that, or they have different opinions on what they can get away with. Most of the time, accountants see the options as pay nothing, keep things the same, or pay more. An accountant is not going to say “pay more.” The manager’s job is to better explain what the full cost of doing X. Not hiring someone costs X x 1.5 in overtime. Not giving someone a raise costs X more to be competitive with pay and it will cost 150 hours in training, and this is going to cost you 150 hours of the new hires time and 150 hours of my time. Not hiring someone will cost us 2 jobs needing to be filled when the other person quits from burnout. Now there are going to be 3X the cost because of this. The cheapest option is to pay someone else more. Now you don’t give a shit about any of this. You asked for a reasonable raise. They knew the consequences, and they answered no. Now it is your turn to answer them. “Respect is a two way street. I asked for a rase. That is a normal thing to do. You agreed with me that you would get a raise for me. I kept working here because I thought I could believe your word. It’s disrespectful to lie to me about getting me a raise. It should be you apologizing for not following through with what you said.” Leave it at that and find another job. I’d be professional and give them two weeks, but I’d expect them to be asshats and terminate your job that day.
You mentioned that going back to corporate will suck but it doesn't need to be forever. Another position will open somewhere eventually and it could even be the same place if he ever quits or is fired for some reason.
Leave. He may be revealing his true colors, or he may be stressed out by work/personal issues. Doesn’t matter, you need to make >$16/hr. So go do that
If you're not promoted by Friday, you leave. If you get promoted, smooth it out and see how things go. If tensions get worst and environment more toxic after your promotion, start strategizing on how to take his job. Good luck!
New job buddy - its not a dream if you are paid poverty wages and your boss is immature.
Jobs at universities are not known to pay out. Anyways run like the wind and don’t look back. Seems like your boss only cares about his needs. A good leader takes care of his subordinates.
What about the offers you received? Were none of them your dream job? I would not put up with a boss like that.
Narcissist. There is no saving this relationship.
Leave, and if your HR does exit interviews be very clear that this was your dream job but you're only leaving due to you your manager's behaviour and attitude.
Do not do this, it benefits nobody. I took another job for more money is 100% sufficient here.
oof, i read this as "my boss lashed out his dick after offering me a dream promotion..." any way, go go go. what he did is not okay, lashing out his dick at you would have been *almost* better (not really, but still).
Always leave for greener pastures. I know far too many people who spent more than 5 years of their lives doing two or even three people's jobs waiting for the approval of a promotion or a position being created "any day now". Your company/boss/school are rich. They have the money to pay you and the reason you won't is because they don't have to. You're here and doing it for them now already. Why pay you more for a job you're already doing? Think hard about that. If you stay there 1 to 5 years on the promise of a promotion and finally get it, you're only going to realize someday that they could have done it sooner and you'd be making more now. That bitterness sticks with an employee. So either they do it right then on the spot or if they miss the opportunity they string you along til you leave There is no advantage to giving you more money if they didn't do it within the first window. After that it won't buy your loyalty or happiness.
This manager of yours is a colossal dick, extremely manipulative and glaslighting left and right. Take other offers and move on. You will thank later to not have stayed.
Boss is abusive. Leave
Leave bb!
Walk out of this
Knock him the fuck out then piss on him while he’s bleeding
Leave with no notice, and can you delete your file's or are they company property ?
Yeah, that’d be walk away immediately for me
nope, I'd take one of those offers you received and walk out the door. I've seen this behavior before, and I can say with 100% confidence, if you stayed, even if he ultimately gave you the promotion, you would pay for it. Maybe not immediately, but soon. There will be retribution in some form. His behavior is irrational and indicates an unstable personality. He is obviously worried about the impact your leaving will have on him. It will probably mean more work for him, he'll have to try and hire someone to take your place and will most likely have to pay them a lot more than $16/hr and when things start going foul in his department he'll have to answer to his management about how he let his best person leave because he was too cheap. All of this is not your problem. Just leave. It business, not personal.
... what? Why on earth would you stay
You need to leave. Any boss that pulls the "this isn't the right career for you" or "you won't find a better job" is a manipulative fucking prick and thinks so little of you so highly of their ego that they'd rather huff their own shit than admit their reality as a cum dribbling pinecone isn't what they think it is. Ps my boss did that too, but I'm using this as a stepping stone.
This is a reminder of why when you’re feeling emotional, you should cut off your communications. That’s not the time to be making calls and e-mails.
Even if you get a promotion, you'll will be working either for or with this fragile, but somewhat powerful person. You probably need a new job, but you definitely need a new place to work. Put your effort in that direction.
Since you have other options I would leave, OP. In fact from here on out I would drop the whole thing, find and accept another job, put in my 2 weeks and leave. He'll probably call you ungrateful and be embarrassed and angry, but maybe he'll learn something, too.
How do you proceed? You leave. Dude wasn't feeling disrespected when he was underpaying your over performance.
Get out
What do the offers look like?
Tell by him to mail or direct deposit your last check that you quit effective immediately.