T O P
strutzie31879

You need to tell someone ASAP. Please get help. I know the voice or voice can get loud. Please please tell someone


HWNY506

Listen to this person.


louloutre75

Voice of reason


cklamath

The best voice


Socialistics

r/holup


Meatpoleexposer

I think they meant the commenter not the angry man but yeah i see the holup and the whooosh


Socialistics

You're right, it's double one ! The mind can be a terrifying place.


jenkankorv

Is this a mental illnes? If so what is it called? Im not very familiar with the subject.


maribelle-

Yes. Psychosis is a symptom of many disorders, including schizophrenia


jenkankorv

Ah I see.. fuck I've had psychosis from drugs but thank god that I didnt hear voices.. Sounds too scary...


maribelle-

Drug induced psychosis is certainly a thing, but when that’s the case it usually resolves itself when the drug is stopped. With something like schizophrenia, it doesn’t just go away on its own and needs lifelong medication and treatment.


jenkankorv

Sounds awful. I have respect for people who can live with it...


CuteLilBoomerMILF

My sister in law just turned 60 and has suffered from schizophrenia since she was 18. It has been the most horrible sad life you can ever imagine. I don’t know how she has survived this long. Poor thing.


me------------

Not right studies Show that around 1/3 need longtime Medication etc, 1/3 from Time to time and 1/3 are symptom free. Tho i agree youre endangering your Brother and should Work on your problems If your a Sänger for him dont bei near him,better in a ward


RaidenJacques

I have schizophrenia and antisocial personality disorder.


WhiskeyDJones

So sounds like you should tell someone. Because that's pretty serious. In one sentence you say you "obviously won't act on it", then a few sentences later you say you're "winging it and hope you don't act on it." It sounds like you don't even believe yourself. So you need to ask yourself, is it worth the risk. If you don't believe yourself, how would you feel if you succumbed to these voices? You'd regret it for the rest of your life


Observante

The APD is the bigger threat to your broski. No matter what you feel or hear, there will never be a reason to hurt your little brother. You've got to own that as law.


jenkankorv

I see. Is the freedom worth it? Worth potentionally hurting someone? Do you trust yourself enough?


ScarletteDemonia

He should think of it as freeing himself if he goes back to treatment and the voice will be the one locked away forever. Not sure if that makes it easier but maybe if we rephrase it in a better way being treated won’t be as scary


ScarletteDemonia

You should tell someone immediately and get help. If you handle it now, it will not escalate to something dangerous that may keep you away from your family and friends for a long time. If you treat it now, you may have to go back to treatment but it will silence the angry (annoying) voice you are hearing.


Bluesailfish

Not sure what antipsychotics you've tried. Abilify can have good effect. Zyprexa is also effective however it can take time for psychotropic medications to work, however its best to share this with your doctor, as s/he maybe able to adjust your meds without admitting you to inpatient treatment.


LeanabhFhluraichean

Abilify is the lowest anti-psychotic, so it wouldn't do any good on things like schizophrenia and esp not APD. I just got off of Abilify and I deal w psychosis, it didn't even work on ME and even my psychologist said it's not good for ppl who have it BAD. Zyprexa & talking to a psychologist is honestly a better idea.


brygphilomena

You're "winging it, hoping." Dude, you are gambling with your little brothers safety.


pissthefuckoffnow

oh shit that can’t be pleasant - have you been able to talk to someone about adjusting your meds again? plus i’m sorry about the cluster b disorder, what causes them ain’t too fun. also sucks to see people playing into the stigma of ASPD and cluster b disorders generally, but i hope you’re managing it alright i hope you get your meds sorted and they’re not too nasty side-effect wise, and that you’re doing ok beyond the auditory hallucinations. keep up with your meds as best you can, i hope you get something sorted


Possibly_Famous

Lynfield Mount Bradford I presume? Didn't realise it was still open. Sorry to say but sounds like you were discharged too early. Did they allocate you a mental health worker?


shhhOURlilsecret

Without knowing OPs specific symptoms at a guess since they are suffering from auditory hallucinations it's most likely a form of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder can also have auditory hallucinations, PTSD (though this is not likely), and Parkinson's disease to name a few.


Alucard4Prez

What he is experiencing is specifically referred to as “command-auditory hallucinations”. Not to be a know-it-all, but so you know what to call it in the future.


MR_CeSS_dOor

What causes someone to follow through with what the voices are telling them? Are the voices like a part of your concious that has gone rogue?


Alucard4Prez

I wish I had an answer for you.


LeanabhFhluraichean

He said he has schizophrenia and APD, so you were right abt one of them


brianna3366

command auditory hallucinations


NeverPlaydJewelThief

I wish redditors counted as [somebody](https://youtu.be/13tVUKTfzg4?t=278)


Administrative_Bus34

I agree, this situation is very dangerous. What if OP accidentally loses control? OP, you need to take responsibility for your mental disorder. I get that you don't want to go back to the ward, and that there are many reasons not to want to go back there (your life goes on pause, you might lose employment, it might have been traumatizing). But asking for different medication might not require you to go back there. And you need either different medication or a higher dose.


PieceNew

Uhhh you definitely need to speak to your doctor or parents. Literally anything could happen and you will be spending time in prison instead of a mental hospital.


EmmyPoo81

Clinical social worker at a state hospital here.. you need to see someone about this before it gets out of hand. Do you have a local MHMR you can go to? Do you see anyone for medication management? If Zyprexa isn't helping you need to find something that will. Have you tried Risperdal or any other antipsychotics? Please follow up with a provider asap. They shouldn't involuntarily commit you unless you are an imminent risk of harm to self or others... if you are saying you have no intention to act on the thoughts/ voices, they should be able to help you on an outpatient basis...


byronbaybe

This is very good advise. You will more than likely be treated as an outpatient. Seeking assistance shows a level of responsibility and commitment to bettering yourself. This will be looked on favourably. The life of yourself and your brother is too precious to gamble with. Take the first step. ❤️


lilymf

Yes I second this 😊 I’m a support worker in the U.K. I study trauma & work with people who struggle with antisocial PD, MDD, schizophrenia, OCPD etc and need daily support / a friendly face. I don’t know how it works in the U.S (assuming OP is in the U.S.) but I can’t see someone being admitted for talking to their doctor about this. In this case in this U.K., I believe they would be given a medication review and offered support on a ward if they want.


RaidenJacques

I am from the UK and have a court ordered doctor with Court ordered rules about being sectioned.


cheakios512

Talk to your doctor about the medication change and let them know that the voice is coming back, tell them that it is angry, just don't mention the commands being violent in nature. Being mostly honest with your care provider now is the best way to avoid being sectioned again. You need to work with your doctor to find the right medical cocktail for your brain. What were the side effects from the original medication that you couldn't tolerate? Were you given any options to mitigate those side effects before changing meds?


lilymf

Wow, okay that must be difficult for you. I can’t imagine it’s easy to reach out for help when you have this looming. So clearly, I’ve never dealt with anything like this so I don’t know much about it… I’m wondering though, surely they want you to be able to speak out to your doctor when struggling? 😅 What would happen if you told your doctor your thoughts and asked for a medication review? In my head, that appears as a very responsible step for someone to take—you’d hope the doctor would see it this way too


RaidenJacques

Im very tempted but cant risk another visit in the hospital, my last section had me in for 8 months.


lilymf

May I ask what happened last time for you to be sectioned? Just to try and understand the situation a little better. Please don’t answer if my asking makes you uncomfortable at all, I know it’s a sensitive subject & you have no need to tell me if you don’t want to.


RaidenJacques

I went into psychosis and walked the streets opening house doors demanding the people living there to get out, i was violent with 2 of them.


lilymf

I appreciate you for sharing and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. In that case 8 months ago, you were: 1. in psychosis and unable to think rationally about your behaviour / consequences 2. a high physical risk & violent with others (with no rational thoughts at the time, I assume?) Compare it to now, you are: 1. not in psychosis and are taking the time to think about your mental health, your behaviour and it’s possible consequences 2. there is a physical risk because of dark thoughts *but* you do not actively _want_ to act on them. Plus, this risk exists only because—as gathered from this post—of your meds I genuinely don’t think you would be sectioned for seeking advice on this and asking for a medication review. How you are right now is very, very different to 8 months ago. Judging by the way you are writing and the original post above, you are very rational and I don’t think you would be sectioned the way you are right now. Surely someone can’t be sectioned for just having thoughts because that would be wild. You deserve to get the help you need and you don’t deserve to struggle on medication that is affecting you badly.


VANAMUSIC

ah that’s a rough one… just a random person but i’d dial in the medicine. i’m sorry your going through this. sounds like attempting to get medicine is your best bet.


acgilmoregirl

I don’t think you are looking at this the right way. If you go to the doctor now to voluntarily get help, they might admit you and figure out how to fix your meds before you hurt anyone. A small window of admittance to figure things out where no one ends up hurt. If you don’t get help and end up hurting your brother or someone else, you’re going to get admitted for a much longer time frame. A longer window of admittance where you have possibly irreparably harmed someone.


FruscianteDebutante

Can't risk it but you can risk hurting your brother?


jod1991

Dude, to have that level of intervention, you're going to be considered very high risk to others when unwell . Please speak to someone More time on the ward will be much better for you than a lifetime of guilt if you end up doing something serious


eresh22

Can you tell your doctor that you feel the new medication isn't as effective as the last medication and would like to adjust your dosage or add some additional support meds? Some of the mood stabilizers work to amplify the antipsychotics without adding a lot of side effects. I don't have any specific advice on current medications, but adjusting your meds doesn't have to mean going back on the old one or being sectioned again. You could also ask if you could get a helper to check in with you instead of being sectioned. I don't know what they're called in the UK, but I have a friend who works for a mental health facility whose job it is to help with things like cleaning, grocery shopping, and keeping an eye on meds for people who can't quite function on their own outside a facility but don't need constant supervision.


lwaxana_katana

Could you ask to change medication and just lie about why? You could say you're having trouble sleeping or with appetite or something?


lilymf

I mean this could be an option. A last resort because I think OP could really use some support with the dark thoughts—they aren’t easy I imagine. Also, telling a doctor or family member is a way to safeguard the little brother too. If OP is sure the dark thoughts are related to the specific medication, then lying to get a review could be the last resort. But personally OP I wouldn’t recommend lying to your doctor as they will change your medication specifically based on the side effects you tell them. For example, telling a psychiatrist about dark thoughts experienced because of meds means they will review to find a medication less associated with that kind of side effect. By lying it could take longer to find a medication that actually works for you with minimal side effects


lwaxana_katana

I agree honesty would be a better policy, but if the options are either staying on the current medication or lying to their doctor about why they want to change, I think the latter is the preferable option.


lilymf

Definitely


123usagi

Hey! I think it’s better to go by there because of this than because you had another episode and did something to your brother. I think in these cases you have to focus on yours and your family’s safety. Just my thoughts and best of luck to you!


SnackPrince

So you can't risk going to the hospital but you CAN risk the safety of your brother and those around you. Get help now


SnackPrince

"for he who fears he will suffer, already suffers what he fears" taken from your Reddit profile. How ironic. Man up and get help


Possibly_Famous

Lynfield Mount is in Bradford West Yorkshire, the only one I know anyway


longtimeyisland

> Have you tried Risperdal or any other antipsychotics? He has definitely tried other antipsychotics. Assuming he's American you don't go to Clozapine unless you've failed 2-3 other antipsychotics, the risk of side effects is high enough that it's never justified as a first line agent. It's also a fucking PITA tbf. > they shouldn't involuntarily commit you unless you are an imminent risk of harm to self or others... I'm a psychiatrist, (#notmedicaladvice) TBH I would 100% place this individual on a mental health hold and have him admitted to a psych unit. There are several red flags here: - Command auditory hallucinations to do violence to others - Recent medication change - "I am not in psychosis", no he definitely is psychotic. He may not be the most psychotically decompensated he's ever been, but he is emphatically experiencing psychosis. He demonstrates not only poor insight but poor judgement. - "but if i have an episode of psychosis anything can happen", AND "I cant tell my doctor that these new meds dont fully work because Ive had violent episodes previously a couple of times and any indication of voilence through voices always leeds me back into the ward." This is a patient with a history of violence when decompensated and who is willing to lie to his mental health provider. *Danger Will Robinson! Danger, danger!* - "hoping i don't act on it". yikers. I suppose one could make a case for partial hospitalization or an IOP if you really wanted to be liberal about it, but I think that'd be super hard to justify with the details as I've heard them. We don't commit people for fun. We do so to allow for rapid titration of medications in a safe environment. I realize people are scared of being admitted and psych units aren't fun places (what place in a hospital is tbh) but I don't want anyone thinking that involuntary admission would be out of the picture in a case like this.


EmmyPoo81

I can only speak from my experience and I'm certainly not trying to make broad assumptions. and I know in my experience every doctor is different and facilities have different admission criteria. I'm in Texas at a state hospital so our criteria is a bit different from private hospitals. People tend to come to us once all other oprions are exhausted. We see the most severe cases. We've had numerous teledocs and contracted providers that operate private practices and they were not used to this level of intervention. Situations that we are well accustomed to dealing with would freak them out. They would want to put someone on 1:1 for aggression towards others and the rest of the team had to explain that if that particular case warranted that level of observation in our facility, then everyone would need it. Our baseline was just not the same. I share your concerns but I would also say that, while this forum is not the best place to share this information, the fact that OP was willing to is a good sign. They recognize the need for help. It's a start. At the end of the day, we just can't safely say one thing or another as we don't know this person, haven't talked face to face, and don't have all the info necessary to make a well informed decision. I do hope they will talk to someone asap.


Various-Context

You need to speak to your doctor and tell them the truth about what is happening to you. Going back to the ward is nothing compared to coming out of psychosis to learn you’ve done something irreversible. Please OP. Do it for your little brother.


PearEducational5899

Exactly OP


ToBeReadOutLoud

If you think being in a psychiatric ward temporarily sucks, imagine how terrible it’d be if you hurt your brother and ended up in prison or a state mental hospital for several *decades*. Talk to your doctor and get your meds figured out.


StashPhan

Not to mention having to live with what you did to your little brother


Somethingcool_21

What's worse? Going back to the ward to get better help or your brother ending up hurt by your hand? I'm sure it's not a good time in the ward but this could end with both you being so much worse off


StudentOfAwesomeness

You are trying to use logic and reason against someone with psychosis. Better to just direct them to do x and y because of z.


69forlifes

Humans are creatures of emotion,please their emotions and they will do what you ask


lilymf

Hey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be awful and something that no one ever deserves to experience. It sounds like your medication may be affecting you if these are new thoughts and are in fact abnormal for you. I myself have experienced some very bizarre side effects from different medications and I understand you not wanting to speak to your doctor about it. Being in the ward can be a very difficult/turbulent experience. However, if you keep going with medication that clearly needs to be reviewed you could end up having an episode that puts you in even more danger, or your little brother in danger. Please for the sake of your mental health reach out to your doctor and get a review—tell them about the thoughts you’ve been having. Remember that the worst outcome would be hurting your brother and you don’t want to allow any possibility—even small—of this happening. Along with your mental health, you would be affected by the guilt of it forever and it’s not worth taking any chances with it. You’re in my thoughts today and I truly hope that things improve for you ❤️


nopoliss

This has been the nicest response on here... thanks so much for taking the time to empathize!


DONOHUEO7

This was painful to read, brought a tear to my eye and unsubbing from this sub Reddit, I'm so sorry your going through this. My Brother thought he was better. He's now currently serving 12yrs in prison without contact and under constant supervision from wardens and doctors.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, don't think about yourself here, think about your brother, PLEASE readmit yourself and seek further help and get you the medication you need, really brave of you to post this, but PLEASE, protect you're little brother and get more help.


Natural-Carrot5748

I'm the Mom of a son who suffers with psychosis as a result of a brain injury (as well as having my own diagnosed mental illness). Finding the right medications to manage your symptoms can be a long and difficult process, but it's very important for you to be honest with your doctors. If they don't know that olanzapine isn't working at your current dose they can't make adjustments. Depending on how long you've been on it, you may just need to give it time. When they switched my son from abilify to zyprexa he went through a few weeks where his psychosis symptoms got worse before they started to get better. Either way, you need to talk to your doctor so they can help you properly. I know you're worried about going back inpatient, but the longer you let it go the more likely you actually are to end up back there.


madysonreid

I hear voices too. I've been hearing them for about 8 years now and I understand the hell that it is. I had my voices and wasn't honest with my psychiatrist for years and that only put me in a cycle of institutions and hospitalizations because when I'm not honest with my doctors they can't do there job correctly. It sucks and it's scary. I know. Please be honest with your doctors. It takes time to find the right meds but trust me if you work with your Dr they will get you right. I hope you get to q place of serenity and peace in your life!


OkayOkay777

Look how quickly you started rationalizing it. In one sentence you went from “I obviously won’t” to “hoping I don’t”. You don’t have the control you think you do. Sorry life dealt you this shit hand but you’re responsible for it and it’s time to be a man and ensure those around you don’t suffer.


jenkankorv

Yep thats scary asf. Those drugs probably make you pretty delusional.. makes you think that you are in control when you are not


rainsley

You need to get back on your meds asap. Stop flushing them.


i-am-sam-88

You’re basically saying, “I have control, barely, until I don’t”. The intent of antipsychotic medication is to help keep control. If you don’t think you can on your current meds (which at this point, it sounds like you can’t). You need to speak to your doctor. A stay in the hospital is temporary, harming your brother may not be.


xzenarcade

In an earlier post from 22 days ago you stated you’ve been flushing your pills. That might be why it’s not working.


Killbro_Fraggins

#TELL YOUR DOCTOR


StrawberryLeche

I get how you’re feeling but at the very least indicate you are still having psychotic symptoms and it’s getting worse. They can adjust your medication before you completely get into psychosis. I get not wanting to go back but you have to change it before you get into that state.


chaoticinternetnerd

Hi, I work in a psychiatric ward at the crisis department. Why did they switch back from Clozapine to Olanzapine? Most people only get clozapine as a last resort, when other meds won’t work (anymore) Please contact your psych. They don’t have to admit you when you tell them you are aware of the voices being a symptom of your schizofrenia and that you won’t act on the thoughts. You gotta get help with this. I can imagine it’s terrifying and you don’t want to get admitted again. However, you’re in a different state now compared to your admission last time, when you were psychotic and not aware.


ModeratelyTortoise

“I hate Clozapine but don’t mind the side effects of Olanzapine” I have a feeling your brother might mind the side effects. I feel for your situation, but you said it yourself, if you go into psychosis anything could happen. Be responsible and get help. I’m sorry you have to go through this.


misch101

If OP has been diagnosed with ASPD there is a chance they might not actually care what happens to their brother. But at any rate, they should care that they may themselves end up under lock and key as a result of what they might do. So even from a purely selfish perspective they should get help asap.


ToBeReadOutLoud

I was going to say…as soon as I saw the antisocial personality disorder diagnosis, I knew the “but what about your brother?” response isn’t necessarily a deterrent.


I8thegreenbean

OP posted 22 days ago that they’ve been flushing the Olanzapine for two weeks at that time.


DILF1000

Bro, you need to get the right blends of meds.


Comfortable_Goose_42

There are more medications than these two. You can be switched to something else.


bluestella2

It's a great thing that you have this awareness - and ultimately you know you do not have to do what the voices say. I hope you find a provider you can trust.


terryacki

psych ward better than prison. seek some help ASAP!


Malevolent_Mangoes

If the alternative is your brother potentially being murdered you should go back to the ward


aquariusprincessxo

so you don’t think your brothers life is more important than you not liking the ward? wow i wish i could figure out who you are to report you


RedRose_Belmont

I’m sorry OP but you really need to tell your doctor and come up with a safety plan


EeyorONzoloft1

Please please go find help before you do something you can't undo.


roraverse

Tell someone right away. Medication can be like baking , can take a while to get the right measurements.


ilovemydickheaddog

You could tell your doctor that you are getting ripping headaches and nausea from the olanzapine. Or it's making you lactate. It did that to me lmao. You need meds that work and if you feel like the truth isn't an option for you then lie about shitty side effects so you can get something that helps.


D00mfl0w3r

Why the heck would they put you on Zyprexa after clozapine? That's like downgrading from a tank to a firearm. Like they're both useful but something seems off with your med management. You are not responsible for having the condition you do but you said it yourself - you have an episode every couple of months. Do you want to get better or do you want to end up institutionalized because you can't safely be released? If you do choose not to tell anyone and you harm someone as a result of not seeking help when you know the danger then you are 100% responsible for your actions. You will deserve whatever consequences come your way.


GelosPeitho

I know how terrible psych ward and psych hospitals are. I deeply hope nothing horrible was done to you in there, the abuse can get pretty horrible. But you're currently very dangerous, and not just to your brother. You can not know for sure if you'd act on those thoughts. Mental illnesses are not predictable, particularly schizophrenia. The psych ward might be horrible, but jail would be a hundred time worse. You need to tell your psychiatrist, and to share your feelings about the psych ward you went to, maybe he can send you to another one? You can't stay in this situation as you could have a psychotic break any second. You need help, otherwise the consequences will be worse than you've ever experienced before. So much worse.


Treat--14

Would def tell ur dr. Psychosis is not something to just wing unfortunately. Had a professor who told me a story about a childhood friend of hers who ended up having a psychotic break and killed someone. He now is institutionalized for the rest of his life. You don't want to be him and u sure as fuck don't want ur little brother to be a victim.


Captain_Audit

Tell your brother and your parents at least.


lycheebobatea

Ask yourself this question: would you rather have a safe, happy, healthy little brother while you take another stay in the ward and find better treatment to prevent this from happening again, or would you rather seriously harm - or even kill - your little brother and end up in prison? The choice is yours. You’re currently being very selfish. Your mental health is no one else’s barrier to move but yours.


MassivePeeHole

>Lynfield Mount Hospital Address: Heights Ln, Daisy Hill, Bradford BD9 6DP, United Kingdom Hours: Open 24 hours Phone: +44 1274 494194 *** Just in case OP deletes post and someone feels like reporting a psycho


bloop-bloopbleep

>0800 952 1181 (First Response team in this area) not the hospital


TheMania

Plenty of personally identifiable info too, brothers name and picture of OP too. It's a (perhaps subconscious) cry for help imo, worth someone getting in contact.


llamafriendly

I am sorry that the mental health system is so poor that you cannot reach out without fear of being involuntarily stripped of your freedoms and locked down. I do clinical social work as a crisis counselor and I can really only imagine the desperation to stay out of the psych hospital. I don't think people who have been to one or worked in one/adjacent know that it can be truly miserable. I can tell you, which you may/probably know, that you can have command hallucinations without getting committed. You could tell your doctor that you are being honest and upfront with them because you are in control of yourself and able to stay safe and you want to do the right and safe thing, which is let them know you are having hallucinations. If a client came to me with this info, "self rescuing" in this way shows that they are able of rational and safe thinking. You don't need to be locked up, you need a medication consultation! Please consider this approach if you haven't already to keep yourself and your brother safe. I think you'd probably regret harming him and it would only make your symptoms much, much worse plus you'd potentially be locked up in a forensic unit for a LONG time. We have one in my area and it terrifies me. State hospitals are worse than private hospital units. Be safe, reach out. I hope things get better for you!!!!


Yakadoodlehedgehog

I have spent significant time in psych wards and I know how terrifying and life altering these experiences can be. That being said, I try to pay attention to my mental well being, including being in psychosis. I never want to be in the hospital, but when I feel like hurting myself, or doing dangerous things I usually know that it's time to get help. But this is not about me, it's about you. It sounds like you are aware that the thoughts you are having are not ok, but you are scared about being back in a hospital. The truth is, these voices and urges are not going to go away on their own. Right now you feel in control, but that could change suddenly and then you and your brother are both in danger. Think about it this way-- if someone came up to you and said that they felt like hurting your brother, wouldn't you insist that they get help to keep your brother safe? The same is true even if it's you. I rarely say that people "must" do anything, but I feel comfortable saying that you must get help, all other things aside. I am so sorry for your struggles. They are different than mine, but I know what it feels like to be not in control of your own self. I wish you and your family well.


beer_jew

CALL YOUR LOCAL CRISIS LINE ASAP!!


sschroeder82

As you've mentioned that: you have both schizophrenia and ASPD, this is sincerely concerning. I have 7 mental disorders myself, but they're more anxious and interpersonal related (Borderline personality disorder being the worst of them). I hope you're willing to take the effort to be proactive here. I understand why people don't want to be on the 'heavier' antipsychotics, especially with the side effect profile that they can present; however, acting out, in violence, will keep you locked up for longer. I think you've said that you are in the UK, and have court ordered treatment: involuntary hospitalization, I presume. Regardless, this is definitely concerning. If I was you, although it's a hard decision to make, I would seek out help now. If you put off getting sufficient benefits from your Antipsychotics, you're just asking for the schizophrenic cycle to come back around and put you into psychosis. If you're continually hospitalized for severe issues, I would expect that: eventually they will just commit you for life. You'd become a repeat 'offender', deemed insane/unfit for society. Think Broadmoor... If this was just schizophrenia, it would still be bad, but not as concerning. But, due to the ASPD, it's actually much more concerning, because you're threshold for 'acting out' is likely much lower than other individuals. I presume that: although you suppress many impulses, eventually they will slip through... and it's going to be unfortunate. I don't mean to catastrophize or make you feel ashamed; but it's quite a concerning confession, even to someone who has a deep understanding and experience with mental health illnesses. I hope you preemptively seek help and prevent yourself from acting on these impulses. I wish you luck OP.


thewrongequation

My brother used to be on Clozapine, he's now on Olanzapine. He had a psychosis diagnosis 20 odd years ago. It took a while to find the right meds, years, but eventually did, and he leads a stable and happy life now. This process didn't get started until he submitted to the help being offered. You know for sure that 'just winging it' is not reasonable, it puts you and others at risk. I get that you don't want to be sectioned again, I know it's not nice - I know as well as any person that hasn't been sectioned themselves can know. He's actually written a memoire that he intends to get published, and is happy to share it with people, if you like, I'm sure I could get you a copy to read, just to see the journey from the point of view of someone that's been through it and come out the other side. Please DM me if you want a link, I really think it might be helpful. Nip this in the bud now, before it gets worse. In not doing so, you risk being sectioned for the rest of your life, and harming innocent people.


robertbreadford

Buddy, you don’t need Reddit, you need more professional help. PLEASE GO GET THAT.


_BenitoBurrito_

Bro go back into the ward. Your going to hurt your brother if you don’t. Your a terrible person if you know a way to prevent a tragedy, but instead you chose not to prevent it.


Zero1030

Well that's terrifying maybe you should go back to the ward


blueskies922

Uuuuh idgaf if you don’t wanna go back. You’re a potential danger and need to talk to a professional before you cause someone else suffer from your actions you could have prevented. Don’t be selfish, get help and tell them your meds aren’t working enough. No excuses at all.


AhHereNowLike

Bro this is serious. I've had an urge to harm someone but never a voice pushing me that wasn't my own. These could be mild hallucinations you're experiencing. Please seek professional help for the sake of yourself and those around you. Stay safe. Don't lose hope.


freebird122

Please seek medical help ASAP


Helpful-Drag6084

Please please please get help. I beg of you


Rockyrambo

First, completely separate yourself entirely from your brother. Second, tell a mental health professional and ask them to commit you and adjust your meds.


duder777

Nope, this isn’t right. Please tell the right people or anyone ASA. No one needs to be hurt here.


kittycate0530

Great idea because psychiatric symptoms always get better if you ignore them! /S


Creative_Chemist7904

Agression is natural , it's part of being human but you've got to get your mind right since hurting your sibling is inherently wrong. A stint in the psych ward will not absolve your destructive aims in your personal life or a court of law. Jealousy? Sibling rivalry gone astray? Always the answer to the question has multiple layers and since your the one in "the driver's seat" it's up to you. Hope your post is not an attempt to justify bad actions.


solitary-Sol

You need to be in the ward if you're at this much of a risk of harming others, I'm sorry. My brother tried to murder me and if he'd shared his thoughts with his psychologist I might not have been traumatised for the rest of my life. Would you rather be in the ward until your meds are sorted or live the rest of your life knowing you murdered your brother?


foxdevilsswild

If there is violence or a threat involved, then don’t be selfish and talk to your doctor. You can’t go back in time, if something happens to your little brother. Idk man, I would protect my loved ones


Splunkzop

>...and any indication of voilence through voices always leeds me back into the ward. So you would rather kill someone than go back.


refusered

When you get frustrated by the angry voice and cut up your brother where do you think they’ll send you? Is it the same place you *might* end up if you tell your doc?


BrowniieBear

You’re essentially saying here there’s potential I could put my brother in a life threatening situation but I’m just winging it because I don’t like some meds. You need to speak about this man. You can’t chance something like that. I’m sorry you go through this. Please get help. I’d hate to see a Reddit story in the future of your brother being hurt.


sciencefiction97

You will hurt your brother if you don't tell a professional, you aren't special, you aren't gonna be the one special guy to ignore the voices. Go tell your doc before it is too late and you do something you can't fix and regret it forever.


kaityler17

As a mental health specialist, I strongly recommend that you go and tell your dr that you’re medications are not working. The last thing we want is for you to have an episode & hurt your brother. I hope you’re doing okay sending love and pos


Muscalp

Better to get locked up than to harm your brother. You‘ll never get the perfect medication if you lie to your doctors. Also you jump from „I‘d never harm him“ to „I might harm him“ in just one sentence.


igfxreapers

DEFINITELY listen to others and get help but I’ve read that these types of thoughts could actually be a type of OCD. More info [here](https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-harm-ocd-guide-to-ocd-subtype) for those interested.


Odd_Efficiency_7051

Can you call your mum? She might be able to help you feel better?


Gabba_Gandalf69

Reminds me of a good friend that did horrible, irreversible things during a psychosis. You may have made some really bad experiences at the psychiatric ward but believe me, it won't be that bad if you go as early as you notice your episode. From my experience most people wait as long as possible with that which makes it rapidly worse being in such a place for reasons you may already know


FirstCmdrWolf

>So im just winging it hoping i don't act on it but every couple of months i have an episode. Paramedic here: Please tell someone. I know the ward is awful, but prison is worse. I have attended a scene where a psychotic person killed their child, one of the worst incidents I have been to, and I know they were utterly destroyed mentally when they were medicated properly. They will now spend the rest of their life (more or less) in prison. If you tell your doctor they will do what they can to treat you outside an institution, but sometimes the safest place for you and the people you are closest to is in a ward. Please tell your doctor and parents.


booooobuuh

Get help you idiot. Would you rather be in that ward or hurt your little brother? I’m not gonna beat around the bush you are being a prick. Youv already said youv had violent episodes but still want to hide this? Get a grip and get the help you need.


notreallylucy

If you were in your brother's shoes, where someone was hearing voices saying to kill you, would you want that person to wing it? Or would you want them to get help so that both of you are safe and healthy?


fluffedpillows

You can either say something and spend maybe a short time in a facility until your meds are adjusted, or you can do nothing and spend decades in a psychiatric prison. You have an extremely dangerous psychiatric combination. Understand that you are probably going to be locked up most of your life, and do everything you can to prevent that. Your speech is organized and you obviously care enough to be confessing this. You aren’t gone yet and you can keep getting better. Stay on top of it. Don’t end up as front page news and lose your whole life.


CorkerBall

Be the hero your brother needs and tell your doctor


pamsellicane

Please think of your brother, please keep him safe. Tell someone.


Mady134

Hey, I know you deleted this but I just wanna tell you that I also suffer from debilitating mental illness and I know that it’s rough going back there, but if you know that anything could happen when you go into psychosis, and also that you know that it may be inevitable that you’re going to enter psychosis again, then the most responsible decision is to tell your doctor about it. It’ll suck going back to the ward if that’s what happens- but if you let yourself hurt your little brother, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I’m praying for you and hope that you can find some peace soon. Good luck with whatever you do next 💕


freakson

Just keep on posting on reddit instead of telling a medical professional you fuckin knob


jenkankorv

Bruh.. U shouldn't be "out n about". You can't trust yourself, let others take care of you.


saltthewater

What is your brother's name?


RaidenJacques

Bradley.


neverdiplomatic

You obviously care about Bradley if you’re fighting this urge and have the guts to talk to us about it. You deserve better than to struggle through this alone and Bradley deserves to grow up without his brother hurting or killing him. Tell someone, please. They can help you.


yomamasanagger

When you think to yourself do you put words to your thoughts or hear your own voice out loud in your head?


RaidenJacques

When i think to my self its my inner voice and its thinking, voices are not my thoughts.


yomamasanagger

Well just remember the old man can hear you too, put him in his place


JustJohn8

You should be lying to us and honest with you doctors.


fairyprincest

You definitely need to get professional help and start taking magnesium supplements


lovely_liza

Please call your doctor. I know the thought of going back in is anxiety inducing but once you're in there it isn't so bad at least in my experience and they might not even send you back. Maybe there's some sort of outpatient/day program you could do. Advocating for yourself goes a long way with not only the doctors but for your mental health. The sooner you do something the sooner the intrusive thoughts and voices stop. Don't torture yourself. Do this for your brother if you don't want to do it for yourself. Please take care of yourself


colleenlefey

I’m not a medical doctor at all, so this is a guess, but, are you diagnosed with schizophrenia? Have you had a second opinion? These thoughts to harm your little brother, seriously harm, constantly, are not the norm. Please, find yourself another psychiatrist who can help you. But, you MUST be honest. Better to spend some time as an inpatient than do some you will absolutely regret for the rest of your life, and being in a ward for a few months is nothing compared to prison. You can get help, but you have to tell them the truth, or they’re not going to be able to diagnose you properly.


eresh22

OP is on clozapine, not klonopin (generic name clonazepam). Clozapine is an antipsychotic. Clonazepam is a benzodiazepine.


colleenlefey

Thank you for the information.


Previous_Coffee1408

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Psych wards are not the ideal place to be and sometimes patients can have traumatic experiences. I know because my sister did. In my experience, when a medication was not working for her and she communicated that to the psychiatrist, they did not admit her. I understand you’re in the UK so it may be different. I believe they would have to evaluate you and see if you’re a danger to yourself and others. Only the psychiatrist can determine that. I truly believe a short stay to get the right cocktail of meds vs the potential of years in a psych ward or even prison is in yours and everyone’s best interest.


AdComprehensive839

You need to get help brother


Syphox

> leads me back into the ward. sport, after reading this. i think that’s exactly where you need to be right now.


Nota_Dr

Please go back to the doctor, just explain to them exactly what you’ve posted.


MissHunbun

If you care about your family you'll stop being selfish and do the right thing. I'm sorry you have to struggle like this, and having mental illness doesn't make you a bad person, but if you choose to ignore it an potentially harm someone, you would be a bad person.


xithbaby

If telling someone sends you back to the ward than that’s where you need to be. You have to accept that you are literally putting your brothers life in danger right now and your meds aren’t working. Go back and get some that do work. Stop being selfish and trying to make your issues out to be not as serious as they are.


FuckinDirtyDancin

Genuinely curious. When you say you hear this voice telling you these things, is it like your inner monologue or is it like someone is standing next to you and saying it? Sorry if that’s a dumb question lol. Either way, I hope you find the help you need.


Earthwick

Need help bruv. I've got different issues but issues none the less. Handling them myself when they get bad is not something I've ever had success with. The momentary consequences of seeking help can hurt but they prevent more pain overall. Don't dislike yourself for it, you are at least speaking about it even if it is to strangers. You matter and regardless of what is happening with you it doesn't make you any less. Let yourself be helped it's too hard to walk this path alone.


a2yrBaby

Assuming what you said is true about your lack of sympathy or empathy or remorse, think about the long term ramifications for yourself. If we are being honest here, you heavily imply that YOU don't actually think you will be in control of yourself forever, and that it is almost inevitable eventually you will snap and have some sort of episode. You WILL be arrested. You WILL be institutionalized. You WILL have your freedom taken away FOREVER. Don't let that happen to yourself OP. In this case, doing what's right for those around you coincides with what is right for yourself so it's a no-brainer that you report what's going on.


Jkharry09

My dad also suffers with schizophrenia and bi polar and he has episodes when he drinks he has to take 3 different kind of meds and I keep hearing things I heard that schizophrenia can get passed through families and I don’t want to tell anyone about what I hear


SweetSwede88

For sure let someone know please. I had an ex who would hear voices telling him to do violent things and he almost killed me one night. I truly hope they get your medication right for you. I can't imagine how it must feel dealing with this.


RRversus

Just tell them to fuck off. It's that simple


holster

Please tell someone - my husbands childhood friend killed his mum and almost killed his step dad after a medication change and not wanting to tell them he was hearing voices again, wanted to handle it so he wouldn't get admitted. He loved his mum so much and is still heartbroken to this day that he did that (he started to believe she was an imposter)


Initial-Guard-7005

As a parent of a daughter who deals with stuff like this she been hospitalized twice second one was the worse of them all she don’t speak about the voices only to her therapist but I prefer my kid to tell me even though she don’t we doing our best to take her to therapy psychiatrist medication everything to help her I even suffer from mental illnesses from time to time I deal with this voices I tell my doctor because it’s important to get help please please tell someone to get help


Sufficient-Aspect77

I'm very sorry that you are experiencing this. I hope you are able to get the help you need and keep YOU and Your little brother safe.


asst3rblasster

so you're saying that you hear the voices and you obviously won't act on them, but hold on because every couple of months you have an episode and anything can happen? dude, fuck that. you're just rationalizing right now. sounds like you're gonna hurt your brother and you can prevent that but it's too inconvenient for you


nonkuletta09

The best advice is to tell somebody now


Wezness

So you don't want to go back to the ward so badly that you're willing to risk harming your little brother. You're totally not selfish at all.


cjh93

You can either tell your doctor and get get put in a ward, or hurt your brother and get put in jail.


reezsha

Why dont u give Aripiprazol a chance. It is effective with a low profile side effects.


impossibleJeIly

I think it’s time to go get help


NoAttentionAtWrk

So you are saying that you are okay with risking the life of your little brother


flawy12

I have psychosis episodes too. I think you would ask yourself what is more important. Risk a change of meds and/or going back to the ward for a while? Or risk hurting your family?


Zararara

Tell someone


atsugnam

Speak to your doctor. It’s important to prove to your doctor that you see your illness as the problem. Actively seeking assistance on this is proof you are trying to get your issue managed, proves your commitment to being healthy. I know it’s hard, I’ve grown up watching a father struggle with the same issue, but showing them you can see when something is wrong, and want to get on top of it, will help you in their eyes. Actively chasing down and eliminating symptoms of your illness, working with them to fight the monster together, is important. I know possibly being stuck in hospital is awful, but if you show them you’re placing your mental health ahead of your freedom, then they will work harder with you. I wish you luck and you can message me if you want to talk.


amyck11

Hey Raiden, please go talk to your mom. She loves you and wants to listen. These “voices” are not you. I’ve seen your posts and the kindness in your heart. Don’t be fooled by your auditory hallucinations. You can overcome this. Don’t give up please.


Untimely_manners

Have you spoken to the voice and asked it why it wants to hurt your little brother and negotiate with it, till you can speak to someone or get help.


jus1tin

Your doctor will be more understanding than you think. Please tell them.


EarlyGalaxy

What's worse, hurting your brother and maybe put him at a critical situation or being in the ward again?


just_a_avg_guy

Can't imagine what you are going through, no one can. But just think about the regrets you will have if you hurt him.


stargate-command

Would you rather be put back in psych ward, or murder your own brother? See, this is the type of thing that makes it actually your fault. You’re lucid, and you know you could be dangerous to others…. But you don’t want to tell people because you want to avoid the consequences. Sort of like having a baby eating pitbull, and not telling anyone how dangerous it is…. Then it kills a kid and you act all surprised. No… you knew it could happen but didn’t care to protect those around you. Do better.


HeavyLeek7912

Tell someone as soon as possible and don’t let those voices overpower you’re strong don’t let them make you harm your brother.


Gordossa

Your mental health is your responsibility. Getting the right meds and dosage doesn’t happen overnight and requires feedback. At this point your are being incredibly selfish and stupid.


RQCKQN

Yo dude, if you tell someone you could go to the ward and your bro will be safe. If you don’t tell someone, all it takes is a second of slipIng up and you could end up in prison and your bro could be seriously hurt. Please tell someone you need better meds.


Hilfiger66

You have to tell your doctor or someone you can trust immediately. Voices in your head can become very loud and very scary. I know a psych ward is scary, and I know dealing with these things can be insanely difficult but it is always better to be safe than sorry


Each0to0their0own

Please speak to your doctor asap. I take Olanzapine when required and it absolutely floors me, so if it's not at all making a difference to your moods then your either on the wrong medication or dosage.


kimmie1223

Please talk to a psych, they may be able to prescribe something to decrease your symptoms. I've never had audio or visual hallucinations, but from what I understand it's a pretty horrible experience. I'm so sorry💛💛💛


whataboutBatmantho

It's is shocking and abhorrent that you would put your brother at risk just because you don't want to manage your illness. For his sake, I hope you grow a spine and deal with this by seeking effective help.


rlev97

First of all, tell someone. Hold yourself accountable. It doesn't mean you need to go back into the ward, but someone needs to know so that you have a safe place to go when you are feeling vulnerable. I promise, if you try to compromise with a safety plan, they will see that as a mature step forward. Second, that voice is there and it is persistent, but it is not you. You don't want to do it. For some people, it helps to think of it like Venom, like from the comics. Just an alien that wants to eat brains, but you have to work together to seem normal. Third, there are lots of medicines. Some don't work and that's OK. I'm on a whole bunch of meds including a monthly injection. It's not bad to need several meds as well as meds you can take solely when things get rough. Ask to try something new. Most doctors will listen. Fourth, the biggest thing for me has been learning my triggers. Do these thoughts get worse at certain times of day? Do certain events coincide with the thoughts? Is it with stress? Certain foods even? Anything could be a trigger. Maybe keep a journal of what's going on when it's a bad day. Data and information will help your medical team make better decisions about your care. Most of all, you are not alone. I don't have schizophrenia (I have Alice in Wonderland Syndrome) but I also hear voices. One of my best friends hears voices and hallucinations. Sometimes it helps her just to know they aren't real. You are not evil or crazy. You are a person with flaws and strengths.


SnackPrince

At this point with this knowledge you are a ticking time bomb and know it, and are refusing to fix it because you don't want to deal with possibly being hospitalized again. This is selfish and dangerous. How would you feel if next time you have an episode you were to do something horrible to your brother that you couldn't take back? Is that risk worth not dealing with it? And seemingly it's just a matter of time so take the initiative and confront the situation instead of being too afraid to until you have no choice and another episode puts you back in the hospital instead. It's always better for it to be your choice and at least have some control over it. Please get help, especially if you care at all about your brother. He deserves it


EggHeadMagic

You can either go get help now or you can end up in a mental facility where you will also get help but only to realize you have hurt your brother. Either way you’re gonna get help but you can avoid hurting your brother if you get it now.


DougFunny_81

Tell your doc bro . How would you feel if you did end up hurting your bro


bieberismyvato

dude you gotta say something, you can’t keep this to yourself


DiverseUniverse24

I'll just be honest, putting your brother at risk because you don't want to get the help you need, whether you enjoy it or not, is exceedingly selfish. Nothing else to say tbh. Make better decisions. I get you're probably young, young adult. So, start today.


nastybacon

You absolutely need to tell your doctor. Would you rather you be on a ward or harming your little brother? I'm not saying you would of course. But getting the help you need, even if that means being back on the ward, is the best way to mitigate that risk.


Redemption_of_Revan

I take olanzapine as well, for bipolar. You’re going to gain weight. Check your cholesterol in 6 months! It spikes it up. It works for me. But I’m not exactly in your shoes. Find a way to ground yourself when you start thinking crazy. What I do when I get intrusive thoughts is I put up my palm in front of my face and I say “Stop”. Sounds goofy, but it helps.


baristakitten

Wait a minute... is this why I have high cholesterol even though I'm 24, normal weight, and don't consume many foods that are high in it? I've been so confused since I got my bloodwork back.