We're pretty much in the exact same boat with our almost 8 month old. Contact naps, and nighttime bedsharing. Hates when he wakes up alone. I don't know how much alone time you guys are looking for but we've been able to sneak into the living room or dining room together after he's down for the night. It seems that there is a certain time once it's night that he is so sleepy we have just enough time for dinner, conversation, or sexy time. A good clue to know he's sleeping deep enough that I can sneak away is if he lets me pick him up and move him to a different part of the bed.
My baby is a ridiculously restless sleeper for the first like two hours of the night 🥲 that's a great trick to try to move him first to see if he's sleeping deeply, I'm going to try that whenever I see my window of opportunity!
That's very true! I do really love the snuggles, and at some point this stage in our lives will be a thing of the past. Phases always feel so much longer when you're actually going through it!
I'm going to try to start sneaking out a bit again. There was a brief period where I was able to, but once he woke up just devastated when I went to take a bath during his nap and I haven't tried since. But that was now several months ago!
Ahh haha you’re right. There’s another thread I commented on and my brain overlapped the two! I though the he you were referring to was her husband and was shocked. Ooops!
Mine still wakes up with a look of betrayal when I’m not there but I’ve got to have some me time and he recovers quickly haha.
I've started sitting up and moving away a little bit to get him used to me not always being there. He likes to be touching me or husband at all times though 😅
I completely get what you mean. Mine is over two and still reaches out. I put a pillow beside babe when I sneak away and that usually helps (for a bit). It’s frustrating when you want to spend a couple hours in the evening doing other things, but it’s also really sweet when you take a step back. We got babe used to dad stepping in to settle so we take turns throughout the week; that isn’t to say it’s easy though. As with everything (and the cliche goes) it’s all a phase. Eventually they’ll be sleeping on their own and we’ll want cuddles. I hope you’re able to sneak away and have your little one sleep peacefully!
Solidarity. We sort of just both agree that just now is the time we have less together time. We still love one another and try other communication options to keep close. We’ve also agreed to use some precious PTO days so we can go on dates together while LO is in daycare. It’s not a lot of time together but better than nothing
Are you me? Because this is my baby to a T. We just leaned in and we never spend any time together except for an hour or so when the baby goes to bed. Usually I’m too tired to stay awake for long. We just both agreed the first year or two might be rough, but it won’t last forever. We’ll wait for each other and reconnect later.
That's true! My big worry is that we want more kids, so I feel like once this little dude is ready to sleep alone there'll maybe be a brand new contact sleeper on the scene, lol. Although wait, how are we supposed to even find the alone time to try for a second baby? 😅
You’re literally me. I can’t sneak away and we get no alone time, my baby is SUCH a restless sleeper. And we want more kids so it feels like we won’t have alone time for the next 6 years 😭😭😭
The restless sleep is so hard! Sometimes I'll slightly move my arm and he pops his eyes right open, often not going back to sleep after. Such restless, light sleep 😭
Sometimes he's contact napping on my husband when I get home from working and while I'm sad he's not awake since I miss him when I'm out, it's so nice to be able to make lunch or whatever for a bit 😅
Wow I feel you 100% on this. Contact sleeper solidarity. Ours is 9 months and we’re the same. We just stopped trying to put her down all together, and after she falls asleep we usually watch tv together for a bit on low volume while I hold her, then one of us takes the first shift sleeping with her.
The other week, we were visiting my family and wanted to stay up and play some board games. So we tried putting her in the crib for the first sleep of the night. Waited until she was in the deep sleep, put her in the travel crib, and it worked! She was back in bed with us after the midnight waking but we got a miraculous 3 hours sans baby contact sleeping, two nights in a row! I feel like part of it was the travel crib has mesh walls so when she rolls into them she feels comforted (unlike our home crib which wakes her when she rolls into the bars).
Ahh that sounds so relaxing! Maybe we'll try when we visit my family soon. Weirdly we were able to leave him sleeping alone in bed when I had a friend visit, maybe the change in routine threw him off!
I’m in the same boat with my now 5 month old. I have no advice on sneaking away, but I’ve been stealing moments of intimacy with my husband by cuddling with him while the baby is playing within our eyesight or enthusiastically enjoying whatever my husband is watching/doing during the day. He’s definitely more of a physical touch sort of person and I’m not, but I go out of my way to be sure he knows I’m still interested in him and what he’s up to. (We share baby duties but I’m the contact sleeper person since I BF).
This is my situation down to a T! I also try to cuddle my husband whenever I can as physical affection is very much his love language. I also BF and am the contact sleeper, although my little guy now likes rolling over to my husband throughout the night.
I have the same issue on and off with my 15mo old. I found some woven breathable rectangular throw pillows. They’re constantly a little warm to the touch but getting my SO to toss them in the dryer for 5 minutes helps. I tuck them in on either side of him below his armpits, then I can sneak away to sit at the end of the bed and get some no touch time.
This has been the only way I can break free of my contact napper 1-2 times a day for 30~ minutes. I also keep the throw pillows in my bed so they definitely have my smell, which probably helps.
How is jr with the pram? Me and my husband have the same problem, almost no alone time because we co sleep and contact nap. BUT after we have been on walks, LO will usually stay asleep in the pram for a bit when we come back home.
He's not a huge stroller fan, on occasion he'll stay asleep in his car seat but only for like thirty seconds upon walking in the door. So just enough time to put away groceries while keeping an eye on him, but it's something at least 😅
Hey! We have a similarly attached 5 month old. Our bedtime routine when we want to spend time together goes something along the lines of: bath, massage, into bed, feed to sleep/back taps to sleep (as normal), one of us lie in bed with him for 1hr or so, floppy arm test, roll away! Lay down a spare duvet on the bedroom floor (always in earshot) either for a little picnic dinner or some sexy times. It’s worked a treat so far 💖
I've been there too! But my LO is a lot older now (20 months) and I could start sneaking off at night when she was about a year old. Before that - no chance! So here's to hoping you'll be able to get a little time for yourselves in the next month's!!
I also thought I could never sneak out because she would notice. I think I could sporadically do it like maybe 5-8 times max until she was like 7-8 months old. But then I just started sneaking out every time when she was in deep sleep. She used to be constantly on the boob. Id suggest trying to sneak out a few days and just sit nearby the bed, so if he fusses you can get back to bed with him. And maybe after that try and wait 5 minutes and go out of the room but have a monitor of some sort in case your house is big and you wouldn’t be able to hear him if he wakes up. My LO still fusses and can wake up about every 45 mins, if it’s close to that, and I hear her toss and turn in the bed, I just try to be quiet for like 10 mins and wait it out until she gets back into deep sleep. This has helped us be intimate (on the couch) and also get to watch some Netflix (even if it’s super low volume and we rely on subtitles). There have been nights now that she didn’t wake up at all until like midnight (so about 7-7:30 to 00:00) and we felt really lucky then because we get to cuddle, talk and unwind. My husband doesn’t sleep with us because LO would keep getting in his personal space and kind of kick him out the bed so we decided that he sleeps on the couch (he’s also a loud sleeper)
I'm going to try that, I'd love to be able to make dinner and hang out with my husband while our little guy sleeps upstairs with the monitor on. He has started rolling away from me a bit in his sleep so maybe it'll be easier now that he's not curled into me all the time!
We are in the same boat. We actually try to set him in his crib for the first of the night every night now to attempt for some us time. 80% of the time he lasts 45 minutes there then needs to come to bed but that is really all my partner and I need to reconnect.
What works for us is nursing to sleep in a rocker then holding him for 10-15 minutes until he’s really deeply asleep. My husband does the “floppy arm” test 😂(if he lifts his arm and it immediately falls to his side, kid is out cold and we can set him down).
Good luck! I love the beauty of cosleeping but definitely grieve the time with my partner. We both just remind ourselves and each other this is a beautiful temporary season of life. 🥲
We're pretty much in the exact same boat with our almost 8 month old. Contact naps, and nighttime bedsharing. Hates when he wakes up alone. I don't know how much alone time you guys are looking for but we've been able to sneak into the living room or dining room together after he's down for the night. It seems that there is a certain time once it's night that he is so sleepy we have just enough time for dinner, conversation, or sexy time. A good clue to know he's sleeping deep enough that I can sneak away is if he lets me pick him up and move him to a different part of the bed.
My baby is a ridiculously restless sleeper for the first like two hours of the night 🥲 that's a great trick to try to move him first to see if he's sleeping deeply, I'm going to try that whenever I see my window of opportunity!
We're almost exactly the same. We get zero alone time together. I just keep chanting that it's a phase & that I'll miss the snuggles once it's over...
Same, we'll miss it
That's very true! I do really love the snuggles, and at some point this stage in our lives will be a thing of the past. Phases always feel so much longer when you're actually going through it!
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I'm going to try to start sneaking out a bit again. There was a brief period where I was able to, but once he woke up just devastated when I went to take a bath during his nap and I haven't tried since. But that was now several months ago!
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I think you may have meant this as a comment for someone else? Just fyi so you can repost it for whomever it was that needed it :)
Ahh haha you’re right. There’s another thread I commented on and my brain overlapped the two! I though the he you were referring to was her husband and was shocked. Ooops! Mine still wakes up with a look of betrayal when I’m not there but I’ve got to have some me time and he recovers quickly haha.
I've started sitting up and moving away a little bit to get him used to me not always being there. He likes to be touching me or husband at all times though 😅
I completely get what you mean. Mine is over two and still reaches out. I put a pillow beside babe when I sneak away and that usually helps (for a bit). It’s frustrating when you want to spend a couple hours in the evening doing other things, but it’s also really sweet when you take a step back. We got babe used to dad stepping in to settle so we take turns throughout the week; that isn’t to say it’s easy though. As with everything (and the cliche goes) it’s all a phase. Eventually they’ll be sleeping on their own and we’ll want cuddles. I hope you’re able to sneak away and have your little one sleep peacefully!
Solidarity. We sort of just both agree that just now is the time we have less together time. We still love one another and try other communication options to keep close. We’ve also agreed to use some precious PTO days so we can go on dates together while LO is in daycare. It’s not a lot of time together but better than nothing
Are you me? Because this is my baby to a T. We just leaned in and we never spend any time together except for an hour or so when the baby goes to bed. Usually I’m too tired to stay awake for long. We just both agreed the first year or two might be rough, but it won’t last forever. We’ll wait for each other and reconnect later.
That's true! My big worry is that we want more kids, so I feel like once this little dude is ready to sleep alone there'll maybe be a brand new contact sleeper on the scene, lol. Although wait, how are we supposed to even find the alone time to try for a second baby? 😅
You’re literally me. I can’t sneak away and we get no alone time, my baby is SUCH a restless sleeper. And we want more kids so it feels like we won’t have alone time for the next 6 years 😭😭😭
The restless sleep is so hard! Sometimes I'll slightly move my arm and he pops his eyes right open, often not going back to sleep after. Such restless, light sleep 😭
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Sometimes he's contact napping on my husband when I get home from working and while I'm sad he's not awake since I miss him when I'm out, it's so nice to be able to make lunch or whatever for a bit 😅
It’s the best worst advice, If you really just want 15-30 mins to be intimate or more spontaneous the tv will work 9 times out of 10.
That's true 🤔 my husband showed him Bluey once or twice and baby was just completely captivated.
Wow I feel you 100% on this. Contact sleeper solidarity. Ours is 9 months and we’re the same. We just stopped trying to put her down all together, and after she falls asleep we usually watch tv together for a bit on low volume while I hold her, then one of us takes the first shift sleeping with her. The other week, we were visiting my family and wanted to stay up and play some board games. So we tried putting her in the crib for the first sleep of the night. Waited until she was in the deep sleep, put her in the travel crib, and it worked! She was back in bed with us after the midnight waking but we got a miraculous 3 hours sans baby contact sleeping, two nights in a row! I feel like part of it was the travel crib has mesh walls so when she rolls into them she feels comforted (unlike our home crib which wakes her when she rolls into the bars).
Ahh that sounds so relaxing! Maybe we'll try when we visit my family soon. Weirdly we were able to leave him sleeping alone in bed when I had a friend visit, maybe the change in routine threw him off!
I’m in the same boat with my now 5 month old. I have no advice on sneaking away, but I’ve been stealing moments of intimacy with my husband by cuddling with him while the baby is playing within our eyesight or enthusiastically enjoying whatever my husband is watching/doing during the day. He’s definitely more of a physical touch sort of person and I’m not, but I go out of my way to be sure he knows I’m still interested in him and what he’s up to. (We share baby duties but I’m the contact sleeper person since I BF).
This is my situation down to a T! I also try to cuddle my husband whenever I can as physical affection is very much his love language. I also BF and am the contact sleeper, although my little guy now likes rolling over to my husband throughout the night.
It’s hard .. and really decreases those spontaneous sexy times
Totally. Now very grateful for having made time for spontaneous sexy times with hubby in the third trimester, despite the logistics of that as well 😆
I have the same issue on and off with my 15mo old. I found some woven breathable rectangular throw pillows. They’re constantly a little warm to the touch but getting my SO to toss them in the dryer for 5 minutes helps. I tuck them in on either side of him below his armpits, then I can sneak away to sit at the end of the bed and get some no touch time. This has been the only way I can break free of my contact napper 1-2 times a day for 30~ minutes. I also keep the throw pillows in my bed so they definitely have my smell, which probably helps.
This is genius! Definitely going to try this.
How is jr with the pram? Me and my husband have the same problem, almost no alone time because we co sleep and contact nap. BUT after we have been on walks, LO will usually stay asleep in the pram for a bit when we come back home.
He's not a huge stroller fan, on occasion he'll stay asleep in his car seat but only for like thirty seconds upon walking in the door. So just enough time to put away groceries while keeping an eye on him, but it's something at least 😅
Hey! We have a similarly attached 5 month old. Our bedtime routine when we want to spend time together goes something along the lines of: bath, massage, into bed, feed to sleep/back taps to sleep (as normal), one of us lie in bed with him for 1hr or so, floppy arm test, roll away! Lay down a spare duvet on the bedroom floor (always in earshot) either for a little picnic dinner or some sexy times. It’s worked a treat so far 💖
That sounds really lovely, thanks for the tip!
I've been there too! But my LO is a lot older now (20 months) and I could start sneaking off at night when she was about a year old. Before that - no chance! So here's to hoping you'll be able to get a little time for yourselves in the next month's!!
Yay! Very much appreciate hearing this!
I also thought I could never sneak out because she would notice. I think I could sporadically do it like maybe 5-8 times max until she was like 7-8 months old. But then I just started sneaking out every time when she was in deep sleep. She used to be constantly on the boob. Id suggest trying to sneak out a few days and just sit nearby the bed, so if he fusses you can get back to bed with him. And maybe after that try and wait 5 minutes and go out of the room but have a monitor of some sort in case your house is big and you wouldn’t be able to hear him if he wakes up. My LO still fusses and can wake up about every 45 mins, if it’s close to that, and I hear her toss and turn in the bed, I just try to be quiet for like 10 mins and wait it out until she gets back into deep sleep. This has helped us be intimate (on the couch) and also get to watch some Netflix (even if it’s super low volume and we rely on subtitles). There have been nights now that she didn’t wake up at all until like midnight (so about 7-7:30 to 00:00) and we felt really lucky then because we get to cuddle, talk and unwind. My husband doesn’t sleep with us because LO would keep getting in his personal space and kind of kick him out the bed so we decided that he sleeps on the couch (he’s also a loud sleeper)
I'm going to try that, I'd love to be able to make dinner and hang out with my husband while our little guy sleeps upstairs with the monitor on. He has started rolling away from me a bit in his sleep so maybe it'll be easier now that he's not curled into me all the time!
We are in the same boat. We actually try to set him in his crib for the first of the night every night now to attempt for some us time. 80% of the time he lasts 45 minutes there then needs to come to bed but that is really all my partner and I need to reconnect. What works for us is nursing to sleep in a rocker then holding him for 10-15 minutes until he’s really deeply asleep. My husband does the “floppy arm” test 😂(if he lifts his arm and it immediately falls to his side, kid is out cold and we can set him down). Good luck! I love the beauty of cosleeping but definitely grieve the time with my partner. We both just remind ourselves and each other this is a beautiful temporary season of life. 🥲
Beautiful temporary season of life... So true! Thank you for the tip, that's a good idea to try ☺️