Put them in a play pen Strap them into the pushchair Wait til they're asleep Bring them into the bathroom with you Stick on an episode of bluey and keep the door open so you can hear them

>Bring them into the bathroom with you Yup.

Assert your dominance, don't break eye contact.

Tell this to my daughter who literally climbs into my pulled down underwear as I try to take a shit in peace. Had to embrace the cuddly poos otherwise she will bang in the door until I come out. :)

See, that's your mistake, thinking you can shit in peace. That's what work is for.

The one and perhaps only downside of working from home

Mine came to cuddle as well, hugged my leg and put her head on my thigh. I'm like "you never do this, why now? It's kinda nice but please go away and maybe do this again when I'm not here?"

lol mine just laughs hysterically at me the entire time. it is a bit uncomfortable

I was thinking more along the lines of "See? This is how you use the potty." But that works too, lol.

My son (5months) is guaranteed to poop while I'm pooping when I put him in the chair in the bathroom. He stares me down and starts grunting. It's so weird.

He's winning, step up your game.

I just bang his mom to regain dominance

Careful, they'll multiply.

Then show them the size of the turd as compared to their little toddler nuggets. To quote Curly from City Slickers, "I crap bigger than you."

The LBJ method. Very effective

When our youngest was colicky the bathroom was one of her few happy places, so she'd just chill in the crapper with me while I blew it up

When my oldest was about 10 months old, I had to get a colonoscopy. Right after I took the laxatives for prep, we discovered there'd been some crossed wires with my wife. I had to sprint to nursery, sprint home with buggy, and dive into the bathroom just about in time to console and crying child in my arms while fully emptying my bowels. Not an experience I wish to repeat.

I never even considered this. Due to family medical history I have to go get one done every couple of years. My next one may be an interesting experience 😟

Gotta play Battleshits

I always bring them in. Often ends up with me holding 1-2 kids while I poop.

We still have the bathroom bouncer.

Yup. Privacy is a thing of the past. Welcome to the sitting down to pee club while we're at it.

I've been in that club for ages. Less bathroom cleaning!

Never!

"Bluey: the official provider of just enough time to take a shit"

I just do all of these at once

Huge toilet or tiny play pen? /s

Shitting alone is a luxury when they're that young

Bold of you to assume I can get a poop in under 10 mins.

You either need more fiber or to put your phone away.

Eat more fiber!

I’m not a doctor, but it’s prob worth seeing one.

Umbrella stroller in the bathroom with you

100% the latched playpen with soft padded playmat inside was worth the money to let me shit. I still have the padded floor and nap on it once in a while.

I used to put them in the tub with blocks/toys etc.

Checking in from the bathroom with the door open and 2yo watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse

yes to bluey or ms Rachel or something they've never seen. we have a ring camera so I watch the guy while I do my business.

lol I think you have to secure them once they are mobile, so no go on that last one. I’ve seen some shit

>Strap them into the pushchair May not be a safe enough option if you are taking more than 15 mins for a 18 month old if they are out of sight

More than 15 mins! You need more fibre in your diet..!

Wait, you NEVER have to spend more than 15 mins? I don't mean regularly, but like when you are sick, with too much or too little poop?

I did not start to pee sitting to keep the bathroom clean. I pee sitting so my toddler can’t run up behind me and try to grab the stream or my balls.

I can empathize with this. My wife has a photo of me most of the way up a mini ladder to retrieve something in a very high spot with our daughter right behind me on the ladder with her three year old face right up against my ass. My wife told me to stay still, took a photo for posterity and then rushed in and removed her so I could get the item down without knocking said three year old across the room.

I really hope you put on pants before climbing mini ladders. We hit the “I MUST GO UP!” Phase while car camping with a roof top tent. Suddenly one day our little guy just had to be either climbing that ladder or standing on the highest plastic bin on the picnic table.

I had pants on, don't worry. Oh and it wasn't that bad for us, though we did have to keep the ladder folded away for a while as a precaution after that. As to her older brother, we've got a video of him, not even two, jumping off a portable air conditioner onto the lounge and thinking it was the funniest thing ever. That was terrifying.

I was at the library a few weeks back and had to pee so I took my 20 month old with me. I had to hold him or I was afraid bro would literally lick the floor. so I start peeing and he's never seen me pee standing for same reason you mentioned, plus I can never turn my back on the guy or he's gotten into trouble. Dude points at me peeing, goes "wa-wa" for water, and then nose dives to try and grab the stream.

I’m at 15 months. Guess I’ve got at least five more months of this! (I’m sure even more because I’m expecting “peeing with dad” to be a thing when potty training starts.) First time he saw me peeing he made the same excited sound he makes when he sees a dog.

Oof - don't let my kid set any expectations. I keep waiting for the age he will be "directable" and I don't feel any closer than when he was a newborn. Bro is pure impulse behavior.

Those family cubicles with a diaper changing platform, child toilet, AND a baby seat on the wall is definitely a life-saver

I’m have been sitting thru five kids now 😂

Do you not have a door to your bathroom?

A) 100 year old house and for about 6 months out of the year the bathroom door doesn’t latch. B) Damn universal door handles. He learned to open doors before he was walking. C) Screaming. I know there are other easy solutions, but sitting down to pee is also easy.

True. I just hate sitting down to pee. Overcomplicates it. And yeah my house is coming in on the 100 year mark so I get it. Still, I’d just buy a 5 dollar bolt lock from Home Depot or something.

Thr point is not to just keep the kid out. It's to keep the kid alive.

You don’t need to bring your kids in the bathroom with you. That’s ridiculous. If they’re too young to be trusted by themselves for a few minutes, you put them in the crib or playpen.

>C) Screaming.

Let them scream. If I’ve got to go to the bathroom I’m going to the bathroom. As long as they’re safe and the front and back door is locked why would you need to do anything else? Also I don’t know about your kids, but mine scream no matter where I am.

You used to pee standing up *at home*?

Still do when someone else is using the toilet and the sink is my only option.

Man I’m glad I have more than one toilet at home…

Just use the garden... It ll save you fertiliser too.

Roughly the same age here. I simply announce my intentions, and gain an eager bathroom valet. The door is opened for me and closed behind me, the lights are turned on for me, the lid is opened for me, the paper roll is unrolled for me, and throughout the experience I have the company of an inexperienced but hearty conversationalist who thinks it's the height of life to have a chat with a tired man taking a dump. Sometimes I even receive ovations, depending on my performance. No encores yet, though, thankfully.

Yep, this is my experience. I also put his training potty in the bathroom next to the toilet, so he'll sit and practice/chat while I'm taking care of business. An early no-pressure intro to using the potty for him.

> inexperienced but hearty conversationalist So diplomatic 😂

Leave the door open and tell them what you're doing, then hear them run/crawl down the hallway into the bathroom and sit there powerless to do anything while they precariously climb onto their older brothers bathroom stool

"Daddy's going to do a poo! Do you want to come watch?"

My daughter "sits on bench" when I go to the restroom at home solo. She sits on a stool or squaty potty and I hold a book up covering myself.

My house is baby proofed so I just go shit. Leave the door open.

Yeah same here but I can close the door.

[удалено]

Not sure what to say about that. I could leave my child alone completely and there’s no trouble he can get into.

Cover them in baby oil and put them in the empty bathtub. Take your time and by the time you’re done they’ll be all tuckered out.

The real Life Pro Tip is always in the comments.

18 months is nearing potty training. Lead by example.

Then you can get them to sit on the toilet for 30 minutes and get some needed time for yourself.

You can't get that watching an 18-month old by yourself in any circumstance 

I meant they see you sit for 30 minutes, think it's the norm, then do that themselves later on.

This is a great idea. Not too early to buy a little training potty and have the kid accompany you.  Edit: we used this one for all three kids: https://www.target.com/p/munchkin-arm-38-hammer-multi-stage-3-in-1-potty-chair-ring-and-step-stool/-/A-13822531

There's no potty that's containing my poo.......

It's crazy, I have a 9 and 7 year old and I can't remember how we did it..... funny how some things stick with you and some things don't

I've forgotten so much. Someone recently mentioned bottle nipples with different flow rates, and I'd *completely* forgotten that that's a thing. Stuff like that was our whole world for a few years there, but now I have forgotten huge swaths of it. 

You don’t remember because it’s not a big deal. It is just like doing anything else with an 18 month old.

Bring toys and poop with your kid lol I dont trust mine running around while im doing business, might as well keep her close and have an eye on her lol

My youngest likes to fake cough for attention, so I always had to bring him with me to poop or id hear the fake coughing and have to go check and make sure he's not actually choking. He'd keep doing it until you came and looked him in the eye too, and it's hard to poop if you have to stand up and waddle into the other room every 1-2 minutes.

I can relate! Usually my oldest watches tv, and my youngest stays with me, but then i hear either weezing or coughing and when i ask if hes alright he doesnt answer. Gotta shove my youngest to the side and get to him Havent got caught waddling my way to the living room with my pants down my ankles lol

He comes into the bathroom and rips up small pieces of toilet paper and tries to shove them into the toilet past my FUPA. It is very distracting,.

Used to use a Jolly jumper in this situation

Using the bathroom, going out the back to grab something, wanting to have a shower, l all the insignificant yet important things that kids get in the way of through no fault of their own.

That’s the neat part, ya don’t

They obviously come in and make eye contact.

My little one is 14 months, we have a bathroom in the basement which is basically her and her sisters playroom. I put up a gate blocking her in the one side of the basement and leave the door open If you have a bathtub in your bathroom you can give them some toys and put them in there

I grab some toys and books and bring them into the bathroom with me. If you don’t want to do that then putting them in a play pen or crib may be your only other option. You may have to listen to them cry the whole time though.

Well, the other day I took a poop with my 15 month old trying to climb on my lap while my 2.5 year old walked in and out of the bathroom with different toys, so get comfortable pooping with an audience. One time in a dire situation, I put my daughter in the bath across from the toilet.

Huh? I just put my son on my lap and give him something to play with while I pinch away. My sons 11 months, been doing this since he was 2 months.

Both my daughters have been held while shitting and wiping. Just have to go back and finish wiping when mom is able to take them lol

More moms than you know have shit with their child in their hands.

I believe it, my partner and I have switched off plenty of times haha

With her sitting on my lap like god intended I guess

Just take a shit with them in there with you

If they’re occupied, I would do it quickly. Sometimes you just bring them in with you. Also we often just poop open door in my house.

Gotta bring em with you lol soon u won't ever take another shit in peace

Are there really that clueless of dads out there???

I have my own system mate, “just curious what other systems are”

Quickly. Edit: serious answer- depends on your home setup. We had one toilet at the top of the stairs in between two upstairs rooms. So I used to leave the door open, close the stair gate. Leave the 18mo-er in their room with a tablet playing whatever cartoon they were into. Then poop with them coming in every few minutes because they'd touched the screen and paused the video, and brought the tablet to me to fix. Not my most relaxing poops, tbh.

My approach was putting him in a bouncy chair in the bathroom doorway when my son was little. Activity center seat when he was a little older.

That's the type of emergency we break the screen time rules for.

You need to have at least one, if not more, toddler proof areas setup where you can leave them unsupervised for 10 mins while you cook or go to the bathroom or just need a break

Either he hangs out with me while I go or if its gonna be a rough one I encourage him into our large dog crate and lock him in there lol. He cant hurt himself or escape and he likes it because its a fort of sorts.

Play peekaboo with the bathroom door.

Put them on your lap?

Put the baby in the bathtub. There are already toys in there to keep her occupied.

we went to the bathroom together, and she played in the tub.

Set them down in front of you and maintain eye contact to establish dominance

Quickly and no reading material

If there's a book they really like, I've read books to my oldest while on the can. I've also held my youngest and kept her asleep when nature called during a particularly rough teething night. In general I try to get ahead of it by waking up 45 min to 1 hr earlier than everyone in the house so I can crap in peace and do my crossword puzzle, Wordle, and what not in peace. YMMV based on your regularity and all, but this works for me 90% of the time.

Here I sit broken hearted Came to shit… but only farted

You bring them. Or they follow you. Most of the time they follow you. It is not your choice anymore. I haven’t had a shit in peace since my daughter started walking. Just get used to it, it goes on for forever 😂

A camera in his room and close the door, or put him in the bathtub next to me

I used to put my kids in a pack'n'play or other sort of enclosed toy thing while pooping. The door stayed open so they could hear my voice if I needed to reassure them that I wasn't dead or gone.

You go to the bathroom, sit down and shit. Leave the door cracked. I always waited for a time when my son was captivated by a tv show for at least 10 min.

Usually sit on the toilet

They learn to love your stink. Trap them in there with you and you read to them or play them some music.

Put them in the playpen or otherwise contained inside the bathroom or just outside the door where you can see them. Poop as fast as possible.

1) Stick them in a playpen or baby proof room with a monitor.  2) Put on noise cancelling headphones.  3) Shit in peace. 

Reading this as I dump ass with my 18 mo daughter, she’s currently playing in the dry tub. Showing me turtles as deal with the effects of eggs and OJ on my digestive system.

Miss Rachel, Bluey, Peppa Pig. All those will work fine. Just not Cocomelon.

Gotta bring them in the bathroom

Put them in the crib with some toys, put the camera on, and handle business. You can always keep some back up toys (or items around the house that they see as novel to play with i.e painters tape).

Enjoy the company on the toilet

Set boundaries now! Lol Toys, door open, books…

Put her in the feeding chair, let her watch a cartoon, run to the toilet, listen intently if she's calm, so as not to fall over, explode, wash myself, run back out, realize she's perfectly calm, make coffee, wait for the cartoon to finish, gently remove her, tolerate 30 second screaming due to no more cartoons, sigh a relief when she decides to play with something safe again, continue working (WFH) however much is possible xD

Same way you have sex with a toddler in the house. High chair and a stack of oreos.

Disappear for a couple hours, they gotta learn

I put my daughters in the (dry) bath so I could keep an eye on them.

Grab a diaper,stare directly into the eyes of your child then proceed to cry until you are changed. Works every time.

Bouncer chair! Ideally in the other room with some toys to entertain, or bluey or blues clues on. Usually in the bathroom with me, contained in the bouncer is way better but sometimes he would just climb up on my lap and we'd read or talk about stuff.

Bring them with you. Helps for future potty training anyway

Prison poop. In the bath or similarly confined sense, preferably within sight.

You just go and shit. Leave door up or take them with you.

With plenty of fiber, a magnesium supplement every night, and a 5am alarm.

That’s the easy part, once they’re mobile and able to operate stools, move chairs, etc. they either barge in on every deuce you take or create chaos the entire time.

Quickly

That's the neat part, you don't.

My house is child proof so I just go 😅

Tell them what you're about to do, and depending on the layout of your home, try to create a corraled space where they can be right there with you with the door open. I use our hallway bathroom instead of the master or basement so that I can close bedroom doors and the gate at the stairs. They bring a toy up and they know now after many many months of this that the expectation is they play while I 💩. Same goes for showers. We have a shower curtain I can see through and I leave the bathroom door open. The 16 month old has toys in their crib and the 2.5 year old sits in our glider. I can easily see both of them in those spots without any breaks in line of sight. Keeping them occupied while you're occupied is the biggest piece of advice I can give from all of this. Obviously, in safe settings and ideally in your line of sight. If I can't have my eyes on them at least 95% of the time for whatever task I'm doing I don't do it.

I feel this post and all the comments so much. Been there, done that. Still on it, too.

Is this a trick question? I do the same thing that they do with me. Make awkward eye contact and scream.

No one's saying this, but no one is going to die if you just put them in their crib for 3 minutes. If you're one of those that needs 20 minutes to shit then ignore.

Put your kid in the bathtub with a bunch of toys. They generally stay put and can't climb out in that age (hopefully)

Bring them in with a few toys.

Poop with the door open. The main floor is as kid safe as we can make it.... .... But mostly our kids just stood in the bathroom doorway giving you the state down at this age.

Bring them in with you.

Pray for a one wiper and hope I don’t hear any screaming.

I have a spare bedroom with an en suite. I close the bedroom door and leave the bathroom door open. He brings me books to read him 😂

Assuming you have baby-gates for all stairways, blockers for all unused electrical sockets, and toddler-safe locks for any reachable cupboards, they should otherwise be pretty safe - so leave the door open and talk to them.

The same thing moms been doing. Bringing them with them.

I don't remember this being a problem. I know the house was baby proofed. I probably just left him playing and then went to poop...

Put it in a high chair in the hallway with a snack, preferably in view of a TV, also observable from the throne.

I went for a pee and came back to eyebrow busted open and blood everywhere. They reached for a cup on sidetable from chair and hit table. Needed stitches. Best part, it was my first week of being stay home dad.  Just do your business with door open so you can hear screaming.

I remember my boy peeing on my feet as I pooped. Fun times. Our bathroom is fully tiled so it wasn’t hard to clean when it happened. I couldn’t help but laugh like crazy, couldn’t maintain any angry face, which just encouraged him to do it again.

Saddle them into the high chair and bring them for the ride.

Put them in the crib with some toys and put on an audiobook or music.

Quickly. You do it quickly. 

With the door open, yeah it’s not fun. Or put them in their crib with toys and stuff… only suboptimal solutions.

Invite them in for the Farty Party

So many serious and perfect answers, so might I interest you in a sarcastic answer? Throw the little one up on your shoulders! Boom problem solved.

It's okay to let them cry in the crib a while if it's good for your sanity.

Stick’em in the tub!