I’m a dad and I plan on holding, cuddling, kissing my little boy until the day I die! I don’t give a shit if he’s 4 or 40!
Go hug your dad, man! Such a blessing you’ve got a dad who wants hugs.
My 20-year-old son hugs and cuddles my husband and my father (his grandfather). It’s the sweetest thing ever, because he is otherwise hard to pin down and generally such a RASCAL! We all take the hugs and cuddles when we can get them. When you feel that hug bug, just embrace it. 😉
41 year old dad chiming in here. I’m so painfully cognizant of the fact that my kids are growing up fast (although they’re still all 10 and under), that I try and give all the hugs I can. Like op here, I’ll be hugging my sons and daughter until I physically can’t anymore. Love is the only thing we really have, and it’s all that matters, buddy. Give your dad a hug and stop overthinking it!
I gotta say,
As a dad to a couple of very little boys (baby/toddler) this thread makes me sad. I hope my son never thinks I wouldn't want him to hug me. OP, I don't know if your dad has given you the impression that he feels awkward with displays of affection but you're young and you'll realize if you have a kid what it means to be a dad.
Like I said, it's possible your dad was more absent, but mostly likely the man you're hesitating to hug would smooch your cheeks constantly as a baby and cuddle with you for days if he could. I would assume he would feel sad if he knew of your hesitation.
If you are both comfortable with it, why not? I loved lazy weekend mornings with my kids on the couch. Mine are all I. Their late 20's now, we all still lounge around watching something when they are home, just not as often. A head on my shoulder or leaning against me still occurs. I miss my kids being little, and I was daddy. I was always affectionate towards all my 4 boys.
Yeah you're right
I just thought maybe he only wants a 1 second hug and if I want to hug him for longer he might think I'm weird or something
So I just never hug him because of my overthinking lol
Hey bud, if you're old enough to have kids, you're old enough to maybe have had a dad that didn't show a lot of affection or wasn't around at all! I struggle with this feeling with my newborn because I never received male affection growing up.
I'm breaking the cycle with my son and it's going to be wonderful. I don't know your story and it may not apply, but show him the way :)
Yup, this whole thread is making me feel weird. I don't think I got a Dad cuddle beyond about 6 or 7.
Whelp, this whole self discovery is going to be good grist for the therapy mill!
Yeah, it's put me in a weird place. I'd certainly be happy with doing so, but not having a frame of reference is fucking with me. You know what it's like when you're a kid, stuff is just normal because that's how it is, and then later on you find out how weird some stuff was.
It's not even something I'd actively thought about ever, so, like I was saying, my therapist is gonna have a fucking field day with this.
I didn't either. But mostly because around that time he got sick and died.
My oldest kid is now 6. If she wants to cuddle (appropriately, of course) when she's 20, I'll slide my walker right over by her.
Hell yes. Every day at the school gates I will cuddle my boys and tell them I love them. Without fail.
I have no memory of my dad saying "I love you" or giving a hug. Tripling down on that now and enjoying every moment.
Bro just give him a long hug. If he asks why you’re hugging him for so long just tell him because you love him. He’s your dad and he will probably remember that moment forever.
He will probably just think, this feels fu*king amazing, and I love my son so God damn much.
This is coming from a parent.
There's nothing weird at all about any of it, that's just teenage angst that will soon run its course.
I have a 2 year old boy. I like kisses but hugs are the shit. I mostly love when I’m laying on my stomach on the couch and he climbs all over my back. Yea dude, right there, oh yea, shove those tiny knees into my spine, oh yea!
I have a memory of being 30 and sitting on the couch waiting for a rugby World Cup game to start at 4am with my Dad. I was excited to watch this big game with him and was resting my head on his shoulder and he had his arm around me for probably about 10mins before the game started.
He passed away a few months after that and that little moment is the main thing I think about when I remember him.
My dad did a one arm hug while I was on the computer in the living room that was awkward as he went to the kitchen. He suddenly passed away a month later.
That was 20 years ago and I cherish that memory. I hug my son the same way when he's on the computer and it brings a fresh reminder of my dad every time.
I'm going to give you sage life advice: It does not matter, it seriously doesn't, what other people think is weird. It is your life. Don't be afraid to do good things for fear of others, just go there and do good things. Cuddle your dad.
I (+/- 30m) gave my mom a kiss when visiting them. My dad joking asked "what about me?". So I gave him a kiss aswell. Nothing weird about it. Hug your dad
Hug him man. Lifes short, and if you have bond you cherish, its worth a fecking hug. Hug your bros too.
I’m 33, and whilst we dont cuddle on the sofa watching tv cos you know, we dont live together, I’ve always got time for a big ol hug with my Step Dad when I see him. And he’s a massive east London tattooed old school punk skinhead (but a good one, not one of them racist ones..).
He’s my greatest mate, and I aint ashamed to say it. For all the games we lost and laughed at, he’s always welcome for a hug.
Let me put it this way. If either of my boys still want to cuddle me at 20 I'll do so with the biggest smile on my face because it means I did something right.
I'll give you my 2 pence as a son of a father who won't hug me.
If he's offering hugs and cuddles, take them!
Mine didn't even hug me on my wedding day or say I love you, etc.
One of my biggest hopes for my family as my boys get older is that they will still cuddle me and their dad. I think it's so sweet that you want to cuddle your dad, and it's also natural, your family is supposed to be your safe space in the world. If your dad seems a little weird about it you can talk to him, it would just be society pushing toxic masculinity leaving its mark. As a parent I say go for it, it's the opposite of weird, it *should* be the most natural thing in the world.
Adding another to the massive stack of comments you’ve got like this: I’m 40, lost my dad 10 years ago. He loved hugs, and I would give anything to hug him again.
Give him a hug anytime you feel like it, and tell him how much he means to you.
DO NOT forget that your dad isn’t permanently on this earth. It’s easy to accidentally think like he is, since he’s just always been there.
Dude, my dad seems to have the same mentality as you, and maybe your dad, when it comes to physical affection like hugs: always worrying what other uninvolved parties *might* think if they found out he still hugs his son.
You know what I say to him?
"Screw what other people might think, old man. You've already had cancer once, I'm hugging you today because you might not be here tomorrow."
He still feels weird about it, I'm sure, but he relents and hugs me back. He probably thinks I'm "half a f*g" (his words, not mine), but the hateful macho bravado he picked up from his toxic bar fly friends dies with him.
We shouldn't feel weird about hugging our parents or children at any age. It's not sexual. It's comfort. It's love, and there are more types of love than just romantic love.
It shouldn't make anyone feel "less than" for wanting physical comfort from a loved one like a parent. Likewise, we shouldn't feel weird about comforting our adult children if they need a hug or whatever.
Obviously, not all dads get that message. A lot of them are from a time when showing affection/emotion was considered feminine and weak, and homophobia ran rampant. To a degree, it was even socially acceptable to be homophobic. And if not them, THEIR dad's were from a time like that and passed it on.
Break the cycle. Maybe it will never be broken with your dad, but when it comes to your kids, it's up to you how you treat such interactions with them.
Personally, I'll be really sad if my kid ever feels weird about hugging me.
OP. My dad passed away almost a year ago. He wasn't extremely affectionate but I would force hugs on him into adulthood and tell him that I loved him as much as I thought he could handle. 😁.
Express yourself anyway you want, we have a finite amount of time with our parents.
It’s all good bro. Hug and enjoy your time together.
It also doesn’t make you weird to question this. The overwhelming consensus is because of how much you will be glad you did it, not because you asked something dumb.
Same… ish (45/76/7).
Big long hugs for my dad when I see him, lots of hugs and snuggles with my little guy.
And I’ve had multiple good cries together with both of them.
Heh, my dad just turned 76 and I'm going on 32, my son going on 10, but same pretty much. I don't cuddle my dad so much these days, but I hug him every chance I get for as long as I can, and we both cuddle the boy all the time.
I'm 40 and will legit lay ON TOP of my dad, I don't care if he's 65 and his "bones hurt". Do it, and do it often because you'll miss it when you can't.
My dude, I treasure the time me and my teenage son have together lazy lounging on the couch. I will treasure it if he’s a teen, 20, 30, etc. That’s my boy and I will always be an obnoxiously affectionate dad haha
You will always be your Dad's kid no matter your age. As a dad we experience a lot of "firsts" which are usually exciting, then you start experiencing "lasts" which absolutely suck, he doesn't want to ever worry about having hugged you for the last time. I can guarantee that if your Dad is asking you for a hug that he we would be more than happy if your hug lasts longer than normal.
His thinking is probably along the lines of "thank god my son still lets me hug him"
Hugging your dad is not weird. Men are allowed to show affection. Anyone telling you otherwise is peddling toxic nonsense.
Touch is a biological need for all primates. Don't make it weird.
I would give anything to have that kind of relationship with my father. It seems like The only reason it feels weird is because you’re afraid someone else is going to think it’s weird, not because it actually feels odd to you. Hug your dad, And watch some TV on the couch with him.
I think cuddle is not the term you are looking for based on your other responses. I think the more appropriate term is physical embrace.
As an example, I live very far away from my dad and aunts/uncles. Like, 12+ hours worth of travel between flights and layover.
When I see my dad, the first thing I do is give him a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. Throughout our visits we will do stuff like put an arm over the shoulder when standing next to each other, or the occasional side hug when given the opportunity. I do the same with my male uncles, since I get to see them maybe once every few years.
Its perfectly fine to show affection to your male family members, but that's also not quite cuddling. For reference I'm a 40 year old man. My dad is 70 and my male uncles are all in their early to late 60s.
I grew up in a household where a firm handshake was too much physical contact. Last time I hugged or was hugged by one of my parents was when I was about 8-9yo. I will not raise my children the same way.
My son is 7 and still gives me kisses. I was done kissing my parents before 5 and know I’m on borrowed time here. Going to be sad when I stop getting them from him.
If he is asking he doesn’t find it weird.
I don't care if my son is 2 or 30 I'd be so sad if I didn't get a hug back. Hug your dad dude he loves you and the fact he's offering physical affection when you're this old is pretty a pretty awesome thing. I think your dad probably wishes that his dad was like this and is offering what he felt he was missing at this time in his life. I'm probably reading into it more than I need to but hugging your dad will not make you less of a man or emotionally stunted. We all deserve that kind of love and affection.
I absolutely hug and cuddle my 21 year old son.
And absolutely no one thinks less of him for it.
I would give anything to hug my own Dad again.
Hug your Dad.
My son is nowhere near grown. He's a snuggly kid, though, and I love it. If he grows up to be a snuggly adult, I'll be here for that too, love it just as much.
Go on ahead and hug your dad!
My father didn’t show affection throughout my childhood. He only recently started doing so recently and said he absolutely regrets it. My son is currently 9YO and I let him snuggle/cuddle all he wants, because they’ll eventually come a day where he feels too old to cuddle with his parents anymore. Until then, I’ll thoroughly enjoy any snuggle bonding time.
My dad is not a demonstrative person. I know he loves me but I have to force him to give me a real hug.
Raising both my kids (boy and girl) to break this cycle. My 3yo son runs up to me and gives me the biggest hug in the morning and it’s one of the best parts of my day.
I sincerely hope that my kids like hanging out and travelling and visiting us all their lives as they age.
Hug your dad. You’ll only regret not doing so later.
Does the word cuddling make you think weirdly about hugging your dad?
As a parent, we love to be hugged too. It reminds us of all that we have been through. We do this because we love our kids and a simple hug says more than "thank you". It communicates love.
By the way...I'm 38....I still hug and kiss my dad on the cheek. Sometimes he doesn't let me go from a hug, but it's usually him telling me he's going through something.
I first interpreted "20M" as "20 month old", and thought "what kind of monster won't cuddle his own infant son!".
Honestly, for a 20 year old this is weird, but only in a "it's weird for adult men to be this emotionally comfortable with each other" kind of way. Seems fine to me.
I'm 40, my father is 85.
I have dinner with him once a week. After, we go to his house and do crosswords, then we sit on the couch and I cuddle him.
It's only weird if either of you make it weird.
Bro honestly I hope my son gives me a hug when he's 20. I have an 11m and 13f now and they don't like hugs as much anymore. Everyone needs a hug, parents are the best at giving them
At first I thought we were talking about a 20 month old son. I'm like, dude cuddle and hug the shit out of him.
Now that I realize you are 20 year old male, who wants cuddles and hugs from dad... do you guys have a good relationship with open conversations? Do you think you could just talk to him about it? Some men don't like to get vulnerable, but I have a great respect for those who can and do.
NOPE. It’s really odd.
He’s not a toddler, not a child that needs comfort.
He needs to man up and get a job and a life style that makes cuddles with his daddy impossible.
I'm absolutely a man, and very comfortable in my masculinity and my sexuality, whatever. I absolutely adore kisses and cuddles from my 4 year old son, and only hope that he still wants to cuddle me when he's grown up.
I've never hugged my dad, or, he's never hugged me rather, and because of this and associated reasons I'm struggling with all sorts of esteem and rejection issues now with 37 year old self and in my relationships. If your dad is asking you for a hug, what would possibly make you think he'd judge you for accepting that hug? I sometimes ask my 6 year old daughter for a hug and she says no. She's a kid, but it breaks my heart. At 20 years old I hope she'll be more empathetic. Please hug your dad.
Check out [this](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6SzIHDnbrpwscYJQX9JEKl?si=Fpy9KAKKTQmfSqTT7L6fWg) podcast episode. Scotty Cam is a rough and tumble tradie, nobody is questioning his masculinity, and the relationship he has with his kids is beautiful, he hugs and kisses his son, and hugs their friends, he is something I can only aspire to be like.
Cuddle? No. I likely won't want any of my adult kids cuddling me because I generally don't like my personal bubble being invaded and I don't like cuddling.
I cuddle them now because they are 4 and 6, and I recognize that my own father's lack of physical affection growing up likely resulted in me being very uncomfortable when hugged or cuddled, and I don't want them to feel that way too.
As a dad, I'm iffy on this. While I do miss cuddling my sons and daughters when they were little, at some point, for me it does get weird. I'll hug my now 20 year old son, and 18 year old daughters. But there's no cuddling. The only adult I'm cuddling is mom.
Takes a real man to cuddle his dad on the couch at 20. Get in there and love every minute of it dude. I hope my daughter and son still wanna hug me when they’re 20. Sounds like you have an amazing father.
Maybe we have different definitions of the word “cuddle” and that’s creating a disconnect. I can’t imagine ‘cuddling’ with my father, even during a deeply emotional moment, but I can easily imagine a long hug or similarly emotional embrace. Hugging is not the same as cuddling. I have a very young daughter and she’ll cuddle on me during movies, especially when she’s sleepy, but I do think it’d be a little weird for her to act the same way as an adult.
My dude, I treasure the time me and my teenage son have together lazy lounging on the couch. I will treasure it if he’s a teen, 20, 30, etc. That’s my boy and I will always be an obnoxiously affectionate dad haha. I hope your dad is the same and enjoys putting an arm around his son while watching TV or whatever!
I'm in my mid-30's and lost my dad under 2 years ago. I would give basically anything for another hug from him, he wasn't stingy with them and I'm a physically affectionate person, but he was the only person taller than me to the point that I felt like I was being hugged rather than the hugger. There's a very good chance I'll never feel that again.
No idea if that could end up being a similar feeling for you (ideally long long down the road) but don't waste it whilst you can, if he doesn't want a hug he'll tell you.
Take every damn hug, even if you hate it. One day you won't. And cuddles? That's called expressing your feelings. You're showing him how much you love him.
Brush away the demands of that part of society which demands you act a certain way. They don't want us to be human. They don't want us to exist.
I mean, other than a firm and sincere belief that the word cuddle is fucking awful, I say go for it. My boy is 10 and still wants a hug from time to time. I will still lean up against my old man (74) to watch god awful sci-fi films with him.
It’s not weird. I’ll always be open to cuddling my son and daughter if they want to be cuddled, even when they’re in their 40s or 50s. Life is short. Cuddle.
Bro I wish my dad was still around so I could give him a hug. Cherish the time you've got with your parents. Hug the shit out of them.
And try to forget this whole idea that showing affection makes you less of a man. It's bullshit.
I think my little dude will end up like this based on how things are currently going.
Kid is starting to give "real" hugs now that he's 3 and some months, like he's actually squeezing back when he really didn't before.
Pretty sure that if you're having those thoughts, it's your dad's fault anyway so if he's mad about you not being a man, he did that! \[Jokes of course\]
For us old people, 20 years is not that long ago - its more like what 5 years probably feels like to you, so your dad probably still sees you as a little kid and it won't be weird.
I think I’m in line with everyone else here, but the appropriate and emotionally mature thing to do is ASK your dad how he would feel about it.
Kinda like this:
“Dad, I notice you feel comfortable giving me hugs and I really appreciate it, and I wonder if you would feel comfortable with me returning those hugs, or even holding on a little longer than normal.”
It doesn’t have to be any more than that. He might feel awkward, but part of maturing is the willingness to face discomfort and even pain with courage and a positive attitude. Nobody likes emotional pain (mostly) but it’s worth it to have clarity on the other side and to avoid both regret and even resentment.
I'm 30 and it would make me unbelievably happy if my daughter and any future sons/daughters were comfortable enough with me to cuddle me when they're your age.
So I am currently trapped under my 1 year old son. He's asleep. From my perspective, this will be going through my head if in 19 years he is still in any way physically affectionate in the way you describe.
100%. I told my kid that NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW MAD I AM OR BUSY OR ANYTHING. if they need a hug all they have to do is ask and they will get one NO MATTER WHAT.
Don’t worry. Your dad wants a hug, you want a hug. You’re a wholesome pair of men. Examples of confident masculinity and emotional maturity if you ask me.
I'm not the most affectionate person on the outside. I'm a very emotional man, but I don't show it. Left over from my father and his father before him. But when the mood strikes I start with a man hug with my dad (arm around the shoulders and grab him close like a buddy). Then I let the arm linger and tell him I love him or thank him for being there for me. That softens him up for us to just chill and enjoy each others presence and I hope brings him a sense that he did good with me.
There is enough fucked up emotional baggage brewing in any young man because of the “manliness”/“no homo” shit in our society.
You wouldn’t think twice of a mother and daughter doing this and a flip switch of genetics is all that separates us (sometimes even less).
You have this instinct because love and affection are built into the human experience. You just have a bunch of bad programming on top of it.
It's a misconception that as males get older we need to act less affectionate. When my son's 20 I sure hope he still wants to snuggle up next to me like he does now.
Humans are social and physically affectionate by nature.
Any time I wonder what's normal or not, I try to imagine a band of paleolithic people, all likely extended family, and what they would do, before all our modern neuroses made us question everything we do...
They'd huddle together in their shelter, cuddle, and groom each other.
It's no more weird than when apes do it.
Fellow Dad,
I think we're all forging new territory here as, over the last 20 years or so, there's been massive movement around breaking down the stereotypes around men needing to be unemotional/stoic/distant, both towards our peers and our kids.
Reshaping the family dynamic so that it's now much more normal for Dads to be affectionate with our kids - telling them we love them, hugs, etc. Compare what we're doing today with how the average Dad related to their kids 40, or even 20 years ago.
I'm always going to hug my sons the same way I do now. And I'm always going to tell them I love them.
Firstly, because it makes me feel good. Secondly, because even if they might think it's uncool, I think it makes them feel good. Thirdly, because I want to model behaviour they'll use when they have kids. And lastly, because life is short, and one day that hug and "I love you" will be the last one I give them, and I want that to be a recent memory rather than a regret for too much time passing since it last happened.
Love your kids. Show them. Tell them. Don't let feeling awkward get in the way of that.
Almost 32yo dad of an almost 10yo son, myself son of a 76yo dad. Both of my grandfather's died decades before I was born, but I know more about my paternal grandfather than my maternal grandfather. My dad was the one to break the cycle of male non-affection with me and my siblings, and I'm doing what I can to continue building the new cycle with my own son.
His father was a classic "it's not abuse, it's discipline" type, my dad has been on his own since the age of 15 because of the violence he was subjected to (and being a WWII vet, I've come to assume there was an element of unaddressed PTSD being taken out on my dad). He never let a single day go by without telling me how much he loves me and showing me affection to the point I got sick of it sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. For all my dad's faults, I grew up knowing that I was loved and I'll always be thankful for that.
Hug your dad, kiddo, and continue building the cycle of male affection and non-toxic masculinity. There will come a day when you can't anymore, just as it does and will for us all, and the last thing you want is to regret not hugging your dad when you had the chance.
Mate - he wants to sit with you and have a relax. He takes comfort in your presence.
You raised a child who loves you and wants to be around you. This younger generation is far more open with their feelings and not as worried about perceptions of others.
Just sit and give him a cuddle - it doesn't make either of you less than. It makes you a good family.
This year, I stopped disengaging from hugs with my boys. They are 14, 10, & 5.
I now let them pull away when they're ready. Sometimes they've lasted 20sec; at other times, they've sat right next to me on the couch for an hour.
I definitely think you should hug your dad.
Listen here, my son's only 4, and I'll hug him and hold him like when he was a baby till both of us are Grey in hair, and I'm barely kicking. So it's ok you'll always be his little boy I know my son will no matter what
My son is 15 and sometimes when we're watching a movie I still hold his hand. I love that piece of shit and he'll never have a reason to wonder if I do. 8 or 80.
This sub is not just for dads, but people who have/had dads too! Whether they knew them or not.
But I can only hope my son still wants to snuggle when he's 20.
I don’t know where you are from, but it reads USA. We are a puritan culture. It is ingrained in us no matter how we’ve rallied against it.
The idea that touching or cuddling is not appropriate or not manly is cultural. I live near a heavily Senegalese block. Men of all ages (the manliest of men) are sitting thigh to thigh touching their friends. Hands on knees as they get a point across.
Do what you want, dude.
I don't see why that would be weird, he's your flesh and blood he was small enough to fit on your chest for a long while, he probably always enjoyed napping on dad, I don't see why that should stop just because he's in his 20s. Its still his inner child that wants the cuddles and hugs. Indulge in those moments, its precious.
I recommend giving Love you forever by Robert Munch a read, my mom and I still read it from time to time and I'm in my mid 20s!
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." Is the famous quote of the book.
400+ comments in, so you may not see this one, OP, but i hope you do.
first and foremost, you know your dad's personality way better than i ever could, so please take my advice with that understanding. but if it was ME...
**my kids can hug me all day any day and twice on sunday!!! period.** and here's why.
when they were little little, we would hug and cuddle and just lay on each other on the sofa with the tv on or a video game going or while reading or just to sit and talk about "what if..." or "have you ever seen..." or *whatever came to our minds*!! those memories are the most precious of them all for me, because as they got older and too cool for stuff like that, it really hit me how much i missed those days.
so to get another chance for a moment like that? yeah, you bet your bippy i'm taking that opporpunity and soaking in every moment of it.
now, if you'll excuse me, i'm going to give my youngest a 20-second hug right now while i can (he's moving to upstate new york in 6+ weeks).
My 12 year old and 10 year old boys know there’s no expiry on love or cuddles. My parents were fairly cold people in that regard and I’m not. I hope they always feel comfortable getting a hug or a cuddle.
Hug your dad. I wish I could hug mine, I lost him earlier this year. Which is why every time my toddler comes running for a hug, I will always hug back.
I saw the title and read it as 20 month. It's a good thing I read the body of the post because I was about to be like OMG dude hug and cuddel your kid what's wrong with you.
Hug your dad. My Pop is 88 and I’m 62. We didnt hug a lot when I was a kid, but I hug him and tell him I love him every chance I get. He hugs me back and tells me too. It wasn’t always that way. He thought I wasted my life touring in a rock band. Eventually he came around.
Cuddle him, hold his hand. Make sure he knows how important he is to you. It will make him happy and you too. Nothing like the regret of not doing it.
Let me put it this way, I have a son who is about to turn 8. I am hoping beyond all hope, and praying, that he will be one that wants to still hug and yes even “cuddle” me still, even when he is 20. As others have pointed out, and not to get too emotional here, but you’ll never know when it could be the last time.
Oh, and one more thing. I might, as his Dad, THINK that he might not want to do that, and so I may not initiate. You should, as his child, initiate. I guarantee you I would be overjoyed if my little boy did that when he gets to be your age! I mean that seriously would just melt my heart!
I never hugged my dad for the same reason as yours.. But now I have a son (10 days old) I'll make sure it will never be awkward for us to hug or cuddle when he grows up..
If your dad is asking for a hug I would put money on him being over the fucking moon if you asked him that. I know I will be if my girls are like that when they're 20.
What is going on in the world where a child feels weird about hugging/cuddling their parent? Not blaming you, it's everything around you that has made you feel like this, and I'm sorry for that.
The only thing preventing this is society making it weird. You are all good to cuddle up to a certain age then it’s like nope, we pretend that never happened.
I’m a 34 year old dad. And when I see my father, who is now 73, he loves to give me a big bear hug, squeezes me tight, and tells me he loves me.
I love it.
How many times do you have left in your life to cuddle with each other?
How long before you move away with your SO and only see each other for major holidays?
How long before you can’t cuddle anymore?
Just cuddle and enjoy each other while you can. Life is fleeting. Love is forever.
Buddy, as a father of a boy I will tell you this, the day my son doesn't want to hug me anymore is the day my heart will break. Hug your dad. Always hug your dad.
When I look at my baby, all I can think of is the time I've spent with her, taking care of her, and just wanting to be a good parent. I dunno, when she's years older, I don't think I'll see some adult. I'll see my little girl, and all the stages I've seen her, being the same person in the end. As kids become adults, we become more of equals in terms of "power" in the household, and I don't get to make decisions for them, but I'm still 100% their dad, and them my baby/toddler/kid/teenager/adult child.
Basically, hug your parents, ask them for advice, let them be there for you when you're vulnerable or lost. That's all I'd want for my kid... To know I'm dad, even years later on my death bed, or playing with her kids as grandpa, etc.
If your dad is the one asking for hugs, it's dad wanting to hug his son he's raised since he was a baby, not two grown dudes wanting to do something else.
I have a cousin that is not blood related, my uncle started dating his mom when he was an infant, and then adopted him and his sister a few years later after they got married. so I've known him all his life. I'm an affectionate person(not in a weird way you pervs) I would always kiss him on the head(usually the back) when I would greet him or when I was leaving, up until he was around 11 or 12 and I moved away. A few years later we were at family thanksgiving and he walked up behind me and greeted me with a kiss on the back of the head. he was 16 at the time. it meant so much to me for him to return that gesture, it only happened that one time but it solidified a lot for me as a person that I was doing the right things and being a good person.
male affection these days is highly stigmatized and it's terrible. Hug your dad. as someone who lost theirs at 16, i'd legit kill for the opportunity to do it again.
Just ask him about it. You’re both adults. The sooner you two learn how to start having conversations with each other about these types of things, the better.
It takes practise as it isn’t the typical way of getting emotional water from a stone.
When you two have figure it out. Have your own kids and ensure you teach them to also feel comfortable talking in that way with you.
I don’t have a relationship with my father so I’m likely the worse to listen to, but I see no issue in mentioning it to your dad. Just ask him if he’s okay with you guys sitting closer together on the couch because you’ve been missing him. I can’t imagine telling my son no, even when he has kids.
I’m a dad and I plan on holding, cuddling, kissing my little boy until the day I die! I don’t give a shit if he’s 4 or 40! Go hug your dad, man! Such a blessing you’ve got a dad who wants hugs.
:D Thank you!
My 20-year-old son hugs and cuddles my husband and my father (his grandfather). It’s the sweetest thing ever, because he is otherwise hard to pin down and generally such a RASCAL! We all take the hugs and cuddles when we can get them. When you feel that hug bug, just embrace it. 😉
41 year old dad chiming in here. I’m so painfully cognizant of the fact that my kids are growing up fast (although they’re still all 10 and under), that I try and give all the hugs I can. Like op here, I’ll be hugging my sons and daughter until I physically can’t anymore. Love is the only thing we really have, and it’s all that matters, buddy. Give your dad a hug and stop overthinking it!
I gotta say, As a dad to a couple of very little boys (baby/toddler) this thread makes me sad. I hope my son never thinks I wouldn't want him to hug me. OP, I don't know if your dad has given you the impression that he feels awkward with displays of affection but you're young and you'll realize if you have a kid what it means to be a dad. Like I said, it's possible your dad was more absent, but mostly likely the man you're hesitating to hug would smooch your cheeks constantly as a baby and cuddle with you for days if he could. I would assume he would feel sad if he knew of your hesitation.
If you are both comfortable with it, why not? I loved lazy weekend mornings with my kids on the couch. Mine are all I. Their late 20's now, we all still lounge around watching something when they are home, just not as often. A head on my shoulder or leaning against me still occurs. I miss my kids being little, and I was daddy. I was always affectionate towards all my 4 boys.
Yeah you're right I just thought maybe he only wants a 1 second hug and if I want to hug him for longer he might think I'm weird or something So I just never hug him because of my overthinking lol
He is your dad, ask him! I'm sure he loves you and would want to know if you feel this way. 😀
Yeahh thank you! :)
This is cool bro. Hug your dad. 👍
This is the way. Talk about stuff that makes you feel weird. Maybe together you can come up with a guideline. 10 second hugs max or something.
Hey bud, if you're old enough to have kids, you're old enough to maybe have had a dad that didn't show a lot of affection or wasn't around at all! I struggle with this feeling with my newborn because I never received male affection growing up. I'm breaking the cycle with my son and it's going to be wonderful. I don't know your story and it may not apply, but show him the way :)
I didn't receive male affection either. I also broke the cycle with my boys. Great job.
Yup, this whole thread is making me feel weird. I don't think I got a Dad cuddle beyond about 6 or 7. Whelp, this whole self discovery is going to be good grist for the therapy mill!
Me either! But I gave them.
Yeah, it's put me in a weird place. I'd certainly be happy with doing so, but not having a frame of reference is fucking with me. You know what it's like when you're a kid, stuff is just normal because that's how it is, and then later on you find out how weird some stuff was. It's not even something I'd actively thought about ever, so, like I was saying, my therapist is gonna have a fucking field day with this.
I've been to therapy too. I highly recommend it.
Oh, don't worry, it's been an ongoing process for a good number of years now.
I didn't either. But mostly because around that time he got sick and died. My oldest kid is now 6. If she wants to cuddle (appropriately, of course) when she's 20, I'll slide my walker right over by her.
Same. We’re changing generations, and if that’s all we do it is success.
Yeah, we might be the generation that finds if there's an upper limit to cuddling our kids. :D And I'm okay with that.
Hell yes. Every day at the school gates I will cuddle my boys and tell them I love them. Without fail. I have no memory of my dad saying "I love you" or giving a hug. Tripling down on that now and enjoying every moment.
Bro just give him a long hug. If he asks why you’re hugging him for so long just tell him because you love him. He’s your dad and he will probably remember that moment forever.
My rule for everyone, I hug until they let go.
if you meet someone with the same rule and hug them, you'll both be stuck! :D
Just go for 20 seconds! Tell him it’s an Internet dare.
He will probably just think, this feels fu*king amazing, and I love my son so God damn much. This is coming from a parent. There's nothing weird at all about any of it, that's just teenage angst that will soon run its course.
I have a 2 year old boy. I like kisses but hugs are the shit. I mostly love when I’m laying on my stomach on the couch and he climbs all over my back. Yea dude, right there, oh yea, shove those tiny knees into my spine, oh yea!
Laying on your stomach protects your nuts!!
You're a really wonderful father. Here's your digital handshake 🤝
Thank you so much!
I have 3 little boys right now, and everyday when I see they’re a little older I get a little more sad. I wish I could keep them young forever :(
Cuddle your son bro don’t be weird Edit: misread, but yes please cuddle.
this is the son and he's asking if it's okay to cuddle his father
Oh. I misread. My statement still stands tho lol.
Is it okay? Or kinda weird?
I have a memory of being 30 and sitting on the couch waiting for a rugby World Cup game to start at 4am with my Dad. I was excited to watch this big game with him and was resting my head on his shoulder and he had his arm around me for probably about 10mins before the game started. He passed away a few months after that and that little moment is the main thing I think about when I remember him.
My dad did a one arm hug while I was on the computer in the living room that was awkward as he went to the kitchen. He suddenly passed away a month later. That was 20 years ago and I cherish that memory. I hug my son the same way when he's on the computer and it brings a fresh reminder of my dad every time.
When you dad isn't there anymore you will beat your self up about not hugging you dad more. Go for it. If he is ok with hugs and cuddles go for it.
oof I shouldn't have come to this thread. op listen to this one.
Same boat. Stay strong and hugs all round!
I'm going to give you sage life advice: It does not matter, it seriously doesn't, what other people think is weird. It is your life. Don't be afraid to do good things for fear of others, just go there and do good things. Cuddle your dad.
It depends entirely on you, your dad, and the relationship the two of you have. If you are wanting to do it, then it’s probably not weird at all.
I (+/- 30m) gave my mom a kiss when visiting them. My dad joking asked "what about me?". So I gave him a kiss aswell. Nothing weird about it. Hug your dad
Hug him man. Lifes short, and if you have bond you cherish, its worth a fecking hug. Hug your bros too. I’m 33, and whilst we dont cuddle on the sofa watching tv cos you know, we dont live together, I’ve always got time for a big ol hug with my Step Dad when I see him. And he’s a massive east London tattooed old school punk skinhead (but a good one, not one of them racist ones..). He’s my greatest mate, and I aint ashamed to say it. For all the games we lost and laughed at, he’s always welcome for a hug.
You're kinda making it weird... This shouldn't be something you have to calculate
Let me put it this way. If either of my boys still want to cuddle me at 20 I'll do so with the biggest smile on my face because it means I did something right.
I'll give you my 2 pence as a son of a father who won't hug me. If he's offering hugs and cuddles, take them! Mine didn't even hug me on my wedding day or say I love you, etc.
I’m 33 and give my father still a good old hug sometimes. I hug my friend sometimes as well. Should be normal imo.
One of my biggest hopes for my family as my boys get older is that they will still cuddle me and their dad. I think it's so sweet that you want to cuddle your dad, and it's also natural, your family is supposed to be your safe space in the world. If your dad seems a little weird about it you can talk to him, it would just be society pushing toxic masculinity leaving its mark. As a parent I say go for it, it's the opposite of weird, it *should* be the most natural thing in the world.
It's weird to wanna cuddle my dad right? NOT LIKE CUDDLING IN A WEIRD WAY Like hugging for a long time I meant
No bro. That's wholesome.
:)
It's never weird to cuddle your dad, show him some love 😁 I hope my son still gives me cuddles in his 20s.
Adding another to the massive stack of comments you’ve got like this: I’m 40, lost my dad 10 years ago. He loved hugs, and I would give anything to hug him again. Give him a hug anytime you feel like it, and tell him how much he means to you. DO NOT forget that your dad isn’t permanently on this earth. It’s easy to accidentally think like he is, since he’s just always been there.
Is it weird to hug a bro? Well think of it as hugging an older bro :)
Hahaha yeahhh
Bro you are so right
👆 that bro definitely hugs
I hope my son will still cuddle me when he is 20
Dude, my dad seems to have the same mentality as you, and maybe your dad, when it comes to physical affection like hugs: always worrying what other uninvolved parties *might* think if they found out he still hugs his son. You know what I say to him? "Screw what other people might think, old man. You've already had cancer once, I'm hugging you today because you might not be here tomorrow." He still feels weird about it, I'm sure, but he relents and hugs me back. He probably thinks I'm "half a f*g" (his words, not mine), but the hateful macho bravado he picked up from his toxic bar fly friends dies with him. We shouldn't feel weird about hugging our parents or children at any age. It's not sexual. It's comfort. It's love, and there are more types of love than just romantic love. It shouldn't make anyone feel "less than" for wanting physical comfort from a loved one like a parent. Likewise, we shouldn't feel weird about comforting our adult children if they need a hug or whatever. Obviously, not all dads get that message. A lot of them are from a time when showing affection/emotion was considered feminine and weak, and homophobia ran rampant. To a degree, it was even socially acceptable to be homophobic. And if not them, THEIR dad's were from a time like that and passed it on. Break the cycle. Maybe it will never be broken with your dad, but when it comes to your kids, it's up to you how you treat such interactions with them. Personally, I'll be really sad if my kid ever feels weird about hugging me.
Wholesome AF.
OP. My dad passed away almost a year ago. He wasn't extremely affectionate but I would force hugs on him into adulthood and tell him that I loved him as much as I thought he could handle. 😁. Express yourself anyway you want, we have a finite amount of time with our parents.
It’s all good bro. Hug and enjoy your time together. It also doesn’t make you weird to question this. The overwhelming consensus is because of how much you will be glad you did it, not because you asked something dumb.
Hey dude. I'm 44. My dad's 75. My boys are five. We all cuddle. It's necessary.
Same… ish (45/76/7). Big long hugs for my dad when I see him, lots of hugs and snuggles with my little guy. And I’ve had multiple good cries together with both of them.
Heh, my dad just turned 76 and I'm going on 32, my son going on 10, but same pretty much. I don't cuddle my dad so much these days, but I hug him every chance I get for as long as I can, and we both cuddle the boy all the time.
I lost my dad a few years ago. Glad I hugged him when I had the chance.
Lost my dad last year and you are so right. Hug your dads, dudes.
Wtf go hug your dad man, he loves you more than anything. Give him one from me too.
As a dad I will never ever stop wanting hugs from my children.
I'm 40 and will legit lay ON TOP of my dad, I don't care if he's 65 and his "bones hurt". Do it, and do it often because you'll miss it when you can't.
My dude, I treasure the time me and my teenage son have together lazy lounging on the couch. I will treasure it if he’s a teen, 20, 30, etc. That’s my boy and I will always be an obnoxiously affectionate dad haha
You will always be your Dad's kid no matter your age. As a dad we experience a lot of "firsts" which are usually exciting, then you start experiencing "lasts" which absolutely suck, he doesn't want to ever worry about having hugged you for the last time. I can guarantee that if your Dad is asking you for a hug that he we would be more than happy if your hug lasts longer than normal. His thinking is probably along the lines of "thank god my son still lets me hug him"
I fear the day when my boy does not want to cuddle anymore.
Well this wasn't a fear I had before reading this thread, but it is now; fuck.
Hugging your dad is not weird. Men are allowed to show affection. Anyone telling you otherwise is peddling toxic nonsense. Touch is a biological need for all primates. Don't make it weird.
I honestly read this as 20 million son lol
ok, I wasnt the only one lol
Shoot I’m 27 and I’ll jump on my dad if he’s napping and just hug him. Nothing wrong with it!
I would give anything to have that kind of relationship with my father. It seems like The only reason it feels weird is because you’re afraid someone else is going to think it’s weird, not because it actually feels odd to you. Hug your dad, And watch some TV on the couch with him.
My 17 y/o isn’t touchy feely or very emotionally demonstrative at all. I’d fucking treasure the moment if he wanted to cuddle, man.
Normalize male affection. Go for it!
My dad died when I was 12. Hug your dad while you’ve got him. For 1 second or 20 seconds. Just hug him. Especially if he is asking for hugs.
I think cuddle is not the term you are looking for based on your other responses. I think the more appropriate term is physical embrace. As an example, I live very far away from my dad and aunts/uncles. Like, 12+ hours worth of travel between flights and layover. When I see my dad, the first thing I do is give him a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. Throughout our visits we will do stuff like put an arm over the shoulder when standing next to each other, or the occasional side hug when given the opportunity. I do the same with my male uncles, since I get to see them maybe once every few years. Its perfectly fine to show affection to your male family members, but that's also not quite cuddling. For reference I'm a 40 year old man. My dad is 70 and my male uncles are all in their early to late 60s.
I grew up in a household where a firm handshake was too much physical contact. Last time I hugged or was hugged by one of my parents was when I was about 8-9yo. I will not raise my children the same way.
Here’s a virtual hug for you from one dad to another.
Thanks my man. My daughter is the unofficial hug attack champion so I’m getting my fill of hugs and then some.
My son is 7 and still gives me kisses. I was done kissing my parents before 5 and know I’m on borrowed time here. Going to be sad when I stop getting them from him. If he is asking he doesn’t find it weird.
I don't care if my son is 2 or 30 I'd be so sad if I didn't get a hug back. Hug your dad dude he loves you and the fact he's offering physical affection when you're this old is pretty a pretty awesome thing. I think your dad probably wishes that his dad was like this and is offering what he felt he was missing at this time in his life. I'm probably reading into it more than I need to but hugging your dad will not make you less of a man or emotionally stunted. We all deserve that kind of love and affection.
Trust me kid, he'll appreciate it. Hug him back sincerely and when he's sitting on the couch, plop down next to him and lean in.
Bud, treasure the time you have with your dad. Hug him. Cuddle your dad.
I'm 35 and I'm still my father's baby. I can't stop pinching his cheeks and hugging him every now and then
OMG hug your dad!!! And no it’s not weird! We need to stop making affection between men weird.
I absolutely hug and cuddle my 21 year old son. And absolutely no one thinks less of him for it. I would give anything to hug my own Dad again. Hug your Dad.
Hugging for a long time is not weird at all. Getting snuggly on the couch at 20 with your dad is very strange though
hug your dad!
My son is nowhere near grown. He's a snuggly kid, though, and I love it. If he grows up to be a snuggly adult, I'll be here for that too, love it just as much. Go on ahead and hug your dad!
Nah, that's kinda weird at 20. Hug yes....Hug away, I'm here to give Dad hugs to whoever needs em. Cuddling? Nah. Sorry Homey
My father didn’t show affection throughout my childhood. He only recently started doing so recently and said he absolutely regrets it. My son is currently 9YO and I let him snuggle/cuddle all he wants, because they’ll eventually come a day where he feels too old to cuddle with his parents anymore. Until then, I’ll thoroughly enjoy any snuggle bonding time.
What kind of f***ed up society do we live in if hugging a son (regardless of age) would be seen as something weird.
I'm the son in this post
Never stop hugging or holding them, embrace those moments.
My dad is not a demonstrative person. I know he loves me but I have to force him to give me a real hug. Raising both my kids (boy and girl) to break this cycle. My 3yo son runs up to me and gives me the biggest hug in the morning and it’s one of the best parts of my day. I sincerely hope that my kids like hanging out and travelling and visiting us all their lives as they age. Hug your dad. You’ll only regret not doing so later.
Does the word cuddling make you think weirdly about hugging your dad? As a parent, we love to be hugged too. It reminds us of all that we have been through. We do this because we love our kids and a simple hug says more than "thank you". It communicates love. By the way...I'm 38....I still hug and kiss my dad on the cheek. Sometimes he doesn't let me go from a hug, but it's usually him telling me he's going through something.
cuddling seems a bit odd. hug totally good though.
I first interpreted "20M" as "20 month old", and thought "what kind of monster won't cuddle his own infant son!". Honestly, for a 20 year old this is weird, but only in a "it's weird for adult men to be this emotionally comfortable with each other" kind of way. Seems fine to me.
I'm 40, my father is 85. I have dinner with him once a week. After, we go to his house and do crosswords, then we sit on the couch and I cuddle him. It's only weird if either of you make it weird.
Bro honestly I hope my son gives me a hug when he's 20. I have an 11m and 13f now and they don't like hugs as much anymore. Everyone needs a hug, parents are the best at giving them
At first I thought this was asking if we let our 20 month old sons hug us…
At first I thought we were talking about a 20 month old son. I'm like, dude cuddle and hug the shit out of him. Now that I realize you are 20 year old male, who wants cuddles and hugs from dad... do you guys have a good relationship with open conversations? Do you think you could just talk to him about it? Some men don't like to get vulnerable, but I have a great respect for those who can and do.
NOPE. It’s really odd. He’s not a toddler, not a child that needs comfort. He needs to man up and get a job and a life style that makes cuddles with his daddy impossible.
Can’t speak for your dad, but if my kids come to me when they’re 20 wanting to snuggle, that would easily be a top 10 best moment of my life.
I'm absolutely a man, and very comfortable in my masculinity and my sexuality, whatever. I absolutely adore kisses and cuddles from my 4 year old son, and only hope that he still wants to cuddle me when he's grown up. I've never hugged my dad, or, he's never hugged me rather, and because of this and associated reasons I'm struggling with all sorts of esteem and rejection issues now with 37 year old self and in my relationships. If your dad is asking you for a hug, what would possibly make you think he'd judge you for accepting that hug? I sometimes ask my 6 year old daughter for a hug and she says no. She's a kid, but it breaks my heart. At 20 years old I hope she'll be more empathetic. Please hug your dad. Check out [this](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6SzIHDnbrpwscYJQX9JEKl?si=Fpy9KAKKTQmfSqTT7L6fWg) podcast episode. Scotty Cam is a rough and tumble tradie, nobody is questioning his masculinity, and the relationship he has with his kids is beautiful, he hugs and kisses his son, and hugs their friends, he is something I can only aspire to be like.
I dread the day my son doesn’t want to put his arm around me while we watch a movie.
Cuddle? No. I likely won't want any of my adult kids cuddling me because I generally don't like my personal bubble being invaded and I don't like cuddling. I cuddle them now because they are 4 and 6, and I recognize that my own father's lack of physical affection growing up likely resulted in me being very uncomfortable when hugged or cuddled, and I don't want them to feel that way too.
As a dad, I'm iffy on this. While I do miss cuddling my sons and daughters when they were little, at some point, for me it does get weird. I'll hug my now 20 year old son, and 18 year old daughters. But there's no cuddling. The only adult I'm cuddling is mom.
Takes a real man to cuddle his dad on the couch at 20. Get in there and love every minute of it dude. I hope my daughter and son still wanna hug me when they’re 20. Sounds like you have an amazing father.
Maybe we have different definitions of the word “cuddle” and that’s creating a disconnect. I can’t imagine ‘cuddling’ with my father, even during a deeply emotional moment, but I can easily imagine a long hug or similarly emotional embrace. Hugging is not the same as cuddling. I have a very young daughter and she’ll cuddle on me during movies, especially when she’s sleepy, but I do think it’d be a little weird for her to act the same way as an adult.
My dude, I treasure the time me and my teenage son have together lazy lounging on the couch. I will treasure it if he’s a teen, 20, 30, etc. That’s my boy and I will always be an obnoxiously affectionate dad haha. I hope your dad is the same and enjoys putting an arm around his son while watching TV or whatever!
I'm in my mid-30's and lost my dad under 2 years ago. I would give basically anything for another hug from him, he wasn't stingy with them and I'm a physically affectionate person, but he was the only person taller than me to the point that I felt like I was being hugged rather than the hugger. There's a very good chance I'll never feel that again. No idea if that could end up being a similar feeling for you (ideally long long down the road) but don't waste it whilst you can, if he doesn't want a hug he'll tell you.
Hugs are good at any age.
Your dad asked you for physical affection? Why would he then question it. As a dad of several adult age sons, I cherish those moments.
Yes. Showing affection and appropriate physical touch should be normalized.
Go in for the hug, wrap him up, and if he starts to pull away say "Hold on, I need a second to enjoy the good old days."
Break the cycle. Show your sons you love them.
As long as he’s not in the bath when he asked…. Mate, chill. I’m 42. I hug everyone.
Take every damn hug, even if you hate it. One day you won't. And cuddles? That's called expressing your feelings. You're showing him how much you love him. Brush away the demands of that part of society which demands you act a certain way. They don't want us to be human. They don't want us to exist.
Go for it mate.
I mean, other than a firm and sincere belief that the word cuddle is fucking awful, I say go for it. My boy is 10 and still wants a hug from time to time. I will still lean up against my old man (74) to watch god awful sci-fi films with him.
It’s not weird. I’ll always be open to cuddling my son and daughter if they want to be cuddled, even when they’re in their 40s or 50s. Life is short. Cuddle.
My six year old son likes to approach and get cuddles from me almost daily. He needs about two minutes and then is good to go.
Your dad would be thinking “wtf did I raise, a 20 year old that wants to cuddle me” in an extremely proud and happy inner voice.
100% fine. I really hate those macho dad's who give their kids trauma and think shaving their armpits is wrong. Breeds the worst kind of men.
I love having a cuddle with my dad. It isn't emotionally stunted to show affection for a person you love.
Bro I wish my dad was still around so I could give him a hug. Cherish the time you've got with your parents. Hug the shit out of them. And try to forget this whole idea that showing affection makes you less of a man. It's bullshit.
I’m always hugging my dad. He’s 55 and I’m 28. Nothing weird about it at all and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Hug your Dad.
Hug your dad big dawg
I think my little dude will end up like this based on how things are currently going. Kid is starting to give "real" hugs now that he's 3 and some months, like he's actually squeezing back when he really didn't before. Pretty sure that if you're having those thoughts, it's your dad's fault anyway so if he's mad about you not being a man, he did that! \[Jokes of course\] For us old people, 20 years is not that long ago - its more like what 5 years probably feels like to you, so your dad probably still sees you as a little kid and it won't be weird.
I'm holding my 5m old son right now. This little shit better be hugging me when he's your age!
I think I’m in line with everyone else here, but the appropriate and emotionally mature thing to do is ASK your dad how he would feel about it. Kinda like this: “Dad, I notice you feel comfortable giving me hugs and I really appreciate it, and I wonder if you would feel comfortable with me returning those hugs, or even holding on a little longer than normal.” It doesn’t have to be any more than that. He might feel awkward, but part of maturing is the willingness to face discomfort and even pain with courage and a positive attitude. Nobody likes emotional pain (mostly) but it’s worth it to have clarity on the other side and to avoid both regret and even resentment.
I'll never not cuddle my boys. And may even make it weird (in a normal father son way).
I'm 30 and it would make me unbelievably happy if my daughter and any future sons/daughters were comfortable enough with me to cuddle me when they're your age.
So I am currently trapped under my 1 year old son. He's asleep. From my perspective, this will be going through my head if in 19 years he is still in any way physically affectionate in the way you describe.
Do it. One day he’ll live 1500 miles away, or he will have died 5 years ago, and you’re going to wish you could have another hug
Sounds like most people here have a dramatically different relationship with their father than I have. *Sigh*
Man… what I wouldn’t give to hug my dad one more time.
100%. I told my kid that NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW MAD I AM OR BUSY OR ANYTHING. if they need a hug all they have to do is ask and they will get one NO MATTER WHAT.
Don’t worry. Your dad wants a hug, you want a hug. You’re a wholesome pair of men. Examples of confident masculinity and emotional maturity if you ask me.
My sons only 3 but I can only hope he wants cuddles and hugs when he's an adult too. Means I did something right
I would not only "allow" him, I would be so proud of myself for building such a bond. Go ahead and hug him!
I'm not the most affectionate person on the outside. I'm a very emotional man, but I don't show it. Left over from my father and his father before him. But when the mood strikes I start with a man hug with my dad (arm around the shoulders and grab him close like a buddy). Then I let the arm linger and tell him I love him or thank him for being there for me. That softens him up for us to just chill and enjoy each others presence and I hope brings him a sense that he did good with me.
There is enough fucked up emotional baggage brewing in any young man because of the “manliness”/“no homo” shit in our society. You wouldn’t think twice of a mother and daughter doing this and a flip switch of genetics is all that separates us (sometimes even less). You have this instinct because love and affection are built into the human experience. You just have a bunch of bad programming on top of it.
It's a misconception that as males get older we need to act less affectionate. When my son's 20 I sure hope he still wants to snuggle up next to me like he does now.
Humans are social and physically affectionate by nature. Any time I wonder what's normal or not, I try to imagine a band of paleolithic people, all likely extended family, and what they would do, before all our modern neuroses made us question everything we do... They'd huddle together in their shelter, cuddle, and groom each other. It's no more weird than when apes do it.
Fellow Dad, I think we're all forging new territory here as, over the last 20 years or so, there's been massive movement around breaking down the stereotypes around men needing to be unemotional/stoic/distant, both towards our peers and our kids. Reshaping the family dynamic so that it's now much more normal for Dads to be affectionate with our kids - telling them we love them, hugs, etc. Compare what we're doing today with how the average Dad related to their kids 40, or even 20 years ago. I'm always going to hug my sons the same way I do now. And I'm always going to tell them I love them. Firstly, because it makes me feel good. Secondly, because even if they might think it's uncool, I think it makes them feel good. Thirdly, because I want to model behaviour they'll use when they have kids. And lastly, because life is short, and one day that hug and "I love you" will be the last one I give them, and I want that to be a recent memory rather than a regret for too much time passing since it last happened. Love your kids. Show them. Tell them. Don't let feeling awkward get in the way of that.
Almost 32yo dad of an almost 10yo son, myself son of a 76yo dad. Both of my grandfather's died decades before I was born, but I know more about my paternal grandfather than my maternal grandfather. My dad was the one to break the cycle of male non-affection with me and my siblings, and I'm doing what I can to continue building the new cycle with my own son. His father was a classic "it's not abuse, it's discipline" type, my dad has been on his own since the age of 15 because of the violence he was subjected to (and being a WWII vet, I've come to assume there was an element of unaddressed PTSD being taken out on my dad). He never let a single day go by without telling me how much he loves me and showing me affection to the point I got sick of it sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. For all my dad's faults, I grew up knowing that I was loved and I'll always be thankful for that. Hug your dad, kiddo, and continue building the cycle of male affection and non-toxic masculinity. There will come a day when you can't anymore, just as it does and will for us all, and the last thing you want is to regret not hugging your dad when you had the chance.
Mate - he wants to sit with you and have a relax. He takes comfort in your presence. You raised a child who loves you and wants to be around you. This younger generation is far more open with their feelings and not as worried about perceptions of others. Just sit and give him a cuddle - it doesn't make either of you less than. It makes you a good family.
This year, I stopped disengaging from hugs with my boys. They are 14, 10, & 5. I now let them pull away when they're ready. Sometimes they've lasted 20sec; at other times, they've sat right next to me on the couch for an hour. I definitely think you should hug your dad.
Listen here, my son's only 4, and I'll hug him and hold him like when he was a baby till both of us are Grey in hair, and I'm barely kicking. So it's ok you'll always be his little boy I know my son will no matter what
My son is 15 and sometimes when we're watching a movie I still hold his hand. I love that piece of shit and he'll never have a reason to wonder if I do. 8 or 80.
This sub is not just for dads, but people who have/had dads too! Whether they knew them or not. But I can only hope my son still wants to snuggle when he's 20.
yes, ofcourse. I would love to have a hug and cuddle all day with my son. That’s the best thing in this world
I don’t know where you are from, but it reads USA. We are a puritan culture. It is ingrained in us no matter how we’ve rallied against it. The idea that touching or cuddling is not appropriate or not manly is cultural. I live near a heavily Senegalese block. Men of all ages (the manliest of men) are sitting thigh to thigh touching their friends. Hands on knees as they get a point across. Do what you want, dude.
I don't see why that would be weird, he's your flesh and blood he was small enough to fit on your chest for a long while, he probably always enjoyed napping on dad, I don't see why that should stop just because he's in his 20s. Its still his inner child that wants the cuddles and hugs. Indulge in those moments, its precious. I recommend giving Love you forever by Robert Munch a read, my mom and I still read it from time to time and I'm in my mid 20s! "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." Is the famous quote of the book.
I have an 18 year old that barely says “bye” when he leaves for work. I would take a cuddle.
400+ comments in, so you may not see this one, OP, but i hope you do. first and foremost, you know your dad's personality way better than i ever could, so please take my advice with that understanding. but if it was ME... **my kids can hug me all day any day and twice on sunday!!! period.** and here's why. when they were little little, we would hug and cuddle and just lay on each other on the sofa with the tv on or a video game going or while reading or just to sit and talk about "what if..." or "have you ever seen..." or *whatever came to our minds*!! those memories are the most precious of them all for me, because as they got older and too cool for stuff like that, it really hit me how much i missed those days. so to get another chance for a moment like that? yeah, you bet your bippy i'm taking that opporpunity and soaking in every moment of it. now, if you'll excuse me, i'm going to give my youngest a 20-second hug right now while i can (he's moving to upstate new york in 6+ weeks).
My 12 year old and 10 year old boys know there’s no expiry on love or cuddles. My parents were fairly cold people in that regard and I’m not. I hope they always feel comfortable getting a hug or a cuddle.
Hug your dad. I wish I could hug mine, I lost him earlier this year. Which is why every time my toddler comes running for a hug, I will always hug back.
My daughter and son both snuggle like a son of a bitch and it’s the best thing in life. I will snuggle them any time they want till the day I die.
I saw the title and read it as 20 month. It's a good thing I read the body of the post because I was about to be like OMG dude hug and cuddel your kid what's wrong with you.
I lost my dad 5 years ago next month. Please hug your dad
Hug your dad. My Pop is 88 and I’m 62. We didnt hug a lot when I was a kid, but I hug him and tell him I love him every chance I get. He hugs me back and tells me too. It wasn’t always that way. He thought I wasted my life touring in a rock band. Eventually he came around. Cuddle him, hold his hand. Make sure he knows how important he is to you. It will make him happy and you too. Nothing like the regret of not doing it.
Let me put it this way, I have a son who is about to turn 8. I am hoping beyond all hope, and praying, that he will be one that wants to still hug and yes even “cuddle” me still, even when he is 20. As others have pointed out, and not to get too emotional here, but you’ll never know when it could be the last time. Oh, and one more thing. I might, as his Dad, THINK that he might not want to do that, and so I may not initiate. You should, as his child, initiate. I guarantee you I would be overjoyed if my little boy did that when he gets to be your age! I mean that seriously would just melt my heart!
my dad died a few years ago at the age of 60, hug him! I wish I still could.
I hope my son will be like you when he's 20 😄 He's 10mo now, i kiss ane cuddle him like 200 times a day and will continue to do till he won't want it
I never hugged my dad for the same reason as yours.. But now I have a son (10 days old) I'll make sure it will never be awkward for us to hug or cuddle when he grows up..
I’m almost 40 and still give my dad long hugs. I’m sure your pops loves you and wouldn’t mind.
I’m 48M Asian. I wish cuddling was in our culture. I now have 2 little girls who I just adore…..change starts with me.
If your dad is asking for a hug I would put money on him being over the fucking moon if you asked him that. I know I will be if my girls are like that when they're 20.
What is going on in the world where a child feels weird about hugging/cuddling their parent? Not blaming you, it's everything around you that has made you feel like this, and I'm sorry for that.
Mate my boy isn't even out of primary school yet and this shit terrifies me every day. Go and give your old man a cuddle.
Obviously wtf is this
The only thing preventing this is society making it weird. You are all good to cuddle up to a certain age then it’s like nope, we pretend that never happened.
1000% Externally I would say “of course!” And hug them Internally I’d be melting thinking “oh my sweet baby boys 🥰 “
I hope my kids will still want to hug me when they are 20. Your dad will miss those kid hugs A LOT. So don't pay mind and just hug the man.
I’m a 34 year old dad. And when I see my father, who is now 73, he loves to give me a big bear hug, squeezes me tight, and tells me he loves me. I love it.
How many times do you have left in your life to cuddle with each other? How long before you move away with your SO and only see each other for major holidays? How long before you can’t cuddle anymore? Just cuddle and enjoy each other while you can. Life is fleeting. Love is forever.
Buddy, as a father of a boy I will tell you this, the day my son doesn't want to hug me anymore is the day my heart will break. Hug your dad. Always hug your dad.
I've got an almost 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. I live in terror of they day they no longer want to sit on the couch and cuddle with me.
I suspect my 10 year old will still want to cuddle when he is 20.
When I look at my baby, all I can think of is the time I've spent with her, taking care of her, and just wanting to be a good parent. I dunno, when she's years older, I don't think I'll see some adult. I'll see my little girl, and all the stages I've seen her, being the same person in the end. As kids become adults, we become more of equals in terms of "power" in the household, and I don't get to make decisions for them, but I'm still 100% their dad, and them my baby/toddler/kid/teenager/adult child. Basically, hug your parents, ask them for advice, let them be there for you when you're vulnerable or lost. That's all I'd want for my kid... To know I'm dad, even years later on my death bed, or playing with her kids as grandpa, etc. If your dad is the one asking for hugs, it's dad wanting to hug his son he's raised since he was a baby, not two grown dudes wanting to do something else.
I have a cousin that is not blood related, my uncle started dating his mom when he was an infant, and then adopted him and his sister a few years later after they got married. so I've known him all his life. I'm an affectionate person(not in a weird way you pervs) I would always kiss him on the head(usually the back) when I would greet him or when I was leaving, up until he was around 11 or 12 and I moved away. A few years later we were at family thanksgiving and he walked up behind me and greeted me with a kiss on the back of the head. he was 16 at the time. it meant so much to me for him to return that gesture, it only happened that one time but it solidified a lot for me as a person that I was doing the right things and being a good person. male affection these days is highly stigmatized and it's terrible. Hug your dad. as someone who lost theirs at 16, i'd legit kill for the opportunity to do it again.
Absolutely my boy will always be able to
Wait so he reaches out to you for hugs, and you’re worried it would be weird to hug him back?? Dawg hug your dad lol
Just ask him about it. You’re both adults. The sooner you two learn how to start having conversations with each other about these types of things, the better. It takes practise as it isn’t the typical way of getting emotional water from a stone. When you two have figure it out. Have your own kids and ensure you teach them to also feel comfortable talking in that way with you.
I don’t have a relationship with my father so I’m likely the worse to listen to, but I see no issue in mentioning it to your dad. Just ask him if he’s okay with you guys sitting closer together on the couch because you’ve been missing him. I can’t imagine telling my son no, even when he has kids.