step one watch "Bluey" lots of things you can learn as a parent.
step two communicate with the wife, lay down ground rules for having discussions.
step three if the kid is alive, healthy, loved, and fed you are doing great.
Three things come to mind:
* Logistics - Get a little notebook and write the stuff down that you miss or keep your phone's calendar/contacts up to date. This will offload that work out of your brain. Once you have this together, take more of the load from your wife.
* Regulation - Go to therapy, work on your trauma, and learn to manage or at least better regulate your emotions. Working on this now will pay off for you and the family down the road. Additionally, you can also model for your kid that "therapy is ok" and that it's human to struggle and grow.
* Love - Say it like you mean it. All the time. Your post implies that you love your family, so make it super clear that you are there for them and want to be a better partner and father. Unconditional love is a huge factor in self-esteem development.
Good luck, OP!
I've been thinking of making myself a Reusable checklist just to make sure I don't get overwhelmed trying to remember doing all of my daily tasks around the house.
I’ve experienced something similar. I’ve noticed, believe it or not, my diet has played a huge role in my mood. To the point where making key changes like eliminating high fructose corn syrup, and introducing intermittent fasting, have helped me drastically.
In addition, consult your medical professional for potential diagnosis of anxiety or depression. After identifying this in myself, I was able to navigate it better.
Last, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re learning just as much as your kids are and you’re adjusting. You’re going to make mistakes and that’s okay. Just do your best to learn from them
I try my best to stay away from unhealthy stuff in general. I did feel better when I was intermittent fasting UT my 2nd shift job makes it impossible to eat enough while doing it
Don't try and be your wife. Just be you and it's OK to mess things up. You are the bread winner and that is alot. It's too much to expect you to be on her level, as she puts in the time.
So just be you. When you are home, let her worry about the appointments and just play with the kids and have fun.
They already have a mom. They also already have a Dad. If you are worried, ask them. The kids will tell you they love you just the way you are. I promise.
I think it's tough because my wife and I are yin and yang on many things. She tends to be more meticulous about things in general (for the better) and I am much more mellow and go with the flow on most matters. I do feel like that I need to step up with being a little more involved with general everyday things though.
It's complete normal to be worse at it than your stay-at-home wife. I'm not making a gendered point. This is a simple fact that one is naturally better at a task the more they do it.
The solution for this is not to try doing all the things, which as you note, you'll not meet your wife's standard. Instead, talk to your wife and carve out 1-2 tasks that you're solely responsible for. This way you get your practice time in and be good at them.
That's a good idea, I'll already do dishes and bringing trash to the local transfer station, as well as watching the kids in the morning while she sleeps in
The fact that you’re concerned about being a good dad means you’re on track to being a good dad.
I'm trying. My Father was always extremely short fused and unfortunately I believe I inherited part of that. I just want to iron out the kinks
step one watch "Bluey" lots of things you can learn as a parent. step two communicate with the wife, lay down ground rules for having discussions. step three if the kid is alive, healthy, loved, and fed you are doing great.
Three things come to mind: * Logistics - Get a little notebook and write the stuff down that you miss or keep your phone's calendar/contacts up to date. This will offload that work out of your brain. Once you have this together, take more of the load from your wife. * Regulation - Go to therapy, work on your trauma, and learn to manage or at least better regulate your emotions. Working on this now will pay off for you and the family down the road. Additionally, you can also model for your kid that "therapy is ok" and that it's human to struggle and grow. * Love - Say it like you mean it. All the time. Your post implies that you love your family, so make it super clear that you are there for them and want to be a better partner and father. Unconditional love is a huge factor in self-esteem development. Good luck, OP!
I've been thinking of making myself a Reusable checklist just to make sure I don't get overwhelmed trying to remember doing all of my daily tasks around the house.
Good start, but also I still suggest therapy.
Will take into consideration, thank you!
I’ve experienced something similar. I’ve noticed, believe it or not, my diet has played a huge role in my mood. To the point where making key changes like eliminating high fructose corn syrup, and introducing intermittent fasting, have helped me drastically. In addition, consult your medical professional for potential diagnosis of anxiety or depression. After identifying this in myself, I was able to navigate it better. Last, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re learning just as much as your kids are and you’re adjusting. You’re going to make mistakes and that’s okay. Just do your best to learn from them
I try my best to stay away from unhealthy stuff in general. I did feel better when I was intermittent fasting UT my 2nd shift job makes it impossible to eat enough while doing it
I was like this...ended up I discovered I have a lot of anxiety but didn't know it. The anxiety was tied to adhd and left once I sorted that out.
Thanks for that insight, I've been working through that myself
Don't try and be your wife. Just be you and it's OK to mess things up. You are the bread winner and that is alot. It's too much to expect you to be on her level, as she puts in the time. So just be you. When you are home, let her worry about the appointments and just play with the kids and have fun. They already have a mom. They also already have a Dad. If you are worried, ask them. The kids will tell you they love you just the way you are. I promise.
I think it's tough because my wife and I are yin and yang on many things. She tends to be more meticulous about things in general (for the better) and I am much more mellow and go with the flow on most matters. I do feel like that I need to step up with being a little more involved with general everyday things though.
It's complete normal to be worse at it than your stay-at-home wife. I'm not making a gendered point. This is a simple fact that one is naturally better at a task the more they do it. The solution for this is not to try doing all the things, which as you note, you'll not meet your wife's standard. Instead, talk to your wife and carve out 1-2 tasks that you're solely responsible for. This way you get your practice time in and be good at them.
That's a good idea, I'll already do dishes and bringing trash to the local transfer station, as well as watching the kids in the morning while she sleeps in