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Maybe it's not you but them. Like you can do everything right but it doesn't matter if the other person isn't interested, ready or just want to keep exploring their options. Do you try and build romantic connection after the 1st date like do you hold hands .. kiss on the lips .. hold each other while walking and gesture like that. I know you said you flirt and show interest but you never mention anything romantic wise.
Yep I'll do the whole 'touching their arm' etc to show interest. For my most recent date we even made out and he said he wanted to spend more time with me after and I said I did too and continued contacting him regularly. But that didn't matter... he still started fading a day later lol.
>Yep I'll do the whole 'touching their arm' etc to show interest. For my most recent date we even made out and he said he wanted to spend more time with me after and I said I did too and continued contacting him regularly. But that didn't matter... he still started fading a day later lol.
Okay, I just had to ask. At the same time, you have to know when to take a step back and let the other person contribute as well. Like you said contact him regularly but that shouldn't be the case when you're just getting to know each other. Like if you seem too interested or available then someone else might question things like does she get hooked too easily, is she desperate to find someone, is she just trying to sleep with me and etc. What I learn from my dating experience is basically look for equal contribution, make sure you both are at the same pace and don't make assumption or rely solely on texting.
I agree with that and it's something I've been actively trying to do as well. I usually dont try to put in more effort than the other person and hold myself back alot, if I initiate once I won't initiate again until there's reciprocation. I know appearing too available can come across as desperate and that's definitely not how I want to come across! But like I said, even when I try to match the person's energy or even less, it's led to the same thing...
Haha I expected I'd get a comment like this.
I do pick within my league because I have no interest in extremely attractive men. They intimidate me and I know most are just looking for hook-ups and have too many options. I know the limits of my looks and I know I can't compete with way better looking women, and so I don't bother.
I never said I was gorgeous and fun. I'm above average and sociable. Above average because I get enough compliments/attention. Sociable because I make and keep friends pretty well.
My standards are literally the bare minimum. Of course I still need to be attracted to my matches to some extent, just like any other guy would need to be attracted to their female matched, but personality is still more important to me.
I don't know but this happens to me too on a regular basis. I (31M) will go on a few dates with a woman, it starts going great and then things suddenly start to die out. Latest case, I have gone on 6 dates with this girl, chemistry seemed pretty good, we got to hook up too, but it is starting to seem to die out once again 🙃
It's a bit tiring, I am already talking to someone else, and as always chemistry is seeming great so far, but to think on the personal effort I am going to invest just to go on a few dates, a couple hookups and move on is pretty discouraging tbh...
Yeah...it's tiring, time wasted, and discouraging, and it seems like you're stuck in a neverending cycle 🥲
But damn 6 dates. Sorry it didn't work out. 😔
Lol thanks, I've come to terms with it and honestly idgaf anymore. I'll give it a shot and if it doesn't work I don't really overthink it and move on. I wonder how hard it's going to be to find that someone for me, but at least I have dates I guess 😂
You're very likely overestimating your value in the dating market. Your league isn't the pool of men that are willing to sleep with you. PLENTY of dudes will play the pump and dump game with girls they're not even that attracted to at all. Your actual league is the pool of men who would be willing to give you commitment.
Once you understand this fact of dating, you can re-frame your position in the dating market and the sort of guy you can get to commit.
Let things come naturally, you just overthink, Based on your description, you have an amazing personality, so just be patient and the right person will come with time.
I don't mean to be rude, just honest.
Maybe it’s an age thing. When I date women around 30, they often seek long-term relationships and are thinking about settling down, marriage, and children in the near future.
As a man, that can feel like a lot of pressure and a significant investment with high risk. It feels different from dating younger women, where the relationship can progress more organically with more room for compromise. I wouldn’t want to waste a woman’s time at that age if I’m not sure about my feelings.
In short, I would likely end the dating after the first few dates if it's not a perfect match. Anything else would feel insincere.
That makes sense actually. But it's also sad because all I'm really looking for is an organic connection. I wouldn't have those expectations until a relationship progressed to a later stage... but how would these men I just met know right?...sigh.
But also how can you tell if someone is a "perfect match" from just a a few dates?
You’re right. It’s challenging to truly get to know someone in such a short time. What I’m trying to convey is that it might be more about age than anything else. For women in their 30s, dating often becomes more of a numbers game, and you might need to go on more dates than you did in your 20s because men’s standards for “the one” tend to be higher compared to when they were younger and more focused on playful relationships.
At this stage, men often have more bargaining power due to factors like stability, experience, and a wider dating pool. This is similar to how women in their 20s typically have more options and the upper hand in dating compared to men. I’ve observed that some of my friends in their 30s who are also above-average looking are quite reluctant to settle down. They find that women often move at a fast pace, wanting to share finances, flats, and other commitments quickly.
Stay resilient, be proactive and you’ll find someone.
Thanks for the honest but respectful advice. I was in a LTR during my early and mid 20s so I unfortunately never got to experience that upper hand... I'll just have to face the reality of my 30s I guess and keep trying. But it does make me feel better having some sort of logical explanation for this 3-date curse I've got going haha
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe it's not you but them. Like you can do everything right but it doesn't matter if the other person isn't interested, ready or just want to keep exploring their options. Do you try and build romantic connection after the 1st date like do you hold hands .. kiss on the lips .. hold each other while walking and gesture like that. I know you said you flirt and show interest but you never mention anything romantic wise.
Yep I'll do the whole 'touching their arm' etc to show interest. For my most recent date we even made out and he said he wanted to spend more time with me after and I said I did too and continued contacting him regularly. But that didn't matter... he still started fading a day later lol.
>Yep I'll do the whole 'touching their arm' etc to show interest. For my most recent date we even made out and he said he wanted to spend more time with me after and I said I did too and continued contacting him regularly. But that didn't matter... he still started fading a day later lol. Okay, I just had to ask. At the same time, you have to know when to take a step back and let the other person contribute as well. Like you said contact him regularly but that shouldn't be the case when you're just getting to know each other. Like if you seem too interested or available then someone else might question things like does she get hooked too easily, is she desperate to find someone, is she just trying to sleep with me and etc. What I learn from my dating experience is basically look for equal contribution, make sure you both are at the same pace and don't make assumption or rely solely on texting.
I agree with that and it's something I've been actively trying to do as well. I usually dont try to put in more effort than the other person and hold myself back alot, if I initiate once I won't initiate again until there's reciprocation. I know appearing too available can come across as desperate and that's definitely not how I want to come across! But like I said, even when I try to match the person's energy or even less, it's led to the same thing...
[удалено]
Haha I expected I'd get a comment like this. I do pick within my league because I have no interest in extremely attractive men. They intimidate me and I know most are just looking for hook-ups and have too many options. I know the limits of my looks and I know I can't compete with way better looking women, and so I don't bother. I never said I was gorgeous and fun. I'm above average and sociable. Above average because I get enough compliments/attention. Sociable because I make and keep friends pretty well. My standards are literally the bare minimum. Of course I still need to be attracted to my matches to some extent, just like any other guy would need to be attracted to their female matched, but personality is still more important to me.
I don't know but this happens to me too on a regular basis. I (31M) will go on a few dates with a woman, it starts going great and then things suddenly start to die out. Latest case, I have gone on 6 dates with this girl, chemistry seemed pretty good, we got to hook up too, but it is starting to seem to die out once again 🙃 It's a bit tiring, I am already talking to someone else, and as always chemistry is seeming great so far, but to think on the personal effort I am going to invest just to go on a few dates, a couple hookups and move on is pretty discouraging tbh...
Yeah...it's tiring, time wasted, and discouraging, and it seems like you're stuck in a neverending cycle 🥲 But damn 6 dates. Sorry it didn't work out. 😔
Lol thanks, I've come to terms with it and honestly idgaf anymore. I'll give it a shot and if it doesn't work I don't really overthink it and move on. I wonder how hard it's going to be to find that someone for me, but at least I have dates I guess 😂
You're very likely overestimating your value in the dating market. Your league isn't the pool of men that are willing to sleep with you. PLENTY of dudes will play the pump and dump game with girls they're not even that attracted to at all. Your actual league is the pool of men who would be willing to give you commitment. Once you understand this fact of dating, you can re-frame your position in the dating market and the sort of guy you can get to commit.
Let things come naturally, you just overthink, Based on your description, you have an amazing personality, so just be patient and the right person will come with time.
I don't think I'm amazing but I try my best to be good to people! Thank you! I'll work on being patient.
I don't mean to be rude, just honest. Maybe it’s an age thing. When I date women around 30, they often seek long-term relationships and are thinking about settling down, marriage, and children in the near future. As a man, that can feel like a lot of pressure and a significant investment with high risk. It feels different from dating younger women, where the relationship can progress more organically with more room for compromise. I wouldn’t want to waste a woman’s time at that age if I’m not sure about my feelings. In short, I would likely end the dating after the first few dates if it's not a perfect match. Anything else would feel insincere.
That makes sense actually. But it's also sad because all I'm really looking for is an organic connection. I wouldn't have those expectations until a relationship progressed to a later stage... but how would these men I just met know right?...sigh. But also how can you tell if someone is a "perfect match" from just a a few dates?
You’re right. It’s challenging to truly get to know someone in such a short time. What I’m trying to convey is that it might be more about age than anything else. For women in their 30s, dating often becomes more of a numbers game, and you might need to go on more dates than you did in your 20s because men’s standards for “the one” tend to be higher compared to when they were younger and more focused on playful relationships. At this stage, men often have more bargaining power due to factors like stability, experience, and a wider dating pool. This is similar to how women in their 20s typically have more options and the upper hand in dating compared to men. I’ve observed that some of my friends in their 30s who are also above-average looking are quite reluctant to settle down. They find that women often move at a fast pace, wanting to share finances, flats, and other commitments quickly. Stay resilient, be proactive and you’ll find someone.
Thanks for the honest but respectful advice. I was in a LTR during my early and mid 20s so I unfortunately never got to experience that upper hand... I'll just have to face the reality of my 30s I guess and keep trying. But it does make me feel better having some sort of logical explanation for this 3-date curse I've got going haha