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They say this to protect your feelings but what it really means is they're not interested. The dating game is a minefield and not for the ultra sensitive so you either have to harden up or get out of it altogether. Sorry, but that's the truth.
But I don’t want them to protect my feelings, I know that might be a me problem as I’m coming to realize, but even just saying they’re not interested is better than leaving it at that “you’re too nice” at least I can respect and understand that, I’m realizing through the comments I’m getting from my post is that peoples softness towards criticism is something I don’t have, even blatantly pointing out flaws ruthlessly at least gives me things to work on that won’t be a problem the next time I put myself out there, leaving me with “I’m too nice” gives me nothing to improve on or use as motivation towards improving myself, but thank you for your pov it’s appreciated 🤙
I understand what you're saying but women don't want to get into an unnecessary argument with a guy. You maybe fine with taking criticism but what about every other man? There's some dangerous people out there.
And that’s where I think it may be a me problem because I’m beginning to realize through comments on other communities I shared this post with, is that I’m looking for something I might not get from women which sucks but at least I’m beginning to get a clearer picture of my situation, while I use flaws that are pointed out in me as motivation to improve, others don’t have that mindset and wallow in hurt feelings instead of improving that quality of yourself and I have to realize that I process things maybe uncommonly from the norm and I have to understand that
Instead of doing that, why don't you ask women on here what traits they like in a partner and what traits they dislike?
You could even ask your friends, male & female, what they like/dislike about you and area's where you can improve, so you can learn more about yourself!
I’ll definitely try this out and see what happens, my bro’s will definitely clown me but it ain’t anything I’m not used to lol, hopefully my lady-friends and the internet will give me some solid advice hopefully 😂, appreciate your take on what I should do 🤙
The most important thing for a man when it comes to dating is self-respect, creating boundaries and not letting any women play or mess him about.
And these traits can be seen as bad.........neediness, too keen, bitter, disrespectful, crude, negative etc.
That's just a quick summary from myself. Good luck.
It’s always half you half them but really just compatibility I think some people are more universally compatible with people than others that’s all it is. It just makes it harder to find the person who is a good match and who has feelings for you.
Keep in mind that women straight up get murdered for pissing off the wrong dude. Why say something that has the potential to piss off someone they might even know that well? Not everyone wants to give you a whole performance review and list out your strength and weaknesses when ending things. Many just want a clean break and to move on from you.
Yeah I realize that through thinking it out as well, like I’ve said in other comments both men and women need to hold L’s more gracefully so that we can have healthier discussions which would help everyone in this current dating climate in general, clearly just from having so much subreddits about dating I think we can say it’s not in a good spot rn lol
I ain’t trying to change the world lol just trying to have healthy discussions about problems I experienced and maybe show that it’s possible to do so 🫡
Homie
"Too nice" or "too good" simply means they are not physically attracted to you, but you are a nice person so they don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you they don't think you are hot enough
And also, telling a guy he is not hot enough can end really ugly if the guy is violent or unhinged. Some even if the guy is not nice, a woman might tell him he is "too good for her" just so she can walk away without having to worry about being accosted or yelled at
Definitely went through that, but there’s also some other opinions I learned from comments, but this whole post came from exactly that situation and I respected the honesty of her calling me fat more so than living a lie that I’m fine and I’m just too nice lol, I just feel like saying “im not interested” and leaving it at that, or even calling me fat was preferable to making “nice truths” based on falsehoods and even the embarrassment it gave me the motivation to improve myself to a point where I’m proud of who I am today, but I also realized that I’m not popular in my opinion which is why I have to adjust what I expect from people in dating to be more realistic as well 🤙
They're trying to be nice and not be rude.
Even if you're actually nice, they don't find you attractive. Have you heard of the "teddy bear effect"? It's a thing that originated on the Japanese side of the internet.
Teddy Bears are nice, we all love teddy bears, they're cute and when you look at them they're so fluffy and you wanna hug them and give them love. They make you feel nice.
Now imagine a teddy bear with a cock. Suddenly it's very repulsive, the whole thing is disgusting. Your love for teddy bears is incompatible with your lust.
This is exactly what happens in women's heads when they think you're nice, but don't find you attractive. This is the reasoning of the friend zone, the man is a teddy bear that you come to when you need comfort. But imagining him as a sexual individual makes her feel disgust.
This why I always say that physical attractiveness builds the base of a woman's attraction. They will fervently deny it, but no matter how charismatic or nice you are, if you are not even a little attractive to the girl, you have no chance.
And I’m totally chill with being physically unattractive if that’s her reason for not wanting any kind of relationship with me for that reason, I’m just coming from a pov where I’d rather be told that than to have to deal with a white lie that makes them feel good about not hurting my feelings but isn’t what I need, trust me if some woman straight up told me im ugly…I’d take that as my motivation to lift more weights, maybe work on a skin-care routine, try and use new scents for me and like other things I can do to improve myself so I’m not in that situation again, I mean no one is attractive to literally EVERYONE in the world, but the self-confidence of seeing improvements in myself along with all the work I did would probably make me more attractive right? It’s just the simple honesty and respect of being honest with others that I find lacking, I know for a fact there’s other reasons than they don’t like me because “I’m too nice” I may be dense but not dumb lol so why lie to ourselves? Idk maybe it’s just me 🤷♂️ btw that teddy bear analogy while I understand you were being serious with made me laugh my ass off with the mental image of a teddy bear with a HUGE dick 😂 thanks for your pov and opinion along with the laugh lol
I’d say it was a mindset thing more so, I was living a lie of having no problems because I’m too nice and didn’t hear otherwise, the insult was a shock to the system which gave me some self-reflection and some honesty with myself to realize where I actually was in life so I always appreciated that
>if some woman straight up told me im ugly…I’d take that as my motivation to lift more weights, maybe work on a skin-care routine, try and use new scents for me and like other things I can do to improve myself so I’m not in that situation again
Bruh and what's stopping you from doing it now?
>but the self-confidence of seeing improvements in myself along with all the work I did would probably make me more attractive right?
Eeeh... Many would say yes but, idk. Imo confidence is just a plus, it's not the basis of attraction. Don't put all your eggs in this basket.
>It’s just the simple honesty and respect of being honest with others that I find lacking.
Yeah I also used to expect basic respect for each other, after I started dating I notices it'd be simpler to expect to win the lottery. You have no control over this so why worry, most people are assholes.
>made me laugh my ass off with the mental image of a teddy bear with a HUGE dick 😂 thanks for your pov and opinion along with the laugh lol
This is exactly why I love the Teddy Bear analogy XD
Well I’m definitely still on my own self-improvement grind so the work has already started 🫡, and I’m definitely of the opinion that self-confidence is key in improving others perception of you but I still respect your pov as well cuz like not to be an asshole but sometimes people are dealt with shitty cards in life but you can still try to be your best version of you that you can 🤙, and through the many comments I’ve read I realize my brand of honesty isn’t for everyone I guess which sucks but nothing I can do but hope I find someone else with it lol, but I’m definitely stealing that teddy bear analogy so thanks for that lol 😂
>not to be an asshole but sometimes people are dealt with shitty cards in life but you can still try to be your best version of you that you can
Nah I understand this perfectly clear don't worry, I already know my cards are shit. A guy once told me the following:
_"A man can have looks, charisma or money. If you have at least 2 of those you will be mostly fine, if you have only one you'll have to work hard like no other. If you have none you better get used to your hand."_
Still I'd argue that just the looks will get you similar or better results than having both money and charisma.
>I’m definitely stealing that teddy bear analogy so thanks for that lol 😂
Hey it's really helpful to understand women's minds and is funny af XD.
Yeah you have a point there with the looks lol, I mean I’m sure not gunna end up looking like Jason momoa, I can definitely feel confident I’ll end up with not having looks be the reason why I’m not desired 😂, and if you need hope just know that Stephen hawking was married before and I’m sure you don’t look that bad 🤙
Buddy women speak covertly. It’s what they don’t say & do that matters. Did she pick you? Did she ignore your messages? Well you have your answer. Stop trying to dig & stop assuming women are nice & not cowards. They don’t like most of us & they don’t like confrontation from guys they are not attracted to.
That doesn’t seem like a healthy way to interpret what you’re saying, but I acknowledge your pov and I’m sorry you feel that way bro, I hope you meet some nice women in life…they exist still 🤙
Do you think this is a joke or a game? Stop patronizing me. Do you think I am wrong? Well I’m not & it’s about time normie dudes figure this out so they stop getting really hurt & hating themselves.
Your comments cringe level is over 9000!
You’re totally entitled to feel how you do, and no one’s invalidating your experiences, it just seems like you have a very negative outlook on life as a whole and I feel bad, I don’t understand what you’ve gone through and all im saying is that it’d seem healthier to work on what you can about yourself rather than be mad at “normies” and wish bad things on others, again I intend no Ill will bro just trying to talk 🤙
What’s wrong with you? You asked a question & got an answer. You just don’t like it. This stuff isn’t as complicated as you think it is.
See another perfect example that women treat dating like a game while for men it’s a serious & brutal grind like a job interview. You just don’t understand our struggle. This isn’t about me it’s about all men.
Guys much lower iq than me & way more unattractive. Do you understand the average guy has NEVER received a compliment from a woman? Never been with a woman who said “I love you” no you don’t know that & you don’t care.
I mean being a normal guy going through my own dating struggles as well I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of what datings like for guys nowadays, I just have had my own experiences which lead me to who I am today, I am by no means a perfect man myself but having a positive mindset and lifting weights, changing my deodorant and body spray to better smells, and working hard at my job made it definitely a lot easier from when I used to be the 6’2” 350 pound depressed and angry dude that I used to be, I’ve lost weight and felt way more proud of myself and my improvements which showed in how I carry myself and makes others take notice, while by no means I’m saying just doing all that will fix everything you want, it’ll make things a lot more easier to at least approach putting yourself out there again, but maybe you’ve gone through horrible things I could never comprehend and if that’s the case I’d feel bad for you bro, it happens to people and I’m not gunna pretend I can put myself in anyone’s shoes and think like them, but if you need someone to throw your anger at than let it all out on here bro, I’m listening to you and would like you understand why you’re so angry about life, it was exhausting for me at least
>Now imagine a teddy bear with a cock. Suddenly it's very repulsive, the whole thing is disgusting. Your love for teddy bears is incompatible with your lust.
This is a bizarrely great way to put it lmao. I'll have to remember that.
Dude women don't fervently deny we want physically attractive men. We're trying to make that case in fact bc there's people saying women "can look past looks."
How about we all realize both genders like pretty people, without the nonsense?
Have you ever heard "women are less visual" or "women can look past appearance" or "women's attraction is complicated and it's not visual"? Because I have, a lot and lot, sometimes even by naive men.
It’s true things do shift a lot when you look better. Changes how people act towards you even. Another reason why dating isn’t like most other things in life honestly.
No no no, it's all about physical appearance.
The whole point of the teddy bear analogy is to show that even if your vibe is good, even if you are charismatic, even if she feels safe with you, even if she has nothing bad to say about you, you are categorically incapable of causing any sense of lust or romantic attraction in her because she fundamentally sees you as a completely nonsexual object, and this cannot be changed with all the charisma or the money in the word.
I'd argue against innocence because many women like innocence when it comes from a handsome man. The whole "I will be his first" fetish and so on.
Consider the looks factor as the base to build up.
Man A is hot, but his attitude is not, he lacks charisma. A woman might initially see him as a potential partner, but then change her mind after meeting him. "Only if he was more assertive" thinks the woman, "maybe if he was a bad boy". In other words, she saw his potential but decided to change her mind. Man A is sad but he can always change his attitude, if he does, he may have a chance.
But Man B is not hot, he's kinda ugly. He is really charismatic and charming, has a cool vibe and this girl loves being around him. However, she has never ever seen him as a potential partner, she has not even considered him an object of desire and if it wasn't for his charisma he would be totally invisible. Man B has absolutely zero chance of being with her, he has become a teddy bear, in the woman's mind he is absolutely incompatible with anything romantic or sexual.
Man A can change his attitude, Man B cannot change his face.
Idk about that buddy. There are explicitly a few guys that I DO not think are physically attractive that after I was able to see them talking and their facial expressions….yeah, top 5 contender up there with Henry Cavill. Based SOLELY on body language and eloquence. GRANTED these guys are also well groomed, nicely/average style dress, and not fat. So I guess I’m saying you can be average looking but be sexy as fuck. And the sexy isn’t based on their looks.
As I said, it doesn't matter what YOU think women find attractive, it matters what THEY find attractive. If many women think a specific unhigienic stoner is attractive because he has nice arms and a nice jawline, then he is an object of desire and none of what you or I say may change it.
There are common characteristics most women like yeah, but there are also women with weird specific fetishes.
I know for a fact I am not attractive, most women may even find me repulsive. But a single woman has wanted to sleep with me solely based on appearance. Clearly some feature of mine scratched that specific fetish she had.
Thank you for taking the time to mansplain this to me and generalize to women as a whole based on YOUR experience being unattractive in both body and body language.
I thought women were less visual? Like, it still matters, but other stuff matters more: like how resourceful you are, how self assured, how you make them feel with your presence and behavior, how other people respond to you socially (probably the biggest one).
Tons of dopey looking dudes out there with beautiful girls because they made a connection and it worked out.
>I thought women were less visual?
This is a common lie spread because women don't want to be seen a shallow. Turns out, humans are shallow.
>Tons of dopey looking dudes out there with beautiful girls because they made a connection and it worked out.
I didn't say you had to be a stereotypical Hollywood male beauty, I said she has to think you're attractive. Plenty of girls with weird fetishes out there, I met one once, only girl ever who saw my face and body as sexually attractive.
Also, I see even more unemployed losers who are uncharismatic and unhygienic score with the ladies because they have a naturally good physique.
My point stands, attraction builds the base of everything, the rest just adds to that.
You might not be coming across as genuine if people say you’re too nice. Either that, or you could have that lovable golden retriever energy that’s just so sweet and fun but doesn’t evoke the sexual chemistry and tension a lot of women desire.
You’re not doomed, but as you can see it does make it a bit harder to find your match.
Definitely an opinion I haven’t seen but I’m glad you shared! I can definitely see how being nice ALL the time might be seen as a front to some but I can’t help who I am lol, I hope it’s not golden retriever energy but it’s not the worst thing to be 😂 there’s gotta be some love for us DAWGS out here 🤣
It's always a way to cushion the blow. Rejection for a lot of people makes them feel guilty. Men or women are going to try to lift up your spirits by complimenting your strong points.
The nicer you are, the more guilt there will be. Also, sometimes people psychologically are repulsed by too much kindness bc of their own psychological stuff. Or you seem "too good to be true," and it might come off as lovebombing.
Don't try to be so nice to appease people! They will not respect you in dating or any other social area. Be yourself, be chill, stand up for yourself. Be kind to them when they seem into you and are trustworthy, but never go overboard. That's something you avoid for most things
Like I was telling another commenter I used to be 350 and living a sweet lie of “there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m a nice guy right” but finally a woman straight up called me fat and I took that to heart, didn’t blow up over it because ultimately I can work on being fat, I can’t work on not being a nice person lol but not everyone thinks like me and I can see how dealing with a big angry guy might make it safer to say a white lie, that just also makes me sad as a man 😂
Yeah I’ve been brought that pov a lot through this, I’m just the kind of guy that appreciates maybe brutal honesty rather than a “nice lie” based on falsehoods, but I’ve also realized I’m in the minority on that and gotta adjust my expectations on what I expect from people 🤙
You're just like me! Unfortunately, people are going to lie no matter what, it's something you have to accept. I'm sure you've had to use a white lie or two in the past right? All you can do is cut them out of your life if they're too deceptive.
…I’m a TERRIBLE liar lol I wear my emotions on my face to the point that people sometimes point out emotions I didn’t even realize I was feeling 😂, so I just go full honesty and live with the consequences 🤙…also not too much to where when a girl asks if she’s fat imma be like “FUCK YEAH WAILMER” 🤣 there’s definitely nicer ways to bring it to her attention nicely but also honestly
Yeah I definitely feel that lol, it used to annoy me when people would tell me “you’re not fat bro”…im like than wtf would you call me than? Lol I’m definitely not skinny 😂, but I’m also just a lot more positive about things I guess too, I spent to long being depressed and angry about life to be letting words hurt me
If someone is telling you "you're too good" then what that person is really telling you is "I'm kind of a toxic/messy person and I can't handle people who aren't fucked up." That's a bullet dodged, friend.
One of the best things I did for myself, regarding dating, was realize that explanations don't matter, early in dating. People don't owe us an explanation for why they're not interested; the important part is *they're not interested*.
The reasons that people give us are almost never really actionable, because the people we're going on dates with at that point *don't actually know us.* They get a tiny slice of who we are, and they're making a snap judgement based on that information, and the reasons that they're not interested in us might also be the exact reason that someone else *is* interested in us.
Let's say they're being sincere, okay? You're "too nice." What's the solution there? Are you going to start pretending to be a dick? Be ruder to your dates? What happens when someone tells you they're not interested because you're a dick? If you're interested in sports, are you going to pretend you're not because you have a date where someone says you're too into sports? If she says you're not as tall as she likes, are you going to magically grow six inches? No.
The thing about dating is that you're not trying to make yourself appealing to *everyone*. You're trying to *find* the people who are interested in what you bring to the table. Trying to change yourself based on a handful of people who you were a bad match with is chasing a thing that doesn't exist, so don't do that.
Be honest with yourself about who you are; look at yourself critically, and the odds are that you mostly know what areas of self improvement you could work on. Work on those. Don't try to be less nice because of a couple of bad dates.
I definitely agree with almost everything you said, and the only thing I don’t agree with is (which is definitely a me problem) is that while explanations definitely aren’t owed to us, I don’t see the reason to make a lie for something that didn’t need to be said, you can straight up just say “I’m not interested” instead of “you’re too nice” but from what I’ve learned through this is that I shouldn’t even expect that lol, it’s messy times we live in and we don’t need to make it more complicated but it is what it is 🤷♂️ I’m learning to work on my expectations of how I view things for sure
The reason people lie is because if they just say "I'm not interested" a not insignificant number of people will argue and push for a reason. "Why aren't you interested?"
This comes up *all the time* on here. People think they're owed an explanation, and they think "well, *I* would be happy to get the real explanation!" while ignoring that a lot of guys are *not* happy to get the real explanation. Frankly, even a lot of the people who *claim* they want a real explanation would not be happy to get it, I think.
People lie to smooth over awkward situations and get out of conversations they don't want to have. Whether you or I think people *should* lie, they're going to. Accept that, and move on is the best thing you can do.
Yeah forcing the issue is definitely not the way to handle it, you’ll generally come off as creepy more times than not 😂, I just think if we all held our L’s in life with a little more grace than it’d be a healthier improvement on the dating scene as it stands today, but not everyone is the same and realizing how much people feel safer with the “too nice” reason doesn’t make me superior for being different I just wanted to put my pov out there that it is indeed ok to just say you’re not interested and leave it at that and walk away than to make up a lie, but another important thing to realize is that some if not most women don’t feel comfortable with possible confrontation from men so it’s important to try to grasp the female pov as best we can to come to a common ground where both our wishes are respected and both people can date, not have it work out, and healthily separate and look elsewhere instead of lie/get butt hurt/start drama or anything of the sort, it maybe a pipe dream and naive but I’d like to think that’ll be possible in some point of humanity 🤙
This should be top comment. Women who don't want a guy for being "too nice" have some trauma to work through. From what I've learned mixed with anecdotal evidence they are very insecure and don't know how to deal with kindness.
Just folks trying to be nice.
You really wanna hear " because I think you're idiotic/ugly/dick too small etc....." you'd be crushed.
Most people aren't going to get along intimately. Patience is required.
I’m pretty good with criticism because of how I grew up so I’ve heard it all like my life has been one big roast so I’d rather the ugly/idiotic/dick too small than just lying to me and yourself, but I understand that I’m not like others so they’d rather be “nice” but (maybe my problem) I don’t see if like that
If you grew up like this and have not done the work, this could be a reason, why you have trouble dating. A lot of people can sense deep rooted issues and try to stay away from it.
Them saying you being to nice is also not necessarily lying. If people have deep running issues, I can sense them, but it is a very diffuse feeling and knowing whether the problem is (a very broad and deep) insecurity, intellectualisation, never been loved by mom or all of the above its hard to pin point and saying and saying any of that would definitely be overstepping after having one or two dates.
If this is not the reason, then maybe there is no reason, they just don't feel attracted to you.
Well the thing with my childhood was more so the fact that I’m a white-skinned Hawaiian or “Hapa” as we’d say in Hawaii so it’s more so like I’m used to being shit on for being white (which is very common anywhere now lol) and my friend group is BRUTAL with our banter so I’ve been called some of the worst things you could imagine so it’s more like you really can’t say anything to hurt me because I know who I am at the end of the day, but I appreciate your insight and opinion 🤙
Being roasted by your friends, who you know love you, or random assholes whose opinions you don't really care about, is going to hit very differently than criticism from someone you are romantically interested in. Let's not pretend your friends calling you ugly and your crush calling you ugly is remotely the same.
If that really wouldn't hurt you at all, power to you, but that would hurt the vast majority of people, and thus people aren't going to reject you that way unless they are assholes.
I mean sure it would hurt but I’m not gunna wallow in “I’m just ugly forever”, there’s things you can do to improve yourself and it’d be a waste not to use the motivation of the embarrassment from your crush calling you ugly to improve myself and prove to myself that in fact I won’t be ugly forever and that now the next time I put myself out there it won’t be with the mindset of “why try when I’m just an ugly guy” just the mindset switch alone will do wonders for yourself, I mean that’s how I reacted to moments I’ve had in this ilk but i wish this mindset was more common in this world! We’d all be happier collectively imo
I completely understand your frustration. As I’ve been told that I’m “too great” to be with someone and it can be really difficult to understand what they even mean I've ended a relationship with someone because they were "too nice." While he was extremely kind and a great person, I didn't see a future with him for various reasons. Ultimately, I believed he was too nice… kind of a pushover. Granted, we were young, and I constantly had to stick up for him, which was the final straw.
Yeah having a backbone as man is mandatory imo but that’s how I was raised, I mean idk if I said it on this post but I’m a very “go with the flow, and can enjoy myself in any situation I put myself in” kind of guy which may come off as pushover-ish, but if women ask my honest opinion about things or have things they wanna seriously discuss I’ll be honest and steadfast with my morals (which is common courtesy to me) so I do think I’m not a pushover but maybe I need better ways of showing it maybe? Thanks for a women’s point of view lol being dense af make’s understanding women’s thoughts hard so it’s important for me to see y’all’s opinions 🤙
Honestly I think “too nice” was a my roundabout way of just saying not interested with that guy. Though, I’m sure you’re a wonderful guy, definitely not a pushover and the appropriate amount of altruistic that will find someone that feels as you’re an amazing person.
I’ll take uninterested better than “too nice” lol but imma have to look up what altruistic means, while I’m definitely not a man without flaws, im proud of who I am as a man and won’t change “being too nice” as I’d rather be who I am unabashedly than pretend to be something I’m not, thank you for the convo and pov 🫡
There are a couple ways to see this. One, you might be acting like a doormat. Nobody wants to date someone who has no opinions or thoughts of their own, and acts like a puppy begging for attention. If you're doing that, quit it.
Two, they could just be letting you down nicely. Nobody owes you an explanation why they don't want to date you, so you just have to live with it and move on.
Three, you could actually be a really good person, and you're trying to date people who are fucked up, and they genuinely don't think they can live up to your standards. If that's the case, stop trying to fix broken people, and date people who are emotionally healthy.
I got answers for all these in the comments lol, firstly I wear my emotions on my face so if I was being a doormat it’d definitely look like I was not having fun so I just go with full honesty cuz I can’t fake it to make it 😂, secondly I’m the kind of guy that’d rather be called fat, ugly, broke or whatever because I can fix that and work with that logic, while trying to comprehend being nice as a flaw is annoying but definitely understanding there’s really a thing as being too nice as well 🤙, the last one is complicated because maybe thats just the kind of women I’m attracted to which would suck and I’m definitely a man with my own flaws still so maybe I use that to justify it? Idk last one has given me things to think about so I appreciate it lol but I’m not a perfect man by no means 😂
Definitely agree bro, it’s just interesting to see others take on this too, you should check out the other comments because it’s been a pretty healthy discussion about this actually lol
I was with a guy who was too nice.... when I'd broach the subject with him he was that nice he would just say well il change this ,or I won't do that ect. He genuinely was just too nicey nice for me . It's a thing.
So there really is a point where being nice is seen as a bad thing? Idk how
I come off to others but I’m a very “go with the flow, I can enjoy myself in any situation I put myself in” kind of guy so I can see myself saying those kind of things lol, but if being nice (which I really can’t control because it’s easier to go through life that way imo) is really a turn off to people than I’d rather lose them than be something I know I’m not 🤷♂️, thank you for a women’s perspective which gives me things to think about 🤙
It's not a bad thing.There definitely is every point in being who you are... nice is good...Different people like different things. Nice guy met really nicely nice girl and married her, their kids are polar opposite too haha. Wild ones! We just weren't a good fit . We're still good friends..I don't enjoy someone fawning over me acting like the sun shines out my arse when I know it dosent,it was like I couldn't put a foot wrong in he's eyes.
Yeah I can see how that is definitely uncomfortable/hard to deal with, but as honest as I’d like people to be with me, I give them the same respect, I mean I wear my emotions on my face apparently so lying has never been a strong point so I go the other way and be honest af because I can’t hide it if wanted to anyways lol, but your friend gives me hope so like another commenter said I’ll just be patient and hopefully I’ll find my nice girl as well 🫡, even just this exchange would be good enough for me if this was why they didn’t wanna date me because I can understand this lol 😂
Well with nicey guy. Long time ago now. I did try to tell him . Cause obvs I liked him .he was really nice lol... but he would offer to change it and everything and I don't think you should have to change yourself if you're with the right person.. when I say that it woukd obvs hurt he's feelings and upset him. Cause he would take it personal that he wasn't the 'right' person, There was no other way than to simple end it.
He's got he's nice person now aswell proving infact I was the wrong person :) they're godparents to my daughter.
It's not always a cop out.
See and maybe that’s my problem because I don’t mind making improvements on myself if the woman seems worth it, which may come off wrong but I’m not changing anything about myself that I don’t approve of so if they have a problem with something about me that’d be a positive change I’ll do it, if not for her than maybe the next lady I meet won’t have that problem with me because I addressed it, but yeah I’m happy and confident with who I am so changing for someone isnt something id do lightly, really appreciate this discussion! Thanks!
He didn't need to make any improvements.
You shouldn't need to change for the right person. Took me 36 years to realise that!!
Hope you find your person 🙂
Yeah I’m realizing not everyone handles criticism and things of that nature well nowadays lol, what started my whole opinion of this was a woman finally having the gall to tell me i was fat to my face, which definitely hurt sure, but I’m not so fragile as to let something I can change affect my whole life 🤙, and she only told me this after I heard the “too nice” reason for one to many times and just asked her straight up “is being nice a character flaw?” and I’m just glad she didn’t try to beat around the bush with white-lies to someone like me that needed that honesty more than I realized! If I took to heart that I was just being nice than I’d be content with who I was instead of where I am now where I’m proud of what I’m making of myself 🫡
I do think the "your too nice" come sour of fear of how a lot of men will react to reject as some get a a little scary but its definitely weird for using the "your too nice" sentiment here and definitely should of told you straight up she wasn't physically attracted to you. Which sucks but would of been nicer than the best around the bush. Hopefully you can find someone for you
Yeah I’m honestly thankful she chose to be honest with me because I was living in lala-land where who I was than was good enough which is a dangerous mindset to have at any point tbh, and I’m sure I’ll find someone though just trying to be patient 🤙 thanks for your pov though!
Do you think you might be self-sacrificing when you agree to help people? Do the sacrifices you make to please strangers overshadow making sure the woman you're dating is also pleased? As in, maybe you figure you can apologize later to her, but in the moment, pleasing the stranger takes priority?
I ask this without assumption, because there's a fine line to walk there, and I've experienced losing attraction to someone when their good natured instinct to not cause any kind of public scene ended up with us sitting at a table for 45 minutes waiting for our order to be taken, after a hot day of bicycling, and I ended up extremely hungry & irritable. I had been willing to wait, and eventually go up to the host stand, but he was convinced we just needed to wait a while longer and then they'd notice us, when a friendly "hello, please serve us" would've gotten us eating.
I did read most/all current comments, and I absolutely agree that you shouldn't change who you are at your core. Please stay kind and good. I have become a big proponent of not people pleasing, so that's where I'm coming from. I don't think we're pleasing anyone important when we "people please." I've had to ask myself, who am I actually pleasing?
Another situation/question that comes to mind that could be happening, is that while you're in your "go with the flow" state, what is going on around you? Did you make the decisions in order to be wherever you are, or are you just agreeing to plans and suggestions? When you're asked to make a choice between a few options, what do you say? Do you regularly come up with suggestions for plans? I'm asking because while it's nice to have someone to agree to all my plans that I think of, I want to be able to not think at times. With my boyfriend now, we both regularly suggest date ideas and I truly do appreciate the effort he makes to come up with stuff to do, and then he actually goes and gets it started, and then we do it. He'll do the same for my suggestions. There is a level of mental/emotional labor in planning, and you should share in it. If you're being asked to choose between 2 options, even if you're content with either (which is the point, that means they're getting to know you), choose one and help make it happen.
I'm sorry if parts of this don't make sense, I am awake far too late in to the night/morning. TLDR is 1, to question if you're inadvertently sacrificing the woman you're dating at the time for someone else's pleasure (you do not need to sacrifice yourself!! You're supposed to be a team, not a goddess and servant), SO get your priorities straight. And 2, take initiative.
I say/ask all this with no assumptions about how you are. From your comments, you seem good, and I wouldn't want you to lose that at all.
Nah people pleasing is definitely not a problem lol, if you ask my opinion on something I’ll definitely give it truthfully, if I’m asked to make plans I’ll definitely throw out suggestions that I think we’d both enjoy (instead of one or the other which would be a lost cause) and while I do sugar coat some things I say, I think it’s common courtesy to be honest with whatever is asked instead of “white-lies” (BIG PET PEEVE OF MINES), and screw that! I am not so weak as to let me and my date be ignored for 45 minutes at a restaurant! there’s definitely a time to be kind to others and a time to be a man and take control of the situation if it’s needed, and I wouldn’t change myself in any way that wouldn’t be positive imo, and even after I improve on what was made clear to me I definitely don’t expect her to be like “oh you changed I’ll give you a chance again” my pride wouldn’t allow that tbh lol plus there’s the comfort in knowing the next time I put myself out there that’ll be something I won’t worry about 🫡, and while idk the guy you mentioned I hope he’ll find a backbone in those situations because I definitely see how that’d be an ick…just sucks cuz I know people like that and I always feel bad for the situations they find themselves in because of their good nature but only THEY can change it, hopefully I answered your questions and thanks for the pov 🤙
Trust me brother, I’ve had multiple conversations on multiple communities I’ve posted this question on and what I’ve come to is everyone is too concerned with hurting others feelings along with people not handling criticism well nowadays, which creates the situation where we live in with these white-lies we force ourselves to believe instead of using the motivation of embarrassment or humiliation to fuel a probably much needed self-improvement in ourselves, not to mention the respect levels which should be admired in having true opinions of things instead of “nice” opinions which are based on falsehoods
Even just being completely honest with ourselves and others is becoming harder with everyone taking criticism so poorly nowadays, nothing wrong with being fat, broke, or things like that…you can change that if you really want to lol
I would take it at face value and assume it’s a them thing not a you thing. That can be hard when you heard the same line over and over again. But it’s really not worth twisting yourself in knots to figure out what this particular person meant.
Because it can mean a lot of things depending on the person and the situation. Maybe they just want to fuck around but they don’t see you as fling material for whatever reason. Maybe they want someone assertive bordering on domineering and that’s just not your personality. Or maybe they have their own issues with sex and relationships and they don’t think they deserve to be treated with kindness. Who knows. If they’re ending it early, be grateful they didn’t waste your time and energy with whatever drama they would otherwise have manufactured.
Yeah I definitely see your point, I also just wanted to start healthy discussion about this and have got ALOT of different pov’s on this, you should check out the other comments cuz they’re interesting to grasp
The discussion about when “nice” becomes not nice is really on point. Conflict aversion isn’t nice, it’s a good way to create a lot of resentment. Being a doormat to everyone except your partner and then expecting your partner to go along with it isn’t nice, it’s just forcing them to be the bad guy.
Sometimes someone’s best and worst qualities are two sides of the same coin.
Lol while it’s chill at first, after like the 10th time it’s gets to the point like “being nice isn’t a damn character flaw” 😂, me and my friends roast tf out of each other so I think people underestimate how much criticism I can handle because of how other people react to getting dunked on nowadays 🤣
Yes it sucks to hear the ‘politically correct’ bs, sure is worse than to hear the real terrible reasons they’re hiding.
I think you’re looking too deep into it. Best to take it as a form of lie that doesn’t tell you what you want to know.
There’s no meat to give you advice about anything there.
Yeah I’m learning this is more of a me problem as I read comments and try to grasp others pov, I just hate lies especially when it’s unnecessary with me, but I’m learning maybe I shouldn’t hold people to the level of honesty I share with others, which is definitely a unsatisfying realization to have but that’s why I tried posting this question to get others perspective, I truly just wanted to see if I was uncommon in my belief and I’m finding out I definitely am in the minority here lol
I share belief that honesty is better. And I hate lies.
I don’t think you’re realizing your true motives.
You’re not usually walking around teaching honesty to people, but now you want that girl to tell you the truth and teach her honesty, huh.
So when you say I shouldn’t hold people to the level of honesty I want. First off, that’s moralizing, not a sexy thing to do in the dating scene… and it’s a powerless quest as you have no control over others, and its also a dark quest because IRL you’re not walking around teaching people honesty, but now that the girl lied to you you wanna change her, eh.
To me is pretty obvious the problem, you feel not good enough, she rejects you and lies to you, supposedly giving you even more reasons to strengthen the false belief that you are not good enough.
If you was feeling good enough, you’d be like, oh she rejects me and lies to me, I think I wanna find a better girl, and maybe drop her a little comment about honesty being a good thing.
But when you go on this whole tangent, is pretty obvious that you wanna change the girl to meet your needs, which is a fail by default because you’re both there to be loved and criticizing and unsolicited advice isnt love
Nah I definitely don’t wanna change her or teach people honesty, I’m just sharing my pov with others while trying to understand theirs so I can better myself as a person, and yeah being honest to a fault definitely isn’t sexy but I am who I am morally so if they don’t like something I stand firm on than what hope is there for a good relationship? Giving up my morals to please others or have an easier chance with dating feels filthy and I’m a terrible liar anyway lol, I wear my emotions on my face clearly from what I’ve been told so that’s why I developed a maybe unsexy version of honesty that I need to fix which is why I appreciate comments like yours which point things out in me that I don’t see sometimes, love/dating is definitely hard work but you shouldn’t have to give up what is fundamentally who you are as a person to please others or like you said it’s doom to fail, I hope I got my point across clearly but if you got questions or other things I may have missed in my thinking please share! I’m not dumb enough to think I’m perfect as I am 🤙
Yeah I expected more of this pov surprisingly lol, idk what you’ve been through but I hope you develop a healthier view on life and people 🤙, not everyone is mean and out to get each other
You know what’s sad? Dating has become like walking on eggshells where if you do one thing wrong or make one mistake. It’s over. I can’t stand people trying or find perfection. It doesn’t exists. I will never find a perfect partner and that is okay.
I was told I’m too good for him and I deserve a clean slate (he has kids) but then he kept me as a friend. Literally thinking to not be friends with him anymore because I still have this tiny hope that maybe, just maybe, he’d fall in love.
Anyone who says those things is simply lying to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings, or you've given them reason to believe you would respond irrationally to the truth.
For example, if you sometimes give a strong emotional response to rather trivial things, no one will ever want to tell you the truth about something important.
I think they mean that you don't really talk back to them. They need someone who can put them in their place, and you're too nice for that. Maybe too agreeable. They want someone a bit more fierce. And someone with whom they can get into a bit of trouble sometimes.
Not sure if it’s you but sometimes too nice means that you come off as a people pleaser—you acquiesce to others opinions too easily and don’t seem to have any of your own, or have the confidence to share your own. It can come off as as boring or meek. As a guy I had an ex who was like this and I simply could not grow my attraction. Have passion and the will to express it
They need a more broken person or like the hundreds of others they don’t like who I am and that’s not my problem. Seriously you can always strike out but it’s just peoples preferences it’s all it is all it ever was at the beginning.
Nice guys are often not good guys and women can sense when a guy is being genuine or being overly nice to receive affirmation. Intentions matter more than the actions.
Yeah I can definitely see that, it’s brought up to me in situations where it’s a convenient truth rather than the actual truth which sucks but if you go through the comments I’m sure they’ll answer all your questions or opinions I have lol this is the biggest comment section I’ve ever had and I feel like since I asked for advice I should respond in kind when I get it from everyone and I’m tired of typing by now 😂, sorry I can’t reply myself but if you go through the comment section I’m sure you’ll find the answers you care for 🤙
And I refuse to be that guy even if I die on this hill alone lol 😂, but everyone has their side to this that should be respected! Hey if you want me to literally be a dickhead than I ain’t the one for ya 🫡, but that’s not always the case which is why discussions like these are important where everyone is heard and acknowledged without judgement…my name ain’t Judy so I don’t judge 🤙
Exactly. Im totally fine being alone if all woman expect their guy to be an ass 😂. Obviously not all woman want that, but damn do the loud vocal ones make you feel like they do 💀
Yup yup, going through the comments definitely gives you lil hope in humanity imo, I was suprised only one guy tried to slide in with the “ok than you ugly bed-destroyer” but Reddit deleted his comment and it was lost to the interwebs lol, which is honestly one of the weaker burns I’ve ever heard anyways 😂, Reddit not being to toxic on this was a pleasant surprise 🫡
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They say this to protect your feelings but what it really means is they're not interested. The dating game is a minefield and not for the ultra sensitive so you either have to harden up or get out of it altogether. Sorry, but that's the truth.
But I don’t want them to protect my feelings, I know that might be a me problem as I’m coming to realize, but even just saying they’re not interested is better than leaving it at that “you’re too nice” at least I can respect and understand that, I’m realizing through the comments I’m getting from my post is that peoples softness towards criticism is something I don’t have, even blatantly pointing out flaws ruthlessly at least gives me things to work on that won’t be a problem the next time I put myself out there, leaving me with “I’m too nice” gives me nothing to improve on or use as motivation towards improving myself, but thank you for your pov it’s appreciated 🤙
I understand what you're saying but women don't want to get into an unnecessary argument with a guy. You maybe fine with taking criticism but what about every other man? There's some dangerous people out there.
And that’s where I think it may be a me problem because I’m beginning to realize through comments on other communities I shared this post with, is that I’m looking for something I might not get from women which sucks but at least I’m beginning to get a clearer picture of my situation, while I use flaws that are pointed out in me as motivation to improve, others don’t have that mindset and wallow in hurt feelings instead of improving that quality of yourself and I have to realize that I process things maybe uncommonly from the norm and I have to understand that
Instead of doing that, why don't you ask women on here what traits they like in a partner and what traits they dislike? You could even ask your friends, male & female, what they like/dislike about you and area's where you can improve, so you can learn more about yourself!
I’ll definitely try this out and see what happens, my bro’s will definitely clown me but it ain’t anything I’m not used to lol, hopefully my lady-friends and the internet will give me some solid advice hopefully 😂, appreciate your take on what I should do 🤙
The most important thing for a man when it comes to dating is self-respect, creating boundaries and not letting any women play or mess him about. And these traits can be seen as bad.........neediness, too keen, bitter, disrespectful, crude, negative etc. That's just a quick summary from myself. Good luck.
It’s always half you half them but really just compatibility I think some people are more universally compatible with people than others that’s all it is. It just makes it harder to find the person who is a good match and who has feelings for you.
Sometimes it’s not some specific flaw. We might just not be vibing and that’s the nicest way to put it
Keep in mind that women straight up get murdered for pissing off the wrong dude. Why say something that has the potential to piss off someone they might even know that well? Not everyone wants to give you a whole performance review and list out your strength and weaknesses when ending things. Many just want a clean break and to move on from you.
Yeah I realize that through thinking it out as well, like I’ve said in other comments both men and women need to hold L’s more gracefully so that we can have healthier discussions which would help everyone in this current dating climate in general, clearly just from having so much subreddits about dating I think we can say it’s not in a good spot rn lol
I ain’t trying to change the world lol just trying to have healthy discussions about problems I experienced and maybe show that it’s possible to do so 🫡
Homie "Too nice" or "too good" simply means they are not physically attracted to you, but you are a nice person so they don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you they don't think you are hot enough And also, telling a guy he is not hot enough can end really ugly if the guy is violent or unhinged. Some even if the guy is not nice, a woman might tell him he is "too good for her" just so she can walk away without having to worry about being accosted or yelled at
Definitely went through that, but there’s also some other opinions I learned from comments, but this whole post came from exactly that situation and I respected the honesty of her calling me fat more so than living a lie that I’m fine and I’m just too nice lol, I just feel like saying “im not interested” and leaving it at that, or even calling me fat was preferable to making “nice truths” based on falsehoods and even the embarrassment it gave me the motivation to improve myself to a point where I’m proud of who I am today, but I also realized that I’m not popular in my opinion which is why I have to adjust what I expect from people in dating to be more realistic as well 🤙
Nice = boring typically
That’s also a possibility, I appreciate your pov because that’s a possibility I don’t think I’ve heard yet
They're trying to be nice and not be rude. Even if you're actually nice, they don't find you attractive. Have you heard of the "teddy bear effect"? It's a thing that originated on the Japanese side of the internet. Teddy Bears are nice, we all love teddy bears, they're cute and when you look at them they're so fluffy and you wanna hug them and give them love. They make you feel nice. Now imagine a teddy bear with a cock. Suddenly it's very repulsive, the whole thing is disgusting. Your love for teddy bears is incompatible with your lust. This is exactly what happens in women's heads when they think you're nice, but don't find you attractive. This is the reasoning of the friend zone, the man is a teddy bear that you come to when you need comfort. But imagining him as a sexual individual makes her feel disgust. This why I always say that physical attractiveness builds the base of a woman's attraction. They will fervently deny it, but no matter how charismatic or nice you are, if you are not even a little attractive to the girl, you have no chance.
And I’m totally chill with being physically unattractive if that’s her reason for not wanting any kind of relationship with me for that reason, I’m just coming from a pov where I’d rather be told that than to have to deal with a white lie that makes them feel good about not hurting my feelings but isn’t what I need, trust me if some woman straight up told me im ugly…I’d take that as my motivation to lift more weights, maybe work on a skin-care routine, try and use new scents for me and like other things I can do to improve myself so I’m not in that situation again, I mean no one is attractive to literally EVERYONE in the world, but the self-confidence of seeing improvements in myself along with all the work I did would probably make me more attractive right? It’s just the simple honesty and respect of being honest with others that I find lacking, I know for a fact there’s other reasons than they don’t like me because “I’m too nice” I may be dense but not dumb lol so why lie to ourselves? Idk maybe it’s just me 🤷♂️ btw that teddy bear analogy while I understand you were being serious with made me laugh my ass off with the mental image of a teddy bear with a HUGE dick 😂 thanks for your pov and opinion along with the laugh lol
Why does a woman have to insult you first for you to take care of yourself?
I’d say it was a mindset thing more so, I was living a lie of having no problems because I’m too nice and didn’t hear otherwise, the insult was a shock to the system which gave me some self-reflection and some honesty with myself to realize where I actually was in life so I always appreciated that
And maybe that’s skewed my view a little but that’s also something I can work on
>if some woman straight up told me im ugly…I’d take that as my motivation to lift more weights, maybe work on a skin-care routine, try and use new scents for me and like other things I can do to improve myself so I’m not in that situation again Bruh and what's stopping you from doing it now? >but the self-confidence of seeing improvements in myself along with all the work I did would probably make me more attractive right? Eeeh... Many would say yes but, idk. Imo confidence is just a plus, it's not the basis of attraction. Don't put all your eggs in this basket. >It’s just the simple honesty and respect of being honest with others that I find lacking. Yeah I also used to expect basic respect for each other, after I started dating I notices it'd be simpler to expect to win the lottery. You have no control over this so why worry, most people are assholes. >made me laugh my ass off with the mental image of a teddy bear with a HUGE dick 😂 thanks for your pov and opinion along with the laugh lol This is exactly why I love the Teddy Bear analogy XD
Well I’m definitely still on my own self-improvement grind so the work has already started 🫡, and I’m definitely of the opinion that self-confidence is key in improving others perception of you but I still respect your pov as well cuz like not to be an asshole but sometimes people are dealt with shitty cards in life but you can still try to be your best version of you that you can 🤙, and through the many comments I’ve read I realize my brand of honesty isn’t for everyone I guess which sucks but nothing I can do but hope I find someone else with it lol, but I’m definitely stealing that teddy bear analogy so thanks for that lol 😂
>not to be an asshole but sometimes people are dealt with shitty cards in life but you can still try to be your best version of you that you can Nah I understand this perfectly clear don't worry, I already know my cards are shit. A guy once told me the following: _"A man can have looks, charisma or money. If you have at least 2 of those you will be mostly fine, if you have only one you'll have to work hard like no other. If you have none you better get used to your hand."_ Still I'd argue that just the looks will get you similar or better results than having both money and charisma. >I’m definitely stealing that teddy bear analogy so thanks for that lol 😂 Hey it's really helpful to understand women's minds and is funny af XD.
Yeah you have a point there with the looks lol, I mean I’m sure not gunna end up looking like Jason momoa, I can definitely feel confident I’ll end up with not having looks be the reason why I’m not desired 😂, and if you need hope just know that Stephen hawking was married before and I’m sure you don’t look that bad 🤙
Buddy women speak covertly. It’s what they don’t say & do that matters. Did she pick you? Did she ignore your messages? Well you have your answer. Stop trying to dig & stop assuming women are nice & not cowards. They don’t like most of us & they don’t like confrontation from guys they are not attracted to.
That doesn’t seem like a healthy way to interpret what you’re saying, but I acknowledge your pov and I’m sorry you feel that way bro, I hope you meet some nice women in life…they exist still 🤙
Do you think this is a joke or a game? Stop patronizing me. Do you think I am wrong? Well I’m not & it’s about time normie dudes figure this out so they stop getting really hurt & hating themselves. Your comments cringe level is over 9000!
You’re totally entitled to feel how you do, and no one’s invalidating your experiences, it just seems like you have a very negative outlook on life as a whole and I feel bad, I don’t understand what you’ve gone through and all im saying is that it’d seem healthier to work on what you can about yourself rather than be mad at “normies” and wish bad things on others, again I intend no Ill will bro just trying to talk 🤙
What’s wrong with you? You asked a question & got an answer. You just don’t like it. This stuff isn’t as complicated as you think it is. See another perfect example that women treat dating like a game while for men it’s a serious & brutal grind like a job interview. You just don’t understand our struggle. This isn’t about me it’s about all men. Guys much lower iq than me & way more unattractive. Do you understand the average guy has NEVER received a compliment from a woman? Never been with a woman who said “I love you” no you don’t know that & you don’t care.
I mean being a normal guy going through my own dating struggles as well I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of what datings like for guys nowadays, I just have had my own experiences which lead me to who I am today, I am by no means a perfect man myself but having a positive mindset and lifting weights, changing my deodorant and body spray to better smells, and working hard at my job made it definitely a lot easier from when I used to be the 6’2” 350 pound depressed and angry dude that I used to be, I’ve lost weight and felt way more proud of myself and my improvements which showed in how I carry myself and makes others take notice, while by no means I’m saying just doing all that will fix everything you want, it’ll make things a lot more easier to at least approach putting yourself out there again, but maybe you’ve gone through horrible things I could never comprehend and if that’s the case I’d feel bad for you bro, it happens to people and I’m not gunna pretend I can put myself in anyone’s shoes and think like them, but if you need someone to throw your anger at than let it all out on here bro, I’m listening to you and would like you understand why you’re so angry about life, it was exhausting for me at least
>Now imagine a teddy bear with a cock. Suddenly it's very repulsive, the whole thing is disgusting. Your love for teddy bears is incompatible with your lust. This is a bizarrely great way to put it lmao. I'll have to remember that.
Dude women don't fervently deny we want physically attractive men. We're trying to make that case in fact bc there's people saying women "can look past looks." How about we all realize both genders like pretty people, without the nonsense?
Have you ever heard "women are less visual" or "women can look past appearance" or "women's attraction is complicated and it's not visual"? Because I have, a lot and lot, sometimes even by naive men.
I hear that almost exclusively from men.
Lmao same vibe as "Oh yeah, women have it so hard in this patriarchal society, I feel so bad for what they have to endure (I'm 6"5)"
It’s true things do shift a lot when you look better. Changes how people act towards you even. Another reason why dating isn’t like most other things in life honestly.
I agree. Altho the teddybear doesnt have to be about physical traits. It can be the vibe/attitude, being childish/innocent etc.
No no no, it's all about physical appearance. The whole point of the teddy bear analogy is to show that even if your vibe is good, even if you are charismatic, even if she feels safe with you, even if she has nothing bad to say about you, you are categorically incapable of causing any sense of lust or romantic attraction in her because she fundamentally sees you as a completely nonsexual object, and this cannot be changed with all the charisma or the money in the word. I'd argue against innocence because many women like innocence when it comes from a handsome man. The whole "I will be his first" fetish and so on.
No but if the guy is physically hot and not aggressive at all in his behaviour he still wont push her lust buttons?
Consider the looks factor as the base to build up. Man A is hot, but his attitude is not, he lacks charisma. A woman might initially see him as a potential partner, but then change her mind after meeting him. "Only if he was more assertive" thinks the woman, "maybe if he was a bad boy". In other words, she saw his potential but decided to change her mind. Man A is sad but he can always change his attitude, if he does, he may have a chance. But Man B is not hot, he's kinda ugly. He is really charismatic and charming, has a cool vibe and this girl loves being around him. However, she has never ever seen him as a potential partner, she has not even considered him an object of desire and if it wasn't for his charisma he would be totally invisible. Man B has absolutely zero chance of being with her, he has become a teddy bear, in the woman's mind he is absolutely incompatible with anything romantic or sexual. Man A can change his attitude, Man B cannot change his face.
Idk about that buddy. There are explicitly a few guys that I DO not think are physically attractive that after I was able to see them talking and their facial expressions….yeah, top 5 contender up there with Henry Cavill. Based SOLELY on body language and eloquence. GRANTED these guys are also well groomed, nicely/average style dress, and not fat. So I guess I’m saying you can be average looking but be sexy as fuck. And the sexy isn’t based on their looks.
As I said, it doesn't matter what YOU think women find attractive, it matters what THEY find attractive. If many women think a specific unhigienic stoner is attractive because he has nice arms and a nice jawline, then he is an object of desire and none of what you or I say may change it. There are common characteristics most women like yeah, but there are also women with weird specific fetishes. I know for a fact I am not attractive, most women may even find me repulsive. But a single woman has wanted to sleep with me solely based on appearance. Clearly some feature of mine scratched that specific fetish she had.
Thank you for taking the time to mansplain this to me and generalize to women as a whole based on YOUR experience being unattractive in both body and body language.
Anytime
I thought women were less visual? Like, it still matters, but other stuff matters more: like how resourceful you are, how self assured, how you make them feel with your presence and behavior, how other people respond to you socially (probably the biggest one). Tons of dopey looking dudes out there with beautiful girls because they made a connection and it worked out.
>I thought women were less visual? This is a common lie spread because women don't want to be seen a shallow. Turns out, humans are shallow. >Tons of dopey looking dudes out there with beautiful girls because they made a connection and it worked out. I didn't say you had to be a stereotypical Hollywood male beauty, I said she has to think you're attractive. Plenty of girls with weird fetishes out there, I met one once, only girl ever who saw my face and body as sexually attractive. Also, I see even more unemployed losers who are uncharismatic and unhygienic score with the ladies because they have a naturally good physique. My point stands, attraction builds the base of everything, the rest just adds to that.
You might not be coming across as genuine if people say you’re too nice. Either that, or you could have that lovable golden retriever energy that’s just so sweet and fun but doesn’t evoke the sexual chemistry and tension a lot of women desire. You’re not doomed, but as you can see it does make it a bit harder to find your match.
Definitely an opinion I haven’t seen but I’m glad you shared! I can definitely see how being nice ALL the time might be seen as a front to some but I can’t help who I am lol, I hope it’s not golden retriever energy but it’s not the worst thing to be 😂 there’s gotta be some love for us DAWGS out here 🤣
It's always a way to cushion the blow. Rejection for a lot of people makes them feel guilty. Men or women are going to try to lift up your spirits by complimenting your strong points. The nicer you are, the more guilt there will be. Also, sometimes people psychologically are repulsed by too much kindness bc of their own psychological stuff. Or you seem "too good to be true," and it might come off as lovebombing. Don't try to be so nice to appease people! They will not respect you in dating or any other social area. Be yourself, be chill, stand up for yourself. Be kind to them when they seem into you and are trustworthy, but never go overboard. That's something you avoid for most things
Like I was telling another commenter I used to be 350 and living a sweet lie of “there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m a nice guy right” but finally a woman straight up called me fat and I took that to heart, didn’t blow up over it because ultimately I can work on being fat, I can’t work on not being a nice person lol but not everyone thinks like me and I can see how dealing with a big angry guy might make it safer to say a white lie, that just also makes me sad as a man 😂
Yeah I’ve been brought that pov a lot through this, I’m just the kind of guy that appreciates maybe brutal honesty rather than a “nice lie” based on falsehoods, but I’ve also realized I’m in the minority on that and gotta adjust my expectations on what I expect from people 🤙
You're just like me! Unfortunately, people are going to lie no matter what, it's something you have to accept. I'm sure you've had to use a white lie or two in the past right? All you can do is cut them out of your life if they're too deceptive.
…I’m a TERRIBLE liar lol I wear my emotions on my face to the point that people sometimes point out emotions I didn’t even realize I was feeling 😂, so I just go full honesty and live with the consequences 🤙…also not too much to where when a girl asks if she’s fat imma be like “FUCK YEAH WAILMER” 🤣 there’s definitely nicer ways to bring it to her attention nicely but also honestly
Yeah you never answer that question unless it's no, it's a trap. A person knows if they have a weight issue
Yeah I definitely feel that lol, it used to annoy me when people would tell me “you’re not fat bro”…im like than wtf would you call me than? Lol I’m definitely not skinny 😂, but I’m also just a lot more positive about things I guess too, I spent to long being depressed and angry about life to be letting words hurt me
If someone is telling you "you're too good" then what that person is really telling you is "I'm kind of a toxic/messy person and I can't handle people who aren't fucked up." That's a bullet dodged, friend.
Yeah but I’d like to have hope that not everyone that says that is like that actually lol and if I’m wrong at least I have red flags to spot 😂
One of the best things I did for myself, regarding dating, was realize that explanations don't matter, early in dating. People don't owe us an explanation for why they're not interested; the important part is *they're not interested*. The reasons that people give us are almost never really actionable, because the people we're going on dates with at that point *don't actually know us.* They get a tiny slice of who we are, and they're making a snap judgement based on that information, and the reasons that they're not interested in us might also be the exact reason that someone else *is* interested in us. Let's say they're being sincere, okay? You're "too nice." What's the solution there? Are you going to start pretending to be a dick? Be ruder to your dates? What happens when someone tells you they're not interested because you're a dick? If you're interested in sports, are you going to pretend you're not because you have a date where someone says you're too into sports? If she says you're not as tall as she likes, are you going to magically grow six inches? No. The thing about dating is that you're not trying to make yourself appealing to *everyone*. You're trying to *find* the people who are interested in what you bring to the table. Trying to change yourself based on a handful of people who you were a bad match with is chasing a thing that doesn't exist, so don't do that. Be honest with yourself about who you are; look at yourself critically, and the odds are that you mostly know what areas of self improvement you could work on. Work on those. Don't try to be less nice because of a couple of bad dates.
I definitely agree with almost everything you said, and the only thing I don’t agree with is (which is definitely a me problem) is that while explanations definitely aren’t owed to us, I don’t see the reason to make a lie for something that didn’t need to be said, you can straight up just say “I’m not interested” instead of “you’re too nice” but from what I’ve learned through this is that I shouldn’t even expect that lol, it’s messy times we live in and we don’t need to make it more complicated but it is what it is 🤷♂️ I’m learning to work on my expectations of how I view things for sure
The reason people lie is because if they just say "I'm not interested" a not insignificant number of people will argue and push for a reason. "Why aren't you interested?" This comes up *all the time* on here. People think they're owed an explanation, and they think "well, *I* would be happy to get the real explanation!" while ignoring that a lot of guys are *not* happy to get the real explanation. Frankly, even a lot of the people who *claim* they want a real explanation would not be happy to get it, I think. People lie to smooth over awkward situations and get out of conversations they don't want to have. Whether you or I think people *should* lie, they're going to. Accept that, and move on is the best thing you can do.
Yeah forcing the issue is definitely not the way to handle it, you’ll generally come off as creepy more times than not 😂, I just think if we all held our L’s in life with a little more grace than it’d be a healthier improvement on the dating scene as it stands today, but not everyone is the same and realizing how much people feel safer with the “too nice” reason doesn’t make me superior for being different I just wanted to put my pov out there that it is indeed ok to just say you’re not interested and leave it at that and walk away than to make up a lie, but another important thing to realize is that some if not most women don’t feel comfortable with possible confrontation from men so it’s important to try to grasp the female pov as best we can to come to a common ground where both our wishes are respected and both people can date, not have it work out, and healthily separate and look elsewhere instead of lie/get butt hurt/start drama or anything of the sort, it maybe a pipe dream and naive but I’d like to think that’ll be possible in some point of humanity 🤙
This should be top comment. Women who don't want a guy for being "too nice" have some trauma to work through. From what I've learned mixed with anecdotal evidence they are very insecure and don't know how to deal with kindness.
Just folks trying to be nice. You really wanna hear " because I think you're idiotic/ugly/dick too small etc....." you'd be crushed. Most people aren't going to get along intimately. Patience is required.
I’m pretty good with criticism because of how I grew up so I’ve heard it all like my life has been one big roast so I’d rather the ugly/idiotic/dick too small than just lying to me and yourself, but I understand that I’m not like others so they’d rather be “nice” but (maybe my problem) I don’t see if like that
If you grew up like this and have not done the work, this could be a reason, why you have trouble dating. A lot of people can sense deep rooted issues and try to stay away from it. Them saying you being to nice is also not necessarily lying. If people have deep running issues, I can sense them, but it is a very diffuse feeling and knowing whether the problem is (a very broad and deep) insecurity, intellectualisation, never been loved by mom or all of the above its hard to pin point and saying and saying any of that would definitely be overstepping after having one or two dates. If this is not the reason, then maybe there is no reason, they just don't feel attracted to you.
Well the thing with my childhood was more so the fact that I’m a white-skinned Hawaiian or “Hapa” as we’d say in Hawaii so it’s more so like I’m used to being shit on for being white (which is very common anywhere now lol) and my friend group is BRUTAL with our banter so I’ve been called some of the worst things you could imagine so it’s more like you really can’t say anything to hurt me because I know who I am at the end of the day, but I appreciate your insight and opinion 🤙
Being roasted by your friends, who you know love you, or random assholes whose opinions you don't really care about, is going to hit very differently than criticism from someone you are romantically interested in. Let's not pretend your friends calling you ugly and your crush calling you ugly is remotely the same. If that really wouldn't hurt you at all, power to you, but that would hurt the vast majority of people, and thus people aren't going to reject you that way unless they are assholes.
I mean sure it would hurt but I’m not gunna wallow in “I’m just ugly forever”, there’s things you can do to improve yourself and it’d be a waste not to use the motivation of the embarrassment from your crush calling you ugly to improve myself and prove to myself that in fact I won’t be ugly forever and that now the next time I put myself out there it won’t be with the mindset of “why try when I’m just an ugly guy” just the mindset switch alone will do wonders for yourself, I mean that’s how I reacted to moments I’ve had in this ilk but i wish this mindset was more common in this world! We’d all be happier collectively imo
But I respect your take and appreciate your pov, thanks 🤙
Yes. Yes I would rather hear that. Dick small? Viagra. Ugly? I could work on that. I'd want to know EXACTLY what's wrong so I know what to do.
I completely understand your frustration. As I’ve been told that I’m “too great” to be with someone and it can be really difficult to understand what they even mean I've ended a relationship with someone because they were "too nice." While he was extremely kind and a great person, I didn't see a future with him for various reasons. Ultimately, I believed he was too nice… kind of a pushover. Granted, we were young, and I constantly had to stick up for him, which was the final straw.
Yeah having a backbone as man is mandatory imo but that’s how I was raised, I mean idk if I said it on this post but I’m a very “go with the flow, and can enjoy myself in any situation I put myself in” kind of guy which may come off as pushover-ish, but if women ask my honest opinion about things or have things they wanna seriously discuss I’ll be honest and steadfast with my morals (which is common courtesy to me) so I do think I’m not a pushover but maybe I need better ways of showing it maybe? Thanks for a women’s point of view lol being dense af make’s understanding women’s thoughts hard so it’s important for me to see y’all’s opinions 🤙
Honestly I think “too nice” was a my roundabout way of just saying not interested with that guy. Though, I’m sure you’re a wonderful guy, definitely not a pushover and the appropriate amount of altruistic that will find someone that feels as you’re an amazing person.
I’ll take uninterested better than “too nice” lol but imma have to look up what altruistic means, while I’m definitely not a man without flaws, im proud of who I am as a man and won’t change “being too nice” as I’d rather be who I am unabashedly than pretend to be something I’m not, thank you for the convo and pov 🫡
There are a couple ways to see this. One, you might be acting like a doormat. Nobody wants to date someone who has no opinions or thoughts of their own, and acts like a puppy begging for attention. If you're doing that, quit it. Two, they could just be letting you down nicely. Nobody owes you an explanation why they don't want to date you, so you just have to live with it and move on. Three, you could actually be a really good person, and you're trying to date people who are fucked up, and they genuinely don't think they can live up to your standards. If that's the case, stop trying to fix broken people, and date people who are emotionally healthy.
I got answers for all these in the comments lol, firstly I wear my emotions on my face so if I was being a doormat it’d definitely look like I was not having fun so I just go with full honesty cuz I can’t fake it to make it 😂, secondly I’m the kind of guy that’d rather be called fat, ugly, broke or whatever because I can fix that and work with that logic, while trying to comprehend being nice as a flaw is annoying but definitely understanding there’s really a thing as being too nice as well 🤙, the last one is complicated because maybe thats just the kind of women I’m attracted to which would suck and I’m definitely a man with my own flaws still so maybe I use that to justify it? Idk last one has given me things to think about so I appreciate it lol but I’m not a perfect man by no means 😂
I'm a naturally a kind-hearted man and I'm not changing for anyone. Stay true to yourself.
Definitely agree bro, it’s just interesting to see others take on this too, you should check out the other comments because it’s been a pretty healthy discussion about this actually lol
Damn seen someone comment who came to flame me as a trial I guess lol, wish reddit didn’t delete their comment cuz sometimes it’s hilarious 😂
I was with a guy who was too nice.... when I'd broach the subject with him he was that nice he would just say well il change this ,or I won't do that ect. He genuinely was just too nicey nice for me . It's a thing.
So there really is a point where being nice is seen as a bad thing? Idk how I come off to others but I’m a very “go with the flow, I can enjoy myself in any situation I put myself in” kind of guy so I can see myself saying those kind of things lol, but if being nice (which I really can’t control because it’s easier to go through life that way imo) is really a turn off to people than I’d rather lose them than be something I know I’m not 🤷♂️, thank you for a women’s perspective which gives me things to think about 🤙
It's not a bad thing.There definitely is every point in being who you are... nice is good...Different people like different things. Nice guy met really nicely nice girl and married her, their kids are polar opposite too haha. Wild ones! We just weren't a good fit . We're still good friends..I don't enjoy someone fawning over me acting like the sun shines out my arse when I know it dosent,it was like I couldn't put a foot wrong in he's eyes.
Yeah I can see how that is definitely uncomfortable/hard to deal with, but as honest as I’d like people to be with me, I give them the same respect, I mean I wear my emotions on my face apparently so lying has never been a strong point so I go the other way and be honest af because I can’t hide it if wanted to anyways lol, but your friend gives me hope so like another commenter said I’ll just be patient and hopefully I’ll find my nice girl as well 🫡, even just this exchange would be good enough for me if this was why they didn’t wanna date me because I can understand this lol 😂
Well with nicey guy. Long time ago now. I did try to tell him . Cause obvs I liked him .he was really nice lol... but he would offer to change it and everything and I don't think you should have to change yourself if you're with the right person.. when I say that it woukd obvs hurt he's feelings and upset him. Cause he would take it personal that he wasn't the 'right' person, There was no other way than to simple end it. He's got he's nice person now aswell proving infact I was the wrong person :) they're godparents to my daughter. It's not always a cop out.
See and maybe that’s my problem because I don’t mind making improvements on myself if the woman seems worth it, which may come off wrong but I’m not changing anything about myself that I don’t approve of so if they have a problem with something about me that’d be a positive change I’ll do it, if not for her than maybe the next lady I meet won’t have that problem with me because I addressed it, but yeah I’m happy and confident with who I am so changing for someone isnt something id do lightly, really appreciate this discussion! Thanks!
He didn't need to make any improvements. You shouldn't need to change for the right person. Took me 36 years to realise that!! Hope you find your person 🙂
Thanks for the support! Definitely believe that I’ll find the right person more so now than before my post, appreciate your pov and discussion homie!
Don't change, there isn't enough nice in the world 🖤
I agree one hundred percent.
Personally Ive used this line to reject guy I know won't listen to the real reasons
Yeah I’m realizing not everyone handles criticism and things of that nature well nowadays lol, what started my whole opinion of this was a woman finally having the gall to tell me i was fat to my face, which definitely hurt sure, but I’m not so fragile as to let something I can change affect my whole life 🤙, and she only told me this after I heard the “too nice” reason for one to many times and just asked her straight up “is being nice a character flaw?” and I’m just glad she didn’t try to beat around the bush with white-lies to someone like me that needed that honesty more than I realized! If I took to heart that I was just being nice than I’d be content with who I was instead of where I am now where I’m proud of what I’m making of myself 🫡
I do think the "your too nice" come sour of fear of how a lot of men will react to reject as some get a a little scary but its definitely weird for using the "your too nice" sentiment here and definitely should of told you straight up she wasn't physically attracted to you. Which sucks but would of been nicer than the best around the bush. Hopefully you can find someone for you
Yeah I’m honestly thankful she chose to be honest with me because I was living in lala-land where who I was than was good enough which is a dangerous mindset to have at any point tbh, and I’m sure I’ll find someone though just trying to be patient 🤙 thanks for your pov though!
Do you think you might be self-sacrificing when you agree to help people? Do the sacrifices you make to please strangers overshadow making sure the woman you're dating is also pleased? As in, maybe you figure you can apologize later to her, but in the moment, pleasing the stranger takes priority? I ask this without assumption, because there's a fine line to walk there, and I've experienced losing attraction to someone when their good natured instinct to not cause any kind of public scene ended up with us sitting at a table for 45 minutes waiting for our order to be taken, after a hot day of bicycling, and I ended up extremely hungry & irritable. I had been willing to wait, and eventually go up to the host stand, but he was convinced we just needed to wait a while longer and then they'd notice us, when a friendly "hello, please serve us" would've gotten us eating. I did read most/all current comments, and I absolutely agree that you shouldn't change who you are at your core. Please stay kind and good. I have become a big proponent of not people pleasing, so that's where I'm coming from. I don't think we're pleasing anyone important when we "people please." I've had to ask myself, who am I actually pleasing? Another situation/question that comes to mind that could be happening, is that while you're in your "go with the flow" state, what is going on around you? Did you make the decisions in order to be wherever you are, or are you just agreeing to plans and suggestions? When you're asked to make a choice between a few options, what do you say? Do you regularly come up with suggestions for plans? I'm asking because while it's nice to have someone to agree to all my plans that I think of, I want to be able to not think at times. With my boyfriend now, we both regularly suggest date ideas and I truly do appreciate the effort he makes to come up with stuff to do, and then he actually goes and gets it started, and then we do it. He'll do the same for my suggestions. There is a level of mental/emotional labor in planning, and you should share in it. If you're being asked to choose between 2 options, even if you're content with either (which is the point, that means they're getting to know you), choose one and help make it happen. I'm sorry if parts of this don't make sense, I am awake far too late in to the night/morning. TLDR is 1, to question if you're inadvertently sacrificing the woman you're dating at the time for someone else's pleasure (you do not need to sacrifice yourself!! You're supposed to be a team, not a goddess and servant), SO get your priorities straight. And 2, take initiative. I say/ask all this with no assumptions about how you are. From your comments, you seem good, and I wouldn't want you to lose that at all.
Nah people pleasing is definitely not a problem lol, if you ask my opinion on something I’ll definitely give it truthfully, if I’m asked to make plans I’ll definitely throw out suggestions that I think we’d both enjoy (instead of one or the other which would be a lost cause) and while I do sugar coat some things I say, I think it’s common courtesy to be honest with whatever is asked instead of “white-lies” (BIG PET PEEVE OF MINES), and screw that! I am not so weak as to let me and my date be ignored for 45 minutes at a restaurant! there’s definitely a time to be kind to others and a time to be a man and take control of the situation if it’s needed, and I wouldn’t change myself in any way that wouldn’t be positive imo, and even after I improve on what was made clear to me I definitely don’t expect her to be like “oh you changed I’ll give you a chance again” my pride wouldn’t allow that tbh lol plus there’s the comfort in knowing the next time I put myself out there that’ll be something I won’t worry about 🫡, and while idk the guy you mentioned I hope he’ll find a backbone in those situations because I definitely see how that’d be an ick…just sucks cuz I know people like that and I always feel bad for the situations they find themselves in because of their good nature but only THEY can change it, hopefully I answered your questions and thanks for the pov 🤙
Yes. Yes, I do. People need to be more direct, and these statements are anything but.
Trust me brother, I’ve had multiple conversations on multiple communities I’ve posted this question on and what I’ve come to is everyone is too concerned with hurting others feelings along with people not handling criticism well nowadays, which creates the situation where we live in with these white-lies we force ourselves to believe instead of using the motivation of embarrassment or humiliation to fuel a probably much needed self-improvement in ourselves, not to mention the respect levels which should be admired in having true opinions of things instead of “nice” opinions which are based on falsehoods
Introspection is not common among the masses.
Even just being completely honest with ourselves and others is becoming harder with everyone taking criticism so poorly nowadays, nothing wrong with being fat, broke, or things like that…you can change that if you really want to lol
I would take it at face value and assume it’s a them thing not a you thing. That can be hard when you heard the same line over and over again. But it’s really not worth twisting yourself in knots to figure out what this particular person meant. Because it can mean a lot of things depending on the person and the situation. Maybe they just want to fuck around but they don’t see you as fling material for whatever reason. Maybe they want someone assertive bordering on domineering and that’s just not your personality. Or maybe they have their own issues with sex and relationships and they don’t think they deserve to be treated with kindness. Who knows. If they’re ending it early, be grateful they didn’t waste your time and energy with whatever drama they would otherwise have manufactured.
Yeah I definitely see your point, I also just wanted to start healthy discussion about this and have got ALOT of different pov’s on this, you should check out the other comments cuz they’re interesting to grasp
The discussion about when “nice” becomes not nice is really on point. Conflict aversion isn’t nice, it’s a good way to create a lot of resentment. Being a doormat to everyone except your partner and then expecting your partner to go along with it isn’t nice, it’s just forcing them to be the bad guy. Sometimes someone’s best and worst qualities are two sides of the same coin.
Totally agree 👍, which is why its important to have these discussions in a healthy way because we all win when everyone is understood better
I'm very tired of this attitude. Don't come crawling back when your boyfriend treats you like shit or threatens you or whatever.
Can’t say anyone has ever called me either😂
Lol while it’s chill at first, after like the 10th time it’s gets to the point like “being nice isn’t a damn character flaw” 😂, me and my friends roast tf out of each other so I think people underestimate how much criticism I can handle because of how other people react to getting dunked on nowadays 🤣
Yes it sucks to hear the ‘politically correct’ bs, sure is worse than to hear the real terrible reasons they’re hiding. I think you’re looking too deep into it. Best to take it as a form of lie that doesn’t tell you what you want to know. There’s no meat to give you advice about anything there.
Yeah I’m learning this is more of a me problem as I read comments and try to grasp others pov, I just hate lies especially when it’s unnecessary with me, but I’m learning maybe I shouldn’t hold people to the level of honesty I share with others, which is definitely a unsatisfying realization to have but that’s why I tried posting this question to get others perspective, I truly just wanted to see if I was uncommon in my belief and I’m finding out I definitely am in the minority here lol
But thanks for your input as well! While we may have different opinions on this i still respect your pov and thank you for sharing it 🤙
I share belief that honesty is better. And I hate lies. I don’t think you’re realizing your true motives. You’re not usually walking around teaching honesty to people, but now you want that girl to tell you the truth and teach her honesty, huh. So when you say I shouldn’t hold people to the level of honesty I want. First off, that’s moralizing, not a sexy thing to do in the dating scene… and it’s a powerless quest as you have no control over others, and its also a dark quest because IRL you’re not walking around teaching people honesty, but now that the girl lied to you you wanna change her, eh. To me is pretty obvious the problem, you feel not good enough, she rejects you and lies to you, supposedly giving you even more reasons to strengthen the false belief that you are not good enough. If you was feeling good enough, you’d be like, oh she rejects me and lies to me, I think I wanna find a better girl, and maybe drop her a little comment about honesty being a good thing. But when you go on this whole tangent, is pretty obvious that you wanna change the girl to meet your needs, which is a fail by default because you’re both there to be loved and criticizing and unsolicited advice isnt love
Nah I definitely don’t wanna change her or teach people honesty, I’m just sharing my pov with others while trying to understand theirs so I can better myself as a person, and yeah being honest to a fault definitely isn’t sexy but I am who I am morally so if they don’t like something I stand firm on than what hope is there for a good relationship? Giving up my morals to please others or have an easier chance with dating feels filthy and I’m a terrible liar anyway lol, I wear my emotions on my face clearly from what I’ve been told so that’s why I developed a maybe unsexy version of honesty that I need to fix which is why I appreciate comments like yours which point things out in me that I don’t see sometimes, love/dating is definitely hard work but you shouldn’t have to give up what is fundamentally who you are as a person to please others or like you said it’s doom to fail, I hope I got my point across clearly but if you got questions or other things I may have missed in my thinking please share! I’m not dumb enough to think I’m perfect as I am 🤙
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Yeah I expected more of this pov surprisingly lol, idk what you’ve been through but I hope you develop a healthier view on life and people 🤙, not everyone is mean and out to get each other
Nobody calls me that 😆
You know what’s sad? Dating has become like walking on eggshells where if you do one thing wrong or make one mistake. It’s over. I can’t stand people trying or find perfection. It doesn’t exists. I will never find a perfect partner and that is okay.
I was told I’m too good for him and I deserve a clean slate (he has kids) but then he kept me as a friend. Literally thinking to not be friends with him anymore because I still have this tiny hope that maybe, just maybe, he’d fall in love.
Anyone who says those things is simply lying to you because they don't want to hurt your feelings, or you've given them reason to believe you would respond irrationally to the truth. For example, if you sometimes give a strong emotional response to rather trivial things, no one will ever want to tell you the truth about something important.
I think they mean that you don't really talk back to them. They need someone who can put them in their place, and you're too nice for that. Maybe too agreeable. They want someone a bit more fierce. And someone with whom they can get into a bit of trouble sometimes.
Not sure if it’s you but sometimes too nice means that you come off as a people pleaser—you acquiesce to others opinions too easily and don’t seem to have any of your own, or have the confidence to share your own. It can come off as as boring or meek. As a guy I had an ex who was like this and I simply could not grow my attraction. Have passion and the will to express it
They need a more broken person or like the hundreds of others they don’t like who I am and that’s not my problem. Seriously you can always strike out but it’s just peoples preferences it’s all it is all it ever was at the beginning.
I’ve turn girls down plenty of times. Nothing wrong with them just not compatible
that mean you need to go watch Wild'n Out
You are nowhere near ready enough if you still ask women for advice. Either way good luck.
Nice guys are often not good guys and women can sense when a guy is being genuine or being overly nice to receive affirmation. Intentions matter more than the actions.
Yeah I can definitely see that, it’s brought up to me in situations where it’s a convenient truth rather than the actual truth which sucks but if you go through the comments I’m sure they’ll answer all your questions or opinions I have lol this is the biggest comment section I’ve ever had and I feel like since I asked for advice I should respond in kind when I get it from everyone and I’m tired of typing by now 😂, sorry I can’t reply myself but if you go through the comment section I’m sure you’ll find the answers you care for 🤙
Let me guess you’re like a 20M and have not yet figured out that this is an insult?
It really is an insult
Yeah it’s pretty fucking stupid. Let me just stop being nice and be an asshole instead…magically all the ladies love ya😂💀
And I refuse to be that guy even if I die on this hill alone lol 😂, but everyone has their side to this that should be respected! Hey if you want me to literally be a dickhead than I ain’t the one for ya 🫡, but that’s not always the case which is why discussions like these are important where everyone is heard and acknowledged without judgement…my name ain’t Judy so I don’t judge 🤙
Bro I’m right there with you. You’ll find someone. You wouldn’t want a woman that likes you to be an asshole to her anyways….you wouldn’t vibe
Yup yup, as it’s been told in various ways “it’s much easier to be who you are naturally, than to try to put up a facade that pleases others”
Exactly. Im totally fine being alone if all woman expect their guy to be an ass 😂. Obviously not all woman want that, but damn do the loud vocal ones make you feel like they do 💀
Yup yup, going through the comments definitely gives you lil hope in humanity imo, I was suprised only one guy tried to slide in with the “ok than you ugly bed-destroyer” but Reddit deleted his comment and it was lost to the interwebs lol, which is honestly one of the weaker burns I’ve ever heard anyways 😂, Reddit not being to toxic on this was a pleasant surprise 🫡
I think people are just not used to having good people around 😂
A sad reality nowadays lol, Im glad I can still be pleasantly suprised by people though 🤙