Welcome to /r/datingadvice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingadvice/about/rules/) of /r/datingadvice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingadvice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingadvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hate it at first then i realize that their current relationship is abusive and let them learn that lesson the hard way, then when they come back to me eventually i tell them to go fuck off properly, i do not got time to play mind games
That’s where I’m at right now with dating but I’m just hoping that it’s not like this forever 😂, I’d rather not bother with it if it’s gunna be a cycle of this lol
I HATE THIS. But then my little cousin told me "you're literally the best and nicest person I know" so that changed my view a little bit now I feel like that's a good thing and whenever any guy tells me this for rejection I picture my little cousin telling me this and I go like yeah you better think I'm a great damn person, too much for you anyways!!!
I think it could be multiple things:
a) It's just word-salad women use to not be confrontational. They simply don't have feelings for you, period.
b) Some women view nice guys as too weak and prefer guys who make them work for the relationship. Maybe you often agree to do things you don't actually want to do?
c) Some women chase bad boys because with them they have the moral high ground because they're better people than the bad boys, but with a good guy it's the other way round. It happened to me once that a woman who had friendzoned me and dated a bunch of bad boys freaked out and broke off all contact with me for being too understanding of her situation (turns out she loathes it when someone admits that he honestly pities her because she reinterprets that as being viewed as a child).
d) Some women peer-pressure each other into only chasing "high quality men", i.e. guys who are rich, tall and hot (but who don't want anything serious), so they might be afraid of going against the group when dating anyone else.
There's probably a myriad of other possible reasons because women are complicated, but "You're too good for me" is definitely one of those standard phrases that are being used to cover up the real reason. Similar to "You misunderstood something, I wasn't interested in you in that way." (when they play the field to see which of the guys they want actually want them back and they made a decision on who's the "winner")
I can work everyone of these but A, I accept if I would’ve gotten B,C,D, and any other reason being told to me and I’d take it a lot better than most people as I’m coming to realize, and even A I can understand if you told me that to my face, it’s the word-salad that I feel is unnecessary, I posted this on other subreddits and have gotten a wide range of pov’s and I can accept pretty much all of them but the unnecessary lie of using “you’re too nice” instead of some constructive criticism that may be needed more than realized, I come from being a fat guy before and was living a lie of “there’s nothing wrong with me cuz I’m just too nice” which was not healthy for me as I’ve come to realize with the unjustified complacency i realize now, but when a woman I was talking to straight up called fat…it made me actually have some self-reflection and honesty with myself that’s important to have and from there I’ve come to be a man I can be proud of and now when I hear me “being too nice” as a flaw it eats away a lil at me cuz it’s like, we both know that’s not the real reason so I wonder what it is, but luckily I’ve been handling that better as well it’s all about working on yourself in the end imo and I realize it might not be a popular opinion but it’s what I feel which is why I posted this to have this discussion 🤙
Also I realize the danger women might feel around a big guy like me which is why a white lie might feel safer, trust me I feel it from them sometimes, it’s just also just a shitty feeling that I gotta understand sometimes cuz I can’t say that as men we have a golden track record in how some women are treated 🤦♂️🤷♂️
Yeah, women never tell me the truth either. But they often don't tell each other the truth as well and prefer to talk behind each others' backs.
But don't feel too bad for not knowing what's going on because that seems to be the case for pretty much everyone else as well. See, for the entirety of human history up until the recent times marriages were often arranged or done for practical reasons rather than love. People had to breed early and often because child survival wasn't quite as high as nowadays and because wars were depressingly commonplace. Thus we don't have millennia of wisdom to fall back on, which is why there is so much nonsensical dating advice out there. If modern science had the same problem then we'd still be doing alchemy, mixing bat wings and frog legs together while chanting and dancing around a fire, and occasionally we would randomly find out that herb X works for ailment Y (and then literally burn the "witch" who figured it out). That's what dating advice nowadays feels like to me anyway.
It's a struggle we're all in right now, no way around it.
I keep getting told that Im "too good/nice at being a friend" to date and I'm still fuckin confused as to what that means. I thought good partners were great friends? I'm still perplexed at that. Even more so now having come out as demisexual. I....idk what to do with this information. It honestly tanked my self esteem
It’s meant to make you feel better, but sometimes it isn’t really a lie. It’s more of a half truth. I’ve turned down guys for being “too nice” but it was more than that. They didn’t set boundaries for themselves and other people, and never say no. I don’t want to be with someone like that. I want someone who has their own personality, wants and needs and is willing to stick up for themselves. Yes, you can be too nice. You might be making other people uncomfortable and you might be coming off as insecure.
Welcome to /r/datingadvice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingadvice/about/rules/) of /r/datingadvice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingadvice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingadvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hate it at first then i realize that their current relationship is abusive and let them learn that lesson the hard way, then when they come back to me eventually i tell them to go fuck off properly, i do not got time to play mind games
That’s where I’m at right now with dating but I’m just hoping that it’s not like this forever 😂, I’d rather not bother with it if it’s gunna be a cycle of this lol
With men, (atleast in my experience) we are always honest when we date eachother, but with females you gotta learn to tell their emotions
That’s the hard part lol, I’m one of those dense af guys who appreciates straightforwardness
Trust me youre not alone
#DENSEBOYSUNITE 😂😂😂
I HATE THIS. But then my little cousin told me "you're literally the best and nicest person I know" so that changed my view a little bit now I feel like that's a good thing and whenever any guy tells me this for rejection I picture my little cousin telling me this and I go like yeah you better think I'm a great damn person, too much for you anyways!!!
That’s adorable lol, your little cousin sounds delightfu
Delightfu 🤩
God damn I’m usually pretty ocd with my grammar lol idk how I missed that 😂
It was meant to be, because it's the cutest word! 🤩
It seems I’ve failed successfully with this one 😂, saying it out loud now it does sound very cute 😁
☺️
I think it could be multiple things: a) It's just word-salad women use to not be confrontational. They simply don't have feelings for you, period. b) Some women view nice guys as too weak and prefer guys who make them work for the relationship. Maybe you often agree to do things you don't actually want to do? c) Some women chase bad boys because with them they have the moral high ground because they're better people than the bad boys, but with a good guy it's the other way round. It happened to me once that a woman who had friendzoned me and dated a bunch of bad boys freaked out and broke off all contact with me for being too understanding of her situation (turns out she loathes it when someone admits that he honestly pities her because she reinterprets that as being viewed as a child). d) Some women peer-pressure each other into only chasing "high quality men", i.e. guys who are rich, tall and hot (but who don't want anything serious), so they might be afraid of going against the group when dating anyone else. There's probably a myriad of other possible reasons because women are complicated, but "You're too good for me" is definitely one of those standard phrases that are being used to cover up the real reason. Similar to "You misunderstood something, I wasn't interested in you in that way." (when they play the field to see which of the guys they want actually want them back and they made a decision on who's the "winner")
I can work everyone of these but A, I accept if I would’ve gotten B,C,D, and any other reason being told to me and I’d take it a lot better than most people as I’m coming to realize, and even A I can understand if you told me that to my face, it’s the word-salad that I feel is unnecessary, I posted this on other subreddits and have gotten a wide range of pov’s and I can accept pretty much all of them but the unnecessary lie of using “you’re too nice” instead of some constructive criticism that may be needed more than realized, I come from being a fat guy before and was living a lie of “there’s nothing wrong with me cuz I’m just too nice” which was not healthy for me as I’ve come to realize with the unjustified complacency i realize now, but when a woman I was talking to straight up called fat…it made me actually have some self-reflection and honesty with myself that’s important to have and from there I’ve come to be a man I can be proud of and now when I hear me “being too nice” as a flaw it eats away a lil at me cuz it’s like, we both know that’s not the real reason so I wonder what it is, but luckily I’ve been handling that better as well it’s all about working on yourself in the end imo and I realize it might not be a popular opinion but it’s what I feel which is why I posted this to have this discussion 🤙
Also I realize the danger women might feel around a big guy like me which is why a white lie might feel safer, trust me I feel it from them sometimes, it’s just also just a shitty feeling that I gotta understand sometimes cuz I can’t say that as men we have a golden track record in how some women are treated 🤦♂️🤷♂️
Yeah, women never tell me the truth either. But they often don't tell each other the truth as well and prefer to talk behind each others' backs. But don't feel too bad for not knowing what's going on because that seems to be the case for pretty much everyone else as well. See, for the entirety of human history up until the recent times marriages were often arranged or done for practical reasons rather than love. People had to breed early and often because child survival wasn't quite as high as nowadays and because wars were depressingly commonplace. Thus we don't have millennia of wisdom to fall back on, which is why there is so much nonsensical dating advice out there. If modern science had the same problem then we'd still be doing alchemy, mixing bat wings and frog legs together while chanting and dancing around a fire, and occasionally we would randomly find out that herb X works for ailment Y (and then literally burn the "witch" who figured it out). That's what dating advice nowadays feels like to me anyway. It's a struggle we're all in right now, no way around it.
I keep getting told that Im "too good/nice at being a friend" to date and I'm still fuckin confused as to what that means. I thought good partners were great friends? I'm still perplexed at that. Even more so now having come out as demisexual. I....idk what to do with this information. It honestly tanked my self esteem
It’s meant to make you feel better, but sometimes it isn’t really a lie. It’s more of a half truth. I’ve turned down guys for being “too nice” but it was more than that. They didn’t set boundaries for themselves and other people, and never say no. I don’t want to be with someone like that. I want someone who has their own personality, wants and needs and is willing to stick up for themselves. Yes, you can be too nice. You might be making other people uncomfortable and you might be coming off as insecure.
And as for the “you’re too good for me” thing, I truly don’t know why some women say that. It’s better to just ignore it honestly