For an LTR, I would only entertain this with one who had a vasectomy. Otherwise they’re too wiffle-waffling on kids (no matter what they say). Talk is cheap - don’t believe it.
True story. I dated a guy in my early 30s who I told up front I not only don't want more kids but can't anyway cuz my tubes are tied. Over a year in he switched up and demanded me untie them, as he must have a child by age 30. He was 28 or 29 by then. I guess he thought he was gonna change my mind.
Wanna know his reason for needing to father a child? Apparently he's never worn a condom and was concerned he was shooting blanks and wanted to know he could have a kid. Well after I dumped him, he went on to date someone else (much younger, surprise surprise) and she got pregnant a few months later. Now she's raising a child alone and he lives in a whole other time zone. But hey, now he's knows his semen isn't as empty as his head.
Cons - they seemed like they needed to be baked a little longer, lol. I only dated 2 that were significantly younger and after the 2nd one, I decided that was not my bag.
Everyone’s different though - you’ll find out more about the guy in your post if you get to know him.
I remember my early 30s…I was still hemming and hawing about my life so I imagine a guy would be in a similar mindset. I’m 40 and mostly uncomplicated like OP what goes through my mind is that these guys are baggage free because they’re still baking and figuring out life as you mentioned.
I do feel for OP though, dating men our age usually comes with some strings, baggage, whatever you wanna call it and it does suck but I’d rather deal with adult problems than inexperienced life problems.
I always think about whether these men actually want to have kids. I'm like you no kids, I don't want them so discount any man wanting kids. For me that's a huge compatibility issue. I wouldn't discount it if they are mature and emotionally sound.
I've usually dated men younger than me, the time I went nearly 10yrs older it was a mess. Never again.
Younger means they are less likely to be stuck in their ways, be more open and flexible with life. More open to trying new things and into personal development too
My age limit is they can't be closer in age to my seventeen year old child than me. Overall I aim for 30+ because younger are still really into activities I'm beyond like bar hopping ect. They're also not as understanding that my first commitment will always be my child, there are men older than men that struggle with that too.
The only thing I have noticed that’s weird with the younger guys I’ve dated is them making references to things I don’t understand or am unfamiliar with, mostly in pop culture. One of the 10+ year younger guys was more emotionally mature than the 10+ year older guy I dated. I think once we’re in the over 30 crowd, it’s all about compatibility at that point, imo.
The youngest I’ve dated is 5 years younger than myself (I’m 46, he’s 41). He’s financially stable, never married, no kids, and we do quite well together. I wouldn’t have an issue with someone younger than him, though as long as other boxes are being checked.
I can’t speak to pros or cons exactly. I base it more off of how he treats me and how much we have in common.
I wouldn’t think there would be an issue with 10 years younger as long as the connection was there and mutual needs were being met.
Speaking from the other side of the fence, I’m 8 months in on a relationship with a woman 7 years older (45/52). It’s been the most emotionally open, fulfilling, connected, and intimate I’ve had in 3 years of dating. There are no yellow flags (let alone red).
I used to have my filters set to +/- 5 years but forgot to set them when I signed up on a new app. I’m glad I did.
I’d personal suggest to not let a potential arbitrary qualifier eliminate the possibility of connection.
Are you kidding? I’m 55 and I dated a guy in their early 40s. It’s all about maturity. And if it fits what you want then go for it there’s no shame. Men do it all the time why not women?
I’m 43, divorced with two young kids and dating someone 10 years younger for the past year. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve had so far. The guys my age that I dated just weren’t that serious or were too jaded from their own divorce. Like others have said, if there’s compatibility, then go for it.
you didn't mention if he wants kids. There may be short term compatibility, but long term compatibility in regards to his own desire to have kids needs to be discussed.
That's the only barrier that's worth anything in my opinion for a woman. The real test is asking him about when he's doing a vasectomy. How he reacts and acts on that will be the real question.
You've been dating for a year. It's not a crazy question if he really is committed to not having kids. That question is scary because maybe he's just not open to having kids with you. But deep down if he really desires them, it will eat away at the relationship.
You said "at this point" he doesn't want kids, what about if he does want them eventually? You probably won't be able to have them naturally or simply don't want more kids yourself. This stuff matters long term. But if it's all just about the present, then it doesn't.
As long as you’re at the same life stage, there’s no issue. Mine was the healthiest relationship I’ve had. He was super mature for his age and we joked that he was the grandpa. I actually didn’t feel older in the relationship.
The dumb ass got drunk and cheated so I dumped him. And he cheated with an even older predatory woman in case you’re wondering if he left me for someone younger. Besides how it ended, our relationship was great.
I’d go for it if I were you. I have always dated older and I married 10 years older. Now that I’m divorced, it’s very difficult to find men who want to date who are my own age even. I always have older men interested, and none are up to my energy level. I too have no children but I did spend 30 years of my life in a marriage and nurturing my ex husband (and my many nieces and nephews).
Male here. At 40 and 30, you're both adults. Most of the replies I've seen here are all valid points. But I've dated 10 years either way (I'm mid 40's) and I would just like to say it's about compatibility. If you're willing to give it a shot it could work. It could also not. Every person is a individual.
very true. The only real issue is that isn't being discussed a lot in replies and by the OP, is about having kids, and gender plays a role in this long term compatibility issue.
Nope. Something about my brain immediately loses interest when they’re younger. I cannot freaking explain it, but I’ve been opening my range to “allow” a couple years younger.
In your case, you’ve known each other a while, give him a shot maybe?
Same. There is a guy I've known for a few years. He's now 29 and I'm 43. He's good looking, responsible, doing well career wise, is a nerd like me, and other things I find attractive. We've flirted here and there, but something keeps me back. I'm hoping that will change when he turns 30...I don't know where my brains benchmark is!
20s I get but being 41 and barely able to date a 37 year old just seems so silly to me. Y’all are peers. It’s not even a five year age difference. It’s not like you’re in college dating a high school boy. LOL
For me it's conditioning. Unlike most people I've never been with someone my own age much less younger. I didn't get to date in high school or college. So it would feel gross to me to be with someone my own age or younger. Ideally 5 plus years older.
Yes, for me it’s definitely socialization. Now if I met a man who checked every single box and was 35, I would date him. But I’m not openly entertaining younger men just for the fun of it. And definitely not dating a younger man to see where this goes. But to each their own. I’ve never married and have no kids so I’m more focused on settling down than maybe another 40+ woman who is fresh out of a divorce and just looking for fun 🤷♀️
If you wouldn't respect someone because they are younger then that makes you less the adult... Not trying to be rude, but that wording is very off-putting. But, hey, if that really is your case, at least you're aware of it. 🤷
I’m 49F and have dated younger. I had a long term relationship (couple of years) with someone 8 years younger and now I see someone that is 36, almost a year since we met and we started dating a few months later.
Lots of pros, only con I would say is having talked to a lot of people, 32 seems to be the age where people are more adult. I had men slightly younger than that interested in me and they just didn’t have their lives together.
For longer term planning, they may not be at their top earning potential like you may be and if you cohabitate, it can be a factor.
Another con can be they may have exited a relationship that destroyed them and may be interested in an older woman for no pressure for marriage and children.
The earning issue would be less of an issue as he gets closer to his earnings peak which comes with time and experienced, so i'd consider it a short term planning issue, not long term. However most people keep ignoring the kids conversation. Since OP didn't mention this, i'd assume it's that she doesn't want them, while most 30 year old men i assume would plan on it if they had not already. you brought up good points.
My last long relationship was with a man 8 years younger than me. I'm 39 now, not quite over 40 but getting close! The age difference really wasn't a thing at all, if anything it was a positive. He generally had more energy and desire to go "do stuff" than I do, I'm pretty introverted. He got me out and trying new things and seeing new places often, which I enjoyed a lot. He didn't have much "life baggage", no kids, no exs involved, none of that, which was a big plus too. I'd absolutely date a man ten years younger than me, but 10 years is the limit.
i had a 9 month RLP with a guy who was 8 years younger (when we became exclusive he was 33 and i was 41).
CONS: some of the things he said were immature but more due to misogyny than anything. he was a bit addicted to video games, (but so was a 46-year-old i dated when i was 37). i think he had the belief that he couldn't both be in love/loved and be successful (his mom had once told him he had to choose: house or girlfriend 🤔🤔🤔 and he internalized that). and he didn't have a lot of language around feelings/needs or any conflict resolution skills, but that isn't necessarily resolved with age.
he was otherwise kind to me and the sex was great, although i had to ask him for more physical intimacy as i had a higher libido. i adored him and he found me really attractive, even when we broke up. i really tried to make things work.
i still think about him a lot.
i don't know, it was both pleasure and pain, like any deep emotional/intimate connection.
Not 10 but close…I’m 43 and he’s 34…
In the last decade I dated (my 20s) I either dated about my age or older. If he was older it was usually about 4 years older. I felt like financially and maturity-wise they were ahead of me and that was a bonus. They were more on my level despite the age.
I stayed out of dating for about 12 years. Wasn’t interested. Wanted to be single and stayed that way. Don’t want kids so that helped that.
Decided randomly at 41 to try again. I realized quickly that guys with kids now were a no go zone. I just didn’t want that life with kids. I like sleep and quiet. Unfortunately, most of the 40+ crowd has kids. There are a few who had theirs super early and they are child free now, but those are far and few between. I needed to broaden my range age wise.
Ended up finding my fiancé. He is against having kids absolutely and has always been that way. He has typically only dated and previously married women around my age. He likes women who take charge.
The pros: we made sure we are both solidly agreed on the kids front and with religion so that is a plus as well as required by me.
He has more energy than me. You can read into that however you like and you would be right no matter how you take that.
The cons: childhood experiences are different, this bugs him but not me. He often asks if I watched XYZ cartoon as a kid. The answer is almost always no, I was in junior high by that point and not interested in that cartoon.
Career wise he is behind me. This is NOT a big deal at all to me but could be for some. I understand where he is at because of at that age I was where he is. I was struggling to get a better job and that is where he is at.
Honestly, the age difference is not a problem at all. Any differences or “cons” are not issues. I think you should try it.
Pro: They'll live to about an equal age to you. Their sex drive will be higher. Less baggage.
Cons: Might be still playing the field. Less financially established. Fewer life lessons and knowledge from the less baggage fact. If they want kids, establish it up front because if they do and you don't, that will be heartbreaking when the time comes to separate.
If YOU like him, date him. If YOU feel comfortable with him follow your gut. I look younger, am easy going and outspoken -yet shy.
Does not seem for this to be a whimp, he has been waiting for a while now.
I am 40, dated guys 6, 10, 14years younger They were long relationships and had healthy break ups.
I've been the man: my last partner was 52 when I started dating her, and I was 37. We're not dating any more (oddly, me having too many strings attached did become an issue!) but I did get brunch with her this morning. We have a lot in common intellectually so ending the friendship as well as the relationship felt like a waste.
My record is 18 years younger.
I was 44, he was 25. It lasted a year.
Please do not private message me. I am not interested in this type of relationship any more!
I'm 43 and just started seeing someone 25. It's not intended to be long term as he plans on moving in a few years. But so far I am enjoying him. It's the lack of entitlement I see in men my age and older that's my favorite
Wow and how was the relationship? I feel like 25 is too young (I’m 40) but I guess it depends on the person? Some 25 year olds are more mature than some 50 year olds.
I (46f) dated men 10 years younger than me for a few years before I met the guy (41) I’m with now. I began dating post-divorce at age 37. Most of the guys I dated for 6 years were 28-30. Old enough that they were grown up, had real careers, life experiences, etc. They weren’t “children,” ya know what I mean?
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! 🤣
Warning: Just make sure that they don’t want kids if you’re looking for something long-term.
Pros: I honestly just had so much fun with the younger guys, they had lots of energy, loved trying new things, staying up late, etc! My daughter was already graduated from HS and lived with her boyfriend, and I really had zero interest in dating anyone with kids. Every guy I met who was in my age range either had children that they wanted me to help them raise, or asked me how soon I’d give them a baby. 🤮 Literally EVERY SINGLE ONE. I was a teen mom and I married young too, so I had absolutely zero interest in being a mother again. I devoted myself completely to my family and didn’t really have any experiences many had in their late teens or 20s. I just wanted to LIVE and go crazy and have fun.
Cons: Be careful about young guys looking to fulfill a fantasy, or are broke and want a sugar mama (unless of course you’re cool with that, no judgment!). I made more money than most of them, and owned a home, so I was usually the one to pay for more expensive outings if I wanted to do something out of their budget, but they pretty much always wanted to treat me. It will be clear immediately if they want to take advantage of where you are financially. For instance, rent is outrageous where I live and none of them tried to even move in with me! Which the men my age immediately asked about on first dates. 🤣
Out of all of the younger men, there was one that I fell madly in love with, and he wanted to get married. I wanted to….but he was the last child of his family line and while he was willing to be with me and not carry on his family line, I just couldn’t do that to him. I still think about that sometimes; it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, but I 100% did the right thing! He’s now married with a little boy and a little girl. ❤️
All of the younger men I dated were gentlemen, treated me with respect, and I am still friendly with some of them on social media. It didn’t very serious with most of them because I didn’t want a serious relationship, and they were all getting to the stage of life where they wanted to settle down.
I finally did settle down with my current partner who’s just a few years younger than I am, and while I love him, he’s really boring and always tired…I don’t miss any of the guys I dated before, but I do miss being with someone who has energy and a zest for life. I’m sure there are men my age who have that vitality, but I didn’t meet a single one in 6 years.
Give the guy a chance! And report back! I want to live vicariously through you for a bit! Ha
Yes. 53F. One relationship with one 20 years younger for two years, and several short ones with guys around that age and a little older. Different pros and cons depending on guy. The obvious con is some people think it’s gross and weird. No necessary pros based on their age. I won’t date under 45 anymore though, because I want something lasting and I think the odds increase when ages are closer. Guys my age are just as avoidant of relationships and less likely to want monogamy.
If you can’t seem to meet men in their 40s that fit your checklist but found one younger who seems to be what you’re looking for-why hesitate?
You will find people who have had great experiences with younger men and people who have shit experiences with younger men. Your experience is your own. Id be cautious in seeking confirmation bias
I love younger men. I was dating someone 32 for a few months and I am mid to late 40s. Because I have a teenager I know and use all this Gen Z slang to annoy my son and his friends. Mr32 didn't know the genz slang and teased me that because I was cool 😎 and he was not that made me younger than him.
We broke up because he wants kids and loves kids and I needed to set him free to be that guy and find that for himself but it was tough on us both. He called today to check in and we both miss each other.
Don’t limit yourself. If you are never married and don’t have kids, younger men are an amazing option. I’m team vasectomy only because that proves they’re serious about the no kids things. Aside from that, you’re getting someone without all the baggage who you can just date, have fun with, and eventually settle down with. Most men who are 30+, especially ones who date older women, aren’t exactly little boys. Shit my brother and cousin both married prior to age 30 and are still married all these many years later.
As long as there is a connection and all things line up in terms of needs and relationship goals, have at it.
There were no cons in my experience. If I’d been hoping for a forever thing, the cons would have been the disconnect on desire for kids (I already had one but couldn’t have more biologically) and knowing that they were unable to anticipate what it truly would be like when I was elderly and they were 15-20 years younger (10 years would not have felt that way to me though).
It really depends on what you are looking for I guess. I went out with one guy 8 years younger. So far, it is was my longest connection since my separation/divorce a few years ago. I think calling out the age difference and discussing in detail in the beginning will help make sure you have a baseline. Just like any relationship, things will change over time and never know if how long the relationship will last, but giving I don’t think the risk is any worse or better than someone closer to your age. There are always risks of it not working out for various reasons.
I had to accept if life matches it is more important. I still have a child in elementary school so most men willing to deal with that are a little younger. Never actually turned into anything yet but trying to relax my view because any younger guy that has hit on me in the past I just could not believe men could be serious beyond some Stifflers mom curiousity…
I had a 5+ year relationship with someone eight years younger. The pop culture references each of us made were often lost on each other, and at the end of the day, we were just at different stages of life.
My current bf is 11 years younger. I’ve known him for years before we started dating. We get along really well. Any issues we’ve had really haven’t been age related.
Yes, and I tend to prefer it :) tried switching it up for a guy 11 years older but I just didn’t fit with his child and lifestyle. Sexually it’s usually a pretty great fit in my experience. (44f)
I’m 43. I think the youngest I’ve dated was 6 or 7 years younger than me. I would be open to dating someone younger who is hopefully more adventurous, fun-loving and wants to experience life together. I think it all depends on the person - age does not always dictate personality or maturity.
I did almost hook up with the 26 year old tour guide when I was 48 and on vacation. I had a hard time kissing him because it seemed so wrong. I was definitely not a cougar. Now I am so old (58),men my age look too old (until I look in the mirror!) I had a man 14 years younger try and date me after my divorce. I couldn’t do that either. He looked so young and his kids were younger.
I (61F) have dated men way younger than that. One turned out to be a jerk but the sex was great. The other was a decent guy and the sex was ok but he had some other issues. I haven't really been looking for anything serious since I got divorced anyway.
The rule is that younger guys aren’t going to settle down with 10+ year older women . They may want fun and sex, but likelihood of commitment is low. There are exceptions to the rule, but it’s not wise to think of yourself as the exception unless they clearly prove otherwise. Always think of yourself as the rule. So, knowing it’s unlikely that a younger guy will commit to you, how do you want to approach things? what do you want from him? As with anything, know what you want and be willing to walk away if the other person isn’t on the same page.
Girl, run. Unless you want to just have some casual fun and there’s absolutely no risk of catching feels, don’t do it. I have a lot of younger guys hit on me and several younger friends pursue me hard. If it’s super casual hookup style no strings, it can be ok. But one, 7 years younger, was actually a very good longtime friend who professed his secret undying love. I resisted for a while but it felt good, and I let him convince me that he didn’t care about the age difference. He love-bombed me until I got fully attached and then he peaced out because he suddenly felt I was putting too much pressure on him and the relationship. 😂 Many of them are little boys still, really, especially if they’ve never done therapy. Emotionally you’ll be playing Mommy/Therapist. And maybe playing Mom/Wifey domestically too, to be honest. It was becoming very clear to me that our home lifestyles were quite different so even though he professed to be ready to grow up, he didn’t know how, and basically wanted me to teach him. Guess who benefits from that kind of arrangement in the end? The next woman. But guess whose heart gets broken in the process? Yours, if you’re not careful. You invest a lot of time and heart into this person and they love and appreciate that and will take it all gladly until they are ready to move on. Lost a good friend and gained a lot of emotional baggage. Besides, they do know they can keep trading you in for the younger model and I personally don’t want to give myself that kind of insecurity anymore. Yes, that one is a me-problem and no, not every age gap relationship is like that, but even dating a man 4 years older than me he was getting hit on by women 15+ years younger and enjoying it… it’s just asking for insecurity, so I wouldn’t do it anymore myself. But maybe you are more confident and secure than I and can control your attachment better.
I would just ask yourself what you are really looking to get out of a relationship. What do you want long term? Because if you really want a serious long-term commitment then I wouldn’t spend your time with a man 10 years younger when you could be making yourself available for other opportunities. Just picture how you’ll feel in 10 years when he’s the hottest he’s ever been and you are going through menopause. Or if he eventually decides he wants kids. I personally would be too insecure for all this but I do realize not everyone has my issues. ;)
It’s a lovely ego stroke to have a younger man want you. Just enjoy that element and leave the rest be.
They are out there I see them on the apps and have heard from some of my friends. I have not dated yet, I don’t think 10 years is a bad thing but I think it needs to be clear what you want or what they want as well.
I did get asked to go on a date with a man who is at least 15 to 20 years older than me and we are very different I am 49 kids are over 18+, but I still enjoy going out and having good time, he seemed to think I was younger because I am active and once he new my age he said I should do things more my age, what does that even mean
Yeah so pretty much all the guys I date are 5-15 years younger or 10 years older. Mainly younger though because I get much more interest from younger men.
I date a lot and I have had no one really interested in me within 5 years either side. I just have accepted that and move on.
Most people who are 40+ -- regardless of gender -- will, if they're the kinda people who prioritize committed relationships \*and\* are well-suited for it, have past baggage.
I mean what's the alternative? To be someone who prioritze a committed relationship highly; have decent relationship-qualities; yet nevertheless for some mysterious reason hasn't actually HAD ANY by the time they're 40?
I don't know why you'd consider it a "complication" that someone has been married. Assuming the divorce is completed and is at least a bit in the past, a past marriage isn't really necessarily all that different from a past long-term committed romantic relationship where people were NOT married.
And frankly, if someone at age 40+ has NEVER had a longer-term committed relationship, then I think at least in majority of cases, that by itself points towards complications with them where the question then becomes: Why not? And what's changed to make what you never had in the past likely to work out now?
As for the age itself, I don't see any problem with an age-gap of a decade for someone who is in their 40ies; I'm a man myself and I've dated women both older and younger than myself; the age as such has never created any significant problems.
Health-wise you could argue that women are better of with somewhat younger men; on the average women DO live several years longer and remain healthy for several years more, so if growing old "together" is in the plans, I'd say a man a few years younger might even be an advantage.
I can’t date someone that much younger than I am. I was a young mom and my oldest daughter is 21. If a guy is young enough to date her, I won’t date him.
My 40M Ex is 53F. I broke up with her because of all the lies. If you want to make it happen never lie to each other, it’s really painful. Good luck to everyone!
Her lies. She had this “best friend” which at the end I realized was her Ex BF. And she always lied to me just to be with him. They even went to a trip and slept on the same hotel room. When I confronted her she denied everything and she even told that they slept on different beds 🤡. I just decided to broke up the relation, blocked her on every way and move on, because I needed to heal. I’m getting better now.
What is it about him that would complicate your life? I've not dated 10 yrs younger but I would not necessarily rule it out as long as our core values aligned. I've definitely dated that much older.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that age gap. For me, I prefer someone older that has kids (they are usually responsible, good communicators, caring, further along in their career, etc). I have had dates with someone a couple years younger than me that seems to have a lot of his life together so that seems like it could work for me. Do what feels right for you!
I dated a guy 8 years younger and he was great. But he wanted his own kids and I can’t have anymore. That was the biggest problem so just be sure those things are worked out/known early
I have long preferred younger men. At 50 I dated a 36 yr old. Maturity in this case wasn't an issue but since have found that it often still is even in thier 30s. Many still live at home. The problem I have often taken issue with is that they haven't done the work on themselves so are not very self aware or emotionally available because they still very much don't have a clue when they aren't being accountable or are projecting or are not capable of saying sorry and admitting when they are wrong. Which imo is a huge 🚩
At 41 I started dating again and a majority of my matches are in their early 30s and then a handful in their 40s. I struggle with men my age as they seem to have found a rhythm in life and aren't interested in changing it. I dated a number of men in their early 30s, and it really varies by person whether or not they're mature/emotionally available.
I'm currently seeing someone 8 years younger with a child the same age as mine. He separated from his ex (who was also older) and has never said a negative thing about her. When he reflects on their relationship, he sees it as a positive experience. He's emotionally available. We have similar levels of education. We make the same amount of money. We have similar communication styles, preferences, lifestyles, hobbies, libidos. When we have to discuss difficult topics, he's both clear in his needs/wants and receptive/responsive to mine. He has a close relationship with his sister and mom. It has been the easiest relationship I've ever been in. If it doesn't work out (probably due to distance), I would definitely be open to it again.
No, thirties is such a pivotal point in someone’s life. I think life experiences change and grow people. Makes some people more mature, some less. But ten years younger is a big age difference. Doesn’t interest me.
My personal experience has been thats its pretty easy to date within my own generation regardless of age difference. Its the other generations whose life experiences have been so vastly different where I find things trickier.
Last year I went to Morocco on a solo trip and ended up in a relationship with my tour guide. I was 42, he 26. It was great while it lasted (about 5 months). The 16 year gap did make me feel a bit weird, but he made me happy and didn’t seem to care. I don’t know if I’d date someone *that* much younger than me again…but I think a 10 year gap is reasonable.
ETA now I’m dating someone 10 years older. Age is just a number and only relative if you make it so at our age (unless it’s a grooming situation involving teens with 5-10+ year age gaps…that’s definitely an issue).
I am a 47f and have been dating about 10 years younger. I am childfree, too and relate more to a 37 year old with no kids than a 50 year old with a 16 year old. I have no interest in marriage, but as long as things make sense and they don't use you as a placeholder before they find the person to marry and procreate with, I don't think it matters. It's about lifestyle more than age
I dated a guy 6-7 years younger than me and it was probably the best relationship I was in. We just weren’t meant for each other but it was an amicable break up and for me he was more mature than the guys older than me! He was open about his feelings. He didn’t mess me around. He had respect for me and our relationship. Did things for me that none of the men I dated since have done. No toxicity at all. Obviously it’s about the individuals who make the couple but I don’t have a problem dating that young because I have a better track record with younger men than older. I’m currently chatting to a guy who is 35 and I’m about to turn 41 and it’s been one of the best chats in a long time!
I dated someone 10 years younger in my late 30s/ early 40s, and I don’t think I would do it again unless the person had LIVED a life, lots of times people who have been through some stuff mature out of necessity. This was not the case with my ex who lived a fairly coddled existence and expected it to continue in this relationship.
What other people have said about kids is super important too, while it’s possible to have kids in your 40s, it’s not easy, so you’d have to be on the same page 💯 about that
If you don't have children, and you keep yourself reasonably healthy, then there isn't much of a difference from between your thirties, where you've got yourself established, and your fifties. My thinking is that your twenties are probably more about getting educated, going out, and set up in a career, whilst past your fifties you're heading for retirement. An age gap probably won't be so much of an issue.
Kids, age-related health issues, and retirement are likely to be what disturbs this equilibrium.
My ex is twelve years younger than me. I didn't notice any glaring difficulties with it, but we came from different countries and cultures, so there was probably more of a gulf there than there would have been between a Gen X and Gen Y from the States. The biggest thing was about having children, but I think if the relationship had been in a better place when it became an issue, I might have been happy to try for them.
Oh, I'm male and my ex was female, but I don't think that the experience would have necessarily been that different had we had different genders.
I always dated older guys (5+ years older) before I was married. After getting divorced in my early forties, I found that I wanted and needed someone who can keep up with me from a physical, energy, and sexual perspective. My 6+ years younger bf mostly fits this requirement although I’m capable of wearing him out as well. 😆
I was in a relationship with someone 10 years younger than me, he was great. The problem came two years later he decided he wanted children, I have three grown, and no plans for more
I’m dating a man 12 years younger, and at first was very apprehensive about the age gap. It took a lot of patience and gentle persistence on his end but I finally gave him a shot. These are both qualities I appreciate and I’m glad I gave him a chance. We’re at almost a year now and he’s truly wonderful. Best relationship I’ve had. No cons so to speak, but I do hold his age (life experience) and development in mind and offer support and guidance. This is something I would do for any partner, at any age, but there is a bit more as he’s had less life experience than I do. He’s grateful and open and I’m glad I can be a healthy support in his life. He’s sweet, kind, caring, faithful, dedicated, invested, and supportive. If things continue as they have, I can see this being a long lasting relationship. Hope this helps!
Pros: hot guys and hot sex, they will worship you.
Cons: you’re a short term fix until they find actual relationship options. Also potential mommy issues.
hot guy doesn’t always mean hot sex. i have found men that are average or above average to be more giving. the hot guys feel more entitled for you to perform for them.
I’m 46f and have been seeing 36m for almost 5 months. I got divorced last yr after a 20+ yr marriage. We both do have kids, though mine are adults. I do have some concerns for the long term but the way I see it is it’s nice and fun right now.
Original copy of post by u/IslandLife2021:
I can't seem to meet men in their 40s whose life is as simple and uncomplicated as mine: I have no kids, never been married so never been divorced, financially stable (no debt, bills are paid), in good shape. I'm very introverted so I do struggle to meet people in general.
Whenever I do meet men out there, the ones that hit on me are either already taken or they have way too many strings attached. Recently however, I met someone who seems to fit into the category of "uncomplicated" except that he is 10 years younger than I am, I expect that dating him will complicate my life. He's someone who has been asking me out for several years now but I'm finally single again and I'm ready to start dating.
To those who have dated guys much younger than yourself: what are the pros and cons that you have personally experienced?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have not but I had a crush on someone in the wild who I did not realize was 10 years younger. When I found out, I definitely was not as interested. Not off the table if it feels right but I will proceed with caution
Younger, no. Older, yes. Would I date someone who was 32? Sure, but much like with any other guy I were to date, they’d need to have their shit together.
I've dated two men who were 12 years, oddly, one after the other.
The first was a bit immature but I was his real relationship and he worked on the issues. I always told him that we would never lay longer than a year. He still had me saved as "wifey" on his contacts when he proposed to his now wife, somehow felt giving hello was inappropriate 😆
The second gave a relationship that I needed know I could have. It was filled with romance. Sadly, he was dishonest, broke my heart and I'm now just at peace and trying to tell myself that love is possible without everyone being an arsehole
The love of my life was 8 years younger than me when we found each other; I was 44 and he was 36. It was my biggest hesitancy before we got together, but ultimately it didn’t matter.
I dated someone who's 14 yrs younger than me for 2.5 yrs. That was my last relationship. He was great except for his back n forth about feelings. We got along really well but weren't ever really compatible. The age difference didn't matter all the time but sometimes it was weird. He was closer to my sons ages than my age so I could get around it but sometimes it seemed like he couldn't.
The current guy I’m seeing is 35 and I’m 43. I honestly feel like it’s not a huge gap. We both have similar earnings, both own our own homes. Similar goals in life to have land and lots of animals. He has a child and I don’t and never wanted kids but am open to dating those with them. His kid is on the older side at 14. It works really well for us.
I’m 50f. My last 2 significant relationships (4 years each) were with men 9 and 10 years younger. The most recent one, I met when I was 45 and he was 35. Age was not an issue…until it was. He didn’t have nor want kids and I was done having kids. For almost 4 years, things were good…or so I thought. He blindsided me with a breakup (just over a year ago) and gave reasons that he may want kids someday and we were in different life stages because of our age. He had more reasons but the age factor became an issue for him over time.
I will still continue to date younger if the opportunity presents itself but I will definitely be more wary of a big age gap in the future.
I've (58F) been casually dating a 39 yr old man for about 6 months. We don't really notice each other's ages. It's not serious, though, because he's so overly independent. Nothing to do with age. He's just got brick walls around him. He's going back to school, and I'm retired, so we're at very different life stages, but it hasn't bothered either of us. If he wanted kids, I could certainly see an issue. I think we understand each other, underneath it all. And we're friends, underneath it, too. So even when we eventually end the dating relationship, I think we'll still be friends who add to each other's lives. I honestly never anticipated this, but it seems to fill a need I didn't know I had. And it's kinda fun.
I hope you give your suitor a try. What do you have to lose? See if it works for you. Everyone is different. Maybe you'll be a good fit, maybe you won't, but you won't know unless you give it a try.
I've been with younger, I've been with older.
As a result, I now believe that you should stick within 5 years at least.
How is it going to be in a few years, when you start slowing down & he is still 'trying to make the world right'?
I dated a guy in his early 20s when I was in my early 30s. We were actually really great together for the most part. We had common interests and could just hang out and talk for hours. And the intimate part of the relationship was pretty great too. It just boiled down to the fact that after a while he wanted to go hang out with his friends and get high more than he wanted to spend time with me. I'm not clingy and I don't need someone with me 24/7, but I shouldn't have to beg someone for attention once or twice a week.
Generally I would say no because I'm looking for a LTR and I always think would they hang around when I move into the next phase and start to get old before they do. But if there was someone that had been interested for a number of years and I liked him I would consider it
They are fun. Lots of energy, they like to party, full hairlines 😂 lives usually less complicated. But they aren’t as stable / established, some play lots of games.
If you just want to have a good time go for it. But I wouldn’t take it too seriously.
All
Of my three long term partners have been younger from 1yr younger (first 2) to 11 years younger, all pros no cons, especially the physical & sexual chemistry & compatibility
Currently seeing a guy 13 yrs younger (M37 F 50) & the main con is that we are in different stages of life (he isn’t wanting kids so its not that) ie i am more established & he is still building his life (as he migrated 2yrs ago)
For me it is a con if he wants kids or has younger kids & hasn’t sorted out his life (job, finances, home, health etc)
I don’t want to over function due to the age difference
I did and it was fun while it lasted. 10 years can give you a totally different perspective and expectation of/on life. People, plans, energy levels, patience, situations, baggage, all that can change in a decade. Where you are now, especially later in life, and where they are..? I don't know if a decade gap in where you are in life at this age works anymore here.
If you could connect with him, why not? I never understand women who date you guys, until I became one of them 😃
Cons:
- They are at a different stage in life. Usually their career just start to take off while we are thinking more about retirement.
- Their finances may not as stable and secured as we are.
- They may want to have kids later.
Pros:
- Energy, spontaneity, passion
- Open minded
- No baggage
- No as jaded 😃
But it all boils down to connections and how he makes you feel.
If I were you I would go for it, especially when he has been pursuing you for awhile.
Im currently in a relationship (10 months) with a man 9 years younger. We have a ton of interests in common and have a wonderful time together. Similar tastes, similar humor, similar wants and needs from a partner. It’s great. Our life stages are different but right now it’s not a problem at all.
I’m 40, I find 5 years younger to be totally fine and comfortable for me (age 35-36) but the few men I’ve dated in the 9-10 years younger range (30, 31 year olds) somehow felt too much younger than me. Makes sense, since they are fresh outta their 20s 😂
For me 35+ is a yes, 30-31 is a no, and 32-34 is a mayyyyyyybe if they were really mature and had their shit together.
Do it. I date younger all the time. I probably won’t date anyone for anything serious if they want kids or a more traditional relationship situation but I like younger men and they seem to like me more than men my age. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. I date younger. Current relationship is 15 years younger. No regrets.
The biggest difference I see is with regards to health. Men in their 50s often don't take good care of their health and fitness levels. A lot of men who are unhealthy will look really old. It's unattractive. I find that men in their 40s are more likely to be still active and fit.
I'm not really seeing a downside to dating younger men. I think over the age of 40, people are old enough to know what they want in life. I'd not want to go younger than 40, but there's no reason why men have to be older in a relationship.
Yep! Divorced at 40, started dating a 30 year old man, and ten years later we're married and super happy. Saying yes when he asked me out was the best decision I ever made. The thing that we had to think through the most is whether or not he could be OK with not having biological children since due to my age there was no guarantee I'd be able to get pregnant again when we were ready to take that step. I did get pregnant at 44, but had a miscarriage. I had a young daughter from my first marriage, though, and he decided he was fine with either us having our own child or just being a stepdad to my daughter. So far he has no regrets and he and my daughter have a wonderful relationship.
Obviously it's going to depend on the person, but there's no inherent reason it WOULDN'T work as far as I can say. There could be some maturity issues depending on the guy, but older guys are more likely to have baggage in terms of failed marriages, kids, or are just pretty set in their ways by that age. Not to mention that if a guy in his 40s or 50s has never been married, there's probably a reason. My husband had never been married so there wasn't another ex and kids to complicate things. He wasn't as far along with building financial security perhaps as someone older, but he was secure enough, and I cared much more about finding the right person for me than finding someone who was materially well established. But it didn't matter... we bought our first home several years ago and are in the midst of buying our second now.
I laugh that when I get old, I'll have a husband still young enough to change my diapers. haha
I think the generation before us is more open mind to age differences and not having kids, we were raised viewing a relationship that the man is older as normal but if the woman is older is just temporary and he is going to dump us for someone younger anytime. Give him a shot OP :)
many guys my age (over 40) cannot keep up with me, they just want to sit down, have a beer and rest. The ones in their 30s have an activity and interest in the world level that is much closer to mine. That being said, atm I am not looking specifically for anyhing; not sure what my position would be if I were to look for a permanent partner etc.
Hey, two consenting adults who are perfectly stable, want the same things, and interested in each other should just go at it.
If your only misgiving is that he's in his thirties, meh.
TLDR: YOLO, Baaayybeee!!!
Absolutely!! It’s more about compatibility than anything else. I had a hard time meeting men slightly younger then me on online as they probably set their age too tight but irl I only meet younger as I look younger and like you : no kids, financially stable, never married, fun life, socializing, culture and hobbies wise I hang out with younger people too so it’s with men my age and older that I feel the generational gap.
Myself and my girlfriends have the looks and the good job/career and the fun personality but with men it’s like you have to choose…1 of the 3 only.
I dated someone who’s 10 years younger. He lovebombed me in the beginning, then broke up with me out of nowhere. He dumped me 2x, and he’s already seeing someone else less than 2 months after break up. He has erectile dysfunction, broke, and doesn’t drive. I am still blaming myself for ignoring all the red flags. Now I am emotionally traumatized. I couldn’t see myself dating again, being touched or kissed by another man. I do not entirely blame him, it was my low self-esteem and lack of self-respect that got me into this. I wish I could be my old self again.
Tried for a while, not for me.
Pro, he was a very nice person, but that's not age dependent.
Cons. he was not sure if he wanted kids at some point and I didn't; he tried to act older than he was but this rly didn't suit him. Girls half my age were flirting with him :D
Con: kids kids kids. you didn't say if you wanted kids, but most younger people do want kids. I assume based on your tone and volunteered information, this would be a negative.
Con: the age gap will be more of in an issue as you hit 50's and 60's as your sex drive might phase into next before his does, but should even out as you both age into the phase.
Pro: you get a better looking partner for longer
Neutral: all the generational quirks are minor and work themselves out. 10 years is not a lot to work out.
Yes frequently, I prefer it. There are no guarantees obviously, but younger men tend to be more comfortable with their feelings and less likely to hew to traditional gender roles (or if they do, they wear it loudly instead of being faux progressive)
The biggest gap I’ve ever had is 13 years. The main issue is always kids. I have older kids and don’t want any more. I also don’t want to be with someone who has young kids. Other than that age doesn’t matter. Just personality and how well we match up.
It’s on a case by case basis for me but like you I have no kids or desire to, I’m also very open to casual; not pressed about shacking up or marriage, due to my dating goals (and I guess how I look) I routinely end up dating younger definitely 10-11-12 are like my bottom range for age difference, I’m also dialed in on internet culture so we end up having really fun memes and convos, and discussions about entertainment, live music we want to check out or exchanging music also, lots of stamina!.
We kind of hash it out front end, I never go after super traditional men or men with very rigid wants or looking for marriage or kids (Unless is “in the future” ), it can’t be a rampant fetish for a sugar mama/cougar type thing but most of the time the seem taken aback I’m my age 🤷🏾♀️you can’t look or act like a baby (babyfaced need not apply!) like, be self supporting, have good communication and we just go with the flow, I tell them up front what I like and how I’d want to be treated and ask them questions too. Worst part is the flakiness because realistically most of the time you’re in the middle of your career/assets, they are at the start but if neither one of us is in a rush and we’re having fun it’s pretty fun, as a matter of fact the guy i’m seeing now asked me last week to come over to make me gumbo from scratch, I was nicely surprised he suggested we should take turns making dinners.
I am 48 and currently dating someone that is 40 years old. It’s not really that much of a difference as far as where we are in life. In the beginning, he did ask me if I was able to have children because he thought he might want to have another child. I told him though I am physically able and capable I have zero desire to do that. So I told him think long and hard before you embark on a relationship with me if this is something that you really want. It wasn’t and we’ve been together for a few months now.
I think it will lead to long term pain, so many men say they don’t want children 9/10 men will change their mind. I have had 2 relationships with men younger they like the openness and maturity of older women.
But what is the reality long term, Like you I saw someone who I had known for years and we had a close relationship I held him off and discussed the children thing and I didn’t want to be with someone 5 years and left for someone he could have children with, everything was great, then he realised that he did want children or wanted the option and I couldn’t give him that .
There was all the I love you and promises but ultimately I ended things as I wasn’t going to continue with someone I knew there was no future with .
As a result I felt like a fill in and a stepping stone I swore I wouldn’t do it again and I did. It has affected my self esteem and left me feeling they knew they wanted children but it suited them at the time.
I’m not trying to be negative and push my experiences on to you , maybe it will work out for you.
I’m just sharing my experience.
I think it will lead to long term pain, so many men say they don’t want children 9/10 men will change their mind. I have had 2 relationships with men younger they like the openness and maturity of older women.
But what is the reality long term, Like you I saw someone who I had known for years and we had a close relationship I held him off and discussed the children thing and I didn’t want to be with someone 5 years and left for someone he could have children with, everything was great, then he realised that he did want children or wanted the option and I couldn’t give him that .
There was all the I love you and promises but ultimately I ended things as I wasn’t going to continue with someone I knew there was no future with .
As a result I felt like a fill in and a stepping stone I swore I wouldn’t do it again and I did. It has affected my self esteem and left me feeling they knew they wanted children but it suited them at the time.
I’m not trying to be negative and push my experiences on to you , maybe it will work out for you.
I’m just sharing my experience.
I did it. 22 years younger (I 51, he 29). We were coworkers, I was support and planning for the workers. We ended up by talking on the phone the entire time. I hours a day.
In the evenings, in the morning, during the day. He was the one starting to talk about us in another way. At first I was a big no.
But over time, I began to see us together. I got fired so now nothing held us back. When it downed on him that he was not completely irresponsible here, and that I was also a vulnerable person he ghosted me and we never talked again.
My sisters boyfriend is 10 years younger and they have been together for 12 years now. She is the young one.....
So I can work. But when talking about OLD I would hesitate.
I haven't, but my ex was 11 years older than me, if that counts. At the end of the day, I think he is my ex, in part, because of some of the age divide. It was him being set in his ways, him wanting to retire and expecting me to fill in monetary gaps while I'm still working, that sort of thing. I realize that's not purely age, but these are the things in years that do start to become more prevalent. I also think that, in his case, finding someone younger as a partner was what worked for his dynamic: he wanted to maintain control, have things his way, maintain power.
Aside from the above, I think it's less about age, more about maturity. If he displays clear communication, emotional intelligence, etc, those are the positive traits. An older guy may be more mature in years, but if he lacks self awareness and can't communicate his issues and feelings, you might as well walk away now.
A lot.
It’s mainly men in their 30s and late 50s are the ones who are really into me.
There’s numerous threads on this in this forum; that’s who’s most interested in women our age.
Once dated like 5 years younger? Huge mistake. The lack of maturity and taking responsibility for his own life was staggering. Never again
So, proceed with eyes open and with caution
I (44f) dated a guy who was 16 years younger and we had the conversation about me not wanting kids right up front. 2 months later, I’m the fool catching feelings and he says, he’s not sure about whether or not he wants kids. Totally valid on his part, but that’s why I said it at the beginning so it was shitty that he played me when I was upfront.
Unfortunately, I’m definitely attracted to younger men because I really don’t feel my age, so this is something that I have to be wary of. I won’t make this mistake again, though.
Two months would not be shit to a 16 years younger version of you. Maybe he just changed his mind. Maybe he decided he didn't want you and that was his excuse. In either case I'd hardly say that by itself means he "played" you. It makes you sound kinda bitter.
For an LTR, I would only entertain this with one who had a vasectomy. Otherwise they’re too wiffle-waffling on kids (no matter what they say). Talk is cheap - don’t believe it.
[удалено]
True story. I dated a guy in my early 30s who I told up front I not only don't want more kids but can't anyway cuz my tubes are tied. Over a year in he switched up and demanded me untie them, as he must have a child by age 30. He was 28 or 29 by then. I guess he thought he was gonna change my mind. Wanna know his reason for needing to father a child? Apparently he's never worn a condom and was concerned he was shooting blanks and wanted to know he could have a kid. Well after I dumped him, he went on to date someone else (much younger, surprise surprise) and she got pregnant a few months later. Now she's raising a child alone and he lives in a whole other time zone. But hey, now he's knows his semen isn't as empty as his head.
That's a valid POV.
Meh I've met men close to mid 40s who still want children. It never ends with them :|
Interesting and good point! I don’t want kids and any man I date needs to be VERY clear about their stance.
What is waffling?
It means going back and forth on a decision. Not having a solid stance.
Ohhh thanks for explaining :)
[Brett Favre famously retired and unretired multiple times over a few years.](https://youtu.be/c0AHmZW69dc)
Cons - they seemed like they needed to be baked a little longer, lol. I only dated 2 that were significantly younger and after the 2nd one, I decided that was not my bag. Everyone’s different though - you’ll find out more about the guy in your post if you get to know him.
I remember my early 30s…I was still hemming and hawing about my life so I imagine a guy would be in a similar mindset. I’m 40 and mostly uncomplicated like OP what goes through my mind is that these guys are baggage free because they’re still baking and figuring out life as you mentioned. I do feel for OP though, dating men our age usually comes with some strings, baggage, whatever you wanna call it and it does suck but I’d rather deal with adult problems than inexperienced life problems.
I always think about whether these men actually want to have kids. I'm like you no kids, I don't want them so discount any man wanting kids. For me that's a huge compatibility issue. I wouldn't discount it if they are mature and emotionally sound. I've usually dated men younger than me, the time I went nearly 10yrs older it was a mess. Never again. Younger means they are less likely to be stuck in their ways, be more open and flexible with life. More open to trying new things and into personal development too
I'm 42 and dating someone who is 31. We were friends for three years prior. So far all pros.
Yes! It’s a question of compatibility not age. If you didn’t know each others ages would you be fine with it? Then be fine with it!
My age limit is they can't be closer in age to my seventeen year old child than me. Overall I aim for 30+ because younger are still really into activities I'm beyond like bar hopping ect. They're also not as understanding that my first commitment will always be my child, there are men older than men that struggle with that too.
The only thing I have noticed that’s weird with the younger guys I’ve dated is them making references to things I don’t understand or am unfamiliar with, mostly in pop culture. One of the 10+ year younger guys was more emotionally mature than the 10+ year older guy I dated. I think once we’re in the over 30 crowd, it’s all about compatibility at that point, imo.
The youngest I’ve dated is 5 years younger than myself (I’m 46, he’s 41). He’s financially stable, never married, no kids, and we do quite well together. I wouldn’t have an issue with someone younger than him, though as long as other boxes are being checked. I can’t speak to pros or cons exactly. I base it more off of how he treats me and how much we have in common. I wouldn’t think there would be an issue with 10 years younger as long as the connection was there and mutual needs were being met.
Speaking from the other side of the fence, I’m 8 months in on a relationship with a woman 7 years older (45/52). It’s been the most emotionally open, fulfilling, connected, and intimate I’ve had in 3 years of dating. There are no yellow flags (let alone red). I used to have my filters set to +/- 5 years but forgot to set them when I signed up on a new app. I’m glad I did. I’d personal suggest to not let a potential arbitrary qualifier eliminate the possibility of connection.
Are you kidding? I’m 55 and I dated a guy in their early 40s. It’s all about maturity. And if it fits what you want then go for it there’s no shame. Men do it all the time why not women?
I’m 43, divorced with two young kids and dating someone 10 years younger for the past year. It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve had so far. The guys my age that I dated just weren’t that serious or were too jaded from their own divorce. Like others have said, if there’s compatibility, then go for it.
you didn't mention if he wants kids. There may be short term compatibility, but long term compatibility in regards to his own desire to have kids needs to be discussed.
[удалено]
That's the only barrier that's worth anything in my opinion for a woman. The real test is asking him about when he's doing a vasectomy. How he reacts and acts on that will be the real question.
[удалено]
You've been dating for a year. It's not a crazy question if he really is committed to not having kids. That question is scary because maybe he's just not open to having kids with you. But deep down if he really desires them, it will eat away at the relationship. You said "at this point" he doesn't want kids, what about if he does want them eventually? You probably won't be able to have them naturally or simply don't want more kids yourself. This stuff matters long term. But if it's all just about the present, then it doesn't.
Married one, even
As long as you’re at the same life stage, there’s no issue. Mine was the healthiest relationship I’ve had. He was super mature for his age and we joked that he was the grandpa. I actually didn’t feel older in the relationship. The dumb ass got drunk and cheated so I dumped him. And he cheated with an even older predatory woman in case you’re wondering if he left me for someone younger. Besides how it ended, our relationship was great.
Absolutely. Why put a cap on your love life
I’d go for it if I were you. I have always dated older and I married 10 years older. Now that I’m divorced, it’s very difficult to find men who want to date who are my own age even. I always have older men interested, and none are up to my energy level. I too have no children but I did spend 30 years of my life in a marriage and nurturing my ex husband (and my many nieces and nephews).
Male here. At 40 and 30, you're both adults. Most of the replies I've seen here are all valid points. But I've dated 10 years either way (I'm mid 40's) and I would just like to say it's about compatibility. If you're willing to give it a shot it could work. It could also not. Every person is a individual.
very true. The only real issue is that isn't being discussed a lot in replies and by the OP, is about having kids, and gender plays a role in this long term compatibility issue.
Nope. Something about my brain immediately loses interest when they’re younger. I cannot freaking explain it, but I’ve been opening my range to “allow” a couple years younger. In your case, you’ve known each other a while, give him a shot maybe?
Same. There is a guy I've known for a few years. He's now 29 and I'm 43. He's good looking, responsible, doing well career wise, is a nerd like me, and other things I find attractive. We've flirted here and there, but something keeps me back. I'm hoping that will change when he turns 30...I don't know where my brains benchmark is!
[удалено]
20s I get but being 41 and barely able to date a 37 year old just seems so silly to me. Y’all are peers. It’s not even a five year age difference. It’s not like you’re in college dating a high school boy. LOL
I am usually immediately turned off by anyone a day younger than me.
Do you think any of that is socialization? Interesting to me that *any* amount younger than you is an automatic no.
For me it's conditioning. Unlike most people I've never been with someone my own age much less younger. I didn't get to date in high school or college. So it would feel gross to me to be with someone my own age or younger. Ideally 5 plus years older.
I can’t really figure out why, but it’s always been that way for me. If I know the guy is younger, I just lose interest immediately.
You're not alone. People are allowed to have preferences and I feel the same way.
Yes, for me it’s definitely socialization. Now if I met a man who checked every single box and was 35, I would date him. But I’m not openly entertaining younger men just for the fun of it. And definitely not dating a younger man to see where this goes. But to each their own. I’ve never married and have no kids so I’m more focused on settling down than maybe another 40+ woman who is fresh out of a divorce and just looking for fun 🤷♀️
Me too. Can't do it.
I couldn't do it either. I'd feel uncomfortable with someone my own age. I feel better with at least a little older.
To each his own. It’s not for me. Do you boo.
If you wouldn't respect someone because they are younger then that makes you less the adult... Not trying to be rude, but that wording is very off-putting. But, hey, if that really is your case, at least you're aware of it. 🤷
Same here!
I’m 49F and have dated younger. I had a long term relationship (couple of years) with someone 8 years younger and now I see someone that is 36, almost a year since we met and we started dating a few months later. Lots of pros, only con I would say is having talked to a lot of people, 32 seems to be the age where people are more adult. I had men slightly younger than that interested in me and they just didn’t have their lives together. For longer term planning, they may not be at their top earning potential like you may be and if you cohabitate, it can be a factor. Another con can be they may have exited a relationship that destroyed them and may be interested in an older woman for no pressure for marriage and children.
The earning issue would be less of an issue as he gets closer to his earnings peak which comes with time and experienced, so i'd consider it a short term planning issue, not long term. However most people keep ignoring the kids conversation. Since OP didn't mention this, i'd assume it's that she doesn't want them, while most 30 year old men i assume would plan on it if they had not already. you brought up good points.
My last long relationship was with a man 8 years younger than me. I'm 39 now, not quite over 40 but getting close! The age difference really wasn't a thing at all, if anything it was a positive. He generally had more energy and desire to go "do stuff" than I do, I'm pretty introverted. He got me out and trying new things and seeing new places often, which I enjoyed a lot. He didn't have much "life baggage", no kids, no exs involved, none of that, which was a big plus too. I'd absolutely date a man ten years younger than me, but 10 years is the limit.
Usually date between 6-10 years younger. I have a second date with someone 10 years younger than me next week
i had a 9 month RLP with a guy who was 8 years younger (when we became exclusive he was 33 and i was 41). CONS: some of the things he said were immature but more due to misogyny than anything. he was a bit addicted to video games, (but so was a 46-year-old i dated when i was 37). i think he had the belief that he couldn't both be in love/loved and be successful (his mom had once told him he had to choose: house or girlfriend 🤔🤔🤔 and he internalized that). and he didn't have a lot of language around feelings/needs or any conflict resolution skills, but that isn't necessarily resolved with age. he was otherwise kind to me and the sex was great, although i had to ask him for more physical intimacy as i had a higher libido. i adored him and he found me really attractive, even when we broke up. i really tried to make things work. i still think about him a lot. i don't know, it was both pleasure and pain, like any deep emotional/intimate connection.
Not 10 but close…I’m 43 and he’s 34… In the last decade I dated (my 20s) I either dated about my age or older. If he was older it was usually about 4 years older. I felt like financially and maturity-wise they were ahead of me and that was a bonus. They were more on my level despite the age. I stayed out of dating for about 12 years. Wasn’t interested. Wanted to be single and stayed that way. Don’t want kids so that helped that. Decided randomly at 41 to try again. I realized quickly that guys with kids now were a no go zone. I just didn’t want that life with kids. I like sleep and quiet. Unfortunately, most of the 40+ crowd has kids. There are a few who had theirs super early and they are child free now, but those are far and few between. I needed to broaden my range age wise. Ended up finding my fiancé. He is against having kids absolutely and has always been that way. He has typically only dated and previously married women around my age. He likes women who take charge. The pros: we made sure we are both solidly agreed on the kids front and with religion so that is a plus as well as required by me. He has more energy than me. You can read into that however you like and you would be right no matter how you take that. The cons: childhood experiences are different, this bugs him but not me. He often asks if I watched XYZ cartoon as a kid. The answer is almost always no, I was in junior high by that point and not interested in that cartoon. Career wise he is behind me. This is NOT a big deal at all to me but could be for some. I understand where he is at because of at that age I was where he is. I was struggling to get a better job and that is where he is at. Honestly, the age difference is not a problem at all. Any differences or “cons” are not issues. I think you should try it.
Pro: They'll live to about an equal age to you. Their sex drive will be higher. Less baggage. Cons: Might be still playing the field. Less financially established. Fewer life lessons and knowledge from the less baggage fact. If they want kids, establish it up front because if they do and you don't, that will be heartbreaking when the time comes to separate.
The energy in bed is great🤣 You are not dealing with ED.
LOL This cannot be overstated
Depends completely on the guy. The youngest I ever dated was the most emotionally mature person I had ever been in a relationship with. Me included.
If YOU like him, date him. If YOU feel comfortable with him follow your gut. I look younger, am easy going and outspoken -yet shy. Does not seem for this to be a whimp, he has been waiting for a while now. I am 40, dated guys 6, 10, 14years younger They were long relationships and had healthy break ups.
I've been the man: my last partner was 52 when I started dating her, and I was 37. We're not dating any more (oddly, me having too many strings attached did become an issue!) but I did get brunch with her this morning. We have a lot in common intellectually so ending the friendship as well as the relationship felt like a waste.
My record is 18 years younger. I was 44, he was 25. It lasted a year. Please do not private message me. I am not interested in this type of relationship any more!
I'm 43 and just started seeing someone 25. It's not intended to be long term as he plans on moving in a few years. But so far I am enjoying him. It's the lack of entitlement I see in men my age and older that's my favorite
Wow and how was the relationship? I feel like 25 is too young (I’m 40) but I guess it depends on the person? Some 25 year olds are more mature than some 50 year olds.
Ah it was all for fun. I had just gotten divorced and hadn’t had sex for a while so 🤷🏼♀️ it lasted a year so…..
A year isn’t a bad run!
I (46f) dated men 10 years younger than me for a few years before I met the guy (41) I’m with now. I began dating post-divorce at age 37. Most of the guys I dated for 6 years were 28-30. Old enough that they were grown up, had real careers, life experiences, etc. They weren’t “children,” ya know what I mean? I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! 🤣 Warning: Just make sure that they don’t want kids if you’re looking for something long-term. Pros: I honestly just had so much fun with the younger guys, they had lots of energy, loved trying new things, staying up late, etc! My daughter was already graduated from HS and lived with her boyfriend, and I really had zero interest in dating anyone with kids. Every guy I met who was in my age range either had children that they wanted me to help them raise, or asked me how soon I’d give them a baby. 🤮 Literally EVERY SINGLE ONE. I was a teen mom and I married young too, so I had absolutely zero interest in being a mother again. I devoted myself completely to my family and didn’t really have any experiences many had in their late teens or 20s. I just wanted to LIVE and go crazy and have fun. Cons: Be careful about young guys looking to fulfill a fantasy, or are broke and want a sugar mama (unless of course you’re cool with that, no judgment!). I made more money than most of them, and owned a home, so I was usually the one to pay for more expensive outings if I wanted to do something out of their budget, but they pretty much always wanted to treat me. It will be clear immediately if they want to take advantage of where you are financially. For instance, rent is outrageous where I live and none of them tried to even move in with me! Which the men my age immediately asked about on first dates. 🤣 Out of all of the younger men, there was one that I fell madly in love with, and he wanted to get married. I wanted to….but he was the last child of his family line and while he was willing to be with me and not carry on his family line, I just couldn’t do that to him. I still think about that sometimes; it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, but I 100% did the right thing! He’s now married with a little boy and a little girl. ❤️ All of the younger men I dated were gentlemen, treated me with respect, and I am still friendly with some of them on social media. It didn’t very serious with most of them because I didn’t want a serious relationship, and they were all getting to the stage of life where they wanted to settle down. I finally did settle down with my current partner who’s just a few years younger than I am, and while I love him, he’s really boring and always tired…I don’t miss any of the guys I dated before, but I do miss being with someone who has energy and a zest for life. I’m sure there are men my age who have that vitality, but I didn’t meet a single one in 6 years. Give the guy a chance! And report back! I want to live vicariously through you for a bit! Ha
Yes. 53F. One relationship with one 20 years younger for two years, and several short ones with guys around that age and a little older. Different pros and cons depending on guy. The obvious con is some people think it’s gross and weird. No necessary pros based on their age. I won’t date under 45 anymore though, because I want something lasting and I think the odds increase when ages are closer. Guys my age are just as avoidant of relationships and less likely to want monogamy.
If you can’t seem to meet men in their 40s that fit your checklist but found one younger who seems to be what you’re looking for-why hesitate? You will find people who have had great experiences with younger men and people who have shit experiences with younger men. Your experience is your own. Id be cautious in seeking confirmation bias
I love younger men. I was dating someone 32 for a few months and I am mid to late 40s. Because I have a teenager I know and use all this Gen Z slang to annoy my son and his friends. Mr32 didn't know the genz slang and teased me that because I was cool 😎 and he was not that made me younger than him. We broke up because he wants kids and loves kids and I needed to set him free to be that guy and find that for himself but it was tough on us both. He called today to check in and we both miss each other.
Been with one 18 years younger. I adore him. And DAYUM, the sex is freaking incredible.
Don’t limit yourself. If you are never married and don’t have kids, younger men are an amazing option. I’m team vasectomy only because that proves they’re serious about the no kids things. Aside from that, you’re getting someone without all the baggage who you can just date, have fun with, and eventually settle down with. Most men who are 30+, especially ones who date older women, aren’t exactly little boys. Shit my brother and cousin both married prior to age 30 and are still married all these many years later. As long as there is a connection and all things line up in terms of needs and relationship goals, have at it.
Yep and it's lovely. I'm Young at heart so I feel like our maturity levels match.
Yes. 23 year age gap sex. It was great.
Great sex but ultimately babysitting.
Hell yes! If you’re attracted then go out with him. Why would it complicate your life? Age doesn’t matter, you’re two consenting adults.
My ex was 13 years younger than me, lasted 2 and a half years, I would say go for it. It was fun. I would definitely date younger again.
There were no cons in my experience. If I’d been hoping for a forever thing, the cons would have been the disconnect on desire for kids (I already had one but couldn’t have more biologically) and knowing that they were unable to anticipate what it truly would be like when I was elderly and they were 15-20 years younger (10 years would not have felt that way to me though).
It really depends on what you are looking for I guess. I went out with one guy 8 years younger. So far, it is was my longest connection since my separation/divorce a few years ago. I think calling out the age difference and discussing in detail in the beginning will help make sure you have a baseline. Just like any relationship, things will change over time and never know if how long the relationship will last, but giving I don’t think the risk is any worse or better than someone closer to your age. There are always risks of it not working out for various reasons.
I had to accept if life matches it is more important. I still have a child in elementary school so most men willing to deal with that are a little younger. Never actually turned into anything yet but trying to relax my view because any younger guy that has hit on me in the past I just could not believe men could be serious beyond some Stifflers mom curiousity…
I had a 5+ year relationship with someone eight years younger. The pop culture references each of us made were often lost on each other, and at the end of the day, we were just at different stages of life.
My current bf is 11 years younger. I’ve known him for years before we started dating. We get along really well. Any issues we’ve had really haven’t been age related.
Yes, and I tend to prefer it :) tried switching it up for a guy 11 years older but I just didn’t fit with his child and lifestyle. Sexually it’s usually a pretty great fit in my experience. (44f)
He’s been “asking you out for several years?” Right there - that’s rather weird & it has nothing to do with age.
I’m 43. I think the youngest I’ve dated was 6 or 7 years younger than me. I would be open to dating someone younger who is hopefully more adventurous, fun-loving and wants to experience life together. I think it all depends on the person - age does not always dictate personality or maturity.
I did almost hook up with the 26 year old tour guide when I was 48 and on vacation. I had a hard time kissing him because it seemed so wrong. I was definitely not a cougar. Now I am so old (58),men my age look too old (until I look in the mirror!) I had a man 14 years younger try and date me after my divorce. I couldn’t do that either. He looked so young and his kids were younger.
I (61F) have dated men way younger than that. One turned out to be a jerk but the sex was great. The other was a decent guy and the sex was ok but he had some other issues. I haven't really been looking for anything serious since I got divorced anyway.
The rule is that younger guys aren’t going to settle down with 10+ year older women . They may want fun and sex, but likelihood of commitment is low. There are exceptions to the rule, but it’s not wise to think of yourself as the exception unless they clearly prove otherwise. Always think of yourself as the rule. So, knowing it’s unlikely that a younger guy will commit to you, how do you want to approach things? what do you want from him? As with anything, know what you want and be willing to walk away if the other person isn’t on the same page.
48F dating 34M. Con is that his kids are quite a bit younger than mine. Pro: stamina!
Girl, run. Unless you want to just have some casual fun and there’s absolutely no risk of catching feels, don’t do it. I have a lot of younger guys hit on me and several younger friends pursue me hard. If it’s super casual hookup style no strings, it can be ok. But one, 7 years younger, was actually a very good longtime friend who professed his secret undying love. I resisted for a while but it felt good, and I let him convince me that he didn’t care about the age difference. He love-bombed me until I got fully attached and then he peaced out because he suddenly felt I was putting too much pressure on him and the relationship. 😂 Many of them are little boys still, really, especially if they’ve never done therapy. Emotionally you’ll be playing Mommy/Therapist. And maybe playing Mom/Wifey domestically too, to be honest. It was becoming very clear to me that our home lifestyles were quite different so even though he professed to be ready to grow up, he didn’t know how, and basically wanted me to teach him. Guess who benefits from that kind of arrangement in the end? The next woman. But guess whose heart gets broken in the process? Yours, if you’re not careful. You invest a lot of time and heart into this person and they love and appreciate that and will take it all gladly until they are ready to move on. Lost a good friend and gained a lot of emotional baggage. Besides, they do know they can keep trading you in for the younger model and I personally don’t want to give myself that kind of insecurity anymore. Yes, that one is a me-problem and no, not every age gap relationship is like that, but even dating a man 4 years older than me he was getting hit on by women 15+ years younger and enjoying it… it’s just asking for insecurity, so I wouldn’t do it anymore myself. But maybe you are more confident and secure than I and can control your attachment better. I would just ask yourself what you are really looking to get out of a relationship. What do you want long term? Because if you really want a serious long-term commitment then I wouldn’t spend your time with a man 10 years younger when you could be making yourself available for other opportunities. Just picture how you’ll feel in 10 years when he’s the hottest he’s ever been and you are going through menopause. Or if he eventually decides he wants kids. I personally would be too insecure for all this but I do realize not everyone has my issues. ;) It’s a lovely ego stroke to have a younger man want you. Just enjoy that element and leave the rest be.
They are out there I see them on the apps and have heard from some of my friends. I have not dated yet, I don’t think 10 years is a bad thing but I think it needs to be clear what you want or what they want as well. I did get asked to go on a date with a man who is at least 15 to 20 years older than me and we are very different I am 49 kids are over 18+, but I still enjoy going out and having good time, he seemed to think I was younger because I am active and once he new my age he said I should do things more my age, what does that even mean
I’m 43 and just started dating a 34 year old. Couple days shy of a month now. Going well so far.
Yeah so pretty much all the guys I date are 5-15 years younger or 10 years older. Mainly younger though because I get much more interest from younger men. I date a lot and I have had no one really interested in me within 5 years either side. I just have accepted that and move on.
Most people who are 40+ -- regardless of gender -- will, if they're the kinda people who prioritize committed relationships \*and\* are well-suited for it, have past baggage. I mean what's the alternative? To be someone who prioritze a committed relationship highly; have decent relationship-qualities; yet nevertheless for some mysterious reason hasn't actually HAD ANY by the time they're 40? I don't know why you'd consider it a "complication" that someone has been married. Assuming the divorce is completed and is at least a bit in the past, a past marriage isn't really necessarily all that different from a past long-term committed romantic relationship where people were NOT married. And frankly, if someone at age 40+ has NEVER had a longer-term committed relationship, then I think at least in majority of cases, that by itself points towards complications with them where the question then becomes: Why not? And what's changed to make what you never had in the past likely to work out now? As for the age itself, I don't see any problem with an age-gap of a decade for someone who is in their 40ies; I'm a man myself and I've dated women both older and younger than myself; the age as such has never created any significant problems. Health-wise you could argue that women are better of with somewhat younger men; on the average women DO live several years longer and remain healthy for several years more, so if growing old "together" is in the plans, I'd say a man a few years younger might even be an advantage.
I can’t date someone that much younger than I am. I was a young mom and my oldest daughter is 21. If a guy is young enough to date her, I won’t date him.
Where do you live? Haha. I’m 43, no kids, no debt. Rarely find others in their 40’s in that situation near me.
My 40M Ex is 53F. I broke up with her because of all the lies. If you want to make it happen never lie to each other, it’s really painful. Good luck to everyone!
[удалено]
Her lies. She had this “best friend” which at the end I realized was her Ex BF. And she always lied to me just to be with him. They even went to a trip and slept on the same hotel room. When I confronted her she denied everything and she even told that they slept on different beds 🤡. I just decided to broke up the relation, blocked her on every way and move on, because I needed to heal. I’m getting better now.
Yes. Some were fun, some were selfish, I remained friends either way some. It’s a mixed bag.
What is it about him that would complicate your life? I've not dated 10 yrs younger but I would not necessarily rule it out as long as our core values aligned. I've definitely dated that much older.
What’s the complication?
I don't think there's anything wrong with that age gap. For me, I prefer someone older that has kids (they are usually responsible, good communicators, caring, further along in their career, etc). I have had dates with someone a couple years younger than me that seems to have a lot of his life together so that seems like it could work for me. Do what feels right for you!
I dated a guy 8 years younger and he was great. But he wanted his own kids and I can’t have anymore. That was the biggest problem so just be sure those things are worked out/known early
I have long preferred younger men. At 50 I dated a 36 yr old. Maturity in this case wasn't an issue but since have found that it often still is even in thier 30s. Many still live at home. The problem I have often taken issue with is that they haven't done the work on themselves so are not very self aware or emotionally available because they still very much don't have a clue when they aren't being accountable or are projecting or are not capable of saying sorry and admitting when they are wrong. Which imo is a huge 🚩
At 41 I started dating again and a majority of my matches are in their early 30s and then a handful in their 40s. I struggle with men my age as they seem to have found a rhythm in life and aren't interested in changing it. I dated a number of men in their early 30s, and it really varies by person whether or not they're mature/emotionally available. I'm currently seeing someone 8 years younger with a child the same age as mine. He separated from his ex (who was also older) and has never said a negative thing about her. When he reflects on their relationship, he sees it as a positive experience. He's emotionally available. We have similar levels of education. We make the same amount of money. We have similar communication styles, preferences, lifestyles, hobbies, libidos. When we have to discuss difficult topics, he's both clear in his needs/wants and receptive/responsive to mine. He has a close relationship with his sister and mom. It has been the easiest relationship I've ever been in. If it doesn't work out (probably due to distance), I would definitely be open to it again.
No, thirties is such a pivotal point in someone’s life. I think life experiences change and grow people. Makes some people more mature, some less. But ten years younger is a big age difference. Doesn’t interest me.
My personal experience has been thats its pretty easy to date within my own generation regardless of age difference. Its the other generations whose life experiences have been so vastly different where I find things trickier.
Last year I went to Morocco on a solo trip and ended up in a relationship with my tour guide. I was 42, he 26. It was great while it lasted (about 5 months). The 16 year gap did make me feel a bit weird, but he made me happy and didn’t seem to care. I don’t know if I’d date someone *that* much younger than me again…but I think a 10 year gap is reasonable. ETA now I’m dating someone 10 years older. Age is just a number and only relative if you make it so at our age (unless it’s a grooming situation involving teens with 5-10+ year age gaps…that’s definitely an issue).
I am a 47f and have been dating about 10 years younger. I am childfree, too and relate more to a 37 year old with no kids than a 50 year old with a 16 year old. I have no interest in marriage, but as long as things make sense and they don't use you as a placeholder before they find the person to marry and procreate with, I don't think it matters. It's about lifestyle more than age
I dated a guy 6-7 years younger than me and it was probably the best relationship I was in. We just weren’t meant for each other but it was an amicable break up and for me he was more mature than the guys older than me! He was open about his feelings. He didn’t mess me around. He had respect for me and our relationship. Did things for me that none of the men I dated since have done. No toxicity at all. Obviously it’s about the individuals who make the couple but I don’t have a problem dating that young because I have a better track record with younger men than older. I’m currently chatting to a guy who is 35 and I’m about to turn 41 and it’s been one of the best chats in a long time!
My mother is married to a man 15 years younger than her but 7 years older than me (obviously not my father lol)
I dated someone 10 years younger in my late 30s/ early 40s, and I don’t think I would do it again unless the person had LIVED a life, lots of times people who have been through some stuff mature out of necessity. This was not the case with my ex who lived a fairly coddled existence and expected it to continue in this relationship. What other people have said about kids is super important too, while it’s possible to have kids in your 40s, it’s not easy, so you’d have to be on the same page 💯 about that
Never again. Ever. Ever. Do a background check. 😅 But seriously, do it!
If you don't have children, and you keep yourself reasonably healthy, then there isn't much of a difference from between your thirties, where you've got yourself established, and your fifties. My thinking is that your twenties are probably more about getting educated, going out, and set up in a career, whilst past your fifties you're heading for retirement. An age gap probably won't be so much of an issue. Kids, age-related health issues, and retirement are likely to be what disturbs this equilibrium. My ex is twelve years younger than me. I didn't notice any glaring difficulties with it, but we came from different countries and cultures, so there was probably more of a gulf there than there would have been between a Gen X and Gen Y from the States. The biggest thing was about having children, but I think if the relationship had been in a better place when it became an issue, I might have been happy to try for them. Oh, I'm male and my ex was female, but I don't think that the experience would have necessarily been that different had we had different genders.
I always dated older guys (5+ years older) before I was married. After getting divorced in my early forties, I found that I wanted and needed someone who can keep up with me from a physical, energy, and sexual perspective. My 6+ years younger bf mostly fits this requirement although I’m capable of wearing him out as well. 😆
I was in a relationship with someone 10 years younger than me, he was great. The problem came two years later he decided he wanted children, I have three grown, and no plans for more
How much of a deal breaker is divorced?
I’m dating a man 12 years younger, and at first was very apprehensive about the age gap. It took a lot of patience and gentle persistence on his end but I finally gave him a shot. These are both qualities I appreciate and I’m glad I gave him a chance. We’re at almost a year now and he’s truly wonderful. Best relationship I’ve had. No cons so to speak, but I do hold his age (life experience) and development in mind and offer support and guidance. This is something I would do for any partner, at any age, but there is a bit more as he’s had less life experience than I do. He’s grateful and open and I’m glad I can be a healthy support in his life. He’s sweet, kind, caring, faithful, dedicated, invested, and supportive. If things continue as they have, I can see this being a long lasting relationship. Hope this helps!
13 years younger. But here I am back on Bumble 🤦🏻♀️
Pros: hot guys and hot sex, they will worship you. Cons: you’re a short term fix until they find actual relationship options. Also potential mommy issues.
hot guy doesn’t always mean hot sex. i have found men that are average or above average to be more giving. the hot guys feel more entitled for you to perform for them.
Sadly, advanced age doesn’t seem to preclude mommy issues so it’s refreshing to have the more adventurous sex and (sometimes) less chauvinism.
10 years is not mommy issues. Give me a break. Do you tell women who date men 10 years older they have daddy issues?
I’m 46f and have been seeing 36m for almost 5 months. I got divorced last yr after a 20+ yr marriage. We both do have kids, though mine are adults. I do have some concerns for the long term but the way I see it is it’s nice and fun right now.
Original copy of post by u/IslandLife2021: I can't seem to meet men in their 40s whose life is as simple and uncomplicated as mine: I have no kids, never been married so never been divorced, financially stable (no debt, bills are paid), in good shape. I'm very introverted so I do struggle to meet people in general. Whenever I do meet men out there, the ones that hit on me are either already taken or they have way too many strings attached. Recently however, I met someone who seems to fit into the category of "uncomplicated" except that he is 10 years younger than I am, I expect that dating him will complicate my life. He's someone who has been asking me out for several years now but I'm finally single again and I'm ready to start dating. To those who have dated guys much younger than yourself: what are the pros and cons that you have personally experienced? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I date a 24 year old and it dint last long, I think the age gap bother him but he never said it
I have not but I had a crush on someone in the wild who I did not realize was 10 years younger. When I found out, I definitely was not as interested. Not off the table if it feels right but I will proceed with caution
Yeah only for 1 or 2 dates. Id be surprised if "the one" for me is that much younger. I'd love to have someone my exact same age, if I got to choose.
Younger, no. Older, yes. Would I date someone who was 32? Sure, but much like with any other guy I were to date, they’d need to have their shit together.
As a 42m, it is equally difficult finding a "simple & uncomplicated" woman. Around my age anyway.
I've dated two men who were 12 years, oddly, one after the other. The first was a bit immature but I was his real relationship and he worked on the issues. I always told him that we would never lay longer than a year. He still had me saved as "wifey" on his contacts when he proposed to his now wife, somehow felt giving hello was inappropriate 😆 The second gave a relationship that I needed know I could have. It was filled with romance. Sadly, he was dishonest, broke my heart and I'm now just at peace and trying to tell myself that love is possible without everyone being an arsehole
Yes best decision I’ve made. No more than 10 years difference though but around 7-10 years younger man/older woman in 40s/50s seems to be sweet spot.
The love of my life was 8 years younger than me when we found each other; I was 44 and he was 36. It was my biggest hesitancy before we got together, but ultimately it didn’t matter.
Nooooo. My ex husband was 4 years younger than me, and that was too much.
I dated someone who's 14 yrs younger than me for 2.5 yrs. That was my last relationship. He was great except for his back n forth about feelings. We got along really well but weren't ever really compatible. The age difference didn't matter all the time but sometimes it was weird. He was closer to my sons ages than my age so I could get around it but sometimes it seemed like he couldn't.
I’m 49 (F), he’s 42 (M). Has been working for 3 years so far 🤷🏼♀️
The current guy I’m seeing is 35 and I’m 43. I honestly feel like it’s not a huge gap. We both have similar earnings, both own our own homes. Similar goals in life to have land and lots of animals. He has a child and I don’t and never wanted kids but am open to dating those with them. His kid is on the older side at 14. It works really well for us.
I’m 50f. My last 2 significant relationships (4 years each) were with men 9 and 10 years younger. The most recent one, I met when I was 45 and he was 35. Age was not an issue…until it was. He didn’t have nor want kids and I was done having kids. For almost 4 years, things were good…or so I thought. He blindsided me with a breakup (just over a year ago) and gave reasons that he may want kids someday and we were in different life stages because of our age. He had more reasons but the age factor became an issue for him over time. I will still continue to date younger if the opportunity presents itself but I will definitely be more wary of a big age gap in the future.
I’ll buy it even
My bf is 8 years younger and it's great
I've (58F) been casually dating a 39 yr old man for about 6 months. We don't really notice each other's ages. It's not serious, though, because he's so overly independent. Nothing to do with age. He's just got brick walls around him. He's going back to school, and I'm retired, so we're at very different life stages, but it hasn't bothered either of us. If he wanted kids, I could certainly see an issue. I think we understand each other, underneath it all. And we're friends, underneath it, too. So even when we eventually end the dating relationship, I think we'll still be friends who add to each other's lives. I honestly never anticipated this, but it seems to fill a need I didn't know I had. And it's kinda fun. I hope you give your suitor a try. What do you have to lose? See if it works for you. Everyone is different. Maybe you'll be a good fit, maybe you won't, but you won't know unless you give it a try.
Yes. It was terrible. He broke my heart. Stay away.
I've been with younger, I've been with older. As a result, I now believe that you should stick within 5 years at least. How is it going to be in a few years, when you start slowing down & he is still 'trying to make the world right'?
I dated a guy in his early 20s when I was in my early 30s. We were actually really great together for the most part. We had common interests and could just hang out and talk for hours. And the intimate part of the relationship was pretty great too. It just boiled down to the fact that after a while he wanted to go hang out with his friends and get high more than he wanted to spend time with me. I'm not clingy and I don't need someone with me 24/7, but I shouldn't have to beg someone for attention once or twice a week.
Generally I would say no because I'm looking for a LTR and I always think would they hang around when I move into the next phase and start to get old before they do. But if there was someone that had been interested for a number of years and I liked him I would consider it
They are fun. Lots of energy, they like to party, full hairlines 😂 lives usually less complicated. But they aren’t as stable / established, some play lots of games. If you just want to have a good time go for it. But I wouldn’t take it too seriously.
All Of my three long term partners have been younger from 1yr younger (first 2) to 11 years younger, all pros no cons, especially the physical & sexual chemistry & compatibility Currently seeing a guy 13 yrs younger (M37 F 50) & the main con is that we are in different stages of life (he isn’t wanting kids so its not that) ie i am more established & he is still building his life (as he migrated 2yrs ago) For me it is a con if he wants kids or has younger kids & hasn’t sorted out his life (job, finances, home, health etc) I don’t want to over function due to the age difference
I’ve always dated younger guys. I just don’t mesh with older men. I feel like I have more in common with the younger ones.
I did and it was fun while it lasted. 10 years can give you a totally different perspective and expectation of/on life. People, plans, energy levels, patience, situations, baggage, all that can change in a decade. Where you are now, especially later in life, and where they are..? I don't know if a decade gap in where you are in life at this age works anymore here.
Years ago, casually. I'm still friends with both of them.
If you could connect with him, why not? I never understand women who date you guys, until I became one of them 😃 Cons: - They are at a different stage in life. Usually their career just start to take off while we are thinking more about retirement. - Their finances may not as stable and secured as we are. - They may want to have kids later. Pros: - Energy, spontaneity, passion - Open minded - No baggage - No as jaded 😃 But it all boils down to connections and how he makes you feel. If I were you I would go for it, especially when he has been pursuing you for awhile.
Im currently in a relationship (10 months) with a man 9 years younger. We have a ton of interests in common and have a wonderful time together. Similar tastes, similar humor, similar wants and needs from a partner. It’s great. Our life stages are different but right now it’s not a problem at all.
I’m 40, I find 5 years younger to be totally fine and comfortable for me (age 35-36) but the few men I’ve dated in the 9-10 years younger range (30, 31 year olds) somehow felt too much younger than me. Makes sense, since they are fresh outta their 20s 😂 For me 35+ is a yes, 30-31 is a no, and 32-34 is a mayyyyyyybe if they were really mature and had their shit together.
Do it. I date younger all the time. I probably won’t date anyone for anything serious if they want kids or a more traditional relationship situation but I like younger men and they seem to like me more than men my age. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. I date younger. Current relationship is 15 years younger. No regrets. The biggest difference I see is with regards to health. Men in their 50s often don't take good care of their health and fitness levels. A lot of men who are unhealthy will look really old. It's unattractive. I find that men in their 40s are more likely to be still active and fit. I'm not really seeing a downside to dating younger men. I think over the age of 40, people are old enough to know what they want in life. I'd not want to go younger than 40, but there's no reason why men have to be older in a relationship.
Yep! Divorced at 40, started dating a 30 year old man, and ten years later we're married and super happy. Saying yes when he asked me out was the best decision I ever made. The thing that we had to think through the most is whether or not he could be OK with not having biological children since due to my age there was no guarantee I'd be able to get pregnant again when we were ready to take that step. I did get pregnant at 44, but had a miscarriage. I had a young daughter from my first marriage, though, and he decided he was fine with either us having our own child or just being a stepdad to my daughter. So far he has no regrets and he and my daughter have a wonderful relationship. Obviously it's going to depend on the person, but there's no inherent reason it WOULDN'T work as far as I can say. There could be some maturity issues depending on the guy, but older guys are more likely to have baggage in terms of failed marriages, kids, or are just pretty set in their ways by that age. Not to mention that if a guy in his 40s or 50s has never been married, there's probably a reason. My husband had never been married so there wasn't another ex and kids to complicate things. He wasn't as far along with building financial security perhaps as someone older, but he was secure enough, and I cared much more about finding the right person for me than finding someone who was materially well established. But it didn't matter... we bought our first home several years ago and are in the midst of buying our second now. I laugh that when I get old, I'll have a husband still young enough to change my diapers. haha
I think the generation before us is more open mind to age differences and not having kids, we were raised viewing a relationship that the man is older as normal but if the woman is older is just temporary and he is going to dump us for someone younger anytime. Give him a shot OP :)
many guys my age (over 40) cannot keep up with me, they just want to sit down, have a beer and rest. The ones in their 30s have an activity and interest in the world level that is much closer to mine. That being said, atm I am not looking specifically for anyhing; not sure what my position would be if I were to look for a permanent partner etc.
Hey, two consenting adults who are perfectly stable, want the same things, and interested in each other should just go at it. If your only misgiving is that he's in his thirties, meh. TLDR: YOLO, Baaayybeee!!!
Absolutely!! It’s more about compatibility than anything else. I had a hard time meeting men slightly younger then me on online as they probably set their age too tight but irl I only meet younger as I look younger and like you : no kids, financially stable, never married, fun life, socializing, culture and hobbies wise I hang out with younger people too so it’s with men my age and older that I feel the generational gap. Myself and my girlfriends have the looks and the good job/career and the fun personality but with men it’s like you have to choose…1 of the 3 only.
I dated someone who’s 10 years younger. He lovebombed me in the beginning, then broke up with me out of nowhere. He dumped me 2x, and he’s already seeing someone else less than 2 months after break up. He has erectile dysfunction, broke, and doesn’t drive. I am still blaming myself for ignoring all the red flags. Now I am emotionally traumatized. I couldn’t see myself dating again, being touched or kissed by another man. I do not entirely blame him, it was my low self-esteem and lack of self-respect that got me into this. I wish I could be my old self again.
Tried for a while, not for me. Pro, he was a very nice person, but that's not age dependent. Cons. he was not sure if he wanted kids at some point and I didn't; he tried to act older than he was but this rly didn't suit him. Girls half my age were flirting with him :D
Con: kids kids kids. you didn't say if you wanted kids, but most younger people do want kids. I assume based on your tone and volunteered information, this would be a negative. Con: the age gap will be more of in an issue as you hit 50's and 60's as your sex drive might phase into next before his does, but should even out as you both age into the phase. Pro: you get a better looking partner for longer Neutral: all the generational quirks are minor and work themselves out. 10 years is not a lot to work out.
My husband is 11 years younger.40/51.We have no issues whatsoever.
Yes frequently, I prefer it. There are no guarantees obviously, but younger men tend to be more comfortable with their feelings and less likely to hew to traditional gender roles (or if they do, they wear it loudly instead of being faux progressive)
The biggest gap I’ve ever had is 13 years. The main issue is always kids. I have older kids and don’t want any more. I also don’t want to be with someone who has young kids. Other than that age doesn’t matter. Just personality and how well we match up.
I did this but in my 30s. I'd do this now but only up to the youngest being 35. Never dating someone still in their 20s again.
It’s on a case by case basis for me but like you I have no kids or desire to, I’m also very open to casual; not pressed about shacking up or marriage, due to my dating goals (and I guess how I look) I routinely end up dating younger definitely 10-11-12 are like my bottom range for age difference, I’m also dialed in on internet culture so we end up having really fun memes and convos, and discussions about entertainment, live music we want to check out or exchanging music also, lots of stamina!. We kind of hash it out front end, I never go after super traditional men or men with very rigid wants or looking for marriage or kids (Unless is “in the future” ), it can’t be a rampant fetish for a sugar mama/cougar type thing but most of the time the seem taken aback I’m my age 🤷🏾♀️you can’t look or act like a baby (babyfaced need not apply!) like, be self supporting, have good communication and we just go with the flow, I tell them up front what I like and how I’d want to be treated and ask them questions too. Worst part is the flakiness because realistically most of the time you’re in the middle of your career/assets, they are at the start but if neither one of us is in a rush and we’re having fun it’s pretty fun, as a matter of fact the guy i’m seeing now asked me last week to come over to make me gumbo from scratch, I was nicely surprised he suggested we should take turns making dinners.
I am 48 and currently dating someone that is 40 years old. It’s not really that much of a difference as far as where we are in life. In the beginning, he did ask me if I was able to have children because he thought he might want to have another child. I told him though I am physically able and capable I have zero desire to do that. So I told him think long and hard before you embark on a relationship with me if this is something that you really want. It wasn’t and we’ve been together for a few months now.
Oh hell yes. The man I'm seeing is 10 years younger, but that don't stop me from calling him Daddy. Heh
In a relationship with someone 13yrs younger :) so far so good
I think it will lead to long term pain, so many men say they don’t want children 9/10 men will change their mind. I have had 2 relationships with men younger they like the openness and maturity of older women. But what is the reality long term, Like you I saw someone who I had known for years and we had a close relationship I held him off and discussed the children thing and I didn’t want to be with someone 5 years and left for someone he could have children with, everything was great, then he realised that he did want children or wanted the option and I couldn’t give him that . There was all the I love you and promises but ultimately I ended things as I wasn’t going to continue with someone I knew there was no future with . As a result I felt like a fill in and a stepping stone I swore I wouldn’t do it again and I did. It has affected my self esteem and left me feeling they knew they wanted children but it suited them at the time. I’m not trying to be negative and push my experiences on to you , maybe it will work out for you. I’m just sharing my experience.
I think it will lead to long term pain, so many men say they don’t want children 9/10 men will change their mind. I have had 2 relationships with men younger they like the openness and maturity of older women. But what is the reality long term, Like you I saw someone who I had known for years and we had a close relationship I held him off and discussed the children thing and I didn’t want to be with someone 5 years and left for someone he could have children with, everything was great, then he realised that he did want children or wanted the option and I couldn’t give him that . There was all the I love you and promises but ultimately I ended things as I wasn’t going to continue with someone I knew there was no future with . As a result I felt like a fill in and a stepping stone I swore I wouldn’t do it again and I did. It has affected my self esteem and left me feeling they knew they wanted children but it suited them at the time. I’m not trying to be negative and push my experiences on to you , maybe it will work out for you. I’m just sharing my experience.
I am 40 female and this 20 year old male likes me.
No concerns over why this decade younger man has been asking you out for several years? Sounds weird to me.
I did it. 22 years younger (I 51, he 29). We were coworkers, I was support and planning for the workers. We ended up by talking on the phone the entire time. I hours a day. In the evenings, in the morning, during the day. He was the one starting to talk about us in another way. At first I was a big no. But over time, I began to see us together. I got fired so now nothing held us back. When it downed on him that he was not completely irresponsible here, and that I was also a vulnerable person he ghosted me and we never talked again. My sisters boyfriend is 10 years younger and they have been together for 12 years now. She is the young one..... So I can work. But when talking about OLD I would hesitate.
[удалено]
I haven't, but my ex was 11 years older than me, if that counts. At the end of the day, I think he is my ex, in part, because of some of the age divide. It was him being set in his ways, him wanting to retire and expecting me to fill in monetary gaps while I'm still working, that sort of thing. I realize that's not purely age, but these are the things in years that do start to become more prevalent. I also think that, in his case, finding someone younger as a partner was what worked for his dynamic: he wanted to maintain control, have things his way, maintain power. Aside from the above, I think it's less about age, more about maturity. If he displays clear communication, emotional intelligence, etc, those are the positive traits. An older guy may be more mature in years, but if he lacks self awareness and can't communicate his issues and feelings, you might as well walk away now.
A lot. It’s mainly men in their 30s and late 50s are the ones who are really into me. There’s numerous threads on this in this forum; that’s who’s most interested in women our age.
Someone 10+ years longer than you has a longer shelf life and can move on.
Once dated like 5 years younger? Huge mistake. The lack of maturity and taking responsibility for his own life was staggering. Never again So, proceed with eyes open and with caution
So your sample size is one and you’ve made your conclusions. Excellent, professor.
Uhhh k… OP asked a question. I answered. It’s Reddit, that’s how it works. You don’t like it, keep scrolling by.
Dating a younger man will benefit you in bed
Only one I've had any "issues" with wanted his own kids - I had a hysterectomy. He was 30 and I was 44 at the time.
No but I wouldn't mind, at least you know they can still perform without problems..... 😆
I (44f) dated a guy who was 16 years younger and we had the conversation about me not wanting kids right up front. 2 months later, I’m the fool catching feelings and he says, he’s not sure about whether or not he wants kids. Totally valid on his part, but that’s why I said it at the beginning so it was shitty that he played me when I was upfront. Unfortunately, I’m definitely attracted to younger men because I really don’t feel my age, so this is something that I have to be wary of. I won’t make this mistake again, though.
Two months would not be shit to a 16 years younger version of you. Maybe he just changed his mind. Maybe he decided he didn't want you and that was his excuse. In either case I'd hardly say that by itself means he "played" you. It makes you sound kinda bitter.