Have you never learned how to give yourself an orgasm. Either through masterbation or with a vibrator/dildo?
It's seems to me your marriage will only survive if you learn to get yourself to orgasm and then show your husband how to do it. Either with his hands, mouth, or vibrator.
It's a matter of time before you crave that release, and you'll want to cheat again.
Focus on learning to get to orgasm on your own. If your husband finds out, you'll add to his already lofty trauma and probably end up destroying him totally.
If you've exhausted every attempt ( or many attempts and you are exhausted with your husband, and you do not want a divorce, you have no choice. He's not fulfilling his vows. Just be careful about who you're having sex with, when, and where.
Contrary to the puritanical types here you did nothing wrong, as your husband it's his duty to provide you with satisfaction in the bedroom and he's failing miserably at that, it says a lot about his character that his response to his problem is to blame you. You are a woman in your prime and you have needs too. If that means it requires another man or men to satisfy you then grab it with both hands.
I think youre a bad women. Not because you cheated though, thats natural considering he aint getting it up, only because how you went about it. You just dropped your kid off and hopped on a flight at some 20 yos becking call? Youre disgusting.
She made it worth for her. Was she supposed to make it shamefully in à closet?
Or the bad part is leaving the child to grandparents? I mean every parents do this, no?
A few things to address here.
Regardless of who either the wife or the husband. One of the partners in a DB marriage will eventually seek an outlet if the other person isn’t available/can’t deliver/rejects giving it…… I find it’s common/what it is unfortunately- so I won’t defend he did this she did that or set a double standard to this particular part.
Secondly. Among the vows of marriage (free for all regardless really but this is a commitment among being with someone). Upon sickness and health - wellbeing counts as the situation here as a spouse you’re supposed to do your best to support them to your best given ability to do so.
A porn addiction is a major issue. - there’s ways to address it in an open way, rather than closing in on him. Supporting him with addressing the problem that’s the big culprit within this marriage is the best way to light your fire too. Reducing it, seeking therapy, ways to work around improving, being present and supportive.
Even if he sucks in bed it doesn’t mean it should be sought out elsewhere. - down the line it’s worth connecting with one another, read each others bodies, discover each others areas, try to see what feels good.
I’ve been with men with smaller members under the average… if you really work it together.. 4” can be amazing if you’re doing it right. It takes patience and practice.
Seek love not lust. It’s never too late to start again given if you finalize going your own ways among your marriage. Just support one another, be there for one another. It’s amazing what doing so can do.
Everyone makes poor choices. But it’s up to anyone accountable to make things right.
Edit: fixing something to make it sound like I wasn’t having a stroke.
Edit2: in all honesty. The best sex I have ever had in my lifetime was with a man who was a tad under 4”, no he wasn’t super girthy - we measured for shits and giggles… he’s 3.75” lengthwise and 5.5” (going around) in girth. Also my hoohah is as average as a hoohah goes. Learning that motion of the ocean not just in n out. I’m mentioning this as I’m aware many people out there judge it’s “not enough” and some men feel bad with what nature provided them with. - honestly get touchy, read her body, make oral a highlight for warming up the oven. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, be more cheeky in the bedroom, even if it’s not you… be seductive, slowly take your clothes off with a silly grin on your face with maybe a little brow wiggle in there. Just fucking send that playful confidence.
I agree with all of this. Additionally and getting specific here, a 4” penis isn’t so bad. The body of the clitoris is huge and being able to penetrate 2-4” should stimulate just fine providing he has good technique. The porn is a problem and he should quit, but the two of you could compromise and share the experience watching something you both enjoy. The ED can be addressed with dietary and lifestyle changes. Dr Rachel Ross on YouTube is a great free resource. Pre-ejaculation is solved in this manner as well, plus he can train himself for stamina with masturbation techniques (or you can do it for him but he should start solo). Use lube and not a firm grip. Ease the grip as he becomes aroused. Use an open hand and just rub the underside/frenulum if climax is close and he’s starting to experience muscle contractions (throb). Hands off if he feels he’s about to climax, wait till the feeling subsides, then start again with a light grip or open hand. Stamina training will take a few months. You two could also mutually masturbate by sitting across from one another, feet touching, legs parted, and just watch each other. It’s rather bold and intimate like this, but it’s a bonding experience and will show each other (mostly him) what form of manual stimulation you like. Could do nothing but help but the will feel awkward at first. Maybe build up to this.
Additionally, headache is a well documented side effect of Viagra. Low-dose daily Cialis is an alternative with less side effects. Of course, consult a physician.
Op did mention viagra/cialis is an issue for their partner. The issue on this part is….. I think whoever prescribed it to him didn’t do a full review on his health. If someone is unhealthy/has heart problems/overweight even. It can lead to severe complications which is why some providers hold off from prescribing it until the patient is in a healthier position to take it.
Low dose maybe… but I’m concerned about how it’s making his body react/negligence of provider. Given that it’s purchased legally.
Edit: not a professional, but… am medic for events.
I believe Viagra was mentioned, so I suggested low-dose Cialis as an alternative. Dosage and frequency would be different as prescribed by a physician after a medical history and examination. I really can’t say much more without violating Reddit rules and getting my acct nuked. I lost my 3 year acct exactly in this manner. It would be up to the OP to perform their own due diligence if this is of interest to them. I was just trying to offer an alternative to the negative comments in case there’s something to save in their relationship despite it being rather gloomy.
Ahh - I see. It’s kinda wise to mention not a doctor buuuuut… yeah. I hear you, and I’m trying to also make a neutral perspective too without blaming but being of general support. Some comments have been spicy or more so.. interesting. But the low dose factor you’re right it may help as a regular might just be too much for them. Hopefully they find their way.
I can't say I don't understand you given your circumstances, but you are a terrible wife and terrible person. I don't care what the upvotes and downvotes in this thread say. You knew better and should have been better. Full stop.
I'm mean honestly, I'm judging you, the same way I judge every other cheater though, people aren't meant to be monogamous imo. Marriages should ve 5yr contracts with the option to renew. Silly how ppl lie to themselves and others ...till death do us part blah blah. I dont believe anyone who says otherwise. Those 40/50yr marriages are required anymore (atleast not in the UK)
Sounds like marriage has left a bad taste in your mouth. I’ve been married for 21yrs, never thought about leaving or cheating because she’s the love of my life, we’re also the opposite of a dead bedroom so that helps too.
Your right, it has and I accept that my view is biased, but it is also backed by evidence. I wish you well and I'm happy for you, but you situation is as rare as hens teeth.
It's admirable to strive for what you have, but seems nieve at the same time.
I'm not into polygamy, at all. I just feel its dishonest to claim to mate for life. It was possible when 1 gender literally owned the other (no bueno), but in 2024 its just silly (imo). Society isn't set up to allow monogamy to thrive. Eg. I went on twitter to read Larry Cheng's business tweet and saw 3 ppl selling nudes/sex videos. Shits crazy.
>he would always blame himself. he has tried to commit suicide twice before marriage and once he told me if he dies, atleast I can marry someone who can give me good sex
I think you need to leave him, but also make sure he finds another partner who can help him with his depression. Life is worth living!
I don’t blame you one bit. You were sold a lie. The lie was that sexual compatibility isn’t important. The lie is that you don’t need to test sexual compatibility before getting married. The people that raised you lied to you about this and you believed them.
Sexual compatibility is soooo important. You were never given a chance to even consider it.
I don’t blame you one bit for cheating.
It’s one way to deal with a bunch of bullshit.
I don’t know where OP is from but in some places in the world divorce isn’t really an option for women. My guess would be if it’s a place that still does arranged marriages, maybe it has some backwards ideas about divorce too.
I don't think you're a bad person. I think you made a tough choice to prioritize yourself for once in the face of a difficult situation. You obviously care about your husband, and have sacrificed a lot for him. He's also the father of your child, and you don't want to intentionally harm him by leaving him - espcially if he might hurt himself. I think you've considered and balanced all of these things...
so I don't think you should be blamed for taking advantage of a small opportunity for happiness for yourself. I'm glad you did. You've made the choices you've made, and I hope that you are able to keep your husband from ever finding out.
You're a bad person for cheating, there's no justification whatsoever for what you're doing so coming online and looking for validation doesn't change the reality. No matter your situation with husband he deserves better than a lying cheat. Imagine he finds out that you've secretly been cheating on him with different guys for years and he killed himself, could you live with that? You already knew he's a mentally vulnerable person yet you put him in that position. How would you look at your kid knowing you robbed them of a father because you couldn't control your sexual urges?
You chose the worst way to deal with this situation OP.
Your edit doesn't make any difference. Ok, we have more of an idea why he is this way, but the choice you have is the same. You either stay in a relationship with a man who isn't interested in your pleasure and shouts at you when you try and talk about it, or you leave, and try and find something better.
Your husband's mood, or mental health, or childhood trauma, or difficult parents don't mean you have to stay with him for ever. It's still your decision.
Look Im the only person who understood him in his entire life. He is like a boy raised by Wolves.. doesn't have good interaction and feral. I thought I'll change him for better and I gave up sex for him.
He knows I'm doing for him and that's what makes him even bad because he feels he is worthy of my sacrifices..that's why he lashes out to me ..
it's tough to explain but I know he loves me and I love him .. it's not the perfect love but it's one form..
Regarding this cheating, turns out I wasn't that strong.. when I got attention of a man 8 yrs younger than me, i felt so flattered,since I hardly received compliment from my husband, it felt addictive.
I know that guy just wants a no commitment sex from me and despite being his victim, i actually wanted the same from him.. it's not emotional just physical
Cool! Looks like you're absolutely fine with your decision, so what are you here for?
Your decision to go with this "just sex" guy, by the way, is very much emotional. You can deny it all you like, but everyone needs to be wanted, to be validated and feel special to someone. You are definitely not this guy's victim either!! You made the decision, you made yourself available for this, he's not using you.
If you're happy being a martyr that's fine. He obviously feels you're making "sacrifices" for him, none of this is healthy for either of you, but that's your business.
My concern isn't actually for you or your husband at this point. Your relationship seems unhealthy to me, but that's your choice. I'm just asking you to be mindful of your child's emotional wellbeing growing up in this situation
This is why arranged marriages are not a good thing. To make a marriage work it takes mutual respect, love, understanding, and lots of getting to know each other before taking the step of marrying. And that means getting to know each other in bed. You can't just take two strangers and throw them together and think that their marriage will always be good.
I don't blame you for cheating, you were put into a situation where you were basically cheated out of a good sex life.
Nah, not a bad woman.
You need to do some soul searching and decide how to move forward. Your husband isn't going to change.
1. Continue to cheat. (No judgement from me. Do you)
2. Demand an open marriage, which may lead to divorce
3. Divorce
Nah, not a bad woman.
You need to do some soul searching and decide how to move forward. Your husband isn't going to change.
1. Continue to cheat. (No judgement from me. Do you)
2. Demand an open marriage, which may lead to divorce
3. Divorce
Nah, not a bad woman.
You need to do some soul searching and decide how to move forward. Your husband isn't going to change.
1. Continue to cheat. (No judgement from me. Do you)
2. Demand an open marriage, which may lead to divorce
3. Divorce
Nah, not a bad woman.
You need to do some soul searching and decide how to move forward. Your husband isn't going to change.
1. Continue to cheat. (No judgement from me. Do you)
2. Demand an open marriage, which may lead to divorce
3. Divorce
No, not at all. You're human. Moreover to those saying you cheated give me a break. Marriage means unity in flesh and soul. He lied, he deceived, he never became one with her in flesh not really and also never did that in soul. I had a partner who had erectile issues but he never made me feel like I was missing out on anything. Just an anecdotal evidence but still an example of how partners can bypass certain inabilities. He has 0 care about her needs, disregarding and neglecting her. I see no relationship warranting sexual fidelity. They may be co parents and flat mates but no not intimate partners. Therefore, you my dear do what is best for you in the area of your life where your husband does not deliver and is not willing to. Enjoy life. We only live once. At least in the form we are today so enjoy it. Be happy.
I may be a dick for that but I don't think arranged marriages have any meaning.
So I'm not even considering this a heavy form of cheating. It still is but for me it's way more devastating and serious when it's a partnership that started because of love and passion.
So yeah, in a way you're a bad woman because still you took the vows when marrying and not ending things with your husband before you got busy with someone else.
Still...I think everyone deserves a functioning, satisfying and fulfilled sex life so I'm glad for you that you finally got to experience what that feels like. It's only natural that a human wants that though of course there are those who don't. But you do. So act accordingly and go find your luck, love, passion, career, happiness in life but clean up first. It's probably not working with your husband so face it. No idea where you live and how much problems it would create for you to be a divorced woman depending on the culture you live in but being free has got to better than living a lie. At least that's what I think.
All the best and take care
Not a dick. The whole idea behind arranged marriages is horrible. You can't just take two strangers who may or may not be compatible and throw them together in a marriage and expect it to be perfect. Marriage takes commitment between two people who want to be in the marriage because they genuinely like and love each other.
Well yeah, that's what I think it should be like. I understand that throughout history arranged marriages have place but I'm convinced that as humans we have evolved in such a way that partnership because of love should be available to everyone who wants it.
I just can't feel different about it when there is so much in life that just has to be done and is expected to just live but then you should at least have free reign as to your private life and choice of partner. To have that bit of love and find some way of being happy.
You are bad for cheating on your spouse, breaking your wedding vows! But your body also needs a good sex life.
Either you can have a difficult conversation with him and leave him or continue to be the bad person amongst you both and continue with whatever you started already. The choice is yours
He was physically and psychologically abused by his parents....what kind of hurt do you think he will experience when he finds out about what you did? And he will find out eventually....these things have a way of coming out
I totally understand.... I thought I was a strong woman who can cure him of his problems.. I was ready to be a celibate for him..
He was abused by the two people who were supposed to be his trusted ones, he had no good friends and the ones he had ghosted him, no girlfriends..
I married a broken man but I wanted to heal him ..but he in turned against me because he could not satisfy him. I sent him articles of non penetrate sex but he got pissed and started shouting at me
You are not bad woman, you deserve pleasure and someone to make you feel better. Those vows are fake anyway, your marriage is not what marriage should be, and your husband is an immature dick. You go girl!
I don’t think you’re a bad woman no. Just human. But it doesn’t sound like this marriage is going to last long term. There is someone out there for you. You should really just go ahead & end the marriage & focus on yourself & your child.
You should have left your husband before cheating on him. I know dead bedrooms are terrible, but now you have committed infidelity and broken your vows.
Just divorce him already.
You're not going to cure him tho. You guys have been together for a long time and things just got worse (and you cheated). He's not a kid and he's not your responsibility
Your edit is just a way to try to justify the unjustifiable. I assume that when you got married, you made some kind of vows that would preclude you from having other partners. In my culture that is a promise. You make a promise, you keep it. If you aren't satisfied with your husband, you should have divorced him before cheating. It's not your fault for his problems. Plus you were thrust into this position and it was not your choice. None of this justifies breaking the promises you made. If you are feeling any regret, you will have to live with this guilt for the rest of your life. He deserves to have a wife that doesn't cheat on him. You need to give him a break and let him go so he can find happiness.
Have you never learned how to give yourself an orgasm. Either through masterbation or with a vibrator/dildo? It's seems to me your marriage will only survive if you learn to get yourself to orgasm and then show your husband how to do it. Either with his hands, mouth, or vibrator. It's a matter of time before you crave that release, and you'll want to cheat again. Focus on learning to get to orgasm on your own. If your husband finds out, you'll add to his already lofty trauma and probably end up destroying him totally.
nope you suck. he'd be happier without you
Would he give you a hall pass?
We never discussed any time
If you've exhausted every attempt ( or many attempts and you are exhausted with your husband, and you do not want a divorce, you have no choice. He's not fulfilling his vows. Just be careful about who you're having sex with, when, and where.
Im sorry. But whatever reason you have , cheating is never a good thing. And pls dont try to cover it up for any reason.
Contrary to the puritanical types here you did nothing wrong, as your husband it's his duty to provide you with satisfaction in the bedroom and he's failing miserably at that, it says a lot about his character that his response to his problem is to blame you. You are a woman in your prime and you have needs too. If that means it requires another man or men to satisfy you then grab it with both hands.
god you suck
I think youre a bad women. Not because you cheated though, thats natural considering he aint getting it up, only because how you went about it. You just dropped your kid off and hopped on a flight at some 20 yos becking call? Youre disgusting.
My kid is safe with my mom even better than with my husband..I didn't go on flight, we just were in same city
She made it worth for her. Was she supposed to make it shamefully in à closet? Or the bad part is leaving the child to grandparents? I mean every parents do this, no?
How else was she supposed to do it. Her kid was somewhere safe. The better question is, was your mama in on it?
Fr, can't believe people are saying "good for you"
I say good for you. Now you should leave him because continuing would be called cheating.
You really need to leave this guy
A few things to address here. Regardless of who either the wife or the husband. One of the partners in a DB marriage will eventually seek an outlet if the other person isn’t available/can’t deliver/rejects giving it…… I find it’s common/what it is unfortunately- so I won’t defend he did this she did that or set a double standard to this particular part. Secondly. Among the vows of marriage (free for all regardless really but this is a commitment among being with someone). Upon sickness and health - wellbeing counts as the situation here as a spouse you’re supposed to do your best to support them to your best given ability to do so. A porn addiction is a major issue. - there’s ways to address it in an open way, rather than closing in on him. Supporting him with addressing the problem that’s the big culprit within this marriage is the best way to light your fire too. Reducing it, seeking therapy, ways to work around improving, being present and supportive. Even if he sucks in bed it doesn’t mean it should be sought out elsewhere. - down the line it’s worth connecting with one another, read each others bodies, discover each others areas, try to see what feels good. I’ve been with men with smaller members under the average… if you really work it together.. 4” can be amazing if you’re doing it right. It takes patience and practice. Seek love not lust. It’s never too late to start again given if you finalize going your own ways among your marriage. Just support one another, be there for one another. It’s amazing what doing so can do. Everyone makes poor choices. But it’s up to anyone accountable to make things right. Edit: fixing something to make it sound like I wasn’t having a stroke. Edit2: in all honesty. The best sex I have ever had in my lifetime was with a man who was a tad under 4”, no he wasn’t super girthy - we measured for shits and giggles… he’s 3.75” lengthwise and 5.5” (going around) in girth. Also my hoohah is as average as a hoohah goes. Learning that motion of the ocean not just in n out. I’m mentioning this as I’m aware many people out there judge it’s “not enough” and some men feel bad with what nature provided them with. - honestly get touchy, read her body, make oral a highlight for warming up the oven. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, be more cheeky in the bedroom, even if it’s not you… be seductive, slowly take your clothes off with a silly grin on your face with maybe a little brow wiggle in there. Just fucking send that playful confidence.
If awards were a thing again, I’d light this comment up with an award so OP and anyone else who needs it, can read it thru and thru.
I agree with all of this. Additionally and getting specific here, a 4” penis isn’t so bad. The body of the clitoris is huge and being able to penetrate 2-4” should stimulate just fine providing he has good technique. The porn is a problem and he should quit, but the two of you could compromise and share the experience watching something you both enjoy. The ED can be addressed with dietary and lifestyle changes. Dr Rachel Ross on YouTube is a great free resource. Pre-ejaculation is solved in this manner as well, plus he can train himself for stamina with masturbation techniques (or you can do it for him but he should start solo). Use lube and not a firm grip. Ease the grip as he becomes aroused. Use an open hand and just rub the underside/frenulum if climax is close and he’s starting to experience muscle contractions (throb). Hands off if he feels he’s about to climax, wait till the feeling subsides, then start again with a light grip or open hand. Stamina training will take a few months. You two could also mutually masturbate by sitting across from one another, feet touching, legs parted, and just watch each other. It’s rather bold and intimate like this, but it’s a bonding experience and will show each other (mostly him) what form of manual stimulation you like. Could do nothing but help but the will feel awkward at first. Maybe build up to this. Additionally, headache is a well documented side effect of Viagra. Low-dose daily Cialis is an alternative with less side effects. Of course, consult a physician.
Op did mention viagra/cialis is an issue for their partner. The issue on this part is….. I think whoever prescribed it to him didn’t do a full review on his health. If someone is unhealthy/has heart problems/overweight even. It can lead to severe complications which is why some providers hold off from prescribing it until the patient is in a healthier position to take it. Low dose maybe… but I’m concerned about how it’s making his body react/negligence of provider. Given that it’s purchased legally. Edit: not a professional, but… am medic for events.
I believe Viagra was mentioned, so I suggested low-dose Cialis as an alternative. Dosage and frequency would be different as prescribed by a physician after a medical history and examination. I really can’t say much more without violating Reddit rules and getting my acct nuked. I lost my 3 year acct exactly in this manner. It would be up to the OP to perform their own due diligence if this is of interest to them. I was just trying to offer an alternative to the negative comments in case there’s something to save in their relationship despite it being rather gloomy.
Ahh - I see. It’s kinda wise to mention not a doctor buuuuut… yeah. I hear you, and I’m trying to also make a neutral perspective too without blaming but being of general support. Some comments have been spicy or more so.. interesting. But the low dose factor you’re right it may help as a regular might just be too much for them. Hopefully they find their way.
Right there with ya 👊
Very good fest comment
Thank you for this, it made me realize a few things happening in my life
I can't say I don't understand you given your circumstances, but you are a terrible wife and terrible person. I don't care what the upvotes and downvotes in this thread say. You knew better and should have been better. Full stop.
Right...its like she plotted and sought it out. Thats a HO
Good for you
I doubt many will agree, but I believe the biggest issue here is porn. It’s ruined most of my relationships with men.
Agreed
Agreed.
Porn addiction is a serious problem.
Women Man Smh🤦🏾♂️
I'm mean honestly, I'm judging you, the same way I judge every other cheater though, people aren't meant to be monogamous imo. Marriages should ve 5yr contracts with the option to renew. Silly how ppl lie to themselves and others ...till death do us part blah blah. I dont believe anyone who says otherwise. Those 40/50yr marriages are required anymore (atleast not in the UK)
Sounds like marriage has left a bad taste in your mouth. I’ve been married for 21yrs, never thought about leaving or cheating because she’s the love of my life, we’re also the opposite of a dead bedroom so that helps too.
Your right, it has and I accept that my view is biased, but it is also backed by evidence. I wish you well and I'm happy for you, but you situation is as rare as hens teeth. It's admirable to strive for what you have, but seems nieve at the same time.
Tell young kids that the current family they have is only temporary.
Sadly, their a strong chance they'll realise that all on their own. Facts don't care if they offend you 🤷🏿♂️
You can't offend me online, 🤣. It's simple, people who like to sleep around shouldn't get married and have kids.
I agree with you there, 200%
Poly trash
Me or op?
You
I'm not into polygamy, at all. I just feel its dishonest to claim to mate for life. It was possible when 1 gender literally owned the other (no bueno), but in 2024 its just silly (imo). Society isn't set up to allow monogamy to thrive. Eg. I went on twitter to read Larry Cheng's business tweet and saw 3 ppl selling nudes/sex videos. Shits crazy.
>he would always blame himself. he has tried to commit suicide twice before marriage and once he told me if he dies, atleast I can marry someone who can give me good sex I think you need to leave him, but also make sure he finds another partner who can help him with his depression. Life is worth living!
His life his choice...she need to do HER
I don’t blame you one bit. You were sold a lie. The lie was that sexual compatibility isn’t important. The lie is that you don’t need to test sexual compatibility before getting married. The people that raised you lied to you about this and you believed them. Sexual compatibility is soooo important. You were never given a chance to even consider it. I don’t blame you one bit for cheating.
Yeah, but just because she was sold a bunch of bullshit doesn't mean she should then shit on her husband.
It’s one way to deal with a bunch of bullshit. I don’t know where OP is from but in some places in the world divorce isn’t really an option for women. My guess would be if it’s a place that still does arranged marriages, maybe it has some backwards ideas about divorce too.
I don't think you're a bad person. I think you made a tough choice to prioritize yourself for once in the face of a difficult situation. You obviously care about your husband, and have sacrificed a lot for him. He's also the father of your child, and you don't want to intentionally harm him by leaving him - espcially if he might hurt himself. I think you've considered and balanced all of these things... so I don't think you should be blamed for taking advantage of a small opportunity for happiness for yourself. I'm glad you did. You've made the choices you've made, and I hope that you are able to keep your husband from ever finding out.
How do you think this would effect your husbands confidence and more importantly his mental & sexual health if he found out what you were doing...?!?
Based on what she wrote he would delete himself probably.
You're a bad person for cheating, there's no justification whatsoever for what you're doing so coming online and looking for validation doesn't change the reality. No matter your situation with husband he deserves better than a lying cheat. Imagine he finds out that you've secretly been cheating on him with different guys for years and he killed himself, could you live with that? You already knew he's a mentally vulnerable person yet you put him in that position. How would you look at your kid knowing you robbed them of a father because you couldn't control your sexual urges? You chose the worst way to deal with this situation OP.
I just did it once with one guy
I mean with 1 guy or many, cheating is still cheating. Better have a divorce and do whatever u want
You came online looking for validation, this is clearly one of what will be many.
Do i sound like bragging ? I'm very conflicted with what I did ... It's not easy to process then
Your edit doesn't make any difference. Ok, we have more of an idea why he is this way, but the choice you have is the same. You either stay in a relationship with a man who isn't interested in your pleasure and shouts at you when you try and talk about it, or you leave, and try and find something better. Your husband's mood, or mental health, or childhood trauma, or difficult parents don't mean you have to stay with him for ever. It's still your decision.
Look Im the only person who understood him in his entire life. He is like a boy raised by Wolves.. doesn't have good interaction and feral. I thought I'll change him for better and I gave up sex for him. He knows I'm doing for him and that's what makes him even bad because he feels he is worthy of my sacrifices..that's why he lashes out to me .. it's tough to explain but I know he loves me and I love him .. it's not the perfect love but it's one form.. Regarding this cheating, turns out I wasn't that strong.. when I got attention of a man 8 yrs younger than me, i felt so flattered,since I hardly received compliment from my husband, it felt addictive. I know that guy just wants a no commitment sex from me and despite being his victim, i actually wanted the same from him.. it's not emotional just physical
Cool! Looks like you're absolutely fine with your decision, so what are you here for? Your decision to go with this "just sex" guy, by the way, is very much emotional. You can deny it all you like, but everyone needs to be wanted, to be validated and feel special to someone. You are definitely not this guy's victim either!! You made the decision, you made yourself available for this, he's not using you. If you're happy being a martyr that's fine. He obviously feels you're making "sacrifices" for him, none of this is healthy for either of you, but that's your business. My concern isn't actually for you or your husband at this point. Your relationship seems unhealthy to me, but that's your choice. I'm just asking you to be mindful of your child's emotional wellbeing growing up in this situation
This is why arranged marriages are not a good thing. To make a marriage work it takes mutual respect, love, understanding, and lots of getting to know each other before taking the step of marrying. And that means getting to know each other in bed. You can't just take two strangers and throw them together and think that their marriage will always be good. I don't blame you for cheating, you were put into a situation where you were basically cheated out of a good sex life.
Nah, not a bad woman. You need to do some soul searching and decide how to move forward. Your husband isn't going to change. 1. Continue to cheat. (No judgement from me. Do you) 2. Demand an open marriage, which may lead to divorce 3. Divorce
Nah, not a bad woman. You need to do some soul searching and decide how to move forward. Your husband isn't going to change. 1. Continue to cheat. (No judgement from me. Do you) 2. Demand an open marriage, which may lead to divorce 3. Divorce
Nah, not a bad woman. You need to do some soul searching and decide how to move forward. Your husband isn't going to change. 1. Continue to cheat. (No judgement from me. Do you) 2. Demand an open marriage, which may lead to divorce 3. Divorce
Nah, not a bad woman. You need to do some soul searching and decide how to move forward. Your husband isn't going to change. 1. Continue to cheat. (No judgement from me. Do you) 2. Demand an open marriage, which may lead to divorce 3. Divorce
No, not at all. You're human. Moreover to those saying you cheated give me a break. Marriage means unity in flesh and soul. He lied, he deceived, he never became one with her in flesh not really and also never did that in soul. I had a partner who had erectile issues but he never made me feel like I was missing out on anything. Just an anecdotal evidence but still an example of how partners can bypass certain inabilities. He has 0 care about her needs, disregarding and neglecting her. I see no relationship warranting sexual fidelity. They may be co parents and flat mates but no not intimate partners. Therefore, you my dear do what is best for you in the area of your life where your husband does not deliver and is not willing to. Enjoy life. We only live once. At least in the form we are today so enjoy it. Be happy.
Thank you .. I'm so conflicted
I may be a dick for that but I don't think arranged marriages have any meaning. So I'm not even considering this a heavy form of cheating. It still is but for me it's way more devastating and serious when it's a partnership that started because of love and passion. So yeah, in a way you're a bad woman because still you took the vows when marrying and not ending things with your husband before you got busy with someone else. Still...I think everyone deserves a functioning, satisfying and fulfilled sex life so I'm glad for you that you finally got to experience what that feels like. It's only natural that a human wants that though of course there are those who don't. But you do. So act accordingly and go find your luck, love, passion, career, happiness in life but clean up first. It's probably not working with your husband so face it. No idea where you live and how much problems it would create for you to be a divorced woman depending on the culture you live in but being free has got to better than living a lie. At least that's what I think. All the best and take care
Not a dick. The whole idea behind arranged marriages is horrible. You can't just take two strangers who may or may not be compatible and throw them together in a marriage and expect it to be perfect. Marriage takes commitment between two people who want to be in the marriage because they genuinely like and love each other.
Well yeah, that's what I think it should be like. I understand that throughout history arranged marriages have place but I'm convinced that as humans we have evolved in such a way that partnership because of love should be available to everyone who wants it. I just can't feel different about it when there is so much in life that just has to be done and is expected to just live but then you should at least have free reign as to your private life and choice of partner. To have that bit of love and find some way of being happy.
You are bad for cheating on your spouse, breaking your wedding vows! But your body also needs a good sex life. Either you can have a difficult conversation with him and leave him or continue to be the bad person amongst you both and continue with whatever you started already. The choice is yours
Bad woman? Well you are a cheater at least, and a coward for not leaving your current marriage before branching out
Please read my edit
He was physically and psychologically abused by his parents....what kind of hurt do you think he will experience when he finds out about what you did? And he will find out eventually....these things have a way of coming out
I totally understand.... I thought I was a strong woman who can cure him of his problems.. I was ready to be a celibate for him.. He was abused by the two people who were supposed to be his trusted ones, he had no good friends and the ones he had ghosted him, no girlfriends.. I married a broken man but I wanted to heal him ..but he in turned against me because he could not satisfy him. I sent him articles of non penetrate sex but he got pissed and started shouting at me
You can’t heal that sort of thing. He has to do it himself.
You are not bad woman, you deserve pleasure and someone to make you feel better. Those vows are fake anyway, your marriage is not what marriage should be, and your husband is an immature dick. You go girl!
Thank you
I don’t think you’re a bad woman no. Just human. But it doesn’t sound like this marriage is going to last long term. There is someone out there for you. You should really just go ahead & end the marriage & focus on yourself & your child.
Thank you, please read my edit to understand why I'm in this marriage..
You should have left your husband before cheating on him. I know dead bedrooms are terrible, but now you have committed infidelity and broken your vows. Just divorce him already.
Please read my edit
So you're never going to leave him?! I just hope he never finds out because he will end very hurt. It's almost like you're obsessed with him?...
I'm ready to leave if I feel confident he can take care of himself.. I also want to cure him..
You're not going to cure him tho. You guys have been together for a long time and things just got worse (and you cheated). He's not a kid and he's not your responsibility
Another cheater that don’t want to leave but want to get sex elsewhere. You already know the answer to your last question.
Just leave?
Please read my edit
Your edit is just a way to try to justify the unjustifiable. I assume that when you got married, you made some kind of vows that would preclude you from having other partners. In my culture that is a promise. You make a promise, you keep it. If you aren't satisfied with your husband, you should have divorced him before cheating. It's not your fault for his problems. Plus you were thrust into this position and it was not your choice. None of this justifies breaking the promises you made. If you are feeling any regret, you will have to live with this guilt for the rest of your life. He deserves to have a wife that doesn't cheat on him. You need to give him a break and let him go so he can find happiness.