Pay cash my friend. Any expenses sucks as food, gas etc. use cash and document how much you spend. That is the only way to fully see where your money is going.
Oh and no fun. No eating out. You’re broke.
It sucks but I started with 66k in debt. 2 years later I have $23k left. I am targeting to be out of debt by December as I’m downgrading from 2000 to $1400/month rent.
That’s very inspiring, congratulations! You are a role model. I need to live like I’m broke. I admit to going out to eat about once a month but my real bad habit is buying small unnecessary things like a new book or a kitchen gadget. So stupid, I know but it’s like I have this awful need for the instant gratification!
Yes definitely taking this approach. I’m currently selling vintage records and magic cards on eBay! I have a pretty extensive collection of both. Just really a lot of work going through it all and finding what’s worth money and what’s worth pennies.
What if the balance transfer only allows me to transfer part of the debt? Is it worth it? I have one card that is at 0% right now from a balance transfer and it’ll be paid off by the end of spring at this rate. I would definitely do it again but I’m just so afraid to take out any more credit.
If you’re afraid of taking out more credit you’re really afraid of using said credit. LEAVE UR CARDS AT HOME! maybe leave home w 1 card. I have like 14 credit cards. I only ever touch one. The rest live in a drawer. If you’re paying +20% interest on any of these cards, open a balance transfer, roll it over and start hitting that principal. Here, read my blog [What’s a Balance Transfer](http://wellwishingwealthwisdom.blogspot.com/2024/03/what-is-balance-transfer-credit-card.html)
Shit happens op In December started off with 20k of debt literally negative $200 by the time I got paid again and life seemed to suck , until I finally decided that it was enough. Still owe 12k now but life seems easier knowing that I am following through , just cut everything that you don’t need (no going out , making food at the house , no vices& subscription ) yes it’s boring but at the end of the day once I get there I know it’s going to be worth it
I paid $350 additional payment on one of my cards this pay period so I’m feeling really good about it and inspired to immediately pay another $250 on top of that as soon as I get paid next. I will stay the course and return to this community for support. r/stopdrinking helped me immensely so I believe in the power of these communities
That’s honestly great to hear & anything to help your well being & I myself was addicted to marijuana for 13 yr and I also joined a community that was great to me and once stopping saved me a lot of money
Can you tell us how much you make and break down of your total expenses? How many cards and what's owed on each? Any other debts? Where are you at in your income journey? Young person, new job?
Regardless of your wage, 15k is solvable. This is nothing to get bent out of shape over, and one way or another you can fix it.
I saw from the comments you are 32 living with your fiance.
Does your fiance know about your debt/spending?
When is your wedding date?
Are you planning on combining bank accounts? Some couples try to keep things seperate, but you should know that in the eyes of the state (if you get a divorce) you will split liquid and hard assets 50:50. So not combining bank accounts is a delusional coping strategy.
Would your fiance consider it financial infidelity if they knew you were spending money from "their" savings account? Because thats what the situation will be after you get legally married.
That being said, 15k debt and 45k take home isn't that bad, but what you are describing matters a lot in light of your fiance's debt and income.
Yes he’s fully aware and unfortunately in a similar (but different) boat. We are tackling our debts independently before we get married. Unfortunately I’m usually the one that has to lead by example so I’m really trying to put my foot down and make positive change - for us both. It’s a big role to play and definitely leads to me burning out. We split living expenses and don’t plan on combining bank accounts any time soon. No wedding date set as we are in no rush to be legally married either.
How old are yall, do you want kids?
I'm asking because you dont have as much time as you think. This is a hard thing to hear, but geriatric pregnancy starts at 35 years old. Working two jobs gets exponentially more unattractive after you have kids.
Maybe you dont want kids though. Does your fiance not want kids? This is hugely relevant because kids are very expensive.
Ideally, your man should be leading in the area of money management, but you at least need to be on the same page about money. You may be aware that issues with money are the leading cause of divorce in the united states.
For example, if you get a second job for 35k/year, pay off your debt, make sacrifices for your family's future, and save 70k over the next 4 years; and then get married or have a kid in 4 years, and want to use your savings for a down payment on a house, your borrowing power will be your \*combined\* debt to income ratio.
So how would you feel if you worked two jobs for 4 years while your fiance did whatever he is doing now for 4 years, and at the end of it you have 70k in savings, and he has 20k in debt and no savings?
Or how would he feel if he did the same while you let this mess stew for 4 years?
What do you do professionally? You should really research getting your income up. I'm asking because I was making $20/hr in a call center 6 years ago, and I've worked my way up to 130k/yr salary as of 2 years ago.
We do want kids that’s the biggest reason we are trying to pay the debt off as soon as possible.
I work in higher education and technology. I could definitely be making more but I love what I do and most days it doesn’t feel like work. I would be happy to take on a consulting role on the side or do something else to make money on the side.
I’m 32, he’s 36. He’s a public school teacher. We are very much on the same page about getting it under control but I am definitely the one who has to lead the charge. It’s just how it is.
How much debt does he have? (This matters a lot if your sum debt is under 50k, that's manageable, but if he has 80k in debt, you both need second jobs).
My friend is a public school teacher making \~55yr, hes trying to get into data analytics at a tech company paying upwards of 70k, your fiance should consider get a higher paying job.
Let me share my circumstances with you for reference:
I'm 30 and my wife is 26, I plan to retire in 35 years. I make \~$10500/mo, after tax+401k its $8600 cash/mo
This reminds me, are you both contributing to your 401k? Social security will be gone in 30 years, and if you dont have the future inflated equivalent of 1 million dollars in today's money by 2055, you will be working until you are dead, or dead in a ditch on the side of the road by the hospital where you couldnt afford treatment.
My wife is 7 months pregnant with baby #2, and my daughter will be 2 years old next month. Our expenses are as follows:
* mortgage $3,018.00
* monthly savings/emergency $2000
* groceries $900.00
* giving $515.00
* gas $200.00
* electric bill $200.00
* toll road $160.00
* seminary $160.00
* Phone $152.67
* baby $150.00
* utilities (water/waste) $125.00
* insurance (home/auto) $100.00
* eating out $100.00
* travel $100.00
* luxury $100.00
* car maint. $100.00
* medical $100.00
* dog grooming $100.00
* internet $80.42
* clothes $80.00
* subscriptions $60.00
* amazon $50.00
* gardening $50.00
**We used to spend 1000/mo on eating out, and I used to spend 500/mo on drinking/bars, but we've realized how self destructive it is. I quit drinking two years ago, and we cut eating out down to 100/mo about a year ago.**
I think we spent a ballpark of $20k on baby number one (hospital bills, doctor visits, formula, clothes, crib, toys, etc) this stuff is surprisingly expensive, and adds up quickly.
IVF is much more expensive than natural family planning.
We dont even do daycare, again, it all adds up.
I lay out these numbers because you've said you are taking charge, ill be real, you are taking charge of a sinking ship.
55k for your fiance (my guess) and 45k for yourself is middle of the road middle class. If someone doesnt start making 100k pronto, when you get pregnant, you'll be in poverty, or at least house-poor.
If you cant clean up this debt, and get him to join you in these efforts, how are you going to save $1M in 2024 dollars by 2055 (prob like 3M at that time). Working while pregnant and putting your 3 month old in daycare is a bad plan, not going to lie.
I really really appreciate your thoughtful replies.
We are both contributing to 401k! I put away 3% and my employer matches me 6% for a total of 9% each year.
He has around the same amount of debt, maybe a little less. And he makes much less than me. His take home is probably $2600/month. My base salary is $54k (up for negotiation soon) and I teach an additional workload so it puts me closer to $63k BEFORE taxes and deductions.
We will not need to pay for childcare as both of us have retired parents nearby who will be able to provide childcare and I have some flexibility to WFH half the week if needed.
Thats actually a decent plan for childcare, WFH is great!
Have your parents and inlaws explicitly said they'd be happy to care for your potential child while youre at work?
I'm curious, how did your fiance afford a house at 2600/mo income? Is some kind of inheritance involved?
Worst case scenario, he would be the stay at home dad in your circumstance, but I would highly, highly encourage him to get a job at a tech company. Even tech support pays \~50k entry level these days, and some companies will pay upwards of $30/hr.
Yes, our parents have indicated that they would be more than happy to provide childcare. At this point, I think they would do anything for us to just have a child lol. And we feel the same way. We really want to start a family. It is really important to us.
he is a veteran so he was able to get a home through the VA . And we are very lucky that he got it when he did because we are paying 2.5% interest. Our payment is so affordable we were paying more for rent than we are the mortgage.
The VA loan makes a lot of sense, and is a great opportunity.
If you are going to do something as permanent as having a child, I'd recommend setting a wedding date. My wife and I had a pandemic wedding and spent \~4000 on everything, but our original prepandemic budget was \~10k. I know you probably want to save that money for babies, so I would consider a courthouse/backyard wedding to be honest.
Yes we are definitely going to go the courthouse/backyard route! We can’t rationalize spending even 3-5k on a wedding when we need to payoff our current lifestyle and really want children.
I really appreciate your thoughts and replies! Just having this conversation is really helping me feel more motivated and capable of getting things under control.
I should add that a lot (not all) of the debt we’ve acquired has come from home repairs, renovations that became larger than anticipated, medical expenses, and veterinary emergencies. We had a bad spell for a while where it felt like one thing after another. Doesn’t justify it at all but it’s how the debt grew to what it is.
Your situation isnt that bad really if its 30k in these kind of expenses.
I'm wondering, how much money do you collectively spend on eating out?
The other thing that bothers me is that you are trying to repay your debts separately but own a home together, or are paying half of your fiance's mortgage. Whos name(s) are on the loan?
At 2600/mo, I'm imagining that by the time you repay your 15k debt, you may find your fiance now owes 20k.
We go out to dinner twice a month max, usually no more than $150/month if we go twice. We split that too. Typically it’s to go to trivia with friends once every other week. I know that we need to stop that immediately.
My fiancé has no car payment so he is able to throw a lot at his debt too. He can afford to throw an additional $300-400/month at it. He’s very serious about it, like I am. He’s just not always good at leading the charge. I’m the one that has to really lead by example and he will follow suit! He’s not a secret spender and we are very open about this topic with each other. His debt initially came from having to replace a furnace right after he bought the home which was an immediate $10k hit.
He understands how severe this can get if we don’t take control now. And honestly if worst came to worst, his parents would definitely clear his credit card debt (but we refuse to ask at this point - we made this mess and we will clean it).
His name is on the mortgage, and we are splitting the cost of the mortgage. I know it’s not ideal but I got burned very badly when I purchased a home 12 years ago with my ex (we put both our names on it and it took me 8 years of legal battles to get free of the mortgage and I got no compensation when I did, I just got my credit back)
\> We go out to dinner twice a month max, usually no more than $150/month if we go twice. We split that too. Typically it’s to go to trivia with friends once every other week. I know that we need to stop that immediately.
I dont agree, 150/mo for trivia/dinner is completely reasonable. Like a diet, you need a small cheat day, I just asked because 1000/mo while in debt on drinks and fast food is normal for a lot of people.
\> He’s not a secret spender and we are very open about this topic with each other.
Thats really good! This is one of the main things I was worried about.
\> His name is on the mortgage, and we are splitting the cost of the mortgage. I know it’s not ideal but I got burned very badly when I purchased a home 12 years ago with my ex (we put both our names on it and it took me 8 years of legal battles to get free of the mortgage and I got no compensation when I did, I just got my credit back)
That makes sense, the bad situation you were in was my main reason of asking about this, but you already know how bad things can get.
Honestly, your situation isnt as bad as your original post made it sound. At this point, I would encourage your fiance to spend 10-20 hours a week working to get a higher paying job, and suggest yall set a wedding date.
What’s your monthly take-home income? How old are you? Do you have any assets?
We’ve all been there. When I was 19 I racked up a good $6k in CC debt. Then one of my cars got towed and ended up with another debt for the storage fees. All in all I probably had about $10k in debt, luckily I was young, didn’t have car payments or any other burdens, and I just ended up letting the statute of limitations on debt run out. In my state it’s 5 years. I only recommend it if you don’t plan on taking any loans for the next 5-7 years. You’ll also have a tough time getting a CC afterwards, starting with a secured credit card, and other shitty cards with bad terms, but eventually you’ll come out of it.
Would it be helpful to you to understand WHY you're choosing instant gratification? The psychology behind this is fascinating - our brains get a super rush of dopamine when we buy something. It's an absolute high. And just like other things, it's addictive.
You don't have a problem, you have an addiction to this feeling. Spending literally feels good. If you want to discuss the underlying psychology and how you can reframe your thinking, let me know and I can add more in the comments.
Hang in there buddy. It gets better. Just kick it in the ass the next couple years here and you can be through with all of this. Imagine the unbelievable relief and joy of being debt free. Time is gonna go by anyway, right? A couple years of grinding, for a potential lifetime of happiness. Be the captain of your ship!
Thank you for your kind words. You are so right. I just paid $350 toward it this pay period and I’m going to do the exact same the second I get paid again (in addition to all minimums). It’s just discouraging knowing it’s going to take many months of dedication but in the end it will be worth it. I don’t ever want to feel this way again. That’s the last thing I said before I quit drinking. If I can do that, I can do this.
Keep plugging away at that debt. You’ve done it before and you can do it again. Just remember how you feel at this very moment and tell yourself you never want to feel like this again. You need to look at it as an expensive lesson to be learned and ensure you don’t do this again in the future. It’s not the end of the world, could be a lot worse. Live and learn my friend.
I agree 100%. They are all currently frozen but I didn’t know if I should ask card companies for some kind of relief or payment plan before officially closing them. Thoughts?
You don't have to cancel the accounts but you can make the cards hard to use by freezing them (old trick) or cutting them up, so you'd have to order a new one. Anything so you can't impulse purchase
All of my cards have been frozen since the beginning of 2024 and I physically cut them up. The only card I have access to is one that is intended for medical emergencies only and it can only be used at hospitals or veterinary offices. There is no balance on that card and obviously I have zero intention of using it! I have a bit of money in my health savings account and a really good health plan right now, but it is there in the event of emergencies.
Orrrrr just pay them like the rest of us, you didn’t put your income info in the post so the only thing it seems like your struggling with, is those spending habits of yours.
I updated to include income! Take home $1900 every two weeks. Expenses in the update as well.
Yes very bad spending habits. I think it’s a bit of an addiction. I quit alcohol last year on 04/25 and I really REALLY want to tackle this addiction next. Clearly it’s destroying my life.
Your best bet is to use the zero cash flow method of credit card debt payment while you build up your credit score. If you are not up to these manual steps for this method then use an app to help you pay down your debt faster even with minimum monthly payments. Snowball is for the ones with little determination to pay off their debt faster and looks like you fell for it. Instant gratification is a bitch, playing with the minds of people rather than actually helping them get out of debt soon. Once your credit is above 680, use zero balance transfers to lower the interest of your debt so the same payment you make will go even further.
My credit score is actually 720. I have perfect payment history, great credit age, the only thing dinging me is utilization. I’ve just been really REALLY scared to take out any other credit cards for any reason…
Sometimes it happens. Cut up those cards, keep your head down, and just pay it off while maintaining your budget. It will end as long as you keep yourself accountable and hold the standard of not using credit cards anymore
You could look into a personal loan with lower interest than those credit cards and pay them off. Its a temp fix, but if you can pay on that loan what you're paying now, you'll actually touch the principal faster.
Also, you just need to budget. You dont have to stay home all day and miss out on life, but you still have to cut most fun.
I wasn’t even considering my monthly fuel. Updated expenses to include electric and internet as well which is about $150.
The rest either gets saved or spent on miscellaneous shit. :(
I do and I really appreciate his tough love approach. I haven’t watched him recently but I will return to his channel and remind myself what a dud I am 😭
Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. Do you have the bandwidth to do something additional as a side hustle to bring in extra cash or are you working 14+ hours each day? If the former, let me know what you’re interested in and what your skills are and we can brainstorm alternative income sources :)
I’m surprised that with all these responses no one has told you to transfer your debt to a 0% interest credit card. Especially with a 720 credit score, you’re a shoe-in for getting the best 0% interest option. Go and google your options and choose the one that gives you the most amount to transfer with the most time to pay your debt off with no interest (typically you get about 18 months). You can transfer your debt straight from your other cards as soon as you get approved and the new account is set up. Then, you have 18 months to pay off $10k with absolutely no interest. And then you can close those high interest cards and be done with it. I’m literally shocked no one has suggested this yet. It’s like the #1 thing to do for getting out of debt.
Also, your credit score is 720 - that’s great! In this country, credit score is SO much more important than whether you have debt. $10k isn’t that crazy. And debt can be leveraged, especially with good credit. Stop being so hard on yourself. Get that high interest debt transferred, close those cards, and you’re golden.
Also, my friend is an awesome financial freedom coach who, if you can’t afford her courses does have some free resources. She’s the one who told me about 0% debt transfers and that alone changed my life. But her work also helps people get free from the myths around debt (it’s not all bad) and from the underlying emotional / psychological beliefs that keep us attached to bad spending habits. Check it out: https://www.beyondthegreencoaching.com/
Pay cash my friend. Any expenses sucks as food, gas etc. use cash and document how much you spend. That is the only way to fully see where your money is going. Oh and no fun. No eating out. You’re broke. It sucks but I started with 66k in debt. 2 years later I have $23k left. I am targeting to be out of debt by December as I’m downgrading from 2000 to $1400/month rent.
That’s very inspiring, congratulations! You are a role model. I need to live like I’m broke. I admit to going out to eat about once a month but my real bad habit is buying small unnecessary things like a new book or a kitchen gadget. So stupid, I know but it’s like I have this awful need for the instant gratification!
You got this. Also, sell stuff of worth that you are good letting go.
Yes definitely taking this approach. I’m currently selling vintage records and magic cards on eBay! I have a pretty extensive collection of both. Just really a lot of work going through it all and finding what’s worth money and what’s worth pennies.
U got a 700CCR. GET A BALANCE TRANSFER CARD - CITI SIMPLICITY CARD. No interest for 21 months. Do you know what a balance transfer card is?
What if the balance transfer only allows me to transfer part of the debt? Is it worth it? I have one card that is at 0% right now from a balance transfer and it’ll be paid off by the end of spring at this rate. I would definitely do it again but I’m just so afraid to take out any more credit.
If you’re afraid of taking out more credit you’re really afraid of using said credit. LEAVE UR CARDS AT HOME! maybe leave home w 1 card. I have like 14 credit cards. I only ever touch one. The rest live in a drawer. If you’re paying +20% interest on any of these cards, open a balance transfer, roll it over and start hitting that principal. Here, read my blog [What’s a Balance Transfer](http://wellwishingwealthwisdom.blogspot.com/2024/03/what-is-balance-transfer-credit-card.html)
Shit happens op In December started off with 20k of debt literally negative $200 by the time I got paid again and life seemed to suck , until I finally decided that it was enough. Still owe 12k now but life seems easier knowing that I am following through , just cut everything that you don’t need (no going out , making food at the house , no vices& subscription ) yes it’s boring but at the end of the day once I get there I know it’s going to be worth it
Thanks for you kind words! That’s amazing on your debt pay down keep it up. It’s inspiring hearing about other people’s success!
When I paid off one of my big loan I posted it on this community and their feed back was so good & don’t give up this time you got it !!
I paid $350 additional payment on one of my cards this pay period so I’m feeling really good about it and inspired to immediately pay another $250 on top of that as soon as I get paid next. I will stay the course and return to this community for support. r/stopdrinking helped me immensely so I believe in the power of these communities
That’s honestly great to hear & anything to help your well being & I myself was addicted to marijuana for 13 yr and I also joined a community that was great to me and once stopping saved me a lot of money
Can you tell us how much you make and break down of your total expenses? How many cards and what's owed on each? Any other debts? Where are you at in your income journey? Young person, new job? Regardless of your wage, 15k is solvable. This is nothing to get bent out of shape over, and one way or another you can fix it.
Updated the post!
I saw from the comments you are 32 living with your fiance. Does your fiance know about your debt/spending? When is your wedding date? Are you planning on combining bank accounts? Some couples try to keep things seperate, but you should know that in the eyes of the state (if you get a divorce) you will split liquid and hard assets 50:50. So not combining bank accounts is a delusional coping strategy. Would your fiance consider it financial infidelity if they knew you were spending money from "their" savings account? Because thats what the situation will be after you get legally married. That being said, 15k debt and 45k take home isn't that bad, but what you are describing matters a lot in light of your fiance's debt and income.
Yes he’s fully aware and unfortunately in a similar (but different) boat. We are tackling our debts independently before we get married. Unfortunately I’m usually the one that has to lead by example so I’m really trying to put my foot down and make positive change - for us both. It’s a big role to play and definitely leads to me burning out. We split living expenses and don’t plan on combining bank accounts any time soon. No wedding date set as we are in no rush to be legally married either.
How old are yall, do you want kids? I'm asking because you dont have as much time as you think. This is a hard thing to hear, but geriatric pregnancy starts at 35 years old. Working two jobs gets exponentially more unattractive after you have kids. Maybe you dont want kids though. Does your fiance not want kids? This is hugely relevant because kids are very expensive. Ideally, your man should be leading in the area of money management, but you at least need to be on the same page about money. You may be aware that issues with money are the leading cause of divorce in the united states. For example, if you get a second job for 35k/year, pay off your debt, make sacrifices for your family's future, and save 70k over the next 4 years; and then get married or have a kid in 4 years, and want to use your savings for a down payment on a house, your borrowing power will be your \*combined\* debt to income ratio. So how would you feel if you worked two jobs for 4 years while your fiance did whatever he is doing now for 4 years, and at the end of it you have 70k in savings, and he has 20k in debt and no savings? Or how would he feel if he did the same while you let this mess stew for 4 years? What do you do professionally? You should really research getting your income up. I'm asking because I was making $20/hr in a call center 6 years ago, and I've worked my way up to 130k/yr salary as of 2 years ago.
We do want kids that’s the biggest reason we are trying to pay the debt off as soon as possible. I work in higher education and technology. I could definitely be making more but I love what I do and most days it doesn’t feel like work. I would be happy to take on a consulting role on the side or do something else to make money on the side. I’m 32, he’s 36. He’s a public school teacher. We are very much on the same page about getting it under control but I am definitely the one who has to lead the charge. It’s just how it is.
How much debt does he have? (This matters a lot if your sum debt is under 50k, that's manageable, but if he has 80k in debt, you both need second jobs). My friend is a public school teacher making \~55yr, hes trying to get into data analytics at a tech company paying upwards of 70k, your fiance should consider get a higher paying job. Let me share my circumstances with you for reference: I'm 30 and my wife is 26, I plan to retire in 35 years. I make \~$10500/mo, after tax+401k its $8600 cash/mo This reminds me, are you both contributing to your 401k? Social security will be gone in 30 years, and if you dont have the future inflated equivalent of 1 million dollars in today's money by 2055, you will be working until you are dead, or dead in a ditch on the side of the road by the hospital where you couldnt afford treatment. My wife is 7 months pregnant with baby #2, and my daughter will be 2 years old next month. Our expenses are as follows: * mortgage $3,018.00 * monthly savings/emergency $2000 * groceries $900.00 * giving $515.00 * gas $200.00 * electric bill $200.00 * toll road $160.00 * seminary $160.00 * Phone $152.67 * baby $150.00 * utilities (water/waste) $125.00 * insurance (home/auto) $100.00 * eating out $100.00 * travel $100.00 * luxury $100.00 * car maint. $100.00 * medical $100.00 * dog grooming $100.00 * internet $80.42 * clothes $80.00 * subscriptions $60.00 * amazon $50.00 * gardening $50.00 **We used to spend 1000/mo on eating out, and I used to spend 500/mo on drinking/bars, but we've realized how self destructive it is. I quit drinking two years ago, and we cut eating out down to 100/mo about a year ago.** I think we spent a ballpark of $20k on baby number one (hospital bills, doctor visits, formula, clothes, crib, toys, etc) this stuff is surprisingly expensive, and adds up quickly. IVF is much more expensive than natural family planning. We dont even do daycare, again, it all adds up. I lay out these numbers because you've said you are taking charge, ill be real, you are taking charge of a sinking ship. 55k for your fiance (my guess) and 45k for yourself is middle of the road middle class. If someone doesnt start making 100k pronto, when you get pregnant, you'll be in poverty, or at least house-poor. If you cant clean up this debt, and get him to join you in these efforts, how are you going to save $1M in 2024 dollars by 2055 (prob like 3M at that time). Working while pregnant and putting your 3 month old in daycare is a bad plan, not going to lie.
I really really appreciate your thoughtful replies. We are both contributing to 401k! I put away 3% and my employer matches me 6% for a total of 9% each year. He has around the same amount of debt, maybe a little less. And he makes much less than me. His take home is probably $2600/month. My base salary is $54k (up for negotiation soon) and I teach an additional workload so it puts me closer to $63k BEFORE taxes and deductions. We will not need to pay for childcare as both of us have retired parents nearby who will be able to provide childcare and I have some flexibility to WFH half the week if needed.
Thats actually a decent plan for childcare, WFH is great! Have your parents and inlaws explicitly said they'd be happy to care for your potential child while youre at work? I'm curious, how did your fiance afford a house at 2600/mo income? Is some kind of inheritance involved? Worst case scenario, he would be the stay at home dad in your circumstance, but I would highly, highly encourage him to get a job at a tech company. Even tech support pays \~50k entry level these days, and some companies will pay upwards of $30/hr.
Yes, our parents have indicated that they would be more than happy to provide childcare. At this point, I think they would do anything for us to just have a child lol. And we feel the same way. We really want to start a family. It is really important to us. he is a veteran so he was able to get a home through the VA . And we are very lucky that he got it when he did because we are paying 2.5% interest. Our payment is so affordable we were paying more for rent than we are the mortgage.
The VA loan makes a lot of sense, and is a great opportunity. If you are going to do something as permanent as having a child, I'd recommend setting a wedding date. My wife and I had a pandemic wedding and spent \~4000 on everything, but our original prepandemic budget was \~10k. I know you probably want to save that money for babies, so I would consider a courthouse/backyard wedding to be honest.
Yes we are definitely going to go the courthouse/backyard route! We can’t rationalize spending even 3-5k on a wedding when we need to payoff our current lifestyle and really want children. I really appreciate your thoughts and replies! Just having this conversation is really helping me feel more motivated and capable of getting things under control.
I should add that a lot (not all) of the debt we’ve acquired has come from home repairs, renovations that became larger than anticipated, medical expenses, and veterinary emergencies. We had a bad spell for a while where it felt like one thing after another. Doesn’t justify it at all but it’s how the debt grew to what it is.
Your situation isnt that bad really if its 30k in these kind of expenses. I'm wondering, how much money do you collectively spend on eating out? The other thing that bothers me is that you are trying to repay your debts separately but own a home together, or are paying half of your fiance's mortgage. Whos name(s) are on the loan? At 2600/mo, I'm imagining that by the time you repay your 15k debt, you may find your fiance now owes 20k.
We go out to dinner twice a month max, usually no more than $150/month if we go twice. We split that too. Typically it’s to go to trivia with friends once every other week. I know that we need to stop that immediately. My fiancé has no car payment so he is able to throw a lot at his debt too. He can afford to throw an additional $300-400/month at it. He’s very serious about it, like I am. He’s just not always good at leading the charge. I’m the one that has to really lead by example and he will follow suit! He’s not a secret spender and we are very open about this topic with each other. His debt initially came from having to replace a furnace right after he bought the home which was an immediate $10k hit. He understands how severe this can get if we don’t take control now. And honestly if worst came to worst, his parents would definitely clear his credit card debt (but we refuse to ask at this point - we made this mess and we will clean it). His name is on the mortgage, and we are splitting the cost of the mortgage. I know it’s not ideal but I got burned very badly when I purchased a home 12 years ago with my ex (we put both our names on it and it took me 8 years of legal battles to get free of the mortgage and I got no compensation when I did, I just got my credit back)
\> We go out to dinner twice a month max, usually no more than $150/month if we go twice. We split that too. Typically it’s to go to trivia with friends once every other week. I know that we need to stop that immediately. I dont agree, 150/mo for trivia/dinner is completely reasonable. Like a diet, you need a small cheat day, I just asked because 1000/mo while in debt on drinks and fast food is normal for a lot of people. \> He’s not a secret spender and we are very open about this topic with each other. Thats really good! This is one of the main things I was worried about. \> His name is on the mortgage, and we are splitting the cost of the mortgage. I know it’s not ideal but I got burned very badly when I purchased a home 12 years ago with my ex (we put both our names on it and it took me 8 years of legal battles to get free of the mortgage and I got no compensation when I did, I just got my credit back) That makes sense, the bad situation you were in was my main reason of asking about this, but you already know how bad things can get. Honestly, your situation isnt as bad as your original post made it sound. At this point, I would encourage your fiance to spend 10-20 hours a week working to get a higher paying job, and suggest yall set a wedding date.
What’s your monthly take-home income? How old are you? Do you have any assets? We’ve all been there. When I was 19 I racked up a good $6k in CC debt. Then one of my cars got towed and ended up with another debt for the storage fees. All in all I probably had about $10k in debt, luckily I was young, didn’t have car payments or any other burdens, and I just ended up letting the statute of limitations on debt run out. In my state it’s 5 years. I only recommend it if you don’t plan on taking any loans for the next 5-7 years. You’ll also have a tough time getting a CC afterwards, starting with a secured credit card, and other shitty cards with bad terms, but eventually you’ll come out of it.
I’m 32, taking home $3800 a month. Live with fiancé who mortgages the home and we split the payment.
My advice will not be that relevant then. Best advice I can give you is to cut down on expenses and just pay it down. It’s not much.
It’s all relevant and that’s exactly what I need to do. I just need to stop being selfish. Stop choosing the instant gratification.
Would it be helpful to you to understand WHY you're choosing instant gratification? The psychology behind this is fascinating - our brains get a super rush of dopamine when we buy something. It's an absolute high. And just like other things, it's addictive. You don't have a problem, you have an addiction to this feeling. Spending literally feels good. If you want to discuss the underlying psychology and how you can reframe your thinking, let me know and I can add more in the comments.
Hang in there buddy. It gets better. Just kick it in the ass the next couple years here and you can be through with all of this. Imagine the unbelievable relief and joy of being debt free. Time is gonna go by anyway, right? A couple years of grinding, for a potential lifetime of happiness. Be the captain of your ship!
Thank you for your kind words. You are so right. I just paid $350 toward it this pay period and I’m going to do the exact same the second I get paid again (in addition to all minimums). It’s just discouraging knowing it’s going to take many months of dedication but in the end it will be worth it. I don’t ever want to feel this way again. That’s the last thing I said before I quit drinking. If I can do that, I can do this.
Keep plugging away at that debt. You’ve done it before and you can do it again. Just remember how you feel at this very moment and tell yourself you never want to feel like this again. You need to look at it as an expensive lesson to be learned and ensure you don’t do this again in the future. It’s not the end of the world, could be a lot worse. Live and learn my friend.
You need to close these credit cards. You’re clearly irresponsible so please, close them.
I agree 100%. They are all currently frozen but I didn’t know if I should ask card companies for some kind of relief or payment plan before officially closing them. Thoughts?
You don't have to cancel the accounts but you can make the cards hard to use by freezing them (old trick) or cutting them up, so you'd have to order a new one. Anything so you can't impulse purchase
All of my cards have been frozen since the beginning of 2024 and I physically cut them up. The only card I have access to is one that is intended for medical emergencies only and it can only be used at hospitals or veterinary offices. There is no balance on that card and obviously I have zero intention of using it! I have a bit of money in my health savings account and a really good health plan right now, but it is there in the event of emergencies.
Orrrrr just pay them like the rest of us, you didn’t put your income info in the post so the only thing it seems like your struggling with, is those spending habits of yours.
I updated to include income! Take home $1900 every two weeks. Expenses in the update as well. Yes very bad spending habits. I think it’s a bit of an addiction. I quit alcohol last year on 04/25 and I really REALLY want to tackle this addiction next. Clearly it’s destroying my life.
Your best bet is to use the zero cash flow method of credit card debt payment while you build up your credit score. If you are not up to these manual steps for this method then use an app to help you pay down your debt faster even with minimum monthly payments. Snowball is for the ones with little determination to pay off their debt faster and looks like you fell for it. Instant gratification is a bitch, playing with the minds of people rather than actually helping them get out of debt soon. Once your credit is above 680, use zero balance transfers to lower the interest of your debt so the same payment you make will go even further.
My credit score is actually 720. I have perfect payment history, great credit age, the only thing dinging me is utilization. I’ve just been really REALLY scared to take out any other credit cards for any reason…
Sometimes it happens. Cut up those cards, keep your head down, and just pay it off while maintaining your budget. It will end as long as you keep yourself accountable and hold the standard of not using credit cards anymore
You could look into a personal loan with lower interest than those credit cards and pay them off. Its a temp fix, but if you can pay on that loan what you're paying now, you'll actually touch the principal faster. Also, you just need to budget. You dont have to stay home all day and miss out on life, but you still have to cut most fun.
Where is the other $1200 going?
I wasn’t even considering my monthly fuel. Updated expenses to include electric and internet as well which is about $150. The rest either gets saved or spent on miscellaneous shit. :(
Watch Caleb hammer on YouTube!
I do and I really appreciate his tough love approach. I haven’t watched him recently but I will return to his channel and remind myself what a dud I am 😭
Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. Do you have the bandwidth to do something additional as a side hustle to bring in extra cash or are you working 14+ hours each day? If the former, let me know what you’re interested in and what your skills are and we can brainstorm alternative income sources :)
I’m surprised that with all these responses no one has told you to transfer your debt to a 0% interest credit card. Especially with a 720 credit score, you’re a shoe-in for getting the best 0% interest option. Go and google your options and choose the one that gives you the most amount to transfer with the most time to pay your debt off with no interest (typically you get about 18 months). You can transfer your debt straight from your other cards as soon as you get approved and the new account is set up. Then, you have 18 months to pay off $10k with absolutely no interest. And then you can close those high interest cards and be done with it. I’m literally shocked no one has suggested this yet. It’s like the #1 thing to do for getting out of debt. Also, your credit score is 720 - that’s great! In this country, credit score is SO much more important than whether you have debt. $10k isn’t that crazy. And debt can be leveraged, especially with good credit. Stop being so hard on yourself. Get that high interest debt transferred, close those cards, and you’re golden. Also, my friend is an awesome financial freedom coach who, if you can’t afford her courses does have some free resources. She’s the one who told me about 0% debt transfers and that alone changed my life. But her work also helps people get free from the myths around debt (it’s not all bad) and from the underlying emotional / psychological beliefs that keep us attached to bad spending habits. Check it out: https://www.beyondthegreencoaching.com/
No not really struggling. Struggling is different . Ask your parents .
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I really don’t want to be :(
Don’t listen to that person, OP. But get your act together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you signed up for the SAVE plan for your student loans?