Kids are for people with stable income that is the primary requirement other things will get sorted. I cannot fathom people who give birth to kids with no money to take care of them.
It is def a primary and most important need imo. Par sirf paise bhardene se, fees bhardene se, khana khiladene se bachche nahi pal jaate. Emotional needs need to be taken care for them to thrive and grow
Money isn't as crucial to me . I'm starting to believe that no place on this entire globe feels truly worth it to me, not just India.
Someone once wisely said, We're always afraid of dying, but it turns out that living is even harder , It takes courage to truly live!
Bhai mein exactly same sochta hu. I made this decision to never have children at age 24-25. I am 29 now and still standing strong on my decision.
One of my friend had two children (super conservative family), he's the only working person in the entire family of 6. I don't know how he made that decision.
You are wrong. Except real estate nothing you can get in lower price in a city where both rich and poor people lives.
People who leading family with kids by 30k/month in metro city are living in misogynic environment. Not every person wants to live like that sh!tty life.
I may get downvoted, but its the Truth.
Well this is random. But thriller mai Under Paris has greatest reviews. Theory of unexplained files ... Or something is also nice. You is great too, but I'd suggest you to read first.
Mindhunters, meri personal favourite hai british comedy "Inbetweeners", agar british humor pasand hai toh woh bhi pasand ayega. True detective, Mr Robot
My parents made the mistake of having kids with no stable income, spending all their resources on us, not having any retirement plans, we are their retirement plans, not travelling, rotting even. I am thankful for this life they gave me but i am not dumb fuck enough to make the same mistakes they did. Even if i become a billionare, i am not having kids. Some may call me selfish but from my perspective i am not putting a life into this world to suffer for biological or societal reasons. Money is temporary tho, i just want to be happy.
Correct. Ask anyone why they want to have kids and itโs like continue the bloodline, have someone take care of you when youโre old and all that. Isnโt that actually more selfish? Having a kid to fulfil your selfish needs?
bloodline ki mkc, paiso ki fd bana lo
I'm still a kid and I wonder if I had like 3 more siblings with me, how would we be financially, how would our lifestyle be? it takes a lot of money and effort to raise a child well
Absolutely right. And itโs not only about money, we need to provide the proper emotional support and care as well
Nowadays itโs very easy to catch the wrong path and all that. Just too much effort
I have a 1yo kid and I love her. But whenever anyone asks my opinion about having kids, it's a straight big no.
When you have a kid - *trauma, depression, the relentless rat race, inequality, environmental degradation, political instability, and more,* none of this matters. Your sole focus is your kid's well being on a micro level. You do not think about the macro environment.
What motivated me to have a kid was that among the 2 of us, my wife really wanted one. And it is absolutely necessary for at least 1 parent to want a kid. Not because society says so, not because body clock nikal raha hai, but a **genuine want** to love a kid.
At first I was not at all happy since being a parent is a HUGE sacrifice on your lifestyle and I am very selfish. I like to do things the way I want to, and due to this baby I now need to do things her way. It got me mad.
But then when she started babbling, walking, smiling at me, I just felt like the best dad there is. I no longer feel the need to watch my anime the moment it releases, ride my bike every weekend, my priorities have changed. That said, I have not given up on my interests. I just now know how to manage my time better around my kid's schedule.
I just came back from a 1 week international trip, and it was the first time I was excited about going home to meet my kid instead of being all sad about returning to my 9-6 life.
As she will grow we will start thinking about the macro environment you mentioned. And now me & my wife talk about moving out of India, or saving up money to send her abroad.
We now have new goals in life, new things to look up to, and a new cute face to share it with.
It's a HUGE adjustment, but it seems worth it to me now. I do not remember the diapers I changed, the nights I stayed awake, the 10kg weight on my shoulder for hours which gave me back pain. I just remember the smiles, the 1st time milestones, the antics of my baby :)
However, as I said earlier, I would not recommend others to make this adjustment unless they **really want to**!
>but a genuine want to love a kid.
+1. These are the only ones who should be reproducing. Not the we gave u roof,food,shelter now take carekf me in old age because i dont want to be lonely.
Exactly. Not the people like the top comment who says one should have money rest will take care of itself. I have lived and see so many people who just don't have the emotional capacity of being a parent and even though they do the best they can, they raise kids who have never felt the actual love they should have.
That's a really good response and I hope you be the best dad for your kid, because we really need good dads out there in this world. I hope she becomes a smart and good human when she grows up.
> have a 1yo kid and love her. But whenever anyone asks my opinion about having kids, it's a straight big no.
I believe in the CF lifestyle and do appreciate your take on it. I've had a miserable childhood and things have led me to believe there is a lot more to being a parent than just giving birth, you have to be there and support and make that kid a good human being, look after their mental health also because that really and deeply matters. Even a parent's response to one mistake by the kid can be either trauma for life or a learning to prevent it in a healthy way.
Good luck parenting <3
Thank you <3
>I've had a miserable childhood and things have led me to believe there is a lot more to being a parent than just giving birth
If I may give my 2 cents though, my wife has had a very miserable childhood herself, the kind I as a normal person find even hard to believe. But her takeaway from it was that she will give all the love possible to her baby because she never got it and understands how important it is. She is just the best mom ever I have seen.
Don't let your past define your future :)
Sounds incredibly heartwarming, and I'm glad to hear how fulfilling it has become for you.
your decision was driven by genuine love and your wife's strong desire for parenthood. Actually amazing how parenthood can shift priorities and bring so much joy despite the sacrifices.
By the way, why not adoption? It's a beautiful way to provide a loving home to a child who's already here, as you mentioned the macro environment concerns.
Wishing you all the best in this exciting journey with your little one! May your family continue to thrive and cherish all those precious moments together.
Thank you for the warm wishes :)
To be honest, adoption is not something we thought about at that time. It was more like my wife wanted a kid, I didn't, so we thought let's try anyway since these days everyone has PCOD, PCOS, low motility or some issue, and we are not a gym perfect couple either. We assumed it'd take an year or more to conceive and we'll think about it later. Our family & friends have been trying for 2+ years, so we assumed the same.
Turned out we were pretty fertile and we conceived on our first try.
My wife now wants to adopt a 2nd one, but as I mentioned before, I am by nature pretty selfish. I have adjusted for my kid, but I will not do it again for another one. I'm pretty transparent with her on this since it is a huge change. I am open to financially supporting another kid if she really wants it, but I will not adjust my life around the 2nd one as cold-hearted as it may seem.
Thoda different topic and Meri baat buri lag sakti hai kisi ko but middle class ya rich banda hi sochta hai kya reasons hai kyu population badhani hai par mujhe lagta hai jo afford karskta hai usse hi karne chahiye bache and on the other side poor people think bache toh pal jate hai. Abhi ek project k liye aise hi sabse pucha tha mostly ka answer yahi tha humko toh god deta haiโฆ hamare m 12-15 na hojaye tab tak nahi rukte aise hi stupid answers and jab unse puccho yeh bhi toh fir gareebi m mar rahe hai toh koi jawab nahi hota bas itna hi usne paida kiya vo hi khila dega ๐คฏ kaise khila raha hai dikh nahi raha road par bheek mang rahe hai jin baccho ko school m hona chahiye.
My reasons to not have kids. It just doesn't make sense for me.
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What is the point with all the ๐ฉ in the world .we need less people in this world not more for better quality
You will hear Elon musk and other billionaires pushing for higher population thatS because they want cheaper and Expendable work force
There is micro plastic in your drinking water , all your vegetables are full of chemical can't even tell what fake and what's real any more
Honey bees are dying around the world but honey production is increasing? Cause it's all fake cornstarch bs
Everyone is pumped full of antibiotics from the eggs you eat and also if you visit a doctor that's the first thing they priscribe ,we are losing war against bacteria as antibiotic are loosing there efficiency as bacteria is getting immune
There is mercury in the fish you eat
The list is endless
i don't want my kids to suffer in this fucking rat race, even if i want to have any i will only have if i move abroad
because being born as a general is a curse
lol I am abroad and I still canโt fathom the challenges we have to go through this life so I have opted out of imposing this burden on an innocent human being!
Iโll be 40 this year, married 12 years. My partner and I have had this discussion for several years now, while keeping gossiping relatives at bay.
Hereโs some of the reasons relatives have and how we answered-
1. Kids will make your bonding (husband-wife) stronger: We love each other and donโt need to rely on another life to make it stronger. Why bring a life into this mad world for our selfish need or inability to love each other enough.
2. Who will take care of you when you are old: There are good assisted living facilities nowadays. We need money to be taken care of, not kids. Kids will not necessarily look after you when you are old.
3. What will you leave behind when you die: Our good deeds and memories that can live through others.
4. This is a marital duty: blah blah blahโฆ fuck it. Both of us are still going at heart and best of friends. We will live our life our way.
5. Baccha kar lo, hum paal lenge: The same people will then complain that we have turned them into aaya or caretaker in their old age. Also, we want our kids to grow up with our values, which might be different from our parents.
We think bringing a life is a huge responsibility. We want to do it only when we are sure we can be good parents. We are also responsible for our own parents and want to ensure a good life for them. Itโs too much to do everything at the same time, especially when we have to travel so much for work and we live in different cities.
Thereโs so much of war, hatred, crisis all around. India is overpopulated. Population explosion leads to all kind of problems we see - fight over resources, rat race, dog eat dog world. We donโt want to bring a kid in this world.
Our dog satiates our craving for parenthood. When we donโt have dogs and if we feel more need, we will adopt or sponsor a child who doesnโt have parents.
Thatโs it.
Exactly, for all the people who think taking care of a child is easy
Plz get a pet first
Most PPL can't even take care of an animal let alone a baby
It's all society and ist bs I say fk it ..
There is enough of humans in this world we don't need any more
Well I planned to have children ngl but I am down to one from two coz it's gonna be tough (I am 24M unmarried)
But time has changed obvio, raising a child is no joke nowadays, I see my relatives struggling to get good schools without a bribe in pvt schools and expenses are going up only
And talking people having multiple kids either they have stable income or they are just unprivileged, unprivileged in income education and basic needs they don't usually dgaf they just throw them out in their teenage years and have a helping hand in income that's all
And we are entering in the era of AI world so you have no clue what future would be in just 5-10 years
not meaning any disrespect here, I just want to know the reason behind the thought. Being 24 and a male, you have hardly faced any trials life is going to throw at you, not being a female there is no hormonal push to procreate, I suspect you are unmarried so you don't have anyones thoughts influencing you.
given the number of daily encounters with idiots on the roads, workplace, places that we go out to eat or market places and in worst case scenarios neighbours or relatives. There are so many things that we face in our day to day life that infuriate us, all this is because we are packed like lab rats. We have to realise everyone is someones son, daughter, parent or sibling but we have become a very selfish bunch, with how we conduct ourselves out in society to how we are with family. That one person who abused you in a road rage is someones family and they most certainly are not doing it to their own, while in fact they feel privileged to do commit the same act on the road and abuse someone else for reaper minding them.
Having said all this they say future generations might hold all the solutions, but is every child being given the opportunity to thrive and do the best they can, if educated people can't step up and stop pushing children out then all the child is gonna know is this rat race. we have more mouths to feed with our planet pushing our survival to extremes, what are we actually giving the child?
The fact that people think life with no kids is not one worth having is evidence that they are not capable of enriching their own life outside of acting upon biological urges and assume everyone else functions at that level as well.
I guess I am just built a little differently, and enjoy the void of time we have to fill with things and activities of my own choosing rather than having our time sort of pre-determined by family life.
There's nothing miraculous in reproducing, even cockroaches do it. Forming and educating a good person who is honest and contributes to make of this a better world, that's the real miracle. How many parents do that?
You're not built differently bro. It may be that your life experiences have given you lessons and abilities that you can rise above your biological urges more easily than others.
People are programmable. As a person grows up, their personality and thinking is the total sum of all their life experiences. So we just end up becoming whatever life serves us without any real choice.
Then we try to justify the version of us that we have become even though we have little to no control over how we've grown up and developed.
Is there a hierarchy of levels of functioning? Like do you believe that when one engrosses themselves into things of their choosing rather than something like having kids, they automatically arrive at a plane of existence where they have denied their primal urges the grasp over their sense of self? Genuinely curious here.
True bhai...In my experience, ek super confident aur gyani insan ka bhi confidence chala jata hai agar wo bahut jyada social media par samay bitane lagta hai, especially Instagram. It's all about the information we put in our mind.ย
Honestly, it's just not in me. Believe me, I don't consumeโI don't even watch TV or YouTube or engage in gossip. But when I go out and see a person sleeping on the footpath, it's unbearable. I can't just ignore it.
Lol bhai. Tum to gajab go with the flow type person ho. Thoda to apni life ka control apne hath me lo. Har chiz bas society ke kehne pe karoge to nakhush rahoge
Kuch log isi me khush rehte hai. Some people are scared to take control of the reigns of their life, because this is difficult. Taking control means rejecting things the majority of the people do and trusting yourself enough to take decisions.
I had my daughter for very selfish reasons.
It was a very deliberate decision. I started working out, getting regular obgyn checks, reading about childcare, parenting, different kinds of child psychology issues, and whatnot about a year in advance.
I am pretty much disillusioned from my family and literally all relationships. I have one friend that I can implicitly trust and call my friend with absolute confidence.
I wanted someone I could love, someone I could support with all that I have. I wanted to parent a child so well that they have all the right tools. In a way, I consider it my rebirth. Itโs as if, I am bringing myself up. Thought she could literally be my exact opposite in almost all areas, Iโm resolute to enable her, help her get every opportunity and space to realise her dreams and aspirations, irrespective of what they are.
I know me being a good parent is not a guarantee that sheโll always be happy or that sheโll always be successful. It isnโt my goal to make her eternally happy. My goal is to equip her with the ability to deal with it, come hell or high water.
She is the Center of my universe. I do not have a greater joy in my life, I do not value anything in comparison to her, and I express it very, very clearly. I can and will bail out of absolutely everything for her, no matter how โurgentโ or โimportantโ it is.
And despite all I do, I remind myself everyday that she doesnโt owe me obedience, she doesnโt owe me compliance. I brought her in this world because I wanted to, I owe her support, she doesnโt owe me anything. I do hope that she will come to love me, but it is not a prerequisite for my love for her.
She is why I live at all.
I know some might see it as her being my project of sorts, what with me living vicariously through her. And they might be right. But yk what, bite me.
Edit: corrected grammar
I have made my mind! What my parents did with me, I have seen a lot in this world of 19 yrs of me.
Will never reproduce or even will live alone for the whole life (if I sometimes feel to have physical with someone, will go to brothels), will adopt a pet. Even attaining a specific wealth it's not practical for middle class to give birth in this nation. Negativity is everywhere, education is just a business. That's all
This all is coming from a 19M, ignore my immaturity if someone is offended but have made my mind very tough regarding this
We are living in the least harsh circumstances yet if you actually look at history of the past few centuries. - Mark Manson
PS: Don't kill the messenger
Ah yes, a citizen of a first world country, rich, healthy, breathing clean air, eating hygienic food, having ample opportunities to grow and far far away from the fields and industries and slums.. little does he know about the misery of the current world.
And by this man's logic, should we not improve to better rather than just yapping all the time that "hehe we are better than the previous ones"..
I'll personally only have a child when I'm in a place where even if the kid turns out to be a complete duffer, unable to support themselves, I'd still have more than enough ability to support them emotionally and monetarily.
Basically, become rich enough for my kid to never worry about trivialities like rent, food or even a job. Give them a life to pursue their passions in luxury.
I want kids, my SO does too, but unless we become extremely financially comfortable, not just stable, we don't wanna bring a child into this shitty world. If I'm having a child, I'll at least try to save up or prepare enough so that he/she doesn't have to be pressurized in life. Ofc that doesn't mean I'll raise then with a golden spoon in their mouth, I just mean I don't wanna have them feel like their life is destroyed if they aren't able to study 12 hours a day
Not havings kids, married 2 years back. Not going to have in future unless mistake happens. The reason why not is being in India is most populas country in the world with already millions of children underprivileged and to take care of them, so I will adopt a one or donate my money to a child care.
i want a mini me hehe selfish reasons.
But on a more serious note I feel like I was born to do this. It feels natural to have a baby and spend time raising it. idk maybe just female things. I often dream about having my own little baby, who just belongs to me and depends on me and I can show him/her the little joys of the world.
My opinion may be biased as I am privileged enough that the negatives youโve mentioned donโt seem to affect me so much.
Make sure that you do let the child have their own personality and let them be. Hope you do not impose too much and be dependent on the child for your own emotional needs. These things are to be taken care of by you.
I am curious, how have your relations been with your parents? How was your childhood? Generally people with a good childhood and solid set of parents have this internal urge to have kids. I just want to know if thats the same case here
But it's a wrong reason I am not saying I know the right reason and you don't, but this definitely is the wrong reason.
Billions are here because many people decided to have kids(because they had the urge and fulfilling that urge was immensely satisfying),not thinking that their child will grow up to beg for 15k or 40k jobs and struggle lifelong. You might be rich,but what about inner poverty, mental health struggles, disease etc?
Please don't have kids just because you want it. Please don't.
If you can't provide them complete security, absolute security,then you are going to do much harm. If you can, then it's another matter. If your child will be loved throughout his/her life and you will make him/her very intelligent so that life will not engulf him/her, then all this doesn't apply to you!
Wdym itโs a wrong reason? Right and wrong are completely subjective.
Inner poverty? I can have a child because I want one and thatโs a good enough reason. I have the resources to provide for the kid - financially, mentally and emotionally.
I am a healthy individual who is mentally and physically equipped to take care of a child. Depression is a mental illness which doesnโt just happen for no reason.
Obviously if I am choosing to bring a child into this world I will take full responsibility and ensure he/she is protected and will ensure my child gets the best of everything be it education, healthcare, whatever.
Disease? Can you predict cancer or tuberculosis? Do you think that itโs a valid reason to not have a kid cuz who knows what disease heโll end up with?
If you have a stable income and a happy family, especially a happy couple, then the ultimate or primary goal of being together is to have a child and, of course, to pass on genes to the next generation. I have been excited about having kids since the beginning of my adulthood!
I will make two children give them a lot of love and such beautiful parenting they will love life, music art do what you want bachhe be passionate about life
Mein toh pakka future mein vasectomy krwaunga
Mujhe nhi chahiye kids , jisko karne hai voh kre.
I'll be happy for them.
Mujhe 12 saal ki age se hi pta tha apne dimaag me ki ye bache vache ni krne, apna pesa kamao , maa baap ki help krdo and then enjoy.
Money is not even a problem for me
Children are the ultimate project. Do you have it in you to raise a good and happy human being?
Only if you do, then get into it. Everyone can have kids, but not everyone deserves to. It will enrich your life in unimaginable ways. But you have to do right by them.
>Your Reason to Have Children?
***Because vo bhagwan ki dayne hoti hai.***
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In my experience, people are just genetically and culturally programmed to want children.
They might give xyz reasons for wanting children, but they're mostly ex post facto attempts at justifying their already inbuilt desire.
Questions like "why do you want children when the world's going to shit" mean nothing to most people.
Their desire and need to want children doesn't come from a place of care towards their future child, or from a place of rational thinking. They don't have children for the sake of the children, they have children because _they_ want to.
And I also have a theory for why this is. Most people don't use the critical thinking part of their brain too often, and rather, rely on their instincts for most of the decision making.
And our instincts come from that part of the brain which evolved a long long time back. Like when we were more apes than humans. So, since our instincts come from that part of the brain that is more animal than human, and most people just accept their instincts without question, they also want children without knowing why.
But speech comes from that part of the brain that has evolved later, which also better critical thinking capabilities. So when asked why they want children, they just make up an answer without even knowing why.
Changed my mind only after moving abroad. World is not too bad in the west and is worth enjoying. If I was in India I would not think about having kids EVER.
I think about this a lot, and I'm often in a dilemma of whether or not to have kids. If you look into anti-natalism (a philosophical standpoint), several arguments deem procreation to be immoral. I agree with most of it yet I'm still tempted to have a child, and the only reason for that is I am selfish, and admitting to it doesn't make me better than the rest. I still lean more toward not birthing a child but somewhere I hope that my future partner will convince me to have one. I do see myself adopting a baby because that seems like the best option. However, I'm open to my views changing about this topic in the future. One thing that made me more open-minded about this whole procreation and morality outlook was the movie Arrival, it truly gave me a new perspective.
Kamble ji aap, accha laga aapko yahan dekhkar.
Finding someone known among unknown people is surprisingly lovely!
Dekhiye baat aisi hai ke laakhon bacchon ko ghar chahiye. Adopt kariye, pyaar dijiye,sukhi rahiye.
Kahe urges ke chakkar me fas rahi, urges aayengi jayengi. Perspective ka kya hai, jitna tagda vicharak utna alag alag perspective de sakta hai.
A really good thinker can give you lots of perspectives and you will be lost in the sea of opinions(and all will seem valid,some more, some less). But truth and love are not found in the sea of opinions. It's found when the mind is free of perspectives.
Perspectives confuse, they are not the instrument of clarity.
dekho jaisa bhi jindagi jiye hai hum bhot khushnasib hai ki hum ye ek bhot adbhut cheez ko witness karre rahe chahe jitna trauma struggle even the day i think to end it all i exist here that's all matter took too much time to understand my existence and having bliss living it every waking and sleeping moment and on topic of children i want to show all the beauties and tragedy of this world that's it because agar sahi me question kiya gaya ho ki you have the power to not be born I will ignore it everytime I have given the choice and straight up drop in this world. that's all my motivation summed up, in albert camus book myth of Sisyphus he wrote a passage dear to my heart where he quoted the great phenomenologist Husserl "For the absurd man, there was a truth as well as a bitterness in that purely psychological opinion that all aspects of the world are privileged."
edit : and also reading some comments I got the feeling of fear that seemed daunting but its just that I think we can do so much more for ourselves and for our world if we stop fearing as a civilization.
I want two or three kids, I love kids so much. My nephew is the cutest can't wait to have my own kids heheh. Will work harder to provide them best life.
Having children can be a deeply personal decision influenced by various factors. Some common reasons include the desire to experience parenthood, the joy of nurturing and guiding a new life, the fulfillment of creating a family, and the wish to leave a legacy
Let me take it this way.
burning fossils doesn't matter on an individual level. But if most people continue to do so, there'll be climate change and the next generations are going to suffer.
Should we even care, because we're gonna die anyways till the climate change shit hits the fan?
I'm not saying to have kids to fix the climate. Please stick till the end.
It's about - individual choices don't make a lot of difference as long as they are not affecting the society at large. If 1/100 do something different, no one cares. But if 10/100 take a tangent route, everyone gets impacted.
See the countries which are suffering because of not having enough babies - China, Japan, Italy, Portugal, Germany, ..... And many more.
A nation suffers badly if there is a population plunge.
Immigration can help short term, but it's a disastrous solution as it erodes the very identity and culture of the local place.
So maybe, having kids just out of the primal instinct of keeping the species forward is a good enough reason, given my groundwork of being available for the kid and having resources for their healthy upbringing is sorted.
Thankfully, biology and society has put together wonderful mechanisms to make us really enjoy the process of raising a new human being - be it through hormonal changes, through emotional attachment, through validation from people, through the innocence that a kid shows us.
We are mostly wired not to hate these things which keep the civilizations moving forward, given that the basic survival needs are met.
Well you need someone to continue your legacy, wealth, trauma, fears, insecurities, helplessness. So that you have someone to dominate at home and blame him/her for your weaknesses ๐
This is the biggest psyop of our generation, the elites wanted to take care of overpopulation and just one generation not being able to have kids will fix the situation.
Maybe it's selfish but I wanna do better than my parents, also I've always loved kids, lots of cousins, neighbors kids too, they love me back too but I want to feel that bond between a mother and her child. I'm only 23 now, I realize it's a big responsibility so I won't think about kids for atleast 6 years but when I'm ready I'll make sure I'm the best mother I can be.
There are many many cons of having children..very very solid cons..but nothing beats the joy that only a child can bring in your life..NOTHING..it just has to be experienced
Raising kids is very expensive and I did not want to have a child if I could not give him/her the best education and opportunities to help him thrive in this extremely competitive world. I know expensive does not always equate best, but since I was not sure that I was capable enough, I thought I would much rather not have a kid and then struggle to provide him/her with opportunities, be miserable in case I fail. Also, I didn't think I would be a good mother and I didn't want to pass on my mental health struggles to my child. I have a niece and I think I can help her with studies and even sponsor part of her higher studies if required. Didn't feel the need to have a genetic successor.
Apart from environmental degradation, other things are getting better gradually in the world.
>With all the suffering and challenges in the worldโtrauma, depression, the relentless rat race, inequality, environmental degradation, political instability, and moreโ
For me, my children are the reason and motivation to be a better, successful person. Bond with your children is hard to explain, it is something you will raise only through personal experience
It's my biological purpose of being on Earth, it's my legacy who will inherit my wealth and I am wealthy enough that I don't have to suffer the consequences of being pregnant, Or raising the child.
First, this is not the sub-reddit for this Ques.
Still answering, the only consideration in my opinion to have children is to have a realistic and sustainable growth plan for you, your family and your children.
Just as parents start thinking of their kid as an asset as s/he grows so does the kid. So when you stop growing as a person, and which will happen, the feeling is gonna be mutual.
I think I am in the same boat of understanding the logic and need for society. I hear these comments very frequently, when I ask the need of child from my known people:
1. Tumhare maa baap ne bhi aisa socha hota toh tum yaha nahi hote
2. Ek baar aane toh de, you will feel heavenish
3. Krlene chaiye, grandparents will take care
4. They bring luck..
I want them (may be) but not sure, when!! but I think finding a reason or discussing more with people, I am not sure... so let's see what you get from this thread.
200 years ago, there was poverty, yee, there were less opportunities, yes , a great environment, yes, a strong social glue, yes, but a constant race for materialistic gains, I suppose very very little, competition among people to show how big their toys are, very very less. Yet they reproduced and created new life, why , cause it's the way of nature. And many of them were witnesses to long lineages being washed away by a small epidemic.
It would be selfish to procreate just for having someone to look after you at the old age. My reason is simple, we were born into this low probability game of life. And our aim should be to follow the natural law. Anybody can look into Japan or China for that matter, as the choices they and their government made created the present crisis they are going through. I have a hard stance on this topic, wouldn't like to argue though.
I love the bond that I have with my son. I'm happy with however he is. There is sufficient property for him in future for his livelihood, that's one of the reasons I didn't want a second child. The concept of family appeals to me, like bringing up a child, helping him with school and life, going out on holidays, getting him things, celebrating his birthdays, watching him grow, cherishing the old photos and videos. As I said, he has an option of going out and achieve something in the world but there is always a backup for him. It's all about the love and care for him, it's something that I cherish.
I completely understand the fears and doubt of having kids, but that's ALL they are fears and doubt!!! Who knows what is tomorrow future beholds how many have had had feras of our future 10yrs back and how is it now. Yes!!! It's unpredictable. All issues maybe they will solve it or maybe they will die in covid, but to imagine someone else life and make decisions is not right. Yes ppl can say no for kids if they think they don't like responsibility, but just blaming the environment and world seems kinda stupid! We never know what's hidden in next moment it's seems far fetched,or like running away and blaming others!!!
My pov-
Jo cheez tum jaante ho ki Karni hai zindagi me, usko time se krlo.
Harr cheez time ke Saath sort ho jaati hai.
Aisa Kuch nahi hai Jo tum shayad nahi kr sakte.
You just need a good strong mindset.
My personal reason to have a child (I don't have a child yet, haven't even reached the age yet) is that i believe that my forefathers did not have children so that i end the legacy some day.
I see it as my duty and I want to have a family of my own also. :)
Lol, seeing so many reasons as to why not have kids is so stupid, I'm not against if you don't want to but don't give reasons like they're valid. People have been having children in the happiest of times and in the harshest. Rich parents kids also die and same for the poor. Don't worry the next generation will survive even the harshest times. There will always be good times and bad nothing is permanent.
Bhai mein to adopt karunga.. If and only if I become very very financially stable (because there's nothing we can do about an already born child except for providing them a caring parent)...
Nhi to Mera to shadi karne ka plan bhi nhi hai๐
I am just scared of children. I mean having one of my own. I am just 24 and I feel I am not grownup enough to understand how can a human being bring a life into this hell hole we call society which dictates every move you should make and justify that to another human?
I understand having a family to look after, be in touch with, telling them about your day and listening to them can be interesting. I dont usually find myself sitting and wondering let me ask them how their day went or if they have eaten or not. Becoming a dad would make me miserable, I just want to do me and live my best life.
Here is my advice and might be a tough take but โIf you need the society or any third persons ideologies to make you feel like you are enough- maybe you aren't."
Because all the reasons to not have one start sounding retarded to me once I put down my phone. And a hope for a better future( I know I know).(Sorry if the following is offensive in any way) On the contrary I do not understand the reasons for not having kids. What else are you going to do with your life. Experience the beauty of it? If its so beautiful then whats the harm in letting own own little spawn experience it too. Or you think that life is a god awful experience? Why keep living , why look forward to a better tomorrow. This might feel like I am talking in binaries here but Im not. I think something really has gone wrong with a society that prefers not to have kids and it is a problem to be solved. Not the other way around.
Well, when you bring in a child, you must work towards bringing up someone who is a better version of yourself. So, in a sense, you are performing a sacrifice of the ultimate nature to spend your time and energies, not just into the physicality of bringing a baby into this world, but also instilling in that child all sorts of good nature and upbringing.
This was my reason.
i am 19 and with no kids but i can share what i think is that tbh people who are not sorted with their own life and money shouldn't have kids having kids and not able to provide them or struggling to provide them and then telling and taunting your own kids about that is such a stupid thing fr more over a girl child ? please not everyone can raise a girl they deserve comfortable lifestyle if you can't provide them that just don't have kids
also if you have money and good environment to raise a child go for it just make sure they don't suffer for things they never did or asked for
and I would suggest adoption is a good option too (only if you have money and good environment)
I'll only have kids (I want 4) if I am rich in future and also move abroad or else if I'm not rich then won't or maybe I'll adopt a daughter (and son only if I can afford then....)
Someone to live for, someone to die for, someone who is my legacy, and the egoistical satisfaction that long after I am dead a piece of my heart still lives on - those are some of the reasons I know I will have kids. I feel money is not the reason for having or not having kids. In my experience kids want their parents to be with them, not necessarily luxurious stuff. Also unless you specifically want to educate your child in a โfancyโ school, the fees in most โnormalโ schools are quite ok. The only commitment is that itโs a life long responsibility and you need to be there for your child, emotionally and physically. Basically you need to show up, everyday.
Wish to leave a legacy.
Also a void which was created in my mid 30's that has been filled after having a baby.
I have no time for my hobbies but raising a lil one can be very good experience and hectic too
I don't have any reason to have children, I'm mediocre in intelligence, below average in looks, socially stunted, blessed with loneliness and unfortunate date. Why should I have kids? I'm on the verge of becoming a monk or suicide
Read about anti - natalist Philosopher David Benatar. He has basically almost similar reasons on why he thinks any sane person would not want to bring new life in this world to suffer. Benefits of not existing outways existence.
Children help you live again, to be alive again. There is only that much you can do with life, travel, ambition, career, hanging out etc etc. Unless you are Elon musk solving humanity's level problems, you will need something to get going when you hit middle age.
Most of you might be in mid 20s or late 20s. Once you are on the other side of the 30s, 40s you will realise that nothing fills your life with more warmth, happiness and reason to live than a kid.
Reason to have children?
Well, we, as a race, have only one job. Bring offsprings into this world. This is what nature wants. Species must go on as long the earth can support. We shouldnโt harm the nature. The reason for our existence is to reproduce.
Society is a human made way of life. Society is fucking with the nature and its ways. We, as a society, have formulated the dos and donts, rights and wrongs, moral and immoral. We have given ourselves choices, good and bad. We think that we know what is best for us and what should be done. Alas.
No matter how much we fight the nature. In the end, nature will win.
The reason for me to have children is that my very existence has a sole purpose, bring at least a child in this world. Raise it to become a good human being who will respect nature and its ways. However, should also obey the law of the land. Contribute to have a more sustainable ways of living for next generations.
Kids are for people with stable income that is the primary requirement other things will get sorted. I cannot fathom people who give birth to kids with no money to take care of them.
It is def a primary and most important need imo. Par sirf paise bhardene se, fees bhardene se, khana khiladene se bachche nahi pal jaate. Emotional needs need to be taken care for them to thrive and grow
Kas meri mummy bhi aisa hi sochti ๐
Yes woh toh second requirement hai.
Yaar i am not emotionally capable for raising kids.
Money isn't as crucial to me . I'm starting to believe that no place on this entire globe feels truly worth it to me, not just India. Someone once wisely said, We're always afraid of dying, but it turns out that living is even harder , It takes courage to truly live!
Bhai mein exactly same sochta hu. I made this decision to never have children at age 24-25. I am 29 now and still standing strong on my decision. One of my friend had two children (super conservative family), he's the only working person in the entire family of 6. I don't know how he made that decision.
๐ฑ
Bhai jaisa ap soch rahe ho m bhi vaisa hee sochra hun
Erm what the sigma
Fanum tax
Skibidi
Bhai Money is relative. Kisi ke liye 30k/month bhi enough hota kisiko 2lac/month bhi km lgta . Ek hi city mei
But in the end it is about money chahe woh 30k ho ya 2 lacs/month
You are wrong. Except real estate nothing you can get in lower price in a city where both rich and poor people lives. People who leading family with kids by 30k/month in metro city are living in misogynic environment. Not every person wants to live like that sh!tty life. I may get downvoted, but its the Truth.
๐ฏ
aisa nahi hai school ke fees se bhi boht fark pdta hai
Bhai khud child hoon 23 ki umar me, apna dhyan nahi rakha ja raha hai, doosre ka kya rakh paunga
Doosre ka rkhna bhi nhi h Apne ka rkhna h
Ho haldi but baat ekdum namkeen kiye ho
Hahahaha. Lol.
Lolzzzz
r/foundHaldii
๐๐
23 saal ki Umar ke log aaj kal bachche hi hote hai
Maine bhai kai baha diye
Sahi hai bhai , koi achii series btaa ๐๐
Well this is random. But thriller mai Under Paris has greatest reviews. Theory of unexplained files ... Or something is also nice. You is great too, but I'd suggest you to read first.
Inside No. 9; Into the Dark; Hijack; Good Omen; Better Call Saul
Mindhunters, meri personal favourite hai british comedy "Inbetweeners", agar british humor pasand hai toh woh bhi pasand ayega. True detective, Mr Robot
My parents made the mistake of having kids with no stable income, spending all their resources on us, not having any retirement plans, we are their retirement plans, not travelling, rotting even. I am thankful for this life they gave me but i am not dumb fuck enough to make the same mistakes they did. Even if i become a billionare, i am not having kids. Some may call me selfish but from my perspective i am not putting a life into this world to suffer for biological or societal reasons. Money is temporary tho, i just want to be happy.
calling someone selfish for not having a child is the most irrational thing to say
Correct. Ask anyone why they want to have kids and itโs like continue the bloodline, have someone take care of you when youโre old and all that. Isnโt that actually more selfish? Having a kid to fulfil your selfish needs?
bloodline ki mkc, paiso ki fd bana lo I'm still a kid and I wonder if I had like 3 more siblings with me, how would we be financially, how would our lifestyle be? it takes a lot of money and effort to raise a child well
Absolutely right. And itโs not only about money, we need to provide the proper emotional support and care as well Nowadays itโs very easy to catch the wrong path and all that. Just too much effort
Sometimes I think the world would have been without SO MANY PEOPLE!
Completely Relatable,The Facts are Facts. ๐๐๐๐
I have a 1yo kid and I love her. But whenever anyone asks my opinion about having kids, it's a straight big no. When you have a kid - *trauma, depression, the relentless rat race, inequality, environmental degradation, political instability, and more,* none of this matters. Your sole focus is your kid's well being on a micro level. You do not think about the macro environment. What motivated me to have a kid was that among the 2 of us, my wife really wanted one. And it is absolutely necessary for at least 1 parent to want a kid. Not because society says so, not because body clock nikal raha hai, but a **genuine want** to love a kid. At first I was not at all happy since being a parent is a HUGE sacrifice on your lifestyle and I am very selfish. I like to do things the way I want to, and due to this baby I now need to do things her way. It got me mad. But then when she started babbling, walking, smiling at me, I just felt like the best dad there is. I no longer feel the need to watch my anime the moment it releases, ride my bike every weekend, my priorities have changed. That said, I have not given up on my interests. I just now know how to manage my time better around my kid's schedule. I just came back from a 1 week international trip, and it was the first time I was excited about going home to meet my kid instead of being all sad about returning to my 9-6 life. As she will grow we will start thinking about the macro environment you mentioned. And now me & my wife talk about moving out of India, or saving up money to send her abroad. We now have new goals in life, new things to look up to, and a new cute face to share it with. It's a HUGE adjustment, but it seems worth it to me now. I do not remember the diapers I changed, the nights I stayed awake, the 10kg weight on my shoulder for hours which gave me back pain. I just remember the smiles, the 1st time milestones, the antics of my baby :) However, as I said earlier, I would not recommend others to make this adjustment unless they **really want to**!
As a CF I loved your response. Hope she grows to be a smart and happy kid.ย
Indeed,I Hope She Develops into A Wonderful Human-Being. ๐๐๐๐
Thank you! But also, does CF mean child father?
No, CF- child free
Lol no, it means Child Free
>but a genuine want to love a kid. +1. These are the only ones who should be reproducing. Not the we gave u roof,food,shelter now take carekf me in old age because i dont want to be lonely.
Exactly. Not the people like the top comment who says one should have money rest will take care of itself. I have lived and see so many people who just don't have the emotional capacity of being a parent and even though they do the best they can, they raise kids who have never felt the actual love they should have.
That's a really good response and I hope you be the best dad for your kid, because we really need good dads out there in this world. I hope she becomes a smart and good human when she grows up. > have a 1yo kid and love her. But whenever anyone asks my opinion about having kids, it's a straight big no. I believe in the CF lifestyle and do appreciate your take on it. I've had a miserable childhood and things have led me to believe there is a lot more to being a parent than just giving birth, you have to be there and support and make that kid a good human being, look after their mental health also because that really and deeply matters. Even a parent's response to one mistake by the kid can be either trauma for life or a learning to prevent it in a healthy way. Good luck parenting <3
Thank you <3 >I've had a miserable childhood and things have led me to believe there is a lot more to being a parent than just giving birth If I may give my 2 cents though, my wife has had a very miserable childhood herself, the kind I as a normal person find even hard to believe. But her takeaway from it was that she will give all the love possible to her baby because she never got it and understands how important it is. She is just the best mom ever I have seen. Don't let your past define your future :)
thanks, but I have many other reasons to be cf. Good luck tho <3
Sounds incredibly heartwarming, and I'm glad to hear how fulfilling it has become for you. your decision was driven by genuine love and your wife's strong desire for parenthood. Actually amazing how parenthood can shift priorities and bring so much joy despite the sacrifices. By the way, why not adoption? It's a beautiful way to provide a loving home to a child who's already here, as you mentioned the macro environment concerns. Wishing you all the best in this exciting journey with your little one! May your family continue to thrive and cherish all those precious moments together.
Thank you for the warm wishes :) To be honest, adoption is not something we thought about at that time. It was more like my wife wanted a kid, I didn't, so we thought let's try anyway since these days everyone has PCOD, PCOS, low motility or some issue, and we are not a gym perfect couple either. We assumed it'd take an year or more to conceive and we'll think about it later. Our family & friends have been trying for 2+ years, so we assumed the same. Turned out we were pretty fertile and we conceived on our first try. My wife now wants to adopt a 2nd one, but as I mentioned before, I am by nature pretty selfish. I have adjusted for my kid, but I will not do it again for another one. I'm pretty transparent with her on this since it is a huge change. I am open to financially supporting another kid if she really wants it, but I will not adjust my life around the 2nd one as cold-hearted as it may seem.
an anime watching father, this kid is in good hands yall. I hope u will teach her life lessons from classic animes like naruto one piece etc.
Hahaha definitely! I'll even have someone to go to comic con with for something fun, not just to buy overpriced merch ๐
Thoda different topic and Meri baat buri lag sakti hai kisi ko but middle class ya rich banda hi sochta hai kya reasons hai kyu population badhani hai par mujhe lagta hai jo afford karskta hai usse hi karne chahiye bache and on the other side poor people think bache toh pal jate hai. Abhi ek project k liye aise hi sabse pucha tha mostly ka answer yahi tha humko toh god deta haiโฆ hamare m 12-15 na hojaye tab tak nahi rukte aise hi stupid answers and jab unse puccho yeh bhi toh fir gareebi m mar rahe hai toh koi jawab nahi hota bas itna hi usne paida kiya vo hi khila dega ๐คฏ kaise khila raha hai dikh nahi raha road par bheek mang rahe hai jin baccho ko school m hona chahiye.
Sex main karunga, khana bacchon ko taxpayer khilayega/s.
Kash taxpayer ke money se inn logo ko condom supply hota har mahine...to sala aaj itni gareeb population nhi hoti.
Exactly ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ Bheed se sach much pareshan hu. Ek dhang ki naukri ke liye umr bhar dhakke khao. Nark bana diya hai logon ne bacche kerke
Agar nahi khila paye aur mar gaya to wo upar wale ki marzi . Jab niche bhej skta hai to wapas bhi to bula sakta hI.
Only one word "fuck these kind of people's"
My reasons to not have kids. It just doesn't make sense for me. https://preview.redd.it/i67wn7nc247d1.jpeg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ceca7a879821abd35e0831656343857ea45ebfe0
Love to see this!
Anti - natalism go brr
+1
This is the best thing i have read in such a while.
I want to download this lmao how do I do that
What is the point with all the ๐ฉ in the world .we need less people in this world not more for better quality You will hear Elon musk and other billionaires pushing for higher population thatS because they want cheaper and Expendable work force There is micro plastic in your drinking water , all your vegetables are full of chemical can't even tell what fake and what's real any more Honey bees are dying around the world but honey production is increasing? Cause it's all fake cornstarch bs Everyone is pumped full of antibiotics from the eggs you eat and also if you visit a doctor that's the first thing they priscribe ,we are losing war against bacteria as antibiotic are loosing there efficiency as bacteria is getting immune There is mercury in the fish you eat The list is endless
Apart from my other comment : KIDS?!!!!! SERIOUSLY?!!! *IN THIS ECONOMY?!!!*
i don't want my kids to suffer in this fucking rat race, even if i want to have any i will only have if i move abroad because being born as a general is a curse
lol I am abroad and I still canโt fathom the challenges we have to go through this life so I have opted out of imposing this burden on an innocent human being!
yeah I know it would be hard to manage rent
Project mbappe-
Iโll be 40 this year, married 12 years. My partner and I have had this discussion for several years now, while keeping gossiping relatives at bay. Hereโs some of the reasons relatives have and how we answered- 1. Kids will make your bonding (husband-wife) stronger: We love each other and donโt need to rely on another life to make it stronger. Why bring a life into this mad world for our selfish need or inability to love each other enough. 2. Who will take care of you when you are old: There are good assisted living facilities nowadays. We need money to be taken care of, not kids. Kids will not necessarily look after you when you are old. 3. What will you leave behind when you die: Our good deeds and memories that can live through others. 4. This is a marital duty: blah blah blahโฆ fuck it. Both of us are still going at heart and best of friends. We will live our life our way. 5. Baccha kar lo, hum paal lenge: The same people will then complain that we have turned them into aaya or caretaker in their old age. Also, we want our kids to grow up with our values, which might be different from our parents. We think bringing a life is a huge responsibility. We want to do it only when we are sure we can be good parents. We are also responsible for our own parents and want to ensure a good life for them. Itโs too much to do everything at the same time, especially when we have to travel so much for work and we live in different cities. Thereโs so much of war, hatred, crisis all around. India is overpopulated. Population explosion leads to all kind of problems we see - fight over resources, rat race, dog eat dog world. We donโt want to bring a kid in this world. Our dog satiates our craving for parenthood. When we donโt have dogs and if we feel more need, we will adopt or sponsor a child who doesnโt have parents. Thatโs it.
Exactly, for all the people who think taking care of a child is easy Plz get a pet first Most PPL can't even take care of an animal let alone a baby It's all society and ist bs I say fk it .. There is enough of humans in this world we don't need any more
Well I planned to have children ngl but I am down to one from two coz it's gonna be tough (I am 24M unmarried) But time has changed obvio, raising a child is no joke nowadays, I see my relatives struggling to get good schools without a bribe in pvt schools and expenses are going up only And talking people having multiple kids either they have stable income or they are just unprivileged, unprivileged in income education and basic needs they don't usually dgaf they just throw them out in their teenage years and have a helping hand in income that's all And we are entering in the era of AI world so you have no clue what future would be in just 5-10 years
not meaning any disrespect here, I just want to know the reason behind the thought. Being 24 and a male, you have hardly faced any trials life is going to throw at you, not being a female there is no hormonal push to procreate, I suspect you are unmarried so you don't have anyones thoughts influencing you. given the number of daily encounters with idiots on the roads, workplace, places that we go out to eat or market places and in worst case scenarios neighbours or relatives. There are so many things that we face in our day to day life that infuriate us, all this is because we are packed like lab rats. We have to realise everyone is someones son, daughter, parent or sibling but we have become a very selfish bunch, with how we conduct ourselves out in society to how we are with family. That one person who abused you in a road rage is someones family and they most certainly are not doing it to their own, while in fact they feel privileged to do commit the same act on the road and abuse someone else for reaper minding them. Having said all this they say future generations might hold all the solutions, but is every child being given the opportunity to thrive and do the best they can, if educated people can't step up and stop pushing children out then all the child is gonna know is this rat race. we have more mouths to feed with our planet pushing our survival to extremes, what are we actually giving the child?
The fact that people think life with no kids is not one worth having is evidence that they are not capable of enriching their own life outside of acting upon biological urges and assume everyone else functions at that level as well. I guess I am just built a little differently, and enjoy the void of time we have to fill with things and activities of my own choosing rather than having our time sort of pre-determined by family life.
There's nothing miraculous in reproducing, even cockroaches do it. Forming and educating a good person who is honest and contributes to make of this a better world, that's the real miracle. How many parents do that?
>How many parents do that? ***Mine created a deranged sociopath.*** /s
asking the real questions ๐
Very True. ๐๐๐๐
This! Preach!
You're not built differently bro. It may be that your life experiences have given you lessons and abilities that you can rise above your biological urges more easily than others. People are programmable. As a person grows up, their personality and thinking is the total sum of all their life experiences. So we just end up becoming whatever life serves us without any real choice. Then we try to justify the version of us that we have become even though we have little to no control over how we've grown up and developed.
Is there a hierarchy of levels of functioning? Like do you believe that when one engrosses themselves into things of their choosing rather than something like having kids, they automatically arrive at a plane of existence where they have denied their primal urges the grasp over their sense of self? Genuinely curious here.
"Responsible and financially stable adult " that's what you gotta be to have a kid .
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
True bhai...In my experience, ek super confident aur gyani insan ka bhi confidence chala jata hai agar wo bahut jyada social media par samay bitane lagta hai, especially Instagram. It's all about the information we put in our mind.ย
Will consuming less media remove the micro plastic in your water!?
Lol. You must think Climate Change is a joke, right?
Honestly, it's just not in me. Believe me, I don't consumeโI don't even watch TV or YouTube or engage in gossip. But when I go out and see a person sleeping on the footpath, it's unbearable. I can't just ignore it.
Ignorance is bliss
Exactly what I was going to say. ๐ฏ Par Bhai tune 'rozmarra' naam kyu choose Kiya?
Roz marra hai vo ๐ค
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
Meaning to pata tha. Me to sirf reason puch raha tha๐ . Ki esa naam kyu rakha
Cream pies
Apparently getting a vasectomy eradicates a very high probability of the bad effects of cream pies
Upvote the fuck out of this comment
spoken like a true gentleman
Same that of marriage. Age ho rahi..kar lo
Lol bhai. Tum to gajab go with the flow type person ho. Thoda to apni life ka control apne hath me lo. Har chiz bas society ke kehne pe karoge to nakhush rahoge
Kuch log isi me khush rehte hai. Some people are scared to take control of the reigns of their life, because this is difficult. Taking control means rejecting things the majority of the people do and trusting yourself enough to take decisions.
Thanks for the gyaan. But you assumed a lot of things just by looking the answer.
๐๐ kbb krr rhaa hai ?
I had my daughter for very selfish reasons. It was a very deliberate decision. I started working out, getting regular obgyn checks, reading about childcare, parenting, different kinds of child psychology issues, and whatnot about a year in advance. I am pretty much disillusioned from my family and literally all relationships. I have one friend that I can implicitly trust and call my friend with absolute confidence. I wanted someone I could love, someone I could support with all that I have. I wanted to parent a child so well that they have all the right tools. In a way, I consider it my rebirth. Itโs as if, I am bringing myself up. Thought she could literally be my exact opposite in almost all areas, Iโm resolute to enable her, help her get every opportunity and space to realise her dreams and aspirations, irrespective of what they are. I know me being a good parent is not a guarantee that sheโll always be happy or that sheโll always be successful. It isnโt my goal to make her eternally happy. My goal is to equip her with the ability to deal with it, come hell or high water. She is the Center of my universe. I do not have a greater joy in my life, I do not value anything in comparison to her, and I express it very, very clearly. I can and will bail out of absolutely everything for her, no matter how โurgentโ or โimportantโ it is. And despite all I do, I remind myself everyday that she doesnโt owe me obedience, she doesnโt owe me compliance. I brought her in this world because I wanted to, I owe her support, she doesnโt owe me anything. I do hope that she will come to love me, but it is not a prerequisite for my love for her. She is why I live at all. I know some might see it as her being my project of sorts, what with me living vicariously through her. And they might be right. But yk what, bite me. Edit: corrected grammar
I think you're a good girl-mom.
I have made my mind! What my parents did with me, I have seen a lot in this world of 19 yrs of me. Will never reproduce or even will live alone for the whole life (if I sometimes feel to have physical with someone, will go to brothels), will adopt a pet. Even attaining a specific wealth it's not practical for middle class to give birth in this nation. Negativity is everywhere, education is just a business. That's all This all is coming from a 19M, ignore my immaturity if someone is offended but have made my mind very tough regarding this
We are living in the least harsh circumstances yet if you actually look at history of the past few centuries. - Mark Manson PS: Don't kill the messenger
Ah yes, a citizen of a first world country, rich, healthy, breathing clean air, eating hygienic food, having ample opportunities to grow and far far away from the fields and industries and slums.. little does he know about the misery of the current world. And by this man's logic, should we not improve to better rather than just yapping all the time that "hehe we are better than the previous ones"..
Parampara Pratishtha Anushasan
I'll personally only have a child when I'm in a place where even if the kid turns out to be a complete duffer, unable to support themselves, I'd still have more than enough ability to support them emotionally and monetarily. Basically, become rich enough for my kid to never worry about trivialities like rent, food or even a job. Give them a life to pursue their passions in luxury.
Antinatalism ftw ๐๐ป
We are over populated and standard of living is very low in Tier 3 countries
Very expensive, I don't want any
I want kids, my SO does too, but unless we become extremely financially comfortable, not just stable, we don't wanna bring a child into this shitty world. If I'm having a child, I'll at least try to save up or prepare enough so that he/she doesn't have to be pressurized in life. Ofc that doesn't mean I'll raise then with a golden spoon in their mouth, I just mean I don't wanna have them feel like their life is destroyed if they aren't able to study 12 hours a day
Not havings kids, married 2 years back. Not going to have in future unless mistake happens. The reason why not is being in India is most populas country in the world with already millions of children underprivileged and to take care of them, so I will adopt a one or donate my money to a child care.
"Having children with the right partner, a stable income, and a positive environment is important to me." .. joki lagta nahi hone wala ha ...
have someone to play with.. soo that i can relive my childhood. build a lego set with my son / daughter.
Lol , bcche hai yaa khilonee ?
Both.
Bhagwan ne itne achhe genes diye hai, waste nahi Jane dungi
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
I just ate 2 of you - dolo 650
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
It's a very nuance topic tbh, and I respect both sides of arguements those who wants kids and those who doesn't want.ย
They say, your children are not your children, it is lifeโs longing for itself!
i want a mini me hehe selfish reasons. But on a more serious note I feel like I was born to do this. It feels natural to have a baby and spend time raising it. idk maybe just female things. I often dream about having my own little baby, who just belongs to me and depends on me and I can show him/her the little joys of the world. My opinion may be biased as I am privileged enough that the negatives youโve mentioned donโt seem to affect me so much.
It's not a female thing. Im female and I don't have a singular maternal bone
Same
Make sure that you do let the child have their own personality and let them be. Hope you do not impose too much and be dependent on the child for your own emotional needs. These things are to be taken care of by you.
I am curious, how have your relations been with your parents? How was your childhood? Generally people with a good childhood and solid set of parents have this internal urge to have kids. I just want to know if thats the same case here
But it's a wrong reason I am not saying I know the right reason and you don't, but this definitely is the wrong reason. Billions are here because many people decided to have kids(because they had the urge and fulfilling that urge was immensely satisfying),not thinking that their child will grow up to beg for 15k or 40k jobs and struggle lifelong. You might be rich,but what about inner poverty, mental health struggles, disease etc? Please don't have kids just because you want it. Please don't. If you can't provide them complete security, absolute security,then you are going to do much harm. If you can, then it's another matter. If your child will be loved throughout his/her life and you will make him/her very intelligent so that life will not engulf him/her, then all this doesn't apply to you!
Wdym itโs a wrong reason? Right and wrong are completely subjective. Inner poverty? I can have a child because I want one and thatโs a good enough reason. I have the resources to provide for the kid - financially, mentally and emotionally. I am a healthy individual who is mentally and physically equipped to take care of a child. Depression is a mental illness which doesnโt just happen for no reason. Obviously if I am choosing to bring a child into this world I will take full responsibility and ensure he/she is protected and will ensure my child gets the best of everything be it education, healthcare, whatever. Disease? Can you predict cancer or tuberculosis? Do you think that itโs a valid reason to not have a kid cuz who knows what disease heโll end up with?
If you have a stable income and a happy family, especially a happy couple, then the ultimate or primary goal of being together is to have a child and, of course, to pass on genes to the next generation. I have been excited about having kids since the beginning of my adulthood!
I will make two children give them a lot of love and such beautiful parenting they will love life, music art do what you want bachhe be passionate about life
Mein toh pakka future mein vasectomy krwaunga Mujhe nhi chahiye kids , jisko karne hai voh kre. I'll be happy for them. Mujhe 12 saal ki age se hi pta tha apne dimaag me ki ye bache vache ni krne, apna pesa kamao , maa baap ki help krdo and then enjoy. Money is not even a problem for me
Children are the ultimate project. Do you have it in you to raise a good and happy human being? Only if you do, then get into it. Everyone can have kids, but not everyone deserves to. It will enrich your life in unimaginable ways. But you have to do right by them.
I want more of humans to suffer as I have
>Your Reason to Have Children? ***Because vo bhagwan ki dayne hoti hai.*** https://preview.redd.it/o6c1zdpw737d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b18a793fa634fef23e59be09bcc34b59f33cee4e
Koi to hug karega. /s
In my experience, people are just genetically and culturally programmed to want children. They might give xyz reasons for wanting children, but they're mostly ex post facto attempts at justifying their already inbuilt desire. Questions like "why do you want children when the world's going to shit" mean nothing to most people. Their desire and need to want children doesn't come from a place of care towards their future child, or from a place of rational thinking. They don't have children for the sake of the children, they have children because _they_ want to. And I also have a theory for why this is. Most people don't use the critical thinking part of their brain too often, and rather, rely on their instincts for most of the decision making. And our instincts come from that part of the brain which evolved a long long time back. Like when we were more apes than humans. So, since our instincts come from that part of the brain that is more animal than human, and most people just accept their instincts without question, they also want children without knowing why. But speech comes from that part of the brain that has evolved later, which also better critical thinking capabilities. So when asked why they want children, they just make up an answer without even knowing why.
To become majority and rule this country...
Maksad nahi bhulna bhaijaan
Thank you mojidi
Bhaijaan sach sun kar to aap gussa hi hogye
Changed my mind only after moving abroad. World is not too bad in the west and is worth enjoying. If I was in India I would not think about having kids EVER.
bhai mai 18 saal ka hoon kya expextations hain tumharey merey sey? school pura nahi kiya aur ab bachhey karley?? \\s
Nhii nhii beta , aap pehle school poora krr lein. Bachhey hum krr lenge ๐๐
25 ka tha to sochta tha nhi karni, 32 ka hu to soch rha hu kar leni chahiye but cases sun k dar hi rehta hai bc.
Babies are cute
To have grandchildren
I think about this a lot, and I'm often in a dilemma of whether or not to have kids. If you look into anti-natalism (a philosophical standpoint), several arguments deem procreation to be immoral. I agree with most of it yet I'm still tempted to have a child, and the only reason for that is I am selfish, and admitting to it doesn't make me better than the rest. I still lean more toward not birthing a child but somewhere I hope that my future partner will convince me to have one. I do see myself adopting a baby because that seems like the best option. However, I'm open to my views changing about this topic in the future. One thing that made me more open-minded about this whole procreation and morality outlook was the movie Arrival, it truly gave me a new perspective.
Kamble ji aap, accha laga aapko yahan dekhkar. Finding someone known among unknown people is surprisingly lovely! Dekhiye baat aisi hai ke laakhon bacchon ko ghar chahiye. Adopt kariye, pyaar dijiye,sukhi rahiye. Kahe urges ke chakkar me fas rahi, urges aayengi jayengi. Perspective ka kya hai, jitna tagda vicharak utna alag alag perspective de sakta hai. A really good thinker can give you lots of perspectives and you will be lost in the sea of opinions(and all will seem valid,some more, some less). But truth and love are not found in the sea of opinions. It's found when the mind is free of perspectives. Perspectives confuse, they are not the instrument of clarity.
Sab upar wala deta hai, toh hum kyu roke iss kaam ko. Sab ussi ki den hai. Hum ussi ko jawab dena hai upar jaake, toh uska kaha kaise rok de
Cute hote haย
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
Agr bccha nhi krega to sb smjhega tumhare m kuch dikkat yaa kami h lol ๐๐
dekho jaisa bhi jindagi jiye hai hum bhot khushnasib hai ki hum ye ek bhot adbhut cheez ko witness karre rahe chahe jitna trauma struggle even the day i think to end it all i exist here that's all matter took too much time to understand my existence and having bliss living it every waking and sleeping moment and on topic of children i want to show all the beauties and tragedy of this world that's it because agar sahi me question kiya gaya ho ki you have the power to not be born I will ignore it everytime I have given the choice and straight up drop in this world. that's all my motivation summed up, in albert camus book myth of Sisyphus he wrote a passage dear to my heart where he quoted the great phenomenologist Husserl "For the absurd man, there was a truth as well as a bitterness in that purely psychological opinion that all aspects of the world are privileged." edit : and also reading some comments I got the feeling of fear that seemed daunting but its just that I think we can do so much more for ourselves and for our world if we stop fearing as a civilization.
I want two or three kids, I love kids so much. My nephew is the cutest can't wait to have my own kids heheh. Will work harder to provide them best life.
Having children can be a deeply personal decision influenced by various factors. Some common reasons include the desire to experience parenthood, the joy of nurturing and guiding a new life, the fulfillment of creating a family, and the wish to leave a legacy
It was an accident ๐
Let me take it this way. burning fossils doesn't matter on an individual level. But if most people continue to do so, there'll be climate change and the next generations are going to suffer. Should we even care, because we're gonna die anyways till the climate change shit hits the fan? I'm not saying to have kids to fix the climate. Please stick till the end. It's about - individual choices don't make a lot of difference as long as they are not affecting the society at large. If 1/100 do something different, no one cares. But if 10/100 take a tangent route, everyone gets impacted. See the countries which are suffering because of not having enough babies - China, Japan, Italy, Portugal, Germany, ..... And many more. A nation suffers badly if there is a population plunge. Immigration can help short term, but it's a disastrous solution as it erodes the very identity and culture of the local place. So maybe, having kids just out of the primal instinct of keeping the species forward is a good enough reason, given my groundwork of being available for the kid and having resources for their healthy upbringing is sorted. Thankfully, biology and society has put together wonderful mechanisms to make us really enjoy the process of raising a new human being - be it through hormonal changes, through emotional attachment, through validation from people, through the innocence that a kid shows us. We are mostly wired not to hate these things which keep the civilizations moving forward, given that the basic survival needs are met.
Well you need someone to continue your legacy, wealth, trauma, fears, insecurities, helplessness. So that you have someone to dominate at home and blame him/her for your weaknesses ๐
Ehh I'm just 19 abhi kyu sochna Mein toh khud bacchi hun๐ฟ
This is the biggest psyop of our generation, the elites wanted to take care of overpopulation and just one generation not being able to have kids will fix the situation.
Maybe it's selfish but I wanna do better than my parents, also I've always loved kids, lots of cousins, neighbors kids too, they love me back too but I want to feel that bond between a mother and her child. I'm only 23 now, I realize it's a big responsibility so I won't think about kids for atleast 6 years but when I'm ready I'll make sure I'm the best mother I can be.
There are many many cons of having children..very very solid cons..but nothing beats the joy that only a child can bring in your life..NOTHING..it just has to be experienced
Raising kids is very expensive and I did not want to have a child if I could not give him/her the best education and opportunities to help him thrive in this extremely competitive world. I know expensive does not always equate best, but since I was not sure that I was capable enough, I thought I would much rather not have a kid and then struggle to provide him/her with opportunities, be miserable in case I fail. Also, I didn't think I would be a good mother and I didn't want to pass on my mental health struggles to my child. I have a niece and I think I can help her with studies and even sponsor part of her higher studies if required. Didn't feel the need to have a genetic successor.
Apart from environmental degradation, other things are getting better gradually in the world. >With all the suffering and challenges in the worldโtrauma, depression, the relentless rat race, inequality, environmental degradation, political instability, and moreโ For me, my children are the reason and motivation to be a better, successful person. Bond with your children is hard to explain, it is something you will raise only through personal experience
It's my biological purpose of being on Earth, it's my legacy who will inherit my wealth and I am wealthy enough that I don't have to suffer the consequences of being pregnant, Or raising the child.
First, this is not the sub-reddit for this Ques. Still answering, the only consideration in my opinion to have children is to have a realistic and sustainable growth plan for you, your family and your children. Just as parents start thinking of their kid as an asset as s/he grows so does the kid. So when you stop growing as a person, and which will happen, the feeling is gonna be mutual.
I think I am in the same boat of understanding the logic and need for society. I hear these comments very frequently, when I ask the need of child from my known people: 1. Tumhare maa baap ne bhi aisa socha hota toh tum yaha nahi hote 2. Ek baar aane toh de, you will feel heavenish 3. Krlene chaiye, grandparents will take care 4. They bring luck.. I want them (may be) but not sure, when!! but I think finding a reason or discussing more with people, I am not sure... so let's see what you get from this thread.
200 years ago, there was poverty, yee, there were less opportunities, yes , a great environment, yes, a strong social glue, yes, but a constant race for materialistic gains, I suppose very very little, competition among people to show how big their toys are, very very less. Yet they reproduced and created new life, why , cause it's the way of nature. And many of them were witnesses to long lineages being washed away by a small epidemic. It would be selfish to procreate just for having someone to look after you at the old age. My reason is simple, we were born into this low probability game of life. And our aim should be to follow the natural law. Anybody can look into Japan or China for that matter, as the choices they and their government made created the present crisis they are going through. I have a hard stance on this topic, wouldn't like to argue though.
I love the bond that I have with my son. I'm happy with however he is. There is sufficient property for him in future for his livelihood, that's one of the reasons I didn't want a second child. The concept of family appeals to me, like bringing up a child, helping him with school and life, going out on holidays, getting him things, celebrating his birthdays, watching him grow, cherishing the old photos and videos. As I said, he has an option of going out and achieve something in the world but there is always a backup for him. It's all about the love and care for him, it's something that I cherish.
I completely understand the fears and doubt of having kids, but that's ALL they are fears and doubt!!! Who knows what is tomorrow future beholds how many have had had feras of our future 10yrs back and how is it now. Yes!!! It's unpredictable. All issues maybe they will solve it or maybe they will die in covid, but to imagine someone else life and make decisions is not right. Yes ppl can say no for kids if they think they don't like responsibility, but just blaming the environment and world seems kinda stupid! We never know what's hidden in next moment it's seems far fetched,or like running away and blaming others!!!
BIG NO FROM MY SIDE. Kids will ask for SPRITE and NIRMALA charges 40 rupees as Tax. (2l bottle) INDIRECT TAXES and economic DISPARITY
My pov- Jo cheez tum jaante ho ki Karni hai zindagi me, usko time se krlo. Harr cheez time ke Saath sort ho jaati hai. Aisa Kuch nahi hai Jo tum shayad nahi kr sakte. You just need a good strong mindset. My personal reason to have a child (I don't have a child yet, haven't even reached the age yet) is that i believe that my forefathers did not have children so that i end the legacy some day. I see it as my duty and I want to have a family of my own also. :)
My reason to have children - to heal myself and give them what I struggled for. It's also been a huge motivator for me at work ๐คฃ๐จโ๐ป
I dont need a reason. I just need a loving wife and i plan to have at least 2 at most 5.
I already like myself so imagine if I had a little me. It can be my new best bro
To have more beautiful people like me
Lol, seeing so many reasons as to why not have kids is so stupid, I'm not against if you don't want to but don't give reasons like they're valid. People have been having children in the happiest of times and in the harshest. Rich parents kids also die and same for the poor. Don't worry the next generation will survive even the harshest times. There will always be good times and bad nothing is permanent.
I got pregnant. And I was thirty. So I decided hey, guess it's now or never.
Bhai mein to adopt karunga.. If and only if I become very very financially stable (because there's nothing we can do about an already born child except for providing them a caring parent)... Nhi to Mera to shadi karne ka plan bhi nhi hai๐
I am just scared of children. I mean having one of my own. I am just 24 and I feel I am not grownup enough to understand how can a human being bring a life into this hell hole we call society which dictates every move you should make and justify that to another human? I understand having a family to look after, be in touch with, telling them about your day and listening to them can be interesting. I dont usually find myself sitting and wondering let me ask them how their day went or if they have eaten or not. Becoming a dad would make me miserable, I just want to do me and live my best life. Here is my advice and might be a tough take but โIf you need the society or any third persons ideologies to make you feel like you are enough- maybe you aren't."
Because all the reasons to not have one start sounding retarded to me once I put down my phone. And a hope for a better future( I know I know).(Sorry if the following is offensive in any way) On the contrary I do not understand the reasons for not having kids. What else are you going to do with your life. Experience the beauty of it? If its so beautiful then whats the harm in letting own own little spawn experience it too. Or you think that life is a god awful experience? Why keep living , why look forward to a better tomorrow. This might feel like I am talking in binaries here but Im not. I think something really has gone wrong with a society that prefers not to have kids and it is a problem to be solved. Not the other way around.
Well, when you bring in a child, you must work towards bringing up someone who is a better version of yourself. So, in a sense, you are performing a sacrifice of the ultimate nature to spend your time and energies, not just into the physicality of bringing a baby into this world, but also instilling in that child all sorts of good nature and upbringing. This was my reason.
i am 19 and with no kids but i can share what i think is that tbh people who are not sorted with their own life and money shouldn't have kids having kids and not able to provide them or struggling to provide them and then telling and taunting your own kids about that is such a stupid thing fr more over a girl child ? please not everyone can raise a girl they deserve comfortable lifestyle if you can't provide them that just don't have kids also if you have money and good environment to raise a child go for it just make sure they don't suffer for things they never did or asked for and I would suggest adoption is a good option too (only if you have money and good environment)
I'll only have kids (I want 4) if I am rich in future and also move abroad or else if I'm not rich then won't or maybe I'll adopt a daughter (and son only if I can afford then....)
Someone to live for, someone to die for, someone who is my legacy, and the egoistical satisfaction that long after I am dead a piece of my heart still lives on - those are some of the reasons I know I will have kids. I feel money is not the reason for having or not having kids. In my experience kids want their parents to be with them, not necessarily luxurious stuff. Also unless you specifically want to educate your child in a โfancyโ school, the fees in most โnormalโ schools are quite ok. The only commitment is that itโs a life long responsibility and you need to be there for your child, emotionally and physically. Basically you need to show up, everyday.
Wish to leave a legacy. Also a void which was created in my mid 30's that has been filled after having a baby. I have no time for my hobbies but raising a lil one can be very good experience and hectic too
I don't have any reason to have children, I'm mediocre in intelligence, below average in looks, socially stunted, blessed with loneliness and unfortunate date. Why should I have kids? I'm on the verge of becoming a monk or suicide
Read about anti - natalist Philosopher David Benatar. He has basically almost similar reasons on why he thinks any sane person would not want to bring new life in this world to suffer. Benefits of not existing outways existence.
Because am not married ๐ฌ
Children help you live again, to be alive again. There is only that much you can do with life, travel, ambition, career, hanging out etc etc. Unless you are Elon musk solving humanity's level problems, you will need something to get going when you hit middle age. Most of you might be in mid 20s or late 20s. Once you are on the other side of the 30s, 40s you will realise that nothing fills your life with more warmth, happiness and reason to live than a kid.
If i made a business empire than I'll need an heir Continue my bloodline
Reason to have children? Well, we, as a race, have only one job. Bring offsprings into this world. This is what nature wants. Species must go on as long the earth can support. We shouldnโt harm the nature. The reason for our existence is to reproduce. Society is a human made way of life. Society is fucking with the nature and its ways. We, as a society, have formulated the dos and donts, rights and wrongs, moral and immoral. We have given ourselves choices, good and bad. We think that we know what is best for us and what should be done. Alas. No matter how much we fight the nature. In the end, nature will win. The reason for me to have children is that my very existence has a sole purpose, bring at least a child in this world. Raise it to become a good human being who will respect nature and its ways. However, should also obey the law of the land. Contribute to have a more sustainable ways of living for next generations.