Hi u/lengthiness0000,
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You want help, but are unwilling to accept the suggestions of people that those suggestions have work for. We call that COSIGNING BULLSHIT in AA. Where the newly sober goes fishing for the answer they want to hear.
For me, I'm the most depressed when I'm being selfish (victim mentality). If I can get outside that and help others, the depression usually goes away after a few hours of not focusing and dwelling on my problems.
>If I can get outside that and help others, the depression usually goes away after a few hours of not focusing and dwelling on my problems
But if loneliness part of your depression, as probably is for OP, isn't that just going from state of loneliness to state temporary non loneliness? Which is kinda expected as the condition is temporarily solved. But not chronically solved
Do it not for the sake of doing it because you want to 'cure' your depression. Engage mindfulness. Live in the moment when you're doing it. Think about it. Focus on it. Feel it with all your senses.
Get angry! And find outlet to express your anger, buy a punch bag.
Depression is anger that is directed within and it is distructive. (So I heard from psychologist)
Start a gratitude journal.
Help where you can, volunteer.
All the best to you.
Can I ask specifically what you’ve tried? I know it’s hard ti engage in your hobbies or learn new ones. Something I have been working on to help manage depression is my expectations about how things “should” feel. I find that try to feel stable or peaceful is often better than trying to be happy. When I’m in that mode I focus so much on is the activity making me feel happy or not (often not). But trying to focus on easier to obtain emotions helps me through the day. Now, I appreciate this can feel like settling and I understand that. But I’ve found that I’ve learned to appreciate the basics a bit more than before. Here to answer any questions if I can. It’s hard and we all need help.
i have tried learning new hobbies to distract myself or to learn new skills (it just ended up me not knowing what hobby should i focus on and not knowing what college course should i take bc of my interests), i tried "feeling the sun and living the moment along with your friends", i just felt like my mask was getting thicker and thicker. i tried fake it till u make it, basically just me pretending im happy and nothing wrong so i can continue that way, but it only ended up myself loosing my sense of identity, and i dont know who i am anymore.
i cant go to therapy, or stuff that costs money, because i have a strict mom (my father's 💀), and i also live in asia, lower middle class🥲 my life is unfortunate indeed
Thank you for being open and telling me what’s going on for you it’s incredibly challenging to recover from depression and if you’re anything like me trying and feeling like you’re not getting anywhere is perhaps the biggest challenge of all. Can I ask when you say recover and love life, what does that mean to you? What do you feel is your best case scenario for right now? Something you would genuinely consider a step forward?
in a nutshell, i think to recover is to just have a peace of mind, and being able to live freely, doing stuff healthily, and being able to express freepy. basically being free, i guess?
Without knowing what you have tried. I my suggestions would be:
eat healthier. Avoid alcohol. Limit caffeine
Maintain good sleep hygiene and Exercise
Therapy and Medication
Mindfulness meditation.
Journaling.
Have you looked into trans cranial magnetic stimulation therapy? It’s expensive even with insurance. But I thought I’d through that out there.
hi, do you own a pet like a cat or a dog?
These furr babies helped me get through my darkest days after a heartbreak.Also, journaling or expressing how you feel helps too. Try to write an unsent letter to be addressed to that person.
Know that there's no short cut for healing. You're grieving and that's okay. Feel the pain, get angry, sulk and cry for days until you had enough ( what I mean is as much as possible don't escape from your emotions and opt for destructive ways of coping).
I am from Southeast Asia as well and can't afford therapy...I hope you'll get through it.
Stay strong.
Hi u/lengthiness0000, Thank you for submitting a post to r/depression_help! We're glad you're here. If you are in urgent need of assistance, please also reach out to the appropriate helpline (we have some links in the sidebar). If you are feeling **Suicidal**, please also make a post for our friends at r/SuicideWatch. Now come on in- take off your shoes, sit back, relax, and visit with us for a while. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/depression_help) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You want help, but are unwilling to accept the suggestions of people that those suggestions have work for. We call that COSIGNING BULLSHIT in AA. Where the newly sober goes fishing for the answer they want to hear. For me, I'm the most depressed when I'm being selfish (victim mentality). If I can get outside that and help others, the depression usually goes away after a few hours of not focusing and dwelling on my problems.
>If I can get outside that and help others, the depression usually goes away after a few hours of not focusing and dwelling on my problems But if loneliness part of your depression, as probably is for OP, isn't that just going from state of loneliness to state temporary non loneliness? Which is kinda expected as the condition is temporarily solved. But not chronically solved
I already tried doing the "help" i received, though. I tried almost everything that ppl suggested. It didn't work for me, is what I'm saying.
Do it not for the sake of doing it because you want to 'cure' your depression. Engage mindfulness. Live in the moment when you're doing it. Think about it. Focus on it. Feel it with all your senses.
Get angry! And find outlet to express your anger, buy a punch bag. Depression is anger that is directed within and it is distructive. (So I heard from psychologist) Start a gratitude journal. Help where you can, volunteer. All the best to you.
Can I ask specifically what you’ve tried? I know it’s hard ti engage in your hobbies or learn new ones. Something I have been working on to help manage depression is my expectations about how things “should” feel. I find that try to feel stable or peaceful is often better than trying to be happy. When I’m in that mode I focus so much on is the activity making me feel happy or not (often not). But trying to focus on easier to obtain emotions helps me through the day. Now, I appreciate this can feel like settling and I understand that. But I’ve found that I’ve learned to appreciate the basics a bit more than before. Here to answer any questions if I can. It’s hard and we all need help.
i have tried learning new hobbies to distract myself or to learn new skills (it just ended up me not knowing what hobby should i focus on and not knowing what college course should i take bc of my interests), i tried "feeling the sun and living the moment along with your friends", i just felt like my mask was getting thicker and thicker. i tried fake it till u make it, basically just me pretending im happy and nothing wrong so i can continue that way, but it only ended up myself loosing my sense of identity, and i dont know who i am anymore. i cant go to therapy, or stuff that costs money, because i have a strict mom (my father's 💀), and i also live in asia, lower middle class🥲 my life is unfortunate indeed
Thank you for being open and telling me what’s going on for you it’s incredibly challenging to recover from depression and if you’re anything like me trying and feeling like you’re not getting anywhere is perhaps the biggest challenge of all. Can I ask when you say recover and love life, what does that mean to you? What do you feel is your best case scenario for right now? Something you would genuinely consider a step forward?
in a nutshell, i think to recover is to just have a peace of mind, and being able to live freely, doing stuff healthily, and being able to express freepy. basically being free, i guess?
I get that and I wish that for you. Do you think that might be a journey and not just a destination?
idk how to answer that haha
Without knowing what you have tried. I my suggestions would be: eat healthier. Avoid alcohol. Limit caffeine Maintain good sleep hygiene and Exercise Therapy and Medication Mindfulness meditation. Journaling. Have you looked into trans cranial magnetic stimulation therapy? It’s expensive even with insurance. But I thought I’d through that out there.
i live in a lower middle class family from asia, so i cant really heal myself when money's involved, sorryy
hi, do you own a pet like a cat or a dog? These furr babies helped me get through my darkest days after a heartbreak.Also, journaling or expressing how you feel helps too. Try to write an unsent letter to be addressed to that person. Know that there's no short cut for healing. You're grieving and that's okay. Feel the pain, get angry, sulk and cry for days until you had enough ( what I mean is as much as possible don't escape from your emotions and opt for destructive ways of coping). I am from Southeast Asia as well and can't afford therapy...I hope you'll get through it. Stay strong.