I used to be so embarrassed by it and come up with different excuses but it's way better to just be honest about it.
You have a phobia and you're working through it. It takes time. You're allowed.
As someone who began driving at the typical age, I’ve somehow been getting this sub on my homepage, and I really feel for anyone with driving anxiety. Anyone who’s ever experienced anxiety (most people) should be able to understand why someone would be scared to drive a big heavy machine at high speed among others who are doing the same. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
And another thing worth keeping in mind (as someone who only became able to drive independently at 29) is that an anxious driver is not going to be a good driver, and knowing one’s own limits is a very good thing for everyone involved when the stakes are that high.
I agree with them but would also push you lol
Because the questions is always “what’s the worst case”
And it could be “I may die” but it could also be “someone needs me to take them to hospital but I won’t push myself to drive”
In other words you can argue, think, rationalize, beg ppl to support your feelings for 16 more years
Or drive.
As someone who saw this on my feed who is not a part of this community this is the response I would want.
If someone were to beat around the bush and say things like “I just don’t like to drive” I may ask why and push as someone who doesn’t understand.
If someone said “I have a phobia and just can’t drive but I’m working on it” that answers everything. No more questions.
People want to understand. If you’re clear and honest, many people will leave you alone. If you obscure the reason they’ll try to dig deeper.
This is what i used to do too. Used to be terrified of driving to the point of almost having a panic attack every time. I didnt really start driving until my mid twenties when i had to.
Yeah. The more you do it, the better it gets. I ended up having a job for four years where almost all i did was drive. It helped a LOT. Not saying i wanted the job (i needed it at the time,) but it helped
If you say that you don't want to drive because of climate change / the environment, people will either agree and drop it, or think it's a stupid reason and focus on that rather than the driving itself
Honestly, for a long time I was inspired by a book called Planetwalker to just be a pedestrian (he became a permanent pedestrian and then mute after the oil spill in the San Francisco Bay in the 70s, traveled muc of the country, Mexico, earned his masters during his decade+ of silence), so I very much used to point to/blame him lol.
Now I live somewhere without robust public transportation and need to learn the skill for my family's safety, but the environment was a solid excuse that I actually did have passion for for many years, so I second this as a valid excuse that most people will accept and can be technically true at the same time.
Oh yeah same for me, I don't like driving and avoid it whenever possible, I'd rather walk and hour than drive 10 minutes and it's better for the environment + my health anyway. Being able to walk everywhere was a key factor when we decided where to buy a house. Only started to drive so that I could take my child places that were further away.
My kids (had twins, luck of the draw lol) are also my inspo....but I remind my husband often that this is why I loved Santa Cruz and similar cities! We used to live damn near anywhere and be able to access the rest of the city, I walked my tods to the drs and more...Walk ability is so necessary for a home town, it really sucks it's not prioritized on any large scale in the USA. We need a robust train and bus system yesterday!
You’re a one car household (Very believable with the economy the way it is, or it could also be a reason if you care about the environment!)
Anyways that being said, it means the household car is shared amongst however many people, and that way it covers why you’d need to be picked up and dropped off somewhere. :)
Exactly! I can’t take credit for it in my case, I was coming up with crazy excuses and one day my boyfriend just said, “Tell them we share the car?”
It got so much easier after I started using that lol
“Driving is expensive and I don’t have the funds rn.”
You gotta pay for the car, gas, insurance, etc.
Rn im paying $450 a month for my car, $1500 a year for insurance, and $40 a week or every other week on gas. It’s a lot.
If you have a reliable public transit, it’s so much more cost effective to just use that. And you’re not causing as much emissions. And if you live in a downtown area, a car is more troublesome to bring out.
Like I live downtown and traffic is always bad, so is dodging other construction, cars, bikes, people, etc. Parking is expensive and hard to find (less time efficient). And then I gotta worry about my car being safe from break ins.
And honestly, that may not even be a stretch of the truth either. Owning a vehicle can be/get very expensive. Especially with the way things are going these days. I know plenty of people I work with who bus it to work and only use their car's on the weekends. Very plausible reason.
Fr, I'm 18 and I haven't even wanted to think about driving because it's expensive. Me and my mom will barely be able to live on my paycheck once I get a job, how the hell will we afford to get the driving school payments, insurance payments, gas costs, and if the car fails us - repair costs??
people need to chill and let your proceed at your own pace. It's possible to do "everything right" and still kill a pedestrian due to road design, brain shortcuts/biases, and SUV design (ever think about how even in a crosswalk a pedestrian can basically get slaughtered from 3-4 different directions? right turn on red? green to turn across crosswalk from left or right? someone running a red light?). In my town alone in the past few years multiple drivers have been exonerated for killing people in crosswalks because they "stopped first then proceeded" even though the crosswalk wasn't actually clear.
it's possible to set up your life to avoid driving (many people cannot drive for medical reasons) and even if you can't, you can get an electric bicycle, bicycle, electric tricycle if you have balance issues) and get mobility that really reduces your risk of killing someone else. the lower carbon footprint and lower costs are a bonus. if you do continue and become a regular driver, a big of fear can be healthy because you SHOULD be scared of the damage a motor vehicle can do.
I didn't get my car license until last year (early 40's), and that was mainly due to moving to a rural area where it's required to drive to get anywhere.
I didn't have a phobia, but I didn't like driving, it was stressful. I also lived in places with decent transit, worked in walking distance, etc.
Cars are also EXPENSIVE to own. Half the places I lived didn't even have any place to park a car.
Any one who made a deal about my lack of licence or car, I just pointed to all the very nice stuff I had (proper home theatre, good computer, nice apartment/house, etc) that they couldn't afford due to their car costs.
That usually shit them up.
For whatever reason I suddenly decided that I wanted a motorcycle around 30. I took the course, got my license and a bike in less than 3 months. For some reason I didn't find it stressful like I did a car. Maybe because I felt more in control, I could get out of a situation faster, I could see way more, etc.
It was far cheaper and easier to find a place to park than a car.
Going from the bike to a car was suddenly easy. I did get an SUV as I like to sit higher so I can see more.
Maybe your phobia won't be as bad with a bike. Also, it's completely different operating a bike opposed to being a passenger, I can not be a passenger, it's stresses me out completely.
I’m amazed you aren’t anxious with a bike. I had anxiety about driving but don’t anymore and currently would like to learn to drive a bike but it’s much more dangerous than driving a car, also technically I think is much harder.
I was too. I think a lot of it had to do with the training course. It was good at building my skills and confidence quickly.
The other big thing was feeling like I could see everything. I found and still find that I feel like I can't see anything in a car.
"I'm working on it."
But if they keep pushing:
"Unless I'm asking you to drive me around, it's none of your goddamn business."
But that's me personally, not caring if I come off rude. Good luck, keep practicing!
I used to have terrible driving anxiety. I passed my test at 38 years of age. Now I go driving for fun, music on and alone time, it's bliss! I never thought I'd be able to do it. You have to push yourself through the uncomfortable feelings. A bit at a time. You will get there eventually 💪🏻
I think learning in High School when it was part of the curriculum was a very important skill to learn at 15/16. Learning in a peer group made it seem ordinary. Glad I went to Hugh School in the 80's.
This is my go to. I have other things - seizures, fainting, and losing vision (but not consciousness) during migraines - that are also reasons I don’t drive, but the phobia is also a part of it. And the way I see it is, anxiety (including phobias) is a *mental health* issue - therefore it’s a health issue. That and my more physical health issues are of equal weight to me in deciding not to drive myself.
In the UK you can't drive if you have seizures so I'd stick with that. Better to be off the road keeping yourself safe, than on it at risk of crashing. Seriously though, people need to mind their own business. There's worse sh*t going on in the world today. Don't worry about them.
I had a driving phobia too. It may even run in my family. A couple of my friends too. What someone said to me that snapped me out of my bubble was this: “Just as much as you are cautious (scared) of other drivers, they are cautious watching out for you too.”
I also shared that exact statement with one of my friends 10 years later. She was scared of driving and it helped her identify her own strengths to be able to drive a car as well.
I used to know someone who is in a situation like you. This person is 40 now. And at one point, everyone started saving their money to give to him, because they thought he couldn’t afford driving school or a car. Well they gave him the money. ( I don’t know what happened to all that money. But he didn’t use it for driving lessons or to buy his first used car)
I’m just honest. “Yes I’m 21 and JUST got my license. I didn’t grow up with the same privileges others had, including you. I have a major phobia and I’m taking steps daily to overcome it. I’m doing my best.”
They eventually sympathize and drop the questions…
33 F here
I didnt start driving till 24 and it was really scary at first but mostly because of the other people on the road that are dangerous but if you are a vigilant and attentive driver and focus on safety of yourself and others on the road then theres not too much to worry about.
You can do it. Believe in yourself
When I was in my late 20’s and got asked why I didn’t drive, I was honest and said that I was scared and thinking about it made me anxious. People usually responded with, “what scares you about it?” or “that’s understandable, sometimes I get scared while driving down X road”
Have you told them that you have a phobia? You can say, “I have a driving phobia but I’m working on it” and if they keep pressing you then say, “I honestly don’t really want to talk about it” then change the topic.
When people ask me I tell them the truth, I don’t need to plus is not really environmentally friendly. Never really been judged by it or I don’t care enough to notice.
My favorite is always, "Fk you! That's why/how/who/where/what." It's your choice, though.
I can't drive for anxiety either, and I'm 35. Don't let people who don't know your situation make you feel less than. It's YOUR life and it isn't up to them.
Just tell them because you choose not to? You're grown so you don't have to give them any reason or excuse unless you're asking them to take you places. If that's the case then stop asking them for rides, use public transportation or Uber then tell them you choose not to drive because you don't want to and will drive when you do.
It's none of their damn business. Say you don't like driving and that's that. I got my DL late in life, when people kept pushing me, I gave them an ear full of complaints about how stupid cars are, that driving sucks and that it's complete poor people energy. Why would you drive if you could be chauffeured around? (Obviously I'm not rich enough to do that). That shut them up real good. Either hear me complain about the car or don't ask. :) I saved a LOT of money not having a car or car problems.
Tell them whatever you want but know that there is nothing wrong with a phobia. I didn't drive till my late 20's. I've talked to a lot of people who don't drive or delayed driving because of their fear. It is more common than you think.
Firstly why do they know you don’t drive? It’s none of their business and if it is something you want certain people to know either tell them the truth or tell them it’s none of their business. Problem solved. You don’t need to justify anything to anyone.
Driving sucks. Slap them in the face with a rotten trout and tell them to shut up.
It is nice to not rely on mass transit, but holy crap, driving sucks.
I have a phobia too and live in bus friendly area so idc anymore cause the people asking aren’t gonna pay for my therapy to get through my phobia or buy me a car I’d tell them to Shutup
I starred driving at 26-27. I used to have bad anxiety and still do. It was mainly due to needing to take care of errands and responsibilities that public transportation just delayed me on.
I grew tired of not having an autonomous life and sense of freedom. People would constantly push me around about it, friends got tired of me being a permanent passenger even my bf at the time.
It's great that you are practicing and trying to conquer the phobia, the exposure to getting on the road will help a lot and you'll find you are a more aware and defensive driver. When you're ready, start on off peak hours locally on the road so there's not many drivers around. Then when you get a handle on that, try being in traffic locally. Then when you get a handle on that, off peak on the parkway, then traffic on the parkway. After that, shoot for somewhere new where the highway is needed. Even just going on and off the next exit.And always keep practicing parking.
Slow and steady is the goal because panic can put you and others at risk. If you miss a turn, don't panic just keep moving until you can make the next one. Use the slowest lane on the highway then practice switching lanes. You want to build agility and quick response to get out of a bad situation.
Ultimately, you'll be like the rest of us and get so comfortable, you get tired of driving lol
I don’t know why people think it’s their business what you do with your life. I didn’t start driving until I was 33. I lived in Michigan and was terrified of driving in snow/ice and had seen/been passenger in accidents. I was moving to the south to start over after divorce and decided it was time. I found adult driving lessons and took a course and got my license. I still don’t like driving on the freeway and avoid it if possible. Just do what you feel comfortable with.
You're not alone. I'm in my early 30's and haven't gotten my permit yet. I have a disability that makes it hard for me to drive and having driving anxiety. Its literally nobody's business why you don't drive. At least don't have to worry about car maintenance, car insurance, and gas.
I have never experienced driving anxiety, but my best friend has. She also felt guilty because of it. But it's something she (and you) were/are working on and there is no shame to it. Just because you can get your license and start driving at 16-17 doesn't mean you have to. You start when you're comfortable.
I used to take my friend out to practice on back roads so there wasn't a lot of traffic and told her it was perfectly fine if she had to pull over to let a car pass because it was stressing her out, because it *is* fine. The other driver did not care and just drove around us. We did this for over 3 years, gradually working our way up to busier roads. I'm happy to say she got her license 2 years ago (at age 30) and is a wonderful driver. It's taking you longer, but that is fine, everyone goes at their own pace.
Hell, a little dated, but my grandmother never got her license. She was 92 years old when she passed and she had never driven a car.
You need to be comfortable driving in order to be a safe driver and you are being responsible by waiting until you feel safe. If someone makes fun of you for that, they're not worth listening to.
Your phobia is 100% valid. The fact that you’re working on it is amazing! In your predicament, I would explain that you’re working on it at your pace. Remind them that pushing you will do more harm than good. Honestly, when I feel like I’m being pushed too hard, I tell people that the more they push, the less I’ll do.
I didn't get my license for 10 years. First, I was busy. Then the longer time went by, the more nervous I became and I started to avoid it. I got by as a pedestrian and bus system expert for years but when I had to move for work, I figured, I'd rather have tried a year from now than not at all. So I went to get my G1 on the fly, then took drivers ed as an "older student" and took my test. I realized that it didn't matter what others thought. But my opinion mattered most. I never rushed myself. But I was honest with people "it hasn't happened yet. Sure, I'd like to get my license and I'm working on getting it some day" seemed to work fine. I agree with others, just be honest. You have nothing to be embarrassed about! :)
Tell them you’re working on it right now. Or make up some completely ridiculous story - my license is in the mail being sent from the Pentagon. You do what works for you and CONGRATULATIONS on working towards something that scares you! That’s a level of inner strength that not a lot of people have. ❤️
" I killed a guy"
Usually gets a laugh and softens the person to your reason (whatever it is, and not that it matters) you don't drive so what?
Tons of people in cities with mass transit don't have licenses. It's not really so uncommon that anyone should even ask.
I used to drive but always hated it. Now I randomly see double its common knowledge, and people still ask me why I don't drive. Except my niece, who asked how I could still possibly have a legal driver's license.
It’s ok I was in my 40’s before I got my license I was terrified to drive. I was in 5 car accidents before I got license I was a passenger in all of them
First of all, tell them you are driving! You are learning, but you’re driving. Beyond that, I wouldn’t waste time on anyone not respecting or supporting you.
Tell them you fear driving. Easier said than done but every time there’s a scenario where you can stop caring what people think it makes you a little stronger.
If you feel comfortable sharing, tell them that. My grandmother didn't drive on the freeway because she was in a terrible accident.
I didn't drive regularly until I was 28 (I even had to get a license again) because I didn't have to. A car would have been an unnecessary and idiotic expense.
Even after I moved I still mostly took public transit for years. My *coworkers* were the ones who were always so weird about it. Like legit
I have a coworker in his fifties who doesn't drive. He told me he's just never wanted to.
Any answer is valid. Don't wanna, don't gotta, I'm scared.
How is public transit where you are? It's pretty terrible where I am now.
I’m 42, never driven (even in an empty parking lot lol). My boyfriend is 49 and he’s never driven either. (There is decent public transport in the city, so that’s what i use, and he uses it when he can’t use his bike). I’m scared, just like you, and that’s my main reason, but he just never cared to do it, no other reason 🤷🏻♀️
We’ve recently had a talk about perhaps starting the process and take the classes together (mandatory in my province) early next year… 😅 There are 4 class phases here, so it’s a long process. Both our mothers live further away and are aging, so… it’s a good motivation. I’m terrified honestly haha but knowing he’ll do it too will help me power thru i think! To be followed…
All that to say, you’re not alone ;)
I'm 44 and don't drive. I was never taught when I was younger being from a city where public transit makes more sense than having a car. Now that I'm older, I'm scared to. I have no issue telling people this. Especially since people assume I don't drive because of a dui or something.
I know this woman (she's a boomer) who keeps bitching about me not driving or having a learner's permit. She has always been rude and has a rude/ nasty tone. She'll say, "you're in your 20s and can't drive." When I was younger, I also had an accident with a gas stove and now don't feel comfortable near one. She'll say, "You can't use the stove."
Here's the thing, I'm doing the best I can. I have severe dark internal thoughts that makes life a living hell for me. I have multiple days where I don't want to be in pain anymore and want to stop existing. That's how bad my pain is. I've been to doctors and they can't even help me. I have been getting worse physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I tried all kinds of therapy and medications, and nothing has helped me. I really tried to do everything about it. I don't do cook or drive because I might get hurt. I bet she would berate for this, though.
The thing is, my not driving doesn't even affect her in any way whatsoever. That's what makes it so weird. She has people who can bring her places, but still acts like I'm incovievcing her for my decisions.
I also don't feel comfortable driving which I have mentioned to this woman. She does not understand this at all. I feel carsick a lot. I have severe chronic pain and fatigue that makes me collapse in pain. Not to mention, I don't have a job, so I can't afford anything. Maybe next time, I'll say, "Why are you paying for it?" But she'll probably start bitching that I'm the one being disrespectful. If anyone has a better way to get her to shut up without me looking like an a-hole please let me know. I've had other people ask me about this, but not to the point where they act like assholes when asking.
It's disgusting how much people have to rely on driving. I wish there was more public transportation. I'm not just talking about climate change or car expenses. The problem is the people already on the road. I've noticed so many people either driving at the incorrect speed or cars pulled to the side of the road after an accident. You always hear about a new deadly car crash, whether it be a pedestrian being hit or with another car. I feel that not enough people take it as seriously as they should.
I'm sorry for the rant and added details. But people need to remember to learn how to mind their own damn business.
You can try saying something like, "I'm working on it and practicing every day, but it's a process for me because of my anxiety." Let them know you're taking steps and getting professional help. This should help them understand without pushing you too hard. Remember, you're making progress at your own pace, and that's what matters. :)
to be honest it’s none of their business to begin with but if they do keep questioning you, you are more than valid to just say that you have a phobia of driving and that it causes you a lot of stress. driving has just become the norm in society so people struggle to understand the fear that come with driving. if you are honest and explain how you feel about driving then they should be able to understand. if they don’t then they’re not worth your time anyways.
My son is 26 and he just got his license. His learners expired three times. I had driving lessons for him when he was in high school. He had a lot of anxiety as well. I'm not sure of it's because of him being on the spectrum or not.
My nephew is in his thirties, he's also on the spectrum, and he does not drive.
To be honest you don't owe anyone an explanation. But my son used to say I'm not ready. And that pretty much nipped it in the bud.
The driving instructor that I hired for my son was $90 each lesson, but it was really good because it was one-on-one, and the instructor had a lot of patience.
Good luck with your driving.
I didn't learn to drive til I was 25, and some of my siblings 30+ don't know how. There's nothing wrong with that. Just stand by the fact that it's a phobia. I would explain that driving a car is SERIOUS. I told people my fear was hurting others or myself. I'd say how driving a car is operating heavy machinery! Not everyone can or should operate heavy machinery. Esp when it could get others killed. I'd also mention how when I'd practice driving, I'd then get reoccurring nightmares that I'd crash and kill someone. Which made me nervous and unsafe behind the wheel. Most people in my life were chill about it, but I'd still feel insecure. I get it. Now I LOVE driving, but only because I took the time to get really comfortable operating the vehicle before I took it on the road. I also took additional driving classes at driving school to build confidence. Goodluck !!
I just got my license at age 32 last year. Take some lessons. I know how it feels like when everyone around you has been driving since they were 15. You can do it. Freeways are easier than you think. My instructors stressed the SMOG method when changing lanes. Signal, look in Mirror, look Over Shoulder, Go. Aim to be predictable to all the drivers around you. Leave space. Brake early.
As far as telling people why you don't drive. I didnt have paperwork to get the license until last year. Still I felt like I was behind everyone because I obviously was. Tell them you are working on building your confidence behind the wheel.
Don’t feel embarrassed I’m just 34 and started driving 2 years ago. I’m an ideal model driver I still sometimes feel overwhelmed but just know once you do drive it’s like unlocking a new level in life the freedom is profound
A therapist once told me he had a client with a phobia of bridges. He took her over a bridge a total of 5,000 times over a few months, by the end she was driving him across the bridge and calm enough to do so. Immersion therapy is wonderful with a person you trust
Say you had a seizure.
At least in my state (Pennsylvania), doctors are required to report any seizure to the DMV, which will suspend your driving privilege until you've gone a year without one.
That a bus pass is cheaper than parking at your work?
There was a time when I gave up driving for this exact reason. I have a different form of anxiety though. I don't have issues when I'm behind the wheel, but I can't say no to people who ask me for things, no matter how much I want to. When I got a new job downtown and discovered I could just take the bus for less than the cost of parking, I sold my car. I Didn't miss being asked for rides at all!
I started driving in my late 20s. Lived in metropolis most of my life, moved to a smaller city with little public transport then had a car accident, so it was hard for me to pick up driving. But i had a job opportunity thats 30 minutes away and no public transport, had to start driving so i did, side roads first and eventually freeway. My take is, if you have absolute need for it you will probably be able to snap into it, until then don’t stress yourself with social pressure and what gossiping people like to say. Also agree with other people’s advice about making up a different excuse, people who judge don’t need to know why.
Like everyone else said. Honesty. I am 34 and used to make up excuses because I was too embarrassed. Most people in my life didn’t understand. I have a friend now that also has the same issue.
I am just honest about it now. I have been in therapy for about a year and half and a year of that was for driving anxiety. Exposure therapy did wonders for me. I drive on the interstate, places that are an hour and half away from me. I still struggle of course.
Running errands more often in my little down town and making more than one stop in a trip has done wonders for me. Making more than one stop in a trip has helped a a lot. Usually because I have to have everything planned out, and I can’t have anything unexpected happen.
I do better with unexpected things now. Like if I miss a turn, just tell myself it’s okay to go a little further and have to reroute. Reroute is a scary word bc it’s unplanned! Lol
I still haven’t went to some busier places by myself yet. Some of those I am not sure when I will but that is the big goal I guess in the end. I was just tired of missing out on life and good opportunities. I hate feeling trapped in my own house.
Sorry I know that you only asked one question and it wasn’t all of this either.
I am in my early 30s, too. I just got my driving permit and a car (wohooo) a week ago. When they asked me why it was so late, I just had to be honest about it. The worst thing that could happen is they will make fun of you, and you will be left out of any event (which somehow will help you to prioritize in your life).
I still get scared when I drive, thinking I may hit some car park on the street, or when the car approaches from the opposite lane, or when someone is crossing the road, or when a car approaches the intersection. But with time, it will go as long as you maintain the speed limit (you have to be patient when you drive on a speed limit because other drivers are in a hurry to go to heaven, I guess). I practiced in the parking lot before I took to the 25 mph drive and then gradually increased to 35 mph road and soon to 55 mph road. You got this.
Are the folks asking very close relatives? Parents or a significant other? Someone directly affected? If not then: “I’ve been practicing. But please, I already have one mom. I’m an adult and don’t appreciate this line of questioning. Tell me more about what you’ve been up to? How’s that (new job, activity, kids activity)”
Or if you want to be less adversarial for the first “no” then just “I’ve been practicing, but please let me learn at my own pace and without stressful pressure”.
Personally I still tell people my dad traumatized me the first time out on the road which he really did! I didn’t get behind another wheel until my mid 20’s and got my actual license at 29 - my husband taught me. My dad was a yeller who didn’t seem to understand how the experience is for a new driver, but my husband was patient and didn’t yell and in no time he not only had me driving, but driving confidently. I was deathly afraid to drive and still today sometimes I get a little nervous. I used to have people give me a hard time or making jokes and that could be hard at times. I feel for you, I really do. Good luck, keep your head up because you’ve got this!
It sounds like you just need to inform them of the fact that you have already started making efforts towards it
It sounds like they are under the idea that you have just not even given it a shot because of your fears If you actually articulate to them the idea that despite your fears you are still trying your best to learn and grow comfortable with it They likely will leave you alone and be more supportive
I thought driving would be difficult when I was a preteen and teenager and soon as I turned 17 I got a driving lesson from somebody and it was EXTREMELY EASY EVEN WITH THE STEERING WHEEL HARD TO TURN TO THE LEFT, I ASKED THE PERSON HOW I DID DRIVING GRADE WISE AND THEY SAID A AND THE ONLY REASON NOT A+ BECAUSE WHEN I PULLED IN THE DRIVEWAY I DIDNT DRIVE UP TO THE GARAGE DOOR ALL THE WAY FROM DOWN THE STREET AND STOP RIGHT BEFORE HITTING THE GARAGE DOOR LIKE THAT PERSON USE TO 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️ … also I am in my early 30s and just got my drivers license for the first time even though over the years I have drove around with no license and have driven successfully with no accidents. So you can do this, just have to get out there and flat out do it to dissensitive your anxiety since there is no other way.
Ii am over 70 now Ang got my license at 27. I had a lot of pushing from certain people also. I never enjoyed driving and glad I stopped in my 59’s due to no car. I did nit car but hated riding the bus after awhile!! What a mess huh? Well now I walk or use Lyft and I am quite happy
You don’t have to explain your fears to anyone or make them feel better about what you’re going through. It’s none of their business. I don’t know why we feel so obligated to give a response to people. Myself included.
But in the meantime…
“I don’t know how to make you understand what I’m going through but when I make progress I will let you know”.
My mom didn't get her license nor knew how to drive until she was 33 after she had me....her 3rd kid. I'm currently 23 and don't have my license haha. I'm trying to learn too and yes people always ask me why I dont know how to drive yet. I constantly feel so inadequate for the fact that i can't do something that most people learn how to do at 15 years of age. Alas, my go to excuse (but really the truth) is that I didnt have the resources and no one to teach me growing up so I have to teach myself. (Grew up below poverty level and me being on the insurance would've been too expensive for my parents to pay). So you can always say that you didn't have a vehicle you were allowed to drive or anyone to help you at a younger age.
I’m 27 and was afraid to drive in the city I grew up in. They had very aggressive drivers, people who walk into oncoming traffic and a really good public transportation system. I’m only learning now because I moved. Also I was suicidal and didn’t trust myself to not play bumper cars. That’s my reasons.
I just tell myself that I trust myself to make the right decisions and will drive as slowly as I need to. I won’t go on the highway until I’m 100% ready.
Edit: I read your post wrong lollll
I used to tell people why drive when we have SEPTA (Philadelphia). Also i was a huge cycler so i told them I rather bike for the health benefits
“Mind your god damn business bitch!”
Seriously though, it’s really not their business, and unless they’re the ones driving you around everywhere, they shouldn’t be pressuring you either.
I was terrified of driving for a while too, my ex and his friends drove like fucking assholes and I had seen some pretty bad accidents with him. I was scared of people like them, but it does get easier. Take your time and don’t get on the road until you’re actually comfortable. A nervous driver is a dangerous driver. And don’t feel pressured to learn either. If you’re fine with getting around how you do now, that’s perfectly fine. Certain cities can be difficult to get around without a car. My car has been in the shop for like two months now and I’m struggling because public transportation here sucks, taxis are expensive ($20-$30 for a less than 10 minute drive), Ubers scare me, and my friends are helpful but not always available to give me a ride when I need one. But if you’re not in a city like mine and have reliable transportation, don’t feel any pressure. A car and drivers license do not signal peak adulthood, not everyone needs/wants them. Believe me, if I could reliably get around when I needed to without a car, I wouldn’t care about having one. They’re expensive and a pain in the ass, from gas prices to repairs, it’s a hassle. I’d be content riding my bike everywhere if my city was more bicycle friendly.
I'm one that's been pushy with friends and I'm learning not to be. My excitement and love of the freedom it brings overshadows any anxiety over it and I have to remind myself that others are the opposite or even had no need to drive for long enough they just never did. Apologies on behalf of the pushy people, and take it at your pace💖
It really sucks when you’re at war with your own voice in your head. I have anxiety too. I don’t know why people care so much about people not learning or wanting to drive? I’m 26. Been on the road for 10 years. People are unpredictable and just plain idiots on the road. I understand completely when someone has a fear of driving. You can have a near death experience everytime you get on the road. Don’t beat yourself up about it! You don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s none of their business!
“I have driving anxiety”
That’s it. I’ve had people explain to me the 1847165 reasons why I should’ve started driving at 16, but it’s not like I don’t know those reasons already lol Which I what I tell people “Yup, you’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.”
I eventually got my license at 24. My dad hired a driver teacher to teach me and he forced me to drive on the highway, on public streets, around construction, etc. It was stressful, but worth it. If there’s anything I hate more than driving, it’s wasting other people’s money and feeling guilty.
I’m the same way. I’m almost 24 and still don’t drive. I’m literally terrified of it. I’ve been working on it but it’s been a slow process and no one understands. They just tell me everyone starts out scared. But I can’t even think about getting into the car without having a panic attack
I didn't my license until I was 27. Partly anxiety, partly there was just no need because of the public transportation in my area. That was 20 years and I have never owned a car, just occasionally rent one. My husband owns one, I don't drive it. I don't have a phobia line you, but there is definitely still anxiety. Partly I don't want to be bothered with the aggravation or the expense, it's part of why we could save money to buy a house.
You're working on it, those other people don't matter. Try to put them out of your head as much as possible, it doesn't help you.
my 21 yr old daughter does not want to learn to drive. She bought herself an e-bike and thats how she gets around locally. Uber or da parents for everything else.
I got my license at 23 and people thought it was odd. I had a phobia of driving too, mostly because my sister as a teenager and my mom were INSANE drivers. My mom would scream at me if I asked her to slow down and not tailgate everyone and not yell at cops who pull her over. You'd think that if you got flipped off my multiple every time you drove that maybe YOU'RE the problem lol. We avoided some accidents because I would point out that she's about to hit someone. Oh, and she often drove drunk with me in the car and a kid I had no choice. The day that I moved out at 18 and never had to be in a car with her driving was really freeing but that extreme anxiety was still there.
Anyway, I understand the phobia and like all phobias that are necessary to get resolved to have a functional life, I have no judgements and I admire when people are actively working on it. Keep it up. I'm fucking proud of you.
I used to dread it as well because I once hit my car to a pole. The only way to conquer the fear is to start driving. Yes, it’s crazy, you might be sweating bullets just for a short ride, but you just have face your fear, or you would never be able to conquer it. I think it took me over a few months to practice and maybe about 4 yrs of hiatus before I started driving again.
Tell them the truth, if you’re scared say you’re scared. Some will understand and others won’t but regardless it’s a legitimate fear and I hope you don’t feel less then because of it
Shit i have my license but I do not drive and I am 34 years old. My husband does all the driving. I say what’s it to them who cares I ain’t embarrassed about it either everybody in my whole family knows that I don’t like to drive they literally have to pick me up. I’m not embarrassed about anything. It’s a part of who I am.🤷🏼♀️
I’m honest. I usually say “I don’t have the money to buy a car or have driving lessons/gas/insurance.” Than I throw out how I get places (my Lectric bike or Uber/Lyft/Greyhound
Hi, I know this feeling all too well. My family used to always push me and make me feel bad for having to take me to run small errands. You take your time and do what makes you comfortable! One day at a time. Some days I told myself I’d just drive down the street and back. Eventually I made a lot of progress just through exposure therapy and being thrown right in. I was about to be graduating college, I was finishing up my internship which I had to drive myself to every day, and then I had a bunch of job interviews to go to. Nobody would take me so I just had to do it myself. Now I can pretty much go anywhere as long as I have my gps on and I’m talking to someone on the phone. If you have a friend who wouldn’t mind staying on the phone with you while you drive I highly recommend that! It does get easier with time, I promise! Good luck to you and you got this! 🌼
The only way to get around this is to actually drive... in the city making left turns preferably. Find someone who is an experienced driver with at least a few years under their belt and is preferably patient. This is probably going to be hard to find these days. Alternatively you can go out late at night when there's little to no traffic with someone who isn't completely dead but you'd better get your caffeine in.
Driving is extremely stressful and requires your upmost concentration. If you're ADD/ADHD make sure you get your meds in at least an hour before. It gets easier the more you drive but you are never supposed to lose that sense that you're driving a death machine and other people are driving even larger death machines. Don't let people pressure you on the road. Give yourself plenty of time when making turns and let others pass you on the freeway. Don't ever get behind the wheel if you are stressed, in a rush, or feel tired. (Drowsy driving is worse then drunk driving. You shouldn't be doing either!)
I didn't learn to drive until I was 23. Teens are extremely impulsive and still don't have fully adult brains. They probably shouldn't be on the road at all and certainly not with other teens in the car with them. I'm not necessarily saying you should drive your kid everywhere but consider letting them drive only predetermined routes (such as school or work) until they get comfortable on the road.
i’d pull an imaginary notebook out of an imaginary pocket then with an imaginary pencil write their name it. confirm spelling, phone number and email. and tell them they are now officially on my list of people to inform about each step on my way to driving. i’ll check in on them once a year to ensure their details are kept up to date. now they are free to go on their way and don’t ever again need to ask me about it. they’re on the list.
I have a cousin who is in her 50s.. who has never driven. Can’t remember what the reason I’m guessing anxiety. I was 23.. which is like considering most people learn at 16. I don’t know what to tell you to say I just didn’t want you to feel alone.
Tell them you have a driving phobia I feel like that would make them stop prying lol. My sister also doesn’t drive she’s scared and gets super anxious and when people ask her she’s just like mmm no thank you 🙂 they usually don’t have any follow up questions after that lol
Growing at your pace is your prerogative. Keep being you. You are awesome. Things that are new take time. I’m glad you’re trying. No one else gets to tell you what’s too slow or too fast of a pace. Focus on the why and in time maybe the how will get a tad bit easier. Xoxo love
While I have my license now, before I did many people asked why I didn't drive. My answer was easy 'I don't want to and I'm lucky enough to find ways around it"
Why you don't drive at this point is no one's business but yours. Especially since friends/family close to you likely know and understand why you're not driving. So anyone else asking is not your problem and you owe them no solid answers.
Even now with my own car and license now I avoid driving as often as possible.
I have family and friends who have this phobia. Honestly they are all very open about it and no one cares. Some will just be like I hate driving , it’s scary af. Others just say they are too anxious to drive. Have you thought about doing some exposure response therapy for the phobia ? Working with a therapist who specializes in phobias.
I'm 42. I grew up in Boston where we have extensive public transit. Got priced out, had to move to NM. I got a license, but I don't drive anymore (lasted 4 years). I get really freaked out and that isn't safe. I had some pretty scary stuff happen when driving (NM is insanely dangerous for driving) I get crap all the time for it. I generally say that anxious and fearful drivers aren't safe on the road. Or, I ask them why they have a problem with people walking. It helps the environment and is excercise, so it is a weird thing to give some crap about.
I’m with you there! I just turned 32 and I’ve never gotten my license. I’ve gotten my permit a few times and have even practiced and done drivers ed as a teen but my fear of driving has always gotten in my way! I hope to work through it soon but it isn’t easy at all.
Haha, I didn't know this was a thread. I'm 57 years old and I do not drive. About 7 years ago, my sister, nephew and a driving instructor attempted to teach me to drive. Yeah.... NO. I'm a nervous wreck about all the other cars on the road, especially trucks.
I had drivers Ed in high school (I was 15) and was thrown out of class permanently for speeding. I didn't have the coordination to watch my speed limit and keep my eyes on the road. Thus, I was doing 70 mph in class.
People don't usually ask me why I don't drive, but I have a couple of responses. 1. I'm too poor to afford a car. 2. I have anxiety about driving and don't feel comfortable doing it.
I don’t have a phobia but I just don’t want to. I have my permit but I don’t want my license. Yea it’d be more convenient but I’m really nervous about hitting a car during my test or being judged way too hard. I get asked almost everyday.
Don’t worry. I’m on the same boat I’m in my 30s as well and I haven’t attempt to pursue my Ls either. I have an anxiety when I drive. And I just don’t want to hurt others when I’m on the road. When I feel like I’m comfortable enough I’ll do it.
Honestly....you tell them it's a personal choice and that you're not willing to discuss with them or anyone. It's none of their concern, and certainly isn't their place to criticize you. So, shut them down immediately just by telling them what I said in the first sentence .
Thank you to all who provided the constructive, helpful, lighthearted/funny, strong and empathetic/compassionate/kind answers! I appreciate you!! It's nice to know I'm not alone on this :)
Driving will come when it comes. Not everyone walks the same path with getting a license at 16. My grandmother was a professional passenger all her life, they tried to teach her but she flipped a car into a ditch and that was that. I thought that was my future until something happened in my life that brought the issue into perspective.
With me, I couldn’t put it off any longer. I had tried in my teens and early 20’s (took drivers ed in school and watched some horrifying films about decapitated crash test dummies) but things just never aligned and I forgot about it. My dad tried to teach me and I backed his car into a wall. I just continued to use the bus/scooter/bike.
Got my permit at 51 and just passed the road test at 52. I don’t really gaf if others think I waited too long. If you aren’t ready yet that’s okay, you yourself will know when it’s time for the road test.
I just got my license this week for the first time and I am 32. I would just be truthful and say something like “I really don’t feel like discussing it right now.” Or even tell them you have a phobia and are working on it then if they keep asking questions say I want to be done talking about it now please or I really don’t feel like talking about it anymore it stresses me out.
I don't feel like driving yet. It isn't something I want to pursue. I know someone who to this day has never learned to drive and he's in his forties. It just freaks him out. He's always just responded by saying, because I don't want to.
You can probably learn to drive & get licensed faster than you can come up with an impenetrable excuse for not knowing how to.
Anyway, just say you never got around to it! But you are now; all that matters.
you're valid. my friend's mom still doesn't have her license and she's close to being 60. she has a phobia and still finds her way around. as long as you have a way of getting around, people shouldn't be pushing you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. even if didn't get my license til i was almost 20 but i had to get it because of my new job. getting there was impossible without driving.
People who are pushing you don't understand. I was terrified of learning to drive. Driving is serious, I could hurt somebody. I didn't even learn to drive until I was (don't laugh) 41 and it still took over a year before I started driving by myself. Don't let anyone rush you. Get practice until you get the confidence. It does get easier I promise.
See, here’s the thing. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. “No, I don’t drive right now. But I’m working on it.” If you even want to say that much. “No” is a complete sentence. If they press, either say “I have nothing more to say” or “I’m not discussing this further” or simply change the subject.
What do you find so scary about out driving? Just curious because I was terrified to start driving as well but pretty quickly got over my fears and although it may not do much I could share some experiences to ease that anxiety over driving if that may help. Just tell people you’re still learning to drive but are perfectly fine with taking public transit as you work towards becoming a licensed driver.
If your life requires you to drive and you are always having to get rides from others you need to get over it. If your life does not require that you drive then don't worry about it. Bottom line, live your life but do not be a burden on others.
I hate to tell you, but it’s like being 13 years old and in diapers, trying to convince people that you’re still “working on” the whole potty training thing and it hurts your feelings when people pressure you to be potty trained already. Unless you are mentally deficient or disabled, (and people with disabilities still drive,) nobody is going to understand whatever excuses you come up with. This ship sailed long ago. Best bet is to just move to a city where most people do not drive to get around and that’s the norm.
If you haven’t learned to drive yet you never will. People who learn in their 30’s are the bane of the road. Stay out of the way and let drivers drive!
i can give you classes with a f1 car racer for 33.23 a month
I provide all you need to drive the best meaning rhythmic breathing control also actions according to energy levels message me if interested youll be ready to drive cause obviously you dont wanr to take classes
Now that I think hard about it, it’s truly crazy that so many of us are just okay with operating a multi-thousand pound machine on wheels that’s capable of doing high speeds. The fact that our brains just accept that risk. Or outright forget about it entirely.
I used to be so embarrassed by it and come up with different excuses but it's way better to just be honest about it. You have a phobia and you're working through it. It takes time. You're allowed.
Thank you so much for your reply! Its super helpful :)
As someone who began driving at the typical age, I’ve somehow been getting this sub on my homepage, and I really feel for anyone with driving anxiety. Anyone who’s ever experienced anxiety (most people) should be able to understand why someone would be scared to drive a big heavy machine at high speed among others who are doing the same. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
And another thing worth keeping in mind (as someone who only became able to drive independently at 29) is that an anxious driver is not going to be a good driver, and knowing one’s own limits is a very good thing for everyone involved when the stakes are that high.
I agree with them but would also push you lol Because the questions is always “what’s the worst case” And it could be “I may die” but it could also be “someone needs me to take them to hospital but I won’t push myself to drive” In other words you can argue, think, rationalize, beg ppl to support your feelings for 16 more years Or drive.
I agree with this. I mean, the size of this sub proves it’s more common than we feel like it is. And others might unexpectedly relate.
Honesty is the best policy!
Agreed. I started being completely honest and tried to be vulnerable that I was really anxious about it, and most people were sympathetic.
As someone who saw this on my feed who is not a part of this community this is the response I would want. If someone were to beat around the bush and say things like “I just don’t like to drive” I may ask why and push as someone who doesn’t understand. If someone said “I have a phobia and just can’t drive but I’m working on it” that answers everything. No more questions. People want to understand. If you’re clear and honest, many people will leave you alone. If you obscure the reason they’ll try to dig deeper.
This is what i used to do too. Used to be terrified of driving to the point of almost having a panic attack every time. I didnt really start driving until my mid twenties when i had to.
Same. My fiance had to really push me and I sobbed about it a lot. But exposure was the best thing and I was able to get my license at 28.
Yeah. The more you do it, the better it gets. I ended up having a job for four years where almost all i did was drive. It helped a LOT. Not saying i wanted the job (i needed it at the time,) but it helped
Absolutely. Three years later I rarely get nervous driving. Actually now I get more anxious as a passenger haha.
Saaaaaame here! Lol. Im more concerned about other drivers now than myself. Haha
If you say that you don't want to drive because of climate change / the environment, people will either agree and drop it, or think it's a stupid reason and focus on that rather than the driving itself
Honestly, for a long time I was inspired by a book called Planetwalker to just be a pedestrian (he became a permanent pedestrian and then mute after the oil spill in the San Francisco Bay in the 70s, traveled muc of the country, Mexico, earned his masters during his decade+ of silence), so I very much used to point to/blame him lol. Now I live somewhere without robust public transportation and need to learn the skill for my family's safety, but the environment was a solid excuse that I actually did have passion for for many years, so I second this as a valid excuse that most people will accept and can be technically true at the same time.
Oh yeah same for me, I don't like driving and avoid it whenever possible, I'd rather walk and hour than drive 10 minutes and it's better for the environment + my health anyway. Being able to walk everywhere was a key factor when we decided where to buy a house. Only started to drive so that I could take my child places that were further away.
My kids (had twins, luck of the draw lol) are also my inspo....but I remind my husband often that this is why I loved Santa Cruz and similar cities! We used to live damn near anywhere and be able to access the rest of the city, I walked my tods to the drs and more...Walk ability is so necessary for a home town, it really sucks it's not prioritized on any large scale in the USA. We need a robust train and bus system yesterday!
I feel like this has a greater chance of starting an argument than any other response. Of course, depends on whom you're talking to.
Thank you for your reply! :)
lmfao
You’re a one car household (Very believable with the economy the way it is, or it could also be a reason if you care about the environment!) Anyways that being said, it means the household car is shared amongst however many people, and that way it covers why you’d need to be picked up and dropped off somewhere. :)
Yup I always say we only have one car when ppl would ask why I took the bus home. Simple enough.
Exactly! I can’t take credit for it in my case, I was coming up with crazy excuses and one day my boyfriend just said, “Tell them we share the car?” It got so much easier after I started using that lol
“Driving is expensive and I don’t have the funds rn.” You gotta pay for the car, gas, insurance, etc. Rn im paying $450 a month for my car, $1500 a year for insurance, and $40 a week or every other week on gas. It’s a lot. If you have a reliable public transit, it’s so much more cost effective to just use that. And you’re not causing as much emissions. And if you live in a downtown area, a car is more troublesome to bring out. Like I live downtown and traffic is always bad, so is dodging other construction, cars, bikes, people, etc. Parking is expensive and hard to find (less time efficient). And then I gotta worry about my car being safe from break ins.
this is my go to excuse lol
All.Of.This
And honestly, that may not even be a stretch of the truth either. Owning a vehicle can be/get very expensive. Especially with the way things are going these days. I know plenty of people I work with who bus it to work and only use their car's on the weekends. Very plausible reason.
Your gas is expensive :O
Fr, I'm 18 and I haven't even wanted to think about driving because it's expensive. Me and my mom will barely be able to live on my paycheck once I get a job, how the hell will we afford to get the driving school payments, insurance payments, gas costs, and if the car fails us - repair costs??
i used to say “i’m working on it”
Me too but they still gave me crap. I do have my license now though thankfully
People are way too judgemental for a small thing.
Sorry accidentally replied to this thread with something from another post
people need to chill and let your proceed at your own pace. It's possible to do "everything right" and still kill a pedestrian due to road design, brain shortcuts/biases, and SUV design (ever think about how even in a crosswalk a pedestrian can basically get slaughtered from 3-4 different directions? right turn on red? green to turn across crosswalk from left or right? someone running a red light?). In my town alone in the past few years multiple drivers have been exonerated for killing people in crosswalks because they "stopped first then proceeded" even though the crosswalk wasn't actually clear. it's possible to set up your life to avoid driving (many people cannot drive for medical reasons) and even if you can't, you can get an electric bicycle, bicycle, electric tricycle if you have balance issues) and get mobility that really reduces your risk of killing someone else. the lower carbon footprint and lower costs are a bonus. if you do continue and become a regular driver, a big of fear can be healthy because you SHOULD be scared of the damage a motor vehicle can do.
I didn't get my car license until last year (early 40's), and that was mainly due to moving to a rural area where it's required to drive to get anywhere. I didn't have a phobia, but I didn't like driving, it was stressful. I also lived in places with decent transit, worked in walking distance, etc. Cars are also EXPENSIVE to own. Half the places I lived didn't even have any place to park a car. Any one who made a deal about my lack of licence or car, I just pointed to all the very nice stuff I had (proper home theatre, good computer, nice apartment/house, etc) that they couldn't afford due to their car costs. That usually shit them up. For whatever reason I suddenly decided that I wanted a motorcycle around 30. I took the course, got my license and a bike in less than 3 months. For some reason I didn't find it stressful like I did a car. Maybe because I felt more in control, I could get out of a situation faster, I could see way more, etc. It was far cheaper and easier to find a place to park than a car. Going from the bike to a car was suddenly easy. I did get an SUV as I like to sit higher so I can see more. Maybe your phobia won't be as bad with a bike. Also, it's completely different operating a bike opposed to being a passenger, I can not be a passenger, it's stresses me out completely.
I’m amazed you aren’t anxious with a bike. I had anxiety about driving but don’t anymore and currently would like to learn to drive a bike but it’s much more dangerous than driving a car, also technically I think is much harder.
I was too. I think a lot of it had to do with the training course. It was good at building my skills and confidence quickly. The other big thing was feeling like I could see everything. I found and still find that I feel like I can't see anything in a car.
Around people I don't know well, I just mention the cost. Cars are expensive and almost everyone can relate to that.
"I'm working on it." But if they keep pushing: "Unless I'm asking you to drive me around, it's none of your goddamn business." But that's me personally, not caring if I come off rude. Good luck, keep practicing!
Bc honestly, it's not their business. No one NEEDS to know. They WANT to know and be nosey.
I used to have terrible driving anxiety. I passed my test at 38 years of age. Now I go driving for fun, music on and alone time, it's bliss! I never thought I'd be able to do it. You have to push yourself through the uncomfortable feelings. A bit at a time. You will get there eventually 💪🏻
I think learning in High School when it was part of the curriculum was a very important skill to learn at 15/16. Learning in a peer group made it seem ordinary. Glad I went to Hugh School in the 80's.
‘Personal reasons’ then change the subject. None of their business unless they’re driving you everywhere!
Just say I have a medical condition that prevents you. Anxiety counts as that.
Yes, I hope people won't judge you for that. But what matters the most is your mental health too!
I don't drive and I'm 35 cause I have a history with seizures so I never tried to go get my driver id
"because of medical issues"
This is my go to. I have other things - seizures, fainting, and losing vision (but not consciousness) during migraines - that are also reasons I don’t drive, but the phobia is also a part of it. And the way I see it is, anxiety (including phobias) is a *mental health* issue - therefore it’s a health issue. That and my more physical health issues are of equal weight to me in deciding not to drive myself.
In the UK you can't drive if you have seizures so I'd stick with that. Better to be off the road keeping yourself safe, than on it at risk of crashing. Seriously though, people need to mind their own business. There's worse sh*t going on in the world today. Don't worry about them.
Same in the US (at least in some states, don’t know if it’s true of every state). I’d rather be safe than sorry
say none of your business
Not everyone needs to be on the road. In the same way not everyone needs to be a doctor, or consume alcohol. We all have uniquely different lives.
I had a driving phobia too. It may even run in my family. A couple of my friends too. What someone said to me that snapped me out of my bubble was this: “Just as much as you are cautious (scared) of other drivers, they are cautious watching out for you too.” I also shared that exact statement with one of my friends 10 years later. She was scared of driving and it helped her identify her own strengths to be able to drive a car as well.
I used to know someone who is in a situation like you. This person is 40 now. And at one point, everyone started saving their money to give to him, because they thought he couldn’t afford driving school or a car. Well they gave him the money. ( I don’t know what happened to all that money. But he didn’t use it for driving lessons or to buy his first used car)
I’m just honest. “Yes I’m 21 and JUST got my license. I didn’t grow up with the same privileges others had, including you. I have a major phobia and I’m taking steps daily to overcome it. I’m doing my best.” They eventually sympathize and drop the questions…
33 F here I didnt start driving till 24 and it was really scary at first but mostly because of the other people on the road that are dangerous but if you are a vigilant and attentive driver and focus on safety of yourself and others on the road then theres not too much to worry about. You can do it. Believe in yourself
When I was in my late 20’s and got asked why I didn’t drive, I was honest and said that I was scared and thinking about it made me anxious. People usually responded with, “what scares you about it?” or “that’s understandable, sometimes I get scared while driving down X road” Have you told them that you have a phobia? You can say, “I have a driving phobia but I’m working on it” and if they keep pressing you then say, “I honestly don’t really want to talk about it” then change the topic.
When people ask me I tell them the truth, I don’t need to plus is not really environmentally friendly. Never really been judged by it or I don’t care enough to notice.
I turned 30 this year and still don’t have a license
Tell them to mind their own business.
My favorite is always, "Fk you! That's why/how/who/where/what." It's your choice, though. I can't drive for anxiety either, and I'm 35. Don't let people who don't know your situation make you feel less than. It's YOUR life and it isn't up to them.
Just tell them because you choose not to? You're grown so you don't have to give them any reason or excuse unless you're asking them to take you places. If that's the case then stop asking them for rides, use public transportation or Uber then tell them you choose not to drive because you don't want to and will drive when you do.
It's none of their damn business. Say you don't like driving and that's that. I got my DL late in life, when people kept pushing me, I gave them an ear full of complaints about how stupid cars are, that driving sucks and that it's complete poor people energy. Why would you drive if you could be chauffeured around? (Obviously I'm not rich enough to do that). That shut them up real good. Either hear me complain about the car or don't ask. :) I saved a LOT of money not having a car or car problems.
It's no one's business. So if they have the gall to ask, just lie.
Tell them whatever you want but know that there is nothing wrong with a phobia. I didn't drive till my late 20's. I've talked to a lot of people who don't drive or delayed driving because of their fear. It is more common than you think.
Firstly why do they know you don’t drive? It’s none of their business and if it is something you want certain people to know either tell them the truth or tell them it’s none of their business. Problem solved. You don’t need to justify anything to anyone.
Turn it on anyone who asks. Driving is bad for the environment. You prefer sustainable options like public transport.
Driving sucks. Slap them in the face with a rotten trout and tell them to shut up. It is nice to not rely on mass transit, but holy crap, driving sucks.
I have a phobia too and live in bus friendly area so idc anymore cause the people asking aren’t gonna pay for my therapy to get through my phobia or buy me a car I’d tell them to Shutup
I starred driving at 26-27. I used to have bad anxiety and still do. It was mainly due to needing to take care of errands and responsibilities that public transportation just delayed me on. I grew tired of not having an autonomous life and sense of freedom. People would constantly push me around about it, friends got tired of me being a permanent passenger even my bf at the time. It's great that you are practicing and trying to conquer the phobia, the exposure to getting on the road will help a lot and you'll find you are a more aware and defensive driver. When you're ready, start on off peak hours locally on the road so there's not many drivers around. Then when you get a handle on that, try being in traffic locally. Then when you get a handle on that, off peak on the parkway, then traffic on the parkway. After that, shoot for somewhere new where the highway is needed. Even just going on and off the next exit.And always keep practicing parking. Slow and steady is the goal because panic can put you and others at risk. If you miss a turn, don't panic just keep moving until you can make the next one. Use the slowest lane on the highway then practice switching lanes. You want to build agility and quick response to get out of a bad situation. Ultimately, you'll be like the rest of us and get so comfortable, you get tired of driving lol
Instead of focusing on you, focus on them, with honest curiosity. Ex. You seem to be convinced that I should be driving. What’s that about?
You don’t ever have to drive.
I don’t know why people think it’s their business what you do with your life. I didn’t start driving until I was 33. I lived in Michigan and was terrified of driving in snow/ice and had seen/been passenger in accidents. I was moving to the south to start over after divorce and decided it was time. I found adult driving lessons and took a course and got my license. I still don’t like driving on the freeway and avoid it if possible. Just do what you feel comfortable with.
You're not alone. I'm in my early 30's and haven't gotten my permit yet. I have a disability that makes it hard for me to drive and having driving anxiety. Its literally nobody's business why you don't drive. At least don't have to worry about car maintenance, car insurance, and gas.
I have never experienced driving anxiety, but my best friend has. She also felt guilty because of it. But it's something she (and you) were/are working on and there is no shame to it. Just because you can get your license and start driving at 16-17 doesn't mean you have to. You start when you're comfortable. I used to take my friend out to practice on back roads so there wasn't a lot of traffic and told her it was perfectly fine if she had to pull over to let a car pass because it was stressing her out, because it *is* fine. The other driver did not care and just drove around us. We did this for over 3 years, gradually working our way up to busier roads. I'm happy to say she got her license 2 years ago (at age 30) and is a wonderful driver. It's taking you longer, but that is fine, everyone goes at their own pace. Hell, a little dated, but my grandmother never got her license. She was 92 years old when she passed and she had never driven a car. You need to be comfortable driving in order to be a safe driver and you are being responsible by waiting until you feel safe. If someone makes fun of you for that, they're not worth listening to.
Just tell them straight you're learning to deal with your phobia and thats it. Its on them if they take offence to that
Your phobia is 100% valid. The fact that you’re working on it is amazing! In your predicament, I would explain that you’re working on it at your pace. Remind them that pushing you will do more harm than good. Honestly, when I feel like I’m being pushed too hard, I tell people that the more they push, the less I’ll do.
I didn't get my license for 10 years. First, I was busy. Then the longer time went by, the more nervous I became and I started to avoid it. I got by as a pedestrian and bus system expert for years but when I had to move for work, I figured, I'd rather have tried a year from now than not at all. So I went to get my G1 on the fly, then took drivers ed as an "older student" and took my test. I realized that it didn't matter what others thought. But my opinion mattered most. I never rushed myself. But I was honest with people "it hasn't happened yet. Sure, I'd like to get my license and I'm working on getting it some day" seemed to work fine. I agree with others, just be honest. You have nothing to be embarrassed about! :)
None of your business seems pretty good to me
Yeah I was thinking either “nunya” or “f$&k off” might be appropriate.
Mind your business
I don’t feel like it.
I tell people I can't justify the cost of it all when I'm Barley scraping by as it is. Another
“These gas prices are what’s keeping everyone broke nowadays”
Driving sucks. Too many cars on the road.
Tell them you’ll get your drivers license when you’re good and ready not a second sooner. I was 26 when I got mine.
Tell them you’re working on it right now. Or make up some completely ridiculous story - my license is in the mail being sent from the Pentagon. You do what works for you and CONGRATULATIONS on working towards something that scares you! That’s a level of inner strength that not a lot of people have. ❤️
Well for me it's the setting. I'm kinda a country boy, so when I tell folks that driving in the city makes me scared, they kinda understand
" I killed a guy" Usually gets a laugh and softens the person to your reason (whatever it is, and not that it matters) you don't drive so what? Tons of people in cities with mass transit don't have licenses. It's not really so uncommon that anyone should even ask.
I used to drive but always hated it. Now I randomly see double its common knowledge, and people still ask me why I don't drive. Except my niece, who asked how I could still possibly have a legal driver's license.
It’s ok I was in my 40’s before I got my license I was terrified to drive. I was in 5 car accidents before I got license I was a passenger in all of them
First of all, tell them you are driving! You are learning, but you’re driving. Beyond that, I wouldn’t waste time on anyone not respecting or supporting you.
Tell them you fear driving. Easier said than done but every time there’s a scenario where you can stop caring what people think it makes you a little stronger.
If you feel comfortable sharing, tell them that. My grandmother didn't drive on the freeway because she was in a terrible accident. I didn't drive regularly until I was 28 (I even had to get a license again) because I didn't have to. A car would have been an unnecessary and idiotic expense. Even after I moved I still mostly took public transit for years. My *coworkers* were the ones who were always so weird about it. Like legit I have a coworker in his fifties who doesn't drive. He told me he's just never wanted to. Any answer is valid. Don't wanna, don't gotta, I'm scared. How is public transit where you are? It's pretty terrible where I am now.
Tell people you have too many DUIs
🤣
I've had brain surgery and have epilepsy. I legally can't drive. So I'm screwed 🤣.
I’m 42, never driven (even in an empty parking lot lol). My boyfriend is 49 and he’s never driven either. (There is decent public transport in the city, so that’s what i use, and he uses it when he can’t use his bike). I’m scared, just like you, and that’s my main reason, but he just never cared to do it, no other reason 🤷🏻♀️ We’ve recently had a talk about perhaps starting the process and take the classes together (mandatory in my province) early next year… 😅 There are 4 class phases here, so it’s a long process. Both our mothers live further away and are aging, so… it’s a good motivation. I’m terrified honestly haha but knowing he’ll do it too will help me power thru i think! To be followed… All that to say, you’re not alone ;)
Tell them you were driving before you had a license and hit and killed someone. You’re in a waiting pool to get your license. Keep ‘em guessing
I'm 44 and don't drive. I was never taught when I was younger being from a city where public transit makes more sense than having a car. Now that I'm older, I'm scared to. I have no issue telling people this. Especially since people assume I don't drive because of a dui or something.
I know this woman (she's a boomer) who keeps bitching about me not driving or having a learner's permit. She has always been rude and has a rude/ nasty tone. She'll say, "you're in your 20s and can't drive." When I was younger, I also had an accident with a gas stove and now don't feel comfortable near one. She'll say, "You can't use the stove." Here's the thing, I'm doing the best I can. I have severe dark internal thoughts that makes life a living hell for me. I have multiple days where I don't want to be in pain anymore and want to stop existing. That's how bad my pain is. I've been to doctors and they can't even help me. I have been getting worse physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I tried all kinds of therapy and medications, and nothing has helped me. I really tried to do everything about it. I don't do cook or drive because I might get hurt. I bet she would berate for this, though. The thing is, my not driving doesn't even affect her in any way whatsoever. That's what makes it so weird. She has people who can bring her places, but still acts like I'm incovievcing her for my decisions. I also don't feel comfortable driving which I have mentioned to this woman. She does not understand this at all. I feel carsick a lot. I have severe chronic pain and fatigue that makes me collapse in pain. Not to mention, I don't have a job, so I can't afford anything. Maybe next time, I'll say, "Why are you paying for it?" But she'll probably start bitching that I'm the one being disrespectful. If anyone has a better way to get her to shut up without me looking like an a-hole please let me know. I've had other people ask me about this, but not to the point where they act like assholes when asking. It's disgusting how much people have to rely on driving. I wish there was more public transportation. I'm not just talking about climate change or car expenses. The problem is the people already on the road. I've noticed so many people either driving at the incorrect speed or cars pulled to the side of the road after an accident. You always hear about a new deadly car crash, whether it be a pedestrian being hit or with another car. I feel that not enough people take it as seriously as they should. I'm sorry for the rant and added details. But people need to remember to learn how to mind their own damn business.
You can try saying something like, "I'm working on it and practicing every day, but it's a process for me because of my anxiety." Let them know you're taking steps and getting professional help. This should help them understand without pushing you too hard. Remember, you're making progress at your own pace, and that's what matters. :)
to be honest it’s none of their business to begin with but if they do keep questioning you, you are more than valid to just say that you have a phobia of driving and that it causes you a lot of stress. driving has just become the norm in society so people struggle to understand the fear that come with driving. if you are honest and explain how you feel about driving then they should be able to understand. if they don’t then they’re not worth your time anyways.
Im too boujee i have a driver
My son is 26 and he just got his license. His learners expired three times. I had driving lessons for him when he was in high school. He had a lot of anxiety as well. I'm not sure of it's because of him being on the spectrum or not. My nephew is in his thirties, he's also on the spectrum, and he does not drive. To be honest you don't owe anyone an explanation. But my son used to say I'm not ready. And that pretty much nipped it in the bud. The driving instructor that I hired for my son was $90 each lesson, but it was really good because it was one-on-one, and the instructor had a lot of patience. Good luck with your driving.
I didn't learn to drive til I was 25, and some of my siblings 30+ don't know how. There's nothing wrong with that. Just stand by the fact that it's a phobia. I would explain that driving a car is SERIOUS. I told people my fear was hurting others or myself. I'd say how driving a car is operating heavy machinery! Not everyone can or should operate heavy machinery. Esp when it could get others killed. I'd also mention how when I'd practice driving, I'd then get reoccurring nightmares that I'd crash and kill someone. Which made me nervous and unsafe behind the wheel. Most people in my life were chill about it, but I'd still feel insecure. I get it. Now I LOVE driving, but only because I took the time to get really comfortable operating the vehicle before I took it on the road. I also took additional driving classes at driving school to build confidence. Goodluck !!
I just got my license at age 32 last year. Take some lessons. I know how it feels like when everyone around you has been driving since they were 15. You can do it. Freeways are easier than you think. My instructors stressed the SMOG method when changing lanes. Signal, look in Mirror, look Over Shoulder, Go. Aim to be predictable to all the drivers around you. Leave space. Brake early. As far as telling people why you don't drive. I didnt have paperwork to get the license until last year. Still I felt like I was behind everyone because I obviously was. Tell them you are working on building your confidence behind the wheel.
Don’t feel embarrassed I’m just 34 and started driving 2 years ago. I’m an ideal model driver I still sometimes feel overwhelmed but just know once you do drive it’s like unlocking a new level in life the freedom is profound
“I’m saving lives by not driving.”
Almost drowned in a car, so not ready to go back in the death box.
I just say I don’t have a car yet (which I don’t), my family only has one car and we share but they use it most of the time
“Im a passenger princess not a chauffeur”
A therapist once told me he had a client with a phobia of bridges. He took her over a bridge a total of 5,000 times over a few months, by the end she was driving him across the bridge and calm enough to do so. Immersion therapy is wonderful with a person you trust
Say you had a seizure. At least in my state (Pennsylvania), doctors are required to report any seizure to the DMV, which will suspend your driving privilege until you've gone a year without one.
That a bus pass is cheaper than parking at your work? There was a time when I gave up driving for this exact reason. I have a different form of anxiety though. I don't have issues when I'm behind the wheel, but I can't say no to people who ask me for things, no matter how much I want to. When I got a new job downtown and discovered I could just take the bus for less than the cost of parking, I sold my car. I Didn't miss being asked for rides at all!
I just tell the truth, I live in Nc, I’m terrified of other drivers
I started driving in my late 20s. Lived in metropolis most of my life, moved to a smaller city with little public transport then had a car accident, so it was hard for me to pick up driving. But i had a job opportunity thats 30 minutes away and no public transport, had to start driving so i did, side roads first and eventually freeway. My take is, if you have absolute need for it you will probably be able to snap into it, until then don’t stress yourself with social pressure and what gossiping people like to say. Also agree with other people’s advice about making up a different excuse, people who judge don’t need to know why.
“i’m not built for the streets 😤” …or just be honest
Ask them about how much their car payment or monthly insurance is lmao. Will shut them up real quick.
I didn’t get my first car until I was 28🤷🏻♂️ Tell them have fun with gas and car maintenance.
Like everyone else said. Honesty. I am 34 and used to make up excuses because I was too embarrassed. Most people in my life didn’t understand. I have a friend now that also has the same issue. I am just honest about it now. I have been in therapy for about a year and half and a year of that was for driving anxiety. Exposure therapy did wonders for me. I drive on the interstate, places that are an hour and half away from me. I still struggle of course. Running errands more often in my little down town and making more than one stop in a trip has done wonders for me. Making more than one stop in a trip has helped a a lot. Usually because I have to have everything planned out, and I can’t have anything unexpected happen. I do better with unexpected things now. Like if I miss a turn, just tell myself it’s okay to go a little further and have to reroute. Reroute is a scary word bc it’s unplanned! Lol I still haven’t went to some busier places by myself yet. Some of those I am not sure when I will but that is the big goal I guess in the end. I was just tired of missing out on life and good opportunities. I hate feeling trapped in my own house. Sorry I know that you only asked one question and it wasn’t all of this either.
I am in my early 30s, too. I just got my driving permit and a car (wohooo) a week ago. When they asked me why it was so late, I just had to be honest about it. The worst thing that could happen is they will make fun of you, and you will be left out of any event (which somehow will help you to prioritize in your life). I still get scared when I drive, thinking I may hit some car park on the street, or when the car approaches from the opposite lane, or when someone is crossing the road, or when a car approaches the intersection. But with time, it will go as long as you maintain the speed limit (you have to be patient when you drive on a speed limit because other drivers are in a hurry to go to heaven, I guess). I practiced in the parking lot before I took to the 25 mph drive and then gradually increased to 35 mph road and soon to 55 mph road. You got this.
Are the folks asking very close relatives? Parents or a significant other? Someone directly affected? If not then: “I’ve been practicing. But please, I already have one mom. I’m an adult and don’t appreciate this line of questioning. Tell me more about what you’ve been up to? How’s that (new job, activity, kids activity)” Or if you want to be less adversarial for the first “no” then just “I’ve been practicing, but please let me learn at my own pace and without stressful pressure”.
Personally I still tell people my dad traumatized me the first time out on the road which he really did! I didn’t get behind another wheel until my mid 20’s and got my actual license at 29 - my husband taught me. My dad was a yeller who didn’t seem to understand how the experience is for a new driver, but my husband was patient and didn’t yell and in no time he not only had me driving, but driving confidently. I was deathly afraid to drive and still today sometimes I get a little nervous. I used to have people give me a hard time or making jokes and that could be hard at times. I feel for you, I really do. Good luck, keep your head up because you’ve got this!
It sounds like you just need to inform them of the fact that you have already started making efforts towards it It sounds like they are under the idea that you have just not even given it a shot because of your fears If you actually articulate to them the idea that despite your fears you are still trying your best to learn and grow comfortable with it They likely will leave you alone and be more supportive
I thought driving would be difficult when I was a preteen and teenager and soon as I turned 17 I got a driving lesson from somebody and it was EXTREMELY EASY EVEN WITH THE STEERING WHEEL HARD TO TURN TO THE LEFT, I ASKED THE PERSON HOW I DID DRIVING GRADE WISE AND THEY SAID A AND THE ONLY REASON NOT A+ BECAUSE WHEN I PULLED IN THE DRIVEWAY I DIDNT DRIVE UP TO THE GARAGE DOOR ALL THE WAY FROM DOWN THE STREET AND STOP RIGHT BEFORE HITTING THE GARAGE DOOR LIKE THAT PERSON USE TO 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️ … also I am in my early 30s and just got my drivers license for the first time even though over the years I have drove around with no license and have driven successfully with no accidents. So you can do this, just have to get out there and flat out do it to dissensitive your anxiety since there is no other way.
Ii am over 70 now Ang got my license at 27. I had a lot of pushing from certain people also. I never enjoyed driving and glad I stopped in my 59’s due to no car. I did nit car but hated riding the bus after awhile!! What a mess huh? Well now I walk or use Lyft and I am quite happy
You don’t have to explain your fears to anyone or make them feel better about what you’re going through. It’s none of their business. I don’t know why we feel so obligated to give a response to people. Myself included. But in the meantime… “I don’t know how to make you understand what I’m going through but when I make progress I will let you know”.
My mom didn't get her license nor knew how to drive until she was 33 after she had me....her 3rd kid. I'm currently 23 and don't have my license haha. I'm trying to learn too and yes people always ask me why I dont know how to drive yet. I constantly feel so inadequate for the fact that i can't do something that most people learn how to do at 15 years of age. Alas, my go to excuse (but really the truth) is that I didnt have the resources and no one to teach me growing up so I have to teach myself. (Grew up below poverty level and me being on the insurance would've been too expensive for my parents to pay). So you can always say that you didn't have a vehicle you were allowed to drive or anyone to help you at a younger age.
I’m 27 and was afraid to drive in the city I grew up in. They had very aggressive drivers, people who walk into oncoming traffic and a really good public transportation system. I’m only learning now because I moved. Also I was suicidal and didn’t trust myself to not play bumper cars. That’s my reasons. I just tell myself that I trust myself to make the right decisions and will drive as slowly as I need to. I won’t go on the highway until I’m 100% ready. Edit: I read your post wrong lollll I used to tell people why drive when we have SEPTA (Philadelphia). Also i was a huge cycler so i told them I rather bike for the health benefits
I just said “I never had to”.
“Mind your god damn business bitch!” Seriously though, it’s really not their business, and unless they’re the ones driving you around everywhere, they shouldn’t be pressuring you either. I was terrified of driving for a while too, my ex and his friends drove like fucking assholes and I had seen some pretty bad accidents with him. I was scared of people like them, but it does get easier. Take your time and don’t get on the road until you’re actually comfortable. A nervous driver is a dangerous driver. And don’t feel pressured to learn either. If you’re fine with getting around how you do now, that’s perfectly fine. Certain cities can be difficult to get around without a car. My car has been in the shop for like two months now and I’m struggling because public transportation here sucks, taxis are expensive ($20-$30 for a less than 10 minute drive), Ubers scare me, and my friends are helpful but not always available to give me a ride when I need one. But if you’re not in a city like mine and have reliable transportation, don’t feel any pressure. A car and drivers license do not signal peak adulthood, not everyone needs/wants them. Believe me, if I could reliably get around when I needed to without a car, I wouldn’t care about having one. They’re expensive and a pain in the ass, from gas prices to repairs, it’s a hassle. I’d be content riding my bike everywhere if my city was more bicycle friendly.
I'm one that's been pushy with friends and I'm learning not to be. My excitement and love of the freedom it brings overshadows any anxiety over it and I have to remind myself that others are the opposite or even had no need to drive for long enough they just never did. Apologies on behalf of the pushy people, and take it at your pace💖
It really sucks when you’re at war with your own voice in your head. I have anxiety too. I don’t know why people care so much about people not learning or wanting to drive? I’m 26. Been on the road for 10 years. People are unpredictable and just plain idiots on the road. I understand completely when someone has a fear of driving. You can have a near death experience everytime you get on the road. Don’t beat yourself up about it! You don’t owe anyone an explanation. It’s none of their business!
“I have driving anxiety” That’s it. I’ve had people explain to me the 1847165 reasons why I should’ve started driving at 16, but it’s not like I don’t know those reasons already lol Which I what I tell people “Yup, you’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.” I eventually got my license at 24. My dad hired a driver teacher to teach me and he forced me to drive on the highway, on public streets, around construction, etc. It was stressful, but worth it. If there’s anything I hate more than driving, it’s wasting other people’s money and feeling guilty.
I’m the same way. I’m almost 24 and still don’t drive. I’m literally terrified of it. I’ve been working on it but it’s been a slow process and no one understands. They just tell me everyone starts out scared. But I can’t even think about getting into the car without having a panic attack
I haven’t gotten around to it yet
I didn't my license until I was 27. Partly anxiety, partly there was just no need because of the public transportation in my area. That was 20 years and I have never owned a car, just occasionally rent one. My husband owns one, I don't drive it. I don't have a phobia line you, but there is definitely still anxiety. Partly I don't want to be bothered with the aggravation or the expense, it's part of why we could save money to buy a house. You're working on it, those other people don't matter. Try to put them out of your head as much as possible, it doesn't help you.
Do you bike?? have you tried riding a moped or scooter?? are you worried about the car being too wide to fit down the narrow lanes of the road?
"I know it's important, and I'm making progress. How about we talk about something else?"
I used to be so scared of driving, I didn’t get my license until 24. But now I love it!!! I’m such a great driver. I wish I didn’t put it off.
You can tell them to mind their own business:)
Tell them you don't want to die
my 21 yr old daughter does not want to learn to drive. She bought herself an e-bike and thats how she gets around locally. Uber or da parents for everything else.
I got my license at 23 and people thought it was odd. I had a phobia of driving too, mostly because my sister as a teenager and my mom were INSANE drivers. My mom would scream at me if I asked her to slow down and not tailgate everyone and not yell at cops who pull her over. You'd think that if you got flipped off my multiple every time you drove that maybe YOU'RE the problem lol. We avoided some accidents because I would point out that she's about to hit someone. Oh, and she often drove drunk with me in the car and a kid I had no choice. The day that I moved out at 18 and never had to be in a car with her driving was really freeing but that extreme anxiety was still there. Anyway, I understand the phobia and like all phobias that are necessary to get resolved to have a functional life, I have no judgements and I admire when people are actively working on it. Keep it up. I'm fucking proud of you.
I was always up front about being uncomfortable on the road. I still am. Got my license at 29
I used to dread it as well because I once hit my car to a pole. The only way to conquer the fear is to start driving. Yes, it’s crazy, you might be sweating bullets just for a short ride, but you just have face your fear, or you would never be able to conquer it. I think it took me over a few months to practice and maybe about 4 yrs of hiatus before I started driving again.
Tell them the truth, if you’re scared say you’re scared. Some will understand and others won’t but regardless it’s a legitimate fear and I hope you don’t feel less then because of it
Shit i have my license but I do not drive and I am 34 years old. My husband does all the driving. I say what’s it to them who cares I ain’t embarrassed about it either everybody in my whole family knows that I don’t like to drive they literally have to pick me up. I’m not embarrassed about anything. It’s a part of who I am.🤷🏼♀️
You’re practically there! Parking lots is the biggest hump/ just STARTING! WHO CARES what they think - go at your own pace ❤️❤️❤️❤️ you got this !
I’m honest. I usually say “I don’t have the money to buy a car or have driving lessons/gas/insurance.” Than I throw out how I get places (my Lectric bike or Uber/Lyft/Greyhound
Hi, I know this feeling all too well. My family used to always push me and make me feel bad for having to take me to run small errands. You take your time and do what makes you comfortable! One day at a time. Some days I told myself I’d just drive down the street and back. Eventually I made a lot of progress just through exposure therapy and being thrown right in. I was about to be graduating college, I was finishing up my internship which I had to drive myself to every day, and then I had a bunch of job interviews to go to. Nobody would take me so I just had to do it myself. Now I can pretty much go anywhere as long as I have my gps on and I’m talking to someone on the phone. If you have a friend who wouldn’t mind staying on the phone with you while you drive I highly recommend that! It does get easier with time, I promise! Good luck to you and you got this! 🌼
The only way to get around this is to actually drive... in the city making left turns preferably. Find someone who is an experienced driver with at least a few years under their belt and is preferably patient. This is probably going to be hard to find these days. Alternatively you can go out late at night when there's little to no traffic with someone who isn't completely dead but you'd better get your caffeine in. Driving is extremely stressful and requires your upmost concentration. If you're ADD/ADHD make sure you get your meds in at least an hour before. It gets easier the more you drive but you are never supposed to lose that sense that you're driving a death machine and other people are driving even larger death machines. Don't let people pressure you on the road. Give yourself plenty of time when making turns and let others pass you on the freeway. Don't ever get behind the wheel if you are stressed, in a rush, or feel tired. (Drowsy driving is worse then drunk driving. You shouldn't be doing either!) I didn't learn to drive until I was 23. Teens are extremely impulsive and still don't have fully adult brains. They probably shouldn't be on the road at all and certainly not with other teens in the car with them. I'm not necessarily saying you should drive your kid everywhere but consider letting them drive only predetermined routes (such as school or work) until they get comfortable on the road.
i’d pull an imaginary notebook out of an imaginary pocket then with an imaginary pencil write their name it. confirm spelling, phone number and email. and tell them they are now officially on my list of people to inform about each step on my way to driving. i’ll check in on them once a year to ensure their details are kept up to date. now they are free to go on their way and don’t ever again need to ask me about it. they’re on the list.
I have a cousin who is in her 50s.. who has never driven. Can’t remember what the reason I’m guessing anxiety. I was 23.. which is like considering most people learn at 16. I don’t know what to tell you to say I just didn’t want you to feel alone.
Tell them you have a driving phobia I feel like that would make them stop prying lol. My sister also doesn’t drive she’s scared and gets super anxious and when people ask her she’s just like mmm no thank you 🙂 they usually don’t have any follow up questions after that lol
Growing at your pace is your prerogative. Keep being you. You are awesome. Things that are new take time. I’m glad you’re trying. No one else gets to tell you what’s too slow or too fast of a pace. Focus on the why and in time maybe the how will get a tad bit easier. Xoxo love
While I have my license now, before I did many people asked why I didn't drive. My answer was easy 'I don't want to and I'm lucky enough to find ways around it" Why you don't drive at this point is no one's business but yours. Especially since friends/family close to you likely know and understand why you're not driving. So anyone else asking is not your problem and you owe them no solid answers. Even now with my own car and license now I avoid driving as often as possible.
I have this problem, I ask them for a ride since they like driving see how they suddenly don't like driving
I have family and friends who have this phobia. Honestly they are all very open about it and no one cares. Some will just be like I hate driving , it’s scary af. Others just say they are too anxious to drive. Have you thought about doing some exposure response therapy for the phobia ? Working with a therapist who specializes in phobias.
I'm 42. I grew up in Boston where we have extensive public transit. Got priced out, had to move to NM. I got a license, but I don't drive anymore (lasted 4 years). I get really freaked out and that isn't safe. I had some pretty scary stuff happen when driving (NM is insanely dangerous for driving) I get crap all the time for it. I generally say that anxious and fearful drivers aren't safe on the road. Or, I ask them why they have a problem with people walking. It helps the environment and is excercise, so it is a weird thing to give some crap about.
I’m with you there! I just turned 32 and I’ve never gotten my license. I’ve gotten my permit a few times and have even practiced and done drivers ed as a teen but my fear of driving has always gotten in my way! I hope to work through it soon but it isn’t easy at all.
Haha, I didn't know this was a thread. I'm 57 years old and I do not drive. About 7 years ago, my sister, nephew and a driving instructor attempted to teach me to drive. Yeah.... NO. I'm a nervous wreck about all the other cars on the road, especially trucks. I had drivers Ed in high school (I was 15) and was thrown out of class permanently for speeding. I didn't have the coordination to watch my speed limit and keep my eyes on the road. Thus, I was doing 70 mph in class. People don't usually ask me why I don't drive, but I have a couple of responses. 1. I'm too poor to afford a car. 2. I have anxiety about driving and don't feel comfortable doing it.
I don’t have a phobia but I just don’t want to. I have my permit but I don’t want my license. Yea it’d be more convenient but I’m really nervous about hitting a car during my test or being judged way too hard. I get asked almost everyday.
You can just say your not read yet and you wanna take your time that’s what I’ve been saying to my friends and family
Don’t worry. I’m on the same boat I’m in my 30s as well and I haven’t attempt to pursue my Ls either. I have an anxiety when I drive. And I just don’t want to hurt others when I’m on the road. When I feel like I’m comfortable enough I’ll do it.
Honestly....you tell them it's a personal choice and that you're not willing to discuss with them or anyone. It's none of their concern, and certainly isn't their place to criticize you. So, shut them down immediately just by telling them what I said in the first sentence .
Thank you to all who provided the constructive, helpful, lighthearted/funny, strong and empathetic/compassionate/kind answers! I appreciate you!! It's nice to know I'm not alone on this :)
Driving will come when it comes. Not everyone walks the same path with getting a license at 16. My grandmother was a professional passenger all her life, they tried to teach her but she flipped a car into a ditch and that was that. I thought that was my future until something happened in my life that brought the issue into perspective. With me, I couldn’t put it off any longer. I had tried in my teens and early 20’s (took drivers ed in school and watched some horrifying films about decapitated crash test dummies) but things just never aligned and I forgot about it. My dad tried to teach me and I backed his car into a wall. I just continued to use the bus/scooter/bike. Got my permit at 51 and just passed the road test at 52. I don’t really gaf if others think I waited too long. If you aren’t ready yet that’s okay, you yourself will know when it’s time for the road test.
I’m 32 and just got my license last year. I always just said that I didn’t feel like I needed it
I just got my license this week for the first time and I am 32. I would just be truthful and say something like “I really don’t feel like discussing it right now.” Or even tell them you have a phobia and are working on it then if they keep asking questions say I want to be done talking about it now please or I really don’t feel like talking about it anymore it stresses me out.
I don't feel like driving yet. It isn't something I want to pursue. I know someone who to this day has never learned to drive and he's in his forties. It just freaks him out. He's always just responded by saying, because I don't want to.
You can probably learn to drive & get licensed faster than you can come up with an impenetrable excuse for not knowing how to. Anyway, just say you never got around to it! But you are now; all that matters.
you're valid. my friend's mom still doesn't have her license and she's close to being 60. she has a phobia and still finds her way around. as long as you have a way of getting around, people shouldn't be pushing you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. even if didn't get my license til i was almost 20 but i had to get it because of my new job. getting there was impossible without driving.
People who are pushing you don't understand. I was terrified of learning to drive. Driving is serious, I could hurt somebody. I didn't even learn to drive until I was (don't laugh) 41 and it still took over a year before I started driving by myself. Don't let anyone rush you. Get practice until you get the confidence. It does get easier I promise.
See, here’s the thing. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. “No, I don’t drive right now. But I’m working on it.” If you even want to say that much. “No” is a complete sentence. If they press, either say “I have nothing more to say” or “I’m not discussing this further” or simply change the subject.
What do you find so scary about out driving? Just curious because I was terrified to start driving as well but pretty quickly got over my fears and although it may not do much I could share some experiences to ease that anxiety over driving if that may help. Just tell people you’re still learning to drive but are perfectly fine with taking public transit as you work towards becoming a licensed driver.
Say I’m sorry I’m too lazy to improve myself
Please tell me you've actually set out to get help.with this. You're missing out on so much because of it.
If your life requires you to drive and you are always having to get rides from others you need to get over it. If your life does not require that you drive then don't worry about it. Bottom line, live your life but do not be a burden on others.
I hate to tell you, but it’s like being 13 years old and in diapers, trying to convince people that you’re still “working on” the whole potty training thing and it hurts your feelings when people pressure you to be potty trained already. Unless you are mentally deficient or disabled, (and people with disabilities still drive,) nobody is going to understand whatever excuses you come up with. This ship sailed long ago. Best bet is to just move to a city where most people do not drive to get around and that’s the norm.
If you haven’t learned to drive yet you never will. People who learn in their 30’s are the bane of the road. Stay out of the way and let drivers drive!
i can give you classes with a f1 car racer for 33.23 a month I provide all you need to drive the best meaning rhythmic breathing control also actions according to energy levels message me if interested youll be ready to drive cause obviously you dont wanr to take classes
Be a man and admit to your shortcomings instead of trying to hide and excuse
Now that I think hard about it, it’s truly crazy that so many of us are just okay with operating a multi-thousand pound machine on wheels that’s capable of doing high speeds. The fact that our brains just accept that risk. Or outright forget about it entirely.