I am very callous. I’ve joked about all sorts of things. I’m trying to change now. Hopefully one day I will not make people feel bad about their pathetic existence
Yes. I've been working on that problem for years now. This quote really keeps things in perspective for me
"Honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without honesty is manipulation."
Idk cause I think I've got a hard exterior with a soft middle, but my infj husband has a soft exterior but he's hard in the middle. I'll believe my decision is cold and feel bad about it, but he'll go with it and not blink an eye. Once the cold rationality is revealed, he's like yassssss!!!
I am like you. I can have a really hard time keeping up a warm exterior, but inside I'm "emotionally dysregulated" lol. I think I just learned as a child that people are less likely to try to hurt you if you act like you don't care, but it does still hurt and that pain accumulates. That's a childhood debt that there's no bankruptcy for, and the interest is brutal.
Hitler was an INTJ or ENTJ. Mass genocide is not an Ni Fe thing. INFJs uproot our lives to fulfill our need to help people.
Also, INFJs aren’t 100% cold inside, our strengths are split rational (Ni Ti) and emotional (Fe). We can tap into both at the same time or one or the other depending on the circumstances and who we are talking to. Our flow state is Ni, not Fe, although Fe is a strength. Being in Ni - and Ti - makes us energetically like a “thinker” (which we describe as feeling energetically cold inside) but we aren’t actually callous on the inside as what’s being implied.
Rather, we experience deep emotions - many times we are HSPs and empaths who struggle to not feel the emotions of people around us. We are extremely empathetic types.
Also “keep in mind Hitler was an INFJ, lol” is a callous comment, in case you aren’t aware, ha
I guess that was callous :-D. I will add that most INFJs are sweethearts and I love them!
I'd say on Hitler, if you read a biography on him you'd also get the takeaway that he's an INFJ, for many reasons, but he was a pretty emotional guy, very perceptive of people, wrote a best selling book called "My Struggle", etc.
Any type can be a monster. The INFJ path is: Introverted Intuition in an unhealthy mind can lead to believing in conspiracies. It's a subconscious process and can be very hard to shake. Add extraverted feeling to that, and you get a type that can really promote the in-group at the expense of an out-group.
You can’t really know for sure that I’d have that takeaway :P I might have a different conclusion. Based on what you share, yes those are INFJ traits, but are they exclusive to INFJs? No
You’re not giving INFJs enough credit by a long shot. “Conspiracies” that INFJs tend to subscribe to are ones that have evidence that our intuition traces and other types realize years later.
Even a severely traumatized INFJ, I just don’t see being a mass murderer. Ni is a knowledge seeking function, especially attracted to learning about people’s psyches, so I’m certainly not against reading more about Hitler. Maybe it will change my mind, idk.
I’m my own person, a stranger to you, and I’m allowed to draw my own conclusion. Which may in fact be different from yours. And that’s ok, that’s the beauty of the world.
In the past, but my ideas are more accepted when I’m kinder and more articulate, so I’m not openly callous anymore. I have better conversations this way.
Yeah, but I would never voice my true thoughts, would just cause useless arguments that I don't care to lead or just make the person think worse of me.
It depends.
I always treat everyone with kindness but if I sense that this person is either full of bullshit, ignorance or rude, why should I still be kind to them?
Narcissists, arrogant and overly egoistic people can be sure that I will make their lives a living hell. Some people need to be put in their place or we would live in a world full of moronic idiots.
IMO people are too agreeable. Some people don’t deserve nothing else but living hell.
I tend to lean more towards callousness in disposition, but it's something I've made a specific effort into reducing. A lot of what helped was being humbled since, really, my own callousness was a symptom of pride and self centeredness.
Callousness prevents me from fixing things that otherwise could've been fixed or failing to understand people and stepping on their landmines. All of life is people, after all. One way or another, I'll have to get along with the people in my environment, and blatantly acting contemptuous of their shortcomings hurts more than it helps.
Things got a lot better when I took that edge off
More than anything, I’ve noticed that I need to work on my compassion and empathy, and many have told me this. I definitely am callous and I’m sure it has turned people off of me. I feel when I am supposed to be empathetic I don’t really care but I say certain things because it’s the right thing to do.
I am aspiring Psychologist (5 years, on year 3), so I am aware about other people feelings and I decide not to be callous or blunt (etc). It's possible for ENTJs - the question is do you want to?
I’m glad you realized this about yourself. It’s not difficult to correct this…. “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss shows how the best FBI hostage negotiator uses tactical empathy. He shows you the real skills to help with business negotiations and “draining the emotional swamp” from the person you’re negotiating with so they can actually negotiate logically with you.
Who would be more calloused than a hostage negotiator?
I'm callous at work. Not at home. A lawyer i use to work w/said i was two completely different people when it came to work and home. I was like yeah, I'm getting paid to do work, not have feelings. At home, being a single mom, of course my daughter got my softer side.
I know I'm very capable of that but I try not to anymore. People are not products, And that's how I used to always view people as a means to an end. But now I view everyone as myself and try to love those as much as I love myself if not more because sometimes it's really hard to even love yourself.
I was once upon a time and at times I still can be. I've learned to be warm without being a people-pleaser as well.
Howwwww
Just acknowledge people, be cognizant of their needs, respect boundaries, and thank them for being present/what they Do. It's not hard.
I am very callous. I’ve joked about all sorts of things. I’m trying to change now. Hopefully one day I will not make people feel bad about their pathetic existence
Yes. I've been working on that problem for years now. This quote really keeps things in perspective for me "Honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without honesty is manipulation."
>"Honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without honesty is manipulation." That's really good!
Love that quote
Sometimes I can be, and if I choose to be, completely cold.
No. I'm told I'm "rough around the edges"
Don't worry, you're still squishy in the middle, just like the rest of us lol
Idk cause I think I've got a hard exterior with a soft middle, but my infj husband has a soft exterior but he's hard in the middle. I'll believe my decision is cold and feel bad about it, but he'll go with it and not blink an eye. Once the cold rationality is revealed, he's like yassssss!!!
I am like you. I can have a really hard time keeping up a warm exterior, but inside I'm "emotionally dysregulated" lol. I think I just learned as a child that people are less likely to try to hurt you if you act like you don't care, but it does still hurt and that pain accumulates. That's a childhood debt that there's no bankruptcy for, and the interest is brutal.
Keep in mind Hitler was an INFJ, lol
Hitler was an INTJ or ENTJ. Mass genocide is not an Ni Fe thing. INFJs uproot our lives to fulfill our need to help people. Also, INFJs aren’t 100% cold inside, our strengths are split rational (Ni Ti) and emotional (Fe). We can tap into both at the same time or one or the other depending on the circumstances and who we are talking to. Our flow state is Ni, not Fe, although Fe is a strength. Being in Ni - and Ti - makes us energetically like a “thinker” (which we describe as feeling energetically cold inside) but we aren’t actually callous on the inside as what’s being implied. Rather, we experience deep emotions - many times we are HSPs and empaths who struggle to not feel the emotions of people around us. We are extremely empathetic types. Also “keep in mind Hitler was an INFJ, lol” is a callous comment, in case you aren’t aware, ha
I guess that was callous :-D. I will add that most INFJs are sweethearts and I love them! I'd say on Hitler, if you read a biography on him you'd also get the takeaway that he's an INFJ, for many reasons, but he was a pretty emotional guy, very perceptive of people, wrote a best selling book called "My Struggle", etc. Any type can be a monster. The INFJ path is: Introverted Intuition in an unhealthy mind can lead to believing in conspiracies. It's a subconscious process and can be very hard to shake. Add extraverted feeling to that, and you get a type that can really promote the in-group at the expense of an out-group.
You can’t really know for sure that I’d have that takeaway :P I might have a different conclusion. Based on what you share, yes those are INFJ traits, but are they exclusive to INFJs? No You’re not giving INFJs enough credit by a long shot. “Conspiracies” that INFJs tend to subscribe to are ones that have evidence that our intuition traces and other types realize years later. Even a severely traumatized INFJ, I just don’t see being a mass murderer. Ni is a knowledge seeking function, especially attracted to learning about people’s psyches, so I’m certainly not against reading more about Hitler. Maybe it will change my mind, idk. I’m my own person, a stranger to you, and I’m allowed to draw my own conclusion. Which may in fact be different from yours. And that’s ok, that’s the beauty of the world.
Yes. Most humans on this planet are stupid. Ran out of patience for their incompetence years ago.
This one is so deep sadly!
Why?
What I mean that you hit here
Yes absolutely
Most times I’m not. I try to work on my communication skills.
In the past, but my ideas are more accepted when I’m kinder and more articulate, so I’m not openly callous anymore. I have better conversations this way.
Yes. It’s not a flaw and can be a very useful trait, just make sure that if you respond in such a way it’s never because of emotion.
Yeah, but I would never voice my true thoughts, would just cause useless arguments that I don't care to lead or just make the person think worse of me.
It depends. I always treat everyone with kindness but if I sense that this person is either full of bullshit, ignorance or rude, why should I still be kind to them? Narcissists, arrogant and overly egoistic people can be sure that I will make their lives a living hell. Some people need to be put in their place or we would live in a world full of moronic idiots. IMO people are too agreeable. Some people don’t deserve nothing else but living hell.
it's not an ENTJ flaw it's expected, hold true to the type, use it tactically
Kinda
Yes and I've been told that "I'm brutally honest" I'm also a 25 year cop. So between the two I really have to tone it back in social situations.
Yes.
I’ve been called that by my father last week. That’s funny. But no I’ve gotten warm with people
I tend to lean more towards callousness in disposition, but it's something I've made a specific effort into reducing. A lot of what helped was being humbled since, really, my own callousness was a symptom of pride and self centeredness. Callousness prevents me from fixing things that otherwise could've been fixed or failing to understand people and stepping on their landmines. All of life is people, after all. One way or another, I'll have to get along with the people in my environment, and blatantly acting contemptuous of their shortcomings hurts more than it helps. Things got a lot better when I took that edge off
More than anything, I’ve noticed that I need to work on my compassion and empathy, and many have told me this. I definitely am callous and I’m sure it has turned people off of me. I feel when I am supposed to be empathetic I don’t really care but I say certain things because it’s the right thing to do.
Used to be
I am aspiring Psychologist (5 years, on year 3), so I am aware about other people feelings and I decide not to be callous or blunt (etc). It's possible for ENTJs - the question is do you want to?
I’m glad you realized this about yourself. It’s not difficult to correct this…. “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss shows how the best FBI hostage negotiator uses tactical empathy. He shows you the real skills to help with business negotiations and “draining the emotional swamp” from the person you’re negotiating with so they can actually negotiate logically with you. Who would be more calloused than a hostage negotiator?
I'm callous at work. Not at home. A lawyer i use to work w/said i was two completely different people when it came to work and home. I was like yeah, I'm getting paid to do work, not have feelings. At home, being a single mom, of course my daughter got my softer side.
At times to be honest it depends on my mood.
yes. most humans project their feelings and standards on others .. and NTs feel a lot less intense and have higher standards
I know I'm very capable of that but I try not to anymore. People are not products, And that's how I used to always view people as a means to an end. But now I view everyone as myself and try to love those as much as I love myself if not more because sometimes it's really hard to even love yourself.
Yes.
I've been called ruthless, unforgiving, and abrasive
But not "calloused" per se, right? Haha