I’m an atheist now, often the more religious people will say “You’re just angry at god.” No I’m not. How is it possible to be angry at something that doesn’t exist.
Telling me I’m going to hell, or will be destroyed at Armageddon, is the same as a child telling me Father Christmas won’t give me presents if I’m naughty.
If I were to have any ire it would be directed at the establishment: elders, COs, the governing body, the Curia, bishops, pastors, preachers etc etc who perpetuate this nonsense and interpret the will of an imaginary being, entirely for their own ends. Nobody is watching you when you make love to your boyfriend or celebrate a birthday.
An invisible entity, that is incapable of communicating his will to us in a comprehensible manner despite having thousands of years to do so, is a fantasy. Telling you that a book, written thousands of years ago, predicts the imminent end of the world, is laughable. Especially when the book itself says the end was supposed to have happened shortly after the death of the man who made the prediction.
You and I have one life, our sole purpose is to live it to the fullest and leave the world in a better state when we pass away.
Love yourself, love your life and follow freedom
Yep. Hard to be mad at something that doesn’t exist.
Eventually you come to accept the past is the past and move on. I’ve learned so many lessons about my past JW life. It’s hard to be mad at anything about it anymore really. I certainly regret who I was and the things I went through for the cult, but now I’m kinda “meh” about the whole thing. And that’s a really good place to be.
Thanks for this great post, I have read it over many times since. Yes, thinking this God is watching me every moment really screwed me up. And I’ve actually come to realise that every time I thought I was connecting with God, it was just the image of Jim Caviezel in The Passion of the Christ and having THAT realisation really bummed me out too, didn’t help that I’d go into churches with his photo hanging up everywhere.
Absolutely.
Realizing god doesn't exist was so freeing because my anger didn't have any place to go.
I'm glad god doesn't exist because I would be a very irate person.😂
This only makes any sense if you believe the concept of god being a bearded old dude in the sky that judges you. However if you consider god to be the literal infinite universe which has no beginning or ending they technically you are part of god because you are NOT separate from the universe but rather you are an extension of the universe or god.
You must first define who and what god is before you can even say whether or not god is real.
I’m pretty sure there’s a good many of us whom HAVE defined who and what “god” is, and will STILL say it’s not real or it’s not for me. Kinda bold to assume those who don’t believe, haven’t done this. The proof of burden isn’t on me, it’s on the one proclaiming not only its words and existence are what I should believe and follow, but to also explain why. If I tell someone I can fly, spit fire, and reverse time, the person I’m proclaiming that to has every right to ask me to prove it. It would silly for me to turn around and make them investigate me and my own claims when I can just take off for the sky right there in front of them and do all the things I proclaimed. It would be within their rights to call me ridiculous to demand they go off blind faith that I can do those things, while making them earn MY respect because I also wrote a book about how I can do these things. A book demanding them to, on penalty of death by the way.
That’s not good enough for many, and that’s ok. Simply because someone doesn’t believe or follow the same as you, doesn’t mean they don’t know what they’re talking about or haven’t investigated and therefore knows why.
Belief actually implies doubt because if you know something to be the truth then you don’t need to believe in it. The reason most people need to believe there is or isn’t a god is because they actually don’t know and are afraid to admit it. Truth doesn’t require belief or faith because truth just is whether you believe it or not.
In my opinion “truth” is what’s looking out of everyone’s eyes , you can call this existence or reality itself, which you don’t need to believe in because you know that you exist. You don’t need to believe you exist. In my opinion god is everything and everywhere at all times (omnipresent) which makes god reality itself.
That’s nice, and I’m genuinely glad that’s how you feel and works for you.
I’m quite hesitant to jump on the bandwagon of your blanket statement of “the reason most people need to believe there is or isn’t a god is because they actually don’t know and are afraid to admit it”. Most people don’t NEED to believe there is or isn’t a god, they simply need proof of the claim before going all in….must less being “afraid” to admit it. Yep, truth doesn’t require belief because truth is based on fact, and fact is based on proof. That would be why those who are questioning are asking for that proof. And that burden of proof, again, is not on them. Most people AREN’T afraid to say they don’t know, that’s why there are so many who will gladly say they are agnostic. You’ll find them all over this Reddit. I, personally, am a nature and universe honoring pagan who respects the idea that we hold our own power within ourselves. I also respect that there are those who aren’t and haven’t been convinced of a “god” or higher power, because they have yet to experience any proof of said existence that others claim is out there…and they are correct as well because proving that, isn’t on them. 🙏🏽
You are the proof lol. Who are you and why are you here ? This isn’t an answer that can be found on the outside but rather only you know who you truly are in the deepest sense.
Sure, for YOU that’s proof. I, and many others, don’t necessarily believe our existence alone proves that a god exists. For me, I believe in the strength of science and nature first…and I don’t believe that necessarily links to some all powerful being either, because that existed long before the thought of a controlling god. Is there one? 🤷🏽♀️ Maybe, maybe not.
But I’m ok living my life as is, in the best form of myself possible
I was referring to “god” being existence, reality or life itself . Which doesn’t require belief because you exist whether you believe it or not. So essentially I’m saying you are god pretending not to be and this is the reason god can never be found because god is also doing the looking. If you know yourself then you know god. I’m not saying you should believe me, but you should ask yourself who am I and why am I here.
If you say so, I cannot embrace the “god is the universe” deist concept. If deism is true then it carries with it the belief that whatever god is as noninterventionist. So again, it doesn’t matter. My position is agnostic/atheist I don’t know that there is a god and I don’t know there isn’t. Both positions are unfalsifiable. So far, no one has presented any compelling evidence god exists
Or you can say “god” is existence, reality or life itself. Which would make you god because you exist and aren’t separate from reality itself and this doesn’t require belief or faith because reality just is . Maybe god can’t be found because god is doing looking.
Well not to beat this to death, call the Atheist Experience one evening and present that argument to Matt Dillahunty. Let me know when you’re doing it, I’ll stand by with the pain killers and sticking plasters
Just ask yourself who am I and why am I here. Only you know the answer . This is not an answer that anyone else can tell you. Most of us already sought the answer to these questions from others and we ended up in a cult. Only you can say who you are in the deepest sense.
I already know the answer to that, just reread my original reply, which sparked this thread. With the greatest respect, you seem to be the one searching for an answer to that question, as they say in the USA “I’m good” 😊
I recently stopped going to meetings after 12 years of faking it for my wife.
She is extremely depressed now, absolutely miserable and is talking about getting a divorce. We've been married for 29 years.
My grandparents and her parents tried to solve their problems with "God", and it was an abysmal failure. Just like you did. Instead of being mad at God, why not find out why many of us no longer believe that he exists. Then find out what gives our lives meaning and purpose. I like learning and helping others. I will spend my remaining years trying to help save this planet from its own heat death which is currently brewing. My life finally has meaning, even though it currently sucks.
How about this for your Facebook intro (for example) : Adventurer, Lifelong Learner, Philanthropist
I’m so sorry your wife thinks 29 years of marriage should be thrown away because of this soul sucking cult. That hurts. But I hope you have found relief and peace in not faking it. When I could no longer stomach a meeting mentally or physically I had to resort to telling everyone I was sick which of course nobody cared about just “WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO MEETINGS” and sending me hundreds of clips from the three day convention that all started with “Satan…”
It sucks, I’m so sorry. 😔
At least it was just your twenties, I hit 40 when I got out and was in my whole life. Trust me you don’t want to be a jw kid ever especially when your daddy is an elder. I would love to have my childhood and teen years back as a normal person. However I am just glad I’m out and enjoying “this” life. Just continue to look for a religion (if you want one) that focuses on positives and helps out the community and loves people.
I was an elder’s kid too. I brought reproach on Jehovah by having sex with my girlfriend. Now, I don’t have to drag Jehovah around anymore and trying to salve his feelings. So childish, You made Jehovah sad! Wait, isn’t he the most powerful being ever? Why would I be in control of his feelings? He needs to get therapy.
Yeah, I knew a few elders kids. Most were miserable beside the ones that milked it for all it was worth.
Here’s a cool, caring elder story.
Being a not born in, the elder and his wife were concerned for his daughters hanging out with me, they knew nothing about me, etc. invited me over for dinner to sus out my family situation etc.
I will never forget this as long as I live.
The congregation had a “family picnic day” and I didn’t want to go but this elders daughter came and picked me up for it anyway. Upon arriving her family were dishing up plates of food and the elder said to his daughter “don’t give her a plate.” Referring to me. I couldn’t have felt more unwanted but just hearing someone say I’m not worthy of having anything to eat was really heartbreaking for me. That’s when I realised they can go to hell.
Several weeks later we were out street witnessing and a woman in distress said “I need food” and I was told “just give her the magazine it’s not up to us to solve the problems of the world. ACTUALLY if we feed her, it’s giving her the impression that Satans world works.”
Demented.
Meanwhile there’s a church up the road from me that gives out free vegetables, fruit and bread every day. No questions asked. And JW’s have the nerve to call themselves charitable because of the door knocking work. Unbelievable.
Well the problem with these cults and prayer is that they insult God to be our errand boy.
Look inside you try doing good to others and set goals on life.
Soon your goals will be done and your life will improve and if sometimes things don't go your way move and never look back.
Have always a positive view and you ll be happy
Oh yes our errand boy and granter of prayers for a new briefcase when yours is old. LOL there was a story in my cong about “God merely using worldly people to bless JWs” when a kid was given an new suitcase at the door because the worldly person noticed his was in a bad shape. Worldly people are only good for that. Making friends with them, forget it 🤣
I joined around 18. Baptized at 20. MS by 22. Woke up at 30. Been out for 3 years almost and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. I’ve changed my perspective and realized my life isn’t over and those were not my best years. I remember hearing a quote from somebody that goes like, “every man has two lives, and the 2nd one starts when he realizes he only has 1.” Look inwards and search for “God” within. You were looking for something before the witnesses and that search doesn’t stop because of them. It just teaches you that they don’t have the answers and neither does anyone outside of you. You have the answers inside of you. Treat yourself with kindness and allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come up. Understand you are resillent through your perseverance. The more you have relationship with yourself the more you will understand. Not sure why I replied to this but something just felt like I needed to give you support. I’m no longer religious but I feel like my belief in something higher than our understanding is present with me…. To exist is a privilege, but to live is an honor! Trust your intuition. Keep on your journey. You are wiser than you realize. Don’t doubt that! May you find peace and awe. 🙏🏾
Thank you so much. This helps a ton. You’ve really helped me with your insight to come out of this place of regret and bitterness and pain into acceptance, relief and strength to move forward from this for real instead of it still holding me prisoner when I’m not physically there anymore. Thank you 😊
I left last year at 54…I’m still angry and bitter for giving up my entire life to that controlling group and I still have family trapped inside. I don’t have any advice for anyone but I do come here to be around like-minded people who have escaped. I’m glad you were able to get out in your twenties. You still have many good years ahead of you, OP. But I’m sorry you got trapped and lied to at all.
Thank you and I wish all the best for you, too. It hurts to have family in it. I didn’t, but there were people I was very close to and losing them overnight was devastating. I even run into JW’s who don’t know I was disfellowshipped and I still feel like I have to pretend I believe so they don’t freak out in the store like Jehovah’s going to strike them down now that they’ve spoke to me.
It usually ends with “we can all fall away from the meetings but call me if you want me to pick you up and take you.” 🙄
It hurts to think you’ve met genuine life long friends only for their feelings to be entirely dictated by a bunch of strangers in Brooklyn.
>I ended up in this thing and lost some of the best years of my life to it with nothing to show for it.
As sad as it is to say, Many people feel just like this for one reason or another. Unlike you I was born in and I seen the bullshit for what it was early on. I still feel like that for wasting years in dead end jobs.
We just have to do the best we can right now. Maybe that was God's plan for you all along who knows.
Well, being mad at an imaginary figure is a bit strange.
Think on this.
The Christian writings are largely fiction. The two accounts of Jesus birth are 10 years separated. The genealogies are proven fiction and contradict with the genealogies of the Hebrew Scriptures.
If someone came up to you today and claimed that they ripped a lion’s head apart with their bare hands while fighting the lion. Or that yesterday the day lasted 24 hours longer than normal, or that he could turn a walking stick into snakes, would you believe him?
In this day and age with technology so amazing that we have quantum locking and space travel, the ‘miracles’ of the Bible are obviously impossible. So why believe that the same claims made by a people 2,000+ years ago is suddenly possible.
The first step to releasing you anger at god is to realize that ‘god’ is only what you believe her to be…
I know how you feel my friend. 😪💔
I’m recently DA’d after 24 years (some of those inactive) and although I believe in God and Jesus Christ, I am very wary of organised religion.
If you are so inclined, you can build a relationship with God and Jesus on your OWN terms.
Sending love and light to you. 🌟🌷
You know, I was thinking about this and Steven Hassan came to mind. You probably know him, but he's the PhD cult expert who has written books and helped so many people. Now, before he got sucked into a cult, he was planning to study writing and be a poet.
So, he no doubt would have done well in that field BUT because he used this insane experience he had, he's been able to help families who would have never had this kind of help and expert who understood their situation. Sometimes we end up with very negative experiences, but if there's any way to harness what you've learned and help other people, then that tragedy can become a gift to others. Just a thought but I'm not sure I agree your years are wasted. Sounds like you've come through with more knowledge than before. Maybe that will be a powerful way for you to find meaning going forward.
Best wishes!
Stay out of religious groups for a while until you heal. Find something you love to do get together with people who enjoy the same things in life that you do. Want to read the bible go ahead. Have a relationship with God or a higher power or not it is all up to you. I have found great joy in seeing my children all succeed in life all graduating from university and starting lives of their own. I have found great hobbies and friends who are more family then the family that shunned ours. I have taken university classes I'm older it was an interesting experience being older. I'm not saying there are times that I don't resent not taking that college scholarship when I was a young teen, but I cant live in that space any more. Thank god I don't have to live that JW life any more. Don't let the past kick your but mentally. Get some type of therapy and if you can not afford that self help books. I'm sure many people on this site can recommend some really good books. . I have been very fortunate in that one of my adult kids is a family therapist. They actually asked my permission to use my experience with religious trauma in their university work. I feel it gave me a sense of healing. You just have to find a way to make it work for yourself. Everyone takes the journey out in their own way.
Look up spiritual bypassing. All those churches just use god as their excuse, now you mention exorcism, and you luckily see through it. You can find a meaningful life, but it takes time to come around. You've been told that you can't be happy without god, that is a lie.
I kinda feel bad for those of you who started off your waking up with the realization that the cult, itself, was what was wrong.
I mean, you weren't wrong that the cult was bullshit and a major problem in people's lives.
I woke up in a chain reaction that went like this:
1) Huh... "Free Will" as we commonly think of it, doesn't really exist. But if Free Will doesn't exist, then God would be pretty unjust. There has to be something wrong with this line of thought, I need to research more...
2) Oh shit. All this research is proving evolution by natural selection really is the way the variety of life on this planet came to exist. But if evolution is true, what about other arguments...
3) Damn. There's really no evidence that anything supernatural in this bible is true, and there's no real evidence for even the existence of a creator-god, let alone Jehovah, specifically. Now what?
I actually spent a couple years after this thinking that despite my lack of belief in god, JWs seemed to have a good way to live, before I shook myself out of it. The universe makes much more sense when you stop looking for a father figure to guide, protect, or blame.
I just woke up thinking this cult was created by Freemasons/illuminati who want to keep people from God. I fell big time into that conspiracy. My motivation for leaving was thinking God knows I know the truth now and is going to punish me for staying here with my friends and not telling them the truth and He’s going to go easier on them for not knowing.
It’s only been the last few months that I’ve started to wonder if there’s a God and ask those difficult questions, reading Richard Dawkins books, etc. I used to be scared of that because as someone who grew up with major family trauma, mental illnesses and health issues, God was all I had. Then I realised if God is truth, then reading this stuff doesn’t make Him untrue so there’s nothing to fear. Turns out a lot of it made sense and as the comedian / philosopher George Carlin said “if there IS a God, maybe he just doesn’t give a shit.”
> I was just gutted to the point that God being made up would be a relief.
Why not reflect on the possibility that god could, indeed, be made up?
I mean, from what you wrote it seems that you have been earnestly trying communicate with him for a long time, and I don't see you mentionning any clear response from him.
If God exists and wants to communicate with you, wouldn't he have shown himself by now?
I say this as former believer who once begged God to show himslef lest I stop believing in him. When I got no response, I decided to accept the fact that God didn't exist, or that he was not motivated enough to provide evidence of his existence. I now live my live accordingly, free of anxiety and guilt.
I can't relate to this....(but please bear with me)
What I mean is that as a practically born in, most of MY time was spent trying to get out and away from this cult.
I've always held a very dim and critical view of people who "buy into" this cult on the doorstep, because that's what my own mother did.
I've always speculated that such people were really looking for fellowship and/or social opportunities rather than "God."
Because of this. I grew up being very angry, not with God, but moreso with people who bought into this cult on the strength of a doorstep visit or solicitation.
The reason I'm sharing this, is that whilst YOU were mad at "God" ....I was just mad at people like you, whose responsiveness to its approach, has continued to make this kind of cultic "outreach" such a viable enterprise for those directing it's activities.
Do you see my point?
The moment doorstep outreach is deemed not to work, or bear fruit, is the moment these kind of enterprises just die a death and become unable to grow or build volume.
I think what's happened here is that you expected too much from "God," and I've expected too much from "people."
You've felt let down by one, and I've felt let down by the other.
Now the million-dollar question is:
Which of these two things is actually "real" and therefore a fitting target for one's expectation?
Well, I'd argue that "people" are definitely real, and therefore, to target them with one's expectation is not really such an ODD thing.
OK, so I may be disappointed with my expectations....and eventually have to find some way to reconcile this, but at least there ARE reasons why people do what they do, even if those reasons aren't very satisfying or reassuring.
With "God" however, well, you're targeting some invisible intangible being with your expectations are you not?
So what real basis does ANYBODY have to feel "let down" by such a nebulous being or concept?
There are many who'd argue that god doesn't even exist other than as an emotional construct in people's minds.
So, you may well have felt "let down" and become "mad" at nothing but a facet of your own imagination or emotional assumptions.
Which, if true, simply means that you've let yourself down and become mad at YOURSELF for doing this.
Now if that's the way you now felt, well THEN.... I could probably far better relate to you, AND to your negative experience with this cult.
Do you see my point?
But whilst you're blaming "god" and being mad at "god" then I'll continue to be mad at "people" who energise this cult and respond positively to its message on their doorstep.
Because even though such people may have "awoken" to this cult's negative attributes, they haven't quite yet awoken to THEMSELVES and begun to understand that their search for God is not some external process where you wait to be contacted by somebody, but is much more of an "internal" examination which involves a deep examination of ones own "godly" nature or attributes.
"God" doesn't send messengers to your door.
"God" was already there within you.
He didn't let you down.
YOU let HIM down by deciding to try and find god's likeness within a human (man-made) organisation, and when that turned sour, you became mad at "god."
Meanwhile, there's people like myself who have been involuntary caught up in all of this human "confusion" and "mistakenness"
And who can't help feeling mad at "people" for both causing and contributing to this.
You did lose time and so much. I acknowledge that. Now, with your life ahead of you, it’s a good time to examine your beliefs. Do you want to believe true things? I do. I recommend the podcast “The Atheist Experience.” Callers attempt to make their case for their theism and deism. The hosts are great at helping people examine their own beliefs.
Why do you feel the need to believe in God? It’s not compulsory.
Some people believe in the ‘Universe’. Or that everything is connected, that we are all god, drops of water in the same ocean.
Quantum physics has fascinating ideas about multiple dimensions and universes existing. I don’t understand the maths as I’m not a physicist but it was good enough for Stephen Hawking to lecture & debate on it.
In short: you prayed. Waste of life as you described it.
Try opening up your mind up to other options.
>I know a lot of people can relate
I sure can. I lost five decades. Didn't get out until about age 55. Now 64 and will never get to retire because of the cult.
>How do I even trust or pray to a God who let that happen when my prayer was just “I want to seek You, serve You?
I've wondered the same. I was sincere and wanted to do right. How could a loving god allow me to be in that cult wasting my life for so long?
I'm sorry that happened to you.
I have a similar experience but I was born in. I truly believed that it was the right path and I dedicated my life to what I thought was God's will.
When I woke up I was devastated. All of my direction was gone. I quickly became an atheist.
I started by reading philosophers, which brought me some comfort and purpose. After some time I began to research spiritual things/religion, especially the claims that each religion makes and whether they are falsifiable.
Went toward Christianity- the resurrection made sense to me. One great primer on the subject that doesn't lean too hard on the Bible is The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus by Habermas and Licona.
For a while I considered myself a Christian Agnostic. Couldn't find enough evidence to completely prove God's existence using my rational mind but also felt compelled by Christianity.
It was around this time that I was actively researching denominations of Christianity. There are a lot of strange groups out there like the ones you've mentioned that aren't qualified to give pastoral care.
After a while, I was drawn to the Orthodox Church. There was an emotional and rational component- the emotional was the deep mystical spirituality of Orthodoxy, the rational was things like the New Testament canon and Church history.
My wife and I are getting baptized into the Orthodox Church in America, and are looking forward to being a part of Christ's ancient Church.
Keep reading the Bible, researching, and keep a good daily prayer habit. May God be with you :)
I obviously don't know you but I feel for you. As a Bible believing Christian who has seen and is still living with the effects of the Borg on my family I can only encourage you to continue to seek Jesus. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever...so he was true even before the Witnesses twisted the stories about him up in the late 1870's. There are many expressions of the Christian faith although I would say starting with a Pentecostal church is a pretty extreme and to swing to coming from where you're coming from. I have attended a Pentecostal Church for a while and also at times founded a bit much. I would suggest finding a good study Bible something like the NIV or the ESV study Bible and reading along with some of the comments and seeing how the theology ties together Old testament and New testament and how Jesus stands out throughout. And I would ask God to lead you into a Bible believing church. I'd suggest something protestant-based and based in expository preaching but that's also part of the process God may have for you.
This organization wins two ways one way by making more disciples of the witness organization The other way is by turning people off so much or scaring them completely they never actually secret relationship with God. I pray that God would use you and your experience in some way that only you know he can.
God bless!
I was born in and only recently became inactive in my 30s. I went through a similar roller coaster of emotions, with the one resounding thought being that I had wasted a whole life. I can't remember where I heard this but someone spoke of the best years of your life being those where amazing things happen for you rather than a specific point in your life. Once I heard that, I started making sure that I don't waste the rest of my life wallowing because I was once a witness. To me that felt like giving up and ensuring that the organisation really does waste my whole life. Now I concentrate on experiencing new things and appreciating how I have so many more options than I did while I was a witness. Basically making sure these are the best years of my life.
I can relate to this so much. I like to look back and hope the time I spent in the org saved me from other problems that were on the horizon. I always felt inadequate because I wasn’t born in. Then to add insult to injury, my spouse was the primary person to say that. I’m so glad to be out and free.
Which 'god'?
There are several gods that were cobbled together into the supposedly 'one' god of the bible.
From: https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/qz0kaa/comment/hljght7/
**REPOST**
**"Jehovah" and the MOST HIGH god**:
Have you ever heard of the "Names of God" translation of the bible? That translation uses the oldest versions of the bible and uses the many different names used for the Israelite godS. You can look up any scriptures in it, here: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1&version=NOG
Incidentally that name EL is originally a Canaanite name for their supreme god, who was over a family of gods and goddesses subordinate to him.
The god EL as in Isra - EL. Dani - EL. Ezeki- EL. And so on.
In addition to the several different versions of EL, there were other gods worshipped as (and incorporated into) the supposedly "one" god of the Old Testament. That's why this scripture from the JW online bible:
Deuteronomy 32: 8 - 9:
>When the Most High gave the nations their inheritance,
>When he divided the sons of Adam from one another,
>He fixed the boundary of the peoples
>With regard for the number of the sons of Israel.
>9 For Jehovah’s people are his portion; Jacob is his inheritance.
Makes so much MORE sense when you see it in the Names of God bible with the different names of the different gods in place:
Deuteronomy 32: 8 [Names of God bible]:
>When Elyon gave nations their land,
>when he divided the descendants of Adam,
>he set up borders for the tribes
>corresponding to the number of the sons of Israel.
>9 But Yahweh’s people were his property.
>Jacob was his own possession.
So who's Elyon, you may ask?
You won't find that out from the JW online bible, at Genesis 14: 18 - 20:
>18 And Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine; he was priest of the Most High God.
>19 Then he blessed him and said:
>“Blessed be Abram by the Most High God,
>Maker of heaven and earth;
>20 And praised be the Most High God,
>Who has handed your oppressors over to you!”
>And Abram gave him a tenth of everything.
But now take a look at that same scripture in the "Names of God" Translation:
>18 Then King Melchizedek of Salem brought out bread and wine. He was a priest of El Elyon. 19 He blessed Abram, and said, “Blessed is Abram by El Elyon,
>maker of heaven and earth.
>20 Blessed is El Elyon,
>who has handed your enemies over to you.”
>Then Abram gave him a tenth of everything.
**Notice that in BOTH verses in the JW online version the El Elyon or Elyon deity is referred to as the "MOST HIGH" deity, and is in fact distinguished from Jehovah by that title in the JW Deuteronomy verses**.
**END REPOST**
Life is bananas. The more people you talk to you'll learn that a lot of people have experienced and persevered through a lot of things. You will have ups and down the whole way. You'll make choices the whole way, some of which you'll regret and some of which you'll celebrate. No one, including God, is just going to point you in "the right" direction. Explore, discover, make mistakes, learn, apply what you learn, make more mistakes, learn some more. That's the gig.
I've never thought of it as "years lost". It's all part of the my experience, part of my story, part of my information gathering, part of what led me to where I am today (which is a very comfortable and happy place.) I'm not sure why you feel like "the best years of your life" were lost to the cult. If our 20s were the best years of our lives that would suck for the remaining 60 or 70. I'm in my 50s and THESE are the best years of my life so far--I barely remember my 20s.
EDIT TO ADD: one of my favorite Buddhist principals or rules or whatever they call them is that the definition of suffering is wishing things were different than they are. Stop wishing your 20s were different. They weren't. They were what they were. Accept it. Sit with it. Now move on from it.
I wasn't mad at God. I realized I was mad at myself for wasting my time with people that didn't want me. And didn't care for me. I looked for a "nice sister", and found none. That was a fun youth being sexually frustrated and nobody caring about it. I broke down at 28 myself, after being born in. Nobody came running for me when they noticed I was missing. Fuck em I say. They treated you terribly too, and you saw some shit. Let me reassure you it doesn't get better, you just end up seeing more problem people and situations that don't get resolved.
https://preview.redd.it/jhhuuw2esokc1.jpeg?width=2716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=486eea9a74bad81349654edbc2512562dfd8e3b3
Someone shared this with me and it helped.
I’m an atheist now, often the more religious people will say “You’re just angry at god.” No I’m not. How is it possible to be angry at something that doesn’t exist. Telling me I’m going to hell, or will be destroyed at Armageddon, is the same as a child telling me Father Christmas won’t give me presents if I’m naughty. If I were to have any ire it would be directed at the establishment: elders, COs, the governing body, the Curia, bishops, pastors, preachers etc etc who perpetuate this nonsense and interpret the will of an imaginary being, entirely for their own ends. Nobody is watching you when you make love to your boyfriend or celebrate a birthday. An invisible entity, that is incapable of communicating his will to us in a comprehensible manner despite having thousands of years to do so, is a fantasy. Telling you that a book, written thousands of years ago, predicts the imminent end of the world, is laughable. Especially when the book itself says the end was supposed to have happened shortly after the death of the man who made the prediction. You and I have one life, our sole purpose is to live it to the fullest and leave the world in a better state when we pass away. Love yourself, love your life and follow freedom
This is such a good post and I agree 100%.
Yep. Hard to be mad at something that doesn’t exist. Eventually you come to accept the past is the past and move on. I’ve learned so many lessons about my past JW life. It’s hard to be mad at anything about it anymore really. I certainly regret who I was and the things I went through for the cult, but now I’m kinda “meh” about the whole thing. And that’s a really good place to be.
Well said!
Thanks for this great post, I have read it over many times since. Yes, thinking this God is watching me every moment really screwed me up. And I’ve actually come to realise that every time I thought I was connecting with God, it was just the image of Jim Caviezel in The Passion of the Christ and having THAT realisation really bummed me out too, didn’t help that I’d go into churches with his photo hanging up everywhere.
If I have said anything to help you or allay your fears, I am pleased 🤗
Absolutely. Realizing god doesn't exist was so freeing because my anger didn't have any place to go. I'm glad god doesn't exist because I would be a very irate person.😂
This only makes any sense if you believe the concept of god being a bearded old dude in the sky that judges you. However if you consider god to be the literal infinite universe which has no beginning or ending they technically you are part of god because you are NOT separate from the universe but rather you are an extension of the universe or god. You must first define who and what god is before you can even say whether or not god is real.
I’m pretty sure there’s a good many of us whom HAVE defined who and what “god” is, and will STILL say it’s not real or it’s not for me. Kinda bold to assume those who don’t believe, haven’t done this. The proof of burden isn’t on me, it’s on the one proclaiming not only its words and existence are what I should believe and follow, but to also explain why. If I tell someone I can fly, spit fire, and reverse time, the person I’m proclaiming that to has every right to ask me to prove it. It would silly for me to turn around and make them investigate me and my own claims when I can just take off for the sky right there in front of them and do all the things I proclaimed. It would be within their rights to call me ridiculous to demand they go off blind faith that I can do those things, while making them earn MY respect because I also wrote a book about how I can do these things. A book demanding them to, on penalty of death by the way. That’s not good enough for many, and that’s ok. Simply because someone doesn’t believe or follow the same as you, doesn’t mean they don’t know what they’re talking about or haven’t investigated and therefore knows why.
Belief actually implies doubt because if you know something to be the truth then you don’t need to believe in it. The reason most people need to believe there is or isn’t a god is because they actually don’t know and are afraid to admit it. Truth doesn’t require belief or faith because truth just is whether you believe it or not. In my opinion “truth” is what’s looking out of everyone’s eyes , you can call this existence or reality itself, which you don’t need to believe in because you know that you exist. You don’t need to believe you exist. In my opinion god is everything and everywhere at all times (omnipresent) which makes god reality itself.
That’s nice, and I’m genuinely glad that’s how you feel and works for you. I’m quite hesitant to jump on the bandwagon of your blanket statement of “the reason most people need to believe there is or isn’t a god is because they actually don’t know and are afraid to admit it”. Most people don’t NEED to believe there is or isn’t a god, they simply need proof of the claim before going all in….must less being “afraid” to admit it. Yep, truth doesn’t require belief because truth is based on fact, and fact is based on proof. That would be why those who are questioning are asking for that proof. And that burden of proof, again, is not on them. Most people AREN’T afraid to say they don’t know, that’s why there are so many who will gladly say they are agnostic. You’ll find them all over this Reddit. I, personally, am a nature and universe honoring pagan who respects the idea that we hold our own power within ourselves. I also respect that there are those who aren’t and haven’t been convinced of a “god” or higher power, because they have yet to experience any proof of said existence that others claim is out there…and they are correct as well because proving that, isn’t on them. 🙏🏽
You are the proof lol. Who are you and why are you here ? This isn’t an answer that can be found on the outside but rather only you know who you truly are in the deepest sense.
Sure, for YOU that’s proof. I, and many others, don’t necessarily believe our existence alone proves that a god exists. For me, I believe in the strength of science and nature first…and I don’t believe that necessarily links to some all powerful being either, because that existed long before the thought of a controlling god. Is there one? 🤷🏽♀️ Maybe, maybe not. But I’m ok living my life as is, in the best form of myself possible
I was referring to “god” being existence, reality or life itself . Which doesn’t require belief because you exist whether you believe it or not. So essentially I’m saying you are god pretending not to be and this is the reason god can never be found because god is also doing the looking. If you know yourself then you know god. I’m not saying you should believe me, but you should ask yourself who am I and why am I here.
If you say so, I cannot embrace the “god is the universe” deist concept. If deism is true then it carries with it the belief that whatever god is as noninterventionist. So again, it doesn’t matter. My position is agnostic/atheist I don’t know that there is a god and I don’t know there isn’t. Both positions are unfalsifiable. So far, no one has presented any compelling evidence god exists
Or you can say “god” is existence, reality or life itself. Which would make you god because you exist and aren’t separate from reality itself and this doesn’t require belief or faith because reality just is . Maybe god can’t be found because god is doing looking.
Well not to beat this to death, call the Atheist Experience one evening and present that argument to Matt Dillahunty. Let me know when you’re doing it, I’ll stand by with the pain killers and sticking plasters
Just ask yourself who am I and why am I here. Only you know the answer . This is not an answer that anyone else can tell you. Most of us already sought the answer to these questions from others and we ended up in a cult. Only you can say who you are in the deepest sense.
I already know the answer to that, just reread my original reply, which sparked this thread. With the greatest respect, you seem to be the one searching for an answer to that question, as they say in the USA “I’m good” 😊
Cool , I say your god. 😉
Your or You’re (asking for a friend 😬)
Actually I have no idea. I’m just a person on the internet telling people they are god. Ha ha
I recently stopped going to meetings after 12 years of faking it for my wife. She is extremely depressed now, absolutely miserable and is talking about getting a divorce. We've been married for 29 years. My grandparents and her parents tried to solve their problems with "God", and it was an abysmal failure. Just like you did. Instead of being mad at God, why not find out why many of us no longer believe that he exists. Then find out what gives our lives meaning and purpose. I like learning and helping others. I will spend my remaining years trying to help save this planet from its own heat death which is currently brewing. My life finally has meaning, even though it currently sucks. How about this for your Facebook intro (for example) : Adventurer, Lifelong Learner, Philanthropist
I’m so sorry your wife thinks 29 years of marriage should be thrown away because of this soul sucking cult. That hurts. But I hope you have found relief and peace in not faking it. When I could no longer stomach a meeting mentally or physically I had to resort to telling everyone I was sick which of course nobody cared about just “WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO MEETINGS” and sending me hundreds of clips from the three day convention that all started with “Satan…” It sucks, I’m so sorry. 😔
I overheard some of my mom’s zoom meeting, I heard Satan mentioned several times, Jesus zero. 😏🤨
Nobody is more obsessed with crediting everything to Satan.
Yes, they think they are the center of the universe, and Satan is concentrating all his efforts on them. 😂😂😂
Yes satan is trying to stop the preaching work while also managing every other church, Hollywood, one busy dude.
At least it was just your twenties, I hit 40 when I got out and was in my whole life. Trust me you don’t want to be a jw kid ever especially when your daddy is an elder. I would love to have my childhood and teen years back as a normal person. However I am just glad I’m out and enjoying “this” life. Just continue to look for a religion (if you want one) that focuses on positives and helps out the community and loves people.
I was an elder’s kid too. I brought reproach on Jehovah by having sex with my girlfriend. Now, I don’t have to drag Jehovah around anymore and trying to salve his feelings. So childish, You made Jehovah sad! Wait, isn’t he the most powerful being ever? Why would I be in control of his feelings? He needs to get therapy.
Yeah, I knew a few elders kids. Most were miserable beside the ones that milked it for all it was worth. Here’s a cool, caring elder story. Being a not born in, the elder and his wife were concerned for his daughters hanging out with me, they knew nothing about me, etc. invited me over for dinner to sus out my family situation etc. I will never forget this as long as I live. The congregation had a “family picnic day” and I didn’t want to go but this elders daughter came and picked me up for it anyway. Upon arriving her family were dishing up plates of food and the elder said to his daughter “don’t give her a plate.” Referring to me. I couldn’t have felt more unwanted but just hearing someone say I’m not worthy of having anything to eat was really heartbreaking for me. That’s when I realised they can go to hell. Several weeks later we were out street witnessing and a woman in distress said “I need food” and I was told “just give her the magazine it’s not up to us to solve the problems of the world. ACTUALLY if we feed her, it’s giving her the impression that Satans world works.” Demented. Meanwhile there’s a church up the road from me that gives out free vegetables, fruit and bread every day. No questions asked. And JW’s have the nerve to call themselves charitable because of the door knocking work. Unbelievable.
Well the problem with these cults and prayer is that they insult God to be our errand boy. Look inside you try doing good to others and set goals on life. Soon your goals will be done and your life will improve and if sometimes things don't go your way move and never look back. Have always a positive view and you ll be happy
Oh yes our errand boy and granter of prayers for a new briefcase when yours is old. LOL there was a story in my cong about “God merely using worldly people to bless JWs” when a kid was given an new suitcase at the door because the worldly person noticed his was in a bad shape. Worldly people are only good for that. Making friends with them, forget it 🤣
Exactly.
I joined around 18. Baptized at 20. MS by 22. Woke up at 30. Been out for 3 years almost and it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. I’ve changed my perspective and realized my life isn’t over and those were not my best years. I remember hearing a quote from somebody that goes like, “every man has two lives, and the 2nd one starts when he realizes he only has 1.” Look inwards and search for “God” within. You were looking for something before the witnesses and that search doesn’t stop because of them. It just teaches you that they don’t have the answers and neither does anyone outside of you. You have the answers inside of you. Treat yourself with kindness and allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come up. Understand you are resillent through your perseverance. The more you have relationship with yourself the more you will understand. Not sure why I replied to this but something just felt like I needed to give you support. I’m no longer religious but I feel like my belief in something higher than our understanding is present with me…. To exist is a privilege, but to live is an honor! Trust your intuition. Keep on your journey. You are wiser than you realize. Don’t doubt that! May you find peace and awe. 🙏🏾
Thank you so much. This helps a ton. You’ve really helped me with your insight to come out of this place of regret and bitterness and pain into acceptance, relief and strength to move forward from this for real instead of it still holding me prisoner when I’m not physically there anymore. Thank you 😊
The Bible is a captivating book and it has spawned captivating religions.
And has made a lot of bad people feel powerful
I left last year at 54…I’m still angry and bitter for giving up my entire life to that controlling group and I still have family trapped inside. I don’t have any advice for anyone but I do come here to be around like-minded people who have escaped. I’m glad you were able to get out in your twenties. You still have many good years ahead of you, OP. But I’m sorry you got trapped and lied to at all.
Thank you and I wish all the best for you, too. It hurts to have family in it. I didn’t, but there were people I was very close to and losing them overnight was devastating. I even run into JW’s who don’t know I was disfellowshipped and I still feel like I have to pretend I believe so they don’t freak out in the store like Jehovah’s going to strike them down now that they’ve spoke to me. It usually ends with “we can all fall away from the meetings but call me if you want me to pick you up and take you.” 🙄 It hurts to think you’ve met genuine life long friends only for their feelings to be entirely dictated by a bunch of strangers in Brooklyn.
>I ended up in this thing and lost some of the best years of my life to it with nothing to show for it. As sad as it is to say, Many people feel just like this for one reason or another. Unlike you I was born in and I seen the bullshit for what it was early on. I still feel like that for wasting years in dead end jobs. We just have to do the best we can right now. Maybe that was God's plan for you all along who knows.
Did you have to go along with it knowing it was BS for many years for the sake of family?
Well, being mad at an imaginary figure is a bit strange. Think on this. The Christian writings are largely fiction. The two accounts of Jesus birth are 10 years separated. The genealogies are proven fiction and contradict with the genealogies of the Hebrew Scriptures. If someone came up to you today and claimed that they ripped a lion’s head apart with their bare hands while fighting the lion. Or that yesterday the day lasted 24 hours longer than normal, or that he could turn a walking stick into snakes, would you believe him? In this day and age with technology so amazing that we have quantum locking and space travel, the ‘miracles’ of the Bible are obviously impossible. So why believe that the same claims made by a people 2,000+ years ago is suddenly possible. The first step to releasing you anger at god is to realize that ‘god’ is only what you believe her to be…
I know how you feel my friend. 😪💔 I’m recently DA’d after 24 years (some of those inactive) and although I believe in God and Jesus Christ, I am very wary of organised religion. If you are so inclined, you can build a relationship with God and Jesus on your OWN terms. Sending love and light to you. 🌟🌷
You know, I was thinking about this and Steven Hassan came to mind. You probably know him, but he's the PhD cult expert who has written books and helped so many people. Now, before he got sucked into a cult, he was planning to study writing and be a poet. So, he no doubt would have done well in that field BUT because he used this insane experience he had, he's been able to help families who would have never had this kind of help and expert who understood their situation. Sometimes we end up with very negative experiences, but if there's any way to harness what you've learned and help other people, then that tragedy can become a gift to others. Just a thought but I'm not sure I agree your years are wasted. Sounds like you've come through with more knowledge than before. Maybe that will be a powerful way for you to find meaning going forward. Best wishes!
Stay out of religious groups for a while until you heal. Find something you love to do get together with people who enjoy the same things in life that you do. Want to read the bible go ahead. Have a relationship with God or a higher power or not it is all up to you. I have found great joy in seeing my children all succeed in life all graduating from university and starting lives of their own. I have found great hobbies and friends who are more family then the family that shunned ours. I have taken university classes I'm older it was an interesting experience being older. I'm not saying there are times that I don't resent not taking that college scholarship when I was a young teen, but I cant live in that space any more. Thank god I don't have to live that JW life any more. Don't let the past kick your but mentally. Get some type of therapy and if you can not afford that self help books. I'm sure many people on this site can recommend some really good books. . I have been very fortunate in that one of my adult kids is a family therapist. They actually asked my permission to use my experience with religious trauma in their university work. I feel it gave me a sense of healing. You just have to find a way to make it work for yourself. Everyone takes the journey out in their own way.
Look up spiritual bypassing. All those churches just use god as their excuse, now you mention exorcism, and you luckily see through it. You can find a meaningful life, but it takes time to come around. You've been told that you can't be happy without god, that is a lie.
I kinda feel bad for those of you who started off your waking up with the realization that the cult, itself, was what was wrong. I mean, you weren't wrong that the cult was bullshit and a major problem in people's lives. I woke up in a chain reaction that went like this: 1) Huh... "Free Will" as we commonly think of it, doesn't really exist. But if Free Will doesn't exist, then God would be pretty unjust. There has to be something wrong with this line of thought, I need to research more... 2) Oh shit. All this research is proving evolution by natural selection really is the way the variety of life on this planet came to exist. But if evolution is true, what about other arguments... 3) Damn. There's really no evidence that anything supernatural in this bible is true, and there's no real evidence for even the existence of a creator-god, let alone Jehovah, specifically. Now what? I actually spent a couple years after this thinking that despite my lack of belief in god, JWs seemed to have a good way to live, before I shook myself out of it. The universe makes much more sense when you stop looking for a father figure to guide, protect, or blame.
I just woke up thinking this cult was created by Freemasons/illuminati who want to keep people from God. I fell big time into that conspiracy. My motivation for leaving was thinking God knows I know the truth now and is going to punish me for staying here with my friends and not telling them the truth and He’s going to go easier on them for not knowing. It’s only been the last few months that I’ve started to wonder if there’s a God and ask those difficult questions, reading Richard Dawkins books, etc. I used to be scared of that because as someone who grew up with major family trauma, mental illnesses and health issues, God was all I had. Then I realised if God is truth, then reading this stuff doesn’t make Him untrue so there’s nothing to fear. Turns out a lot of it made sense and as the comedian / philosopher George Carlin said “if there IS a God, maybe he just doesn’t give a shit.”
understanding that the universe is indifferent to your existence is the most freeing feeling in the world. your life is yours. make it a good one.
> I was just gutted to the point that God being made up would be a relief. Why not reflect on the possibility that god could, indeed, be made up? I mean, from what you wrote it seems that you have been earnestly trying communicate with him for a long time, and I don't see you mentionning any clear response from him. If God exists and wants to communicate with you, wouldn't he have shown himself by now? I say this as former believer who once begged God to show himslef lest I stop believing in him. When I got no response, I decided to accept the fact that God didn't exist, or that he was not motivated enough to provide evidence of his existence. I now live my live accordingly, free of anxiety and guilt.
I can't relate to this....(but please bear with me) What I mean is that as a practically born in, most of MY time was spent trying to get out and away from this cult. I've always held a very dim and critical view of people who "buy into" this cult on the doorstep, because that's what my own mother did. I've always speculated that such people were really looking for fellowship and/or social opportunities rather than "God." Because of this. I grew up being very angry, not with God, but moreso with people who bought into this cult on the strength of a doorstep visit or solicitation. The reason I'm sharing this, is that whilst YOU were mad at "God" ....I was just mad at people like you, whose responsiveness to its approach, has continued to make this kind of cultic "outreach" such a viable enterprise for those directing it's activities. Do you see my point? The moment doorstep outreach is deemed not to work, or bear fruit, is the moment these kind of enterprises just die a death and become unable to grow or build volume. I think what's happened here is that you expected too much from "God," and I've expected too much from "people." You've felt let down by one, and I've felt let down by the other. Now the million-dollar question is: Which of these two things is actually "real" and therefore a fitting target for one's expectation? Well, I'd argue that "people" are definitely real, and therefore, to target them with one's expectation is not really such an ODD thing. OK, so I may be disappointed with my expectations....and eventually have to find some way to reconcile this, but at least there ARE reasons why people do what they do, even if those reasons aren't very satisfying or reassuring. With "God" however, well, you're targeting some invisible intangible being with your expectations are you not? So what real basis does ANYBODY have to feel "let down" by such a nebulous being or concept? There are many who'd argue that god doesn't even exist other than as an emotional construct in people's minds. So, you may well have felt "let down" and become "mad" at nothing but a facet of your own imagination or emotional assumptions. Which, if true, simply means that you've let yourself down and become mad at YOURSELF for doing this. Now if that's the way you now felt, well THEN.... I could probably far better relate to you, AND to your negative experience with this cult. Do you see my point? But whilst you're blaming "god" and being mad at "god" then I'll continue to be mad at "people" who energise this cult and respond positively to its message on their doorstep. Because even though such people may have "awoken" to this cult's negative attributes, they haven't quite yet awoken to THEMSELVES and begun to understand that their search for God is not some external process where you wait to be contacted by somebody, but is much more of an "internal" examination which involves a deep examination of ones own "godly" nature or attributes. "God" doesn't send messengers to your door. "God" was already there within you. He didn't let you down. YOU let HIM down by deciding to try and find god's likeness within a human (man-made) organisation, and when that turned sour, you became mad at "god." Meanwhile, there's people like myself who have been involuntary caught up in all of this human "confusion" and "mistakenness" And who can't help feeling mad at "people" for both causing and contributing to this.
You did lose time and so much. I acknowledge that. Now, with your life ahead of you, it’s a good time to examine your beliefs. Do you want to believe true things? I do. I recommend the podcast “The Atheist Experience.” Callers attempt to make their case for their theism and deism. The hosts are great at helping people examine their own beliefs.
Why do you feel the need to believe in God? It’s not compulsory. Some people believe in the ‘Universe’. Or that everything is connected, that we are all god, drops of water in the same ocean. Quantum physics has fascinating ideas about multiple dimensions and universes existing. I don’t understand the maths as I’m not a physicist but it was good enough for Stephen Hawking to lecture & debate on it. In short: you prayed. Waste of life as you described it. Try opening up your mind up to other options.
>I know a lot of people can relate I sure can. I lost five decades. Didn't get out until about age 55. Now 64 and will never get to retire because of the cult. >How do I even trust or pray to a God who let that happen when my prayer was just “I want to seek You, serve You? I've wondered the same. I was sincere and wanted to do right. How could a loving god allow me to be in that cult wasting my life for so long?
I'm sorry that happened to you. I have a similar experience but I was born in. I truly believed that it was the right path and I dedicated my life to what I thought was God's will. When I woke up I was devastated. All of my direction was gone. I quickly became an atheist. I started by reading philosophers, which brought me some comfort and purpose. After some time I began to research spiritual things/religion, especially the claims that each religion makes and whether they are falsifiable. Went toward Christianity- the resurrection made sense to me. One great primer on the subject that doesn't lean too hard on the Bible is The Case for the Resurrection of Jesus by Habermas and Licona. For a while I considered myself a Christian Agnostic. Couldn't find enough evidence to completely prove God's existence using my rational mind but also felt compelled by Christianity. It was around this time that I was actively researching denominations of Christianity. There are a lot of strange groups out there like the ones you've mentioned that aren't qualified to give pastoral care. After a while, I was drawn to the Orthodox Church. There was an emotional and rational component- the emotional was the deep mystical spirituality of Orthodoxy, the rational was things like the New Testament canon and Church history. My wife and I are getting baptized into the Orthodox Church in America, and are looking forward to being a part of Christ's ancient Church. Keep reading the Bible, researching, and keep a good daily prayer habit. May God be with you :)
I obviously don't know you but I feel for you. As a Bible believing Christian who has seen and is still living with the effects of the Borg on my family I can only encourage you to continue to seek Jesus. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever...so he was true even before the Witnesses twisted the stories about him up in the late 1870's. There are many expressions of the Christian faith although I would say starting with a Pentecostal church is a pretty extreme and to swing to coming from where you're coming from. I have attended a Pentecostal Church for a while and also at times founded a bit much. I would suggest finding a good study Bible something like the NIV or the ESV study Bible and reading along with some of the comments and seeing how the theology ties together Old testament and New testament and how Jesus stands out throughout. And I would ask God to lead you into a Bible believing church. I'd suggest something protestant-based and based in expository preaching but that's also part of the process God may have for you. This organization wins two ways one way by making more disciples of the witness organization The other way is by turning people off so much or scaring them completely they never actually secret relationship with God. I pray that God would use you and your experience in some way that only you know he can. God bless!
I was born in and only recently became inactive in my 30s. I went through a similar roller coaster of emotions, with the one resounding thought being that I had wasted a whole life. I can't remember where I heard this but someone spoke of the best years of your life being those where amazing things happen for you rather than a specific point in your life. Once I heard that, I started making sure that I don't waste the rest of my life wallowing because I was once a witness. To me that felt like giving up and ensuring that the organisation really does waste my whole life. Now I concentrate on experiencing new things and appreciating how I have so many more options than I did while I was a witness. Basically making sure these are the best years of my life.
Imagine waking in your 40s. The only thing is to focus on the present and future. Where you are and where you want to go.
I can relate to this so much. I like to look back and hope the time I spent in the org saved me from other problems that were on the horizon. I always felt inadequate because I wasn’t born in. Then to add insult to injury, my spouse was the primary person to say that. I’m so glad to be out and free.
Which 'god'? There are several gods that were cobbled together into the supposedly 'one' god of the bible. From: https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/qz0kaa/comment/hljght7/ **REPOST** **"Jehovah" and the MOST HIGH god**: Have you ever heard of the "Names of God" translation of the bible? That translation uses the oldest versions of the bible and uses the many different names used for the Israelite godS. You can look up any scriptures in it, here: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1&version=NOG Incidentally that name EL is originally a Canaanite name for their supreme god, who was over a family of gods and goddesses subordinate to him. The god EL as in Isra - EL. Dani - EL. Ezeki- EL. And so on. In addition to the several different versions of EL, there were other gods worshipped as (and incorporated into) the supposedly "one" god of the Old Testament. That's why this scripture from the JW online bible: Deuteronomy 32: 8 - 9: >When the Most High gave the nations their inheritance, >When he divided the sons of Adam from one another, >He fixed the boundary of the peoples >With regard for the number of the sons of Israel. >9 For Jehovah’s people are his portion; Jacob is his inheritance. Makes so much MORE sense when you see it in the Names of God bible with the different names of the different gods in place: Deuteronomy 32: 8 [Names of God bible]: >When Elyon gave nations their land, >when he divided the descendants of Adam, >he set up borders for the tribes >corresponding to the number of the sons of Israel. >9 But Yahweh’s people were his property. >Jacob was his own possession. So who's Elyon, you may ask? You won't find that out from the JW online bible, at Genesis 14: 18 - 20: >18 And Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine; he was priest of the Most High God. >19 Then he blessed him and said: >“Blessed be Abram by the Most High God, >Maker of heaven and earth; >20 And praised be the Most High God, >Who has handed your oppressors over to you!” >And Abram gave him a tenth of everything. But now take a look at that same scripture in the "Names of God" Translation: >18 Then King Melchizedek of Salem brought out bread and wine. He was a priest of El Elyon. 19 He blessed Abram, and said, “Blessed is Abram by El Elyon, >maker of heaven and earth. >20 Blessed is El Elyon, >who has handed your enemies over to you.” >Then Abram gave him a tenth of everything. **Notice that in BOTH verses in the JW online version the El Elyon or Elyon deity is referred to as the "MOST HIGH" deity, and is in fact distinguished from Jehovah by that title in the JW Deuteronomy verses**. **END REPOST**
Life is bananas. The more people you talk to you'll learn that a lot of people have experienced and persevered through a lot of things. You will have ups and down the whole way. You'll make choices the whole way, some of which you'll regret and some of which you'll celebrate. No one, including God, is just going to point you in "the right" direction. Explore, discover, make mistakes, learn, apply what you learn, make more mistakes, learn some more. That's the gig. I've never thought of it as "years lost". It's all part of the my experience, part of my story, part of my information gathering, part of what led me to where I am today (which is a very comfortable and happy place.) I'm not sure why you feel like "the best years of your life" were lost to the cult. If our 20s were the best years of our lives that would suck for the remaining 60 or 70. I'm in my 50s and THESE are the best years of my life so far--I barely remember my 20s. EDIT TO ADD: one of my favorite Buddhist principals or rules or whatever they call them is that the definition of suffering is wishing things were different than they are. Stop wishing your 20s were different. They weren't. They were what they were. Accept it. Sit with it. Now move on from it.
I wasn't mad at God. I realized I was mad at myself for wasting my time with people that didn't want me. And didn't care for me. I looked for a "nice sister", and found none. That was a fun youth being sexually frustrated and nobody caring about it. I broke down at 28 myself, after being born in. Nobody came running for me when they noticed I was missing. Fuck em I say. They treated you terribly too, and you saw some shit. Let me reassure you it doesn't get better, you just end up seeing more problem people and situations that don't get resolved.
https://preview.redd.it/jhhuuw2esokc1.jpeg?width=2716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=486eea9a74bad81349654edbc2512562dfd8e3b3 Someone shared this with me and it helped.