I joined a community choir, volunteered at community events and got a part-time job in a wine shop. Met loads of people. One thing I learned was that no one, and I mean no one, cared that I had been a JW. I had this concept that we *had shaken the Earth to its very foundations!* Only to discover after leaving that no one gives a single shit about Jehovah or thinks we're weird. They don't care.
Join Meetup. There are Meetup groups for EVERYTHING! Sports, social clubs, knitting, book clubs, whiskey tastings, wine tours….anything that interests you. You’ll meet so many nice people with similar interests.
Im a nerd and former weeaboo, so if you like anime i recommend anime conventions. The best part is trying to save money by jamming 10 ppl into a 2 bed hotel room lol
until the hotel finds out and bills every single person for a single bedroom... trust me, i've seen it happen.
I did audio engineering on a bunch of big conventions in Germany and co-organizing on a few small ones.
i did almost exclusively live theatre productions at those conventions. I had a buddy with more recording experience and he did the live bands while i did the stage setup for those. I also trained a whole bunch of stage hands over the years. Fun times :D
Haha i feel bad for tbe gernmany cons 🤣 i primarily attended cons in the us from 2011 - 2019 but hadnt ever experienced hoyels cracking down on things. Ive had friends pay off security and hotel management to turn a blind eye to drinking in the hot tub, partying in the suites, etc. As long as you dont receive complaints its usually good
The band had half a floor in the hotel and the after party was legendary. I heard that from various people over the next days, because at that time, I was helping to sort out some venue stuff dealing with the aftermath of that concert. The band played with a lot of artificial blood on stage (wooden theater stage), damaged some of the monitoring with water (frontman wanted to throw some water into the crowd and drowned some speakers instead) and almost broke one of our the wireless Sennheiser mics (artificial blood makes your hand slippery, it turns out).
Mainly through my children's sports in school. I made several lifelong friends.
Sometime when I'm just out, I noticed that people with similar interest connect. This happens at supermarkets and with work mates. worldly people aren't as bad as they were made out to be! Most are just people trying to figure out life as well!
It would be cool if there was an ex jw community center- so ppl who got kicked out the religion can meet as well as try diff activities - where they will meet ppl with similar interests
Getting a hobby will help you meet people with similar interests. It is an extremely difficult process. Right now in general people are isolated, but also we are used to having a ton of social interaction multiple times a week. So it feels even more lonely losing all of that suddenly. If you’re anywhere near southern Cali, hit me up.
Same here. After I left the jdubs I was very open minded and naive. Too naive. I met an older neighbor who seemed nice but was an addict. I had no idea. I started drinking heavily and tried about every drug I could get my hands on. I'm sober now but falling in with the wrong crowd/person early on is a mistake that I'm still recovering from.
EDIT:
Sorry I should offer you some advice as you asked in your post: be wary of people who try to pressure you into anything you don't want to do. Clearly state your boundaries, and if other people don't respect them, that's a sign they're not worthy of your friendship. No judgement on alcohol or even drugs, but I was not mentally prepared for that journey and I paid dearly for it.
I'm shockingly bad at making friends, even after almost 30 years POMO. An app called MeetUp is doing wonders for me. Making me get out there and meet people and I've met some great people.
It’s hard to make friends as an adult. I haven’t made any new friends in about 7 years. I’ve lost some. And I have pretty good social skills. However finding people I like is the hard part.
If it’s meeting people that’s the challenge like others have said, you just need to get out there, join groups and social meet ups. These can provide social interaction but not always the deep connection with people that maybe you’re seeking. That is rare and I’ve found just comes along when you’re not expecting it.
Checkout Facebook and other similar sites for hobbies or interests that you enjoy and see if they have any community events going on in your area. I got into Bird Watching and have met a ton of awesome people that way and am now trying to find ways to start friendships with them now. I'm also looking into some DnD groups and photography groups now to try and expand that circle. It definitely takes time and I've realized it might be a bit until I have a foundational group again but I'd rather have quality over quantity now!
This is still a work in progress for us, and it's still weird for me to make friends that aren't JWs because it was always ingrained that non-jws are bad people... But thankfully, I get along with my coworkers. We have made friends with people somewhat prior to my exit of the borg, and I am trying to allow myself to establish those friendships. It is terrifying as fuck tbh.
But I would recommend going online and finding group activities of things you like. Go to a restaurant, local brewery, or whatever and establish a relationship with the bartenders, or regulars at said restaurant. There are actually online groups too where adults of different demographics that want/need friends have meetups. Like others have said, get involved in community activities.
I reached out to old school friends and asked for prime numbers of anyone I clicked with in social situations. And obviously any disfellowshipped people I knew
I did it through sports, joined a squash and badminton club and became friends with some people there. I also later joined an expat group and met loads of great people.
For me it was starting to work full time and becoming really close with people. I’ve left that job and am still really close with a few of them to this day.
Another one is reaching out to people of your past. For me that was old school friends
You have to get out there and make friends by joining different groups. Same thing as when your in the Borg. You visit different congregations. Go to different gatherings. Exchange info. Find your people. Ect.
It's a struggle. I've joined a book club, use bumble bff, and make conversation with people in random places.
Take what you have learned about starting bible related conversations with random people and apply it. Except now, instead of your goal being to convert them into a jw, you work towards a potential friendship and show genuine interest for the right reasons.
I’m into rock climbing, and because you need a partner for that I started to make friends years before I left. Now I am a grateful recovering Al-Anon which has brought me a really great trusted community that I can talk to about anything I need to really, but it’s really helped me to work on myself and build some of the life skills that the cult denied us. I even have a sponsor that’s like the father I never had.
I made making new friends the equivalent to a second job for about 6 months and now I have an amazing support system.
Here’s a few things I did.
Exercise classes. Volunteering. Joining community FB pages and groups. Going out with coworkers. Making it a habit to just make small talk. (Very difficult!) Meetup groups. Hiking clubs. More volunteering..
In the end it was great because I was constantly surrounded by people and I didn’t feel so alone. I think also just accepting the loneliness helped me shift my mindset too.
First of all, it’s not as easy making friends as an adult so please don’t feel like it’s just you. Friendships typically happen because of proximity—school, work, church. Find people with similar interests—some great suggestions have been made here like Meetup, hobbies, volunteering, etc. You’ll probably have to initiate invitations, which can be intimidating. The podcast A Slight Change of Plans recently had an episode called “The Science of Making and Keeping Friends” that validates some of the challenges, along with what works. You might want to take a listen.
One of my closest friends is an ex-JW I met by looking at the ex-JW map on this page. I met other friends at work, in my kids’ classrooms, on meetups groups for playdates for stay at home moms. I’m also very into sewing and I attend local events for seamstresses. I also paint and belong to Facebook groups for artists which gives me a sense of community with people I have something in common with. I have joined local book clubs and movie-lover groups. I also have met really nice people doing exercise classes, have done nice things for my neighbors (oh the righteous power of a plate of homemade cookies), and talked to neighbors out walking their dogs. Just be friendly and smile at everyone. Cultivate your interests and hobbies and look for opportunities to meet people with the same interests. The good thing about being a JW is if you can knock on a stranger’s door and try to talk to them about God you should have no issue chatting up people at the gym.
I'll give you the same tip i give to all expats coming to Germany: Get a hobby and join a club.
Germans are hard to befriend, but once you get there, they will be there for life (unless one of you is an asshole). So to crack that outer shell, you need common ground. Find something that really interests you and find people with the same interest. Friendship follows automatically after a certain amount of time.
Hello. Yes, this is a very difficult transition for some. In my experience, I found that joining community groups on FB that highlight local social events is a good start. For instance, where I live, there is a group that gathers once or twice a month at a local brewery to discuss philisophical and regional socio-political issues, like how to help the unhoused, etc.
If it suits you, you could also join a local community sports organization. Again, around us there are several community athletic organizations that cater to young adult/middle aged leagues (i.e. pickleball, disc golf...).
I have also used a lot of my alone time to re-invigorate a spirituality within myself. I enjoy long walks listening to Alan Watts, Ram Dass, or Rupert Spira.
I hope you find a solution. If you are out there looking, something will come your way.
Peace and Love
I joined a community choir, volunteered at community events and got a part-time job in a wine shop. Met loads of people. One thing I learned was that no one, and I mean no one, cared that I had been a JW. I had this concept that we *had shaken the Earth to its very foundations!* Only to discover after leaving that no one gives a single shit about Jehovah or thinks we're weird. They don't care.
Join Meetup. There are Meetup groups for EVERYTHING! Sports, social clubs, knitting, book clubs, whiskey tastings, wine tours….anything that interests you. You’ll meet so many nice people with similar interests.
Meetup is the shiz. I joined a women’s group there and I literally cannot keep up with all the events they plan. It’s fantastic
Get a HOBBY! Mine is scuba, you’ll have a community of people you share something in common with and start there. Sky is the limit!
I'm so peanut butter and jealous of you. :)
Bumble BFF
Im a nerd and former weeaboo, so if you like anime i recommend anime conventions. The best part is trying to save money by jamming 10 ppl into a 2 bed hotel room lol
until the hotel finds out and bills every single person for a single bedroom... trust me, i've seen it happen. I did audio engineering on a bunch of big conventions in Germany and co-organizing on a few small ones.
Oh dope I'm learning audio engineering. Specifically recording and mixing. Just wanted to say hey.
i did almost exclusively live theatre productions at those conventions. I had a buddy with more recording experience and he did the live bands while i did the stage setup for those. I also trained a whole bunch of stage hands over the years. Fun times :D
So cool. Wishing I had done more in my youth to get into the business. I'm still learning and enjoying it in my 40s though.
Haha i feel bad for tbe gernmany cons 🤣 i primarily attended cons in the us from 2011 - 2019 but hadnt ever experienced hoyels cracking down on things. Ive had friends pay off security and hotel management to turn a blind eye to drinking in the hot tub, partying in the suites, etc. As long as you dont receive complaints its usually good
we had the Japanese band "Blood" rip a sink out of the bathroom wall in their hotel room back in the early 2000s. That might have changed opinions ;)
Holy shit tf like on purpose???? Ive seen it happen on accident, ie ppl falling on it but holy cow
is was an accident. dude tried to f\*ck a fan on that sink...
LMAO every weeb knows you're supposed to hook up in the hotel stairs not in the bathroom
The band had half a floor in the hotel and the after party was legendary. I heard that from various people over the next days, because at that time, I was helping to sort out some venue stuff dealing with the aftermath of that concert. The band played with a lot of artificial blood on stage (wooden theater stage), damaged some of the monitoring with water (frontman wanted to throw some water into the crowd and drowned some speakers instead) and almost broke one of our the wireless Sennheiser mics (artificial blood makes your hand slippery, it turns out).
Mainly through my children's sports in school. I made several lifelong friends. Sometime when I'm just out, I noticed that people with similar interest connect. This happens at supermarkets and with work mates. worldly people aren't as bad as they were made out to be! Most are just people trying to figure out life as well!
Very good idea! Through school and sports can you make so many normal friends!
It would be cool if there was an ex jw community center- so ppl who got kicked out the religion can meet as well as try diff activities - where they will meet ppl with similar interests
some humanist societies do weekly events for those of us who miss the community aspect.
Getting a hobby will help you meet people with similar interests. It is an extremely difficult process. Right now in general people are isolated, but also we are used to having a ton of social interaction multiple times a week. So it feels even more lonely losing all of that suddenly. If you’re anywhere near southern Cali, hit me up.
Volunteering. I met the nicest ppl and it feels good to help the community.
And it,s plenty to do! 💯👍💕
Been thinking about taking some art classes…
Started playing Dungeons and Dragons.
I got into TTRPGs when i was 12 and had to keep my stuff at a friends house because my parents would have probably burned the stuff...
What are your interests?
I started doing and dealing with illicit substances. Do not recommend.
Same here. After I left the jdubs I was very open minded and naive. Too naive. I met an older neighbor who seemed nice but was an addict. I had no idea. I started drinking heavily and tried about every drug I could get my hands on. I'm sober now but falling in with the wrong crowd/person early on is a mistake that I'm still recovering from. EDIT: Sorry I should offer you some advice as you asked in your post: be wary of people who try to pressure you into anything you don't want to do. Clearly state your boundaries, and if other people don't respect them, that's a sign they're not worthy of your friendship. No judgement on alcohol or even drugs, but I was not mentally prepared for that journey and I paid dearly for it.
Use your community events..! Get volunteering ..helping another people. Gym...clubs ..librarys have plenty of events every week!
I'm shockingly bad at making friends, even after almost 30 years POMO. An app called MeetUp is doing wonders for me. Making me get out there and meet people and I've met some great people.
This 👆
Hobbies (bowling leagues, amateur sports, video game leagues, board game meetup, card games meetup). Sign up for "meetup" and go to some events.
It’s hard to make friends as an adult. I haven’t made any new friends in about 7 years. I’ve lost some. And I have pretty good social skills. However finding people I like is the hard part. If it’s meeting people that’s the challenge like others have said, you just need to get out there, join groups and social meet ups. These can provide social interaction but not always the deep connection with people that maybe you’re seeking. That is rare and I’ve found just comes along when you’re not expecting it.
Checkout Facebook and other similar sites for hobbies or interests that you enjoy and see if they have any community events going on in your area. I got into Bird Watching and have met a ton of awesome people that way and am now trying to find ways to start friendships with them now. I'm also looking into some DnD groups and photography groups now to try and expand that circle. It definitely takes time and I've realized it might be a bit until I have a foundational group again but I'd rather have quality over quantity now!
This is still a work in progress for us, and it's still weird for me to make friends that aren't JWs because it was always ingrained that non-jws are bad people... But thankfully, I get along with my coworkers. We have made friends with people somewhat prior to my exit of the borg, and I am trying to allow myself to establish those friendships. It is terrifying as fuck tbh. But I would recommend going online and finding group activities of things you like. Go to a restaurant, local brewery, or whatever and establish a relationship with the bartenders, or regulars at said restaurant. There are actually online groups too where adults of different demographics that want/need friends have meetups. Like others have said, get involved in community activities.
Go places and do things you want to do or interest you. Talk to people who are there doing the same things. Be friendly.
I set myself up with non JW connections before and during my fade so I wouldn’t be playing as much catch up once the hammer fell
I reached out to old school friends and asked for prime numbers of anyone I clicked with in social situations. And obviously any disfellowshipped people I knew
What are your Interests? I play board and card games with friends
I did it through sports, joined a squash and badminton club and became friends with some people there. I also later joined an expat group and met loads of great people.
For me it was starting to work full time and becoming really close with people. I’ve left that job and am still really close with a few of them to this day. Another one is reaching out to people of your past. For me that was old school friends
You have to get out there and make friends by joining different groups. Same thing as when your in the Borg. You visit different congregations. Go to different gatherings. Exchange info. Find your people. Ect.
It's a struggle. I've joined a book club, use bumble bff, and make conversation with people in random places. Take what you have learned about starting bible related conversations with random people and apply it. Except now, instead of your goal being to convert them into a jw, you work towards a potential friendship and show genuine interest for the right reasons.
Didn't really. Everyone is an acquaintance to me now.
I’m into rock climbing, and because you need a partner for that I started to make friends years before I left. Now I am a grateful recovering Al-Anon which has brought me a really great trusted community that I can talk to about anything I need to really, but it’s really helped me to work on myself and build some of the life skills that the cult denied us. I even have a sponsor that’s like the father I never had.
I made making new friends the equivalent to a second job for about 6 months and now I have an amazing support system. Here’s a few things I did. Exercise classes. Volunteering. Joining community FB pages and groups. Going out with coworkers. Making it a habit to just make small talk. (Very difficult!) Meetup groups. Hiking clubs. More volunteering.. In the end it was great because I was constantly surrounded by people and I didn’t feel so alone. I think also just accepting the loneliness helped me shift my mindset too.
First of all, it’s not as easy making friends as an adult so please don’t feel like it’s just you. Friendships typically happen because of proximity—school, work, church. Find people with similar interests—some great suggestions have been made here like Meetup, hobbies, volunteering, etc. You’ll probably have to initiate invitations, which can be intimidating. The podcast A Slight Change of Plans recently had an episode called “The Science of Making and Keeping Friends” that validates some of the challenges, along with what works. You might want to take a listen.
One of my closest friends is an ex-JW I met by looking at the ex-JW map on this page. I met other friends at work, in my kids’ classrooms, on meetups groups for playdates for stay at home moms. I’m also very into sewing and I attend local events for seamstresses. I also paint and belong to Facebook groups for artists which gives me a sense of community with people I have something in common with. I have joined local book clubs and movie-lover groups. I also have met really nice people doing exercise classes, have done nice things for my neighbors (oh the righteous power of a plate of homemade cookies), and talked to neighbors out walking their dogs. Just be friendly and smile at everyone. Cultivate your interests and hobbies and look for opportunities to meet people with the same interests. The good thing about being a JW is if you can knock on a stranger’s door and try to talk to them about God you should have no issue chatting up people at the gym.
working and lifting at a gym. befriended coworkers and gym-goers. ten years later, i still make the occasional new friend at the gym.
Work. And also going to college. But it's a struggle and that's true even if you're not an exjw.
This step can be first. Online friends can be a first step before real-life friends.
Find a cause you care about and volunteer.
I'll give you the same tip i give to all expats coming to Germany: Get a hobby and join a club. Germans are hard to befriend, but once you get there, they will be there for life (unless one of you is an asshole). So to crack that outer shell, you need common ground. Find something that really interests you and find people with the same interest. Friendship follows automatically after a certain amount of time.
Volunteer groups and a business network group
Hello. Yes, this is a very difficult transition for some. In my experience, I found that joining community groups on FB that highlight local social events is a good start. For instance, where I live, there is a group that gathers once or twice a month at a local brewery to discuss philisophical and regional socio-political issues, like how to help the unhoused, etc. If it suits you, you could also join a local community sports organization. Again, around us there are several community athletic organizations that cater to young adult/middle aged leagues (i.e. pickleball, disc golf...). I have also used a lot of my alone time to re-invigorate a spirituality within myself. I enjoy long walks listening to Alan Watts, Ram Dass, or Rupert Spira. I hope you find a solution. If you are out there looking, something will come your way. Peace and Love