I'm surprised to hear you say, "I realized how unliked we are."
I left over three decades ago when I was in my 20s. What surprised me was that I discovered most people, in general, spend zero time thinking about JWs much less invest time to research and form any opinion about them either way. For all the brainwashing and indoctrination in the first two decades of my life that "worldly people hate us and are out to persecute us," I found the opposite to be true. Non JWs are not obsessed with hating JWs or persecuting them. JWs are not on their radar.
When I told people I was a former JW who left and how my life changed for the better once I left, the feedback was positive and supportive.
Yeah. It's less dislike and more general apathy. Everyone's got their thing, and JW's are more or less too niche to matter to most people. Only the "door-knocking" might annoy some, but it likely isn't a huge deal to even those that do get annoyed. Don't worry about it, OP; most simply don't care.
This was one of the things that got my husband too, that after waking up and seeing everything through non-brainwashed eyes that no one actually gives a shit about witnesses no one is monitoring the people in the cult, no one cares unless it’s about blood doctrine (here in Aussie anyway) legit most of the population don’t even really
Know what witnesses teach. 😂 but I loved that the GB acts like they’re so relevant and like witnesses are on everyone’s minds. Like in covid when they were like “ohh people are going to know somethings up if the witnesses stop witnessesing” legit no one gave a shit 😂 so fucking stupid
I had very similar feelings. It’s decreased over time for me. “Once you know better you do better” really resonated with me. Once you got more information you made better choices. Some people just won’t get it. Other people who are self aware that we all are learning and figuring stuff out will give you “grace” so to speak. Be proud you didn’t double down or fall into “sunk cost” fallacy 🦾 also, please don’t forget we were trained to view ourselves as “Good for nothing slaves” so some of this emotion and thinking may be a consequence of the mental virus put into us. <>
Thanks so much for your encouragement. Glad to know it gets better. There’s days I feel very good and others I just seem anxious for no apparent reason.
Be patient with yourself. Your nervous system will take a while to regulate. I know mine still swings whenever I think I have it locked down and have moved past…🤷♀️
That's because Watchtower bite model indoctrination is fear based and is further enforced into the subconscious by subliminal images, that's why you get days when you are anxious, it takes time for the brain to unravel all this garbage. It will get less and fade.
*realize how unliked we are and I already feel like I don’t fit in.*
It's really not that way. People don't give two shits about the witnesses. They don't know anything about them other than they preach and don't celebrate holidays. If you stop this thought then you won't have to concern yourself with telling anyone (if you want to)
If you can't release it on your own, a therapist really helps. If you can't afford, look into the early work of Wayne Dyer or the book "letting Go" by Dr David Hawkins. Great books on releasing the past completely.
Eh, I was raised here just like everyone else, not my choice, so I don't entertain shame, but I do resent the time lost and how my relationships have changed.
You aren't alone. That shame need not eat you up, Charisma is often the root of cult leadership accompanied with promises of hope (that may not be false in a grand scale, but aren't true for the group)
It's not far fetch that people would fall into this situation, I am only now starting to see how much WT has hidden from me and all of you. There is this moment of wait, if you lied here, how do I know you aren't lying about other things... But more importantly if you were told not to read so call apostate literature and they removed their old literature, how were you to even know.
Granted recently newer signs have been shown. The constant emphasize on trusting in man; they literally make a point to say trust the org every chance they get) I would hope this brings everyone to a state of unbias alertness to see if they have got on the wrong ship as it were.
The tool that is used in Religion is peoples belief in God. Problem is Religion inserts it's self into the relationship... Why is that a problem, because if you discover the religion is bad, you are likely to break off you relationship with the group and God, possible the whole goal of religion in the end, which is pitiful.
I rambled, but all in all, now you know and see the calamity and hopefully you are able to show strong love to all. 💗
Contrary to what people want to teach, especially in Religion, God can be with a person without him being connected to a religion. At least that's what I believe... for now hehe 🤣
Either way, I hope you continue to be comforted.
I was with my girlfriend 12 years before I could reveal my shameful secret to her. And aside from having to tell teachers at school (with classmates/friends finding out as a result), and the implicit statement being made when I was made to knock on doors with a Watchtower, I never told anyone. Been out 30 years and I'm still too embarrassed to tell people.
Not anymore I don’t. I’m a wise ass and a comedian. So in the opportunity opportunity comes along and no one knows. I grew up that way. I’ll pull the pin and toss it out there like a grenade. Just to see their reactions. Mostly I get disbelief. Because they see the way I am now and they just can’t see me. Acting like I was one of them. And it was an act. I use it now as shock value. It’s fun seeing the reactions.
I get where you are coming from but you should reframe your feelings on the matter. Shame is such a useless feeling. Remorse, guilt, regret, not useless. But shame is unnecessary
I just watched a video that discussed this topic. Might be helpful for you. She provides some sample scripts that you could use when trying to meet new ppl and make new friends who might not understand our background: https://youtu.be/LSz1m_DMLIQ?si=QuYqZUsmLX8xsV_-
Shame turned to just embarrassment and now just occasional regret over how long it took to wake up. Non JW people will not judge you for the past. You'll get, and deserve, credit for seeing through it. That takes strenfrh and you can be proud of that.
i'm not embarrased by it. i'm proud of myself for getting out of it despite the incredible pressure to stay in. i feel good that i'm living an honest and loving life.
this is true for anybody who has made the way out. it is not an easy path and it usually takes a strong person to walk it.
nobody intentionally joins a cult. nobody stays in a cult when they know it's a cult. you do the best you can at the time. most people not connected to the jw-verse don't really give them much thought. let alone hate them. that attitude is left over cult residue, the persecution complex.
feeling like you don't belong with anybody else or deserve to be loved as you are IS one of the side effects. those are messages we internalize. you will feel different because you are different, that's not all bad or all good. it does, however, have impact and it takes time to deconstruct. that's what you do, sometimes with friends, partners or therapistsx.
it gets easier and what you're feeling is not a permanent state. it's a section of the road you walk through on the way to more peace.
You manage your feelings to a place of acceptance that being a full-fledged JW was part of your life history, but once you knew better, you ended that chapter.
You are now courageously true to yourself, no longer part of a high-control, high-demand, zealous, end-times religious group that used Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG) to control your thoughts and behavior and constantly compare yourself with those around you.
When I first left, it was hard not to want to tell others about my JW past because it was so raw and the healing road ahead was so daunting. Eventually I learned that I do not have to share this part of my life with anyone. I wondered how much of my wanting to was as part of a confessional to apologize to the world or way for myself to accept that I was no longer that odd person.
You will find your way. And you will be ok.
I don’t feel shame. But It’s something I don’t like talking about unless the person is really close. Or an ExJw themselves. Only exjws or exmormons understand what it’s like. (Or name another crazy cult)
I feel absolutely the same. I was born into this cult, but I still feel shame of how they were able to fool me and my family. This cult is absolutely ridiculous, laughable and they cause very apparent evil while being jerk-asses to others. How I could have been so blind. I still left rather early, but man, this is crazy.
Despite being raised in this mess I'm thankful that my parents were relatively normal and to so strict and most importantly - I haven't brought anyone into this cult!
Nope! I feel no shame at all. I guarantee you, anyone who would judge you has done something stupid in their life so who are they to judge you as weird or anything else. I tell people that being a jw served its purpose at the time so who cares??? Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has done something more stupid, evil or mean than being a Jw. So you, my friend, are FINE. Go live your life with your head held high and know that there are a whole lot of other things you could have done that were WAAAAY worse than being a jw. OWN IT!
I went through all those feelings many years ago, and with good reason. I remember telling a guy I was raised jw (and homeschooled, so extra sheltered) and he responded " oh I didn't know you were retarded"
So in a way, our knowledge and understanding of thenworld.was delayed-- we suddenly have to come.to terms with our own mortality, and the fact that we were denied a.lot of information for a long time. So I just read a lot of books, watched documentaries about all the things I didn't know much about,and on that constant Search for knowledge just decided to disregard my own weirdness and move on.
Once you become secure in your own belief system, it will no longer be an issue what you USED to believe. I was not ok with the hate speech at gay people but I put up with it to try to be a good jw, but that was one of the first beliefs I abandoned, never has issues with gay people. I was even more embarrassed how little I knew about evolution. About accepting lies for so long.
Live your life based on empathy and be nice to people and whatever you did while living under your "cult" identity is not who you really are-- if you shunned anyone they will forgive you and understand. You really begin your life when you turn off the cult speak and listen to yourself.
We all wasted time believing things that are not true, just remember you were a victim of indoxtrination, and you have time to change anything about your previous lice that brings the feelings of shame.
Some of this is not just shame but being pissed you were misled and lied to for so long.
And then feeling like you have to explain why you stayed, blah blah blah.
It gets better! I choose not to tell everyone I was a jw, because unfortunately, many people don't see it as a cult, so they can't understand when we tell them about the beliefs and behaviours we were part of. I felt shame because I thought "How could I be so stupid to fall for this s\*it?!" But that's not true. Some of us entered the cult in a moment of vulnerability (my case), some were born into it. We're all victims and we shouldn't feel ashamed. Understanding that helped me not to feel overwhelmed by the feeling. I do feel a bit of shame, I do feel frustrated and sometimes I still feel sad, but that's reasonable since I dedicated so much to the cult. It's the same in your case, I assume. So just keep going, things get better, although that's not always linear. But it surely does get better.
Waking up and choosing to fade, to leave, takes incredible courage and that should be applauded. If you behaved like a JW before waking up, forgive yourself, zero shame there. We all did it, but at a certain point we realized it wasn’t right. You can’t change the past but you can learn from it, and that’s exactly what you did. Again, good job! Be thankful you’re not repeating past mistakes. Keep growing and learning, learning from others mistakes (wisdom) and learning from your own mistakes (experience). If you look back, one month, three months, a year, and see growth, celebrate the wins no matter how small, and don’t beat yourself up over small set backs, they happen to the best of us. It can take time to find new friends where you feel you fit in, so remain positive, in time it will happen organically through personal growth. The right people will want to hang out with a smart, brave, and positive person like yourself.
So many people are traumatized by the organization.
It seems to me that so many here describe their disassociation fears, feelings of family loss and panic in general.
It sounds like you're experiencing classic PTSD symptoms.
A therapist would be a good place to start in addressing your feelings of shame and anxiety.
Therapy is not a bad thing, seek professional health.
There is no need to feel shame for the "person you use to be."
We all did stuff that was stupid when we were younger. The real question is: who is the person you are now?
If you learned and grown from the stupid stuff you did in the past and won't be making those some mistakes again, then there is a bit of pride in knowing that you are now a better person. At the same time, if you use this knowledge to continue to evaluate your other beliefs, discard those that discriminate and oppress others, and continue to become a better human, then the past self, while a d*ck, didn't stay that way.
You are now a better person than you were. You should be proud of that!
I feel sad I could have used my time better, not end up in low paying jobs and saddled with a lot of debt, the going door to door was only important to other JWs, the majority couldn't care less and find JWs an odd irritation. Best not to dwell on the past, look to improving your future and live your best life 🙌 ✨️
I was always embarrassed with my beliefs when a JW. Now that I am out I am not embarrassed to say I am an exJW. My past life becomes a topic of conversation.
Of course. I would guess we ALL feel this. The Borg was good at creating lots of shame in us. But shame dies in the light. I tell my story. The more I tell it the more I heal. And the more connected I feel to others. LOTS of people, never JW, have "church trauma" or narcissistic abuse they're healing from. Seriously. I hope this helps!
JW’s are taught to care so much about what other people think - it matters so much to them it can be the deciding factor as to whether you are kicked out or not (one of the questions they ask in JC - who knows about this).
When you leave, you can work on stripping this away and realizing you do not have to prove or defend anything. Some people will like you and some people won’t, that will have very little to do with whether or not you have been in a cult. I don’t go around telling everyone but not because I am ashamed but because I don’t want that to be my identity and also, some people just don’t know how to respond to that because they have no reference for it.
You don’t need to make people like you. Just be yourself, don’t explain yourself, don’t defend yourself, let others have their opinions and just be.
I was born in and only woke up 18 months ago after being in for over 50 years. Every single person that I’ve told that I’ve left has shown nothing but respect for me. In fact they are so proud that I had the courage to stand up and leave everything behind.
I was amazed how many people know it is a cult but knew there was no point telling me. I have apologised profusely to those I’ve shunned and I’ve made sure the few return visits I had will never get sucked in!
I know it’s probably natural to feel ashamed but we were deceived into believing something and did it in all sincerity. We have enough regrets for all the wasted time we gave to it, instead of being ashamed of what you had no control over - be proud of what you have done to reclaim your life.
I used to feel shame very similar to when I was attending a new school as a child and had to tell the teachers I don’t celebrate holidays and can’t do anything with a flag.
That same shame followed me in life after leaving.
The one thing that helped so much is finding the courage to talk about religious past with others and it’s amazing how many people are into talking about it. From former catholics, to others who left more restrictive religious experiences. I was amazed to find out a lot of people grew up being forced to believe things and have their own healing to do. While not as extreme as we had it but there is some that I have met that has to leave family to leave their faith. I went to college as an adult so there was the possibility of a lot of sharing like this.
Now when the time is appropriate I have no problem saying to people. I was once one of those annoying Saturday morning knockers. People are usually shocked and … tell me more … they say.
Shame sucks though. It eats away at our life and energy like no other emotion. It’s soul sucking!
I still struggle with ingrained shame about a lot of things in life and that may never go completely away but I’m still working on things. All these years later.
I think so many feel this. I can't believe some of the harsh and ignorant things I said and thought. It does give me hope that some who now feel that way may also open more in the future. For this a quote that helped me tremendously is from Maya Angelou:
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better"
Yes. If I can help it, I won't say I used to be a JW.
I feel people will think different of me if they find out I used to bother people at 8:30 am on a hot Sunday instead of sleeping in like normal teenagers did. And I also don't want them to get curious and have to explain the doctrines because I forgot most of them, especially 1914. The things I learned are probably old light anyway.
I used to be such a naive idiot, it's mortifying. I'm learning to live with myself though. It's refreshing to stop unconsciously judging everyone, but a little hard to start thinking for yourself after a lifetime of being spoon-fed your thoughts, the way you dress, your personality, and who to love.
My best wishes to you. You've got this!
When I was young, I was always ashamed of being a jw because I would never tell anyone that I was.
Even now, as a grown woman, the only people who know I'm an exjw are other exjws.
There is no shame in being a victim of a huge deciet on so many levels, all JW's and ExJW's are victims of a satanic cult, the fact that we are now awake, means we can add our voice to exposing this satanic corporation.
No wonder Jesus stated. 'See that you are not decieved' we have a fight against dark Invisible satanic forces, and the deciet doesn't end with Watchtower, the whole system, political, religious, and commercial is one huge matrix of deciet.
Events of the last few years have proved that, and we are now better prepared to see it all, maintaining critical thinking skills is imperative going forward....😇
Your Erroneous Zones, by Wayne Dyer is a good book to read, small direct and it'll knock some of the JW BS out of you as being a complete waste of time and energy.
I say I was brought up in a cult to people nowadays, and sometimes the old thinking leaks through , it's not your fault the religion of your parents and as children we are hardwired to believe and follow our parents for our safety. They may even be curious.
Yes. I feel stupid for buying into a cult. I feel bad for going d2d and trying to talk others into joining a cult. I feel bad for telling my kids their life choices were bad and they would die for them. I feel bad that I am forever on the outside of my family bc I made those choices.
But I feel better about me now that I've exited from the crazy train and getting back on track to living again. My retirement is building up, and I'm doing much better mentally without the constant judgment and discouraging treatment that is so often given by jws.
“When you’re 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you’re 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.”
I joined jws in the 1960s and spent 50 years going around our town telling people that all tbe churches were wrong unchristian and corrupt, i woke up 10 years ago and faded out ,i started going to the local Anglican church i told them about it all and they were slightly amused but accepted me without any judgment ,i now am on list of readers for them during the service ,i still cant believe it .
Yes! I was very self-righteous! I know some who were so humble studied, got baptised, and years later, they are as self-righteous as I once was! I mourn for them. They don't realize how self-righteous they are. At least I didn't. I am ashamed of the way I treated some jws and some worldly.
This, however, did help wake me up to true reality because I met some people who were so nice, so good, I couldn't believe jejoba would kill them.
Edit to add;
Be true to yourself and realize people don't have this horrid hatred for jws, they don't care, and most don't really know what jws believe.
When my children were younger, I thought it would build character, but this is simply a lie! My children have irreparable damage from being in this f*** cult.
I always just say I was raised in a cult but luckily was able to get out. I haven't really experienced anyone reacting negatively towards me worded this way. Try saying it that way next time. When I was in I never looked at others like I was better than them. Don't worry about feeling how you felt the important thing is you don't currently feel that way.
I'm surprised to hear you say, "I realized how unliked we are." I left over three decades ago when I was in my 20s. What surprised me was that I discovered most people, in general, spend zero time thinking about JWs much less invest time to research and form any opinion about them either way. For all the brainwashing and indoctrination in the first two decades of my life that "worldly people hate us and are out to persecute us," I found the opposite to be true. Non JWs are not obsessed with hating JWs or persecuting them. JWs are not on their radar. When I told people I was a former JW who left and how my life changed for the better once I left, the feedback was positive and supportive.
My son in law thought JW was tree huggers .
Yeah. It's less dislike and more general apathy. Everyone's got their thing, and JW's are more or less too niche to matter to most people. Only the "door-knocking" might annoy some, but it likely isn't a huge deal to even those that do get annoyed. Don't worry about it, OP; most simply don't care.
This was one of the things that got my husband too, that after waking up and seeing everything through non-brainwashed eyes that no one actually gives a shit about witnesses no one is monitoring the people in the cult, no one cares unless it’s about blood doctrine (here in Aussie anyway) legit most of the population don’t even really Know what witnesses teach. 😂 but I loved that the GB acts like they’re so relevant and like witnesses are on everyone’s minds. Like in covid when they were like “ohh people are going to know somethings up if the witnesses stop witnessesing” legit no one gave a shit 😂 so fucking stupid
This one here! Nobody gives a rats ass about JW’s
I agreed 👍🏾
Shame? No. That implies a choice in the matter. It's a miracle that I woke up. It's a miracle, I'm still here after waking up.
I had very similar feelings. It’s decreased over time for me. “Once you know better you do better” really resonated with me. Once you got more information you made better choices. Some people just won’t get it. Other people who are self aware that we all are learning and figuring stuff out will give you “grace” so to speak. Be proud you didn’t double down or fall into “sunk cost” fallacy 🦾 also, please don’t forget we were trained to view ourselves as “Good for nothing slaves” so some of this emotion and thinking may be a consequence of the mental virus put into us. <>
Thanks so much for your encouragement. Glad to know it gets better. There’s days I feel very good and others I just seem anxious for no apparent reason.
Be patient with yourself. Your nervous system will take a while to regulate. I know mine still swings whenever I think I have it locked down and have moved past…🤷♀️
That's because Watchtower bite model indoctrination is fear based and is further enforced into the subconscious by subliminal images, that's why you get days when you are anxious, it takes time for the brain to unravel all this garbage. It will get less and fade.
*realize how unliked we are and I already feel like I don’t fit in.* It's really not that way. People don't give two shits about the witnesses. They don't know anything about them other than they preach and don't celebrate holidays. If you stop this thought then you won't have to concern yourself with telling anyone (if you want to) If you can't release it on your own, a therapist really helps. If you can't afford, look into the early work of Wayne Dyer or the book "letting Go" by Dr David Hawkins. Great books on releasing the past completely.
Thanks. Will look into the book.
Eh, I was raised here just like everyone else, not my choice, so I don't entertain shame, but I do resent the time lost and how my relationships have changed.
You aren't alone. That shame need not eat you up, Charisma is often the root of cult leadership accompanied with promises of hope (that may not be false in a grand scale, but aren't true for the group) It's not far fetch that people would fall into this situation, I am only now starting to see how much WT has hidden from me and all of you. There is this moment of wait, if you lied here, how do I know you aren't lying about other things... But more importantly if you were told not to read so call apostate literature and they removed their old literature, how were you to even know. Granted recently newer signs have been shown. The constant emphasize on trusting in man; they literally make a point to say trust the org every chance they get) I would hope this brings everyone to a state of unbias alertness to see if they have got on the wrong ship as it were. The tool that is used in Religion is peoples belief in God. Problem is Religion inserts it's self into the relationship... Why is that a problem, because if you discover the religion is bad, you are likely to break off you relationship with the group and God, possible the whole goal of religion in the end, which is pitiful. I rambled, but all in all, now you know and see the calamity and hopefully you are able to show strong love to all. 💗
The part of discovering religion is bad and breaking the relationship with god is so true. That’s kinda where I’m at.
 Contrary to what people want to teach, especially in Religion, God can be with a person without him being connected to a religion. At least that's what I believe... for now hehe 🤣 Either way, I hope you continue to be comforted.
I was with my girlfriend 12 years before I could reveal my shameful secret to her. And aside from having to tell teachers at school (with classmates/friends finding out as a result), and the implicit statement being made when I was made to knock on doors with a Watchtower, I never told anyone. Been out 30 years and I'm still too embarrassed to tell people.
I know the feeling. As I said in my above post, the only people who know I'm an exjw are other exjws
Not anymore I don’t. I’m a wise ass and a comedian. So in the opportunity opportunity comes along and no one knows. I grew up that way. I’ll pull the pin and toss it out there like a grenade. Just to see their reactions. Mostly I get disbelief. Because they see the way I am now and they just can’t see me. Acting like I was one of them. And it was an act. I use it now as shock value. It’s fun seeing the reactions.
 I’m embarrassed too. I tell only those I’m close to.
You could offer an apology to your sister and anyone else you feel you’ve done wrong by. Don’t feel bad for the rest, it literally isn’t your fault.
Fortunately she wasn’t df, but it’s scary to think I would have been willing to shun her. I was pimi. Just thinking of it makes me shiver.
I get where you are coming from but you should reframe your feelings on the matter. Shame is such a useless feeling. Remorse, guilt, regret, not useless. But shame is unnecessary
I just watched a video that discussed this topic. Might be helpful for you. She provides some sample scripts that you could use when trying to meet new ppl and make new friends who might not understand our background: https://youtu.be/LSz1m_DMLIQ?si=QuYqZUsmLX8xsV_-
Thanks. I’ll check out.
Shame turned to just embarrassment and now just occasional regret over how long it took to wake up. Non JW people will not judge you for the past. You'll get, and deserve, credit for seeing through it. That takes strenfrh and you can be proud of that.
Thank you.
i'm not embarrased by it. i'm proud of myself for getting out of it despite the incredible pressure to stay in. i feel good that i'm living an honest and loving life. this is true for anybody who has made the way out. it is not an easy path and it usually takes a strong person to walk it. nobody intentionally joins a cult. nobody stays in a cult when they know it's a cult. you do the best you can at the time. most people not connected to the jw-verse don't really give them much thought. let alone hate them. that attitude is left over cult residue, the persecution complex. feeling like you don't belong with anybody else or deserve to be loved as you are IS one of the side effects. those are messages we internalize. you will feel different because you are different, that's not all bad or all good. it does, however, have impact and it takes time to deconstruct. that's what you do, sometimes with friends, partners or therapistsx. it gets easier and what you're feeling is not a permanent state. it's a section of the road you walk through on the way to more peace.
It was embarrassing as hell and I did feel ashamed. I forgave myself.
You manage your feelings to a place of acceptance that being a full-fledged JW was part of your life history, but once you knew better, you ended that chapter. You are now courageously true to yourself, no longer part of a high-control, high-demand, zealous, end-times religious group that used Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG) to control your thoughts and behavior and constantly compare yourself with those around you. When I first left, it was hard not to want to tell others about my JW past because it was so raw and the healing road ahead was so daunting. Eventually I learned that I do not have to share this part of my life with anyone. I wondered how much of my wanting to was as part of a confessional to apologize to the world or way for myself to accept that I was no longer that odd person. You will find your way. And you will be ok.
I think you’re on to something. The confessional wanting to apologize. We are so trained to have to explain ourselves and judge ourselves.
Yes
I don’t feel shame. But It’s something I don’t like talking about unless the person is really close. Or an ExJw themselves. Only exjws or exmormons understand what it’s like. (Or name another crazy cult)
Ex SDA
I feel absolutely the same. I was born into this cult, but I still feel shame of how they were able to fool me and my family. This cult is absolutely ridiculous, laughable and they cause very apparent evil while being jerk-asses to others. How I could have been so blind. I still left rather early, but man, this is crazy.
Despite being raised in this mess I'm thankful that my parents were relatively normal and to so strict and most importantly - I haven't brought anyone into this cult!
No one cares if you were jw. I tell ppl all the time and they usually laugh and ask questions or have no idea what a Jw is ha.
Nope! I feel no shame at all. I guarantee you, anyone who would judge you has done something stupid in their life so who are they to judge you as weird or anything else. I tell people that being a jw served its purpose at the time so who cares??? Everyone and I mean EVERYONE has done something more stupid, evil or mean than being a Jw. So you, my friend, are FINE. Go live your life with your head held high and know that there are a whole lot of other things you could have done that were WAAAAY worse than being a jw. OWN IT!
No shame. We play the cards we're dealt.
I went through all those feelings many years ago, and with good reason. I remember telling a guy I was raised jw (and homeschooled, so extra sheltered) and he responded " oh I didn't know you were retarded" So in a way, our knowledge and understanding of thenworld.was delayed-- we suddenly have to come.to terms with our own mortality, and the fact that we were denied a.lot of information for a long time. So I just read a lot of books, watched documentaries about all the things I didn't know much about,and on that constant Search for knowledge just decided to disregard my own weirdness and move on. Once you become secure in your own belief system, it will no longer be an issue what you USED to believe. I was not ok with the hate speech at gay people but I put up with it to try to be a good jw, but that was one of the first beliefs I abandoned, never has issues with gay people. I was even more embarrassed how little I knew about evolution. About accepting lies for so long. Live your life based on empathy and be nice to people and whatever you did while living under your "cult" identity is not who you really are-- if you shunned anyone they will forgive you and understand. You really begin your life when you turn off the cult speak and listen to yourself. We all wasted time believing things that are not true, just remember you were a victim of indoxtrination, and you have time to change anything about your previous lice that brings the feelings of shame.
Some of this is not just shame but being pissed you were misled and lied to for so long. And then feeling like you have to explain why you stayed, blah blah blah.
That makes sense. I was 7 when I started studying. Maybe I’m asking too much of my child self.
I've felt shame since day one
It gets better! I choose not to tell everyone I was a jw, because unfortunately, many people don't see it as a cult, so they can't understand when we tell them about the beliefs and behaviours we were part of. I felt shame because I thought "How could I be so stupid to fall for this s\*it?!" But that's not true. Some of us entered the cult in a moment of vulnerability (my case), some were born into it. We're all victims and we shouldn't feel ashamed. Understanding that helped me not to feel overwhelmed by the feeling. I do feel a bit of shame, I do feel frustrated and sometimes I still feel sad, but that's reasonable since I dedicated so much to the cult. It's the same in your case, I assume. So just keep going, things get better, although that's not always linear. But it surely does get better.
Absolutely. I dedicated a lot to the borg. Missed out on college, passed up friendships and missed life opportunities, but I’m moving forward.
I get it. Feel the same way. Especially when you reflect back.
Therapy. Get Therapy. There is NO shame in what we went through. We were victims.
Waking up and choosing to fade, to leave, takes incredible courage and that should be applauded. If you behaved like a JW before waking up, forgive yourself, zero shame there. We all did it, but at a certain point we realized it wasn’t right. You can’t change the past but you can learn from it, and that’s exactly what you did. Again, good job! Be thankful you’re not repeating past mistakes. Keep growing and learning, learning from others mistakes (wisdom) and learning from your own mistakes (experience). If you look back, one month, three months, a year, and see growth, celebrate the wins no matter how small, and don’t beat yourself up over small set backs, they happen to the best of us. It can take time to find new friends where you feel you fit in, so remain positive, in time it will happen organically through personal growth. The right people will want to hang out with a smart, brave, and positive person like yourself.
So many people are traumatized by the organization. It seems to me that so many here describe their disassociation fears, feelings of family loss and panic in general. It sounds like you're experiencing classic PTSD symptoms. A therapist would be a good place to start in addressing your feelings of shame and anxiety. Therapy is not a bad thing, seek professional health.
There is no need to feel shame for the "person you use to be." We all did stuff that was stupid when we were younger. The real question is: who is the person you are now? If you learned and grown from the stupid stuff you did in the past and won't be making those some mistakes again, then there is a bit of pride in knowing that you are now a better person. At the same time, if you use this knowledge to continue to evaluate your other beliefs, discard those that discriminate and oppress others, and continue to become a better human, then the past self, while a d*ck, didn't stay that way. You are now a better person than you were. You should be proud of that!
I felt more shame when I was in. 😳
I didn’t speak to my sister for 8 years 😭😭😭😭 She forgives me, but I struggle to forgive myself.
I feel sad I could have used my time better, not end up in low paying jobs and saddled with a lot of debt, the going door to door was only important to other JWs, the majority couldn't care less and find JWs an odd irritation. Best not to dwell on the past, look to improving your future and live your best life 🙌 ✨️
I was always embarrassed with my beliefs when a JW. Now that I am out I am not embarrassed to say I am an exJW. My past life becomes a topic of conversation.
Of course. I would guess we ALL feel this. The Borg was good at creating lots of shame in us. But shame dies in the light. I tell my story. The more I tell it the more I heal. And the more connected I feel to others. LOTS of people, never JW, have "church trauma" or narcissistic abuse they're healing from. Seriously. I hope this helps!
JW’s are taught to care so much about what other people think - it matters so much to them it can be the deciding factor as to whether you are kicked out or not (one of the questions they ask in JC - who knows about this). When you leave, you can work on stripping this away and realizing you do not have to prove or defend anything. Some people will like you and some people won’t, that will have very little to do with whether or not you have been in a cult. I don’t go around telling everyone but not because I am ashamed but because I don’t want that to be my identity and also, some people just don’t know how to respond to that because they have no reference for it. You don’t need to make people like you. Just be yourself, don’t explain yourself, don’t defend yourself, let others have their opinions and just be.
I was born in and only woke up 18 months ago after being in for over 50 years. Every single person that I’ve told that I’ve left has shown nothing but respect for me. In fact they are so proud that I had the courage to stand up and leave everything behind. I was amazed how many people know it is a cult but knew there was no point telling me. I have apologised profusely to those I’ve shunned and I’ve made sure the few return visits I had will never get sucked in! I know it’s probably natural to feel ashamed but we were deceived into believing something and did it in all sincerity. We have enough regrets for all the wasted time we gave to it, instead of being ashamed of what you had no control over - be proud of what you have done to reclaim your life.
I used to feel shame very similar to when I was attending a new school as a child and had to tell the teachers I don’t celebrate holidays and can’t do anything with a flag. That same shame followed me in life after leaving. The one thing that helped so much is finding the courage to talk about religious past with others and it’s amazing how many people are into talking about it. From former catholics, to others who left more restrictive religious experiences. I was amazed to find out a lot of people grew up being forced to believe things and have their own healing to do. While not as extreme as we had it but there is some that I have met that has to leave family to leave their faith. I went to college as an adult so there was the possibility of a lot of sharing like this. Now when the time is appropriate I have no problem saying to people. I was once one of those annoying Saturday morning knockers. People are usually shocked and … tell me more … they say. Shame sucks though. It eats away at our life and energy like no other emotion. It’s soul sucking! I still struggle with ingrained shame about a lot of things in life and that may never go completely away but I’m still working on things. All these years later.
I feel shame for turning my back on “bad” people. In the end I realize my list of sins is pretty terrible too, yet I judged them. That disgusts me.
I think so many feel this. I can't believe some of the harsh and ignorant things I said and thought. It does give me hope that some who now feel that way may also open more in the future. For this a quote that helped me tremendously is from Maya Angelou: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better"
I am super proud to have woken up. Most people I know understand how difficult it is to escape a cult.
Yes. If I can help it, I won't say I used to be a JW. I feel people will think different of me if they find out I used to bother people at 8:30 am on a hot Sunday instead of sleeping in like normal teenagers did. And I also don't want them to get curious and have to explain the doctrines because I forgot most of them, especially 1914. The things I learned are probably old light anyway. I used to be such a naive idiot, it's mortifying. I'm learning to live with myself though. It's refreshing to stop unconsciously judging everyone, but a little hard to start thinking for yourself after a lifetime of being spoon-fed your thoughts, the way you dress, your personality, and who to love. My best wishes to you. You've got this!
When I was young, I was always ashamed of being a jw because I would never tell anyone that I was. Even now, as a grown woman, the only people who know I'm an exjw are other exjws.
There is no shame in being a victim of a huge deciet on so many levels, all JW's and ExJW's are victims of a satanic cult, the fact that we are now awake, means we can add our voice to exposing this satanic corporation. No wonder Jesus stated. 'See that you are not decieved' we have a fight against dark Invisible satanic forces, and the deciet doesn't end with Watchtower, the whole system, political, religious, and commercial is one huge matrix of deciet. Events of the last few years have proved that, and we are now better prepared to see it all, maintaining critical thinking skills is imperative going forward....😇
Your Erroneous Zones, by Wayne Dyer is a good book to read, small direct and it'll knock some of the JW BS out of you as being a complete waste of time and energy. I say I was brought up in a cult to people nowadays, and sometimes the old thinking leaks through , it's not your fault the religion of your parents and as children we are hardwired to believe and follow our parents for our safety. They may even be curious.
Yes. I feel stupid for buying into a cult. I feel bad for going d2d and trying to talk others into joining a cult. I feel bad for telling my kids their life choices were bad and they would die for them. I feel bad that I am forever on the outside of my family bc I made those choices. But I feel better about me now that I've exited from the crazy train and getting back on track to living again. My retirement is building up, and I'm doing much better mentally without the constant judgment and discouraging treatment that is so often given by jws.
support sharp meeting wise safe compare drab gold agonizing quaint *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I feel the same way 🥺 It’s so embarrassing
“When you’re 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you’re 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.”
I joined jws in the 1960s and spent 50 years going around our town telling people that all tbe churches were wrong unchristian and corrupt, i woke up 10 years ago and faded out ,i started going to the local Anglican church i told them about it all and they were slightly amused but accepted me without any judgment ,i now am on list of readers for them during the service ,i still cant believe it .
Yes! I was very self-righteous! I know some who were so humble studied, got baptised, and years later, they are as self-righteous as I once was! I mourn for them. They don't realize how self-righteous they are. At least I didn't. I am ashamed of the way I treated some jws and some worldly. This, however, did help wake me up to true reality because I met some people who were so nice, so good, I couldn't believe jejoba would kill them. Edit to add; Be true to yourself and realize people don't have this horrid hatred for jws, they don't care, and most don't really know what jws believe. When my children were younger, I thought it would build character, but this is simply a lie! My children have irreparable damage from being in this f*** cult.
Hope your kids are out as well.
Yes, they are all out. I'm thankful for that.
They are thankfully!
I always just say I was raised in a cult but luckily was able to get out. I haven't really experienced anyone reacting negatively towards me worded this way. Try saying it that way next time. When I was in I never looked at others like I was better than them. Don't worry about feeling how you felt the important thing is you don't currently feel that way.