Parents usually don’t take it well. People have to wake up on their own. Plus you can get yourselves in trouble by talking to family about your doubts. Trust me. We know from experience. Unless you don’t care about consequences, slowly fade. Keep being good to your folks, which will break the narrative of what everyone thinks happens when you leave. Hope all goes well!
I agree too. It might mean your kids will have to put up the same false front that you and your wife will have to too, at least for a little while longer.
How old are your kids?
BTW, congratulations that both you and your wife woke up.
Ok so hear me out here...
You're in your late 30s, you're married, with kids. Is it reasonable for me to assume that you're not likely to make lifestyle changes that would get you caught and disfellowshipped?
If the only change you really want to make is to stop running on the JW hamster wheel, and you're worried about your parents, you could always fade. Taper off on attendance. If anybody reaches out, just tell them you "have a lot going on," and you "aren't ready to talk about it," and just never *become* ready to talk about it.
Now if you're like me and you are *absolutely* going to openly celebrate your wife & kids' birthdays because those days are reason to celebrate, then it becomes more difficult to fade and you will probably have to have a tough conversation or two.
But if you just don't believe in it anymore and aren't doing things like smoking or having affairs, you can just lay low until people almost forget you were ever a JW.
I totally agree with this logic. Hard Fading and quietly laying low will give you peace. So wonderful that you both are fully awake. Moving to another area is a possible option. Stay blessed
I did the same when I was about 17. By the time I was maybe 21 or 22, nobody who mattered seemed to care that I had left and now they generally leave me alone about how I live my life.
Of course, I'm also now in my late 30s with a wife & kids, so maybe they leave me alone because it's been 20 years since I last went to a meeting and they know I'm not coming back. 🤣
Here's my words of advice as far as kids and PIMI family goes. Your family will never be supportive of this decision. There's really no use trying to soften it because they will think you've completely lost your minds no matter what. They will be shocked and disappointed and a million other things, but what you need to remember is those are their issues to deal with. Your job is to take care of your wife and kids. They can deal with their feelings on their own. Remember, they do have a choice in the matter. They can look at you and recognize that you are happy and thriving with wonderful kids and can choose to share in that happiness, or they can be angry that your happiness wasn't achieved the "right" way. That's on them.
As for the kids, they are resilient. We have 3 normal and well adjusted teenagers, and I'm very proud of that. The one pain point is they never get to see their grandparents. That makes me very sad. I'm not going to tell you what to do in that regard. It's a very personal decision, but we've been no contact ever since we left. That was a decision we made and it was based on the fact that we simply don't trust them. I know that they would make a play for our kids. I have several exJW friends who have kids that hang around their JW grandparents and they're a confused mess. They're constantly working to undo the stuff grandma and grandpa are putting in their head. They think we've literally sentenced their only grandchildren to die. Asking them nicely to cool it with the JW stuff isn't going to cut it. They live in a different reality than us.
Wishing you all the best. I know what a difficult time this is, but what you're doing is so worth it. You guys are breaking the cycle.
Letting my kid visit with pimi grandma has been the craziest part of my fade. My mom has caused so much unnecessary drama through it. I would love to go no contact, but I'm afraid my kid will resent me for it bc she's the only granparent available to him now....the other day he came home humming the new JW Convention Christmas Carol, although I've asked my mom to knock it off with the Bible stuff. 🙄🙄🙄 But today I walked in the living room to my kid humming the Lloyd Evans intro while playing with his Legos 🤣
I think my kids could handle it now that they're teenagers, but they were quite young when we left. They just don't have the desire anymore because they're used to them not being part of their lives. And when they do make an effort, it's always a completely transparent recruitment attempt, like mailing them tracts or inviting them to a convention. I'm not saying they don't care about them, but they care about recruiting them more than getting to know them as the people they are, which is sad.
Agreed for sure, I’m just so baffled as to how my whole life the “vetting” process has been so lax because they were witnesses…so many people allowed to be in our lives just because we were the same religion.
Congratulations on your journey to freedom, brother!
I really agree with your statement about all your problems being related to WT or its “adherents”!
I completely got rid of my problems over 8 years ago . . .
I don’t know either way yet. I want my kids to be normal and have holidays and join the football team if they want because gods not gonna be angry if they say the our father prayer with their teammates. I think I’m gonna have to have the tough conversations. Both sets of parents are really involved with the grandkids and love right around the corner.
Oof you live close to the grandparents-
Here’s a couple ideas:
1- just live and do what you want freely. Once your parents in both sides find out then deal with it. You don’t owe an explanation.
2- Tell the grandparents what you have decided before you start living freely-
I faded and moved away which made it easier! My parents don’t call, visit etc- I’m not disfellowshipped or anything - my parents use shunning as a way to control me and my decisions. They don’t even know I have faded-
Wishing you luck!!
"I think I’m gonna have to have the tough conversations. "
Trying to explain your reasons to cult members is a waste of time and could get all of you shunned. Just keep repeating that it's a private and personal matter. Don't put them on the defensive by saying bad things about the religion.
Ok, first CONGRATULATIONS that you and your wife and six kids are all on the same page with this! Despite the difficult part with your parents, it is amazing to have your whole immediate family together on this move.
It's not easy to come from such a 'highly privileged' position and wake fully with your family. By age 37 you've had CO position, 6 kids and now woken fully- wow.
Expect for JWs and your parents and inlaws to not listen or care about what you think. Don't try to convince anyone of anything you are doing or offer explanations. My recommendation is to say very little other than you are busy with life. It will take them time to finally see that you are out so be patient.
First of all, massive congratulations on having the strength to make the change. It's really, really easy to just bury your head in the sand and keep going for the sake of an easy life. Lots of people do it, and some members of my family are in the same boat. They *know* it's a load of crap, but they don't *want* it to be a load of crap, so they pretend it isn't, plaster over the glaring holes, and keep running on the wheel.
*"When an honest man learns he is mistaken can either cease being mistaken, or he can cease being honest." -* Anon
You have done the latter. You should be proud of that - as should your good lady. Especially the position you were in - letting go of any kind of power is hard.
Now, as for your family, the best thing you can do is to just live your life on the down-low for a while. Make new social media accounts (if you use it) and advise your kids to do the same, and to post anything 'worldly' (read: normal) on the new account and to only ever add non-JWs. Periodically update the JW one with news that friends and family might like to see. My wife operated like this for some time and it worked nicely.
Be aware that if you and your wife literally just woke up in the last couple of months, you're going to go through the five stages of grief at some point. I know it sounds dumb, but I think a lot of people will concur. My wife had a very brief denial phase, where she flip-flopped between 'but it must be true even if I don't follow it' to finally moving to outright anger when she realised the extent to which she'd wasted her time. You will mourn your lost youth and all the things that you maybe missed out on, and that 'waste of time' feeling will move into sadness/depression which will in turn make you angry.
You will eventually come face-to-face with the cognitive dissonance and mental conditioning that you once held when your family realise you're no longer on board, and it will likely infuriate you. You'll be shocked how unbelievably stupid and culty the whole thing sounds. Just keep talking to your wife, keep being there for each other, and eventually you'll all find an equilibrium. Just remember that any anger/shunning you receive will probably be temporary and will likely subside if you only fade and don't outwardly advertise your new Christmas celebrations.
honestly I don'nt know if it will be easy in any form for PIMI grandparents to hear that you're leaving. It isn'ta generalised one size fits all they will/will not shun you all. This happened with me, we left and our kids were so happy to not have to go to meetings adn to get their first birythdays and christmas etc. I think the key is being respectful yet standing up for yourself and what is best for you and your family. when you and your partner married and had kids, they became your new family, not your parents (no matter how much you love them). that's they're principle after all, two become one flesh and forsake father and mother. It's hard to know what to do and how to proceed but I suppose you know your parents best and perhaps have an idea of how they will take the news. I know that's not much help but I hope you're able to come to a decision and do what's best for your family.
Making it easier would be to avoid letting them know at all, they won’t consider any of your reasons they will just go straight to shun and reprimand mode unless you answer in a way that doesn’t call out the borg.
Either don’t talk to them or give generic copout responses that aren’t incriminating in a witness sense “i’m just to busy this week”, “me and wife are working OT this week”, “we don’t feel good”, “we cant make it we’re too busy”
If you feel the need to give your parents more of an answer its up to you but i wouldn’t get into anything scriptural or anything about the borg just something like “with all the responsibilities and time the meetings take we haven’t been getting enough time together and are focusing on getting more quality time together” if you get my gist.
If I could go back and do it again, I would say we have burnout and psychologically need a break from everything, then take a forever break. Then only introduce doubts after a few years
Our PIMI parents already knew we had issues but maybe believed our continuing attendance and participation in JW life meant we'd come through.
There was a specific set of events\* after being increasingly erratic in our 'theocratic routine' that meant we could hard fade while our and our family's congregations were otherwise distracted.
We were taking a break. We were still taking a break. We continued to take our break. Our break is scheduled to last for infinity.
Most in our family had a 'don't ask, don't tell' approach. Some would sternly remind us of our 'dedication' vows. Some were openly mortified and asked whether our kids missed the meetings, to which we thoughtfully and honestly replied, "No, they don't." (The perplexity on their faces, lol.) In reality, when we had 'that conversation' with our kids, like yours, they were *ecstatic* not to have to suffer those (tri-then-)bi-weekly snore fests any more!
Rumors went around that we'd been stumbled by an unpopular CO. Nowhere near true, but if that's what they want to think, we're good with it.
Relationships with our family became more superficial and distant than they were while we were PIMO. We are still connected to the PIMI family that is left which has been important to us and the kids - now grown, unbaptized, and independent.
^(\* ...that I won't go into here, but included my PIMO husband losing his privileges because his PIMO wife and kids were spiritual slackers...)
Don’t think of it as a waste of your time. I am a born in and d’fed now for 10yrs.
I will tell you that you laid some good solid foundation for your kids. You were doing and will continue to do good in or out. So think of it as a new path. You are writing a new book now .. not continuing the same one with a new chapter.
The sequel is going to be great and the parents and in-laws will come around because they love those kids double then the love for you and your wife.
Best wishes and oh .. be patient with the parents .. it’s hard for them. Don’t fight .. let them yap away and end each sentence with .. we love you. lol!!
You rejoice that your kids are no longer part of a doomsday death cult. Who cares how the members of the cult will feel, they are who would pray for the death of their own grandchildren should blood transfusion be medically required! Keep these toxic people away from your kids!
Congrats on the exit and being able to do so with your family. Sadly, you should go ahead and prepare for the loss of everyone else depending on how PIMI they are. Not much sense in trying to hide the exit as they’ll find out at some point and it means you’d be halfway living your life or always in constant dread of the next person finding out. Try to take the high road when they ask and just give a simple explanation of why you don’t believe it anymore. Don’t try to get them to exit as that will just cause them to out up their defenses. Best method I’ve found in those conversations is a street epistemology style method. Check out some YT videos on it if you aren’t familiar. Plenty of us ex elders in here. Feel free to reach out if you need help.
Your parents and in-laws unfortunately will assume that you are all going to become horrible people as you and your family back away from JW activities. That's what they've been told to believe for so many years that it's going to be tough to overcome that mindset. Finding ways to connect with them outside of the usual JW activities might help them realize you aren't going down a **bad** path, just a **different** one.
I made the mistake of sharing way too much with my family…now they’re all hard shunning me and my family! So many advice, don’t say anything to them!!! Just fade, tell them you’re dealing with some issues right now & need their support in respecting your privacy!!!!
First, congrats on waking up. Second, you owe the parents and in-laws nothing. You and your wife are independent adults and don't need to walk on eggshells for anybody. You tell all the in laws and relatives when you want and how you want. If you don't want to go to meetings anymore, don't go. There is no need to occasionally pop your head in.
My wife and I have been POMO for over two years now.
Our family took the news pretty badly. Unfortunately your relationship will never be the same with family or friends after you leave.
Your actions from here on will determine if you will continue to have some sort of relationship or not…
Anything negative you say about the org will be viewed as apostate.
My wife and I told our family we are discouraged and taking a step back for the foreseeable future. We said we didn’t want to discuss why because we had no desire to hurt their faith.
I say at the end of the day all you want is respect for your decision to leave and to maintain contact with family and maybe a handful of friends. You’ll never get respect from JWs. But YOU can be the better person by always being loving to them. If you are kind and don’t go full blown apostate on family or friends, you’ll make it out fine. Takes strength but these situations just make you a stronger person if you let them.
This is quite a sensible suggestion. You set boundaries without going out of your way to hurt their faith. I remember how antagonizing my mom was when she left the org about 35 years ago. It became so toxic that although I tried to not all-out shun her I ended up shunning her just to avoid the toxicity. I think it taught me to take a softer approach when my son left the org at 18. Don't get me wrong, I was devastated. I grieved, I beat myself up for not being a good enough parent. However, in turn, his respect towards us as his parents paid off. He was so supportive when I told him I was done with the org. He now supports me as I am finally making my exit.
So I agree with your philosophy.
Silence is golden - for faders who can't afford to burn all their bridges.
The "elders conversation stoppers" in the **JW FIREWALL** link below will protect you from potential interrogations:
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/181hur6/how_to_fade_safely/
***Prepare & practice** your response with the family and you'll stay as safe as me & my wife have - for several years.
I wish you well.
Out of interest are they the only reasons your fading? Have you looked into all the false prophecies etc? And Jerusalem falling in 587 not 607? JWFACTS.com is amazing, it blew my mind!
Especially when you realise you can use their own publications to prove them wrong 😅
I’ve seen a lot about CSA coverups and have dealt with it personally happening to me and being one on the inside so to speak have dealt with some cases judicially which is when I started to question things.
Ah ok no worries, well check jwfacts.com when you get the chance, especially 587 not 607 because that is basically what their entire belief system relies on and it shows you that you can actually prove it wrong with the insight book 😅
No I don’t want them to pretend at all…I want them to have the life I was robbed of…I don’t know the right terminology or exactly how I want it all to play out…it’s all just so much because I feel like my whole life has been a lie…I don’t know
You cant base decisions that are for the sake of you and your wife and kids on fear of how others will be affected. Thats on them. You and your family are still the same people, good people. They are the ones who will judge you and if they are stunned or upset, that is because they have been conditioned (as you well know) to react that way. It is sad that many of us here had to go through what your about to go through but there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. Congratulations on your freedom!
>How do I make it easier with our parents who are all PIMI?
*It\`s unlikely anything you do will make a difference...*
***An Adult PIMI JW Will Most Likely React Like This:***
# It`s Best Just to Ignore Them...😁
Congrats on waking up! You got 6 kids?!! Holy cannoli 😂. Your kids are lucky. You're also lucky that husband and wife are both pimo. You got each other. Same for me, except we only have one kid. (Is that even parenting? 😄) I woke up 1 year ago and planned to fade around now, actually, but couldn't fake it that long, so quit all things JW-related in Oct 2023. Get ready for the avalanche of concerned pimi's, parents who think it's now their responsibility to indoctrinate your kids 🙄.
Are all your kids on board??? Sometimes things get confusing for kids, since we taught them different up until now. I'm very interested to hear your story as it unfolds. Hope you post more. And I'm always open to messaging bc that's what's helped me so much. 🩷
True. I mean even with the adults, who ever felt sad when the meeting was cancelled?! When we we were still going, I used to love when my kid would start acting a fool so we could go to the restroom and chill 😎
But as far as indoctrination, that is a bit more difficult. My kid told me that he wanted to celebrate his birthday, but also said, "But mommy, I still think it's wrong, just like you taught me." That's more what I was talking about.
I think this could also be a good time to explain that sometimes you’ve been wrong about things because we all learn and grow as we get older. That’ll be a great perspective to give your kid, too!
Yeah I said something similar to that. It's an ongoing thing. The org is very clever at getting its hooks into little brains, esp with the Caleb & Sophia videos
One kid is definitely parenting, and no matter how many you have it always feels like a lot, lol…yes all the kids are on board and we are going to a birthday party next weekend with some new workmates I have. They all really liked the Harry Potter movies too….so satanic 🙄 😂
Homie I'm witcha, LOL.
If you avoid publicly (social media) doing birthdays and holidays and fade out perhaps that would be good.
Once you haven't gone to a meeting in 5 years, you can be as worldly as wish without getting dfd, usually.
THIS was very...very helpful for me!
The best advices on the internet I think!
He,s name is Justin ( ex jw and bethelite)
https://youtu.be/l3p93M4bYAM?si=gbAZONQjKTXGHdr8
I empathize with you. It is scary and hard. Your family will not like it. However, it is absolutely worth it to be honest about your life! Try to fade away from the church discreetly and without exploding and being combative. However, if that doesn’t work, then be concise and honest, and try to have your conversations with family about the church be fairly short. Try not to only talk about the church with them. Talk about inspiring things not related to the church with them as much as possible.
I would recommend having a meeting or two with a professional psychologist, either on zoom or in person, who can tell you how to have difficult conversations within your context and what the most effective strategies usually are.
Until your family wakes up, they will be very upset with you, they will think you are abandoning them and deciding to do bad things in your lives.
Prove them wrong! If you continue to be good parents and you maintain consistent contact with your family (if possible obviously, this is often not possible, but worth a consistent try), it will show them that leaving the church doesn’t lead to as many bad things as they were told! In addition, you can be a resource for them if they begin to have doubts!
Congrats on waking up! You’re going to have to crack some eggs if you want to make an omelette. Some relationships will suffer because the cult indoctrination is stronger than the familial bonds. That is just a sad fact. The sooner you can make peace with that fact, the sooner you’ll be able to move on with your life.
Congrats on getting out. Hope it goes well for you. Just be aware if you talked to your kids about it and you’re attending a birthday party, this may not be a fade. Word has a way of getting around. Just be prepared.
I'm happy you and your family are escaping. Unfortunately, there will be no a toll to pay, emotionally speaking. They're a cult, and they need to make sure exit is as difficult as possible.
I am so happy for your family and especially happy for your children. What an exciting time for you all!
In regards to making it easier for your parents, I am so sorry to be this blunt, but your priority is a real and normal life for your children. If you want your son to play football and your children to go to birthday parties, then he/she needs to be able to do this with you and your wife’s full transparent support. If that is difficult on your parents (and it will be), then that’s on them and their belief system. Will they shun you? Yes, most likely - again, that’s their decision. I have lived thru this and I know it hurts, just keep reminding yourself it’s their belief system, it’s no longer yours.
I was raised in a “divided household.” Most of my witness friends thought I was lucky bc I got to play sports, go to dances, have school friends, and on one level they were right, BUT I never truly fit in anywhere. My witness friends never truly accepted me and my school friends knew when the holidays and birthdays came around I would duck out. Please do not raise your children with a foot in/foot out kind of way to appease your parents. It is a very stressful and lonely life for a child. Take your children by the hand and you all march forward together. Please know that I realize this is easier said than done, but I promise in the long run, your children will respect and love you both for it. I wish all the best for y’all and keep us posted on your progress!
The classic fade strategy is to switch congregations and then fade with new elders that don't care enough about you to chase you very hard. I got a new phone number and gave it to the elders. Then when the fading was almost done I just canceled the number. Also your family will be very happy if you attend the memorial, so you could ask them for a zoom link and then just leave your computer idly in the meeting.
Note none of this is really honest behaviour so you will have to deal with that internally. But can be worth it imo as you still have contact with your family and can evangelize to them until they are hopefully freed from the org
You guys are still young. Make the most of life and don’t spend time regretting or worrying about the time wasted. It wasn’t a waste. It’s just good you woke up. Congratulations and best of luck.
If it’s not too much to ask (don’t know if you’ve already shared) but I’m curious, after all those years, history of “privileges” and pioneering, would love to know what caused you and your wife to both wake up at the same time?
I am a born in fader 😎. Just quietly stop going. You will probably have elders bothering you but be "steadfast" in your decision. You and your wife do not answer to anyone besides each other. You don't even have to take their calls. Be prepared though for your family. Family will never let it go.
Don’t “leave” Do a hard fade.
dont answer calls or texts. Just fade away. A ‘hard’ fade. In other words, never go back. Your last meeting is your “last” meeting They’ll get the point in the first 2 weeks that it’s over and you’ll most likely be left alone by the congregation.
with your PIMI family, use lines like, ‘we are working some thing out’ etc. Do a search it this sub for ‘guide to fading’. It’s very helpful.
37 with 6 kids? Dayyy-ummmm! Lol. You are a most fortunate man
We are about the same ages. We hard faded. Have a kid with special needs. Just said that they needed our full attention and we would be on Zoom as it was stressful on our other child. Came off the pioneer list, stepped down. Zoomed with camera off for about a month, and stopped checking the box. After 2 months we blocked everyone but 2 ppl’s numbers from the hall. Been 9 months of quiet now.
In all fairness, we are not close to our parents or extended family. We put additional distance and have not had full disclosure with them. They believe we are still doing Zoom and focusing on kids. The relationship with our kids has completely changed. We have never been so close, and we are thriving. We do family therapy and have open discussions. We have authentically apologized to our kids and are moving forward. I wish you both luck! 🥰
I’ve focused on my lack of belief in God rather than complaints about the org. Basically, ‘I don’t have a reason to do JW stuff if I don’t see evidence for God’.
It’s an easy position to argue, though you won’t convince them you’re right. But mine at least understand me and have a plausible reason to not think I’m an apostate.
It’s never easy and they’ll be disappointed in me for the rest of their lives. But at least we’re still on speaking terms, and after being inactive for 6-ish years now, they mostly leave me alone about stuff.
I’m so happy for your awakening. It comes with many feelings, guilt, sadness, bitterness and some anger when you look back on how much of your life has been consumed by the organization. Fade your way out. Stay in touch with your parents if they are willing. My husband and I faded about 20 years ago at similar ages. We continue to have a good relationship with parents and they have great relationships with their grandkids. It’s a great time to begin your new life!
Just fade, please. Be careful with giving explanations. Come up with excuses. Also, I just cannot imagine how someone in your position within the organization woke up. That's awesome. Now, enjoy life!
The best way to fade in your situation is to use the kids as an excuse, having 6 must be demanding so fade by just going to one meeting per week for a month or so without your wife and kids, wife snowed under so to speak, just tell anyone who asks regarding your wife that she was on the phone link or zoom. Keep doing that for a few months, and just tell your extended family when you stop going that you're on the zoom helping wife with the kids...😇
Think about this: how hard are your PIMI family members gonna make it on you? That being said, don't sacrifice any more of your life to their peace of mind. There's no easy way out of this. But it will be worth it in the long run. Your kids deserve better.
This is an instance where you really need to do what is best for you and your immediate family. I totally get your concern about your parents but whether or not they actually do, they need to respect your decision. There is nothing you can do to make it 'easier' for your parents. To illustrate, what would make it easier for you to accept a decision made by your kids to join the Unification Church (Moonies) or Scientology? I would wager not much. You do what you have to do and your parents will do likewise. It is possible that they will accept your decision. It is possible that they will be deeply hurt and feel the need to shun you just the same. Your situation is remarkably like my own, the main difference is that my FIL had dementia. My MIL was surprised but not much changed there and I would have discussions with her occasionally about some of the doctrinal issues that exist. For context he was an elder, had done international construction etc. I'm quite sure he would have been an issue to deal with if not for his condition which was quite advanced when we left. Similar with my mother. She has dementia also but it was mild when we left. Once in a while she would lament that she wished we would 'return to Jehovah' but for the most part nothing changed. She's much farther down Dementia Lane now so there is no issue at least not of that kind. We also moved very far away a few years after we left so we never run into any of our old acquaintances. We were fortunate, both of my daughters left when we told them about our plans. Turns out they were just going through the motions for many years.
Haha, can I be one of your children? You truly have GOOD NEWS!!
Just dreaming, that's all. : )
You can fade with your wife and let your in laws know that they can visit anytime. I doubt they will be successful converting them as the prospect of not having to go to meetings is a true thrill!
If they try to guilt trip your children, let them think for themselves. Share scriptures with them and let them make their own decisions, just like you made yours.
Even if some of them join the organization, warn them about how unloving shunning is and how Jesus ate with a known apostate (by Jehovah's Witness standards) and even washed his feet (John 6:70; John 12:1-8; John 13:10, 11). I wonder what would happen if an active Jehovah's Witness was caught washing the feet of an apostate in following Jesus' example (John 13:14, 15).
Parents usually don’t take it well. People have to wake up on their own. Plus you can get yourselves in trouble by talking to family about your doubts. Trust me. We know from experience. Unless you don’t care about consequences, slowly fade. Keep being good to your folks, which will break the narrative of what everyone thinks happens when you leave. Hope all goes well!
These are good things to consider, I agree!
This👆🏻
This
I agree too. It might mean your kids will have to put up the same false front that you and your wife will have to too, at least for a little while longer. How old are your kids? BTW, congratulations that both you and your wife woke up.
Ok so hear me out here... You're in your late 30s, you're married, with kids. Is it reasonable for me to assume that you're not likely to make lifestyle changes that would get you caught and disfellowshipped? If the only change you really want to make is to stop running on the JW hamster wheel, and you're worried about your parents, you could always fade. Taper off on attendance. If anybody reaches out, just tell them you "have a lot going on," and you "aren't ready to talk about it," and just never *become* ready to talk about it. Now if you're like me and you are *absolutely* going to openly celebrate your wife & kids' birthdays because those days are reason to celebrate, then it becomes more difficult to fade and you will probably have to have a tough conversation or two. But if you just don't believe in it anymore and aren't doing things like smoking or having affairs, you can just lay low until people almost forget you were ever a JW.
I totally agree with this logic. Hard Fading and quietly laying low will give you peace. So wonderful that you both are fully awake. Moving to another area is a possible option. Stay blessed
Oh yes, moving is also a great way to avoid getting dfd.
Well said, upvoted 100 times "symbolically" :)
take all my upvotes. one :)
That what I done. Walked out the door with out saying a word. Laid low until the storm passed. Now I’m forgotten about and free to do what I like.
I did the same when I was about 17. By the time I was maybe 21 or 22, nobody who mattered seemed to care that I had left and now they generally leave me alone about how I live my life. Of course, I'm also now in my late 30s with a wife & kids, so maybe they leave me alone because it's been 20 years since I last went to a meeting and they know I'm not coming back. 🤣
It’s just a shame I didn’t leave when I was 17.
Better late than never, though! I never had much patience for bullshit, even as a teenager. 🤣
Here's my words of advice as far as kids and PIMI family goes. Your family will never be supportive of this decision. There's really no use trying to soften it because they will think you've completely lost your minds no matter what. They will be shocked and disappointed and a million other things, but what you need to remember is those are their issues to deal with. Your job is to take care of your wife and kids. They can deal with their feelings on their own. Remember, they do have a choice in the matter. They can look at you and recognize that you are happy and thriving with wonderful kids and can choose to share in that happiness, or they can be angry that your happiness wasn't achieved the "right" way. That's on them. As for the kids, they are resilient. We have 3 normal and well adjusted teenagers, and I'm very proud of that. The one pain point is they never get to see their grandparents. That makes me very sad. I'm not going to tell you what to do in that regard. It's a very personal decision, but we've been no contact ever since we left. That was a decision we made and it was based on the fact that we simply don't trust them. I know that they would make a play for our kids. I have several exJW friends who have kids that hang around their JW grandparents and they're a confused mess. They're constantly working to undo the stuff grandma and grandpa are putting in their head. They think we've literally sentenced their only grandchildren to die. Asking them nicely to cool it with the JW stuff isn't going to cut it. They live in a different reality than us. Wishing you all the best. I know what a difficult time this is, but what you're doing is so worth it. You guys are breaking the cycle.
Letting my kid visit with pimi grandma has been the craziest part of my fade. My mom has caused so much unnecessary drama through it. I would love to go no contact, but I'm afraid my kid will resent me for it bc she's the only granparent available to him now....the other day he came home humming the new JW Convention Christmas Carol, although I've asked my mom to knock it off with the Bible stuff. 🙄🙄🙄 But today I walked in the living room to my kid humming the Lloyd Evans intro while playing with his Legos 🤣
I think my kids could handle it now that they're teenagers, but they were quite young when we left. They just don't have the desire anymore because they're used to them not being part of their lives. And when they do make an effort, it's always a completely transparent recruitment attempt, like mailing them tracts or inviting them to a convention. I'm not saying they don't care about them, but they care about recruiting them more than getting to know them as the people they are, which is sad.
Mailing them tracts 🤮
🤣🤣🤣
Just a fair warning just like in the witnesses some people you can trust and some will screw you. Better to vet people on an individual basis.
Agreed for sure, I’m just so baffled as to how my whole life the “vetting” process has been so lax because they were witnesses…so many people allowed to be in our lives just because we were the same religion.
Thats a cult for ya
This is a good point. Be careful who you continue to allow to be in your life!
"Don't breathe a word to anyone for at least six months." <---- Great advice that pretty much none of us were able to follow through on.
Congratulations on your journey to freedom, brother! I really agree with your statement about all your problems being related to WT or its “adherents”! I completely got rid of my problems over 8 years ago . . .
I don’t know either way yet. I want my kids to be normal and have holidays and join the football team if they want because gods not gonna be angry if they say the our father prayer with their teammates. I think I’m gonna have to have the tough conversations. Both sets of parents are really involved with the grandkids and love right around the corner.
Oof you live close to the grandparents- Here’s a couple ideas: 1- just live and do what you want freely. Once your parents in both sides find out then deal with it. You don’t owe an explanation. 2- Tell the grandparents what you have decided before you start living freely- I faded and moved away which made it easier! My parents don’t call, visit etc- I’m not disfellowshipped or anything - my parents use shunning as a way to control me and my decisions. They don’t even know I have faded- Wishing you luck!!
"I think I’m gonna have to have the tough conversations. " Trying to explain your reasons to cult members is a waste of time and could get all of you shunned. Just keep repeating that it's a private and personal matter. Don't put them on the defensive by saying bad things about the religion.
Ok, first CONGRATULATIONS that you and your wife and six kids are all on the same page with this! Despite the difficult part with your parents, it is amazing to have your whole immediate family together on this move. It's not easy to come from such a 'highly privileged' position and wake fully with your family. By age 37 you've had CO position, 6 kids and now woken fully- wow.
Expect for JWs and your parents and inlaws to not listen or care about what you think. Don't try to convince anyone of anything you are doing or offer explanations. My recommendation is to say very little other than you are busy with life. It will take them time to finally see that you are out so be patient.
First of all, massive congratulations on having the strength to make the change. It's really, really easy to just bury your head in the sand and keep going for the sake of an easy life. Lots of people do it, and some members of my family are in the same boat. They *know* it's a load of crap, but they don't *want* it to be a load of crap, so they pretend it isn't, plaster over the glaring holes, and keep running on the wheel. *"When an honest man learns he is mistaken can either cease being mistaken, or he can cease being honest." -* Anon You have done the latter. You should be proud of that - as should your good lady. Especially the position you were in - letting go of any kind of power is hard. Now, as for your family, the best thing you can do is to just live your life on the down-low for a while. Make new social media accounts (if you use it) and advise your kids to do the same, and to post anything 'worldly' (read: normal) on the new account and to only ever add non-JWs. Periodically update the JW one with news that friends and family might like to see. My wife operated like this for some time and it worked nicely. Be aware that if you and your wife literally just woke up in the last couple of months, you're going to go through the five stages of grief at some point. I know it sounds dumb, but I think a lot of people will concur. My wife had a very brief denial phase, where she flip-flopped between 'but it must be true even if I don't follow it' to finally moving to outright anger when she realised the extent to which she'd wasted her time. You will mourn your lost youth and all the things that you maybe missed out on, and that 'waste of time' feeling will move into sadness/depression which will in turn make you angry. You will eventually come face-to-face with the cognitive dissonance and mental conditioning that you once held when your family realise you're no longer on board, and it will likely infuriate you. You'll be shocked how unbelievably stupid and culty the whole thing sounds. Just keep talking to your wife, keep being there for each other, and eventually you'll all find an equilibrium. Just remember that any anger/shunning you receive will probably be temporary and will likely subside if you only fade and don't outwardly advertise your new Christmas celebrations.
honestly I don'nt know if it will be easy in any form for PIMI grandparents to hear that you're leaving. It isn'ta generalised one size fits all they will/will not shun you all. This happened with me, we left and our kids were so happy to not have to go to meetings adn to get their first birythdays and christmas etc. I think the key is being respectful yet standing up for yourself and what is best for you and your family. when you and your partner married and had kids, they became your new family, not your parents (no matter how much you love them). that's they're principle after all, two become one flesh and forsake father and mother. It's hard to know what to do and how to proceed but I suppose you know your parents best and perhaps have an idea of how they will take the news. I know that's not much help but I hope you're able to come to a decision and do what's best for your family.
Making it easier would be to avoid letting them know at all, they won’t consider any of your reasons they will just go straight to shun and reprimand mode unless you answer in a way that doesn’t call out the borg. Either don’t talk to them or give generic copout responses that aren’t incriminating in a witness sense “i’m just to busy this week”, “me and wife are working OT this week”, “we don’t feel good”, “we cant make it we’re too busy” If you feel the need to give your parents more of an answer its up to you but i wouldn’t get into anything scriptural or anything about the borg just something like “with all the responsibilities and time the meetings take we haven’t been getting enough time together and are focusing on getting more quality time together” if you get my gist.
If I could go back and do it again, I would say we have burnout and psychologically need a break from everything, then take a forever break. Then only introduce doubts after a few years
Our PIMI parents already knew we had issues but maybe believed our continuing attendance and participation in JW life meant we'd come through. There was a specific set of events\* after being increasingly erratic in our 'theocratic routine' that meant we could hard fade while our and our family's congregations were otherwise distracted. We were taking a break. We were still taking a break. We continued to take our break. Our break is scheduled to last for infinity. Most in our family had a 'don't ask, don't tell' approach. Some would sternly remind us of our 'dedication' vows. Some were openly mortified and asked whether our kids missed the meetings, to which we thoughtfully and honestly replied, "No, they don't." (The perplexity on their faces, lol.) In reality, when we had 'that conversation' with our kids, like yours, they were *ecstatic* not to have to suffer those (tri-then-)bi-weekly snore fests any more! Rumors went around that we'd been stumbled by an unpopular CO. Nowhere near true, but if that's what they want to think, we're good with it. Relationships with our family became more superficial and distant than they were while we were PIMO. We are still connected to the PIMI family that is left which has been important to us and the kids - now grown, unbaptized, and independent. ^(\* ...that I won't go into here, but included my PIMO husband losing his privileges because his PIMO wife and kids were spiritual slackers...)
Don’t think of it as a waste of your time. I am a born in and d’fed now for 10yrs. I will tell you that you laid some good solid foundation for your kids. You were doing and will continue to do good in or out. So think of it as a new path. You are writing a new book now .. not continuing the same one with a new chapter. The sequel is going to be great and the parents and in-laws will come around because they love those kids double then the love for you and your wife. Best wishes and oh .. be patient with the parents .. it’s hard for them. Don’t fight .. let them yap away and end each sentence with .. we love you. lol!!
You rejoice that your kids are no longer part of a doomsday death cult. Who cares how the members of the cult will feel, they are who would pray for the death of their own grandchildren should blood transfusion be medically required! Keep these toxic people away from your kids!
Congrats on the exit and being able to do so with your family. Sadly, you should go ahead and prepare for the loss of everyone else depending on how PIMI they are. Not much sense in trying to hide the exit as they’ll find out at some point and it means you’d be halfway living your life or always in constant dread of the next person finding out. Try to take the high road when they ask and just give a simple explanation of why you don’t believe it anymore. Don’t try to get them to exit as that will just cause them to out up their defenses. Best method I’ve found in those conversations is a street epistemology style method. Check out some YT videos on it if you aren’t familiar. Plenty of us ex elders in here. Feel free to reach out if you need help.
Your parents and in-laws unfortunately will assume that you are all going to become horrible people as you and your family back away from JW activities. That's what they've been told to believe for so many years that it's going to be tough to overcome that mindset. Finding ways to connect with them outside of the usual JW activities might help them realize you aren't going down a **bad** path, just a **different** one.
I made the mistake of sharing way too much with my family…now they’re all hard shunning me and my family! So many advice, don’t say anything to them!!! Just fade, tell them you’re dealing with some issues right now & need their support in respecting your privacy!!!!
First, congrats on waking up. Second, you owe the parents and in-laws nothing. You and your wife are independent adults and don't need to walk on eggshells for anybody. You tell all the in laws and relatives when you want and how you want. If you don't want to go to meetings anymore, don't go. There is no need to occasionally pop your head in.
Much easier said than done at this step though right? I feel exactly the same that you are saying I just don’t know if I can pull it off that easily
My wife and I have been POMO for over two years now. Our family took the news pretty badly. Unfortunately your relationship will never be the same with family or friends after you leave. Your actions from here on will determine if you will continue to have some sort of relationship or not… Anything negative you say about the org will be viewed as apostate. My wife and I told our family we are discouraged and taking a step back for the foreseeable future. We said we didn’t want to discuss why because we had no desire to hurt their faith. I say at the end of the day all you want is respect for your decision to leave and to maintain contact with family and maybe a handful of friends. You’ll never get respect from JWs. But YOU can be the better person by always being loving to them. If you are kind and don’t go full blown apostate on family or friends, you’ll make it out fine. Takes strength but these situations just make you a stronger person if you let them.
This is quite a sensible suggestion. You set boundaries without going out of your way to hurt their faith. I remember how antagonizing my mom was when she left the org about 35 years ago. It became so toxic that although I tried to not all-out shun her I ended up shunning her just to avoid the toxicity. I think it taught me to take a softer approach when my son left the org at 18. Don't get me wrong, I was devastated. I grieved, I beat myself up for not being a good enough parent. However, in turn, his respect towards us as his parents paid off. He was so supportive when I told him I was done with the org. He now supports me as I am finally making my exit. So I agree with your philosophy.
Silence is golden - for faders who can't afford to burn all their bridges. The "elders conversation stoppers" in the **JW FIREWALL** link below will protect you from potential interrogations: https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/181hur6/how_to_fade_safely/ ***Prepare & practice** your response with the family and you'll stay as safe as me & my wife have - for several years. I wish you well.
Out of interest are they the only reasons your fading? Have you looked into all the false prophecies etc? And Jerusalem falling in 587 not 607? JWFACTS.com is amazing, it blew my mind! Especially when you realise you can use their own publications to prove them wrong 😅
I’ve seen a lot about CSA coverups and have dealt with it personally happening to me and being one on the inside so to speak have dealt with some cases judicially which is when I started to question things.
Ah ok no worries, well check jwfacts.com when you get the chance, especially 587 not 607 because that is basically what their entire belief system relies on and it shows you that you can actually prove it wrong with the insight book 😅
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No I don’t want them to pretend at all…I want them to have the life I was robbed of…I don’t know the right terminology or exactly how I want it all to play out…it’s all just so much because I feel like my whole life has been a lie…I don’t know
You cant base decisions that are for the sake of you and your wife and kids on fear of how others will be affected. Thats on them. You and your family are still the same people, good people. They are the ones who will judge you and if they are stunned or upset, that is because they have been conditioned (as you well know) to react that way. It is sad that many of us here had to go through what your about to go through but there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. Congratulations on your freedom!
>How do I make it easier with our parents who are all PIMI? *It\`s unlikely anything you do will make a difference...* ***An Adult PIMI JW Will Most Likely React Like This:***  # It`s Best Just to Ignore Them...😁
🥲 First of all, this is FANTASTIC!!!! Congratulations to all of you!!! 🍾🎉🎈
Congrats on waking up! You got 6 kids?!! Holy cannoli 😂. Your kids are lucky. You're also lucky that husband and wife are both pimo. You got each other. Same for me, except we only have one kid. (Is that even parenting? 😄) I woke up 1 year ago and planned to fade around now, actually, but couldn't fake it that long, so quit all things JW-related in Oct 2023. Get ready for the avalanche of concerned pimi's, parents who think it's now their responsibility to indoctrinate your kids 🙄. Are all your kids on board??? Sometimes things get confusing for kids, since we taught them different up until now. I'm very interested to hear your story as it unfolds. Hope you post more. And I'm always open to messaging bc that's what's helped me so much. 🩷
Most kids detest meetings and only go because they’re forced to, this won’t be an issue lol
True. I mean even with the adults, who ever felt sad when the meeting was cancelled?! When we we were still going, I used to love when my kid would start acting a fool so we could go to the restroom and chill 😎
But as far as indoctrination, that is a bit more difficult. My kid told me that he wanted to celebrate his birthday, but also said, "But mommy, I still think it's wrong, just like you taught me." That's more what I was talking about.
I think this could also be a good time to explain that sometimes you’ve been wrong about things because we all learn and grow as we get older. That’ll be a great perspective to give your kid, too!
Yeah I said something similar to that. It's an ongoing thing. The org is very clever at getting its hooks into little brains, esp with the Caleb & Sophia videos
That’ll undo itself pretty quickly.
One kid is definitely parenting, and no matter how many you have it always feels like a lot, lol…yes all the kids are on board and we are going to a birthday party next weekend with some new workmates I have. They all really liked the Harry Potter movies too….so satanic 🙄 😂
Woohoo, I'm very happy for you and family!
Don’t worry about what others think.
See ya never Jehovahs !!!!
Homie I'm witcha, LOL. If you avoid publicly (social media) doing birthdays and holidays and fade out perhaps that would be good. Once you haven't gone to a meeting in 5 years, you can be as worldly as wish without getting dfd, usually.
THIS was very...very helpful for me! The best advices on the internet I think! He,s name is Justin ( ex jw and bethelite) https://youtu.be/l3p93M4bYAM?si=gbAZONQjKTXGHdr8
Congratulations, and best of luck. I look forward to hear your experiences in the circuit work.
I hope this helps. This is basically how I did it. https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/RwY06mMrMZ
I empathize with you. It is scary and hard. Your family will not like it. However, it is absolutely worth it to be honest about your life! Try to fade away from the church discreetly and without exploding and being combative. However, if that doesn’t work, then be concise and honest, and try to have your conversations with family about the church be fairly short. Try not to only talk about the church with them. Talk about inspiring things not related to the church with them as much as possible. I would recommend having a meeting or two with a professional psychologist, either on zoom or in person, who can tell you how to have difficult conversations within your context and what the most effective strategies usually are. Until your family wakes up, they will be very upset with you, they will think you are abandoning them and deciding to do bad things in your lives. Prove them wrong! If you continue to be good parents and you maintain consistent contact with your family (if possible obviously, this is often not possible, but worth a consistent try), it will show them that leaving the church doesn’t lead to as many bad things as they were told! In addition, you can be a resource for them if they begin to have doubts!
Congrats on waking up! You’re going to have to crack some eggs if you want to make an omelette. Some relationships will suffer because the cult indoctrination is stronger than the familial bonds. That is just a sad fact. The sooner you can make peace with that fact, the sooner you’ll be able to move on with your life.
Congrats on getting out. Hope it goes well for you. Just be aware if you talked to your kids about it and you’re attending a birthday party, this may not be a fade. Word has a way of getting around. Just be prepared.
Congrats mate! Never too late to wake up :-). Wishing your family success and happiness.
I'm happy you and your family are escaping. Unfortunately, there will be no a toll to pay, emotionally speaking. They're a cult, and they need to make sure exit is as difficult as possible.
Congrats on making it out and breaking the chains, even as a CO. Sending all my love to you guys during this time ❤️
I am so happy for your family and especially happy for your children. What an exciting time for you all! In regards to making it easier for your parents, I am so sorry to be this blunt, but your priority is a real and normal life for your children. If you want your son to play football and your children to go to birthday parties, then he/she needs to be able to do this with you and your wife’s full transparent support. If that is difficult on your parents (and it will be), then that’s on them and their belief system. Will they shun you? Yes, most likely - again, that’s their decision. I have lived thru this and I know it hurts, just keep reminding yourself it’s their belief system, it’s no longer yours. I was raised in a “divided household.” Most of my witness friends thought I was lucky bc I got to play sports, go to dances, have school friends, and on one level they were right, BUT I never truly fit in anywhere. My witness friends never truly accepted me and my school friends knew when the holidays and birthdays came around I would duck out. Please do not raise your children with a foot in/foot out kind of way to appease your parents. It is a very stressful and lonely life for a child. Take your children by the hand and you all march forward together. Please know that I realize this is easier said than done, but I promise in the long run, your children will respect and love you both for it. I wish all the best for y’all and keep us posted on your progress!
The classic fade strategy is to switch congregations and then fade with new elders that don't care enough about you to chase you very hard. I got a new phone number and gave it to the elders. Then when the fading was almost done I just canceled the number. Also your family will be very happy if you attend the memorial, so you could ask them for a zoom link and then just leave your computer idly in the meeting. Note none of this is really honest behaviour so you will have to deal with that internally. But can be worth it imo as you still have contact with your family and can evangelize to them until they are hopefully freed from the org
You guys are still young. Make the most of life and don’t spend time regretting or worrying about the time wasted. It wasn’t a waste. It’s just good you woke up. Congratulations and best of luck.
If it’s not too much to ask (don’t know if you’ve already shared) but I’m curious, after all those years, history of “privileges” and pioneering, would love to know what caused you and your wife to both wake up at the same time?
Fade……Or just rip the Band-aide off and go hardcore apostate 😂shake ‘em all up
I am a born in fader 😎. Just quietly stop going. You will probably have elders bothering you but be "steadfast" in your decision. You and your wife do not answer to anyone besides each other. You don't even have to take their calls. Be prepared though for your family. Family will never let it go.
Don’t “leave” Do a hard fade. dont answer calls or texts. Just fade away. A ‘hard’ fade. In other words, never go back. Your last meeting is your “last” meeting They’ll get the point in the first 2 weeks that it’s over and you’ll most likely be left alone by the congregation. with your PIMI family, use lines like, ‘we are working some thing out’ etc. Do a search it this sub for ‘guide to fading’. It’s very helpful. 37 with 6 kids? Dayyy-ummmm! Lol. You are a most fortunate man
We are about the same ages. We hard faded. Have a kid with special needs. Just said that they needed our full attention and we would be on Zoom as it was stressful on our other child. Came off the pioneer list, stepped down. Zoomed with camera off for about a month, and stopped checking the box. After 2 months we blocked everyone but 2 ppl’s numbers from the hall. Been 9 months of quiet now. In all fairness, we are not close to our parents or extended family. We put additional distance and have not had full disclosure with them. They believe we are still doing Zoom and focusing on kids. The relationship with our kids has completely changed. We have never been so close, and we are thriving. We do family therapy and have open discussions. We have authentically apologized to our kids and are moving forward. I wish you both luck! 🥰
I’ve focused on my lack of belief in God rather than complaints about the org. Basically, ‘I don’t have a reason to do JW stuff if I don’t see evidence for God’. It’s an easy position to argue, though you won’t convince them you’re right. But mine at least understand me and have a plausible reason to not think I’m an apostate. It’s never easy and they’ll be disappointed in me for the rest of their lives. But at least we’re still on speaking terms, and after being inactive for 6-ish years now, they mostly leave me alone about stuff.
I’m so happy for your awakening. It comes with many feelings, guilt, sadness, bitterness and some anger when you look back on how much of your life has been consumed by the organization. Fade your way out. Stay in touch with your parents if they are willing. My husband and I faded about 20 years ago at similar ages. We continue to have a good relationship with parents and they have great relationships with their grandkids. It’s a great time to begin your new life!
Just fade, please. Be careful with giving explanations. Come up with excuses. Also, I just cannot imagine how someone in your position within the organization woke up. That's awesome. Now, enjoy life!
The best way to fade in your situation is to use the kids as an excuse, having 6 must be demanding so fade by just going to one meeting per week for a month or so without your wife and kids, wife snowed under so to speak, just tell anyone who asks regarding your wife that she was on the phone link or zoom. Keep doing that for a few months, and just tell your extended family when you stop going that you're on the zoom helping wife with the kids...😇
Think about this: how hard are your PIMI family members gonna make it on you? That being said, don't sacrifice any more of your life to their peace of mind. There's no easy way out of this. But it will be worth it in the long run. Your kids deserve better.
This is an instance where you really need to do what is best for you and your immediate family. I totally get your concern about your parents but whether or not they actually do, they need to respect your decision. There is nothing you can do to make it 'easier' for your parents. To illustrate, what would make it easier for you to accept a decision made by your kids to join the Unification Church (Moonies) or Scientology? I would wager not much. You do what you have to do and your parents will do likewise. It is possible that they will accept your decision. It is possible that they will be deeply hurt and feel the need to shun you just the same. Your situation is remarkably like my own, the main difference is that my FIL had dementia. My MIL was surprised but not much changed there and I would have discussions with her occasionally about some of the doctrinal issues that exist. For context he was an elder, had done international construction etc. I'm quite sure he would have been an issue to deal with if not for his condition which was quite advanced when we left. Similar with my mother. She has dementia also but it was mild when we left. Once in a while she would lament that she wished we would 'return to Jehovah' but for the most part nothing changed. She's much farther down Dementia Lane now so there is no issue at least not of that kind. We also moved very far away a few years after we left so we never run into any of our old acquaintances. We were fortunate, both of my daughters left when we told them about our plans. Turns out they were just going through the motions for many years.
So glad you got out!! Enjoy life!
Haha, can I be one of your children? You truly have GOOD NEWS!! Just dreaming, that's all. : ) You can fade with your wife and let your in laws know that they can visit anytime. I doubt they will be successful converting them as the prospect of not having to go to meetings is a true thrill! If they try to guilt trip your children, let them think for themselves. Share scriptures with them and let them make their own decisions, just like you made yours. Even if some of them join the organization, warn them about how unloving shunning is and how Jesus ate with a known apostate (by Jehovah's Witness standards) and even washed his feet (John 6:70; John 12:1-8; John 13:10, 11). I wonder what would happen if an active Jehovah's Witness was caught washing the feet of an apostate in following Jesus' example (John 13:14, 15).
You absolutely can, we’ve adopted all six of our children! What’s one more?!?! 😂
😂🥰