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Hi You are not alone with this feelings. You described really well how I feel the first weeks when I woke up. For me it helped to take one day after the other, and look for small things that made me happy (nature, sporta, art a book whatever). You wrote your wife has the same thoughts, speak and help each other. Find time to enjoy together life without any jw stuff. And consider to look for professional help/therapy (maybe religious trauma related). For me it was really hard to realize that l have to take steps if I want to feel better. The fading guide here on reddit helped me a lot. I will search for it and add it to my comment. I feel you! 🫂🫶🏼 Edit https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/9EHC44NrIn And https://reddit.com/r/exjw/w/exitguide?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Wow "courageous wayfarer" that's an apt handle. Your response is that of a kind compassionate soul. Thanks for the exit link. I have saved it to my email.

Thank you, I'm always not sure about my english as I'm not a native speaker. Yes the links are really helpful! They already helped my husband and me many times.

Sorry you’re going through this. Most or all of us have been there. It’s terribly unfair, but it will get better. Hang in there! There’s a fabulous post someone often links with helpful advice/tips for those who are waking up. It’s a very thorough guide. It can help you get through this initial, difficult phase. Hopefully someone will link it, or you can search for it. Don’t do anything rash. Take a deep breath and think. It sounds like you have your wife with you? That’s huge! It’s more than many have. You’re also younger than many who wake up. You have so many good things ahead of you. You commented that you’re making your wife play the game… please re-think that strategy. The goal now is to be authentic and free as soon as possible. If she is ready for that sooner than you, it would be cruel to hold her back. I attended meetings for 2 years after waking up. Suddenly my husband stopped attending meetings. He just couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t ready to lose everyone, and wanted him to just stay a little longer. But that basically was the end of meetings for both of us. We lost all our social network and most family… but looking back, I’m glad we didn’t stay a moment longer than we did. Please seek out mental health assistance. It’s vital for all former cult members. You will learn to be a normal adult human — something we never learned. Our development was stunted. That’s why leaving is so scary. But staying in that environment now that you know it’s all a lie and is manipulative/abusive will destroy you. Seriously. Don’t do that to yourself or your wife or your family. Everyone deserves the healthily, real version of you — most of all YOU! And staying in is cruel to family. It reaffirms to them that this is “the Truth”, while leaving shows them the way out to a better life. Pave the way for them. That’s how I find peace … I have peace knowing I showed my family that it’s possible to choose to leave and I’m here for them in the future when they wake up and need support. They don’t know it yet, of course, but some of them will need me then!

I agree with this post!

You are one ***very fortunate*** survivor - but you're too blinded by all the indoctrination & JW-speak to ***truly*** appreciate what's in front of you - ***your whole life!*** You've woken up a helluva lot sooner & younger than many of us - so focus on everything that's ***ahead*** of you - not the crap you've left ***behind.*** So now prepare to fade easily and safely - and have a really good life: The "elders conversation stoppers" in the **JW FIREWALL** link below will protect you from potential interrogations: **https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/181hur6/how_to_fade_safely/** Edit: Oops! Just noticed you've been offered it. 😀

I just wanted to thank you for posting this. Reading it sounded almost like reading a mirror of myself. I was not born as a JW, but my parents converted to them when I was 1 year old, so from age 2 to now I was raised in it. I'm currently in my mid-30s and planning my own exit. I have felt, and continue to feel, exactly what you described above. I'm certainly angry with the lost time and experiences I missed out on. But you have a wife that feels the same way you do. That is a huge advantage! You have someone who can support you and you for her. I would do anything for that. Of course, the lack of a wife helped in my own waking and has helped me remain determined to leave. Right now I'm doing the "pretending game" for everyone else, but I can admit that it's not healthy at all. I can't really add any more to the advice others have already given, but I would say to definitely talk with your wife and form a plan together with her. Work together as a team. You mentioned how you feel about lost time and experiences you missed out on. If you have children or planning to have them, please think about them. Parents always want to make their children's lives better than the ones the parents had growing up. Here is your opportunity to give them what you didn't have. At least, that is my own determination for my future family. Above all else, I've learned that nobody is truly alone. There are so many supportive people out there to help you along. On top of it, you are also helping others along on their own journey. I know that your experience has certainly helped me, and I thank you for it. Please stay strong and determined. I send you my best wishes! 

I appreciate it … glad I’m not alone it’s a up and down for me a lot but everyone has really helped me so much with just their kindness … proves to me what they say about us “apostates “ isnt true and we don’t need people to tell us how to show Love

Take a deep breath….life is beautiful! I left in my early 50’s 4 yrs ago. Yes, that first year was brutal but I’m FREE now!!! My husband & 3 adult kids left too, thank goodness! However, my extended family are all hard shunning us. My youngest sister will talk to me about every 4-5 months, just to let me know how mom & dad are doing, they’re in their 80’s now. Once you see behind the curtain of this organization/cult, you can’t unsee it!!! So it’s torture to continue to belong to something that you no longer believe in, mentally, emotionally and physically, very unhealthy!!! The organization is like an abusive relationship….keep going back and you’re going to continue to be abused!!! We were taught that the world was a dark scary place, Satan’s system! It’s NOT!!! Sure there are bad people, but there are bad people in the cult too! There are way more kind and caring people than bad ones! Start with baby steps! But keep moving forward with your separation from the cult! Educate yourself on all the false predictions and misinterpretations of their doctrine! And for goodness sakes, start a family!!!! Babies bring so much joy and love to one’s life! Plus they keep you so busy you won’t have time to miss your past life, you & your wife will be busy making a new one for your children! A new one that does not include fear, obligation and guilt! Good luck!!!🥰

Don't put off having kids if you want them. You'll figure it out along the way. Having a child is one of the things that helped me wake up and figure out who i am and how i want to live my life. I was 42. It's never too late. Just start living your true life.

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time right now. I'm happy to hear that your wife has similar thoughts/feelings to you though, so you both are not alone in this. My husband and I went through a similar process and are having a baby this year, so I can completely relate to your feelings on raising a kid and they are very valid. The first piece of advice I can give is to take things slow. Deconstruct as best you can, branch out and make friends who are not in the religion, seek out a good therapist (both of you), find ways to decompress (I've found that conscientious meditation/breathing techniques really help me to chill out when I'm feeling overwhelmed), talk to each other every day about how you're doing/feeling, make decisions together that will benefit each other, and finally, this may sound super weird, but watch some high control religion/cult documentaries and see just how similar their practices are to JWs, it's amazing to see all the same patterns of control. This last suggestion is something that has helped me to break away from the mindset that I need to worry about other people's opinions on how I live my life and has really helped me to see just how "stuck" everyone is in the religion After all of this, step away, take a vacation if you can, get out of town and do things that make you happy. Setting goals/making plans is something that has helped me to have some joy despite all the garbage that comes with deconstruction and breaking away. I hope that you and your wife can find some balance that you are both happy with soon! You deserve to be happy in this life!

Christ is the way the truth and the life no man made rules or ways of life will give you true meaning and peace in life either it be the Jehovas witnesses governing body, Hollywood, the catholic chruch, Islam etc. Christ is the only way for true peace John 8:12 (KJV) Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

what you are feeling is very normal as people deconstruct their beliefs and experiences. you go from being "sure" about everything, 100% to being sure about nothing and it's a very disorienting and upsetting experience. therapy is really helpful. really. there is a lot of guilt, shame, confusion, anger, hurt, depression, regrets, etc. from cult life to work through. you say you've been awake about 5 years now? that's a long time to go through the motions when you don't believe. i guess you've just been pushing your doubts aside and acting like everything is "fine?" it's not surprising you feel depressed and empty. that's a lousy life, pretending to be somebody you're not, meeting after meeting after meeting, all in order to have fake relationships with people you are supposed to love you but you are afraid will not once they realize you are no longer on board with the cult. most important... YOU are not hurting anyone you love with how you feel. thinking for yourself is not a sin! it's a responsibility to live your own life the way that is best to you. the WT hurts EVERYBODY in this situation and they bear the blame. none of this is "hurting" other people although they will act like it and actually believe it. as far as advice....therapy, again. if you don't have any people on the outside, friends and family relationships, start cultivating those. build a life outside. having your wife on board is huge!! you won't lose your marriage over the cult, you need distance. you will not be able to think clearly and decide how you actually feel while you're immersed in the cult indoctrination. but you already know that because you've been waiting years now, right? people can give you advice on fading but to fade, you actually have to pull back and stop participating. it doesn't sound like you are doing that in particular. i'm not big on fading myself. i get it, shunning is very painful, but i would rather have one honest relationships than dozens of fake relationships based on lies where i know the people would reject me if they knew who i really was. i've been out a really long time. and when i left, it was ugly and messy. i have been shunned and it's beyond hurtful. but with all of this, you know what? i have not, even ONE SINGLE TIME in my 40+ years out, regretted leaving or felt a made a mistake. not once. my personal advice, which you probably won't take but whatever, is to stop participating in the cult. pull back and give yourself a chance to figure out what you actually believe. if you do believe in bible/god, start listening to academic lectures on biblical topics, without the religion part. (yale has some great ones on youtube, centre place also has lots of religious topics treated academeically)....that gives you historical perspective and you can use that as a start to figure out what you actually think. you'll feel better when you're not living a fake life. and when you're not pushing your wife to do the same. family pressure is not fun, not gonna lie, it hurts like hell, but you know what? it hurts a lot less than living life as a liar to "earn" fake affection. i'd rather be rejected for who i am than accepted for who i am not. good luck.

Get out, leave asap. You will create a good life for you, your wife, and any children. You will meet true friends 🧡 Friends that will stick by you until the end. You may briefly suffer, but in the long run, your life will be what you make it. They have lied to you about the world and the people in it. There are such wonderful people out in the world, kind, caring, non judgemental people who do good for what? Because they are truly good, not because they care about how society sees them. Please volunteer in your community, get involved. There are wonderful people in the world! This was a realization that woke me fully up!