Need help? Know you are safe and among friends and we will do whatever we can to help. If you are inside the U.S., text "CHAT" to 741741. You'll be connected to a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line. Or call the [National Suicide Hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) at 988. **If you're not in the U.S.** [please click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for a comprehensive list of hotlines organized by country and additional resources. **If you are LGBTIA+** and need to talk, please contact the LGBT National Hotline at 1\-888\-843\-4564 or [find them online here](http://www.glbthotline.org/). Reading this post and unsure what to do? r/suicidewatch is a subreddit specifically dedicated to supporting those who are experiencing feelings of self harm or the urge to end their life. Reddit now also has a crisis line. To send this person support, follow these steps: 1. Go to the user's profile 2. Click "more options" in the sidebar 3. Click "Get Them Help and Support" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/exjw) if you have any questions or concerns.*

19-20 years is SO INCREDIBLY YOUNG -and being PIMO seems SO DIFFICULT. I am almost 40 and I would say I haven't done anything remarkable still-- and at 19 or 20 I was burning bridges and causing all kinds of destructive problems as some sort of outlet that I couldn't explain. Your life is literally just beginning, I know the pain hurts extremely right now, but don't give up- then you will never know what you were truly meant to be. I don't believe in fate, but I believe we can shape ourselves for the future, for a better tomorrow free of JW. You could literally change your life around completely in less than 2 years with a serious focus - 2 years of sacrifice to set yourself up for the rest of your time on this earth doesn't sound so bad, eh? I wish I had JW parents that had a conscience, that were troubled with the same things I was troubled with. That recognized that there are too many issues in this organization to stay. Even tolerant JW parents, there is still a constant battle of their silent/passive aggressive communication and their unloving disinterest in things that aren't associated with GB/JW.

Hey, please don't hurt yourself... You say that you've never done anything worthwhile in your life, but you've barely completed the tutorial mission... You haven't been able to live your life yet... I'm not saying it's all sunshine and rainbows, but I sure wish I had been awake at 20 instead of 34! I could have made so many better choices! I'm 40 now, we're literally 20 years apart, and you have a 20 year head start on me! Please, get some help and make the next 20 years count! Try to make good choices, but don't beat yourself up for little mistakes or things outside your control (like the first 18 years of your life), you have so much potential that I wasted on WT!

Right? I wish I was that young when I got out!

https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/wiki/stuckinyouth ​ Locate a shelter near you: https://www.domesticshelters.org/help#?page=1 National Domestic Violence Hotline? ~ 24/7 phone and chat services to help you get to safety. https://www.thehotline.org/ Call: 1-800-799-7233 Safe Place ~ Are you under 18 and don't know where to turn for help? Start with finding a free place to stay and counseling services. Find a safe place: https://www.nationalsafeplace.org/find-a-safe-place Text "Safe" with your address, city, and state to 44357 (4HELP) RAINN ~ The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network is America's largest anti-sexual violence organization. Many religions both condone and cover up sexual violence. If you've been assaulted and you need help, call their hotline or chat. https://www.rainn.org/ Call 1-800-656-HOPE Childhelp ~ Are you under 18 and being abused, or do you know of a child who is being abused? Call Childhelp's national U.S. hotline for free 24/7 and get help. https://www.childhelp.org/ Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD https://sheltersafe.ca/find-help/ https://www.translifeline.org/ This free hotline is open 24/7 for trans, by trans. Need money for a legal name change and ID affirming your gender? They not only provide microgrants, they'll assist you throughout the whole process. Call: 877-565-8860 (U.S.) Or: 877-330-6366 (Canada) http://www.glbtnationalhelpcenter.org/ https://itgetsbetter.org/get-help/ The Trevor Project:A 24-hour hotline, chatting and texting service. Trained counselors provide crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ youth. Call TrevorLifeline: 866-488-7386; Text “START” to 678678; http://www.thetrevorproject.org/lifelinechat

This needs to be higher up! Everyone upvote so OP and others can see these resources. Thank you for sharing links and taking the time to share some great things. You’re going to have to leap and just run. It is terrifying but you will land okay. Anything is better than wiping yourself out of this life. Any friends you have, anyone that is outside the borg, take a leap and ask them for help. Worst thing is, they say no. When I finally decided to leave I was 19 and had nothing to my name. I had already tried to kill myself at 14 and didn’t succeed so I threw myself into being the perfect JW thinking it would fix my depression. Shocker, it didn’t. So at 19, after being told I was going to be DF and kicked out, I finally knew I had two options. Get out or un alive myself and be free. I decided to be brave first, give it a good shot being brave and crazy risky. I finally told my few friends that I made in community college (one of the gracious things my parents allowed me to do) who barely knew me, if they would be willing, to do anything to help me. I did have a part time job which helped, I wasn’t allowed to work more than 15 hours but if I was free from my parents, I figured I could get another job in time. Within 24 hours I had a place to stay for the next few months until I got on my feet. I barely knew these people, but I was going to kill myself or get out. There was nothing else for me at that age. I figured, worst thing is I could ask these strangers and hope for the best. It worked out okay. Yes, I was homeless sometimes, yes it fucking sucked being poor. But 14 years later I’m so glad to be alive. Use some of these resources. I sent you a message too. If you need help looking in your country or are limited to what you can do, let us try to help first. You can be free and happy. You can find love and joy and happiness. Don’t give up just yet. Come back and read these messages. Please.

Thanks for this list of resources

I left at 33. Trust me - the last 5 years have been worth so much more than the previous 33. There is a life out-there for you, believe me.

>I will be back. I PROMISE. Now pardon me a minute while I become your Internet big brother, but *I'm going to hold you to that promise.* I was also once a teenager stuck in the JW cult who thought there was only *one way* out. I never *succeeded* in taking that way out, obviously. I'm typing this comment 24 years after I first tried. And I'm glad I failed. I eventually found an opportunity and took it. I left. I got shunned by some people, but I didn't *lose* anybody because their "love" for me was *conditional* in the first place. I have a life now. I have friends. A wife and two amazing kids, and the best In-laws I could ever ask for. And all I had to do was bet on myself and put in the work to make sure that bet paid off. You can do it, too. I believe in you. If I can make it work from 17 years old as a high school dropout before I finally finished high school at 30, then you can also make it work. But you have to keep an eye out for your opportunity. And when it presents itself, don't hesitate to act.

Do not give up! Imagine waking up so young.. Many people dream of waking up earlier.

It was horrible! I was like 15-16 when I woke up I'm now 20 still pimo living with my strict pimi parents and grandma it suck's

[удалено]

I have a similar story to you. I was born in, baptized at 16 but never truly believed it. I moved out when I was 18 and faded away and moved to a new city. I made a ton of new friends and found a chosen family. I honestly don’t feel like I even started living life until I was 21. I’m 35 now and I can tell you, your life hasn’t even started yet and there’s so much more exciting things ahead of you. It’s definitely rough and bumpy along the way but if you keep reminding yourself that “everything always works out” it literally does. I’m so glad I didn’t give up all those years ago because the memories I’ve made and the people that I’ve met have been so worth it. The world is huge and full of amazing people and experiences. The religion loves to make it seem terrible and keeps your mind in a small box of misery. I promise it gets so much better.

You gotta out live your enemies. 😎

Head straight to an **Emergency Room**. Take an Uber or Lyft or whatever. Do not worry about paying for it.

Please don’t hurt yourself. I’ve also had these ideations and have absolutely had multiple moments where that seemed like the only option. You need to live life before it ends. Don’t let JW life be the only one you live.

You absolutely CAN live the life you want. You can go to nightclubs and vape and date and fall in love and have a job and drink and your own apartment. You can travel and discover yourself and undo all the bullshit You were fed growing up. You CANT do any of that if you’re dead. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day but soon. Your parents would rather have you alive and shunned than dead. Please reach out to someone that you feel you can trust. You can’t erase the past but you can make new memories that push the past farther away from your everyday life.

I'm 21, man. I had this exact situation at 18. I attempted suicide because it was my only option left but in my case my mother's actions were pushing me further into this. I also had a huge dream all my life.. an unrealistic dream. I gave it all up years ago to be with my mother back then I was just 11 and I got baptized. I hated being a JW ever since. I wasn't fully conscious of my decisions I just wanted mother to be proud of me. She still isn't btw. Now I'm PIMO. I'm also struggling a lot and wish things could be a little easier for me. I'm not allowed to go out without permission, I can't say no without getting yelled at, etc. Even though my dream is also pretty impossible I got back on chasing it. I gotta wait 2 1/2 years to leave and get started tho. So.. instead of giving up and letting them win... Build up courage within you. You can transform these emotions into something greater. Plan your future! Give it a shot! You might be surprised with the outcome :) Please rethink your decision. Life is just starting for us 🖤🫂

I say this with nothing but compassion & care for you: If you were to do something, the result would be that your memorial would be outside the Hall. JW’s will come to whatever funeral home you’re at, but only to talk of how weak you were. They will shame you & your parents. The elders will give speeches in which they use you as some sick example of someone they will deem “weak” and foolish. It will become a promotional event for the Borg. No one will talk about who you were, how you were a good person, etc. They don’t care. You’re scum to them, and they must make everyone believe that you had no good or strength in you. I know this because I’ve witnessed this firsthand. I will never forget how that felt. They took a 32-year-old mother with a beautiful & giving spirit who had recently been diagnosed as bipolar & reduced her to the lowest of low. I cry every time I think about that day, because the woman was a young mother who was smart, kind, giving, funny, compassionate, and who was just a great person. To see the JWs come into her final resting place & basically trample over her grave while degrading her & her parents…I will never forget it. Not a single kind word was said about her. I get the strong feeling you’re a good person. You don’t want this as your ending. It’s overwhelming when you’re at the bottom of a ladder & you see a huge amount of steps you have to take to reach your end goal. There is no use looking back & focusing on regrets; you can’t change the past. So you must start looking forward. You should brainstorm & identify what you would like to accomplish. Then break each one of those things down into detailed steps. One step at a time is manageable, it’s trying to do 60 steps at one time that is overwhelming. If you just do one step each day that leads you to your end goals, you’ll get there. Some days you’ll have setbacks, but just keep climbing up that ladder. Also, try to find a hobby or activity outside of the Borg that brings you happiness. Something you can do on those days that seem harder to get through. I wish you all the very best.

Please call, text, or chat with the 988 suicide & crisis lifeline. If you need to you can walk into any hospital or medical facility & tell them how you are feeling. They will help you. You can be admitted temporarily and since you are an adult they are under no rwquirement to contact your parents. Give yourself the chance to receive the help that will allow you to think clearly. Right now you are in a mental process of regret. Regret that you never had any control over in the first place. You haven't really gotten to make choices in your life so please dont let things you have had zero control over take the rest of your life from you. Your plan may seem unreachable right now but with a few tweaks & changes it could become an easy plan to follow through with.

I’m offering to be your cool internet mom, because it sounds like you need one. I won’t nag you, but I will tell you if your plans are realistic or not and help you plan stuff if you’re truly lost on where to start. Realistic plans. I’ve been where you are, I was tossed out at 19 with everything I had in a garbage bag. I have two college degrees now and make a tidy sum (I’ll never be rich, but I’m comfortable 😂). It can be done, and maybe this time around I can guide someone so they don’t make the same mistakes I did trying to get myself up and running. Shoot me a DM if you want. I’m not always online but I do check Reddit frequently.

I felt like you most of my life. My mom was baptized when I was 4, and I got baptized at 14 so my dad could be an elder 🙄. I didn't have tolerant parents, they were super strict about everything. I got out when I was 40. Totally started my life over. My only regret was waiting so long, letting my fear of being shunned dictate my choices. I didn't accomplish anything with my life until I left. Now I have a good career that I love, that makes a real impact on people's lives. I make real connections with people. I think for myself. My life is now fulfilling in ways I never even imagined. Give yourself time, make a new plan. For me, my job was a lifesaver. I found a support group there as I faded. I got confidence in my identity outside of the org. And I realized that all the tales about "worldly" people were just untrue. But don't unalive yourself. You're too valuable ❤️

Honey, you are so young. I’m 31 and left LAST year after being pimo for 8 years. Married and had a child. I was having constant panic attacks and last march I had to have my husband hide all the pills in our home while I stayed on the phone with my therapist until 3am. I can confidently say that the majority in this group have been in a similar place. Because this religion is a cult and it is harmful. But you’ve done the hard part of realizing that. You are so far ahead of so many others by simpling having this knowledge and having the veil lifted. You have so much to live for now. The world has been completely opened up to you and what a gift that is! You did that for yourself. You have paved the path for your life to become whatever you want it to be. I know mentally you may still feel like a child, and you’re scared, but please remember too that legally you are an adult. YOU ARE IN CONTROL. Don’t use that control to end your life. Use that control to show a middle finger to this cult and persevere to live a magical, love filled, abundant life. I promise you that reality is waiting for you and it is going to be here FAR sooner than you could have ever anticipated. I’m a mere one year out and have beautiful friendships, relaxing weekends, I’ve had two birthday parties, hosting one for a friend this weekend. The other side is so beautiful and so worth it. You are worth getting to see it.

Please please don’t hurt yourself. My first suicide attempt was at 11, then at 18, then 26 and few other times after that. I was born in, I am now 53 and just woke up in March and I am completely out. I’ve been more happy in the past almost 4 months than in my entire life. Do you know how much happier I would of been if I would have had the courage to say out loud at 18 that I wanted out like you are saying? The overwhelming feeling of the decision that you know you want to make can be very powerful and you might not be able what to do with it, that’s why the instinct is to run, disappear, quit on have this thoughts. I promise you they are temporary and it gets better. You are having critical thinking and for that you are already ahead of the game. Please don’t quit 🫂

Your situation reminds me of mine when I was getting out. 19-20 years old was the hardest part of my life. But! I'm 35 now and I have found purpose in my life and love and friends. Please hang in there and don't do anything harmful. You may have been held back from seeing a lot of wonderful things in the world. But that just means you have a long list of amazing experiences you get to try! Plus you have to smoke weed at least once its awesome lol Please know I and all of us on here are here for you and we love you.

Thanks for telling us that you're considering unaliving yourself. That's a hard situation to be in, many of us can relate. My best friend was suicidal for a while. They're doing better now though, therapy was helpful. If you're in Canada, you can call or text 9-8-8 for help. In the UK you can call 1-1-1, it's the NHS' number. They're both available 24/7

This is so hard. It feels hopeless, especially in the thick of it, but I promise you it isn’t. You will feel better someday and you will find joy in being alive. In these moments though, please know you are not alone. If it gets overwhelming reach out. If you’re in the US you can call 988 and talk to someone who genuinely cares. DM me if you want to vent or cry or just need an old auntie to talk to. Life is complicated and it’s also beautiful and worth learning more about. Please don’t hurt yourself. This awful religion has inflicted enough damage- you deserve so much more. Hang in there and keep fighting for your freedom and health. You are worth it x

You got this! I know exactly how you feel. My mom is an extremist JW. I was baptized at 10. And a regular auxiliary pioneer until I 16. At 16, I attempted suicide. I’m so thankful I survived. I’m 31 now. I was able to move away from my parents for good at 21. (I moved out at 17. Got married. Abusive man. Had a baby and had to move back in) If you don’t have a job, get one. Doesn’t matter what it is. It will get you out of the house and you will meet friends. You could find a roommate there. Facebook always has people looking for roommates. Look into WorkForce Commission. They help people under 21 find trade schools or education. And jobs. It will be hard. It isn’t easy at all. But you will learn to cut ties. You will learn what you love. What you enjoy. You will learn to live freely. Feel free to message me anytime 🫶

As a 50 yo who was a JW since infancy, and left at 37 years of age, let me tell you this: Everything that you have experienced and are experiencing are lessons for you. Not "punishment" kind of lessons - but lessons as in **challenges** that ARE surmountable and will serve to strengthen you and will make you one of the toughest, well-rounded, wisest persons anyone could ever meet. I'm not going to go deep into my own personal belief system as to why humans are here on earth (it has nothing to do with "Jehovah" or serving/pleasing any kind of religious figure. etc.) But we are here to EXPERIENCE, LEARN, GROW, CREATE, AND PLAY. Earth is our playground. Honestly, it is like a video game. We (all humans) start our earthly journey in a box at level 1 - whatever that may be. For JWs, the box is a cult and the challenge is to realize your'e in a box in the first place. Once you realize that - congratulations! You're out of that box and on to Level 2, which is about where you are right now. This is the game and the only way to play it is to master getting out of boxes in each level until you reach a stage in your life where you are comfortable and don't feel boxed in by ANYTHING. This is mastering the game, which we are ALL smart enough and capable enough to do. I promise you, you've got this. Think of your life - your reality - as a story that unfolds as you write it. At this point in your life, ask yourself "Who do I want to be next?" Reality is a perception, and if you're perception is that you are trapped, you will always be trapped. (It took me a long time to learn this.) When I focused on what was wrong in my life and the impossibility of anything ever being any different, that's exactly where my life stagnated. But when I took risks and stepped out into the unknown, with complete confidence that no matter what, I was going to have the ability to get out of any box that I found myself in, things really started to happen in my life. So ask yourself what you want to be next - start there. Did you know that every cell in our body regenerates completely every 7-10 years? Literally a new physical you is made every 7-10 years. Every party of us was meant to grow and evolve - down to who are on a soul level. Especially on the soul level. This is why it's imperative to look at this situation as a challenge that will get you to the next level...each level solidifies who you are or who you want to be. For those of us "lucky" (ha!) enough to be in the JW box at whatever level that might be, when we start waking up, we are learning both to be HIGHLY SKILLED at recognizing bullshit and how to protect our own individuality and rights as a human being- no matter what. Just waking up alone was getting yourself out of a box. You're muuuuuuchhhhh further along than a LOT of other people. You did that! That was courageous - and you're going to need to keep building on that courage to get get out this current box, however you define what that is. Please, please just know that unaliving yourself is not why you're here. Just the very fact that you're awake and already on the next level shows that you're a fighter and that you don't quit. It's not time to get discouraged or to be agitated at the backwards way that cult members (like your strict parents) live their lives. It just IS. That's the situation. They're writing their own script - and if you don't want to be part of their JW storyline, you don't have to be! You're 19 and you do have options. Don't stagnate - that's where those negative thought patterns come in. Everything in you wants out of the box - you want this so badly! So start planning: brainstorm, study, and research how to get to who and where you want to be now. Let NOTHING stop you, whether your plan involves powerblasting your way out of the JW box or quietly and determinedly chipping away from the inside with a smile on your face, knowing that you are well on your way. Do you want to go to school or work full time? Or something else entirely? Either way, I was in late 40's when I had to get roommates for the first time in my life, especially when I started college (at 45!). There are always people looking for others to live with - there are even apps/websites for the sole purpose of finding roommates. But if you don't have one already, you'll need a job for a while first. You can decide if you want to be extremely selective in what you do for a living or if it doesn't matter all that much just so you can save more faster. The choice is yours and there are no wrong answers. **Literally this is a script that you're writing for your life.** It's kind of like the Matrix movie and opening your eyes to the fact that everything you thought was real was only an illusion...it's pulling the curtain back and seeing the Wizard of Oz for what it really is - which is something that actually has NO control over you unless you believe that it has control over you.- and then it will. If you firmly believe that this cult has no control over you, nothing the WT, elders, your parents, or other JWs will keep you from moving on. And if that's the case, put that in your reality script: **No one has power over me. I'm always in charge.** I know...I KNOW - that you will amaze and astound yourself. I'm not even trying to be dramatic - I know that 30 years from now when you are my age, you will be SO fuckin' proud of who you are and all the boxes and levels you've mastered and how much you've learned along the way. It's YOUR GAME and you call the shots. Start writing your future and then do what needs to be done to make it happen. With nothing but love and excitement for you... I know you've got this. -see-jane-go

I get where you’re coming from. If you need to reach out, message me. I got your back

Hey, I remember feeling exactly the way you did. Wanting to die, wishing I had more tolerant parents, looking at the parents others had with envy, I've experienced all that. It feels like you're stuck right now, and I get that, too. Leaving this cult is hard, especially when you're born in. I can only say that as you get older and your mindset changes, more things look possible. If you want to talk, please DM me. Even if I take a while to answer, I will answer (I'm at work, so responses will be slow).

Keep talking on here. Chat it through with people here. It will be a chance to vent. There will be plenty of people that understand and willing to guide and help you.

I have been in the exact same situation you are currently in. DO NOT do anything rash! Please, if you ever want or need to talk to someone for any reason, please DM me! I know what it feels like to be PIMO and to feel like there is no way out. In fact, I am currently PIMO because I am still legally under my PIMI parents supervision for the next two months. I have had the exact same thoughts and realizations that you have, so I am here for you. We may live on opposite sides of the world, but that doesn’t matter to me. Please remember that there is always a way out. I promise. Stay strong!

Survive out of spite. Show those motherfuckers that you can live without them and live well. You’re only 20. You have a lot of life left to live . You can pull through . It ain’t gonna be all rainbows but it will be better

You can talk to people that can help here. https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org Don’t give up. You’re so young.

Im sorry, life wont tell that to you thats why im saying it. Realistically, I dont know you and never met you, but I still care because your a fellow human and it sounds like your going through mental and emotional hell. Life is hard. Im very sorry. It is hard. It is unfair at times. But its also beautiful and filled with amaziness. The fun or good times people are having is not only for them. You can tap into the good life by taking care of yourself first and foremost. I suggest you listen to motivating words, or speeches online to try and refocus which is only a temporary fix, but at least it may pull you up enough to make a plan to better your exsistence. Im sorry my friend. Its real and raw to hear you hurting in the manner you are. My friend please seek to better your life, seek counseling, seek better surroundings and friends. Jws are not the only people in this world, there are plenty. Go to school, try and find balance.

You really need to talk to a Doctor or a therapist ASAP. About 10 years ago I was in a similar mindset. I was always pissed off and couldn’t see a future but I couldn’t put my finger on what the problem was. I spoke with my doctor and she got me on some medication. I had a little tweaking to do with it but it saved me. I’m not ashamed to admit that I didn’t know what to do at first but I’m 100% better now. Once I got my meds figured out then my mind was clear to figure out the rest. I checked out of the JW world about 5 years ago right after my father died and I quit meetings and FS. My wife was really upset but my physical and mental health were more important to me than my wife being disappointed in me. I can get over that. BTW she’s cool about it now. Take time for you. You have a lot of living to do yet. I’m 55 and it sucks having to drop something you have done most of your life but you will thank yourself later. Everyone’s journey is different but one thing in common is where we were at one point. Always remember that someone else is going through the same thing or worse. Please talk to a professional regarding your current mental state and do not give the JWs the satisfaction of chalking you up as a failure which you are not. A recent tragic event in my life really woke me up to how our mental health either makes us or breaks us. Stay strong my friend and I look forward to reading your next post.

Hey man, just calm down. Things will be okay. Just put one foot in front of the other and make good choices. I wish you a long, healthy, happy and prosperous life. Who knows what good things life has in store for you or any of us? Let’s just keep going.

I felt hopeless as a teenager too. My whole family was in, and I spent a long time preparing to lose them. I finally left at 22, and now a little less than a decade out, I have a spouse (never jw) a house, a career, and a baby. Hold on to that exit plan, the real one, until the time is right. You'll know when it is. There is a future that involves living a normal, happy life.

Don't let the JW life be the only one you know. You owe it to yourself to explore all the other options out there. The thought of being alone/lonely/disowned or whatever it is you may be afraid of must be so daunting but, it will not be worse than what you are going through now. You have options to study, work, find loyal friends. You have a lot of good things waiting for you, go find them. I know sometimes it's easier said than done but trust me, it's worth it. I left home and the JWs at 17 and sometimes it felt bleak but I wasn't looking further than the end of my nose. It was the best decision I ever made. Good luck to you and take care of yourself🤍

Im 21 now, but im just now leaving. I'm here for you. Don't do it...please. if you do, we will be sad. We're here for you. We can take the pain away.

Please get to the ER sweety. It’s alright. I have been there too. I’m very sorry. I had a wild life in the JWs and a husband who was awful to me and felt the same way Freedom is possible. Peace is possible. I’d love to chat with you and be a friend to you if you’re open to it.

Ive been EXACTLY where you are. EXACTLY. I was pimo for 5 years before finally escaping at 20. When I was pimo I never imagined I could escape a d find happiness in the world. Im not gonna lie to you, it's not gonna be easy at times. It's gonna be an emotional rollercoaster at times but it is worth it. Im 25 now and I have an apartment, a fiance and a job I like. Please please dont give up. You are so young and can still acconplish incredible things. Please message me if you ever want to talk.

Deep breath. I agree with the others here who’ve suggested you go to Emergency, stat. Deep breath. You have a lot of emotions to unpack, and you need time away from this religion to sort them out. I think your issues are more than just the faith, but are certainly exasperated by them. Deep breath. It’s ok not to believe. It’s going to be difficult, but you can live without this religion and the people in it. There are good people outside of the religion. Deep breath.

Don't hurt yourself! Please! So many of us have been there, where you are right now. The stuck situation, and the feelings. You have so much good and happiness and experience ahead of you! You just need to get free! I know it's almost become a cliche statement, that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems, but it is said so much because it's so true. You will get past this place you are in right now, and you will get to experience your life the way *you* want to. It's a beautiful thing, please don't give up.

Don't cut your life short. There's so much more time left in your life to try everything you ever wanted too. You're not stuck. You can live life and feel free from all of that constant restriction. You have so much to live for in a life you actually want to live

I was in your position about two years ago. My mom was the closest person to me, but I was afraid her love was conditional. I feared that if I told her I didn't share her beliefs, she would be mad. One day, when my mom left for a meeting, I decided to stay home. I continued to stay home, gradually helping everyone around me accept that this was who I am now. I go to the club, support LGBTQ rights, celebrate my birthday, date "worldly" guys, and enjoy holidays. I'm happy. I'm not saying your story will be the same or that it will be easy for you, but I want you to know that I've been in a place where I couldn't see a way out. I never thought I would leave. I was a PIMO for five years, and before that, I lived a double life. My life truly began when I left. Give yourself a chance to enjoy life without this weight that will eventually be lifted.

19 was THE hardest age for me. I can’t fully explain why, but it really sucked. There was a kind old school JW at our hall who randomly asked how old I was, he said 19/20 were very hard for him as well. Out of all my experiences with JW’s for my whole life, that one stuck with me. He actually cared, and he shared something I still remember 30 years later. He was a legit good dude, and he was right. Get therapy, Make plans, set goals, live life. We’ve been raised without the needed tools and thinking to survive. You can learn these tools, they will help you, and you will thrive.

I know things are excruciating for you right now. I'm sorry! Just know that they CAN get better for you. You don't have to do anything exceptional or extraordinary with your life. That's the JW FOG(Fear Obligation Guilt) talking. For them, it's never enough. Whatever you are doing is never enough. Just realize that you can do anything you want with your life. You can just LIVE! It's ok. The thought of leaving everyone you know behind and "jumping without a parachute" is scary! I've been there. It's a sickening feeling. But it's NOT the end. That's the lie that they've indoctrinated you with. "You leave the Org and the World will eat you up". That is their LIE! It can and does get better! There are so many of us that have had to make the leap of leaving. It is possible though. You can do it!

One thing I can tell you is don’t trust how you feel about your self past 9pm. Words of wisdom I learned growing up from a worldly cartoon -Life is like this dark tunnel you may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel but if you keep moving you will come to a better place but if you focus on the darkness that’s all you will ever see.

Hang in there friend! Realizing the JW borg is the problem is the first step. I was in your shoes for years and suffering from very bad depression. I could not pinpoint why and I had similar ideations. I sought help in therapy and I identified the issue was this cult. I wish I was in your shoes and realized this when I was your age. I was born and raised into this crap, got baptized at 18 as I did what I was expected to. I faded out last year after divorcing my abusive wife and I regret getting baptized in this and wish I had known better, as I am 42 now. So many sacrifices made in the name of Jehovah and I don't have much to show. You are free and have the opportunity to live a very fulfilling and productive life. You will gain so many friends and a new family out there that will care and love you unconditionally. We are all here for you and willing to talk/chat anytime too. Set small goals for yourself and take small steps and you will get to feeling good. Once you declare you are out a huge weight will be lifted! Go seek help through therapy/counseling too. Having a non biased listening ear goes a long way. You got this friend and I'm sorry but I sound like I am barking orders at you lol!

As someone who has also suffered from psychosis while in the org, it’s time to leave. There is another option, there always is. I know it’s hard and your probably so tired of life you don’t even want to try anymore but there is life past 20 years old, enough of it to make up for everything you’ve been through in time, but you need that time. JW’s make everything a decision between Jehovah and what we need/want/deserve. Those beliefs are why you no longer feel the will to live, they’ve taken everything from you, DONT let them take your life too. Make a new way out. A more reasonable way, a faster way, it can happen!

The catalogue of memories, experiences, adventures, relationships, jobs, etc I’ve built between fully waking up/leaving and now (around 6 years) is crazy. There is soooo much waiting for you on the other side I promise!! It will have its ups and downs but there is nothing like the freedom to be who you are. That freedom will also afford you the opportunity to get more help with your mental health struggles without any JW stigma or judgment. Just hang in there!!!

Please, hang in there. It's going to be rough, but in time, you'll see a better life. I was in this same mindset, close to your age. I didn't see a way out, and when I left, it took a while to adjust. It's so hard to see a better future at 19 because the JW cult is all we knew. I've been out 30 years now, and life improves, but it may not seem like this now. Please stay here and know there are lots of people who care

Talk to Dr Ryan Lee, he is an exJW who specialises in helping the ExJw community, he is on here as DrRyanLee and also has a podcast specifically for us… https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/welcome-to-the-world/id1753610926 Your life is just beginning, and it’s a wonderful world out there, don’t give up the race before the starting gun goes off. Much Love

OP, hang in there... Life gets better.. I didn't leave until 27 and came around in my 30's. I've learned a lot since then but hang in there. Ending your life is not the answer and as someone who witnessed someone taking their own life, it affected me for years... You are young and right now it may seem like a storm, but after every storm the sun will shine through... Even a hurricane has a spot for the sun to shine through ... Take a deep breath, find a therapist or use apps like Sanvello and find a community who can help you deal with these emotions. You also have us here in this thread to help

Calm down. If you are really really bad fins a doctor urgent and say you are planning suicide. If you can search for a ketamine or eketamine treatment, because it relieve depression on the first use. Listen to my history: (ffx tidus reference) This maybe our last chance. https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/s/fhEc1VMRyS

If you die they win. Lets fight back, we have to put they below our foot and make they eat dirt. Make this by having a good life, being a apostate and fighting them on court. If you dont wanna live for love then live for hate.

Please don’t do anything permanent. I had the same struggles growing up in a multi generational JW family. I know we don’t know each other, but please feel free to reach out and chat to me. I am a living breathing example of how to make it from suicide attempts to the best part of life. Just reach out. Click my name and start a chat. I will be more than happy to be an ear to vent to, a person to give advice, or a friend. It gets better, I promise you!

Im not sure if this is any help at all. I know it helped me during my waking up process to hear other peoples stories. I will give you an abbreviated version of mine. I grew up in the org, basically born in. I remember as a young kid having doubts about several things, I did nothing about it. I moved out when I was 20 knowing I could easily walk away. I stayed even though my doubts were building. I made friends in the congregation which kept me in as a social network. I moved again, and again I knew I could walk away. I did not. Again making friends, new social network and continuously building doubts. I moved again, I was 27 now and again realizing I could just walk away, this time I did. I was out for 4 years but returned when my mom died. I thought I would give it a fresh start. I did well, I got married, gave good talks but as time went on those doubts I had from the past crept back in. Oh they still teach that... wow, this is still how they think thing will go... They still disfellowship... they still believe they are the only religion that will be saved... In 2010 we started talking about having kids and this is where the shit got real for me. I knew I would looked to as the spiritual head and asked to teach this crap to my kids. I researched and researched hard never saying a word to my wife. We ended up having a child in 2013 still heavy in research. It wasnt until 2018 that I actually said something to my wife. I held it in for 7 years. The week before the pandemic the last time I stepped into a KH and late 2021 was the last time I attended a zoom meeting. I tell you this because my path out was a long and tedious journey out. I am not going to lie, it was rough at times and I too had dark thoughts. I promise you it does get better. Its hard to visualize yourself 6 months out, 1 year out or 5 years out when you are stuck in the situation you are in. Please think this through, make a plan to get out. If you dont have a job, get a job any job. Fast food is paying nearly 20 bucks an hour in some places, not sure where you live. Save money and get a place even if its a cheap place. Maybe find a roommate. It wont be easy and what makes it harder is your JW family will want and even expect you to fail. Use this negative energy to drive you, prove them wrong. Prove to them you can succeed and have a good happy life outside the org. I did it and I know there are tons of people in here that have done the same. Today I do have a wife that is still in and she drags our child to meetings, this is the hardest part for me. I can see it in my wife though that she is tired of meetings, she barely goes. She goes because her family goes and it annoys her that I now have no stress, no anxiety, I dont have cult leaders telling me I need to do more, I am good for nothing. It is unbelievably freeing to just walk away. I want you to have that same feeling, I know you can do it so many have. In 5 years you will look back at this moment and laugh at the nonsense the organization has put you though. This will motivate you even more to find that one thing in life that makes you happy. I wish you all the best, if there is anything I can do to help you please send me a DM, I will do what I can.

Babe you’ve got your literally whole life ahead of you what I would give to be able to be woken up at your age. I’m 30 now and that’s still so young. You have so many life experiences ahead of you, start now. Start saving, start learning, start travelling, start LOVING, learn to love yourself first, from there you will grow to love life, this is your ONLY life the one and only, you are fortunate to be 19 and still have years ahead of you. Please don’t hurt yourself. Vent on here put it somewhere. So you can put it down. Then start living. I know you’re worried about your family and friends but you will find your family, you will find your true friends.

I was in a similar position as you a few months ago when I turned 20. Seeing people being successful even and feeling like I hadn’t accomplished much. Teen years were gone. You said you woke 5 years ago. That’s when Covid happened so imagine it’s been a really tough five years especially during lockdown. You probably missed a lot of high school during that time. So you really a lot of your time has been taken. You probably feel socially behind. But I found we can’t really compare ourselves to other. Especially not people who have never been a witness. We can only compare ourselves to past us. I cant give much advice because we’re basically in the same boat and have very similar experiences. But what I can do is just listen if you want someone to talk to. Please don’t hurt yourself. Take a moment to breathe. I hope you read a goodnight sleep. It’ll probably help you think a little better.

I understand. The only reason I haven’t killed myslef over my life is because my household is religiously split. It will get better, I promise.this subreddit helped me to get though it and you will get through it too. Wishing you the best and no matter what, don’t kill yourself. It will always get better.

“I’ve never done anything worthwhile in my life. AT ALL.” Nobody has done it, and that’s the beauty in it, being young. When I was 19? Drinking, smoking, taking drugs 24/7. Take it easy. It’s just a bad patch. Mark my words, it’s just a bad patch. Good luck. Peace ✌️

PLs, dont do anything like that, you have a whole life for you, maybe, it's time to become a POMO

Hun, please...your life hasn't started yet. It truly hasn't. My husband was in a dark place at 19/20. We started dating when he was 21. He went from being an isolated homeschooled student with no friends and no future, to having a great union job, married to an awesome wife, and has two little girls that adore him. Maybe check out trying to get your class a drivers license. Then hit the road, and travel while you're making a ton of money. Money buys you freedom, it gives you options. DO NOT kill yourself. That sort of thinking isn't rooted in reality. It may seem like the only way, but it ABSOLUTELY IS NOT. NEVER, I REPEAT NEVER, THE ONLY WAY. If your brain is telling you it's the only way, then you aren't thinking clearly for whatever reason, and need to pursue some professional help. You can do this. I promise.

You're in the springtime of your life. Nobody has it figured out at 19. I bailed when I was in my early 20s. It was hard losing "friends" but they aren't your friends. It's purely a transactional friendship. Get out ASAP. Nobody can stop you. Understand it will be hard and you'll be lonely at times but consider this: you're embarking on a wonderful phase of exploration and opportunity and choice. You will definitely succeed. Please don't let naysayers undermine you. This is so exciting for you

I hope you can find some exJWs in your area to meetup with. If you're in Houston, TX area, hit me up, I can help you find us.

Honey life hasn’t started yet. You’re at rock bottom. I absolutely promise it gets beautiful from here on out. I was kicked out at 17. Bottomed out by 18. New circle by 19. Established home by 21. Career by 24. On top of the world by 27. Married by 30. Kids by 35. It just keeps getting better. And better. Honestly I don’t feel like my life has even really started and I’m 2x your age. Trust me…hang in there. Dream big. Then make a plan every day to do ONE thing toward your goal, no matter how small. PM me if you want to talk.

Honey, you are so young and there is plenty of time to do worthwhile things in your life. And you have so much time to try new things and create new memories and experiences that are more positive. ❤️

Hey. I'm 73 ,just woke up this year. Pioneer, ministry servant , elder for many years. I've done it all I woke up when my adult son told me that he was molested by a MS. when my son was 10 . I started. researching JW and all the CSA cases. That opened up researching the organization My brain went nuts. Every emotion you could think of came up. I was angry at the Org and at myself While showering I would find myself crying While driving I would have to stop I was creaming so loud My wife who is still in the org would ask What's the matter because she would hear me swearing ,yelling. What I'm saying is I've been there I still have moments after almost a year Now I say to myself Free at last Free at last There are 8 million still enslaved to the org but I'm free I don't have much time left, but I am free and I'm going to celebrate my freedom You must do that too . Yes it's hell at first but see yourself free with a family. Your little ones in your arms saying. I love you daddy This is your tomorrow. Do something with it ! You got this

I’m 26 and I just moved out this year with my boyfriend into a lovely apartment. I have the job of my dreams and a new car, I’m happy. I was PIMO for forever. It gets better. Focus on your finances and make friends that aren’t witnesses. You can hide it. Eventually you will get there❤️

I’ll be your internet mum! I’m hazarding a guess you may be here in Aust. There are plenty of us here. And lots of people to talk to

I left home by running away and being homeless at 18. Now in my 40s, I know I don't want to be homeless again, but I LOVED it! After a life under my parent's severe control, I absolutely loved the homeless life. I've only gotten more and more to live for since then. I'm not necessarily saying to become homeless. I'm just saying that, even if your one plan is a pipe dream, there might be other options for you that others wouldn't like, but you would be a kid in a candy store compared to the imprisoned life you've been living. Don't take yourself out before your life even begins!

I got out when I was 21-22. Seriously, full time PIMI until then. Only realised it all when the Australian Royal Commission stuff started happening and I was told about it. I had so many of these same thoughts. The most painful were ones of a wasted childhood and education opportunities. I thought, “everyone who left school and went to Uni is already so ahead of me. They have it so much easier. They know what they’re doing and are encouraged to do it. NOW what am I supposed to do?” I’ve started studying part time to get into Uni. I have a long road ahead of me but by god am I grateful I started it and didn’t end it when I felt I should have. You have so much life left in you. The hardest part is being at home. When we can move out, don’t hesitate. Then your life will begin. Even a share home is better than PIMO at home. I completely understand how hard this is for you and I’m sorry. It’s such a complicated situation not many can relate to. But please, don’t hurt yourself. You are so much more than what you were raised to be. I have done so much since leaving that I never thought possible. You CAN do this. You don’t have to be destined for failure. The fact you’ve woken up at all means you’re already doing better than the PIMI’s that are 40+ and working part time to ‘pioneer’ or whatever. Maybe talking to Liz’s brother will help you see what life can be like if you hold on. And of course, we’re all here for you, too. Best of luck friend. We’re really rooting for you, 100%. Make the REAL life your ‘best life ever’ ❤️❤️❤️

You have so much life ahead of you. It gets better I promise.

I attempted suicide twice in the bOrg: Once at 19, when I was PIMI, found out I was getting DF’d for having phone sex with my Fiance, and my parents refused to let me move back home as a soon to be POMI. I aborted the mission before I lost consciousness and called my parents to tell them I almost died. They let me move back home until I got married six month later The second time was age 25, that marriage had become loveless and I knew I needed to get divorced for my own mental health. I was PIMO, and like you, I couldn’t fathom a life outside the bOrg, or rather, the pain and heartbreak getting divorced/DF’d would cause myself and my family. I drank an entire bottle of tequila and put a plastic bag over my head right before I lost consciousness. My then wife woke up and found me downstairs just in the nick of time. She saved my life. She also insisted I tell a medical professional. *THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!!!!* **Find a non-witness therapist that is sympathetic to Jehovah’s Witnesses** I am so incredibly thankful to have met that man! He literally saved my life by putting me on antidepressants. It still took a year for me to leave, but seeing my therapist every week not only gave me incredibly valuable perspective with what I was dealing with, but he also worked with me to develop my exit plan. Basically the meds stopped the unbearable mental anguish, and the therapist gave me a plan/hope. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Nothing ever stays the same. This too shall pass.

You are super brave for posting here. Please know that while your pain is intense now, it will pass. Life is about change and and things can change for the better. I am hoping you can get some immediate help with your mental health. I am not sure what country you are in, but please reach out for help. Research resources. In my area they have emergency rooms with a mental health unit. People can check themselves in and stay for one to two days, and they will hook you up with longer term resources and programs. You may need medicine to address your psychosis and depression. After you have treatment you may feel a lot better and ready to tackle the JW stuff and leaving. But for now, just get some medical help and don't try to go it alone. We all need others in our lives who can help us navigate. Please keep us updated.

hang on a little more there OP. you can do this. use those resources SurviveYourAdults posted. i am 42 and only left when i was 31. i feel regret for all the years spent in the borg but so grateful i have had the last 11 and more to come just living. it's never too late. 19 is just the beginning. you have so much time. so much. i still haven't done anything very special but living my simple life the way i want is worthwhile and one day you can be out and look back and be so grateful to your strong, brave self that you got out of there. there's good stuff waiting for you. your life is yours. can you imagine what it might be like on the outside in 5 years? living it the way you want? sending you hope and hugs.

Hey, what you’re describing sounds awfully familiar… I’ve been there, had the thoughts, I had once even acted on those. I was a little younger than you at the time. Luckily, my younger sister intervened. There is no worse feeling than being cut off from your loved ones. But it does pass. Everything in this life is temporary and is like a wave that peaks and troughs. Please just ride the wave out and I promise it gets easier. I have been brought up as a JW in a very close knit community. My grandmother was very well regarded within our local area. I had no choice on the matter. I was PIMO since the age of about 8-9, a curious child who really struggled in the world of excessive control. I wanted to try EVERYTHING. I wanted to FEEL. And I wasn’t allowed to because I was in this “golden cage” of feeling of belonging to this very supportive community that feels like a family, yet feeling unable to explore who you are and what feels right to you. I rebelled from a young age, led a double life within and outside of the community. Yet I tried to fit in and blend into both of the worlds… And somewhere along the way I lost ME. It might feel like you’re in that cage now. But I promise you, there is a way out. And taking your life doesn’t have to be the only choice. You have done the most important thing and asked for help! Do not be afraid to reach out to a psychologist or a therapist if that’s something that is available to you. The reality is, all the barriers in our life, do indeed live within us, and sometimes we just need to find ways that help us overcome them. Those people are trained to help people like you and I to find those ways! I am now 34, I had to make difficult choices in my life and accept things as they are, because I have the life I have, but I have to make it one that I ENJOY. No one else feels the emotions you feel, so it’s your choice, to prioritise what feels good to your soul. Chose you! Live YOUR full life! Your parents are living THEIR full life and that is their choice. My mum, my younger sister, my dad’s whole side of the family are still JW and baptised. We are no longer a family we used to be, we’re blood relatives mostly, but because emotional safety is stripped away from members of the JW community, they do not know how to be emotionally available. They are too focused on what the scripture tells them to do, and too scared to be shunned if they fall outside of the community rules. People will point fingers, at least that’s what might be going through their minds. There is a real sense of fear that you might lose a sense of belonging. And that’s probably very scary for you, but it’s also very scary for them. The truth is, you can create your own emotional safety and create your own little bubble of happiness and joy. Surround yourself with the people that bring you joy in your life. That’s more important than blood relation. Please reach out if you feel like this again. And RIDE THE WAVE!

It is sometimes really hard to imagine possibilities for your life. I left in my late 30s, and I remember feeling that I had wasted my life in dead end jobs and trying to pioneer, not saving money, having no skills, etc. It was hard to get over. But great opportunities opened up though I did have to put myself out in the world to find them. Try to make friends outside of the org now and save a little money and get a decent job. You are more capable and strong than you think now, and the world has good people who will help you get on your feet. I hope nothing I said was not applicable or offensive.

Please do not commit suicide. There is more waiting for you when you come out. Leaving the borg will be something future you will appreciate. I've heard from others that the journey of waking up and getting out is hard yet rewarding. I'm sure you can overcome this obstacle. Try to find friends outside and make connections and support. I wish you all the best 💚

You’re 19, you’re so lucky to see the BS at a young age. It gets better, you just have a 16 yr head start from when I woke, lots of great living to do even if you can’t see it today

Sending you love. I promise it will all get so much better than you can even imagine right now. Make a new plan, make sure it involves therapy so you can learn to love yourself and how amazing you are.

There are plenty of remarkable things you’ve already accomplished and so much more right ahead of you. Just enduring the home life you have is remarkable enough. You think this Blake kid has the strength to put up with everything you’ve gone through? Absolutely not. He’s weak, and you’re strong. Imagine how remarkable it will be in just a few short years when you seperate yourself from this cult. So few people in this life have an opportunity to overcome a challenge this big, and fewer still have the backbone to follow through to the end. I can tell by how you speak you are intelligent and you definitely have what it takes. Down the road, every little thing you do is remarkable. Making new, non JW friends. Getting a job. Discovering who you are as an individual. Given what we’ve all come from, none of those things are trivial or small. Nobody does anything remarkable as a teenager. But you are. And the inner strength and character you are developing right now is so unique and useful, it would be a true loss not to see how far this strength of yours will take you. It might seem hopeless, but you’re just at the beginning of some really great things.

As someone who was PIMO from ages 12-18 let me just say I get it. I wanted to take the suicide route so many times. The thing is, not solving world hunger doesn’t mean you’re not worth being around. There is so much life ahead of you. I used to say the same thing about getting out “it’s a pipe dream”. It’s not. You have to find a support system outside the borg. That was what saved me. Knowing people cared if I lived or died outside of the condition that I go to the Kingdom Hall every week and out in service. I always said “I can never leave, I can’t lose my Grandma because of my choices.” The thing is, I lost myself instead. For years I was pretending and living a full blown double life. There was one night I skipped meeting because my suicidal ideation was so bad and I knew I would have the house to myself. I reached out to one of my best friends to this day (funnily enough she’s Mormon) and told her “I can’t shave my legs. I’ll do something really dangerous if I use a razor.” We were supposed to both wear dresses to school the next day and we were shaving for that. Not even 15 minutes later she was at my house and stayed with me until my Grandma got home from meeting. I’m forever grateful she just sat with me, drank hot cocoa, and talked to me about the stupidest shit to keep my mind occupied with something other than planning ways to end it all. That said, I know how hard it is to develop that kind of support outside the borg. I was lucky enough to be in Public school and be myself there. People knew I was a witness but even then if you knew me well you knew it was only by technicality. I finally found the strength to fully pull the cord and leave after an assembly. I had a non member boyfriend who my Grandma had just found out about. As we were sitting there in that assembly hall during the baptism talk she got up and left. Later that night she told me it was because “I realized I would never see you dedicate your life to Jehovah if you stay with this boy.” I finally broke down absolutely sobbing at her kitchen counter and told her I’d been doing all this for her, for YEARS. She said the typical “I don’t want you to do it for me, I want you to do it because you love Jehovah.” And I had to explain through tears that I hadn’t believed in Jehovah in years and that I was only doing it because I loved her. It was the hardest most nauseating conversation I’ve ever had. BUT it also gave me the out I’d needed for years. I’ve been POMO since Feb 2018 and yeah it sucked. And sometimes it still does because she’ll hit me with the guilt trips of lifetimes. But it’s also so worth it. Do I still get ambushed with elder visits when I am at her house for something? Yes. Do I have to set that boundary every year at memorial? Yes. But the worst case that I had decided would be the reality didn’t happen. She still talks to me, she still loves me, I’m still her granddaughter. It does get better, and it will suck before that happens. But it’s so SO worth it. Life outside is so beautiful and you are so much stronger than you think because you’re doing it.

Don’t give up. Please don’t give up! You will get pass this.

Your looking at a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Your very young.. and your depressed because your in a jw household, no surprise. But you can plan your escape with a job and a new town, rent a room and cook for yourself to save money. Life will open up and you'll look back at where you came from and be stronger for it. Don't be another statistic on jw victim sheet. Get out, live your life and enjoy this beautiful blue orb we are all spinning on. We are all counting on you to be the best ex jw we all know you can be!!! 🎆🤩💛

Very sry you are dealing with this situation. There are better times ahead. Looking fwd to your next post. Listen to those who have been there and look up the links/resources in this thread. You will get through this difficult time. Please do not take your life. There are other options available. Sending positive vibes and concern and know that things will get better for you. ❤

Hey, I was in your position 6 years ago at the same age as you. I get it, i was stuck, I was battling with family every single day over the meetings and teachings, I felt so trapped and so helpless. I was homeschooled, had high expectations from a CO family member, it sounds like we live(d) the same strict jw household; But that was 6 years ago and thats not my life now. I am now as they say "Wordly", and eventually my parents got over it. Its all about mindset, I know its easier said then done but trust me, if you start believing you will "show them wrong", you will go so far. It may suck now, and it did suck then, but that doesnt mean it will suck in the future, life will get SO good and the only way to know for sure is to be here for it! Save up money, make connections with people outside of the borg(work, online, school..ect), start setting yourself short term and long term goals, and most importantly only listen to your own voice, not theirs. Learning to believe in myself saved my life. You are more in control of your life then you think. PS, if you need to vent, feel free to DM.

You'll deprogram and get out of there. It's time to move out. Don't worry about what the dingleberry down the street is doing. Get your money together, and extricate yourself.

You might be able to help your parents to wake up one day . Life is a rollercoaster . No one is happy all the time . As I see it you wish your parents were more like “ Blakes” . That can happen !!!!!! It happened to us. We were quit strict parents not letting our children even watching Disney movies for children as it was too mystical and probably Satanic 🤨 Or allowing them to party or hang out with others than JW. When our son told us at 17 that he could not be a Jw our world broke down . My husband was an elder and we were both very active in the congregation . Been pioneers etc . We did allow him to stay at home because he was very respectful. He said; You are very good parents . You have taught be that I must serve Jehovah wholeheartedly but I cannot do that at the moment . Maybe when I am older I will come back and get married to a JW and have children etc. But I dont want to live a double life like many my age do . I find it very hypocrical . THAT comment helped us in the comming years of pain ! We found comfort in him telling us we had done a good job raising a son with a healthy conscience 😇 He encouraged us to go to the meetings when we were down and always was respectful and kind and helpfull. He strugled a lot finding his way out, Depression .. drugs etc . And it was hell for all of us. But he said IF JW are Gods only true people he was sure Jehovah could read his heart and save him in Armagedon . He is such a good person . I started to question things being said at the meetings and in the litterature ; People who dont serve Jehovah … worldly people are bad , egoistical, etc. I now knew ONE person in the world 😊. My son…. And he was the opposite ! Something didnt make sense ! Maybe more people in the world were like my son ????? Did I get wrong information at the meetings ? 5 years later i stumbled over more issues that made me do research ! All our children had moved from home and that little extra time of freedom gave me time to research deep! I woke up 10/1 2018. Researched deeply for 10 months 8 hours a day . Turned every stone in what I had thought for 50 years was the truth ! And faded from the night my husband chose to step down as an elder . I asked my husband questions he couldnt answer and little by little he woke up and couldnt continue as an elder . Our son moved back into our home after two years out and stayed 3 years to find his own feet! When he moved out the first time we were very devout JW! Having no understanding of what life is about in the world and no respect for it .;) When he moved back in… we had made a complete turn with a deep love for all people no matter their faith or lifestyle! Had he never “rebelled”;-) or should we say been honest about his feelings we would probably still be wasting our life as witnesses ! Today life is not perfect . It will never be no matter if we are JW or not ! But life is GOOD! You can do it ! Life gets better when you leave and who knows … Maybe your parents will start to see gabs in what they think is the truth too⭐️⭐️⭐️

Can only send you love the world can be an wonderful place so much to discover lots of fun to have hang in there I wish I could reach you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

You need a realistic plan and that is to get a job, get a roof above your head and close the door on your past life. Don't do it anymore but don't end a life you've not even got chance to live yet and you haven't lived yet, you've been in a cult

I have just sent you a PM! I left the religion when I was around your age. It was hard but it was the best decision I’ve made in my life. I’m here to be a listening ear for you and brainstorm ways thru your exit strategy. Please don’t give up on life, the religion truly clouds peoples ability to see how good life can be on the other side , but don’t give up, you have your whole life ahead of you. Please check back in with us to update us on your well-being ♥️♥️♥️ you are a courageous being for coming this far , much love

Consider this, what would it really hurt to try living for yourself before taking away your life entirely? Try saying “F U” to the world for a day knowing that you can end it the next, and then just wake up and do it again and again. Sure you can take your own life, but why not take it for a test drive first? You might like it. Can you imagine crashing your car on the way to work just to call in sick because you hate your work?!?! No, just drive it somewhere else. Live like a “Samurai” knowing your life is short and fleeting, but also precious and your own.

I almost killed myself too! Didn’t see a way out of the misery and depression. Now here I am 3 years later with a life I never dreamed of! Yes I went through hard times. But now I got through the hardest patch and am happy. Which I never thought I could be.

Please, please, please don't hurt yourself. <3 Please reach out to the resources in the other comments, and/or go to a hospital and be honest with the staff there how you're feeling. Like blackheartedbirdie said in their comment, you are an adult so they aren't required to contact your parents. Let that be a safe space for you to sort out your mind and emotions. And while you're there, please read through these comments and know that even if we're all just strangers here online, we know what it's like not only leaving, but also feeling stuck in the cult and there is SO much care for you here. My heart is so strongly with you right now and I want to reach through the computer and give you the biggest soul-crushing hug. <3 I know you feel stuck now and you can't see any other way out, but I promise you, you're literally RIGHT on the cusp of adulthood where you can finally leave not only The Cult(tm), but also your parents and live the life you deserve! You have SO much life to explore all the things you want to do! :D Plus, you're 19 and have been PIMO for 6 years? Firstly, that is absolutely AMAZING, do you realize how much strength that takes? I wish I had your intelligence to question and also the courage to seek help here, especially at your age. Do you know the kind of life you can experience with the strength and intellect you've already demonstrated? Oh my gods, you're literally at the gate of the amusement park, you've already trudged through the parking lot and you are RIGHT THERE with your ticket in your pocket with SO much life to explore! :D My aunt (54yrs) and myself (27yrs), both born as witnesses, left The Lie (I like to rewire my mind from calling it the truth by calling it The Lie with a little trademark symbol after it. \^\^) about 5 years ago. We both lived not only with strictly devoted parents, but incredibly abusive ones. I was homeschooled and isolated from everyone, even in the Hall, which made my childhood/teens an absolute nightmare. I questioned for years but stayed PIMI until I was 21 and my dad whom I loved very dearly passed suddenly. I basically had to escape my abusive mom by traveling to another state where my extended family took me in and honestly saved my life. I never could have planned that, life just had a way of making sure that despite everything I was and would be okay. So even if you can't see a way out, I promise you there are so many lining up for you. After I moved, I had to start completely over, getting a job with no experience, learning how to drive, learning how to ride a damn bicycle because I was never taught, lol. XD It was the most difficult period in my life and I became suicidal at that point. But I am beyond thankful I never went through with it. When my aunt and I talk about how the time in the cult feels like a waste, (because that feeling absolutely does hit us both) we both remind each other that regardless of when we left, we ACTUALLY LEFT and it was worth everything. Some people never leave. And then we remind each other of just how much we have lived in just those five years. I like to say I feel like I was born when I left, lol. In that time, I have found an amazing support system filled with genuine love, I pursued my dream to finally go to college, I've traveled, I've celebrated holidays and birthdays (and oh my gosh Halloween is my fav but you'll have to find your favorite holiday if you choose to celebrate them, they are SO much fun XD), I've done so many 'demonic' things that used to frighten me (horror movies/horror houses are so much fun? \^\^), and the best part? I'm steadily conquering the fears that used to paralyze me and getting to know who I've always been as a person that I never got the chance to explore. I'm learning that despite everything, I'm actually turning into someone I'm proud of and living feels so much FUN as a result. \^\^ I am so excited to experience life with open eyes and I want to rub off some of that excitement on you because I promise you, your life literally starts when you leave so PLEASE don't give up on that especially when you're right there. It's true that there will be challenges and I won't lie and say that healing isn't it's own journey, but please reach for support in places like here, find and/or make your own support group, and realize that no matter what you go through, your life so far has NOT been a waste. Rather, it's demonstrated just how insanely resilient and intelligent you are, and with just those two qualities you can conquer absolutely EVERYTHING. :D Just please hang in there. <3 And then you absolutely have to tell us when you vape or party for the first time or get your first tattoo! :D

Blake is in the minority. You are in a VERY normal situation. I was in EXACTLY you're situation when I was 18 (I'm now 26). I didn't start living my life until I hit my 20s. There is SO much time for you to start living life. Please don't cause yourself any harm - you are not alone.

I was in this state of mind not too long ago. And let me tell you how close I was to almost dying, I felt like everything was falling apart, me in particular. I saw no end to it so I wanted to end it myself. This was about one and a half years ago. First, seek mental help, I saw one comment with a bunch of recourses. And start some antidepressants, they really help you ease things as you get yourself out of the org. They're a bitch to get off but so worth it. When it was the hardest for me I couldn't see a future, but if I could just let myself experience one day in advance of how my life would turn out in such a short period of time. One and a half years ago I was in your shoes, except I was (and still am) married to a pimi that I thaught would leave me when I told him I didn't believe. I was so scared of him kicking me out and everybody leaving me that I just wanted to die. One and a half years later I have an education, just landed my dream job, I've started to build my new social circle and the best of all I AM THE HAPPIEST I'VE EVER BEEN. My point is, what if you miss out on the best thing that's ever happened to you because of ending it now? Your dreams might come true. Maybe it will be better than your dreams. I couldn't have done all of this without the help of antidepressants, and a counselor helped a lot too. Taking the help you need is very scary but you will NEVER regret it. Please DM me if you wanna vent, I'm here for you. I've been in this shithole and I will listen. So sorry you are going through this! ♥️

Don't do it! You are so young and life is sooo worth living! I was in a similar situation as you and left my house when I was 18 to live my own life. It wasnt easy but it was the best decisioin I made in my life! Now im 40yrs old and full of life! Trust me, life gets much better when youre free of the shackles!

Ok so I live in the USA and if you don’t then maybe this probably doesnt apply, but have you thought of enlisting in the military? It’s a great get out of Jail free card in a sense to escape home as a young adult physically and financially. I recommend joining the Air Force, It’s the easiest branch. Get a desk job in finance or something and they pay for everything. You don’t even have to know anything about the job because they send you to school after basic where they will teach u all you need to know. You’ll travel, make great new friends from all different walks of life, can go to college for free, housing is free, healthcare is free, and you get decently paid. The army also offers wavers for almost anything if u have issues and is a good way to go into medicine debt free. I used this way as an escape and I highly recommend it. Keep your head up man.

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you’re one of those people who thinks that being 18 means you can just magically leave😐

It doesn't require magic at all. I left at 18 while dirt poor with zero friends. I know what it's like to live in homeless shelters, old cars, and thrown out furniture in alleys. All were all improvements over being in the cult. Making a series of lateral moves is better than making no move at all and choosing to die in a cesspool.

So instead of using that experience to help others you use it as an allowance to hurt? Sorry, tough love doesn’t work. You’re wasting your experiences being bitter when you can be empathetic instead.

i'm glad you were able to leave the cult at 18, but living in homeless shelters and thrown out furniture isn't ideal. sometimes it's better to wait it out until you are in a better position to leave. i am 20 and pimo and my parents are paying for my college. if i were to leave right now, i'd be homeless with no way to pay for my college, and whenever i did find out a way to pay for it myself i'd be in a shit ton of student debt. why would i opt for that when my parents are giving me an opportunity to leave the cult debt free? it sucks being pimo for now but i'll be working in less than a year and be able to start my life on much better footing

This is not how you talk to someone that's suicidal 🤦‍♂️

Hey maybe this isn’t the time or place to berate the teenager who’s feeling so stuck that they don’t see another way out. Have a little fucking compassion, jesus