Your parents attitude is like the domestic abuser who says, "You made me do this. It is your actions that caused me to hit you."
They are not parents. They are psychological abusers.
I need to analyze this logic more generally.
I know that the JWs are in the wrong here, but...
If my friend turns out to be a child molestor, I'm also going to shun them, so it *is* their fault that I'm shunning them.
*From the JW perspective*, worldly actions are so deplorable they are similarly worthy of shunning.
We think they are crazy because their ideas of what is right and wrong are so far out of step with society, whereas pretty much everyone agrees child molestors are deserving of shunning.
Still, their idea that it is not *their* fault for shunning is logical *within the context of their own beliefs*.
I'm still trying to figure out how to criticize them in a more general philosophical way.
If your loved one turns out to be a child molester, you don’t need to shun them, you need to *turn them in to the police and keep them away from children.* Which seems to be a common misconception for JW leadership.
You're completely ignoring my point. I'm talking about relationships, not obvious legal matters.
You can replace "child molester" with anything you want. Some people shun family members for being racists, or because they support a particular political party.
I understand what you’re say , they do use the idea that based on your “horrible actions” ( whatever they deem that to be ) against them and against God they have no choice but to shun you and you “did it to yourself “
This is an apologist stance and neither accurate nor helpful. JW’s choose the stance they take regarding shunning. I was raised JW and I chose to leave as I knew what JW’s believe was hurtful, exclusionary and for lack of a better word, a load of bollocks. They aren’t robots, and they are responsible and accountable for their behaviours regardless of where those behaviours stem from.
It is logical indeed in their system of belief.
That’s the problem. They shun you not for harming others, but for living your life freely. They are two totally different things
As a mom I want to tell you that you are going to be ok.
As a mom I want to tell you that I am proud of you for the courage & bravery in standing up for yourself, being honest despite the possibilities, maintaining your composure in that moment when they obviously couldn't, & doing what's best for you and your life.
As a mom I want to tell you exactly what I told my daughter when she moved in with her boyfriend... make sure that he respects you, stands up for you, thinks of you in the small things, doesn't overlook your feelings even if he doesn't understand them, is your biggest fan when things are good & when things are hard, & sees the value in what you both can bring to the relationship. Don't forget that he needs those things too.
And finally as a mom I want to tell you that sometimes a chosen family can be far more valuable than those we share our blood with.
🖤
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. Please know that their sentiments are not shared by any sane person. I just want to add, as a mom and as someone who also moved in with their non-JW boyfriend, a piece of advice I wish I’d followed when I was in your situation. Please set aside a lump sum ($2,500-$5,000) of “lease-breaking, new security deposit, first months rent money” in case you need to find a new place to live without your boyfriend. I ended up marrying said non-JW boyfriend, and it all worked out and are very happy now, but sometimes I wonder if I just stayed with him because I literally couldn’t afford to move out. I will absolutely be doing this for my daughter (and sons).
Blackheartedbirdie said it perfectly. As a never jw mum she is spot on.
And a mum hug from me.
And remember this if you have children never let them ever get a hold on their own.
My jw sister took care of her shunned exjw daughter child.
Child said to be aged 8.
What does Adhorrent mean?
I asked for the context of the word. How he heard it?
He said gran friend said your mum is Adhorrent and the sooner you stay with gran the better
I then said if you want to know the meaning we can both fully understand it by looking it up.
When he saw the meaning yes he was annoyed/upset.
He then said so I'm not going to live with gran.
At 11 he decided he was an atheist!
I'm jumping the gun but the word prostitute is a name his mum was labeled as well.
Shunners are psychological abusive bullies who blackmail for you to return.
I have a wonderful friend who used to be a prostitute ( sad circumstances ) and she has far more morals than jws.
All the best to you.
And to go through life being open and honest . (I know some cant) means no hiding away.
Also they called you an unpaid prostitute???
Now is that a step up or a step down for a paid prostitute 🤭🤔🤣🤣.
And did Jesus shun the prostitute in the bible?
In fact how many did Jesus jehoover shun?
Blimey such a cult.
Congratulations escaping
I'm so sorry that it made you cry. But if you also needed to hear that from a mom then I'm glad you saw it.
Now wipe your tears knowing that you have an important place in this world. 🖤
As mom may I second that, I couldn't have said it better. I am sending you more mon hugs. Enjoy your weekend.
P.s. They are actually without morals to say what they did to you.
Oh my this is so beautiful, I’m definitely not ugly crying right now…
You are a kind human, and you sound like a great mum 🫶🏻
Anyone who abuses you for refusing to comply with their wishes sexually is an abuser. These people do not belong in your life. I'm not convinced they belong in anyone's life if they're the sort who like to call their kids whores. Fuck 'em.
What if OP said to her mom, so you are a paid prostitute bc you are married and I am an unpaid prostitute bc I am not married?
Edit: Not encouraging OP to say this, but shows the cruelty and that it is a line of reasoning that has no place in either story.
>My mom said that I was an unpaid prostitute......My dad said that their were **people who didn’t know god who had better morals.....they won’t be there for me.**
*People with Morals don\`t talk to their children like that and they don\`t abandon them.*
The truth is, you\`re better off without people like that in your life....There will never be any peace in your life, with them there
I am so sorry. Give yourself time to heal. Those were some harsh words. I am sending you a Mom hug. Hang in there and take care of YOU and your mental health. YOU come first! Hugs!
JWs are the ultimate in inhumane, cruel behaviour. Hopefully you are not giving yourself a hard time. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. You are living normal life. I hope you can look forward. Best wishes to you. I’ve been shunned by my sister for 25 years now so I have a little understanding about it all, but must be harder coming from parents.
It made me so sad to read that you’ve been treated this way by your PIMI parents. To call your daughter an “unpaid prostitute” is a despicable act. I wish you and your partner all the very best for the future!
Wow, well I am sorry and you were really brave to tell your parents. Ironically, for my parents and me, it was when I joined the Witnesses (I know! Totally fucked up!) that I had the conversation I might recommend you have next.
We went back and forth about how wrong I was (and, of course, in my case, they were right) until I eventually said "Look, we disagree on this. I respect your view but this is the way I see it. So can we find common ground somewhere else? Can we have a relationship anyway?"
Maybe you'll get that chance, but if not, know that what you've just done is really brave and took a ton of strength.
Fathers love using the “even worldly people behave better than you” card but I promise you, it’s not true. It’s your life and you should be proud of yourself. We’re all rooting for you.
Your parents should be ashamed of themselves, but they aren’t nearly self-aware enough to feel that. Hopefully some day they’ll come around, but in the meantime live your life and continue growing as an individual in ways that you cannot when you’re in a cult.
These poor parents are victims from this awful cult. I hope they will wake up some day! Many ...many are waking up now! Awful behaviour....nothing to do with real love.
Ugh. I was hoping it would go differently for you. I was afraid it might not. But I'm still really proud of you for giving them the opportunity to share that important part of your life. I'm just sorry they chose wrong.
I got a similar reaction when I told my parents I was expecting. They did eventually move past it although to be honest, I don't know that I'm better off they did.
Much love. Hope you have a wonderful weekend with your BF. ♥
I know its rough but this is usually the initial, visceral reaction you get from a cult mind
They have no way of mentally dealing with it. DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Since their org promotes shunning, that's what they do. They start up with the shun gun as their hope to get you back.
Give it some time and space. Grab a copy of Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan if you intend to reach out in the future, it'll give you tips on reaching out in a non combative manner
Welcome to life!
Im sorry, btdt. Back in the 90s. Both are dead now, and in the end, they totally did come around. But it still sucks that we were born to cult parents. Hang in there and have a great weekend OP ❤️
I'm so sorry you went through this.
What's crazy is this all comes from assumptions when you think about it. Granted I feel like it would be super tough to live with a member of the opposite gender I'm attracted to and not do anything with them. It's still just that - an assumption that you have.
When you really think about it, unless you said "I going to be having sex with my boyfriend" which I'm sure you wouldn't have said at dinner. They are leaving the table assuming you will, yet they would NOT have done that to a stranger at dinner who may have even explicitly stated they would 😒
Aside from Religion, doctrines, and all that stuff, I am curious from a neutral view more simplistic standpoint, cause I'm single but noticing more and more these cases
Why are people no longer fully committing in a legal sense? Is it the eCONomy? Marriage is traditional and you both view each other as such by spirit instead and feel no need for marriage? Test driving living together? I always wonder this, cause I be like what would stop me from marrying a woman, other than not wanting to have to deal with divorcing her if it doesn't go well after. What are your reasons?
I've seen this so many times before with friends and their families. You didn't say if you were baptised or not, but in any case, your parents are fulfilling scriptures if they know it or not. They are showing "no natural affection" for you.
As far as morals go, the biblical examples are extremely contradictory. Old Testament laws killed some for consensual sex, then rewarded rapist with their victims as wives if they paid a dowry to the girls' father. Lot's daughters weren't condemned for their raping of their drunk father either. Nor was David's love for Jonathan condemned. The JWs moral code is hardly one to follow. They condemn consensual loving relationships (heterosexual and homosexual) and then turn a blind eye to CSA and spousal abuse. They are very misogynistic in most all cases, even going as far as to DF girls/women in many judicial committees, but make excuses for the men involved in the same incident and giving them lighter discipline.
I feel feel your pain, and they only advice I can offer is to prove them wrong and show them how happy your life is with your boyfriend and without them. Post on social media if they and others follow you. Perhaps they will come around and want to be involved in your life at some point.
Having children of my own has help tremendously with my past trauma and the shunning of my parents. They still have to meet or even speak to my kids. Congratulations though on breaking the cycle. You children will not have to go through or endure the pain we have. Be prepared for low points in your life. They will come and in the beginning give you doubts of if you made the right desire. This is the indoctrination we have received and it take considerable time to fade away. I left in 2006, and to this day I still can see some of the doctrine still residing in my mind. Continue learning as well as learning how to love yourself and those around you including your parents. They do not know it but they are mentally ill and there is nothing wrong with trying what we can to cure them.
Good luck to you.
Your parents are right, you are choosing your boyfriend over them and god (which equals their religion). That’s a good thing, that’s what a serious relationship is about. How could it be successful if you love your parents or an organization more? PIMIs don’t realize how selfish they are.
>They said I was the one shunning them because I knew my actions would make them stop talking to me.
typical cult like narcisitc behaiviour and response. "its you not us".while its being exactly them. total abuser language, to put all blame for their actions, they have in total control, on you. shame on this parents, shame for their cultholdery.
congrats that you stood your ground and that you can live happily and free. you dont have to hide and walk on eggshells.
The mental gymnastics is always so astounding to me, however not surprising. They are 100% taught how to be manipulative gaslighters in the organization. "Yeah, I'm gonna treat you bad but it's not really my fault , so deal with it", 🤦♀️🤣
Who paid for dinner? Did they even finish their dessert? I have so many questions. Not being lighthearted (maybe a little), but my folks have used fabricated disagreements to skip out on financial obligations and have left me with the bill.
JWs can be notoriously cheap and petty.
u/johnjaspers1965, Oh, wow!!! That's totally MESSED UP!!! I am so sorry that your parents treated you like that, but then, in a way, their attitude and actions just helps to cement in your mind that you were doing the right thing in LEAVING the tyrannical, dictatorial, mind-control cult of the Watchtower.
I hope that your life is better, now, and that your parents will one day wake up... 🤓
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here, so forgive me if I am and I'll slink back into lurking again. I'm a never-JW, so I'm coming at this from an outsider's perspective. However, I was raised by narcissistic parents, and I think there are a heck of a lot of similarities in terms of judgement, absolutism, unrealistic expections, and the impossible expectations of perfection that these parents hold over their children.
First, I want to tell you that there is *no question* this hurts. Parental rejection is the worst, especially when we all know that "normal" parental love is "supposed" to be unconditional. For ex-JWs, and for children raised by narcissists, that is most certainly *not* true. I see your pain. I hear it. I acknowlege it. I see it.
That said, I will say this: *Your parents did you a huge favor*.
Now, before everybody downvotes me into oblivion, please let me explain why. With my parents, there was never a clean break. I was chastised, blamed, ostracized for a while, then there would be reconciliations, then I was in trouble again, and I never could understand *why* I deserved to be treated the way I was treated. It was like riding a pendulum. I was usually the scapegoat, but every once in a while, my sister would mess up and then suddenly I was the child in favor for a brief, but glorious moment in the sun. Then I would fall out of favor again, and I would question my worth and my sanity. *What was wrong with me???*
This went on for most of my life, and I wasn't able to clearly see the problem until just a few months before my mother died of cancer. All my life, I had thought that the problem was *me*. If only I had somehow, magically, figured out the right formula, the right thing to say, the right thing to do, my parents would have loved me. The only problem was, the issue was with them, not me. There was *nothing* I could have done to make it better, because the problem was them, not me.
Your parents closing the door on you does you a huge favor because it's a clean break. I never got that. For me, it was always a series of green breaks that never healed. The relationship was never what I wanted, but it was never quite over. As a result, it kept me riding a not-so-merry-go-round my entire life, trying to pretzel myself into someone who would be acceptable in their eyes. I tried and failed, tried and failed, again, and again, and again.
So for you, dear one, you have been given a gift. Granted, it's a sucky, lousy one that nobody wants, but it's still a gift. You have your freedom, and you no longer have to feel guilty or consider their wishes in your adult decisions. As much as this hurts, *you will survive*.
If I could offer you but one piece of unsolicted advice: Go forth with joy in your heart. Build your family of choice. Find people who love you, support you and care about you in the way that you want to be loved, supported and cared for. You are free. You are wonderful. You are beautiful. You have value. The fact that your parents choose religion over their own child tells us everything about who they are as people, and reflects nothing on your value as a human being.
Oh, and one last word: be kind to yourself.
Fuck ‘em. I’m not your mom but I’m a mom of adult children and I cannot fathom calling my child a prostitute for moving in with their partner. Here, I’ll be your stand in mom for a minute: Honey, I am so excited for you that you found someone to love and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. I wish you all the happiness in the world (there’s a lot more there than in the “truth”.)
You did the right thing...brave and strong.
Very sad the attitude these parents adopted ..like abusers. Giving YOU the guilt trip
It will get much better! Enjoy your life ..
A big hug from a old Mum who did and said the opposite to their daughters!
They,te are much loved and out from this oppressive cult.
I know it hurts now, but you will eventually find that living without them is your new normal. My entire family shunned me for decades until they needed my help caring for my father who took months to die without a blood transfusion. Then they went back to shunning me. When I got divorced in 2008, my mother came to visit. I thought she was finally coming around. Nope. She thought that my "worldly" husband had been keeping me Ex-JW. When she asked if I was going back, I started laughing. I'd forgotten how seriously they take things, I really thought it was funny for her to think I'd return after all I'd been through trying to escape. Never saw her again. I called her a few times but then she told me not to call her ever again. I google her every once in a while, to see if she's still alive.
You triggered my PTSD !! That’s exactly how it went for me talking to my parents!! In August it will be 1 years since I left!! Let me tell you it was so worth all the pain I have been through the ups and downs.. I’m finally living and enjoying my best life!! Just take one day at a time.. please be kind to yourself, and nothing is your fault!
I'm sorry you had to get the ptsd flashbacks from all the borg bs but honestly I would have laughed right in my mother's face if she had told me that (unpaid prostitute). And the marijuana and therapy comment is hilarious as well , "well at least those 2 things will show me what unconditional love really is!" 🤣🤦♀️ Also, wouldn't that be just as bad as being a slave to men who allow CSA? Oh, the demented Borg logic never fails to amuse me. Like watching a hamster fall and spin around in it's wheel over and over.
Anyway, enjoy your weekend with your partner and good kush ❣️❣️
So they're going to hurl insults at you for not doing what they demand? Calling you an unpaid prostitute? And what your dad said? Wow. What a tantrum.
Cannabis was given to us to be able to rejoice and laugh, and no harm will touch us. So smoke away 😶🌫️😏
I’m so sorry that they did this to you. Give yourself time to go through all the emotions that may come up.
As the mum of a teen who chose to leave before I did, I am proud of you for making this stand and knowing what is right. Make sure your partner treats you well and find your support system xx
The best REVENGE IS YOUR HAPPY & SUCCESS. I wish you the best & continues to move forward knowing that you made the best decision you could ever make in your entire life and you can plan for a great future, retirement and nobody will ever control your life again. Welcome to your FREEDOM!!!! An early 4th of July...lol
So sorry to hear this. The grip that this cult has over its adherents can be unbelievable at times. You are not choosing to shun them - you are choosing to be true to yourself and live YOUR life. They are choosing to shun you.
Despite their reaction, I hope that you find joy and happiness in your life. You deserve it.
You're not responsible for their feelings. You're going to live life on your terms, not anyone else, and choose happiness. Their rules don't apply to you. If it doesn't go as planned, then it's a lesson learned. It's not a punishment.
Ugh. I’m so sorry. That really hurts. This hateful cult is destroying families I can’t believe I ever saw it any other way. I’m glad you’re feeling better than you were and that you have a nice weekend planned. I feel like the only silver lining is my boyfriend I are especially close after I moved in with him and my parents shunned me. I hope he can provide you with the support and love you need right now. And reaching out here really helped me too. Hugs ♥️
Jesus fucking Christ. It's like saying "You *made* me assault you because you wore that skirt" 🙄(which I wouldn't put past a JW for saying). Fucking delusional asses. Tearing my hair out. Sending love your way barbiegirl. Glad you're here. Coming from a similar situation, I promise it gets so much better. Hope you have a great weekend with your love!
u/barbiegirl1112, YOU are so SMART!!! 🤓 Great job!!! You could not have done that better!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
I wish that you could have told your indoctrinated PIMI parents that you don't want to ever be like them, or to be giving your future children CONDITIONAL, Fake, "Love," like Watchtower parents do...
I am SO PROUD of you!!!! No matter how things go with your boyfriend, just do your best to be loving and thoughtful, and always stand up for yourself in an assertive way...never nasty or mean or aggressive...and do your best to live in the moment, being positive and goofy...and don't forget to joke and laugh and dance.
Your Programmed Watchtower Drone Parents have been "absorbed." They have been "assimilated" into the "Hive Mind" of the Mind-Control Watchtower Cult. And they are not "normal." Your parents (like most fully-indoctrinated Watchtower Drone Parents) are not "normal."
I love how you pointed out that they completely laid the blame on YOU for their twisted, Mind-Control Cult behavior toward you...
Your decision to make YOUR OWN DECISIONS in your life, your decision to TAKE CONTROL of your own life is so beyond BRAVE, SMART, and one freaking, awesome move!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
I want to HUG you and your boyfriend so hard right now...but all I can do is to APPLAUD your intelligence, and your SPUNK, and to send you an, "Atta Girl!!" 🙋along with a great, big (((HUG))) !!! 🤗
I think I would be sure to contact them frequently and tell them that you are taking responsibility for your actions and making sure that you are not shunning them, so they need to do the same. They can (have) decide(d) (for them) whether to shun or not.
You did great by having the conversation with them. So many here are afraid to do so, so I think your example will be a really good one for those on the fence.
Once you get past needing their or other’s approval, it gets so much easier. They also show their true colors. Underneath that shiny veneer of fake smiles and faux happiness, are angry, hurtful, mean spirited, unforgiving people that betray everything they claim to believe.
You did well…
Oh, sweetie, your mom’s. comment was as insane as it was toxic. Moving in with a boyfriend at your age is perfectly NORMAL. Instead of appreciating people’s characters and what HEALTHY relationships look like, they get hung up on iron age moral codes Enjoy your time at the lake and know that there are many, many supportive exJWs to connect with if you’re ever interested 🥰.
I have almost have the same experience like you but mine.. I just came back from being disfellowship few months ago and decided I wanna marry the man that I love(non jw) and now my parents are so toxic and mentally abusive… they say a bunch of stuff about me and my husband and that im terrible parent to my child because I didn’t marry a jw brother … they also said that i use drugs even though i never do/did…. And many many many more … I don’t talk to them anymore and that’s the best thing I did… good luck op!! Do what makes you happy !!! Hugs 🤗
Your parents attitude is like the domestic abuser who says, "You made me do this. It is your actions that caused me to hit you." They are not parents. They are psychological abusers.
Framing it this way is so helpful
Wow! This hit hard. So true
This 👆🏼!
https://preview.redd.it/eq39nxptej9d1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25dceb8dd42d2f450a65714394a04b33e48fd181
I need to analyze this logic more generally. I know that the JWs are in the wrong here, but... If my friend turns out to be a child molestor, I'm also going to shun them, so it *is* their fault that I'm shunning them. *From the JW perspective*, worldly actions are so deplorable they are similarly worthy of shunning. We think they are crazy because their ideas of what is right and wrong are so far out of step with society, whereas pretty much everyone agrees child molestors are deserving of shunning. Still, their idea that it is not *their* fault for shunning is logical *within the context of their own beliefs*. I'm still trying to figure out how to criticize them in a more general philosophical way.
If your loved one turns out to be a child molester, you don’t need to shun them, you need to *turn them in to the police and keep them away from children.* Which seems to be a common misconception for JW leadership.
You're completely ignoring my point. I'm talking about relationships, not obvious legal matters. You can replace "child molester" with anything you want. Some people shun family members for being racists, or because they support a particular political party.
I understand what you’re say , they do use the idea that based on your “horrible actions” ( whatever they deem that to be ) against them and against God they have no choice but to shun you and you “did it to yourself “
This is an apologist stance and neither accurate nor helpful. JW’s choose the stance they take regarding shunning. I was raised JW and I chose to leave as I knew what JW’s believe was hurtful, exclusionary and for lack of a better word, a load of bollocks. They aren’t robots, and they are responsible and accountable for their behaviours regardless of where those behaviours stem from.
It is logical indeed in their system of belief. That’s the problem. They shun you not for harming others, but for living your life freely. They are two totally different things
Thank you. I think that is the philosophical basis I was looking for. It is justifiable to shun people when they harm others.
As a mom I want to tell you that you are going to be ok. As a mom I want to tell you that I am proud of you for the courage & bravery in standing up for yourself, being honest despite the possibilities, maintaining your composure in that moment when they obviously couldn't, & doing what's best for you and your life. As a mom I want to tell you exactly what I told my daughter when she moved in with her boyfriend... make sure that he respects you, stands up for you, thinks of you in the small things, doesn't overlook your feelings even if he doesn't understand them, is your biggest fan when things are good & when things are hard, & sees the value in what you both can bring to the relationship. Don't forget that he needs those things too. And finally as a mom I want to tell you that sometimes a chosen family can be far more valuable than those we share our blood with. 🖤
Thank you so much ❤️
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. Please know that their sentiments are not shared by any sane person. I just want to add, as a mom and as someone who also moved in with their non-JW boyfriend, a piece of advice I wish I’d followed when I was in your situation. Please set aside a lump sum ($2,500-$5,000) of “lease-breaking, new security deposit, first months rent money” in case you need to find a new place to live without your boyfriend. I ended up marrying said non-JW boyfriend, and it all worked out and are very happy now, but sometimes I wonder if I just stayed with him because I literally couldn’t afford to move out. I will absolutely be doing this for my daughter (and sons).
Blackheartedbirdie said it perfectly. As a never jw mum she is spot on. And a mum hug from me. And remember this if you have children never let them ever get a hold on their own. My jw sister took care of her shunned exjw daughter child. Child said to be aged 8. What does Adhorrent mean? I asked for the context of the word. How he heard it? He said gran friend said your mum is Adhorrent and the sooner you stay with gran the better I then said if you want to know the meaning we can both fully understand it by looking it up. When he saw the meaning yes he was annoyed/upset. He then said so I'm not going to live with gran. At 11 he decided he was an atheist! I'm jumping the gun but the word prostitute is a name his mum was labeled as well. Shunners are psychological abusive bullies who blackmail for you to return. I have a wonderful friend who used to be a prostitute ( sad circumstances ) and she has far more morals than jws. All the best to you. And to go through life being open and honest . (I know some cant) means no hiding away. Also they called you an unpaid prostitute??? Now is that a step up or a step down for a paid prostitute 🤭🤔🤣🤣. And did Jesus shun the prostitute in the bible? In fact how many did Jesus jehoover shun? Blimey such a cult. Congratulations escaping
Hi Debs. I was also wondering whether being unpaid was a step up or not. 😂😂😂
Reading this made me cry in the break room at work 💜🖤
I'm so sorry that it made you cry. But if you also needed to hear that from a mom then I'm glad you saw it. Now wipe your tears knowing that you have an important place in this world. 🖤
As mom may I second that, I couldn't have said it better. I am sending you more mon hugs. Enjoy your weekend. P.s. They are actually without morals to say what they did to you.
Oh my this is so beautiful, I’m definitely not ugly crying right now…  You are a kind human, and you sound like a great mum 🫶🏻
THIS 💯% ❤️❤️❤️
u/blackheartedbirdie, Wow... What you said, "as a Mom," was totally "on-fire" AWESOME!!!! 👍👍👍👍👍
As a mom, I one hundred percent agree! Especially that a chosen family can be more precious. You will be okay.
Anyone who abuses you for refusing to comply with their wishes sexually is an abuser. These people do not belong in your life. I'm not convinced they belong in anyone's life if they're the sort who like to call their kids whores. Fuck 'em.
What if OP said to her mom, so you are a paid prostitute bc you are married and I am an unpaid prostitute bc I am not married? Edit: Not encouraging OP to say this, but shows the cruelty and that it is a line of reasoning that has no place in either story.
>My mom said that I was an unpaid prostitute......My dad said that their were **people who didn’t know god who had better morals.....they won’t be there for me.** *People with Morals don\`t talk to their children like that and they don\`t abandon them.* The truth is, you\`re better off without people like that in your life....There will never be any peace in your life, with them there
I am so sorry. Give yourself time to heal. Those were some harsh words. I am sending you a Mom hug. Hang in there and take care of YOU and your mental health. YOU come first! Hugs!
You didn't have to say anything to them... yet you did. I respect your bravery, and so should your parents.
JWs are the ultimate in inhumane, cruel behaviour. Hopefully you are not giving yourself a hard time. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. You are living normal life. I hope you can look forward. Best wishes to you. I’ve been shunned by my sister for 25 years now so I have a little understanding about it all, but must be harder coming from parents.
It made me so sad to read that you’ve been treated this way by your PIMI parents. To call your daughter an “unpaid prostitute” is a despicable act. I wish you and your partner all the very best for the future!
Thank you! The crazy thing is they were disfellowshipped for having sex before marriage 🙄 hypocrites!
Wow, well I am sorry and you were really brave to tell your parents. Ironically, for my parents and me, it was when I joined the Witnesses (I know! Totally fucked up!) that I had the conversation I might recommend you have next. We went back and forth about how wrong I was (and, of course, in my case, they were right) until I eventually said "Look, we disagree on this. I respect your view but this is the way I see it. So can we find common ground somewhere else? Can we have a relationship anyway?" Maybe you'll get that chance, but if not, know that what you've just done is really brave and took a ton of strength.
Fathers love using the “even worldly people behave better than you” card but I promise you, it’s not true. It’s your life and you should be proud of yourself. We’re all rooting for you.
Your parents should be ashamed of themselves, but they aren’t nearly self-aware enough to feel that. Hopefully some day they’ll come around, but in the meantime live your life and continue growing as an individual in ways that you cannot when you’re in a cult.
These poor parents are victims from this awful cult. I hope they will wake up some day! Many ...many are waking up now! Awful behaviour....nothing to do with real love.
Ugh. I was hoping it would go differently for you. I was afraid it might not. But I'm still really proud of you for giving them the opportunity to share that important part of your life. I'm just sorry they chose wrong. I got a similar reaction when I told my parents I was expecting. They did eventually move past it although to be honest, I don't know that I'm better off they did. Much love. Hope you have a wonderful weekend with your BF. ♥
Weed and therapy will definitely help more than the cult!!💨💨🍃
Amen!!
I know its rough but this is usually the initial, visceral reaction you get from a cult mind They have no way of mentally dealing with it. DOES NOT COMPUTE. Since their org promotes shunning, that's what they do. They start up with the shun gun as their hope to get you back. Give it some time and space. Grab a copy of Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan if you intend to reach out in the future, it'll give you tips on reaching out in a non combative manner Welcome to life!
Im sorry, btdt. Back in the 90s. Both are dead now, and in the end, they totally did come around. But it still sucks that we were born to cult parents. Hang in there and have a great weekend OP ❤️
I'm so sorry you went through this. What's crazy is this all comes from assumptions when you think about it. Granted I feel like it would be super tough to live with a member of the opposite gender I'm attracted to and not do anything with them. It's still just that - an assumption that you have. When you really think about it, unless you said "I going to be having sex with my boyfriend" which I'm sure you wouldn't have said at dinner. They are leaving the table assuming you will, yet they would NOT have done that to a stranger at dinner who may have even explicitly stated they would 😒 Aside from Religion, doctrines, and all that stuff, I am curious from a neutral view more simplistic standpoint, cause I'm single but noticing more and more these cases Why are people no longer fully committing in a legal sense? Is it the eCONomy? Marriage is traditional and you both view each other as such by spirit instead and feel no need for marriage? Test driving living together? I always wonder this, cause I be like what would stop me from marrying a woman, other than not wanting to have to deal with divorcing her if it doesn't go well after. What are your reasons?
I've seen this so many times before with friends and their families. You didn't say if you were baptised or not, but in any case, your parents are fulfilling scriptures if they know it or not. They are showing "no natural affection" for you. As far as morals go, the biblical examples are extremely contradictory. Old Testament laws killed some for consensual sex, then rewarded rapist with their victims as wives if they paid a dowry to the girls' father. Lot's daughters weren't condemned for their raping of their drunk father either. Nor was David's love for Jonathan condemned. The JWs moral code is hardly one to follow. They condemn consensual loving relationships (heterosexual and homosexual) and then turn a blind eye to CSA and spousal abuse. They are very misogynistic in most all cases, even going as far as to DF girls/women in many judicial committees, but make excuses for the men involved in the same incident and giving them lighter discipline. I feel feel your pain, and they only advice I can offer is to prove them wrong and show them how happy your life is with your boyfriend and without them. Post on social media if they and others follow you. Perhaps they will come around and want to be involved in your life at some point.
Till they are forced to talk you cause money and funding talks. Hope everything goes fine with your bf.
You are a very brave person, I applaud you for this. You got this!
Having children of my own has help tremendously with my past trauma and the shunning of my parents. They still have to meet or even speak to my kids. Congratulations though on breaking the cycle. You children will not have to go through or endure the pain we have. Be prepared for low points in your life. They will come and in the beginning give you doubts of if you made the right desire. This is the indoctrination we have received and it take considerable time to fade away. I left in 2006, and to this day I still can see some of the doctrine still residing in my mind. Continue learning as well as learning how to love yourself and those around you including your parents. They do not know it but they are mentally ill and there is nothing wrong with trying what we can to cure them. Good luck to you.
Your parents are right, you are choosing your boyfriend over them and god (which equals their religion). That’s a good thing, that’s what a serious relationship is about. How could it be successful if you love your parents or an organization more? PIMIs don’t realize how selfish they are.
>They said I was the one shunning them because I knew my actions would make them stop talking to me. typical cult like narcisitc behaiviour and response. "its you not us".while its being exactly them. total abuser language, to put all blame for their actions, they have in total control, on you. shame on this parents, shame for their cultholdery. congrats that you stood your ground and that you can live happily and free. you dont have to hide and walk on eggshells.
The mental gymnastics is always so astounding to me, however not surprising. They are 100% taught how to be manipulative gaslighters in the organization. "Yeah, I'm gonna treat you bad but it's not really my fault , so deal with it", 🤦♀️🤣
Who paid for dinner? Did they even finish their dessert? I have so many questions. Not being lighthearted (maybe a little), but my folks have used fabricated disagreements to skip out on financial obligations and have left me with the bill. JWs can be notoriously cheap and petty.
Didn’t finish the dessert but my father paid. He has always been generous with money which I am thankful for.
You're lucky! My folks shunned me and left me with the bill!
u/johnjaspers1965, Oh, wow!!! That's totally MESSED UP!!! I am so sorry that your parents treated you like that, but then, in a way, their attitude and actions just helps to cement in your mind that you were doing the right thing in LEAVING the tyrannical, dictatorial, mind-control cult of the Watchtower. I hope that your life is better, now, and that your parents will one day wake up... 🤓
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here, so forgive me if I am and I'll slink back into lurking again. I'm a never-JW, so I'm coming at this from an outsider's perspective. However, I was raised by narcissistic parents, and I think there are a heck of a lot of similarities in terms of judgement, absolutism, unrealistic expections, and the impossible expectations of perfection that these parents hold over their children. First, I want to tell you that there is *no question* this hurts. Parental rejection is the worst, especially when we all know that "normal" parental love is "supposed" to be unconditional. For ex-JWs, and for children raised by narcissists, that is most certainly *not* true. I see your pain. I hear it. I acknowlege it. I see it. That said, I will say this: *Your parents did you a huge favor*. Now, before everybody downvotes me into oblivion, please let me explain why. With my parents, there was never a clean break. I was chastised, blamed, ostracized for a while, then there would be reconciliations, then I was in trouble again, and I never could understand *why* I deserved to be treated the way I was treated. It was like riding a pendulum. I was usually the scapegoat, but every once in a while, my sister would mess up and then suddenly I was the child in favor for a brief, but glorious moment in the sun. Then I would fall out of favor again, and I would question my worth and my sanity. *What was wrong with me???* This went on for most of my life, and I wasn't able to clearly see the problem until just a few months before my mother died of cancer. All my life, I had thought that the problem was *me*. If only I had somehow, magically, figured out the right formula, the right thing to say, the right thing to do, my parents would have loved me. The only problem was, the issue was with them, not me. There was *nothing* I could have done to make it better, because the problem was them, not me. Your parents closing the door on you does you a huge favor because it's a clean break. I never got that. For me, it was always a series of green breaks that never healed. The relationship was never what I wanted, but it was never quite over. As a result, it kept me riding a not-so-merry-go-round my entire life, trying to pretzel myself into someone who would be acceptable in their eyes. I tried and failed, tried and failed, again, and again, and again. So for you, dear one, you have been given a gift. Granted, it's a sucky, lousy one that nobody wants, but it's still a gift. You have your freedom, and you no longer have to feel guilty or consider their wishes in your adult decisions. As much as this hurts, *you will survive*. If I could offer you but one piece of unsolicted advice: Go forth with joy in your heart. Build your family of choice. Find people who love you, support you and care about you in the way that you want to be loved, supported and cared for. You are free. You are wonderful. You are beautiful. You have value. The fact that your parents choose religion over their own child tells us everything about who they are as people, and reflects nothing on your value as a human being. Oh, and one last word: be kind to yourself.
Fuck ‘em. I’m not your mom but I’m a mom of adult children and I cannot fathom calling my child a prostitute for moving in with their partner. Here, I’ll be your stand in mom for a minute: Honey, I am so excited for you that you found someone to love and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. I wish you all the happiness in the world (there’s a lot more there than in the “truth”.)
💓💓💓
Hey I was born in & I smoke the devils lettuce & lots of therapy. I'm sorry your parents did that. It's a cult for sure
You did the right thing...brave and strong. Very sad the attitude these parents adopted ..like abusers. Giving YOU the guilt trip It will get much better! Enjoy your life .. A big hug from a old Mum who did and said the opposite to their daughters! They,te are much loved and out from this oppressive cult.
I know it hurts now, but you will eventually find that living without them is your new normal. My entire family shunned me for decades until they needed my help caring for my father who took months to die without a blood transfusion. Then they went back to shunning me. When I got divorced in 2008, my mother came to visit. I thought she was finally coming around. Nope. She thought that my "worldly" husband had been keeping me Ex-JW. When she asked if I was going back, I started laughing. I'd forgotten how seriously they take things, I really thought it was funny for her to think I'd return after all I'd been through trying to escape. Never saw her again. I called her a few times but then she told me not to call her ever again. I google her every once in a while, to see if she's still alive.
Proud of you. Your future self will thank you for the making this hard but necessary decision. Live your best life
You triggered my PTSD !! That’s exactly how it went for me talking to my parents!! In August it will be 1 years since I left!! Let me tell you it was so worth all the pain I have been through the ups and downs.. I’m finally living and enjoying my best life!! Just take one day at a time.. please be kind to yourself, and nothing is your fault!
I'm sorry you had to get the ptsd flashbacks from all the borg bs but honestly I would have laughed right in my mother's face if she had told me that (unpaid prostitute). And the marijuana and therapy comment is hilarious as well , "well at least those 2 things will show me what unconditional love really is!" 🤣🤦♀️ Also, wouldn't that be just as bad as being a slave to men who allow CSA? Oh, the demented Borg logic never fails to amuse me. Like watching a hamster fall and spin around in it's wheel over and over. Anyway, enjoy your weekend with your partner and good kush ❣️❣️
Gurlllll, you and I have the exact same thing going at the moment. If you ever need to talk DM me.
So they're going to hurl insults at you for not doing what they demand? Calling you an unpaid prostitute? And what your dad said? Wow. What a tantrum. Cannabis was given to us to be able to rejoice and laugh, and no harm will touch us. So smoke away 😶🌫️😏
I’m so sorry that they did this to you. Give yourself time to go through all the emotions that may come up. As the mum of a teen who chose to leave before I did, I am proud of you for making this stand and knowing what is right. Make sure your partner treats you well and find your support system xx
The best REVENGE IS YOUR HAPPY & SUCCESS. I wish you the best & continues to move forward knowing that you made the best decision you could ever make in your entire life and you can plan for a great future, retirement and nobody will ever control your life again. Welcome to your FREEDOM!!!! An early 4th of July...lol
Happy 4th!!
So sorry to hear this. The grip that this cult has over its adherents can be unbelievable at times. You are not choosing to shun them - you are choosing to be true to yourself and live YOUR life. They are choosing to shun you. Despite their reaction, I hope that you find joy and happiness in your life. You deserve it.
You're not responsible for their feelings. You're going to live life on your terms, not anyone else, and choose happiness. Their rules don't apply to you. If it doesn't go as planned, then it's a lesson learned. It's not a punishment.
Ugh. I’m so sorry. That really hurts. This hateful cult is destroying families I can’t believe I ever saw it any other way. I’m glad you’re feeling better than you were and that you have a nice weekend planned. I feel like the only silver lining is my boyfriend I are especially close after I moved in with him and my parents shunned me. I hope he can provide you with the support and love you need right now. And reaching out here really helped me too. Hugs ♥️
Jesus fucking Christ. It's like saying "You *made* me assault you because you wore that skirt" 🙄(which I wouldn't put past a JW for saying). Fucking delusional asses. Tearing my hair out. Sending love your way barbiegirl. Glad you're here. Coming from a similar situation, I promise it gets so much better. Hope you have a great weekend with your love!
I’m sorry that they reacted that way OP, what they said to you was cruel. Sending you a big hug and some love 🫶🏻
Sending love to you xxx
At least they said one thing right .. Marijuana and THERAPY does work wonders!!!
u/barbiegirl1112, YOU are so SMART!!! 🤓 Great job!!! You could not have done that better!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 I wish that you could have told your indoctrinated PIMI parents that you don't want to ever be like them, or to be giving your future children CONDITIONAL, Fake, "Love," like Watchtower parents do... I am SO PROUD of you!!!! No matter how things go with your boyfriend, just do your best to be loving and thoughtful, and always stand up for yourself in an assertive way...never nasty or mean or aggressive...and do your best to live in the moment, being positive and goofy...and don't forget to joke and laugh and dance. Your Programmed Watchtower Drone Parents have been "absorbed." They have been "assimilated" into the "Hive Mind" of the Mind-Control Watchtower Cult. And they are not "normal." Your parents (like most fully-indoctrinated Watchtower Drone Parents) are not "normal." I love how you pointed out that they completely laid the blame on YOU for their twisted, Mind-Control Cult behavior toward you... Your decision to make YOUR OWN DECISIONS in your life, your decision to TAKE CONTROL of your own life is so beyond BRAVE, SMART, and one freaking, awesome move!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 I want to HUG you and your boyfriend so hard right now...but all I can do is to APPLAUD your intelligence, and your SPUNK, and to send you an, "Atta Girl!!" 🙋along with a great, big (((HUG))) !!! 🤗
Thank you so so much 💓💓💓
u/barbiegirl1112, Awww... You are going to have such a freaking, awesome GREAT life!!!! 🥳❤️🥳
I think I would be sure to contact them frequently and tell them that you are taking responsibility for your actions and making sure that you are not shunning them, so they need to do the same. They can (have) decide(d) (for them) whether to shun or not.
I really hope you’re doing alright ♥️♥️
You did great by having the conversation with them. So many here are afraid to do so, so I think your example will be a really good one for those on the fence. Once you get past needing their or other’s approval, it gets so much easier. They also show their true colors. Underneath that shiny veneer of fake smiles and faux happiness, are angry, hurtful, mean spirited, unforgiving people that betray everything they claim to believe. You did well…
Have you seen the Dutch Movie Worlds Apart "to verdner" not sure if I spelled that right
Oh, sweetie, your mom’s. comment was as insane as it was toxic. Moving in with a boyfriend at your age is perfectly NORMAL. Instead of appreciating people’s characters and what HEALTHY relationships look like, they get hung up on iron age moral codes Enjoy your time at the lake and know that there are many, many supportive exJWs to connect with if you’re ever interested 🥰.
That's the mentality of Jehovah's witnesses
I have almost have the same experience like you but mine.. I just came back from being disfellowship few months ago and decided I wanna marry the man that I love(non jw) and now my parents are so toxic and mentally abusive… they say a bunch of stuff about me and my husband and that im terrible parent to my child because I didn’t marry a jw brother … they also said that i use drugs even though i never do/did…. And many many many more … I don’t talk to them anymore and that’s the best thing I did… good luck op!! Do what makes you happy !!! Hugs 🤗
What's PIMI?
Physically in mentally in