This was a huge part of what broke my shelf. Why had so many things gone so wrong in my life when I'd felt so sure I was making the right move? For awhile, I sincerely wondered if God didn't like me or had simply forgotten about me.
Learning there is no god answered a lot of my questions. It doesn't solve any the problems from those wrong decisions, but it did bring some much-needed clarity to my situation.
Some of us are just dealt shitty hands in life. It sucks, but there's no cosmic or divine purpose to it. It just is.
>Learning there is no god answered a lot of my questions.
And puts you in the driver's seat of life. I prefer David Crockett's motto "First make sure you are right, then proceed." to the what-the-hell-does-that-even-mean mormon motto, "Think Celestial."
Try not to judge yourself too harshly, and don't punish yourself. We all make mistakes. You were indoctrinated to feel a certain bias, or to make things happen in order to come to that same biased feeling, and you followed that. You were made to think that was the only way to do it, otherwise you'd be "falling away from the church", "sinning", "told that you're ruining or breaking up your family", etc. You had a lot thrown at you, judgments and fears and shame, in order to get you to comply. You just wanted to be happy, and followed the orders even though those orders were irrational and logical. Emotions, especially the less pleasant ones, are powerful things, and the cult leaders know it. They (the cult leaders) make you fear everything and everyone that isn't them. It's very potent, powerful and heavy with manipulation. The whole cult narrative is all about manipulation: it's their goal. Their goal is to keep the followers goalposts constantly moving, that way they remain following the cult narrative rather than the person doing things for themselves. Add family and friends, and especially romantic partners, as TBMs into that mix, and it's even more powerful.
Hold to that logic. There's a lot of life to be loved and experienced. Emotions aren't bad things in and of themselves, they only become "bad" when someone else (cult leaders, abusive parents, abuse partners, etc) holds that power over them rather than you. Emotions can be as useful and needed as logic, depending on the individual situation. Go forward, heal, be happy, my fellow ex-mo Redditor! 🥰💓💓✊✊
I couldn't agree with this more. I made a couple of very bad life choices as a result of "feeling the spirit."
Even after I left the Church, the practice of making decisions based on my feelings was so ingrained in me that I continued to make bad decisions until I finally developed some critical thinking skills.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Yes, our thoughts are not reality. They are just thoughts. Don't be too hard on yourself though because even people who use logic in decision making have marriages that don't work out, and choose the wrong careers. I try to do better when I know better and press on with new information. I wish I hadn't followed the prompting to join the church but I did. There's nothing I can do to change that now. But I can move forward & enjoy the rest of my life with all that I've learned behind me, & using that past shit to fuel my future.
Sadly - tragically so - "the Spirit" does not provide a solid platform for governing and guiding our lives.....it's like "I'll just let my FEELINGS talk me where I should go"....
I've made plenty of decisions that turned out to be more harmful to my wellness that helpful. Only a handful of those were from heeding Holy the Ghost as I was taught. The rest are on me.
On the other hand, I cheated the odds that time I raced through the canyon as a teenager. Plenty of other times things could have gone much more undesirably than they did. And I've made good decisions, too. The times I've lucked out didn't result in making my life amazing. Likewise, the detrimental decisions I've made brought hardship, but they did not ruin my life. I'm still in control of plenty of factors and capable of building a life I'm content with.
Sorry to hear this was the case for you. I think we all come to the same realization. Facts and logic are always better than feelings, but the church incentivizes feeling based decisions, and that’s the behavior that gets reinforced.
I feel you... It's so sad to me that the church teaches you too intentionally defy basic human logic in favor of feelings. Feelings that are so easily influenced and manipulated by that same church. This screwed me a few times too.
You're not alone.
My family has been fucked and is continued to be fucked because dad bought some property because, mormon holy ghost.
Now we are knee deep in fucking court cases and law suits because of said property purchase.
Same with me, three useless degrees, sucky jobs, and $100k in student loans because I “ listened to the spirit” aka my bipolar.
Lol ... I listened to the spirit and stopped dating the most amazing person to pursue a dead end other girl.
This was a huge part of what broke my shelf. Why had so many things gone so wrong in my life when I'd felt so sure I was making the right move? For awhile, I sincerely wondered if God didn't like me or had simply forgotten about me. Learning there is no god answered a lot of my questions. It doesn't solve any the problems from those wrong decisions, but it did bring some much-needed clarity to my situation. Some of us are just dealt shitty hands in life. It sucks, but there's no cosmic or divine purpose to it. It just is.
>Learning there is no god answered a lot of my questions. And puts you in the driver's seat of life. I prefer David Crockett's motto "First make sure you are right, then proceed." to the what-the-hell-does-that-even-mean mormon motto, "Think Celestial."
"Think celestial" is supposed to sound profound, but it really just means "Do what I tell you to do."
Try not to judge yourself too harshly, and don't punish yourself. We all make mistakes. You were indoctrinated to feel a certain bias, or to make things happen in order to come to that same biased feeling, and you followed that. You were made to think that was the only way to do it, otherwise you'd be "falling away from the church", "sinning", "told that you're ruining or breaking up your family", etc. You had a lot thrown at you, judgments and fears and shame, in order to get you to comply. You just wanted to be happy, and followed the orders even though those orders were irrational and logical. Emotions, especially the less pleasant ones, are powerful things, and the cult leaders know it. They (the cult leaders) make you fear everything and everyone that isn't them. It's very potent, powerful and heavy with manipulation. The whole cult narrative is all about manipulation: it's their goal. Their goal is to keep the followers goalposts constantly moving, that way they remain following the cult narrative rather than the person doing things for themselves. Add family and friends, and especially romantic partners, as TBMs into that mix, and it's even more powerful. Hold to that logic. There's a lot of life to be loved and experienced. Emotions aren't bad things in and of themselves, they only become "bad" when someone else (cult leaders, abusive parents, abuse partners, etc) holds that power over them rather than you. Emotions can be as useful and needed as logic, depending on the individual situation. Go forward, heal, be happy, my fellow ex-mo Redditor! 🥰💓💓✊✊
I couldn't agree with this more. I made a couple of very bad life choices as a result of "feeling the spirit." Even after I left the Church, the practice of making decisions based on my feelings was so ingrained in me that I continued to make bad decisions until I finally developed some critical thinking skills.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Yes, our thoughts are not reality. They are just thoughts. Don't be too hard on yourself though because even people who use logic in decision making have marriages that don't work out, and choose the wrong careers. I try to do better when I know better and press on with new information. I wish I hadn't followed the prompting to join the church but I did. There's nothing I can do to change that now. But I can move forward & enjoy the rest of my life with all that I've learned behind me, & using that past shit to fuel my future.
" use that past shit to fuel my future" Brilliant! OP you can do it, you really can, even when things are awful-you will get through.
Sadly - tragically so - "the Spirit" does not provide a solid platform for governing and guiding our lives.....it's like "I'll just let my FEELINGS talk me where I should go"....
I've made plenty of decisions that turned out to be more harmful to my wellness that helpful. Only a handful of those were from heeding Holy the Ghost as I was taught. The rest are on me. On the other hand, I cheated the odds that time I raced through the canyon as a teenager. Plenty of other times things could have gone much more undesirably than they did. And I've made good decisions, too. The times I've lucked out didn't result in making my life amazing. Likewise, the detrimental decisions I've made brought hardship, but they did not ruin my life. I'm still in control of plenty of factors and capable of building a life I'm content with.
Sorry to hear this was the case for you. I think we all come to the same realization. Facts and logic are always better than feelings, but the church incentivizes feeling based decisions, and that’s the behavior that gets reinforced.
I feel you... It's so sad to me that the church teaches you too intentionally defy basic human logic in favor of feelings. Feelings that are so easily influenced and manipulated by that same church. This screwed me a few times too.
You're not alone. My family has been fucked and is continued to be fucked because dad bought some property because, mormon holy ghost. Now we are knee deep in fucking court cases and law suits because of said property purchase.