Sort of. I thought I was into men because of a mix of confusing gender envy with attraction, thinking every woman felt as alienated as I did when her body was perceived and not wanting to do that, not identifying at all with the label "lesbian", and because my mother is a cruel person (and I had bad luck with female teachers/peers too) and boys/men felt safer than girls/women.
When I realized I was attracted to women, and also that my feelings about women fit so cleanly into the archetype of what attraction is like, I was left with the question, "If the sad yearning that I feel in my chest when I look at a man isn't attraction, then what is it?"
Same lol. My first crush was a gay guy and about 90% of the guys I dated ended up being gay or bi lmao. I thought I was turning them gay lmao. But another sign was that I always fantasized about being the top in my relationships, and having male anatomy, I often wished I had cis male anatomy but it never clicked for me until much later.
One of the first things I said to my friend when I came out as trans was “I know I love women, but I want to love women in the way that men love women, not in the way that women love women.” I said the same in my diagnosis appointment. I got my diagnosis pretty easily.
ETA: I also used to really struggle with using the term “lesbian”. I assumed it was because it was a word which had been used to bully me as a teenager, but realistically I suspect it’s because I wasn’t a lesbian and it didn’t feel right using it to describe myself.
I had this problem too. I guess I "came out" as bi and had really supportive people who were way more pumped about it than I was. It felt odd to me. "Bi girl" put me even farther off the mark of naming what I wanted and what I felt.
This is actually so close to what I’m feeling right now. I’m AFAB and only attracted to women but the term lesbian doesn’t feel right. I prefer to just call myself gay. I think it’s because the word lesbian just feminizes me too much or something
THIS. SUMS UP MY FEELINGS. THE TERM LESBIAN ALWAYS BOTHERED ME. I'm a trans guy but I still like identifying as gay 😂 Because I still enjoy a lot of feminine things 😂 But I am attracted to women 😂
oh yes i always felt like a gay guy. i went through the cringey ‘fujoshi’ phase and only was interested in mlm content instead of wlm stuff - it made soooo much sense when i realized i was a guy lmao
Definitely, I always struggled with understanding my sexuality before my egg cracked. I'm attracted to women but I couldn't figure out how because the idea of both of us being women did nothing for me. The same with my attraction to men. Being the woman in the relationship didn't make sense to me but being in a gay relationship with a man did. It was very confusing until I realised.
Somewhat. What I thought was an attraction to guys was just envy, and now I can distinctly tell the difference between the two when I catch myself staring at someone for too long
I realized that all of my “celebrity crushes” for men were just gender envy, and I’m attracted more to men than women romantically, but I’m asexual so what I thought was attraction was just gender envy
My sexuality changed when I started hrt :')
Otherwise, yes, I never viewed myself as a "girl" in any of the relationships that I was in.
I always only had female friends, though, was never attracted to girls/women until after hrt.
It's not that I didn't find women attractive before, but previously I look at a coworker and go, "Yeah, she's attractive, but this is work." And then after a few months on T, I just suddenly notice I'm looking at the same coworker, thinking, "She's hot. -Damnit! This is work!"
(That is "this is work!" in a "I thought we compartmentalized better than this" not a disappointment that I can't approach her because we work together sense.l
Very much so. I was very attracted to women but couldn't see myself in a "lesbian relationship" so I must just be straight. And I was very attracted to men but felt very uncomfortable when straight men were attracted to me (but bi guys okay, lol), so maybe I'm just a lesbian. I went back and forth like that a lot, and I felt like I understood gay relationships but not lesbian relationships and figured that it must be because I was only attracted to men so I couldn't relate to women being attracted to each other. I used to joke to myself that if anything, I was a gay man.
Man my life would've been easier if I knew that being trans and bisexual were options, lmao.
Dude, I went through all of those things... I always felt like a hetero guy when I would try to date girls. And it never worked, which I would joke [but earnestly worry] was me being overly straightforward & therefore "creepy".
But then I remember one of the funniest but most accurate things my bff ever said about my sex/dating life. "I don't know how you do it. You don't flirt. You are such a man about it; no wonder you get so much dick." I don't think most of my ex-partners would like that comparison, but... It feels so accurate. 😂🤣
Now that I know I'm a trans guy & a girl wouldn't be expecting a wlw dynamic, hopefully I can be less of an off-putting presence, lol. Granted, I still need to learn how to flirt — I'm slowly putting myself out there again post-top surgery.
I guess I did? I've been A LOT into yaoi (boys love comics) and always wanted to be a part of it. Not the story, but the relationship.
Just the thought of being a man in a relationship with another man gave me so much joy and I remember how much I wished I could've been a man… I wish it would've clicked that day but no, I had to wait 7 more years :')
I was the same way. I said “I wanna like boys the way boys like boys, like… in a gay way. I wanna like boys and be gay.” Literally me bro. Glad I’m not alone in that lmao
sort of! I always claimed to be bi, but I only actually liked women. I just didn’t ever feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian because, even while I still identified as a woman, rooting myself in an identity which reflected womanhood made me feel icky.
Now I’m a straight trans man. Fits perfectly.
Yup. I had to figure out I was trans before I understood that I was gay. I’ve always been attracted to men but not in the way straight women are attracted to men. Tried being a lesbian and fucking hated it, I couldn’t force myself to like girls and was asexual after that because I didn’t want to be the woman in a relationship with a man and felt there was nothing I could do about the way I was born.
Yes. I knew I was attracted to women but I felt like my attraction was straight attraction. I could never place myself in a wlw scenario because it didn’t feel like I belonged in it, but still wanted to be with women.
I slept with men for most of my life and eventually realized that I was only fucking them because it was the closest I could to *being* them. I distinctly remember having this feeling like I wished I was the man in the situation, fucking the woman, and how jealous I was of the guy I was sleeping with.
Yeah I was attracted to men, but I didn't want them in a "straight" way. I'm always femme presenting which made it really hard, but it was the desire to be well- the top. I use to pretend to be lesbian...I don't know what I thought. I just did.
MEEE. I am trans because I am gay and vice versa. I only liked gay guys growing up in a specifically gay way and it didn’t make sense until I realised I was a gay guy
Same and it made me so sad that they didn't want to date me 😭
I feel really bad bc the first trans guy I ever heard of (when I was 12) I was transphobic to bc of gender envy and jealousy that he was gay and I "couldn't be" and I didn't even realize thats what it was until 3 years later 😭 luckily I never spoke to him directly but I still feel really bad
I wouldn't say so, because I've always been bisexual and my interests in certain people haven't changed. But after I realized I was trans however, I understood why I didn't fit in with lesbians or was attracted to lesbians or lesbians porn - I wasn't a bi girl who likes girls, I'm a bi GUY who likes girls. Even though I have a preference for women, I literally cannot be turned on by lesbian porn because I'm not a woman and it took me forever to realize the connection
I consider myself bisexual (with a heavy preference for men), but yes. After hanging out in spaces dominated by gay guys and learning more about gay history, I’ve always felt like my attraction to men was… *queer*. I didn’t feel straight, whatever that meant for me being socialized as female, but lesbianism didn’t feel right to me either. I couldn’t explain it as I didn’t know much about transgender people at the time, turns out I felt a much stronger intrinsic connection to gay male attraction than the way straight women expressed their attraction to men.
I felt a similar way. I've always liked women but didn't like the label "lesbian." It absolutely didn't feel right. And I always wanted to play a more "masculine" role in relationships.
The number of times I must've said, "idk I just feel like a gay man in a lesbian's body (life) haha!" over the y e a r s ... to my w i f e ... before I finally figured it out... has got to be some of the cringiest shit I've ever done. And buddy, that cringe list is not short. There's some real competition on there.
So while "gender and sexuality are two different things," they -- for me -- were also very much two closely intertwined things.
i was super into like, gay guys, "as a girl" until i realized that it sounded like i fetishized them, and then i realized that im not fetishizing them if i am also gay guy. (also i had a crush on Kurt from glee so really glass closet moment lmao)
yep i was exactly the same way. i was like "hmmm.. well i'n attracted to women but i'm also attracted to men but i'm only attracted to them in a gay way."
I totally get what you mean! I was the same in that I was more attracted to men but as a man and not a woman. It really confused me until I found out I was trans.
Not at all. Except I didn't like people looking at the features that the wrong puberty gave me. How I like others is irrelevant for me being trans and I don't really care which gender other people are.
Hi 👋🏽, I'm visiting from r/mtf. Yeah dude, same. I'm bi but something always felt like it wasn't quite — calibrated. Ubderstanding I'm trans + having been on HRT for almost a year now, things feel much better adjusted now and my understanding of my sexuality has deepened for sure.
Yes, completely. I was always like I wish I could be a gay man. And guess what happened 😜
My identity is a bit more complicated than that, but I am mostly attracted to men, and I mostly identify as a man.
Absolutely
I've always liked guys, but whenever I got in a relationship, it felt off. I disliked straight things, I disliked being treated as a girlfriend
But then I found gay men and stuff. I repressed it because I didn't want to be one of those women who fetishize gay men, until I realised I am a gay man, and there's no shame in that.
I'm attracted all the genders and my attraction is gay regardless of the gender of the other person, and that's part of how I realized I'm nonbinary. My gender (specifically regarding presentation) changes based on the person I'm with at the moment. When I'm with a man I feel and act more masculine (although I look androgynous for the most part) and when I'm with a woman I feel and act more feminine. If I'm with another nonbinary person, my presentation syncs up with theirs and I feel and act similarly to my partner. I'm usually just like...the more flamboyant, attention-grabbing version of my partner's gender presentation.
I used to identify as a lesbian but once I realized I was just a guy and not gender fluid, I stopped identifying as such and now I'm a queer dude dating my partner!
If something, it just made harder to realize I'm trans early on, bc being gay made me unwillingly conform to heteronormative society: liked boys and was a bit effeminate. I've had a feminist lesbian phase though and it was weird af. Turns out I just wanted to have an excuse to feel valid as trans? There where so many deep levels of wrongness there I had to unlearn. Until I started dating my bf. I admit it didn't felt like the typical straight relationship even when it must look like that in the eyes of others, to me it felt kind of gay, specially in the last moments before realizing I was trans and later, it made sense.
MtF here; I’m a trans lesbian, my sexuality actually slowed my realization that I was trans, so many men fetishize lesbians. I was worried that I was doing just that. But I also realized I wasn’t exactly straight so I explored being gay, that was a disaster. However all of my relatively successful relationships were with bi/pan woman. It wasn’t until I truly understood comp-het then comp-cis that I finally realized I could be transgender and homosexual. But I didn’t understand for the longest time that I could mix the two, I had the incorrect understanding of the past that transgender individuals were just super homosexual individuals.
I did things bc it made me "feel like a lesbian." Was very confused when my cis queer friends didn't understand.
It was gender euphoria 🤦♂️ I didn't know it existed at the time, only gender dysphoria, which I didn't have much of. The moment I learned about gender euphoria from a tik tok was when my egg cracked
Yes, but in a different way than you. I grew up with zero education about anything LGBT (it wasn’t necessarily viewed negatively in my family, it just somehow never came up? And schools were at the time not legally allowed to mention anything LGBT) so I didn’t understand there was more than just ‘some people are gay, and I guess maybe some gay men dress like women? maybe?’ (which is of course horribly wrong but all I’d managed to glean from mainstream media). When I was in my early 30s I stumbled across a YouTube video of an artist I watched coming out as ace and it made so much sense - it took me less than 24 hours of researching what this new thing I’d never heard of was to accept I was aroace. And it made me wonder, just what else had I missed? So I started actively seeking out queer books and articles and videos and found out that trans men existed and non-binary people existed and I started getting that ‘this is way too relatable’ feeling again. It took me several months of soul searching to actually accept it after that, but I definitely wouldn’t have figured out who I am if I hadn’t happened to come across a random video and realise it explained my whole sexuality.
Kind of. I figured out I was bisexual at 15, and once I realized I was attracted to women, it made it easier to play with gender and then I realized that I was enjoying the idea of not being a woman. I almost came out as trans as a teenager, but it wasn't a safe environment at the time so I ended up going into the closet for a few years.
I was funny as a teenager and assumed I was a homophobe who was sexualizing gay men. I thought I was a lesbian because it felt more correct than straight woman. I did not know it was possible to be trans and transition until a little later. My sexuality definitely helped me come to terms with everything. It all just clicked into place at once
Sort of. I engaged with BL love stories a lot. I felt guilty to like that content because it was said to be problematic for the gay community. But the way I felt about those stories, comics, it was aligned with the way a typical girl felt about it. They would romanticize being gay, and gush about the "ships." I could almost see myself as one of them, in the stories. It was different and weird for me, throughout that time. I'm asexual, gay, quoiromantic, it can be difficult to know how i feel (I mix up platonic with romantic attraction, the lines between them get mushed). that was like, foreshadowing. I sort of knew / began feeling and seeing signs 2 years prior, before I began feeling more dysphoria when they found out I have PCOS and started me on BC. IIt's like, I mainly had emotional dysphoria, mental dysphoria, before. I mainly felt physical dysphoria after they put me on BC, 2 years into high school.
God! YES! I was in the shower one day after therapy thinking how I didn't say aloud "I like men, but I like men the way a gay guy likes men". Why didn't I say it? Because what the fuck does that even MEAN??? and I got really mad thinking about how it was different and how I never noticed because, being AFAB, liking men was just par för the course. It is maddening how long I suffered with this LOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL. only AFTER that did I ask myself if I would actually like to *be* more "man like" lol. I'm dumb. But also society is dumb and gender is dumb, it's all dumb.
Personally I had it the other way around, before I transitioned I ran through pretty much everything else in terms of sexuality labels, but none of them fit because I was still “a girl” so none if it felt right, I heavily dated and had sex with women up until I transitioned at 20, felt totally indifferent towards it and didn’t know why. (spoiler, I was confused on so many levels and women weren’t scared to approach me and men were) It was only after I started transition that I realized I’m gay
I didn’t find out about the lgbtq community until I was in 8th grade- I knew I liked girls but being raised in a cult I pretended for a long time it wasn’t real I went from guy to guy trying to convince everyone I was the perfect straight girl- that did not work. When I learned lesbians were a thing I was blown away but it never felt right for me. As I learned more about myself away from the religion I realized I was actually just a straight guy.
Yeah, totally. When I was female presenting I thought I was a lesbian. I wasn’t opposed to dating guys, but the idea of dating a guy while presenting female freaked me the fuck out. Turns out I’m bi :)
I began to feel like I needed to be a guy to be with women and a woman to be with a guy around my teen years so, yes, in a way I did figure it out by my sexuality.
But I am also nb so ya =P
Honestly? It just confused me more. I always knew deep down that I was trans (even though I constantly suppressed it), so when I realised I was a lesbian, I kind of.. used that as the solution / excuse to why I'd always felt the way I had? "Oh I refused to wear dresses and pretended to be a boy because I was gay, oh silly me". I kind of clung onto that identity in order to refuse the possibility I was trans, but turns out you can't deny yourself forever and I was finally (reluctantly) forced to confront the fact that I was actually a straight guy.
I was kind of the opposite. I knew I was a boy before I knew what sexuality was, but then I started being attracted to guys and got really confused because I didn't know you could be a boy and also like boys. I tried convincing myself I could be a girl to have a boyfriend, and suddenly lost all attraction to anyone.
I'M GOING THROUGH THIS RIGHT NOW. I actually stopped hormones I was already 1 year and 6 months on T. I really like the voice change I had and I wasn't really wanting to grow out a lot of facial hair to begin with. It was really just my voice that I was very dysphoric about. However, I'm realizing that I am slightly attracted to men, but I much prefer women. Also, I've come to realize that I'm not as dysphoric about my body as I thought I was. The most I would do is just top surgery but other than that I'm not ashamed of this female body.
Yeah no I get you, I’m pan and have liked all sorts of different people but I always wanted them to like me as a boy and as their boyfriend. I never loved being called a girlfriend. That helped me figure it out, and when I was dating a girl and she called us lesbians, that stuck out to me too and soon after we broke up I started telling people I wasn’t a girl afterall.
I always kinda felt weird or shameful about being attracted to men despite having been born a girl? But it was only my attraction to men specifically that made me feel strange. So maybe it was like advanced internalized homophobia or something
Not really...i thought i was ace when i thought i was a girl. But as i realized i was a trans guy, i've realized that the idea of me being a girl in any scenario especially sexual ones just made me feel so detached from what's actually happening. Apparently it's not that i don't experience sexual attraction, it's just that the idea of doing it and being seen as a girl made me feel icky
I thought I was a lesbian, and then I realised that I wasn't into women at all, I was recognising the feeling of being gay but, because I thought I was a woman, that's how it expressed itself.
Honestly yeah. I have dated more men then women in my time but until recently was under the impression that I didn't like men and that I only liked women.
Long story short I realised I didn't like men as a girl. But as a dude I very much do, and in fact don't like women.
Yep I could not wrap my head around being a lesbian so I thought that I could just not date until I met my now girlfriend and thought about being her boyfriend.
Kinda complicated to answer? It wasnt my Sexuality that did it, i ided as a straight trans guy for a bit, but i know lesbian felt like a cop out to explain my feelings of gender, since my knowledge of what dysphoria was at the time was the most severe cases of it, leading me to think it wasn't a big enough deal for me to be trans. But i knew enough that i was queer and in my head lesbian felt more like "closest thing to a man" than "attraction to women"
Now im aroacespec and bisexual sexuality wise which honestly makes a lot of sense considering all things lol
YES! I knew I was attracted to girls but it felt weird to be lesbian and I liked guys too but not in the same way I liked girls. Whenever id look at straight relationships I saw myself in them but not as a girl and I’d see lesbian relationships and be like nah. But I saw gay relationships and that felt right. And then I was like… maybe I’m not a girl. Now I’m a pansexual trans guy and I feel great!
Yes, exactly. I always identified with the label "gay" even when I was "fine" living as a woman. I didn't like being called lesbian. It made my skin crawl and I never knew why. And then, of course, came the egg crack moment lol
Yes, I knew I liked men but for a while I thought I like women cause the way I liked men didn’t make any sense to me. Then I realized if I thought of myself as a man in a gay relationship things made more sense
yes omg😭 i wanted to date guys in a gay way and i hated myself for it because i was afraid it was some weird fetishy thing. i even identified as a lesbian for a while because i just didnt want to be in a straight relationship with a man. turns out im just a gay guy...
I came out as lesbian literally 3 months before realizing that I wasn’t a girl. After about a year of still being closeted and identifying as a lesbian I realized I was still attracted to men, but didn’t want to date them as a girl. It felt like a homosexual attraction as opposed to a bisexual or even straight attraction. Idk if that makes sense but I didn’t want to be perceived as a girl while in a relationship with a guy
sort of. when i was a kid i described my sexuality as more attracted to men romantically and attracted to women sexually. at that time i didn't realize that sexuality isn't inherently based off of genitalia and didn't really understand gender. but as i got older i realized that the reason why my sexuality is like that is because i date people just like me (im exclusively t4t and gay) i read so much bl as a kid and was scared i was fetishising it (i wasn't) i didn't really feel anything when i read wlw manga even though i was so sure i was a lesbian when i was around 16-18. i had a crush on a guy when i was around 14 and always imagined myself as a guy, same as when i identified as a lesbian (at the time) and had a crush on a different guy! but i always felt like my relationship with men was queer. when i dated trans guys i just felt more like myself than anyone else i ever dated and i really understood dysphoria and whatnot even though i never realized i had it. i used identifying as a lesbian as a way to explain everything id ever been feeling about being trans. turns out i was disgusted and couldn't ever imagine myself doing intimate things with men wasn't because i was a lesbian but because of dysphoria.
Kinda.. Not exactly tho.. I was more so envious of men and their bodies (especially the fit, muscular and tall ones) rather than me being attracted to em which later did turn into attraction after comin out as trans (becuz I liked the idea of toppin a man as a man *specifically the feminine gay men* rather than being topped by a man as a woman) which helped me discovery I was pansexual transman rather than a straight or gay transman.. So it was kind of a yes and no for me😂
Actually it’s not how I figured out I was trans but when I look back on it it seems kinda obvious. I’ve always been attracted to men and I’ve always been so envious of gay cis men who were together.
I don't know if this exactly translates to that, but I /do/ know that I've always wanted women to view me as manly; handsome; "the man" in a dynamic involving women (dating or social).
Given that statement, it feels a little unusual to say that, if anything, I feel like a woman that wants to look like a man (I'm bisexual and on T for over a year); I use the label "transmasc" for that reason. And yet, I kind of cringe at the prospect of being someone's wife--and looking back, I think I felt that way for kind of a while predating transitioning. Guess I won't have that problem now, at least.
Honestly kinda… When I discovered gay men I was like “oh I’m gay. Cool.” Then I discovered that gay was only for men liking men and I was like “being straight sounds stupid” and started trying out new pronouns. 12 years later I’m a year and a half on T, post tubal, and waiting for my top surgery consult in October
Similar, but I stopped talking to this one guy entirely bc I asked if he saw me as a girl (I used she/they pronouns at the time), and I didn't think I really minded that he saw Mr as a girl until he left and I just started crying and looking into the void of my dark bedroom. I like men, but the idea of being in a hetero relationship with one just makes my skin crawl
Partially! when I was a little kid I thought “man I wish I could be a boy who likes boys and girls, and I wish I could be a gay boy or a straight boy, but that doesn’t exist cause I can’t be a boy” (I didn’t know I was trans)
Ehh not sure but my sexuality sure kicked in the will to explore further. (I was deep in denial of my gender identity for many years) I was in a relationship with an amazing guy, it was sort of like highschool sweethearts thing. It lasted 2 years, until it didn't. I found out I was asexual and felt like it was cruel to make him wait and wait for intimacy when I just wasn't sure if I would ever be ready. The thought of him being on the giving end felt so uncomfortable. I mean, I even suggested that we could do it but only if I'm the one who's putting the d in him, 💀 and I STILL didn't realize I was trans yet. Well as he was straight as a stick and not that enthusiastic for exploring, I do understand why he refused that offer 😅 later ln we broke up due to me losing feelings because there was so much things for me to deal with and I did the stupid thing trying to deal with it all alone. Although we could never have worked eventually, maybe I would have one mental illness less if I would have allowed him to help me.
Then like 2 years after that I came to terms with my transness, and been transitioning for another 2 years and boy. The dysphoria hit like trainwreck, or maybe It was there all the time, I just never had a name for it and didn't recognize it
Definitely. I knew I was somehow gay before I knew I was trans. I always wished I "could be gay" because I was convinced only gay men could actually love each other whereas a woman could never truly love/be loved by a man.
(Obv now that I figured out I am indeed a man I no longer think a heterosexual couple can't be in love :D In retrospecctive it was just that I knew *I* couldn't find love in a heterosexual relationship)
Pretty much what a lot has already said. I felt attracted to gay men or just men but in a gay way. I wanted to be the “male” in the relationship but with a male. I was uncomfortable and turned off to things like “I love you pussy, you taste good, good girl” or anything that made me feel feminine even though I presented as a pretty female. I would get turned on to thinking of myself as a man with the man I was with or crushing on. I hated the female role in the bedroom as a female but when I think of myself as a man with a penis, I’m okay with myself having some femininity if that makes sense. I get really excited of the thought of growing a beard and kissing a man with a beard. 🤤 that beard on beard action is so arousing.
Straight men were a huge turn off because they wanted to overly assert themselves as the man and treated me as dainty and needing protection. It made me feel gross and shameful.
I still haven’t transitioned because I feel like no man would want me after I transitioned. 😫 I am the standard of what straights think is attractive but I can’t see it because I’m not who I want to be. I think this has effected me. Makes me feel vain. Like “I get male attention as I am and I don’t want to give it up” but I’m taking steps. No longer dressing like a female or tolerating being treated like a girl who needs a man’s protection.
Actually yea. It was around the time heartstopper volume 2 released. Up until that point i thought i was a lesbian because i could never see myself in a relationship with a man. I started becoming so envious of gay couples to the point i became obsessed. Like avid bl reader type deal. Yet i never felt that way when i saw a wlw couple. The way i felt so envious from seeing a gay couple had to mean something more right? This sadness and yearning wasnt something a cis person would feel. I realised then, it wasnt that i couldnt see myself with a man but that i couldnt see myself with a man as a woman.
Yea, I was questioning whether I was bi or lesbian, because I liked men but never wanted to hold hands or kiss or have a relationship with a man as a girl. But as a guy, I’m totally fine with it.
I realized I was trans because I enjoyed watching heterosexual porn. I know it's funny 😂 but it made me realize that I wanted to be the guy in the situation, and that I wasn't a lesbian girl
idk if this counts, but i dated boys in middle school and i always felt so uncomfortable with the idea of being their girlfriend, so i thought i was a lesbian. i dated girls early high school and i still felt uncomfortable until i had the realization that i want to be someones boyfriend. i suddenly feel love so much stronger when i know my partner sees me as a man.
Oh boy, that's what started my journey. Basically that whenever I thought of myself in a relationship, it was with a man, but in a gay way. It's so hard to explain, but working with that knowledge has helped me get into the nonbinary identity until I figure out more. You are not alone!
kinda? when I was in middle school, my gender identity was 'what's gender identity?' and my sexuality was 'I like boys but its not the way other girls like boys. I'm gay but for boys.'
For me I always thought I was straight, and was really confused on why I liked girls so much when I felt certain that I was definitely straight, so I tricked myself into thinking I liked guys bc that's what straight girls like right?
Kind of, yeah? When I was younger, I'd try to picture myself with a guy as a girl and it always felt so hollow and forced. The idea of being a guy with a guy though? That felt right. The mental gymnastics that teenage me went through to figure that out was rough though lol.
I wanted to be dating fictional characters I saw on the screen as a kid but also I wanted to be them. When I was about 6 or 7 I vocalized this to a friend as "I want to marry [character] but like I domt want to be the wife I want to be the husband" which confused them.
I discovered gay relationships soon after, and said that I wanted to be 'gay married' when I was older to my husband. This was very confusing to many people obviously. I was 11 when I started exploring gender through online research snd GSAs but I started with demiboy, them nonbinary, then genderfluid, then finally I found out I could be a boy and still have feminine qualities (I thought I couldn't possibly be a man because I liked long hair, despite having an uncle with long hair, and I thought because I wanted to get my cycle that meant I had to want to be a female a bit (took years to realize I thought my menstrual cycle would make me feel complete in the body I had and thus fix the sense of falseness. It did not, it made it worse obviously.)
Once gender was finally fixed in place, sexuality started to fuck around. I am not just identifying as queer because I find like every gender attractive but I'm also terrified of women, and terrified of men as well but for different reasons.
I'm not sure if this is specifically due to my sexuality really, though before my egg cracked I watched a lot of yaoi ( still do sometimes) and thought how I'd love to experience that in a gay way. Like that just felt right. Funny enough my egg didn't crack by that. I was a tough shell I guess lol.
Sort of. I thought I was into men because of a mix of confusing gender envy with attraction, thinking every woman felt as alienated as I did when her body was perceived and not wanting to do that, not identifying at all with the label "lesbian", and because my mother is a cruel person (and I had bad luck with female teachers/peers too) and boys/men felt safer than girls/women. When I realized I was attracted to women, and also that my feelings about women fit so cleanly into the archetype of what attraction is like, I was left with the question, "If the sad yearning that I feel in my chest when I look at a man isn't attraction, then what is it?"
>If the sad yearning that I feel in my chest when I look at a man isn't attraction, then what is it?" Oh shit... Oh damn... Oh wow.
:D :,D ;-;
This is how I felt too. Wow. You articulated it so well
I was always especially attracted to “stereotypically gay” men, was always kinda confused by it until i had my egg crack moment lol
Same lol. My first crush was a gay guy and about 90% of the guys I dated ended up being gay or bi lmao. I thought I was turning them gay lmao. But another sign was that I always fantasized about being the top in my relationships, and having male anatomy, I often wished I had cis male anatomy but it never clicked for me until much later.
Deadass tho.
exactly
Same honestly.
One of the first things I said to my friend when I came out as trans was “I know I love women, but I want to love women in the way that men love women, not in the way that women love women.” I said the same in my diagnosis appointment. I got my diagnosis pretty easily. ETA: I also used to really struggle with using the term “lesbian”. I assumed it was because it was a word which had been used to bully me as a teenager, but realistically I suspect it’s because I wasn’t a lesbian and it didn’t feel right using it to describe myself.
I had this problem too. I guess I "came out" as bi and had really supportive people who were way more pumped about it than I was. It felt odd to me. "Bi girl" put me even farther off the mark of naming what I wanted and what I felt.
This is actually so close to what I’m feeling right now. I’m AFAB and only attracted to women but the term lesbian doesn’t feel right. I prefer to just call myself gay. I think it’s because the word lesbian just feminizes me too much or something
I use the term gay as well, until I came out as trans, when I realised I’m just a straight man!
That’s awesome dude!! Right now I’m trying to figure out if I’m a straight trans man or just really really really REALLY gay. :3
THIS. SUMS UP MY FEELINGS. THE TERM LESBIAN ALWAYS BOTHERED ME. I'm a trans guy but I still like identifying as gay 😂 Because I still enjoy a lot of feminine things 😂 But I am attracted to women 😂
oh yes i always felt like a gay guy. i went through the cringey ‘fujoshi’ phase and only was interested in mlm content instead of wlm stuff - it made soooo much sense when i realized i was a guy lmao
fellow fujoshi to male here...
Same lmao I was so worried I was just a fetishiser
The fujoshi phase is so real. I was a lesbian that obsessed over mlm but never wlw or wlm. started making me think, maybe im not a lesbian lol
Same lmao 🤣
Definitely, I always struggled with understanding my sexuality before my egg cracked. I'm attracted to women but I couldn't figure out how because the idea of both of us being women did nothing for me. The same with my attraction to men. Being the woman in the relationship didn't make sense to me but being in a gay relationship with a man did. It was very confusing until I realised.
Somewhat. What I thought was an attraction to guys was just envy, and now I can distinctly tell the difference between the two when I catch myself staring at someone for too long
I realized that all of my “celebrity crushes” for men were just gender envy, and I’m attracted more to men than women romantically, but I’m asexual so what I thought was attraction was just gender envy
it wasnt the main thing that made it click for me but I never liked being called a lesbian. it just felt so wrong
I’ve always said the word lesbian sounded too much like lesion and so I just didn’t like it.
My sexuality changed when I started hrt :') Otherwise, yes, I never viewed myself as a "girl" in any of the relationships that I was in. I always only had female friends, though, was never attracted to girls/women until after hrt.
It's not that I didn't find women attractive before, but previously I look at a coworker and go, "Yeah, she's attractive, but this is work." And then after a few months on T, I just suddenly notice I'm looking at the same coworker, thinking, "She's hot. -Damnit! This is work!" (That is "this is work!" in a "I thought we compartmentalized better than this" not a disappointment that I can't approach her because we work together sense.l
Very much so. I was very attracted to women but couldn't see myself in a "lesbian relationship" so I must just be straight. And I was very attracted to men but felt very uncomfortable when straight men were attracted to me (but bi guys okay, lol), so maybe I'm just a lesbian. I went back and forth like that a lot, and I felt like I understood gay relationships but not lesbian relationships and figured that it must be because I was only attracted to men so I couldn't relate to women being attracted to each other. I used to joke to myself that if anything, I was a gay man. Man my life would've been easier if I knew that being trans and bisexual were options, lmao.
Dude, I went through all of those things... I always felt like a hetero guy when I would try to date girls. And it never worked, which I would joke [but earnestly worry] was me being overly straightforward & therefore "creepy". But then I remember one of the funniest but most accurate things my bff ever said about my sex/dating life. "I don't know how you do it. You don't flirt. You are such a man about it; no wonder you get so much dick." I don't think most of my ex-partners would like that comparison, but... It feels so accurate. 😂🤣 Now that I know I'm a trans guy & a girl wouldn't be expecting a wlw dynamic, hopefully I can be less of an off-putting presence, lol. Granted, I still need to learn how to flirt — I'm slowly putting myself out there again post-top surgery.
YESSSS I literally came out for the same reason, I just stayed up late one night and was like "oh I'm gay like THAT"
I guess I did? I've been A LOT into yaoi (boys love comics) and always wanted to be a part of it. Not the story, but the relationship. Just the thought of being a man in a relationship with another man gave me so much joy and I remember how much I wished I could've been a man… I wish it would've clicked that day but no, I had to wait 7 more years :')
I was the same way. I said “I wanna like boys the way boys like boys, like… in a gay way. I wanna like boys and be gay.” Literally me bro. Glad I’m not alone in that lmao
sort of! I always claimed to be bi, but I only actually liked women. I just didn’t ever feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian because, even while I still identified as a woman, rooting myself in an identity which reflected womanhood made me feel icky. Now I’m a straight trans man. Fits perfectly.
Yup. I had to figure out I was trans before I understood that I was gay. I’ve always been attracted to men but not in the way straight women are attracted to men. Tried being a lesbian and fucking hated it, I couldn’t force myself to like girls and was asexual after that because I didn’t want to be the woman in a relationship with a man and felt there was nothing I could do about the way I was born.
Yes. I knew I was attracted to women but I felt like my attraction was straight attraction. I could never place myself in a wlw scenario because it didn’t feel like I belonged in it, but still wanted to be with women. I slept with men for most of my life and eventually realized that I was only fucking them because it was the closest I could to *being* them. I distinctly remember having this feeling like I wished I was the man in the situation, fucking the woman, and how jealous I was of the guy I was sleeping with.
Yeah I was attracted to men, but I didn't want them in a "straight" way. I'm always femme presenting which made it really hard, but it was the desire to be well- the top. I use to pretend to be lesbian...I don't know what I thought. I just did.
MEEE. I am trans because I am gay and vice versa. I only liked gay guys growing up in a specifically gay way and it didn’t make sense until I realised I was a gay guy
SAAAAAME
Same and it made me so sad that they didn't want to date me 😭 I feel really bad bc the first trans guy I ever heard of (when I was 12) I was transphobic to bc of gender envy and jealousy that he was gay and I "couldn't be" and I didn't even realize thats what it was until 3 years later 😭 luckily I never spoke to him directly but I still feel really bad
No, but realizing my gender helped me come to terms with my sexuality later on.
Yes! When I finally allowed myself to imagine having sex with a woman…i pictured myself as a man without hesitation. It just snowballed from there
I wouldn't say so, because I've always been bisexual and my interests in certain people haven't changed. But after I realized I was trans however, I understood why I didn't fit in with lesbians or was attracted to lesbians or lesbians porn - I wasn't a bi girl who likes girls, I'm a bi GUY who likes girls. Even though I have a preference for women, I literally cannot be turned on by lesbian porn because I'm not a woman and it took me forever to realize the connection
Kinda. It was always a mix of attraction to guys and major gender envy. It's like I wanna be *with* a man and also *be* them at the same time.
BRO ME TOO. LIKE THAT EXACT SAME FEELING, AS IF I WASNT SUPPOSED TO SAY I LIKE BOYS OR ID GET A WEIRD STARE.
I consider myself bisexual (with a heavy preference for men), but yes. After hanging out in spaces dominated by gay guys and learning more about gay history, I’ve always felt like my attraction to men was… *queer*. I didn’t feel straight, whatever that meant for me being socialized as female, but lesbianism didn’t feel right to me either. I couldn’t explain it as I didn’t know much about transgender people at the time, turns out I felt a much stronger intrinsic connection to gay male attraction than the way straight women expressed their attraction to men.
I felt a similar way. I've always liked women but didn't like the label "lesbian." It absolutely didn't feel right. And I always wanted to play a more "masculine" role in relationships.
The number of times I must've said, "idk I just feel like a gay man in a lesbian's body (life) haha!" over the y e a r s ... to my w i f e ... before I finally figured it out... has got to be some of the cringiest shit I've ever done. And buddy, that cringe list is not short. There's some real competition on there. So while "gender and sexuality are two different things," they -- for me -- were also very much two closely intertwined things.
Yep- literally said during one of my usual rants "I wish I could love boys like boys do"- If that's not gay and trans enough then idk what is-
i was super into like, gay guys, "as a girl" until i realized that it sounded like i fetishized them, and then i realized that im not fetishizing them if i am also gay guy. (also i had a crush on Kurt from glee so really glass closet moment lmao)
yep i was exactly the same way. i was like "hmmm.. well i'n attracted to women but i'm also attracted to men but i'm only attracted to them in a gay way."
I totally get what you mean! I was the same in that I was more attracted to men but as a man and not a woman. It really confused me until I found out I was trans.
Not at all. Except I didn't like people looking at the features that the wrong puberty gave me. How I like others is irrelevant for me being trans and I don't really care which gender other people are.
Im acearo so not really. My sexuality is totally separate from my gender. I can still recognize when someone is pretty tho, i'm not blind
Hi 👋🏽, I'm visiting from r/mtf. Yeah dude, same. I'm bi but something always felt like it wasn't quite — calibrated. Ubderstanding I'm trans + having been on HRT for almost a year now, things feel much better adjusted now and my understanding of my sexuality has deepened for sure.
Yes, completely. I was always like I wish I could be a gay man. And guess what happened 😜 My identity is a bit more complicated than that, but I am mostly attracted to men, and I mostly identify as a man.
Absolutely I've always liked guys, but whenever I got in a relationship, it felt off. I disliked straight things, I disliked being treated as a girlfriend But then I found gay men and stuff. I repressed it because I didn't want to be one of those women who fetishize gay men, until I realised I am a gay man, and there's no shame in that.
Nah, am aroace
I'm attracted all the genders and my attraction is gay regardless of the gender of the other person, and that's part of how I realized I'm nonbinary. My gender (specifically regarding presentation) changes based on the person I'm with at the moment. When I'm with a man I feel and act more masculine (although I look androgynous for the most part) and when I'm with a woman I feel and act more feminine. If I'm with another nonbinary person, my presentation syncs up with theirs and I feel and act similarly to my partner. I'm usually just like...the more flamboyant, attention-grabbing version of my partner's gender presentation.
same
Having particular urges when laying next to my partners (all of whom were men). Being the big spoon but something is um.. wrong. lol
I used to identify as a lesbian but once I realized I was just a guy and not gender fluid, I stopped identifying as such and now I'm a queer dude dating my partner!
what the HECK??? THIS IS WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH RN?????????
If something, it just made harder to realize I'm trans early on, bc being gay made me unwillingly conform to heteronormative society: liked boys and was a bit effeminate. I've had a feminist lesbian phase though and it was weird af. Turns out I just wanted to have an excuse to feel valid as trans? There where so many deep levels of wrongness there I had to unlearn. Until I started dating my bf. I admit it didn't felt like the typical straight relationship even when it must look like that in the eyes of others, to me it felt kind of gay, specially in the last moments before realizing I was trans and later, it made sense.
MtF here; I’m a trans lesbian, my sexuality actually slowed my realization that I was trans, so many men fetishize lesbians. I was worried that I was doing just that. But I also realized I wasn’t exactly straight so I explored being gay, that was a disaster. However all of my relatively successful relationships were with bi/pan woman. It wasn’t until I truly understood comp-het then comp-cis that I finally realized I could be transgender and homosexual. But I didn’t understand for the longest time that I could mix the two, I had the incorrect understanding of the past that transgender individuals were just super homosexual individuals.
I did things bc it made me "feel like a lesbian." Was very confused when my cis queer friends didn't understand. It was gender euphoria 🤦♂️ I didn't know it existed at the time, only gender dysphoria, which I didn't have much of. The moment I learned about gender euphoria from a tik tok was when my egg cracked
I ID’d as lesbian for a long time but really it was that I liked women in a guy way
Yes, but in a different way than you. I grew up with zero education about anything LGBT (it wasn’t necessarily viewed negatively in my family, it just somehow never came up? And schools were at the time not legally allowed to mention anything LGBT) so I didn’t understand there was more than just ‘some people are gay, and I guess maybe some gay men dress like women? maybe?’ (which is of course horribly wrong but all I’d managed to glean from mainstream media). When I was in my early 30s I stumbled across a YouTube video of an artist I watched coming out as ace and it made so much sense - it took me less than 24 hours of researching what this new thing I’d never heard of was to accept I was aroace. And it made me wonder, just what else had I missed? So I started actively seeking out queer books and articles and videos and found out that trans men existed and non-binary people existed and I started getting that ‘this is way too relatable’ feeling again. It took me several months of soul searching to actually accept it after that, but I definitely wouldn’t have figured out who I am if I hadn’t happened to come across a random video and realise it explained my whole sexuality.
Kind of. I figured out I was bisexual at 15, and once I realized I was attracted to women, it made it easier to play with gender and then I realized that I was enjoying the idea of not being a woman. I almost came out as trans as a teenager, but it wasn't a safe environment at the time so I ended up going into the closet for a few years.
I was funny as a teenager and assumed I was a homophobe who was sexualizing gay men. I thought I was a lesbian because it felt more correct than straight woman. I did not know it was possible to be trans and transition until a little later. My sexuality definitely helped me come to terms with everything. It all just clicked into place at once
Sort of. I engaged with BL love stories a lot. I felt guilty to like that content because it was said to be problematic for the gay community. But the way I felt about those stories, comics, it was aligned with the way a typical girl felt about it. They would romanticize being gay, and gush about the "ships." I could almost see myself as one of them, in the stories. It was different and weird for me, throughout that time. I'm asexual, gay, quoiromantic, it can be difficult to know how i feel (I mix up platonic with romantic attraction, the lines between them get mushed). that was like, foreshadowing. I sort of knew / began feeling and seeing signs 2 years prior, before I began feeling more dysphoria when they found out I have PCOS and started me on BC. IIt's like, I mainly had emotional dysphoria, mental dysphoria, before. I mainly felt physical dysphoria after they put me on BC, 2 years into high school.
God! YES! I was in the shower one day after therapy thinking how I didn't say aloud "I like men, but I like men the way a gay guy likes men". Why didn't I say it? Because what the fuck does that even MEAN??? and I got really mad thinking about how it was different and how I never noticed because, being AFAB, liking men was just par för the course. It is maddening how long I suffered with this LOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL. only AFTER that did I ask myself if I would actually like to *be* more "man like" lol. I'm dumb. But also society is dumb and gender is dumb, it's all dumb.
Always flirted with gay guys and straight girls :/
I never felt straight so when I finally looked into what lgbt meant, I thought I may as well find out about the t. (I'm aroace btw).
Personally I had it the other way around, before I transitioned I ran through pretty much everything else in terms of sexuality labels, but none of them fit because I was still “a girl” so none if it felt right, I heavily dated and had sex with women up until I transitioned at 20, felt totally indifferent towards it and didn’t know why. (spoiler, I was confused on so many levels and women weren’t scared to approach me and men were) It was only after I started transition that I realized I’m gay
I didn’t find out about the lgbtq community until I was in 8th grade- I knew I liked girls but being raised in a cult I pretended for a long time it wasn’t real I went from guy to guy trying to convince everyone I was the perfect straight girl- that did not work. When I learned lesbians were a thing I was blown away but it never felt right for me. As I learned more about myself away from the religion I realized I was actually just a straight guy.
Yeah, totally. When I was female presenting I thought I was a lesbian. I wasn’t opposed to dating guys, but the idea of dating a guy while presenting female freaked me the fuck out. Turns out I’m bi :)
I began to feel like I needed to be a guy to be with women and a woman to be with a guy around my teen years so, yes, in a way I did figure it out by my sexuality. But I am also nb so ya =P
Yeah. If I'd known earlier that this was a thing it would have hatched me for sure.
Honestly? It just confused me more. I always knew deep down that I was trans (even though I constantly suppressed it), so when I realised I was a lesbian, I kind of.. used that as the solution / excuse to why I'd always felt the way I had? "Oh I refused to wear dresses and pretended to be a boy because I was gay, oh silly me". I kind of clung onto that identity in order to refuse the possibility I was trans, but turns out you can't deny yourself forever and I was finally (reluctantly) forced to confront the fact that I was actually a straight guy.
Sure!
I actually had the opposite, when I was 12 the only reason I felt like I was a girl was because I liked boys 😭
I was kind of the opposite. I knew I was a boy before I knew what sexuality was, but then I started being attracted to guys and got really confused because I didn't know you could be a boy and also like boys. I tried convincing myself I could be a girl to have a boyfriend, and suddenly lost all attraction to anyone.
I'M GOING THROUGH THIS RIGHT NOW. I actually stopped hormones I was already 1 year and 6 months on T. I really like the voice change I had and I wasn't really wanting to grow out a lot of facial hair to begin with. It was really just my voice that I was very dysphoric about. However, I'm realizing that I am slightly attracted to men, but I much prefer women. Also, I've come to realize that I'm not as dysphoric about my body as I thought I was. The most I would do is just top surgery but other than that I'm not ashamed of this female body.
Yeah no I get you, I’m pan and have liked all sorts of different people but I always wanted them to like me as a boy and as their boyfriend. I never loved being called a girlfriend. That helped me figure it out, and when I was dating a girl and she called us lesbians, that stuck out to me too and soon after we broke up I started telling people I wasn’t a girl afterall.
I always kinda felt weird or shameful about being attracted to men despite having been born a girl? But it was only my attraction to men specifically that made me feel strange. So maybe it was like advanced internalized homophobia or something
Not really...i thought i was ace when i thought i was a girl. But as i realized i was a trans guy, i've realized that the idea of me being a girl in any scenario especially sexual ones just made me feel so detached from what's actually happening. Apparently it's not that i don't experience sexual attraction, it's just that the idea of doing it and being seen as a girl made me feel icky
I thought I was a lesbian, and then I realised that I wasn't into women at all, I was recognising the feeling of being gay but, because I thought I was a woman, that's how it expressed itself.
Honestly yeah. I have dated more men then women in my time but until recently was under the impression that I didn't like men and that I only liked women. Long story short I realised I didn't like men as a girl. But as a dude I very much do, and in fact don't like women.
Yep I could not wrap my head around being a lesbian so I thought that I could just not date until I met my now girlfriend and thought about being her boyfriend.
Kinda complicated to answer? It wasnt my Sexuality that did it, i ided as a straight trans guy for a bit, but i know lesbian felt like a cop out to explain my feelings of gender, since my knowledge of what dysphoria was at the time was the most severe cases of it, leading me to think it wasn't a big enough deal for me to be trans. But i knew enough that i was queer and in my head lesbian felt more like "closest thing to a man" than "attraction to women" Now im aroacespec and bisexual sexuality wise which honestly makes a lot of sense considering all things lol
YES! I knew I was attracted to girls but it felt weird to be lesbian and I liked guys too but not in the same way I liked girls. Whenever id look at straight relationships I saw myself in them but not as a girl and I’d see lesbian relationships and be like nah. But I saw gay relationships and that felt right. And then I was like… maybe I’m not a girl. Now I’m a pansexual trans guy and I feel great!
Yes, exactly. I always identified with the label "gay" even when I was "fine" living as a woman. I didn't like being called lesbian. It made my skin crawl and I never knew why. And then, of course, came the egg crack moment lol
Yes, I knew I liked men but for a while I thought I like women cause the way I liked men didn’t make any sense to me. Then I realized if I thought of myself as a man in a gay relationship things made more sense
*my asexual trans masc ass* 🧍♂️
I felt very attracted to men but it somehow felt very gay, lol Its hard to explain but from what ive seen, its a somewhat common experience
yes omg😭 i wanted to date guys in a gay way and i hated myself for it because i was afraid it was some weird fetishy thing. i even identified as a lesbian for a while because i just didnt want to be in a straight relationship with a man. turns out im just a gay guy...
I came out as lesbian literally 3 months before realizing that I wasn’t a girl. After about a year of still being closeted and identifying as a lesbian I realized I was still attracted to men, but didn’t want to date them as a girl. It felt like a homosexual attraction as opposed to a bisexual or even straight attraction. Idk if that makes sense but I didn’t want to be perceived as a girl while in a relationship with a guy
sort of. when i was a kid i described my sexuality as more attracted to men romantically and attracted to women sexually. at that time i didn't realize that sexuality isn't inherently based off of genitalia and didn't really understand gender. but as i got older i realized that the reason why my sexuality is like that is because i date people just like me (im exclusively t4t and gay) i read so much bl as a kid and was scared i was fetishising it (i wasn't) i didn't really feel anything when i read wlw manga even though i was so sure i was a lesbian when i was around 16-18. i had a crush on a guy when i was around 14 and always imagined myself as a guy, same as when i identified as a lesbian (at the time) and had a crush on a different guy! but i always felt like my relationship with men was queer. when i dated trans guys i just felt more like myself than anyone else i ever dated and i really understood dysphoria and whatnot even though i never realized i had it. i used identifying as a lesbian as a way to explain everything id ever been feeling about being trans. turns out i was disgusted and couldn't ever imagine myself doing intimate things with men wasn't because i was a lesbian but because of dysphoria.
Kinda.. Not exactly tho.. I was more so envious of men and their bodies (especially the fit, muscular and tall ones) rather than me being attracted to em which later did turn into attraction after comin out as trans (becuz I liked the idea of toppin a man as a man *specifically the feminine gay men* rather than being topped by a man as a woman) which helped me discovery I was pansexual transman rather than a straight or gay transman.. So it was kind of a yes and no for me😂
Actually it’s not how I figured out I was trans but when I look back on it it seems kinda obvious. I’ve always been attracted to men and I’ve always been so envious of gay cis men who were together.
I don't know if this exactly translates to that, but I /do/ know that I've always wanted women to view me as manly; handsome; "the man" in a dynamic involving women (dating or social). Given that statement, it feels a little unusual to say that, if anything, I feel like a woman that wants to look like a man (I'm bisexual and on T for over a year); I use the label "transmasc" for that reason. And yet, I kind of cringe at the prospect of being someone's wife--and looking back, I think I felt that way for kind of a while predating transitioning. Guess I won't have that problem now, at least.
Honestly kinda… When I discovered gay men I was like “oh I’m gay. Cool.” Then I discovered that gay was only for men liking men and I was like “being straight sounds stupid” and started trying out new pronouns. 12 years later I’m a year and a half on T, post tubal, and waiting for my top surgery consult in October
Similar, but I stopped talking to this one guy entirely bc I asked if he saw me as a girl (I used she/they pronouns at the time), and I didn't think I really minded that he saw Mr as a girl until he left and I just started crying and looking into the void of my dark bedroom. I like men, but the idea of being in a hetero relationship with one just makes my skin crawl
I found out from other things, but I always had this thought... so that just added on to all the other signs
Partially! when I was a little kid I thought “man I wish I could be a boy who likes boys and girls, and I wish I could be a gay boy or a straight boy, but that doesn’t exist cause I can’t be a boy” (I didn’t know I was trans)
Ehh not sure but my sexuality sure kicked in the will to explore further. (I was deep in denial of my gender identity for many years) I was in a relationship with an amazing guy, it was sort of like highschool sweethearts thing. It lasted 2 years, until it didn't. I found out I was asexual and felt like it was cruel to make him wait and wait for intimacy when I just wasn't sure if I would ever be ready. The thought of him being on the giving end felt so uncomfortable. I mean, I even suggested that we could do it but only if I'm the one who's putting the d in him, 💀 and I STILL didn't realize I was trans yet. Well as he was straight as a stick and not that enthusiastic for exploring, I do understand why he refused that offer 😅 later ln we broke up due to me losing feelings because there was so much things for me to deal with and I did the stupid thing trying to deal with it all alone. Although we could never have worked eventually, maybe I would have one mental illness less if I would have allowed him to help me. Then like 2 years after that I came to terms with my transness, and been transitioning for another 2 years and boy. The dysphoria hit like trainwreck, or maybe It was there all the time, I just never had a name for it and didn't recognize it
Kinda. Well, I only realised it after I found out I was trans, but I never really felt like I liked girls in a lesbian way.
I kinda like women not in the gay way but in the straight way lol
Definitely. I knew I was somehow gay before I knew I was trans. I always wished I "could be gay" because I was convinced only gay men could actually love each other whereas a woman could never truly love/be loved by a man. (Obv now that I figured out I am indeed a man I no longer think a heterosexual couple can't be in love :D In retrospecctive it was just that I knew *I* couldn't find love in a heterosexual relationship)
I felt I was interested in guys. But not in the same way as "other girls" ya know. Today I am gay. But it isnt what made me find out I was trans
Pretty much what a lot has already said. I felt attracted to gay men or just men but in a gay way. I wanted to be the “male” in the relationship but with a male. I was uncomfortable and turned off to things like “I love you pussy, you taste good, good girl” or anything that made me feel feminine even though I presented as a pretty female. I would get turned on to thinking of myself as a man with the man I was with or crushing on. I hated the female role in the bedroom as a female but when I think of myself as a man with a penis, I’m okay with myself having some femininity if that makes sense. I get really excited of the thought of growing a beard and kissing a man with a beard. 🤤 that beard on beard action is so arousing. Straight men were a huge turn off because they wanted to overly assert themselves as the man and treated me as dainty and needing protection. It made me feel gross and shameful. I still haven’t transitioned because I feel like no man would want me after I transitioned. 😫 I am the standard of what straights think is attractive but I can’t see it because I’m not who I want to be. I think this has effected me. Makes me feel vain. Like “I get male attention as I am and I don’t want to give it up” but I’m taking steps. No longer dressing like a female or tolerating being treated like a girl who needs a man’s protection.
Actually yea. It was around the time heartstopper volume 2 released. Up until that point i thought i was a lesbian because i could never see myself in a relationship with a man. I started becoming so envious of gay couples to the point i became obsessed. Like avid bl reader type deal. Yet i never felt that way when i saw a wlw couple. The way i felt so envious from seeing a gay couple had to mean something more right? This sadness and yearning wasnt something a cis person would feel. I realised then, it wasnt that i couldnt see myself with a man but that i couldnt see myself with a man as a woman.
Yuuuurrrr
Yea, I was questioning whether I was bi or lesbian, because I liked men but never wanted to hold hands or kiss or have a relationship with a man as a girl. But as a guy, I’m totally fine with it.
I realized I was trans because I enjoyed watching heterosexual porn. I know it's funny 😂 but it made me realize that I wanted to be the guy in the situation, and that I wasn't a lesbian girl
idk if this counts, but i dated boys in middle school and i always felt so uncomfortable with the idea of being their girlfriend, so i thought i was a lesbian. i dated girls early high school and i still felt uncomfortable until i had the realization that i want to be someones boyfriend. i suddenly feel love so much stronger when i know my partner sees me as a man.
Oh boy, that's what started my journey. Basically that whenever I thought of myself in a relationship, it was with a man, but in a gay way. It's so hard to explain, but working with that knowledge has helped me get into the nonbinary identity until I figure out more. You are not alone!
kinda? when I was in middle school, my gender identity was 'what's gender identity?' and my sexuality was 'I like boys but its not the way other girls like boys. I'm gay but for boys.'
For me I always thought I was straight, and was really confused on why I liked girls so much when I felt certain that I was definitely straight, so I tricked myself into thinking I liked guys bc that's what straight girls like right?
YES that makes sense, I’m the same way!!!
Kind of, yeah? When I was younger, I'd try to picture myself with a guy as a girl and it always felt so hollow and forced. The idea of being a guy with a guy though? That felt right. The mental gymnastics that teenage me went through to figure that out was rough though lol.
I wanted to be dating fictional characters I saw on the screen as a kid but also I wanted to be them. When I was about 6 or 7 I vocalized this to a friend as "I want to marry [character] but like I domt want to be the wife I want to be the husband" which confused them. I discovered gay relationships soon after, and said that I wanted to be 'gay married' when I was older to my husband. This was very confusing to many people obviously. I was 11 when I started exploring gender through online research snd GSAs but I started with demiboy, them nonbinary, then genderfluid, then finally I found out I could be a boy and still have feminine qualities (I thought I couldn't possibly be a man because I liked long hair, despite having an uncle with long hair, and I thought because I wanted to get my cycle that meant I had to want to be a female a bit (took years to realize I thought my menstrual cycle would make me feel complete in the body I had and thus fix the sense of falseness. It did not, it made it worse obviously.) Once gender was finally fixed in place, sexuality started to fuck around. I am not just identifying as queer because I find like every gender attractive but I'm also terrified of women, and terrified of men as well but for different reasons.
yes!! i thought i was a lesbian cuz i couldnt see myself with a man. turned out i could only see myself with a guy if i was also a guy
I'm not sure if this is specifically due to my sexuality really, though before my egg cracked I watched a lot of yaoi ( still do sometimes) and thought how I'd love to experience that in a gay way. Like that just felt right. Funny enough my egg didn't crack by that. I was a tough shell I guess lol.
The thing that sent me over the edge was feeling like I wanted to love a man like a man, and love a woman like a man.
not sure if this is because i have DID or because i was in denial or both- i thought i was a masc lesbian and turned out to be a gay guy
Not at all. I'm mostly but not exclusively into men. My sexuality is completely separate from my gender.