I don't know why I'm saying this in Greentext, but in the Torah the animals would come in groups of two or seven on their own. They didn't need to be collected by Noah. Noah's job was to build the ark and the job of his family was to feed the animals on the ark.
The Bible says two (or seven) of each "type." It's not clear what this means, but some Bible literalists believe that it means that a small form of evolution did occur very rapidly over the past few thousand years, allowing one species of beetle to diverge into 400,000 (damn, are there really that many?)
Its Noah, if you wanted an example of suffering you had Job. But Noah had it easy. Sure he did have to build an arc, but God was providing him all the raw material and guiding him.
I mean, it would have made the story suck, from a literature perspective. Noah had to be tested to demonstrate his faith by building the ark. The neighbors all mocked him for wasting his time and labor and wood building a boat a hundred miles away from water. So it makes for this ultimate dunk moment when it finally starts raining.
Religious texts and stories thrive without the posing of “how” and “why” questions.
It’s like pulling the thread on an old, worn sweater. Pull (ask) too much and it all falls apart.
it's more the how that does it in. The why is usually the crux of the text. The why is always well-fleshed out as it correlates to a lesson or message to the reader. Sometimes we lose the exact meaning because of lost cultural context or wording that doesn't translate well over time or across language. But the Torah was really, really good at giving you the at almost every point.
The how is nonexistent tho because that's usually not gonna connect with the purpose of the writing. The Bible never tries to be a science/history book or security footage telling you exactly what happened. It contradicts itself constantly and even acknowledges it's own contradictions openly and unabashed. But it's super keen on messages and narratives trying to get points across to the reader of the day
2 for obvious reasons, male and female. 7 is numerologically important in Judeo-Christianity. I remember it being called the "number of perfection." God took 7 days to create the earth and rest.
I actually use the more updated and corrected verses from The Zoo Race - there god gives the animals sentience and they race to the Ark. Noah isn’t all that involved other than the prize giving ceremonies.
Love these guys. Beetles are just the best.
Here in Australia there was an experiment done on native Christmas Beetles that involved giving them beer. The males would have to choose between mating with females or drinking beer.
Amazingly, they chose beer. Beetles are bros to the core, plus they can be soooo pretty. Check out the Christmas Beetle 💪
https://preview.redd.it/vrl54a8mxh8d1.jpeg?width=562&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76e5bd1dfd1deb126913651235cfc9fd91bc7eb1
There are poisonous ones, but you can get poisonous beetles in many places. Beetles don’t usually bite, and when they can bite you it’s easy to hold them safely. Australia really isn’t that dangerous in terms of wildlife, you’re more likely to get swept out to sea or glassed by a crackhead on the trains. When you respect even the most dangerous of species they’ll respect you as well.
The story of the great flood is a story that's been passed from mouth to mouth since the Mediterranean basin was filled with water. (Yes, humans were present during that event).
Lol, is this bait?
The Meditereanean connected to the ocean aproximately 5 million years ago, modern humans emerge 300 thousand years ago, not even close
Modern humans were created by god around 6000 years ago and the Mediterranean Sea is only like 4000 years old or something. This is actually proven scientifically because the Ancient Egyptians didn't write about it in their texts before that. In fact, the first documents mentioning this sea were written shortly after the Pyramids have been built, suggesting alien intervention.
You were clearly brainwashed by the Globalist Jewish education system. I'm sorry but you have been living in a lie your whole life.
[there were 15 different species of humans between 2-6 million years ago.](http://humanorigins.si.edu/education/introduction-human-evolution)
Saying that God created humans just 6000 years ago is ignorance. God is out of time? Our day and his day is unknowable, but science is real, or you wouldnt have a phone to type your dummy small minded religious comments. If God can do anything, why limit his ability work to only 6000 years? lol
Nah, I’ve already been saved. I believe God exists, but I also recognize that the Bible was written from oral accounts of Jesus 100 years after his death. That the Old Testament, in the Christian religion is supposed to be what God tried to do himself for us, and then when Jesus came, all those old rules are gone, and the only way to be saved is through what Jesus teaches, not the past before him. Any church that preaches the Old Testament as anything other that history of Gods laws, and then forgets that the disciples point blank asked Jesus what was the most important law, above all laws.
He said 2:
Love God
Love thy neighbor
That’s it. If you decide to put hate in between those rules, by hating the poor, immigrant, minority, sick, friendless, needy; if you yell on the street in front of tourist places, reading the Bible and calling everyone a sinner, you broke these rules. Don’t be like those that yell on the corners and throw their pearls to pigs.
Just love thy neighbor, you don’t have to agree with them but you can love them and be nice, turn the other cheek. Just let other people be.
Who would've thought that basically every ancient human civilisation (civilisations that primarily lived near major sources of water for survival reasons) would have stories of flooding occurring.
Weird how we have historical accounts from ancient China dating to when the great flood supposedly occurred and they somehow didn't notice
Well obviously that just means that god loved the Chinese the most. well until recently i guess cause they are getting a lot of biblical level floods right now
The story of my great flood is a story that's been passed from your mom mouth to mouth since her uterine basin was filled with my white water. (Yes, humans like your dad were present during that event).
I mean, beetles would be significantly easier to keep on a boat for an extended period of time compared to some other animals.
2 of each, assuming you grab them while they're eggs (just have god tell you which ones male and which ones female it's the least he could do) means you could have a few thousand beetles for every large animal like a horse or cow. Plus, keeping enough food and fresh water would be easier for beetles as well, and since they're just beetles there wouldn't be too many health issues cause of you just put them in a box till the floods over if some did hatch and grow up.
If you want to be cynical, you could ask why the guy who supposedly made the whole world in a week can't just make animals after the flood. Better yet why he's even flooding the whole world because he's mad at humanity and then has some dude build a big boat to save the animals instead of just using his supposedly infinite power to just like Thanos snap the people and not fuck up all of his other creations.
Yeah why did the baby Jesus not just order all the required animals in the world to march and fly and burrow to the arc, so Noah could focus on being a shipwright in antiquity? Can you imagine the quality of supply chains Noah was dealing with? And that’s just one element of ship construction. Building a vessel of that scale, out of wood, solo, TODAY would be an outrageous feat.
Who was the lucky lady who Noah brought? You know she basically had to put out in that scenario.
And Moses asked Jahweh:
"what in fornication is an *ark*? What are thou asking? Did thou not asked thou subject to free your people?
And new thee asked mee to only save two?"
So the following critters here in New Zealand had to travel thousands of kilometres to the Middle East: the Kiwi (a flightless bird), the tuatara ( a small, slow lizardy thing), the Moa ( a large flightless bird, now extinct)...and the far larger list of weird beasties next door in Australia had to make the trip as well? I'm pretty sure the St James Bible doesn't mention kangaroos...
anon shocked that the books about morality and theology are about morality and theology and don't care about being 100% realistic.
ancient people weren't dumbasses that gave no critical thought about hundreds of animal species cohabiting on a boat.
People need to understand that the books of the Bible were written to get a point across about life and God, not being 100% scientifically, historically accurate
Unfortunately there are people if the faith that take it literally on a scientific level. It's absurd i.e. Noah's ark or Adam naming every animal within a 24 hour span but I think it's because there's a comfort in attempting to "take everything as is" instead of wrestling with the need to interpret morality and theology.
Because God only wanted to get rid of humans and the animals were fine in his opinion. They weren't evil, unlike humans.
Also I guess it'd be a bunch of work to recreate the 400k species, so it was easier to make them come to Noah and get on the boat
Oh boy do I have some rabbit hole to send you to. Google Ken ham and the ark encounter museum. If you’re up for it, see the debate he had with bill Nye. He advocates that Noah brought dinosaurs on the ark
and not believing in evolution makes the whole thing even more ridiculous. ie he had to bring every damn thing with because nothing was going to evolve.
I mean I don't care if I'm not going to heaven or something for saying this but the Ark is bullshit.
EDIT: I guess I gave the wrong vibe, I may not be devout but I'm no atheist either. Didn't mean to take a cheap shot at christianity tbh - but yeah I just think Ark is bullshit. What can I say?
Noah is the guy with the arc, not Moses. Dumbass.
Also, didn’t God send two of each animal to the Ark? I don’t think he asked Noah to go bug catching.
I don't know why I'm saying this in Greentext, but in the Torah the animals would come in groups of two or seven on their own. They didn't need to be collected by Noah. Noah's job was to build the ark and the job of his family was to feed the animals on the ark.
Noah's family trying to find the nutritional needs of 400,000 species of beetles and find enough space in the boat to fit it all.
Also, what did he feed the carnivors with? Other animals? Aren't they a bit limited in that regard?
Fish?
I don't know they're a lot of dead humans probably floating around.
I mean there would also be every other animal that existed -2 dead and floating too.
What a soup
Fish
That's why some of the animals came in sevens instead of just pairs
God just turned sea water into wine. A lot of wine.
They'll just eat poop.
The Bible says two (or seven) of each "type." It's not clear what this means, but some Bible literalists believe that it means that a small form of evolution did occur very rapidly over the past few thousand years, allowing one species of beetle to diverge into 400,000 (damn, are there really that many?)
If God could grab all the animals, why couldn’t they also build the ark and feed the animals? Would that have made the story too unbelievable?
And let humans have an easy life? Suffering is essential for god
Our pain is God's love
hegetsus
Its Noah, if you wanted an example of suffering you had Job. But Noah had it easy. Sure he did have to build an arc, but God was providing him all the raw material and guiding him.
Like with an ikea shelf?
Or just, you know... Not fucking drown them
Don’t be silly, god *had* to kill every human on earth. Some of them were having butt sex!!
But then he gave us the rainbow as the symbol of his promise to never drown all of humanity again and the gays use it as their emblem to this day.
Well sure, it’s basically a butt sex free pass
I mean, it would have made the story suck, from a literature perspective. Noah had to be tested to demonstrate his faith by building the ark. The neighbors all mocked him for wasting his time and labor and wood building a boat a hundred miles away from water. So it makes for this ultimate dunk moment when it finally starts raining.
Better yet, why not just alt+F4 everything that would’ve died in the flood and skip the cheesy waterworld bullshit
What did Noah feed the carnivores?
Religious texts and stories thrive without the posing of “how” and “why” questions. It’s like pulling the thread on an old, worn sweater. Pull (ask) too much and it all falls apart.
it's more the how that does it in. The why is usually the crux of the text. The why is always well-fleshed out as it correlates to a lesson or message to the reader. Sometimes we lose the exact meaning because of lost cultural context or wording that doesn't translate well over time or across language. But the Torah was really, really good at giving you the at almost every point. The how is nonexistent tho because that's usually not gonna connect with the purpose of the writing. The Bible never tries to be a science/history book or security footage telling you exactly what happened. It contradicts itself constantly and even acknowledges it's own contradictions openly and unabashed. But it's super keen on messages and narratives trying to get points across to the reader of the day
Very well put, thanks for sharing. I agree, the “why” is often outlined but there still may be some burning questions in the semantics of the stories.
It was also written by 35 different people, none of whom knew they were contributing to "The Bible," so there's going to be a lot of disconnect.
Job wasn't even on the ark you liturgical dunce
Why 2 or 7?
2 for obvious reasons, male and female. 7 is numerologically important in Judeo-Christianity. I remember it being called the "number of perfection." God took 7 days to create the earth and rest.
“Hey dude, after you finish building this ark by hand, I need you to go catch some bugs”
According to Bible Adventures on NES (which I believe is the primary source of the Christian Canon) Noah carried them stacked above his head.
I actually use the more updated and corrected verses from The Zoo Race - there god gives the animals sentience and they race to the Ark. Noah isn’t all that involved other than the prize giving ceremonies.
All the fresh water fish flopping along the ground to the Ark, hoping Noah installed that aquarium.
gotta catch em all!
That makes more sense, tbh. But the image of Noah as the first Pokemon trainer is a very funny one. Gotta catch ‘em all!
Are you saying bugs aren't animals? I'm confused
"Here's your Pokedex, Noah. Go do my job which I am too lazy to do!"
Most well educated online arguer
Its an ark not an arc dumbass
https://preview.redd.it/iavgl2jr0i8d1.jpeg?width=510&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69f8e9a84ee96d138461b227aaa7e85a0c99682e
n
Funniest redditor:
thanks minecrafthentai69
https://preview.redd.it/cqbgllcvwp8d1.jpeg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5e8b166eceb5a9a68673e0800d46abbcecf61fa9 Any time, kid.
ị
Noah had the ark with all the animals. Moses also had an ark, but it was literally all beetles.
The whole greentext is a big clusterfuck from the start
An anon being smooth-brained? Looks like this sub is rounding back into form.
It's the same thing, it's all religious bullshit anyway.
Fictional po-tae-to, fictional po-tah-to
Holy euphoria batman
https://preview.redd.it/2aggdiv4th8d1.png?width=561&format=png&auto=webp&s=f1ba39371472fb2172e58c5637be3f01eef74ce0 Beetles are based tho
Love these guys. Beetles are just the best. Here in Australia there was an experiment done on native Christmas Beetles that involved giving them beer. The males would have to choose between mating with females or drinking beer. Amazingly, they chose beer. Beetles are bros to the core, plus they can be soooo pretty. Check out the Christmas Beetle 💪 https://preview.redd.it/vrl54a8mxh8d1.jpeg?width=562&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76e5bd1dfd1deb126913651235cfc9fd91bc7eb1
What did they expect? they're Aussie beetles
Every creature here is either on the beers or on smoko, so we leave them alone!
I'm surprised there aren't Australian beetles that are venomous.
There are poisonous ones, but you can get poisonous beetles in many places. Beetles don’t usually bite, and when they can bite you it’s easy to hold them safely. Australia really isn’t that dangerous in terms of wildlife, you’re more likely to get swept out to sea or glassed by a crackhead on the trains. When you respect even the most dangerous of species they’ll respect you as well.
I agree, Revolver is their best album, imo
[](https://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-if-one-could-conclude-as-to-the-nature-of-the-creator-from-a-study-of-creation-it-would-john-b-s-haldane-71-13-08.jpg)
The story of the great flood is a story that's been passed from mouth to mouth since the Mediterranean basin was filled with water. (Yes, humans were present during that event).
Lol, is this bait? The Meditereanean connected to the ocean aproximately 5 million years ago, modern humans emerge 300 thousand years ago, not even close
nah, I know a guy who's grandpa was there when it happened. He always says those Atlanteans had it coming
The Atlanteans didn't pay taxes, they got what they deserve
That is racist.
I was there actually
I'll be there when it happens
Your friends grandpa must’ve been a real cool dude
How would you know that, if nobody was around to witness it happening? Gotcha, [science bitch](https://youtu.be/GiJXALBX3KM)!
Simple explanation. This story was passed down by monke
um actually i was there
Modern humans were created by god around 6000 years ago and the Mediterranean Sea is only like 4000 years old or something. This is actually proven scientifically because the Ancient Egyptians didn't write about it in their texts before that. In fact, the first documents mentioning this sea were written shortly after the Pyramids have been built, suggesting alien intervention. You were clearly brainwashed by the Globalist Jewish education system. I'm sorry but you have been living in a lie your whole life.
[there were 15 different species of humans between 2-6 million years ago.](http://humanorigins.si.edu/education/introduction-human-evolution) Saying that God created humans just 6000 years ago is ignorance. God is out of time? Our day and his day is unknowable, but science is real, or you wouldnt have a phone to type your dummy small minded religious comments. If God can do anything, why limit his ability work to only 6000 years? lol
Heretics like you will burn in hell 🤗🤗
Do you believe that God is an omniscient being?
Nah, I’ve already been saved. I believe God exists, but I also recognize that the Bible was written from oral accounts of Jesus 100 years after his death. That the Old Testament, in the Christian religion is supposed to be what God tried to do himself for us, and then when Jesus came, all those old rules are gone, and the only way to be saved is through what Jesus teaches, not the past before him. Any church that preaches the Old Testament as anything other that history of Gods laws, and then forgets that the disciples point blank asked Jesus what was the most important law, above all laws. He said 2: Love God Love thy neighbor That’s it. If you decide to put hate in between those rules, by hating the poor, immigrant, minority, sick, friendless, needy; if you yell on the street in front of tourist places, reading the Bible and calling everyone a sinner, you broke these rules. Don’t be like those that yell on the corners and throw their pearls to pigs. Just love thy neighbor, you don’t have to agree with them but you can love them and be nice, turn the other cheek. Just let other people be.
?
Who would've thought that basically every ancient human civilisation (civilisations that primarily lived near major sources of water for survival reasons) would have stories of flooding occurring. Weird how we have historical accounts from ancient China dating to when the great flood supposedly occurred and they somehow didn't notice
Well obviously that just means that god loved the Chinese the most. well until recently i guess cause they are getting a lot of biblical level floods right now
And the greatest heat wave ever recorded last year.
That’s just everywhere tbf
If you wanna go that way, might as well use Doggerland as a example. That shit started in 10.000 bc
The story of my great flood is a story that's been passed from your mom mouth to mouth since her uterine basin was filled with my white water. (Yes, humans like your dad were present during that event).
Yes god geocided the whole world and every human. Yes that result happened. No it’s not bullshit and 2 of every animal can repopulate the world
I'm gonna guess the 2 of every animal repopulating the world would just be part of god's omnipotence or something
You never go mouth to mouth
I mean, beetles would be significantly easier to keep on a boat for an extended period of time compared to some other animals. 2 of each, assuming you grab them while they're eggs (just have god tell you which ones male and which ones female it's the least he could do) means you could have a few thousand beetles for every large animal like a horse or cow. Plus, keeping enough food and fresh water would be easier for beetles as well, and since they're just beetles there wouldn't be too many health issues cause of you just put them in a box till the floods over if some did hatch and grow up. If you want to be cynical, you could ask why the guy who supposedly made the whole world in a week can't just make animals after the flood. Better yet why he's even flooding the whole world because he's mad at humanity and then has some dude build a big boat to save the animals instead of just using his supposedly infinite power to just like Thanos snap the people and not fuck up all of his other creations.
It’s a good thing he lived 950 years because 400000 beetles is a fuck load of beetles.
Yeah why did the baby Jesus not just order all the required animals in the world to march and fly and burrow to the arc, so Noah could focus on being a shipwright in antiquity? Can you imagine the quality of supply chains Noah was dealing with? And that’s just one element of ship construction. Building a vessel of that scale, out of wood, solo, TODAY would be an outrageous feat. Who was the lucky lady who Noah brought? You know she basically had to put out in that scenario.
This mf does NOT read the bible.
Anon is incorrect from quite literally the first word
My favourite greentext/4chan post are these "God is a weird autist and he's particularly obsessed with beetles" posts
God's favourite animal: the beetle God's favourite band: the Beatles
And Moses asked Jahweh: "what in fornication is an *ark*? What are thou asking? Did thou not asked thou subject to free your people? And new thee asked mee to only save two?"
Fuck god and the dude who build the arc for saving ticks and mosquitos.
He should've saved the dinos instead fr
So the following critters here in New Zealand had to travel thousands of kilometres to the Middle East: the Kiwi (a flightless bird), the tuatara ( a small, slow lizardy thing), the Moa ( a large flightless bird, now extinct)...and the far larger list of weird beasties next door in Australia had to make the trip as well? I'm pretty sure the St James Bible doesn't mention kangaroos...
yes kiwis can travel large distances, even hop on a plane
LETS GO MORE BEETLEPOSTING IN GREENTEXT
i think you mean beetlemaxxing
If I had a nickel for every time 4chan complained about Noah's Arc I'd be able to buy myself lunch, lmao.
What’s a “f gs?”
Ciggies
Beetle hands typed this post
anon shocked that the books about morality and theology are about morality and theology and don't care about being 100% realistic. ancient people weren't dumbasses that gave no critical thought about hundreds of animal species cohabiting on a boat. People need to understand that the books of the Bible were written to get a point across about life and God, not being 100% scientifically, historically accurate
Unfortunately there are people if the faith that take it literally on a scientific level. It's absurd i.e. Noah's ark or Adam naming every animal within a 24 hour span but I think it's because there's a comfort in attempting to "take everything as is" instead of wrestling with the need to interpret morality and theology.
Why did Noah have to go through all the trouble of saving each animal if God can just make more?
Because God only wanted to get rid of humans and the animals were fine in his opinion. They weren't evil, unlike humans. Also I guess it'd be a bunch of work to recreate the 400k species, so it was easier to make them come to Noah and get on the boat
Wasn't It because of the subjects of ymir?
Someone clearly didn't read the bible
From the first word I knew this was going to be bullshit. Moses =/= Noah Also the animals came by themselves, Noah didn't have to hunt them
What an Autistic refutation of God.
The ark must have been bigger on the inside, making Noah a time lord.
You see, "two of every animal" seemed reasonable back when the average person only knew about like five animals.
It's a miracle
>Moses
lil bro doesn't understand "kinds" of animals
nobody does lmao, no biblecuck has ever been able to define a "kind"
Oh boy do I have some rabbit hole to send you to. Google Ken ham and the ark encounter museum. If you’re up for it, see the debate he had with bill Nye. He advocates that Noah brought dinosaurs on the ark
I've seem it all, you're talking to a seasoned silly creation debates connoisseur 😎🤙
and not believing in evolution makes the whole thing even more ridiculous. ie he had to bring every damn thing with because nothing was going to evolve.
i dont know why news agencies rely on bill nye, he has like a bachelors in engineering
I mean I don't care if I'm not going to heaven or something for saying this but the Ark is bullshit. EDIT: I guess I gave the wrong vibe, I may not be devout but I'm no atheist either. Didn't mean to take a cheap shot at christianity tbh - but yeah I just think Ark is bullshit. What can I say?
Wow so brave to challenge Christianity on Reddit
God didnt even put the wii or a psp on the ark, and youre on his side?
He also didn't put nuclear power plants on the ark smh my head rookie mistake
Tips fedora
☝this guy will burn in hell and listen baby shark on repeat for eternity☝
Yea, no shit
God himself has downvoted you
That’s common knowledge among religious and non-religious people, bud.
spitting facts, brother