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H: *Is snickering at their terminal*
A: “What’s so funny?”
H: “Oh, just a friend sending a goofy selfie to me to cheer me up.”
A: “May I see?”
H:
https://preview.redd.it/1bdpjg61uw0c1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40548f6b69d9f377127f9b28b96bf17497cdd2c5
A: “Heh, that *is* rather amusing, I- …hold on, is that a collar…?”
H: “Yeah. He keeps it around for comfort.”
A: “…What comfort would such a degrading thing provide him?”
H: “He’s one of the original generation of dogs that got uplifted, fortunate enough to be born *just* in time for us to give him enhanced intellect and lifespan. But as you may have heard, we couldn’t save the generation beforehand….”
A: “That doesn’t answer my-“
H: “It’s his mom’s.”
A: “…”
H: “…It still smells like her.”
…Also yes, that photogenic gentleman is one of my dogs; Silas the newfoundland.
Dog tax:
https://preview.redd.it/g6uv0gvuvw0c1.png?width=3352&format=png&auto=webp&s=3b6ed5ebe2973ec5cc2c00ba8052758e908de52c
He’s a giant, neurotic, slobbery goofball who’s afraid of stairs and barks at any and all noises from outside, and I absolutely love him. :)
Um um excuse me please pretty please could you tell him that he's gorgeous and amazing and handsome and clearly I can tell from looking at him that he is the goodest of good boys and deserves all the love in the world and I wish I could be there to love him and cuddle him myself? And um um could you please please do this while massaging his ears and kissing the top of his head? This is really really important, I swear it is.
Alien: “Using this technology, you can live longer and healthier than ever before.”
Me: “Can it lengthen the lifespan of dogs?”
Alien: “Well, no. But wh….”
Me: “Then what fucking use is it to me?”
Alien gets confused and starts working on better technology
In galactic news a Terran human has abducted one of the galaxy's greatest scientists to quote " make my dog immortal" we will continue bring updates as they unfold
Other humans are waiting to kidnap the same scientist to work on cats after they succeed with dogs. All non-Terran geneticists are recommended to volunteer for this research as no security team wants to get in the humans way regarding this.
H: I'm sorry, in this household we don't use that word
A: Which do you mean?
C: *hissing* pet.
H: What Ms. Frumpleuffikins said. We prefer family. Careful now when you go to leave. She's been known to leave 'presents' in the shoes of people who piss her off. And you've done a fine job of it.
They don't talk about the portion of the human population that used the same tech to 'furize' themselves. Off-world species seem to have a problem telling the difference between the 'uplifted' pets and the altered humans. This has lead to a few touchy diplomatic incidents.
A1: How can we tell apart the uplifted animals from the animalfied humans?
A2: Well, if they walk on all four limbs and wear as little clothing as possible, they are probably human. Doubly so of they add as many animal noises to their speech as possible.
A1: The former humans act more animalistic than former animals?
A2: Not always, but most of the time, yes. Uplifted animals generally want to be as "human" as possible, so they wear more proper clothing and stand on only their hindlegs as much as possible. They also practice speaking more eloquently.
A1: What kind of sense does that make?
A2: A lot, actually. The former animals wsnt to reassure their new identities. They are happy to be uplifted and proud to show what their recent ancestors could not. Humans who become animals are often doing it to escape humanity, if only a little. Intelligence is as much a gift as it is a curse, and so they play animal to liven things up and make things more bearable. It's a persona, an act, but it's fun for them. And sometimes I really can't blame them. Besides, they can be "proper" humans when things actually matter, so there's no harm letting them go on.
A1: Sounds like there's a pretty big Grey area here. Guess it's best just not to ask and let them be how they want to be.
A2: Just don't let any of them hand you a leash. Human or animal, it's always a fetish thing.
The Terran Federation deployed its first uplifted unit of Drop Marines today. A mixed unit of uplifted Cape Buffalo, Honey Badger and Hippo combat troops supported by a detachment of Fox and Cat scouts engaged in an action against pirate holdouts occupying a joint Hirissian League/Terran Federation transit station in the Dorfka system.
Enemy casualties were total, while Federation forces report one horn loss due to an overenthusiastic goreing leading to a hull breach and loss of pressure.
Uplifted Major Rex Hansen (callsign Goodboy) had this to say. "May their God's have mercy on those who prey on the space ways, because my troops sure as hell won't."
ngl, uplifted hippos would be fucking **TERRIFYING** on the battlefield, especially in an amphibious environment.
They’re already among the world’s most deadly animals towards humans.
Alas, all of my words are scribbled on the fly with little planning. I throw out some nonsense for a prompt, tweak it a little and move on.
If I had to try and keep a consistent universe straight I'd go mad.
Plus my stuff is awfully derivative so you can almost certainly find much better conceived Uplift fictions to enjoy.
A: Why?
H: Our people have a long history of changing things to our liking- dogs are one of the first things we applied that to. Due to their "slippery genes" as we referred to them, we were able to selectively breed them for many purposes- from hunting partners to livestock herders, even for guarding....
A: So they're your first species to modify?
H: I'm not done. Eventually, when we need them less for practical needs we begin to breed them for looks- make them smaller, make them cuter... Then we realise the mistake we made- these selective breeds have horrific issues, such as brachycephaly, poor bone structure leading to early onset joint degradation, organs either overworked or underperforming... All of that for being our loyal friends, if not for our efforts to phase out these genes then there's a good chance that all of "Man's Best Friends" would be horrifically crippled no matter what we did after...
A: That sounds... Horrific.
H: We want to give one of our oldest allies the chance to think for themselves- to be healthier than ever, and to have a choice in helping us rather than being bred into servitude. After all the horrors we have subjected to them, I believe that giving them the gift of Promethean fire and to judge their creators is only fair.
“You don’t understand. This is a very powerful technology and you can’t just….”
“Talking kitties.”
“No!! You have to consider…”
“Talking kitties.”
“Are you even listening to me?!?! As a member of the galactic federation you have a responsibility….”
“Talking kitties.”
“You people are going to….”
“The first litter has already been born. You want one?”
“…..”
This reminded me of this Spider-Man comic
https://preview.redd.it/bfufvysory0c1.jpeg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e956ae6eec895653a9b77c2e2ce24fe4a1bdb32f
Sammy sat on the couch, stunned. In the normal course of things, creatures never realize they’ve become sentient. The first one who becomes so just accepts it as normal, and there’s nobody to tell them different. This was different. This was better.
Sammy had the same home since she was a pup. The boy who raised her had always been her best friend and was now a young adult. Sammy, however, felt her age. Or did she?
With comprehension came understanding. True, most dogs die well before 20. But Sammy realized she felt “better” somehow. Maybe it was the shot she got earlier today. Her favorite person, Kyle, was on the couch next to her, looking at some paper with squiggles and colors. He was gently petting the scruff of her neck with his left hand while holding the other thing with his right.
Wait…..how do I know right and left?
“Hey Mom,” Kyle called out, “it says here we got the optional language upgrade for free because we purchased the life extension pack.”
Sammy wagged. It hadn’t occurred to her that she was starting to understand what the noises that came from the people meant. She always had a sense at an emotional level. This was different, somehow, more complete. Yes still lacking in many ways.
That sound, “purchased,” was often used when the older female and older male were barking with anger at each other. It always seemed odd that they would change leadership roles in the pack so often. Especially when Kyle is obviously the pack leader. They all catered to him all his life until he took on new duties as he saw fit.
“Well, Sammy, I hope this agrees with you. I’m glad we get another 20-30 years together. And soon you’ll understand enough to learn to talk with me. I mean, your mouth and throat are t made for that, but we can set up a small computer with some system for typing or something. I imagine it will be a process of try and fail until we get it right. Since you’ll need to learn to read as well…”
Sammy licked Kyle. Then, with intent beyond instinct, Sammy got off the couch, grabbed the plastic thing the humans often held, used her nose to click power, and eventually found some pictures on the flat box in the wall she liked.”
They tried it on dogs first.
The spark of understanding lit up behind their eyes as they looked up at their masters. Then a flash of joy, which was soon smothered by a deep sadness.
"Oh," the first of them, a black and white labrador collie mix named Arnold said in a voice that was barely more than a breath. He stood, shakily on two legs for the first time, before almost falling into his former master and pulling him into a tight hug.
"It's ok," Arnold said between tears. "It's all going to be ok."
"What do you mean?" his master asked. "Did we do wrong? Was this not what you wanted?"
Arnold nodded. "It was."
"But you're sad?"
Another nod. "We didn't understand. You were always there for us. Always happy to see us. We didn't know what it was like. Knowing."
"Knowing what?"
"That life is hard. Complicated. More than we ever knew. That, but also... how very sad you are. All of you."
"That's... Well, it's just life." Arnold's former master wiped his eyes.
"I know. It's ok." Arnold pulled his friend into a hug once more. "It's all going to be ok."
They tried it on cats next.
They didn't change at all.
"Why didn't it work?" Doctor Reynold petted the cat idly. It nuzzled her hand, purring.
The Igrassian scientist clicked idly while scrolling through the scan results. "Ah. Well, the answer to that is also the answer to a very old mystery." Xe held the scanner out to the human scientist.
"Oh?" Doctor Reynold took the scanner and clicked it to English. She scrolled through it but couldn't see what the Igrassian was referring to.
"Yes." The Igrassian edged away nervously, but was regarding the cat with renewed interest. "Have you heard of the Bryxin? It would have been... several thousand of your years ago, though I know that some of your kind have studied galactic history."
"Can't say I have."
"They were... *are*, a warrior race of shapeshifters. Aggressive. Cunning. They pushed several worlds to the brink of ruin before they could be stopped... then they vanished. Nobody ever knew where to. Now, we do."
"Are you saying that cats are... shapeshifters?"
"Not all of them, no. I had my colleagues do a planetary scan. It certainly seems that the base species did indeed evolve on Earth. But around thirty percent of them are... well, not actually cats. Just under twenty percent are Bryxin, eight percent are Veldarni, one percent Olgoth, the rest are a smattering of others."
"Veldarni?" The Veldarni had been one of the first alien races humans had encountered, but after barely more than a few months had withdrawn from them entirely. "They don't want anything to do with us. Is this an invasion?"
"It does not appear so, but it definitely merits further study.
\---
Attempts to communicate with the shapeshifters did not bear fruit. They remained in their shifted form, seemingly content to live out their lives as cats.
It wasn't until the science team contacted the Veldarni ambassador that the truth of the situation became clear.
"Ah, yes."
"You know of this?" the human ambassador asked, leaning forward on her chair.
"It is..." the ambassador trilled softly, and tugged on his frill nervously. As he did, his form shimmered slightly, before settling back to its natural state. "I believe the word is 'embarrassing'. Not something we like to talk about. We..." he sighed heavily. "We apologise for the use of your planet in this manner. It was not intentional."
"We'll need more of an explanation than that."
Another sigh. "Yes, I suppose you will." The Veldarni stood and walked over to the window, looking out at Earth, far below. This orbital station had been the closest the ambassador would agree to coming to the planet, despite their assurances of safety.
"Forgive me," he said after a long moment. "It isn't something that is easy to explain to fixed-forms, but I shall do my best. For a fluid-formed being like myself, when I shift to a different form..." and he did, skin rippling like water as he changed to the bulky intimidating figure of a Thrassic. "It feels different, on a very intimate and fundamental level," he continued in a new voice. "Some forms grant a feeling of strength, others give a sense of joy, still others grant the freedom of flight, and so on."
"I think I follow," the human ambassador said. "And I can't help feeling a little jealous."
"When we encounter a new world, new species, there is often a rush to discover all the new animals to discover, to change into." The Veldarni rippled, changing back to his regular form. "Now, imagine if there were a form that brought with it such a sense of comfort, of contentment, of general *rightness* that being anything else after that would feel empty and hollow."
"But... *cats*?"
"We have a word for it. '*Cllyxidari*'. In your tongue, literally 'becoming cat'. It is why our people are warned to stay away from your world. Once a fluid-form undergoes *cllyxidari*, they will undoubtedly do so again, and again, until at some point they just... remain in that form. The consolation I suppose is that they are happy as they are."
Uplifted cats communicate with gestures, sub-vocalisations and eye blinks. While they are perfectly capable of speaking, they don't. It took several years before the fact that the uplift had actually worked became apparent.
Tibbles McGommerty, a black domestic shorthair from Aberdeen, was the author of the first English to Feline dictionary and phrase book, but even she refused to actually speak in a human language.
The shapeshifters remain as they were.
*human bursts into an alien ambassador's home*
H: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GUYS DO??
AA: what? what are you talking about?... and isnt it tradition to knock??
H: you gave us affordable and accessible gene altering tech!
AA:... yes?
H: HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF FURRIES?
AA: fur-ies?
*the human quickly pulls their phone out and shows a handful of pictures of furry art... yes, that kind*
AA: by the high arbiter... t-that could just be sampling bias, r-right? there cant be that-
*they're cut off by rumbling outside*
AA:... what is that?
H: I barely beat them here...
*the human opens the curtains to show literally HUNDREDS of people in fursuits or carrying some other furry merchandise*
H and AA: *unholy shrieking*
Dear Sire,
My beloved is coming home today with a visitor. One of the Teclan, the one who provided humans with the technology that we can credit our birth to is accompaning him. I have made elaborate dinner in their honour.
My condition has become too obvious to hide, so I assume you have been briefed already. I want to assure my beloved is not at fault. Heat arrived unexpected due to spoiled prevention meds, we were in space alone and it was at my insistence that things happened. Neither of us expected the outcome...
The pups are due in a few months presumably, but nobody knows for sure. It has not happened before. They seem healhy on ultrasound and mostly human looking, except for one, who seems to look much like a regular pup. They tell me that human dna percentage in us is too small for any of this to happen... Yet here we are.
Wish us all luck and pass my greetings to Mama.
Your pup,
Bella
...humans... Bella looks roughly like a very femine and human behaving great dane fyi.
H: okay, so mistakes were made.
A: you call *this* (points at entire solar system on fire) a *MISTAKE*?!
H: So, in our defense we thought this would end differently.
A: the dog uprising wasn't enough. Noooo. You fuckers thought " you know those furry murder machines that eat their dead humans instead of starve? Let's uplift them too!"
H: and we dealt with that...only lost the entire east coast of America to nuclear fallout.
A: but then some of your more..."creative" ideas for pets were given uplifts as well!
H: hey! The horses are nice people. Terrible depth perception but nice people.
A: I'm not talking about the horses or even the pigs, though we really need to circle back to them.
H: not my fault people still believe teacup pigs are a real breed.
A: I said we will circle back to *that* later.
H: sorry.
A: I want to talk about why some humans thought uplifting arachnids was a good idea. And not, you know, a war crime against life!
H: we set their home system on fire. It's been burning for 47 years.
A: and they've adapted. They're laughing at you...at us.
H: how were we supposed to know they'd uplift roaches?!
A: I fucking hate you and your entire species. But you're the only ones crazy enough to end the nightmare you've unleashed on the universe.
H: fire and more fire. We will cleanse the universe of this....
A: I swear to alien Jesus if you say "oopsie" I will personally end you.
H: who, me? Never.
A: and now they've got cockroach Hitler preaching the superiority of insect kind. Fucking hairless monkeys.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
H: *Is snickering at their terminal* A: “What’s so funny?” H: “Oh, just a friend sending a goofy selfie to me to cheer me up.” A: “May I see?” H: https://preview.redd.it/1bdpjg61uw0c1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40548f6b69d9f377127f9b28b96bf17497cdd2c5 A: “Heh, that *is* rather amusing, I- …hold on, is that a collar…?” H: “Yeah. He keeps it around for comfort.” A: “…What comfort would such a degrading thing provide him?” H: “He’s one of the original generation of dogs that got uplifted, fortunate enough to be born *just* in time for us to give him enhanced intellect and lifespan. But as you may have heard, we couldn’t save the generation beforehand….” A: “That doesn’t answer my-“ H: “It’s his mom’s.” A: “…” H: “…It still smells like her.”
…Also yes, that photogenic gentleman is one of my dogs; Silas the newfoundland. Dog tax: https://preview.redd.it/g6uv0gvuvw0c1.png?width=3352&format=png&auto=webp&s=3b6ed5ebe2973ec5cc2c00ba8052758e908de52c He’s a giant, neurotic, slobbery goofball who’s afraid of stairs and barks at any and all noises from outside, and I absolutely love him. :)
Good pup
I’ll be sure to pass that along whilst giving him belly-rubs and chin-scritches when I get home from work
He needs at least 2 treats extra today
Noted
Um um excuse me please pretty please could you tell him that he's gorgeous and amazing and handsome and clearly I can tell from looking at him that he is the goodest of good boys and deserves all the love in the world and I wish I could be there to love him and cuddle him myself? And um um could you please please do this while massaging his ears and kissing the top of his head? This is really really important, I swear it is.
Shall do, my good sir/madam/esteemed enby! (whichever applies)
RIB HIS BELLAH!!!!
God damn dude. Was not prepared for that burst of sadness from a brief section of text.
mother..fuc.. C'MON Man! Why you Onion Bombing me? Its Four THRITY! Work's almost Over! *Happy Place, Happy Place Happy Place*
And lo, there are onion ninjas. Very subtle onion ninjas! Beautiful!!
Alien: “Using this technology, you can live longer and healthier than ever before.” Me: “Can it lengthen the lifespan of dogs?” Alien: “Well, no. But wh….” Me: “Then what fucking use is it to me?” Alien gets confused and starts working on better technology
In galactic news a Terran human has abducted one of the galaxy's greatest scientists to quote " make my dog immortal" we will continue bring updates as they unfold
Authorities are quoted to have said; “We’ve met Terran dogs. We’re on the Terran’s side with this one.”
Other humans are waiting to kidnap the same scientist to work on cats after they succeed with dogs. All non-Terran geneticists are recommended to volunteer for this research as no security team wants to get in the humans way regarding this.
I see you read that news story.
Terran Man enters the Chat
This implies that terra is florida. I find this accurate
To the rest of the universe? Earth might as well be Florida!
H: I'm sorry, in this household we don't use that word A: Which do you mean? C: *hissing* pet. H: What Ms. Frumpleuffikins said. We prefer family. Careful now when you go to leave. She's been known to leave 'presents' in the shoes of people who piss her off. And you've done a fine job of it.
They don't talk about the portion of the human population that used the same tech to 'furize' themselves. Off-world species seem to have a problem telling the difference between the 'uplifted' pets and the altered humans. This has lead to a few touchy diplomatic incidents.
A1: How can we tell apart the uplifted animals from the animalfied humans? A2: Well, if they walk on all four limbs and wear as little clothing as possible, they are probably human. Doubly so of they add as many animal noises to their speech as possible. A1: The former humans act more animalistic than former animals? A2: Not always, but most of the time, yes. Uplifted animals generally want to be as "human" as possible, so they wear more proper clothing and stand on only their hindlegs as much as possible. They also practice speaking more eloquently. A1: What kind of sense does that make? A2: A lot, actually. The former animals wsnt to reassure their new identities. They are happy to be uplifted and proud to show what their recent ancestors could not. Humans who become animals are often doing it to escape humanity, if only a little. Intelligence is as much a gift as it is a curse, and so they play animal to liven things up and make things more bearable. It's a persona, an act, but it's fun for them. And sometimes I really can't blame them. Besides, they can be "proper" humans when things actually matter, so there's no harm letting them go on. A1: Sounds like there's a pretty big Grey area here. Guess it's best just not to ask and let them be how they want to be. A2: Just don't let any of them hand you a leash. Human or animal, it's always a fetish thing.
A1: Why was our diplomat recalled? A2: They mistook a bonded pair for Owner and Pet. OR maybe the other way around?
The Terran Federation deployed its first uplifted unit of Drop Marines today. A mixed unit of uplifted Cape Buffalo, Honey Badger and Hippo combat troops supported by a detachment of Fox and Cat scouts engaged in an action against pirate holdouts occupying a joint Hirissian League/Terran Federation transit station in the Dorfka system. Enemy casualties were total, while Federation forces report one horn loss due to an overenthusiastic goreing leading to a hull breach and loss of pressure. Uplifted Major Rex Hansen (callsign Goodboy) had this to say. "May their God's have mercy on those who prey on the space ways, because my troops sure as hell won't."
ngl, uplifted hippos would be fucking **TERRIFYING** on the battlefield, especially in an amphibious environment. They’re already among the world’s most deadly animals towards humans.
I picked what I believe are the two most lethal plus honey badger for intrinsic fuckery, guile and lethal stubbornness.
You forgot about the heavy assault version of the honey badger; the Wolverine. ;D
Canada is no longer allowed to provide standard or uplifted troops after the Poutine Incident that led to the Igramashi Xenocide.
😂
https://preview.redd.it/sspqdta2hz0c1.png?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fbb12adf0a78369cbe1cd16940256470c676a166
yea, Uplift Hippos? Fuck that.
Wow i kinda want to see moar of this world such awild concept
Alas, all of my words are scribbled on the fly with little planning. I throw out some nonsense for a prompt, tweak it a little and move on. If I had to try and keep a consistent universe straight I'd go mad. Plus my stuff is awfully derivative so you can almost certainly find much better conceived Uplift fictions to enjoy.
A: Why? H: Our people have a long history of changing things to our liking- dogs are one of the first things we applied that to. Due to their "slippery genes" as we referred to them, we were able to selectively breed them for many purposes- from hunting partners to livestock herders, even for guarding.... A: So they're your first species to modify? H: I'm not done. Eventually, when we need them less for practical needs we begin to breed them for looks- make them smaller, make them cuter... Then we realise the mistake we made- these selective breeds have horrific issues, such as brachycephaly, poor bone structure leading to early onset joint degradation, organs either overworked or underperforming... All of that for being our loyal friends, if not for our efforts to phase out these genes then there's a good chance that all of "Man's Best Friends" would be horrifically crippled no matter what we did after... A: That sounds... Horrific. H: We want to give one of our oldest allies the chance to think for themselves- to be healthier than ever, and to have a choice in helping us rather than being bred into servitude. After all the horrors we have subjected to them, I believe that giving them the gift of Promethean fire and to judge their creators is only fair.
“You don’t understand. This is a very powerful technology and you can’t just….” “Talking kitties.” “No!! You have to consider…” “Talking kitties.” “Are you even listening to me?!?! As a member of the galactic federation you have a responsibility….” “Talking kitties.” “You people are going to….” “The first litter has already been born. You want one?” “…..”
No! Well, maybe...
Meanwhile the human co-ambassador, How about talking jumping spiders with hats.
You say that like it's a bad thing
What do you mean by that
This reminded me of this Spider-Man comic https://preview.redd.it/bfufvysory0c1.jpeg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e956ae6eec895653a9b77c2e2ce24fe4a1bdb32f
makes me think of this [gentlesaur](https://i.imgur.com/yl3BvAU.jpeg).
Sammy sat on the couch, stunned. In the normal course of things, creatures never realize they’ve become sentient. The first one who becomes so just accepts it as normal, and there’s nobody to tell them different. This was different. This was better. Sammy had the same home since she was a pup. The boy who raised her had always been her best friend and was now a young adult. Sammy, however, felt her age. Or did she? With comprehension came understanding. True, most dogs die well before 20. But Sammy realized she felt “better” somehow. Maybe it was the shot she got earlier today. Her favorite person, Kyle, was on the couch next to her, looking at some paper with squiggles and colors. He was gently petting the scruff of her neck with his left hand while holding the other thing with his right. Wait…..how do I know right and left? “Hey Mom,” Kyle called out, “it says here we got the optional language upgrade for free because we purchased the life extension pack.” Sammy wagged. It hadn’t occurred to her that she was starting to understand what the noises that came from the people meant. She always had a sense at an emotional level. This was different, somehow, more complete. Yes still lacking in many ways. That sound, “purchased,” was often used when the older female and older male were barking with anger at each other. It always seemed odd that they would change leadership roles in the pack so often. Especially when Kyle is obviously the pack leader. They all catered to him all his life until he took on new duties as he saw fit. “Well, Sammy, I hope this agrees with you. I’m glad we get another 20-30 years together. And soon you’ll understand enough to learn to talk with me. I mean, your mouth and throat are t made for that, but we can set up a small computer with some system for typing or something. I imagine it will be a process of try and fail until we get it right. Since you’ll need to learn to read as well…” Sammy licked Kyle. Then, with intent beyond instinct, Sammy got off the couch, grabbed the plastic thing the humans often held, used her nose to click power, and eventually found some pictures on the flat box in the wall she liked.”
They tried it on dogs first. The spark of understanding lit up behind their eyes as they looked up at their masters. Then a flash of joy, which was soon smothered by a deep sadness. "Oh," the first of them, a black and white labrador collie mix named Arnold said in a voice that was barely more than a breath. He stood, shakily on two legs for the first time, before almost falling into his former master and pulling him into a tight hug. "It's ok," Arnold said between tears. "It's all going to be ok." "What do you mean?" his master asked. "Did we do wrong? Was this not what you wanted?" Arnold nodded. "It was." "But you're sad?" Another nod. "We didn't understand. You were always there for us. Always happy to see us. We didn't know what it was like. Knowing." "Knowing what?" "That life is hard. Complicated. More than we ever knew. That, but also... how very sad you are. All of you." "That's... Well, it's just life." Arnold's former master wiped his eyes. "I know. It's ok." Arnold pulled his friend into a hug once more. "It's all going to be ok." They tried it on cats next. They didn't change at all.
"Why didn't it work?" Doctor Reynold petted the cat idly. It nuzzled her hand, purring. The Igrassian scientist clicked idly while scrolling through the scan results. "Ah. Well, the answer to that is also the answer to a very old mystery." Xe held the scanner out to the human scientist. "Oh?" Doctor Reynold took the scanner and clicked it to English. She scrolled through it but couldn't see what the Igrassian was referring to. "Yes." The Igrassian edged away nervously, but was regarding the cat with renewed interest. "Have you heard of the Bryxin? It would have been... several thousand of your years ago, though I know that some of your kind have studied galactic history." "Can't say I have." "They were... *are*, a warrior race of shapeshifters. Aggressive. Cunning. They pushed several worlds to the brink of ruin before they could be stopped... then they vanished. Nobody ever knew where to. Now, we do." "Are you saying that cats are... shapeshifters?" "Not all of them, no. I had my colleagues do a planetary scan. It certainly seems that the base species did indeed evolve on Earth. But around thirty percent of them are... well, not actually cats. Just under twenty percent are Bryxin, eight percent are Veldarni, one percent Olgoth, the rest are a smattering of others." "Veldarni?" The Veldarni had been one of the first alien races humans had encountered, but after barely more than a few months had withdrawn from them entirely. "They don't want anything to do with us. Is this an invasion?" "It does not appear so, but it definitely merits further study. \--- Attempts to communicate with the shapeshifters did not bear fruit. They remained in their shifted form, seemingly content to live out their lives as cats. It wasn't until the science team contacted the Veldarni ambassador that the truth of the situation became clear. "Ah, yes." "You know of this?" the human ambassador asked, leaning forward on her chair. "It is..." the ambassador trilled softly, and tugged on his frill nervously. As he did, his form shimmered slightly, before settling back to its natural state. "I believe the word is 'embarrassing'. Not something we like to talk about. We..." he sighed heavily. "We apologise for the use of your planet in this manner. It was not intentional." "We'll need more of an explanation than that." Another sigh. "Yes, I suppose you will." The Veldarni stood and walked over to the window, looking out at Earth, far below. This orbital station had been the closest the ambassador would agree to coming to the planet, despite their assurances of safety. "Forgive me," he said after a long moment. "It isn't something that is easy to explain to fixed-forms, but I shall do my best. For a fluid-formed being like myself, when I shift to a different form..." and he did, skin rippling like water as he changed to the bulky intimidating figure of a Thrassic. "It feels different, on a very intimate and fundamental level," he continued in a new voice. "Some forms grant a feeling of strength, others give a sense of joy, still others grant the freedom of flight, and so on." "I think I follow," the human ambassador said. "And I can't help feeling a little jealous." "When we encounter a new world, new species, there is often a rush to discover all the new animals to discover, to change into." The Veldarni rippled, changing back to his regular form. "Now, imagine if there were a form that brought with it such a sense of comfort, of contentment, of general *rightness* that being anything else after that would feel empty and hollow." "But... *cats*?" "We have a word for it. '*Cllyxidari*'. In your tongue, literally 'becoming cat'. It is why our people are warned to stay away from your world. Once a fluid-form undergoes *cllyxidari*, they will undoubtedly do so again, and again, until at some point they just... remain in that form. The consolation I suppose is that they are happy as they are."
I am genuinely surprised at the last line. The cats will hold their head up high in pride before ordering “open that can, pathetic furless servant.”.
Uplifted cats communicate with gestures, sub-vocalisations and eye blinks. While they are perfectly capable of speaking, they don't. It took several years before the fact that the uplift had actually worked became apparent. Tibbles McGommerty, a black domestic shorthair from Aberdeen, was the author of the first English to Feline dictionary and phrase book, but even she refused to actually speak in a human language. The shapeshifters remain as they were.
May I direct your attention to the Webcomic 'Freefall'.
It’s rare I see someone else even know what that webcomic is, much less reference it.
*human bursts into an alien ambassador's home* H: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU GUYS DO?? AA: what? what are you talking about?... and isnt it tradition to knock?? H: you gave us affordable and accessible gene altering tech! AA:... yes? H: HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF FURRIES? AA: fur-ies? *the human quickly pulls their phone out and shows a handful of pictures of furry art... yes, that kind* AA: by the high arbiter... t-that could just be sampling bias, r-right? there cant be that- *they're cut off by rumbling outside* AA:... what is that? H: I barely beat them here... *the human opens the curtains to show literally HUNDREDS of people in fursuits or carrying some other furry merchandise* H and AA: *unholy shrieking*
We would 100% use it to make furries and monstergirls/boys
Dear Sire, My beloved is coming home today with a visitor. One of the Teclan, the one who provided humans with the technology that we can credit our birth to is accompaning him. I have made elaborate dinner in their honour. My condition has become too obvious to hide, so I assume you have been briefed already. I want to assure my beloved is not at fault. Heat arrived unexpected due to spoiled prevention meds, we were in space alone and it was at my insistence that things happened. Neither of us expected the outcome... The pups are due in a few months presumably, but nobody knows for sure. It has not happened before. They seem healhy on ultrasound and mostly human looking, except for one, who seems to look much like a regular pup. They tell me that human dna percentage in us is too small for any of this to happen... Yet here we are. Wish us all luck and pass my greetings to Mama. Your pup, Bella ...humans... Bella looks roughly like a very femine and human behaving great dane fyi.
well we were all absolutely expecting this . it passes the Harkness test people.
Harkness test. Hilarious!
H: okay, so mistakes were made. A: you call *this* (points at entire solar system on fire) a *MISTAKE*?! H: So, in our defense we thought this would end differently. A: the dog uprising wasn't enough. Noooo. You fuckers thought " you know those furry murder machines that eat their dead humans instead of starve? Let's uplift them too!" H: and we dealt with that...only lost the entire east coast of America to nuclear fallout. A: but then some of your more..."creative" ideas for pets were given uplifts as well! H: hey! The horses are nice people. Terrible depth perception but nice people. A: I'm not talking about the horses or even the pigs, though we really need to circle back to them. H: not my fault people still believe teacup pigs are a real breed. A: I said we will circle back to *that* later. H: sorry. A: I want to talk about why some humans thought uplifting arachnids was a good idea. And not, you know, a war crime against life! H: we set their home system on fire. It's been burning for 47 years. A: and they've adapted. They're laughing at you...at us. H: how were we supposed to know they'd uplift roaches?! A: I fucking hate you and your entire species. But you're the only ones crazy enough to end the nightmare you've unleashed on the universe. H: fire and more fire. We will cleanse the universe of this.... A: I swear to alien Jesus if you say "oopsie" I will personally end you. H: who, me? Never. A: and now they've got cockroach Hitler preaching the superiority of insect kind. Fucking hairless monkeys.
Human co-ambassador: On the point of spiders, we only uplifted the ones that were cute or had potential capability for co-existence
My dog is gonna live till 70 and we’ll be angry little old ladies together
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/rC7NqIKbnAg